Dementia Caregiving Verbal or Physical Outbursts
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- Опубліковано 23 лип 2024
- This video is part of a series called "Sharing the Journey", a resource for dementia caregivers that is supported by the Victoria Hospitals Foundation and produced by Island Health. For more information visit www.islandhealth.ca/dementia-videos. Please note Island Health has no control of the suggested video content served by UA-cam as a result of watching this video.
My husband has Parkinsons and swears at me so much. I do take it personally and it upsets me so much. It is definitely changing how I feel about him, difficult to continue to even like someone who can be this nasty.
Carolyn I am sorry you are experiencing this. I have the same thing with my mom. I have been her caretaker for over 12 years. Today she called me a jackass, I just agreed with her and mentioned she was lucky I was such a nice person. Read healing Psalms and pray. I will pray for you too. Psalm 130 I am trusting in you Lord, rescue me don't let me be disgraced.
Sadly your husband is dealing with a mental disorder. We cannot take it personally though I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be very difficult. Remember he cannot help himself because of the attack on the brain, he does not have the faculties to change it. Just proceed with much understanding, grace and mercy.
we need to understand there frustrations!!! Don’t take it personally. He can’t control his emotions!!! It could be you on that situation. God knew you can handle to be his caregiver better than your hubby will be your caregiver.
It sounds like you are incapable of effectively careing for him and need support
@@charlielyn4279or maybe you lack the empathy to understand someone trying to help someone. How bout you learn that before you go insulting others. Glass houses and all that…
My mom has dementia not alzheimer. She's very nasty and swear a lot and screaming for the police to come and kick me out.The next day shes' very nice and loving. I'm very sad.
Can anyone give you some help with your Mom.❤
The story of my mom's life that lives w her abusive Alzheimer's and dementia mother in law.
I am 16 and currently training to work in aged care. This video was super helpful!
Bianca, bless you for wanting to help elders. as I nurse I loved elder care. my tip to you is, treat them with respect, If they are incorrect, do not argue with or correct them. Let them do for themselves and brag on their successes. give them options when possible. such as do you want me to put your socks on or do you want to try it yourself? just like taking care of a 4 year old. good luck and God bless you for making someones final years easier to enjoy.
Wow.
@@Alicefnp how about when they are yelling and stubborn! Like leaning over the side of the bed to get their urinal? They yell at you to LEAVE THEM ALONE. Lord knows I don’t want them to fall YET they want privacy…🤪
you’re a very noble person, hoping you’re still pursuing this
@@arisumego yes! turning 18 in a couple of weeks and enrolled in a second course this year to get further into it, hopefully.
My husband is bipolar. He has the same problems. He has verbal outburst, physical outbursts, and becomes angry quite easily. I was already a patient person, who never yelled, and was very diplomatic, and this works very well. Of course, your patience can run out, and that’s when I read from my Bible. Another thing that has worked for me, is putting on a really fun song on my phone. Figure out what kind of music your person likes, and just one little song can turn everything around. When I put a song on, he smiles and dances. It’s wonderful.
I try to be diplomatic with my mom. It doesn't work.
Imagine not that your body is falling apart, but your memories, your love, your very sense of self is fragmenting, decaying, fracturing, collapsing. It is fear and horror incarnate that this person is experiencing, if you really want to help you must respond with compassion to a person's entire reality collapsing in upon itself.
Very insightful
My “mother “ was always a screaming, hateful, super-narcissistic personality disorderd witch. She was so abusive and last I saw her she had the beginning of dementia. I’d hate to see her or be anywhere near her now. She was attacking me more than usual. She doesn’t deserve any help from me.
Fuck ur mentality
I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been hard to love her. I pray for healing from this hurt and that it would be possible to reconcile with her though she may not change for the better :(
Yeah
Sugar is known for affecting all the nervous system. Imagine alcohol and cigarettes? Can be by other factors. But some people suffer from these diseases and they still consume excess sugar and alcohol.
My dad said that im sick in my head n told me that i can go to hell and more, hes so evil he, also drink sometimes 7am in the morning throughout the day ...he dosnt care what time on the day it is..
My mom has dementia agitation as she continues to lose control, horrible disease.
She is in an early stage of the disease, but it will get worse as she gets older
Bladder infections are a big part of her decline. Sad to watch this unfold.
I’m not a trained expert, but I’ve been learning more about this illness day by day
She has some good days and I can be calm, but when the bad days are there puts me in a whirl.
Trying my best and praying I die before this disease hits me. Horrible thing to go through, but if you live into your nineties chances are this will be your fate. It’s an unstoppable train.
my dad is in the later stage and my mom asked for help when he became to hard for her to handle herself. so i moved and live with them, and i came in when dad was half way to now progressing worse. i came as you say in the middle of this disease. and am learning. now he tells everyone how he hates me, and i am trying to be patient when he tells me to go to hell. to him my brother is important, but he comes for a few hrs a month. when he leaves, dad is harder to get on with, cause all he talks about is my brother. so i have to learn, but it doesn't help when my mom and dad fight, |(which they did all my life) and dad is hard to help. but he is getting worse now everyday. his progression has worsened substantially since i came 8 months ago. but i will watch more of the videos to help me.
dad has alzheimer's not dementia
@@rockydavies9555 If you’re the one he doesn’t like can you get someone else to come in and take care of him? My “mother “ hated me much more than my sisters and I couldn’t take her horrendous abuse anymore. I left the situation because I had to.
no its not me its someone else
@@rockydavies9555 I know what you're going through. My dad has FTD and the verbal barrages are tough...the yelling, cursing, and name calling. Not fun to deal with especially when he tries to get physical.
Watching to clip around 1:44 is chilling. My mother does exactly and I mean EXACTLY what this lady is doing. Bshe completely overreacts and gets angry if she can't find a certain pan, silverware.. she goes on to accuse one of her family members of stealing it. We have been getting accused of stealing things that she seems to have lost on a daily basis now sometimes 2-3 times a day. Dealing with her mood swings has become completely unbearable. But what confuses me is that she is a highly functioning individual for right now at 65 years old she's a respiratory therapist about to retire. So she seems to handle her job okay (although I'm not at work with her so I don't really know) she also comes up with bizarre accusations, like somebody stole her windshield wipers and replaced them, we get accused of things like this that I'm at my wits end.. if anyone else has any similar stories to share with someone they know has been diagnosed with dementia I would love to hear your story for comparisons
If there is anything small and precious in your house, it needs to be put in a place where they can't find it. They will take precious items and put them in "a safe place" because someone is going to steal them. The safe place could be anywhere, certainly not really a safe place, somewhere where it will be thrown away (in a food wrapper perhaps?) and you will never see the precious or valuable items again.
My mother was the sweetest woman you would want to know, with 2 degrees in linguistics. She became angry, paranoid, stubborn, bowel incontinent, and lost her words slowly until she couldn't speak at all. She forgot everything and everyone. It was horrific to watch, and horrific for me, her daughter, to deal with. Eventually I couldn't keep her safe and we put her in a care home, I visited several times a week and I was the last person she forgot. It is the most cruel disease imaginable.
@@ecopley9013 Good advice. The dentures disappeared. She would wrap things in kleenex and put them in the trash.
My mom. I'll give u my messenger if u want. She deals w my grandma
Yes, patience wins everything. Be calm
How when you’re shaking?! Like nervous and sick to the stomach… 😂 I just started taking care of a patient at night 🫣
I need that
It reminds me of my kids whom have autism. The way to redirect, engage, help them through chaotic thoughts and reactions etc....my mother currently has pretty bad delirium in the hospital right now, however she has exhibited dementia symptoms since 2018/2019. She has not been diagnosed with dementia at this time but videos like this just confirm what I've already known, combined with delirium. One day at a time. ✨
Thanks for this helpful remark.
Is there a way to help them overcome that delirium and maintain a level of care where they are not always in that mindset? My grandmother is currently in the hospital displaying aggressive behaviors and is on watch. She’s been progressively having dementia symptoms for the past 6 months.
Moo
@@alaina2716 no you can’t. Only to redirect, patients and reassurance. Many go through depression, and outbursts because of medications too! Readjustment, if you can.
I'm here because I can't determine if I have autism or early onset dementia. Likely both, as I now know I've had autism all along.
Ok but how do you explain when a person with dementia tells you to kneel before her? That was an embedded bad character that subconsciously let out.
Huh?!
@@enlightenedbygrace4U my grandmother going through this smh wow i need strength its really really tough
Not necessarily
@@123456CBOY always check on time with neurological Dr. And any UTI’s or infections. They act up worse if they are declining in some way. Try to distract them
Thanks for this video.
My mother always was THE NICEST PERSON . Now is just the opposite ?????
I am 80. I know how I come out with things I never would and hurt her coz she can’t make me happy. I know what I can’t do but I try to. Hope to calm and be good enough a little longer. Love her big. 4:52
Regarding how many times you can work and strive to de-escalate situations, we can have outbursts in the same manner. It is so sad ....the deteriorating brain, but it is cruel on the caregiver who has to deal with these violent outbursts!!
My husband is 16 years older and now 89. This disease ruins a long-time marital relationship. The bad times with the disease overpower good times. I feel like a single person and have lost any love that was there.
Oh dear Lord this is my mom and dad controls everything we do or say ,now he has dementia too it's a mad house now
This topics invaluable my circu stances are very similar thankyou for a wonderful insight on how to stay focused I have learnt a great deal and am willing to do everything possible to make my partners life as well as my own bearable
My father has always been a toxic Narc, tonight visiting him in the hospital I was abused for the last time
Thank you!
That acting is impeccable.
There were some good tips in this video, but one thing I didn't agree with. I understand in the beginning people may think it helpful to say "I'm sorry" as was mentioned here. It was also mentioned "apologize" - but did the carer do anything wrong? Initially this apology tool seems a very useful tool to a caregiver as it pacifies the person with dementia. They are convinced you have done something wrong, and the apology soothes them. It may even seem to the carer's sense of honesty, that it is not dishonest, as you are only apologizing for a potential slight, not a real one. This pattern will repeat.
Unfortunately, the long term consequences of continually apologizing to a person with dementia are not good. They will get the idea that you really have a problem, that you are always doing something wrong, that they need to instruct you and help you as you just can't get it right. They will soon believe that you are the crazy one, and they need to help you.
I say, start out from the beginning by not using the "apology" tool as it may mislead the demented person. They don't understand honesty either as many things are beyond their comprehension. I suggest using diversion technique instead - something else to look at or talk about, something non-controversial and just pleasant to behold, like a garden, etc. Hopefully they will soon forget the imagined slight, until the next one comes along for sure, but then you have to do it all over again. One of the main things is to stay calm, not because it helps, it doesn't always, but just because in the end you will be glad you did, it's the right thing to do. Watching what you say and how you say it will only help with some dementias and not others.
My dad had a head bleed from a fall ,he refuses to listen to the doctor ,even taking off driving the truck ! Help what can we do
Thanks you so much
That’s when they go to the nursing home. people shorten their own lives, taking care of partners or parents like that. Nursing homes with dementia units are equipped to take care of those people then you can go visit them.
Try to tell my dad that. He refuses to go to the hospital because he knows they are going to tell him he needs to go into a nursing home. I been taking care of him for years.. we are now at the point where he can get very very confused, doesn’t leave his chair..hoping to get a hospital bed because he slides out of his chair. 4x the paramedics had to come. They are starting to no be so nice. He has a catheter.cant raise his arms and can barely hold a glass of water. All he does is threaten to sue me if I make him go into one. I’m 53, very bad back,11 year heart attack survivor, and just Saturday,it took me a half an hour to wake him up as he slept til after 1 pm..30 minutes. 30 minutes of terror for me.i am exhausted. He wakes me through the night just demanding or needing. I can’t do this anymore.😢 I’ve lost my complete identity. I also have an autistic child. I have 0 friends..no lie. I love my father beyond words but it’s getting overwhelming.
Dementia patients pick up on your body language, always remain calm and maintain eye contact.
One thing I always wonder when talking about "special" people like people with demetia or teenagers: What would WE be like in such a situation? Is their behavior not normal?!
Imagine: You wake up tomorrow, and someone - your spouse, a parent, your grown child, your colleague, a stranger - is by your bed, telling you to get up, following you into the bathroom, insisting on staying, insisting on cleaning you up after going to the toilet, insisting on soaping your body while showering, insisting in dressing you, telling you when to eat what etc-
This could be a plot for a movie about an abuser.
Now imagine you stand up for yourself, saying you need privacy in your home, especially in your bathroom, can shower, dress and clean yourself after going to the toilet yourself, want to decide what to eat when etc. - and this other person forces you. Now it is the plot for a horror movie. This person tells you this will never end, you are not allowed to drive anymore, go anywhere without them, participate in your hobbies (too dangerous, too bothersome etc.) and so on.
*Would you not be aggressive, shout, try to get help, try to get away, resent that person that forced you to do so many things in their presence that you did alone almost all your life, took away for freedom, all your decision etc.?*
Would that not be totally normal?
So, maybe that is not necessarily a sign of dememtia but a symptom of the situation that EVERYBODY would show who wouldn't give themselves up and just accept the loss of freedom?
But, these people only think they can care for themselves and do all the things you mention. Everything makes sense only to them … but only in their thinking. They cannot care for themselves no matter how much they say they can and they cannot understand that they can’t. They do not comprehend the ramifications of their actions. They can be dangerously aggressive to the point of fatal damage. They cannot be trusted.
@@sallyvlosich9115 I'm going through this right now with my dad it sucks.
Okay and thats fine but let's just say we do as asked. We leave them alone, dont touch them or their stuff, and let them do it alone. This is the reason people resort to nursing homes because its not just us being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Its a rock, a hard place, a volcano, a cliff, and a wolves den. And no matter what you do you're either putting them at risk or your own mental health at risk. If i leave, im wrong. If i stay, im being abused physically and verbally. If i choose nursing home, im "abandoning" them. There is zero help/compassion/therapy for caregivers. Its always just "make them comfortable" no matter how uncomfortable it makes the cna. Theres a video that went viral with a black cna and her white patient. She was spitting on her, throwing things at her, calling her racial slurs, threatening her with a knife and people were in the comments like "she's confused" 😐 but if the cna would have been confused and knocked her tf out then she'd be wrong. This is why nobody wants to do it anymore its too much and only 1 person gets compassion in these times
dementia and Alzheimer's is a constant horror movie for my dad... he's suffered from strokes, ptsd, heart conditions, you name it... Everytime we give him all these freedoms he ends up getting severely hurt... Its hard to explain we only want to help, it just takes much patience and love... When I get aggravated with his unique behaviors, in which he cant help, this is exactly what I remind myself..
@@cadenhunt9076 a lot of LOVE and patience. They are the ones SICK and afraid and vulnerable…
what if he starts choking you and getting u by the hair and thowing on the floor and hits u
Nursing home time.
My father has a short temper than mine
He has yelled at me
he has yelled at my mom
And I am at my wits end over my father’s behavior
Fueled by stress and frustration
I am 26 my grandma goes too work at 8am. It was 9 I took a shower. Placed towel on the floor so when I step out I don’t slip or get floor messy. She runs home at 10:43 now. Forgets lunch. Runs to the bathroom tells me she has to pee. She screams at Me what is on the floor. A towel. She throws it on the floor in the hallway, spitting at she screams “I NEED TO PEE”. Slams the door on me. Slams things in the bathroom lotion and toothpaste I just had out a half hour ago. This is what I have to deal with. Then it’s “kiss my ass” or “I’ll cut your balls off”.
Yes, then you go and sorry. And tell her it’s ok.
Imagine it'll be unlike our Grannies and Grandpas.
Got called a lying b word over a sprite, and threatened to be sued
It’s so Heartbreaking 😢😢
It's just dementia.
@@bettyottman1718 I know but still you care for a loved one and it’s so sad I’m currently working in a nursing home as a CNA
My dad has brain cancer related dementia and he's accusing of a lot of ugly things. So I'm just having any interaction anymore. He has nothing nice to say
I’m so sorry. It must be affecting the part of his brain that deals with emotional control and perhaps even empathy. That must be really hard. I know it doesn’t help much, but stepping back from the interaction and remembering that it’s the disease talking, not him… might give you a small bit of comfort.
I am so sorry.
@George Lokebrooke Fuck you for lying and spreading this bullshit information to people who are suffering and watching their loved ones die. Do people like you not have any empathy for your fellow humans? Do you think giving people fake hope is a good thing?
I don't bro how to face elder dementia everydayy unless be patience, she has angry issue, she was landlady.. She always accused me a thief. I'm grateful she has a healthy daughter and always help me explained something to her,l that I'm not di anything bad, no matter how much evidences did you showed and logics you used she still doesn't believed. She talked badwords to her daughter too. When i meet landlady first time, we talked together about her past and good stuff but in the middle of conversation lanlady accused me a theif like angry. Like are you kidding me?. Verbal attack from her is like her day routine Everyday, everydayyy
It’s because her brain is damaged. Dementia brains are physically smaller than normal, and blockages in parts of the brain cause a person to be unable to think in the same way as they used to. A person with that level of brain damage cannot be reasoned with. You can’t present evidence to someone who can’t understand it and who is suffering from paranoid delusions and expect that to fix things.
My mom has Huntingtons and its is fustrating. They emotionally and overwhelmingly cling for support. Her bad personality surmise and it gets nasty. I pray to God fo strength.
I want this job pls
It's so 😢 sad
Great, just great... Now I have to buy a bird bath!
The bigger woman had a black left eye! Bet it was from the husband
Reminds us of angry Joe Biden.