Paranoia and False Accusations ~ WHY it happens and HOW to Manage It
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- Опубліковано 23 січ 2018
- Difficult Behavior: Paranoia and False Accusations ~ Dementia With Grace Behavior Management Series
In this video, we discuss paranoia, which often stems from delusions or audio/visual hallucinations. It is fairly common, and we explore why it happens and what can be done to address it! Watch til the end for tips, tricks and real-world examples! Thanks!
~About the Book~
Dementia with Grace: A New, Positive Way of Dealing with Behaviors in People with Dementia addresses behaviors whether caused by Alzheimer's Disease, Lewy-Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontal-temporal dementia or any other type.
Buy My Book from Amazon: amzn.to/2RhucJR
In this book, you will find information, tips, and techniques to help take care of a person living with dementia, with grace.
~Connect With Me~
Private Facebook Support Group: Dementia With Grace bit.ly/2lp6idY
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Twitter: / dementiawithgrace
Email: Vicky@dementiawithgrace.com
Snail Mail:
Vicky Noland Fitch
PO BOX 50
82 Church Street
Carrollton, AL. 35447
~About Me~
Hello, My name is Vicky! I am a Certified Dementia Practitioner with a Bachelor of Social Work degree. I have been a dementia caregiver for over 20 years, and I love to help people problem solve when difficult behaviors arise. I live and work out of an 1892 farmhouse deep in the heart of Dixie with my husband, Phil and my ragdoll cat, Contessa. I have one daughter, Emily.
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Disclaimers and Disclosures:
The information presented herein has been developed by Vicky Noland Fitch, BSW, CDP over a 20+ year career of working primarily as a dementia caregiver, educator, trainer and now as a consultant.
The information provided in this video should not be construed or relied upon as medical advice for any specific fact or circumstance. Its content was prepared by Dementia With Grace for informational and entertainment purposes only. You should not act or rely on any of the information contained herein without seeking professional medical advice.
Any links to products for sale are affiliate links. I earn a little money if you click through and buy it. It costs nothing to you, and adds a little change to my pocket! I would never endorse something I have not personally read or used. If it is here, I have found value in It! ~ Vicky
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Please watch: "Dementia Behavior 5 Pro GAME CHANGING Assessment Tricks I Swear By & Teach"
• Dementia Behavior 5 Pr...
~-~~-~~~-~~-~ New contact email: vicky@dementiawithgrace.org for 1:1 consult requests, business inquiries....Thanks! Vicky
The book is here!! www.amazon.com/dp/B07BVTH4DW/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_pLoXAbST0PK72
Thank you so much for this channel you are a lifeline. My spouse of 58 years is in stage 4. He has forgotten how to use his phone, iPad and yesterday he ask me how to use the thermostat in our home. He accused me of rearranging the living room furniture, then he told me he realized I couldn’t have moved the furniture around because he had just walked into another room and I wouldn’t have had time. I know when these things happen it scares and confuses him. Now I’ve noticed he doesn’t like to socialize with friends any longer. He keeps losing his place in the conversation when speaking with them. It amazes me at how much he’s declined this past year. I HATE DEMENTIA.
OK watch my videos on stage three and stage four. I think that that will help identify exactly what you’re going through all my love.
My partner he just turned 41 and exhibiting signs of early onset dementia, I suffer daily and contemplate the value or purpose of waking up anymore..
I’m so happy I found this! My mom has vascular dementia and now is progressing to the anger stage and thinks I am conspiring with my stepdad to take her out of the picture, I am the only child that has been trying to help them both out and help coordinate doctors etc….it is hard to handle but this video is great to make sense of it and helps me immensely!
This is such a hard topic! Believe me, you are not alone. If you haven’t joined the group on Facebook, please do so. It is such a wealth of information, and people who have gone through exactly what you are facing now. The link is in the description, or search Facebook for DementiaWithGrace. All my love, Vicky
Hey friend. Similar situation to me
😢@@DementiaWithGrace
I'm the sole caregiver for my dad with dementia (form yet to be determined by his doctors). His last MRI showed marked volume loss in the frontal lobe and voids in the posterior part of the brain. His hippocampus had also lost volume. The man he is today is NOT who he was two years ago. It feels like his soul checked out and left behind an empty shell for me to care for. It's tearing me to pieces as I'm also in treatment for major depression disorder.
I moved in with him so he can stay in his home, with his dog. Dad has both a broken brain and a broken heart (heart valve failure with pacemaker he's 100% paced). A neurologist put him on low dose Seroquel to help manage the paranoia, but he seems to be getting worse not better. He sits in his chair and pees his pants and then asks me why his chair is wet. He hears people talking, he talks to himself all the time, he believes the FBI and the Air Force are managing his finances and tell him when to write and not to write. He and I have a very fragile relationship as it is, but Mom passed away years ago and my brother is a whole other bag of trouble (paranoid schizophrenia with bipolar depression).
Thanks so much for all your excellent advice!! I've been doing everything wrong, taking things personally and arguing with him. I'll have to make sure that I avoid that in the future. I've subscribed and will be accessing the resources you mentioned at the end of this video. Thanks again!
The Moonlit Quill big hugs! So come over and join the group. There is so much love and support over there. I’m online now, so I can let you in pronto! You don’t have to introduce yourself yet, just read and soak up the support! I will grab the link
FB Group: facebook.com/groups/206114026520249/?ref=share
Take away all his underwear and substitute Depends, until he’s used to wearing the underpants that will help him keep his dignity. Once he’s resigned to wearing them, you would be able to switch to a cheaper brand. “Tranquility” is good for overnight.
It’s not an easy conversation, but worth having.
Emphasize his dignity, that he deserves a little extra special care…
There are washable underwear, but they’re expensive and extra work.
Whether washable or disposable, the expense is less than washing extra pants, seats, and more.
You can also use under pads everywhere he sits…
In caretaking, I had a woman who within the first week was showing signs of middle stages of dementia. She called her family and made a huge fuss and made me look bad. I was simply just being a blessing to her and being kind and helpful but I didn’t realize it was the Dementia. I tried to inform her family that I saw the signs of dementia but they were absolutely insulted when I mentioned it. So now the woman is going untreated and undiagnosed which concerns me because she also shows signs of violence and harassment AND her family thinks it’s me when it’s not.
That is a hard position to be in. Usually the family comes around to understand that there is something amiss. If she is accusing you, that is part of her dementia, and it will manifest in other areas, and against the other people, usually. All my love for this part of the journey, Vicky.
Please protect yourself! It may be necessary to remove yourself as her caregiver.
I was dating a man like this and it was very hurtful. I helped him in every way I knew how and at the end he accused me of stealing his cell phone, trying to poison him, and cheating. There was no convincing him that I hadn't done these things. Sad.
My partner of 5yrs does this to me every single day and I believe he has early onset dementia. But even just existing or breathing, I'm doing something that he'll accuse me of , fueled by whatever is going on
@@thatstreaminbdoee.7985 Has he been like that long? You could look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder ìf so.
I come back often and re-listen to this video and others many times, especially when I am having over top bad days with the 75 year old husband who has been hospitalized 53 times since 2013 for multiple chronic illnesses. Sept. 2020 he was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia while in the the hospital for 3 weeks. I am confident to say the dementia has been there for several years undiagnosed. In past 8 years I have had multiple nervous breakdowns from his extreme verbal abuse and accusations towards me. April 1 2021, he self admitted himself to an Assisted Living Facility and the facility did not fulfill their side of the care contract. Mid August husband walked out of facility, came home and every single day is the devil.
JD, ya just described my life. Yours is a little worse, maybe. My husband has convinced his daughter and family that I have stolen $10K from him. It’s impossible to convince him. And I’m too burned out to try and set the record straight with them. They have known me 30 years. Your situation is not what you deserve. And your efforts say what a good person you are.
It sucks to be loyal, doesn’t it.
I hope you find all the support you need. This is my first time with this lady but I’ll follow her. Teepa Snow is helpful as well.
Dreadful disease!! I have been too nice these years....at 66 too old to divorce. Hoping to get him back into a better Skilled Living place before Christmas. Take care blessings to you
Whew girl I'm there with you
JD and Campstone - how are they around other people?
Do they act nicer?
Me too
False accusations are so hurtful, but Ive learned not to take them personally. Your example of the wallet is the most common one with my dad. Thank you for your advice🙏
you are loved!!!
My Dr has diagnosed my chronic dementia
I see people who are walking past my front door
My grandma accused her great grandaughter of stealing her cup
It was the first painful part of our families journey seeing the tell tale signs of her dementia. I was trained in elderly care and it caught us off guard. Vicky is right we have to learn to not take it personally and let it go ☺️
Thank you that’s exactly what I’m going through with my 86 yr old mom with dementia ! She is just so mean and says such nasty things , but let my brother come and she’s so nice to him and my sister ? I just put some music on or try to change her mood !
Watch my video on the golden child. Let me find it and I will link!
"They are trying to make order out of chaos." I will remember that. So much great information packed into 18 minutes.
“Order out of chaos”… A description of the hell they’re experiencing?
Very helpful. Thanks a million. NEVER ARGUE with them and try to rationalize a topic that will be repeated over and over and over and over again. They are not getting it. I like the analogy that you used about the plate in the bathroom. Trick them into thinking what they are talking about is true. Just to stop the constant paranoia. I'm trying to covey this to my sister and we are getting into verbal altercations now. I sent her this video hoping that she can grasp this tactic or maybe even understand what's going on. This is rough.
Ron Rodgers I would love to have you over in the group on Facebook! Both you and your sister! I do a Facebook live every Tuesday and night. Link in description!
My Goodness, I needed to read this and acually to feel so relieved my God . I always tried talking sense to my grandmother now I know it’s a total waste of time
My care receiver will see spider like bugs when she has a UTI brewing. I utilize the placebo effect. We have an old bottle of fabric refresher spray that I filled with tap water. We spritz it around where she sees them and it calms her.
One time during an active delirium phase, she got very worried about two young kids who were brought to the house and they had been horribly neglected. She wanted to find a way to help them. I told her that someone already came and picked the kids up. Then I told her that the kids are safe and I had insisted they be fed immediately. That eased her mind.
A few weeks ago, she accused me of having wild sex with my father. Who is deceased and would never have done anything like that. I told her I was sorry she was hurt but that I love her. I held it together, barely, and sobbed about it in another room.
Hey Vicky,
I come to your channel often because I am in new territory. My mom has Alzheimer's and has started having hallucinations. It is mostly my son and I who stay with her and she told me this morning that her medicine bottle had 4 pills in it the last time she looked and then this morning there was only 1. I got up to go and look and she said "I hid the bottle in my dresser." I looked in the dresser but it was not there. Finally I looked in the medicine cabinet and there was her bottle with 4 pills in it. I took it to her and showed her that no one had taken any of her pills. She seemed to accept it but it really makes me apprehensive as to how bad things may get. Thank you so much for the vital information that you share with us.
New sub. Very glad I found your channel today. Thanks so much for what you do!
Your so joyful and kind to watch. I would love to have the grace and love you have in your voice. So soothing and calm. god bless you! I’m sure the Lord will say “ well done good and faithful servant”
How sweet. The only words I long to hear!
My mother has always been a tough person to deal with. So she is not a loved one. Now she has dementia where there is paranoia and false accusations. And now my 85 yr old father is the only caregiver. He is very stressed out cos of long term harassment from her n now this.
I’m so sorry. It’s tough. Make sure your family doctor or neurologist is aware of the paranoia and false accusations. Those particular “behaviors” can often be treated with medication. All my love ❤️ Vicky
@@DementiaWithGrace thank you so much for ur reply. Will certainly talk to her Dr about this. Lots of love to you too. Keep up the good work❤
I understand where you're coming from. My mother has been a verbally abusive narcissist her entire life and now she is showing signs of dementia. ..bad combo
Sending love and light ❤ all the way from Russia . I got a full crazy grandmother that lives with me who smells and doesn’t shower with dementia and now she is talking in her sleep
These videos are so helpful , thank you , the redirecting has been invaluable
Thank you so much for these videos.
So much Wisdom! Thank you!
Thank you for explaining and giving me some insight to this. Im currently dealing with this and my mother. It's been a very painful and stressful time so it was very helpful just having some solutions and tips to help with this. Thank you
My name is Ana, from Venezuela. Your videos helped me a lot. God bless you..
I have to give the best definition of grace that I’ve heard: getting what we don’t deserve.
If someone has mixed up thinking, what we need to give them is our patience.
The trick is figuring out how to keep our patience!
Something I’ve observed that might help others:
Dementia is simply a regression from adult to child-like.
We don’t get angry with a child for acting according to their age, but try to teach them what is right instead. As parents regress, calmly reassure them that you are doing your best and trying to help them do their best.
Learn to creatively adapt.
Keep them positively occupied.
Like a bored, tired, or hungry child, they will get into trouble, if you don’t tend to their needs…
So helpful thanks.
I took care of my aunt who never had children. She was always accused me of smoking, drinking and taking her money.
I sure do thank you for your info...I'm the only one taking care of my parents an this is very helpful
First time, thank you this is going to be to be helpful…
Miss Vicky dear, I am so blessed to have your videos to go back and refererence. The fact that you sound just like the folks I was raised around, makes it all more better. Dealing with this daily. I'm smiling because i'm secure in Jesus. God bless you and yours there in Alabama. "Roll Tide!" Merry Christmas from Texas. ♥️🙂👍
Thank you Joe! Such kind words. May your smile shine ever brighter even tho you are going through some dark days. All my love from Alabama and of course, ROLL TIDE ROLL! 🐘 🌊
I know someone who threw their pillow away because they spilled water on it and thinks someone snuck in her room and pored water on her pillow. We said well, I wouldn't want it back so I will get you a new one, this made them happy
Excellent! Thank you for sharing! Are you over in the group? If not come on over there, we need expertise like this! All my love! Here is the link: m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
Most grateful. So helpful, thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
The mind is so troublesome sometimes we create situations in our head that have not happen or will never happen and worry about them. The mind plays tricks, we perceived everything different. You will convince yourself that a situation is a certain way but its the total opposite. The mind creates problems where there is none.
O.M.G. Described my mother exactly in the first 1.5 minutes!!!
Thank you for this
No problem 😊
This truly did happen to me
Thank you. My hubby of 46 years has PD with Lewy body dementia and has believed for years that i had an affair. It is so 💔
My mum used to have horrible hallucinations, one day she left the house and went to the neighbours to get away from the man in her house with a gun....xxx
Having this from my next-door neighbour. She is living alone and can not operate her own central heating. She has a British Gas contract and they have programmed it repeatedly and myself 3 of my neighbours, her daughter and countless gas men have told her to leave it alone, but she keeps messing it up. There is absolutely no reasoning with her and any attempt results in accusations, I do not go in her house because she is likely to start the accusations again.
Greetings, Thank you for all of the information and the tools to help us during these hard times.
I do not have any medical proof. But my girlfriend (2nd time we had reconnected about 7 years in between). Well recently she constantly has been saying a particular person that lives about an hour away is under the cover of night. Deflating 5-10 lbs of air pressure out of all four of her tires. Ive tried to talk with reason and logic but to no avail. She also blames this person for taking stuff out of her car and physically damaging it. I have bought and installed a security camera. That records once the motion detector is triggered. There has been no recordings. But she still believes this culprit is visiting. So Ive dealt with that for a while. But now when she's using or sees something of mine. She claims that it is hers. Then after a few days have passed the item comes up missing. Like my drill the battery and charger for example. Along with that on a daily basis she has been accusing me of stealing. From food (she will get specific), lighters, cigarettes,Tools etc.. She says I do nothing but order her around. Which I don't do at all. Ive asked her to be respectful and not watch a particular series (for example general hospital) on television 24/7 when we're sitting there at my place together. But she will do it anyway. I don't want to have to lock all my belongings up in a room. But I also don't want to lose all my things. She has 3 storage lockers elsewhere and I think that's where she is taking. Some of my things. I don't know what to do and I firmly think she believes these false accusations. So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Any advice will be appreciated. Thank You
Yep mom gets upset if I “take a break” for an hour and a half or so and then says I “always leave her alone”! When mostly all day I’m around her doing housework…
There is a concept, called “object permanence“ that you see a lot in babies and early toddlers, where they don’t know that you’re still there if you go behind the door, if you go into the bathroom, if you go out of their line of sight… They think you have disappeared. So as a child has that in the beginning, a person with dementia has that leading toward the end. Not the very end, but as the dementia deepens. That may be what is happening. HOW FRUSTRATING!!
Thank you for helping me to better understand dementia.
Oh I hope that I have!
I wanted to say thank u thank u for ALL that u do. I made the move and went from a Nursing Home to starting a CNA position at an Assisted Living Facility starting Monday. The owner had given me some info to study and there r some tests at the end but it's in Dementia which they have a bldg specifically for them. I was told about you a little while back when I went through a Dementia presentation. I came from a completely different background as an Executive Assistant and wanted to become a CNA to better take care of my mom and stepdad. Well this journey got me into class and I'm now a CNA. I also would like to learn more about Dementia. I say all of the to ask if you could recommend some info that I could study up on so that I'm a bit more educated in this area please? Thank you so very much and have a great weekend! 😉🙏🏽
The book “The 36 Hour Day” is a must. Itnis detailed and at times overwhelming, BUT it truly the gold standard. Truly. I have a video reviewing it. You can get a paperback on Amazon. I will get you the link! amzn.to/31I3tHN
He accused me of taking all the money out the bank
Thank you.❤
I am going through this now with my mom and feel very alone
If you have Facebook, get in the support group! There is so much understanding in there. GENIUSES over there! Here is the link:
m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
@@DementiaWithGrace thanks, I have been and am in the Facebook support group, awesome group and a lifeline to many of us on this journey
I bought your pink book got today.
I think I'm on your platform not sure still learning phone.hope I'm in group.
Had to rewatch this tonight after an over the top day with paranoia
So sorry! I hope by the time you read this, the day is better for both of you
@@DementiaWithGrace thank you for your support♥️. It got progressively worse after a horrible week and finally after trying everything we’ve learned, called her doctor. Her doctor prescribed Xanax starting this morning and was much calmer today. She’s still very confused and blanks in memory but at least not screaming and throwing things, paranoid and accusing. I can work with her easier when she’s at least calm and more relaxed. I’ve been doing it alone 24/7 for 5+ years without a single day off ever and disabled myself. Thank you so much for being a lifeline to so many. I love the Facebook Support group as well as the local Alzheimer’s support group though some days things that have worked in the past just don’t work. Her doctors answer is is that it’s the progression of the disease. No doubt but when you never ever have time to breathe, are physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, that answer simply isn’t enough
Thank you for this! Very informative. I'm curious what you think the meaning of dementia is in terms of the soul: does the soul express through the body-mind the symptoms of dementia in order to communicate wanting to forget traumatic experiences, and/or to forget that one hasn't taken care of oneself the way one could have (e.g. a mother living her life 'just' for her kids but then wilting away once her purpose in life is no longer around for the mother to serve)?
This is a very interesting take, as I definitely resonate with the idea that dementia, & many mental health related diseases & disorders have some sort of connection to a higher/soul purpose expression.
Just a big thank you
A big you are welcome!❤️
Thankyou
My mom is just now starting to reach the agitation stage.. She is I love you one minute, then bad mouths me and tells everyone how horrible I am the next, even calls people crying, If I am unable to fix some problem for her. It causes family discord because they all take her side. They live far away and don't se how quickly she is deteriorating.
Thank you so much for these videos, my mother in law has dementia and Alzheimer’s, is still living at home with our help, but it’s becoming very difficult. She has started accusing us of letting ourselves in the house at night when she’s in bed and taking cloths, groceries, all sorts of things, also she thinks we are listening in to conversations she is having, she is telling family and neighbours we are doing this it’s so distressing . Do you have any advice for this ? Again Thank you for all you do x
Thank you for the information
What medicine we should give to such patients
My mother sees two men robbing the house So I just open the door and tell her I threw them out
Much Appreciated
I will be a new subscriber today!
My parent has ben misplacing the wallet everyday.Im slightly stressed as to the contenys of said wallet,such as social sec card bank debit atm card....I seriously want to take the newest card&keep it in a secure spot at home,only take it when its needed.,replace said card w/an older expired card -
I realize its wrong please explain in detail just how wrong that would be&why its wrong as well.Thank You in advance....
Hope the New Year is treating You right
My mom I take care of at 6:00 am busted out her bedroom after I went to bathroom and accused me of sterling a $100.00 and a deposit slip out of a magazine . I told her what, I did not do that . Continued arguing with me back and forth about it. My daughter came in and told my mom she needs to stop it that I would not do that to her , does she know how much I do for her . And separated us . We went to my room and said maybe she should put cameras in her room . To prove this is not happening . This is 3rd time she has said I took money out of a magazine from her . Note she has horsing of a lot of magazines . How do I know what magazine she puts money in . If she even does and it’s all in her head . How do I handle this ?
So sorry to just see this comment!! Remember that she has a broken brain. She likely does not remember where she put her money...now cannot find it...so her brain is trying to make sense of it. Because her brain is broken, she comes to broken conclusions. Don’t argue. She can’t reason anymore...it’s one of the things that is lost...and when a person can longer reason, you can’t “win” an argument. It just causes an emotional breakdown. So, what should you do?? I would say a line that comforts her, a line that can be repeated over and over. “I love you. You are safe. I will help you look for the money”...
Think about this scenario. Have your daughter do this too: imagine you wake up in a foreign country. You don’t speak the language here. Nothing looks familiar. You are unsure where you are and how you got there. You don’t have a purse, your phone, or anything you need. What do you feel? What do you need? Who do you seek? Really stop and think that through. Try to really imagine how you would FEEL and how that would make you ACT. would you automatically trust the people around you? If not, why not? What could they do to convince you to trust them?
Now, let those feelings inform the way your mother feels. What did you need? Reassurance? Comfort? Just to know you were safe and then a kind person to understand how scared you are? Maybe it would help if someone said “oh! That must feel scary! But you are safe with me and we will figure out the rest, together”. ♥️♥️♥️ It’s tough. I am available for 1:1 conference. Vicky@dementiawithgrace.org All my love on this difficult journey. ❤️ Vicky
My 87 year old husband in assisted living claims residents want to kill him. He also just fell breaking his right hip with surgery tonight.
Thank you so much for all that you do. You are getting me through a very difficult time with my dad. He just moved in with me 2 weeks ago. My problem is that he is obsessed with his mail and every time he has to pay a bill he flips out to the point that I am afraid to give him his mail. I don't open it for him because he'll get angry. He knows his memory is failing. I made an appt with my gp to evaluate him or refer him to another doctor to diagnose him but in the mean time he is flipping on the daily over his bills, old statements (he keeps every piece of paper). How do we get him to let me have guardianship when he is so agitated all the time and cant handle change? I'm afraid he'll need to go to a hospital and they won't let me do anything because I am not on any papers. I don't even know his wishes because he is so guarded. Kinda getting wore out already and it's only been two weeks. I work full time and always come home to a very upset, angry, sad 93 year old.
So sorry. It’s a hard journey. No kidding, the group helps so much. Come join over on FB. Link in show notes or search Dementia with Grace Caregiver Support Group. For now, respond to his feelings. Just as you are frustrated, he is too no doubt. Reassure him that you will help, but he’s got to allow you to help. Acknowledging his memory loss, etc can build trust. Let him know you are in his corner. You AND him against the “dementia”. All my love, Vicky
How do you help someone that’s pacing- won’t sit down till they are exhausted. Fearing someone is in the home- wandering, pacing wants to leave even packs suitcases and night bags. 4/16/23 12:00 noon
This video is so on key. My mom has seen like ants on her, or children playing with her, people that have passed away she often speaks with. But she still has these moments that makes me think I am going crazy. would you say its a good idea to have the conversation letting her know about the disease and what's going on. She wanted answers as to what's going on with her and I did mention the word and referenced some other family members that she "knows" went through this. She acknowledged it with an "ooooo ok well dang" but kept on like we never said anything a all. I am not sure she could reason what's really happening.
itspunkinbitch Great question! I would NOT tell her again. Once was enough, and if you told her again, it would be like hearing it for the first time all over again. It sounds like she received the news, then almost immediately wanted to push it away. That is her way of coping with the news. Just continue to make her feel safe and loved. That’s the most important thing! ♥️🧠♥️
My WWD has a delusion that she is fat. She’s not fat but seriously underweight. She has some bloating and dissension from an unrelated issue but she’s not fat. Arguing does not work. She also thinks she is ugly but when she gets cleaned up and wears her wig, she looks great. She uses both of these excuses to avoid seeing her children and grandchildren. This indirectly makes it hard for me to see them. It’s heartbreaking. Any suggestions?
Self isolation is common. It is hard to face people and socialize when you fear looking foolish or out of place because of your losses. People tend to turn inward and critique themselves. I’m sorry for this difficult time.
What do you do for wandering off daily tried door alarm does not work.ends up getting police invved to return him back or goes to local hospital. I tried to take shoes away still does it.
Oh yeah.....this topic! 🤦♀️
What if the wife, with Alzheimer’s, doesn’t recognize her husband at times and wants him out of the house. He is his wife’s caregiver and doesn’t want to leave. She says…to her kids on phone.. Get this man out of my house, I don’t want him here! I’m going to hurt him, he doesn’t belong here. My husband left me and cheated on me. She thinks her son, is her brother etc. When she comes out of it, she’s so apologetic and in tears. How would you smooth this situation over? Sometimes it takes all night to get her back.
I am going through this with my wife. I am really struggling.
I’m so sorry you are struggling so…I hope you are finding some help. ❤️ Vicky
Should I of gotten white cover book also that covers wandering off.
my grandmother is in the nursing home shes had delusions mainly now with the main doctor of the ward she refused to eat the meal he delivers to her room for breakfast and lunch. she thinks he wants to marry her and whisk her away
I get it. my mother was 87 and flirted terribly with the male nurse. it was embarassing,and i apologized all the time.
My mom has dementia with capgras syndrome this is hell for me it disease is pure hell on earth ..
I know. I so know. Hang in there. Come over to the group! Link in box under video. Or here: m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
My mother has Lewy Body Dementia and is in a memory care facility. She just told me yesterday that she had been raped that day. I did not know how to respond! She was so terrified and so convinced in her broken brain that it had happened, but I know it didn't. What in the world do I say to her to "comfort" her after that? I'm at a total loss!
Hey Kathy, I know that that was absolutely mind blowing for you to hear that, and to know that it did not occur.
One thing to know about Lewy body dementia, is that paranoia and false accusations lead that type of dementia. Whereas Alzheimer’s leads with memory loss. They are each different, each type of dementia. What I would suggest is that you respond to the feeling, not the accusation. “ Mama, I know that must’ve been scary for you to believe that you were assaulted. You are loved, and you are safe.” Continue to support her feelings without agreeing to the delusion.
Delusion is a fixed false belief. I have a video on that as well. I will try to link to the video below.
All my love on this difficult journey. Vicky
How do you reassure the person when they accuse you off stealing?
I always respond to the feeling. Saying “I’m sorry, I know that must be awful to think that anyone is stealing from you, especially me. Let me help you find that thing”, can sometimes work. But it really is a try and see what works best. The encouraging thing, is that usually the person will forget that they are looking for the thing, or forget that they thought you stole it, and if whatever you tried did not work previously, you can use a different tact. Hang in there!
Delusion… my sister accused me of being delusional (amongst other accusations).
She said that she had spent something like 40 years in the bottle, but had been sober ten years.
She’s the only person, besides her snow-balled daughters, who saw our dad and said that he was fine to live alone.
She told me that I needed to get my head checked.
Guess what my opinion is..!
My grandma claims to see my sister going into her room in the middle of the night and stealing her necklaces... So she spends the next couple of days trying to secretly give her her jewelry so she can blame her..... My sister has autism and is the only one she picks on. Is that normal?!? Picking the most defenseless person and trying to frame them?!?! Is that part of the dementia or just her. She's never been a great person... It's hard trying to take care of a person you never liked all that much in the first place 😢
My mom ( w/ dementia) accuses my father at least twice a week “He bought their house without her, she has never been there before and she is not going to stay here!” How do we handle this?
Redirect if you can. Get her to talk about houses she does like. Get her to look at magazines or Zillow with you on a laptop! Pick out houses she would like instead, maybe. Just try something. She is focused on the house, so start to redirect from a house point. Then on to a strength, her getting to choose. Which is really about freedom and independence. Let her make as many independent choices as possible. Wear the yellow top or red one? Eat here or there? Like that!
This is very helpful- I do find it hard to find this topic when the loved one is accusing the caregiver!?
Meaning Mom accusing adult children who are caregivers
I have a video about that, in a roundabout way? I am going to link it here. Hopefully it does help. Honestly the best advice is to come over to the Dementia with Grace Caregiver support group over on Facebook. I am inside that group daily so I am able to check it more often then I’m able to check all the comments under these 150+ videos. So if the video that I link does not give you the help you’re seeking, please come over and join the group, and ask me the question over there. tag me, Vicky Noland Fitch, or some of the other caregivers will jump on and give you their inside. All my love, Vicky ❤️
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My care receiver repeats non stop to her husband you were angry when you married me. Why did you ask my father to marry me. 66yrs married. How can I stop this repetitive cycle? She lives in 1956.
My mom accused my daughter of taking candlesticks and then accused me of bringing 1 back one day and the other one the next day. Then it was silence but then she accused me of taking them, called me at midnight and I was half asleep and just agreed with her that I took them. This has going on for about two months. I’m at a loss as what to do?
Hello Vicky,
How is Inappropriate Sexual behavior address in a dementia care home? is there a video about this topic? Thank you
Miguel Manguerra yes, I have a video on that! Let me grab it. Basically, think about a person needs affection and comfort and in a broken brain, the Social manners are sometimes blunted. So, a person with a broken brain uses broken manners to get the affection they need. By using back scratches, rubbing lotion on hands, patting them...you can give them the affection they need before they reach out for it inappropriately. Hope that helps!
Miguel Manguerra ua-cam.com/video/GKEGPLu46LU/v-deo.html
@@DementiaWithGrace thank you
Wht if youve been falsely accused of swearing at a resident at work by allegadely a resident. Ive been suspended
I am so sorry. This happens. Probably what the suspension is about is they are investigating whether or not there is a pattern of behavior in the person. If I were you, when you come back on the job, if you have any residents who do this kind of behavior do your own charting and just a simple notebook do not use names use initials that should be fine. It protects the name of the person, While also identifying the person to the facility. That would save you from a termination possibly if you can prove that the person habitually engages in false accusations.
What if you have had the thing that goes on your head and wear for a few days but have not been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's but you have delusions or hallucinations?
That can be delirium because of an illness or sudden change; or it can be pure psychosis. For the person experiencing it, it is awful. Awful. (I had both after my open heart surgery as a reaction to a medicine 😬)
A visit to a mental health clinic is advised!
Excellent video thanks. I find it very hard to cope with the anger side of delusions. My father has VAD dementia and every so often he will demand lifts to imaginary places with scenarios such as his delivery van is left in a town 50km away with the keys in the ignition and he demands that I give him a lift there. Then when I say no that is a delusion and you're retired now from work he comes back with hate comments usually around money saying I should give him a lift as I have been stealing money off him for years and he knows as he has seen the bank statements etc etc and that I need to get out of his house etc He was an abusive parent always so this brings back traumatic memories and sets my anxiety levels through the roof. Have you any tips for that?
Dáithí Ó Raghallaigh my best advice is to reframe it as “this is the disease talking”. Don’t try to argue, just redirect his attention on to something else. So sorry you are dealing with this. You are not alone.
Dáithí Ó Raghallaigh, o am soooo sorry! Remember it's a broken brain, they are not giving you a hard time....they are having a hard time.
I have someone in the family who has gone blind and is exhibiting signs of dementia, but is still aware enough that she is absolutely not willing to see a doctor, she has not been diagnosed. She is accusing her husband of infidelity and other family members of stealing. This is quite distressing and do not know what to do to help her since we cannot get medical help. Please answer with suggestions.
Firstly, it’s not NECESSARY to get a dx, although it is helpful. As she declines through the stages, ie moves from 3/4 down to 5, you can try again. My advice is too get her to the doctor for another reason. That has worked for others.
NO ONE wants to hear the “dementia/Alzheimer’s” diagnosis. It tends to have the same devastating effect as hearing a “cancer” dx. Scary and devastating.
You can call the nurse or write a letter prior to the appointment advising of your concerns about her memory loss, other things you see that are happening. They do not break confidentiality with you as information going TO them is not the same as information FROM them. If that makes sense!
I had sitters for my mother-in-law she had dementia and she gave them heck then she turned on me I took it pretty good but at times I'd get upset because she had 5 children 3 daughters 2 sons and I took care of her she had broken her hip and she changed toward me she ask me to forgive her for being mean me of course I said yes and we were buddy's after that, she passed away in my arms April 3rd has been 2 years since she's been gone and I miss her so much
My uncle passed away three years ago after his death I kept in touch with his wife from time to time however, something told me to go visit her she lives in another state it was my intuition a gut feeling my uncle speaking to me whatever! When I got here I could tell dementia has set in! Everyone is stealing from her! I am walking on eggshells she's following me everywhere! She gave me beautiful vintage pocketbooks... I don't want to take them! What should I do? I know she has many asset's however, she has family brother nieces and nephews! I only came to check on her because my uncle loved her and I loved my uncle! I don't want to be accused taking anything from her house... even though she gave me these items I don't want any trouble from the family her family! I know my uncle is probably rolling in his grave! I was extremely close to him he never had children he thought of me as his daughter! I'm so overwhelmed and so beside myself. I will be leaving tomorrow morning. If someone can give me any advice I truly would appreciate it I want to do the right thing!
Thank you!
Win, You are right in that you are respecting her SOUL and acknowledging that she may not have the capacity to truly decide what she wants to keep, and give away. Someone may need to step in as Guardian for her. Reach out to her family memebrs that are involved, and tell them your concerns. If you feel she is being exploited in any way, you can make an anonymous call to Adult Protective Serives in the state she resides. All my love, Vicky
@@DementiaWithGrace thank you so much for replying to me however, I have washed my hands of her I kissed her ass all my life just to keep close to my uncle! She's a narcissist that is now dealing with Dementia! What she put me through was unbelievable! In the two days that I spent with her! Like I previously said, my uncle is rolling over in his ashes! I am so disgusted with this whole situation of her bullying me for the past 50 years! My intentions where to make sure she was okay because she felt as though her brother was taken advantage and stealing from her! She is miserable person and always has been! I have always been in their lives...! I met her brother for the second time... he cut his vacation short and came over the same day that I arrived. She had told me prior of him coming, he's only trying to protect me he probably thinks you will take my diamonds! I burst out in tears and told her...i don't want anything from you! With that she came over and she try to hug me! She asked me to take her to the bank so she can roll over three CDs that she left to her two nieces and a nephew whom I've never met in 50 years! When I was ready to leave Sunday morning I went into the master bedroom to tell her I'm going she was going through her jewelry! There is nothing worse then a narcissistic going through dementia... they die alone! At least I know I will have no regrets no sorrows! Peace is priceless
I live with my mom,and I had a hard so its been a rest day.an she started screaming at.Im trying to avoid her .give me all kinds of accusations. An threaten. To.kick me out of herplace.I het.her rent.out, ,Im distraught.
Tell all Family & Friends that Believe all False Accusations, Paranoia & Confabulations, as 100% Truth! Never Checking in with LO of 42 year marriage for True Facts
What agency will listen to me and I can prove it was impossible. I need a go to elderly assistant.
Your attorney may have a resource. Outside of that, Google your local Area Agency on Aging + your city/state. Find that number and call!! Best wishes and prayers for you both.
Can you talk about repeated phone call ? ---- Get my " belongongs back" ----- frequently
Accusations of other people "stealing her stuff" and wanting you to get it back
Yes! I will. Thank you for the request! Look for it next week. ❤️ Vicky
I have one on False Accusations!
My mother in law lived with us. She’s also a narcissist and hates me for some reason. She is now in a home because she has MSA disease and a little bit of dementia. She tells my husband to get home now because she says I’m going to kill our son. Is it the dementia or the narcissist in her? Please help. For 12 years she has been against me. She just got diagnosed with dementia this year.
Thank you for the comment. I’m glad to try to help. I have a video on narcissism and dementia… And I discuss whether or not the narcissism is a personality trait, or a component of dementia. I also have a video on false accusations and paranoid behavior. I will search the archive and try to link them here for you. All my love on this hard journey, Vicky.
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@@DementiaWithGrace thank you so much. God Bless you 😊
Can someone tell us why people from minorities experience higher rates of ending up with legal problems? Could the answers to that question have something to do with why people from nminorities experieince higher risk of being misdiagnosed with mental illnesses too? We need to instead see people experiencing the diagnosis of Dementia as continuing to have a brain that is working not well for longer than 6 months.
My mum is on day 8 of her stay in the care home, all has been ok until I went to see her earlier, she says someone switched off her lamp at the socket which is also connected to the LED clock so when I phoned earlier she said she needs it so I had to go fix it, she needs a walker, that’s on wheels and she said earlier going to lunch one of the carers came in and told her she had no time to take it, she must go lunch now, leave the walker, I was horrified as she has a dodgy knee that can and does give way anytime, so I mentioned to the sister nurse what happened, she said she was there at the time my mum walked along without it and then said I can’t find the walker, one of the nurses went to the room and it was still in the room, and told my mum ....now my mum knows she needs that walker, never goes anywhere without it, she has never told “stories” always has told the truth, up until today?? I still think her story is the right version, the two stories do not match, when I told my mum what sister nurse said she said, there’s a cover up.....to help you understand, my mum has more normal days than abnormal days with this, and we still have great conversations, she is still with it and still has intelligent conversations, is still on the ball, so I believe her , not because I’m biased, but because I know her and I think the home isn’t telling it how it was.....what should I do? Xxx
Laura Hunter think about who benefits from the story. The facility has a lot of liability in not allowing something that she needs, so they have no benefit. Your mom may have forgotten it, and used the story to cover her own forgetfulness. That seems more likely to me. It sounds like she is very intelligent and early enough to know that her memory is slipping. I’m so sorry. She is not telling a lie, either way.
Dementia With Grace thanks Vicky, but why would mum tell me that story, if I’m never going to find out from the home, I mean mum didn’t have to tell me you know, so it’s not as if my mum thought she’d be in big trouble ....plus I don’t think she’d be too bothered if I found out anyway lol, I don’t know it seems more to me that she doesn’t like something about the place or someone in there? Could it be that?, i appreciate what you’re saying but it’s not in her character or nature to cover her forgetfulness, she’s always told it like it is, and if that means admitting to something she normally does. Xxx
Transitions are hard. It takes several weeks to get adjusted. Just hang in there!
Dementia With Grace will try xxx
Has anyone ever taken a loved one in a n.home back home for a respite? Im so torn&guilty. Please help.
Ask my husband to sit in his favorite chair and he says " Oh, so you can kill me" ?? It really hurts.
I understand… I hear this so often on the group when caregivers are describing the random things the person with dementia can say. Any kind of language like that when you are doing your dead level best to help the person is defeating. I’m sorry 😢 Do come over to the group. It’s tremendously helpful to have support from folks who “get it”. Here is the link: m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
What do u do when your loved one doesn't remember correctly what was said. Dad swears that one doctor told him he had to have a procedure when it was left to his decision. Then he also thinks he left moms room before she died when we were both there while she passed and after.