Want a Deeper Connection? Let Down Your Guard (Matthew Hussey)
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- Опубліковано 5 лют 2021
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Happy February! :-)
I just made this video for you. I think you’re going to love it, especially if you don’t always find it easy to be vulnerable with someone you’re dating.
Do you find it hard to truly let down your guard with a man?
What do you do when you get angry or hurt? Do you get quiet? Passive-aggressive? Lash out?
If you know that the way you’re bringing things up isn’t productive, and has the tendency to push someone away, my new video is essential watching today...
Let me know what you think.
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being vulnerable and revealing my insecurities is SO SO scary just because I have had people in the past use it against me. They would bring it up when we got into an argument and it would honestly hurt a lot. It's really hard for me to trust people now
Be careful what you tell. Pick and chose what you tell.
Watch ten videos about covert narcissists. If you’re attracting them, it won’t stop until you learn to identify them from day one.
@@leesteal4458 yea im definitely more guarded now!
@@meeperbird okay that makes sense! Thanks for that tip!!!
We’ve all had that and I don’t know why people are mean
I’ll forever be loyal to Matthew lol he literally gives the best advice
Forget romantic relationships, friends behave like this too. I open my heart and wounds to friends I feel close to but they use it against me as a weapon.
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Those aren't good friends. Assuming you're female, this is something male friends can be good for. They may not seem the most emotionally sensitive but they are much less likely to use vulnerability against you.
"Perhaps the single most important aspect of any healthy relationship is empathy. Without empathy, there is no willingness to cooperate or to be respectful". That holds true also for disagreements. Empathetic people keep respect for their partner even in the heat of the argument and don't purposely say things to inflict emotional damage. They are aware that hurtful words might stay much longer in someone's mind after the argument is already over. Hurtful things being said you couldn't revoke. There are three words, which might lessen the psychological harm done: " I am sorry", but only if a person, who is apologising, means this sincerely. It is so rare that someone is willing to come and upfront apologise and genuinely mean it. The best apology is always changed behaviour! In communication with people bear in mind: "Speak to people in such a way that if they died the next day, you'd be satisfied with the last thing you said to them"!
Beautifully articulated
@@TlhomphoDitedu Thank you!
Very well written 👏 I always believed empathy is the most important thing but unfortunately i have met very few people in my life who actually had this quality. I have always shown empathy but never received it as much in any of my relationships.
@@orientaldancernoorie Thank you! I share your sentiment in regards to empathetic people, the ones suitable for relationship. I am in the same boat as you in this respect. But you know what they say "the higher the vibe, the smaller the tribe".
You can mean it, but the other person won't want to hear it. Also, it's genuinely difficult to have empathy for a person who has no empathy for you. And it's especially hard to have empathy for a person who does not value a connection with you and treats you like a disposable accessory to their goals, and their ambitions.
"Growing closer comes from revealing the wound".. I agree. Let someone know what hurt you, so they can do their part to help you heal. If they ignore your pain, they aren't right for you. How can you truly love someone, if you're fine with them hurting inside? Vulnerability is key. Drop the tough ego and let's be human.🖤💯👑
👌🏾
Damn. “How can you truly love someone, if you’re fine with them hurting inside?” That is so fucking well said
What if it's your dad who ignores your pain?
You tell him, he empathizes a tiny bit, next day he's forgotten your pain and acts rather surprised when you remind him.
Almost as if he never believed that you are in pain in the first place.
How can we deal with that?
@@SuspiriaX There's no "one size fits all" approach to understanding these things, but I'll share my opinion. I was speaking on friendship and relationship type of situations. Those people we can kick to the curb more easily. Lol. With parents, we sometimes assume they should have it figured out because they're older and wiser right? Thing is, older doesn't automatically make you wiser. They just couldn't stop aging. As long as you know they aren't intentionally hurting you, try to understand they have areas that need growth too. Maybe that's something you two can work on together, communicate what's going on within more often with eachother.. It couldn't hurt to try. Letting things slide all the time will only build resentment, and have you believing he doesn't care. You're his child, and even if he's bad at showing he cares it doesn't mean he flat out just doesn't care.
Parents are only products of their environments like we are, and most are still trying to figure things out... Just like we are. Emotional intelligence is a big deal. I've actually just started listening to a new audio book on it. My wife and her mother had a somewhat similar situation. I told her to maintain the relationship in a way that she'd be able to handle the day her mom passes away, without feeling like she could have kept more in touch. She knows her mom isn't intentionally trying to be hurtful to her, and her mom is stuck in her ways. We can't control how people are, but we can control how we perceive them. This allowed her to pay more attention to her mom's more positive attributes. I hope somewhere in this you find something of value.
@@CarloGonzalezTV thank you🙏🏾💯
I find what works for me is to express how I feel and express what I want, and just wait. If I don't get it, I walk away. Simple. It's not easy tho, since this requires emotional self control. 😔
Facts
I agree with you. This is very effective but not easy to do.
I watched Malcolm & Marie last night.. so many lessons in that film. A great example of what not to do when getting into an argument with someone you love. Who's seen it?
“Love doesn't die a natural death. Love has to be killed, either by neglect or narcissism.
This video made me cry. I just showed my wounds to my boyfriend last night and he did all the signs Matt mentioned of an amazing relationship. It made me feel a lot less anxious about how me and my boyfriend's relationship are going. Thank you so much! Your videos are really awesome
Life is all about happiness
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I have been watching Matthew since high school. Not only do I walk away feeling confident but with more knowledge as well. These videos have stuck with me over the years and I use his advice in my own life as well. Watching Matthew’s videos and listening to what he really has to say has changed me, in a good way.
Definitely...having attachment trauma helps with attacking our partners because core wounds bring up flashbacks of abandonment, pain, and rejection. The best thing to do is practice loving ourselves deeply, and knowing that we are important. Also keeping a journal and writing down our insecurities and negative thoughts to know how to change helps
That’s so interesting. I think that is a struggle of mine.
I’ve had a relationship where I suffered narcissistic abuse. I doubt I’ll ever be able to let my guard down fully again. I no longer trust my own judgement. The usual advice of give yourself time, self love, healing... all easier said than done.
Was in a narcissist relationship too and feel the same way. It’s very scary.
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Go to Dr Ramani's channel (if you haven't already found her). One recent video is about this exact situation. Everything is easier said than done - but that doesn't mean it won't happen. 💕
Matt-
Been listening to your videos for years and have learned so much from you. The content in the recent videos "Is Your Anxiety Sabotaging Your Relationship?" and "Want a Deeper Connection?" are exactly what I need right now. Thank you for all you do. Your knowledge sharing really does make a difference. 🙂
Matthew’s videos and book always make me feel better when I feel down on myself. They remind me that I am a high value woman and that even if I don’t like my current situation there are steps I can take to change it. I struggle with depression, so when I have an episode I isolate myself and don’t answer messages for fear I will say something dumb and they’ll stop liking me. Due to this, my friends now avoid me. I miss them, but I’ll take this as a lesson and I’ll take the risk of being vulnerable and open up about what’s really going on.
I’m trying not to cry but watching vulnerability videos and I came across this on UA-cam and you’re SO right. It’s already hard it is to date idk why people make things more difficult than it needs to be.
This is awesome. Yes I made him feel safe to reveal his vulnerable side and visa versa and It has brought us so close together.
Matthew was born for this. His advice is genuine and honest.......Hussey for life
Oh my god...this video was bloody brilliant 👌🏻
Firstly, I love it when you do videos like this because
1. I learn so much about myself
2. Even though I’m not in a relationship atm I can ‘store’ these skills away for future use (and practice using them in the meantime)
3. Your advice is so practical and can used in any facet of life not just ‘romantic relationships’ - work and friends/family too.
ALSO... I can not believe that you give the additional training out for free in addition to that...it is so, so, so useful!
Thank you 🙌🏻
Such good advice! Vulnerability is so important ❤️
Thankyou for caring and kind to us matt ❤
*How do you know if you're in an amazing relationship? You have to reveal your wounds*
Matthew Hussey
And your Partner should heal them
Be honest and open
Gr8 video Matthew. During a date, I was told I was very guarded. This was a shock to me because I didn’t think I did anything that warranted that reaction. But when I reflected on this feedback, I soon realised that I still have trust issues over how I my last relationship ended, which was very acrimoniously. The key is to express my vulnerability and see if the the other person can hold it in a potential relationship. Definitely good for thought. Thank you 🙏🙏
could not hit more close to home! Perfect timing, thanks Mat!
Thank you Matt, this is the exact content that I need right now
This is so good and a gem of advice for awareness! 💛
This was powerful. Thank you
Practically you need to reveal wounds and see how someone responds to that - Matt 🙌
i’ve discovered matthew in 2016 and i’ve learned a lot from him through the years i’m forever grateful ❤️
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I came across Herbalist Zaazu online and he's a great spellcaster who helped save my marriage by reuniting my husband and I with his love spell casting , I vow to tell the whole word how he saved my marriage , God bless
In all honesty, I mainly watch Hussey’s videos to help improve my communication skills in all aspects of my life. If he would create videos or a separate channel just talking about communication in general in and especially outside of romance. I’ve been able to act more diplomatically with other’s thanks to this.
Yeah I was thinking the same. M H is great with Communication advice.
Takes so much time to be vulnerable. Both of us are terrified of being vulnerable
I don't talk a lot about what is going on inside me, but once I do and I notice that the other person (a friend, partner, or whatever) is not listening by heart, I start to step back from whatever relationship we have. I'm a deep and emotional person. If they can only connect to me when I'm on my highs, then they will eventually leave once they experience the lows.
I agree with this Matthew. I always hope I can skip the evisceration. I will take the vulnerable moments any day over the evisceration moments.
Lots of love from Algeria 🇩🇿 ❤
How’s Algeria?
I talked about this in therapy recently but matt's videis are part of my therapy... Sometimes i am afraid about opening up or i don't know how to do it and my therapust said in this way you leave your boyfriend out and it was so painful to realize! I want to open up so that he knows me and can Love me for my deep self and for who I am.Opening up is and act of courage and of deep Love.
Thank you Matt,
That was so much Helpful
4:49 great explanation of bad/healthy relationships
Thanks a lot for this video. I took it on board and this way of communicating helped me with a challenging conversation I had with my landlord. I opened up up to her and shared something emotional about myself and she reacted more positively than in previous conversations. :-)
I came across Herbalist Zaazu online and he's a great spellcaster who helped save my marriage by reuniting my husband and I with his love spell casting , I vow to tell the whole word how he saved my marriage , God bless
I love you Matthew!!
Matthew! This video opened my mind so much to my relationship. I appreciate you taking about this and showing how to move forward. I have had months and years of termoil and you have hit the nail on the head in this video for me! Thank you!
Life is all about happiness
Let's me recommend you to someone who helped me get back my lover without delay
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Coming from a therapist this is true trauma work. Good for you Matthew!
Let's hope Jessica can learn to deal with things more constructively and be kind to herself. It is not easy to let down your guard, especially if you have been hurt. You are exactly right it is about finding the right person to support you in healing your wounds, in order to fix them. Compassion and understanding is needed too, we all have flaws and things we need to work on as human beings. Some more than others. Great video Matt. :)
I came across Herbalist Zaazu online and he's a great spellcaster who helped save my marriage by reuniting my husband and I with his love spell casting , I vow to tell the whole word how he saved my marriage , God bless
As Matt gets older, his work ignites me. This video totally nails human dynamics at its absolute best best.
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Matthew, you are my favorite relationship coach! I’m you Mom’s age and yet every tim you speak it resonates more deeply with me than any other top coach out there in the world! Feeling so blessed to have found you before it’s too late for me to find my forever person ♥️♥️♥️
Never too late
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Matthew Hussey..u r God's most beautiful creation..
Matthew Hussey..u r a blessing to the world..
Matthew Hussey..I love you the most..I respect you the most..
Thanks for your sincere efforts with you rich words .We connect not through our strength but through our weakness ,and the more one feels emotionally safe in relationship ,the more person express his full self and that total acceptance is Deep connection . Respect grows more and where without saying a word we convey the message ,"that whatever may come in future ,one is not alone anymore ". Thanks for everything and keep growing and smiling . Much care always 😘
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Outstanding, bravo
Amazing views about relationship n useful advice for viewers good job.
Thank ye matie. Never thought of it that way.
This is so awesome. Watched this video at least three times and took notes. Thanks for guiding us to be a better person💙💙💙much love
Life is all about happiness
Let's me recommend you to someone who helped me get back my lover without delay
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Thank you so much 🙏
I revealed my wounds in my last relationship and his response was to break up with me because he didn't want to keep hurting me and felt less feelings for me after our conversation. What's worse is right before that his friend yells into the phone, "Leave him alone. We're going to find him a girl..." I don't know if I'll ever open up to another man again.
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You absolutely dodged a bullet there! I know it hurts, but you want to use your precious time on someone who is actually wanting to be part of your life, including your wounds, and wants to help you heal instead of walking away. That person can't even deal with looking at themselves I'm sure. Keep your head up dear, someday someone will be in your life who will want to stay especially cause you've been able to do that. ❤
@@juliagstoettner8699 Thank you for the kind words! I'm trying to think of it having to do more than him than me. It's still sad though that I put myself out there like that.
Thank you mattew 💗💓
I love it, weapons vs wounds. I think people default to the weapons, without realizing what they’re doing. Given that, I think that implementing this will take some mindfulness, somatic awareness, inner child work, etc to realize they’re actually defending a wound. It takes stepping back from the conclusion that the other person is the entire problem.
Thank you
Thank you🙏🏻❤️
I was vulnerable in my last relationship with a trauma I lived for years..when my bf would have his moods he would always use my weaknesses against me, knowing where it hurt.. It only made me put up walls to every guy that came after that. Hence, still single.
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omg its sooooooooooooooo right!!! the best relationship is they help and surports u to go throw ur wond is not embarass u
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You'r so right👏🏻
❄️ so amazing Matt ❤️so important to understand this angle 🤔👍
I came across Herbalist Zaazu online and he's a great spellcaster who helped save my marriage by reuniting my husband and I with his love spell casting , I vow to tell the whole word how he saved my marriage , God bless
I love this
Love this
Ouch!! That hits home! Wow! Enlightenment!! Passive aggressiveness is exactly the tool I use! Wow! I just need to let down my guard... ouch’ it’s not going to be easy
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That was absolutely amazing wow Matthew you are a Genius I loved it thank you so much 😍
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If you don’t let people see the truest version of yourself, think of what kind of people you’ll attract.
Life is all about happiness
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Funny, I show people the truest version of myself always and all I seem to attract are narcissistic jerks....🤷♀️ oh sure they say all manner of nice words, but their actions are totally different. I'm empathic, highly intuitive and psychic...a gift and a curse. I want to believe that people are kind, but more than half of them are completely and totally self-serving, and I seem to be the one doing all the giving. No thanks, no more letting my guard down. Decades of being taken advantage of is more than enough for this chick.
perfectly said.
Hey Matthew! You did a video on the problematic nature of 50 shades. When are you going to do one on Bridgerton?
Brilliant as always Mathew. Thank you so much for your valuable content
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Hey Mathew, Rabia here. I'm not a sort ov person who does this comment thing but Mathew I just can't help..Your content along with your accent is just OMG. Just wanna listen to you everyday, everytime for the rest of my life.💞
His house is goals in life
Thanks Matt for such an insightful video! It really went through me because I think, without realising, defending myself brings out my passive aggresion, plus I easily block people and never concede!! I know terrible, isn't it. I definitely know I feel vulnerable but I never express it..I think its why I've been single for 5.5 years despite getting lots of interest on dating apps...i think I'm quick to show my 'weapons' the second I feel judged or misunderstood or disrespected..unwittingly, its forced lots of rejectees to contact me and apologise not knowing how they've offended me! I will now learn how to feel comfortable being vulnerable with someone I like..thanks Matt..all your awesome!! Love it 🙏🙏
Life is all about happiness
Let's me recommend you to someone who helped me get back my lover without delay
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@@ricciardoeste5896 thx so much! Just whats app you a message. Lets chat on there
@@lifegenius763 okay bro
Thank you so much Matthew. I did this but the person was not kind to me and used my wounds as a weapon against me.
I can relate, so that was not the person to be with. Those people are there to bring the wounds out. You are the only responsible to work and heal them. The right person will understand and support, that’s it. But I know, it makes it harder to trust again, after an abusive relationship, but have to remain positive, at least that is what I say to myself 😊
@@alexros6642 great. Thank you. I am trying to be more positive and also I am not with that person anymore.
I would also say follow through with what you say. I went on a lovely date with a lovely man, I was open with him (told him I'd been cheated on), and at the end, he was like, "Let's do this again." And then disappeared.
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First one here!!!!! ❤️ Your content!
Not a contest!!!!!!!
I'm just excited! Don't be a killjoy! Hehehhee
Love it.
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damn, quarantine working well for matthew ;)
Matthew you are amazing as always, your videos always help me to be better in relationship ❤😘🤗😍
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awesome look
i hope your health is goood brother
He looks unwell
Smart af + pretty= hot afff =Matthew
Haha you're great!
very nice background
Thanks Matthew. I am surprised to see people here criticising you because you are not married or with children. It is a shame. We all have our own personal goals and dreams. Marriage and children does not necessarily mean heaven for everyone. I wonder why people have any business in commenting on your relationship status. 🤔
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I would not do this in the beginning of a relationship. This is for later stages
i feel like everytime i show my wounds and insecurities to someone i’ve been dating for a few months it’s too much for people and they leave me and say they don’t want a relationship.
Why be with one who uses your negative against you. Be there for those you love . If one doesn’t accept you for you and tries to change you then there not the one for you. Last night the guy I like asked me to be his but it sounds to good to be true like I’m in a dream but who knows. Thanks Matthew ❤️😊😄 looking good by the way
Hi
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Hi Matthew- What do you do when you have shared your wounds and your vulnerabilities to the person , who then acknowledged and understood them (and apparently, for the short term, you bond improves) but then a month or so later , the same problem occurs. Do you do the same again? The person in question here is not necessarily a bad person or a narcissist. Do we then distance ourselves and expectations from that person?
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I liked this one... it will be good to use some of this knowledge when I get there! I also liked the one about expanding your vocabulary so you don't need to curse. 😉
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Thank you Matt!!🙏😍🤗😇!! Did you make this video specially for me? You are lovely💖!!
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Don't believe in manifestation's crap thing...believe in God's blessings in right timing. SORRY!! But thank you💖🙏
Omg... I've only just started this video.... my defence mechanism is putting on my secret and silent armour and build a wall around myself and my kids if they've been involved or witnessed especially as well!! So no you can't get to me or my kids anymore.... and I went through this on/off for years until I finally divorced him and left him (and took my children with me). So... yeah.... I have past pain, because I did give him the opportunities, the talks, to do therapy, to change his behaviour etc ... but it got too much it was hurting all of us! So we left. 😢 how do I know someone else isn't going to do that to us again? 🥺
My walls are so high up now that even I am unable to break them down.
Maybe with time they weaken, then I will attempt again. Right now I have no emotional energy to do anything. Weirdly numb...but also in a good way.
That makes me question if it worth putting my guard down. Idk.
Stay safe 🙏🇦🇮 Anguilla
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UHHHH ... no ones gonna talk about the amaaaazing house 😍😍😍😍😍 my mind got distracted by the house for a moment 😆
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I''m a bit pissed off that even though Mathew gives really good relationship advice, I don't see nearly enough plain psychological advice. There are a few videos about wounds, anxiety and how to improve ones self, but I'm personally looking forward for more
I agree with what your saying; the only thing I’d add or change would be that there are other people I go to for that content, for example Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Lori Gottlieb, etc.
There are people that dedicate their work to the psychological side of things, so that people like Matthew have more insight to use for their material on “real world” application of that psychology.
It would be nice if it were to be available all from one source, but in the meantime there are other people out there with insight that can be well paired with points he brings up, and together help paint a better picture of how to go about that situation/topic.
The main reason I left this comment was to share the people I had mentioned that I felt do a good job covering the psychology of relationships we have with ourselves and others
I hope you’re well☀️
Personal development school - Thais Gibson
Some can, however, be using these techniques to be manipulative. For instance, someone may give you the silent treatment then finally say I hurt them when I said something, yet it didn't reeeeaaally hurt their feelings, they just said it assuming that will make you forget all about the fact that they reacted in a non-productive way - like the silent treatment, ghosting, whatever. I hope my thought there was clear!
I know this video was geared towards practicing good communication skills between two people with ultimately good intentions, but since many watch your videos who have been played with, I thought I'd mention how things can be understood differently. The key is figuring out if their intention in their communication (or lack thereof) is honorable, or manipulative.
Get him a show here in the USA!
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i always said things ill regret. i thought to myself all the time after the arguments i started, that i ruined this relationship. im sabotaging it and now it wont be the same. and he saw my ugly side. 😭.
now i just hope he dumps me so i can start over as a perfect partner again. yikes, i hate it but thts wht i always think
I came across Herbalist Zaazu online and he's a great spellcaster who helped save my marriage by reuniting my husband and I with his love spell casting , I vow to tell the whole word how he saved my marriage , God bless
Love from Malaysia
Hello my dear ,I can refer you to a relationship expert who help yo manifest my ex back few days ago 'after six months of breakup
He can also help you too
Whatzpp him now
+2349130316818
Love u too
I have a question I have men fall in love with me before they even meet
me? They look at my profile photos and ready my profile bio and then
after a phone call they are texting me in love like we have been
together for months without even meeting face-to-face. What is that all
about?
Spanish version please!!!