Thriving and Building Community After a Faith Crisis | Anthony Miller | TEDxBillings
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- Опубліковано 5 лис 2024
- NOTE FROM TED: This represents the speaker's personal beliefs. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com...
What do you do when your deepest held beliefs, how you make sense of life, and your sense of moral identity all crumble on you?
Who do you turn to when your sincere questions make you an unsafe person for your faith community?
Anthony Miller walked this path. After a lifetime of faithful membership in his church, he traversed an acute existential faith and identity crisis after stumbling across difficult church history on his church’s website. In his talk, he shares his path and the lessons he learned through it. Anthony is nationally recognized financial planner, entrepreneur, and education enthusiast with graduate degrees in business and in financial services. He holds eight professional designations and taught finance at Rocky Mountain College for seven years.
After a lifetime of faithful membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon), Anthony traversed an acute existential faith crisis after stumbling across the Church History Gospel Topics Essays on his church’s website.
Out of the grief and loss of community from his faith crisis, Anthony created and co-leads a support group for others who have experienced painful shifts in faith and belief.
Anthony frequently contributes to nuanced and post-Mormon communities online and in-person on these topics. He has been a featured guest on the Mormon Stories, A Thoughtful Faith, Mormon Discussions, Almost Awakened, Infants on Thrones, and Marriage on a Tightrope podcasts. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Thank you so very much for sharing your experience. I too have experienced the dark night of the soul. It makes it easier to know we're not alone. Thank you again.
My shelf broke just a couple weeks ago. I'm 21 years old, living on my own in a small rented bedroom. I have sincere gratitude for the fact that I discovered the truth before I went on a 2-year mission or started my own family. While this leaves me far more lonely, I'm at least able to escape without nearly as much sacrifice as so many other people have to go through.
I was there a few years ago. You've got this! It gets better.
@@bryanpoulsen8969 Thanks. I'm trying to move out of Utah and into some place walkable like Portland or something. It isn't working out too well, but I'm hoping I'll be able to get there soon...
Good for you! It took me until my mid thirties. Lots of lost opportunities and wasted years. Good luck!
Edit to add: is leaving Utah is too difficult, there's plenty of good to enjoy here, but you might need to do some leg work to find your "people" to feel normal again.
@@BackupChannel329 I can't drive a car, so it isn't really possible for me to find any good in this society. I'm hoping to get to a place where walking and biking is actually viable.
@@lostrobotmusic In the meantime, keep watching RFM videos and John Dehlin episodes ( along with other related podcasts} ; they really help with the loneliness you speak of ....and you can contribute. You'll find you're not alone, neither spiritually nor physically. I was nearly fifty when I went through what you're experiencing. You have time to put things right.
Your story is our story. Thank you for giving a voice to the many exmormons who have traversed this path toward truth and epistemic humility.
Well mr. Miller, I’ve been walking a razors edge trying keep my family during this similar awakening for me. I’m so glad your wife was so supportive. Today I’m going to share this video with my Mormon wife who will not except any information that I have learned. It took months for me to talk my wife into listening to this. I hope, mr Miller, your talk serves as a window that paves the way for me to keep my family together. (Wife and four beautiful small kids). Thank you for your beautiful story.
I hope things have turned out well for you and your family.
Thank you for this beautiful description of what it's like leaving a high demand religion. It's a horribly painful experience.
“Trying to make my church true again” as a former Mormon I get this and I did this. Losing faith is so painful and disorientating but gradually it’s like having the wool being taken off the eyes and being able to see clearly and see the world as it is.
And what do you see clearly the world really is?
The story of this faith crisis is nearly identical to mine. The Dark Night of the Soul is crushing and can’t be explained to anyone who hasn’t experienced it, but this is as close as it comes. Thank you, Anthony, for your courage in sharing such a vulnerable and harrowing experience.
It was like watching myself on stage. I felt that so deeply. Thank you Anthony for what you shared here, and what you have done for the prog-mo and ex-mo community.
Anthony thank you so very much for sharing your story. I sobbed while you described your dark night of the soul...I've been there. and it's hard. But now I feel this overwhelming desire to be with others, help others also going through this so they don't feel alone and as isolated as I have been. Your vulnerability in sharing this I'm sure will help so many. Thank you!!
Wow. I was from a different faith community yet this still resonated with me 100%. Powerful!!!
This was so powerful and raw and precious. I hold this story in my heart and thank you, THANK YOU for being here, sharing this story and for continuing the hand hold that kept you with us! ❤️🙏🏻
Anthony, thank you thank you thank you!!
Thank you Anthony. Your beautifully worded description echoes my own. The way I describe it is that when my shelf broke, I was in a free fall. Uncomfortable and confusing became excruciating with building disgust. And then I found the ground and began to build. Thank you for sharing.
This can be a great tool for others who wonder how to describe this explosion in their lives. Thank you.
Agreed. Even others who go through it, like me. Although it was and still painful in different ways, I was never suicidal and adjusted fairly quickly considering my three decades in. That doesn't mean others should be expected to react the same way.
This is great info for how it feels for some people and how to help people going through this.
Thank you for your beautiful story! For anyone currently experiencing the Dark Night of the Soul, I just want to leave my assurance and my personal experience that it gets better. Not only does this dark night come to and end, but life itself becomes so much better! I find that my life now is infinitely more fulfilling than it ever was inside of Mormonism. Take time to grieve, and trust, like Anthony said, this is leaving room for beautiful, exquisite growth.
I’m not crying. You’re crying. Thank you friend!!
I sobbed watching this. I feel seen and heard through Anthony's talk. Thank you Anthony. You articulated your suffering so well. You put words to my pain too and I don't feel as alone anymore. 💔
Thank you Anthony for sharing your story. You described what it’s like to have a faith crisis better than anyone I’ve ever heard talk about it. I experienced a severe faith crisis on my mission while also having some physical and mental health problems during Covid lockdown. I was in a moldy apartment for over 6 months. I had prolonged exposure to neurotoxic mold and Covid back to back which caused substantial brain inflammation, breaking my physical and mental health down. I lost my ability to sleep and function but was determined to continue on my mission despite how physically drained I felt. During this painful time, I happened upon the CES letter and other pieces of information which completely devastated me to my core. I had never felt so abandoned by God than when I needed Him most. After an early return and nearly a year of detox recovery from mold, I am left wondering why my mission, what I hoped would be a spiritually positive experience, has left me starving spiritually, recovering physically, and scarred emotionally. Your talk has helped me remember I am not alone. Thank you.
I’ve never heard anyone describe-with this much accuracy-the raw heartache and devastation I encountered during my own faith crisis 6 years ago. My “night” was incredibly long as well. I eventually got on medication to help me through for a time. It took a while for me to find my new community, but as you said-it made all the difference. Thanks so much for sharing this. I can only imagine how many people it will help. 🙏🏼🤍
What a beautiful man. I am humbled by his incredible strength.
This is almost exactly my story as well. Thank you for your bravery in sharing! I'll pass this on to anyone in my life who is trying to understand what I'm going through.
Exact same here too, except I started with the Mormon stories interview with patriarch/active church historian Richard bushman, and rough stone rolling. Then the gospel topic essays.
Check out Mormon Stories Podcast Thrive Stories here on UA-cam. They have lots of resources and book suggestions to help in faith crisis and rebuilding from the shattered pieces of broken heart that happens with all this.
Thank you. I had panic attacks for a year or two every Sunday. I had to leave the church. I went through everything you have or sharing on this Ted talk. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you and your family.
I'm here, lost, in the dark night of my soul. And I am beginning to adapt to the dark, and I am seeing beautiful things in the pain of leaving a lifelong faith. I want to be like you, reaching out to be the light of precense. This talk is EVERYTHING right now
Finding a local support group is key to seeing the sunshine again. I hope you’ve found a local group for support
Check out Mormon Stories Podcast Thrive Stories here on UA-cam. I found it super helpful. They have lots of resources.
Anthony - thank you for this. When your voice broke I was taken back to my own choking sadness and confusion as my belief began to unravel 10 years ago. It has been a long time since I've felt that pain but I was instantly experiencing again, with you as you described the shattering of your faith-based world view. Thank you.
It's hard for those who have not been through such an experience to understand how emotionally devastating it can be. Anthony, your words give voice to my experience. Where my words fail me when I try to describe what I went through, you through your eloquence, have said what is in my heart. Thank you!
Beautiful and right
Very raw and powerful! Thank you, Anthony!!
Such a beautiful talk. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Hearing our similar paths in words “trying make it true again, no response to prayer, dark night of the soul, and finding a new path to peace and spiritual happiness. A faith crisis is also an identity crisis. To many emotions to put into words, but you did it and I am so grateful ❤😊
Thank you for being so vulnerable and willing to share your story. I feel as though you expressed so much what I have gone through and felt this past year. I tried to make it work for so long, prayed, fasted, begged, and had a priesthood blessing. I felt so alone even though my husband had left before me. I have had to go on my own path, but fortunately we can continue to support each other now. I was believing when he left so I was not the same support for him although I tried to be understanding, patient, and compassionate. What hurts the most is supposed church family, friends, and real family who either abandon you, accuse you, or malign you for leaving the church. Members do not understand how difficult this is and assume that we just leave to sin or that we are weak and lazy. I have never studied more in my life or wanted something to be true so badly. Thank you again for your strength and I hope to be able rebuild myself and move forward as well.
This story sounds very similar to my own. Thank you for sharing this and allowing others a small window into what finding truth and leaving a high demand religion is like!
Oh God I resonate with this and cried with him. I left the LDS church a couple of years ago and it was the hardest time of my life, a death for me.
Thank you for sharing. Would put so many words to my own experience.
Thanks Anthony, I’m sure many (as I did) will find much in common with your story and get help from experiences and support from you and others. I have received much help and comfort in my life seeing your vulnerabilities.
I listened to your experience last year on Mormon Stories after i came across the same things you did on the church’s website. You sharing how you made sense of all your previous spiritual experiences within the church helped me immensely in coming to terms with mine and how these elevated emotions can come to be now that I am out. Its a roller coaster to navigate & I didn’t have anyone in my personal life to discuss these things with. I’m forever grateful for stories like yours and some FB groups that helped me through.
Thank you, Anthony, for all that you’ve shared!! I resonate with so much of this! Your kind approach to this tough topic is so encouraging! ❤
Thankyou. This touched my heart and absolutely resonated particularly after a difficult weekend wondering if relationships could survive our faith transition.
I used to think I was “too strong” to ever experience the dark night of the soul. That may be exactly why I needed to go through it. It’s truly an experience you can’t understand unless you go through it yourself.
You made a grown up man cry. Thank you for sharing your amazing story. Being raised a Mormon I couldn’t relate more.
Excellent.... thank you for sharing your journey...raw and heartfelt ❤
I am going through this right now. That's how I found this. I don't know what else to do so I typed in help. Mormon faith crisis and found you. It's hurting so bad because my husband says I'm listening to bad spirits, my friends at church can barely look at me, and I'm preparing once again this Sunday at conference to stand up in opposition against the first presidency because I don't know how to sit down and shut up when my integrity and heart says I need to stand for something
I may be able to find local support for you and suggest resources you may find helpful. You can find me by searching online for my name in Billings, Montana.
You are brave!
Perfectly expressed, Thankyou for being brave enough to be so vulnerable, you are amazing
Not a Mormon but from a similarly conservative high demand religious background involving a lot of deception, manipulation, spiritual abuse, and trauma. Been in this dark night of the soul thing for two years now... words really can't describe the depth of loneliness and heart-shattered-ness of what this feels like. I feel like I don't even know what reality is most of the time.Thank you for sharing this talk. I hope someday I find a support system like that for me.
Sadly, this talk could have been mine. Thank you for sharing your Dark Night of the Soul.
Check out Mormon Stories Podcast Thrive Stories here on UA-cam. They have lots of resources and book suggestions to help in faith crisis and rebuilding from the shattered pieces of broken heart that happens with all this.
I left four months ago. It's been hard, but for the first time in my life, I've been my trust and faith in myself instead of in church leaders who don't understand me
Thank you so much Anthony for describing what we all went through... Your words are beautiful and full of feeling. I wish I could tell my family these exact things. When you said you "tried to make it true again" it struck me! Thats the part that people will never understand... we didn't want this. But now we will put in the work to heal regardless.
This is simply amazing!
Thanks for your story
Thank you so much for sharing this, at this moment in my life I’m also going through a faith crisis, I feel so identified with your story, and yes, at moments it feels like I’m loosing who I am. Thank you, thank you
Excellent presentation
This is profound. Until now I didn’t realise there were communities helping each other with faith crisis’s.
What a beautiful thing. Would have been so helpful when I left the church (not-Mormon) 18 years ago
I Hope and Pray that this man will continue to know that he is Loved and is a literal Child of God. This man, and others, should not be judged for their choice to leave the church. Neither, should those who choose to remain faithful to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints be criticized for staying faithful.
Jesus Christ taught all people to love unconditionally, no matter what the choice may be, and in my simple opinion, if we can do the same with people around us, this world would be a much more civil and happier world to live in.
Aloha🤙🏽🤙🏽🤙🏽
I fell in love with the Church and the Gospel as a non-literal believer and a convert. I see a lot of people who come out of the Church having a very literal testimony of the Church. I feel the Spirit in the LDS Church even as I lack a testimony of the BOM being derived from gold plates or even the character of Joseph Smith.
How do you rectify that the lds church disagrees with you on those subjects?
@@Bullybob77 It does not bother me much. It does not affect how I practise my faith.
@@cinnamondan4984 it's like being a flat earther but believing the earth is round and the flat earth theory is not literal
@@Bullybob77 sounds like they just appreciate the community spirit. Most people trying to do good, even though the actual foundation of the system was made up. I still can't wrap my head around it.
@@Bullybob77 I can understand that comparison. I believe that there is a lot of truth in the Gospel the LDS Church teaches.
I share this journey
Check out Mormon Stories Podcast Thrive Stories here on UA-cam. They have lots of resources and book suggestions to help in faith crisis and rebuilding from the shattered pieces of broken heart that happens with all this.
Love you brother. Sorry for all the pain you've dealt with. I've had a different experience in the church but I appreciate your sharing your experience. God bless you brother.
🤗 love this
If anyone wants more information on just what the LDS church is all about, please read "The CES Letter" which is available for free in PDF format. The church has a very dark history including racism, violence, misogyny, polygamy, polyandry. It's primary scriptures, The Book of Mormon and The Book of Abraham are clearly the concoctions of Joseph Smith. The CES letter dives into church doctrines and history in great detail. It's well worth the read if you are thinking of joining this church. Please be well informed before you allow them to baptize you.
The church does an awful lot of harm to many people. I applaud everyone who has found their way out of this horrible cult. I am an ex-Mormon myself, and I left the church in 2005. My life is so much better now.
The CES letter is also in audio format for us even lazier learners. 😊
Check out Mormon Stories Podcast Thrive Stories here on UA-cam. They have lots of resources and book suggestions to help in faith crisis and rebuilding from the shattered pieces of broken heart that happens with all this.
🤩🤩
❤🥹
Wow, I am so thankful I am such a lukewarm person. While I have been a firm believer in the church, I was still a bit distant making my deconstruction a bit easier. I don't plan to remove my name from the records because I have some of my kids and husband who believe deeply. I also want to be there for the other members who will surely leave the church and go through a lot of pain and shock as they learn the truth behind the church. I still believe in Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon because of all the new information that is coming forth. Brigham did a number on the church when he took control. The church hardly resembles the church Joseph started up.There are a lot of good things about the church but way too many lies and coverups for me.
I stay in the church in part to protect my fellow members from the fallout when they learn a truer version of what the corporate church is.
I don't know how you do it. I know Nemo the Mormon on UA-cam does the same thing also believing that he can make positive changes in the church. I don't know how you guys do it. I'm glad that some people like yourself can and do though.
God has never done anything for you. Everything that has been good in your life, everything that has been done for you with love and kindness, has been accomplished by other people. Remember that, and show love and kindness to others with the knowledge that we are likely all we have for support. It doesn't matter, then, if there's a theoretical God who cares as long as there are other people who understand and help hold each other together.
This is what happens when religious organizations claim they have the absolute truth when in reality they know nothing of the universe. All religious docrine is based on influential people inserting their guesses into the world. Some guesses are accepted better than others. The more a guess is accepted the bigger the religon. A faith crisis wouldn't hurt as bad if you know there is a real good chance your belief system is dead wrong.
I’m sorry you had such a negative experience when dealing with your questions. It’s not in line with gospel teachings to be judgmental and mean, as those members were. I joined the church when I was about 16 and a half years old, and I’m now 29. For me, the church has been a life changing experience for the best. I love the church and it’s given me great purpose and meaning in my life, and I simply believe it to be true. And when I study church history (including those gospel essay topics mentioned), it doesn’t shake my faith. I have a sense that people are imperfect, including church leaders, and people of the 19th century were rough. Very different times. To add to their roughness, Latter Day Saints are the most persecuted religious group in US history and they never healed from the traumas of Nauvou (murder of Joseph, being driven away from their homes at the pain of death, etc.). I also have compared church history to the alternative- and not a utopian perfection. Is there any history of any people that ever lived that is free of dark spots? I can’t think of any. I’d be curious to hear what he believes in now.
Thank you for your kind words. As I expressed in my TEDx talk, I loved the Church too, and it was completely enmeshed with my purpose, my identity, my roles, my reputation, my family connections, and my meaning in life. If you are interested in how and why the Essays led to a crumbling of belief for me, you could google: anthony miller mormon discussion podcast gospel topic essays. I have participated in a series of episodes on the Mormon Discussion Podcast about the Essays. If you are curious of where I am now, I’ve participated in episodes on the A Thoughtful Faith Podcast, the Almost Awakened Podcast, and on the Mormon Stories Podcast. In fact, I did a 2 part episode on my TEDx talk last Monday, May 16th.
@@anthonymiller3869 thank you for the reply. I watched a part of you speaking with John Dehlin on mormon stories. I hope you are finding the peace you are looking for!
It’s not his that there are bad things in church history that leaders did. Although that’s enough for a lot of people to lose faith in the church. It’s the fact that the Book of Mormon has been proven a 19th century creation. It is not an ancient record of the Native Americans as we were told. This is proven through dna studies, anachronisms and all the 19th century material contained within the Book of Mormon. Also the fact that Joseph Smith could not translate Egyptian despite making claims of doing so shows he’s a false prophet. Knowing these facts, some of which are admitted by the church in the essays, how can you still believe the church to be true?
@@CJ-oc2ff I don’t know if I could adequately explain my testimony logically. I do know that the Book of Mormon was meant for us in our day, so I don’t know why a God of miracles couldn’t cause Joseph Smith to interpret the ancient scriptures accordingly. It’s also a remarkable feat for a young ,uneducated farm hand like Joseph to produce the Book of Mormon which testifies to me that God was helping him. Unique in human history even. And I don’t know what it is like to be a prophet and translate scripture. For example, Joseph didn’t always use the gold plates when translating even though the gold plates was the record of the Book of Mormon. Yet there’s credible witnesses who testified that the gold plates were real. Some even betrayed him and later came back to the church never denying the plates to be real. I think of my own spiritual experiences. I think of the fact that the Latter Day Saints church is the only ‘new’ church to emerge from that period and go on to have national and global significance. I think of the alternatives as well. Should I be a Presbyterian, Lutheran, catholic, Muslim, evangelical, atheist, etc.? If i think hard enough on any of those I will find doubts and holes that cause confusion. Again, my testimony is because of the Book of Mormon and what it’s taught me, particularly about Jesus Christ, the spiritual experiences I’ve had, and Church history in its entirety and the fact that the church continues to this day is remarkable to me and are key big reasons why I conclude for my self that the church is true.
Well it sounds like the way to eternal like is to listen to Anthony’s podcasts. Terrific.
When he did believe, Miller's basis for his religious beliefs are the same as many other Mormons. The basis is what I would term as 'spiritual experiences.' I don't agree that spiritual experiences are an affirmation of truth from God. They are what they are. And there's some conclusions that can be drawn from them.
My man, you’re still clearly suffering. Never seen a talk like this. More of a therapy exercise for yourself than a traditional educational Ted talk. Hope you get the counseling you need and seek.
Did I just watch someone have a mental breakdown on stage
Legit, I sympathize with the guy but that was so uncomfortable to watch
As a former Mormon who went through a similar experience, this video is so needed in the post Mormon community.
I haven’t even told my immediate family besides my wife, because of the stigma and labeling the church has created for people like Anthony and me. If you leave, you are so alone. You are branded an apostate, led by Satan, and wanting to commit sin.
This video, as uncomfortable as it is to watch, explains what every member who solves the puzzle goes through, and it’s so needed to express to others how hard we believed, and how much it hurt to find out the real raw truth.
It’s needed for the young kids to show their parents.
It was so traumatic. I’m still going through it.
Losing Mormonism is such a painful process, I think he was being genuine. I know I appreciated the catharsis of seeing him bare the emotions I felt I had to hide during my transition...
@@umhewow sure, it's important, but the guy clearly still needs a whole lot of therapy (I've been in his position before, frequently)
@@danger.snakes Completely agree! Therapy has been good for me as well.
I just wish he knew how to use the verbs lie and lay. Jarring to hear them misused several times. Oh, well.
Wow...the guy pours out his heart in front of an audience complete with his raw emotions and all you can do is critique his grammar. Well done, J Crook.
Wow. If that is what bothers you, you really should seek some type of mental/ emotional help.
Yes, "jarring". Not.
I can't speak for someone else, so if you found it jarring, so be it. Frankly I was too caught up in the story to even notice.
Grammatical errors often irritate me, but are rarely jarring. What is jarring is that they're so common. For instance, how often do we hear people correctly use the word "anyway"? Sadly, a vast majority of the time I hear people say "anyways", even though adding an "s" makes the word equivalent to the obviously nonsensical "regardlesses". Likewise, numbers like 325 are correctly spoken as "three hundred, twenty five". But how often are such numbers spoken correctly? In my experience, almost never. Now, even from people in the media that should know better, and should model correctly, it's "three hundred and twenty five.
All that to say I get the grammar sensitivity, but the powerful story is what matters here, not the grammar.