Laughing at Alzheimer's Disease!

Alzheimer's Disease is no laughing matter but that doesn't mean that you have to cower in a corner. There are ways to turn a terrible situation into one that's positive for both your loved one as well as for yourself.
One of the things that aggravated me most when dealing with family or friends that would visit was how they would often stand back with the expression of horror or pity on their face. I had to remind them to use their words carefully because my mother could understand everything that was being said to her or around her. She simply couldn't vocalize her feelings back out. I could always read her expressions and see that she was hurt and frustrated about this.
I was pretty much her sole care provider so there wasn't much free time. I would sit or kneel by mom's bed daily and hold her hand sometimes in prayer, sometimes crying silently to myself and sometimes just being there with her in the moment taking a quick rest. For a little over a year mom had that classic staring off into space, through you, through the TV look on her face. It's often referred to as "blank stares". In fact a musician who lost his mother to early onset Alzheimer's Jay Allen wrote a song by the same name. During this period mom was also passive in her grip and there were no hugs. Basically I was holding her hand but she wasn't holding mine. The only resistance she had was when I would do her hygiene such as brushing her teeth, bathing her and taking care of things of that nature. That was often a struggle but we managed. I do remember mom busting out into tears because to her I was a strange man that was cleaning her up. Through my own tears I would change the pitch of my voice in an attempt to put her at ease. It worked sometimes and sometimes it didn't. It's important to think outside the box and try different methods, although unconventional, to achieve these goals.
Then one day as I was holding her hand she attempted to thumb wrestle me. I had started her on a course of CBD type therapy a few months prior as all of her modern medicines had ran their course and were discontinued. One of those medicines, used for combativeness, had a black box warning so I was relieved that we didn't need it anymore.
So here we are playing a game that we haven't played since we were very young. I could never beat mom at this game so I decided that I wasn't going to try to beat her at it now. I started to see mom smile when she trapped my thumb underneath hers. After over a year of just hoping and praying, holding her hand and showering her with LOVE my mother was responding to my touch in a positive way. To me this was a breakthrough moment.
From that moment forward she steadily improved to a point where she was engaging me and even laughing at the appropriate moments on certain TV shows like Family Feud. Maybe she was just laughing because the audience was laughing but she was laughing. And when you have been watching your mother being both verbally and physically combative for several years this was a very welcome sight. A prayer answered.
As you can see and hear in this video we reached a level of understanding that was nothing short of a miracle. Hopefully lawmakers in my state will embrace the use of cannabis as medicine. It would end so much suffering and pain and help make people less reliant on the medical system for pain and “problem” management.
My mother and I were able to sustain this new existence for several more years until she passed away. She was completely free of pain and in a peaceful state that can only be described as her battery running out of juice. Along this new path she forgot all about having Alzheimer’s disease. That frustration from her realizing that she was losing control of her life just vanished. She started living in the moment.
If you really want to help your loved one, if you really care, there are things that you can do to make them not only happy and comfortable but feeling safe, secure and LOVED. Give them hugs and kisses constantly. Gently brush your hand across their cheeks, brush their hair. Show them love even if they are passive or don't know who you are. Show them that you know who they are!!! Don't miss this important opportunity to walk through this valley with them.
Look them in the eye, get their attention and let them know you're there to help them. It's important to find out what age level they are thinking at for that day, week or month and act the same age. No 12 year old likes playing with an authoritative adult but they sure will wrestle around on the floor or bed like a 12 year old if you are 12 years old with them. You might just find that you will have more fun than you ever thought possible. But the reward of knowing that you helped your loved one break away from that confusion and fear of Alzheimer's, that you helped them find a peaceful and happy existence in this turbulent time is absolutely priceless.
Rest In Peace Mom, I miss you.