💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
Well said and seconded ! Same here too 🙏💓 ! Thank you so much Sir ! The basis of your healing trajectory is deep empathy, deep love and kindness, a sacred care for the tormented fellow human being. Thank you profoundly.🙏💐
This describes my younger brother completely. I was a fawner. Occasionally I would be triggered as an adult and I never understood why. Now I do. So thank you for the insight and understanding! Cautionary tale: Unfortunately my younger brother didn't live long enough to learn these things- he got caught up in a dangerous situation. He was the family scapegoat x100. He rebelled in ways my older and I didn't dare; we were the passive aggressive ones. The warning signs described him to a T. I'm so so sad that he never got the chance to recover from our parental abuse & family dysfunction.
Mine comes from the first 7 years of public school. That's where I learned that authority figures are far more apt to be abusive, unfair, unjust and cruel than they are to be worthy of respect and honor.
I spent 7 years with an angry, oppositional partner. I didn't realize this at first. He had a lot of resentment toward his parents & carried it into our marriage. I finally had to divorce him & his family because no one would look at their stuff, and it was miserable living with them all 😢
imagine living 45 with your family of origin, and have horrible cptsd from it - it's lonely, isolating, etc. I pray you did your healing too because being attracted to it, means you had yours too. We all have issues and it's scary that our subconscious is where we make our decisions.
Such a clear presentation of oppositional defiance. Thank you. I had a rageaholic inadvertent narcissist mother and an alcoholic narcissist father. It was dysfunctional to say the least. From an early age I knew they were nuts and had to get away as soon as I could. I'm In my 70s and only recently found out I have had CPTSD all my life. The Internal Family System therapy model and ACoA is helping me to accept the full extent of the damage, to heal and to free myself from the past. It takes courage to come out of denial and to change.
Wow, eye opener. This is totally me. My dad is the most abusive person I've ever met or known. And I always felt like the scapegoat of the family because no one was brave enough to confront dad. When things don't feel fair or if I feel ignored, it's a huge trigger for me. And I scored high on your test.
@@96BxelA I feel for you. What a terrible way to grow up. I guess the silver lining is no one has ever scared me as much as he did. And we're pretty brave to make it out alive. 🫶
@@DH-dl3ll You are soo right and thanks for helping me frame it in a different way. I also have immense empathy for you, we just know, without words. Take care of yourself brother, be well, go in peace.
I asked the other parent ....why did you never defend me? Why wasn't I worth the fight? "I'd have to deal with them"....wow, thanks. What it did to me? Make me a 'good' advocate for others, saving lives from the system, *(health). I always felt oldest and warmest, though I was chronologically youngest. Def scapegoat & black sheep..... It made me a kick butt nurse, friend, family member, stranger!.....I HATE seeing any one being hurt or ignored without defense. To bad degree I'm working on but I was left for dead when very ill from work -- still, mo one came to my aid. which added to the trauma. Rock bottom...healing but man, right?
Prefer the term pathological demand avoidance (PDA) I didn't and don't feel safe while being forced to stay on task when my brain was already tapped out and I clearly needed a break. Every time I have these PDA moments it's 100% because my actual needs aren't put into consideration and that what is wanted adds additional problems for me. I never had anyone on my side to protect me so its an act of self love to be protective of myself and speak up.when it happens.
My brother definitely has this problem. He can't take even the kindest advice or criticism. He defies authority even when it's something trivial. It's cost him every job he's ever had. When we were kids, if my parents told him not to do something, he immediately did it. The more stern they said it, the harder he did it. My dad was a drunk bully. Mostly verbal abuse, but occasionally physical (belt whippings). Our parents mostly neglected us. At least when he acted up he got noticed, I guess. He barely hangs on financially, but the ODD has really tanked his life. He can't hold onto a job or a relationship.
I spent 30 yrs being Oppotional Defient and my son for 30 yrs because I was married to a narcissist who threatened me and the kids if I ever left him. I finally did leave him 2 yrs ago and now we are healing.
Amazing share. Thank you Tim. My teenage son is going through defiance and I see it in my own students. Now I understand the possible causes and have the tools you suggested, I can put them to practice. Giving young people the autonomy and trusting them isn’t easy but, that’s what they need from the trusted adults.
This is very much my case. In fact, every time you used the term "submission" in the context of a beneficial influence, my mind kept repeating to use "acceptance" instead, simply because of the association with a power dynamic this word has for me. Thank you for this, it came just at the right time.
Yes submission is unsafe unless its established you can trust a person. Like he was saying trust has been eroded. There's no way to be submissive around unsafe people.
When nobody stands up and protects you you learn to fiercely protect yourself even when you hate doing so with the heat of a thousand suns. At least I can count on me to say no I'm not ok with that.
Thank you Tim! This was tremendously, tremendously validating for me - most about any act of defiance feeling wrong, and the discernment trying to come back online.
Thank you for the tips at the end. Pretty sure I was triggered hearing most of that because I hate hearing how messed up I am and how I know this affects my family… so tips are what I need! ❤
I had no idea rhis complex trama was a thing. I am still rebelling to this day. I was never treated the same as my brothers. They even treated my wife as lesser like me which i will not forgive.
Thank you for this video . I do appreciate the support and the ability to break down what I raised my children by. The understanding of my mistakes, and knowing a better way. To bringup children understanding the how’s and whys and seeing it from a perspective of a reality. How and where do parents of adolescence go to learn what we did not know in the 1970’s.
When did this term happen? I've never heard of it before. Describes me perfectly. Another suppressed idea like complex trauma? It's almost like we were damaged on purpose.
I’m hoping this brings insight for my daughter who is raising a teenage daughter on her own. This is so much my daughter.’s Life!!! As she was trying to become her own person.
And this is why my oldest son barely has any relationship with his father. And his father said it's my fault, because it's never his fault that he has no relationship with his own child. I'm glad I left and now my son lives only with a parent that can show him love, acceptance, and respect.
At a wedding recently the bride's parents arrived very late.. no particular reason. They held up the ceremony, even the bride arrived before them. It felt disrespectful.
It is also a part of adhd and as someone with ADHD and ODD i know i just like being in control and getting what I want and dislike anyone thinking they can order me around. Its not them, mostly not them, its me, im wired differently
Thank you. This is so appreciated! So if they are in a family that promotes competition and the parents feel as a family they are entitled you might end up with intenal defiance? This was my in laws family and we had our boundaries. The parents both have passed on. We have a child who grew to have a fighter style. This pushed my husband over the edge to rejecting the child? I have been trying to figure out what happened to the person I knew, we knew. The change was just so drastic. There were early signs if I look back. What can be done? My therapist suggest couples therapy and he says no.
Ha I'm experiencing opposite month with my NARC 95 yo mother who is also Vindictive too! WOW - just wow. She has always been this way to a degree, but this is 100% worse!
Oh crap... I'm definitely oppositional defiant... I just called it contrary what is customary, hot-headed or a loose cannon, irrationally irate at times, and ruthlessly retaliatory... but that's all this ODD thing, huh? Interesting...
Sounds like what I was.. then I met my ex.. then I realised I am so easy going it’s not even funny. I used to be defiant to authority but I suffered learned and changed. My ex he was fixated on one idea and rigid in his defiance before even considering how he was impacting others and angry if anything was discussed against his way being imposed. Whatever he wanted he got. This was especially true about authority in jobs, etc.! He wasn’t adhd. I have adhd so my adhd explains why I was rebelling as a kid plus trauma. My ex was the most stubborn defiant and rigid passive aggressive human ever. He would not bend and he did this out of spite and it was something he did for “kicks”, I tried to help him so many times with no fruitful end because he didn’t care he felt he had all the answers and nobody else was better than his truth. My psychiatrist has diagnosed him as a covert narcissistic personality disorder. Which now I know what it is, he fits. I’ve never met such a more passive aggressive human being. He was defiant. Not in the same way I was and I was probably ODD as a kid (so I’ve been told due to my ADHD and my rebellion). But i changed as I grew up and went through a lot of therapy and medication etc.
You just described my ex husband & me. The covert narcissist/ passive aggressive combo is so insidious. It took me 12 years to figure out why my health was failing, depressed etc & finally escape. Now I can spot one fairly quickly. I can feel my skin crawling & feel creeped out. I think my lingering ODD is what saved me in a way…
yes! I thank my childhood and adulthood abuse history for it helped me save lives (patients), and like childhood, I had to fight for myself as a child, and led to me saving my life as a patient too. It's funny how the actively abusive parent called me "disobedient, arrogant" child ....for calling out truth, crying out for help. The other parent, passively abused me by not finding men worth the fight to defend me...... called me 'difficult'....I ended up saving their lives too....from abusive healthcare system....because of that "disobedient and arrogant" haha :)
I'm a fawn with intimate partners and close friends and do anything to fight this off, but any authority figure or system that i'm in this 100% was me as a child and teen, until I shut my emotions off and became very frozen, dissociated and anxious. However I still have times where it gets too much and I become very aggressive
I wish you were my parent. I'm 34, believe it or not, but I seem to have almost every issue you've done a video on. I keep trying to make it all right and recognise it, but I just feel so confused and broken inside.
It seems to me it is all about trust here. Societies find so many ways to kill trust and isolate us out of our small communities and feed us with many surrogates. And on top of that learned to distrust because of my experiences and its hard to let my guard down.
Me apparently. I’m a Christian. And I don’t watch people in cubicles. And sit quietly in a chair and it really irks them and they become both oppositional and defiant. ✝️💜🕯🙏🤷🏻♀️🕊 It is cray
My oldest son has oppositional defiant disorder….i can guarantee it’s not from abuse but more a result from being spoiled and an only child….when my youngest son was born it got much worse…he resents me because I left his father who has the same sort of attitude my oldest son has…he wanted nothing to do with us and that greatly affected my oldest son….it had nothing to do with anything I’ve done but rather the fact that regardless I am always the problem even if I’ve done nothing to cause whatever it is they aren’t happy about..these people are no good and should be avoided at all cost…
I think you should take a step back and put some distance between you and this situation before you look at the situation again. The perspective of being in the center of it make it impossible to really get honest and see what's there. I'm saying this with love and compassion.
or... we are setting up a society where we have more and more 'administrative bullies' who view having their opinions challenged as defiance and their weakness exposed as an act of violence. I'm thinking of that kid who got expelled for dancing on tictok to a lovely song about being happy. "the get up" A good teacher or administrator would either reficus the class and ignore it. Or work it into a teachable moment. we have a strong increase in hurtful authorities and it's not exactly at home.
I see that parents under extreme stress create bad reactions in their kids like ODD and complex trauma. Generation after generation. Following Jesus’ rules for living life has really helped my family’s dynamic, though has not fixed everything. When big stress comes in, behaviors come back.
overt disagreement is better I figured that out? however I am autistic, so everybody attacks my core values, bc I don't see admiration and public validation. I am triggered if my work or identity is highlighted both positively and negatively mostly in public but also privately, especially if my core values are invalidated by the positive feedback. The only joy I find, is if people eat my food use my work/products, or smile in response to my actions, if they talk about it, I am negatively triggered - it does not matter what they say, unless they take in my response.
Don't you find the hypocrisy the part that trips you up the most? Because that's where I find I get confused most about the rules socially that exists in society.
Can you hear yourself?? Who needs training, correction and therapy? The parents sir, the parents. You can keep pounding at the symptoms while parents mass produce the problems
This reality is what I think is causing children to play up in society and at school. The Teachers are trying to harness every mind in the room to think the same way. But gone are the secular societies of the fifties in the West. Every family is raising their children differently with different rules and customs so when they get to school they're in totally foreign territory. Then on top of this, society is trying to tell us we can be a different gender completely with a bit of surgery and we can be unique from every single other person. Of course we are all born uniquely, no one is a carbon copy but there is a right way and a wrong way, even in nature.
People have been told mental illness is a gender, to appease those who want illness to be the equivalent of health. Case of the tail wagging the dog, and failing miserably.
Parents, do not provoke your chiIdren to wrath. Ephesians 6:4 Children and Parents 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
@@bentehove3945 lol no what I'm saying is clinically what you're saying exists as. A condition that has two different names. The one Tim mentioned that gets shortened to ODD and the other one is PDA pathological demand avoidance. Its very common in people who are autistic and ADHD and Tim outlines that it results from a loss of trust from an authority figure like a parent doing what they think is best or being simply incapable of considering their child's needs while taking care of their child and getting stuck in a dysfunctional feedback loop.
@@Sarah-with-an-HNone of the terms are technically 'a thing' they're just concepts about behaviour. Our culture over focuses on illness rather than people or healing, more profitable.
Please have a study on discrimination on the basis of sex in eastern countries. I am from India and I have seen this a lot. Reason being females are treated as burden n of no use in eastern cultures. It’s all facade shown we pray the goddess but in reality killing the child in the womb if it’s a girl. Please 🙏
It's not a race thing, really. Please stop pointing to race. I'm sure all youths in all cultures experience their equivalents to what being described here. If it is in the inner city youths, isn't it much more due to the stress experienced in a home or what have you, than the race living in the household. Right? Can't you see that yet?
@@JoLOCKWOOD Black subculture trauma can have a long-lasting negative impact on a person's mental health, including: Depression, Anxiety, Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), Low self-esteem, and Hypervigilance. Some barriers to seeking mental health treatment for Black people include: Racial wealth gap, Health provider bias, Inequality of care, Financial barriers, and Lack of insurance coverage. Self-care can be an immediate way to heal racial trauma. Taking steps to care for your mind, body, and spiritual self can help protect against racialized traumatic stressors.
I never got a diagnosis there's a lot of diagnosis I should have had that never happened because me being diagnosed with things would be a reflection on my.mom. I'm not always defiant its only when my needs aren't considered. The hypocrisy is confusing and difficult to navigate.
@@HaHaroni at 49 its a good description of my moms dysfunction towards me. I'm disabled so I rely on her, but there's still that forced bs and gaslighting. If I dare say somethings wrong like the itchy rash from an allergic reaction to the glue used on my incisions from a recent surgery. She tells me to be positive and oh you're ok. Its infuriating.
💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
Thank you Tim for being the gentle, warm, understanding father I never had. You are a gift to this world. 💙🙏💙
Well said and seconded ! Same here too 🙏💓 !
Thank you so much Sir ! The basis of your healing trajectory is deep empathy, deep love and kindness, a sacred care for the tormented fellow human being.
Thank you profoundly.🙏💐
100% agree ❤
This describes my younger brother completely. I was a fawner. Occasionally I would be triggered as an adult and I never understood why. Now I do. So thank you for the insight and understanding!
Cautionary tale: Unfortunately my younger brother didn't live long enough to learn these things- he got caught up in a dangerous situation. He was the family scapegoat x100. He rebelled in ways my older and I didn't dare; we were the passive aggressive ones. The warning signs described him to a T. I'm so so sad that he never got the chance to recover from our parental abuse & family dysfunction.
Mine comes from the first 7 years of public school. That's where I learned that authority figures are far more apt to be abusive, unfair, unjust and cruel than they are to be worthy of respect and honor.
I spent 7 years with an angry, oppositional partner. I didn't realize this at first. He had a lot of resentment toward his parents & carried it into our marriage. I finally had to divorce him & his family because no one would look at their stuff, and it was miserable living with them all 😢
I spent almost 10 and it left me ill and emotionally drained. This is such a nightmare that I do not know if I am ever going to recover
I’m sorry you have been through so much I’m still experiencing this pain now and I’m at my last straw but the Lord has been faithful to me my refuge
How do you view the future?
Genesis
23 And Sarah lived for 127 years; these were the years of Sarah’s life.+ 2
imagine living 45 with your family of origin, and have horrible cptsd from it - it's lonely, isolating, etc. I pray you did your healing too because being attracted to it, means you had yours too. We all have issues and it's scary that our subconscious is where we make our decisions.
Such a clear presentation of oppositional defiance. Thank you. I had a rageaholic inadvertent narcissist mother and an alcoholic narcissist father. It was dysfunctional to say the least. From an early age I knew they were nuts and had to get away as soon as I could. I'm In my 70s and only recently found out I have had CPTSD all my life. The Internal Family System therapy model and ACoA is helping me to accept the full extent of the damage, to heal and to free myself from the past. It takes courage to come out of denial and to change.
Wow, eye opener. This is totally me. My dad is the most abusive person I've ever met or known. And I always felt like the scapegoat of the family because no one was brave enough to confront dad. When things don't feel fair or if I feel ignored, it's a huge trigger for me. And I scored high on your test.
@DH-d1311. You’ve just described my father. Do we have the same Dad?
@@96BxelA I feel for you. What a terrible way to grow up. I guess the silver lining is no one has ever scared me as much as he did. And we're pretty brave to make it out alive. 🫶
@@DH-dl3ll You are soo right and thanks for helping me frame it in a different way.
I also have immense empathy for you, we just know, without words.
Take care of yourself brother, be well, go in peace.
I asked the other parent ....why did you never defend me? Why wasn't I worth the fight? "I'd have to deal with them"....wow, thanks. What it did to me? Make me a 'good' advocate for others, saving lives from the system, *(health). I always felt oldest and warmest, though I was chronologically youngest. Def scapegoat & black sheep.....
It made me a kick butt nurse, friend, family member, stranger!.....I HATE seeing any one being hurt or ignored without defense. To bad degree I'm working on but I was left for dead when very ill from work -- still, mo one came to my aid. which added to the trauma. Rock bottom...healing but man, right?
@@DH-dl3ll I have an abusive dad too and I am diagnosed with ODD at 20 years old, only this year.
Prefer the term pathological demand avoidance (PDA)
I didn't and don't feel safe while being forced to stay on task when my brain was already tapped out and I clearly needed a break. Every time I have these PDA moments it's 100% because my actual needs aren't put into consideration and that what is wanted adds additional problems for me. I never had anyone on my side to protect me so its an act of self love to be protective of myself and speak up.when it happens.
PDA is a form of 'autism'. ODD is more about defiance than avoidance.
My brother definitely has this problem. He can't take even the kindest advice or criticism. He defies authority even when it's something trivial. It's cost him every job he's ever had. When we were kids, if my parents told him not to do something, he immediately did it. The more stern they said it, the harder he did it.
My dad was a drunk bully. Mostly verbal abuse, but occasionally physical (belt whippings). Our parents mostly neglected us. At least when he acted up he got noticed, I guess.
He barely hangs on financially, but the ODD has really tanked his life. He can't hold onto a job or a relationship.
I spent 30 yrs being Oppotional Defient and my son for 30 yrs because I was married to a narcissist who threatened me and the kids if I ever left him. I finally did leave him 2 yrs ago and now we are healing.
thank you once again. Protect this man at all cost !
Amazing share. Thank you Tim. My teenage son is going through defiance and I see it in my own students. Now I understand the possible causes and have the tools you suggested, I can put them to practice. Giving young people the autonomy and trusting them isn’t easy but, that’s what they need from the trusted adults.
This is very much my case. In fact, every time you used the term "submission" in the context of a beneficial influence, my mind kept repeating to use "acceptance" instead, simply because of the association with a power dynamic this word has for me.
Thank you for this, it came just at the right time.
Yes submission is unsafe unless its established you can trust a person. Like he was saying trust has been eroded. There's no way to be submissive around unsafe people.
You explain this so well and with tenderness. Thank you.
You gotta draw the line somewhere. When you have no power it is very powerful to take a stand.
When nobody stands up and protects you you learn to fiercely protect yourself even when you hate doing so with the heat of a thousand suns. At least I can count on me to say no I'm not ok with that.
Hi Tim 🇩🇰🙏🙋♀️ have a great day and thank you so much for all your work on this channel ❤
Thank you very much for your excellent explanations! You are helping so many people all around the globe. All your videos are very precious.
Thank you so much for your profound support!
You’re amazing at explaining complex topics!
Its not advice that I rebel against it's the trying to force me into action at all costs and trampling over my boundary while doing so.
Thank you Tim! This was tremendously, tremendously validating for me - most about any act of defiance feeling wrong, and the discernment trying to come back online.
These talks are great. I am gaining so much insight as to why I am the way I am.
Excellent! Thank you & God Bless you for all your wis, knowledgeable and expert advice.
Thank you for the tips at the end. Pretty sure I was triggered hearing most of that because I hate hearing how messed up I am and how I know this affects my family… so tips are what I need! ❤
I had no idea rhis complex trama was a thing. I am still rebelling to this day. I was never treated the same as my brothers. They even treated my wife as lesser like me which i will not forgive.
So few people with the ability to be this balanced around a phenomenon
Thank you for this video .
I do appreciate the support and the ability to break down what I raised my children by.
The understanding of my mistakes, and knowing a better way. To bringup children understanding the how’s and whys and seeing it from a perspective of a reality.
How and where do parents of adolescence go to learn what we did not know in the 1970’s.
This is so much my life. As I raised my children.
When did this term happen?
I've never heard of it before.
Describes me perfectly.
Another suppressed idea like complex trauma?
It's almost like we were damaged on purpose.
yes yes yes....more helpful gems, praise God and thank you!
I’m 45 years old and I am relating to many of these symptoms
Thank you!
I’m hoping this brings insight for my daughter who is raising a teenage daughter on her own.
This is so much my daughter.’s Life!!! As she was trying to become her own person.
And this is why my oldest son barely has any relationship with his father. And his father said it's my fault, because it's never his fault that he has no relationship with his own child. I'm glad I left and now my son lives only with a parent that can show him love, acceptance, and respect.
At a wedding recently the bride's parents arrived very late.. no particular reason. They held up the ceremony, even the bride arrived before them. It felt disrespectful.
Fantastic information
You're the only one that talks about this
Thank you 😊
It is also a part of adhd and as someone with ADHD and ODD i know i just like being in control and getting what I want and dislike anyone thinking they can order me around. Its not them, mostly not them, its me, im wired differently
ADHD is simply CPTSD. Your brain is wired perfectly, but it is in chronic fight/flight/freeze/fawn/faint mode.
Thank you. This is so appreciated!
So if they are in a family that promotes competition and the parents feel as a family they are entitled you might end up with intenal defiance?
This was my in laws family and we had our boundaries. The parents both have passed on.
We have a child who grew to have a fighter style. This pushed my husband over the edge to rejecting the child?
I have been trying to figure out what happened to the person I knew, we knew. The change was just so drastic. There were early signs if I look back.
What can be done?
My therapist suggest couples therapy and he says no.
I rebelled so much especially against my mum 😅
I rebelled against abuse. Parental, sibling, gvrmemt, work and healthcare system - it saved my actual life, over and over.
Wow, so many of those examples were happening in my family.
I know so many people who react like this.
Ha I'm experiencing opposite month with my NARC 95 yo mother who is also Vindictive too! WOW - just wow. She has always been this way to a degree, but this is 100% worse!
Oh crap... I'm definitely oppositional defiant... I just called it contrary what is customary, hot-headed or a loose cannon, irrationally irate at times, and ruthlessly retaliatory... but that's all this ODD thing, huh? Interesting...
Thank you Bless you
Sounds like what I was.. then I met my ex.. then I realised I am so easy going it’s not even funny. I used to be defiant to authority but I suffered learned and changed. My ex he was fixated on one idea and rigid in his defiance before even considering how he was impacting others and angry if anything was discussed against his way being imposed. Whatever he wanted he got. This was especially true about authority in jobs, etc.! He wasn’t adhd. I have adhd so my adhd explains why I was rebelling as a kid plus trauma. My ex was the most stubborn defiant and rigid passive aggressive human ever. He would not bend and he did this out of spite and it was something he did for “kicks”, I tried to help him so many times with no fruitful end because he didn’t care he felt he had all the answers and nobody else was better than his truth. My psychiatrist has diagnosed him as a covert narcissistic personality disorder. Which now I know what it is, he fits. I’ve never met such a more passive aggressive human being. He was defiant. Not in the same way I was and I was probably ODD as a kid (so I’ve been told due to my ADHD and my rebellion). But i changed as I grew up and went through a lot of therapy and medication etc.
You just described my ex husband & me. The covert narcissist/ passive aggressive combo is so insidious. It took me 12 years to figure out why my health was failing, depressed etc & finally escape. Now I can spot one fairly quickly. I can feel my skin crawling & feel creeped out.
I think my lingering ODD is what saved me in a way…
yes! I thank my childhood and adulthood abuse history for it helped me save lives (patients), and like childhood, I had to fight for myself as a child, and led to me saving my life as a patient too. It's funny how the actively abusive parent called me "disobedient, arrogant" child ....for calling out truth, crying out for help. The other parent, passively abused me by not finding men worth the fight to defend me...... called me 'difficult'....I ended up saving their lives too....from abusive healthcare system....because of that "disobedient and arrogant" haha :)
My sister
I'm a fawn with intimate partners and close friends and do anything to fight this off, but any authority figure or system that i'm in this 100% was me as a child and teen, until I shut my emotions off and became very frozen, dissociated and anxious. However I still have times where it gets too much and I become very aggressive
I wish you were my parent. I'm 34, believe it or not, but I seem to have almost every issue you've done a video on. I keep trying to make it all right and recognise it, but I just feel so confused and broken inside.
....defiance the child grows into..... so your sister ends up being disagreeable with every relative, but not with her friends
It seems to me it is all about trust here.
Societies find so many ways to kill trust and isolate us out of our small communities and feed us with many surrogates.
And on top of that learned to distrust because of my experiences and its hard to let my guard down.
Best series
how to give advice to someone with that kind of trauma?
Me apparently. I’m a Christian. And I don’t watch people in cubicles. And sit quietly in a chair and it really irks them and they become both oppositional and defiant. ✝️💜🕯🙏🤷🏻♀️🕊 It is cray
This feels like my daughter and my husband
Did you get a camera in my parents house when I was a teenager?
It's all authority. There isn't anyone alive that hasn't abused authority
Grazie.
How does someone know if they're healthy?
My oldest son has oppositional defiant disorder….i can guarantee it’s not from abuse but more a result from being spoiled and an only child….when my youngest son was born it got much worse…he resents me because I left his father who has the same sort of attitude my oldest son has…he wanted nothing to do with us and that greatly affected my oldest son….it had nothing to do with anything I’ve done but rather the fact that regardless I am always the problem even if I’ve done nothing to cause whatever it is they aren’t happy about..these people are no good and should be avoided at all cost…
I think you should take a step back and put some distance between you and this situation before you look at the situation again. The perspective of being in the center of it make it impossible to really get honest and see what's there. I'm saying this with love and compassion.
or... we are setting up a society where we have more and more 'administrative bullies' who view having their opinions challenged as defiance and their weakness exposed as an act of violence. I'm thinking of that kid who got expelled for dancing on tictok to a lovely song about being happy. "the get up"
A good teacher or administrator would either reficus the class and ignore it. Or work it into a teachable moment.
we have a strong increase in hurtful authorities and it's not exactly at home.
I see that parents under extreme stress create bad reactions in their kids like ODD and complex trauma. Generation after generation. Following Jesus’ rules for living life has really helped my family’s dynamic, though has not fixed everything. When big stress comes in, behaviors come back.
overt disagreement is better I figured that out? however I am autistic, so everybody attacks my core values, bc I don't see admiration and public validation. I am triggered if my work or identity is highlighted both positively and negatively mostly in public but also privately, especially if my core values are invalidated by the positive feedback. The only joy I find, is if people eat my food use my work/products, or smile in response to my actions, if they talk about it, I am negatively triggered - it does not matter what they say, unless they take in my response.
Don't you find the hypocrisy the part that trips you up the most? Because that's where I find I get confused most about the rules socially that exists in society.
The scapegoat disorder 😕
🙏 🎊
Can you hear yourself?? Who needs training, correction and therapy? The parents sir, the parents. You can keep pounding at the symptoms while parents mass produce the problems
This reality is what I think is causing children to play up in society and at school. The Teachers are trying to harness every mind in the room to think the same way. But gone are the secular societies of the fifties in the West. Every family is raising their children differently with different rules and customs so when they get to school they're in totally foreign territory. Then on top of this, society is trying to tell us we can be a different gender completely with a bit of surgery and we can be unique from every single other person. Of course we are all born uniquely, no one is a carbon copy but there is a right way and a wrong way, even in nature.
People have been told mental illness is a gender, to appease those who want illness to be the equivalent of health. Case of the tail wagging the dog, and failing miserably.
Parents, do not provoke your chiIdren to wrath. Ephesians 6:4
Children and Parents
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Is this similar to Autism Demand avoidance?
That's technically not a thing. Its usually called pathological demand avoidance or what Tim called it.
@@Sarah-with-an-Hmaybe this is about words ..🤔 I think it MIGHT be a part of AuDHD ..?
@@bentehove3945 lol no what I'm saying is clinically what you're saying exists as. A condition that has two different names. The one Tim mentioned that gets shortened to ODD and the other one is PDA pathological demand avoidance. Its very common in people who are autistic and ADHD and Tim outlines that it results from a loss of trust from an authority figure like a parent doing what they think is best or being simply incapable of considering their child's needs while taking care of their child and getting stuck in a dysfunctional feedback loop.
@@Sarah-with-an-HNone of the terms are technically 'a thing' they're just concepts about behaviour. Our culture over focuses on illness rather than people or healing, more profitable.
@@H-youtube7 No it does matter.I'm just informing you that clinically ODD and PDA are used. The one you used is made up by you though.
I think surrender comes from ancestor worship. Making your parents God.
Antisocial personality disorder
My ex was a covert narc and he fits
Please have a study on discrimination on the basis of sex in eastern countries.
I am from India and I have seen this a lot.
Reason being females are treated as burden n of no use in eastern cultures.
It’s all facade shown we pray the goddess but in reality killing the child in the womb if it’s a girl.
Please 🙏
Good luck with that, the west has decided there's no such thing as sex and a womb is optional.
Ah ha, the root of all my problems
The black inner-city.
It's not a race thing, really. Please stop pointing to race. I'm sure all youths in all cultures experience their equivalents to what being described here. If it is in the inner city youths, isn't it much more due to the stress experienced in a home or what have you, than the race living in the household. Right? Can't you see that yet?
@@JoLOCKWOOD Black subculture trauma can have a long-lasting negative impact on a person's mental health, including: Depression, Anxiety, Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), Low self-esteem, and Hypervigilance.
Some barriers to seeking mental health treatment for Black people include: Racial wealth gap, Health provider bias, Inequality of care, Financial barriers, and Lack of insurance coverage.
Self-care can be an immediate way to heal racial trauma. Taking steps to care for your mind, body, and spiritual self can help protect against racialized traumatic stressors.
Jesus Christ. This is describing me and my friends
This is a childhood diagnosis adults do not get this diagnosis
He said it’s a childhood diagnosis.
It's a good diagnosis for me and I'm 57.
They sure as hell didn't have this diagnosis when I was a kid. Not even close.
It's ignorance by design.
For adults, it is Anti Social Personality Disorder
I never got a diagnosis there's a lot of diagnosis I should have had that never happened because me being diagnosed with things would be a reflection on my.mom. I'm not always defiant its only when my needs aren't considered. The hypocrisy is confusing and difficult to navigate.
@@HaHaroni at 49 its a good description of my moms dysfunction towards me. I'm disabled so I rely on her, but there's still that forced bs and gaslighting. If I dare say somethings wrong like the itchy rash from an allergic reaction to the glue used on my incisions from a recent surgery. She tells me to be positive and oh you're ok. Its infuriating.