I know a guy who lost his dad and couldn't process the emotion. I honestly think this is super demonstrative of narcissism. Other narcissists use funerals as a way to get supply.
I think narcissists are terrified of emotions, therefore at a young age they learned how to numb and push them down. Problem is the emotions have to come out one way or another even when you have compartmentalized them.
My brother is a Narcissist. An unaware Narcissist one which is even worse. I have noticed patterns of behavior: Extremely egotistical and self centered,by his own admission he thinks that he is better than anyone else, he is always criticizing other people No consideration that people have their own lives and journey since he makes everything about himself all the time, lives in the illusion that the world revolves around him. The dude is the KING of thinking something is in a certain way without really knowing and accepting as fact in his own head and trying to sell it to you as fact. The idea that your thoughts about something you don't know are subjective and not objective doesn't even cross his mind. Always living on reactive mode, always to trying yo get you to buy to his viewpoints, argumentative, validation seeker, extremely sensitive and defensive with everything all the time. All the traits of a Narcissist. I can assure you that if he goes to a therapist he gets diagnosed with NPD in 10 minutes. People like that are toxic AF, and pain in the ass to deal with. unless they are self aware, get treatment and try to change is better to have them far away.
@Oceansun For what I know most of the times the threats of a Narcisist are empty. They just let out whatever the fuck they are thiking in the moment because they have no filter. Did you call him out? Did you bring up the NPD topic to him?
@Oceansun you're welcome. But a pain in the ass these people can be. They are just impossible sometimes. Calling them out doesn't necessarily works and I an the type of guy that doesn't put up with any bullshit so I prefer to stay away from those people. After years of dealing with my brother being like that I decided to cut him off. Done
Sorry for your loss, Jacob! When my parakeets died, my pain was huge PS: Please, don't regret that you're self-aware. I believe it's one of your best features! You're great!
I don't cry for death, people or animals. I won't force myself, it's a shame. They were loved. There is no demand for tears. I laughed when I was told someone had cancer because I didn't see it coming, and I knew it wasn't a joke. I loved them too. I did not cry when they died. You do care, it's just not necessary to the goal. I was exposed to death repetitively at a young age on. Most people seem to have grief events here and there and cling to it the entire time between. Not worth the energy, worth the experience.
Glad you talked about this Jacob. NPD can get so isolating on this especially. I was also my family cat’s favorite. When she was dying I do remember being sad BUT not at all on my cat’s behalf… It was actually because she ‘wouldn’t’ look at ME and reassure ME and pay attention to ME anymore. Me me me. I felt disrespected/abandoned while she was getting sicker, and then when she died I felt nothing. It felt like another betrayal by the universe then. Sorry about your cat and fish btw.
My ex narc lost her child hood dog sassy. She didnt see the dog in years and when the pet died at her parents house in another state, she cried like a baby for almost an hour. She blamed the neighbors for killing the dog. So how is it that she seemed to care about her pet but could split our new born son black and didnt want him at all? This disorder is so unorthodox 🧐🤔
I hear you , why be hard on yourself if you feel or not , sometimes we can’t relate to another’s needs or loss , sometimes all you can do is be authentic in a way You care a lot I feel a lot of heart in your channel and talks
Please be kind to yourself. You didn't choose this disorder. Time and distance away from a pet can change the intensity of the loss, same with people. It's inevitable that we are all going at some point. I always dissociate when someone close to me goes, then get looked at like a monster. Oh and I've definitely laughed at awkward death silence for extra monster points.
u are so deeply honest that just wana say i think sometimes u are even to hard to urself !!! peace and love we all need to relax be more gentale to urself ..
I had that inappropriate laughing situation when a friend mentioned someone she knew who had died a certain way. I didn't know them, but she has a similar serious health problem, so for me it was like a shudder laugh, not a real one. Thankfully she understood. At first she sharply asked me why I laughed and thought it was a nervous laugh. I explained it as best I could that it wasn't even that. Was more relating it to her and possibly losing her and how it caused a shudder reaction.
RIP kitty and fish ❤ About the lazyness part. I can totally relate 😅.. I was suprised how much I love my cat that it made me actually have discipline to take good care of it..
I do appreciate your honesty. And I know its very hard for a narcissist to be honest and vulnerable in any way. I think, what you do is therapeutic both for you and for us, those who are healing from narcissistic abuse and just trying to understand..
Our cat was attacked by a dog, eye hanging out, was taken to emergency vet and had to be put down. Everyone was crying but me. Like, it was sad and I miss him, but I just wanted to get a new one the next day. Made me feel like a bad person but I know it's just my ptsd/bpd. I've never bonded with any family member that I would really care if they died. My friend who i hadnt seen in awhile was murdered. I only cried at the funeral because his dad was crying, it was his third child he lost. But I see life as usually worse than death, so idk.
I can relate to that feeling as seeing life as worse than death at times. The person that died, you feel more relief for and you do have empathy, so you felt more for the person grieving. I don't have a personality disorder, but do have depression and a deep belief in God and that the next life will be much better.
Interesting. I have BPD and I can kind of identify with this even though it depends on the person/animal. If it’s someone else’s person/animal I don’t really feel anything but if it’s my favorite person/animal I’m inconsolably devastated…I know it’s not the same but I’ve felt that feeling too, where I’ve been at a funeral of a loved one and have to act more sad than I am because I feel like an a**hole. Maybe it’s a protection mechanism? I don’t know, but it’s super uncomfortable to not be feeling how everyone else is.
I would like to say that, as someone who can experiment empathy in quite a strong way, being empathic does not necessarily mean being overwhelmed or affected by other people emotions like if it was an invisible illness. When someone's close person or pet dies I almost never feel sad, but I can feel strongly the sadness of the other person. I am well aware that it is his emotion and not mine and my job is absolutely not to convert their emotion in mine, it would not help anyone. And that works with any other emotion. I can feel their shame, their anger, their joy, their hope, their need to be loved, their frustration, everything, but it is NOT mine and I can easily decide not to be affected. I simply use empathy like a sonar, a probe, that allows me to know how to react according to the other's current emotional state. If I wanted, I could even chose to act badly or in a manipulative way after having recieved the empathic information, and I'd even say that is what most people do in order to feed their frustrations, jealousies and other victimistic feelings. I think the ones who lack empathy do not understand that: empathy is absolutely not mirroring the others emotions in a "it-would-be-like-that-if-it-happend-to-me" manner, that is just projecting the others on yourself and I'd say is quite an egoistic way to act. Empathy is on the contrary feeling the other profoundly but as a completely indipendent and legitimate other self.
I really believe that without empathy a person can’t love, and can’t connect to others emotionally and therefore it doesn’t hurt when someone or something dies. But I’m sure there’s other things at play too.
there is a difference between empathy and simpathy. people with empathy feel other people's emotion and people with simpathy can understand other people's grief if this person is close to them or has been through the same thing. having simpathy is not bad, but having a healthy morale is important. people with simpathy are very important to society. they are better able to do work that people with empathy cannot do. like doctors, lawyers.
Sometimes I cry like a baby over loss, sometimes I barely skip a beat. I'm extremely sensitive to the point that it is debilitating. I usually don't feel sad when someone else's pet or family member dies except I'm sad that my friend is sad. I'm not sad for a person or animal that I did not know. I wonder if that is why you don't feel sad. Maybe you feel like you didn't know them?
my cat is my life he often disrespect my cat my cat was there whit me when no human dit .. i respect u for speak honestly and take ur glasses out when u do !
but i need to say to be complitly honest ..on discard day when he deeply hirt me abiused me he spoke about my cat in a good way and in first place this part make me so confiused as what if he dit acualy care for me and what s important to me i say to him yes i met my cat before u and there for She is nr one but i say u become nr 2 to my priority wich normaly is already extrime progres still cat was first stay first as a proved that when i become valiue love someone i stay loyal and untill they are only difrent my narc ex not deserved my loyalty cat dit and there was even moment when i focus more fore the narc so i say deep sorry to my cat as we know animals are more loyal than ppl ..
To answer your question honestly I do feel sadness, my own and theirs intensely. However, I can shut off my emotions to cope sometimes. It’s a trauma response from what I know. I’m so glad you had a fish you took care of. So sorry to hear that you lost that fish. I can see why you feel like you wouldn’t choose to be self aware.
I cried my eyes out when my pet cat died. I had pet dogs dying and din't really care cause they were basically my parents, but when the cat i raised from a kitten died, It hit me hard. I have a huge problem whith funerals because I can't cry or grief. Didn't cry at my grandmothers funeral, and she raised me, same with my father. Dead people seem to me like they are sleeping. It's hard to feel the loss at the moment.
I feel genuine sympathy for people who are grieving... What I can't stand is people who say things like, "oh, my life is over, I'm gonna un alive myself or go hard into drugs/drinking because of this grief." I think, "bruh, my SON died. And I made it through that. And you want to d*e because of THIS??" But it's more of a tough love approach... Like, if I could get through THAT (and I still struggle with it sometimes, but I have a mostly normal life now, with my surviving son), then you can get through THIS. It's not that I don't CARE... It's that I think some people could be stronger if they just tried a little harder... Maybe I am being too hard on people because I'm hard, though. Idk...
@@BLACKPICTUREE I can agree with that! And I realize that sometimes, the inability to control negative emotions is something that people can't help due to trauma or mental illness. Even I struggle with controlling negative emotions sometimes, which leads to anxiety, which leads to total meltdowns before I can get a grip. It's definitely understandable, and I can see how easy it is to slip into the "can't live without you" mentality. It just kills me to hear people say what I once said, knowing that if they just hang on and get support, they can eventually be ok. I get so frustrated with people sometimes, especially when I think about everyone who would be left hurting if they deleted themselves. And yet, I can never say that I don't understand where they're coming from. It's a conundrum, for sure
Great video. Maybe you will sad about that adorable little cat later on, when you least expect it. You can't force emotions just because you "should" feel them. That is what happens with me....years ago, when i was living in a foreign country, i got a phone call to tell me that my best friend had killed himself. I was in shock and could barely react. But occasionally when something suddenly reminds me of him - like New Year's Eve, which we always spent together, at a party - the tears will start flowing
I'm (probably) not a Narc myself, more like Schizoid-Avoidant. The feeling of losing a pet is one of the most excruciating things in the world, to the point you avoid getting them in the first place just so you never get to that point. So, I can extrapolate and understand with my mind that other people are feeling the same thing when it happens to them. I do not feel it *viscerally* however; it's a theoretical consideration, drawing from my own experiences. I believe I wouldn't be able to function otherwise. The world has a population of 8 billion humans and even more sentients. If I viscerally felt all the suffering that happens to them on a daily basis, I'd drown in sorrow and off myself over the course of a few days. It can't be done. It doesn't work like that. To be frank... I think there's a fair degree about grief - particularly when people aren't very close - that is performative in nature. I have no problem keeping a low profile and a somber attitude out of respect for others, but I think it's thoroughly unreasonable to be expected to feel this or to feel that. You feel what you feel.
You're a decent person, man. In my useless opinion more decent being self aware and helping us to understand what goes on in NPD world. It takes a bit of empathy to do that. 😂 animals die, it's also our own destiny. RIP, dear katzo. I've got 4 and lost a fifth... made me real sad for a month.
It’s a lot of overthinking and almost overwhelment and how it rolls into one thing to the next when you’re talking about it and your outter personality reacting to it according to years/decades of learned behavior from how you were treated growing up. Honestly, some people know that while a pet or someone may pass, they know it’s not the end, rather they’re in a different, non physical form. Knowing that gives you the power to feel indifferent and may acome across to some as cold or uncaring
When my first 4 pets died I did not care at all. It was only after my third hamster died I was sad because something about him was different and I was in therapy for years by that point and now I have a cat and with her I am attached too Iactually think I love her and my third hamster the most I don’t think I am capable to love someone more than that more than a pet which kind of makes me doubt I will ever have a relationship. I don’t feel sad when someone dies that is important to my friend but I get this urge to comfort my friend and protect her from more loss. Maybe i would feel sad for a second because life is just so unfair to me and my best friend
At a certain point you said you weren’t able to experience grief (minute 4 and something) and the thing that actually surpriesed me a lot is that, in that moment it felt like you were beleiving it as an absolute truth. That “absolute truth” made you visibly feel pain and sorrow for yourself, so you are capable of exeriencing that emotions, it was like your body was contraddicting your thesis. Maybe you are not able yet to Connect with others but you can Connect with yourself, and it’s not a vary different process. Maybe you can learn to apply the same mecchanism to learn how to Connect with others, the deepness of the feeling that you feel for yourself can be a huge potential source of empathy. Just use your ability to manipulate others in making you beleive that others are not so far from you
Idk Jacob, I wouldn't attribute this to narcissism (not being able to experience grief); this is more likely due to trauma and neurodivergency. Growing up the way you did, it would be hard to have the appropriate emotional response to certain situations. I struggle with the same thing regarding death of people and pets. I don't have NPD, but I do have autism/ADHD and a buttload of childhood trauma. I think that plays a bigger role in why I can't experience grief and sadness. I actually MADE MYSELF stay when my sisters old dog got put down....it was almost like I wanted to prove to myself that I would cry if I just saw her take her last breath, to prove I wasn't an unempathetic monster (spoiler: I did cry. A LOT.) Ironic twist to this story: I have strong suspicion my sister has NPD with some BPD traits. She was inconsolable about the dog dying, and stayed depressed for 3 months. She has a hard time letting go of people and pets when it's time because of her fear of abandonment wounds being triggered.
I feel like I've seen narcissists grieve over the loss of pets or people. Do we know what percentage of narcissists don't feel grief or is this more likely to be like a CPTSD dissociative response from being able to feel grief? Also I think a fair bit of neurotypical grief is self-referential because it's thinking about how different your life will be without them and you'll miss your interactions with them.
It all depends. Lots of people who have lost loved-ones don’t cry. It’s a stereotype that all people cry. Some people cry years later. Some never cry. My husband and I have had several pets for. He usually cries. I never do.
Hi. Are you on a big dose of medication, by any chance? I'm normally an extreme empath but a few years ago when I was over medicated for anxiety and depression, I couldn't feel empathy or any similar emotion.
Hey buddy its ok sometimes when life really kicks your butt you gain empathy because it humbles you. I used to have similar traits but life hubled me and im not the same sarcastic little nitwitt i was.
Maybe that’s just me what we were programmed to think defines the human experience, grief and such, perhaps you came here to find your own meaning of what it is to be human
What got you to start realizing this stuff and being able to just talk like this, if you don't mind me asking? This is what I wish my boyfriend would do. Just talk. I don't care if he is or isn't. I'll still be here trying. He knows I'm here and I won't leave. He's just not that bright and I'm an autistic adhd person with a super processor up inside my skull, so I just defuse the narcissist shit with research and knowledge of how. I've never told him, but because it works, it's a very clear indicator of what I'm dealing with. I'm able to defuse and rationally explain things almost daily to him, but he I don't think he is able to break through to the self awareness because he'd be able to implement comparative reasoning and we wouldn't have the same redundant arguments regularly, same exact issues, over and over.
My sister is a narcissist, has four dogs and lives by herself, and I noticed she has that Twisted family system ,she treats them all different, she is super nice to The Golden Child dog and she abuses the scapegoat dog and I'm not sure what the other two are but she yells at them all the time and the older she gets the worst treatment those dogs are getting, narcissist dont discriminate they'll get there papply regardless of where they get it from, is the supply as good as getting it from humans or is it better because the dogs can't complain? But then again it's the complaining of being abused that a narcissist craves, A year ago her oldest dog died and she got a puppy right away that became the scapegoat, I can't call animal control and tell them what I know it's going on would they even believe me, probably not my sister seems so nice to the outside world but she's a demon behind closed doors that's why she lives alone ,she was married for about half a year before her husband file for divorce, I loved my sister, we were so close as kids, but she never loved me back ,what happened to her, when our older brother was murdered she never shed a tear and she would make fun of him and talk s*** about him, I don't know if I'll ever love my sister again I don't think I will. Do all narcissists want their victims dead? Prof Sam Vaknin says all narcissist want their victims dead . Regardless if it's a parent or child a brother or sister or friends it's f***** up to say the least. (Prof Sam Vaknin) Narcissist wants you dead. ua-cam.com/video/G08QKrtnnSg/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/Ueh9sGpoWrQ/v-deo.html
Its just thoughts man. Your energy today feels like grief. Maybe you have so much grief the last straw that broke the camels back was in your childhood. I would think the capacity to feel grief after that would be completely exhausted. There is nothing to prove or be ashamed of. We all swim our own race.
We don't really feel sad that their pet or parent died, it's more that we feel for them because they are sad. It's not deep though. It's not a big deal that the cat you haven't been around for years isn't causing grief, because you're removed from its life and death now. My ex of 10 year was embarrassed when he cried his eyes out when my cat Dolly died, but she'd been living w/ him for 9 years. I'm pretty sure he's narcissistic, but not not dx'd and likely lower on the spectrum for some of the traits.
I'm pretty crap with death/grief. All of my pets are in my freezer and they died over 5 years ago now. I still tell myself they're just on holiday. 10/10 would not recomend grief. Bypassing it is just fine 😉
My ex narcissist boyfriend definitely had emotional issues with me- but when it came to his dog it appeared genuinely that he loved his dog, even crying at the thought of losing him. Why did he have an emotional connection to his beagle??
I'm ngl, it's a cat. You're not weird. Our culture of idolizing animals is wild, 50-70 years ago, just another day. Now it's supposed to be the end of the world? Idk man, I think that's just society being annoying lmao.
Maybe you have grief burn out because you had to grieve so much for your own losses as a child that you don’t have much left within you to grieve anymore. Your grief capacity has been depleted but don’t worry it can be filled up again. As for death, if you turn to Jesus there is nothing to fear because you can 100% go to heaven through Him.
I know a guy who lost his dad and couldn't process the emotion. I honestly think this is super demonstrative of narcissism. Other narcissists use funerals as a way to get supply.
I think narcissists are terrified of emotions, therefore at a young age they learned how to numb and push them down. Problem is the emotions have to come out one way or another even when you have compartmentalized them.
My brother is a Narcissist. An unaware Narcissist one which is even worse.
I have noticed patterns of behavior:
Extremely egotistical and self centered,by his own admission he thinks that he is better than anyone else, he is always criticizing other people
No consideration that people have their own lives and journey since he makes everything about himself all the time, lives in the illusion that the world revolves around him.
The dude is the KING of thinking something is in a certain way without really knowing and accepting as fact in his own head and trying to sell it to you as fact. The idea that your thoughts about something you don't know are subjective and not objective doesn't even cross his mind.
Always living on reactive mode, always to trying yo get you to buy to his viewpoints, argumentative, validation seeker, extremely sensitive and defensive with everything all the time.
All the traits of a Narcissist. I can assure you that if he goes to a therapist he gets diagnosed with NPD in 10 minutes. People like that are toxic AF, and pain in the ass to deal with. unless they are self aware, get treatment and try to change is better to have them far away.
@Oceansun For what I know most of the times the threats of a Narcisist are empty. They just let out whatever the fuck they are thiking in the moment because they have no filter. Did you call him out? Did you bring up the NPD topic to him?
@Oceansun I mean it depends I don't know him so I can't say for sure
@Oceansun you're welcome. But a pain in the ass these people can be. They are just impossible sometimes. Calling them out doesn't necessarily works and I an the type of guy that doesn't put up with any bullshit so I prefer to stay away from those people. After years of dealing with my brother being like that I decided to cut him off. Done
Sorry for your loss, Jacob!
When my parakeets died, my pain was huge
PS: Please, don't regret that you're self-aware. I believe it's one of your best features! You're great!
As a misanthrope, I can truly appreciate this. Harsh truth: I personally feel more for animals in general than humans.
That is weird....
I don't cry for death, people or animals. I won't force myself, it's a shame. They were loved. There is no demand for tears. I laughed when I was told someone had cancer because I didn't see it coming, and I knew it wasn't a joke. I loved them too. I did not cry when they died. You do care, it's just not necessary to the goal. I was exposed to death repetitively at a young age on. Most people seem to have grief events here and there and cling to it the entire time between. Not worth the energy, worth the experience.
Glad you talked about this Jacob. NPD can get so isolating on this especially. I was also my family cat’s favorite. When she was dying I do remember being sad BUT not at all on my cat’s behalf…
It was actually because she ‘wouldn’t’ look at ME and reassure ME and pay attention to ME anymore. Me me me. I felt disrespected/abandoned while she was getting sicker, and then when she died I felt nothing. It felt like another betrayal by the universe then.
Sorry about your cat and fish btw.
My ex narc lost her child hood dog sassy. She didnt see the dog in years and when the pet died at her parents house in another state, she cried like a baby for almost an hour. She blamed the neighbors for killing the dog. So how is it that she seemed to care about her pet but could split our new born son black and didnt want him at all? This disorder is so unorthodox 🧐🤔
I hear you , why be hard on yourself if you feel or not , sometimes we can’t relate to another’s needs or loss , sometimes all you can do is be authentic in a way
You care a lot I feel a lot of heart in your channel and talks
I agree with you. He talks from his heart and that in itself is empathic ❤
Sorry for the loss of your pets - you do care about their passing although you feel you cannot identify with the feeling of grief 💔
Please be kind to yourself. You didn't choose this disorder. Time and distance away from a pet can change the intensity of the loss, same with people. It's inevitable that we are all going at some point. I always dissociate when someone close to me goes, then get looked at like a monster. Oh and I've definitely laughed at awkward death silence for extra monster points.
It's always about us in the end...I think you said it best one time. That we don't think about anyone, just what they think of us.
u are so deeply honest that just wana say i think sometimes u are even to hard to urself !!! peace and love we all need to relax be more gentale to urself ..
I had that inappropriate laughing situation when a friend mentioned someone she knew who had died a certain way. I didn't know them, but she has a similar serious health problem, so for me it was like a shudder laugh, not a real one. Thankfully she understood. At first she sharply asked me why I laughed and thought it was a nervous laugh. I explained it as best I could that it wasn't even that. Was more relating it to her and possibly losing her and how it caused a shudder reaction.
RIP kitty and fish ❤ About the lazyness part. I can totally relate 😅.. I was suprised how much I love my cat that it made me actually have discipline to take good care of it..
I do appreciate your honesty. And I know its very hard for a narcissist to be honest and vulnerable in any way. I think, what you do is therapeutic both for you and for us, those who are healing from narcissistic abuse and just trying to understand..
Our cat was attacked by a dog, eye hanging out, was taken to emergency vet and had to be put down. Everyone was crying but me. Like, it was sad and I miss him, but I just wanted to get a new one the next day. Made me feel like a bad person but I know it's just my ptsd/bpd. I've never bonded with any family member that I would really care if they died. My friend who i hadnt seen in awhile was murdered. I only cried at the funeral because his dad was crying, it was his third child he lost. But I see life as usually worse than death, so idk.
I can relate to that feeling as seeing life as worse than death at times. The person that died, you feel more relief for and you do have empathy, so you felt more for the person grieving. I don't have a personality disorder, but do have depression and a deep belief in God and that the next life will be much better.
Interesting. I have BPD and I can kind of identify with this even though it depends on the person/animal. If it’s someone else’s person/animal I don’t really feel anything but if it’s my favorite person/animal I’m inconsolably devastated…I know it’s not the same but I’ve felt that feeling too, where I’ve been at a funeral of a loved one and have to act more sad than I am because I feel like an a**hole. Maybe it’s a protection mechanism? I don’t know, but it’s super uncomfortable to not be feeling how everyone else is.
This is sad💔I hope your dad receives comfort through his grief.💔.
I would like to say that, as someone who can experiment empathy in quite a strong way, being empathic does not necessarily mean being overwhelmed or affected by other people emotions like if it was an invisible illness. When someone's close person or pet dies I almost never feel sad, but I can feel strongly the sadness of the other person. I am well aware that it is his emotion and not mine and my job is absolutely not to convert their emotion in mine, it would not help anyone. And that works with any other emotion. I can feel their shame, their anger, their joy, their hope, their need to be loved, their frustration, everything, but it is NOT mine and I can easily decide not to be affected. I simply use empathy like a sonar, a probe, that allows me to know how to react according to the other's current emotional state. If I wanted, I could even chose to act badly or in a manipulative way after having recieved the empathic information, and I'd even say that is what most people do in order to feed their frustrations, jealousies and other victimistic feelings. I think the ones who lack empathy do not understand that: empathy is absolutely not mirroring the others emotions in a "it-would-be-like-that-if-it-happend-to-me" manner, that is just projecting the others on yourself and I'd say is quite an egoistic way to act. Empathy is on the contrary feeling the other profoundly but as a completely indipendent and legitimate other self.
I do think if you lost your sister or her child died you would feel some form of grief, maybe as anger, but it would be grief.
I love animals more than people and i cried buckets when my Dog died 12 years ago.
I really believe that without empathy a person can’t love, and can’t connect to others emotionally and therefore it doesn’t hurt when someone or something dies. But I’m sure there’s other things at play too.
there is a difference between empathy and simpathy.
people with empathy feel other people's emotion and people with simpathy can understand other people's grief if this person is close to them or has been through the same thing.
having simpathy is not bad, but having a healthy morale is important. people with simpathy are very important to society. they are better able to do work that people with empathy cannot do. like doctors, lawyers.
I sometimes laugh when people say someone has died and i think its a nervous reaction and i feel bad for doing that.
Sometimes I cry like a baby over loss, sometimes I barely skip a beat. I'm extremely sensitive to the point that it is debilitating. I usually don't feel sad when someone else's pet or family member dies except I'm sad that my friend is sad. I'm not sad for a person or animal that I did not know. I wonder if that is why you don't feel sad. Maybe you feel like you didn't know them?
my cat is my life he often disrespect my cat my cat was there whit me when no human dit ..
i respect u for speak honestly and take ur glasses out when u do !
but i need to say to be complitly honest ..on discard day when he deeply hirt me abiused me he spoke about my cat in a good way and in first place this part make me so confiused as what if he dit acualy care for me and what s important to me i say to him yes i met my cat before u and there for She is nr one but i say u become nr 2 to my priority wich normaly is already extrime progres still cat was first stay first as a proved that when i become valiue love someone i stay loyal and untill they are
only difrent my narc ex not deserved my loyalty cat dit and there was even moment when i focus more fore the narc so i say deep sorry to my cat as we know animals are more loyal than ppl ..
To answer your question honestly I do feel sadness, my own and theirs intensely. However, I can shut off my emotions to cope sometimes. It’s a trauma response from what I know. I’m so glad you had a fish you took care of. So sorry to hear that you lost that fish. I can see why you feel like you wouldn’t choose to be self aware.
I cried my eyes out when my pet cat died. I had pet dogs dying and din't really care cause they were basically my parents, but when the cat i raised from a kitten died, It hit me hard. I have a huge problem whith funerals because I can't cry or grief. Didn't cry at my grandmothers funeral, and she raised me, same with my father. Dead people seem to me like they are sleeping. It's hard to feel the loss at the moment.
I feel genuine sympathy for people who are grieving... What I can't stand is people who say things like, "oh, my life is over, I'm gonna un alive myself or go hard into drugs/drinking because of this grief."
I think, "bruh, my SON died. And I made it through that. And you want to d*e because of THIS??"
But it's more of a tough love approach... Like, if I could get through THAT (and I still struggle with it sometimes, but I have a mostly normal life now, with my surviving son), then you can get through THIS.
It's not that I don't CARE... It's that I think some people could be stronger if they just tried a little harder... Maybe I am being too hard on people because I'm hard, though. Idk...
@@BLACKPICTUREE I can agree with that! And I realize that sometimes, the inability to control negative emotions is something that people can't help due to trauma or mental illness. Even I struggle with controlling negative emotions sometimes, which leads to anxiety, which leads to total meltdowns before I can get a grip. It's definitely understandable, and I can see how easy it is to slip into the "can't live without you" mentality. It just kills me to hear people say what I once said, knowing that if they just hang on and get support, they can eventually be ok. I get so frustrated with people sometimes, especially when I think about everyone who would be left hurting if they deleted themselves. And yet, I can never say that I don't understand where they're coming from. It's a conundrum, for sure
Great video. Maybe you will sad about that adorable little cat later on, when you least expect it. You can't force emotions just because you "should" feel them. That is what happens with me....years ago, when i was living in a foreign country, i got a phone call to tell me that my best friend had killed himself. I was in shock and could barely react. But occasionally when something suddenly reminds me of him - like New Year's Eve, which we always spent together, at a party - the tears will start flowing
Sorry man ….I appreciate you sharing this.
I'm (probably) not a Narc myself, more like Schizoid-Avoidant. The feeling of losing a pet is one of the most excruciating things in the world, to the point you avoid getting them in the first place just so you never get to that point.
So, I can extrapolate and understand with my mind that other people are feeling the same thing when it happens to them. I do not feel it *viscerally* however; it's a theoretical consideration, drawing from my own experiences.
I believe I wouldn't be able to function otherwise. The world has a population of 8 billion humans and even more sentients. If I viscerally felt all the suffering that happens to them on a daily basis, I'd drown in sorrow and off myself over the course of a few days. It can't be done. It doesn't work like that.
To be frank... I think there's a fair degree about grief - particularly when people aren't very close - that is performative in nature. I have no problem keeping a low profile and a somber attitude out of respect for others, but I think it's thoroughly unreasonable to be expected to feel this or to feel that. You feel what you feel.
You're a decent person, man. In my useless opinion more decent being self aware and helping us to understand what goes on in NPD world. It takes a bit of empathy to do that. 😂 animals die, it's also our own destiny. RIP, dear katzo. I've got 4 and lost a fifth... made me real sad for a month.
It’s a lot of overthinking and almost overwhelment and how it rolls into one thing to the next when you’re talking about it and your outter personality reacting to it according to years/decades of learned behavior from how you were treated growing up. Honestly, some people know that while a pet or someone may pass, they know it’s not the end, rather they’re in a different, non physical form. Knowing that gives you the power to feel indifferent and may acome across to some as cold or uncaring
When my first 4 pets died I did not care at all. It was only after my third hamster died I was sad because something about him was different and I was in therapy for years by that point and now I have a cat and with her I am attached too Iactually think I love her and my third hamster the most I don’t think I am capable to love someone more than that more than a pet which kind of makes me doubt I will ever have a relationship. I don’t feel sad when someone dies that is important to my friend but I get this urge to comfort my friend and protect her from more loss. Maybe i would feel sad for a second because life is just so unfair to me and my best friend
At a certain point you said you weren’t able to experience grief (minute 4 and something) and the thing that actually surpriesed me a lot is that, in that moment it felt like you were beleiving it as an absolute truth. That “absolute truth” made you visibly feel pain and sorrow for yourself, so you are capable of exeriencing that emotions, it was like your body was contraddicting your thesis. Maybe you are not able yet to Connect with others but you can Connect with yourself, and it’s not a vary different process. Maybe you can learn to apply the same mecchanism to learn how to Connect with others, the deepness of the feeling that you feel for yourself can be a huge potential source of empathy. Just use your ability to manipulate others in making you beleive that others are not so far from you
Idk Jacob, I wouldn't attribute this to narcissism (not being able to experience grief); this is more likely due to trauma and neurodivergency. Growing up the way you did, it would be hard to have the appropriate emotional response to certain situations. I struggle with the same thing regarding death of people and pets. I don't have NPD, but I do have autism/ADHD and a buttload of childhood trauma. I think that plays a bigger role in why I can't experience grief and sadness. I actually MADE MYSELF stay when my sisters old dog got put down....it was almost like I wanted to prove to myself that I would cry if I just saw her take her last breath, to prove I wasn't an unempathetic monster (spoiler: I did cry. A LOT.) Ironic twist to this story: I have strong suspicion my sister has NPD with some BPD traits. She was inconsolable about the dog dying, and stayed depressed for 3 months. She has a hard time letting go of people and pets when it's time because of her fear of abandonment wounds being triggered.
I feel like I've seen narcissists grieve over the loss of pets or people. Do we know what percentage of narcissists don't feel grief or is this more likely to be like a CPTSD dissociative response from being able to feel grief? Also I think a fair bit of neurotypical grief is self-referential because it's thinking about how different your life will be without them and you'll miss your interactions with them.
It all depends. Lots of people who have lost loved-ones don’t cry. It’s a stereotype that all people cry.
Some people cry years later. Some never cry.
My husband and I have had several pets for. He usually cries. I never do.
When my friends cat died he had to tell his sons the cat had died, the older son was a bit sad but the younger son burst out laughing
Hi. Are you on a big dose of medication, by any chance? I'm normally an extreme empath but a few years ago when I was over medicated for anxiety and depression, I couldn't feel empathy or any similar emotion.
Hey buddy its ok sometimes when life really kicks your butt you gain empathy because it humbles you. I used to have similar traits but life hubled me and im not the same sarcastic little nitwitt i was.
Maybe that’s just me what we were programmed to think defines the human experience, grief and such, perhaps you came here to find your own meaning of what it is to be human
What got you to start realizing this stuff and being able to just talk like this, if you don't mind me asking?
This is what I wish my boyfriend would do. Just talk. I don't care if he is or isn't. I'll still be here trying. He knows I'm here and I won't leave. He's just not that bright and I'm an autistic adhd person with a super processor up inside my skull, so I just defuse the narcissist shit with research and knowledge of how. I've never told him, but because it works, it's a very clear indicator of what I'm dealing with. I'm able to defuse and rationally explain things almost daily to him, but he I don't think he is able to break through to the self awareness because he'd be able to implement comparative reasoning and we wouldn't have the same redundant arguments regularly, same exact issues, over and over.
My sister is a narcissist, has four dogs and lives by herself, and I noticed she has that Twisted family system ,she treats them all different, she is super nice to The Golden Child dog and she abuses the scapegoat dog and I'm not sure what the other two are but she yells at them all the time and the older she gets the worst treatment those dogs are getting, narcissist dont discriminate they'll get there papply regardless of where they get it from, is the supply as good as getting it from humans or is it better because the dogs can't complain? But then again it's the complaining of being abused that a narcissist craves, A year ago her oldest dog died and she got a puppy right away that became the scapegoat, I can't call animal control and tell them what I know it's going on would they even believe me, probably not my sister seems so nice to the outside world but she's a demon behind closed doors that's why she lives alone ,she was married for about half a year before her husband file for divorce, I loved my sister, we were so close as kids, but she never loved me back ,what happened to her, when our older brother was murdered she never shed a tear and she would make fun of him and talk s*** about him, I don't know if I'll ever love my sister again I don't think I will. Do all narcissists want their victims dead? Prof Sam Vaknin says all narcissist want their victims dead . Regardless if it's a parent or child a brother or sister or friends it's f***** up to say the least.
(Prof Sam Vaknin) Narcissist wants you dead.
ua-cam.com/video/G08QKrtnnSg/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/Ueh9sGpoWrQ/v-deo.html
Its just thoughts man. Your energy today feels like grief. Maybe you have so much grief the last straw that broke the camels back was in your childhood. I would think the capacity to feel grief after that would be completely exhausted. There is nothing to prove or be ashamed of. We all swim our own race.
I agree, seems like he is grieving today, especially for his pet fish...
Sorry about your fish and your dad’s cat. ❤
We don't really feel sad that their pet or parent died, it's more that we feel for them because they are sad. It's not deep though. It's not a big deal that the cat you haven't been around for years isn't causing grief, because you're removed from its life and death now.
My ex of 10 year was embarrassed when he cried his eyes out when my cat Dolly died, but she'd been living w/ him for 9 years. I'm pretty sure he's narcissistic, but not not dx'd and likely lower on the spectrum for some of the traits.
I'm pretty crap with death/grief. All of my pets are in my freezer and they died over 5 years ago now. I still tell myself they're just on holiday.
10/10 would not recomend grief. Bypassing it is just fine 😉
Hmmm in your freezer. Darl please bury them because thT is creepy AF!
Sorry for ur cat and fish 🥺
Do you think that you’re depersonalised/ dissociated? Are you dissociated from your other emotions?
Sorry about your dad’s cat 🐱 Jacob ❤️ so
Is this a video repost? Seems watched it earlier
My ex narcissist boyfriend definitely had emotional issues with me- but when it came to his dog it appeared genuinely that he loved his dog, even crying at the thought of losing him. Why did he have an emotional connection to his beagle??
I'm ngl, it's a cat. You're not weird. Our culture of idolizing animals is wild, 50-70 years ago, just another day. Now it's supposed to be the end of the world? Idk man, I think that's just society being annoying lmao.
Maybe you have grief burn out because you had to grieve so much for your own losses as a child that you don’t have much left within you to grieve anymore. Your grief capacity has been depleted but don’t worry it can be filled up again.
As for death, if you turn to Jesus there is nothing to fear because you can 100% go to heaven through Him.
if it was Your pet, you would
Die to your flesh and keep your eyes on God readGods word and you will feel peace
🥺jacob you are a kind human and that comes through in this video. Wish you the best always.
I genuinely mean that lol it sucks when written words cant convey intention