Why narcissists judge EVERYTHING
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
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Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. And here I discuss my own personal experience living with narcissistic personality disorder. Including the symptoms and behaviors associated with this disorder, as well as how it has affected my life. I also share some of my coping strategies and how I have been able to manage the disorder, along with helping you understanding your loved ones and their behaviors that may seem almost incomprehensible and potentially hurtful. Hopefully, my channel will provide insight into what it's like to live with narcissistic personality disorder, as well as what it's like for your loved ones. Thank you for watching!
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#narcissist #clusterB #gaslighting #npd #mentalhealth #BPD #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #gaslighting #mentalhealthawareness
You’ re very self-aware for a narcissist-those narcissists I’ ve come across are so unaware of how incredibly judgemental they are 😮
He is aware because he figured he can make a profit of it. Once you decide to be observant and pay undivided attention to something then you can see it clearly.
That’s utter nonsense. Every Narcissist is self aware. Every single one of them. The difference is, he has a label for it, a name, and literature to read about his illness, which explains every little thing he says and does, things he never thought he’d see on paper. He’s also in therapy.
A narcissist who isn’t in therapy and hasn’t received a diagnosis, will still know deep down what they’re doing, they know they’re hurting themselves and others, but the paranoia fantasy overrides their awareness, instantly projecting onto others.
Even if you become “self aware”, or get therapy and read all the material, those same behaviors will likely continue. It’s incredibly difficult to dismantle childhood defense mechanisms as an adult, the core of which is the preoccupation with fantasies.
Narcissists live in the daze of dissociation for most of their waking hours. I’ve practiced yoga, breathwork meditation, and mindfulness, only to realize how disconnected from reality I am. It was terrifying. I am not present at all, most of the time.
Trying to disconnect the portal to my fantasies usually leads to extreme distress to the point of giving up all of the self help methods. The thing in my mind doesn’t like it, it almost shouts at me in my mind, telling me horrible things, but the moment I stop mediation or get of the yoga mat, it’s silent.
@@queend_00exactly.
I love that you acknowledged that when we relapse, it only resets the sobriety clock, it doesn’t undo all of the growth. I haven’t relapsed since getting serious about sobriety but I have talked to a lot of friends who have and who felt destroyed that they lost this seemingly arbitrary badge of “time”. Sadly it makes it harder for these ppl to get back in the horse. YES, being sober is important and staying sober and collecting “time” is meaningful, but it’s far from the end goal. My ex friend from AA is likely a NPD, and has 30 years sobriety… and the emotional maturity of a 3 year old. You’ve blown me away with your self awareness and your emotional growth. ❤
I have a narcissistic and antisocial brother growing up I was a constant target. I also have so many traits you speak off I.e. judgment to others. Love your videos, your not just a simple man. Keep it up 😊
I'm not a narcissist...but have cptsd from being married to a narcissist, and sound is now HUGE trigger.
Also love your honesty and self assessment ❤
Same here. Parents both different types of Narcs, and I ended up with a man like this. I have Cptsd, am Introverted and an HSP. I have misophonia and I hate the way people behave loud and selfish.
@@danielaspitz3052 Oh my goodness, you have been through a lot. I'm HSP and introverted too, but from a young age this started (lights, sounds and smells are off the chart for me).
@@karlibear1553do you know much about autism?
I recently found your channel and I've been listening to and watching some of your videos. And I can relate to so much of what you say. I've suspected that I'm a narcissist for a long time. I've also thought borderline too. I think it's more narcissist with borderline traits as well as as complex PTSD. I come from an entire family of narcissists. I'm still NC with my brother and sister and I am now trying to navigate contact with my mother, which is very low contact but not easy. Thankfully she does not live close by.
After about 4 months of mobbing by my family about 10 years ago, I bailed for my (mostly) mental safety. I was their scapegoat. Before I went no contact though I had already started researching trying to find out more about the dynamic. And of course I came across narcissism and some other cluster B info.
It was shortly after that I started to suspect myself to be a narcisst too although I came across a lot of people talking about 'fleas' and so I was deterred by that thinking that maybe that's what I have; fleas. I just don't think you can be raised by narcissists (both my parents are and I think my mother leans to the AsPD side in addition to the narcissm) and not emerge into adulthood wihtout a cluster B yourself...or at least heavy traits.
Edit: I almost forgot: Thank you for putting yourself out here. Your videos are really helpful.
I have a narcissist man from Serbia who tries to control me and is very judgmental, he wants to know everywhere I’ve been and who I’ve spoken to, he always wants to know more about me than himself, always demanding answers about my day and telling me what to do. He has so much of this narcissism energy that it can be very draining on me. I have cried cause I love this man but he’s just so draining to handle at times, he sucks up my energy (his supply) and sometimes I just want space and have to hide away for a day/night. If only they could realise how they make their supply feel, the overwhelming feeling. Or do they realise and just can’t help themselves? He will never admit that he has NPD but he’s never denied it when I’ve questioned him. It causes rage so I rarely bring up how I’m feeling, he thinks I want to start a fight. What a terrible situation I’m in and not good for my mental health, he can not treat me fairly, constantly says he knows more and says that his things and ways are better than mine, he has so much pride in himself, he has said to me that he has a high IQ, thinks that everyone is stupid and that he is superior
Run.
and you are proud to stay with this monster?
You are stupid for staying with him 🤣🤣🤣
I have (had) CPTSD and I'm an Introvert and HSP, I litterally hate people. I don't mind what they are but I hate how selfish and egotistical most behave.
What's HSP ??
@@anna_256highly sensitive person
Same, autistic, hsp, cptsd. I simply don't understand most people. I don't hate them as individuals though, but I hate that I feel so disconnected from other people's way of behaving and thinking and of course I hate all the damage they do to others mostly out of a lack of coherence and self awareness. I started believing that this meant I had npd too but I'm seeing many differences in the ways I "hate" people and the world and the way narcissist hate people.
Great video man. Your honesty and openness about your experience is really interesting
Have you ever considered making a podcast since you have so much on your mind and a lot of different topics to talk about?
Oh my god there should be a cluster B podcast! Get one of each of them!
@@kateashby3066 Yes! Love that idea!!!
@@kateashby3066 Yes! Love that idea!!!
Thank you sooo much!!! This helps A Lot 🥺 My Hubby drives me nuts when we're out, whether driving or walking and he's judging & criticizing everybody & everything 🤦🏻♀️ I can't understand why??? It's veryyy draining. Why not enjoy a nice beautiful trip, enjoying each-other & taking in the beauty & fun that place has to offer. Well, we've been together for 20 years 😝 so now, I have developed strategies to make the trip enjoyable in spite of his fluctuating moods 😂 By the way, I Looove your talent for insights & self-reflection. Be Patient with Yourself: You Are Sooo Young, don't expect to have all the answers. Like Carl Jung used to say: "The Privilege of a Lifetime is to become who you truly are." We continue on growing, learning, growing, expanding & understanding more, so enjoy the ride, be patient & kind with yourself & keep yourself SOBER, it takes sobriety to find inner peace & to see things more clearly. Thank you again for Everything & Wishing You The Best of The Veryyy Best 🍀
@@khan_zero Thank you sooo much, I haven't heard of it, I'm going to investigate it 🤗
It is narcissist brain producing naturaly bad messages. There is some research I read - something left and right hemisphere not funcioning right...
It starts early - they have a real discust for people.
You can not change their brain, it gets worse with age.
They just hate themselves and everybody else 24/7.
Your hubby is disguisted with you too, his parents etc. He just does not tell you :))
Listen how he talks about parents...they can not stand them.
They are really bad people and you should plan your exit... and listen to Sam Vaknin... He has a good video - Old age narcissist.
They become more and more delusional in their grandiosity fakery etc.
Thank you for this insight. It's quite interesting as I see a lot of similarities with how you think and function with my ex girlfriends behavior. She constantly went into these raging attacks and said everything hurtful she could about everything I had said to her in confidence about myself. I'm usually not that sensitive to jokes about my insecurities as long as it comes from a heartfelt connection and with good intentions as I often feel it's friendly banter to me and a way to show that you see the other person for who they are. I often make joke like this or mirror those things back to people, and as I said I do it, at least to my mind, as way to show that I see you. But after that relationship I see that it is a very good tool to gauge how safe and trustworthy a person is. If they can't take that I'm mirroring their "grandiosity" in a silly way or the slightest joke about themselves that they are constantly judge others for, then that's a big red flag for me. I believe I have some PTSD from that relationship because I'm Autistic (Aspie) and I often pick up on peoples patterns and can make impulsive (Also ADHD) jokes, sometimes a bit "offensive", about stuff without being able to stop myself, but to me it's always in good fun and with good intentions. My perspective and attitude is that we are all equal in value and I can get quite frustrated and annoyed with people with "grandiose" or "woe is me" attitudes and I like to poke fun at those people, not because I need to feel superior but for some reason I want to harmonize and equalize people to the same level. From this video I can see how this would be extremely triggering for narcissistic people and why my ex constantly attacked me as she probably felt I was attacking her internal feelings of insecurity when I poked at her. But then again I think a lot of the time I only had to exist to make her fly into a rage, and in my mind I could never figure out why. And the most confusing thing was that she couldn't tell me.
hey might it be that in autism the "judging" aspect of ptsd is different expressed then ndp ? in autism there is also the anaylising part, which is judging i guess in a way, even bw splits in mere seconds, but the expression and the afterthought might be different ? like relavitistic thinking is part of the analysis.
@@willemvo7296I'm autistic with CPTSD, doubting if I'm NPD or BPD too. However, I do see there's a difference in the way I judge and "hate" people and the world to that of most narcissists I've heard of because I rarely feel this anger against individuals, but it feels more like "life or humanity in general" and hating my inability to fit in. When I get mad at individuals it's usually only when I know they've harmed someone else (not even if they hurt me), so there's like a big component of some strange empathy there too. Like, I'm vegetarian because I can't even stand animal suffering and I hate the people who have psychopathic postures towards animals but appear to be "compassionate" towards fetuses. I don't know, life is very confusing and I'm tired
If you looked at everybody as equal you would not live in a hierarchy. Everybody just has their own special gifts and talents and that is all.
But they arent equal
They arent equal but every person have their own personal traits of which they succeed and have strengths over others. Not everyone has the same abilities bit there are so many different avenues in which none can take to succeed in life. There is room for everyone.
Narcissist vulnerable... the realest it gets.
I'm very grateful for your videos. Great to see you x
Good to see you back Jacob. Ive been getting worried since your last video did not seem to be the easy one to make ... hope youre doing ok💚sending love💚
I love watching these types of videos purely because the idea of hierarchal thinking is honestly mind-boggling to me.
I have a question for you: have you ever gotten angry in the event where somebody else put you in a certain part of their own hierarchy? As in, interpreting their perception of you as them telling you what to do?
I’ve never been truly able understand seeing things through a hierarchical lens. If anything, I perceive the concept as a threat to my autonomy and get stupid angry lol
One thing I can't understand about narcissists is how they are prone to behaving in a costly or self-destructive way, even when it's obvious that NOT doing so will lead to an objectively better outcome for all.
Is it that they are UNABLE to predict the negative effects of their behaviour, or do they do it whilst knowing it will have a negative impact on themselves eventually?
E.g. If a narcissist IS able to logically observe that a comment is made with good intentions, why would they respond as though it was an attack? Why can't a good comment just be accepted as a good comment? Wouldn't they be aware on some level that 'punishing' a person who means well - morals aside - is to wilfully ignore reality, and will eventually have bad consequences, and is hence a form of self-sabotage, or a "shot in the foot".
Yes because helping them is seen as giving your little brother a head start in a race or something like that. They see it as disrespect they are too retarded to be helped
Because at PD level it’s hard-wired into your personality to behave a certain way. Some maladaptive personality traits you can learn to recognise and manage but it involves a willingness and openness critical thinking and intelligence plus some hard work to do this.
Omg I’m so happy I met this channel gives you whole different perspective of npd. Your self analysis is impressive and you’re very good explaining it. Just went through all your short videos
I have a bunch of questions some related to this video some not. But I'm going through some things and trying to figure things out. Where can I find like a group or something online or in person to talk some of these things out and get answers from people like you that experience and deal with these things and not just someone who has spent a lot of time in school learning about it and or treating people so think they know
Hello. I have BPD and there are support groups on Reddit and Facebook. Just know that there are lots of ppl in these groups that aren’t ready to get well and so a lot of posts can be toxic. That can be rough sometimes (for me anyhow), but if you can sift through that and only focus on the ones that offer growth or that support YOUR growth- they can be helpful. I’ve also seen toxic posts and BPD’s commenting in a manner that calls the person out, in the most living way possible or when necessary- bluntly.
@@kateashby3066 thank you
goro majima had his eye carved out...learning abt his story changed my life entirely same with his friends
Awesome! How've u been? Hope you're doing okay...been watching all of your vids.
I'm curious, what the lack of self-identity feels like?
empty/nothingness i guess
It feels like you don’t have an anchor in life. You’re a chameleon… just trying to create a niche by blending in. But for us, it feels normal because that’s all we have ever known.
Ok that was some real stuff, I like it. Kinda freaks me out though
I remember working with a narc and not wanting him not to know i smoked be ause he would judge me for it...
You aren't the first narcissist I've heard that suffered from alcohol use disorder and at least occasionally used coke that looked down on cannabis use. My husband has npd and only drank, but when he stopped and started smoking (legal state) his perspective on his own behaviors started changing for the better. I'm not sure why it's such a specific thing, but it's interesting.
I need your help, I even lowered myself to ask Hg 🙄😑 I have always known I was an empath, recently I had an assessment with a neuropsychologist about other things, cptsd, adhd, and being neurodivergent. Then she turned to me in the first 20 minutes of a 2 day assessment and said you're an empath, and I must say, it was the most crushing mental health diagnosis I've ever had, I wanted to hear, no it's something to do with trauma, or adhd, personal I had no intention of bringing it up, it's not true the empath and the narcissist, and yet, that's the only way we're seen, and only a narcissist can say no, that's not the case. Our planet is dying, I've never felt such pain, something has shifted, I do not believe narcissists are bad, or that empaths are falling for people left and right, we are necessary, in a level headed way, the world is dying 😔 YOU do not suck...but this empath narcissist connection videos need to stop, people diagnosed with narcissim don't spend all their time looking for empaths and vicsa versa, spread that around, ps despite what you think of yourself, I have so much respect for you, I have so much to say but I'm not brave enough to do it on UA-cam, you are, don't abuse yourself...go to blue october official, you'll find what you need there, don't put yourself down, I don't know why I had the sudden urge to do this at 1am in the morning, it just came over me suddenly and urgently...empaths may or may not be drawn to a narcissist, idk? But we all have bigger problems coming, this is what an empath is, 🤍🙏 ps self medicating with alcohol doesn't make you a drunk, .
i feel bad writing this but i agree with the commenter (khan_zero)
- the original post is winding n confusing- perhaps she has much to say n is shy but i also think there seems to be an issue here, (mental health prob)
Great video! Speaking facts
Haha I try!
I was wondering, do all Narcissists devalue in an overt way? The reason i ask is because i met someone online and they would go from idealization/love bombing to blocking/discarding with no real rhyme or reason.
There was little bits of devaluation that were noticeable, but i feel like most of it was extremely subtle. I remember them once saying to me "I like saying things to you sometimes just to get a reaction". This was before i had read up on any of this stuff. At the time, i remember thinking this is kinda weird but i had no reference point.
Also they would sometimes they would tell me how they were imagining me in certain scenarios which were of me looking like a fool in someway, but they would say it in a way which made it seem like it was just playful. Again because I had no reference point at the time I would just play it off.
All their exes were toxic and abusive apparently (perhaps there was some truth to that but I could tell in retrospect that they definitely weren't a completely innocent party)
I'm my personal opinion I think most narcissists would devalue in more subtle ways. Unless they're full on raging. Unless I'm having a meltdown or my defenses are seriously triggered I don't say devaluing stuff outright cause even people I view as beneath me I want them to like me haha
And tbh I'm not sure if that was an example of devaluation. I could've been, but for me, if I am trying to get a reaction out of someone it means that I'm trying to make them prove they care haha It's messed up I know and I try not to now
@@Thenamelessnarcissist I appreciate the reply! Btw have you ever done a video on Narcissism and maladaptive daydreaming? The reason I ask is because I remember this person telling me how they were constantly day dreaming about the future and how their life looked. Now I know daydreaming in itself is not Narcissistic, but this seemed like it was on the excessive side.
@@Matt-ou7tu I've touched on it but not done a full video! I think it's heavily related to fantasies of unlimited power sucess wealth etc. I'll pick up a hobby and Be distracted by my daydreaming of how great i'll be at it and how everyone will admire me LOL Good video idea!! I'll make one eventually!
@@Thenamelessnarcissist Yeah I was just curious about it! Again, thanks for the reply.
@@Thenamelessnarcissisteven if the person tells you how much they care all the time you still have to test them by getting a reaction?
When discussing the outward projection of your insecurities, it appears that you dislike in others the same qualities or traits you dislike within yourself. I'm just trying to shed some light and help out.
He’s spoken about this in other vids. Dude is extremely self aware how this all works. It’s very impressive.
Thank you
You're not really wrong - some people are morons.
Mine always has to state the race, age, etc of whomever they’re judging
You could write a VERY successful book.
If people were less stupid everything would be fine that's how I genuinely feel almost every day. Do I want to feel that way no ofc. not. If people didn't constantly act like they are infantile I would prefer that.
So you're saying that when you look at other people's relationships, you like to imagine they are treating each other as 'place holders' (have nothing in common but just need to be with someone) because it triggers your own insecurity about needing to be with someone?
I am not judging you, I am trying to understand because it's making me think about my narcissistic boyfriend from years ago, specifically his 'friend' who, without getting to know me at all, had a big problem with me and my boyfriend's previous girlfriends (every single one). He bullied me to the point where I knew either the 'friend' had to go or I had to get out of the relationship (which I did because my boyfriend was getting supply from both of us and wouldn't do anything to protect me).
A lot of information I get from narcissism channels including yours has made me think the 'friend' was also a narcissist. As I'm listening to you talk about this, I am putting the pieces together.
It has always messed with my head when I look back about why he (the 'friend') was so damn possessive to the point of wanting my ex (his friend) all to himself. I do not believe it was a gay thing. The friend was chronically single, unemployed and broke, he never did anything to improve himself, he was the most unmotivated person you can imagine. He just enjoyed making people miserable. After I dumped my unemployed, uneducated, broke ex, I went back to finish my degree, then also completed a law degree.
The friend's mother actually laughed to me once about what she knew about her son's rudeness to the girlfriend who had been a co-worker to both her son and my ex. She thought her son knew better about what a terrible person this woman was (she thought my narcissistic ex was such a 'nice man' and that none of these women had treated him well or appreciated him 🤦🏻♀️🙄) and that her son was just trying to help him break up with her.
I found out later she had been critical about me too. When she met me for the first time, she said 'You're really good looking' but she slowly started to find fault with me..humiliating me but in a very much milder way than her son did.....after her useless, moronic son started bullying me. She was a barmaid.. don't know what word you use in the States..a bartender?
What does it mean if a narcissist criticised your artwork? In a very cruel tone, and then immediately walk away.( Very upsetting because I thought we were friends. )
It means that they knew that would hurt you.
@@whatdoyoulivefor735so, just to destroy the 'friendship' then? Still, why not just fade away......
It means they’re an asshole and you shouldn’t be friends with them. There is no mystery going on here. This is narcissist abuse.
@@ab-kh4hmno, if they just wanted to end the friendship they’d stop talking to you. They did it to hurt you. Because that’s what unhealed narcs do.
I love your honesty. Honestly, we all find ourselves in judgment from time to time. I recently started dating someone (the wrong person-I’ve given up on the idea that my person will ever come back), and all I do is judge this new person. And I feel terrible for doing so. I always thought all people were equal-and we are-but education does count for something…. But what does “education” really mean?? Does street experience count? Higher education? Self education?
The worth of education is based on context. In some cases, an academic would be considered clueless
@@cianbroderick7733 This is very true!!
What is your opinion on Mental Healness and his content?
He helps a lot of people, and I genuinely think he is a good influence on the world, and intends to be. So I have no real issues with his content. I don’t agree with everything he says but, me and him have different life experiences. So that’s to be expected. He’s speaking his truth so I respect him. I may have a different viewpoint on a lot of narcissism stuff than him but I think he still had a valid perspective
He cracks me up how he steady says “clapping them cheeks”. I think you both are awesome. Thanks for what you do.
@@Thenamelessnarcissistagreed. his content just doesn’t feel genuine, if that makes any sense. maybe it did in the past, but it certainly doesn’t now. it feels commercialized and sterile. and one thing i do appreciate about your content, is that it does feel very genuine, and i can tell you’re not actively hiding anything and that you’re just straight saying what’s on your mind. lee seems to pander to a particular crowd, while your seem to speak moreso openly to everyone.
I feel so much pity for the state of narcissists....so unhappy😢. Life is sooo amazing❤❤❤ to be experienced. Lol u stare in the mirror n fix ur hair every minute just like my narc ex....😂😂😂
Trauma dump central ❤️ hope you good Jacob fuck that relapse
Thanks for sharing, do you also have adhd?
@@khan_zero I thought the same 😁
Yes he has, and I have it too!
My sisrer is bpd and says mean things.
What can I expect if a grandiose narcissist my supervisor, and I shelved my self in the company. And I said no touchy and that I don't make work friends?
What?
Stop the drugs, Nameless. You can do so much better.
Like seriously... what is wrong with being interesting?
This is so cool 😁 I love your hair 😀 I too wanna become a narcissist 🙂
Do you... fucking understand... how stiller, Galifianakis, ferrell, every major comedian... takes exactly what you're saying, and prints money from it?
word