Story 1: I(23F) was r-ped earlier this year, my boyfriend(23M) of nine years refuses to have s-x with me and I think he is gonna break up with me Story 2: 9:35 I was r-ped and got pregnant. My (26f) boyfriend (30m) is changing his mind about the baby.
Complete bullshit that men and women can be strictly platonic friends. I'm a man, I have multiple friendships with women and there's no chemistry at all. We're just friends for years. A couple of them are hot, I've known them since 7th grade and sophomore year of high school. I think of them as sisters. I asked them womanly advice for any scenario. If a woman wanted me to cut them off that will be a huge red flag for me on the relationship not lasting.
@RedditOutLoud Relationships: Story 2: No, his parents made him realize that the baby is not really his. It was forced sex that resulted in your pregnancy. Don't couldn't him in your life with the baby included, then count him out.
How did this rape occur, did you know guy, did he know guy, did he go to prison. Long story short based on situation he should bounce. He doesn’t need this single mother shit and if the situation involved you making poor choices. He should transform and roll out.
@I Cant Stanz It wow..... just..... wow. Do you think that all women are just placed on this earth to bow down to men or something? Men and women can and do have platonic relationships. My oldest and best friend is a guy. Being raped isn’t “fucking around” either and don’t get me started on the use of the N word. You have some serious issues. I’m kind of curious if you were born that much of a jerk or if you practice in front of a mirror every day?
When you start screaming at your boyfriend because you want to go hang out with a bunch of guys he hates and doesn't trust instead of be with him, you've already decided the relationship is over.
@@emirhaneksioglu4503 Imagine she didn't get r-ped, wouldn't that mean that her boyfriend would have dumped her the next day without feeling guilty? If she wasn't r-ped, it would still be a good idea for her to tell that story, to keep the resources of her bf around.
@@leto1178 That's my theory. She wasn't r*pe and fabricated that story so she can be the victim. There was probably a mutual friend there who saw her doing the hanky panky with her guy friends so instead of the BF finding out about it through their mutual friend, she fabricated the r*pe story to save face and to make her BF believe she was the victim.
One of my exes left me for a guy who I warned her about. She tormented and taunted me for almost 2 years after. Soon after they got together she came crying to me in the middle of the night about how he beat her. I don't regret looking her in the eyes and telling her that she's not my problem anymore.
"He is perfect." *proceeds to abandon him while sick, proceeded to go to party he warned you about, kept friends he warned you about around, got plastered drunk at said party.* Yeah imma X to doubt that.
Perfect is boring, that's why she stepped out. Even Eve had paradise and everything she could ask for but decided to betray Adam and God with the Devil.
@@hydrationrequirement9762 you really don't want Adam to have any responsibility for what happened, when he wasn't forced and betrayed God just the same. And also, the bible is fiction! 😂 It doesn't matter.
She considers him talking to his own brother about their relationship worse than cheating but she sees no harm in looking through HIS phone for leverage to conspire against HIM, the only one truly there for her at her lowest. The word of the day is: Au-da-ci-ty. 🤣
OP's BF in story one was not trying to be controlling. He was trying to look out for your best interest & Safety. Im a woman , but stop to think that guys for the most part understand how other males think.
We do and we're tired of women accusing us of being "controlling". Most men don't care anymore so we either don't emotionally invest in a relationship or avoid relationships with women all together.
@Britni Watch camile paglia. She said, they fought for women's right to be independent. But she also said, in doing so, they (women) must understand that they have absolved men of any responsibility for their welfare. Women are free to make choices but they are also responsible for the consequence.
Its pretty simple. Men know the fact that there are terribly evil people out there who will take advantage of you in a vulnerable position (men and women both have capacity to carry out evil, just that women are not held as accountable as men), and so when we tell you to trust us that we have a bad feeling about this situation or this person, we are often right. Women call it intuition, men call it instincts. At the end its the same thing, and listening to them is often a good thing. But then, feminists scream bloody murder when we guys offer advice to our women, so go on. Be independent. Just don't expect us to be there for you when harm comes your way.
No man is controlling unless we literally put a collar on a female and chain her to a post. We give them decisions. If you want to hang with guy friends without me there, then you don't want me as your boyfriend and that's your decision. I don't get how people say that giving women decisions to make is controlling when they can choose to leave.
We absolutely do know how other guys think, and we can get a good sense of what another guy is like. A very very small group of men are truly controlling douchecanoes. If we tell you that there are certain guys you are "friends" with that we have a gut feeling are not good company for you to have, we are almost certainly correct about that. If you don't wanna listen to your man about it and wanna go to that social event and violate his trust in you, and it becomes an "I told you so" situation, don't expect us to simply let it go. Women have their their agency and can make their own decisions. Therefore, they should take accountability and responsibility for their own actions.
First story: your BF specifically asked you not to to go and you still went to the party and didn't care about what he thinks. Most men may not be able to articulate what they want to say in a way that will get across to the women but when they ask you not to be with some specific "guy friends" there usually is a good reason. You get this feeling when you meet fellow men if they are sketchy or not.
How was she supposed to know that? She said he has a history of being possessive which probably made her chock it up to noting that doesn’t mean she deserved to her raped for not obeying him
This story was previously told from the BF side. A common friend saw her going upstairs with the guy... she got exposed. The rape was verified the friend.
@@beatmywheat7074 no one is saying that what they are talking about is that guys can pick up on what other guys are like with a short interaction like how women can do the same with other women. It's like a strong gut feeling
Having a bad feeling about another man doesn't mean the boyfriend is jealous or insecure. I have learned to trust my gut feelings about people even if I have no valid reason to distrust the person. OP should have listened to her boyfriend when he asked her not go to the party.
@juice leaks no you interpreted what he said wrong he isn't saying the rape is cheating. He is saying her priorities to her friends over her boyfriend is cheating. There could have been an emotional affair going on with one of the friends we don't know.
I think I read this story from the boyfriends side. Apparently the guy he was worried about was showing concerning behavior beforehand and was a repeat offender. However, he broke up with her after he was told and she admitted that she consented to go up to his room with the intent to cheat. But then the drugs kicked in and that horrible incident happened. He was already losing interest due to her disregard of his feelings beforehand too. Well, when he broke up with her she posted on social media that he broke up with her solely due to the assault and was mistreating her. So.. if this is the same girl then she's leaving some key details out.
@@spartan1010101 Sorry, this was a year ago at least, maybe someone in this thread has it/knows where it is though? I'm also pretty sure it was made into a video as well.
Women love to say “oh we got a feeling” or “ a woman’s intuition”. Guys can have those feelings too. Everything isn’t he’s just controlling or jealous. If I feel something is off imma tell you about it. It’s up to you why you do with that information.
She is responsible for putting herself in the position for what happened. She got drunk and passed out in a party with a bunch of drunk strangers, including horny men. This is not something you do, it is dangerous and was completely disrespectful of her relationship. Even if nothing happened to her, her bf would have every right to be enraged for her doing that.
First story: she turned her boyfriend into her caretaker and no romantic partner should have to be in that position, it's a huge emotional burden. They both need therapy and she needs to understand and not blame her boyfriend if he decides to break up.
@@AMANSHARMA-xw8qi the girl reeeealy sounds like the guys story, which her friends said she wasn’t drunk (w proof) and went up with them. Snorted the wrong stuff and was out of it at that point. You’ll see it at some point from this channel. You’ll know it when you see it
First OP: *calls her boyfriend controlling and jealous while also forcing him to put his entire life on hold to take care of her, and then snooping on his phone and accusing him of cheating because he's not giving her the sex she wants when she wants it*
Slut was in a gangbag and he knows she's full of shit She's holding him hostage and he's waiting till she SAYS she's healed and stops acting so he can dump her.
1st story: poor BF, he's going to be gaslit into staying with her. And other people will help OP do it. And they'll be brutal to him. She should let BF go.
@@xTwilightWolvesx no one's blaming her for getting raped. She made decisions, sucks she got raped. But she cheated and that has consequences. Very few is even considering OP's feelings on this.
@@rickrollrizal2364 She cheated? Dude, what kind of messed up world do you live in where someone getting raped counts as cheating? She didn't cheat, that's not cheating.
@@steel0koala cheating isn't just the act. She got raped. I feel for her. But she made the conscious decision to ignore BF when he said no and went with friends. It's like that other story when the wife met up with the ex alone. They made out, but then ex raped her. The intent to cheat was there, it just ended badly.
Wife went out for a girl's night. Called me at 3 in the morning and asked if I could come get her . She was stuck in some dudes house while he slept and the doors were dead bolted. I told her to call 911 and get home the best she could, rolled over and went back to sleep. Filed for divorce soon after.
@@jmpm-tz1so Well then jmpm. she insisted on going out and getting drunk with seedy male companions against her boyfriends wishes and advice. Everything else happened because of her putting herself in that position. Now she wants to hold boyfriend hostage because of her choices. He should walk or run away from her. She will do this stuff all her life. She is a drama Queen.
@@Bentriverrusher it never says she is holding him hostage, it says that he is staying until she recovers, wich looks like it isnt far away. i wouldnt say she is a drama queen, but i do agree that the series of dumb desitions put her on that situationunfortunatley, that and not doing what everyone else on her position would have done and that is stay with her significant other if he is sick, i know i would have done that in her postition. and i think he is staying for the time being because he is a man and he understands that she has gone through a horrible thing that i dont wish on anyone. apart from this i think we agree on the basic and that is the series of dumb desitions and that if he leaves he wouldnt be on the wrong and it would be more than acceptable. BTW whats a seedy male?, never heard that term in my life
Damn, if only someone warned her about those guys, and had someone to tell her to stay in that night. What happened wasn’t her fault, but more often than not, when a guy who loves you tells you he has a bad feeling about another guy(s), he’s right
Yeah I really don't get this. I remember my last ex (haven't dated in years after her because of the trauma of that ending, but its another story) would go out and get blackout drunk after two weeks of giving birth to our child while we were living at her parents, one night I had a really loud argument with her that the whole family heard. It started with me asking her as reasonably as I could to stay home, she could drink at home and be loud and what not but to just stay home because I didn't like the guys in her new small friend group. See I didn't want to drag her away from those friends because she was struggling with depression after the birth and was dissassociative with our child, I was the main care giver for both our child and my girlfriend, she needed a lot of support and going out had helped her but it turned into partying stupidly. This one night we fought and I was desperate so I demanded she stay at home and watch movies or play video games or something, that I'd personally mix her drinks if she wanted to be waited on. But she refused. Her mother came to me shortly after and said she'd look after our child so I put on some decent clothes and went out after my girlfriend. Long story short, I was right, when I was away helping one of my girlfriend's friend's who had eaten some bad food at the table (she was a driver so hadn't drank anything like me) the boys began feeling my girlfriend up, I actually came back to him groping her breast and she looked rather uncomfortable which was oddly satisfying to me. I untangled her from the boys thanks to how close to being under the table she and they were, a few elbows and well placed pokes got them to curl up and let me extract my girlfriend, I then convinced the other girls to pack it up and both I and the other driver got the girls home safe. My girlfriend was really upset about everything and would flip flop from attacking herself emotionally over it to attacking me. Thankfully our child wasn't exposed at the time (she had a nursery space), unlike OP's BF, I stayed as I hadn't lost my feelings for her but I no longer trusted her with anything anymore and I feel like that was what ultimately ruined our relationship over the next several months. But yeah, she always ignored my gut feelings about people, but I never really stopped her from socializing either.
@@Rexhunterj damn I’m sorry u had to go through that bro. I hope u and ur kid are doing ok, but it’s always good to keep ur head up. If there’s a good guy like u, then there will always be a good girl for u
It's definitely her fault... it's like jumping in a lion cage & blaming the lion for mauling that person. When you put yourself in risky situations and horrific shit happens that is definitely your fault.
@@nationalsocialism3504 as someone that was raped by my ex boyfriend, and also raped by a “friend”, she literally put herself in danger. She wanted to be a pissy bitchy brat, and while NO ONE should be raped, she literally chose to hang around guys that her boyfriend said to be wary of. And it pisses me off because I didn’t get a choice. It was my own boyfriend, I was supposed to trust him not to hurt me. Same with my friend. But she DIDNT EVEN KNOW THESE MOTHERFUCKERS. LIKE if I said hey man, don’t give a knife to Johnny Stabby Hands, he just got out for stabbing people, and you give him a knife, am I supposed to feel even a shred of empathy for you when you get stabbed? Like good grief. I hope her boyfriend leaves her because he’s no longer a boyfriend. He’s emotionally being held hostage into being her caregiver.
I think it’s just their way of displacing some of the blame. Go to therapy and discover some obscure possible personality flaw or mistake on your part that resulted in my crappy decision. See! We’re both responsible for this tragedy!
@@Neo_Leo85 or maybe she wants him to work through what's bothering him? The guy told her he's grossed out by the thought that other men have been inside her. She was forced! There is something wrong with that mindset. Like, why does everything have to be- "because whamen bad"?
@@OmegaZeroX28 he's not telling her this now, though. He's telling her that her assaulted privates are off putting! And his previous jealous tendencies might've caused his concerns to be missinterpreted as such.
@@OmegaZeroX28 what I mean is he's not telling her that's his problem when she asks him. I get that it's part of the story And yes, he said he felt sick. I interpreted that as an attempt to get her not to go. Maybe not but it seems like she didn't believe him then either.
@Rock No I can say what the fuck I want. Free world and all that jazz. Boyfriend is NOT 10/10. He is, at best, 6/10. Since you asked so 'nicely' I will break it down for you. By the way, this was all about the first story, so make sure you are on the same page. She was young and dumb and went to a party with some shady guys. She paid the price for it. That seems to be fairly well understood. Honestly, in my opinion, if ANYONE is in a relationship and goes to a party alone, without their partner, they aren't mature enough to make a true long term relationship last. If they were, they would be inviting their significant other to go with them and not going if they couldn't. -As to the guy, he did much of what was required early on. However, he also dropped the ball. He failed to complete the communication and tell her in explicit detail why his "douche bag alarm" was screaming like a geiger-counter at chernobyl. Had he stated point blank he was afraid they were going to try and rape her, and she had still gone, then he would have done better and been 7/10. He didn't.- -To get to an 8/10, he should have gone with her. Had she not wanted him to go, then he would be a 10/10 on the situation and been fully clear to walk away from her.- Change of ratings: I just re-watched bits of the first part again. The boyfriend made a lot of mistakes. *BEFORE I CONTINUE: Let's be clear we are only getting one side of the story, so full judgement cannot be passed on anyone. I am reserving final judgement on both the girlfriend and the boyfriend in the first story.* Her boyfriend is the jealous controlling type. He tried to gas light her into not going to the party by feigning illness instead of saying point blank what his true fears were. He also kept attacking her for having male friends and feared she would cheat on him. Could she have? Given her insistence on going to the party and never once indicating if she had asked her bf to come, I'd say definitely possible had things continued as they were and she had not been raped. She is no saint. He isn't either. So, we have established we don't know if he was asked to come to the party or not, we don't know if he was and declined, we don't know if he told her that he was getting ultra douche bag vibes from her "male friend" and feared she might be attacked and raped, we are told that he was jealous and controlling (means he is insecure, not a sign of maturity that), we are told that there was shouting and screaming, and we are told there was possible gas lighting on the boyfriend's part. Then there is the aftermath. She has been violated, physically and violently. She has just had the biggest "I told you so" moment in her young life to date. Now, the one guy whose instincts she should have trusted more is tossing her out. Instead of being there for her, of being supportive, he is pretty much decided she wasn't raped, but rather that she cheated. *Remember: We weren't there so until the record she presents if proven false, we have to approach the story from the light that it might all be a lie and that it all might be true. We shouldn't cherry pick which part to call true and which to call a lie. Then evaluate things from both sides before coming to a temporary final conclusion without more of the story. **_If this was a trial then she would be innocent until proven guilty base upon a preponderance of the evidence._* That he is willing to walk away from her at this point, assuming she has told us nothing but the truth, then he was already having doubts in his mind as to their future as a couple. As such, I read his actions as that their relationship was already in danger of coming to an end one way or another. Had he been more mature, he would have supported her. He would be furious, yes, but he wouldn't abandon her side either. Assuming this story is true in its entirety, the events of that party would ensure she would never ever leave his side ever again. She would submit to him completely and be glad for it for she would fear all other men and not trust her own judgement of them. Had the boyfriend been truly a good man he would have to have done the following: 1) Accept her male friends as "like her brothers" and trust her. 2) When his "Dangerous Douche Bag Alarm" goes off, be fully explicit when it goes off and why. 3) Offered to attend the party with her. *IF SHE REFUSED: then he would have grounds to break up and not support her past this point. This was NOT a girls only party.* 4) Not try to gas light her into staying home the night of the party. 5) Once she was attacked, should have been furious, yes as is his right, but also been supporting of her. 6) Obtained counseling for her, both private and couples, to help her. He isn't a bad guy, as far as I can tell, but he does have plenty of room to grow. Mistakes were made on all sides.
@@Maadhawk first he didn't gaslight her he got sick after an argument and had a headache and a fever that is very common for alot of people so don't assume he's forcing her to stay because he isn't feeling well. He could've very much not been feeling well. Second you say he's controlling but he isn't he told her I have a bad feeling about X and that was only after I repeat after as she admits in the post she had been spending more time with her male friends than her bf and he had a bad feeling about 1 in particular. Third if he had told her oh I think they're trying to rape you and used that to get her to stay home guess what people would say he's being manipulative and that she should dump him see how that works? He has to tiptoe his way around that topic because it can easily be used against him by people to say he's trying to control her so that isn't a good suggestion. So as the former guy said he had almost no faults the only fault he has is not seeking therapy for his childhood trauma on cheating clearly it affected him alot and he need therapy to get over it.
So basically, the man who loves this woman more than anyone in the world at this point has a gut feeling about these friends of hers and repeatedly insists she stay away, does his best to stop her from going without actually crossing the line into controlling behaviour, and she doesn’t listen to him cause, I dunno gurl power or something, and it turns out he was 100% correct in his feeling, and now all he has left of her is a broken mess that he can’t leave alone even to go shopping, she can’t even shower alone, and what he’s supposed to just deal with this for who knows how long? Likely a significant portion of her life going forward. I’m not blaming her for getting gang raypd, thats not cool at all, but she has to take some credit for A: not listening to the man she loves and trusts when he has a strong feeling, B: going to a party without him knowing he doesn’t trust these “friends”, and C: proceeds to get drunk to the point of blacking out around these “friends” who her man clearly had a bad feeling about. And there you go. Its not her fault she got raypd, thats on the men who did the evil act. Everything else IS on her. If I go to a party full of Rabbi’s and get black out drunk, I might wake up without my foreskin, and that sort of is on me for not being safe in whatever environment I am in. No one should be getting this wasted without a buddy to make sure they are safe, otherwise shit like this happens. Now BF might leave cause he doesn’t want to take care of a broken person who can’t be fucked to show him enough respect to just listen to him when he is trying to keep per safe. That’s what men do for the people we love especially our women. If my wife told me not to go to that Rabbi party because she has a bad feeling about those guys and I go to the party anyway get totally wasted and wake up without my foreskin, what should I say? It turns out that people who love you might be stopping you from doing something precisely because they actually care about you and don’t want to see you getting hurt in A situation that you can’t defend yourself and like let’s say getting blackout drunk at a party full of guys who might do illegal things to you. It’s not toxic masculinity it’s called actually caring about somebody enough to stop them from doing stupid things and it goes both ways for men and women. I am equally disappointed If it was a man who drank too much at a party by himself and then got violated if he didn’t listen to his partner who warned him. Just to reiterate I’m not blaming the girl for getting raped but I am blaming her for going without her boyfriend not listening to him and getting too drunk to defend herself those things were in her control
That's cause alot of women care more about validation and fun more than the people who care about them. These type of scenarios make me so depressed and full of rage. Hopefully this never happens to me because my girl can be rebellious and god i wanna kill someone just thinking about it (not actually but thats the level of anger and sadness I feel)
@Chuck R that kind of behaviour invites certain kinds of actions, kind of like bathing in gazelle blood and then going to the savana and flailing in acid and then becoming a victim of lions, AFTER the safari guide repeatedly told you not to do that, there are lions out there. Chicks complain ablut how unsafe it is to he a woman and then go to the club already drunk walking alone down a dark ally to get there. Theres only so much sympathy or empathy one can give before needing to acknowledge the fact that usually we do these things to ourselves through our poor choices.
@@guntgunderson2829 So women who leave the house, wear nice clothes, drink alcohol, wish to go to events or parties, speak to men, are 'inviting' rape and sexual assault? I dare you to reply, in a CIVIL manner, with none of Reddit's usual mysogynist abuse. No? Thought not.
I think unfortunately in story 1 she believed that they’d always be together as she was so entrenched in both his and his family’s life. Which actually makes her actions so awful. 1) he’s gorgeous, really smart and pretty much said he way out of her league 2) his family has taken care of her and paid for her education 3) he was unwell and she couldn’t miss a party with these “friends” 4) she’s now monopolised his life and after getting other people in their relationship considers it worse than cheating he discussed with his brother that he no longer loves her All she’s done is he’s wonderful poor me poor me
I don't even think she expressed any concerns about what her skanking has done to the adoptive family that has done everything for their outside Princess
Regarding the first case. The sad truth is, that this guy`s girlfriend went to that party regardless how her BF felt about it, knowing the sort of people that would be there and what`s probably going through her boyfriend`s mind is; was she up for it on that night, did she flirt, bring all this upon herself and then only regretted it after the situation became out of control? Rightly or wrongly, this is how most people will think was the case and if this were my GF or wife, I`d probably be feeling the same. I think her decision to go partying has destroyed her relationship.
That's just it though. The relationship was over when she walked out the door, regardless of what happened at the party. Her priorities were clearly not in the right place for having a relationship with her BF.
@@rustyreese4006 Are you kidding me just because she didn't follow his advice that one time they deserve to break up? Guess what when you are in a relationship you don't have to do everything your SO tells you to, she may have thought that he was just being insecure. And lastly why is everyone insinuating that she's to blame that she was raped? That's about the stupidest victim blaming shit I've ever heard.
@@angelloodleoul4217 I agree there is no reason to blame her being raped. Rapist is only one who deserves blame on that. But seriously. They started dating at 14, never grew up individually, be yourself because you are glued to other. Not knowing shit about life "Our relationship was mature" is lie that every teenager tells themselves etc. breaking up was thing to happen and this just triggered it. The fights didn't sound very mature. Very good chance he realised he wants to see life and what else is out there. Because that phase was coming sooner or later.
@@duckeh1952 Yea I'm just mad that almost everybody in the comments blame her for her rape. I do understand the guy tho where he is coming from. They were each others firsts in everything, They both sound immature from op's post tho.
@@angelloodleoul4217 No one is saying she deserved to be raped. They're saying she went into that horrible situation willingly. She did the "I'm gonna do what I wanna do" and " you can't tell me what to do" and went to the party anyway despite being told not to by the bf. bf has every right to leave because it's just as emotionally scarring for him too.
When your special someone tells you they are uncomfortable with you hanging out with certain people you should honor their feeling. I would have left you immediately. If you cared about your boyfriend you would not have been with those guys. Be damned if I would stay with a woman that left me to hang out with other guys.
No kidding. Sick of hearing from women how there is nothing wrong with hanging out all day with a "guy friend". As if those "guy friends" don't have other things on their minds. Crazy how naive these party girls are.
@@someone-ji2zb you guys blame the guys too much. I watched women fuck tour the party groups while being "loyal" to their BF's. Lol if your gf has lots of guy friends it is because she's fucking a few of them.
No one is obligated to stay with you just because you have trauma. I would be angry is my bf hung out with girls i didnt like without me if i was sick too. It’s disrespectful to him to be honestly and if have left too. She’s trying to manipulate him into staying. It’s not her fault she was assaulted at all and I’m so sorry she went through that and she didn’t deserve it but she did make bad decisions and was disrespectful to her relationship. He owes her nothing.
Story 1: Without the rape, it looks like they were going to break up eventually. BF says he is not feeling well and she blows him off to go to party with guys that he told her that he doesn't trust/like. Now he takes on the caretaker role and she realizes that she loves or needs him? He needs to move on and remember the girl that abandoned him to party
Absolutely, she was a wannabe party girl and was probably flirting and leading the guys on. How is it that she was all alone with these guys the entire duration of a party and felt no danger? She did, she liked the attention and wanted to lead them on and see where it goes. She probably ended up in a regret situation mid-way through getting a foursome and the instant get out of responsibility was to cry grape.
@@loganblackwood2922that's such a male response! That is Disgusting 🤢! I genuinely hope no woman on this planet has the absolute horror of being your wife! Men like you are the reason why Rape Culture exists, and women cannot feel safe, EVER! You always say that it's a lie, cause sureee men are such good boys, they would never do it if she wasn't leading them on, right?? That's why no man trusts other men around their daughter, sister or wife!!!
People keep saying its not OPs fault but she has agency. She has a responsibility to take care of herself. She decided to go to a party with 3 shaddy guys her boyfriend warned her about. She choose to drink. She didn't choose to have that awful thing happen to her, but all her actions lead her to that and everything up to now. I feel bad for the boyfriend for his feelings and that he feels trapped to be with OP. If he stays he will be miserable and never heal but if he leaves his family might cut him out because he couldn't handle being with OP anymore. They'll see him as a bad guy for leaving OP when she needs support he can't give anymore. I hope OP and probably STBX boyfriend heal from this and move on.
Yeah nothing special here just a typical girl who says she loves a "perfect boyfriend" ( meaning perfect SIMP) and leaves if the perfect boyfriend needs her...
I don't believe in karma, but I do believe the rape was her fault too. Partially, but still so. Anyone that says it is not her fault is seriously disrespecting her and her right to choose. She made a stupid choice and put herself in a stupid situation. She ignored warnings, but again, exercised her right to choose. She was raped, and that is a horrible result, but her actions led her to put herself in that situation. It is her fault, and she has to own up to it if she really ever wants to heal. Idiots giving her a soft pass and enabling are not helping. It's called accountability. For her to feel in control, she has to take accountability. She has to "know" that she can make better choices and not end up in the same situation in the future. By saying it's not her fault, NO ONE IS HELPING HER. You take away her power and that means life is against her and she had no control over anything. That will only have her living in fear (how she currently is) like a scared mouse. If anyone truly wanted to help her, they would tell her what fault she carries, allow her to be accountable. Teach her better decision making skills, and empower her to take control of her life and not stay stuck in victim mode.
I know I’m probably going to get some flak, but the reason we are cautious around the male friends that our partners makes is because we know damn well what’s in each other’s heads, it’s a complex and difficult machine filled with traps and turns that only we can figure out not just sports and beer.
@@ethantaillefer-meyn6535 I only "enjoy" sports becaue is a form I bond with my dad and other family males, now than I have otehr ways to bond with them (agriculture) I prefer it over that stuff. And beer... Well, some aren't bad but there are lots of better bevereages out there.
@@Cheepchipsable I don't think he came close to implying that. It's just like when a woman is capable of noticing behaviours in another woman, that no man notices, because she is a woman, even if she herself never would do that. A man also is capable of noticing those behaviours in another man just because he is a man.
@@Cheepchipsable you can tell when another human being seems kinda murderous right. If they were sending off those red flags it’d be obvious right? Well do you have murder on your mind (hehe) my point
If a woman leaves her sick partner at home alone to go get drunk and party with a bunch of 'male friends', she's actin' like a cheater. If he's like "X, Y, Z are creeps. Stay away from them" and they're the 'male friends', chances are, she is a cheater. What she says happened to her is unfortunate. Doesn't change that the behavior leading up to it is a relationship killer on its own. Now she's a gigantic drag and awful to be around because of something that /should have been avoided/ if she trusted him.
It sounded more that she was spoiled by his family. She wanted to give him payback for being jelous. She gets suddenly shagged by three friends at a party? That is a major mistake in charcter. The guys know that if they r#pe her they will get caught really easily. It could be a possibility that she consented then changed her mind calling it r$pe.
@@skadi6750 have you ever been in a heated argument with a family member who you really love because if it leads to screaming those arguments cause sever headaches after so the chances that he wasn't lying are very high
OP n1 sounded like she was rebelling against a “parental figure” and not a partner. They clearly had different ideas about spending time together and boundaries in their relationship. I hate to say this but to me it sounds like their relationship was already on the rocks pre-incident, and the incident just threw the whole relationship into chaos and permanently solidified OP’s boyfriend as a caretaker and parental figure to her. I’m sorry but when you’re in love with a guy why feel the need to leave and binge drink with other men? That’s what teenagers do when they are figuring out boundaries, not grown adults in serious relationships. These men clearly did not respect OP and her BF clearly had picked up on that. No one deserves what happened to OP by any means, but did you really even love him and want to spend time with him or were you two just trauma bonded because of OP’s loss at 17? I hope OP’s therapist has brought up the idea of trauma bonding to her so she can hopefully have a healthier relationship in the future. I hope OP’s bf’s parents don’t keep paying her bills after she ** checks notes ** abandoned him while sick to go to a party. Wtf. It’s just kind of screwed up all around and did not sound like a healthy giving relationship to begin with. And I say this as someone who experienced loss and abuse similar to OP’s. I have since moved on from codependent relationships into a healthy and a strong partnership. True love is a two way street of giving, not just take take take. I hope OP finds support, health and strength post breakup but her BF deserves love, partnership and intimacy on his terms too.
@@yourlandladysson6395 he did. He knew something was fishy but she didnt listen. Women seem to be driven to torpedo something when it provides to much stability. He was the one that provided for all her stability in her life. Sucks because he sounds like a catch with a fantastic family that some other hotter chick is going to snatch in a heart beat.
@Two Hatchet The crazy part is that she was acting independent when she was the farthest thing from it. The 2 of them were functionally married and she was acting single in his home, with his money, and his family's support. Truly independent ppl provide those things for themselves and can protect themselves.
1st story sounds like "I refused to listen and support my BF, refused to even consider his request, went to hang out while he was sick, made a long line of mistakes, and now I must face the consequences of all of my stupid actions." Everyone must pay for their mistakes, and OP isn't different.
@@tardislady9546 I am not a redditor. She is responsible for hanging out drunk near people who are up to no good, and I have doubts about this whole thing being rape and not just a cheater spinning a story.
@@FishAnvil the other side of the story theres the bfs side somewhere on reddit where a friend saw her making out with the guy and then proceeded to lead him up stairs
1st story: boyfriend was sick and couldn't go. Needed support because he was in an awful shape. Girlfriend didn't have enough love and/or respect to stay with her man after all he and his family did for her. If a person I love gets sick and isn't feeling well then I would stay by their side because seeing them unwell would make me feel bad. It bothers me a great deal that she expressed ZERO sympathy for the sick boyfriend and just wanted to party.
@@z4ne398 It bothered me a great deal. The inability to want to nurture her boyfriend was surprising. Considering how much love he has shown her at every step and turn.
LOL, he didn't sound that sick to me. In all honesty he sounded controlling and was trying to use Man-flu to get her no to go. She went specifically because he was trying to manipulate her into not going. Frankly I don't think the relationship would have lasted anyway.
@@Cheepchipsable He was the best boyfriend ever. Gave her a place to live, a family a place to belong and in return she couldn't even be that sympathetic to him. Anyways best they break up. The dude is with her because he pities her. Best to just let her go so she can be free and he should focus on himself and his own happiness.
Boyfriend asked OP not to go. She destroyed her own relationship. So many people don't understand that your significant other should be more important than hanging out with friends. Hope OP has learned a lesson to help in her next relationship.
Story 1: I cannot blame the boyfriend. He asked, she didn't care. He probably even lied about not feeling well to get her to stay, and she went anyway. And the thing he feared the most happened. It destroyed her and him. He blamed himself and also blames her, like it or not. This is a relationship that was, heavy on the was, special and should have never ended. But this illustrates how one bad choice, going to a party (or cheating once), can destroy a relationship. And by no means does she deserve this. Not in any way, shape, or form. But he also is under no obligations to stay with her. Like it or not, he was hurt by her actions. Not as much as she was, that's for damned sure, but his everything was destroyed.
Why do women take unnecessary risks and ignore men that warn them of the danger? Like my sister goes on walks in the park at night, i’m a big guy and even i’m not stupid enough to do that, take some responsibilify for your own safety, the feminists that tell you to do whatever you want because men are just trying to control you won’t be there to protect you when the time comes.
Um, welcome to 2020. Women are openly displaying what little respect they have for men in general. Then when it exploded in their face, they want "their man" to fix it. She never wanted a husband, just a clean up man.
@@danedee6563 That's an unfortunate and deluded perspective. When they find out that women are capable of the same evils, it'll hurt even more. Men and women need each other for humanity to persist. Without understanding and mutual compassion, suffering will only increase. I think a lot of those women who think that way have had profound disappointment in their fathers, or have been poisoned by women who have had profound disappointment in their fathers.
@Carter Atwell I'm sure now you can appreciate and perceive the benefits of her always being there for you while your father earned the money. There is a big difference in the quality of life and experiences of those that grew up with a stay at home parent and those with 2 working parents or a single working parent.
@Brighton - except it might have been about him manufacturing feeling sick in order to control her and keep her home. This would have become a problem in the future anyway. He wouldn’t let the relationship mature before the incident.
@@teacheschem on the other hand, maybe he "manufactured being sick" because he didn't trust her friends. And I mean, with this outcome I can't say he was exactly _wrong_ either 😕
@@teacheschem Ah yes so him "pretending" to be sick makes him manipulative but her getting mad when he rejects her sexual advances and then assumes he's cheating so she goes and snoops on his phone obviously makes him way worse.
8:23 Sums up the first story. He tried to warn her, she took it as 1) him being controlling, and she was rebelling against his protests and warnings, and 2) she left him while he was sick. The second point is the dagger from which there is no return, for OP revealed how much she really cared for him with that move. All that put together has destroyed his feelings for OP and made him realize she isn't who he thought she was. Now he's just going through the motions of helping OP recover before letting OP go, because he's not an a**hole who puts someone out in the street right after a traumatic incident - but yeah, it's over.
Yes if you have a serious relationship with someone you don’t leave your sick partner to go party with friends of the opposite sex PERIOD, especially when your boyfriend has told you he doesn’t trust these men. A good woman shouldn’t even have male friends like that if she has a man. I believe she was open to doing something with one of those men at the party based on the way she behaved to her boyfriend and how interested she was in going to party with other dudes besides him.
@@doomguy9049 Come on, the guy was pretending to be sick to manipulate her into staying behind. How does nobody see that? And guys wonder how girls end up in abusive relationships...
@NotoriousProfessorChaos #99669966 I don’t know who deleted my comment, but this is clearly an echo chamber, so I’ll take my leave. Let’s just say that I hope karma will teach you to be more empathetic, one day.
@@doomguy9049 i agreed with you until the part were it says doesnt trust these men, everything after that is were we desagree, i believe that every person if they are going to a party has to go with someone of the same sex doesnt matter if you are female or male, no one can be a 100% safe.
@@professor9343 Only in a group setting or with a specific shared interest/hobby, and not deep enough to spend time alone together. If you think otherwise, you're just unaware of the other person's feelings for you.
@@James-hu8ir alone time? I don't what's going through y'all brains but if the first thought of your significant other hanging out with one friend is cheating then you need to redefine trust. My friend has a boyfriend and she would just have days where we'd just talk alone about dumb shit or me giving her advice.
First story: I’d break up with her too. What happened to her is NOT her fault, but I would still terminate the relationship based on the events that took place. She needs to mourn the loss of the picture she had in her head of them growing old together, and then plan and execute an exit strategy so she can move on with her life as a young single woman.
@@tardislady9546 yes I would. I wouldn’t use the word abandon, but I would break up with her. I couldn’t be with a woman that’d been through something like that after she disobeyed my commands to not go to that party, complete betrayal of my authority and then she became tainted for it because she failed to let me save her from herself.
That’s the thing, it IS her fault. She CHOSE to go to this party with men her SO warned her were unsavory. She CHOSE to get blackout drunk. She CHOSE to go to sleep in a secluded location. Now, she is: Blacked out Hidden Surrounded by unsavory men All by her own choice. If you jump into a lion’s den, it’s your own fault for doing so.
@@cecilrhodes2153 I see your point but I wouldn’t necessarily go that far, nobody asks to get r**ed, yes if you willingly stick your hand in a blender it’s your fault your hand gets emaciated but we can’t use that logic to excuse the unthinkable acts that the perpetrator did.
In the first story, the boyfriend definitively picked up on something. It's a gut feeling. 50% of the time it's right, the other 50% of the time it's wrong. In this case, OP should've listened to her boyfriend. As a woman myself, I urge anyone else to give your intuition some thought and if you really pick up on something, ask someone close to you if they get the same feeling you do, because a gut feeling could potentially save you from a horrible situation related to the person or thing you get a bad feeling about. It sucks when these types of things happen
The woman put herself in the position for the incident to occur. It was a horrible situation; but the relationship was destroyed by her choice to attend the party, drink excessively, not leave and fall asleep.
Couples should never go out to party separately. This is always the result. Not the assault but someone always ends up naked with someone other than their spouse. If you want to party with your friends like a kid, you are not ready for a relationship. If my wife went out one time, got drunk and didn’t come home, it would be over. I don’t ho out without her and she doesn’t go out without me. We are a couple and have been for 29 years.
First Story: OP was trying so hard in writing this to make it look like her BF was controlling her. It is also obvious she wanted to fool around with one or more of her new friends and everything backfired on her.
@@mikeb3717 Yes, she stated that herself in the beginning. Her bf had more "value" than her and was the "core" of the relationship according to her. She wanted to be more of "value" and sought attention from others and possible well on her way to cheat too. From the story, my guess is she decided to get drunk and cheat with those guys but got caught by that friend and instantly switched to victim of rape.
Definitely can relate with the first story. My last 3 exes each have stories about 2 guys I don't trust, constantly warning them only for them to realize I was right in the end, but by then it was too late. 1 got abused, then raped. 2 got preyed on by someone much older than her, then had her nudes distributed by 2 other people. 3 lost her close personal friend, then fucked up her friend group. Some people really don't listen, and have to touch the stove after you tell them it's hot.
@Gi Gi Both can be true at the same time though. It's true that the men were pieces of shit for taking advantage of her. It's true that she made a series of terrible decisions that put her in that position. She wasn't walking home and got attacked. She drank herself into oblivion with a bunch of dudes that she was spending more time with than her boyfriend. There's no way he overlooks that. She isn't dealing with the consequences of being violated, she's dealing with the consequences of being extremely immature and reckless.
Gi Gi not really she was well aware the friend of op was not on good terms with her boyfriend. Op left her sick boyfriend to go party with other man ? She disrespected him and now op boyfriend has checked out of the relationship at least he did not throw her under a bus like op did with her boyfriend when he needed help when he was feeling sick. Op relationship is dead the boyfriend is now waiting till she feels better so he can move on.
@Gi Gi The criminal actions didn't kill her relationship. She did that. Even if the assault hadn't taken place, the absolute disregard for her partner would have killed the relationship. Her (basically) ex is a damn saint and is helping her get to a decent enough place. But, all of her actions that ended up leading to that moment are hers and hers alone.
@Gi Gi Because I hold people accountable for their actions? Let's walk through this. They have arguments about how much time she spends with other men. She admits to disregarding his boundaries and continues. She wants to go to a party with these other men. He asks her not to. She disregards it. She goes to the party with these other men, the ones who she has been spending more time with than her boyfriend (from the post) and gets pass out drunk with them. You don't see a problem? Never would I, or my wife, act like that. We respect each other and both understand healthy boundaries. We also both understand personal safety and how willingly compromising yourself is a TERRIBLE idea. None of that means she should have been raped. All of that means her immature, selfish decisions both ruined her relationship and put her in an unnecessary risky position, ultimately ending in her being violated and traumatized. It also caused an incredible amount of pain for both OP and her boyfriend. Literally all of it could have been avoided if she hadn't been a rebellious teen "doing what she wants because screw you, you're just jealous." Literally everything except for the assault is her fault. Edit: Also, if you don't understand what killed their relationship, YOU shouldn't be in one.
Even during the description of the rape, she said three of my friends. Why would you refur to them as such with no anger present. They were never your friends past or present.
Did you miss the "quotation marks"? That indicates she *didn't* consider them "friends". The term was used to confirm that these were in fact the same people she trusted to go to the party with in the first place.
I like how she considered him controlling about guy friends when he was right about the guys he didn’t like because every girl who has guy friends knows that they will take any opportunity to get with her but this was just a extreme example. It takes a guy to know how a guy thinks.
The first one, he is dealing with a form of survivors guilt (I'm sure there's a name for it…) that he was right and should have been able to stop it and then she became completely and utterly dependent and codependent on him for months, you'd have to expect his perspective of how he sees her is different. Especially if he hasn't dealt with his own issue over the incident.
survivors guilt is when you feel guilty you survived when someone else did not (usually in things like shootings and natural disasters and such) so i wouldnt say its survivors guilt
I had this conversation with a previous girlfriend who almost a similar situation happen to her and I told her jealousy comes in all forms, you can say I'm jealous of you guy friends but I know guys like you never could and there are certain people that are so jealous of a good relationship that they see a S.O. as nothing more than a bonus challenge in a sexual conquest. She just needed to be the center of attention and had to have those friends so I broke up with her and a few weeks after she tells me the particular guy friend I disliked the most got caught by a mutual friend of ours trying slipping something in her drink at a party.
He already warned you about your "friends" (multiple guy friends). He already expressed his concerns about them and look where you are. To him, you are "damaged goods" and cannot see you any more than that, hence, his behavior towards you. You will need to move on and find someone else.
@@JDragonweezy Reddit would support a MAN who was raped, but they think that women who are raped are 'sluts', and 'were asking' for it', and 'deserved it'.
Idk, if I had female friends and my girlfriend is like "hey, can you not hang out with them alone or even at all, she makes me uncomfortable or something along those lines" sure I'll distance myself from said friend, especially wont be partying with them or getting shit faced with them??? Kinda respect you have for one another
@@anon-iraq2655 yes, agreed, but understandable given she is on the verge of ending her life due to the trauma, but he should find an exit strategy ASAP, there's no future for them as a couple.
@@anon-iraq2655 he’s not a simp, tho. He takes care of her after the incident and already wants to leave her, unfortunately she was raped and for more that I want to think it’s not her fault it certainly was, he asked her to stay home and she went anyway, she lost him already, he’s not simping, he’s a fucking King that went through a terrible thing in his life
@@aurichio7783 he needed to walk out the door the minute he asked her to not hang out with her "friends" and she threw a tantrum and called him controlling, he's not her father to deal with her rebellious phase he stayed and then stayed some more to heal her after her choices got her assaulted, all are actions that hurt him emotionally and wasted his time and resources, gives him no reward as they're investments in a lost cause, he's a simp
As unfortunate as the 1st story is, it's no different than any other situation where your SO asks you not to do something, you do it anyway and it goes wrong. Had this been under any other circumstance, the BF probably would've been more likely to stay with OP. But this happened because she ignored his feelings/wishes and assumed the worst about him. The fact that she snooped on him shows she STILL assumes the worst about him. He needs to ignore his brother's advice and end this relationship ASAP.
The two had to have serious talk to the adult people. The guy by his family was told about all the crap that goes around nowadays about "You're not my real dad" and the child will not look like you and your wife will pick the child over you in a heartbeat. Listen to what the girl said that she already loved the unborn child. It would not surprise me she wanted to keep the child from the start. The story already started not about the details about how the r&pe went down. Only discovering that she was pregnant. Alpha seed beta need. The guy dodges a bullet if he leaves her.
For the first story: If he was such a good guy, why did you not trust him? If he was ill, why did you not care for him? If he put you first and showered you with care, affection, and attention.... Why did you need "other men"? You needed validation and attention beyond the person you were with. It is a shame that you didn't trust your boyfriend's intuition, you might have been safe. It is unfortunate, you didn't care for your boyfriend when he was ill. The tragedy might have been adverted. A relationship that is your pillar, and you choose to associate with brigands and thieves. Well, they stole your future and your sanctity. The reason why traditional marriages say honor and obey is not to shackle one another, but to guide and heed advice. You suffered a great indignity, and have had a piece of your soul tainted in the darkness of violence. May you find peace and someone to replace the love you lost. May he find someone that will attempt to understand his feelings.
I’m willing to bet it wasn’t rape. She consented to it but used the excuse of rape to hide her cheating. She did everything wrong prior to the “rape”. She went to the party and not be with bf. It’s not like was attacked by strangers.
The first story 1 the boyfriend voiced his concern and she did not want to listen ok it's her right. But here comes several problems: 1. She did not take into consideration the boyfriend did not like one of her male friends and even warned her about it she chose to ignore this warning. 2. The boyfriend asked her not to go to the party she again decided to ignore his warning. 3 op decided as an adult to get fully drunk no excuse for rape but still not very smart if she is only their with male friends but still op choice. 4. Suddenly op is throwing a fit panic attacks making life for them a hell? Boyfriend is doing everything to accommodate what is happening but seem to slowly detach himself from op. 5 and final one op,seem to have trust issues snooping on boyfriend phone thinking he cheating etc.. Even though their was no reason for her to even have this part finding out boyfriend has checked out of the relationship and is now pikachu face.
Honestly, at the first half I thought she was just cheating, weren't for people rescuing her I would even believe she was saying she was struggle-snuggled to hide it
Ultimately, right or wrong, its over. You can't guilt him into love. He isn't an asshole for losing his feelings, feelings don't work like that. Stop wasting each other's time.
The first story. Boyfriend told her not to go. She went, got drunk and passed out. Getting raped was not her fault but putting herself in a situation where she was extremely vulnerable was her fault. Therefore I don't blame the Boyfriend for the way he is now. The second story. IMO the baby would serve as a constant reminder to the Boyfriend as to what happened to her. She has been able to bond with the baby but it's not always possible for the guy. If not for the baby their relationship could be healed with counseling.
So any woman who dares to leave the house, wear nice clothes, see friends, go to a party or event, drink something stronger than tea, or speak to a man, is putting herself of a 'vulnerable' situation.? SHE WAS RAPED.
@@tardislady9546 Not knowing your limits for alcohol consumption and drinking to the point of passing out is putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Like I said getting raped was not her fault but putting herself in a position where she could be was her fault. As they say DRINK RESPONSIBLY.
A thing about men that women need to understand is that if we care for you, we're automatically put into the role of caretaker/provider/protector. It's not quite those things, but kinda all three if you know what I mean. Anyway when you specifically undercut us in that.. put yourself in a position where we can't help you, specifically when we want to or warn you.. along with whatever trauma results to you personally, you also take away something that's at the core of being a man. It's possibly the most emasculating thing anyone can possibly do. Those feelings are going to be a long term cancer in your relationship. And that's on top of the assault itself. There's no easy solution to this.
Whether it's easy or not the solution is for the OP to let her bf go and find someone who will make him happy and respect him. As you correctly pointed out her actions were extreme disrespect and the damage that happened to their relationship as a consequence of this aren't ever going to be right again.
This right here. She heard his protectiveness and interpreted it as possessiveness. There’s a big difference. She ignored his concerns, is now traumatized, and he feels stuck playing caretaker because he’s too good of a guy to dump her when she’s at her lowest. Once she’s steadier, he’s out.
@@hothotheat3000 he should go now, and not let her use her fragile state as a weapon against him. Let her friends and family deal with whatever is going on with her. She has no right to be in the relationship with him after her disrespect.
I feel so bad for the boyfriend in the 1st story, you good and well if he leaves her, which he should, she’s gonna tell everyone “He’s leaving me in my time of need” and will never mention the fact he tried to warn her As for the 2nd boyfriend, no man should be forced to raise kid if it isn’t his, no matter the circumstances
It was her fault to not listen; it was her fault to black out drunk; it was her fault to lay down her guard sleeping while alone in a room where the party is still ongoing with sketchy men around.
1. He warned you against them. 2. You left him when he was sick 3. He no longer thinks you trust him. Neither of you are at fault. But a bit does go to you as you didn't take his advice and went with people he didn't like you being around.
@@Hm-dh1vuI agree, I'm sorry. She says he was the perfect guy but couldn't skip one party while he was sick. Her SA is not her fault but her bad choices were made by herself.
It amazes me how much women, like the one in the 1st story, feel like their safety is everyone elses responsibility not their own and they know better than everyone else. She didn't "ask for it" but she definitly opened the door and let the possibility of "it" in. Most danger is only dangerous when you ignore it like she did.
@Two Hatchet feminism is cancer and poisons everything it touches and ensures no logic, reason, and decency can prevail. Your example is spot on but assumes a logical male mind, not an irrational feminist female mind.
@Two Hatchet We still have things like sex ed classes and government ads that tells women to use self protection and better decision making. But "feminists" look at it and say it's victim blaming. They still think everyone else is responsible for their safety. They expect guys to be their bodyguards, while on the same breath talking about how guys are violent pigs and girls are above them. You can't win with these people.
@@zlkanglwrth2776 that struck me as weird but sometime it’s hard for people to relive their traumas and give exact details, her main points were that she got raped and all this was going on
She started sowing the seeds of separation and decided to go against a minimal request. She said f that went on her own and got r---d. Your not entitled to his protection anymore. You made your decision so you can still make your decisions without him.
The first story has a lot to digest. I'll give the benefit of the doubt to the BF and it was more of a danger gut feeling instead of jealousy. What rubbed me the wrong was is she completely dismissed his concerns instead of talking to him. She said she was spending less time with him and after her rape, he becomes more distant and only spends 5 hours to himself and she thinks he cheated? What? To me, she never respected his boundaries and once her boundaries get tested she jumps to infidelity. I think it's amazing that he helped OP through this but he is right he became more of a caretaker than a romantic partner. He was forced to go on autopilot mode instead of processing his emotions and figuring out what he truly wanted. To me, it's a very black and white decision that this relationship is over because there was a problem even before the rape. He blames himself because he felt the danger and even tried to warn you but you dismissed him and he could not help you in your moment of vulnerability. He will never be able to get over that and also hold some sort of resentment towards OP because she refused to listen. The rape itself was not her fault but her dismissive attitude was all her.
@Two Hatchet jealousy is not reliable though. People feel jealous for a different severity of things. Personally, I don't get jealous that my girlfriend has guy friends. But what she displayed was complete disregard to get a partner and refused to even listen to him. Even if it was jealousy that was the driving factor she should still listen because if the roles were reversed she most certainly would be upset in this situation.
@Two Hatchet what are you talking about? If a dude doesn't feel comfortable in the relationship with a guy she talks to HE should address it to her. If a resolution cannot be made then just break up simple. The first couples of months of the relationship are supposed to be used to figure out if you are even comparable. If she has always has got friends and you don't like that you shouldn't get into a relationship. But what is suspicious is how dismissive she always was and how much effort she put into him not going.
@Two Hatchet this all should be addressed at the beginning. He shouldn't have to change and she shouldn't have to change. This point a view is a fundamental difference that needs to be addressed. If you don't like it leave and I say that to a man or women🤷♂️
@Two Hatchet im talking about that specific issue. If no compromise can be made about the guy issue then just leave don't cry about it😂. Like you said why would you stay in a relationship you aren't comfortable with? Not every guy has that feeling of every guy in their girl's life is "competition". If she decides to cheat fine by me I won't stick around. With these specific issues, it's a fundamental difference and some people may think it's a bigger deal than others. Find someone who holds the same beliefs as you that's all.
So any woman who leaves the house, wears nice clothes, sees friends, goes to a party or event, drinks something stronger than tea, or speaks to a man, 'deserves' to be raped, and was 'asking for it'? You are sub-human.
If the boyfriend had a bad feeling about the friend, he was right to have one. That’s one of the things I talked about with my best friend, if we have a bad feeling about someone the other one is dating/ friends with, we’d tell each other and while we wouldn’t do anything right there and then, we’d look at it from another angle and get more information. Long story short, we aren’t invalidating each other’s intuition because we care about each other and we trust each other. Honestly, it sounds like you didn’t trust your boyfriend. Of course, rape period is terrible and should never happen to anyone, but I feel as if if you listened to your boyfriend and didn’t deny him because they were your friends, you would’ve caught on to them sooner. Sometimes, people that we’ve known for a while won’t be the same person we’ve known, and someone that entered your life later can see that
The brother's advice makes the most sense. Just suck it up and prepare for a break up. Your love ones can only do so much to protect you but if you already decided to do something stupid then even they can't help you. This reminds me of my buddy when we were in Thailand. Dude likes to flaunt his wealth despite us warning him not to. His insistence to take a detour to an unsafe part of town, again despite our protests, got him stabbed and robbed. Luckily he managed to survive but robbers were never caught and all stolen stuff not recovered.
The first story, while it’s awful what happened to her, makes me so angry. She had the audacity to think her boyfriend was cheating on her, AFTER she was raped by friends that HE thought she was cheating on him. Yet she thinks him talking to his brother is equivalent. Disgusting.
Well your boyfriend has his reasons and maybe I would've done the same I know females won't be able to stay in that kinda situation so why should a man who had warned you about the dangers stay? I hope all the best for you though.
@@notasphyxia2450 The thing is they're not going to lose view time because those threads are locked, AMIRITE? Personally... downvote these videos if they pull this shit.
@@GoatZilla Joke's on you, the way UA-cam works, if they have enough viewers to make money off it, ANY interaction (upvote, downvote, comments etc) make them money.
OP#1's boyfriend is exhibiting textbook caretaker fatigue. That description of beginning to see your partner more like a child of yours is bang-on for that. It's so much so that the idea of having sex with them revolts you.
Her only mistake was trusting those men, i don’t think you understand that those men were their fiends for months how could she imagined that something like that was gonna happen to her. Besides, she wasn’t alone with those men, she went to a room alone to rest and of course you don’t do that at a party but she felt safe, because she was at a party with her FRIENDS. and they take advantage of her. It’s very easy for you to say toss her like it was nothing, but he loves her a lot, you don’t throw away 9 years together just like that. It’s not like she cheated, in that case would be different, she wanted to go and have fun with her friends, many people want that at that age, her boyfriend probably wasn’t even sick he just said it so she wouldn’t go, that’s why she didn’t stay. It’s not fair that some selfish disgusting men ruined her life like that. Their relationship still have a chance, its not like she was pregnant like in the second case. Of course the boyfriend is angry at himself, but what bothers me here is that he put such emphasis in “lust”, that he no longer desires her physically, love is more than that. He felt like they took something from him, and might be truth, but he shouldn’t let those men have such power over their longtime relationship, of course they can make it work, it could’ve been way worse.
Wait this first story. Didn't the Bf version gave his side of the story and it turned out she was planning on cheating, "got raped", turned out she completely lied about being raped and she was the one all over the guys at the party then the charges were dropping for the other guy? Also if a girl starts explaining her bf with 100% positive comments, she it lovebombing out of guilt.
You ignore the warnings and walk into a burning house, get drunk, and go to sleep. You wake up on fire, but it's not your fault. It's the fire's fault because fires shouldn't burn people who don't want to be burned. Yeah, that makes sense.
Story 1:
I(23F) was r-ped earlier this year, my boyfriend(23M) of nine years refuses to have s-x with me and I think he is gonna break up with me
Story 2: 9:35
I was r-ped and got pregnant. My (26f) boyfriend (30m) is changing his mind about the baby.
Complete bullshit that men and women can be strictly platonic friends. I'm a man, I have multiple friendships with women and there's no chemistry at all. We're just friends for years. A couple of them are hot, I've known them since 7th grade and sophomore year of high school. I think of them as sisters. I asked them womanly advice for any scenario. If a woman wanted me to cut them off that will be a huge red flag for me on the relationship not lasting.
@I Cant Stanz It ,
@RedditOutLoud Relationships: Story 2: No, his parents made him realize that the baby is not really his. It was forced sex that resulted in your pregnancy. Don't couldn't him in your life with the baby included, then count him out.
How did this rape occur, did you know guy, did he know guy, did he go to prison. Long story short based on situation he should bounce. He doesn’t need this single mother shit and if the situation involved you making poor choices. He should transform and roll out.
@I Cant Stanz It wow..... just..... wow. Do you think that all women are just placed on this earth to bow down to men or something? Men and women can and do have platonic relationships. My oldest and best friend is a guy. Being raped isn’t “fucking around” either and don’t get me started on the use of the N word. You have some serious issues.
I’m kind of curious if you were born that much of a jerk or if you practice in front of a mirror every day?
When you start screaming at your boyfriend because you want to go hang out with a bunch of guys he hates and doesn't trust instead of be with him, you've already decided the relationship is over.
Yep, leave the rape bit out this relationship was already a shitstorm that was close to ending.
@@emirhaneksioglu4503 Imagine she didn't get r-ped, wouldn't that mean that her boyfriend would have dumped her the next day without feeling guilty? If she wasn't r-ped, it would still be a good idea for her to tell that story, to keep the resources of her bf around.
@@leto1178 That's my theory. She wasn't r*pe and fabricated that story so she can be the victim. There was probably a mutual friend there who saw her doing the hanky panky with her guy friends so instead of the BF finding out about it through their mutual friend, she fabricated the r*pe story to save face and to make her BF believe she was the victim.
Right. There's no telling how many dudes she was sleeping with on the side, even before the incident.
Aren’t we always supposed to believe the woman?
One of my exes left me for a guy who I warned her about. She tormented and taunted me for almost 2 years after. Soon after they got together she came crying to me in the middle of the night about how he beat her.
I don't regret looking her in the eyes and telling her that she's not my problem anymore.
Nope, you tried to help.
@@purplecubeman01 strange assumption from a stranger on the net.
@@nativenight I'm just going by what your saying. You tried your best to give her a heads up, and she ignored it. And she ended up where she ended up.
black air force energy
If she dont wanna to be saved, don't save her - J.Cole
"He is perfect."
*proceeds to abandon him while sick, proceeded to go to party he warned you about, kept friends he warned you about around, got plastered drunk at said party.*
Yeah imma X to doubt that.
Like other people say, women want one thing: MORE
Perfect is boring, that's why she stepped out. Even Eve had paradise and everything she could ask for but decided to betray Adam and God with the Devil.
I still don't think she was raped, it just look rare, and number 2 should have aborted the baby because it is not for her man.
@@hydrationrequirement9762 you really don't want Adam to have any responsibility for what happened, when he wasn't forced and betrayed God just the same. And also, the bible is fiction! 😂 It doesn't matter.
@@catarena8031 I don't believe in bible either but find it interesting that the story of Adam and Eve captures women's nature so accurately.
She considers him talking to his own brother about their relationship worse than cheating but she sees no harm in looking through HIS phone for leverage to conspire against HIM, the only one truly there for her at her lowest. The word of the day is: Au-da-ci-ty. 🤣
The au fucking dactiy to say that shit this man did everything for her and she thought he was cheating on her
That's a woman for you no accountability
she doesn’t think what HE did is worse than cheating. she just feels that it’s more hurtful to her than if he would’ve been cheating on her.
@@everyonesaidmynamewasstupi3713 people don't pay attention to context
@@ozurafgc6235 yup
OP's BF in story one was not trying to be controlling. He was trying to look out for your best interest & Safety. Im a woman , but stop to think that guys for the most part understand how other males think.
We do and we're tired of women accusing us of being "controlling". Most men don't care anymore so we either don't emotionally invest in a relationship or avoid relationships with women all together.
@Britni
Watch camile paglia. She said, they fought for women's right to be independent. But she also said, in doing so, they (women) must understand that they have absolved men of any responsibility for their welfare. Women are free to make choices but they are also responsible for the consequence.
Its pretty simple. Men know the fact that there are terribly evil people out there who will take advantage of you in a vulnerable position (men and women both have capacity to carry out evil, just that women are not held as accountable as men), and so when we tell you to trust us that we have a bad feeling about this situation or this person, we are often right. Women call it intuition, men call it instincts. At the end its the same thing, and listening to them is often a good thing.
But then, feminists scream bloody murder when we guys offer advice to our women, so go on. Be independent. Just don't expect us to be there for you when harm comes your way.
No man is controlling unless we literally put a collar on a female and chain her to a post. We give them decisions. If you want to hang with guy friends without me there, then you don't want me as your boyfriend and that's your decision. I don't get how people say that giving women decisions to make is controlling when they can choose to leave.
We absolutely do know how other guys think, and we can get a good sense of what another guy is like. A very very small group of men are truly controlling douchecanoes.
If we tell you that there are certain guys you are "friends" with that we have a gut feeling are not good company for you to have, we are almost certainly correct about that. If you don't wanna listen to your man about it and wanna go to that social event and violate his trust in you, and it becomes an "I told you so" situation, don't expect us to simply let it go. Women have their their agency and can make their own decisions. Therefore, they should take accountability and responsibility for their own actions.
First story: your BF specifically asked you not to to go and you still went to the party and didn't care about what he thinks. Most men may not be able to articulate what they want to say in a way that will get across to the women but when they ask you not to be with some specific "guy friends" there usually is a good reason. You get this feeling when you meet fellow men if they are sketchy or not.
Yup men can sense the intentions of other men .
How was she supposed to know that? She said he has a history of being possessive which probably made her chock it up to noting that doesn’t mean she deserved to her raped for not obeying him
This story was previously told from the BF side. A common friend saw her going upstairs with the guy... she got exposed. The rape was verified the friend.
@@beatmywheat7074 no one is saying that what they are talking about is that guys can pick up on what other guys are like with a short interaction like how women can do the same with other women. It's like a strong gut feeling
@Brighton how
Having a bad feeling about another man doesn't mean the boyfriend is jealous or insecure. I have learned to trust my gut feelings about people even if I have no valid reason to distrust the person. OP should have listened to her boyfriend when he asked her not go to the party.
Yes. Plus he was sick and she abandoned him to have fun with people he expressly told her to not be around, she was cheating by doing that.
@@stevenwilson5556 Cheating by being raped by friends she never had any atraction to, is what I hear you say by your statement
@@stevenwilson5556 If she cared more about the BF, she would have stayed home! She chose not to and so now she needs to face it. He's gone.
@juice leaks no you interpreted what he said wrong he isn't saying the rape is cheating. He is saying her priorities to her friends over her boyfriend is cheating. There could have been an emotional affair going on with one of the friends we don't know.
@@1AnimeChannel she did
I think I read this story from the boyfriends side. Apparently the guy he was worried about was showing concerning behavior beforehand and was a repeat offender. However, he broke up with her after he was told and she admitted that she consented to go up to his room with the intent to cheat. But then the drugs kicked in and that horrible incident happened. He was already losing interest due to her disregard of his feelings beforehand too. Well, when he broke up with her she posted on social media that he broke up with her solely due to the assault and was mistreating her. So.. if this is the same girl then she's leaving some key details out.
same story from both parties...she is trash
I saw that story too and I think it is the boyfreinds side of what happened, long story short she wanted the d
Wait that's the BF? I seen that story..makes sense
Link to the story?
@@spartan1010101 Sorry, this was a year ago at least, maybe someone in this thread has it/knows where it is though? I'm also pretty sure it was made into a video as well.
Women love to say “oh we got a feeling” or “ a woman’s intuition”. Guys can have those feelings too. Everything isn’t he’s just controlling or jealous. If I feel something is off imma tell you about it. It’s up to you why you do with that information.
facts. and then if you wanna act single, imma let you be single
They always label it as the super power of the gender.
Logic and intuition is a super power to them while it's common sense for males.
Women who call protection control have terrible relationships to their fathers.
Careful. You ask women to act on logic not on their feeling. Ofc she won t listen
Idk why girls don’t realize that NO guy wants to be “just friends” if it wasn’t rape I bet they still would’ve made a move eventually
I hate to say it but the first story the BF is checked out.
I would too, he did everything to stop her and now he can't stop thinking about it. Plus he blame himself which is not good for his mental health.
I am curious as to why you "hate to say it".
She is responsible for putting herself in the position for what happened. She got drunk and passed out in a party with a bunch of drunk strangers, including horny men. This is not something you do, it is dangerous and was completely disrespectful of her relationship. Even if nothing happened to her, her bf would have every right to be enraged for her doing that.
And rightfully so
@@ChimObiajulu Cos she realises that the whole situation is ON HER. Serves her right.
First story: she turned her boyfriend into her caretaker and no romantic partner should have to be in that position, it's a huge emotional burden. They both need therapy and she needs to understand and not blame her boyfriend if he decides to break up.
No u r a bit off!!
@@AMANSHARMA-xw8qi ?
@@AMANSHARMA-xw8qi explain
@@AMANSHARMA-xw8qi the girl reeeealy sounds like the guys story, which her friends said she wasn’t drunk (w proof) and went up with them. Snorted the wrong stuff and was out of it at that point. You’ll see it at some point from this channel. You’ll know it when you see it
@@lordofcheeseballs Nope, in the story you mean it's only one guy. Here it's three.
First OP: *calls her boyfriend controlling and jealous while also forcing him to put his entire life on hold to take care of her, and then snooping on his phone and accusing him of cheating because he's not giving her the sex she wants when she wants it*
Slut was in a gangbag and he knows she's full of shit
She's holding him hostage and he's waiting till she SAYS she's healed and stops acting so he can dump her.
First OP, I don't think she was violated...
@@johncy11 What makes you say that?
@@johncy11 Yep, it's her cover story. And the guys she did it with, their lives got ruined too. Horrid woman.
1st story: poor BF, he's going to be gaslit into staying with her. And other people will help OP do it. And they'll be brutal to him.
She should let BF go.
Fax
Sad to see so many people victim-blaming OP in these comments. Makes me lose faith in humanity. Where's the admonishment of the rapists?
@@xTwilightWolvesx no one's blaming her for getting raped. She made decisions, sucks she got raped. But she cheated and that has consequences.
Very few is even considering OP's feelings on this.
@@rickrollrizal2364
She cheated?
Dude, what kind of messed up world do you live in where someone getting raped counts as cheating?
She didn't cheat, that's not cheating.
@@steel0koala cheating isn't just the act. She got raped. I feel for her.
But she made the conscious decision to ignore BF when he said no and went with friends.
It's like that other story when the wife met up with the ex alone. They made out, but then ex raped her.
The intent to cheat was there, it just ended badly.
Wife went out for a girl's night. Called me at 3 in the morning and asked if I could come get her . She was stuck in some dudes house while he slept and the doors were dead bolted. I told her to call 911 and get home the best she could, rolled over and went back to sleep. Filed for divorce soon after.
Mad respect for that
Bravo. Sad you had to go through that but not a keeper that's for sure.
You may have just avoided a set up.
I bet there were a lot of excuses and crying
You're an inspiration
1st woman: Find someone new who likes to play the same emotional games as you do. Your old boyfriend has found there is a line he won't cross.
???
@@jmpm-tz1so !!!!!
@@Bentriverrusher jajajaja, im being for real i dont get what you are saying english isnt my first language
@@jmpm-tz1so Well then jmpm. she insisted on going out and getting drunk with seedy male companions against her boyfriends wishes and advice. Everything else happened because of her putting herself in that position. Now she wants to hold boyfriend hostage because of her choices. He should walk or run away from her. She will do this stuff all her life. She is a drama Queen.
@@Bentriverrusher it never says she is holding him hostage, it says that he is staying until she recovers, wich looks like it isnt far away. i wouldnt say she is a drama queen, but i do agree that the series of dumb desitions put her on that situationunfortunatley, that and not doing what everyone else on her position would have done and that is stay with her significant other if he is sick, i know i would have done that in her postition. and i think he is staying for the time being because he is a man and he understands that she has gone through a horrible thing that i dont wish on anyone. apart from this i think we agree on the basic and that is the series of dumb desitions and that if he leaves he wouldnt be on the wrong and it would be more than acceptable. BTW whats a seedy male?, never heard that term in my life
Damn, if only someone warned her about those guys, and had someone to tell her to stay in that night. What happened wasn’t her fault, but more often than not, when a guy who loves you tells you he has a bad feeling about another guy(s), he’s right
It is her fault though. If only she listen.
Yeah I really don't get this.
I remember my last ex (haven't dated in years after her because of the trauma of that ending, but its another story) would go out and get blackout drunk after two weeks of giving birth to our child while we were living at her parents, one night I had a really loud argument with her that the whole family heard. It started with me asking her as reasonably as I could to stay home, she could drink at home and be loud and what not but to just stay home because I didn't like the guys in her new small friend group. See I didn't want to drag her away from those friends because she was struggling with depression after the birth and was dissassociative with our child, I was the main care giver for both our child and my girlfriend, she needed a lot of support and going out had helped her but it turned into partying stupidly.
This one night we fought and I was desperate so I demanded she stay at home and watch movies or play video games or something, that I'd personally mix her drinks if she wanted to be waited on. But she refused.
Her mother came to me shortly after and said she'd look after our child so I put on some decent clothes and went out after my girlfriend.
Long story short, I was right, when I was away helping one of my girlfriend's friend's who had eaten some bad food at the table (she was a driver so hadn't drank anything like me) the boys began feeling my girlfriend up, I actually came back to him groping her breast and she looked rather uncomfortable which was oddly satisfying to me.
I untangled her from the boys thanks to how close to being under the table she and they were, a few elbows and well placed pokes got them to curl up and let me extract my girlfriend, I then convinced the other girls to pack it up and both I and the other driver got the girls home safe.
My girlfriend was really upset about everything and would flip flop from attacking herself emotionally over it to attacking me. Thankfully our child wasn't exposed at the time (she had a nursery space), unlike OP's BF, I stayed as I hadn't lost my feelings for her but I no longer trusted her with anything anymore and I feel like that was what ultimately ruined our relationship over the next several months.
But yeah, she always ignored my gut feelings about people, but I never really stopped her from socializing either.
@@Rexhunterj damn I’m sorry u had to go through that bro. I hope u and ur kid are doing ok, but it’s always good to keep ur head up. If there’s a good guy like u, then there will always be a good girl for u
It's definitely her fault... it's like jumping in a lion cage & blaming the lion for mauling that person. When you put yourself in risky situations and horrific shit happens that is definitely your fault.
@@nationalsocialism3504 as someone that was raped by my ex boyfriend, and also raped by a “friend”, she literally put herself in danger. She wanted to be a pissy bitchy brat, and while NO ONE should be raped, she literally chose to hang around guys that her boyfriend said to be wary of. And it pisses me off because I didn’t get a choice. It was my own boyfriend, I was supposed to trust him not to hurt me. Same with my friend. But she DIDNT EVEN KNOW THESE MOTHERFUCKERS. LIKE if I said hey man, don’t give a knife to Johnny Stabby Hands, he just got out for stabbing people, and you give him a knife, am I supposed to feel even a shred of empathy for you when you get stabbed? Like good grief. I hope her boyfriend leaves her because he’s no longer a boyfriend. He’s emotionally being held hostage into being her caregiver.
I’ll never understand why it’s always the guy who needs therapy/counseling when all he did was sit at home and watch TV.
I think it’s just their way of displacing some of the blame. Go to therapy and discover some obscure possible personality flaw or mistake on your part that resulted in my crappy decision. See! We’re both responsible for this tragedy!
@@Neo_Leo85 or maybe she wants him to work through what's bothering him? The guy told her he's grossed out by the thought that other men have been inside her. She was forced! There is something wrong with that mindset.
Like, why does everything have to be- "because whamen bad"?
😂😂😂
@@OmegaZeroX28 he's not telling her this now, though. He's telling her that her assaulted privates are off putting! And his previous jealous tendencies might've caused his concerns to be missinterpreted as such.
@@OmegaZeroX28 what I mean is he's not telling her that's his problem when she asks him. I get that it's part of the story
And yes, he said he felt sick. I interpreted that as an attempt to get her not to go. Maybe not but it seems like she didn't believe him then either.
The BF sounds like such a great guy from a great family....... I wish him good luck in life.
He could be, one day, but he still has some growing to do.
@@Maadhawk what growing?
@@blacknoir3476 The boyfriend is lacking some maturity there as well. All parties have much growing, character wise, to do.
@Rock No I can say what the fuck I want. Free world and all that jazz. Boyfriend is NOT 10/10. He is, at best, 6/10. Since you asked so 'nicely' I will break it down for you. By the way, this was all about the first story, so make sure you are on the same page.
She was young and dumb and went to a party with some shady guys. She paid the price for it. That seems to be fairly well understood. Honestly, in my opinion, if ANYONE is in a relationship and goes to a party alone, without their partner, they aren't mature enough to make a true long term relationship last. If they were, they would be inviting their significant other to go with them and not going if they couldn't.
-As to the guy, he did much of what was required early on. However, he also dropped the ball. He failed to complete the communication and tell her in explicit detail why his "douche bag alarm" was screaming like a geiger-counter at chernobyl. Had he stated point blank he was afraid they were going to try and rape her, and she had still gone, then he would have done better and been 7/10. He didn't.-
-To get to an 8/10, he should have gone with her. Had she not wanted him to go, then he would be a 10/10 on the situation and been fully clear to walk away from her.-
Change of ratings: I just re-watched bits of the first part again. The boyfriend made a lot of mistakes. *BEFORE I CONTINUE: Let's be clear we are only getting one side of the story, so full judgement cannot be passed on anyone. I am reserving final judgement on both the girlfriend and the boyfriend in the first story.*
Her boyfriend is the jealous controlling type. He tried to gas light her into not going to the party by feigning illness instead of saying point blank what his true fears were. He also kept attacking her for having male friends and feared she would cheat on him. Could she have? Given her insistence on going to the party and never once indicating if she had asked her bf to come, I'd say definitely possible had things continued as they were and she had not been raped.
She is no saint.
He isn't either. So, we have established we don't know if he was asked to come to the party or not, we don't know if he was and declined, we don't know if he told her that he was getting ultra douche bag vibes from her "male friend" and feared she might be attacked and raped, we are told that he was jealous and controlling (means he is insecure, not a sign of maturity that), we are told that there was shouting and screaming, and we are told there was possible gas lighting on the boyfriend's part.
Then there is the aftermath. She has been violated, physically and violently. She has just had the biggest "I told you so" moment in her young life to date. Now, the one guy whose instincts she should have trusted more is tossing her out. Instead of being there for her, of being supportive, he is pretty much decided she wasn't raped, but rather that she cheated. *Remember: We weren't there so until the record she presents if proven false, we have to approach the story from the light that it might all be a lie and that it all might be true. We shouldn't cherry pick which part to call true and which to call a lie. Then evaluate things from both sides before coming to a temporary final conclusion without more of the story. **_If this was a trial then she would be innocent until proven guilty base upon a preponderance of the evidence._*
That he is willing to walk away from her at this point, assuming she has told us nothing but the truth, then he was already having doubts in his mind as to their future as a couple. As such, I read his actions as that their relationship was already in danger of coming to an end one way or another. Had he been more mature, he would have supported her. He would be furious, yes, but he wouldn't abandon her side either. Assuming this story is true in its entirety, the events of that party would ensure she would never ever leave his side ever again. She would submit to him completely and be glad for it for she would fear all other men and not trust her own judgement of them.
Had the boyfriend been truly a good man he would have to have done the following:
1) Accept her male friends as "like her brothers" and trust her.
2) When his "Dangerous Douche Bag Alarm" goes off, be fully explicit when it goes off and why.
3) Offered to attend the party with her. *IF SHE REFUSED: then he would have grounds to break up and not support her past this point. This was NOT a girls only party.*
4) Not try to gas light her into staying home the night of the party.
5) Once she was attacked, should have been furious, yes as is his right, but also been supporting of her.
6) Obtained counseling for her, both private and couples, to help her.
He isn't a bad guy, as far as I can tell, but he does have plenty of room to grow. Mistakes were made on all sides.
@@Maadhawk first he didn't gaslight her he got sick after an argument and had a headache and a fever that is very common for alot of people so don't assume he's forcing her to stay because he isn't feeling well. He could've very much not been feeling well.
Second you say he's controlling but he isn't he told her I have a bad feeling about X and that was only after I repeat after as she admits in the post she had been spending more time with her male friends than her bf and he had a bad feeling about 1 in particular.
Third if he had told her oh I think they're trying to rape you and used that to get her to stay home guess what people would say he's being manipulative and that she should dump him see how that works? He has to tiptoe his way around that topic because it can easily be used against him by people to say he's trying to control her so that isn't a good suggestion. So as the former guy said he had almost no faults the only fault he has is not seeking therapy for his childhood trauma on cheating clearly it affected him alot and he need therapy to get over it.
So basically, the man who loves this woman more than anyone in the world at this point has a gut feeling about these friends of hers and repeatedly insists she stay away, does his best to stop her from going without actually crossing the line into controlling behaviour, and she doesn’t listen to him cause, I dunno gurl power or something, and it turns out he was 100% correct in his feeling, and now all he has left of her is a broken mess that he can’t leave alone even to go shopping, she can’t even shower alone, and what he’s supposed to just deal with this for who knows how long? Likely a significant portion of her life going forward. I’m not blaming her for getting gang raypd, thats not cool at all, but she has to take some credit for A: not listening to the man she loves and trusts when he has a strong feeling, B: going to a party without him knowing he doesn’t trust these “friends”, and C: proceeds to get drunk to the point of blacking out around these “friends” who her man clearly had a bad feeling about. And there you go. Its not her fault she got raypd, thats on the men who did the evil act. Everything else IS on her. If I go to a party full of Rabbi’s and get black out drunk, I might wake up without my foreskin, and that sort of is on me for not being safe in whatever environment I am in. No one should be getting this wasted without a buddy to make sure they are safe, otherwise shit like this happens. Now BF might leave cause he doesn’t want to take care of a broken person who can’t be fucked to show him enough respect to just listen to him when he is trying to keep per safe. That’s what men do for the people we love especially our women. If my wife told me not to go to that Rabbi party because she has a bad feeling about those guys and I go to the party anyway get totally wasted and wake up without my foreskin, what should I say? It turns out that people who love you might be stopping you from doing something precisely because they actually care about you and don’t want to see you getting hurt in A situation that you can’t defend yourself and like let’s say getting blackout drunk at a party full of guys who might do illegal things to you. It’s not toxic masculinity it’s called actually caring about somebody enough to stop them from doing stupid things and it goes both ways for men and women. I am equally disappointed If it was a man who drank too much at a party by himself and then got violated if he didn’t listen to his partner who warned him. Just to reiterate I’m not blaming the girl for getting raped but I am blaming her for going without her boyfriend not listening to him and getting too drunk to defend herself those things were in her control
If I tell you that dog bites... don't pet the dog, getting bit that's on you now
That's cause alot of women care more about validation and fun more than the people who care about them. These type of scenarios make me so depressed and full of rage. Hopefully this never happens to me because my girl can be rebellious and god i wanna kill someone just thinking about it (not actually but thats the level of anger and sadness I feel)
Notice how she calls him "controlling" when he set reasonable boundaries
@Chuck R that kind of behaviour invites certain kinds of actions, kind of like bathing in gazelle blood and then going to the savana and flailing in acid and then becoming a victim of lions, AFTER the safari guide repeatedly told you not to do that, there are lions out there. Chicks complain ablut how unsafe it is to he a woman and then go to the club already drunk walking alone down a dark ally to get there. Theres only so much sympathy or empathy one can give before needing to acknowledge the fact that usually we do these things to ourselves through our poor choices.
@@guntgunderson2829 So women who leave the house, wear nice clothes, drink alcohol, wish to go to events or parties, speak to men, are 'inviting' rape and sexual assault? I dare you to reply, in a CIVIL manner, with none of Reddit's usual mysogynist abuse. No? Thought not.
I think unfortunately in story 1 she believed that they’d always be together as she was so entrenched in both his and his family’s life. Which actually makes her actions so awful.
1) he’s gorgeous, really smart and pretty much said he way out of her league
2) his family has taken care of her and paid for her education
3) he was unwell and she couldn’t miss a party with these “friends”
4) she’s now monopolised his life and after getting other people in their relationship considers it worse than cheating he discussed with his brother that he no longer loves her
All she’s done is he’s wonderful poor me poor me
Agree.
I don't even think she expressed any concerns about what her skanking has done to the adoptive family that has done everything for their outside Princess
Regarding the first case.
The sad truth is, that this guy`s girlfriend went to that party regardless how her BF felt about it, knowing the sort of people that would be there and what`s probably going through her boyfriend`s mind is; was she up for it on that night, did she flirt, bring all this upon herself and then only regretted it after the situation became out of control?
Rightly or wrongly, this is how most people will think was the case and if this were my GF or wife, I`d probably be feeling the same.
I think her decision to go partying has destroyed her relationship.
That's just it though. The relationship was over when she walked out the door, regardless of what happened at the party. Her priorities were clearly not in the right place for having a relationship with her BF.
@@rustyreese4006 Are you kidding me just because she didn't follow his advice that one time they deserve to break up? Guess what when you are in a relationship you don't have to do everything your SO tells you to, she may have thought that he was just being insecure. And lastly why is everyone insinuating that she's to blame that she was raped? That's about the stupidest victim blaming shit I've ever heard.
@@angelloodleoul4217 I agree there is no reason to blame her being raped. Rapist is only one who deserves blame on that.
But seriously. They started dating at 14, never grew up individually, be yourself because you are glued to other. Not knowing shit about life "Our relationship was mature" is lie that every teenager tells themselves etc. breaking up was thing to happen and this just triggered it. The fights didn't sound very mature. Very good chance he realised he wants to see life and what else is out there. Because that phase was coming sooner or later.
@@duckeh1952 Yea I'm just mad that almost everybody in the comments blame her for her rape. I do understand the guy tho where he is coming from. They were each others firsts in everything, They both sound immature from op's post tho.
@@angelloodleoul4217 No one is saying she deserved to be raped. They're saying she went into that horrible situation willingly. She did the "I'm gonna do what I wanna do" and " you can't tell me what to do" and went to the party anyway despite being told not to by the bf. bf has every right to leave because it's just as emotionally scarring for him too.
When your special someone tells you they are uncomfortable with you hanging out with certain people you should honor their feeling. I would have left you immediately. If you cared about your boyfriend you would not have been with those guys. Be damned if I would stay with a woman that left me to hang out with other guys.
No kidding. Sick of hearing from women how there is nothing wrong with hanging out all day with a "guy friend". As if those "guy friends" don't have other things on their minds. Crazy how naive these party girls are.
@@someone-ji2zb you guys blame the guys too much. I watched women fuck tour the party groups while being "loyal" to their BF's. Lol if your gf has lots of guy friends it is because she's fucking a few of them.
@@milespico7179 I am guessing you completely misunderstood what I said?
@@someone-ji2zb The party girls are not naive, they are looking for a better guy and or some fun while the boyfriend is the backup plan.
@@someone-ji2zb that's what I say
Either call her a sister or something
And prove your intentions
No one is obligated to stay with you just because you have trauma. I would be angry is my bf hung out with girls i didnt like without me if i was sick too. It’s disrespectful to him to be honestly and if have left too. She’s trying to manipulate him into staying. It’s not her fault she was assaulted at all and I’m so sorry she went through that and she didn’t deserve it but she did make bad decisions and was disrespectful to her relationship. He owes her nothing.
I think women get too comfortable and take the men for granted when he desires her all the time... and ends up loosing attraction to him and cheat.
She abused what she had. Given everything and it wasn’t enough.
Story 1: Without the rape, it looks like they were going to break up eventually. BF says he is not feeling well and she blows him off to go to party with guys that he told her that he doesn't trust/like. Now he takes on the caretaker role and she realizes that she loves or needs him? He needs to move on and remember the girl that abandoned him to party
Absolutely, she was a wannabe party girl and was probably flirting and leading the guys on. How is it that she was all alone with these guys the entire duration of a party and felt no danger? She did, she liked the attention and wanted to lead them on and see where it goes. She probably ended up in a regret situation mid-way through getting a foursome and the instant get out of responsibility was to cry grape.
@@loganblackwood2922that's such a male response! That is Disgusting 🤢! I genuinely hope no woman on this planet has the absolute horror of being your wife! Men like you are the reason why Rape Culture exists, and women cannot feel safe, EVER! You always say that it's a lie, cause sureee men are such good boys, they would never do it if she wasn't leading them on, right?? That's why no man trusts other men around their daughter, sister or wife!!!
There was no rape she is lieing
People keep saying its not OPs fault but she has agency. She has a responsibility to take care of herself. She decided to go to a party with 3 shaddy guys her boyfriend warned her about. She choose to drink. She didn't choose to have that awful thing happen to her, but all her actions lead her to that and everything up to now. I feel bad for the boyfriend for his feelings and that he feels trapped to be with OP. If he stays he will be miserable and never heal but if he leaves his family might cut him out because he couldn't handle being with OP anymore. They'll see him as a bad guy for leaving OP when she needs support he can't give anymore. I hope OP and probably STBX boyfriend heal from this and move on.
Words of wisdom. The only person in the comments I could find saying this.
Stay away from those obvious rapists... hhmmmmm.... I don't think I will
well put
Yeah nothing special here just a typical girl who says she loves a "perfect boyfriend" ( meaning perfect SIMP) and leaves if the perfect boyfriend needs her...
I don't believe in karma, but I do believe the rape was her fault too. Partially, but still so.
Anyone that says it is not her fault is seriously disrespecting her and her right to choose. She made a stupid choice and put herself in a stupid situation. She ignored warnings, but again, exercised her right to choose. She was raped, and that is a horrible result, but her actions led her to put herself in that situation. It is her fault, and she has to own up to it if she really ever wants to heal. Idiots giving her a soft pass and enabling are not helping. It's called accountability.
For her to feel in control, she has to take accountability. She has to "know" that she can make better choices and not end up in the same situation in the future. By saying it's not her fault, NO ONE IS HELPING HER. You take away her power and that means life is against her and she had no control over anything. That will only have her living in fear (how she currently is) like a scared mouse.
If anyone truly wanted to help her, they would tell her what fault she carries, allow her to be accountable. Teach her better decision making skills, and empower her to take control of her life and not stay stuck in victim mode.
I know I’m probably going to get some flak, but the reason we are cautious around the male friends that our partners makes is because we know damn well what’s in each other’s heads, it’s a complex and difficult machine filled with traps and turns that only we can figure out not just sports and beer.
I don’t even care about sports and beer, if there was nothing else In the male brain I’d be a fucking zombie
@@ethantaillefer-meyn6535 I only "enjoy" sports becaue is a form I bond with my dad and other family males, now than I have otehr ways to bond with them (agriculture) I prefer it over that stuff.
And beer... Well, some aren't bad but there are lots of better bevereages out there.
So rape is in your head?
Yes most guys want sex, but very few want an unconscious/unwilling partner.
@@Cheepchipsable I don't think he came close to implying that. It's just like when a woman is capable of noticing behaviours in another woman, that no man notices, because she is a woman, even if she herself never would do that.
A man also is capable of noticing those behaviours in another man just because he is a man.
@@Cheepchipsable you can tell when another human being seems kinda murderous right. If they were sending off those red flags it’d be obvious right? Well do you have murder on your mind (hehe) my point
If a woman leaves her sick partner at home alone to go get drunk and party with a bunch of 'male friends', she's actin' like a cheater. If he's like "X, Y, Z are creeps. Stay away from them" and they're the 'male friends', chances are, she is a cheater.
What she says happened to her is unfortunate. Doesn't change that the behavior leading up to it is a relationship killer on its own. Now she's a gigantic drag and awful to be around because of something that /should have been avoided/ if she trusted him.
It sounded more that she was spoiled by his family. She wanted to give him payback for being jelous. She gets suddenly shagged by three friends at a party? That is a major mistake in charcter. The guys know that if they r#pe her they will get caught really easily. It could be a possibility that she consented then changed her mind calling it r$pe.
Yeah, its not like he could just pretend to be sick to keep her at home, because he didnt want her to go, right?
@@skadi6750 have you ever been in a heated argument with a family member who you really love because if it leads to screaming those arguments cause sever headaches after so the chances that he wasn't lying are very high
@@skadi6750 or he was just sick. It happens.
@@skadi6750 Even if he _was_ pretending, she's the one that decided to leave him anyway.
You wanted to be the "party girl" and you became the" party" to bad your perfect boyfriend couldn't protect you from yourself
OP n1 sounded like she was rebelling against a “parental figure” and not a partner. They clearly had different ideas about spending time together and boundaries in their relationship. I hate to say this but to me it sounds like their relationship was already on the rocks pre-incident, and the incident just threw the whole relationship into chaos and permanently solidified OP’s boyfriend as a caretaker and parental figure to her. I’m sorry but when you’re in love with a guy why feel the need to leave and binge drink with other men? That’s what teenagers do when they are figuring out boundaries, not grown adults in serious relationships. These men clearly did not respect OP and her BF clearly had picked up on that. No one deserves what happened to OP by any means, but did you really even love him and want to spend time with him or were you two just trauma bonded because of OP’s loss at 17? I hope OP’s therapist has brought up the idea of trauma bonding to her so she can hopefully have a healthier relationship in the future. I hope OP’s bf’s parents don’t keep paying her bills after she ** checks notes ** abandoned him while sick to go to a party. Wtf. It’s just kind of screwed up all around and did not sound like a healthy giving relationship to begin with.
And I say this as someone who experienced loss and abuse similar to OP’s. I have since moved on from codependent relationships into a healthy and a strong partnership. True love is a two way street of giving, not just take take take. I hope OP finds support, health and strength post breakup but her BF deserves love, partnership and intimacy on his terms too.
Well I dont blame d b.f he warned her but she didn't listen. He has every right to leave.
@@yourlandladysson6395 he did. He knew something was fishy but she didnt listen. Women seem to be driven to torpedo something when it provides to much stability. He was the one that provided for all her stability in her life. Sucks because he sounds like a catch with a fantastic family that some other hotter chick is going to snatch in a heart beat.
@@jeangermain6957 oh yeah bro. If I was d guy I'll dump her for sure. Because I warned her.
@Two Hatchet The crazy part is that she was acting independent when she was the farthest thing from it. The 2 of them were functionally married and she was acting single in his home, with his money, and his family's support.
Truly independent ppl provide those things for themselves and can protect themselves.
Ana Zirbel this is a fantastic comment.
1st story sounds like "I refused to listen and support my BF, refused to even consider his request, went to hang out while he was sick, made a long line of mistakes, and now I must face the consequences of all of my stupid actions."
Everyone must pay for their mistakes, and OP isn't different.
The whole: "get wasted anywhere away from your partner" is so trashy.
She was not responsible for being raped. However, as a Redditor, you cannot understand that.
@@tardislady9546 I am not a redditor.
She is responsible for hanging out drunk near people who are up to no good, and I have doubts about this whole thing being rape and not just a cheater spinning a story.
@@ItamarO93 It is attitudes like yours that are behind the fact that less than 5% of rapes lead to a conviction.
@@FishAnvil the other side of the story theres the bfs side somewhere on reddit where a friend saw her making out with the guy and then proceeded to lead him up stairs
1st story: boyfriend was sick and couldn't go. Needed support because he was in an awful shape.
Girlfriend didn't have enough love and/or respect to stay with her man after all he and his family did for her.
If a person I love gets sick and isn't feeling well then I would stay by their side because seeing them unwell would make me feel bad. It bothers me a great deal that she expressed ZERO sympathy for the sick boyfriend and just wanted to party.
That was quite something to leave after he said that he was feeling sick but still left him to party.
@@z4ne398
It bothered me a great deal. The inability to want to nurture her boyfriend was surprising.
Considering how much love he has shown her at every step and turn.
LOL, he didn't sound that sick to me.
In all honesty he sounded controlling and was trying to use Man-flu to get her no to go. She went specifically because he was trying to manipulate her into not going.
Frankly I don't think the relationship would have lasted anyway.
@@Cheepchipsable
He was the best boyfriend ever. Gave her a place to live, a family a place to belong and in return she couldn't even be that sympathetic to him.
Anyways best they break up. The dude is with her because he pities her. Best to just let her go so she can be free and he should focus on himself and his own happiness.
@@Cheepchipsable she just warned her about ONE guy, and he's controlling? he just had a gut feeling and was trying to protect her, and he was right.
Boyfriend asked OP not to go. She destroyed her own relationship. So many people don't understand that your significant other should be more important than hanging out with friends. Hope OP has learned a lesson to help in her next relationship.
Story 1: I cannot blame the boyfriend. He asked, she didn't care. He probably even lied about not feeling well to get her to stay, and she went anyway. And the thing he feared the most happened. It destroyed her and him. He blamed himself and also blames her, like it or not. This is a relationship that was, heavy on the was, special and should have never ended. But this illustrates how one bad choice, going to a party (or cheating once), can destroy a relationship. And by no means does she deserve this. Not in any way, shape, or form. But he also is under no obligations to stay with her. Like it or not, he was hurt by her actions. Not as much as she was, that's for damned sure, but his everything was destroyed.
Why do women take unnecessary risks and ignore men that warn them of the danger? Like my sister goes on walks in the park at night, i’m a big guy and even i’m not stupid enough to do that, take some responsibilify for your own safety, the feminists that tell you to do whatever you want because men are just trying to control you won’t be there to protect you when the time comes.
Being an independent woman in a man's world is dangerous. Proper safety measures need to be taken.
Um, welcome to 2020.
Women are openly displaying what little respect they have for men in general. Then when it exploded in their face, they want "their man" to fix it.
She never wanted a husband, just a clean up man.
@@danedee6563 That's an unfortunate and deluded perspective. When they find out that women are capable of the same evils, it'll hurt even more. Men and women need each other for humanity to persist. Without understanding and mutual compassion, suffering will only increase. I think a lot of those women who think that way have had profound disappointment in their fathers, or have been poisoned by women who have had profound disappointment in their fathers.
Dude no one fuckings thinks these things will happen. This could of happened anywhere anytime.
@Carter Atwell I'm sure now you can appreciate and perceive the benefits of her always being there for you while your father earned the money. There is a big difference in the quality of life and experiences of those that grew up with a stay at home parent and those with 2 working parents or a single working parent.
In both stories the relationship is over the guy in the first story is handling it better
Is he? He's treating his raped girlfriend like damaged goods
@@kuno3336 well i mean technically she is? I mean he doesn’t want to leave and have her off herself so....
@Brighton - except it might have been about him manufacturing feeling sick in order to control her and keep her home. This would have become a problem in the future anyway. He wouldn’t let the relationship mature before the incident.
@@teacheschem on the other hand, maybe he "manufactured being sick" because he didn't trust her friends.
And I mean, with this outcome I can't say he was exactly _wrong_ either 😕
@@teacheschem Ah yes so him "pretending" to be sick makes him manipulative but her getting mad when he rejects her sexual advances and then assumes he's cheating so she goes and snoops on his phone obviously makes him way worse.
They're always quick to blame the alcohol for their choices aren't they?
8:23 Sums up the first story. He tried to warn her, she took it as 1) him being controlling, and she was rebelling against his protests and warnings, and 2) she left him while he was sick. The second point is the dagger from which there is no return, for OP revealed how much she really cared for him with that move. All that put together has destroyed his feelings for OP and made him realize she isn't who he thought she was. Now he's just going through the motions of helping OP recover before letting OP go, because he's not an a**hole who puts someone out in the street right after a traumatic incident - but yeah, it's over.
Yes if you have a serious relationship with someone you don’t leave your sick partner to go party with friends of the opposite sex PERIOD, especially when your boyfriend has told you he doesn’t trust these men. A good woman shouldn’t even have male friends like that if she has a man. I believe she was open to doing something with one of those men at the party based on the way she behaved to her boyfriend and how interested she was in going to party with other dudes besides him.
I think she just didn't believe him. But let me tell you, her behavior was that of someone that eventually cheats. Or at least it LOOKS like that.
@@doomguy9049 Come on, the guy was pretending to be sick to manipulate her into staying behind. How does nobody see that? And guys wonder how girls end up in abusive relationships...
@NotoriousProfessorChaos #99669966 I don’t know who deleted my comment, but this is clearly an echo chamber, so I’ll take my leave. Let’s just say that I hope karma will teach you to be more empathetic, one day.
@@doomguy9049 i agreed with you until the part were it says doesnt trust these men, everything after that is were we desagree, i believe that every person if they are going to a party has to go with someone of the same sex doesnt matter if you are female or male, no one can be a 100% safe.
If a guy prevents you from hanging with any guy friends, he is controlling. If he has problems with just one, listen to him.
Or many, I mean, who knows?
Lol imagine being with a girl who has male "friends"
@@James-hu8ir a guy and a girl can be just friends. But choose your friends wisely
@@professor9343 Only in a group setting or with a specific shared interest/hobby, and not deep enough to spend time alone together. If you think otherwise, you're just unaware of the other person's feelings for you.
@@James-hu8ir alone time? I don't what's going through y'all brains but if the first thought of your significant other hanging out with one friend is cheating then you need to redefine trust. My friend has a boyfriend and she would just have days where we'd just talk alone about dumb shit or me giving her advice.
First story: I’d break up with her too. What happened to her is NOT her fault, but I would still terminate the relationship based on the events that took place. She needs to mourn the loss of the picture she had in her head of them growing old together, and then plan and execute an exit strategy so she can move on with her life as a young single woman.
So you would abandon a woman who had been raped? Clearly, you are not a man who can be trusted, or who would support a partner during tough times.
@@tardislady9546 yes I would. I wouldn’t use the word abandon, but I would break up with her. I couldn’t be with a woman that’d been through something like that after she disobeyed my commands to not go to that party, complete betrayal of my authority and then she became tainted for it because she failed to let me save her from herself.
That’s the thing, it IS her fault.
She CHOSE to go to this party with men her SO warned her were unsavory.
She CHOSE to get blackout drunk.
She CHOSE to go to sleep in a secluded location.
Now, she is:
Blacked out
Hidden
Surrounded by unsavory men
All by her own choice.
If you jump into a lion’s den, it’s your own fault for doing so.
You sound more like a parent then a bf💀. “Disobeyed your command” and “betrayed your authority” like you really need to stay single.
@@cecilrhodes2153 I see your point but I wouldn’t necessarily go that far, nobody asks to get r**ed, yes if you willingly stick your hand in a blender it’s your fault your hand gets emaciated but we can’t use that logic to excuse the unthinkable acts that the perpetrator did.
Story one she sounds like shes not giving the whole story, and comes across as a narcissist.
That's kinda how people are when they've been in the same relationship since they were teenagers
I think there is a story from guy side too on reddit .It's kind of matches completely ,except for the girl willingly take a guy to make out .So
@@swagatmaharana3131 Similar but they were two different stories/incidents.
@@runlikethewind8928Nah. Same story, just tweaked a little, and fake.
@nicharred07 Chastity resentment. Are you filming your wife right now, stud?
She could not stay with him when he was sick... why is he required to stay with her?
Anne of Cleves knows what she is talking about.
In the first story, the boyfriend definitively picked up on something.
It's a gut feeling. 50% of the time it's right, the other 50% of the time it's wrong. In this case, OP should've listened to her boyfriend.
As a woman myself, I urge anyone else to give your intuition some thought and if you really pick up on something, ask someone close to you if they get the same feeling you do, because a gut feeling could potentially save you from a horrible situation related to the person or thing you get a bad feeling about.
It sucks when these types of things happen
1st story, the boyfriend should leave. The trust was broken when she left with guys he didn't like to go party and get blackout drunk.
The woman put herself in the position for the incident to occur. It was a horrible situation; but the relationship was destroyed by her choice to attend the party, drink excessively, not leave and fall asleep.
Couples should never go out to party separately. This is always the result. Not the assault but someone always ends up naked with someone other than their spouse. If you want to party with your friends like a kid, you are not ready for a relationship. If my wife went out one time, got drunk and didn’t come home, it would be over. I don’t ho out without her and she doesn’t go out without me. We are a couple and have been for 29 years.
@@NNNMTWRH71 Well said.
He is leaving you. You lost him by your wrong decision. He will never forget what you did. Let the man go and live with your mistake
She can't because she's know he's better than anything she'll be able to trap again.
Yeah he's ready to dip and good on him
First Story: OP was trying so hard in writing this to make it look like her BF was controlling her. It is also obvious she wanted to fool around with one or more of her new friends and everything backfired on her.
She definitely was out for attention from other guys.
Yep, should have let them each finish and proved to her bf she's her own woman
Lol
@@mikeb3717 Yes, she stated that herself in the beginning. Her bf had more "value" than her and was the "core" of the relationship according to her. She wanted to be more of "value" and sought attention from others and possible well on her way to cheat too. From the story, my guess is she decided to get drunk and cheat with those guys but got caught by that friend and instantly switched to victim of rape.
Definitely can relate with the first story. My last 3 exes each have stories about 2 guys I don't trust, constantly warning them only for them to realize I was right in the end, but by then it was too late. 1 got abused, then raped. 2 got preyed on by someone much older than her, then had her nudes distributed by 2 other people. 3 lost her close personal friend, then fucked up her friend group. Some people really don't listen, and have to touch the stove after you tell them it's hot.
Yeah I couldnt either on the first one. If she cant listen to him when he is uncomfortable with her around men then she didn't respect him enough.
@Gi Gi I mean if she is being disrespectful enough I understand wanting to yell
@Gi Gi Both can be true at the same time though.
It's true that the men were pieces of shit for taking advantage of her.
It's true that she made a series of terrible decisions that put her in that position.
She wasn't walking home and got attacked. She drank herself into oblivion with a bunch of dudes that she was spending more time with than her boyfriend. There's no way he overlooks that.
She isn't dealing with the consequences of being violated, she's dealing with the consequences of being extremely immature and reckless.
Gi Gi not really she was well aware the friend of op was not on good terms with her boyfriend. Op left her sick boyfriend to go party with other man ? She disrespected him and now op boyfriend has checked out of the relationship at least he did not throw her under a bus like op did with her boyfriend when he needed help when he was feeling sick.
Op relationship is dead the boyfriend is now waiting till she feels better so he can move on.
@Gi Gi The criminal actions didn't kill her relationship. She did that. Even if the assault hadn't taken place, the absolute disregard for her partner would have killed the relationship.
Her (basically) ex is a damn saint and is helping her get to a decent enough place. But, all of her actions that ended up leading to that moment are hers and hers alone.
@Gi Gi Because I hold people accountable for their actions?
Let's walk through this.
They have arguments about how much time she spends with other men. She admits to disregarding his boundaries and continues.
She wants to go to a party with these other men. He asks her not to. She disregards it.
She goes to the party with these other men, the ones who she has been spending more time with than her boyfriend (from the post) and gets pass out drunk with them.
You don't see a problem? Never would I, or my wife, act like that. We respect each other and both understand healthy boundaries. We also both understand personal safety and how willingly compromising yourself is a TERRIBLE idea.
None of that means she should have been raped. All of that means her immature, selfish decisions both ruined her relationship and put her in an unnecessary risky position, ultimately ending in her being violated and traumatized. It also caused an incredible amount of pain for both OP and her boyfriend.
Literally all of it could have been avoided if she hadn't been a rebellious teen "doing what she wants because screw you, you're just jealous."
Literally everything except for the assault is her fault.
Edit: Also, if you don't understand what killed their relationship, YOU shouldn't be in one.
Even during the description of the rape, she said three of my friends. Why would you refur to them as such with no anger present. They were never your friends past or present.
You are right buddy
Did you miss the "quotation marks"? That indicates she *didn't* consider them "friends". The term was used to confirm that these were in fact the same people she trusted to go to the party with in the first place.
Complete whoosh on the "friends", the quotation marks imply that they were supposedly her friends, or did not understand the grammar?
"I have a bad feeling you shouldnt go sweety"
Her: "NOOOO CONTROLING YOU ARE BAD >:("
Life: yo get f*cked lol
Probably faked it too to get sympathy from him.
@@AlfieTank Right. She purchased a ticket to that particular train. 🚂
Hmmm I have a feeling this was made up so she could get a jail free card.
@Man Of Chai Tea where I wanna see
@@AlfieTank Unfortunately, this is all too real and possible.
I like how she considered him controlling about guy friends when he was right about the guys he didn’t like because every girl who has guy friends knows that they will take any opportunity to get with her but this was just a extreme example.
It takes a guy to know how a guy thinks.
The first one, he is dealing with a form of survivors guilt (I'm sure there's a name for it…) that he was right and should have been able to stop it and then she became completely and utterly dependent and codependent on him for months, you'd have to expect his perspective of how he sees her is different. Especially if he hasn't dealt with his own issue over the incident.
survivors guilt is when you feel guilty you survived when someone else did not (usually in things like shootings and natural disasters and such) so i wouldnt say its survivors guilt
Girl?
I had this conversation with a previous girlfriend who almost a similar situation happen to her and I told her jealousy comes in all forms, you can say I'm jealous of you guy friends but I know guys like you never could and there are certain people that are so jealous of a good relationship that they see a S.O. as nothing more than a bonus challenge in a sexual conquest. She just needed to be the center of attention and had to have those friends so I broke up with her and a few weeks after she tells me the particular guy friend I disliked the most got caught by a mutual friend of ours trying slipping something in her drink at a party.
Good man. 👍
He already warned you about your "friends" (multiple guy friends). He already expressed his concerns about them and look where you are. To him, you are "damaged goods" and cannot see you any more than that, hence, his behavior towards you. You will need to move on and find someone else.
I love how when women make bad decisions that harm their relationships. The man is expected to get counseling ?
Women are never expected to be adults and account for they own choices, thats what the walking to the altar is about, from daddy to hubby.
Drinking.... Ahhh the good ol "I must drink until I cannot defend my body and mental fortitude."
Love when people use that
Note: Only applies to women.
You would not think that if it were a MAN who had been raped.
@@tardislady9546 you right bc guys don’t have to worry about that lmao THATS THE POINT
@@JDragonweezy Reddit would support a MAN who was raped, but they think that women who are raped are 'sluts', and 'were asking' for it', and 'deserved it'.
Idk, if I had female friends and my girlfriend is like "hey, can you not hang out with them alone or even at all, she makes me uncomfortable or something along those lines" sure I'll distance myself from said friend, especially wont be partying with them or getting shit faced with them??? Kinda respect you have for one another
The guy in the 1st story is a saint.
Simp*
@@anon-iraq2655 yes, agreed, but understandable given she is on the verge of ending her life due to the trauma, but he should find an exit strategy ASAP, there's no future for them as a couple.
@@anon-iraq2655 he’s not a simp, tho. He takes care of her after the incident and already wants to leave her, unfortunately she was raped and for more that I want to think it’s not her fault it certainly was, he asked her to stay home and she went anyway, she lost him already, he’s not simping, he’s a fucking King that went through a terrible thing in his life
@@aurichio7783 King would ve honest about qhat he feels and after ending the relationship be her support.
@@aurichio7783 he needed to walk out the door the minute he asked her to not hang out with her "friends" and she threw a tantrum and called him controlling, he's not her father to deal with her rebellious phase
he stayed and then stayed some more to heal her after her choices got her assaulted, all are actions that hurt him emotionally and wasted his time and resources, gives him no reward as they're investments in a lost cause, he's a simp
These girls really have an eye for making friends.
As unfortunate as the 1st story is, it's no different than any other situation where your SO asks you not to do something, you do it anyway and it goes wrong. Had this been under any other circumstance, the BF probably would've been more likely to stay with OP. But this happened because she ignored his feelings/wishes and assumed the worst about him. The fact that she snooped on him shows she STILL assumes the worst about him. He needs to ignore his brother's advice and end this relationship ASAP.
That second story. I'd tell her to terminate, however, if she decided to keep the child, I'd be out the door with all my stuff by the end of the day.
The two had to have serious talk to the adult people. The guy by his family was told about all the crap that goes around nowadays about "You're not my real dad" and the child will not look like you and your wife will pick the child over you in a heartbeat. Listen to what the girl said that she already loved the unborn child. It would not surprise me she wanted to keep the child from the start. The story already started not about the details about how the r&pe went down. Only discovering that she was pregnant. Alpha seed beta need. The guy dodges a bullet if he leaves her.
She’s already 8 months along. Too late.
You can't legally terminate a pregnancy when you're 5 weeks from giving birth.
@@PeterCaptainObvious but he can leave. Which honestly would be best for him.
For the first story:
If he was such a good guy, why did you not trust him? If he was ill, why did you not care for him? If he put you first and showered you with care, affection, and attention.... Why did you need "other men"? You needed validation and attention beyond the person you were with. It is a shame that you didn't trust your boyfriend's intuition, you might have been safe. It is unfortunate, you didn't care for your boyfriend when he was ill. The tragedy might have been adverted. A relationship that is your pillar, and you choose to associate with brigands and thieves. Well, they stole your future and your sanctity. The reason why traditional marriages say honor and obey is not to shackle one another, but to guide and heed advice. You suffered a great indignity, and have had a piece of your soul tainted in the darkness of violence. May you find peace and someone to replace the love you lost. May he find someone that will attempt to understand his feelings.
I believe she thought the boyfriend was "acting" to stop her from joining the party.
@@chakraborty1989 Either way choosing a party over your “perfect” boyfriend what an L she took in the relationship sense
I’m willing to bet it wasn’t rape. She consented to it but used the excuse of rape to hide her cheating. She did everything wrong prior to the “rape”. She went to the party and not be with bf. It’s not like was attacked by strangers.
The first story 1 the boyfriend voiced his concern and she did not want to listen ok it's her right. But here comes several problems:
1. She did not take into consideration the boyfriend did not like one of her male friends and even warned her about it she chose to ignore this warning.
2. The boyfriend asked her not to go to the party she again decided to ignore his warning.
3 op decided as an adult to get fully drunk no excuse for rape but still not very smart if she is only their with male friends but still op choice.
4. Suddenly op is throwing a fit panic attacks making life for them a hell? Boyfriend is doing everything to accommodate what is happening but seem to slowly detach himself from op.
5 and final one op,seem to have trust issues snooping on boyfriend phone thinking he cheating etc.. Even though their was no reason for her to even have this part finding out boyfriend has checked out of the relationship and is now pikachu face.
Honestly, at the first half I thought she was just cheating, weren't for people rescuing her I would even believe she was saying she was struggle-snuggled to hide it
@@thepraetorian2368 i have never heard the term "struggle-snuggled" before. I simultaneously love and hate it.
@@thedestroyasystem I learned about from TTT Yogscast
On point!
Ultimately, right or wrong, its over. You can't guilt him into love. He isn't an asshole for losing his feelings, feelings don't work like that.
Stop wasting each other's time.
The first story. Boyfriend told her not to go. She went, got drunk and passed out. Getting raped was not her fault but putting herself in a situation where she was extremely vulnerable was her fault. Therefore I don't blame the Boyfriend for the way he is now.
The second story. IMO the baby would serve as a constant reminder to the Boyfriend as to what happened to her. She has been able to bond with the baby but it's not always possible for the guy. If not for the baby their relationship could be healed with counseling.
So any woman who dares to leave the house, wear nice clothes, see friends, go to a party or event, drink something stronger than tea, or speak to a man, is putting herself of a 'vulnerable' situation.? SHE WAS RAPED.
@@tardislady9546 Not knowing your limits for alcohol consumption and drinking to the point of passing out is putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Like I said getting raped was not her fault but putting herself in a position where she could be was her fault. As they say DRINK RESPONSIBLY.
A thing about men that women need to understand is that if we care for you, we're automatically put into the role of caretaker/provider/protector. It's not quite those things, but kinda all three if you know what I mean. Anyway when you specifically undercut us in that.. put yourself in a position where we can't help you, specifically when we want to or warn you.. along with whatever trauma results to you personally, you also take away something that's at the core of being a man. It's possibly the most emasculating thing anyone can possibly do. Those feelings are going to be a long term cancer in your relationship. And that's on top of the assault itself. There's no easy solution to this.
Whether it's easy or not the solution is for the OP to let her bf go and find someone who will make him happy and respect him. As you correctly pointed out her actions were extreme disrespect and the damage that happened to their relationship as a consequence of this aren't ever going to be right again.
He is going to be the one that OP will remember as "the one that got away" for the rest of her life, because of that foolish choice.
Now if only the feminists could read these posts and just let this be.
This right here. She heard his protectiveness and interpreted it as possessiveness. There’s a big difference. She ignored his concerns, is now traumatized, and he feels stuck playing caretaker because he’s too good of a guy to dump her when she’s at her lowest. Once she’s steadier, he’s out.
@@hothotheat3000 he should go now, and not let her use her fragile state as a weapon against him. Let her friends and family deal with whatever is going on with her. She has no right to be in the relationship with him after her disrespect.
I feel so bad for the boyfriend in the 1st story, you good and well if he leaves her, which he should, she’s gonna tell everyone “He’s leaving me in my time of need” and will never mention the fact he tried to warn her
As for the 2nd boyfriend, no man should be forced to raise kid if it isn’t his, no matter the circumstances
First story, you were warned you didn't listen, bare the consequences.
Understandable for the guy. She didnt care that he said for her not to go. Now face the consequences. Why is it so hard to listen?
It was her fault to not listen; it was her fault to black out drunk; it was her fault to lay down her guard sleeping while alone in a room where the party is still ongoing with sketchy men around.
1. He warned you against them.
2. You left him when he was sick
3. He no longer thinks you trust him.
Neither of you are at fault. But a bit does go to you as you didn't take his advice and went with people he didn't like you being around.
Actually, it makes OP 100% at fault. She chose the party. She chose to leave her sick boyfriend at home to get her back blown out. It's HER own fault.
@@CocoCece08 girl?
@@Hm-dh1vuI agree, I'm sorry. She says he was the perfect guy but couldn't skip one party while he was sick. Her SA is not her fault but her bad choices were made by herself.
It amazes me how much women, like the one in the 1st story, feel like their safety is everyone elses responsibility not their own and they know better than everyone else. She didn't "ask for it" but she definitly opened the door and let the possibility of "it" in. Most danger is only dangerous when you ignore it like she did.
@Two Hatchet feminism is cancer and poisons everything it touches and ensures no logic, reason, and decency can prevail. Your example is spot on but assumes a logical male mind, not an irrational feminist female mind.
I like how she "makes it short" to give no context to what happened
@Two Hatchet We still have things like sex ed classes and government ads that tells women to use self protection and better decision making. But "feminists" look at it and say it's victim blaming. They still think everyone else is responsible for their safety. They expect guys to be their bodyguards, while on the same breath talking about how guys are violent pigs and girls are above them. You can't win with these people.
@@zlkanglwrth2776 that struck me as weird but sometime it’s hard for people to relive their traumas and give exact details, her main points were that she got raped and all this was going on
There’s no way you are serious.
When he told u not to go, u were not supposed to go. U went anyway, and now: don't apologize, just leave.
Sometimes when someone is telling you to not do something is not them being controlling, they are just looking out for you.
She started sowing the seeds of separation and decided to go against a minimal request. She said f that went on her own and got r---d. Your not entitled to his protection anymore. You made your decision so you can still make your decisions without him.
The minute she ignored his wishes and feeling and went to the party, he should have ended the relationship then.
The first story has a lot to digest. I'll give the benefit of the doubt to the BF and it was more of a danger gut feeling instead of jealousy. What rubbed me the wrong was is she completely dismissed his concerns instead of talking to him. She said she was spending less time with him and after her rape, he becomes more distant and only spends 5 hours to himself and she thinks he cheated? What? To me, she never respected his boundaries and once her boundaries get tested she jumps to infidelity. I think it's amazing that he helped OP through this but he is right he became more of a caretaker than a romantic partner. He was forced to go on autopilot mode instead of processing his emotions and figuring out what he truly wanted. To me, it's a very black and white decision that this relationship is over because there was a problem even before the rape. He blames himself because he felt the danger and even tried to warn you but you dismissed him and he could not help you in your moment of vulnerability. He will never be able to get over that and also hold some sort of resentment towards OP because she refused to listen. The rape itself was not her fault but her dismissive attitude was all her.
@Two Hatchet jealousy is not reliable though. People feel jealous for a different severity of things. Personally, I don't get jealous that my girlfriend has guy friends. But what she displayed was complete disregard to get a partner and refused to even listen to him. Even if it was jealousy that was the driving factor she should still listen because if the roles were reversed she most certainly would be upset in this situation.
@Two Hatchet what are you talking about? If a dude doesn't feel comfortable in the relationship with a guy she talks to HE should address it to her. If a resolution cannot be made then just break up simple. The first couples of months of the relationship are supposed to be used to figure out if you are even comparable. If she has always has got friends and you don't like that you shouldn't get into a relationship. But what is suspicious is how dismissive she always was and how much effort she put into him not going.
@Two Hatchet this all should be addressed at the beginning. He shouldn't have to change and she shouldn't have to change. This point a view is a fundamental difference that needs to be addressed. If you don't like it leave and I say that to a man or women🤷♂️
@Two Hatchet im talking about that specific issue. If no compromise can be made about the guy issue then just leave don't cry about it😂. Like you said why would you stay in a relationship you aren't comfortable with? Not every guy has that feeling of every guy in their girl's life is "competition". If she decides to cheat fine by me I won't stick around. With these specific issues, it's a fundamental difference and some people may think it's a bigger deal than others. Find someone who holds the same beliefs as you that's all.
That's what happens when you don't want to listen.. You put yourself in this position !!
So any woman who leaves the house, wears nice clothes, sees friends, goes to a party or event, drinks something stronger than tea, or speaks to a man, 'deserves' to be raped, and was 'asking for it'? You are sub-human.
Fun fact: OP must have diluted many of her wrongdoing to show herself in better light, I think there's more in this story then what female OP told us
Decisions ALWAYS have consequences.
Now she regrets the Decision for not listening to her soon to be ex-boyfriend.
This relationship is over. This is harsh, but he looks at you and sees a crime scene, not a girlfriend.
@Phantom Lancers CJ would be proud of OP's boyfriend if he broke up with her.
If the boyfriend had a bad feeling about the friend, he was right to have one. That’s one of the things I talked about with my best friend, if we have a bad feeling about someone the other one is dating/ friends with, we’d tell each other and while we wouldn’t do anything right there and then, we’d look at it from another angle and get more information. Long story short, we aren’t invalidating each other’s intuition because we care about each other and we trust each other. Honestly, it sounds like you didn’t trust your boyfriend. Of course, rape period is terrible and should never happen to anyone, but I feel as if if you listened to your boyfriend and didn’t deny him because they were your friends, you would’ve caught on to them sooner. Sometimes, people that we’ve known for a while won’t be the same person we’ve known, and someone that entered your life later can see that
A smart man will leave as soon as possible in both these situations.
#1 It's amazing how he don't have the other side of this xxx story just hers.
She shouldn’t have gone to that party.
Yep it's her fault. I don't feel bad
Why is it so hard for people to sit their SO down and talk about they’re feelings and concerns?
The brother's advice makes the most sense. Just suck it up and prepare for a break up.
Your love ones can only do so much to protect you but if you already decided to do something stupid then even they can't help you.
This reminds me of my buddy when we were in Thailand. Dude likes to flaunt his wealth despite us warning him not to. His insistence to take a detour to an unsafe part of town, again despite our protests, got him stabbed and robbed. Luckily he managed to survive but robbers were never caught and all stolen stuff not recovered.
Sounds like you threw away your great relationship with E for a wild night. Good luck E
💀
The first story, while it’s awful what happened to her, makes me so angry. She had the audacity to think her boyfriend was cheating on her, AFTER she was raped by friends that HE thought she was cheating on him. Yet she thinks him talking to his brother is equivalent. Disgusting.
Well your boyfriend has his reasons and maybe I would've done the same I know females won't be able to stay in that kinda situation so why should a man who had warned you about the dangers stay? I hope all the best for you though.
linking the stories would give you a lot more subs try it
Lotta these channels think they're gonna lose view time for some reason.
@@notasphyxia2450 I know right I just wanna see the comments and what was said. I'm still going to watch the video or listen to it because tl;dr lol
@@notasphyxia2450 The thing is they're not going to lose view time because those threads are locked, AMIRITE? Personally... downvote these videos if they pull this shit.
@@GoatZilla Joke's on you, the way UA-cam works, if they have enough viewers to make money off it, ANY interaction (upvote, downvote, comments etc) make them money.
@@KE-hr4sb Good point, I'll stop.
Honestly, first dude needs to leave, she couldn’t even respect him enough to not go and get drunk with other men.
OP#1's boyfriend is exhibiting textbook caretaker fatigue. That description of beginning to see your partner more like a child of yours is bang-on for that. It's so much so that the idea of having sex with them revolts you.
She lied because she felt guilty. Don't ever believe women
She didn't listen. Toss her. 🤷♂️ should've stayed home.
Her only mistake was trusting those men, i don’t think you understand that those men were their fiends for months how could she imagined that something like that was gonna happen to her. Besides, she wasn’t alone with those men, she went to a room alone to rest and of course you don’t do that at a party but she felt safe, because she was at a party with her FRIENDS. and they take advantage of her. It’s very easy for you to say toss her like it was nothing, but he loves her a lot, you don’t throw away 9 years together just like that. It’s not like she cheated, in that case would be different, she wanted to go and have fun with her friends, many people want that at that age, her boyfriend probably wasn’t even sick he just said it so she wouldn’t go, that’s why she didn’t stay. It’s not fair that some selfish disgusting men ruined her life like that. Their relationship still have a chance, its not like she was pregnant like in the second case. Of course the boyfriend is angry at himself, but what bothers me here is that he put such emphasis in “lust”, that he no longer desires her physically, love is more than that. He felt like they took something from him, and might be truth, but he shouldn’t let those men have such power over their longtime relationship, of course they can make it work, it could’ve been way worse.
@@pml4443 naah those guys were more important to her than him
@@pml4443 She didn't respect her boyfriend. Simple as that
She should have stayed home because she absolutely ruined her relationship
First girl should have choose him over her friend's.
Wait this first story. Didn't the Bf version gave his side of the story and it turned out she was planning on cheating, "got raped", turned out she completely lied about being raped and she was the one all over the guys at the party then the charges were dropping for the other guy?
Also if a girl starts explaining her bf with 100% positive comments, she it lovebombing out of guilt.
Pls link
Yeah now that I think about it’s the same story differently side, your right she just there bec he’s has a good family and she doesn’t love him
ua-cam.com/video/Soh0KiFXv-Q/v-deo.htmlsi=tLw3vat1HGGrICfB
I think this video is what your talking about. Im not sure, but it sounds similar
You ignore the warnings and walk into a burning house, get drunk, and go to sleep. You wake up on fire, but it's not your fault. It's the fire's fault because fires shouldn't burn people who don't want to be burned. Yeah, that makes sense.