How Narcissism Affects You | Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein
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- Опубліковано 18 жов 2022
- Clinical psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explains how narcissism affects you in co-parenting, romantic relationships, being the child of a narcissist and dealing with them at work. Guided in questions by Sounds True Founder Tami Simon, explore this deep dive into what narcissism is, how to spot a narcissist in your life, and what to do if you're in relationship with one.
If you'd like help dealing with the traumatic experiences of being in relationship with a narcissist, you can join Jeffrey and 13 other premier teachers in the Healing Trauma Program: bit.ly/3vE6sCB
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Sounds True was founded in 1985 by Tami Simon with a clear mission: to disseminate spiritual wisdom. Since starting out as a project with one woman and her tape recorder, we have grown into a multimedia publishing company with more than 80 employees, a library of more than 1500 titles featuring some of the leading teachers and visionaries of our time, and an ever-expanding family of customers from across the world. In more than three decades of growth, change, and evolution, Sounds True has maintained its focus on its overriding purpose, as summed up in our Mission Statement.
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Thank you for showcasing this topic. I am so happy to see that this information is getting a wider audience. For the longest time the only ones who seemed to know anything about this were the victims and that made it very difficult to figure out what was happening, or to get help and support. It is still difficult, but a whole lot better! 💕
I notice my mother when i do not give her attention (e.g. watering just a plant 20 seconds when she is making tea), she can't stand it. Furious outside, screaming. Or in all metal- silence inside. The same with emotions. if we show emotion she becomes angry or asks harsh questions. She asks harsh questions anyway.
I notice my father -who is in the same room- can only address not any deep topics. He only talks about the flowers and vegetables. And i used to give him attention as he seems to ask it and at least he does not scream. I feel terrible but he walks away or only says wishing you a wonderful journey home. It's so confusing.
They do not mean to hurt but I notice I lost: 1. My emotions (=feeling alive) 2. self worth (by all anger) 3. sense of selve (always obligated to obey) 4 lost mental health (confused, is it normal to be neclected and bullied, who to trust, how come my sisters act as if this is normal, is this normal?)
Yesterday was the first time I could see the patterns, I used to believe they were only a bit weird. Like he said, to label it finally at age 40 30:40
Wishing all survivors all the love and support. Don't forget to ask your angels.
Growing up with a vulnerable narcissistic mother, I always felt something was off but never had the language to describe it. Information like this is life changing and life saving, in so many ways. It’s a tough road, healing from narcissistic abuse, but it is SO worth it.
Thank you for this insightful talk!
I was raised by a father who had Grandiose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Throughout my life, I felt compelled to prove my worth to him, often mirroring his behavior and experiencing a sense of achievement when I emulated him. The trauma from this upbringing led me to develop a persistent state of anxiety known as Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DPDR). While I've had moments of awakening from this state, my nervous system often shut them down quickly, leading to panic. However, these awakenings made me realize that I didn't have to live life in that constant state of DPDR and that healing was possible.
Regrettably, my journey took me into a relationship with an emotionally abusive girlfriend who possessed a knack for inducing feelings of shame within me. However, I also came to realize that I carried a deep sense of shame originating from my upbringing and past childhood trauma.
After the breakup, I was consumed by the fear that I might be a narcissist myself. As time passed, I began to see that the accusations made against me didn't align with my true self. I became aware of the gaslighting and stonewalling tactics I had endured and how I had elevated my ex-girlfriend's judgments above my own emotions.
I want to extend compassion to those who have wrestled with these emotions and intrusive thoughts. Trauma unquestionably shapes how we relate to others and perceive ourselves, sometimes leading to behaviors or thought patterns that may resemble narcissism. This can manifest in various ways:
Hyper-Vigilance: Trauma can heighten our sensitivity to threats, causing us to become overly focused on our own safety and well-being.
Dissociation: As a coping mechanism, some trauma survivors may detach from their own feelings and needs, giving the impression of emotional detachment or self-centeredness.
Difficulty Trusting: Trust issues are common among trauma survivors, making it challenging to form close relationships or share vulnerabilities with others.
Low Self-Esteem: Trauma can erode our self-esteem, prompting us to seek excessive validation or, conversely, project a false sense of superiority to compensate for our insecurities.
Self-Protective Behaviors: Trauma survivors may engage in self-protective behaviors, which others may interpret as self-centeredness, such as withdrawing from social interactions or avoiding emotional intimacy.
We can all heal when we realize that there is nothing that is broken
Thank you i finally feel less tired ! It 's so important to be acknowledged.
Thank you so much for presenting this topic in such a compassionate and humble way. There are no passengers on this spaceship earth. We are all crew.
Thank you Jeffrey so much for your gentle guidance on narcissism. I am navigating some deep waters with narcissistic siblings. I appreciated your strategies for approaching them and myself with compassion.
Brilliant, and so incredibly helpful. Especially understanding my deep level of shame that I have spent decades healing from . thankyou so much
Thank you for making this conversation available. I was in a decade long relationship with a man who had narcissistic tendencies and at the end of it, we were able to go to couple's therapy and he also agreed to go to individual psychotherapy for a little while. So, it's not always hopeless... but for that one, I had to pretext his extremely difficult relationship with his father (who definitely was a narcissist) had badly influenced our relationship and it would be beneficial that he sees a professional to talk about it and not repeat the same pattern with either me or his next partner (that was just before we separated). It 's only now, after many years and completing a degree as a therapist myself that I can recognise some of the trauma this relationship has left me with.
Dr Jeffrey. TY for being vulnerable its beautiful to see and feel
Truthfulness about what i really need and want and self compassio is key
Thank you for this helpful video, i feel that i just needed to show appreciation ❤️
As an amateur, I can't (always) diagnose a narcissist. So I ask myself, how do I feel around them? How is my self-esteem? Do I feel like I'm walking on eggs? That's how I decide whether they're someone I want to know.
Thank you so much. I grew up with a narcissist father and saw my beautiful mother always scared and I married a man I thought was wondering only to show his true colours in our 1st year. I thought I was strong but I am becoming more and more like my mother. Is this course for me or should it be best with a therapist. 🙏 I have lived half a life and I am becoming invisible. Thank you
Always love your content Tami ❤️
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that talk❤ i would love to apply for your program. This is great ❤️☀️🌙
Thank You!! 🙏❤️
Awesome interview
This was excellent~
21:04 that’s hard to hear but needed
Thank you 🙏
🙏 thank you
Man ,, do I miss Michael Singer's sessions!
It’s frustrating that all talks I’ve listened to about narcissists never mention the narcissistic child. Please have a talk about this extremely painful situation for parents.
Children are supposed to be narcissistic. It is part of their development process. It is our job as adults to teach them how to be compassionate and caring and have empathy by modeling it in our interactions with them and others.
You may want to look into Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s work and his perspective on “Alpha children”
An ex-friend of mine is very charming so everyone likes him. I wondered why such a nice guy divorced twice. But I suddenly realized he is toxic when he violated my boundaries🚩 So I went no contact with him.
BRAVO 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼
Narcissists don't respect boundaries even after you’ve set them up. That’s my experience.
More interested in the longer term effects of a relationship with someone with NPD
Holy smokes!! The price! Worth it and thank GAWD its pmt offered im POOOR AF
How much?
Does emotional immaturity correlate with narcissistic traits? Both of my parents are emotionally immature and they are both very self centred. They are not mean people but they are unable to take responsibility and as a consequence I have been gaslighted by them all in my life. They live in a world sealed by cognitive dissonance. Do people with narcissistic traits live in a world of cognitive dissonance?
I am trying to figure out whether my parents are narcissistic or just emotionally immature.
❤
TAMI..IM DESPERATE HERE...PLZ IF U SEE THIS...HOW DO I OBERCOME THIS FULLY? I AM EVEN PRACTICING DAMIEN ECHOLS TECHNIQUES AND I CAN NOOOT FIND MY BLOCKAGE....im 45 now and thats the LAST THING I NEED TO HEAL BUT CAN NOT
Matter of fact ots blocks ng the angels and everything or at least my perception of them
Kindly assist me to join the zoom
😢
What is cause ?
I only counted 5 traits that he gave
Why do feel shame about trauma? The perpetrator should feel shame for the trauma they caused. Why is it the victim who feel shame for the pain that was inflicted on them? I don't get that.
Trump!!!
The interviewer plays dumb or ignorant and I find it patronizing. The exchange would be enjoyable, not just palatable, if it was conversational and not so rehearsed. I would love to listen to it but it is not enjoyable. Perhaps she could watch other UA-camrs that are excellent interviewers and see how she could improve her interviewing skills. The material presented deserves a far more engaging format. 😊