5 Things Only Fake Friends Do & How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You with Trent Shelton
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- Опубліковано 15 чер 2024
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There is one thing you need to live a more peaceful and fulfilled life:
Having the right people around you.
In today’s episode, you’ll learn the surprising reasons why your friends aren’t more supportive and the sneaky ways people are disrespecting you.
In order to find more joy and less stress, you need positive relationships with people that actually cheer you on, that believe in your potential, and that make your life better.
Today, you’ll learn exactly how to find those people, take your power back, and create more peace in your life. Joining Mel is Trent Shelton (@TrentSheltonVideos ). Trent is a bestselling author who is beloved by his 15 million followers for his inspiration and insight, and today he’s sharing that profound wisdom with you.
For more resources, including links to Trent’s new book, Protect Your Peace, and his social media platforms, click here: www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/ep...
Follow Trent Shelton on Instagram: / trentshelton
Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: / themelrobbinspodcast
I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.
In this episode:
00:00: Intro
01:40: Harvard study found THESE have the #1 biggest impact on your life.
02:25: Mel’s favorite quote from her friend, Trent Shelton.
04:45: How do you know if your friends are not genuine?
07:25: This one word will reveal the quality of your relationships.
12:40: The first group of people you can’t be friends with.
15:25: The second type of person you want to avoid.
16:25: Ask this question when you’re growing and your friends aren’t.
19:00: The third type of person that will drag your life down.
20:55: This fourth type of person requires a deeper level of consideration.
24:30: Mel admits a big truth about her circle of friends.
28:10: If you’re in your 20’s, listen to this.
30:35: Trent reveals what he did when his mindset was at its lowest.
32:40: The words you need to hear when you don’t feel your purpose.
35:35: How do you pull yourself out of your funk?
37:25: Step #1 when you realize your friends are not for you.
40:45: What to do when a friend didn’t support you when you needed it.
42:25: What to remember when it’s time to say no.
44:00: How do you develop rock solid principles?
50:20: What does it mean to be loyal to your ‘pace’?
53:15: How do you trust yourself and the process when it’s not working?
59:00: What is ‘soul momentum’?
59:50: If you don’t feel your worth, you’re probably doing this.
1:00:03: What do you do when you’ve made mistakes in your past?
1:05:45: Feeling drained by other people? Listen to this.
1:08:38: You’ve never heard this about boundaries.
1:10:20: What to know when you feel you’ve lost your way.
1:11:45: Do this when you’re worried about your kids and their choices.
1:13:20 Struggling with how to find your purpose? This is for you.
1:15:25: If you’re not leaving a toxic relationship, this is probably why.
1:17:20: Living with depression? Mel and Trent were, too. Listen to this.
#relationshipadvice #findpeace #innerpeace #positivity #dreamlife #friendships
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Always remember, just because someone is an old friend…doesn’t mean they are a good friend.
The TRUTH‼️‼️‼️
Always remember, just because Someone is your real family Brother doesn’t mean he is friendly with you.
family is over
That hit home for me
@@xgdgdjdhdhdhd3493yes, but you can remember something, but you can't avoid the pain.
I don't have friends, I have many acquaintances. People exhaust me!
@@BrandynAF I know you mean well... BUT... I choose to not have friends at all.
I'm not saying I'm anything special, I'm just a very private person who values my time, my space and my energy.
I have met and worked with alot of different people/acquaintances in my lifetime. Some nice, some nasty but none of them I would consider friends and none of whom I would ever associate with outside of work. They are simply, just people passing through in this season of my life. My life is peaceful without friends in it, I prefer it this way.
@@BrandynAFHaving acquaintances is good. It's enough. Friends are a notion pushed by social engineering media.
Same here
Same here
😂❤
Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.
Man I realize this now
Unfortunately that's exactly what I'm going through in My life (50 btw) bc My birth family relationships are NOT healthy 😢😮, OMG 😱🤯🤐🥺😥😳💔
Also what U R teaching your kids about how they deserve to be treated, OMG 😱🤯🤐🥺😥😳💔!!!!
distance yourself.....................otherwise you are known by the company you keep and personally I cannot hang out with cheaters or thieves and then be nice to their husbands *or wives and act like it's all okay what is being done behind their back. I would be a traitor so no thanks. I stay away soon as I find out but I am professional and just say hello. distance.
I do not have time for foolishness 😂😂😂
"You can't be friends with people who are friends with YOUR ENEMIES!" I FELT THAT ONE!!
Betrayal kills friendship.
lol yeah bc you don't know if you are the enemy of the other person. when they are in the middle, they just want attention.
They say, "he/she never did anything to me".
Found out a coworker was related to my STYX's. GF. At 1st they seem like they wanted to help, me. Actually tried to warn me about possible bad things to protect myself. But later , said and did things that . I wondered if they had started saying things that hurt just to feed off my pain. They had ssid & done some things that I questioned so much. Zhe last time I saw,this person, I told them ...your not my friend. A friend wouldn't have... and pointed out things I was not happy about. To protect myself .this person & others are blocked on fb .
@@heatherdashrae2excellent comment, this has happened to me twice over the years and still don’t understand it. I have, however, moved on from those “friendships”.
I heard a great quote once. Givers have to set limits because takers don’t have any.
Posting this on my desk. This is so true.
That's an excellent quote.
Wow! I need to practice this because the more I give to takers the more I get hurt because they don’t even acknowledge. 😢 I don’t give to get, but a simple “thank you” would be nice.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼❤️
TRUTH
THOSE WHO CHATTER TO YOU ABOUT OTHERS , CHATTERS TO OTHERS ABOUT YOU
Indeed facts
It’s so true. Even men,, who seem to be pursuing a relationship w/ me,, sometimes just want to chatter,,, and that’s gossip right? And they dig for information!! Once they cannot extract anything, they drop off,,, it’s very strange but it’s total freedom to
Learn what these people are about. ❤
Absolutely & those are usually the gossipers too.
EVERY TIME
Amen. My mom had a few sayings…”Don’t say behind someone’s back, what you wouldn’t tell them to their face.” I know a lot of people that have absolutely ZERO guts.
Old friends can prove out to be no friend. They can pretend to be your friend, but the truth always surfaces, and as they stab you one more time,you finally have the strength to let go. The sad part is how many years you wasted your life lifting the other one up, as they only never realized you offered unconditional love, and they offered emptiness,
"I AM LOYAL TO MY PRINCIPLES, not to people." ...brilliantly said.
1) jealous/ envious friends
2) terrible people
3) gossipers
4) a person friends with your enemies
Where does he talk about friends who are cool with enemies
@@phrorechords9969he said it at 20:57
"You must protect your energy from things that drain it. You must protect your mind from things that distract you. You must protect your soul from things that no longer fulfill you."
He really has a lot of great points and suggestions. This is truly was what I needed to hear. “I won’t be continuing to be misused time and time again” nothing short of deep ❤
You know what I think every one of us at one time or another exhibited those traits that Trent said because we all make mistakes and we are all human .
I would not just go dropping all your friends because they exhibit some of these qualities you would have to see that this is a trend first.
Also, if you want someone to be happy for you, and they are not in a good place like you, you have to include them in your happiness. For example, if you have more disposable income, they can’t afford to go eat with you, sometimes you need to supplement for them, or else they will not be able to hang with you. Since this is not easy to do, I’d only recommend it when you are not expecting anything back from them, and you feel you can’t afford it.
Friendships are hard to make and easy to terminate so be careful before you cut ties. Especially if you do not have family support!! Some people say they are fine being alone and that’s true but the day you get sick and in the hospital, is the day you need friends…. or family if you don’t have friends. I feel it’s complicated because friends say things they don’t mean, say the word they are jealous or envious, but don’t really mean it… so you just can’t take those meanings and say I need to drop my friend because they are envious of me when those words were empty
The older I get , the more peace I want.
Absolutely 💯
Me too.
FACTS
We are energy. We can't be around people who drain our energy.
indeed☮️
I'm 61 yrs. old. I value my peace above all else. I have a sweet, supportive, loving husband who is my best friend and 2 wonderful dogs. That's my circle, it's tiny, but it's authentic and joyful and that is everything to me.
Less is so much more in life. The older I get things and people are only distracting from my time to just be not doing.
When you clean the *bad* out of your life -- including "friends" and family who only seem to make you feel unhappy -- you find that *GOOD* moves into those empty spaces.
Yes!
I'm still waiting....
YEsssss 🙌
Be careful who you become friends with, and be careful who you marry, if you make the wrong choices, it will take the rest of your life to correct that mistake..
Well not only friends , I’m having this experience with my own sister… the envy most time is also inside of your own family. Makes me scared for real. 😐
Yes same here turning 65 next month and orefer to be alone now where did the time go?!
PREACH!!!!
It is not meant to be that way, at all.
Correct...when we are young & starting out we are very very vulnerable without guidance & support of a caring parent.....I've wasted my life on an idiot "husband" ...got no premarital guidance & support from parents & siblings...if anything, was only encouraged into a toxic situation 💔😪
Stay away from narcissistic people, gossipers, and condescending people. These kind of people try to gaslight and manipulate you.
Spot on
That's how they "make their money". They sell you short and if you remain in the position they profit during your interaction.
My current coworkers that statement summed that up I gave my notice and I quit. 😊
Did you make it to your next destination yet? How much of a hell hole was the old place?@@tm4465
Sad part, people flock to these toxic people and stay loyal to them even tho the narcissist isn’t. Toxic people seem to have a lot of friends
I had a wonderful Angel of a best friend for 30 years who loved me and had my back through ups and downs. She recently passed away, and although I feel immense loss, I still feel her love and support in my heart. She would tell me constantly that I did so much for her, but she was my rock, she helped me to be a better person, a better mother…I was blessed to have such a person love me like she did. I wish everyone would have the experience of a true friend like I had. I miss her so much…I always will.
im sorry for your loss, best of luck
I had a wonderful friend for 40 years whom I lost to dementia. A different friend I had for decades whom I always thought would be a friend for life ghosted me a couple times and though the first time we patched it up, she eventually did it again and became very nasty when she thought I might turn up and confront her about it. I should have seen earlier that she was capable of forming a grudge that came from her own emotional issues and that she wasn't the kind of person who can discuss differences. Adult Child of Alcoholic thing, apparently. If people would rather decide who you are rather than give you a chance to clear up a misunderstanding or deal with a difference of opinions and needs, they are likely not going to be a friend "forever".
@@moxiepooties6363 those of us blessed enough to have a real friend never experienced misunderstandings or disagreements with these people. I believe it is rare to have such a friend, an$ I will treasure my memories of my wonderful friend. Thirty years and we never had e harsh word between us. I had another long time friend who constantly betrayed me, and was very much a taker, never a giver. I finally had to release her from my life…she did not take it well, but my life improved without her drama. The funny thing was, both of these friends had alcoholic fathers…they were just very different people. One grew up narcissistic, and the other was a true empath.
You both had extraordinary good luck. I would love to have a good friend, even before a lover or husband.
@@sararichardson737 I have a son who is a treasure, and I had a best friend who was an Angel. I had much heartbreak and bad fortune in my life, but those 2 wonderful people made me realize that God was watching out for me. ❤️🙏❤️
I'm an empath .....extrovert and an introvert....I need to protect my energy 😪. Not many friends at all. I love my own company
You are me💜💙
I get it😊.
Learn to be alone when you are young, so that you are not afraid to walk away.
This is excellent advice and one of the main reasons why people stay in toxic situations is the fear of being alone. ❤
This is excellent advice and one of the main reasons why people stay in toxic "relationships" is fear of being alone, which is understandable, though. ❤
Very true. Being a loner has helped me detach from toxic people.
100 thumbs up!!😂
not Alone alone, but enjoin time spent by yourself.
There's adifferrence
I had the most friends when I was the worst version of myself.
This is so true
💯 Facts‼️
i know me too. i guess misery does love company idk
Me too, now I’m happy with me others are not, guess they prefer broken.
So true and now you realize how disingenuous those relationships were.,
One thing I’ve always observed is that you can tell a person’s character by the way they treat the waiter or waitress. I’ve ended a longtime friendship over this very issue. As I’ve aged I am alone a lot more, but I’d rather be alone than feel empty around groups that don’t feed my life and soul. This includes family too.
So true! My huz and I dropped a couple who were condescending to servers and didn’t tip them well. Wasn’t fun going out to dinner with them and it made me feel embarrassed and ashamed to be with them.
I agree! I too could not remain associated with people who treated Waters/Waitresses and Shop Staff or anyone doing service jobs as though they were beneath them. It shocked me to the core to see two people do this. I simply do not understand why they do it! It is mean, horrible, rude, nasty and only reflects badly on them in the end.
I dropped a long time friend because of this as well, but I guess it was also a laundry list of things that I had brushed off until recently. The way she was talking to the waitresses was so cringy/embarrassing/rude & unnecessary. I realized this person is not in alignment with my values at all.
I was friends with someone who chose to be friends with someone who intentionally tried to make my life difficult. I thought that was possible until, on 2 occasions, my friend pretended not to know me while in the presence of this other person. It was at that point (2017), I realized we werent really friends. I hated that I wasted so many years being friends with this person. My advise, looking back, end questionable friendships sooner than later.
Not a waste of time; every experience, good or bad is a learning opportunity. Now you can see the next enemy coming your way and know what to do early in the game.
I had to cut off a few fake ''friends'' and they turned out to be narcissist. They secret animosity, jealously, envy competition, gossiping and one upping got old quick. I now have peace in my life and only have 1 friend.
If you find ONE ☝️ that’s good 👍🏼.
AbsoluteMdot, Great job!!!!
Same same! The narcissists are attracted to the light, the hard workers! They want to figure you out, you have to be smart enough to drop em , we don’t need a thing from them like they think we do
Same here 👍🏻
Same!
“Don’t be friends with someone you wouldn’t trade places with” that shook me to the core. Thank you Mel and Trent- what a fantastic message! Great way to start the day.
💯✅
What minute and second is that quote in the video from? Thank you 🙏🏼!
@@vanessasamayoa9329 16:13🫶🏼
Around 17:30…
(And he was referring to a persons character…)
@@vanessasamayoa9329 16:13🫶🏼
"When benifits end we see our true friends"
❤❤❤
I had sooooo many more friends when I was unhappily married. As soon as I got divorced and began happily dating a very sweet man who treats me well, some people began slowly backing away…
Misery loves company.
They didn't want you happy. Now is your chance to thrive. Be well! ❤
They felt comfortable as long as you were uncomfortable (doing worse than them)
To be clear, I’m not confused or looking for advice. I know damn well why people are like this; I’m commenting for the benefit of others watching. :)
Maybe they don't like your man or your attitude. Anything is possible.
My very own sister told me after I married my husband that “no one could be that happy and I needed to just stop faking it”…. She hated that I was happy, it’s been 30 years and I am still “that happy”!!
Adored every word of this episode!!
People get offended...
Someone said the exact same words to me and I couldn’t understand why… I still don’t. 🤔
Highly negative and pessimistic see the world from a 180 degree view of the happy and positive. They literally think it's "fake"... They might even say "knock it off" with their level of omnipotence.@@graceintheplace13
My family didn't like my now husband when we were dating. I think they could sense his _healthy_ and it freaked them out. Being with him has helped me see the toxicity and dysfunction in my family and distance myself. ❤
I too am SO HAPPY!! I think my healthy and loving and EQUAL marriage upsets my parents because, although they've been married 50+ years, they put up with each other a lot, and they aren't equals. 😢
@@dennisrobinson8008
They will get offended,indeed. Oh well. If there is respect and civility and fairness and they are only coming from one person, who is you, then, the others have to sit in the back in your life. If after awhile, you are still the only one with those qualities, maybe the time has come to respect oneself and avoid those people.
When you are aligning yourself with others whose values don't match your own, you become miserable.
Change is what we're all supposed to do it's called maturing and getting wiser with the years
Boundaries are like doors. You open the door to good deals and close the door to bad deals with the word no. The word no isn’t a negative word it’s a budgeting word.
One of the best advice tips I ever got was "NO" is a real word in the dictionary and I needed to use it.
.
I will always tell my children “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed”…Thanks Trent!!!
Proverbs 13:20 🙏🏽
So true! I recently befriended a woman at my job, that I'm now regretting even opening up to her. I usually stay to myself at work because of the low grade quality of people there. Thought she would be different, now I regret it. And now I'm praying to God to shoo her annoying, negative, and worst clingy ass away from me! 😂🤣😭 And the worst thing about my job, most of us have been on the job for 10 yrs and plus. So imagine dealing with the wrong people and knowing because they're not quitting and your not quitting, you have to continue to see them. Deal with their tear down antics and negativity! That's why I stay mainly to myself at work. I've seen the wrong type of people to be cliqued up with for so long, it's predictable at this point!
"Boundaries are not walls to keep things out. They are bridges to let the right things in."
"Boundaries protect our peace and our energy"
😅
First time I heard this perspective of boundaries. I love it. Thank you for sharing!
Truth
So. True
Side note took years of therapy to realize my mom is one of the people that can't be in my daily life. I have to stick to my boundaries or my life is 10x extra stress and anxiety
" friendships and relationships should always be a two-way street".
I love it you can't be friends with a person who is friends with your enemies!!
Yes, I learned it the hard way!! Anyone who befriends the enemies, are our enemies in silence
Yes yes speak the truth thankyou
The real question is, why do you have enemies in the first place?
@@creativevisiongaming. one reason, is bc there are acquaintances, or even so called friends, out there, who’s goal is, to be your enemy. There are jealous of you. They gossip about you, they have narcissistic traits, and you will be their target, or one of their targets, as long as you allow them in your life. The worst part, very often, it is difficult to shake them off.
@@ritagamez3732 Everyone has some narcissistic traits, just some more than others. Can you be more specific?
You can stop being friends with someone who has an agenda against you but that still doesn't mean you have to have "enemies," I don't think that's healthy. And you shouldn't try to control your other friends by dumping them if they are also friends with that friend you dropped.
I had a fake friend that started telling me my husband was a narcissist. I didn't discuss our marriage at all, she brought it up and tried to give me a book to help me. I said no thanks and thought she was nutty. Later she made a play for my husband. You are so right!!!
The same happened to me! She was having marriage problems and started telling me my marriage was the same as hers when it wasn’t at all. Then she started flirting with my husband. We cut her off immediately!
Wow! Also I would add to not let female friends close to your husbands esp if single but even if married. Couple hang outs is fine I think but your female friend alone with your hubby NO
😡😡😡😡
messed up!!!! 😡😡😡😡😡😡🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫
Woa.
Too many friends betrayed me. Sometimes I have to be alone.
I started becoming more successful a few years ago with my business and noticed how much this happened with my "friends." Now I'm climbing higher and they refuse to encourage or support me. Thank you. I needed this.
I don’t really have friends. Mostly everything about the relationships seemed fake. I got tired of trying to be someone else to fit in with the group.
mood 💯
This is the key point. When you are working too hard for the friendship you know it is not good.
Good for you. I don't try to fit in and stay away from just about everyone.
Amen. I’ve had to let go of many. I moved and my “friends” no longer contacted me because I was no longer around to help them. Eye opening.
All kinds of neck drops with that one. Geez, tell it brother preach it.
I agree, for example I am always doing the visiting but it never gets reciprocated, so it is my energy that is being used all the time
💯💯
Sounds about right!
Did you contact them...
"The future you is coming", this is so powerful. "I'm loyal to my principles".....
This two statements,OMG
When I meet someone, I let them set the tone for how the friendship will be between us. If you really like me and you want to be around me and we do things together, that’s fine. But if you’re acting like you don’t want to be bothered with me all the time and you don’t call me and when I call you act like you don’t want to talk, then I’m gonna act accordingly. Life is short and I don’t have time for the B.S. My moto is I want to be celebrated, not tolerated. I know family can be something else also, but my family is very supportive and they’re always there for me, when I need them.
Learn to screen people also. Not everyone whether it's a man or a woman entertaining you or giving you the time of day as a friend is not worth your time. There have been females I have gotten aquainted with because they were supposedly easy to talk to. Then later realized I didn't want to be friends with them anymore because they were too negative!
@@mandia469 i agree with you on that.
You get to know who people really are as you spend time with them. Then you sift out the bad seeds. And keep the good ones. That's how you learn who people really are.
The older I become, the less I want to be around other people, they often distract from my evolution. Living in harmony with my values is what brings peace to my life, not hanging around those who are going in a different direction. Such an important topic Mel, as usual you are on point! I also consider that as each day passes, we have less and less time to live.
Well said. The energy that's expended on trying to process unnecessary drama with relationships, having to explain yourself and navigate the dynamics. In my case, the influence of the closest people in my life grew to be highly restrictive. Every time I've been on the verge of a giant breakthrough, they have dragged me down into something mundane and I keep having to free myself. Most people maintain they care about you and support your growth, but when it comes down to the reality, they are not willing to accept you as the current version. If the changes have the effect of breaking dysfunctional patterns, that served them, and they realize they won't be able to continue taking without giving, their attitudes change. They aren't so willing to really support your growth, and only continue to drain your energy and thwart your evolutionary journey. Most of the ones in my life are gone, and my life is a lot more peaceful. It has taken me years to find this peace, and I'll try to keep it that way 😊
"If my success makes you bitter? That's a problem."
😳🤯 WOW.
Yes, yes and YES!
My whole family hates people who are happy. I had to divorce them. Lol.
💯🙌
@@temi4116same, no contact 4yrs, they kicked me out during covid lockdowns, was homeless and just got out an abusive relationship
I NEVER got that. It’s enough blessings to go around for everybody. How sad 😢
That's true!
We started saying no years ago and lost friends but that was a good thing for us. Now we have real people mostly from our church and work who aren't fake and have integrity. Much happier with good friends who don't use us.
When I was living in New York I had many friends....but was unhappy, when I meet a wonderful caring man and moved to Florida, all my friend's or " so called friend's dissapeared from my life completely." ( they thought that I would be there for ever). Now I am so happy looking prettier as ever, in good health and they are miserable. As I am getting older I have more wisdom and can NOW spot a fake person from a mile.
I ended quite a few friendships in the last couple of years for my well being.
I have had so many people as friends who either only contact me if they have nothing better to do or if they need someone as a therapist. They would not reciprocate or they would not want to go out and have fun with me. I always felt so sad, still do.
I had this issue often as well as an actual psychologist / good listener but now as soon as I feel that energy hook now I just respond with “I hope you are doing what is best for you right now” and I do not engage in any form of guidance or asking questions. I also do not make plans with women who only reach out when they want to complain about their man again and make no changes.
get over it and realize that it is a familiar pattern for you. you DESERVE to know that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH, YOU ARE ENTITLED and YOU ARE ACTUALLY SPECIAL - NO ONE IS WHO YOU ARE. START KNOWING THIS. feel sad but then let it go. someone did this to you long ago and convinced you that you didn't deserve to be happy or to feel happy about yourself. stop the conditioning. let the past go. YOU ARE SPECIAL and YOU DO DESERVE. work with affirmations and reprogram yourself to KNOW God in you as your Soul makes you SPECIAL AND WORTHY. God bless you. I am doing this as well, your msg. resonated as I was raised to give, give and never receive.....wrong! God first, then love Self and then you are able to love others. don't throw pearls before swine, as the saying goes.
"Congratulations on losing your way, because you are about to be found." I love that so much! 💯❤️
Sooo sick of those obtrusive suction cups that plug into you & drain your energy like a psychic vampire, & it’s always a one way street ,& people just motivated by greed.
I can sum up my life by admitting that I was surrounded by people that didn’t have my best interest at heart. They didn’t care about me!! They never took the time to really get to know me and appreciate who I really was.
I recently lost my best friend after taking on the let them mentality, lost 100 pounds, and started my growth journey. When she started gas lighting me n ignoring my celebrations. Realizing she never was my friend.....only when I was doing worst than her. This really hits home. Thanks Mel and Trent
I just wanted to say congratulations on your weight loss! That is a wonderful accomplishment, and I know first hand how difficult it is to do. I'm sorry your friend wasn't there for you.
@@conniebarker4492 thank you so much ❤️
congrats - keep on keepin on. It might sound trite but just KEEP GOING/
@@sandyw1891 thanks so much ❤️
- And she might say that you changed causing the friendship issues. But. You changed in a positive healthy way. You will find others that appreciate your strengths and grow with you. None of us stay in the same place unless we are done living.
I had a fake sister, so caring, friendly to my face but she was making me look bad to other people. This cut deep when I heard things she said. After many years I got the nerve to confront her, well she turned it on me. I was cutting her down, I must be perfect, it was not pretty. The way she reacted to her lies was worse than the lies! I just decided that if she couldn’t apologize, it was ok to let her go. You just have to be done!
I’m sorry…the realization that someone so close never really had your back is painful.
Same I don’t talk to my sister at all
@@vanessaegart3826Yes it is. I realized in my fifties that my sister hated me and I still miss her every day. 😢
Amen🙏🏼exactly what I went through with both my sisters.The more I got compliments,told I should be a model,good mom ect..they both started making fun of of me n talking about me behind my back.Wen my 21yr old son passed away,one of my sisters told me..just because you dress your kids up in good clothes,doesn't make you a good mom😮n many other very sad things were said by both after he passed.They know he was a gorgeous people inside n out.Of course I cut them out of my life.I feel sooo much peace without them🙏🏼
Same thing I'm going thru with a so call sister
To much expectations of people leads to disappointment. Everyone is at their own stage of consciousness.
Focus on yourself (including your young children) and build your level of consciousness.
Leave people alone. They have a right to be who they are and will change when they are ready.
A true friend: someone you can trust, someone who brings out the best in you, someone who shares your same values ❤
Trent. You helped me end a 30 year unhealthy friendship today. Thank you.
I've had to go through that and it depresses me. So meaningless...why? What use was all that time.
@@heaven7360 Read Lamentations chapter 3 to learn the answer
@@heaven7360 - Look at it as a life lesson….so get happy about what u learned TODAY (don’t let it get u down, better now than never). And, u can even share that/those life lessons with others, loved ones. You are right on track…..some people never learn these lessons.
I’m glad for you. Let the peace begin. Nothing like letting go dead weight.
IF YOU TALK TO SOMEONE WHO HAS NOTHING TO LOSE.... YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING
SO TRUE!!! I have dated people that I saw potential in. And found out the moment I realized that they don’t want to be better or do better they only want what I have. Getting them out your life results to vandalism and violence cause you are the best thing that ever happened to them. And they will NEVER just let you walk away 😢
I have never heard of this young man, or heard him speak, but WOW, he is so spot on and wise for any age. Thank you Trent, you taught an old lady some things she needed to know.
I’ve always said,”peace has a price “ on occasion the price feels high,or painful. It’s always worth it!
Since she was funny, entertaining, & wore the "friend" mask, despite our political differences, I thought our 10 yr friendship was genuine. But once she no longer had a use for me, the mask started to slip. She told me she'd had a part as an extra in a movie, yrs before. It happens that yrs later, I, too, landed a part as an extra in the movie "Black Mass". But when I excitedly told her abt it, she literally said not 1 WORD, not even a smile. I began to realize she was jealous. When she bought a lovely house, I sincerely told her I was so happy for her, & I was! No response. I started seeing who she really was: a rage-filled, mean-spirited, manipulative, gossiping, 2 faced, bully, & she'd even deliberately turned her little children (who loved me) against me; in a word, a narc. I don't want to be around ppl like that; I'm grateful for the lesson learned. I woke up, & cut her out of my life.
Omg I had the same issues. Made friends with someone who I didn't know their political background, which to me was not a big deal as I believe that to each their own. But other than that we got a long.like peas and carrots LOL I always defended her for having her own beliefs even if the did not align withine because you should be able to have your own opinion and it's all right to have our own opinions. But what broke my heart and our friendship was when she not only verbally attacked me on my own Passion for something I never ever forced on anyone, but she allowed her friends to do the same on social media. They tore me up because I did not believe in Their views and called me all sorts of hateful things. I would have never done that to her or anyone. I would have said that despite the differences, this is a human that is entitled to their own beliefs and I would ask to respect that. That changed me forever and I can't say for good or bad
There was ALWAYS someone there beside me... taking everything i worked for from me... AND I LET THEM... thinking i was sharing my success with less fortunate. Now im 50, isolated, alone, no social life, no c9ntact with family... AND MY LIFE IS NO LONGER ABOUT LOSS, I WORK HARD AND ENJOY THE LIFE I CREATED FOR MYSELF.
Yes! Samehere
🎯 SAME!!!
Same here 🙏🏽
@bluecube7247 I completely understand. Your story is my own. Exactly. Except I just turned 51. It hurts, but isolation feels necessary. I do wish I had some healthy relationships though
Your story is my own.
"I'm proud of you" made me cry because I saw my sons through you! Thank you Trent! I really needed to hear that today!
I pulled away from a ‘friend’ who could only take and expect more and more. This person always turned things around so that it was my fault. At first I felt guilty about my decision to cut this person loose, but now I feel free and breathe easy.
Just because I have had some challenging chapters, doesn't mean that is where it ends for me. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE IN MY FUTURE
Mine too
I'm in friendship "purgatory". I dumped my toxic friend group two years ago but haven't bonded to appropriate folks yet. It's tough being lonely but it's even harder to lie down with dogs and get up with fleas.
Boundaries mean I love you and I love me too. 😉
So happy I tuned in! I'm impressed with the wisdom of this young man.!
And Mel did a great job appreciating his wisdom!
Stay humble, Praise God 💕🕊💕
Some of us use the term friend too loosely. Some of the people we spend time with are merely associates/acquaintances. I love me too much to want to change places with anyone. And, there is nothing any of my friends have that I don't or can't obtain. And, I love to see all of us winning and will support but the support must be reciprocated. Thanks for this topic!
Agreed. I heard one guy describe well for me, he said
You can have lots of buddies
They have minimal personal information about you and you don't expect a whole lot from them other than a bit of enjoyment.
Then you have your friend or a few friends, you vet these people thoroughly and have high expectations from them and vise versa.
Thank you! Your comment made me realize a former friend became a buddy. He doesn't know me as I am now, yet I still had the same expectations of when we were friends. His public & private disrespect make so much sense now.
Exactly! I am not an American, but I feel in The USA they use the term "friend" too quickly and easily! Most people are acquainances.....
I almost always feel that I am leaving friends behind when I grow, change, or do something different. When he said you didn't leave them behind, they chose to stay behind, that is a great perspective shift.
Mel, please do a podcast now on what we can do if we come from a family where EVERYONE is not a healthy person to keep in our close circle. Please. For all of us "scapegoats"
It happens all too often with families. I’m the scapegoat too
thankfully for myself i was able to move and go no contact and that has allowed my inner child to be able to heal and stop experiencing the toxic abuse everyday. being alone has been so nice 😊 feels lonely sometimes but so much better than having a full family that makes you feel like they hate you and even more lonely than ever. if that’s not possible for you then maybe spending more time away from them and finding ppl like you, not ppl that you like. that’s different 😅
I feel you!! Most of my family are toxic peeps!
Hi. Have you heard of the ACA Program: Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunction ...? There are meetings, books, I fo, podcasts... Steps.!!!
@@patriciaalbertson5183 Thank you kindly for sharing this comment, no I had never heard of ACA- I googled it and will be attending my first meeting on Tuesday. ❤️
I felt like Mel. I never thought people were ever envious or jealous of me until it got back to me and I was devastated. I am happy for others successes and hurt with their losses. My friend group is very small. I know I have 1 true, good friend. I am ok with that. Less is more.
"Strength is shown in loyalty."
What he says - gives me confirmation that letting go of the toxic "friends" from my past was the right thing to do! The gossipers, the ones who I wouldn't trade places with, the ones who wanted what others wanted and swindled them to get it, the ones who manipulated, used and abused me, and so on. I've been working on myself for the past 8 years and when I think of those former "toxic friends" I realize that if I were to meet them today - I wouldn't make friends with them. In fact, I'd turn and run away! Keeping toxic friendships contributed to my playing the victim. I no longer am, or want to be, that person.
I've had that experience myself - where I let go of toxic friends and then see them today and I think, "WHAT was I even thinking back then"? We grow out of certain "friendships" because we just don't feel good around them - we feel drained and very unhappy. That and guilt by association - I don't want other people misjudging my character because I hang around with that.
Same here!!! So many affirmations
I feel what this man is saying on so many levels , family I wouldn’t want to even be friends with , people I wouldn’t want to change places with leaving a lot of that toxic behind. Growing and moving into the right direction. Thank you Trent such a wise young man.
🎉
This is amazing! I hardly trust anyone in this world. 9 out of 10 times people tend to disappoint me. Are there really any good people out there?
It takes a long time to really know someone’s character to see if they can be trusted. It takes honesty, sacrifice sometimes because you’re making a relationship a priority and friendships take time and commitment, or they will not grow. The older I get, the fewer friends I want. If I have a couple, fabulous! Human nature is an odd thing…there aren’t many people I want to be like, and that, to me, is one basis for a friendship. Human nature is selfish, (the cause of most conflict-think about it,) so we have to find people who’ve done the work to be happy or they will (try to) suck the life out of us. I’ve learned that people who are unhappy will stab you in the back just cuz you’ve done the hard work and are happy. Especially in this day and age of “instant everything”, many people are “relationally lazy”, & don’t realize how much time & effort it takes to know yourself first before embarking on a relationship. My wise mother once told me, “Never expect from another person what you can do for yourself.” We must be whole before expecting a healthy relationship with anyone. (Hope that all makes sense.)
Yes, they are good people in this world.
I have found three, and two are married to each other. Best people I have ever known..
In agreement! Be Thankful you have the wisdom to see thru all this messy world thrives on. Hopefully the good out weighs the bad. When they get tired of the dark they'll look for the Light!
Yes there are trustworthy people. But maybe the best thing you can do is to know that you will be okay in the end, even if someone disappoints you.
I've told my granddaughter that we think the best people are the ones there for us when we are down and out [and they are good people] but the ones you really want in your inner circle are the ones who are in your corner, when you get the job, the promotion, the husband, the baby, any win or advancement... the ones that are NOT jealous, gossiping about you when you're not around, the ones that are your cheerleaders, now those are keepers.
Your friend shows up unexpectedly on the doorstep with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of champagne when you get that promotion..... not be jealous and set up a competitive future mind f, trying to outdo you. I had a Swedish friend in my youth and she told me that in Sweden, her and her friends would try to outdo each other all the time, but it was always in a way to spur them on to be better and greater benefit for all. Very different from what happens when toxic friends 'encourage' you and what you have to spend your time on undoing all their dramas they inflict on you.
It's so sad that many of us really don't have many real friends in a time when this should be easier to do. Too many have envious traits & characteristics that are damaging others destiny's.
Oh my gosh!!! Who is Trent Shelton? I’ve never heard of him before now but I absolutely love him!!! He is wise beyond his years and full of good advice! Thank you Mel and Trent, you have given us a lot to think about!
Sadly, I find close people the worse - prettending to be nice but really jelouse and not supporive
This was so good... "there is not many of us but there is plenty of us" and "when my circle got smaller, my vision became clearer and less became more". Brilliant and Powerful!
No one shows excitement ....when you are successful. I like the one when he said don't hang with people you don't want to be. That's a easy one
YES YES YES!!!!! Watch out for the friends who run to your rescue when you are down yet become uncomfortable when you are on a winning streak!!! Miserable people will work overtime to keep you down with them. When on a winning trajectory there is no time for idol gossip. I agree!! THANK YOU! Best guest ever!!!
This is a major sign! Sadly is my sister, it breaks my heart. She lashes out at me when I do well in something. I've learned I can't share my wins with her.
When someone shows you who they are;
Believe them!
Trent I need a friend like you!
My son lost his battle to cancer, it changed me and my life on so many levels, profoundly, and as I grow and change through grief and counseling, I'm seeing people differently, and some took it upon themselves to run away scared from me, showing me who they are. For that I am grateful. Its a blessing
Im sorry for your loss, sacred soul.
May God comfort your heart and rest him peacefully ❤🙏
Sorry to hear this. Being left when you need people the most is so hurtful and lonely.😢
I’m so sorry for your loss!💔 That’s also heartbreaking that your friends failed you when you needed their support most.
Success is very tricky, because all of us fight hard to get it...and when u get through, you find many enemies around
"Trust, even if you don't understand" - I had to rewind that and hear that again. I need to trust that the actions I'm taking everyday is going to get me where I want to go.
I used to think that you became yourself by your early 20's, and then, once you're married, you work on staying the _same_ for the rest of your life. 😳🤪😂😵💫
Boy was I wrong!
I was married and my ex had this belief, but me? I continued to grow and change and felt GUILTY for it!
Now I celebrate it!
I am remarried to my best friend and we delight in changing every day as individuals and look to the future with excitement, wondering who we will be tomorrow, next week, next year, 10 years from now! 🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
It's so true how saying, "No" exposes everything.
I'm also learning that people can use giving as a form of manipulation to guilt you into playing a part in their life while stringing you along.
I want to thank you, Mel and Trent, for such a wonderful, meaningful Podcast.
I had been struggling with the anxiety of pulling away from a specific group of people, who I WANTED so BADLY to see as FRIENDS, but, per usual, I was only 'a part of' because of the 'things which I have access to', which REALLY SUCKS, but it IS THE TRUTH
When I was 32 I was so in control of my world and who I ALLOWED IN. No one DARED to cross my boundaries. But at age 61, having lost my husband to suicide, my brother to a drug overdose, and a boyfriend to an aneurysm, my foundation has cracked and my boundaries are blurred.
I finally get that sometimes, even a person of good intentions,is a completely unnecessary road block, pain in the ass! I have been WAY TOO GENEROUS with my Politeness, and next Wednesday, is as good a day as any other, to FIRE my counselor. 😁
Again, Mel and Trent, Thank you for the uplifting Podcast ❤
And, NO! I do not see my counselor, anymore than it would see anyone else,as being at fault for my not recognizing sooner who is poison and who is not. For me, firing my counselor is #1 on my 'To Do List' because I'm spinning my wheels and I am getting nowhere. Therefore, there is no reason for me to be paying for a service which serves me no purpose 😁
Do you have any friends really
Holy mama I needed this today❤
.... if he was a preacher I'd be in the front row every Sunday😊
He is...
Me too!
Right?! Me too!!!! He is so healthy!
In the past I’ve had some hard times. I felt terrible watching everyone looking like they were doing better than me. A hard truth hit me! I could not improve my circumstances by feeling angry about anyone’s so called advantages. I needed ALL my energy to make it. I needed to focus. Things are so much better now. Interestingly enough, all those people who were doing better than me became jealous of me. They were actually enjoying a feeling of superiority watching me suffer. It’s been so eye opening.
That's so weird that people do that.
My former friend used to associate with my enemies, which hurt me deeply. truth.
"I will get to MY pace at MY pace.". WOW, Tristen, THIS is DEEP.
I love this overall message so far, but Idk about that not trading places with someone means you shouldn't hang out with them... I wouldn't want to trade places with my friends because we are just different ppl, that doesn't make any sense to me. They don't have less value because they don't think exactly like me...They love and value me and treat me well and as long as we continue to give that to each other we will be friends. I would need a deeper discussion about this section cuz it really doesn't sound logical IMO
Exactly. During the life we meet different ppl with different life experiences that's not necessarily mean that we can't be friends. As long as we love, respect and develop each other it's totally fine.
He meant toxic people!
@@sharonking2124 if that's the case that's a very big distinction that should be mentioned. He just said it generally
The way I took it I applied my own situation. I have friend that smokes weed, sells it part time and live in a bad part of town. I on the other hand want to stop smoking, don't sells anything, and live in safer neighborhoods.
I personally wouldn't want to live this person's life so I would have to stop hanging with them (which I did).
Just because you love someone and they may respect you but where I want to go in life, their lifestyle doesn't align with it so I had to make a choice to stop hanging with them. I think that's what he meant.
I had to pause on this one too- because what if Im the one going thru a tough time? That means I would lose all of my friends and support system because at that point in my life I'm sure they all wouldn't want to trade places with me! 😕 And vice versa, I wouldn't want to abandon someone just because their life isnt what i would want for myself. We're all on different journeys in life.
Hey Mel, my "closest friend" broke up with me when I moved most of my energy toward my aging and dying parents. She told me I was putting off a bad vibe. My parents have since died and she texted me hearts, blah blah blah. Did not come to the funerals. Exact opposite of what I did when she went through the same thing. A year later I am still reeling from the empty place in my life and heart. Your Let Them episode helped me deal at the time, but it still hurts. We had so much fun together, cycling and camping and hiking. Long talks around the camp fire. She was that friend. Hard to find and I thought she was my 4 am friend.
Keep up the good work, Mel. ❤🙏❤️
I had same experience when I lost my mother and life was hard. Grief makes us tired and sometimes also not so positive. Because you are sad grieving.
People that surround you. They May not understand. But they also May not want to help in the grieving proces , so they walk away or ghost you.
It Hurt me a lot.
Maybe you were giving bad vibes..maybe she meant you were heavy or sad .. She could not handle it? She could not support you? So she let you go..
Is it selfish of her? Yes it is, let her.. let them.
And you do not know if you will meet New friends. Maybe even better ones..
So stop telling yourself this story that you will never meet someone like this friend.
Make a New story ...
New chapter lady 😊
“Let them” ❤focus on you 😊
That's awful, it must have felt like a dagger in the heart to be sent stupid emoji's, when you were such good friends on a different level. I hope you find someone better who deserves your friendship 💞
Some people feel abandoned when you don’t give them ALL your energy & attention.
Her boundaries re family appear distorted if she couldn’t see the importance of caring for your parents. Sad! 😢& - oh well! Move on & forward! Life is beautiful! Sending love ❤ ur your way😢
I’m sorry.
"Strength is shown in loyalty, not numbers." YES! So well said.
I love the transparency between the two of them, and how they bounce off of each others energy, Mel really takes the time to listen which is a rarity nowadays. I've experienced some heart ache with friends, family and and ex and it was devastating but in order to save myself I had to cut the strings and looking back as I breathe better I am so glad I took those steps to move forward in life.
“Sometimes you need to lose your way to find a better way….” So very powerful!!! Great Podcast of Truth!!! ❤️❤️❤️
So true, I never found myself until I was completely and hopelessly lost. I/she/God was there, waiting for me with the welcome mat, a fire and a banquet, loving arms. I will never exchange what I have found... I feel so grateful, humble and protected now, and I am never without a true friend.
@@xenatron9056 thats’s awesome! 💜
I recently had to let go of a long time friend of over 25 years. Just was exhausting being in their presence, constant gossip, disrespecting boundaries, and I just didn't feel like I would want to swap lives with them like Trent says. I found myself embarrassed of their behavior in public and how they treat their other so called friends knowing that they were probably doing the same to me. There was some guilt about it in the beginning of "letting them go" and I even tried to open up conversation about it but it went no where and they de-valued my feelings by saying I was being crazy. I have been so much happier since making this decision but continue to hope they find their own path and happiness.
Hit the nail on the head. If you have to question the friendship, love & loyalty, you already know the answer. ❤❤❤❤
Facts...... including toxic work places.... Guard your PEACE at all times.... No matter who or what!!!!!!
I have had to let go of family and many fake friends. I am better off for it tooo.
I live in the capital city. My home was a free bed and breakfast. I liked it. But when I started to say no… they raged, blaming, making me question my sanity…! For just saying no…
Because it was not free. Nothing is
Your life will be a masterpiece when you learn to master peace.❤
Writing that one down!!!
Love this ❤
🎯
Children teach you a lot about yourself, others and life itself. They truly are a blessing from God.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou