3 Things You Need to Accept About Other People | The Mel Robbins Podcast
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- Опубліковано 18 чер 2024
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Today you and I are digging into three things you must accept about other people.
It took me years to understand these truths.
It sounds horrible, but I always wondered, “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they change?”
I know you can relate. Because today I’m taking your questions about trying to change other people.
You’re frustrated by the fact that your spouse or partner won’t #exercise more. You get angry seeing how much money your daughter wastes going out every weekend. You’re annoyed by how stubborn your #parents have become the older they get.
Me too.
I’ve tried every tactic you can imagine to get other people to change. And recently I realized the true source of my #frustration: It’s not them, it’s me.
I’m refusing to accept three things.
These things are hard to accept, and they’re true.
Once you hear them and you apply them to your life, your #relationships will be way easier.
In addition to the three truths about other people, you’ll learn #research that explains why it’s so hard to get other people to change. And like all episodes, this one is packed with tactical advice and #takeaways that you can put to use immediately.
And, if you’re the one who’s busy making changes but your loved ones are not being supportive, I answer that question from a listener, too.
I feel compelled to answer your questions because so many of you are improving your life with the tools you’re learning on this podcast and your family is starting to get annoyed with you. That’s okay. It shows you’re making progress (but it doesn’t make it easy).
Hopefully today’s episode will.
Xo Mel
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- 3 powerful truths you have to accept about people.
- How do you deal with people who don’t want to change?
- Why some people can’t change.
- My “6-month rule” for any complainer
- What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you’re making
- The science of “Myside bias” and what it says about human nature
For full show notes, go to www.melrobbins.com/podcast.
Timecodes:
00:00 Intro
04:35 The 3 things you need to accept about other people
06:08 If they wanted to they would also applies to you
09:30 How to word “should” holds judgment
17:17 What happens when you want to do better, but you just can’t
20:46 You can’t make someone else change
25:07 You can’t be mad at someone for being not who YOU want them to be
27:25 The 6 month rule - how to draw boundaries with wallowers
33:59 What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you make
36:37 When you try to change someone you aren’t loving someone, you are judging them
41:07 Energy shifts and patterns change
43:47 Your changes do not inspire other people, they confront them
48:48 Research: The problem with my side bias
53:49 Loving someone is loving where they are, and where they aren’t
Listen to the #podcast episode “3 Truths You Need to Accept About Other People” - link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=e...
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If you got something out of this video, I’d be so grateful if you’d drop a like and subscribe!
Just what I needed to hear. I am only into 20 minutes and realise that you are talking to me - yes, to me! Haha - and listened to you regularly, Mel and I appreciate you so much and thank you so much for the time you give and I hope Chris and your family are able to understand how much you are giving to them where you can n I will try to do better where I can from learning from all of you who devote time for us
Late to this but needed every word. Thank you, Mel. 🩵
Mel - just wow! Thank you for showing up in such a positive, vulnerable, and relatable way. We all are struggling with one thing or another. To your point, we also are beating ourselves up over it. What a powerful moment to realize how our behavior is impacting our relationships - including the one with ourselves - and practical advice on how to channel that energy back in powerful, profound ways. Thanks for the laughs, crys, and honest come to Jesus moments. Love sharing your content to bring others joy and peace as well as the new found label of, "I'm a huge fan girl of Mel Robbins." Cheers, Sarah
Jujjjjjjj😅😅
😅😅
But, accepting where they are doesn't mean you have to be around it. You can love but find a way to be distant for self preservation.
Not when you're living with him to take care of them. When you're the only one who will do it who can do it you're stuck doing it
@@lorivybihal5385praying for you. Sometimes (and I’m not saying this is your situation) even if you think you are the only person who can do it, you may not need to do it FOR YOU. You are important as well.
That's the "setting the boundary" part, Michael. 👍👍
@@lorivybihal5385, you get to be uncomfortable either way.
Which discomfort do you choose?
Define your reasons for which discomfort you choose.
And then, you can have your back with liking your reasons for the discomfort.
Life is, too often, full of these "sh*t option 1 vs sh*t option 2" decisions.
@@lorivybihal5385 à
If they wanted to, they would. That hit home. We want to believe someone is hurting or disappointing us because they are confused, distracted, heartbroken. Nope. They are doing exactly what they want to do.
Best (two part) quote I’ve ever heard in my life: “You have to meet people where they are”. The more powerful part of that is “Just because you meet people where they are, does not mean you have to surrender to how they operate”
Love it🎉 You don't have to surrender to HOW THEY operate❤
Hands down!! Words of wisdom!😊
Mind blowing!
You could go to Florida.
Yes - some people are toxic for those around them - accept them and walk away
I am in a very dark space.
Listening to you helps me so much.....the pain in my chest lessens with every word.
Thank you for all you do.
Hello glenda hope you are having a better day today &feeling better🌺👊
Sending supportive energy your way, I've been there recently, Mel is helping me greatly as well. Take care of you.
I know this is 7 months late but I hope your feeling better now. This video is helping me too.
❤
Hang in there. You’re doing well tapping in to helpful resources
One thing we do very poorly is supporting people with grief
I hope grief is an exception to that boundary
We as a society give people 2 weeks
We have allot of broken hearts among us with zero support or compassion
Thank you for this 🫂
📢 DAMN!! "Your changes do not inspire other ppl. They confront them. " -Mel 👏
Yess!! True words!!!!
💥BOOM!! ❤
For me, I will 100% admit that I'm done trying for my oldest sister. That I am making a choice to keep her out of my life. She's 10 years older than me and I realized I've been abused emotionally for 28 years. I realized I would climb mountains for her while she gave me crumbs. She hasn't changed, but I have and nothing got better for me in her my relationship. So when me saying "stop treating me like a punching bag." Was ignored and instead, she'd rather believe her own lies, I am now healing and accepting, I can't save people from themselves. But I did the best I was capable of at the time. My wanting to go above and beyond doesn't make me a bad person. But I do need to stop sacrificing my needs over other people's wants.
Kim R Those times eventually come. Good to recognize it. Its painful, but in a few years you'll thank yourself.
@@cko8643 Thank you! I am thankful even now. After separating with her, I finally after years of trying to get pregnant, be welcoming my baby girl in March. She won’t have to experience my sister in her childhood.
@Sara Fox I totally get it. I’m done having my feelings treated like a toy she can put on a shelf or break. That’s not how humans work. Accepting despite going against my families wants that I’m done and I’m okay they want to play her games, but I don’t and won’t anymore.
I cannot believe this post. I am going through almost exactly the same thing. My sister is also ten years older than me, and has recently gotten very sick. She seems to think that this is an out to use me as a punching bag. I have tolerated it now for thirty-five days and my
patience have gone completely. Every time she gets me on the phone, I either get an insult a dig or a lie. My husband is furious, and said he cannot tolerate my change in character, which is only a reaction to her gasoline like digs. I wrote her an email telling her that I no longer want contact with her, she was making physically sick. Now I have found out that she has called all of my so called friends and told them her twisted version and of course some more lies.
@@leerubin4374 I'm sorry you're going through that. I get it in my own way. I live by this mindset now, "I want the best for everyone but it should never be at my expense." Do what's right for you. We can't help people who don't want help. Sounds like your sister just relies on the quick fix of verbally shitting on you to make herself feel better. A quick fix isn't gonna help her, but she sounds too self-absorbed to see that. You matter. Your marriage matters. We grow blood and cancer in our bodies. But we cut cancer out. Sometimes family members can be like that too, cancerous. You're not crazy nor being a bad person. You sound burnt out and at your limit. And I feel confident in saying, you probably kindly told her to stop many times and she didn't listen, so you're at your breaking point. I totally get it in my own way. It is hard, especially when dealing with enablers. Your true friends will ask your side and show their loyalty. And the people who were never truly your friend will take themselves out. It's hard and frustrating. I just want to let you know as a fellow baby sister, it is not your fault for trusting your big sister and being tortured into believing this was normal. It's not. We're people, not puppets.
One of my favorite things in living alone I can make decisions for myself. I met a few single guys and they told me what role they want me for. I disagreed with everything they said, and I did what i wanted without any of them.
Hehe. Revolutionary? Back to basics. Good job.
Good on you! 👍
I have ADHD & ASD (Asbergers). I just learned this about a year ago (I'm 73). Know what else I learned? I learned that most people are walking around with SOMETHING that interferes with them doing their best. I believe that people WANT to do the best they can, but often struggle to do so for any number of reasons. I learned to look at others and myself through a different lens & to stop judging & start forgiving.
Excellent program, Mel. ❤
I have aut- adhd too. I'm 46 self diagnosed
Hear Hear. I should do more of that...not to judge people. 🤔
Hear Hear. I should do more of that...not to judge people. 🤔
This was life changing.
1. If they wanted to they would.
2. You cant make someone else change.
3. Stop being mad because people arent being what you want them to be.
Thank you Mel. I listened to this podcast intently. You said so many profound things like you changing doesnt inspire people, it confronts them. Wow!
Just so you know, I too have dropped the ball on my kids and pets and forgot immunizatiins and appointments. Life happens, shit happens. You are not alone.
Thanks!!
Susan Humphries “ Dissolving Illusions” highly recommend this book. It’s more than ok to forget those immunizations and might just have happened for a reason.
I am protecting my energy WHETHER someone likes it or NOT in Jesus name Amen🌻
Amen
Amen!
@@insoromanoworries7923 Thank you. Blessings
@@CatharineCummings Thanks! Blessings
Agreed! There comes a point when enough is enough across the board. ❤
"Letting go of the struggle, often makes the struggle go away." ~ Mel
That is genius, and is *so true*!! 💖
Amen.
Yes. What we resists persists.
Truth. We CAN'T change other people. As soon as we accept that, we have peace.
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
Thinking about this I had to just stop trying to solve everyone's problems that they don't want to solve but just want to complain about non stop. It's exhausting but some people just don't want to change and that's their business, not yours or mine. I loved this episode. ❤️
I think, too, this is my favourite episode. I had an aha moment! I already knew this to be true but to hear it the way Mel puts it resonates with me. I am always trying to gage myself around others personalities, expectations of me, others feelings. At the end of the day I have to be responsible for me and that entails 100% Thank you Mel. I could listen to you all night. xo
When a person repeatedly dumps on me about their sad situation, I, "What are you going to DO about it?"
People are resistant to change because it takes courage to change. Change is scary because it’s going from the known into the unknown. Something you’ve never done before. Thank you for this honest video Mel.
A few days ago I was sharing with my therapist about the dream I had of tug of war with my adult son, and I finally let go of the rope! He is in a trauma bonded relationship with a highly abusive, narcissistic girlfriend. I have pointed this out to him, and yes I realize the courage to get out has to come from him. It took me 15 yrs. to get out of a narcissistic abusive marriage to his father. My hope is that maybe one of these days he will see the light. There is nothing more I can say or do. Thank you Mel.
My son just got discarded from his x narc girlfriend. I totally get you with this one. I hope your son sees the truth too. God bless you! My son is getting better from an addiction too. Bc he was 8 years with her. Just be there for him. It will mean a lot.❤️
Mel - I got into the groove cleaning the garage today while listening to your videos. Just wanted to say thank you and you’ve made this guy feel so much better and secure about himself and his relationships today. 😊
LOL. The best irony.... Mel is the worst at that chore. She openly admits it. I Love That SHE HELPED YOU GET CLEANING DONE !! 😂❤
In a universe that is so chaotic and meaningless, I have to thank fate for letting me experience such a bright person like you ❤ Bright may not be quite the right word to use, but you radiate calm and warmth, and you are generally such a pleasant and beautiful person to look at. You give joy and a smile. Mel Robbins take good care of yourself and your unique heart!
I completely agree. Something went my way and gave me help. I feel blessed by her. I believe in sowing and reaping. She deserves great things because I know she is helping with a pure heart
Mel is a blessing to humanity! May God bless her abundantly 😇
I love you Mel. You have helped me so much in my life. Thank you so much
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Hi I a atis
And it's made her a millionaire several times over!
1.) Change hard
2.) Not up to you to change other people.
3.) Accept them for who they are.
Wait. I wasn't looking to change anyone. I guess I was just looking for how to be less peeved about intersecting with their apparently mindless actions.
I'm making positive changes for myself. I became single, not by choices I made, I lost every close relationship I used to have. Now that I'm suddenly single with an empty nest, things have changed drastically, I recently lost my job. I'm doing a side business, finding my next phase of life. Embracing things, so many people don't talk to me much anymore. Thank you for your advice and stories from your own life, for being so honesty.
My jaw dropped reading your comment. Word for word is what my life looks like today.
I get it. I understand. You're not alone, YOU GOT THIS!!❤❤
One tip about wellness exams that my aunt taught me is to schedule them around your birthday so that you don’t forget. I am also surprised that your vet didn’t call or email to confirm your appointment. You can always ask them to send you reminders. Sometimes they send them in the mail or text.
Every. Time. Every time I listen to Mel Robbins, I hear what I need to hear in that moment. It's amazing, the universe is talking to me through you, Mel! I love you ❤️
I am so glad you clarified “they would if they could”. I also have ADHD & live a parallel life over here. I’m trying.
I was in the park walking my dog and my thoughts keep interrupting me as I listened to your words. So I kept rewinding because I identified so much with your words. Thank you. Even though my dog Shilo has helped me with my feelings of loneliness, I am so happy I listened to your inspiring words ❤
You may be right with alot yet us ppl who have toxic family and are single suffer by trying to connect yet we don't have a mate, kids, extra money since living alone and don't drink or smoke. I can't keep holding all my friendships UP. IT IS WEARING.
This has been one of the most valuable things I have watched it has answered questions for me , I have been depressed and frustrated by my grown children and now I feel I have some answers for what’s been going on
Mel, do you know how many people would love to be your assistant, to organize your day? Lots of retired people who need a purpose could volunteer or young people out of school who need experience and are struggling with the bs of their childhood, get someone. Ive been watching you since 2020 and you could accept help. Btw, I enjoy you and love you
You're so kind. She's just using that as another of 1 million excuses she has. First world rich people problems, oh you poor thing you had to move from your nice house in Boston to your rich house in Vermont? Call the wambulance!😫😭
I’m always complaining about the weather!!!
True that!
Wow I LOVE that! " if they wanted to, they would". Light bulbs going off!
WOW your vulnerability just blows me away. Thank you for sharing the incident with Chris. I often tell MYSELF to 'stop with the ADHD shit.' But time blindness is real. I can relate to your solution: make Chris the point person. At some point, I realize I can't fight the ADHD but I do have to address it. I think delegation is the key, but it's very hard to give up control.
Thank you for being so transparent & willing to make yourself vulnerable with specific examples as you share your content, Mel.
We will not crucify you for this. Please don't beat yourself up, or let anyone here beat you up. We are all here because you offer uplift, knowledge & tools we need. Nobody here is any better than you & nobody here is entitled to b* at you or find fault with what challenges you. We each have our own challenges & faults & we're each here bc you help us.
My Dad is 85 & always says, "All men have feet of clay."
Thank you Mel, for being willing to show your clay to help us take hold of what you shared here today.
Much love to you & your family. 💙
PS- You help me very much by being willing to speak the truth & cut through the BS.
This is what I needed after so much wallowing in my past traumas. I needed too hear this today and make a change 🙏
I just realized at 44 , they I can't do anything about changing others permanently
@melrobbins I can't express how VALIDATING it was for me to hear you sharing publicly about your experience with your dog, how HEALING it is for me to hear your story about finding ways to make ADHD life work for you and your husband, how EMPOWERING it is for me to hear you fully own your ADHD... I have been diagnosed with ADHD at 30, after a lifetime of struggle, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, isolation, hiding, masking.... and it is *so* important and relevant to have this in the open!! It helps people like me immensely to look at their life-long helplessness from an empowering perspective! Thank you for your honesty, truth, authenticity and bravery! ❤️
Congratulations! I think you've found your audience. 'TV' used to be special...for oprah, for phil...but not anymore. (I left tv maybe 8-10 yrs ago) We all got sick and tired of it and we moved on! And you're traveling into our orbit. We still have the Same Heart Issues and Drive for Better. You're voice is a balm and there's wisdom in the people you've met and the research you've consumed and in the life you've walked that we Love Hearing about! Tell Us Mel, we're here and we're listening. Thanks for what you do, and for your interest and time, for sharing. ; ) We love you too.
I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being vulnerable and sharing how you have missed appointments. I have struggled with that all my life. The people in my past have always "poked fun" at me. They also have belittled me for not being better or being more like them. Which I now know is a part of my anxiety. Thank you for all your pod casts, I listen to them daily, and I am doing the work to become the best version of myself.
This podcast absolutely smacked me in the face with the “oh hell ya, it’s not me and I deserve to be in a safe and non toxic environment that I can heal and find peace in!” I got a traumatic brain injury 2 yrs ago. I was off work for a year and my life and my “new norm” has changed how I respond to my environment including to noise, stress, visual input, fatigue and having to relearn how to do my job as a realtor which takes some serious cognitive skills but I’m a bad ass boss and I’ll come out better! But daily I have to continue to learn new ways to adapt to my internal and external world I now live in and find inner peace and external quiet to be able to continue to be productive, have an effective career and heal.
I’ve been begging my husband to move to another quieter and safer area of town because we live on a main road and truck route in a big homeless area and my nerves and lack of ability to distinguish sounds is making my life feel like I’m living in constant fight or flight. We own 3 homes, 2 being rentals, and absolutely have the financial ability to move but he chooses not to do anything, just avert and make excuses. Hence, if he really wanted it he’d make it happen.
Thank you for confirming this. He obviously doesn’t want to support his wife in sickness and in health so I’m out! I’ll be renting a nice house that meets my needs without him and get my health, life and career back on track for me! And find the peace and happiness I deserve. This will be hard but damn it I am worth it! ❤
Hello Mel! This topic sounds like my life. I was married for 22 years. I hold it together for everyone except for myself. I was very unhappy. I’ve now been divorced for five years and my ADHD has exploded. I didn’t know I had it in my previous life. I definitely know I have it now but I am happier. I’m dealing with it. I’m becoming a better person because I’m now aware. I allow myself to make mistakes. And some thing else. Very interesting is that I have a “Chris “in my life. He’s amazing. He has the patience of a saint. Thank you for sharing what’s going on in your life. I’ve spent my whole life trying to fix people. I’m not doing that anymore. It was a complete waste of my time and it made them angry with me.
❤ Good Bless You ❤❤
I love your honesty about your imperfections! It makes it so much easier to accept that we all have to work on ourselves. ❤
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I have been in a dark place because of little things my bf does that irritates me. Going forward, I am going to work on my happiness and not being so negative! Thank you for that. I have been asking God to give me a sign and miraculously there you are! ❤
I love how real you are, Mel. Even if you know it could cause back lash, you still share for the betterment of the community. I think you will be surprised with how many GOOD comments you will get because you make us feel not so alone. You are relatable AF and THAT is why we keep coming back!🙌♥️
Agree 100%!!!
I absolutely love how open you are about your struggles and issues. You are so very relatable and I only wish we could have lunch every week. Thank you for being so honest and transparent. Much love ❤
Awwwww honey. I am a professional obedience dog trainer. I work with couples. Your story means a lot to me. I advise my couple clients to SHARE the responsibilities. These things will happen. You are human. No dog owner is perfect. You and Chris can work on this together. Your dog is loved and I KNOW you BOTH will work this out. Love you and please give your dog…a 💋for me. Love Maray🐶
This is awesome! And very true.. I am a trainer, I start work at 5 am , Monday thru Friday… I’m 51 years old… my husband does not usually enjoy working out… I’ve said nothing, and started going on hikes and walks on the weekends, also with our dogs, he asked to join me one morning and now we go together some Saturdays… it’s very true, you can’t change people, but you can certainly set a good example, like your channel Mel! Love your podcasts, keep them coming!..👍🙏💕❤️
Love your story!! Next month, more Saturdays 🧡
Focusing on yourself and your self-improvement goals is not selfish or non caring towards others. It's like putting on the oxygen mask before you can be there to aid other people. Take care of you.
Do not wait for permission to be granted from another human that you are worth your time. You're "worth it".
You are.
You are the most important person you have in your corner. Protect and improve you. Take care of you.😊❤
Very good points. People bein people is what it amounts to. That is why I have become as anti-social as I possibly can. My friendship circle has been closed for sometime. I miss people, but I DON'T miss them also, if that makes sense.
Mel, my sister is that person you are talking about. She “wallows” in her misery and complains to me regularly about it. My statement lately has been “Don’t tell me about it if you aren’t willing to do anything to change it. I love you, and you definitely deserve better, but you have to want things to be better and take those steps to change it. I deserve peace in my life”. She doesn’t like when I say this, and usually goes on a rant about how no one cares about her. Just like you said Mel. Waiting for the day when she makes that leap.💕💕
I am going to remember this. Peace with myself first and foremost.
❤ Pray for Your Sister 🙏 God will help her ❤❤
I had to walk away from someone I truly cared for due to his toxic mindset and because they said they loved me but were into things that were hurting himself and how can he love me if he can't even love himself? I refuse to accept being around toxic people and their toxic behaviors.❤
Oh my goodness I just love you so much Mel! I have an ADD brain also and I marvel at the fact that I didn’t miss more doctors appointments ect when my kids were small! I just have to tell you how funny the universe is, I am actually listening to this podcast after doing my workout, I have been consistently working out for a few months now and my husband because of the crappy weather, not being able to golf or bike, has been doing the opposite not really moving much and I think I irritate him when I do! So this morning he was sitting on the couch as I was walking around with my weights and he looks at me and he says to me do you really need to walk with weights if your not training for a race? II started to argue then just continued with my workout because I KNOW he isn’t feeling great about not moving a lot at the moment AND then this is the podcast I chose ha ha! Love you have a great day everyone!
Thank you. I regularly feel depleted and you regularly fill me back up. Ace.
"If you want to know where somebody stands on an issue, watch their actions don't listen to their words." WOW! And it's true about me too.
WOW!!!! This was so valueable!!! My husband has ADHD as well and I could really relate with the yelling of your husband about the puppy... Same happppened here. We found a way to manage our daily life together. This podcast helps me A LOT! THanks so much, have a nice day everyone
Suggestion for the future. Ask the veterinarian to text the appointment dates and times to you. You can link them with your calendar and they will auto fill in for you. Life happens, Mel. And the biggest thing I found is that when somebody is upset with you, chances are they're looking at you through their filter and they are upset with themselves about something. Communication will help dig out what the root cause is. He may feel like he's doing it everything himself. Hire your assistant. You need one desperately. I don't think you realized how popular your podcast was going to be. And if you need an assistant who can work remotely, I'm your girl! I'm so anal retentive that if you fart I will file it, cross-reference it, and add it to your calendar! Haha you're doing fine.
This right here....the dog barking on q...lmfao...so my life omg. "Do better." I would have started laughing. The reason I'm writing this comment is because the puppy story you shared....explained exactly why I love this channel. ❤️
I’m a longtime listener and met you in person in NYC at your show! I love your authenticity and simple tips Mel!
Being a mom of two grown children, from my perspective it’s not earth shattering that you missed well visits for your kids and shots for your pup! Sounds like they are all healthy and loved! ❤
Simple systems like sharing a google calendar or something similar with Chris might be very helpful. Thanks for all that you share!
Wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season! ❤🎄🌟😘
This was so good. Had a totally aha moment when you talked about: you can’t change the person but you can draw your boundary and say whatever it is they did is not acceptable.
So relatable, Mel!!! And I struggle too with ADHD!!!! I swear it has gotten worse as I've gotten older! I am soo bad to forget to calendar, etc. You are most definitely not alone friend.
I have to add on to my previous comment because I am further along in the podcast. I have had a realization that I have been wishing my mother to change for most of my life. She loves me, we talk, but only if I arrange it or my Aunt who she lives with arranges our chat times. If I didn't call, weeks would go by. I am at home this past week recovering from surgery, the inner child in me wishes she would call to check in on me. She hasn't. I am in my early 50's but still wish my mom would take the time to reach out to me. I have got to STOP wishing that my mom would change, and accept her for who she is. I need to work on this!
Awww, I feel your pain. Went thru that last year with my own mother.
Really hurt. Finally let it go.
Wishing you a good recovery. Sincerely.
That is so, so tough, and I feel for you. Similar, here, my mother was always self-centered, and now she has dementia, and accepting that my issues with her will never be resolved, is a step toward resolution in itself. I just repeat "love and compassion" when I get anxious, and try to direct some love and compassion toward ME.
Wow this hits home for me. I need to take this into consideration when dealing with people instead of getting upset with them.
I used to watch your TV show. Miss you! I have over 4000 friends (carefully chosen) on Facebook who would probably be interested in your podcast. So... I'm sharing. Thank you for being here!
Mel, thanks for not gradually leading the 3 points (forcing listeners to lengthening viewtime). Your so good and honest (and entertaining) listening to the end is naturally earned! BTW, I rarely make comments.
I really needed to hear this today! Thaaank you, Mel Thank you for sharing your real life experience with us. Don't beat yourself up about the vet faux pas... we all make mistakes.
OMGosh Mell , you are describing my husband and I!! My Dad , God Bless him, he would tell me that if “whoever” could do better they would!! My Dad is so awesome!! He kept me grounded 💕 he was ADD, I am too, have one son that is also. So yes, I so relate to what you are saying. 💕🥰
Thank you, the only thing we can do is try to do better and hold ourselves accountable.
Thanks Mel, I am genuinely so grateful to you for making this podcast. It’s like I was blind and now I can see. It’s going to help me immensely in my relationship with my daughter, whom I’ve been judging,
instead of loving her where she’s at. I just see the truth in all this now and I know I can change for the better. Thanks again for the work that you do. It really, really does make a difference to peoples lives. Much love, Cath X
Thank you your a beautiful soul and a wonderful blessing to humanity!
I needed to hear this, I've been struggling with some relationships. I just need to accept people for who they are and that's the end of it.
Mel, thank you so much for your wisdom and sharing with us.
Absolutely no judgment on the forgetting the vet appointments. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I have so many struggles but we do the best we can.
Again thank you!
BTW I just found your podcast and am binge watching. So much content. I’m at a fork in the road of life and this is where the rubber meets the road. So glad for this sound advice.
Also, you are from Muskegon, Michigan originally. I live just south of Grand Rapids. That is why you are so awesome, you are a Michigan girl at heart.
Sending love from Michigan.
I love everything about this episode, and everything about the positive impact you’re creating with your podcast. I relate to you so much. Thank you Mel 💛
Thank you for being so real and open so the rest of us can feel normal and not alone. You are amazing.
I’m sending this to my husband! I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I’m at a place where I can let things go, I need reminding sometimes, but I accept people for who they are and I’m able to understand that not everyone sees life as I do. I can see that my husband judging and not accepting and wanting to change everyone holds him back so much and it consumes him. I hope that this helps in his journey of self discovery, if not … then I tried x thank you x
I absolutely have enveloped you in my life! You are AMAZING! And you are doing so much good for people like me that need these really great tools and words you provide! THANK YOU MEL! Much Love To You
Great podcast- very relevant to my life with my husband, who is a lot like you! I am getting a better understanding of him through you.
Love you, Mel. Thank you 🙏🏽
You are wonderful Mel and your words touches deep true some many of us feels so lonely so makes easy to be integrared through your podcast
Thank you,again,for this episode Mel!
I've being trying so hard ,for about a year now ,to change my coworker and the only thing I've managed so far is a very toxic relationship in my workplace with her and tons of frustration for both of us.
I've been in therapy for many years,I've been on medication for 6 years because I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and unfortunately I'm coming from a family who always hated change and judged me sooo much ,so it's like a second nature for me to want to change other people ,even though I know exactly what happens...
It takes lots of effort, courage,ownership of your behaviour and accepting your actions so you can stop trying to change other people.
Otherwise it can eat you alive,make your life miserable and stop you from having positive experiences with them ❤😊
Brilliant talk Mel---and lovely of you to be honest enough to share personal examples of the dynamics you are conveying. Remember we cannot be ace at every valuable skill. Be kind to yourself when you make attempts to change your forgetful patterns. I believe in you.....
Thank you for the transcript. I can go back and write down things that are relevant to me.
Thank you Mel, for helping me to survive
Omg i’ve been adopting this Mel… putting this into practice for a few years now. Way too much to put into a message here. I don’t know how to move on though… just trying to reconcile a huge chunk of my old life. And I am recognizing that I am STILL fighting with the ghosts. I love your podcast. Thank you for everything you do. ❤
My NEW FAVORITE PODCAST!!!!! I have so many stories. Totally relate to what you are sharing!!!!
And yes.... let go or be dragged!!
So powerful Mel 💪🏻 Thank you for your wisdom!
you are so interesting to listen to or so relatable. im really enjoying this.
Expectation breeds resentment. I try and keep those words in my mind whenever I feel the need to change someone for my own benefit.
Mel, with this, you have saved my life. I am so appreciative
Your dog story actually made me laugh! Who hasn't done something like that at least once. And this is coming from someone who is very organized. But we all F up.
1. If they wanted to, they will
2. You can’t make somebody else change
3. Stop being mad that people aren’t who you want them to be
I was looking for this, thanks!
👍Finally found your comment. Thank you.
Thank you for your honesty!! You are proving that you have been in the same hole that your listeners are trying to get out of. Therefore your tools to reach the goal of getting out will fit into our situation too!!
I am african immigrant, I approve this message. Mel you are new favorite aunty. Your UA-cam podcast has been a blessing. God bless you.
Love ❤️ love ❤️ love ❤ all these beautiful suggestions, reminders and insights! You’re too cool for words and I especially enjoy the humility and transparency you possess. God bless you ❤🎉❤
Hi Mel. You’re so honest, you refreshingly cut to the chase, and you share your message positively with humor. Truthfully, that’s an incredible gift as people retain 80-90% more when it’s taught with laughter- think about good comedians: the audience is attentive. Thanks for sharing your life’s lessons with Chris with us. He seems pretty cool and so are you. Great podcast. Thank you and happy holidays. 💜
Absolutely love you, Mel.
I'm so, so grateful for your honest and vulnerability. You are not a bad puppy mummy. Being imperfect doesn't mean you love them less.
You're amazing, not just the puppy thing, you're amazing all round. xoxo
This is great ! I’ve shared this!!this is real and you’re right to think these ways!! And I’m 45 I have just got the understandings of forgiveness and self love. It changes everything ! You get that balance of understanding . Inspiring and showing based from a loving perspective, with out seeming woo woo, and there is no energy depletion,, you’re locked and loaded lol
Thank you for being so brave and start your own podcast Mel, your words are gold in my life ❤️
Love your stuff. I also just wanted to say that I feel we cannot put limits on peoples healing. If they are trying it is important to help but 6 months can be short depending on the trauma the received. I can’t say I wallow but I do have hard times as I try and do better but I have bad days. There are court dates coming up that have been ongoing for almost a year and putting a time limit would be difficult for me if people in my life did this. The trauma is still happening through court. Just my thoughts
Agreed. I’m in the early stages of a traumatic divorce and I can’t imagine my closest friends placing that limit on my grief and healing. I get what she’s saying BUT… nuance. This is when knowing the person you love is important.
Mel. Im so thankful that i find you by chance. You made me realize i have adhd (38 F), the "Let Them" video was immensely helpful. I love how candid and authentic you are. Thank you for changing my life. I look at you as a mother figure, i have a horrible relationship with my NPD mother... thank you forever. We all kive you. Prayers and love to everyone...NE Ohio
You can’t make other change! That is so true, and the fact that you can make boundaries that helped me so much! Thank Mal for this great episode ❤️
I loved this, because I needed it so badly.. you described me so this episode was all about me🤷♀️😂❤️thx
🥰You're empowering & helping to heal lives, Mel. Thank you! ♡
Thank you!😘
Mel!!!! Writing from SAfrica! You give the punches girl. This is such truth. I am lying in bed listening to this u r crazy, funny, a real TRUTH TELLER. Thank u for directions for 2023 from another ADHD, UNSTRUCTURED PAPER CALENDAR KEEPER!!!! Will make it my own. Lotsa work to be done for 2023
I watched this awhile back. Just wanted to thank you for all youre doing out there. Lotsa love to you