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hello sir it might be to much to ask but can you make one video in hindi to show to my parents about ADHD i am telling them you they think its nothing can you make one video for your INDIAN friends you also know how indian parents are
@@ultimategd3 I have an inkling that it's something to game the algorithm. I've seen other channels change their video titles (and, more recently, thumbnails) sometimes as many as three or four times within the first 24 hours of uploading. I used to think they were correcting minor errors or such, but my guess now is that it bumps the video back up the home page feed again.
When trying my hardest was met with "You need to try harder" I reached the conclusion of "If trying my hardest isn't good enough, then trying isn't worth it"
my mom helped me so much with understanding that “your best” isnt crying at night stressing about school, its not shaking while handing in an assignment because you spent all night on it, its not crying during tests because my brain literally hurts. its doing what you can and stopping when its too much, its taking breaks and asking for help, its asking for an extension on the assignment, its writing down whatever you can think of even if its shit, because hurting yourself isnt your “best!”, its doing what your body can until it shows signs it cant. i wouldve had a better time in middle school and highschool if i knew that my best wasnt supposed to hurt.
This was probably the catalyst for me giving up on even trying to write in English classes a lot after my 8th grade English teacher told me I could try harder on an essay I turned in at the very last minute/late bc I spent forever stressing over if it was good enough / how to make it better
As someone with inattentive type ADHD, that whole thing about "why don't you apply yourself more" basically sums up my experience throughout my school years. I wasn't a bad kid in school, but I cannot tell you how many times I heard people say that I could be doing a lot better if "I just applied myself". No one bothered to look into it, leading me to internalize this idea that there was something wrong with me, that I was broken or something, I didn't get diagnosed let alone evaluated for ADHD until I was 21.
Samesies. I believe my grandpa had the same ADHD I do because he was always at home watching TV, zoning out. My mom demonized his behavior as 'laziness' and it took me a long time to stop beating myself up for having similar tendencies. I'm not lazy, I just lack executive function and I need help lol
I swear every report card I got and every parent teacher interview was this same thing, "x could do so much better if he applied himself and stopped talking to other students"
If school was ACTUALLY interesting, there would be no problem for us! I can focus hours on end on reality cool subjects! Learning how to become a perfect disposable employee isn't engaging... It's depressing.
22 years old, last year I realized I have ADHD (already knew I have anxiety) treating anxiety now but I haven't found the right med that helps my adhd yet even tho I've tried adderall, was disappointed it didn't give me that "oh my gosh I can function now" like other ppl but maybe it's because I'm more inattentive than hyperactive I don't know, I'm trying strattera soon, really hope it works for me
My husband has ADHD, depression and was on medication for many years. When we moved and he had to get a new Doctor. Unfortunately because my husband was nearly 68, the Doctor said ADHD medication was not recommended for someone his age and he wouldn't renew his prescription. The Dr didn't even offer to wean him off the meds! He left him with no meds and had him go. God so kind a friend recommended us to mushrooms (psilocybin) precisely. After his experience with shrooms five years ago till now there's no more ADHD, depression and mental disorder. Shrooms are life changing. There is no way you can put into words what it feels like..
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
I can CONFIDENTLY say that, after 2 years of therapy, medication and building the right environment, I NO LONGER have this problem. By the way, I was diagnosed at 26.
@@diaboempessoa CBT with the right dose of med and therapy sessions once a week. By building the right environment, I mean eliminating every distraction you can and focusing on what works for you. Here's an example: I used to be wake all night long because it was the moment I had peace from all sensory overload. I discovered by trial and error that waking up 2 or 3 hours before everyone helped me focus. I started the day and since it was still silence, when people starts to wake I was already producing. But I have to say that it is a never ending process. I must keep an eye out to my thoughts and behavior, but it is way easier than when I started attending to therapy full of anxiety and depressed. Now I just go once a month to maintain the balance.
This would be great if the biggest distraction in my life wasn’t my own damn brain, tho the meds help a bit, they’re never strong enough, and I’m afraid of getting a higher dosage.
When your parents clap back with the ‘oh, everybody has a little bit of ADHD, don’t worry’ and ‘excuses are like an asshole, everybody has one but nobody wants to hear it’
my mom said this to me as well... until she realized her best friend doesnt have ANY of the symptoms and her brain is quiet. my mom was so mind boggled that all other people didnt have like 5 tracks going on in their brain at once she finally came around.
my mom said: if you cant do things like other kids.. maybe its beacuse you just arent as capable as them, maybe you shouldnt be so hard on yourself. And then I had a lifetime of self esteem issues. I WISH my parents would have been like yours, atleast I wouldnt always have this silent voice in my head whispering that im inferior
I know I have ADHD; I was diagnosed by a specialist. My sister, criticizing me for some things I informed her are symptoms of ADHD, said "Those aren't ADHD symptoms! That's just how you are!" FFS
I think both is wrong "thats just me" AND "thats ADHD" because the first gives you the whole responsibility but the second makes u unable to change anything. I personally prefer not talk to myself like "its my ADHD" I say "It's an outcome of me, not yet beeing able to manage this ADHD symptom" ... if that makes sence (english is not my first language😅)😅
@@lisaart5301 Yeah I agree. I'm not saying I can't try to modify my behavior. But I also think she should take that into account and not just deny it's a symptom of ADHD when it's a very well-known one. She said it in a very contemptuous way and has made many other statements making it clear she considers it a defect of my character, and is angry about decades of it when she never said a word about it till now. Just since I wrote this comment she said "I feel held hostage in conversation with you" as if she had no agency or ability to say anything. That was true with our mother, and I believe she's projecting that old pain onto me now. I'm afraid she's turned out with quite a narcissistic personality style that I didn't recognize until recently. She's not trying to understand me or work things out between us; I think she's stressed about other things and taking it out on me, just like our mom did.
This is why we burn out. We're swimming upstream, giving it everything we've got and barely keeping up with the current while everyone else has a jetski and they're yelling at us to just try harder. Eventually we run out of energy and unless there is someone/something there to save us a lot of us just give in and slip beneath the waves. And everybody around us looks at us drowning and just says "well they should have tried harder like me"
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32. I call growing up with undiagnosed ADHD "The gaslit childhood." It fucked me up personally but I think it gave me an extra perk in the parenting skill tree which is that I do not believe unintentional laziness exists. Laziness can only be chosen! It is often a smart natural choice made to preserve energy, recover, or heal; but if you aren't choosing it, it is something else. My job as a parent isn't to dictate how someone should live but to help them discover hacks that make "doing life" the easiest and most fulfilling FOR THEM. My way works for me, maybe not my kid. Growing up misunderstood has burned that into my soul. If my child seems "lazy" about something, we just haven't found the right way yet. Time to get creative! I often learn something about myself in the process.
wow, this made me emotional because i really wish my parents saw things like you do instead of always telling me that im lazy and that im the problem. as simple as it sounds, it’s so reassuring to hear a parent actually understanding that their kids might be different from them
@@tree4110 No offense to your parents, or maybe a little offense, but it's a skill issue. They can't think outside the box to find a different approach to something so they just call your approach "wrong" and call it a day. It's an ego thing too. Like I KNOW the way I see and live life isn't the "best" way. It's merely what's left that works for me after everything else I've tried didn't work as well. But shit, I haven't tried everything, nor would I presume it could work for someone else! So many parents see kids as extensions of themselves and therefore that they know best. Reproducing is already an inherently selfish act but some parents take that to the extreme. I hope you find some people in your life who will support and encourage you for who you are and not who they expect you to be. There's nothing inherently wrong with you, just bad firmware applied by your original programmers 😁 Once you learn how to hack your own system you can get rid of it and apply those much needed updates you'll be golden. The selflove patch is an especially good one but it often requires the final frontal lobe hardware upgrade which only comes with age so don't fret if you are finding that patch isn't installing correctly just yet.
Gigachad answer, King!❤ This is how I want to raise my son too! Gosh we need more fathers like you and less dudes who pay 18 000 Dollars on some Fake ass manliness bootcamp they also drag their kids to just to be screamed at.
In my case it was the complete opposite, while most mid/high schoolers needed a few hours a day to do homework I did most of it in class. Found myself with too much free time, became addicted to videogames and eventually got kicked out of the house. Extremes suck.
I did this through college lol mix this with auditory processing disorder (learn better reading text), and inattentiveness and you’ve got the perfect storm.
@@Manuel-qk8uj extremes tend to suck indeed but I'd rather be done with things extra fast rather than extra long. This made school hell for me. I could never commit to work on anything because I knew I would get stuck and spend too much time
@@jonas8993 Personally I feel differently about this. I'd rather be busy all the time than bored all the time. Especially when I was a teenager. Being busy all the time is exhausting but at least you have some sense of purpose. At least that's how I see it.
So ADHD is why I cried for 2 days straight after drinking for the 1st time. I wasn't even that drunk but alcohol made me feel like a human being for the 1st time ever, because my brain and thoughts would feel *defective* 24/7. Alcohol does not fix anything in the long run though, and the ADHD predisposition to addiction is real, so try not to drink people...
@@C.S.Argudo Exactly, alcohol might be a temporary fix for some people but that's precisely why it's so unhealthy, the temporarity will make you feel worse afterwards, about yourself or in general.
Hoo boy. Wish I realized this shit before I wasted a few of my best years. Sober now but I still dream of drinking and feeling my version of “functional.”
Even if one is not clinically depressed, untreated ADHD in itself is depressing because it prevents you from being able to accomplish that which everyone else seems to accomplish with ease. It makes it hard to function in such a rigid society. Over time, these things can lead to a sad state of affairs, which creates a sadness within you. I think this also applies a lot to of older people, like myself, who weren't diagnosed early on. As a child, and during decades of adulthood, I was frustrated much of the time, with myself, because I didn't understand that I had ADHD; just as he explains in this video.
Don't focus on diagnosis, we don't have a disorder, we don't need medication. Society needs to STFU and embrace our differences. We need to band together and make this world fit neuro divergent lawyers and therapists, anyone who runs their own practice, need to be open at night instead of ONLY during the day. A bank needs to have a night branch so we can meet with loan officers at night. Etc...let's take the night time from the tweakers and make it NEURO DIVERGENT TIME!
Psilocybin mushrooms have certainly had a beneficial effect on my mental health. They've been quite effective for me in managing my anxiety and depression.
Yeah. More people should try psychedelics. Not only in a medical environment because in some countries they are illegal. But with the right set and setting they can do wonders.
Learning about indigenous cultures helped me realize this. Work smarter not harder. But colonizers came in and said “this isn’t productive enough, you guys are all lazy”. No they had it figured out.
"Just try harder" triggered such a powerful visceral anger within me. You've stated exactly how I've felt as a kid and an adult. I'm crying - I'm literally crying right now, because it's like you actually SEE what's always going on inside me. The amount of effort I'd used would be physically painful. I always called myself a broken human.
Yeah, I absolutely get it, you're not alone. I'm in the part of the late-diagnosis neurodivergence journey where I'm raging inside at my parents for failing to understand or get the the help I need, blaming me for all my ND and treating me like a broken person, and the decades of lost opportunities representing everything my life could have been had my parents actually done their job. I'm so pissed I want to burn everything down. We need a video on how to move through this stage.
Being a gifted girl from an abusive household f'cked me up so hard. I was smart and behaved well (out of fear of my mother) so no one ever noticed anything. Now I live with this internal dialogue between me seeing the potential and me feeling like I can't live up to it.
I'm in my early 30s and was recently diagnosed with both ADHD and autism over the last few years. After talking to my therapist about what these things actually o to your brain, and listening to Dr. K;s videos explaining how they work, my life makes so much more sense now. Thanks for everything you do Dr. K, you have seriously helped me more than 90% of people in my life. "Just try harder." "Get more organized" All that just leads to feeling like shit when you fail, thank you for giving actual good advice and explanations.
"You have to live up to your potential!" Darn, it still hurts. Even the tone was perfect in the delivery of this line. My entire time at school, my whole family and almost all the teachers I had kept telling me that. "Could do better" on every reports for 15 years. I managed to get a bachelor, and to be frank, I'm not using it professionally. Heck, I'm actually unemployed at the moment, in therapy, and taking steps to accept who I truly am in order to help my neurodivergent kids have an easier life than I had.
“If you just applied yourself you’d do so much better” that just took me back to middle school, I’m 24 now still not diagnosed with anything and I’m doing fine, mostly. But man that phrase felt like being shot with a bullet
Put me in a room of IQ 100s. Any subject, doesn't matter. I'll outperform them with little to no effort because the material will be dumbed down. Put me in a room of 130s and 140s I'll feel intellectually equal but will probably underperform by a significant margin unless I'm really passionate about the subject. I visited Harvard/MIT a few years after I graduated from a state university and was like "this is probably where I should have gone, these are my peers, but I just never had the desire or motivation to do the work to get here."
I fucking hate when people tell me to “apply myself” as if they can choose what the right things are to put my interests in and what I ought to spend my time doing.
The struggle is real with ADHD! The "You need to try harder" concept fries the brain every time there is an important task ongoing, which requires mental effort. While regular people can do something with ease and success without consuming their whole energy, ADHD/ADD people tend to suffer, and this not only makes them feel tired, but also depressed as there is no sense of achievement.
I was brought to tears when you said that kids that get diagnosed with depression first have a 3% chance of getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 15-16 and wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was about 26-27. Thank you so much for the content that you put out! It really has validated a lot of things that I’ve been feeling throughout my life. I am 29 now and I am trying my best to get my life together. It’s really hard, but I know I can do it!
You’re not alone I was one of those “smart kids” that hit a wall. My younger brother has autism and adhd so he took up the majority of the attention when it came to “issues” plus I was always successful in school with no effort and popular. My parents are legitimately 10/10 parents and once I started having severe problems I got diagnosed with depression but my dad wanted to keep searching. Turns out I have adhd. I did nuerotherapy for a year and it helped but it’s like 400$ a week! After that I got put on foccalin and it made me feel TERRIBLE to the point I had a mental breakdown just about a week or 2 ago. I found Dr.K along with other UA-camrs and a fire was lit. Since then I’ve stopped smoking weed and gambling and I have a new found passion for psychology (switching my major tmr.) the number one thing I’ve been doing to help me with my mood is getting up as early as possible and running hills. It clears my mind and gives me the dopamine boost I need to take on the day. It’s only been a week or 2 but I’d recommend it. Im rooting for you! Im 22 btw
@@nicholashubiak7171 It feels great to hear your story. I was also diagnosed with depression around that age and now I'm questioning whether I have ADHD at age 21. I was always a good student but after starting college (I'm also a psychology student) I started to also hit a wall and suffer from burnout. How's your journey with psych so far, did you decide to stick with it? I'm currently wanting to reignite that passion and find a direction to go in life. The hardest thing for me is staying consistent with anything. I've always had to take things slow and I want to learn how to embrace that, it's like one day everything feels right and the next day I'm questioning everything about what I'm doing! I hope this message reaches you well, thank you for your story:)
Being forced to sit still all day in school as a hyperactive kid almost destroyed my spirit. The strong correlation between ADHD and depression totally makes sense.
When I was in elementary school, the way my teachers dealt with my ADHD , was to clean out an old janitor's closet and put me in it by myself. There were days when they didn't even feed me. I wasn't the only one they treated like this either.
Dude I know you know this already but I want you to hear it from someone else today: That was NOT okay. There was nothing wrong with you that they couldn't have found a compassionate way to help. They tried to make you feel worthless and that was bullshit because you were not worthless then and you aren't now. If you ever feel like looking back at your own behavior and thinking they had a point, stop. Nothing you ever did made you deserving of that. Ever. You deserved compassion and love and patience and human respect. I'm so sorry.
Please make video where you deep dive into learned helplessness. This belief that "there's something fundamentally wrong with me" has been affecting me my whole life and I struggle to get out of this mental fallacy.
I’m learning more as I get older how harmful this has been for me and the perfectionist mindset I’ve carried around unconsciously my whole life. Even as after I’ve release a lot of the negative self talk I’ve learned throughout my life and became medicated, I still find these deep seated beliefs that even when I try my hardest, it’s not good enough, if I somehow managed things better and tried “harder” I can finally “get it together” and justify my existence. A book that’s recently helped me a lot is called “Time management for mortals”. I’m realizing I need to stop trying to be “perfect” (which implies there “perfect” people exist, which they don’t and how I’m comparing myself to something fake) and living in a freeze state and just put time and effort into doing my best, whatever that looks like
Yes please. Late diagnosis (52 as a woman) leaves so much of life devastated in the wake of not being like other people and basically not having a reason for it. I wanted to be diagnosed just to have a reason for how I am people wouldn't exhaust me by disagreeing with me over. But I discovered the stimulant calmly and gently works for me. I am kind of dumbfounded. In shock.
TLDR: If your parents don’t understand that you have ADHD, it is very easy for them to fall into the trap of saying “I know you can do better.” Even if they are superhuman, it’s the most natural thing for them to think and say. I am insanely lucky and have parents that love me unconditionally, are together, and do everything they can to make they succeed. They didn’t know I had ADHD while I was in school, and fell into the same trap of saying “I know you can do better.” In fact, it’s the thing they told me the most in order to encourage me while I was struggling. And after a conversation like that, I would try my best, for a week or two. Then I would fall back into what seemed to me like intentional laziness and procrastination. In fact, even stating that point right now that ADHD was (and still is) the problem, I feel like it’s wrong due to that conditioning. I hate saying it. Which ended up being a massive part of why I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 19-20. What I’m saying is that even in the best case scenario, with the best parents you could hope for. If they don’t know you have ADHD, it’s sooooo easy for them to fall into those same words of encouragement. Saying that you have more in the tank when you’re struggling to get the grades you want, and at times breaking down due to the stress of it all. There was once a time in 10th grade where I just gave up entirely on doing all homework. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep up the pace. So I lied to my parents saying that it was alright, as my scores were actively dropping. It took nearly a whole semester for them to notice. I don’t know how I hid it for so long, but then again, I hid almost everything I did wrong from them in an attempt to please them. It took almost the whole rest of the year to catch up, and keep up with the new work that was being assigned. I had the opportunity back then to meet with my teachers after almost every class to describe what work I am doing, and to fact check it with them. They helped me lay out a path which forced me to stay on track. I am not exaggerating when I say that if it weren’t for any one of those people in my life, I would’ve failed all of those classes that year. Keep the people who want to help you close, and they can force you to put in the effort you need into something you don’t want to do.
NO WAY… i just went like ‘OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.’ When i read the part ‘And after a conversation like that, i would try my best, for a week or two. Then I would fall back into what seemed to me like intentional laziness and procrastination.’ Finally!!! Finally I know it’s not just me! And it’s not my fault! I tried, i really tried but I never succeeded to ‘do better’. I’m glad I’m not the only one, not the odd one out. I relate!
42 and recently diagnosed with ADHD. Have had depression, addiction, anxiety since I was a teen. I was “smart” when I was younger, applied myself like an animal for a short period of time. When that didn’t work or even help, I just gave up. Stopped trying bc why keep trying just to keep hearing from everyone that it’s not enough? It was a lot easier (& more fun honestly) to lean in to the “lazy”. Luckily my daughter is nothing like me. But no matter what she did/does, I NEVER have and NEVER will tell her shes not trying hard enough or applying herself enough.
I'm 42, I was diagnosed with ADHD when i was 13 and then again at around 32. I'm now 42 and have been waiting for over two years to be rediagnosed as having ADHD because they won't use my other diagnoses. I've wondered if I do have ADHD or if I'm just useless because why is it so hard for someone to agree to help me?. Also, people roll their eyes when you tell them you have ADHD. They say it's not real, which makes me question if it is real as so many people disbelieve. It's embarrassing and makes me feel ashamed, like I'm making excuses. When I was diagnosed in the early 90s, literally no one thought it was real. My teachers would say it's just an excuse. You're just a bad kid. Listening to you helps.
@tree4110 Thank you. It's difficult to try and deal with without any help. It's extremely frustrating that it's so hard to get help. I do think people are being overly diagnosed with ADHD so now there is an even bigger stigma and even longer waiting lists. I feel autism is being over diagnosed as well, my 22yr old has autism, his nursery teachers notice it when he was around 3yrs old, I had just turned 20 when I had him and had never been around babies or toddlers so I didn't notice anything. But the nursery was very concerned. He wasn't verbal until he was 7/8yrs old, he was statemented by the government as a child's so they have to pay the schools he went to a lot of extra money for h3lp for him, he's now in college. Anyway, he is autistic, but now my 14-year-old son has been diagnosed with autism! He's literally not lol, he is the most outgoing, social kis around, he has his own personality and doesn't try to follow others personality, I just don't believe it, I do however think he has ADHD, ashes behaviour is identical to mine when I was a kid. The system is just so messed up. It's all just so stressful and frustrating. I'm from the UK, and we really don't have much help here when it comes to mental health, the help we do have or that I have received is rubbish and it's not getting better it's getting worse. Sorry for the rant.
Just remember that adhd is really well understood and that medication is incredibly effective. No one says depression isn’t real but ADHD as a treatment more effective than depression. No one says PTSD isn’t real even though treatment is pretty difficult and controversial.
@@babybluecheekstheres also the argument that we know more about both adhd and autism and less people are falling through the cracks so people are appropriately getting diagnosed now. its still incredibly difficult for adult women to be diagnosed as neurodivergent, and as children they likely arent going to be diagnosed either because the diagnostic criteria for both were based almost 100% on men and boys. i find it encouraging that more people are being diagnosed and getting the help they need, because someone who isnt struggling will not be even considered for diagnosis.
@@babybluecheekscareful about not believing your son's autism diagnosis. It is a spectrum after all. It is obvious to notice when a kid is very non-verbal or weird, but many people can seem "normal" and outgoing and still be autistic. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I strongly suspect I'm on the spectrum, and I was also an extroverted kid and all that, so my family and friends have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact I may be autistic. Oh and I also suspect I have adhd, which is way easier to see since I've had all the usual problems from school and even now at uni. But of course, family still sees it as just being lazy and "if only you applied yourself more". So yeah, you should inform yourself on autism, you might be surprised on how wide of a spectrum it is. It is being diagnosed more now, but it's because more and more people are getting informed and it's less stigmatized nowadays too. Dr. K has some videos on autism that you could watch.
I have finally got my diagnosis after YEARS of thinking I’m “broken”. Now I have to find the balance of taking responsibility and blaming my adhd. Having to relearn all that’s is exhausting. Thank you for making this video, it was very good and resonated with me
Getting diagnosed as an adult really gave me a huge relief from this belief that something in me (x) was broken. But at the same time, old habits die hard... So I feel like I'm at this impasse that is hard to move on from. But I am making progress
I’m a therapist specializing in cPTSD and neurodiversity: this is the best depiction of how ADHD affects development that I have seen on UA-cam. Thanks for this.
Doctor, your understanding of ADHD is superb. This disorder ruined my life in many ways and I had many bouts of depression along the way. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 76. As a great-grandmother! I never was hyperactive. It’s the inability to focus that skewered my self image. I used to pray to God asking him to help me concentrate. My mother used to tell me that I would never amount to anything and I believed it. NOW…with the medication AND the understanding of ADHD, I can see my potential and value as a very intelligent woman. I am 82 now. In retrospect, I realize that I’m quite an amazing person. I have done many things in my life and have had experiences to write a book about. This life was hard but I am satisfied that I did my best, considering my disadvantage. Thank you for an excellent video.
thank you i have adhd i was diagnose as a kid and sense then have grown more and more depress and detach from the world, and you gave me the one thing i need to hear.
I'm in the part of the late-diagnosis neurodivergence journey where I'm raging inside at my parents for failing to understand or get the the help I need, blaming me for all my ND and treating me like a broken person, and the decades of lost opportunities representing everything my life could have been had my parents actually done their job. I'm so pissed I want to burn everything down. We need a video on how to move through this stage.
the whole “if you just applied yourself” and the feeling of “there is something wrong with me” i feel has lead me into thinking “i need a diagnosis or else i am just not good enough fundementally” it really sucks because i know i couldve strived in an environment that was better for me, but the world isnt made that way, so i just have to get used to this shitty world. since i was small ive heard that infuriating quote “thats just how the world is, get used to it” but i never wanted to get used to a world where i feel physically pain (headaches and emotional pain usually in my chest) because of how unfair it is. i’m going through the process of getting diagnosed right now, i hope it can give me more understanding and freedom to actually say “its not my fault” so people can get off my ass
Look, I love the ADHD content and it's changed the way I understand myself, but it doesn't help me act better. I still don't know what to do. I had really hoped for the Dr.K guide to "ADHD & doing stuff" would give me answers but honestly I didn't find it helpful action wise. Anyone else feel the same? Wish he would do like a comprehensive 5-hour "okay so here's what you do"
generally getting a combination of medication and behavioral therapy are the most effective stratagys to helping with adhd. meds are nice! but there not as effective without the therapy haa.
Also, the effect of ADHD is really broad, so it's hard to offer guidance for everyone and everything. Not everything will work, so you have to try out for yourself. Identity what you're struggling with (studying, forming relationships or some kind of work) and there'll be at least lots of other advice online.
RX Meds Do help, coupled with Self- awareness, knowledge of Which 'things you do' are actually driven by or a result of ADHD brain - then combine ALL that with: Release the Shame, Create the personalized crutches You need, Remove any self-medicating substances ( most are bad for Brain & Heart health), and find / start a Creative outlet, or many!
I just wanted to say this perfectly describes my entire childhood. I remember saying a joke to a girl. She sneered at me. Then another guy, a popular one who was listening, said the same joke to the same girl, and she laughed. It “proved” to me that it didn’t matter what I said, who I said it to, or what the situation was. I was the problem, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.
The analogy that helped me understand the ADHD problem is like having two farmers with different work animals. Neuro-typical people have a dog who listens to every command and obeys they owner which makes productivity easy. Having ADHD is like having a mule or bull as a farm animal. You cannot overpower the beast or command it so you have to give it what it wants to get it motivated enough to work hard but when it works hard it is capable of much more than the dog.
To chime in with my experience, I dealt poorly with medication the first time I was prescribed it but in the long run it still helped me a massive amount. It didn't magically get rid of the shame, but it did give me more immediate evidence that I really do have ADHD and has let me work through it doubting myself significantly less than I did previously.
"But this other person who says they had ADHD is doing fine, so I'll just continue to treat you like a defective regular person". There's also the fact that an ADHD brain just _doesn't work_ like a regular brain. We're not "being difficult", we're really trying our best.
8:10 My mom told me for years that it is my fault that the power bill is so high. In the end it was the 35 year old freezer's and 100 watt lamps' fault. After replacing them we saved like 1/3 of power.
For me, I never doubted my own intelligence. I was able to see that I understood the material being taught to me. I always passed tests. But I continued to fail. What led to my depression was the realization that life and society are structured around the median, and that the entirety of my existence would amount to attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole.
0:38 Well, that summarized my mental chatter about 90% of the time. The irony is that people online tell us that we're just using our ADHD (or insert other diagnosis here) as an excuse and blaming that instead of taking responsibility/accountability for our failures. In reality, it's mostly the opposite, and I wish more people knew that.
YES I was just thinking about this.. I finally understand where the problems I've been having my entire life originate. Diagnosed as combined as an adult (27) after a month of Dr. K's guide and Dr. Russell Barkley, and I cannot tell my "normal" friends because their eyes glaze over when I start lecturing about executive function. They see it as an excuse for behavior. Many don't believe ADHD is even real let alone genetic (dad and brother diagnosed). But really I blame myself for all of my ADHD-related failings, past and present. I see leaving it unmanaged as a moral failure, and getting it under control is a matter of life and death. I decided that if I care what others think, the best way forward is paradoxically to stop caring what they think, and don't tell them squat. Instead I am going to follow proven strategies for managing it, and show I was right all along by the results of my effort.
Hey guys, 36-year old raw-dogging ADHD here with some advice: get a cleaning robot! The reason I could never do chores was because every time there was so much to do that I never started; now, the robot vacuums and mops my floor clean, and all I have to do is keep the remaining things like kitchen, bathroom and tables / desks clean. I used to live in filth, now you can legit eat off my floor, it has improved my well-being so much I can barely describe it. Thanks for taking the time to read my comment and have a nice day!
I just dont clean ever until someone tells me I have to and I clean everything in 30 minutes. Cleaning as I go is not something I believe I will ever be capable of.
I totally recommend that too. I didn't want a robot and we lived in a mess. My parents and son got one and it is such a great spring board for getting stuff done and feeling better about yourself.
My parents did not ever have me diagnosed, they just acknowledged that I'm easily distracted and as long as my grades were okay they didn't really care. My teachers all said I was easily distracted though, and I've had teachers ask if I"m ever going to actually apply myself instead of just skating by. So the teachers more shamed me than my parents. I haven't been officially diagnosed still, but the more I hear/read about ADHD the more my life makes sense. I'm now working on finding a doctor to officially test me, but the fear of "what if it's not ADHD? What if I'm just screwed up?" is right in the back of my head instead.
For my ADHD, stimulants work but the comedown is so damn harsh that it negates any positive benefit. I ended up with psychosis with one med. Nonstimulant meds barely do anything. It's frustrating.
I've found a few things. One to be to take the lowest dose possible where it's barely noticeable. If I notice a big stimulation, it's too much and the comedown is noticeable Also the med makes a big difference. Vyvanse works WAY better (d Amp vs L amp isomer) than adderal for me. Same with focalin working better than Ritalin
That rlly sucks because I’m on the highest dose of stimulants and it works wonders and even when they wear off I still feel good effects. Don’t give up on it fully, it could be that you just need a lower dose.
I would try a different medication and possibly a lower dose. I personally hate adderall, it makes me angry and gives me really bad mood swings/depression, I didn’t think it was worth the side effects. Dyanavel has been the most effective for me with the least noticeable comedown. I just have to be mindful about my coffee consumption
I have been trying to explain this entire video to my psychiatrist for years. I went undiagnosed for ADHD as a kid, now diagnosed with MDD because I believe there is something wrong with me. I have no problem identifying it when not catastrophizing but cannot seem to state it correctly. Will be sending this over to her Monday thank you DR.K for explaining this as a professional
I don't usually comment but i am compelled to. I've been struggling with ADHD my entire life and my 6 year old was recently diagnosed as well and it's been really tough. I never realized until right now that perhaps everything I have gone though in my own diagnosis was to prepare me for her so that I could be there for her and understand what she's going through as she grows into adolescence and beyond. I feel like my entire perspective has shifted. Thank you for your continued information and inspiration. ❤
I’m so glad I clicked on this video. Im 35 and my parents are alcoholics, and you just mapped my entire life issues. I can never reason with them. Their rejection towards mental illness has really hurt my perception of my ADHD.
11:40 guys im crying... i did. I did try totalk to them. I didnt have the words so i woukd say i was lazy or lacked self control. I said "i really wanna do it but there is something inside me that is stopping me." I tokd them so many times and they just never listened. Of course i think "it just my personality" and i "need to work on myself more" of course i still think there is something about myself as a oerson that is fundamentally wrong and it is my responsibility to fix it. These are my mothers words stuck into my mind. I knew these werent mine.
never thought id cry watching a video that wasnt the intended emotion to be pulled on. thank you, ive never felt more validated in my own experience being and self diagnosed 30 something adhd with depression its been a struggle and i really didnt see myself ever making it this far. again thank you for what you do .
Oh man... Life with ADHD is so painful. My family knew I ADHD since I was in elementary school (1995), But they still expected me to use strategies that were helpful for them. Time Management has always been a difficult term for me. Time feels irrelevant much of the time. If there wasn't a clock to keep track, I could be immersed in all sorts of activities until 3 am. I love the idea of being organized. I have so many journals and digital archives of ideas. I was an average student, but have a detailed long-term memory and have been a life long learner. My purpose has always evaded me. 90% of my life is great (touch wood), so I've stopped waiting for my letter from Hogwarts. Potential is just forward looking nostalgia. I feel that it's like trying to chase the end of the rainbow for gold. But what if you're too busy rushing in pursuit, instead of enjoying the rainbow. Maybe where you are is the gold and you don't notice all the colours surrounding you.
Failing so many times before being diagnosed with ADHD as a 52yo woman is hard to get my head around. I was fairly early diagnosed with depression and PTSD then anxiety, so called everything that stopped me from doing XYZ "my depression". But apart from interrupting the worst of the depression the meds didn't not make my normal anything like other people's normal. But first day of stimulant meds and I felt quiet and focused in my mind and comfortable in my body in the morning. My whole life if I woke up feeling able to focus and good in my body I called a friend or family to celebrate. Now it comes in the form of a pill. And although I jump from task to task I get many tasks done and my environment is moving from bomb site on a rubbish dump to clearing and organising different areas of it. On the 3rd day I hung up some of my dresses and ordered them by colour. It made me happy.
It took me way to long to learn there is nothing wrong with doing something, getting bored, and switching gears. I used to identify it as having a lack of discipline and I just don't work as hard as everyone else. Really we have a super power and that's to learn things in a short time, being versatile, willingness to explore new things etc lots of people have problems with change but we embrace it and excel with novelty. We're just different it's not that we're worse.
I was diagnosed when I was about 7 and then it got forgotten about and I went on with my life. I'm now almost 35 years old and since learning more about ADHD I am able to understand much more about myself and why I am the way I am. It's been incredibly empowering. Thanks, Dr. K.
I have been on a journey of discovery over the past couple weeks, finally learning from my therapist that I've likely had ADHD all this time and never knew it. Now I'm this far into adulthood, feeling like I've squandered so many years failing to accomplish anything I try to do. I'm just sad that I can't really get any of that time back when I could've probably done so much more if I had just gotten the right help.
This video was a game changer. I had undiagnosed adhd as a kid and definitely was told it was my fault. Shared this video with a lot of people and talked to my adhd daughter about it. Thank you.
That's rookie numbers, I've had three watch later playlists with different tiers of priority ...it overwhelmed me (duh), so after some merging I've stuck with 2: one where I just throw things into for mental relief and forget about them (until I check it out once a year and close away in horror), and the other one which I made a priority to clear as fast as possible
I just discovered this channel 2 days ago and already it's helping me. I really relate to the way the content creator explains things. So many videos just reiterate the same old information, but this doctor has the capacity to articulate problems and resolutions, which apply to everyday life experiences and scenarios, like no one else I've listened to. Thank you so much. I'm looking very forward to learning more from this channel because it is helping me to improve the quality of my life. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
When I was dignosed as a preteen girl we were told that ADHD is "a learning disability you grow out of" it wasn't until 20 years late that I learned the truth. I thought for years that I had grown out of it plus I'm hyposensesitive due to my Cerebral Palsy.
You just described my entire life and many arguments I've had with my family over the years. I had to sit with myself for a while to realize ADHD has been making my life hell and finally got a diagnosis. After asking questions about my childhood and understanding how I was through highschool, I have no idea how I never was diagnosed but then again ik my mom is heavily against the medication and that ADHD has to be the extreme like bounce off the wall destroy things child, you have to be a trouble maker to have it. I started the medication and I could finally sort my thoughts for once
I have this feeling this also maps onto ASD. I have been recently diagnosed at the age of 42. While education was my strong side (it was structured in a way my brain understood well) the rest of things in life were so hard. And I've felt shame about it and have spent years of therapy trying to remove that shame. I've also been suspecting ASD since 4 years ago so I've learnt a lot from the experience of a few ASD youtube creators. Getting a diagnosis has helped a lot supporting the building of new beliefs that I am not imagining things, I am not making excuses, I am not lazy, I am not rude... I am simply different. I've come really far trying to adjust to the society. Now I need to learn to how and who to ask for help and understanding. For the whole life I've known certain things about myself but I lacked the vocabulary of ever concepts to describe it to people around. I've felt like burden because of that cause I've seen that people found me difficult but could not do anything about it no matter how hard I tried. I am suspecting that I might have ADHD as well since my motivation is a very strange animal. This is something that has not been on my radar for a long time since I am an opposite of hyperactive and I like routines and structures and systems etc. But paradoxically, I sometimes really suck at "feeling" motivation to even do the things I've repeated for a long time and that felt good. The prime example is how I am with food. I love eating the same thing for weeks or even months until suddenly I cannot stand it and need something new. The process of looking for this something new is always hard. It's like a switch between the states of hating new things and loving new things.
This! This is so much my experience. The main difference is that I was diagnosed ADHD first at 35 after a life of struggling. I only stumbled into the ASD component after my niece was diagnosed. The overlap of symptoms between the two is quite large, and the ADHD diagnosis and treatment helped a lot of issues, but not all of them. The issue you describe about not being able to make yourself do things that you know you enjoy is definitely an ASD thing that I struggle with as well. Look into PDA if you haven't already - it's a developing topic and there's a lot of misinformation out there about it, but it definitely sums up my experience. Once something becomes a "task" my brain does everything it can to avoid it for as long as possible. Even if it's something I logically know I'll enjoy doing. I just can't make myself do the thing, which often leads to cancelling plans to do things that make me feel good. Before I really understood what was happening, I'd tell people things like "thanks for making me come out and do this, I knew I'd really enjoy it, but I just didn't want to and almost cancelled". Which probably didn't make a lot of sense to them, but that's how my brain works. Still working through strategies on how to best function in a neurotypical world, but having information, direction, and a good therapist helps. Best of luck with your journey!
@@bryanmorris3545 I know about PDA and it resonates strongly in many areas of my existance. I was taught to force myself but the cost is huge. Currently I don't have any solid strategies and I am working more on letting go stuff and observing when I naturally start to do things. Since I've been diagnosed recently I've never worked with anyone with neurodivergency in mind. However, since public health care fails me in this area, I've looked on my own and found therapist outside of public system who seems promising given my issues and the point of life I am in (my brain refuses to let me go back to my current job and my own bussiness that I was working on for a while isn't there yet). I've sent her my diagnosis details so she has the background for my situation and we will start on 3rd of July. While I've done a lot of self-development on my own and psychology has become my special interest right away, life requires of me to speed things up and I need some aid. The most important thing for me is that the specialist that is about to help me knows at least as much as I do on the topic. That's why I'm moving away from public health care in the first place since it took them 4 years to let get a diagnosis (they didn't understand why I need it in the first place) and now that I've got it I don't think they get the point in life I am in. I am tired of explaining everything from scratch each time hoping that they take me seriously or even listen to me.
Thanks for this. I'm nearing middle age and I'm just now realizing I have adhd. The help I've received as pushed me to a lot better for myself and family
Easy. Because when things feel like they are getting better because you created a system were you can handle stuff, the people around you try to push you further and try to influence you to reject the things that makes you happy.
Smoking weed has helped me but my current GF doesn't like me when I am high and is worried about me so I am trying my very best to try her way but fuck its hard. Am I doing it for me or for her?
@@TheBanana93 That's complicated. First of all, I'm just a guy so take my advice with a grain of salt. Maybe try to plan activities you can both do together so you can have less time to do weed. Start with your hobbies first to make it more bareable. Alternate between your and your girlfriend's hobbies to create a better bonding experience.
found this after laying in bed all day and recently learning i may have adhd. this sums up so much, i feel like i could never do anything right or good enough. thank you
I remember feeling stupid back in primary & secondary school (Middle School & Highschool). I found it hard to learn subjects that never really interested me because I could never manage to concentrate on anything that was taught. I remember getting scolded for getting low grades by my parents, It also didn't help that my teachers had no filter and treated you the way they thought about you. I never knew I had ADHD. This led me to become more depressed as I compared myself to other kids in my class thereby re-enforcing other toxic emotions like envy and self-hatred. I always thought I was lazy and good for nothing. The only good thing about my condition was when I loved something, my hyperfocus made it possible to excel in it to a point people thought it was just natural talent. I wasn't the smartest, however I had exceptional skills like drawing that I had developed when I was younger. I really want to thank you for this video. I can relate to many of the things you said and I'm glad you have given me a greater understanding of myself. Thank you @HealthyGamerGG for this. You just earned a new subscriber from Kenya!
Geez this hit home, I remember asking my parents if there was anything wrong with me on 3 separate occasions, I was told no each time. After nearly 2 decades my mum finally said that she thought I was autistic when I was a child, it breaks me because I was always told I need to do better but yet I was given no help even though they had an assumption. No test to confirm it, they just left me and I think that's why I suffer so much today
Just watched your vid on the viewer interview about weed, I haven’t seen much content about psychedelics and would love to see some. They’ve changed my life and it’d be really cool to see something more about them
Thanks for sharing. Always a good reminder. As someone who wasn’t diagnosed with severe ADHD until their mid-twenties, it is and will remain a process. But the late diagnosis fucks you up, as unwinding the shame spindle and detangling reality from your memories is at times dehabilitating. Thanks for what you do homie
“You don’t have ADHD, you’re just selfish…,you’re just a bad person….you just don’t care….you just don’t want to listen….you’re a narcissist….you just want to focus on whatever YOU’RE interested in at the moment….YOU’RE JUST USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE!” Why don’t people respond to autism or depression or bipolar that way?!
I can tell you from experience that they do, just not to your face because ADHD still looks "normal" compared to autism and depression, so when you live your life with these people take pity on you
They most certainly do. Having a rough day and people feel more abusive, well you lash out in what feels like an equal amount. That's just not the reality most people get to see. So you're hyper emotive that day and it feels like baseline, just the other people in your life have been absolutely awful. Ironic that they feel that way too. Now it's like you're living in an illusion. There's no seeing eye dog for interpreting if actually we're more awful or not.
I was diagnosed as a kid with ADD and was immediately put on concerta and after 4 years in the medication I had developed every symptom short of death and my grades never improved. Turns out I was bored and being forced to learn in ways that were not valuable to me. When I got to my junior and senior year I did tech prep classes and more or less stopped taking notes and paying attention in classes and my grades and information retention skyrocketed.
"You can do anything you want! You are smart enough for it!" and then experiencing failure after failure and people are still telling me that I can do it. "Damn man, pay attention... I clearly can't!" Still working on dealing with that every day. I'm blessed with a girlfriend at home and co-workers at my job that can tell me: "It's too big of a coincidence for everything to be your fault!" Now I'm working on actually internalizing this message and trying to see the world as something that isn't actually trying to thwart me.
YES! I actually considered getting an IQ test bc some how people can see that I have potential, yet somehow end up screwing up. School was one of the huge ones, it's like how come I can't understand math or old English?
Oh my god. From the seventh to the fourteenth minute it was like I was being told about myself. I've lived like this my whole life, and oh my god, it touched me. I can't help but feel like I was smart enough to know I had problems and needed help, but I wasn't strong enough to solve them on my own, or worse, I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself. It was so frustrating when I asked for help and ended up getting handouts, no matter what the intent. I don't have ADHD. I'm going to get tested soon, but I always get touched by the experiences of others with ADHD. I feel so understood in those moments. People sharing their experiences gives me the words to explain what I'm going through personally.
Getting a job isn't the hard bit.. It's maintaining a job and being stable for long enough to do so! Does anybody know if there are any courses on that??
As a man with adhd myself I can confirm this man is speaking 100% the truth. Thank you Dr.K., your videos are really informative, entertaining and especially hope inducing!
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 4 years old, by a doctor who almost exclusively denied the diagnosis of it. Was on medication until I was 18 and then decided I wasn't going to take it anymore. Long-Story Short, I'm now 42 and over the course of the last four or five years, I started to realize just how severe it really is. It has dramatically, and I do mean dramatically, affected my life to the point that I've basically never finished a single thing I've ever started. The only thing I was really able to stick with at all was the military, and after being medically retired, I realize that doing so is probably a miracle in disguise, because my ability to even hold a job is essentially zero. (Not that I can really work now anyhow) I get stuck in a loop of insane hyper-focus/obsession and very shortly afterward, an equally insane amount of hyper-burnout that continues to repeat itself into infinitum. Now, when I say hyper-burnout, I mean that no matter what I do, I cannot force myself to continue. Despite having an IQ of 140 and becoming a member of M.E.N.S.A. there are times when I genuinely feel stupid. I often find myself feeling like the dumbest person in any given room. I also, more or less, feel like I'm destined to live in this vicious cycle of being nothing, accomplishing nothing, and being a constant disappointment to both myself, and others. I'll be honest; I don't really care if it's me, or the ADHD - I just wish I could accomplish something and I could fix it.
This is so important. What you say is so true... Kind of described my life. I'm 50 years old and just starting to accept myself as i am. In my youth, this was not Adhd was not even in nobody's tough. I had a family with a performance complex and yeah I was the looser there. Not putting enough effort in nothing. Didn't had addiction apart of affectiv dependency and they divorced I was 6 and they had very bad partners. At school I was beaten up because of my difficulty and differences. I was very welcoming and sweet child. I never liked violence or bitching people. This from 8 to 13 years old at different levels. Last one... A girl wanted to push me down a 12' cliff saying I was going to die. I moved back to my mother this day..1 month later my sweet sister brought this girl to my mom place to continue intimidation. And I'll not talk about my 14-21 with my mom's new boyfriend maniaco depress. Horrible. So I spent a long part of my life trying to be normal, heartbroken depressiv. Standing back up again and again to protect my childrens the right way and telling them they are perfect as they are. Not controlling them life. So proud of them. Proud of myself too... I just graduated last week for the first time in my life as a grafic designer. Thanks for this. Helping me a lot to understand what's wrong with me or them😂❤🎉
It was harder when the question of what’s wrong with you came from your parent. Especially when my sister was loved by all of her teachers, I was the problem child. Me asking for explanations because I didn’t understand made me disruptive, and meant to them that I must not have studied or tried.
It's 1 am and I'm in the parking lot after work disconnecting from my sobs. Why did it feel so hard to just love me? I literally asked to be loved at 5. I called it "the homesick feeling" Bruh that was neglect
I think the biggest thing that dissuade me from discussing my ADHD is how flanderised it is in culture. much like autism and sociopathy prior, it’s very in chic to claim you have a mental disorder to justify weird personality quirks. I swear some of the most heavy-handed examples of any of these today come from people who self diagnose, completely steering the narrative.
Not everyone with mental illness live a country that provides good healthcare, i was in denial too for having ADHD and am in a spectrum but youtube vids helped me to recognize myself so I don't agree to dismiss people who self diagnose.
lol the biggest thing that dissuades me from discussing ADHD is the fact nobody believes you may have it as an adult in my country so I could not get a diagnosis in the first place. now even when I have it by stroke of luck I still can't get any help expt for videos like those or to be open about it with most people bc it's not like having diagnosis would change anyone's mind. getting official diagnosis got me absolutely nothing. self-diagnosis on the other hand was useful. so no self-diagnosis is not a problem.
also I wish I could have such faith in the medical profession to actually believe doctors are gonna be right abt everything and just give up your own health and well-being in someone else's hands just bc you think you cannot trust your own judgement and check information yourself. seems like too much of a gamble to me.
I think “learned helplessness” is not apt wording. It sounds like a phrase made up by a psychologist, not someone who experiences it. I think something like “learned inadequacy” or… something like that… makes more sense. Like my ego (sense of self) has adopted “not enough” as a core feature of my identity. It’s not that I think nothing I can do will help, it’s that I’ve learned that no matter what I try, no matter how hard I try, what I do will not be good enough. There is no right answer. There is no way to succeed. And oh man, am I already wincing at the consequences.
learned helplessness is a psychology term lol.. you sorta said its definition with "I’ve learned that no matter what I try, no matter how hard I try, what I do will not be good enough". the term refers to the feeling that you are bad at something or anything you do with respect to that thing is futile as a result of people telling you as such- in reality, you could be great at that thing but due to your bad introduction to it you don't even try.
@@friedyt and my point was, psychologists tend to name things from the outside looking in, and the term doesn’t resonate with my experience, even though I’ve been labeled with it a few times in therapy.
Learned helplessness means, to use the specific term, that a person believes they are unable to control the situation even if the opportunity is there. To use myself as an example, I don’t have learned helplessness. I do believe I can control my surroundings and I have done it plenty of times! But every time I do, I get told “Great! Now do this next step” and that’s the problem. Why is there a next step? Why does there have to be a next step every single time? Can’t this first attempt be good enough? That’s what I think the original comment may be saying. It isn’t learned helplessness in this case because you can help yourself and you possibly have before. It’s learned inadequacy because every time you help yourself someone or something tells you it isn’t enough. That what you’ve done to help yourself is “inadequate”. Please correct me if I’m wrong though! I’ll always take criticism.
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Bro Dr. K you need to see Dantes asap!! Watch his latest video
hello sir it might be to much to ask but can you make one video in hindi to show to my parents about ADHD i am telling them you they think its nothing can you make one video for your INDIAN friends you also know how indian parents are
Another great video from Dr. k (haven't watched it yet), but why is it common for your recent videos to change thumbnails 1 day after release?
@@ultimategd3 I have an inkling that it's something to game the algorithm. I've seen other channels change their video titles (and, more recently, thumbnails) sometimes as many as three or four times within the first 24 hours of uploading. I used to think they were correcting minor errors or such, but my guess now is that it bumps the video back up the home page feed again.
Could you possibly do a video on ADD and pregnancy? It has been so hard without medication and to also deal with pregnancy brain.
When trying my hardest was met with "You need to try harder" I reached the conclusion of "If trying my hardest isn't good enough, then trying isn't worth it"
Wait yes… perfectly worded my exact situation
my mom helped me so much with understanding that “your best” isnt crying at night stressing about school, its not shaking while handing in an assignment because you spent all night on it, its not crying during tests because my brain literally hurts. its doing what you can and stopping when its too much, its taking breaks and asking for help, its asking for an extension on the assignment, its writing down whatever you can think of even if its shit, because hurting yourself isnt your “best!”, its doing what your body can until it shows signs it cant.
i wouldve had a better time in middle school and highschool if i knew that my best wasnt supposed to hurt.
Yep, literally my school days
@@skipmanghondarg my youth....nothing quite like talking to 4 walls is the school system.
This was probably the catalyst for me giving up on even trying to write in English classes a lot after my 8th grade English teacher told me I could try harder on an essay I turned in at the very last minute/late bc I spent forever stressing over if it was good enough / how to make it better
As someone with inattentive type ADHD, that whole thing about "why don't you apply yourself more" basically sums up my experience throughout my school years.
I wasn't a bad kid in school, but I cannot tell you how many times I heard people say that I could be doing a lot better if "I just applied myself".
No one bothered to look into it, leading me to internalize this idea that there was something wrong with me, that I was broken or something, I didn't get diagnosed let alone evaluated for ADHD until I was 21.
Samesies. I believe my grandpa had the same ADHD I do because he was always at home watching TV, zoning out. My mom demonized his behavior as 'laziness' and it took me a long time to stop beating myself up for having similar tendencies. I'm not lazy, I just lack executive function and I need help lol
I swear every report card I got and every parent teacher interview was this same thing, "x could do so much better if he applied himself and stopped talking to other students"
If school was ACTUALLY interesting, there would be no problem for us! I can focus hours on end on reality cool subjects! Learning how to become a perfect disposable employee isn't engaging... It's depressing.
22 years old, last year I realized I have ADHD (already knew I have anxiety) treating anxiety now but I haven't found the right med that helps my adhd yet even tho I've tried adderall, was disappointed it didn't give me that "oh my gosh I can function now" like other ppl but maybe it's because I'm more inattentive than hyperactive I don't know, I'm trying strattera soon, really hope it works for me
Same! Always heard the whole you have so much potential if only you would XYZ.
My husband has ADHD, depression and was on medication for many years. When we moved and he had to get a new Doctor. Unfortunately because my husband was nearly 68, the Doctor said ADHD medication was not recommended for someone his age and he wouldn't renew his prescription. The Dr didn't even offer to wean him off the meds! He left him with no meds and had him go. God so kind a friend recommended us to mushrooms (psilocybin) precisely. After his experience with shrooms five years ago till now there's no more ADHD, depression and mental disorder. Shrooms are life changing. There is no way you can put into words what it feels like..
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Can I reach this dude through Google?
Yes he's Pedroshrooms. I know few friends who no longer suffer ptsd and anxiety with
the help of shrooms. Never had to take
shrooms after then.
I can CONFIDENTLY say that, after 2 years of therapy, medication and building the right environment, I NO LONGER have this problem. By the way, I was diagnosed at 26.
Congratulations!
I was recently diagnosed. I'm looking forward to the day I can repeat your words.
Your words are giving me extra confidence.
Ok, We want to know what you mean by therapy and building the right environment.
Was CBT enough? What Right environment meant for you?
@@MrSupernaturalLife I'm rooting for you!
@@diaboempessoa CBT with the right dose of med and therapy sessions once a week. By building the right environment, I mean eliminating every distraction you can and focusing on what works for you.
Here's an example: I used to be wake all night long because it was the moment I had peace from all sensory overload. I discovered by trial and error that waking up 2 or 3 hours before everyone helped me focus. I started the day and since it was still silence, when people starts to wake I was already producing.
But I have to say that it is a never ending process. I must keep an eye out to my thoughts and behavior, but it is way easier than when I started attending to therapy full of anxiety and depressed. Now I just go once a month to maintain the balance.
This would be great if the biggest distraction in my life wasn’t my own damn brain, tho the meds help a bit, they’re never strong enough, and I’m afraid of getting a higher dosage.
When your parents clap back with the ‘oh, everybody has a little bit of ADHD, don’t worry’ and ‘excuses are like an asshole, everybody has one but nobody wants to hear it’
My mom said this to me a lot when I was a kid. She just got her diagnosis a few months ago, 4 years after me, at age 61...
my mom said this to me as well... until she realized her best friend doesnt have ANY of the symptoms and her brain is quiet. my mom was so mind boggled that all other people didnt have like 5 tracks going on in their brain at once she finally came around.
my mom said: if you cant do things like other kids.. maybe its beacuse you just arent as capable as them, maybe you shouldnt be so hard on yourself.
And then I had a lifetime of self esteem issues. I WISH my parents would have been like yours, atleast I wouldnt always have this silent voice in my head whispering that im inferior
Nope, you'd still feel inferior... you'd ALSO constantly feel it's YOUR personal fault
Explanations aren’t excuses.
I know I have ADHD; I was diagnosed by a specialist. My sister, criticizing me for some things I informed her are symptoms of ADHD, said "Those aren't ADHD symptoms! That's just how you are!" FFS
She has ADHD too that's why she thinks it's normal (ADHD is highly genetic) 😭
@@darkfrost3115 She most definitely does not. My mom did though, I'm sure
I think both is wrong "thats just me" AND "thats ADHD" because the first gives you the whole responsibility but the second makes u unable to change anything. I personally prefer not talk to myself like "its my ADHD" I say "It's an outcome of me, not yet beeing able to manage this ADHD symptom" ... if that makes sence (english is not my first language😅)😅
@@lisaart5301 Yeah I agree. I'm not saying I can't try to modify my behavior. But I also think she should take that into account and not just deny it's a symptom of ADHD when it's a very well-known one. She said it in a very contemptuous way and has made many other statements making it clear she considers it a defect of my character, and is angry about decades of it when she never said a word about it till now. Just since I wrote this comment she said "I feel held hostage in conversation with you" as if she had no agency or ability to say anything. That was true with our mother, and I believe she's projecting that old pain onto me now. I'm afraid she's turned out with quite a narcissistic personality style that I didn't recognize until recently. She's not trying to understand me or work things out between us; I think she's stressed about other things and taking it out on me, just like our mom did.
Does it matter?
No one is ever going to care, not for long at least. Work around your weaknesses or be left to rot.
It sucks but it is what it is.
This is why we burn out. We're swimming upstream, giving it everything we've got and barely keeping up with the current while everyone else has a jetski and they're yelling at us to just try harder. Eventually we run out of energy and unless there is someone/something there to save us a lot of us just give in and slip beneath the waves. And everybody around us looks at us drowning and just says "well they should have tried harder like me"
ADHD is not a real thing stop letting this guy validate your laziness.
@@gana7206 adhd is proven by science, it is not a theory bruh
@FfersBetter I think they are trying to rage bait. Don't mind them
Be grateful you havent been stuck w whatever it is. Cptsd or audhd r also lurking around @@gana7206
@@gana7206 for the record, i thought your joke was funny
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32. I call growing up with undiagnosed ADHD "The gaslit childhood." It fucked me up personally but I think it gave me an extra perk in the parenting skill tree which is that I do not believe unintentional laziness exists. Laziness can only be chosen! It is often a smart natural choice made to preserve energy, recover, or heal; but if you aren't choosing it, it is something else. My job as a parent isn't to dictate how someone should live but to help them discover hacks that make "doing life" the easiest and most fulfilling FOR THEM. My way works for me, maybe not my kid. Growing up misunderstood has burned that into my soul. If my child seems "lazy" about something, we just haven't found the right way yet. Time to get creative! I often learn something about myself in the process.
Wow thats a really positive spin on it, and can see that helping.
wow, this made me emotional because i really wish my parents saw things like you do instead of always telling me that im lazy and that im the problem. as simple as it sounds, it’s so reassuring to hear a parent actually understanding that their kids might be different from them
@@tree4110 No offense to your parents, or maybe a little offense, but it's a skill issue. They can't think outside the box to find a different approach to something so they just call your approach "wrong" and call it a day. It's an ego thing too. Like I KNOW the way I see and live life isn't the "best" way. It's merely what's left that works for me after everything else I've tried didn't work as well. But shit, I haven't tried everything, nor would I presume it could work for someone else! So many parents see kids as extensions of themselves and therefore that they know best. Reproducing is already an inherently selfish act but some parents take that to the extreme.
I hope you find some people in your life who will support and encourage you for who you are and not who they expect you to be. There's nothing inherently wrong with you, just bad firmware applied by your original programmers 😁 Once you learn how to hack your own system you can get rid of it and apply those much needed updates you'll be golden. The selflove patch is an especially good one but it often requires the final frontal lobe hardware upgrade which only comes with age so don't fret if you are finding that patch isn't installing correctly just yet.
Gigachad answer, King!❤
This is how I want to raise my son too!
Gosh we need more fathers like you and less dudes who pay 18 000 Dollars on some Fake ass manliness bootcamp they also drag their kids to just to be screamed at.
@@aawillma bro who up spit fatzz and then dumped some programming too and that skill issue point was hard are you the primegen
He drops these videos in the chronological order my life is going in & how I currently feel & it’s scary
Fr
Hes a magician 😭
Same here.
same
Same!!!
Gotta love the, spending your entire childhood doing homework because it takes you 10x longer to do.
In my case it was the complete opposite, while most mid/high schoolers needed a few hours a day to do homework I did most of it in class. Found myself with too much free time, became addicted to videogames and eventually got kicked out of the house.
Extremes suck.
I did this through college lol mix this with auditory processing disorder (learn better reading text), and inattentiveness and you’ve got the perfect storm.
I realized this and decided to just not do the work. Did not work out amazingly.
@@Manuel-qk8uj extremes tend to suck indeed but I'd rather be done with things extra fast rather than extra long. This made school hell for me. I could never commit to work on anything because I knew I would get stuck and spend too much time
@@jonas8993 Personally I feel differently about this. I'd rather be busy all the time than bored all the time. Especially when I was a teenager. Being busy all the time is exhausting but at least you have some sense of purpose. At least that's how I see it.
So ADHD is why I cried for 2 days straight after drinking for the 1st time. I wasn't even that drunk but alcohol made me feel like a human being for the 1st time ever, because my brain and thoughts would feel *defective* 24/7. Alcohol does not fix anything in the long run though, and the ADHD predisposition to addiction is real, so try not to drink people...
huh
@@KASHTIRASWEEP alcohol helps with anxiety and adhd not like it's an actual solution though
@@C.S.Argudo Exactly, alcohol might be a temporary fix for some people but that's precisely why it's so unhealthy, the temporarity will make you feel worse afterwards, about yourself or in general.
Look into psychedelic therapy. Microdosing psilocybin mushrooms works for many people, and a guided macrodose session really quiets the "evil voices"
Hoo boy. Wish I realized this shit before I wasted a few of my best years. Sober now but I still dream of drinking and feeling my version of “functional.”
Even if one is not clinically depressed, untreated ADHD in itself is depressing because it prevents you from being able to accomplish that which everyone else seems to accomplish with ease. It makes it hard to function in such a rigid society. Over time, these things can lead to a sad state of affairs, which creates a sadness within you. I think this also applies a lot to of older people, like myself, who weren't diagnosed early on. As a child, and during decades of adulthood, I was frustrated much of the time, with myself, because I didn't understand that I had ADHD; just as he explains in this video.
May I ask, how did adhd affect your life?
Idk how many times I feel like a lazy piece of shit with no motivation. Then ask myself,what if I don't even have ADHD ? A viscous cycle lol
Don't focus on diagnosis, we don't have a disorder, we don't need medication. Society needs to STFU and embrace our differences. We need to band together and make this world fit neuro divergent lawyers and therapists, anyone who runs their own practice, need to be open at night instead of ONLY during the day. A bank needs to have a night branch so we can meet with loan officers at night. Etc...let's take the night time from the tweakers and make it NEURO DIVERGENT TIME!
@@TheWickkitI DO need medication though.
Yes 👍 ❤
my parents were on my ass about this and forced me to be productive, and I ended up harming myself. I wish I saw this earlier.
Oh look, it's me adding this to my saved videos to "watch later" because I want help but don't want it right now 💀
When are you going to watch it though? 💀
i swear everyone does that
@@elijaheumags5060 they likely forgot about it🤣
Hey fellow adhderr come back!!! Time to watch!!😂❤
come back and watch this
Psilocybin mushrooms have certainly had a beneficial effect on my mental health. They've been quite effective for me in managing my anxiety and depression.
Yeah. More people should try psychedelics.
Not only in a medical environment because in some countries they are illegal. But with the right set and setting they can do wonders.
levishroomies is your guy. The best shrooms and psychedelics guy I know.
Yes, he is
You can look him up
Can I order from levishroomies if I'm in MN?
When I stopped making myself feel bad for learning slower than my peers, being “lazy” I started to realize I actually love living slowly.
Learning about indigenous cultures helped me realize this. Work smarter not harder. But colonizers came in and said “this isn’t productive enough, you guys are all lazy”. No they had it figured out.
"Just try harder" triggered such a powerful visceral anger within me.
You've stated exactly how I've felt as a kid and an adult. I'm crying - I'm literally crying right now, because it's like you actually SEE what's always going on inside me. The amount of effort I'd used would be physically painful. I always called myself a broken human.
Yeah, I absolutely get it, you're not alone. I'm in the part of the late-diagnosis neurodivergence journey where I'm raging inside at my parents for failing to understand or get the the help I need, blaming me for all my ND and treating me like a broken person, and the decades of lost opportunities representing everything my life could have been had my parents actually done their job. I'm so pissed I want to burn everything down. We need a video on how to move through this stage.
@@worldadventuretravel agree i'm diagnosed now at 27 and feel robbed of most of my life, i feel like i shouldn't look back at that though
Being a gifted girl from an abusive household f'cked me up so hard. I was smart and behaved well (out of fear of my mother) so no one ever noticed anything. Now I live with this internal dialogue between me seeing the potential and me feeling like I can't live up to it.
Oh, that’s me too
I'm in my early 30s and was recently diagnosed with both ADHD and autism over the last few years. After talking to my therapist about what these things actually o to your brain, and listening to Dr. K;s videos explaining how they work, my life makes so much more sense now. Thanks for everything you do Dr. K, you have seriously helped me more than 90% of people in my life. "Just try harder." "Get more organized" All that just leads to feeling like shit when you fail, thank you for giving actual good advice and explanations.
Yep 100 percent agree with everything you said here.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Dr. K is one of the few reasons I still come to UA-cam ❣️
"You have to live up to your potential!"
Darn, it still hurts. Even the tone was perfect in the delivery of this line.
My entire time at school, my whole family and almost all the teachers I had kept telling me that.
"Could do better" on every reports for 15 years.
I managed to get a bachelor, and to be frank, I'm not using it professionally.
Heck, I'm actually unemployed at the moment, in therapy, and taking steps to accept who I truly am in order to help my neurodivergent kids have an easier life than I had.
I'm so glad you're doing the thing, man. It's so heavy and so difficult, but it gets lighter and easier. You've got this.
How the heck do you accept this?
“Are we broken because we have ADHD, or do we have ADHD because we’re broken”
@@vigneshilangovans Geto plez
Yes?
Legit
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore"
Saturoooo sashineeee
“If you just applied yourself you’d do so much better” that just took me back to middle school, I’m 24 now still not diagnosed with anything and I’m doing fine, mostly. But man that phrase felt like being shot with a bullet
"You're such a smart kid... - if you would just try..."
Put me in a room of IQ 100s. Any subject, doesn't matter. I'll outperform them with little to no effort because the material will be dumbed down.
Put me in a room of 130s and 140s I'll feel intellectually equal but will probably underperform by a significant margin unless I'm really passionate about the subject.
I visited Harvard/MIT a few years after I graduated from a state university and was like "this is probably where I should have gone, these are my peers, but I just never had the desire or motivation to do the work to get here."
I fucking hate when people tell me to “apply myself” as if they can choose what the right things are to put my interests in and what I ought to spend my time doing.
The struggle is real with ADHD!
The "You need to try harder" concept fries the brain every time there is an important task ongoing, which requires mental effort.
While regular people can do something with ease and success without consuming their whole energy, ADHD/ADD people tend to suffer, and this not only makes them feel tired, but also depressed as there is no sense of achievement.
I was brought to tears when you said that kids that get diagnosed with depression first have a 3% chance of getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 15-16 and wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was about 26-27. Thank you so much for the content that you put out! It really has validated a lot of things that I’ve been feeling throughout my life. I am 29 now and I am trying my best to get my life together. It’s really hard, but I know I can do it!
You’re not alone I was one of those “smart kids” that hit a wall. My younger brother has autism and adhd so he took up the majority of the attention when it came to “issues” plus I was always successful in school with no effort and popular. My parents are legitimately 10/10 parents and once I started having severe problems I got diagnosed with depression but my dad wanted to keep searching. Turns out I have adhd. I did nuerotherapy for a year and it helped but it’s like 400$ a week! After that I got put on foccalin and it made me feel TERRIBLE to the point I had a mental breakdown just about a week or 2 ago. I found Dr.K along with other UA-camrs and a fire was lit. Since then I’ve stopped smoking weed and gambling and I have a new found passion for psychology (switching my major tmr.) the number one thing I’ve been doing to help me with my mood is getting up as early as possible and running hills. It clears my mind and gives me the dopamine boost I need to take on the day. It’s only been a week or 2 but I’d recommend it. Im rooting for you! Im 22 btw
I have a similar story and felt the same when he said that. You're not alone
@@nicholashubiak7171 It feels great to hear your story. I was also diagnosed with depression around that age and now I'm questioning whether I have ADHD at age 21. I was always a good student but after starting college (I'm also a psychology student) I started to also hit a wall and suffer from burnout. How's your journey with psych so far, did you decide to stick with it? I'm currently wanting to reignite that passion and find a direction to go in life. The hardest thing for me is staying consistent with anything. I've always had to take things slow and I want to learn how to embrace that, it's like one day everything feels right and the next day I'm questioning everything about what I'm doing! I hope this message reaches you well, thank you for your story:)
Being forced to sit still all day in school as a hyperactive kid almost destroyed my spirit. The strong correlation between ADHD and depression totally makes sense.
Not to mention we feel boredom way way more than normal people. It's literally torture
When I was in elementary school, the way my teachers dealt with my ADHD , was to clean out an old janitor's closet and put me in it by myself. There were days when they didn't even feed me. I wasn't the only one they treated like this either.
Dude I know you know this already but I want you to hear it from someone else today: That was NOT okay. There was nothing wrong with you that they couldn't have found a compassionate way to help. They tried to make you feel worthless and that was bullshit because you were not worthless then and you aren't now. If you ever feel like looking back at your own behavior and thinking they had a point, stop. Nothing you ever did made you deserving of that. Ever. You deserved compassion and love and patience and human respect. I'm so sorry.
That so not cool sorry you had to go through that. How long did you spend in the solitary confinment and how did it affect you!?
Matilda? U got thrown in the chokey?
Please make video where you deep dive into learned helplessness. This belief that "there's something fundamentally wrong with me" has been affecting me my whole life and I struggle to get out of this mental fallacy.
I’m learning more as I get older how harmful this has been for me and the perfectionist mindset I’ve carried around unconsciously my whole life. Even as after I’ve release a lot of the negative self talk I’ve learned throughout my life and became medicated, I still find these deep seated beliefs that even when I try my hardest, it’s not good enough, if I somehow managed things better and tried “harder” I can finally “get it together” and justify my existence. A book that’s recently helped me a lot is called “Time management for mortals”. I’m realizing I need to stop trying to be “perfect” (which implies there “perfect” people exist, which they don’t and how I’m comparing myself to something fake) and living in a freeze state and just put time and effort into doing my best, whatever that looks like
Yes please. Late diagnosis (52 as a woman) leaves so much of life devastated in the wake of not being like other people and basically not having a reason for it. I wanted to be diagnosed just to have a reason for how I am people wouldn't exhaust me by disagreeing with me over. But I discovered the stimulant calmly and gently works for me. I am kind of dumbfounded. In shock.
Maybe cptsd/audhd content can be helpful for you as well ❤
TLDR: If your parents don’t understand that you have ADHD, it is very easy for them to fall into the trap of saying “I know you can do better.” Even if they are superhuman, it’s the most natural thing for them to think and say.
I am insanely lucky and have parents that love me unconditionally, are together, and do everything they can to make they succeed. They didn’t know I had ADHD while I was in school, and fell into the same trap of saying “I know you can do better.” In fact, it’s the thing they told me the most in order to encourage me while I was struggling. And after a conversation like that, I would try my best, for a week or two. Then I would fall back into what seemed to me like intentional laziness and procrastination. In fact, even stating that point right now that ADHD was (and still is) the problem, I feel like it’s wrong due to that conditioning. I hate saying it. Which ended up being a massive part of why I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 19-20.
What I’m saying is that even in the best case scenario, with the best parents you could hope for. If they don’t know you have ADHD, it’s sooooo easy for them to fall into those same words of encouragement. Saying that you have more in the tank when you’re struggling to get the grades you want, and at times breaking down due to the stress of it all.
There was once a time in 10th grade where I just gave up entirely on doing all homework. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep up the pace. So I lied to my parents saying that it was alright, as my scores were actively dropping. It took nearly a whole semester for them to notice. I don’t know how I hid it for so long, but then again, I hid almost everything I did wrong from them in an attempt to please them. It took almost the whole rest of the year to catch up, and keep up with the new work that was being assigned. I had the opportunity back then to meet with my teachers after almost every class to describe what work I am doing, and to fact check it with them. They helped me lay out a path which forced me to stay on track. I am not exaggerating when I say that if it weren’t for any one of those people in my life, I would’ve failed all of those classes that year. Keep the people who want to help you close, and they can force you to put in the effort you need into something you don’t want to do.
NO WAY… i just went like ‘OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.’ When i read the part ‘And after a conversation like that, i would try my best, for a week or two. Then I would fall back into what seemed to me like intentional laziness and procrastination.’ Finally!!! Finally I know it’s not just me! And it’s not my fault! I tried, i really tried but I never succeeded to ‘do better’. I’m glad I’m not the only one, not the odd one out. I relate!
42 and recently diagnosed with ADHD. Have had depression, addiction, anxiety since I was a teen. I was “smart” when I was younger, applied myself like an animal for a short period of time. When that didn’t work or even help, I just gave up. Stopped trying bc why keep trying just to keep hearing from everyone that it’s not enough? It was a lot easier (& more fun honestly) to lean in to the “lazy”. Luckily my daughter is nothing like me. But no matter what she did/does, I NEVER have and NEVER will tell her shes not trying hard enough or applying herself enough.
I'm 42, I was diagnosed with ADHD when i was 13 and then again at around 32. I'm now 42 and have been waiting for over two years to be rediagnosed as having ADHD because they won't use my other diagnoses.
I've wondered if I do have ADHD or if I'm just useless because why is it so hard for someone to agree to help me?.
Also, people roll their eyes when you tell them you have ADHD. They say it's not real, which makes me question if it is real as so many people disbelieve. It's embarrassing and makes me feel ashamed, like I'm making excuses.
When I was diagnosed in the early 90s, literally no one thought it was real. My teachers would say it's just an excuse. You're just a bad kid.
Listening to you helps.
i’m sorry you went and are still going through this, it must be very difficult
@tree4110 Thank you. It's difficult to try and deal with without any help. It's extremely frustrating that it's so hard to get help. I do think people are being overly diagnosed with ADHD so now there is an even bigger stigma and even longer waiting lists. I feel autism is being over diagnosed as well, my 22yr old has autism, his nursery teachers notice it when he was around 3yrs old, I had just turned 20 when I had him and had never been around babies or toddlers so I didn't notice anything. But the nursery was very concerned.
He wasn't verbal until he was 7/8yrs old, he was statemented by the government as a child's so they have to pay the schools he went to a lot of extra money for h3lp for him, he's now in college. Anyway, he is autistic, but now my 14-year-old son has been diagnosed with autism! He's literally not lol, he is the most outgoing, social kis around, he has his own personality and doesn't try to follow others personality, I just don't believe it, I do however think he has ADHD, ashes behaviour is identical to mine when I was a kid.
The system is just so messed up. It's all just so stressful and frustrating. I'm from the UK, and we really don't have much help here when it comes to mental health, the help we do have or that I have received is rubbish and it's not getting better it's getting worse.
Sorry for the rant.
Just remember that adhd is really well understood and that medication is incredibly effective. No one says depression isn’t real but ADHD as a treatment more effective than depression. No one says PTSD isn’t real even though treatment is pretty difficult and controversial.
@@babybluecheekstheres also the argument that we know more about both adhd and autism and less people are falling through the cracks so people are appropriately getting diagnosed now. its still incredibly difficult for adult women to be diagnosed as neurodivergent, and as children they likely arent going to be diagnosed either because the diagnostic criteria for both were based almost 100% on men and boys. i find it encouraging that more people are being diagnosed and getting the help they need, because someone who isnt struggling will not be even considered for diagnosis.
@@babybluecheekscareful about not believing your son's autism diagnosis. It is a spectrum after all. It is obvious to notice when a kid is very non-verbal or weird, but many people can seem "normal" and outgoing and still be autistic. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I strongly suspect I'm on the spectrum, and I was also an extroverted kid and all that, so my family and friends have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact I may be autistic.
Oh and I also suspect I have adhd, which is way easier to see since I've had all the usual problems from school and even now at uni. But of course, family still sees it as just being lazy and "if only you applied yourself more".
So yeah, you should inform yourself on autism, you might be surprised on how wide of a spectrum it is. It is being diagnosed more now, but it's because more and more people are getting informed and it's less stigmatized nowadays too. Dr. K has some videos on autism that you could watch.
And so lonely. I was thinking about it just today since my morning started.
I hope you feel better. X
Yeah I get it. Just beginning this journey @ 29 and just have had so many down days. Hard to bear some days but I'm here.
I have finally got my diagnosis after YEARS of thinking I’m “broken”. Now I have to find the balance of taking responsibility and blaming my adhd. Having to relearn all that’s is exhausting. Thank you for making this video, it was very good and resonated with me
Getting diagnosed as an adult really gave me a huge relief from this belief that something in me (x) was broken. But at the same time, old habits die hard... So I feel like I'm at this impasse that is hard to move on from. But I am making progress
I’m a therapist specializing in cPTSD and neurodiversity: this is the best depiction of how ADHD affects development that I have seen on UA-cam. Thanks for this.
Doctor, your understanding of ADHD is superb. This disorder ruined my life in many ways and I had many bouts of depression along the way. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 76. As a great-grandmother! I never was hyperactive. It’s the inability to focus that skewered my self image. I used to pray to God asking him to help me concentrate. My mother used to tell me that I would never amount to anything and I believed it. NOW…with the medication AND the understanding of ADHD, I can see my potential and value as a very intelligent woman. I am 82 now. In retrospect, I realize that I’m quite an amazing person. I have done many things in my life and have had experiences to write a book about. This life was hard but I am satisfied that I did my best, considering my disadvantage. Thank you for an excellent video.
Please write that book.
I would love to read your stories! Nothing better than hearing stories of adventurous elders ❤
thank you i have adhd i was diagnose as a kid and sense then have grown more and more depress and detach from the world, and you gave me the one thing i need to hear.
I'm in the part of the late-diagnosis neurodivergence journey where I'm raging inside at my parents for failing to understand or get the the help I need, blaming me for all my ND and treating me like a broken person, and the decades of lost opportunities representing everything my life could have been had my parents actually done their job. I'm so pissed I want to burn everything down. We need a video on how to move through this stage.
the whole “if you just applied yourself” and the feeling of “there is something wrong with me” i feel has lead me into thinking “i need a diagnosis or else i am just not good enough fundementally”
it really sucks because i know i couldve strived in an environment that was better for me, but the world isnt made that way, so i just have to get used to this shitty world. since i was small ive heard that infuriating quote “thats just how the world is, get used to it” but i never wanted to get used to a world where i feel physically pain (headaches and emotional pain usually in my chest) because of how unfair it is.
i’m going through the process of getting diagnosed right now, i hope it can give me more understanding and freedom to actually say “its not my fault” so people can get off my ass
Look, I love the ADHD content and it's changed the way I understand myself, but it doesn't help me act better. I still don't know what to do. I had really hoped for the Dr.K guide to "ADHD & doing stuff" would give me answers but honestly I didn't find it helpful action wise.
Anyone else feel the same?
Wish he would do like a comprehensive 5-hour "okay so here's what you do"
FRRRR BRO. Like I understand what the symptoms are but how do I get myself to do good things for myself??
Adderal
generally getting a combination of medication and behavioral therapy are the most effective stratagys to helping with adhd. meds are nice! but there not as effective without the therapy haa.
Also, the effect of ADHD is really broad, so it's hard to offer guidance for everyone and everything. Not everything will work, so you have to try out for yourself. Identity what you're struggling with (studying, forming relationships or some kind of work) and there'll be at least lots of other advice online.
RX Meds Do help, coupled with Self- awareness, knowledge of Which 'things you do' are actually driven by or a result of ADHD brain - then combine ALL that with: Release the Shame, Create the personalized crutches You need, Remove any self-medicating substances ( most are bad for Brain & Heart health), and find / start a Creative outlet, or many!
I just wanted to say this perfectly describes my entire childhood. I remember saying a joke to a girl. She sneered at me. Then another guy, a popular one who was listening, said the same joke to the same girl, and she laughed. It “proved” to me that it didn’t matter what I said, who I said it to, or what the situation was. I was the problem, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.
The analogy that helped me understand the ADHD problem is like having two farmers with different work animals. Neuro-typical people have a dog who listens to every command and obeys they owner which makes productivity easy. Having ADHD is like having a mule or bull as a farm animal. You cannot overpower the beast or command it so you have to give it what it wants to get it motivated enough to work hard but when it works hard it is capable of much more than the dog.
I literally physically look at my diagnosis from time to time just so my brain is reset to: "we do have ADHD, we are not just pretending very well"
To chime in with my experience, I dealt poorly with medication the first time I was prescribed it but in the long run it still helped me a massive amount. It didn't magically get rid of the shame, but it did give me more immediate evidence that I really do have ADHD and has let me work through it doubting myself significantly less than I did previously.
"But this other person who says they had ADHD is doing fine, so I'll just continue to treat you like a defective regular person". There's also the fact that an ADHD brain just _doesn't work_ like a regular brain. We're not "being difficult", we're really trying our best.
8:10 My mom told me for years that it is my fault that the power bill is so high. In the end it was the 35 year old freezer's and 100 watt lamps' fault. After replacing them we saved like 1/3 of power.
Wow... idk if to be sad of to laugh at something like this.
Funny that I started watching Doctor K’s videos thinking he was showing me all the places I’m broken… to realize later it was ADHD
For me, I never doubted my own intelligence. I was able to see that I understood the material being taught to me. I always passed tests. But I continued to fail. What led to my depression was the realization that life and society are structured around the median, and that the entirety of my existence would amount to attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole.
0:38 Well, that summarized my mental chatter about 90% of the time.
The irony is that people online tell us that we're just using our ADHD (or insert other diagnosis here) as an excuse and blaming that instead of taking responsibility/accountability for our failures.
In reality, it's mostly the opposite, and I wish more people knew that.
YES I was just thinking about this.. I finally understand where the problems I've been having my entire life originate. Diagnosed as combined as an adult (27) after a month of Dr. K's guide and Dr. Russell Barkley, and I cannot tell my "normal" friends because their eyes glaze over when I start lecturing about executive function. They see it as an excuse for behavior. Many don't believe ADHD is even real let alone genetic (dad and brother diagnosed). But really I blame myself for all of my ADHD-related failings, past and present. I see leaving it unmanaged as a moral failure, and getting it under control is a matter of life and death.
I decided that if I care what others think, the best way forward is paradoxically to stop caring what they think, and don't tell them squat. Instead I am going to follow proven strategies for managing it, and show I was right all along by the results of my effort.
Hey guys, 36-year old raw-dogging ADHD here with some advice: get a cleaning robot! The reason I could never do chores was because every time there was so much to do that I never started; now, the robot vacuums and mops my floor clean, and all I have to do is keep the remaining things like kitchen, bathroom and tables / desks clean. I used to live in filth, now you can legit eat off my floor, it has improved my well-being so much I can barely describe it. Thanks for taking the time to read my comment and have a nice day!
I just dont clean ever until someone tells me I have to and I clean everything in 30 minutes. Cleaning as I go is not something I believe I will ever be capable of.
Yes I’ll just buy a cleaning robot and all my mental health issues will be solved. Come on man, this comment is a little insensitive
I totally recommend that too. I didn't want a robot and we lived in a mess. My parents and son got one and it is such a great spring board for getting stuff done and feeling better about yourself.
My parents did not ever have me diagnosed, they just acknowledged that I'm easily distracted and as long as my grades were okay they didn't really care. My teachers all said I was easily distracted though, and I've had teachers ask if I"m ever going to actually apply myself instead of just skating by. So the teachers more shamed me than my parents. I haven't been officially diagnosed still, but the more I hear/read about ADHD the more my life makes sense. I'm now working on finding a doctor to officially test me, but the fear of "what if it's not ADHD? What if I'm just screwed up?" is right in the back of my head instead.
For my ADHD, stimulants work but the comedown is so damn harsh that it negates any positive benefit. I ended up with psychosis with one med. Nonstimulant meds barely do anything. It's frustrating.
I've found a few things. One to be to take the lowest dose possible where it's barely noticeable. If I notice a big stimulation, it's too much and the comedown is noticeable
Also the med makes a big difference. Vyvanse works WAY better (d Amp vs L amp isomer) than adderal for me. Same with focalin working better than Ritalin
Have you tried smoking weed at all?
If so, how does that impact your ADHD?
@@JadebonesI’ve smoked weed. I didn’t like it. It just makes me lazier and less focused and hungry.
That rlly sucks because I’m on the highest dose of stimulants and it works wonders and even when they wear off I still feel good effects. Don’t give up on it fully, it could be that you just need a lower dose.
I would try a different medication and possibly a lower dose. I personally hate adderall, it makes me angry and gives me really bad mood swings/depression, I didn’t think it was worth the side effects. Dyanavel has been the most effective for me with the least noticeable comedown. I just have to be mindful about my coffee consumption
I’m 50 years old. Didn’t figure out or embrace/admit ADHd until 5 years ago. 100% this has been my experience.
I have been trying to explain this entire video to my psychiatrist for years. I went undiagnosed for ADHD as a kid, now diagnosed with MDD because I believe there is something wrong with me. I have no problem identifying it when not catastrophizing but cannot seem to state it correctly. Will be sending this over to her Monday thank you DR.K for explaining this as a professional
I don't usually comment but i am compelled to.
I've been struggling with ADHD my entire life and my 6 year old was recently diagnosed as well and it's been really tough. I never realized until right now that perhaps everything I have gone though in my own diagnosis was to prepare me for her so that I could be there for her and understand what she's going through as she grows into adolescence and beyond. I feel like my entire perspective has shifted. Thank you for your continued information and inspiration.
❤
I’m so glad I clicked on this video. Im 35 and my parents are alcoholics, and you just mapped my entire life issues. I can never reason with them. Their rejection towards mental illness has really hurt my perception of my ADHD.
11:40 guys im crying... i did. I did try totalk to them. I didnt have the words so i woukd say i was lazy or lacked self control. I said "i really wanna do it but there is something inside me that is stopping me." I tokd them so many times and they just never listened. Of course i think "it just my personality" and i "need to work on myself more" of course i still think there is something about myself as a oerson that is fundamentally wrong and it is my responsibility to fix it. These are my mothers words stuck into my mind. I knew these werent mine.
never thought id cry watching a video that wasnt the intended emotion to be pulled on. thank you, ive never felt more validated in my own experience being and self diagnosed 30 something adhd with depression its been a struggle and i really didnt see myself ever making it this far. again thank you for what you do .
Oh man... Life with ADHD is so painful. My family knew I ADHD since I was in elementary school (1995), But they still expected me to use strategies that were helpful for them.
Time Management has always been a difficult term for me. Time feels irrelevant much of the time. If there wasn't a clock to keep track, I could be immersed in all sorts of activities until 3 am.
I love the idea of being organized. I have so many journals and digital archives of ideas.
I was an average student, but have a detailed long-term memory and have been a life long learner.
My purpose has always evaded me. 90% of my life is great (touch wood), so I've stopped waiting for my letter from Hogwarts.
Potential is just forward looking nostalgia. I feel that it's like trying to chase the end of the rainbow for gold. But what if you're too busy rushing in pursuit, instead of enjoying the rainbow. Maybe where you are is the gold and you don't notice all the colours surrounding you.
@LauraoAirylea lol I thought it was just me who waited forever for their letter from Hogwarts.
I gave up waiting at about 25.
Beautiful ❤
Why I think Murakami should be required reading. People need to learn to stop and 'smell the roses'
Failing so many times before being diagnosed with ADHD as a 52yo woman is hard to get my head around. I was fairly early diagnosed with depression and PTSD then anxiety, so called everything that stopped me from doing XYZ "my depression". But apart from interrupting the worst of the depression the meds didn't not make my normal anything like other people's normal. But first day of stimulant meds and I felt quiet and focused in my mind and comfortable in my body in the morning. My whole life if I woke up feeling able to focus and good in my body I called a friend or family to celebrate. Now it comes in the form of a pill. And although I jump from task to task I get many tasks done and my environment is moving from bomb site on a rubbish dump to clearing and organising different areas of it. On the 3rd day I hung up some of my dresses and ordered them by colour. It made me happy.
It took me way to long to learn there is nothing wrong with doing something, getting bored, and switching gears. I used to identify it as having a lack of discipline and I just don't work as hard as everyone else. Really we have a super power and that's to learn things in a short time, being versatile, willingness to explore new things etc lots of people have problems with change but we embrace it and excel with novelty. We're just different it's not that we're worse.
That Picard story was taken from 1984. I also loved it
I was diagnosed when I was about 7 and then it got forgotten about and I went on with my life. I'm now almost 35 years old and since learning more about ADHD I am able to understand much more about myself and why I am the way I am. It's been incredibly empowering. Thanks, Dr. K.
Just got diagnosed last week, thank you for continuing to put out relevant content!
I am crying. For the first time it's like someone pointed out the exact things I have been experiencing throughout my life. So on point.
I have been on a journey of discovery over the past couple weeks, finally learning from my therapist that I've likely had ADHD all this time and never knew it. Now I'm this far into adulthood, feeling like I've squandered so many years failing to accomplish anything I try to do. I'm just sad that I can't really get any of that time back when I could've probably done so much more if I had just gotten the right help.
This video was a game changer. I had undiagnosed adhd as a kid and definitely was told it was my fault. Shared this video with a lot of people and talked to my adhd daughter about it. Thank you.
saved to Watch Later
I'm gonna watch 2 hour videos of a guy playing horror games while I haven't slept yet and it's 7 am ... and still dont have time to watch dr k video😂
That's rookie numbers, I've had three watch later playlists with different tiers of priority
...it overwhelmed me (duh), so after some merging I've stuck with 2: one where I just throw things into for mental relief and forget about them (until I check it out once a year and close away in horror), and the other one which I made a priority to clear as fast as possible
I just discovered this channel 2 days ago and already it's helping me. I really relate to the way the content creator explains things. So many videos just reiterate the same old information, but this doctor has the capacity to articulate problems and resolutions, which apply to everyday life experiences and scenarios, like no one else I've listened to. Thank you so much. I'm looking very forward to learning more from this channel because it is helping me to improve the quality of my life. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
When I was dignosed as a preteen girl we were told that ADHD is "a learning disability you grow out of" it wasn't until 20 years late that I learned the truth. I thought for years that I had grown out of it plus I'm hyposensesitive due to my Cerebral Palsy.
You just described my entire life and many arguments I've had with my family over the years. I had to sit with myself for a while to realize ADHD has been making my life hell and finally got a diagnosis. After asking questions about my childhood and understanding how I was through highschool, I have no idea how I never was diagnosed but then again ik my mom is heavily against the medication and that ADHD has to be the extreme like bounce off the wall destroy things child, you have to be a trouble maker to have it. I started the medication and I could finally sort my thoughts for once
I have this feeling this also maps onto ASD. I have been recently diagnosed at the age of 42. While education was my strong side (it was structured in a way my brain understood well) the rest of things in life were so hard. And I've felt shame about it and have spent years of therapy trying to remove that shame. I've also been suspecting ASD since 4 years ago so I've learnt a lot from the experience of a few ASD youtube creators. Getting a diagnosis has helped a lot supporting the building of new beliefs that I am not imagining things, I am not making excuses, I am not lazy, I am not rude... I am simply different. I've come really far trying to adjust to the society. Now I need to learn to how and who to ask for help and understanding. For the whole life I've known certain things about myself but I lacked the vocabulary of ever concepts to describe it to people around. I've felt like burden because of that cause I've seen that people found me difficult but could not do anything about it no matter how hard I tried.
I am suspecting that I might have ADHD as well since my motivation is a very strange animal. This is something that has not been on my radar for a long time since I am an opposite of hyperactive and I like routines and structures and systems etc. But paradoxically, I sometimes really suck at "feeling" motivation to even do the things I've repeated for a long time and that felt good. The prime example is how I am with food. I love eating the same thing for weeks or even months until suddenly I cannot stand it and need something new. The process of looking for this something new is always hard. It's like a switch between the states of hating new things and loving new things.
This! This is so much my experience. The main difference is that I was diagnosed ADHD first at 35 after a life of struggling. I only stumbled into the ASD component after my niece was diagnosed. The overlap of symptoms between the two is quite large, and the ADHD diagnosis and treatment helped a lot of issues, but not all of them.
The issue you describe about not being able to make yourself do things that you know you enjoy is definitely an ASD thing that I struggle with as well. Look into PDA if you haven't already - it's a developing topic and there's a lot of misinformation out there about it, but it definitely sums up my experience. Once something becomes a "task" my brain does everything it can to avoid it for as long as possible. Even if it's something I logically know I'll enjoy doing. I just can't make myself do the thing, which often leads to cancelling plans to do things that make me feel good.
Before I really understood what was happening, I'd tell people things like "thanks for making me come out and do this, I knew I'd really enjoy it, but I just didn't want to and almost cancelled". Which probably didn't make a lot of sense to them, but that's how my brain works.
Still working through strategies on how to best function in a neurotypical world, but having information, direction, and a good therapist helps. Best of luck with your journey!
@@bryanmorris3545 I know about PDA and it resonates strongly in many areas of my existance. I was taught to force myself but the cost is huge. Currently I don't have any solid strategies and I am working more on letting go stuff and observing when I naturally start to do things.
Since I've been diagnosed recently I've never worked with anyone with neurodivergency in mind. However, since public health care fails me in this area, I've looked on my own and found therapist outside of public system who seems promising given my issues and the point of life I am in (my brain refuses to let me go back to my current job and my own bussiness that I was working on for a while isn't there yet). I've sent her my diagnosis details so she has the background for my situation and we will start on 3rd of July.
While I've done a lot of self-development on my own and psychology has become my special interest right away, life requires of me to speed things up and I need some aid. The most important thing for me is that the specialist that is about to help me knows at least as much as I do on the topic. That's why I'm moving away from public health care in the first place since it took them 4 years to let get a diagnosis (they didn't understand why I need it in the first place) and now that I've got it I don't think they get the point in life I am in. I am tired of explaining everything from scratch each time hoping that they take me seriously or even listen to me.
That sounds more like autism, not ADHD, but they are pretty similar.
@@sophie-dd7wg That's exactly the point of the previous comments. ASD = autism spectrum disorder.
Thanks for this. I'm nearing middle age and I'm just now realizing I have adhd. The help I've received as pushed me to a lot better for myself and family
Easy. Because when things feel like they are getting better because you created a system were you can handle stuff, the people around you try to push you further and try to influence you to reject the things that makes you happy.
Guard your system!
Smoking weed has helped me but my current GF doesn't like me when I am high and is worried about me so I am trying my very best to try her way but fuck its hard. Am I doing it for me or for her?
@@TheBanana93 That's complicated. First of all, I'm just a guy so take my advice with a grain of salt. Maybe try to plan activities you can both do together so you can have less time to do weed. Start with your hobbies first to make it more bareable. Alternate between your and your girlfriend's hobbies to create a better bonding experience.
found this after laying in bed all day and recently learning i may have adhd. this sums up so much, i feel like i could never do anything right or good enough. thank you
when you have ADHD, but also physical health issues that add to it being hard to focus, so that ADHD meds, and therapy isn't enough.
hey friend, youre not alone (ADHD and POTS here among my grocery list of diagnoses)
Mmm, chronic pain and ADHD combo. Delicious.
I remember feeling stupid back in primary & secondary school (Middle School & Highschool). I found it hard to learn subjects that never really interested me because I could never manage to concentrate on anything that was taught. I remember getting scolded for getting low grades by my parents, It also didn't help that my teachers had no filter and treated you the way they thought about you. I never knew I had ADHD. This led me to become more depressed as I compared myself to other kids in my class thereby re-enforcing other toxic emotions like envy and self-hatred. I always thought I was lazy and good for nothing. The only good thing about my condition was when I loved something, my hyperfocus made it possible to excel in it to a point people thought it was just natural talent. I wasn't the smartest, however I had exceptional skills like drawing that I had developed when I was younger. I really want to thank you for this video. I can relate to many of the things you said and I'm glad you have given me a greater understanding of myself. Thank you @HealthyGamerGG for this. You just earned a new subscriber from Kenya!
8:34 That's actually a reference to the torture scene in 1984, a highly recommended book by George Orwell
Geez this hit home, I remember asking my parents if there was anything wrong with me on 3 separate occasions, I was told no each time. After nearly 2 decades my mum finally said that she thought I was autistic when I was a child, it breaks me because I was always told I need to do better but yet I was given no help even though they had an assumption. No test to confirm it, they just left me and I think that's why I suffer so much today
Just watched your vid on the viewer interview about weed, I haven’t seen much content about psychedelics and would love to see some. They’ve changed my life and it’d be really cool to see something more about them
Thanks for sharing. Always a good reminder. As someone who wasn’t diagnosed with severe ADHD until their mid-twenties, it is and will remain a process. But the late diagnosis fucks you up, as unwinding the shame spindle and detangling reality from your memories is at times dehabilitating.
Thanks for what you do homie
“You don’t have ADHD, you’re just selfish…,you’re just a bad person….you just don’t care….you just don’t want to listen….you’re a narcissist….you just want to focus on whatever YOU’RE interested in at the moment….YOU’RE JUST USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE!” Why don’t people respond to autism or depression or bipolar that way?!
I can tell you from experience that they do, just not to your face because ADHD still looks "normal" compared to autism and depression, so when you live your life with these people take pity on you
They most certainly do. Having a rough day and people feel more abusive, well you lash out in what feels like an equal amount. That's just not the reality most people get to see. So you're hyper emotive that day and it feels like baseline, just the other people in your life have been absolutely awful. Ironic that they feel that way too. Now it's like you're living in an illusion. There's no seeing eye dog for interpreting if actually we're more awful or not.
Bipolar
I was diagnosed as a kid with ADD and was immediately put on concerta and after 4 years in the medication I had developed every symptom short of death and my grades never improved.
Turns out I was bored and being forced to learn in ways that were not valuable to me. When I got to my junior and senior year I did tech prep classes and more or less stopped taking notes and paying attention in classes and my grades and information retention skyrocketed.
"You can do anything you want! You are smart enough for it!" and then experiencing failure after failure and people are still telling me that I can do it. "Damn man, pay attention... I clearly can't!"
Still working on dealing with that every day. I'm blessed with a girlfriend at home and co-workers at my job that can tell me: "It's too big of a coincidence for everything to be your fault!"
Now I'm working on actually internalizing this message and trying to see the world as something that isn't actually trying to thwart me.
YES! I actually considered getting an IQ test bc some how people can see that I have potential, yet somehow end up screwing up. School was one of the huge ones, it's like how come I can't understand math or old English?
Oh my god. From the seventh to the fourteenth minute it was like I was being told about myself. I've lived like this my whole life, and oh my god, it touched me. I can't help but feel like I was smart enough to know I had problems and needed help, but I wasn't strong enough to solve them on my own, or worse, I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself. It was so frustrating when I asked for help and ended up getting handouts, no matter what the intent.
I don't have ADHD. I'm going to get tested soon, but I always get touched by the experiences of others with ADHD. I feel so understood in those moments. People sharing their experiences gives me the words to explain what I'm going through personally.
Getting a job isn't the hard bit.. It's maintaining a job and being stable for long enough to do so! Does anybody know if there are any courses on that??
As a man with adhd myself I can confirm this man is speaking 100% the truth.
Thank you Dr.K., your videos are really informative, entertaining and especially hope inducing!
You helped me fix my life with information thank you
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 4 years old, by a doctor who almost exclusively denied the diagnosis of it. Was on medication until I was 18 and then decided I wasn't going to take it anymore. Long-Story Short, I'm now 42 and over the course of the last four or five years, I started to realize just how severe it really is. It has dramatically, and I do mean dramatically, affected my life to the point that I've basically never finished a single thing I've ever started. The only thing I was really able to stick with at all was the military, and after being medically retired, I realize that doing so is probably a miracle in disguise, because my ability to even hold a job is essentially zero. (Not that I can really work now anyhow)
I get stuck in a loop of insane hyper-focus/obsession and very shortly afterward, an equally insane amount of hyper-burnout that continues to repeat itself into infinitum. Now, when I say hyper-burnout, I mean that no matter what I do, I cannot force myself to continue. Despite having an IQ of 140 and becoming a member of M.E.N.S.A. there are times when I genuinely feel stupid. I often find myself feeling like the dumbest person in any given room. I also, more or less, feel like I'm destined to live in this vicious cycle of being nothing, accomplishing nothing, and being a constant disappointment to both myself, and others. I'll be honest; I don't really care if it's me, or the ADHD - I just wish I could accomplish something and I could fix it.
Sorry you were medicated at such a young age. They didn't even give you a chance as a kid.
This is so important. What you say is so true... Kind of described my life.
I'm 50 years old and just starting to accept myself as i am. In my youth, this was not Adhd was not even in nobody's tough. I had a family with a performance complex and yeah I was the looser there. Not putting enough effort in nothing. Didn't had addiction apart of affectiv dependency and they divorced I was 6 and they had very bad partners. At school I was beaten up because of my difficulty and differences. I was very welcoming and sweet child. I never liked violence or bitching people. This from 8 to 13 years old at different levels. Last one... A girl wanted to push me down a 12' cliff saying I was going to die. I moved back to my mother this day..1 month later my sweet sister brought this girl to my mom place to continue intimidation.
And I'll not talk about my 14-21 with my mom's new boyfriend maniaco depress. Horrible. So I spent a long part of my life trying to be normal, heartbroken depressiv. Standing back up again and again to protect my childrens the right way and telling them they are perfect as they are. Not controlling them life. So proud of them.
Proud of myself too...
I just graduated last week for the first time in my life as a grafic designer.
Thanks for this.
Helping me a lot to understand what's wrong with me or them😂❤🎉
We love healthygamergg
It was harder when the question of what’s wrong with you came from your parent. Especially when my sister was loved by all of her teachers, I was the problem child. Me asking for explanations because I didn’t understand made me disruptive, and meant to them that I must not have studied or tried.
I have to cover chat with another window because it's so distracting when I'm trying to watch Dr. K
I love having this video with my recent ADHD diagnosis and depressive episodes
Lolll I just watched that episode of TNG the other day, very much enjoyed the reference thank you!
It's 1 am and I'm in the parking lot after work disconnecting from my sobs. Why did it feel so hard to just love me? I literally asked to be loved at 5. I called it "the homesick feeling"
Bruh that was neglect
I think the biggest thing that dissuade me from discussing my ADHD is how flanderised it is in culture. much like autism and sociopathy prior, it’s very in chic to claim you have a mental disorder to justify weird personality quirks. I swear some of the most heavy-handed examples of any of these today come from people who self diagnose, completely steering the narrative.
Not everyone with mental illness live a country that provides good healthcare, i was in denial too for having ADHD and am in a spectrum but youtube vids helped me to recognize myself so I don't agree to dismiss people who self diagnose.
Being against self diagnosis is a privileged first world take
How do you know those people actually have just "weird quirks"? Not all people with ADHD are actively suffering
lol the biggest thing that dissuades me from discussing ADHD is the fact nobody believes you may have it as an adult in my country so I could not get a diagnosis in the first place. now even when I have it by stroke of luck I still can't get any help expt for videos like those or to be open about it with most people bc it's not like having diagnosis would change anyone's mind. getting official diagnosis got me absolutely nothing. self-diagnosis on the other hand was useful. so no self-diagnosis is not a problem.
also I wish I could have such faith in the medical profession to actually believe doctors are gonna be right abt everything and just give up your own health and well-being in someone else's hands just bc you think you cannot trust your own judgement and check information yourself. seems like too much of a gamble to me.
This literally explained my life! Thank you So much, you have helped me a lot through ADHD and Overthinking and so much more Dr! Love from India.
I think “learned helplessness” is not apt wording. It sounds like a phrase made up by a psychologist, not someone who experiences it.
I think something like “learned inadequacy” or… something like that… makes more sense. Like my ego (sense of self) has adopted “not enough” as a core feature of my identity.
It’s not that I think nothing I can do will help, it’s that I’ve learned that no matter what I try, no matter how hard I try, what I do will not be good enough. There is no right answer. There is no way to succeed. And oh man, am I already wincing at the consequences.
learned helplessness is a psychology term lol.. you sorta said its definition with "I’ve learned that no matter what I try, no matter how hard I try, what I do will not be good enough". the term refers to the feeling that you are bad at something or anything you do with respect to that thing is futile as a result of people telling you as such- in reality, you could be great at that thing but due to your bad introduction to it you don't even try.
@@friedyt you’ve missed my point.
@@stephenie44 in what way? im just saying learned helplessness was the correct term to use
@@friedyt and my point was, psychologists tend to name things from the outside looking in, and the term doesn’t resonate with my experience, even though I’ve been labeled with it a few times in therapy.
Learned helplessness means, to use the specific term, that a person believes they are unable to control the situation even if the opportunity is there. To use myself as an example, I don’t have learned helplessness. I do believe I can control my surroundings and I have done it plenty of times! But every time I do, I get told “Great! Now do this next step” and that’s the problem. Why is there a next step? Why does there have to be a next step every single time? Can’t this first attempt be good enough? That’s what I think the original comment may be saying. It isn’t learned helplessness in this case because you can help yourself and you possibly have before. It’s learned inadequacy because every time you help yourself someone or something tells you it isn’t enough. That what you’ve done to help yourself is “inadequate”. Please correct me if I’m wrong though! I’ll always take criticism.
Good news ....I am in my 50's and was diagnosed 30 years ago and it was bad.....and it gets worse but then it gets even worse 😢