Somebody who makes empty promises, is always late, does the dishes unnecessarily loud, slams doors, ignores you, stone walls you, they accept your apology but then go on punishing you, gaslight you when you confront them, blame shifting, saying things like "don't be so dramatic". Woman I live with does this.
Poetry?/the same half of the family, they woke me up talking loud yestery for 11:00, they were definity trying to,really loud about a show, arrogant=insane=their gaslight=i still dont care, do you hear them do subtext talking alot? They do(extremly ovbios)subtext talking/by how they say it.
My daughter came back to live with me when her relationship broke down,she blames most things on me,says hurtful nasty things to me,ie:you need to lose weight,you have got so fat,you are so lazy,you need to exercise ,she did threaten to hit me a couple of times,but thankfully didn't carry through with it,if I say you are being passive aggressive I get back,oh here we go,turn the problem onto me,I don't know how to cope with this behaviour or know what to do to help her,I'm 70 and she's 43
That's awful @@vanessasumner1293especially if you haven't got a safe space to gather your thoughts & recuperate. I'm so sorry you are faced with this heart bearing situation don't let it break your spirit. It sounds like your daughter was under bad influences. Unfortunately, you are receiving the blunt end of the damage done to her, maybe? You really need to be strong for yourself & take small steps back when she is being confrontational with you see the light behind her & block out her negativity so to speak, "just silence your mind" when she is off in a rant (gain some mental power back! ). When she calms down, find the right moment say to her gently to seek counselling. Sending you lov & straight ❤️ x
My late husband was passive aggressive, and it did drive me crazy. He procrastinated and lied and made promised he did not keep and when I would corner him and not let him out he got outright aggressive by yelling and name calling. I got to the point that when he was diagnosed with colon cancer, I did not feel sorry for him and was glad I was about to be free from this abuse. We once went to a counselor and in the first session she asked me why I was still with him. The only thing I could count on was that he worked hard at his job and provided for us , but he would sabotage us by not paying the bills on time or fixing things around the house. He never finished a job at home. It seems I attract passive aggressive people. My first husband was passive aggressive but a little more subtle than my second husband. I hate it with a passion and have decided I will not have a relationship with another passive aggressive person.
Dealing with someone's 'intentional inefficiency' - THIS!! I was with someone for 10 years and he sucked the life out of me. I ended up rarely leaving my bed in the end. I told my friend, 'I feel like I'm being abused, but I'm not'? It's crazy-making, you are right. He would never do anything to make me happy, in fact, if he thought it would make me happy he would do the opposite. I never got any birthday/ Christmas/ anniversary presents. EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong for him ALL the time which bled into my life. I hope to never meet anyone like him ever again and tbh I feel so ashamed ever being with someone who treated me with such apathy. Still, he has to live with himself forever...how sad.
Deep-seated anger and resentment. You hit the nail on the head, Dr. I need to understand this twisted psyche. I'm dealing with one now, and now I realize many of the women in her family of origin are also like this. Insecure, jealous, seething with hidden resentment and hostility.
Very typical to have this be generational and very hard to detect. One hardly knows they are being gaslight, that is often the first revelation. Then, comes the awful feeling when you realize that you, yourself, do this to people you love. It's all you know. Jesus has to help you out of that. Step by step. She may be doing this out of decades of internalizing the games played against her. If you love her, pray for her, be very gently honest and there is hope.
Hey @@Raminakai_ I have this idea also _ years of internalizing traumatized parents. After COVID _ I find people who didn't seem toxic _ are now in survival toddler brain and they have no idea_ wtf_ is happening to them _ now in trauma brain and having to watch the news _we and the trauma brained are being abused by the government and medical system _ the tv news shows show you_ the social abuse of our economy_ where we are brainwashed to want stuff _ like insurance for the dead_watch the news _ dead ends _ no retirement (no money no pension)_ no safety_ just bugs_ just war_ just guns_ just dysregulated people shooting jews_ cops beating black people_ really _ some people might have some deep resentment about being marginalized and manipulated into being unsafe in a toxic world. No point in having children in this shite
I think of it as water slowly eroding the rocks on the shoreline until they are worn down to nothing. People who do this plan to try and do the same to their targets.
Thank you! I exactly experienced the same thing. That “ Oh but you did not mentioned what you want exactly “. So she refused to help me.Now I know this is passive aggressive
Hi Rhoberta--I have found the audio and your articles to be really, really helpful. I have been dealing with a very difficult, toxic man for far too long, and he is THE epitome of a hijackal and has done real harm to my life. He likes to withhold communication as well which is also a way of controlling communication and I find it to be very abusive! And then the backhanded comments, and all the other things he's done over the years. And yes, I don't believe this person will ever change, so it's contingent upon placing boundaries, or in this case (because it's so extreme), just walking away and closing the door altogether.
Hi, Laura, I'm so sorry that you've had this experience. It is a rough one. You're absolutely right....strong boundaries, and keep walking away. No need to conversation, blame, shame, or justification. Just walking away without looking back is usually the best way to take your life back and stop the crazy-making! I wish you well. If I can help, you're welcome to find me at BeAClient.com
What i find absolutely exhausting is the “not being sure” feeling, it’s starting to affect me at work since I am doubting myself so much. The person who I know for sure is like this is my roommate... when I get Home I’ll tense up as I won’t know what surprise to expect or if he’ll be in a good mood or not. Even though we get along (because I’m a friendly person...) it’s affecting my life if I am doubting myself so much. I just can’t take the constant anxiety and watching of what I say amd how I say it
Hi, Maria, Passive-aggressive people (and all #Hijackals, too) want you to be second-guessing yourself and questioning your sanity. It might be the healthiest move to change roommates ASAP, right? I wish you well. Rhoberta
Hi Roberta, thank you for your message and suggestion to move out. Luckily I can forgo the security deposit if I don’t find a replacement roommate in time as my parents told me they will help me with that... thank goodness I can move out of there ASAP. I’ve realized that this guy, what he does, is psychological abuse... I can understand passive aggression due to frustration but to go out of your way to drive someone crazy is to say it bluntly, evil. Until December k still had room in my heart to feel compassion for this guy, but after this last “good will” gesture of mine (I let him have friends sleep in my room for New Years as I am home with my family) and I wasn’t expecting anything in return, indeed I wasn’t even going to do it but it felt spiteful on my part to not let him use my room as I was gone in addition I felt that it would tense things up between us if I didn’t offer it (as he is quite entitled...). He was still a jerk the day before I left for the holidays (and of course. I don’t know if he was purposefully being a jerk but I felt like he was). The worse pet of it all is the not knowing if he is purposely being a jerk and sometimes I even feel GUILTY for it?? So crazy! Even if I do something “nice” like when I cleaned the whole apartment for 4 hours (I did try to get him to just mop half of the apartment so I didn’t end up doing the whole thing again but he made some weird comment about how he sweeps the floors daily and how he enjoys it... as if he swept the floor daily to “get out” of mopping... which I WAS RIGHT because after I cleaned the whole apartment he stopped his daily sweeping! It was just a power thing for him... how freaking boring can a persons life be and how stupid of me to even entertain these thoughts! But they penetrate my mind. These paranoid thoughts.. and then I’m proven right... so I’m not being paranoid in the end.. ugh so exhausting!) so anyways
I couldn’t finish my last message. So after cleaning the while apartment which I did with a smile on my face even though it was his turn (and like I said I DID try to give him a chance to clean by saying he could do half... if he was a normal human I would have just said it out right that it was his turn to mop) he said thanks and that he would clean the next time but the thing that I KNEW he’d do was sulk! He acted kind of sad/delicate for a few days after I cleaned which just made me feel guilty for some reason like my cleaning the place made him feel so bad or something. But I did give him a chance to contribute... and dang it was even his turn... but everything this guy does is a power struggle... that’s why trying to talk it into with him was fruitless because if he agreed to clean half of it he would be renouncing his power so of Nyla
Yes that is why it’s so important to learn to be a differentiated person with good boundaries... something is “empaths” struggle with! But I try to be positive and look at it this way... that this man child has taught me what kind of men to avoid dating! Quickly fall in love, charming and yet you have a feeling of uneasiness? Likely a toxic person! Thank you to this man for teaching me how to sniff these personalities out a mile away! Of course sometimes you can’t tell at first glance... after all this guy my roommate is a covert narcissist (the WORST personality type to share an apartment with hands down, I would prefer a slob or someone loud or anything to someone who plays psychological torture games)... but if you know what to watch for it becomes much easier! I’ve stopped talked to a few guys early on when I sniff out that they’re a narcissist and nope I’m not being paranoid.. if some dude gives me an off feeling I’m done! I want light and love in my life... I cannot not will not settle for anyone let alone someone abusivo!
Just sharing because... life. My husband has passive and passive aggressive tendencies as does the family. We also have a 5 year old. I have been with him for 10 years and I new then something was off but I know now WHY. When I figured it out and that it was him I flipped the script so fast. He doesn't know what to do with himself. I'm currently in the phase of him lashing out because my boundaries are in full force and accountability is wicked high. But in a gentle assertive way. I have my control back and it's beautiful. Only time will tell how we work out but at this rate- I'm in control of me and that's it. It's amazing.
This video was spot on about passive aggression, I just had an issue with my ex over this and I’m not saying I wasn’t without blame in the situation. However, given how insignificant the issue was her PA stimulated everything in that moment to go to the next level. Stonewalling, treating me like I was invisible etc.
My boss and his brother in law who is the supposed HR person at my work are both passive aggressive and routinely intentionally sabotage my paycheck. And the mistakes are ALWAYS in their favor. They are obstructive, always give excuses, and do everything to Avoid accountability. It is absolute crazy making.
Depends, in a way I feel like it can be more mental abuse than anything. I've known people that would lie to my face and pretend to mean something positive, whenever what they truly meant was in fact the opposite.
I have a relative like this.....always "doesn't feel well" on the holidays, so she "can't go to the dinner/event" and "needs" someone to visit her and cater a meal for her, listen to any sob story she can spin out of a mundane situation. Made the mistake of falling for this and a "quick visit" escalated into her "feeling better suddenly", offering to "take me for a drink" when I let her know I planned to see my friends at their dinner, and then, without me noticing, high jacking my whole night. I was so exhausted by the time 5PM rolled around I canceled my own plans so I didn't get a holiday. She's doing the same thing again, I learned my lesson, will make sure she's OK but I am going to stick to MY plan.
Have met this lovely lady. Both are divorced with my kids being already pit of the house and hers 19 and 15 (girls) still at home. She comes from a very controlling and I believe narcissistic mother. Over the last 4 year many little things happened where I couldn’t get my head around it. She never commits or organises some of the weekends. She is very argumentative and questions everything. She is very sarcastic and drops the odd weird joke. If confronted she shuts down or says that I am too touchy or comes up with some sort of justification. Very loving but it has to go according to her schedule as communication is really poor. The girls are pampered and spoiled and she basically makes whatever they say. She can’t put boundaries in private or business life. I never know if we are on for the weekend or not. Am realising that I am merely an option but she covers me with I love you. Very tiering and confusing…
Bluntly, she is just using you. She has never ever wanted you, she just needs you. I have been through this many times with women in my life and left them all. You are dealing with an entitled narcissistic control freak. She is not showing up for you, is combative, lacks genuine love, care and support for you. She demeans you and puts you down and demands you lower your expectations on her effort and her behavior. However, she sets the bar much higher for you to have jump over. You are the last on the list of her priorities and are truly not even one. She is displaying her lack of respect for you as a person, her lack of protecting your heart and defending your honor. She also has contempt for you because of her blatant disrespect. Understand she only wants attention, not connection. She is not committed to you, she is only and has ever only been committed to herself. Her selfishness knows no bounds. She has placed her daughters ahead of you and I can guarantee you she has done this to the man she had kids with in the past. He came last, and so do you. This is a very common behavior in women today. She is just a user. She feels sorry herself and plays the victim. Thus she is still a child in an adults body who cannot possibly have an adult relationship. Because that requires her being responsible to showing up and how she affects you. I have had women also with teen to adult children choose the kids over me. I have had women choose animals over me. These people are infantile, emotionally immature, controlling, abusive and selfish to the extreme. And it is always a choice. She knows what she's doing but doesn't care. Because it will always be about her. They never want someone, they just NEED someone to be there for them. Like a parent for a child and the desire for no accountability. You are supposed to raise your kids, not codependently live your life through them. Think about this, if she wanted a grown adult relationship and considered it important she would want to put in the effort and show up for you. Thus she has already rejected, emotionally betrayed and abandoned you.
I'm married to one of these. The only thing we can talk about without it devolving into a circular tug of war over nothing is our 7 cats. We can't even talk about food half the time without it devolving into some type of "debate"....And everything is always my fault. He blames me for his own past behavior on the many ruined vacations, rewriting history to say that I did the very things HE did.
Sounds like my jealous, insecure, resentful, passive-aggressive brother. I’ve been told by two therapists that his second wife has taken up some of his tactics as well. We’re rarely in contact these days, fortunately. 😒
I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this in women as well! That's disappointing. I'm such a good woman.. often men tell me that and then they go on to mistreat me shortly after. I'm doing my best to understand this dynamic. But at the same time I want to understand it so that I can avoid it! I'm waiting and I'm staying celibate until I find someone who deserves a good woman like me. I try so hard and I hope that one day I can find a man that's not a hijackal who can appreciate me in my efforts and my sweet loving caring creative nature... Who can stand by me and we uplift each other, versus seeing what I can do and feeling the need to compete with me and tear me down. This is all very interesting. And seeing that men are dealing with this kind of stuff to? Gives me hope that there are good hearted men and that I will be blessed, to find one. This episode is really helping me understand. When a guy sees that I workout, try to eat well, get up in the morning early, saying, play guitar, have my own business, travel, my hair is long and beautiful all these things. I see why the passive-aggressive thing comes up because that's easier to do, to throw me off, down to their level of lazy, instead of showing up the way that I need a man to show up for me. I should say boys not men.
Is it passive aggressive when someone consistently makes plans then cancels on the day? I mean EVERY TIME! I was Unfriended by a woman recently for calling out this behaviour and catching her out in a lie and she made me out to be the unhealthy toxic one? It was very upsetting and the next day I felt distinctly like I didn’t exist!
This is exactly what happened to me with a covert narcissist, i feel like he was doing it on purpose just to drive me crazy ! And every time i décided de give up, he came back begging for à date and promising to be there then he canceled again with excuses that were lies. It was crazy making and no logic ! He did it averytime. Was it on purpose or are these people crazy ?
My husband is a sneak every thing I tell him he turns it around and throws it in my face. I'm so ready to walk. He tries to try and me me look like the crazy one. I'm tired of this crazy making behavior. My question is what creates this behavior?
Traumatized childhoods……..create the behaviour as a survival skill in childhood, which then leads to a dysfunctional adult because the behaviour is that of a wounded child, not a healthy adult who knows how to communicate effectively.
Thank you for this insightful video, I’m thinking about a self-release from a loved one… My fiancé of 6 years cannot get through a talk about a basic grocery store list or minor adult situation like buying a set of tires 🛞 with me, there will be passive-aggressive comments when life requires talking. I just can’t take it, she’s normally otherwise intelligent, hard working, and helpful to others. But damned if I do and damned I don’t as a partner. I want to start packing my belongings from our home and just stop talking to her, it’s not worth the extra headache of trying to discuss adult situations that most people handle seemingly easily. I’m confused on how to deal and I’m tired AF emotionally. We don’t discuss anything but superficial topics now because I want to avoid any issues. So not going well financially, obviously if two people cannot talk about basic finances or vacations or anything, frickin gas is now an issue (but isn’t it for all of us, lol) Good luck y’all ❤️
My future ex husband is pathetically passive aggressive which I use to my benefit. It’s hugely challenging but when played properly is very empowering. I refused to file for divorce and forced him to be the aggressor. That fool may spend the next 18 months still married and fully supporting me. What works, works.
How the hell do they have the time &/or energy 2 play these games...& don't they ever get bored playin the same silly nonsense over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over💥😵😲🔫
Great question. You'd think they get tired, but they don't. The quest for power and control over others is insatiable. And, if you are their child or their romantic partner, you are the prey to the #Hijackal predator! Sad. Nasty. #toxicrelationships #narcissisticabuse
@@ForRelationshipHelp I feel 4 their children. Most of my family members have many narcissistic traits but like I always say, "There's a vast difference between narsissism & bein a full blown narcissist"
@@mizzprezli Yes! There is a vast difference. Healthy narcissism allows us to think we can actually accomplish difficult things, and take risks. Narcissistic behaviors are self-centered, and often thoughtless. People who can be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are lacking in empathy, must win in all situations, have out-of-proportion emotions, continuously find fault, take no responsibility, are never accountable....and, the list goes on.
@@ForRelationshipHelp I agree that Narcs possess all of those traits & then some but I think there is 1 main quality (or lack there of) that distinguishes a true Narc from the average asshole & that is their incessant desire 2 perturb people, animals & even objects with the intent 2 agitate, aggravate &/or fabricate nearly every situation they encounter on a daily basis 4 the sole purpose of curing their boredom with entertainment reguardless of the positive or negative impact it may have on any1 including their own selfish selves. N my opinion, if they don't do this 1 thing that I just described, they R not a true Narcissist. Note: Some true Narcs R very good at what they do so this can B difficult 2 recognize their decite, this is especially true because they will often B deceitful N situations that seem unnecessary or uncalled 4 as it is useless & the results benifit no1 & may even put the Narc N an undesired disposition. What grade do u give on this hypothesis😝
I asked my friend. When is your appointment? Is it on 1st or 2nd? She replied I need to check my calendar on phone. This happened two times.but never told exact date.Is this passive aggressive?
Hey Dr Shaler is this forms of passive aggressive behavior because I think it is.I have girlfriend,and I think she has the traits,but is in denial.If I ask her to do something she does the opposite intentionally when she is mad or in a bad mood.She ignores me me even when she initiates a conversation she will intentionally become dis interested after awhile on purpose.She purposely takes it out on me when she is depressed with mind games.She also will dismiss me or blow me off during a conversation,by saying whatever really rudely,and just changing subjects like she doesn’t want to come to a solution on purpose and leave things a mess because she knows it psychologically is damaging to me.She doesn’t keep her word on stuff on purpose.She says one thing and does another.She also says things that are disrespectful and then says she doesn’t mean it that it was either a joke,or she was in a bad and not yo take it seriously.If I confront her about it and tell her not to do those things.She throws it back at me like it is my fault.She plays the victim every time like I am the bad guy and she can do nothing wrong.Gives me the silent treatment.She doesn’t believe she is passive aggressive and keeps denying it when I tell her she is.She doesn’t take personal responsibility for her deceitfully emotionally abusive behavior.
She denies also she has bipolar disorder which she has.I have 2 she has 1,but I think I am an idiot for even being in a relationship with her,or even talking to her anymore.When I breakup with her I plan on changing my contact info because I know to dig at me even more she will give it out to everybody and tell them to call me which will really aggravate me.I think she has a personality disorder also.Her behavior is not normal.
Hi! Most cases have differences in specifics. Many people are passive-aggressive without being narcissistic. That's key to know about your personal relationship. A person who can come to recognize their passive-aggressive behaviors can see the damage it does to their relationships, and realizes that pushes the people they love away. That can be be motivation to learn and change. A diagnosable narcissist, or a person with many narcissistic tendencies, will be passive-aggressive AND too much more. That's when there is such a small possibility of SUSTAINED change, that leaving becomes the healthier option. #Hijackals will change for a hot minute when they are afraid of losing their supply. SUSTAINED change is rare. I hope that helps. Rhoberta
You have a lot of videos about this topic. Its something that Im trying to change about myself. Do you have any way someone can make a positive change I would really like to know because I hurt people in ways I dont even mean too.
Hi, SO great that you see the issue and want to change your approach! You'll have more positive relationships, for sure, when you make those changes. Usually, you can do that with understanding of how you came about having those behaviors in your repertoire, and then replacing them. The way to do it is to get some very specific help. I can help: BeAClient.com
Hi David, I would like to thank you for asking this question. Most people know they are hurtful and that’s their objective.... to destroy people and cause pain. I have so much respect for you. The people in your life are lucky to have you!!! I wish you all the best I’m 100% certain that with guidance you will meet your goals!!!! 🥰🥰HUGS🥰🥰
@@aprillester-proctor1006 thank you for the kind words. Just a update I have been seeing a therapist. And I have read now 2 books. One on stopping passive aggression and the other one is about emotional abuse. I hate to say it but I have done these things and didn't know how toxic it was. I just Genuinely dont want to be that person ever again. It has just wrecked my marriage and my wife and I are trying to salvage it as I write this now. For people like me I never thought I was the one doing the damage, but I was and there has been a lot of ugly crying over it. It's getting better but I wish I took the time when I was younger to learn about all of this stuff.
David Fred , anyone who has the courage to say that they have been abusive and the courage to ask help are the kinds of people that turn out to be their spouses’ best friend. I’m sure your wife will see all the hard work that you are doing to restore her faith in you. Just remember.....The breakdown of your marriage didn’t happen overnight and the rebuilding isn’t going to happen overnight. Be patient, be kind, be loving and be respectful. Also, your wife may frequently test your mental/emotional growth to confirm in her mind that your changes are genuine. Make sure to be paying close attention so you don’t fail the tests. Best wishes to you and your family 🥰
@@aprillester-proctor1006 thank you so much for that it's getting better. Just knowing about it and keeping mindfull and keeping my focus it's really helping us.
Why do I feel that the podcast is being judgemental in tone? There is value in what you are saying, but it makes me feel terrible about myself. Did not help me as a person having passive aggression traits. This podcast might be something others (normal people) want to hear, though as a victim.
I used to act this way- so I am former PA - but I recovered when I realized how damaging this is and how my entire life has been sabotaged and set out to never be this kind of human being. When serious chaos is happening and you can’t do figure out why- it inspires you to change! May God help you change and avoid others who do this. Thanks 🙏 Edit: It is important to note that PA is not nessecarily a sign someone is NPD. Like me, many of us may have come from family systems where we were gaslite and abused and or neglected. PA often stems from childhood trauma and a sense of total powerlessness. Often it is not intentional. I am a born again Christian and although I am working day by day on my particular issues, the fact is each and everyone of us is capable of being negative, mean, back stabbing, and a whole host of other things, we now term, " abusive" It is the human condition- not designated to a few" bad apples" We are all bad apples. For we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Jesus came that we may have abundant life and changed hearts. This also includes the humility to admit when we error. There is not one of us who never needs to say, " I am sorry." Each person who uses PA methods of operation is a unique individual. The reasons vary vastly. Often, people have deep unhealed resentments from being harmed since childhood. They need healing and forgiveness. And to be held accountable so they start to uncover the root of it. It's a contagious sort of invisible sin virus. Often, although it is unpleasant , if you have a close relationship with them, it might be valuable to have a quiet and frank discussion about specifics. Such as, " Hey Joe, You know I really value our relationship . I heard that you called the boss and told her that I was at the store during work hours, which was true, but I was getting some medication for my baby who was really ill. I know you didn't know that part . Next time you have a question about something I am doing, it would be great if you could ask me first. I would really appreciate it. I also understand that at your last job, someone got you fired over something that was a misunderstanding. It must have hurt and been very painful. I am sorry they did that. " Be kind, be wise. Like Jesus said, " Be wise as a serpent, and gentle as a dove." Matthew 10:16
@@nilscarnarius4281 Thanks 😊 It is so sneaky that a person doesn't even know they are doing it! Getting right with Jesus is what helped the most, step by step. It's embedded in my family system, and it can time some time to uncover. I may have my side of the street cleaner, but can not control the PA acts of others.
Somebody who makes empty promises, is always late, does the dishes unnecessarily loud, slams doors, ignores you, stone walls you, they accept your apology but then go on punishing you, gaslight you when you confront them, blame shifting, saying things like "don't be so dramatic". Woman I live with does this.
I know this well
Poetry?/the same half of the family,
they woke me up talking loud yestery for 11:00,
they were definity trying to,really loud about a show,
arrogant=insane=their gaslight=i still dont care,
do you hear them do subtext talking alot?
They do(extremly ovbios)subtext talking/by how they say it.
Sounds like a male relative of mine 😅
My daughter came back to live with me when her relationship broke down,she blames most things on me,says hurtful nasty things to me,ie:you need to lose weight,you have got so fat,you are so lazy,you need to exercise ,she did threaten to hit me a couple of times,but thankfully didn't carry through with it,if I say you are being passive aggressive I get back,oh here we go,turn the problem onto me,I don't know how to cope with this behaviour or know what to do to help her,I'm 70 and she's 43
That's awful @@vanessasumner1293especially if you haven't got a safe space to gather your thoughts & recuperate. I'm so sorry you are faced with this heart bearing situation don't let it break your spirit. It sounds like your daughter was under bad influences. Unfortunately, you are receiving the blunt end of the damage done to her, maybe? You really need to be strong for yourself & take small steps back when she is being confrontational with you see the light behind her & block out her negativity so to speak, "just silence your mind" when she is off in a rant (gain some mental power back! ). When she calms down, find the right moment say to her gently to seek counselling. Sending you lov & straight ❤️ x
My late husband was passive aggressive, and it did drive me crazy. He procrastinated and lied and made promised he did not keep and when I would corner him and not let him out he got outright aggressive by yelling and name calling. I got to the point that when he was diagnosed with colon cancer, I did not feel sorry for him and was glad I was about to be free from this abuse. We once went to a counselor and in the first session she asked me why I was still with him. The only thing I could count on was that he worked hard at his job and provided for us , but he would sabotage us by not paying the bills on time or fixing things around the house. He never finished a job at home. It seems I attract passive aggressive people. My first husband was passive aggressive but a little more subtle than my second husband. I hate it with a passion and have decided I will not have a relationship with another passive aggressive person.
I find this behaviour boring, tiresome & immature.
Dealing with someone's 'intentional inefficiency' - THIS!! I was with someone for 10 years and he sucked the life out of me. I ended up rarely leaving my bed in the end. I told my friend, 'I feel like I'm being abused, but I'm not'? It's crazy-making, you are right. He would never do anything to make me happy, in fact, if he thought it would make me happy he would do the opposite. I never got any birthday/ Christmas/ anniversary presents. EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong for him ALL the time which bled into my life. I hope to never meet anyone like him ever again and tbh I feel so ashamed ever being with someone who treated me with such apathy. Still, he has to live with himself forever...how sad.
Deep-seated anger and resentment. You hit the nail on the head, Dr. I need to understand this twisted psyche. I'm dealing with one now, and now I realize many of the women in her family of origin are also like this. Insecure, jealous, seething with hidden resentment and hostility.
Very typical to have this be generational and very hard to detect.
One hardly knows they are being gaslight, that is often the first revelation.
Then, comes the awful feeling when you realize that you, yourself, do this to people you love.
It's all you know. Jesus has to help you out of that. Step by step.
She may be doing this out of decades of internalizing the games played against her.
If you love her, pray for her, be very gently honest and there is hope.
my ex. best of luck to you.
Hey @@Raminakai_ I have this idea also _ years of internalizing traumatized parents. After COVID _ I find people who didn't seem toxic _ are now in survival toddler brain and they have no idea_ wtf_ is happening to them _ now in trauma brain and having to watch the news _we and the trauma brained are being abused by the government and medical system _ the tv news shows show you_ the social abuse of our economy_ where we are brainwashed to want stuff _ like insurance for the dead_watch the news _ dead ends _ no retirement (no money no pension)_ no safety_ just bugs_ just war_ just guns_ just dysregulated people shooting jews_ cops beating black people_ really _ some people might have some deep resentment about being marginalized and manipulated into being unsafe in a toxic world. No point in having children in this shite
I think of it as water slowly eroding the rocks on the shoreline until they are worn down to nothing. People who do this plan to try and do the same to their targets.
Thank you! I exactly experienced the same thing. That “ Oh but you did not mentioned what you want exactly “. So she refused to help me.Now I know this is passive aggressive
I can definitely relate to that Narcissistic smirk!
OH, yes!
@@ForRelationshipHelp 00q1
1
Hi Rhoberta--I have found the audio and your articles to be really, really helpful. I have been dealing with a very difficult, toxic man for far too long, and he is THE epitome of a hijackal and has done real harm to my life. He likes to withhold communication as well which is also a way of controlling communication and I find it to be very abusive! And then the backhanded comments, and all the other things he's done over the years. And yes, I don't believe this person will ever change, so it's contingent upon placing boundaries, or in this case (because it's so extreme), just walking away and closing the door altogether.
Hi, Laura, I'm so sorry that you've had this experience. It is a rough one. You're absolutely right....strong boundaries, and keep walking away. No need to conversation, blame, shame, or justification. Just walking away without looking back is usually the best way to take your life back and stop the crazy-making! I wish you well. If I can help, you're welcome to find me at BeAClient.com
What i find absolutely exhausting is the “not being sure” feeling, it’s starting to affect me at work since I am doubting myself so much. The person who I know for sure is like this is my roommate... when I get Home I’ll tense up as I won’t know what surprise to expect or if he’ll be in a good mood or not. Even though we get along (because I’m a friendly person...) it’s affecting my life if I am doubting myself so much. I just can’t take the constant anxiety and watching of what I say amd how I say it
Hi, Maria,
Passive-aggressive people (and all #Hijackals, too) want you to be second-guessing yourself and questioning your sanity. It might be the healthiest move to change roommates ASAP, right? I wish you well.
Rhoberta
doubt and confusion are HALLMARKS of us being too entangled with toxic people! 2021- the year of the super empath!
Hi Roberta, thank you for your message and suggestion to move out. Luckily I can forgo the security deposit if I don’t find a replacement roommate in time as my parents told me they will help me with that... thank goodness I can move out of there ASAP. I’ve realized that this guy, what he does, is psychological abuse... I can understand passive aggression due to frustration but to go out of your way to drive someone crazy is to say it bluntly, evil. Until December k still had room in my heart to feel compassion for this guy, but after this last “good will” gesture of mine (I let him have friends sleep in my room for New Years as I am home with my family) and I wasn’t expecting anything in return, indeed I wasn’t even going to do it but it felt spiteful on my part to not let him use my room as I was gone in addition I felt that it would tense things up between us if I didn’t offer it (as he is quite entitled...). He was still a jerk the day before I left for the holidays (and of course. I don’t know if he was purposefully being a jerk but I felt like he was). The worse pet of it all is the not knowing if he is purposely being a jerk and sometimes I even feel GUILTY for it?? So crazy! Even if I do something “nice” like when I cleaned the whole apartment for 4 hours (I did try to get him to just mop half of the apartment so I didn’t end up doing the whole thing again but he made some weird comment about how he sweeps the floors daily and how he enjoys it... as if he swept the floor daily to “get out” of mopping... which I WAS RIGHT because after I cleaned the whole apartment he stopped his daily sweeping! It was just a power thing for him... how freaking boring can a persons life be and how stupid of me to even entertain these thoughts! But they penetrate my mind. These paranoid thoughts.. and then I’m proven right... so I’m not being paranoid in the end.. ugh so exhausting!) so anyways
I couldn’t finish my last message. So after cleaning the while apartment which I did with a smile on my face even though it was his turn (and like I said I DID try to give him a chance to clean by saying he could do half... if he was a normal human I would have just said it out right that it was his turn
to mop) he said thanks and that he would clean the next time but the thing that I KNEW he’d do was sulk! He acted kind of sad/delicate for a few days after I cleaned which just made me feel guilty for some reason like my cleaning the place made him feel so bad or something. But I did give him a chance to contribute... and dang it was even his turn... but everything this guy does is a power struggle... that’s why trying to talk it into with him was fruitless because if he agreed to clean half of it he would be renouncing his power so of Nyla
Yes that is why it’s so important to learn to be a differentiated person with good boundaries... something is “empaths” struggle with! But I try to be positive and look at it this way... that this man child has taught me what kind of men to avoid dating! Quickly fall in love, charming and yet you have a feeling of uneasiness? Likely a toxic person! Thank you to this man for teaching me how to sniff these personalities out a mile away! Of course sometimes you can’t tell at first glance... after all this guy my roommate is a covert narcissist (the WORST personality type to share an apartment with hands down, I would prefer a slob or someone loud or anything to someone who plays psychological torture games)... but if you know what to watch for it becomes much easier! I’ve stopped talked to a few guys early on when I sniff out that they’re a narcissist and nope I’m not being paranoid.. if some dude gives me an off feeling I’m done! I want light and love in my life... I cannot not will not settle for anyone let alone someone abusivo!
Just sharing because... life. My husband has passive and passive aggressive tendencies as does the family. We also have a 5 year old. I have been with him for 10 years and I new then something was off but I know now WHY. When I figured it out and that it was him I flipped the script so fast. He doesn't know what to do with himself. I'm currently in the phase of him lashing out because my boundaries are in full force and accountability is wicked high. But in a gentle assertive way. I have my control back and it's beautiful. Only time will tell how we work out but at this rate- I'm in control of me and that's it. It's amazing.
Good for you! I'm sure it is amazing.
This video was spot on about passive aggression, I just had an issue with my ex over this and I’m not saying I wasn’t without blame in the situation. However, given how insignificant the issue was her PA stimulated everything in that moment to go to the next level. Stonewalling, treating me like I was invisible etc.
Yes. It’s awful, knowledge will be power to protect ourselves going forward!
My boss and his brother in law who is the supposed HR person at my work are both passive aggressive and routinely intentionally sabotage my paycheck. And the mistakes are ALWAYS in their favor. They are obstructive, always give excuses, and do everything to Avoid accountability. It is absolute crazy making.
Hi, Sunny.
I'm sure it is crazy-making. What have you been able to do to change this so far? Can you take it further up the organization?
Rhoberta
Starts at 6:16 criteria for passive aggressive
Depends, in a way I feel like it can be more mental abuse than anything. I've known people that would lie to my face and pretend to mean something positive, whenever what they truly meant was in fact the opposite.
"it feeeels like control to them"... Clarity!
With knowledge it's my choice whether I let them have control.
I have a relative like this.....always "doesn't feel well" on the holidays, so she "can't go to the dinner/event" and "needs" someone to visit her and cater a meal for her, listen to any sob story she can spin out of a mundane situation. Made the mistake of falling for this and a "quick visit" escalated into her "feeling better suddenly", offering to "take me for a drink" when I let her know I planned to see my friends at their dinner, and then, without me noticing, high jacking my whole night. I was so exhausted by the time 5PM rolled around I canceled my own plans so I didn't get a holiday. She's doing the same thing again, I learned my lesson, will make sure she's OK but I am going to stick to MY plan.
It's so good that you've seen the pattern so that you could make a decision about it. That's how they roll, sadly.
They’re blame can be aimed at only one person, as well.
Thank you for your audio. Very informative.
Yes, they like to have a target of blame, for sure. Sad. Nasty.
Have met this lovely lady. Both are divorced with my kids being already pit of the house and hers 19 and 15 (girls) still at home. She comes from a very controlling and I believe narcissistic mother.
Over the last 4 year many little things happened where I couldn’t get my head around it.
She never commits or organises some of the weekends. She is very argumentative and questions everything. She is very sarcastic and drops the odd weird joke. If confronted she shuts down or says that I am too touchy or comes up with some sort of justification.
Very loving but it has to go according to her schedule as communication is really poor. The girls are pampered and spoiled and she basically makes whatever they say. She can’t put boundaries in private or business life.
I never know if we are on for the weekend or not. Am realising that I am merely an option but she covers me with I love you.
Very tiering and confusing…
Bluntly, she is just using you. She has never ever wanted you, she just needs you. I have been through this many times with women in my life and left them all.
You are dealing with an entitled narcissistic control freak. She is not showing up for you, is combative, lacks genuine love, care and support for you. She demeans you and puts you down and demands you lower your expectations on her effort and her behavior. However, she sets the bar much higher for you to have jump over. You are the last on the list of her priorities and are truly not even one.
She is displaying her lack of respect for you as a person, her lack of protecting your heart and defending your honor. She also has contempt for you because of her blatant disrespect.
Understand she only wants attention, not connection. She is not committed to you, she is only and has ever only been committed to herself. Her selfishness knows no bounds.
She has placed her daughters ahead of you and I can guarantee you she has done this to the man she had kids with in the past. He came last, and so do you. This is a very common behavior in women today. She is just a user.
She feels sorry herself and plays the victim. Thus she is still a child in an adults body who cannot possibly have an adult relationship. Because that requires her being responsible to showing up and how she affects you.
I have had women also with teen to adult children choose the kids over me. I have had women choose animals over me. These people are infantile, emotionally immature, controlling, abusive and selfish to the extreme. And it is always a choice. She knows what she's doing but doesn't care. Because it will always be about her. They never want someone, they just NEED someone to be there for them. Like a parent for a child and the desire for no accountability.
You are supposed to raise your kids, not codependently live your life through them. Think about this, if she wanted a grown adult relationship and considered it important she would want to put in the effort and show up for you. Thus she has already rejected, emotionally betrayed and abandoned you.
I'm married to one of these. The only thing we can talk about without it devolving into a circular tug of war over nothing is our 7 cats. We can't even talk about food half the time without it devolving into some type of "debate"....And everything is always my fault. He blames me for his own past behavior on the many ruined vacations, rewriting history to say that I did the very things HE did.
Funny u say that same thing happened to me, after months the only thing I thought I could talk about without a fight was her cat.
I think my situation was worse. I thought it was passive aggressive behavior but now I don’t think so.
Sounds like my jealous, insecure, resentful, passive-aggressive brother. I’ve been told by two therapists that his second wife has taken up some of his tactics as well. We’re rarely in contact these days, fortunately. 😒
A good idea to be "rarely in contact." Good for you!
I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this in women as well! That's disappointing. I'm such a good woman.. often men tell me that and then they go on to mistreat me shortly after. I'm doing my best to understand this dynamic. But at the same time I want to understand it so that I can avoid it! I'm waiting and I'm staying celibate until I find someone who deserves a good woman like me. I try so hard and I hope that one day I can find a man that's not a hijackal who can appreciate me in my efforts and my sweet loving caring creative nature... Who can stand by me and we uplift each other, versus seeing what I can do and feeling the need to compete with me and tear me down. This is all very interesting. And seeing that men are dealing with this kind of stuff to? Gives me hope that there are good hearted men and that I will be blessed, to find one.
This episode is really helping me understand. When a guy sees that I workout, try to eat well, get up in the morning early, saying, play guitar, have my own business, travel, my hair is long and beautiful all these things. I see why the passive-aggressive thing comes up because that's easier to do, to throw me off, down to their level of lazy, instead of showing up the way that I need a man to show up for me. I should say boys not men.
Is it passive aggressive when someone consistently makes plans then cancels on the day? I mean EVERY TIME! I was Unfriended by a woman recently for calling out this behaviour and catching her out in a lie and she made me out to be the unhealthy toxic one? It was very upsetting and the next day I felt distinctly like I didn’t exist!
This is exactly what happened to me with a covert narcissist, i feel like he was doing it on purpose just to drive me crazy ! And every time i décided de give up, he came back begging for à date and promising to be there then he canceled again with excuses that were lies. It was crazy making and no logic ! He did it averytime. Was it on purpose or are these people crazy ?
Honey covering a simmering vat of venom. Those vicious sugar-coated barbs.
Very apt description of these devils! 👍👍👍
Doesn't give any tips for how to deal with it, mentions her book many times.
My husband is a sneak every thing I tell him he turns it around and throws it in my face. I'm so ready to walk. He tries to try and me me look like the crazy one. I'm tired of this crazy making behavior. My question is what creates this behavior?
Traumatized childhoods……..create the behaviour as a survival skill in childhood, which then leads to a dysfunctional adult because the behaviour is that of a wounded child, not a healthy adult who knows how to communicate effectively.
Thanks for the thoughtful explanation.
Thank you for this insightful video, I’m thinking about a self-release from a loved one…
My fiancé of 6 years cannot get through a talk about a basic grocery store list or minor adult situation like buying a set of tires 🛞 with me, there will be passive-aggressive comments when life requires talking. I just can’t take it, she’s normally otherwise intelligent, hard working, and helpful to others. But damned if I do and damned I don’t as a partner.
I want to start packing my belongings from our home and just stop talking to her, it’s not worth the extra headache of trying to discuss adult situations that most people handle seemingly easily. I’m confused on how to deal and I’m tired AF emotionally. We don’t discuss anything but superficial topics now because I want to avoid any issues. So not going well financially, obviously if two people cannot talk about basic finances or vacations or anything, frickin gas is now an issue (but isn’t it for all of us, lol)
Good luck y’all ❤️
This really help and I listened to it for a second time . 🙏💪🏾 very informational
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you for this detailed, yet concise explanation. I love these videos!
You're so welcome.
My future ex husband is pathetically passive aggressive which I use to my benefit. It’s hugely challenging but when played properly is very empowering. I refused to file for divorce and forced him to be the aggressor. That fool may spend the next 18 months still married and fully supporting me. What works, works.
How the hell do they have the time &/or energy 2 play these games...& don't they ever get bored playin the same silly nonsense over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over💥😵😲🔫
Great question. You'd think they get tired, but they don't. The quest for power and control over others is insatiable. And, if you are their child or their romantic partner, you are the prey to the #Hijackal predator! Sad. Nasty. #toxicrelationships #narcissisticabuse
@@ForRelationshipHelp
I feel 4 their children. Most of my family members have many narcissistic traits but like I always say, "There's a vast difference between narsissism & bein a full blown narcissist"
@@mizzprezli Yes! There is a vast difference. Healthy narcissism allows us to think we can actually accomplish difficult things, and take risks.
Narcissistic behaviors are self-centered, and often thoughtless.
People who can be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are lacking in empathy, must win in all situations, have out-of-proportion emotions, continuously find fault, take no responsibility, are never accountable....and, the list goes on.
@@ForRelationshipHelp
I agree that Narcs possess all of those traits & then some but I think there is 1 main quality (or lack there of) that distinguishes a true Narc from the average asshole & that is their incessant desire 2 perturb people, animals & even objects with the intent 2 agitate, aggravate &/or fabricate nearly every situation they encounter on a daily basis 4 the sole purpose of curing their boredom with entertainment reguardless of the positive or negative impact it may have on any1 including their own selfish selves. N my opinion, if they don't do this 1 thing that I just described, they R not a true Narcissist. Note: Some true Narcs R very good at what they do so this can B difficult 2 recognize their decite, this is especially true because they will often B deceitful N situations that seem unnecessary or uncalled 4 as it is useless & the results benifit no1 & may even put the Narc N an undesired disposition.
What grade do u give on this hypothesis😝
No, it's their way of communication, they know nothing better.
Thank you for making this video, extremely insightful
Yes, yes, YES!!!!!
90% min know exactly what they are doing. Just look for the smirk or evil glee
Yes, they can't help the Hijackal Smirk, can they?
I asked my friend. When is your appointment? Is it on 1st or 2nd? She replied I need to check my calendar on phone. This happened two times.but never told exact date.Is this passive aggressive?
Hey Dr Shaler is this forms of passive aggressive behavior because I think it is.I have girlfriend,and I think she has the traits,but is in denial.If I ask her to do something she does the opposite intentionally when she is mad or in a bad mood.She ignores me me even when she initiates a conversation she will intentionally become dis interested after awhile on purpose.She purposely takes it out on me when she is depressed with mind games.She also will dismiss me or blow me off during a conversation,by saying whatever really rudely,and just changing subjects like she doesn’t want to come to a solution on purpose and leave things a mess because she knows it psychologically is damaging to me.She doesn’t keep her word on stuff on purpose.She says one thing and does another.She also says things that are disrespectful and then says she doesn’t mean it that it was either a joke,or she was in a bad and not yo take it seriously.If I confront her about it and tell her not to do those things.She throws it back at me like it is my fault.She plays the victim every time like I am the bad guy and she can do nothing wrong.Gives me the silent treatment.She doesn’t believe she is passive aggressive and keeps denying it when I tell her she is.She doesn’t take personal responsibility for her deceitfully emotionally abusive behavior.
That's more than passive-aggressive! Why is she your girlfriend when you know all this so clearly about her?
She denies also she has bipolar disorder which she has.I have 2 she has 1,but I think I am an idiot for even being in a relationship with her,or even talking to her anymore.When I breakup with her I plan on changing my contact info because I know to dig at me even more she will give it out to everybody and tell them to call me which will really aggravate me.I think she has a personality disorder also.Her behavior is not normal.
Plus I am in love with her and that is what hurts the most.
Good Video - Thank You.
Where are the show note where you said you put the dsm traits?
Sounds Like f60.1. I know you don't like to use the diagnostic term. Sounds like Millon wrote it.
It can be only passive-aggressive behavior.
so dont just up and leave like when dealing witha narcissist?? like stay with them? this can be worked out??
Hi!
Most cases have differences in specifics. Many people are passive-aggressive without being narcissistic. That's key to know about your personal relationship.
A person who can come to recognize their passive-aggressive behaviors can see the damage it does to their relationships, and realizes that pushes the people they love away. That can be be motivation to learn and change.
A diagnosable narcissist, or a person with many narcissistic tendencies, will be passive-aggressive AND too much more. That's when there is such a small possibility of SUSTAINED change, that leaving becomes the healthier option. #Hijackals will change for a hot minute when they are afraid of losing their supply. SUSTAINED change is rare.
I hope that helps.
Rhoberta
You have a lot of videos about this topic. Its something that Im trying to change about myself. Do you have any way someone can make a positive change I would really like to know because I hurt people in ways I dont even mean too.
Hi,
SO great that you see the issue and want to change your approach! You'll have more positive relationships, for sure, when you make those changes. Usually, you can do that with understanding of how you came about having those behaviors in your repertoire, and then replacing them.
The way to do it is to get some very specific help. I can help: BeAClient.com
Hi David, I would like to thank you for asking this question. Most people know they are hurtful and that’s their objective.... to destroy people and cause pain. I have so much respect for you. The people in your life are lucky to have you!!! I wish you all the best I’m 100% certain that with guidance you will meet your goals!!!! 🥰🥰HUGS🥰🥰
@@aprillester-proctor1006 thank you for the kind words. Just a update I have been seeing a therapist. And I have read now 2 books. One on stopping passive aggression and the other one is about emotional abuse. I hate to say it but I have done these things and didn't know how toxic it was. I just Genuinely dont want to be that person ever again. It has just wrecked my marriage and my wife and I are trying to salvage it as I write this now. For people like me I never thought I was the one doing the damage, but I was and there has been a lot of ugly crying over it. It's getting better but I wish I took the time when I was younger to learn about all of this stuff.
David Fred , anyone who has the courage to say that they have been abusive and the courage to ask help are the kinds of people that turn out to be their spouses’ best friend. I’m sure your wife will see all the hard work that you are doing to restore her faith in you. Just remember.....The breakdown of your marriage didn’t happen overnight and the rebuilding isn’t going to happen overnight. Be patient, be kind, be loving and be respectful. Also, your wife may frequently test your mental/emotional growth to confirm in her mind that your changes are genuine. Make sure to be paying close attention so you don’t fail the tests. Best wishes to you and your family 🥰
@@aprillester-proctor1006 thank you so much for that it's getting better. Just knowing about it and keeping mindfull and keeping my focus it's really helping us.
They have a woah is me attitude always the victim
My ex is doing this to our daughter !
That's sad! Is your daughter old enough to have a talk with about what's really going on so she won't think any of it is her fault?
Rhoberta
Highjackel?? This video is confusing.
Nasty
Why do I feel that the podcast is being judgemental in tone? There is value in what you are saying, but it makes me feel terrible about myself. Did not help me as a person having passive aggression traits. This podcast might be something others (normal people) want to hear, though as a victim.
You should feel judge. Passive aggressive behaviour is abuse, point blank period!
I used to act this way- so I am former PA - but I recovered when I realized how damaging this is and how my entire life has been sabotaged and set out to never be this kind of human being.
When serious chaos is happening and you can’t do figure out why- it inspires you to change!
May God help you change and avoid others who do this. Thanks 🙏
Edit: It is important to note that PA is not nessecarily a sign someone is NPD.
Like me, many of us may have come from family systems where we were gaslite and abused and or neglected.
PA often stems from childhood trauma and a sense of total powerlessness.
Often it is not intentional.
I am a born again Christian and although I am working day by day on my particular issues, the fact is each and everyone of us is capable of being negative, mean, back stabbing, and a whole host of other things, we now term, " abusive"
It is the human condition- not designated to a few" bad apples"
We are all bad apples.
For we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
Jesus came that we may have abundant life and changed hearts. This also includes the humility to admit when we error.
There is not one of us who never needs to say, " I am sorry."
Each person who uses PA methods of operation is a unique individual. The reasons vary vastly. Often, people have deep unhealed resentments from being harmed since childhood. They need healing and forgiveness. And to be held accountable so they start to uncover the root of it. It's a contagious sort of invisible sin virus.
Often, although it is unpleasant , if you have a close relationship with them, it might be valuable to have a quiet and frank discussion about specifics.
Such as, " Hey Joe, You know I really value our relationship . I heard that you called the boss and told her that I was at the store during work hours, which was true, but I was getting some medication for my baby who was really ill. I know you didn't know that part .
Next time you have a question about something I am doing, it would be great if you could ask me first. I would really appreciate it.
I also understand that at your last job, someone got you fired over something that was a misunderstanding. It must have hurt and been very painful. I am sorry they did that. "
Be kind, be wise.
Like Jesus said, " Be wise as a serpent, and gentle as a dove."
Matthew 10:16
@@Raminakai congratulations, seeing how slow PA people are to change, I admire you! Enjoy your new healthy life :)
@@nilscarnarius4281 Thanks 😊 It is so sneaky that a person doesn't even know they are doing it!
Getting right with Jesus is what helped the most, step by step. It's embedded in my family system, and it can time some time to uncover.
I may have my side of the street cleaner, but can not control the PA acts of others.
I hope you learned something