Living With Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубліковано 11 тра 2024
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Sammy Grimm shares her experience living with Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as, BPD. After being misdiagnosed BiPolar Disorder Sammy experienced first-hand how the current mental health system is broken and dealing with two stigmas. She has since taken a very proactive role in her own mental health care & has fought for the right diagnosis of BPD.
#BPD #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #livedexperience #borderlinepersonality
Watch the rest of Sammy's story HERE: bit.ly/3eaLQX4
Does anyone have any advice on how to go about a diagnosis because I’m not 100% obviously as I refuse to self diagnose. I’ve been searching to know what’s going on with me for so long and honestly this resonates the most with me out of everything, especially the dissociation and intense emotions and impulsiveness. I tend to rely on people way way too much and if they hurt me even slightly I just completely self destruct, act impulsively on emotion and regret it later when I’m out of that state. I’m emotionally a very intense person and most people find, for example, my messages very intense or when I care for them I know it’s very overwhelming at times (I’ve tried to work on all of these things a lot). I’m just scared to go to a doctor, especially as I’m young, about a diagnosis. I feel like they won’t listen to me or will think I’m overreacting or invalidate how I feel idk
M
How do u watch the full thing if u cant afford to subscribe to med circle
MedCircle.com
Thank you to this young woman for sharing her struggle. I am currently living with my sister-in-law who has apparently only being diagnosed with depression, and is on medication but on hearing all the information she fits the high functioning BPD quiet person. Highly empathetic to the point of exhaustion and she lost her possibly narcissistic husband of 44 yrs going on three yrs ago thus went into a terrible depression which has plagued her most of her life if not all. She has the devalued, no sense of worthiness attitude and says way too much I am sorry for this or that at whatever anyone is gong thru that is just part of life. She is afraid we will move out, so like abandoned her. She is in very odd relationship where the man controls the time and activities they do. We love her and want her to have a full life, it just hurts us to see her spend all her day watching the news, soap operas and the Hallmark channel. Any advise?
Feeling constantly irritated by everyone around you and pushing them away, then complaining you are alone. Feeling victimized by the world. Unable to get close to those around you.
It’s tiring.... soooooo tiring
Holy shit, my brother may have BPD.. Wow... It makes so much sense..
@@siaburton1632 Not only tiring... it is sad.
@nai nai Are you a Dr. and an expert on this?
You described me to a tee.
when you're excited you get diagnosed with BPD because finally you have an identity
Isabella Weems omg I feel this way too... I thought I was weird for being so excited That I have BPD.. because I have an answer to why I am Iike this. I have an identity now where I didn’t feel like I did before
hahahahahaha oh no!! Laughing because i totally relate
Isabella Weems I feel attacked
Not only does it give yourself an identity. it also gives you something to tell someone so you're not babbling on about how you don't know why you are the way you are.
YES! LOL At least I'm SOMETHING!
BPD is caused by complex childhood trauma in addition to being born a highly sensitive person. We were not allowed to feel or express our emotions freely as children, and we internalized the need to NOT RESPOND as a survival tactic. In doing so, we never learned how to process emotions and cope, and our brains became damaged in those regions. We are scared, we yave suffered psychological abuse, we can recover with the right therapy, we CAN heal, but it starts with re-parenting that traumatized inner child. To everyone out there suffering BPD, i love you, you are not alone!
@Sango4522 yes, this! Exactly this! Bless you, sweet soul, for sharing 💗❤️🩹👼
Hypnotherapy helps a lot with childhood trauma. 🙏
There are genetic proponents as well
this made me cry. thank you.
I get very shaky when I express my emotions because my emotions were a literal risk to my own survival as a child.
The cracking in your voice when you describe your feelings shook me. Those intense emotions of BDP are so overwhelming that even discussing them hurts deep. Much love to you
Probably just performance anxiety!
Sharon Cook... Really!!!
@@sharoncook637 no, it’s really like that. You just start to feel feelings you’re describing and suddenly are on the endge
@@sharoncook637 thats how I feel she’s using all the prime terms of the symthoms, nearly going through the list like google does when you look bpd up.😅 I got that vibe.
@@sharoncook637 I can't believe you are so devoid of thought, feeling and logic to come out with the comment you made - but then you are AJS.
when she said “i was always trying to find a better place, but really I was the problem” that hit
Pow right in the feelings
Yes.
I keep fleeing, lived in so many places so far. But I'm really running from myself.
HIT.
I always thought I could find somewhere were i would “belong” but I realized I would never belong anywhere
Living with bdp is no joke it’s like every emotion we feel is intense the worst part about us getting angry is after we realize what we’ve said or done we immediately feel like complete shit like literally complete shit because the damage has been done
I feel you so much
I agree. Especially when people tell you that they are scared of you, absolutely devastating.
@@violetamckean5299 that’s the worst hearing it from people you love
Yea, IMMEDIATELY wishing you never said those words. Or threw that book. But it's like the other person isn't listening and only yelling back at you (even if not yelling, it's their tone of voice that seems condescending).
ur not alone bro, its so fucking hard
The most damaging emotion is betrayal. I feel like all of my relationships have suffered because I feel others turn their backs on me.
once I feel betrayed there's no going back
Same thing here, betrayal is the most horrible experience to go through, especially when it's people you consider your closest friends 💔
How is it betrayal when u push them away?
@@nataliemoraes2033 have you ever thought that it's the betrayal and mistrust of others why he or she pushes people away 🤔
@@mauricebrocklehurst2358 no excuse. I have had trauma, too and no excuse for ppl to blow others off and treat them badly or be rude. But this is something i see in ppl. That usually bpd push ppl away. Well that's my case that i am.dealing with with someone with bpd. They push me away and then say, "i am betrayed" maybe diff in this person's case
My ex had BPD. She left in a bery cruel way. I know it was her illness/trauma talking and i was absolutely willing to forgive and work through it, but she just couldnt be reasoned with in that state. It was literally a complete 180, i went from being the greatest thing ever to the worst human to ever exist in her eyes. I cant begin to explain the pain. But i loved her more than I loved anyone. I miss her every day.
Something similar happened to me almost a year ago. Her and I have bpd but hers is completely undiagnosed whereas I am not, I tried supporting her and suggesting things that helped me when I got diagnosed. Unfortunately, it became too much for me and I had to break it off, and like yours. I became the best thing in her life to the worst, ultimately blaming me for everything that happened to her.
Same thing happened to me. Try and push that compassion to forgive and be at peace even though she is not able to work through it. It takes a lot of internal suffering for someone to ghost and treat someone else ( but in fact themself) in such a abrupt expulsive way. And it's so hard to accept when what we see is the expression of that pain redirected towards us. Her pain is valid tho, and so is yours. I am really sorry for what you had to endure.
I keep the love for my person. But it's been a year since the break up now, I've had the space to process a lot. And despite all the affection I have for him, I do not wish to start another cycle, my well being has to come first. I am at peace with or without him. And I hope you are also.
Dude, don’t man. I understand your feelings but when someone treats you cruelly you have to learn to love yourself and not let that be acceptable.
Nah bruv, it wasn't her trauma talking, it was HER. And she's responsible for what she does. She'll find another victim in no time so don't you worry.
@@OnlyeHeart_IndieGameDev guilt is normal if people understand what they did is wrong. Am trying to get OP to get to a realization that him missing his ex is a waste of energy. Hopefully, he will move on to a healthier mindset. The love bombing part is just part of BPD. If they like you even a tiny bit, they make it seem as if you're the best person ever, and you'll get fooled into believing this. He's missing just one extreme of a disorder. His ex will find someone else to do this to because it pretty easy for other people to be kind, even in small ways.
Kills me to hear her voice only because i know the intense feelings she was experiencing talking about all this. Most have no idea how intense we feel, it's horrible.
I UNDERSTAND.
I agree it is scary. I also have the illness. And it's very difficult
It's so true.
I literally would've cried in order to be able to keep going 💔😬
Yesss I felt her pain . I know what it’s like ... and she encouraged me to go get help ASAP
Randomly texting your friends paragraphs of emotional bs with absolutely no context at all.
Omg yes.
& then those friends not replying bc they don't know what to say but you take that as omg they hate me now, now they know what a crazy unstable idiot I am and they probably never want to see me again
Yepp
Me
@@ellemiller3268 yep
BPD is emotional agony, it’s so complex, before the diagnosis I spent years without any way to comprehend let alone put into words what was going on inside, and so many people are committing suicide that either had the wrong diagnosis or no diagnosis, it’s so sad, Much Love to everyone spreading awareness
@Flow State Chocolate, which form was the Psilocybin in, please?
@Flow State Chocolate Thanks for answering. I've heard many stories of it curing mental states.
@Flow State Chocolate, you're being censored because Big Pharma would lose way too much money if word got out that their drugs weren't needed.
The more people that know about this the better
The anger in the first part is what drives me a bit off the edge, most of the time. I've got like 2 or 3 people that I genuiely enjoy having closer, but as soon as they change their tone or are simply busy, I literally rage. It's not the kind of anger you easily get through, but you feel a type of rage and betrayel and believe they hate me and they've decided to cut ties with me so I ended up isolating even more.
And it's such a rollercoaster to deal with everytime it happens.
Pushing people away and then complaining you're alone, and think everyone is blaming you. My sis has it and honestly I'm getting sick of her.
That is the same mental illness that is talked in this video?
@@lottnio8207 it's one of symptoms, yeah
very true, the feeling is really unexplainable.
Jesus Christ that sounds rough
The way she laughs and tries to seem happy when she wants to cry reminds me so much of myself. With borderline you try so hard to be what someone wants you to be. You’re scared of how people will react if you show your real self. You feel guilty all the time.
Ugh, I’ve never seen it actually written in words before but I feel and think this way all the time and even when you’re trying to be the person everyone wants you to be you still don’t seem to be good enough and people still leave and I’m always left wondering what I’ve done wrong 😔
My 25 yo daughter was diagnosed with BPD, I've been following this series to learn how to us as a family help her and her small children. However as Ive watched these, I thought I was seeing myself. Then I read the last part of your comment here. I had an exchange with my husband an hour ago where I felt exactly like that. I'm always trying to figure out what he (or others)wants, so I can suggest it, rather than say what I want and risk feeling rejected if he doesn't like how or agree with how I feel.
I have borderline and you put words on how I feel everyday when I’m surrounded by people. I am the most myself when I’m truly alone. But then when I’m alone, most of the time all the negative thoughts of how I’ve treated others in the years and the fear of the future arrive. You can never shut down the feeling of shame and guilt.
The only thing that have helped me is meditation. But it’s hard to practice when you don’t feel that you deserve to be happy.
I’m in therapy now and I’m so relieved 😌
Somebody who have borderline and wanna talk? I feel kind of alone with this and it would be great to talk to others with same type of thinking and experience 😅
Yeah. I don't know who tf I am when around other ppl, I absorb their traits or act in a way I think they will accept me, or expect me to be. It's exhausting, and I'm still alone at the end of the day , so it's pointless and I'm trying to stop it. I want to be myself( whoever that it) without feeling like I need ppl to like or accept me. If I can just be me then maybe ppl will feel I'm genuine and sincerely want to know me. Idk
@@VanessaLjungdahl I have borderline ... there are groups/meetings online. If you would like to join me & we can talk. Is there a way to contact you without you risking your personal info over the internet ?
Hearing this girl's voice trembling shows the amazing courage she has.
Yes. I agree.
The voice shakes are a side effect of the medications she's on. She has a YT where she talks in depth about her personal experiences, check her out. She's so lovely ❤
@@taychristine2993 wuts her UA-cam
@@UNSNobi Sammy-Marie Grimm
Very true shes very brave
I started crying because I never felt so connected to the ppl in the comments. I always feel like I’m alone but you guys really don’t. Thank you so much for this.💕
Same❤️
Stay strong
Take responsibility for your actions. Apologize to the people you'e wronged and make it up the them.
Thank you for saying that. I feel you 🤗
Here's hoping all gets better for you
Going through 5 seperate emotions full throttle in sometimes less than 10 minutes is the most stressful and difficult thing to experience as someone with with BPD
Happiness to anger to sadness to stress to exhaustion
I mentally chuckled and cried…THAT is a mood right there!
Suddenly I’m wondering if I have bpd because I relate so much to stuff like this. So much. Talking to a friend with bpd makes me even more convinced but I’m autistic+probably adhd so it’s confusing and difficult to notice the differences in each condition
OH MY GOD SOMEONE GETS IT!
Her voice was so shaky at the start, that's how I talk too when I'm nervous :(
i was so nervous! ahaha
I thought she was about to cry.. ANY minute.
its a facade
@@sabrishgopalakrishnan5156 literally what
you're a facade@@sabrishgopalakrishnan5156
Relying on others when you have BPD is a ticking time bomb. you have to be independent.
Super true
You can rely on people but you have to set a certain boundary with that and be okay with it. BPD causes you to set unrealistic expectations for people but when they are not met you are incredibly hurt. And it depends on what you rely on them for. If you rely on them to take care of you and to motivate you, you're gonna hurt yourself in the end. Because you should be doing that for yourself. Now if you want to rely on someone to be a good listening ear that's okay. Just know that they are their own people too and may not always be available.
EXACTLY. A person with BPD has to find a foundation within themselves, they have to find stability from within, forge a sense of identity from their own life, their own perspectives, etc.
All these comments are so profoundly true! It's heart wrenching for too many of us, who grew sicker, and by the time we've reached a mature age group, our lives were destroyed; improper care, support, recognition, etc!
michael tucker
E bytes
Love that he asked her how she broke the cycle. This generation is changing the world. I am breaking my own little cycles myself and Im really proud of myself.
You should absolutely be proud of yourself!
@@rtsoccerplayer thank you!!!!!
I'm proud of you as I read this!
@@TheSpencerCooper thank you!!!!
Every generation is changing the world.
I’ve lived with BPD for 30 years before I got diagnosed and I’m still learning about it. I feel so alone and like people do not understand me. I think it is a real struggle and I completely understanding the “splitting” and how I dwell on everything that annoys me and I feel like I can’t move on.
Me too
The pain in her voice resonates with those of us with BPD. It's exhausting to have and infuriating to see how some people romanticize it. I sincerely hope all you stay strong in your hardest moments.
❤️
I totally agree and the fact that there’s no medication for it and it’s rarely even talked about honestly sucks, I feel like I can never relax and just have a break from constantly being in my head and over thinking everything all the time. 😔
I somehow joke about my own BPD. I'm sorry but when I'm not feeling down, I'm totally okay with joking around with the disorder
@@lilfkngremlin I totally feel you:( people yet don't realise how miserable it is
Why would people romanticise it?
I have bpd and it is hard. I hate going from loving and really enjoying being around a person to being so annoyed with them and disliking them. It's gotten me to a point where I'm kind and friendly to people, but I never let them in. I'm absolutely terrified of love and the worst part is that I really want to be loved. I'm going to college and trying to live my best life. To whomever sees this comment, I wish you endless love and happiness. We deserve to be understood, cared about, and happy. You are not alone, keep strong.
Thank you
I felt this. Thank you ❤
Thank you ❤️
Thank you xxxx
I'm going to college soon and I really hope I can manage
I was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago, but I never took it as “part of me”. I understood that it was my tendency to see life in a certain way, but not a part of me. I tried drugs (psychiatric drugs) for 6 years, but they were so detrimental that I decided to stop. Back then I was studying psychiatry and I saw how much havoc those drugs do. I have been without them for 3 years, my prescription now is: not identifying with my thoughts, surfing and walking in nature every day, eating clean, being honest and using little social media. It was a process, of course, but life has been so much better, specially inside my head.
I really admire you’re way of dealing with it. Sounds like you took control with a strong mindset and determination.
You have BPD, but BPD doesn’t have you.
I listened to this young lady and what I took from it was that her nervous system (and hence endocrine system) were shaken out of balance by her life experiences as a child, during her formative years. We all are products of our environments. We all feel, get hurt, suffer. Some of us can never recapture that feeling of balance or ability to regain it, to recenter ourselves quickly and with minimal effort. It is all part of a human condition. I struggle to see where a ‘disorder’ is in all of this as smth that’s inherently in the make of people diagnosed with BPD, other than maybe some greater vulnerability to stress. I can certainly see how her nervous and endocrine system have become disordered as she shows even physical symptoms here, but if you can see such clear root causes or triggers for it in her childhood traumas then why consider it as smth as part of her preexisting makeup, i.e. a disorder? To me it appear as life moulding her as the rest of us into a certain person, in interaction with our genetic and personal predispositions and vulnerabilities. Trauma is not a disorder, although it can certainly make one disordered literally, physiologically and mentally and practically. Am I being simplistic, or are the psychiatrists trying to pathologise all of us? I hope my words aren’t taken as dismissive of actual suffering and their causes.
@@JN-wr9he Beautifully said. I guess that for most psychiatrists it is easier to just categorize people into a group of "disorders" than dealing with the complexity that creates that disorder. For the patient also it can bring some relief in a certain way when you realize "oh, so it's not just me that experience life in this way" but it can also stigmatize you and make you think that this is something you can do nothing about. The person then start carrying this as a part of it's personality. I see that when people say "I AM borderline" or "I AM bipolar" so on and so forth.... The sad thing is that when people are diagnosed with this disorders one of the first steps is to start a psychiatric drug, with no weighing on risks vs. benefits and usually without enough information so that the person can give informed consent. It is also curious to me how we hold psychiatrists opinions as unquestionable facts. But having studied psychiatry for years during medical school I can see that they are normal people just as everybody else. sometimes they are even more disturbed than the so called "patients". I gave up on pursuing a career on psychiatry because I realized that most of what I was learning was on which drugs to give to which person and as I experienced with myself and the patients I followed that is seldom the best answer.
@@scott247 "I have BPD, but BPD doesn't have me"! I like that! Thanks, Scott.
@@JN-wr9he geez, just shut up.
Story of my life and I didn't learn it was BPD until like 4 or so years ago. I keep a distance from people to cope (also have really bad social anxiety) and then cry about how lonely I feel and like how nobody can understand the internal rollercoaster I go through.... Getting a pet helps to a degree but it's hard haha
Wow I can relate to this exact comment. I probably don’t cry anymore of how lonely I feel but I just submerge my self into work. Work 7 days a week and ignore all other responsibilities I have.
Really appreciate you having me on here!!! Hopefully ppl can understand how bpd is a little bit better. ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for your support.
Sweet girl, I went through exactly what you did..chaotic childhood, diagnosed with bipolar II, finally correctly diagnosed. Hugs, hugs, hugs. You are so brave. Thank you for sharing your story. It can be a scary journey but stay strong 💗💗💗
Thank you for showing the parts of BPD so it can help others.
BRIAN TURNER x SAMMY squad! We out here! This was great to watch. I don’t have BPD but I do have severe anxiety and depression that I grew up with, along with a horrible childhood. So I relate to so much of this.
aww amazing Sammy :) can relate so much, thanks for doing this interview. Super refreshing to hear someone speak so openly about bpd. xxxx
You are so self-aware! Thank you for sharing your story, Sammy.
Ugh when her voice cracks it breaks me into pieces it's real pain.
Shes probably crazy anxious being so vulnerable on camera
When you hear nothing but that all the time though it becomes extremely annoying.
Nunya Dibness oh god 🙄🤦🏼♀️
Nunya Dibness hi you’re talking to someone diagnosed with BPD 👋🏼 no matter how people see us, I have never made my voice ‘crack or waver’ to get attention or sympathy.
Don’t presume to put every BPD sufferer under the same umbrella. That’s not ok.
@Nunya Dibness How will someone get "[drawn] in" through whatever screen they're watching the video on? 🤔
Reaching too soon, young blood.
My mom has BPD. She was cold and distant when I was growing up. She acted like I was a burden and anger was her biggest emotion. It wasn’t until I was older that I started to sympathize with her. She’s 60 and can’t find a solid partner. It’s always temporary, intense relationships. I feel so bad for her.
My mom was that exact same way. Very emotionally chaotic childhood.
GOD BLESS YOU ❤
Better to have broken relationships than thirsting for one yet never having one.
@@Soundofsilver2007is it?
I can't find a source anywhere for any good psychedelics in my area, I suffer some pretty bad depression and i got a chance to try K and man it was a miracle substance, I felt free,the only high or euphoria was from the relief of my vices being released, that's exactly what it did
Mushroom completely turned my life around and my anxiety and Bpd disappeared and my personality changed into a much more generous loving person
I made researches and found out that shrooms are very helpful, it has really helped to reduce anxiety, depression and Bpd and some other mental health issues
doctor_mckenzie
Got psychedelics
I had 3.5 grams dried lemon tek most beautiful experience ever!!
@@geraldmiller5343Is he on on Instagram or what?
living with BPD, Depression and Anxiety has been incredibly overwhelming
janay it is overwhelming, i’m starting to wonder how I can live like this forever?
Same. Idk how much I can take
Absolutely this! I have the same diagnosis, except autism on top of it. I found DBT (Dialectical behavioral Therapy) to have helped impossibly well, it's very intense and hard in the beginning, but worth it 1,000% for me. :) I don't know if they have it outside the US, but in the US it's all over, but since it's fairly new, it's not well known yet. I really recommend looking into it, even if you can't go, you can find a lot of useful things online about it to help you out. :) I hope this helps in some way!
I really need to talk with someone about bpd i feel so bad
@@ravenwinter6984 I am happy you mentioned this. I was about to post that here! Good for you, it really has promising results!
The voice shake gets to me. I fully believe this type of delivery is why I can't land a job in my field. In interviews, I have such an intense fear that the person across from me is judging me, or not able to understand what I'm saying that I can barely focus on what I'm saying.
Yah when her voice started to do that i felt like crying
I feel the exact same way. I feel like every time I have to speak in public my voice shakes like this, I stutter or becomes super hoarse. It's horrible.
But can’t that also be severe social anxiety? What is the difference between the two.
I find that even now that I would be at a point in life where I am the adulty adult at almost 50, my bosses are younger than myself and I still feel like a naughty 4 year old sitting across the desk from them. I always feel inferior to them, even if I'm actually more experienced than they are.
Yeah, and it's intensified with social anxiety!
I struggle with BPD and I have had people in my life tell me I, "will never change." That statement was enough motivation for me to take charge of my mental health and get the help I needed. I can't afford health insurance so I had to carve out a budget for my out of pocket doctor visits and medication.... 5 years later, and I am now at a point where I am having to accept the fact that the me who was sick all those years ago, truly lost people who believed that the sick me was ME. I have cried countless times under the realization that the people in my life didn't understand my struggles and because of such, I have lost the very people I wish I never would have lost. When you're well, like I am now, reflecting on your sick mind is incredibly daunting and creates a frenzy all over again. I can't stress enough how important it is to be surrounded by those who care about you, love you, and understand that your biggest tribulation in life is your own mind. Having people in your life that support you instead of weaponizing your mental health IS CRUCIAL. From my experience, not having those people in my life leads to feelings of loneliness, lack of support, and the absence of purpose in life.
Please remember to be kind to those of us who wake up every morning and battle their own mind. We are our own worst enemy and speaking from experience, all we crave is true love and unconditional support. We are human too.
Well said. Thank you.
I agree, very well said Kay. Thank you. It's also really lovely and encouraging to hear people say they're getting on top of it too : )
I was very patient with a very disparaging person who would silence me and make me be quiet for hours, ignore me, make fun of me, gaslight me , initiate physical intimacy only to roll her eyes and drop it literally two seconds later , refused to ever talk about what was up and act like I was an idiot . I was there for a year trying to be there and was actually infact she got closer but when I started to express my own insecurities she got turned off and left essentially.
People can have issues but if they are totally emboldened and don’t want to admit anything it’s hard for them to be seen as a total victim. Kindness wasn’t enough . Love wasn’t enough . I infact did tell them they would ruin with everyone I’d they were like that with everyone .
The problem was 99 percent on her side and I was ok with it but she was seemingly very arrogant and cruel at times for sure .
She then had some random guy pretend she was right about everything and she had no problems and she dated him after me showing real love, simply because he pretended he was her hero and told her everything she wanted to hear about herself .
Idk what her exact issue was but people with any disorder should also consider atleast being open to people and kind to them aswell because even someone who goes above and beyond for them at the very least needs some communication and respect,Otherwise disorder or not , they are simply a bully
I am dating a person with bpd...my patience went out the door
People in close relationship with BPDs are known to develop their own mental health issues if they force themselves to stick around.
You should be glad that the people that left were safe.
Being your own worst enemy does not eliminate the fact that you may very well have been their worst enemy and a menace to them at the time.
I’ve been diagnosed with all kinds of stuff. Taking care of animals helps me kuz I don’t sit in the mirror obsessed with myself all day. It’s a never ending spiral.
My late husband absolutely had BPD. We were together for 17 years before he died of cancer. And it hurts my soul that he never knew. I only found out after he passed away. I wish I could have known when he was alive. He was so hard to live with but what a beautiful soul he was. He’d get so many damn over nothing and just cry and cry after. Hurts just to think about. Rest In Peace my love.
Very grateful for you to have stayed by his side nonetheless 💜 you’re a very beautiful soul for that too.
So sorry. It must have been obvious he has a trauma of some sort that had made him feel that way. I wonder why it is important to put a label on everything, especially on what essentially constitutes a human experience which can for sure be varied and deeply traumatic and scarring. It is not a sign of a disorder to feel, to be hurt, to suffer. It is only human.
@@JN-wr9he It's important to label the disorders to actually treat/help people properly. I recently was diagnosed with BPD but before that I was being treated for something else, and the treatments not only weren't compatible but actually made my symptoms worse. Whether people want to wear the diagnosis on their sleeve and advertise that to others is up to the individual, but diagnosis is important to those who can get it.
Also, those last 2 sentences shows why it's important to get diagnosed. I almost unalived myself back in the day because of the intensity of emotions because that's all that I had heard from my parents growing up because I was "normal", so I just assumed I couldn't handle life. It's a struggle every day, but even having the proper name and things to look up/research and get the proper help is extremely helpful.
im sorry ❤️
@@JN-wr9he but sometimes it CAN be a sign of a disorder, and statements like yours (although not meant as such I'm sure) can actually be incredibly invalidating and the literal difference between people being feeling supported, understood and able to cope - or the complete opposite, with terrible consequences.
I just want to cry . I’ve been battling “depression” since I was a kid and now I’m diagnosed with Bpd and this is exactly how I am ... everybody around me still chooses to believe that I act out for attention but I’m literally the sweetest person every until I’m triggered.. I’m always either extremely sad or extremely motivated and excited for no reason .. I always feel like people are pretending to like me or the love that I have for people is more than what they have for me . I’m always so tired and I have given up but now that I know what it is I’m so much more at peace with it while I’m here ❤️
Very much relate to what you said and praying your battle with bpd gets more manageable.
Babygirl you are absolutely ravishing... I hope you find peace n happiness in life..
Dealing with the same..highs and lows, being triggered and misunderstood..never knew it was bpd until recently
You have a gift & you cannot keep it for your own consumption. Share your light w the world! There are so many kids who may feel the same way that might look up to you so you have to be strong, Sheka. We have a lot of emotions & most people are robots but don’t you ever treat yourself bad
@@sugandspice2011 just breathe & read 📖
The part where she says that at first, she was happy to finally get a diagnosis but then when she realized how serious it is she was really upset about it and she did excessive research is so relatable. Back when I was diagnosed that was exactly my reaction relief but then I felt like a monster with everything I read online. It's really hard to accept having BPD. It's been 5 years for me and I still haven't really accepted it and always think about what I would be like if I didn't have it.
It gets easier the older you get. Be patient with yourself. Do your best. You are not alone.
@@Maya-dc8cb thank you so much 😊 this gives me hope 🙏
I relate to so much, I've been a dietician, taxi driver, art teacher, massage therapist, landscape designer, physically therapist and felt like a impostor in all those. BPD is hard work, it's every second of every day. Keep going, well done ❤
Shout out to her boyfriend for helping her. She is beautiful, God bless her.
Radiant Renee my
Ex Boyfriend knew
Of my
Bpd tendency and basically put me down - he has traumatized me
So much
I’m so happy she has found someone -
Maybe one day I’ll find someone who will love me, even on my worst days
@@sarahnovamusicatlanta I am on the other side. My ex girlfriend has BPD. It has exhausted me. The negativity, the constant hatefulness towards me and the world. She does not want to seek professional help and is out of control. I still love her, but she has driven me away. She made it impossible to be with her. It breaks my heart. I think about her every day.
\ I have been in therapy for a long time and I can say it won’t get better until she seeks help. You, too, may also want seek some support or counseling.
Many men enjoy being in relationships with emotionally unstable women; that is nothing new.
Erin Gittins crazy chicks fuck best
i was diagnosed with bpd when i was 17. soon i'll be 55. recently i've been learning about it, and i can see what it's done to my life. if anyone out there has been diagnosed with this, or thinks they might be dealing with it, get help right now. don't live your life like i've lived mine.
Excellent advice.
Cheezyridr how was your life?
@@natalia979 well, now i can see many of the ways it affected me, and my ability to make decisions. but not when i was young, and busy trying to have a life. tbh, i am surprised that i've done as well as i have.
The only way is up from here. x
@@cheezyridr you see differently now, good luck from here 💜
I haven’t been diagnosed but I realize that I probably have BPD. My emotions are so intense. I’m going through a break up and it literally feels death. I have ended up in a psych hospital in the past because I felt so unstable. This story really helped me!
My beautiful wife of 27 years and a pwBPD, left two years ago July. This is what it was like for me.
Her love was the Promised Land and I was eager to prove my devotion. Together we wandered in the desert for many years, looking for the lush green forest at the edge of a lake, where surrounded by snow-capped mountains she could find peace and purpose. I brought plenty of food and water, which never seemed to quench her thirst or satisfy a hunger she could not describe.
Occasionally we came upon an oasis where I was content and happy. In time, once again, the spring would go dry and we would resume the search, each time in a new direction. I am now very weary, our water supply a burden I no longer wish to carry. I tap into the last reserves of inner strength to stumble onward in this barren landscape, gripped by a fear of what is beyond the ever-shifting dunes ahead. The blazing sun is high over-head, so I no longer have my bearings, but once again, there on the horizon a sea of green. Her enchanting song once again draws me to Bristol Cove on the lake in the mountains.
We lay down together in the cool green grass, but I soon realize, once again it is an illusion. Like a mirage, in a blink of an eye, it all vanishes and this time she too is gone. I realize I've lost the faith, I must give up the quest and turn back, no longer sure of a way home.
The sun has now set and in the darkness, I cannot resist the urge to look over my shoulder with each uncertain step. It has become second nature to worry about her; I will always feel her pain and hunger, her loneliness in the void. I am overwhelmed with an unfamiliar sensation and try to accept I no longer have the power to rescue her from the discontent she has felt her entire life, even worse, I realize my arrogance to think I ever could.
At the same time, I try to erase the image that she may have found the forest without me and is swimming in the cool clear water. I think "how weak of me to have given up" and in the knowledge that I will never see her again, what am I to do with the love I still have for her. It pours out onto the dry sand and evaporates without purpose.
The witness of my existence now gone, my heart is tormented by waves of sorrow, like the breakers of some ancient sea crashing on a rocky shore. The primeval granite reduced to particles of sand, now long forgotten, so too will our story be relegated to a footnote, then fade on the parchment of time with each passing generation.
I pry upon the wind, hoping to hear her sweet voice one last time, a faint echo from the promise land as she whispers, "I now know he truly loved me". I imagine her weeping with the thought "how could I have been blind for all those years, we should have found paradise together". It was a leap of faith she was unable to take, inflected with an invisible wound, suffered alone in her cradle so many years ago, long before her happiness became the purpose of my life. Our special place by the lake will forever remain lost beyond the horizon and when she or I, the last of what was once “us” departs this worldly existence, no one will say, “They were in love and are together again”.
Are you kidding me that this does not have more likes? I feel like if my husband was a poetic writer then he would have written this exact thing. As someone with bpd and a husband who really loves me... this was chillingly familiar. Wow
@@katykrokus7103 I wish you and your husband all the best. From someone who knows, the path you are on is difficult.
Life has dealt you a major obstruction, but together you will overcome and your relationship will be deeper for it. Beyond what most couples will ever enjoy.
Thank you for being a witness to our tragic story and I hope you can find your lake in the mountains.
This sums up two of my relationships with people diagnosed with BPD so well. I appreciate the way you wrote saviourism into it as well. That is, the co-dependency that comes thinking you can be the support that your partner needs.
This was beautifully written.
@Russell my gosh, how beautiful. Made me cry. ♥️
I was diagnosed with BPD on top of bipolar, agoraphobia, and severe depression. It's insanely difficult. It's 100% of the time. I'm either angry, sad, anxious, or super happy. There's no middle ground.
Mannnn
Do you take medication?
I can relate to every she's explaining. Even the fear in her voice. It's hell on earth
@Graciela Montano thats not helpful or kind to respond to someone like that on here, these are people all here for the same reason & are opening up and you have no right to shut that down so rudely & closed minded. anyone who has bpd or has someone in their life with bpd knows that your comment is uneducated & to anyone reading, including myself, youve just outed yourself as stupid. i’m glad youve decided to branch out and learn about a mental illness that you clearly know nothing about, however commenting something so demeaning and unhelpful to someone whos relating and opening up, is an awful thing to do.
@Graciela Montano try to be nicer on the internet, especially on the comments of a video about mental illness.
@Graciela Montano Therapy isn't something that you go one time and magically you are cured, people with BPD has to live all their life with this kind of shit yk?
Wow, your name really captures it. BPDs are sheep in wolf’s clothing.
As someone who is diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, which I believe they can all be an accumulation of a separate diagnoses, I 100% relate to her. I feel that if a close friend acts somehow distant then their usual self, I’ll take it personally as if they don’t like me no more. My mood appears to change every few minutes to days. I can go from happy to motivational in public to automatically getting lazy and having a strong urge to snap at home. So when I say I respect this beautiful, courageous lady, I mean it!
@@flow_state_chocolate How did you do it? What did you experience? I didn't really have a big experience with it and I'm trying to understand why that is?
I remenber watching this half a year ago when I frst heard of BPD.
I am now diagnosed with it and beginning DBT. Wishing everyone here luck on their journey!
How does someone find a passion ? I've been trying to find something. I just can't. There are things I like or love but overall everything feels empty. People talk about passion for everything and anything but I just don't have a passion at all.
Update: First off I want to thank everyone for the support. I'm sorry for not replying to anyone, I get overwhelmed easily. I also want to say to anyone who also is struggling to find a passion in life to not give up and it's never to late to find one. I wanted to update you guys though because I think I finally found it. I've always loved animals, but recently I found a true passion with working with them. I didn't want to be a vet because it would break my heart, but i recently started to work in an exotic pet store and I have a huge love for all animals, but I really love the misunderstood ones. Going to work and being surrounded by them every day makes me so incredibly happy. I know now I want to be a herpetologist, own my own exotic pet store one day and do educational programs to teach people they aren't scary but wonderful pets. i believe we can all find something for ourselves. It was a huge struggle for me over the years, but I finally found it and I thought I'd let you all know. Sending lots of love ♥
It's really hard! But sometimes the word passion is too hyped up as if it has to be something that should click and instantly give you a feeling of knowing it's the right thing and blah blah.. no, I think people just try things out or just choose to do something that they even just maybe would like a bit and actually trying it. I think it could help with the feeling of being able to find confidence in liking/being positive, confident and passionate about something and if you didn't like the thing you tried out you can maybe know better what you actually like. And sometimes maybe you have a deep interest for something and maybe it's a passion but you haven't realised because your concept of having a passion would only include obvious things that everyone around you are passionate about like football or music or art. For example I discovered how much I like psychology and hearing about different diagnoses and how different people are, people with ocd, narcissistic people, bipolar people, borderline, schitzofrenia and stuff like that. And before I would never actually see this as something to be passionate about for me because I had only watched UA-cam and partly been stuck on videos of extreme hoarders or just stuff like that and kind of think that no that's not something to have a passion about😂 and also I hadn't discovered that much in this interest. But now I realised this and just want to buy books written by extraordinary people who think very differently or just have been through crazy things because of how they where born or because of their experiences! So yeah I tried to explain it as good as I can haha very long text sorry
Love yourself and be your own best friend.
I can't find an ability to want anything because nothing really matters and emptiness will come back soon, anyways.
@dryer machine felt that shit
Felt all this shit. Lol fuck in g help
I feel bad that she went through an 8 month depression that was triggered by reading what people had to say about BPD. Thanks for being brave and doing this interview! I learned a lot.
Literally going through the same thing .. :/ it's no joke at all.. my mood shifts very badly if I think of something or even anything.. even ended up in jail for having a real bad episode. I was misdiagnosed for schizophrenia for my delutional beliefs I have then to find out I don't have it and been taking medication for years for it made me feel upset as in a way. . I have severe paranoia where I think everyone was against me and trying to hurt me. People even contributed into my delutions and even men were taking advantage of my illness for whatever they could get out of me.. never helped I'm just constantly angry then sad then happy but my paranoia stays with me forever... I will be seeing someone for why I think so delutional. Idk if it's associated with bpd.. but most people don't get this delutional.
When you read what people say online about BPD you’d understand why. It’s disgusting.
Bpd is being rebranded as eupd (emotionally unstable personality disorder) because of the stigma behind the borderline diagnosis
@@timbobshe Fr! I felt like such a horrible person and questioned if my life was even worth living because of the stereotypes and ideas that people have about ppl with BPD. I’m over that now but for awhile it was difficult to handle because I felt alone and like I was some type of monster that could never be good
😂
Because in society we have raised a bunch of special snowflakes
Living with BPD is the worst, I was recently diagnosed with it and it made me realize that’s why I acted different around other people. Every emotion is so overwhelming, even if the emotion is simply neutrality. I was told by MANY therapists as a child that my emotions were unstable and that those will take a toll on my actions and way of thinking, and they all tried to give me advice for such but it never worked. When I snap, I tend to absolutely wreck my reputation around my friends. I tell them my emotional overloads are terrible, and that they should proceed with caution when talking to me during one, as each time I’ve had an emotion overload I’ve wrecked both myself and everyone else around me, and when they tried to leave me it made the situation much worse. Even worse, I always have the delusion that they still love me and want to be friends with me and just want distance, so I keep trying to contact them as if we still know each other. I’ve been told I was an asshole, a terrible person, etc. all because I can’t control or express my emotions properly. I was different from all the other kids in my life, but I never expected it to be this way, as my mom told me, “I was depressed when I was younger too, but it wasn’t as bad as this.”
This literally sounds like me
SAME HERE 💯
People please pray for me that I can save enough up to be able to afford therapy. I’m really struggling and I need help. I would appreciate it so much. Thank you so much.
The good thing is, most psychiatric centers (Centerstone, Mental health co-op, etc) offer safety net programs & payment plans that will allow you to receive treatment for little to nothing. Whether you have insurance or not. Most people are actually eligible for safety net programs. I would check with your provider of choice to see if you qualify. You don't have to wait to receive the help that you need.
Isabella, please reach out to your local city or county behavioral health center. They can help you find free or low cost mental health services and resources in your community. Mine saved my life. They had a peer counseling office that helped me find free professional therapy, free support groups, free career counseling, free wellness classes. God BLESS you, Isabella. You are worthy of happiness and mental peace. 🙏❤️🤗
@@Llyrdriel thank you so much 🤍
@@JasmineCheyanne thank you so very much💕
🙏🏼
hey voice shaking broke my heart
im kinda a little bit sad mine as well by the end i was in tear's
And some arrogant people say those with BPD have no empathy or emotions 😒
It broke my heart too
@@Isa-cr7fd do people say that? shit. well I cried to and Ive got some strong bpd
A K we have empathy and emotions difference is that we feel both of those on much more intense level simple as that I've suffered from bpd for 21yrs
Steven Carr damn 21 years is a hella long times I’ve been dealing with it since I was 14 and I’m 21 now and I’m just about ready to die tbh I hate the empty feeling that’s the worst
Seeing other people with Bpd understanding and experience this made me feel less alone, she is so gorgeous and amazing for speaking up about this
I am glad she acknowleded her love partner being part of her support but also being able to pull her out of her bad days and give her a reason. My GF has BPD and it took me awhile to understand why she does certain things and that sometimes she can't help the way she acts. I love my GF with BPD so much i try to help her anyway and everyway i can within reason. My life is not dependent on her mood or revolve walking on egg shells around her. You might think my words are harsh, that my GF is the one living with BPD but as her BF i live with the consequences.
When she was talking about how her boyfriend was her support system I started sobbing because I don’t know how to convey my emotions to my boyfriend without him thinking I’m just overreacting
That’s how I feel as well. In the beginning he would talk things out and give me space, reassure me and let me know he would always be there to support me. Now I feel like it’s just too much for him. He says “you’re not even trying to get better” “you need help” “you’re the problem”
This happens to me too but whenever i ry to voice to my mom what hurt me she always says i imagine everything it hurts so much that now i don’t ever want to tell people what i feel.
update?
I dont have bpd but my ex did. People with bpd think very differently to those without the condition (hense it can seem like you both dont understand each other). I.e something that people (without bpd) would think is a very minor thing could actually be a major thing to someone with bpd (hense why we say, you're over-reacting). I give an example and this is true from my ex. I went to the park on my own (because i was bored waiting for her to finish work and it was a gorgeous day). She asks me why i went to the park on my own and then associates it to me being a padeo. Its an extreme reaction and only someone who isnt mentally well can reach to that conclusion from just that piece of information. I get you are suffering but if you aren't in therapy to re-train the thought process of the brain, its gonna be virtually impossible to maintain healthy relationships.
Me :(
I can hear the "near to tears" tone in her voice through out this entire video. Which hurts
What a charismatic, lovely, genuine, brave and beautiful soul. Thank you for having the courage to share such vulnerable emotions! How inspiring 🥰🥰
I just got diagnosed with this yesterday. I spent the whole day crying tears of joy and relief for finally being heard and given a goal post almost. Learning about this disorder is equally as heartbreaking as it is enthralling, I'm so eager to see the positives and use those to our advantages. Thank you for posting this. I, too, was motivated to change for my family after being raised by a very mentally ill mother abusing alcohol, Sammy's really spoke to my heart. Rooting for all you out there courageous enough to do the same!
I was diagnosed with BPD last year and everything I feel is now valid to me. I have so many masks that I wear that I have no clue who I am underneath.
🤗
I found my people. i love y’all, stay up and stay strong. We’ll get through this (appreciate the love back 🖤)
awe love youu
❤️❤️❤️
by the way , this kind of people like expressing feelings , so seriously LOVE YOU
❤️❤️❤️🙏🏾🙌🏾
We love you too 🥰🥰
The comments in here just have me sobbing, we are so many yet we feel so few. Not only do we shame and doubt ourselves on a daily basis but now that the awareness of this illness has spread…so we may try to help ourselves..we get to have only added paranoia due to the judgment towards BPD by the people around us.
I’ve been in bed for three days now and I’m paralyzed with my sadness, I feel like my eight months down is here and I’m terrified. I can’t tell you how many eight months down I’ve had and for a time there, it felt like maybe that would never happen again.
Like others here have said, show some kindness, we feel these judgements deeper than you will ever know.
It feels like I'm watching myself here 😭 I can't even say a single word describing myself without shaking and crying, but she can and that's amazing. Much love to you, Sammy ❤️
If you don't have any friends they can't reject you :)
beating the system
Literally my thinking: just leave first so they don’t have to
@@phant0m0th_ That's how I think too 😔
@@kimliptraumatizedbycocomon2314 yup i didnt realize what it was because i had been doing the same thing since i was 7 or 8...another thing i cant remember anything before that age and anything after is in pieces.
ME!
As soon as she started talking about her friendships, loving someone then HATING THEM. I cried so hard. I never felt something more in my life. I felt like this person's very existence was vile. Now, I with depression medication I am at least able to see that he did nothing wrong to me. I am finally able to talk to him normally again
What causes the switch to extreme hate?
@@vivacianon if their 'tone' changes, or feel 'smothered' or feel hated when they don't reply all negative emotions and thoughts diving into your head like a constant battle
@@me-oh9du so essentially if you think they want to reject you, you hate them?
Question, I have had this happen to me twice in my life the first was also towards the man who raped me. And the second was my ex husband who kept lying to me but it was a slow hate, I stayed longer than I should have. I no longer feel hate for either. Do I have BPD?
@@nataliedulaney8347 hating people who have ACTUALLY wronged you is much different than hating people who you suspect MIGHT wrong you (especially when there's no logical basis to that belief) i know there's probably more to it, however based on that alone, i'd say probably not
Reading about what people say about pwBPD was one of the main reasons why I simply refused to accept my diagnose for very long. I felt gross, abusive, just like a horrible person. I want people with this mindset to know that living with this illness is the worst kind of hell someone can be in. We do not hurt you because we want to, let alone because we are evil. We do not push you away because we're testing limits. Our brains trap us in persistent mental anguish and we need you to be compassionate.
I see so much of myself when she describes her struggles. Bless her for being brave and putting her struggles out there for others to learn from.
I’m jealous that she’s managed to keep jobs for at least a year. I can barely keep them for 3 months
LiSaia ua-cam.com/video/mCy6M3XsGzQ/v-deo.html
I have a hard time keeping job's
@LiSaia, I don’t believe that this woman has the right diagnosis even now. My wife of 5 years had BPD, it was impossible for her to hold a job for longer than a month. I’d like to ask you a question. How efficient are you at actually implementing the corrective action to a negative behavior of yours?
Sammy (Video) is describing/reciting symptoms right from the DSM I don’t know, I just get the feeling that she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and/or trauma.
Seriously 😩 . That’s one of my personal goals . Keeping one for more than a year . It’s soo hard
@@trippstephens6934 do you even know what narcissism is? People need to stop labeling BPD people as Narcissists. If this young lady was narcissistic, we would all know. Her voice is high pitched and shaky - that's her anxiety. You can tell she talks before thinking, so sometimes, she uses the wrong words, etc. All those are subtle signs of an unstable self identity, not being sure of herself, needing validation, etc.
That is not narcissistic!!
Enough with the stigma.
Whenever I’m hurt and I have those intense feelings, it feels like my whole body is shutting down. Everything inside of me hurts physically, and it’s so hard to make others understand. In this world I always feel so alone because its like no one understands the level of pain I feel.
Yes
I was told to fill out a questionnaire and they said the results showed I marked a lot of indicators for pain, then said "no one is in that much pain" like talking down to me. And I'm thinking if they spent a day in my mind/body they would know it can be excruciating.
You're not.alone brother
Thank you so much for saying this because ive never felt something resonate like what you said i live in pain everyday its like the emotional and mental pain causes me physical pain
Nobody knows the trouble I feel. Nobody knows but Jesus. Gotta love those spirituals.
Great video. I was only diagnosed yesterday, meeting 10 of the 10 traits. It’s so true that you know I’m yourself that somethings wrong. I was mis diagnosed 5 years ago with agoraphobia, severe social anxiety and depression. It’s such a relief to finally receive a diagnosis that makes perfect sense.
Her ability to regulate while saying all this is commendable. She’s so brave. Such a trooper ! ❤
Her boyfriend has the patience of a saint and must be incredibly secure, mature, and committed to her. Really cool she is becoming more aware now that she recognizes what’s happening and gaining stability with a good guy.
I lasted 6 years with my ex before she drained me dry. I couldn't do it anymore. Life was chaos and hell. Everything I did was wrong and all I saw from her was anger. The best thing she did for me was to leave and find a new man to suck emotionally dry.
@@ThePooppantsman you sound like an evil person
@@MsOdd86 no, just a person who went to battle with a person who was mentally ill and know what the world is and not what it should be.
@@MsOdd86 I think he is a good person tbh for staying 6 years and did his best. Thats more than a person can ask. We re only human
@@MsOdd86 I think you dismiss the challenges that loved ones face dealing with another person that has a mental disorder. I'm sure you'd be more understanding if someone said they were done being sucked dry by a crack addict. Or someone with kleptomania, or a psychopath. doesn't matter what it is, it can all be very destructive to loved ones. The loved ones have a right to their frustration as do the sufferers. It's not easy for anyone involved, the person with the disorder or the ppl dealing with them. Regardless if it were intentional or not, his ex caused a lot of damage and there isn't anything wrong with acknowledging that.
As someone living with bpd and no support system I want people to understand I don't want to be this way but my mind controls me not the other way around and it's hard asf waking up everyday not wanting to live with the angry, guilt, depression, paranoid thoughts and emptiness. As someone living with bpd I want say please understand we don't want this way.
i feel the same and even worse :(
my whole family thinks i do it all for attention. they know my diagnosis they just choose not to care :/
@@lotusblossom5239 That's terrible but I understand that some people assume mental health is just a mind thing but it's so much more then that, it's effing forever fight. Dear I hope to find the help and support you deserve you are worth it forget what the naysayers say. 💗
Period
I understand what you are going through. It's the same here. It's fucking hard. I hate it. For me I believe ending my life is imminent. I'm becoming on with that. That's all I think about. I don't feel like a man I feel weak-minded. I'm 54. There is nothing left. There is no god or hell or anything like that. I know when I do it. I we'll just cease to exist. And the pain will be gone. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's no fun.
I was diagnosed today, a lot of what was said in the video really touched me. I always felt so alone in my problems but to know that I am not the only one to feel these things. It makes me so overwhelmed.
I felt exactly like her when I got my diagnose. It is incredible to hear her and see so much of myself in her words. Fortunately I never had self harm behaviours or suicide thoughts but everything else is just like talking to a mirror. Changing jobs constantly, romantic relationships, friendships. Impulsiveness has been having a huge toll on many of my relationships. Not to the point of hitting my girlfriends or something near but saying offensive things that just come out in the heat of a discussion and I don’t really feel it or ending a relationship as a defence mechanism. Suddenly, an hour or so after “the episode” ends, I start to become introspective and don’t even recognise myself. I feel so bad about it and try to do things right, that it appears that I have no self love or self respect like “please come back! Don’t leave me”. It’s horrible.
Sense of emptiness and big impulsiveness in buying and spending money on things as a way to feel a bit happy is also something a person with BPD has and in my case it got to a point of having a huge debt and becoming even more anxious, preoccupied and depressed. It’s like a bubble if you don’t have the right support by your side.
If you have the means try and get therapeutical help, even if it also means to take some prescription drugs from your psychiatrist.
If you’re reading this because you’re dealing with someone with BPD, please be patient and try to show that person that you love her/him and you’re not going anywhere. It is not our fault and no one suffers more with this than us. It’s one of the best ways to help. It also means you’re a great person and deserve the best.
Thank you :)
I had this best friend. She was like a sister to me. I had an episode and deleted everyone off all my social mediaa and changed my phone number. Once I calmed down, I got back on social media a few weeks later, and I wanted to add her again, but I feel like her life is better with out me in it. So i never added her or messaged her. But I miss her everyday.
Call her and be honest with her. If YOU were also HER best friend, she probably misses you.
Always try communicate , so they know the signs xx
My best friend has been diagnosed with BPD. And it’s been very hard at times, ngl. But I’m watching this and educating myself because I want us to stay in each other’s lives and I want to be able to support her without compromising my own boundaries. Reach out to her and be honest, you never know how she might feel ❤️
I will almost guarantee she is wondering what happened to you. Sounds like she has no way of contacting you because you deleted/changed. Please reach out to her. Maybe you can write her a letter which might make contacting her much easier. It doesn’t have to be an in-depth letter. You can simply explain that you were going through a mental health crisis and didn’t have the skills to cope. Tell her that you’ve learned a lot since you disappeared, and would like to reconnect with her. Let her know that you miss her and think of her daily. Explain to her that you’ve been embarrassed about not reaching out sooner but fear overtook you.
Please reach out to her. Sounds like she deserves that. You do as well.
Her heart is probably broken. I'm sure she cried. I would.
I love her. She's so authentic. You can hear her voice shake and how she is serious and self-aware. Can't wait to see the whole serie!
@gabriel vazquez When a person is castigated, as you just did, a person will develop more fear and will probably still feel anxiety when speaking. When a person is praised, as Martyna did, it helps the person to be more confident, which will make public speaking easier. You are a bully, Gabriel, and Martyna is not. Bullying does not improve a person in the long term - it only inflicts pain and mental disorders on others.
She is monster like all BPD pretending to be a victim
@@yuriloza7018 What the hell do you mean?
@gabriel vazquez Why are you making this about gender? And why is it wrong for them to point out that they can relate to her because of her struggles? (and I am not talking about public speaking)
It blows my mind that someone can be so insightful about their own personality disorder. You are an incredible person Ms. Grimm. God bless you.
This was my most recent gf…and it broke my heart I couldn’t help her, or support her in her journey in a better, more healthy manner. My patterns of codependency definitely didn’t help me be a more stable support system…which I regret. I felt her pain, and owned my own, but we weren’t able to get to a place of healing together. We all deserve safe and secure love - finding it in and with ourselves, and then sharing it with another. I honestly believe two people from trauma backgrounds can have amazing relationships…just on the other side of actually embracing true healing.
Having a chaotic upbringing can lead to being addicted to chaos...we are used to having chaos in our lives...in a sense “chaos feels normal to us”
Being normal can seem “boring”
It’s hard to change:..when you are used to it...we hate it but there is an underlying “comfort” to it...it’s so crazy...hard to understand but harder to overcome!
Trying so hard to overcome my chaotic upbringing...therapy is good to recognize it! Understanding why my life has always been chaotic...now I know...
When you know why...makes changes easier
This. this needs so many more likes. You just put into words what I couldn't. Thank you.
You just explained my entire behaviour.. Thank you
This is easily explained by neuroplasticity! You can teach your brain to be anxious, angry and sad. But you can also teach your brain how to be relaxed, positive and happy. It has been proven in science :) very encouraging thing to know for people who suffer from BPD!
Her makeup is stunning!
Yeah!!!!
So?
Ana Luísa Lizidatti someone’s jealous....
so is her rack.
She's really pretty.
What an absolutely beautiful, beautiful soul! I have confidennce that Sammy will someday be able to move beyond the trauma of her childhood, beyond BPD, and help others to find their place in this often cruel and difficult world. She is so smart and has a lovely personality. Just by sharing her story, Sammy has helped many people. I will pray for her continued healing on her life's path. May she feel the real presence of The Divine Assistance in her life always.
The fact that I can identify with her entire story and what she has been dealing with just gave me a sense of relief😩 It’s hard living with BPD
As someone with BPD, I appreciate Sammy telling the story and giving a human face to the frustration that is so often described as monstrous. As anyone can see, she’s not a monster by any stretch of the imagination. None of us are.
I’d also like to add that the interviewer did a great job of keeping the tone casual and warm. It obviously helped Sammy to settle in and calm down in order to tell her story. Thank you for that.
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Lots of love to you, finally someone says it. I'm afraid as hell to search for a therapist and for friends or a relationship because I think of how much society hates borderliners. Or in other words, everyone seems to fear people with bpd. And that fact makes me feel incredibly lonely and worthless.
Thank you so much for your words. 💋
Sarah Möller, I wish you the very best. I might recommend a video on UA-cam by Shari Manning. It’s her presentation of ‘Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder’. It was immensely beneficial to my husband and me, so much so that I gave him the book for Xmas.
Dr. Daniel Fox also has a channel on UA-cam where he spends most of his time discussing and helping those of us with BPD. He’s a psychologist in Texas so he unfortunately can’t treat individuals anywhere else, but he’s exceptionally generous with his knowledge, compassion, and time. 😘
@@SaRah-vr2mn I know it's been a year since this comment, but I need to write this: Please reach out to a therapist. Someone who specializes in BPD and the according treatments, so they can effectively help you. I don't have BPD myself, but I've been very close friends with someone who does for half my life. Their amount of suffering is nothing anyone can or should have to cope with one their own. Wish you all the best. ❤️
This makes me cry; there is someone out there just like me.
Everything she describes, is my day to day life; especially when she talks about interacting with other people...
I have been misdiagnosed at least 6 times, and I finally got my diagnosis as an adult, and it makes me feel better that I know what is actually wrong with me.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar, ADHD, Psychosis, Anti-social disorder.... when the whole time it was just BPD. I had taken 14 types of meds within 6 years, none of them worked.
Right now, I smoke weed and concentrated oils for my disorder; it helps me calm down and focus, and not have so much anxiety.
Dear sister Amanda trust and know that there is nothing wrong with you that you are okay. Meaning it is okay to be different and okay to struggle but as you stated the tears to know that you are not alone. Many times we feel that we are alone on this journey That's what Satan wishes to do is separate us when in fact we are not the only ones who struggle. The key point is yes to know that you are not alone on this journey that there are others and take the time to recognize our behaviors and learn to challenge them. For me what works wonderful with CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. There is also DBT which is dialectical behavioral therapy and that is directed towards borderline personality and was a super awesome study definitely highly recommended it's nice to chat with a therapist but if it becomes nothing more than a bitch session complaining about the world or all we see ourselves as victims then it is not beneficial. The best therapist is one that will challenge the belief system give you homework to change our behaviors for me I saw your pain picked up the books and started obsessively studying what was wrong with everyone around me LOL after a very long time I sat down and looked at me and said what the heck is wrong with me. My type is always been to date BP's. And as with you I had or we had no understanding what was going on between us because we could not see the hidden issues as you are now able to see. Please pick up your arms and start studying all that you can definitely look into dialectical behavioral therapy called DBT and there is a workbook it really made a big difference in my life too though I do not struggle with BP I believe I'm far worse but have been able 2 challenge and make a difference and my belief system and how I see things if we have spent so many years living a certain way it takes a very long two of dedication to change and live a new way. One last point I always remembered about a VP but I never understood the validation point their struggles needing to be validated and recognized my girlfriend was much like a submarine in the dark sending out sonar waiting for anything to come back good or bad is at least validation. Take care n share when yur able n yea u will grow n heal
@Episode Interactive Yeah, they switched it on me after I turned 5... they diagnosed me at 3... gave me RITALIN and expected me to act normal...
That never happened.
I'm sorry you experience this. I have similar issues. I found out because I had about 15 people tell me this year nothing is ever black and white and I'm too militant about it. I didn't know what that meant and I started looking online and found these videos and then the mayo clinic site. It's like something clicked in my head and made sense. I never felt I was bipolar because my manic episodes lasted 2 hours and then I could be depressed or sad again. I constantly struggle with impulsive habits as well. Anyhow, are the oils you mention CBD oils and do they work?
I've smoked weed daily for 7 years and am certain it played a role in developing my symptoms which resemble BPD.
Same baby girl. My heart is with you
This is very relatable. The way she explained how she experiences dissociation resonates so much with me. Thank you!
Just watching this... hits so deeply. I was officially diagnosed with BPD about a year and a half ago now. It just.. finally all made sense. Everything she talks about here just... hits home.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can't describe how important that is and how much it means.
You are such a strong and beautiful person.
2017 was also my most depressive year yet, and it was for a lot of people....weird
I agree. 2017 was hell for me.
Every year seems to be the most depressing year for more people than the last.
wow ..weird my worst year to date
Yep, 2017 alot fell apart, still recovering, nowhere back to 100%. I feel for this girl.
I had a mental breakdown, dropped from school, and my band broke up. it's not weird at all..
I'm currently dealing with a pretty intense episode that has lasted this past week. Doesn't really feel like it's gonna stop. I wouldn't wish BPD on my worst enemy.
I really hope things have improved for you 💜
Same…
had a really bad episode 2 days ago and i feel so guilty
@@satinepetit2512 I'm in a much better place now. Keep fighting! I believe in you.
Me too was stable for so long now. Unstable again. Just so hard to deal with.
Thanks for sharing your story Sammy! I found this extremely inspiring as someone whose former partner was struggling with misdiagnosed BPD and never knew what exactly was going on, or how they could get help and treatment. I myself have dealt with chronic anxiety and depression, and could relate in many ways but the “blackouts” where they would zone out and not hear me were something I never understood til now. You explained everything so clearly, and so beautifully. I have no doubt that you’re going amazing places and just know that you’ve already made a major difference by sharing your experiences with the world and helping to reduce the stigmas around mental health issues & bring better understanding and clarity. You rock my friend. 🙌🏼🎉
what a winner! she's taken life by the horns and is doing the work.... it's EXTREMELY difficult to recognize that you have something amiss, and to summon the courage to admit it to yourself and others while simultaneously batting a mental health disorder is astounding! good on her and may she continue to heal and be blessed!
So glad her boyfriend is understanding and supportive! It makes a huge difference.
Shannon,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news!
How many women would be understanding and supportive of a man with BPD? Almost none. It's something they need to work on: supporting men when they are broken.
This is a gender issue? Some people would stay some won't.
@@shannonmaire I'm afraid it really is a gender issue.
I think not. Some people just aren't who we want them to be.
This sounds like what my husband's childhood was like. Very unstable, disruptive, abusive, tramatic...people that have typical childhoods can not even imagine it
Same here. I've wondered wtf I'm here for
I watched this video, did research, and talked to my psychiatrist…got diagnosed. Thank you so much for sharing your experience 🙏🏾❤️
I've just finally been diagnosed today with BPD and everything clicked into place. Nice to finally hear other people talk about the way I feel all day everyday!
I had this "dissociation" or blacking out since childhood, almost every day, and instead of getting therapy, I was always scolded for being careless or "not paying attention". Mindfulness helped me and now I am a counsellor myself, but watching this video made me wonder if was also not getting the right diagnosis years ago, when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Maybe
N Kh anxiety depression and BPD can all hang out together. My BPD is from childhood trauma, this childhood trauma also triggered sudden onset panic attack disorder( the generalized anxiety disorder is also common among people with BPD). I've also heard of a lot of other people who have depression issues alongside BPD. it's completely plausible your diagnosis is correct but there's additional symptoms to diagnose that might be connected to something else such as BPD. also look at CPTSD which is complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It can mimic a lot of the symptoms.
Yeah same they said it was adhd as a child . Ended up on depression and anxiety meds then eventually when I spoke to someone My counselor told me I was bipolar Schizo. I end up finding about bpd. Now I just think it’s that
Omg this is crazy to see myself in someone else. The young lady is definitely how I am. I can hear the anxiety in her voice. Thats how I sound.
All u say is I, I, I.
In other words:
Me, me, me.
Hope you're fine buddy!
Sameeeee
What an absolute UNIT. So happy for her being so outspoken and courageous
Wow I haven’t been diagnosed yet but I feel I have bpd and hearing the held back emotions in her voice resonates with me 100%. I pray she continues to fight the good fight ❤️
this is 100% me. i cant get a diagnosis because my family doesnt believe in mental health. but it rlly sucks when u get so clingy to a friend or a partner and when they dont text back that second it almost feels like u wanna hurt them for just not texting back. this is a huge issue for me, hints why i dont have much friends. which doesnt help at all because no one is rlly there to lean on. so i feel unloved or unnoticed, as if im doing something wrong. ugh. life sucks.
I am so sorry to hear. Are you so dependent on your family that you are not able to go and ask for medical help yourself (without them or even without them knowing)?
Go to an authority figure in your life and tell them your parents are refusing you potentially life-saving treatment for mental health issues.
I relate to this. I did go to a psychiatrist a couple of time due to my impulsive self harm/overdose issues and was diagnosed with anxiety, and my BPD was left undiagnosed. So when I started not being vulnerable/expressing myself to my family, they thought I was cured and they stopped taking me to the doctor. Now I am constantly struggling with BPD yet I can't ask my parents again and seem "crazy", but I'm also failing in many aspects of life. I'm sorry you also cannot get your treatment. Hopefully people like us can reach a point in life where we won't have to rely on others for treatment and get it ourselves. ❤️❤️
i relate to this. i believe both my parents suffer with untreated and undiagnosed mental health problems as well as me. the anger issues are what scare me. every emotion just feels so intense and engulfing and there’s no way i can control them. you’re not alone❤️
Parents that don't believe in mental health are the worst. I told my dad about me possibly having BPD and even showed him a website which explains a lot of things. He didn't care and told me he can't help me.
Once I was so sad and empty that I couldn't get myself to go to school or leave my bed. He got so mad, he told me to kill myself.
Same with my mom. I told her that I wanted to get birth control to stop my periods cause they were making me want to kill myself. And she told me to knock it off. Like dude I was literally crying my heart out when I told her that.
Just today I cried so much I had a lot of trouble breathing, my heart was going crazy. I really thought it was the end of me.
I am too anxious to get help by myself and there's literally no one who wants to help me. I don't have friends, nothing. Why must life be such a pain in the ass?
i think shes so smart, well spoken, beautiful and strong that she got herself hope. The interviewer seemed super engaged and did a great job of making her feel more comfortable.
This video describes it perfectly!
Thank you so much!
& may she be blessed!
So brave for sharing her story! ❤🙏🏽
I've lived with this condition for so many years, I've had some healing and therapy but still on that journey..
Awesome interview, thank you