THE NARCISSIST YOU TRUSTED
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- Опубліковано 23 бер 2024
- #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabuse The betrayal of a narcissist can cause emotional pain that is overwhelming and extremely difficult to recover from. Time, understanding and self-compassion can slowly help us process the betrayal and move on with a deeper trust in ourselves.
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Here is contact information for when immediate help with abuse or self harm is needed. It is recommended that you use a computer or phone that your abuser cannot monitor:
Emergency: 911
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433)
Crisis Text Line: Text "DESERVE" TO 741-741
Lifeline Crisis Chat (Online live messaging): suicidepreventionlifeline.org...
Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
www.ywca.org/what-we-do/domes...
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Australia: 1-800-RESPECT
I was shocked to learn this narc was wearing a mask. I dont know how I was so fooled. They literally betray, abuse and discard. They are not human.
What was so shocking to me was my deep denial of his lack of depth, immaturity, and lack of emotion. After 35 years married, 45 years knowing him, a stranger appeared. This was a huge betrayal.
They can hold the mask on for a surprisingly long time. My narc basically kept it on for 10 years - although it did slip in between there. I just never admitted it to myself what I was witnessing.
@donnas.1576 Same here: 42 yrs together of which 36 married, now divorced since 1,5 yrs and still working hard to become a functional person again. The psychological impact is devastating and difficult to understand. And meanwhile I am affirming his view on me, that I am the problem: unstable, too emotional, weak etc. I would like to talk to someone with similar experience of a very long term relationship. All these years I have been believing my own positive projection on him and his own view on himself. Only now do I see more clearly how our relationship functioned. And I have to do a lot of work to process emotions and build up a good sense of self. I am improving , but still am quizzed at all the damage this has done to my psyche. Still wondering how I could fall so low in a dark pit. Thanks for videos as these. My sympathy to all who lived this experience.
I understand your hurt.
They kept the mask on for decades?!
@@karindegraaf246 Its startling how long we "survive." I'm going on 32 years of marriage. We have 4 children. I worked like a drudge horse to keep them safe and financially secure. It was the most important job of my life. The reality is, I got used. I couldn't see it. I lived for her, yet she doled out affection as if I had to earn it. My passions, some of which I sidelined, she denigraded or ignored if I began having success. I feel like a banana peel toss in at the roadside. I found a job out of state so I wouldn't have to be badgered all the time. How could I have let so many years slip? I hear you.
They act like a normal person but then they PROVE you WRONG! Dang
it's always the 'quiet ones' ....
It’s hard to process. That people are out there like that. Mind blowing.
I agree, it is alarming!
They should be locked up.
👏👏👏👏
100%. That they aren't is a sign of how our society is so lacking in character, ethics and humanity.
They are criminals. Absolutely not human.
are you SURE you’re not a professional? Wow, you did GREAT on this, good job!
I'm struggling & have been daily for 8 years! I wake up daily back in the same misery this has taken over my soul! I need help 😢😢😢
I can really identify with the shame. After the ex narcissist beat me for the first time I begged him to come back.after he cheated on me with men and women I allowed him back. It wasn’t until he assaulted my neighbours that I saw the light and the fog started to lift. I find your channel so helpful. Thank you 😊
Maybe for a future video... narcissists who catastrophize everything to cause fear?
Like you said, I think the grief is worse than losing a ‘normal’ person. I’m 65 now, away from trickster 5 years, and it hurts deeply to know I have never really been loved the way I craved to be loved. Happiness with my faithful dog now though. 100% believe the hurt cannot be understood except by us who have lived it. 🙏
Trickster... A word I repeat to myself often. I was tricked.
Yeah, the worst part is KNOWING they never loved us. They watch, plot, scheme and line up as many flying monkeys as they can. Then they pounce with the brutality and vengeance of a madman!!! Never in my worst nightmares could I have imagined the literal hatred he has harbored against me. That's hard 😢
@@angiehayes7397 Hi Angie, yes, it’s not just that we have not been loved, it’s that they have secretly despised us till they can’t hide it any more. It sounds like you got what I got, an explosion of venom totally undeserved. I hope you are in a good place now Angie, and the same wishes for everyone who has experienced this. 🙏
@@attractarattigan3574 Beguiled by a serpent.
What hurts is when your most of your family are narcissistic it is a betrayal . My father is very narcissistic he doesn't care about how his actions effects his son . He is one sided , double standard , full of drama , lacks any accountiblity , brings the worse out in me . Have trouble connecting with people and trusting anyone all thanks to being backstabbed , bullied , pushed around , gaslighted , blind sided etc .
My daughter and son in law are narcissistic. Complete betrayal. It hit me to the core. But, we will survive and come out much wiser and stronger.
and your mom? Likely the enabler and different form of narcissist by letting it happen, and is just as harmful. Toxic seeks toxic and I think most relationships are trauma bond codependencies
Once all of the crap is pulled theres no going back theres just not!
I read in the Bible that there is a righteous anger, That made me feel much better when my husband said or did something to me!
Looking back on everything was so dishonest, everything. Also I’ve had an idea for a video called The Things You Hide From The Narc.. I’m in the middle of a divorce and I catch myself hiding everything from food , emotions, ideas and even my trash because I’ve noticed them going through it to get clues on my life. They’ve even mentioned liked “ oh you got cinnamon rolls?” 🙄
God help us.
The triggers are the worst I live near by I work with him I see all the women he looks at and flirts with daily! I'm ANGRY AS SOON AS I WAKE UP! I cry with my coffee in the shower at work on my way home & thought out my evening. My kids see a dead soul & that's not fair!
If I were you I would move AND change jobs. Think of the narc as mentally unwell. Go to therapy. Do it for yourself and the kids. It can be done.
I'm so sorry. I've been there. Still go there sometimes. I know that feeling of being in pain and
not being able to get out of it. Hold your head up. You're beautiful and you have a soft heart.
Definitely move and get a new job.
This is why I have belonged to Jesus deep down all of my life. I was a dead end to most of my true love relationships. They would say I love you but instantly I'd say, but I love God. They thought I was special but in my own opinion I was nothing but a lustful sinner. I enjoyed being in love from a very young age many different times but as I grew older there's no greater love than the love of God. I am a bride of Christ and there's nothing more free, peaceful and joyful than that. He finally won me over after 44 years of waiting patiently for me to surrender my whole being to Him. Happy and free living my life with Jesus.
Theres only competitive and lies thats all
Family, friends, lovers...as time goes on you see the relationships for what they truly were...and sadly, we are the ones with hearts who are left with the pain and aftermath while they dont care a fraction of the amount you do. My ex could take herself out to a movie and dinner and sleep like a baby not thinking about anyone elses life and struggle. My biggest regret EVER is the times of my life i sunk to their level of selfishness. Truly im ashamed of how narcissistic i was when i was younger. You realize how fixated some people are on themselves and their comfort and pleasure and its ridiculous. I watch my christian father pass people in stores who are disabled and he still carries on with his negative bs...im thinking like dang cant you be grateful you still walk and have all your limbs? I get complainy too sometimes but i always find the solution is looking beyond my own pain. Seeing a veteran with no legs in a wheelchair can make one realize how much there is to be grateful for. But the pain from emotional mental abuse is still valid.
Just so you know,
Being like Christ is what makes one a Christian. Jesus doesn't approve of narcissistic behavior.
Being with the homeless people coming for the free food every Sunday at church makes me appreciate having a house and the money to provide for the Narcissistic squatters I thought were my friends.
My main struggle is that nobody around me seems to realize how horrific this experience can be. I don’t wanna be pitied, I just want to talk about what happened. People just don’t get it. Luckily, I should probably say.
I’m afraid that the stress is making me sick and I’m afraid it will turn into cancer. If it’s possible to get rid of the anger and stress my health may be spared. Unfortunately my narcissist is my elderly mother. I finally went no contact and I do not miss her at all. Not one bit. But the betrayal is still impacting me. I definitely recommend against the back and forth and belief it will get better only to be betrayed over and over again. You will get sick.
I have to say you really have a good understanding of what these people are like. It’s so true. They look like regular humans but there’s nothing inside. They’re robots. After my husband died my parents offered no help to me and my four children. When one of my daughters then died, again no help from my parents. They really are empty shells that look like people.
They do destroy your health trust me! My organs took a hit my heart was acting up all the time!! Please get out please!!! The stress will lead to illness ! They say they are toxic for a reason
Made me sick too.
I don't believe cancer is caused by emotions, it's probably caused by other things like genetics, nutrition, exposure to pollutants, etc. So you can strike that off your list of worries. The anger at being betrayed is going to last for a while because it's a normal reaction, it's like grieving. Life is unfair and can be horrible sometimes.
It is a painful betrayal. I trusted her at the beginning, and told her things that matter to me the most, and one of those things is my son. The devaluing and threaten were big. Her wanting to create scenarios where me and my son separate was and still is evil.
They are pure evil.
Shape shifting creatures 😮
I simply view it as a bad addiction.
They try hook you up on whatever makes you tick.
Then its like, I miss the old days but I cant tolerate the person that's now today. A manipulating, uncaring individual who enjoys seeing people vulnerable
IMO people that guilt you into not feeling angry or not forgiving are the absolute worst. No better than a narcissist. A continuation of abuse via theft of humanity.
Thank you so much!!!! you should get a Nobel prize for insight!!! 👍❤❤❤
My emotions are mostly crying/bawling as if I’ve lost everything….THEN the anger cause it’s his fault I’m hurting so bad.
Love and understanding for you.
Please stay no contact so you can get through this.
It does take a long time. I am 4 years no contact and still recovering that's how difficult it is 😔
Realizing someone I love is a narcissist has felt each time like they died. I have to grieve for a person who never existed. It feels more tragic and painful than losing a real love. There's no comfort for this kind of loss.
worse than death. Why? Death is not person. This affects you personally. Bigtime
🌟 🌟 🌟
It was my birthday today and my npd sister sent me one of her phony joy messages, i hardly read it, because her words mean nothing to me, she usually sends a card but i don't get those anymore because i think she's onto me, cause i am onto her, i've never felt so much distaste for her, it must be that these streams made me remember all the abuse and nastiness i've suffered and i remembered the horrible treatment also i had from my other sister 💔 who i b,ocked, i was feeling guilty until once again i remembered, i seem to forget so easily because i am not the type to sit and hate, i forget these incidents quickly, i don't even remember them but since watching these streams i have been remembering all these nasty episodes where i was treated like trash, screamed at for nothing, i wont go on, one down, one to go!❤❤😢
im still struggling with it 4 years later after no contact i really liked the woman but now im wishing i never spoke to it in the first place they turn into a bully yes a woman managed to bully a man! i didnt stand up for myself i just suffered in silence i didnt want to fight back she took advantage of it she groomed and manipulated me blamed me for it all. wtf did i do to her? well id try to avoid her she then hoovered this crap went on for 8 months, i just kept walking away which upset her she just got worse and worse until i didnt even recognize her she become a stranger like i didnt know her anymore she was a totally different woman in the end to what i met at the start.
It does take years!
Knowing his mom, I just thought he was obtuse and doing the best he could. But now I know that they’ve actually been in cahoots the whole time we’ve been married. She is actually worse, but he’s not far behind. Not physical, not verbally abusive, but I think it’s even more insidious when they’re just absolutely intentionally working you to death, bring no joy, complete empty and zero personality with NO interests beyond multiple (secret) addictions, callous when you need them most, wishing you dead, etc. etc. etc. I don’t miss him at all. Thank God. I wasn’t even love bombed, so I don’t have that to go back to. I just thought he was a boring nice guy who was a little bit traumatized and introverted from being raised by that horrible woman. So glad to be starting the next chapter of my life. The most infuriating thing to me and will have lasting affects, is how my health was eroded over almost 30 years. He of course is three times his ideal weight and addicted to everything, well I am practically crippled and did not abuse my body. It’s all so unfair.
Thanks for giving me grace not to beat myself up. I have always beat myself up for the bad decisions I've made letting unsafe people take financial advantage of me. Yep, I look back on 3 life changing decisions I made when I was blackmailed into doing people favors that would cost me huge amounts of time and money. There have been more, but they weren't as severe. I am angry at them for what they've cost me, but every time I do it again, I beat myself up. No wonder I'm chronically depressed. Now I can accept that I am vulnerable to being taken advantage of, realizing I am Autistic and, therefore, easily won over by people hiding nefarious motives. I don't have to beat myself up for that. It is the way it is. I need to guard myself when I don't feel safe and learn to trust that feeling, even though it may mean living with the loneliness.
💯They are like wolves in Sheep clothing.
Repressing anger isn’t healthy. Anger is a very healthy emotion, especially when being abused by these kinds of people. It’s finding healthy ways to express it. I get spurts of anger randomly when I think about what he did and I go on really long walks, I find that helps me a lot. Sometimes I voice diary as I walk and that helps me to express my anger. Hope that helps someone!
I trusted him with EVERYTHING! Wth! I was young and STUPID! It did ruin my life! It takes soo long to recover from betrayal lies ect.... basically sin sin sin! Forget about them they are a lost cause
My anger is killing me,
Same. Literally.
You get right to the point and have so much insightful wisdom on this topic. I don’t understand how you don’t have hundreds of thousands of subs. Nevertheless, you’re appreciated and I hope your channel continues to grow while educating and validating the difficult experiences so many of us have encountered.
This is so sad mines is destroyed
Friends close, narcissists closer. You should not have allowed me to study you. I hold all the cards now 🐐 #15 🖤
No girl judgement day! God is on our side remember that! Justice stands for Jesus thats what it truly means
I was so shocked by the acting / I was so convinced by his love for me , I didn’t reach the discard faze . It was after one of his crazy outbursts of jealous , controlling behaviour that I left him coupled with his clear not really caring attitude when I advised him of a major family illness . If I had stayed I would have lost everything.
There is no closure.
I walk around thinking same thing, am i good enough, am i young enough, do i look old and ugly, then i think yes am worthless to these people, i am just a dried up old woman who no one could love, I look in mirror and one time i see a beautiful face, etc. I am like the narcissist in that way! But i don't play blame, i suffer, no one else!, i am vain too, i think its common, just look around!
Narcissists don't see beauty when they look in the mirror. They only look for it. There's nothing narcissistic about recognizing your own beauty.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror thank you, I think you might be right, you are beautiful, we don't know your name, how about Elizabeth, a queen's name!
Yeah you get to a point where your Ok but no we trust no one!
This is your best video. Very philosophical and covering things that most people don't consider. Thank you.
I am very confused because my ex husband has all the characteristics of a narcissist except he doesn't rage verbally, he rages quietly and is actually a volcano simmering. I have no idea there is an issue with him, except he is very withdrawn and doesn't communicate at all. He looks at me with hatred and disgust and when I tried to talk to him about what was wrong he would ignore me. He talks about me behind my back but will not tell me the issues to my face and the issues are that he is "tired" of not getting affection but I cannot give affection to someone who never wants to be with me at any level as he works from 8 a.m to 1 and 2 a.m .... So I guess my long comment here is simply that I always hear of how a narcissist is verbally abusive, and yelling, and slamming doors but my husband doesn't do that. He is like a silent bomb. And I find that I am very on edge all the time because I never know whats coming. We have been married 27 years and separated for 4 months now. This is about our 5th separation and each one has been a shock and out of the blue to me. It has been horrible from 6 months after the marriage onward. Sexually he totally abused me to the point I could not go to bed without being coerced and constantly groped no matter how many times I said no. Headache, period cramps, or just tired was no excuse and I eventually got smart and would not give in but would end up sleeping elsewhere so I could sleep. Anyway this is way too much info I am sure but I wish I would stop having this fight within myself as to whether or not he is a narcissist because he doesn't verbally rage and scream. Sorry if this sounds stupid. Everything else he does lines up with narcissism. Thank you for your videos.
thank you
😔🥀💔
Forgive through jesus private but dont let THEM know you forgive them! They look at that as all they have done is is ok.....heck no
This might be the BEST recovery video I have seen to date! Every single word was on point! Thank you for putting this out there!!
Alienation og children
Come up with topics that I would never even think about, and it’s very healing to think of these things in the way that you put forth for us! God bless you. You should have a psychology degree. You’re extremely smart.
Heartfelt video. Helps me with my trauma and disbelief . Thank you . Hope you have a gr8 week.
so horrible
I mean, if you really think hard about it, you're basically releving their childhood but you're able to set boundaries in a way they couldn't when they were kids.
And it's always the same set of triggers, which is basically anything. Adult minded..
Wow. You are excellent. I have learned so much from you. This is super helpful information - very appreciated. Thank you so much!
Its like why do they get married!!! Omg
He told me that he knew when he married me that he wouldn't make me happy.
I said, why did you marry me then? He said, because I was being selfish.
excellent video
You are a sweetheart.
❤❤❤❤❤
This all sounds nice... It feels a little bit better listening to this but I feel like its just some "cover up" how to make us victims feels better. But I feel like it is not true. I saw red flags, I thought he was narcissist but I didnt think he would do such a things he did. Discarding me on Valentines Day, pushing me down on my knees to make me beg, pressuring me with photos, with time to speak, threatening me with blocking me. Fooled me so badly! Used future faking as to get information about me! Only after I showed him how I look like (private photos too), he suddenly said he would need VISA to travel to my country! (Before was saying he will travel to my country, but never before mentioned he needed visa - which added even more on the feelings I have been fooled!!!) Many times I was done with him. I thought I see throught him but he never trashed me aside, until on Valentines Day - 1 year and half after we have been friends. I cant fully describe how badly I was fooled... showed someone n_des for free, someone online who probably never truly cared about me! When I knew everything about narcissists! Had the knowledge and still couldnt believe he would do something so hurtful to me!!!! How he fcking dared to do that?!?!?!
It angers me so much how dumb I was.... I thought he is different and has a bit more humanity in himself and more self awareness than the other narcissists. He was able to "admit" mistakes / wrongdoings etc. He said he is not good with empathy and clumsy when it comes to emotions, expressing them, understanding them etc.... He was so effing shady! NO ONE ELSE would give him so many chances as I did. I am so mad at myself... Before I used to wish him death, but now I wished it to myself out of that strong horrible anger for how STUPID I was trusting him over and over and over even after he showed me milion times he is not trustworthy! But he every time tried so hard to fix the friendship... Fooled everyone. I hate that he didnt discard me earlier but only after he got from me all info and the photos of me. I cant stop feeling angry at myself and at HIS AUDACITY to wrong me in this way, to betray me like this! How can one move from hate, self hatred and huge huge anger to self acceptance, self love and feeling good overall? I still cant feel good. I am struggling and fighting with myself about to expose him or no. I want to expose him but I know it would only feed his ego if I did... but I hate how he is peacefully with his friends and unsuspected people who has no idea what he does. He used me for getting pictures of me, and I wish I could reveal this truth about him. But ofc he would twist it on me for being crazy and idk... as he always twisted it. He is so fcking sick!
There is no closure.