WHY WON'T THE NARCISSIST TREAT YOU BETTER?
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- Опубліковано 7 чер 2024
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I actually think . . That narcissists have anger in their hearts constantly, and are always looking for a reason to blow up, and release it.
Yes, especially if they haven’t got their way with someone else, and they are looking for a scapegoat to take out their anger on.
They actually hate themselves. They need to “shame dump” so they don’t have to carry that around
Honestly narcissistic people aren’t worth our time or effort I love this because it helps me alot to realize their characteristics. Kicking them out your life is the best option life is better without them in our lives.
You explained it so perfectly that you should definitely be a profesional. I totally find myself in what you described, my narcissist partner treats me horribble and he always says it s my fault
I have to tell you I have watched every UA-cam narcissist specialist and you are the one that finally gave me the clarity/rational to finally leave. I am not sure of your background or what led you to make these videos, but you are spot on. I was in a really bad place and now I have a sliver of hope to repair my life. All I can say is thank you.
Wishing you happiness and freedom in your life post Narc 💪💖
Good luck stay strong
When we have to ask why, we're already starting to blame ourselves for being treated like crap. At the end of our 35 year marriage, this was the foremost question on my mind. Another great insightful video. Thank you!
It gratifies their ego to treat you in these abusive ways but if they’re goal was truly a functional long term relationship with you then it clearly would be in their interests to treat you properly.
Ok i think you don’t listen to behinds explanation!!
It’s real nonsense you wrote, that’s my opinion!! Listen again!!! 😅
Right. But that is not their goal. They do not think in the long term, but if they did, they have not one shred of interest in maintaining a relationship that isn’t either perpetually perfectly euphoric (which is impossible) OR serving them in a way that harms the other (such as providing them with a scapegoat and/or punching bag). Treating people properly does not result in what they want, so they have no reason to do it.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror thanks I’m still getting over the gaslighting from this woman! Just astounding just how crazy making they are. I still project normal reactions onto her that a normal emotionally healthy and sentimental person would have. She was trying to angle at me to have a baby with her within 10 months of silent treatments and the odd tantrum the last one was very bad and I had to walk away. It just puzzles me that if I was soo much in the frame to be a father then why discard me soo brutally and not reconcile only stonewall. I suppose it’s so I give in but if she’d showed me some maturity and ability to empathise with my concerns I might have complied.
That is what she said to me though “why isn’t it like things were in the beginning”. She blamed me for her feeling less euphoric and i tried to reason with her that over time you gain greater understanding and acceptance of someone and it isn’t quite the same rush but she couldn’t accept that. It was weird hearing this from a 35 year old woman you’d think she’d have more emotional understanding but that’s probably me projecting those qualities that she clearly doesn’t have.
@@ianarnit's really terrible that they are allowed to reproduce, nothing can stop them. The poor children are destroyed by these retards. I speak from experience. They want to feel important, to avoid work, to have someone to rule over. No love. Just anger and neglect. The neglect is a relief compared with the anger.
The towel is the excuse they use to release their pent up anger.
It doesn't benefit the narc to treat you better😉
True and I now basically ignore them. I’m too busy for them.
Summary:
They have fragile egos addicted to the thrill. They’re angry and disappointed. Their default mode is selfishness. They’re a seething mass of inner turmoil projecting insecurities; their inner reality is The Reality; they believe you deserve to be punished and justifies their bad behavior. Their feelings are The Reality; their anger and negative feelings are proof that it’s your fault. They dodge accountability. They only act nice to regain control. They need you as a scapegoat. They value you for being a good punching bag. If they have to treat you better, they don’t think you deserve it.
64 days of the silent treatment from my narc wife so today I broke the silence by suggesting getting separated/divorce and got stonewalled
Write it on the white board- I'm curious how she will take that. You deserve better
That kind of silent treatment is insidious torture. A stranger passing you on the street saying "Hello!," can bring
you more joy.Sounds like cruelty. Document it and get a divorce.
Hope you got out and never look back!
The narcissist in my life gets an extra charge by publicly humiliating their target. Nasty mean girl behaviors from an eighty year old toddler.
Your videos explain my experience in a way other channels don't. There's also such a sense of warmth and hope in the way you communicate which has really uplifted me while helping me stay sane. Thank you so much.
Am 86 and only recently hesrd of narcissism and identified 50yrs of 'marriage' It has been kind of liberating - no longer livjng in hope
Just before moving out (for the final time in 6 years), I asked him why he was treating me so nicely. He wasn't love bombing, but he was being decent and much more attentive than before. He answered, "I'm always nice to you." I struggled to not burst into laughter. BTW, I love your videos and you remind me of my daughter
He read you and saw your intentions; nsrcs don't extend any energy
My narc parents were convinced the only need I have is to be punished by them and by all the others... Thank You!!:))!!
When I watch your videos, I feel like you have been a fly on my wall. You verbalize all the things we go through with the narcissist so well. Thanks again.
This really put some stuff in perspective for me. He rages out of nowhere for the dumbest things, and punished me for days because of it… the last one was over TP. It’s like I’ve been mindf@coed for 3 years .. im exhausted
But they don't want you to end the relationship first so that they can be happy. Big bags of confusion!
Yep been married to my narc husband for 35 years and I came from a narc family for 24 years of it! My mother is a malignant covert narcissist and my husband is a covert narcissist. I have 12 autoimmune diseases from 59 years of narcs. The red flags were blind by me due to a nightmare mother! Life of nightmares. Cut her off about 4 or 5 years ago.
Yep... They're angry but when asked, they can't tell you what you did. So they confabulate or outright lie; making up something to be angry about that you never happened.
OMG, yes. They fabricate crap.
When my ex would devalue he'd say "we have nothing in common", "you lied about who you were when we met." No, you are just a miserable person who cant handle real intimacy outside the honeymoon phase.
To be treated like garbage when they have not caused you a disabling injury is painful , but it’s 100000 times more painful to see their true face when they have and total lack of empathy is really shocking ! When I asked her if she can stay with me when I was having extreme medical issues , from the injury she caused , she said she has to see a therapist as she is so stressed , when I was the one who actually suffered the physical injury from her , followed by the emotional trauma her callousness caused me ! Her phone calls became so distant sounding and appeared like she was going through the motion of making a call as she thought that’s what humans do to check in loved one , but since this was not a genuine desire on her part to know how I was doing or what she can do when I needed her , the calls sounded so empty and were filled with silence unless I would assume the burden of having a conversation !
Why would you expect more from an evil spirit that lives inside of the narcissist?
My ex narc broke up with me a day before my fathers funeral and had zero remorse.
@@phil692 I was naive that she being an RN would have more understanding about how serious my condition was , with blood in urine , and blood tests showing significant abnormalities , it was not like I was just having emotional trauma from her , it was overt physical complications that she saw from her eyes , but she left me alone in that condition . Even a naive person like me realized after how she treated me when I needed compassion , and after a few texts from her , that were again more about how stressed she was , I did not respond to her last text and that seems like what she wanted , so she can soothe herself that it was me who dumped her rather than she having to feel any remote guilt for leaving me alone at the worst possible time . Travelking/flying alone to see specialists from coast to coast in extreme pain , not even knowing if I will be able to make it to the appointment due to delayed flights and missed connections kept me in a constant state of extreme vulnerability , is what opened my naive eyes. Later on I realized that my American Airlines account had her number for flight alerts , that means she knew that I was traveling in that painful state , but even that did not make her want to check on me if I needed help to travel . She knew that if my symptoms get worse I would have to see someone out of state !
@@phil692 these people are pure evil
They won't be there if your sick!
I was not only verbally, financially, socially, and emotionally abused by the most recent narcissist, but also by his family! No more. I'm done now. The next victim can suffer now, instead of me.
My experience led me to a more simple explanation: unconditional love means you accept my default setting which is treating you mean.
You're hurt feelings over me treating you mean is selfish, and I feel you have breached our contract.
They really just want you to love and accept, no empathy for you, and their entitlement, which means you are their servant. Don't cult members work for free? Arent cult members willing to die when the leader orders it?
This is what the narcissist expects.
Did y'all know they even triangulate their pets against you. Oh yeah. I lived it. I saw that i can't unsee what I saw. 😮😂
Yes.
I need to hear this right now. Thank you...
Your grasp on this disorder is quite astounding!
Yes, it's like you met my sibling and heard her cruel accusations and mocking behind closed doors.
Wow! This video nails it on the head! This is so therapeutic and healing! Thank you for making this. Since the breakup I keep wondering why me giving him almost everything he wanted and bowing down to him was never enough motivation for him to try to be polite or loving. This explains why.
You made this easy to conceptualize ❤
Im not sticking around to wait on then to treat me better
WOW YOU just exploded the internet with your simply beauuty
This was really helpful. Thank you. I never realized before that narcissit make someone to be scapegoat. I always thought the scapegoat term apply only on family matter, when parents pick one child to be golden child and the other to be scapegoat. So therefore I never thought about narcissist doing this in relationship or friendship. I only thought that I am the "punching bag" but now this makes sense, even tho it can be percieved as the same thing, I feel I realized something new.
Omg he did that exact thing - “You left that there just to bother me and start something!” rage fit - to me a few times towards the end it was so distressing and scary
They're damaged way before you entered their life. Don't try to fix a adult, that is their own job just as it is yours for yourself. A person who doesn't respect themselves objectifies themself and therefore objectify anyone there with. Not your job to save or fix them.
Congratulations on over 10,000 subscribers! You are brilliant!
Thank you!! It is pretty exciting. Thanks for watching!
This video helped alot because I have felt like such a failure, like a bad person.I have done everything I could to comply with his wishes,and still hes not happy, cant even be nice to me. You have described my relationship exactly. As I try to put my life back together (discarded) I dont feel quite as bad about the reasons for his not loving me.
Projection, that is what they did.
When my mother finally stopped abusing me as the family scapegoat for 60 yrs, because I finally managed to put a stop to it by no contact and telling my siblings what she was doing to me... she stopped abusing me . I thought we might actually have a relationship. Then she told me she didn't like me as much since she wasnt allowed to abuse me and she was going to change her will....but still wants me around to do things for her because my golden child siblings wont lift a finger for her and she knows it. Of course thats some how my fault.
The ex empty meat suit said "you saved me" I said nope you atill the same stagnant demon.
You have nailed it. No matter what I do, its wrong. I have asked him why he cant just be decent to me. This video just said it all.
You hit 10,000 subscribers! Yay!🎉
I did!! Thanks. Maybe I should have said something in my video. Haha. It is pretty exciting. Thanks for watching!
This is the EXACT eye-opener i just needed to hear RIGHT NOW so I can keep moving forward as hard as it may feel ✌️🥹❤ Thank you 😌💓
you are positive that is the direction we hope and believe in you
Your descriptions are so accurate and so good. Great video
YES, we should always learn to work/make any effort for the gratitude and not for the absesce of punishment. Maybe narcissists should show us the way right there... Thank You!!:))!!🌞💐🌺🌷🌈⚓!!*******
Yes! This is exactly my question!!!
Your analogies are really helpful.
You speak on this in a very amazing way it is helping me
Thank you, very helpful.
Love your videos. Thanks for your time
Heh- I left my 18 year marriage 3 years ago and couldn’t be happier. I’m not even divorced yet. I have a boyfriend and don’t ask for child support from their stupid dad. Last child will be 12 next week and can LEGALLY away he doesn’t want to see dad. Yay!!! My ex’s mom and sister keeps trying to keep my kids sucked in but too late- my kids know all- ALL about narcissism. Me and my kids literally don’t care about him and his family. Ohhhh how sad 😂
I love this for y’all ❤️
Color pop 😉 great abstract take on the nuts and bolts of supply!
Thank you great explanation. Eye opening.
You are brilliant, the best on utube i think!❤❤❤❤
❤😂yes punching bag!
why does she think it will be different, because she is not thinking straight, if she were thinking in a rational way, she would know the same problems with me are going to reappear, nothing was resolved, she is crazy is what it really comes down to, you can't constantly put someone down and think they are going to swallow it, she should have realised i was onto her, she loves her partner so much and has all these friends, why does she need someone she hates; oh yes to hate on, she needs me to have someone to lord it over, but i wouldn't allow that anymore, if they are not thinking well, they think they can somehow get away with it which is ridiculous! I will never let her into my life again, this is someone who hates me and is going to put sh?? on me at every opportunity, she hated my beautiful cat, there is no hope for her; now i need to deal with the other one, but she hardly speaks to me now, she knows she can't get supply anymore!❤❤❤No I don't love her anymore!
Sycophants or malignant narcissists are more intentional
But in some cases, the reason for love bombing is that narcissist see qualities in the target that they lack, and l think by "having " him or her, they can,
Own those qualities, too , and I don't think intentional love bombing is rare, even between those narcs that are not psychopathic.
I appreciate your videos...they have been extremely helpful.. 😊❤
This is dead on. I know I shouldn’t waste time asking why they are like this, but why? With a seemingly loving childhood and no trauma, nothing obvious. Is it cluster B anti-social personality?
She says I should quit music, which has been my life forever. She says that I am choosing music over her. Is that something I should do? Will that get rid of her reason for treating me so bad?
That really depends on exactly what you mean. If you spend every minute ignoring her and working on music, that’s one thing. But even then, if you’re doing that, it says a lot about how you feel about the relationship, which probably has some deep roots to look at. If you just like music and she is trying to take away something you love, will it matter if it makes her happy if it’s going to make you miserable? And it won’t probably won’t solve anything anyway.
Don’t you know..they are better than us.😂
They don’t want to treat you better, they want you in cognitive dissonance to manipulate you.
They also know the relationship will not last and can’t keep the mask on.
So are you saying if you are resilient and don’t get hurt by what they do, but still don’t put up with their behavior they will leave?
You can never really predict what will or what will not prompt them to physically leave. They might never leave or they might leave tomorrow. It really has nothing to do with you.
That’s what I do and they get mad at first but they are essentially weak people. If they say “I’m never talking to you again!!!” And do it- you hit paydirt!