I'm sorry if you notice a few glitches on this video, that's been happening since I switched to MacOS from Windows about 6 months ago, and I can't seem to get to the bottom of it. I figured it's not distracting enough to refilm it. Hope it doesn't bother anyone too much.
Unsubbed. A little Coleridge, eh? How about this: I hate the world that I think hates me Punch holes in the wall you know that hurts me Feel dark and cold alone it burns me Wish someone would come and touch me Walkin' alone in the prison yard Seein' eyes that seem to see me so hard Crawlin' like a snake right back in to my room Feelin' like a dead man rolling around in my tomb - Henry Rollins
Fk the glitches lol, the content was excellent as usual. Crazy amount of identification yet again. Keep putting the vids out and the youtube algorithim will pick it up properly at some point. Easily the best videos on alcoholism and recovery out there
I got left for another man 3 days before christmas this year. Still sober, still pushing, 140 days down and forever counting. Go through your loneliness sober. Dig deep. You are exactly where you need to be. With love (heavy heartedly at the moment), dedication and prosperity. - Jacob from Boston
Sorry to hear about your hardships - I happen to know the holiday season is the biggest time for break ups. But your advice is great. I'm sure you are already, but just so it's said: make sure you follow that advice yourself. Dig deep mate.
Man, I’ve missed these videos. I’m feeling really secure in my sobriety right now and this has just inspired me further. Thank you, Batcountry. Best wishes for 2025 and beyond ❤
I needed this video. I made it through Christmas and just found out I’m getting divorced. Still hanging on after seven years, but I know how easy it would be to have that one drink that ruins everything. Sobriety is even more important than my kid, because without it I don’t have him and he won’t have me. Edit: “The truth was I hated myself.” Yes. Why would anyone want to be around someone like me? That hit home.
Congratulations on your long sobriety, if I haven't said it before. Even after seven years, you only have to get through today, and then do the same tomorrow.
@ Thanks Stu. I really appreciate the response. Your videos and those of the broader YT sobriety community remind me of where I was that last day. Now it’s time to start hitting the rooms again.
@JamesTopham-t4y Hey, thanks for the word's. It's 6:15 AM 1/1/2025 here in Sydney and I got through NYE sober. So I'm starting the new year with a win. Taking it an hour at a time for now.
You really are a gifted storyteller, thank you for these insights! Abandoned places also attract me and in my drinking days I often found myself leaving the party early just to sit down for the rest of the night on my couch "finishing" my intoxication with beers and sentimental and nostalgic thoughts on my own... All the best for 2025!
Gifted story teller Bat. You are helping a lot of people with your gift. I’m just a non drinker from Idaho who appreciates your content and the pay forwardness of so many of these sobriety channels. It is lemonade out of the lemon. ❤️
I've failed after thirteen weeks. My entire existence is characterized by profound suffering, depicted by deep despair and marked by a constant sense of anguish, filled with overwhelming distress and relentless misery.
Your feelings of hopelessness and anguish are understandable. It's that pain that leads you to numbing agents. I see it in many people. I hope you have friends or family to reach out to for help. If not.. then you must try to contact a AA group for support. Talking about your struggles with them might help.
I wanted to thank you brother. Our drinking history is very similar and your stories are horrific reminders of what I never want to experience again! Keep up the great work.
You're right. This longform format of video is much better than the daily shorts. BTW, you should do a video on coffee.. What kinds of coffee, and how you brew, etc. Wishing you life's best
I agree mate, I much prefer this format. It was an interesting experiment, but a failed one. And wow that's such a good idea, I might take you up on that!
Silent whispers in the night, shadows dance beyond the light. The world turns, but here I stay, alone to face another day. A fragile heart, a weary soul, the void within, it takes its toll. Yet stars still shine, a fleeting guide, in the emptiness where dreams collide. Each sip, a story, each drop, a flame, a moment to forget the name. Not escape, but company, a fleeting sense of harmony. In this stillness, I see the end - Loneliness is my friend, but alcohol is not my enemy.
Your story resonates strongly. I never had a brain injury, but I topped off three rounds aggressive chemo with beers and then quickly moved to vodka. Went from a problem drinker to withdrawals in record time. The lonely doomscrolling, the thankfulness for the cessation of any kind of contact, the loneliness that you both seek and hate is all very relatable. I’m sober now (16 days), and the instinct is still there. I’ve had a bottle of wine I got for Christmas in my room, and barely thought about it, so at least it doesn’t seem like the alcohol has a hold of me anymore. For now at least.
I'm an alcoholic who goes through several month periods of sobriety before a horrific three to four day binge. I'm impressed by your boozy narrative. It's like you're a British Charles Bukowski.
Bat country!!! I love you man, I’m a terrible, awful alcoholic too. I found your page a bit ago and am 63 days today after several years of trying and 10-15 relapses. Been feelin lonely lately because I had to cut so many people off…I’m so glad this is the topic you picked! I need it today, wow, much love!!!
Very timely video given the struggles many have at this time of year. Good to have the longer entries to look forward to from Bat Country. Happy New Year to all those souls listening to these soothing words.
A boozy life is tough. From a 64 year old musician three quarters through a a lonesome 26er on New Year's Eve. God bless you, me, and the world. Cheers from Vancouver.
Great video Stu! I remember it took give or take a week of a binge before I would stop going to pubs or attempting to socialise with the shopkeeper. The sounds of the outside world in particular became almost physically painful and would make me cringe in bed.
Been sober this last month and really enjoyed being alone over the holidays to reflect and chill out. It’s been great not going to work every day and travelling all the time . Just peace and quiet. That cabin in the forest sounds good. I’ve been thinking about a small house on a remote beach in Australia where I live. Beautiful place with sun and places to walk and fish. Hope you’re well bro.
I'm on and off but not getting too wasted, I plan to go sober after new years, I'm surrounded by drinking and holiday parties right now so it would be pretty difficult to not drink with everyone. The sober/relapse cycle is coming to an end, I'm learning to cope without booze, practice practice. Best sober wishes to everyone for 2025 🫶
I’m sat here drunk jow, watching this and all you other episodes, and feel so terrible for how my drinking affects those others I want a connection with, they help me for a time and then I relapse, bu regardless, they help, thankyou
Now I think about it my drinking first became a problem when I started doing it on my own. When you drink with friends it can be excessive, but then you stop because you've all stopped and maybe you suffer through the hangover together. Once you start drinking on your own you have the option to make every single evening a "nice" one. Nice with zero effort required, switch off the anxious thoughts, get a gentle transition into sleep. So many nights I sat up drinking wine in bed alone because I knew it would get me off to sleep. Took me so long to accept and understand you always pay it back with interest when you use alcohol.
Wow, that's so true. I visit 3 different mini-supermarkets to avoid the idea of being seen frequently even though it's London and noone probably even realises. I understand that empty feeling of people not looking at you too, that is sheer loneliness
I never thought I had a problem with alcohol even though when I drank I couldn’t stop and would blackout. I’m also a have a problem with narcotics. Was addicted to painkillers for 15+ years. I got clean from the pills but then alcohol took it’s place. Sober for 4 days.
Good to see you back pal. I’m exactly the same. Good times triggers just as powerful as bad. I remember in the summer I’d convinced the long suffering best thing that’s ever happened to me to give us a chance. We went out. She stayed the night and I dropped her at the train station in the morning. I was in such a high I decided to get 3 big bottles of lager and sit in the early morning sun in the garden. This led to a full on two week binge and she left for good. That was 5 months ago 😢
Oh mate you just reminded me, one of the Christmas videos I didn't publish featured the token you had made for me. I take it everywhere. I'll make sure I get it in the next video. I want to grab a knife too for the new year, so I'm sure my name will pop up in your orders soon.
I think the scariest thing is always being on the cusp never knowing like you said good times or bad it doesn't matter it's like the grim reaper it sits next to you watching and waiting
Another great one, Stu - thank you. I can heavily relate to your brand of dysfunction. Thank you for sharing your great gifts of language (british, right?), imagery, turn of phrase, yes great charm, etc. I'm hoping that our enjoyment, and inevitable expectations, of what you give us does not create a sense of responsibility, resulting in obligation, then stress, etc. But that would be part of MY brand, which I am projecting. Anyway, my great and good comraaaaaade, you could read the phone book and make it sound fascinating. Presto, I've just dated myself (someone's got to!). PS, for you young persons, a "phone book" was a publication that folks used, back in the day, to facilitate connecting to one another. You can google it for a chuckle.
Yep, British. And yes, I actually do feel some obligation and stress over this stuff sometimes, now that you mention it. But I'm better at handling stress today than I used to be, if you know what I mean. Thanks for the continuing support!
My father was a chronic alcoholic. To the point that if he went more than 6 hours without a drink, he'd fall into a seizure. I ended up cutting contact with him and didn't see or speak to him for 6 years. I saw him literally the day before he passed. He couldn't talk, he was in a diaper, and he looked like a ghoul. Even the hospice nurses gave him a shot of whiskey every 4 hours to ease his pain. I swore I'd never be like him, but I ended up hanging around a group of "friends" who disregarded that and I ended up wasting the majority of my 20s in a drunken haze. Not to mention growing up in extreme poverty, being bullied in school and getting in abusive relationships certainly didn't help either. I know what I did was stupid, and the shame kept me drinking. I haven't been around those guys for almost 10 years and yet somehow they still had a hold on me through my drinking habits because I just couldn't stop. It's still a vicious cycle of shame knowing they got a hold on me. I haven't drank in over 6 months because I said some horrible things to my wife. She left the house for a week, but during that time I poured out all the alcohol down the kitchen sink and haven't had a drop since. I still have urges and drink an unhealthy amount of Sprite on my late weekend nights and after I get home from work, but I make sure to drink at least half a gallon of water per day, exercise, and sit down with my guitars and basses and write music again. Shame doesn't have to define me, and even when I almost breakdown after a bad day and go to the liquor store, I pull over, reprioritize my thoughts, and go back home.
My Mom recently passed, I fell off the wagon. Hopefully I'll jump back on tomorrow 😢 but we know how tomorrow goes. I been strong before. I can do it again!
The death of a parent is one of the hardest tests we can face in sobriety. I throws a lot of us off the wagon. Don't beat yourself up for too long about it, all you're doing as adding to your sadness. Like you said, you've been strong before. You can do it again.
Every sentence hit harder than the last. That describes it exactly, even from a teenager it's attempted suicide where you want someone to stop you but at the same time you don't. The dark room disgusts you, but you don't want to be anywhere else. I'm great, but I'm not simultaneously.
I appreciate your videos. I have unpackaged my addiction over a decade and landed on the fact that I am transgender and was unwilling to live until I confronted this within myself. So 10 years of addiction self pity and hurting everyone around me because I was to scared to look inward. Been sober since transitioning. Anyway I hope it stays that way and just wanted to add my story to the pile and just wanted to say thanks for your role in keeping me on the straight and narrow.
Oh wow, congratulations! I'd love to see more stories like yours in the spotlight, rather than rich straight white man stuff like mine. Have you talked about it in detail anywhere?
I just turned forty on the 5th November and the last girl I was in a serious relationship with did not simply depart and break my heart, she cut pieces of my heart out and took them with her. She decided to randomly relocate to France without any prior indication, out of the blue, on a whim. The next girl I attempted to date fractured three of my ribs. Consequently, I find myself contemplating the idea of giving up on relationships entirely, giving up on love altogether, buying a goldfish and playing my guitars alone, forever alone.
i envy your journey. My alcoholism isn't like that. I was never popular with girls, i was never travelling, hell i lived in extreme poverty most of my life, i just wanted the drink to make the pain of existence disappear. I never even left my country, never. The problems with money, lack of education and severe depression has sealed my fate as a lonely, alcoholic incel. But i guess the destination is the same for all of us.
Thank you for sharing. I've definitely found myself on a similar path, just decided to give sobriety another shot. I know you mentioned having the brain injury but have you ever considered getting assessed for ADHD? You mentioned having issues before the incident. Just thought I'd ask because I was recently diagnosed at age 34. It tends to come with a lot of issues with impulse control, reckless behaviour, addiction issues and self esteem problems.
Wow. I mentioned before that we are the same kind of drinkers and we’re about the same age and have the same drinking timeline too. I haven’t drank in over 3 years. Half of my life has been shame riddled… keeps me sober. Loneliness. Feeling bad. All the same. Let’s keep going sober.
So spot on. There's always a reason to drink. People who don't get it will never understand. They say just don't drink, which is like saying to an anorexic to just eat that steak and chips.
Thank you Mr Bat Country. I did the same. I switched my bargain booze shops because I was embarrassed about going to the same one near me because she'd think I was an alcoholic. Never been diagnosed as one but I know I am. After taking early retirement from work its got worse. I'm done after new year eve, and hopefully can be strong enough. Thanks for your videos, I haven't been a single day without vodka for over 20yrs. Don't get blind drunk just tend to drink it slowly through the day. But looking at my money calendar it's about 19 litres a month. I will hopefully succeed in quitting.
True story.. drinking is pretty much very often about loneliness.. my drinking was very alike.. for me drinking with my buddies was a necessity... I enjoyed the most the moment after I managed to leave my buddies and finally get home with the booze... to finally get drunk properly.. it was almost orgasmic feeling.. so sad when I Look at it today... like I always say.. every alcoholic's life is pitiful and misareble.. no matter if you are a rich CEO or just a homeless bum..
I was planning on doing dry January but I didn’t feel the need to wait until 1/1/2025, so I started on 12/21/2024. Today is New Year’s Day and I’m 12 days sober. I never want to go back to that poison!☠️
I'll drink a synergy kombucha, but no beer or booze, been like 4 or 5 years. I like listening to Terence McKenna helps keep me on the path to healing, I'm drawn to old abandoned buildings with pretty stonework, the architecture is nastalgic ... It's a trigger lol
Hot take: The narrative of 'once an addict, always an addict' causes vastly more harm than good. Strict abstinence isn't required to have a healthy relationship with alcohol or other substances once you've had a problematic one ... but it sure does hep feed the 12-steo industrial complex 🌶️🌶️
Strict abstinence absolutely IS required for me. The only healthy relationship I can have with alcohol is total freedom from it. Sometimes, the only way to win is not to play.
I don't get how this guy can claim that he's anti-social and yearned being alone, not deserving of self-love... he seems like a total bro to me lol. cycling across Eurasia drunk, encountering completely random and messed up situations, working cool jobs in exotic locations, had tons of casual hookups, lived in cool areas around the world, has a beard and mohawk... like, dog... you LIVED life like very few people. Like it's GTA or something. My sobriety story is boring af compared to his.
Yeah that whole thing about having an interesting life and still being unhappy, there's a name for that. I think doctors call it "mental illness." You're right, there is a lot of contradictions in there. I've had a wild life and mostly got away with it. But you can be unhappy in any circumstance. That's the nature of depression and addiction.
@ yeah I get that. But let’s just say you definitely went out with a “bang” during your rock bottom. Better to live some wild adventures during your darkest times than just rotting away in your apartment and realizing things need to change.
I had a drink on the 20th December and haven't drank since,I don't plan to drink new years either,it's been an amazing sober Christmas,,I plan to stay sober
I've met enough guys in AA to know that alcohol so rarely kills you when you desperately want it to. I'd fall asleep with a dictionary on my chest after a night of savage liquor-drinking, hoping my lungs would give out in my sleep and I'd be gone. Being constantly drunk is such an isolating pass-time because you can be reasonably sure that no one else in your vicinity is on the same wavelength as you; you are experiencing a noticeably different reality. Like you I'm a generally solitary person by nature, but when I was deep in the hole what little social interaction I had was tinged with pity or judgment or disapproval; at that point isolation feels less like a choice and more like a punishment.
This happened in the village of Polperro. The village I was talking about back then was different, it was the one I went to afterwards. My parents still live there, so I won't name it here.
Constant exhaustive vilgulance will surely only eventually lead to a slow and lonely death? I get it, it's sometimes incredibly hard to be sober but you can't feel like all the time otherwise you'd crack. That's how it feels when you're under it, but if you can grind it out and get through then it's for the better obviously. But I think what you're missing there is that a lot of the time if you stay sober you feel 1000x's better than you would if you were drinking, but obviously at the same time you have to admit for that you give up those 2-3 hours when you're drinking every do often where it's fantastic and you feel great and fully charged and full of adrenaline and endorphins and totally lit like only alcoholics know how good it is. But that's what you give up, you give up that fleeting state of bliss for an otherwise exponentially more fulfilled and productive life for as long as you can make it last
I want to comment that I relate very strongly with this topic and video, but I also don't want to. I want to reject the urge at making the connection, however small. Then I want to resent myself for not making the comment that I relate so strongly. Sucks. So I'll post the comment and then feel shame, I guess.
@_BatCountry i am staying sober. But my poor head just does not want to go back to normal. That fucking delirium did his work good. Poor brains.and i did not even got the hallucinations.. just the shakes and paranoia fears..it was close to a real dt i think. I hate it to gone through it. I miss my old self in good shape. My life feels like shit now. Always worked with the ipas and then shit hits the fan. @batcounty did you also had the lowered conscious or did you had the hallucinations.
I'm sorry if you notice a few glitches on this video, that's been happening since I switched to MacOS from Windows about 6 months ago, and I can't seem to get to the bottom of it. I figured it's not distracting enough to refilm it. Hope it doesn't bother anyone too much.
It just gives it character 🥰 happy holidays 🎁
Unsubbed. A little Coleridge, eh? How about this: I hate the world that I think hates me
Punch holes in the wall you know that hurts me
Feel dark and cold alone it burns me
Wish someone would come and touch me
Walkin' alone in the prison yard
Seein' eyes that seem to see me so hard
Crawlin' like a snake right back in to my room
Feelin' like a dead man rolling around in my tomb
- Henry Rollins
It's the brutal honest content that matters!
Fk the glitches lol, the content was excellent as usual. Crazy amount of identification yet again. Keep putting the vids out and the youtube algorithim will pick it up properly at some point. Easily the best videos on alcoholism and recovery out there
@@ShadesOClarity "Unnervingly polite, and capably violent." - Henry Rollins. A rule I live by.
I got left for another man 3 days before christmas this year. Still sober, still pushing, 140 days down and forever counting. Go through your loneliness sober. Dig deep. You are exactly where you need to be.
With love (heavy heartedly at the moment), dedication and prosperity.
- Jacob from Boston
Congratulations on your sobriety! Just whatever, don't drink today!!
I’m proud of you Jacob. You will make it through and you deserve better
Sorry to hear about your hardships - I happen to know the holiday season is the biggest time for break ups. But your advice is great. I'm sure you are already, but just so it's said: make sure you follow that advice yourself. Dig deep mate.
I got dumped this year too buddy, don't let it cause a relapse like I did, I ended up on a 2 month heartbreak bender. All the best.
She did you a favour. Being single is awesome.
I relapsed right before xmas, but thankfully it lasted just a day and a night and I was sober again since.
Hey, that sounds like progress, congrats
Man... so did I. Feels like lots of lost progress. But all you can do is make sure it doesn't happen on New Years Eve
Sometimes relapse happens. The fact that you got right back up is the Only Thing that counts!😊💞
@@Mid-TierBrad I thought also it was lost progress two days later, but now about a week later fully sober it feels like I never relapsed.
7 days going ! Focusing day by day nothing else can do
Man, I’ve missed these videos. I’m feeling really secure in my sobriety right now and this has just inspired me further. Thank you, Batcountry. Best wishes for 2025 and beyond ❤
I'm delighted to hear that, I'm feeling pretty secure too. Onwards and upwards.
I needed this video. I made it through Christmas and just found out I’m getting divorced. Still hanging on after seven years, but I know how easy it would be to have that one drink that ruins everything. Sobriety is even more important than my kid, because without it I don’t have him and he won’t have me.
Edit: “The truth was I hated myself.” Yes. Why would anyone want to be around someone like me? That hit home.
Congratulations on your long sobriety, if I haven't said it before. Even after seven years, you only have to get through today, and then do the same tomorrow.
@ Thanks Stu. I really appreciate the response. Your videos and those of the broader YT sobriety community remind me of where I was that last day. Now it’s time to start hitting the rooms again.
It was my 46th birthday on Saturday and I relapsed. But I'm sober today. Here's to starting the new year sober! Have a good one man!
Hey keep going, no matter what don't drink today
@JamesTopham-t4y Hey, thanks for the word's. It's 6:15 AM 1/1/2025 here in Sydney and I got through NYE sober. So I'm starting the new year with a win. Taking it an hour at a time for now.
You really are a gifted storyteller, thank you for these insights! Abandoned places also attract me and in my drinking days I often found myself leaving the party early just to sit down for the rest of the night on my couch "finishing" my intoxication with beers and sentimental and nostalgic thoughts on my own... All the best for 2025!
Thank you! That's very kind. Happy new year, and good luck with your progress.
Gifted story teller Bat. You are helping a lot of people with your gift. I’m just a non drinker from Idaho who appreciates your content and the pay forwardness of so many of these sobriety channels. It is lemonade out of the lemon. ❤️
Brutal honesty as always, that connected massively with me. I drank because I was lonely, and I was lonely because I drank. ODAAT
I've failed after thirteen weeks. My entire existence is characterized by profound suffering, depicted by deep despair and marked by a constant sense of anguish, filled with overwhelming distress and relentless misery.
@@Rick_Cleland You are not alone, man. It's for me also the reason I became a drinker. I was a teetotaler before without ever getting tempted.
@eric-jr2nf thank you for writing back, thanks I'm really not well right now, forgive me.
Your feelings of hopelessness and anguish are understandable. It's that pain that leads you to numbing agents. I see it in many people. I hope you have friends or family to reach out to for help. If not.. then you must try to contact a AA group for support. Talking about your struggles with them might help.
I wanted to thank you brother. Our drinking history is very similar and your stories are horrific reminders of what I never want to experience again!
Keep up the great work.
I’m grateful to begin 2025 sober. Day number 77 on my sobriety journey. One of my favorite songs was “I drink alone” by George T
Yaaaay new Bat Country vid ❤
Thanks for sharing Stu. Appreciate you.
Thank you for the continued support!
You're right. This longform format of video is much better than the daily shorts. BTW, you should do a video on coffee.. What kinds of coffee, and how you brew, etc. Wishing you life's best
I agree mate, I much prefer this format. It was an interesting experiment, but a failed one.
And wow that's such a good idea, I might take you up on that!
Gripping video. Worth a second listen. I'm not an alcoholic, but have known a few. You have a remarkable story!
Silent whispers in the night,
shadows dance beyond the light.
The world turns, but here I stay,
alone to face another day.
A fragile heart, a weary soul,
the void within, it takes its toll.
Yet stars still shine, a fleeting guide,
in the emptiness where dreams collide.
Each sip, a story, each drop, a flame,
a moment to forget the name.
Not escape, but company,
a fleeting sense of harmony.
In this stillness, I see the end -
Loneliness is my friend, but alcohol is not my enemy.
poignant video/ great timing ~~ happy new year!!!!~~~
Your story resonates strongly. I never had a brain injury, but I topped off three rounds aggressive chemo with beers and then quickly moved to vodka. Went from a problem drinker to withdrawals in record time. The lonely doomscrolling, the thankfulness for the cessation of any kind of contact, the loneliness that you both seek and hate is all very relatable. I’m sober now (16 days), and the instinct is still there. I’ve had a bottle of wine I got for Christmas in my room, and barely thought about it, so at least it doesn’t seem like the alcohol has a hold of me anymore. For now at least.
Thanks for these videos, they seem to appear with perfect timing.
I can relate so much to your accounts of not so sweet oblivion.
Stay well. 🙏
Stay well brother. One day at a time.
@@_BatCountry you too 👍
Excellent message. I felt all of what you said. I am the same kind of isolating, suffering in silence drinker. Glad I’m not the only one.
Love your content man, most of us have stories as crazy as yours in one shape or form - keep it going!
Thank you so much! One day at a time.
I'm an alcoholic who goes through several month periods of sobriety before a horrific three to four day binge. I'm impressed by your boozy narrative. It's like you're a British Charles Bukowski.
Thank you for posting this. It helped me come to terms with parts of myself
Bat country!!! I love you man, I’m a terrible, awful alcoholic too. I found your page a bit ago and am 63 days today after several years of trying and 10-15 relapses. Been feelin lonely lately because I had to cut so many people off…I’m so glad this is the topic you picked! I need it today, wow, much love!!!
Thanks for watching, and congrats on your sober time. It starts to get a little easier at the 3 month mark, so keep at it, and stay vigilant.
I love these Romantisized storys,doom and gloom with excitement x
Love it though and appreciate you putting it out there being honest and vulnerable, top stuff
Very timely video given the struggles many have at this time of year. Good to have the longer entries to look forward to from Bat Country. Happy New Year to all those souls listening to these soothing words.
You are brilliant. Highly articulate, honest and engaging. I appreciate the time you spend making the videos. They cheer me up. Thank you 🙏
I'm glad to hear that mate. Thanks for watching and for the support!
Been looking forward to another long video. Thanks for the good shit. Keep doin what your doin
Thanks mate, I hope you're doing good today.
A boozy life is tough. From a 64 year old musician three quarters through a a lonesome 26er on New Year's Eve. God bless you, me, and the world. Cheers from Vancouver.
Great video Stu! Always so good! At 13:29 I know 💯percent what you likely were feeling. Great content…if I could like it twice I would 👍👍
Great video Stu! I remember it took give or take a week of a binge before I would stop going to pubs or attempting to socialise with the shopkeeper. The sounds of the outside world in particular became almost physically painful and would make me cringe in bed.
Been sober this last month and really enjoyed being alone over the holidays to reflect and chill out. It’s been great not going to work every day and travelling all the time . Just peace and quiet. That cabin in the forest sounds good. I’ve been thinking about a small house on a remote beach in Australia where I live. Beautiful place with sun and places to walk and fish. Hope you’re well bro.
I"m celebrating second year of not smoking. I'll drink 1 to that!
A coffee that is....
congrats man!
I'm on and off but not getting too wasted, I plan to go sober after new years, I'm surrounded by drinking and holiday parties right now so it would be pretty difficult to not drink with everyone. The sober/relapse cycle is coming to an end, I'm learning to cope without booze, practice practice. Best sober wishes to everyone for 2025 🫶
Dry January....
Such a good video. I've been in AA for over 7 years, but it's still necessary for me to be reminded of what is possible if I don't stay vigilant ❤ ty
Thanks for watching, and congratulations on your progress. 7 years is pretty inspirational, you should be very proud!
Another awesome, soothing, insightful video. Thank you Stu, you are appreciated.
I’m sat here drunk jow, watching this and all you other episodes, and feel so terrible for how my drinking affects those others I want a connection with, they help me for a time and then I relapse, bu regardless, they help, thankyou
Get it beat, and all that negativity will dissolve away. One day at a time.
Now I think about it my drinking first became a problem when I started doing it on my own. When you drink with friends it can be excessive, but then you stop because you've all stopped and maybe you suffer through the hangover together. Once you start drinking on your own you have the option to make every single evening a "nice" one. Nice with zero effort required, switch off the anxious thoughts, get a gentle transition into sleep. So many nights I sat up drinking wine in bed alone because I knew it would get me off to sleep. Took me so long to accept and understand you always pay it back with interest when you use alcohol.
Oh man that's so true. Alcohol is a false economy in so many ways.
Wow, that's so true. I visit 3 different mini-supermarkets to avoid the idea of being seen frequently even though it's London and noone probably even realises. I understand that empty feeling of people not looking at you too, that is sheer loneliness
I never thought I had a problem with alcohol even though when I drank I couldn’t stop and would blackout. I’m also a have a problem with narcotics. Was addicted to painkillers for 15+ years. I got clean from the pills but then alcohol took it’s place. Sober for 4 days.
Same story as myself although it was the brown powder first then the booze. Different potions, same illness
Good luck with it mate. If you beat the pills, you can beat this too.
Good to see you back pal. I’m exactly the same. Good times triggers just as powerful as bad. I remember in the summer I’d convinced the long suffering best thing that’s ever happened to me to give us a chance. We went out. She stayed the night and I dropped her at the train station in the morning. I was in such a high I decided to get 3 big bottles of lager and sit in the early morning sun in the garden. This led to a full on two week binge and she left for good. That was 5 months ago 😢
It happens so fast doesn't it?
Thumbs Up 👍 and Shared Out Stu. Sobriety is Tough but the consequences of drinking is far Worse. It’s just that simple.
Thank you as ever. Happy New Year to you and yours!
It's good to see you. I was wondering where you've been.
The hardest part of all of this: You know "The Answer" the whole time.
Yeah! And then after you've got some sobriety under your belt, you kick yourself for not getting it together earlier.
@@_BatCountry Never look back - only forward!
I applaud 👏 your honesty 👏 🙌 Stu.I can relate to this .Thank you
Thanks for watching and for the support mate.
Hey Stu, hope you had a good xmas mate. Longform or shortform both equally good content.
A compelling meditation on loneliness.
Oh mate you just reminded me, one of the Christmas videos I didn't publish featured the token you had made for me. I take it everywhere. I'll make sure I get it in the next video. I want to grab a knife too for the new year, so I'm sure my name will pop up in your orders soon.
The background was helpful. Big fan. 😊
Thank you for the support!
I think the scariest thing is always being on the cusp never knowing like you said good times or bad it doesn't matter it's like the grim reaper it sits next to you watching and waiting
Exactly. I feel it's breath on my neck all the time.
Happy New Year Stu! Once again thanks mate for sharing your personal story and helping a lot of people.
God bless us. Deus vult
Happy New Year to you and yours mate.
Many thanks mate. Peace ✌️
We, as humans, have terrible tendencies to forget...
That's so true. Pain is quickly forgotten.
Completely agree x
Thanks for your videos brother. Great channel. One day at a time
One day at a time mate. Thanks for watching, and for the support.
Great video ❤❤❤❤
Another great one, Stu - thank you. I can heavily relate to your brand of dysfunction. Thank you for sharing your great gifts of language (british, right?), imagery, turn of phrase, yes great charm, etc. I'm hoping that our enjoyment, and inevitable expectations, of what you give us does not create a sense of responsibility, resulting in obligation, then stress, etc. But that would be part of MY brand, which I am projecting.
Anyway, my great and good comraaaaaade, you could read the phone book and make it sound fascinating. Presto, I've just dated myself (someone's got to!). PS, for you young persons, a "phone book" was a publication that folks used, back in the day, to facilitate connecting to one another. You can google it for a chuckle.
Yep, British. And yes, I actually do feel some obligation and stress over this stuff sometimes, now that you mention it. But I'm better at handling stress today than I used to be, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the continuing support!
another great video, many thanks from Jenny
Thank you for sharing helps me feel not alone
Great work Stu, love the music and vibe complete. Kudos, best for 2025 in Bat Country.
Happy New Year mate!
My father was a chronic alcoholic. To the point that if he went more than 6 hours without a drink, he'd fall into a seizure. I ended up cutting contact with him and didn't see or speak to him for 6 years. I saw him literally the day before he passed. He couldn't talk, he was in a diaper, and he looked like a ghoul. Even the hospice nurses gave him a shot of whiskey every 4 hours to ease his pain. I swore I'd never be like him, but I ended up hanging around a group of "friends" who disregarded that and I ended up wasting the majority of my 20s in a drunken haze. Not to mention growing up in extreme poverty, being bullied in school and getting in abusive relationships certainly didn't help either.
I know what I did was stupid, and the shame kept me drinking. I haven't been around those guys for almost 10 years and yet somehow they still had a hold on me through my drinking habits because I just couldn't stop. It's still a vicious cycle of shame knowing they got a hold on me.
I haven't drank in over 6 months because I said some horrible things to my wife. She left the house for a week, but during that time I poured out all the alcohol down the kitchen sink and haven't had a drop since.
I still have urges and drink an unhealthy amount of Sprite on my late weekend nights and after I get home from work, but I make sure to drink at least half a gallon of water per day, exercise, and sit down with my guitars and basses and write music again.
Shame doesn't have to define me, and even when I almost breakdown after a bad day and go to the liquor store, I pull over, reprioritize my thoughts, and go back home.
One of your best yet Bat.
Poetic
Yours in sobriety.
Oh thank you so much!
My Mom recently passed, I fell off the wagon. Hopefully I'll jump back on tomorrow 😢 but we know how tomorrow goes. I been strong before. I can do it again!
The death of a parent is one of the hardest tests we can face in sobriety. I throws a lot of us off the wagon. Don't beat yourself up for too long about it, all you're doing as adding to your sadness. Like you said, you've been strong before. You can do it again.
@_BatCountry thank you for the advice!
Great video and topic. Thank you.
Thank you mate!
First time watching..like what you say..the music is something to get used to..thank you .
I like the backlighting, very cyberpunk
I'm glad you said that, because the I think the lighting's a mess in this one. I almost re-filmed it. I appreciate the support.
23:08 lol 😂😂😂 true. Appreciate the video mate, fantastic as always
Thank you mate, and I'm glad you agree!
Every sentence hit harder than the last. That describes it exactly, even from a teenager it's attempted suicide where you want someone to stop you but at the same time you don't. The dark room disgusts you, but you don't want to be anywhere else. I'm great, but I'm not simultaneously.
Absolutely. Alcohol is a writhing mass of mutually exclusive contradictions all at once.
I appreciate your videos. I have unpackaged my addiction over a decade and landed on the fact that I am transgender and was unwilling to live until I confronted this within myself. So 10 years of addiction self pity and hurting everyone around me because I was to scared to look inward. Been sober since transitioning. Anyway I hope it stays that way and just wanted to add my story to the pile and just wanted to say thanks for your role in keeping me on the straight and narrow.
Oh wow, congratulations! I'd love to see more stories like yours in the spotlight, rather than rich straight white man stuff like mine. Have you talked about it in detail anywhere?
Thank you! I haven’t yet but have started writing a bit about it so maybe Il film something and put it up here.
I can relate to the role that loneliness plays in alcohol abuse. That’s why community and connection to others is so vital a part of recovery
Yeah I agree. Sobriety sometimes requires an entire personality change, you have to force yourself to learn to accept friends.
Wow that was deep thank you for sharing
Thank you for watching mate, and for your comments.
Fav person to listen to on yt
Thank you, that's very kind. I hope you're doing good.
I just turned forty on the 5th November and the last girl I was in a serious relationship with did not simply depart and break my heart, she cut pieces of my heart out and took them with her. She decided to randomly relocate to France without any prior indication, out of the blue, on a whim. The next girl I attempted to date fractured three of my ribs. Consequently, I find myself contemplating the idea of giving up on relationships entirely, giving up on love altogether, buying a goldfish and playing my guitars alone, forever alone.
i envy your journey. My alcoholism isn't like that. I was never popular with girls, i was never travelling, hell i lived in extreme poverty most of my life, i just wanted the drink to make the pain of existence disappear. I never even left my country, never. The problems with money, lack of education and severe depression has sealed my fate as a lonely, alcoholic incel. But i guess the destination is the same for all of us.
Where are you from?
@_BatCountry Poland
Hello mate , enjoyed the video 😊 was the fishing village you where referring to polperro or possibly porthleven?
Great guess - it was Polperro.
Thank you for sharing. I've definitely found myself on a similar path, just decided to give sobriety another shot.
I know you mentioned having the brain injury but have you ever considered getting assessed for ADHD?
You mentioned having issues before the incident.
Just thought I'd ask because I was recently diagnosed at age 34.
It tends to come with a lot of issues with impulse control, reckless behaviour, addiction issues and self esteem problems.
Wow. I mentioned before that we are the same kind of drinkers and we’re about the same age and have the same drinking timeline too. I haven’t drank in over 3 years. Half of my life has been shame riddled… keeps me sober. Loneliness. Feeling bad. All the same. Let’s keep going sober.
3 years is huge. Congratulations. And yeah, some people tell me I shouldn't, but shame and negativity are great motivators for me.
So spot on. There's always a reason to drink. People who don't get it will never understand. They say just don't drink, which is like saying to an anorexic to just eat that steak and chips.
Yeah exactly. It's just not like that in practice is it?
Thank you Mr Bat Country. I did the same. I switched my bargain booze shops because I was embarrassed about going to the same one near me because she'd think I was an alcoholic. Never been diagnosed as one but I know I am. After taking early retirement from work its got worse. I'm done after new year eve, and hopefully can be strong enough. Thanks for your videos, I haven't been a single day without vodka for over 20yrs.
Don't get blind drunk just tend to drink it slowly through the day. But looking at my money calendar it's about 19 litres a month.
I will hopefully succeed in quitting.
I wish you the very best mate. You've already done the hardest part: recognising it as a problem. It's onwards and upwards from here.
True story.. drinking is pretty much very often about loneliness.. my drinking was very alike.. for me drinking with my buddies was a necessity... I enjoyed the most the moment after I managed to leave my buddies and finally get home with the booze... to finally get drunk properly.. it was almost orgasmic feeling.. so sad when I Look at it today... like I always say.. every alcoholic's life is pitiful and misareble.. no matter if you are a rich CEO or just a homeless bum..
Well, thank you for being a bit less of a weirdo loner for us
Still love your presentation style and voice
Thank you! Starting to feel like I should get a dedicated studio or something, this office style isn't so personal.
How I relate to this is crazed. Not as bad but almost. Jeeze you get it. 😮
Well said
This Christmas as expected I never came across Sober Clause.
Superb..
Thank you!
Been sober after a battle with booze and occasional drug use, mostly drink, 2 half years, never again, no one will change my mind,
I was planning on doing dry January but I didn’t feel the need to wait until 1/1/2025, so I started on 12/21/2024. Today is New Year’s Day and I’m 12 days sober. I never want to go back to that poison!☠️
I'll drink a synergy kombucha, but no beer or booze, been like 4 or 5 years. I like listening to Terence McKenna helps keep me on the path to healing, I'm drawn to old abandoned buildings with pretty stonework, the architecture is nastalgic ... It's a trigger lol
1 year today 🎉
Great video
Thanks for watching, and for the comment.
Hot take: The narrative of 'once an addict, always an addict' causes vastly more harm than good. Strict abstinence isn't required to have a healthy relationship with alcohol or other substances once you've had a problematic one ... but it sure does hep feed the 12-steo industrial complex 🌶️🌶️
Strict abstinence absolutely IS required for me. The only healthy relationship I can have with alcohol is total freedom from it. Sometimes, the only way to win is not to play.
I don't get how this guy can claim that he's anti-social and yearned being alone, not deserving of self-love... he seems like a total bro to me lol.
cycling across Eurasia drunk, encountering completely random and messed up situations, working cool jobs in exotic locations, had tons of casual hookups, lived in cool areas around the world, has a beard and mohawk... like, dog... you LIVED life like very few people. Like it's GTA or something.
My sobriety story is boring af compared to his.
Yeah that whole thing about having an interesting life and still being unhappy, there's a name for that. I think doctors call it "mental illness."
You're right, there is a lot of contradictions in there. I've had a wild life and mostly got away with it. But you can be unhappy in any circumstance. That's the nature of depression and addiction.
@ yeah I get that. But let’s just say you definitely went out with a “bang” during your rock bottom.
Better to live some wild adventures during your darkest times than just rotting away in your apartment and realizing things need to change.
My anxiety is so bad but drinking wont help me.
No, it won't. Sobriety will.
@batcounty one question did your gaba and glutamate restored to normal after the delirium?
13:25 ..... 😢😔💙
“the rime of the ancient mariner”
I had a drink on the 20th December and haven't drank since,I don't plan to drink new years either,it's been an amazing sober Christmas,,I plan to stay sober
Good for you, and good luck with it.
I've met enough guys in AA to know that alcohol so rarely kills you when you desperately want it to. I'd fall asleep with a dictionary on my chest after a night of savage liquor-drinking, hoping my lungs would give out in my sleep and I'd be gone. Being constantly drunk is such an isolating pass-time because you can be reasonably sure that no one else in your vicinity is on the same wavelength as you; you are experiencing a noticeably different reality. Like you I'm a generally solitary person by nature, but when I was deep in the hole what little social interaction I had was tinged with pity or judgment or disapproval; at that point isolation feels less like a choice and more like a punishment.
Oof, that first sentence really hit home mate. That is so very true. Man your comments are always so good.
But I thought you said there wasn't a pub in the village?
This happened in the village of Polperro. The village I was talking about back then was different, it was the one I went to afterwards. My parents still live there, so I won't name it here.
@@_BatCountry cool man. thanks for clarifying
Constant exhaustive vilgulance will surely only eventually lead to a slow and lonely death? I get it, it's sometimes incredibly hard to be sober but you can't feel like all the time otherwise you'd crack. That's how it feels when you're under it, but if you can grind it out and get through then it's for the better obviously. But I think what you're missing there is that a lot of the time if you stay sober you feel 1000x's better than you would if you were drinking, but obviously at the same time you have to admit for that you give up those 2-3 hours when you're drinking every do often where it's fantastic and you feel great and fully charged and full of adrenaline and endorphins and totally lit like only alcoholics know how good it is. But that's what you give up, you give up that fleeting state of bliss for an otherwise exponentially more fulfilled and productive life for as long as you can make it last
I am 7-5 years sober.
Sometimes I think maybe I wasn't that bad an alchy as I haven't relapsed.
But I do know my life was a Trainwreck for 40 years.
Congrats on your sober time mate!
I want to comment that I relate very strongly with this topic and video, but I also don't want to. I want to reject the urge at making the connection, however small. Then I want to resent myself for not making the comment that I relate so strongly. Sucks. So I'll post the comment and then feel shame, I guess.
I appreciate the comment, and I sympathise with your guilt about it. Thanks mate.
Bad county the mri showed nothing. But still have the headaches. Nice one though. Terrible poison the alcohol.
I'm glad you sought out professional advice. Keep going, you'll find an answer at some point. For now, just focus on being sober, and finding peace.
@_BatCountry i am staying sober. But my poor head just does not want to go back to normal. That fucking delirium did his work good. Poor brains.and i did not even got the hallucinations.. just the shakes and paranoia fears..it was close to a real dt i think. I hate it to gone through it. I miss my old self in good shape. My life feels like shit now. Always worked with the ipas and then shit hits the fan. @batcounty did you also had the lowered conscious or did you had the hallucinations.
@_BatCountry do you use medicine after your dt? Like anti dep? Or Nothing
@_BatCountry how long did you endured your head aches? Short or long?