These parents saying they’re annoyed by their kid’s presence….that’s exactly how my mom was around me growing up. She was a teen mom, and throughout my childhood I just felt resented. If you’ve got ANY doubts, just don’t reproduce!
Same, I'm 28 now and she's 46 and we can finally get along, but she made my childhood very miserable lol it's one of the many reasons why I don't want children of my own.
Your parents never grew up in some circumstances … some people will not hear that. Just take a closer look at your friends right now that may have kids. What you see is exactly where your parents were in their day, just different time and era.
Also we hear about animal rights more than children's rights. Parents see their kids as extensions of themselves, a part of themselves they can dominate and disrespect.
😅 I never understood how these broke people thought marriage was more of a commitment than having kids. Also tons of bad parents.I know refuse to babysit.Other people's kids or hanging around kids and then ask surprise when they turn out as bad parents.
I think it's the breakdown of community contributing to this issue. Parents have no support. Extended families don't live nearby and help like they used to. Single parents have zero breaks. Things cost way more than they used to and wages haven't kept up. Mental health is in the toilet. You can't raise kids well if your mental health is in the toilet. I just hope they don't tell the children and find somewhere like this reddit post (but preferably therapy) to let out those feelings.
What I have come to realise is that individualism and 'the village' aren't compatible. It seems everyone, esp. modern parents (people), want it all, but should you dare make some suggestions, tell the kid off for doing something dangerous, etc., then you're considered a piece of work. I've seen very giving/charitable people have no issues raising their kids communally, but that's not most people. And while this is a small part of the debate, I fear it's often overlooked.
The rise of the social media is also one. We are able to see women from all generations talk about how difficult being a mother is and how you don’t get help from fathers because “it’s a womens job” some people in the video touched on being a married single parent. It’s not new and women aren’t willing to deal with it anymore. There been too many stories of husbands having a flip switched when they become fathers and don’t think any of the child raising is any of their responsibility.
As a parent I feel this 💯 and don’t think their regrets should be on social media because they could regret saying anything later. I do not regret my kids but as you stated I hate the lack of support that there is. I love my kids and they make me laugh and I don’t think we should normalize hating kids, it’s ok to be child free but it’s not ok to hate kids we need to keep them safe from these wicked thoughts.
Cannot understand how people not know already the cliches of parenthood: not having a personal life, money consuming, sleepless nights... like how can this surprise you? It baffles me
@@realglutenfree all I heard since the beginning of my concious life was that parenthood is hard... maybe it is what we choose to hear. Or the things you think you need to do in order to be socially accepted. Was never my problem luckily
@@andrealinalfonsome too I've never been somebody who cares too much about strangers opinions. But you seem intelligent so I'm sure you know you only need to care enough about strangers opinions in order to survive. It doesn't always matter how you're perceived. After all you would be the person living with the consequences of your actions not them!
😢same . Those children deserve so much better and they deserve to be loved 💜 It's bad enough their parents hate them but to put it on blast online is fcking disgusting.
One of the biggest things I’ve noticed now that I am childfree is that parents will encourage others to have kids then turn around and talk about how hard parenthood (especially motherhood) is.
misery loves company. and also, i feel like a lot of people just get resentful that childfree people were brave enough to make that choice and they weren't. so they want to force you into suffering with them
I am childless. The amount of pressure that my friends, family, community, and complete strangers applied in favor of me having kids was OVERWHELMING. I would explain that I was concerned about my mental health without a kid let alone with one, and about my capacity to have a never ending well of empathy and patience in order to not traumatize my child. The response 99% of the time? All of that will work itself out once you have a kid. Nobody told me “hey, those are actually great reasons not to have a kid”. They told me those were NOT good enough reasons NOT to have a kid. So imagine that some of these parents felt like me, but took the leap hoping that they would miraculously turn into a great parent like they’ve seen people around them. Imagine their horror when everything that people said would fall into place, doesn’t. I say this to say, if you are having doubts about having a kid, don’t have one under any pressure. Because for every one story that you hear about someone who had doubts then became super mom/dad, there’s several stories like these.
Sounds like you are childfree. Childless is usually referred to people who want kids but don’t have any for whatever reason, such as not being able to have them. Childfree is for people who choose not to have any.
PLEASE Stand your ground. DO NOT allow ppl to bully you into something that YOU, don't want. Those same ppl that are trying to guilt you into motherhood will be the same ppl, that WONT help, WONT pay for anything, WONT babysit, and will throw it up in YOUR face that YOU made the decision to have a child. DONT DO IT! Live YOUR life the way YOU want too!! Your reasons are very valid, and it's also valid to just not want kids. Let's normalize saying no to things is OKAY as well. Go live well sis 🙏🏾.
"The amount of pressure that my friends, family, community, and complete strangers applied in favor of me having kids was OVERWHELMING." I grew up in the 80's and 90's when choosing not to have kids was much less acceptable than today. The pressure I got from people made me genuinely angry. I'm 40 and fixed now, still no kids, and while I no longer have to deal with "you'll change your mind someday," I now have to deal with jabs about being a spinster, dying alone and unloved, and having something "wrong" with me. Oh, also about how no man will ever want me- even though I'm in a relationship with one (who also doesn't want kids). The overall social pressure isn't as extreme as it was when I was young, but it's definitely still there, and is likely worse in certain communities.
My mother hated me too. Reading her diary after she died confirmed that fact. These people need to give their kids to good parents. Spare the children the torture of your selfishness.
@@pinupgoblinthere are people like that who desperately wanted a kid due to infertility, fought hard to get one and feel the same way. It's lack of support, lack of community. "You need a village" they say. And it's true. Parents need breaks. Other family members should step in and help out. But in this individualistic society people are left to fend for themselves and that leads them to hating their lives. No one is immune to these feelings, not even people who desperately wanted a kid and got them.
@@non-applicable.Ah I agreed up until the “should” part. If my sister has a child and she needs a break she can hired a babysitter or ask our parents. I don’t ever want children however I would adopt a child over ten. It if I didn’t choose to have said child and didn’t make said child than I have no obligation or responsibility to that child at all or will ever. I should never have to watch a kid that’s not mine.
"you dont want children, you want babies" perfect. You dont want to be married, you want a wedding. You dont want to be a doctor, you want 6 figure salary. Most people want the honor and status but dont want the work that comes with it. You Wanna be superman but you dont Wanna have to save the world.
@@sapphire8644 Depends on the type of doctor. If it's a surgeon, for sure. If it's just a physician, probably not much gambling. At most, they'll just completely miss something that you clearly have, which is why you should always get a second opinion if you suspect something is up even if your doctor tells you that you're fine.
the first two statements were true for me dude it was never about kids it was about the idea which when i thought about it never went past the idealization of i want to just name it have a gender reveal and dress it in cute clothes same was true for getting married i just wanted a wedding the dress the ceremony the reception the honey moon vacation but the problem is at the end of this fantasy i would run away and move to a diffrent continent with a fake name living happily ever after by myself which i then came to the conclusion i didnt want kids or marriage. When i got older i understood the weight of the decison so no kids for me thanks
I've never understood how so many parents don't really think it through about having children. Then they complain about them like it's not their problem.
I have a friend who has parents that seem like the type who only had kids because they thought that’s what they were supposed to do instead of actually wanting kids and she has some of the worst self esteem and social anxiety. Kids are not accessories if you have any doubts don’t have them..
Mind your own business. Who are u to judge that they would better not exist at all? Wtf You think you are better yet u will extinct. Natural seletion knows better than your cope
I’ve never wanted children. Women never talk about the physical changes to your body after giving birth. I like my body the way it is and as a person with a history of body dysmorphia, I can’t see myself being happy with the changes.
@@amandasullivan6599 Everyone ages and menopausal women have to do regular strength training with weights and diet adjustments. Getting older is inevitable however, I don’t want to have stretch marks, a mummy tummy, a possible c-section scar or my hips widened by birthing a child.
@@amandasullivan6599because no one cares about that lol. The point is having kids will change your body much sooner than not having kids will. So you doing all this talk about menopause and calling women shallow for not wanting to have their bodies altered by pregnancy shows you have some issues you need to work through. You also need a lesson in reading comprehension. Your line of thinking is what’s really shallow and leads to unhappiness lol.
@@amandasullivan6599 I think you assume I’m in my 20s and I’m definitely older than you think. No one was bashing older women‘s bodies and you can be beautiful and fit at any age.
@@sizzlekitten4441 I am so sorry if you think I made a negative assumption about you. Let’s have a honest conversation, most women and men prefer their younger bodies to their older bodies. The entire fitness and beauty industries are built on the fears of not looking your “best” also know as youthful. So people work out, limit their food intake, get plastic surgery etc. let’s not fool ourselves with the notion that these industries make millions every year if the idea all women of all ages are beautiful was widely accepted. I’m just saying that all of our best laid plans to prevent change go out the window when the hormones and metabolism drop. I am in no way trying to insult anyone. My point is we should tell women the truth about what happens to our bodies before, during, and after menopause. It’s not something you can exercise away, no magic diet, it’s something that is natural. Like wrinkles, graying hair, and thin skin. Veins pop out, age spots happen, skin sags and that’s okay. If the fear is pregnancy will ruin a women’s body, first of all ruin is negative way of viewing the body. Like I said have a baby, don’t have a baby, but EVERYONE must become comfortable with the body changing, that is going to happen either way. I hope you have great day and once again I am not trying to insult anyone. Menopause is a conversation all women should be having.
I just stopped being friends with a guy who blamed his child's mother for getting pregnant again when he was the one who got her pregnant both times! They are not a couple, so he said that if she didn't want him to get her pregnant again then SHE should have taken proper precautions which is true, but it takes two to tango. He will leave her to be a single mother again and he could care less since the children will live with her full-time. I couldn't keep being friends with someone so reckless or continue being friends with a man who has such little respect for women. As child-free women, we MUST watch out for these types of men who will just get anyone pregnant, be indifferent about it, and move on.
If he wanted to be irresponsible and not have safe sex, why doesn’t he just get a vasectomy? He clearly doesn’t want anymore kids and doesn’t use condoms lmao.
@@strawberrytiramisuthe reason why guys in droves arent getting vasectomies is because pregnancy doesnt affect them so they just don't care. They only care about their degenerate lineage passing on 😂
We need this kind of shaming in society to make people realize their behavior and nonchalant attitude to the gift of bringing life into this world is not something small or light. Those children will grow up with the same empty hole I feel in my chest that I only found healing by finding Jesus in my life. And even then, I still have to ask forgiveness because I'm so angry. Why have me and then abandon me? Like be responsible with your reproductive organs because it's not a toy.
@@passionproject568there's many people who call it a "happy accident." That fact disturbs me. Kind of angers me FOR those children who didnt ask to be here and live a hard life. That they only exist because their parents wanted to get off and don't care about the conditions the innocent children will be in.
Your dad sounds like a complete degenerate. Nine kids ruined his life… not one, but NINE!!! Like, the first, second, third, fourth were so awful he chose to more than double that number and then complain, lol.
I'm sorry to hear you had a loser of a dad. No child needs to be told by their parents that sort of thing. He made the choice of not using birth control or at the very least, pulling out.
society loves to tell woman they gonna regret not having kids, but more then often people do regret having kids. It's not a choice you can revoke and free yourself from, It changes your life completly for at least the next 20 years. There is no shame in being reflected childfree by choice, but i do feel sorry for those who let themself get talked into kids and then regret it. They will suffer threw it and often the child too, a situation where nobody really get the long end of the stick. Don't get me wrong pls, having kids is not bad. But its better to not have them, and maybe regret that, then having them and regretting it.
Growing up I always thought parents secretly thought this way, although they’d never admit it, so that’s why they feel more comfortable admitting it on a Reddit post. That’s why I made myself a promise I’d never ever have a kid
I've noticed that because I'm childfree, a great deal of parents seem to feel comfortable telling me how they really feel about having kids. I've heard so many regretful parent stories straight from the horse's mouth over the years.
My grandma had 5 kids and around 20 grandkids. One day she told me, she had wondered everyday what it would be like if she chose to get on that train and never met my grandfather or had any of us (in a loving kind of way). It broke my heart. She also used to say how much she just wanted to live/be alone instead. She was of sound mind/ body too, couldn't blame it on a health condition. She was also a terror to my mother's generation even though us grandkids loved her dearly. I'm childfree, made the choice at 7y/o. I will not repeat the cycle. Growing up in poverty with addicted parents was enough to never wish my burdens on future human beings. Don't be a person who always wonders what it's like to not have had your children and certainly don't tell them to their face.
These mothers want their cake and eat it too. Most of them must have at least one person around them who warned them about the responsibility, and these regretful mothers may have judged them at the time. These people are horrible, they are the part of the problem, why others are not having kids.
My god that was depressing, I had to stop a couple of minutes in. I had the opposite experience, atrocious prenatal depression, wanted to stab myself in the stomach and was terrified my baby would be like his father (who I left at 16 weeks pregnant due to domestic violence). But my depression went away once my son was born, I put a lot of effort into bonding with him to give us both the best chance. It wasn’t Insta love, but now he is the best part of my life. He is almost 7 now and I’m so lucky to have him ❤
Most of the time women do majority of the childcare while still doing the mental load around the house. Don't get married and don't have kids if in doubt.
To be fair.... a lot of my parents generation became parents cos thats like what you do/did, not because you wanted to or should. People should really consider this choice a lot more carefully than they seem to...
This. So often the answer to why people had kids is 'that's what you did/we didn't think about it so much'. That's called being naive and a little brainwashed. Today with the scope we all have being able to peer into millions of lives at every stage, there's no more papering over the cracks like in the past were the troubles and stresses of daily parenting were mostly behind closed doors. We can see it in plain daylight now. People can broadcast it 24/7 from every corner of the world. Parenting a hard, gruelling, untelenting chore. Does it have it's perks? Sure. But so do a lot of other things. And they don't require such sacrifices to the point it breaks people. Most humans are either accidents or the result of blase parents who barely thought beyond the baby phase. Not everyone is so lacking in foresight.
Yep. My nan admitted in later life she had kids because it was 'just what you did'. She didn't feel there were other options for women, she was expected to be out of the house with a husband and kids by her early 20s. She had 7 kids. And was a selfish, nasty piece of work half the time. They knew she hadn't really wanted them. My mum felt that constantly growing up.
When I was unsure if I wanted kids my eldest sister told me she would love her kids to have cousins….that helped me make my decision of not wanting kids.
The kind of people who are patient and have big hearts who say they love kids make the best parents. I have patience and love to give too but I still don't want kids. So many people have kids on a whim without thinking about it and sometimes those people end up regretting it. Just because I am patient and kind I will not make a great parent, because at the end of the day I don't want it... If I had kids that would be like me shooting myself in the foot + the kid having to suffer my bad decision too. Just not worth it. When me and and a guy I dated for 6 months he said he wants kids and I said I don't... I still feel like he will make a great dad in the future. And I think he will get there soon. I said to him "in 5 years you are having 2 kids and a wife I bet you!". He just moved in with his new girlfriend and has gotten a dog together. I'm a bloody fortune teller, I knew it!!!!!
@@zebnemma. Most people who have kids don’t like them and they encourage others to have them because they want them to be as miserable as they are. But I can tell that you really love kids. That’s why you discourage people who are not ready to have them to not have them. The one caveat, that I have with this,is if someone thinks that they do want to have kids, but end up with Post Pardom Depression. As someone who has regular depression, I knew kids was not for me because I at hard to even fathom having kids while being depressed. So I have to ask you, what would you do if having kids suddenly made you depressed? Isn’t it too late to change your mind by then?
@@hallooos7585That’s definitely true. My family disowned me, and I think it’s partly because my husband and I don’t have kids. But we are homeless now and if our family had disowned us anyway, which they probably would have, my kids would be in a horrible situation. And so would I. So I’m glad that I never took that chance that my family would take us in if we had kids. Because if we aren’t good enough, what makes us (with kids) any better. I’m glad that I stuck to my guns and didn’t have kids. How would I explain to them that their grandmother was allowing them to be homeless. I never in a million years thought that my own mom would do that to me.
Everyday I wish my parents had not met. Every day, I wish that my parents did not have unprotected sex. Almost every day of my upbringing, knowing my mother didn't really want me. People, please think before you have children. Otherwise, you cause more harm than good. Over 10 years in therapy, I realize that my parents didn't want to have children. At this point, I wish they had been smarter about their choices.
I’m so sorry. I understand what you mean. Absolutely awful. While I understand what you are saying and no, not everyone should have kids, you are here for a reason. As someone who has a similar experience I decided to make my life worth living and found happiness in Jesus. I wanted kids so I could have the family I never had. Not that kids are for everyone but Jesus is. ❤ I found a purpose outside my parents and people who’ve let me down. You will find yours, too. I’m rooting for you!
This needs more likes because this is the real problem. These resentful parents are just people who fucked around unprotected with people they're not even compatible with because "feelings" when they needed time to be single and get therapy. Then they have kids they're not ready for with somebody they resent and the kids get all the blame. I had to realize that about myself, get help and wait for the right person to come along, not blame my child for existing.
Dear God, half of these are people who were not cut out to have children. But half are parents who were never taught how to parent themselves. I feel horrible at how hard society has failed both groups of people. My heart goes out to them and their kids. And please, can we normalize it being okay to not have kids? Please?
While I didn't expect to have kids, I have 2. They are amazing humans but it's the lack of support/community. Terrifying world. Expenses. Constant mental load. Inability to even raise them anyway due to cost of living, having to work 4 seconds after you pop the baby out, causing strangers to raise them and your whole paycheck to be gone. Also causing the children trauma and attachment issues due to all of this. It's a HUGE choice to have kids. Especially in this world. Families don't help one another anymore. Grandparents can't retire because pensions are gone and social security is a joke therefore cannot help as they once did. This is a deeply rooted, multifaceted societal problem. So glad this communication is happening!
This. My mom had her grandparents to take care of us while she went to work and provided. Never had to pay for daycare. Had a super strong support system Now, after having MY baby, she has been a holy terror in my life. She constantly was berating me about choices such as vaccines, circumcision, and my boundaries. While in the hospital, she took my husband to a bar to try to get him to talk shit about me to him and told him that I was being dramatic (WHILE AND AFTER GIVING BIRTH), that she felt bad for my nurses, that I was just being negative and that I was UNGRATEFUL, for her buying me some pants after fat shaming me less than 24 hrs after giving birth. My legs were SO swollen because I was by MYSELF(my husband had to go right back to work) going up to the NICU over and over. Could barely even eat or sleep because I was taking care of my baby and my mom wasn't there. She CHOSE to go on a vacation and asked me to house sit for her and the dogs, who RAN OFF causing me to go into pre-term labor!!! I begged her not to go just in case because I wanted her there. She made it back to her street as we were getting admitted to the hospital. Then, she completely disrespected me by kissing my baby multiple times causing all of us to get covid, rsv, and strep within 3 months of his life when I verbally asked her NOT to kiss my baby. When I confronted her, everything blew up and she tried to tell me that she talked shit because 'you didn't care about anybody else while you were in the hospital!!!" We're no contact now and I plan on NEVER speaking to her again after those comments and actions she chose. She got to my family before hearing from me what happened, and idk what she told them, but my WHOLE entire side of my mom's family has me blocked. After 8 years and 7 pregnancy losses, I am STILL grateful and LOVE my baby. He's the only thing that keeps me holding on now... But now I'm almost completely without family or support system and my PPD is MUCH worse than it was before all that. If you dont have kids, are on the fence, and have extremely toxic family members, I would say just don't. Unless you're willing to go through this alone and isolated.
Thank you for sharing. This financial uncertainty is what prevents my mind from allowing me to think about having kids. In my experience, literally I cam go from broke to having money to broke again and jobless 6 times in 10 years . I just want to be stable for at least 5 years straight. Having kids to me means it needs to be a 20 years.
One of the women in the video made a really good point that many people just want babies, not actual whole human beings. This is so true. I’ve seen parents whose interest in their kids just drops off around the 2 year mark. At that point, parenting is no longer novel or fun for them, and from that point on, that child will be raised by the 3 T’s: TV, Tablets, and Teachers. 😐
You're exactly right. I've seen it around me with so many people I know. Once the novelty wears off of having a cute baby, the attention dries up from other people, the child becomes much more active and they have to actually do some real parenting of a human child with a growing personality they have to nurture, they lose interest.
@@christinajose285No offence but the people you know are delusional or have zero experience raising kids. It gets HARDER as kids grow older! It becomes monotonous, they become much more demanding of parent's time and energy, they require much more mental stimulation, you need to be constantly aware of everything you're teaching then because it's going to shape who they are as adults. Then there are the mundane things like the school run every day, cooking healthy meals for them every day etc. The only parents who find it less gruelling after the age of 3 are the ones who aren't putting in the work and who stick them in front of a screen because they've lost interest in parenting. Bad parents always find it easy because they're not doing their job.
My mother was like that, would coo over babies but absolutely hated me and my sister when we became teenagers even though we were very well behaved and high achieving by all standards. I felt like she resented me bc I didn't turn out how she wanted me to be to show off to her friends and family despite my accomplishments in different areas that I never wanted any hypothetical child of mine to go through the same level of resentment for being themselves.
I’m 21 and don’t want kids. Nothing will ever change that, and it’s so unbelievably frustrating when people around me say something like, “you’re young! your mind will change” nope. Seeing these people regret having kids..I know I’d feel the same way. There’s a difference between parenting and just having kids for the sake of it (ie: because society says you should) Parenting requires WORK that I’m not willing to do.
Just wait for the "but what if your HUSBAND wants kids? Don't you want to give him kids??" Argument. Exhausting. No man will change my decision. I control my uterus. Period.
@@Dani4Equality Husbands be asking for kids and doing jack sh_t for them. Women carry the full burden of having children I see it literally everywhere its so gross Having kids these days is like a lose/lose situation ong
Isn’t it funny how these people never use that argument in the opposite direction? If you said “yes, I want kids” they wouldn’t have said “you’ll change your mind”. Even when children say they want kids it’s encouraged. People tell them to wait, but they don’t try to talk them out of their decision.
@@Dani4Equality Pretty sure that should be something you discuss with your partner long before you tie the knot. At least you should. You should obviously be with someone with similar ambitions and goals, which should include your same prospective on kids.
Lol I wanted children up until I was 13 and up until I changed my mind to not want kids, no one told me I'll change my mind. But now at age almost 25, I'm getting told that I'm still young and that I'll change my mind. Ah the double standards
I decided at age 4 that I didn't want children because I didn't know that I would be able to make them feel safe. Why did I feel this way? Because my parents made it apparent early own that they didn't want to be parents. They ignored us and used toys and material things to appear loving. My mother was impatient and would roll her eyes and heave deep sighs when I asked her for help - i.e. a snack or to teach me how to tie my shoe laces. I was 6 and still didn't know how to do it. Sometimes I was so hungry I'd eat butter out of the fridge, and at one point took to scrounging change off the street to buy myself snacks from the corner store. Meanwhile, mom had money for beer, cigarettes, and other things. I thought I had asthma but it mysteries disappeared when she gave up custody of me, looking back I realize that I was having ANXIETY ATTACKS. I was nauseous nearly every day and routinely vomited on arriving at school, where I was shunned (likely because I was unkempt as my own mother could barely stand to look at me, much less touch me). Every summer myself and my sister would het dropped at our grandparents house and not hear A WORD from our parents for 2 months. Half the time they couldn't be bothered to come pick us up so we'd get sent home on a GREYHOUND bus instead. Yes? 2 girls under 12 riding 5 hours on a bus. We could have easily been kidnapped and or worse, but apparently my parents didn’t see this as a problem. I was too young to realize how dangerous this was but looking back, this and other things may parents did (or didn't do) makes it clear that they really could not bothered. So yes people who do not want to parent or do not have the resources should NOT have children. It's a dreadful experience to grow up feeling resented and unwanted and it has taken me YEARS of therapy (I probably could've bought a house with all the $$$ I have spent on it) to eveb begin to feel remotely "ok" enough to live a normal life. Anyone who wants children PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT FIRST. PLEASE!
I relate to you so much. I have given up on the idea that I’ll ever be a normal happy person. I remember once my mother took my brother on a little vacay. Didn’t say a word to me. I was alone for three days with no way to contact her. At one point I ate a raw potato. When she came home, I rushed to the door beaming, so glad she was back. She screamed at me that I didn’t even realize she was gone and that I don’t love her. stomped off to her room like a teenager. I was seven.
i worked in a mental health counselling organisation in uk and loads of parents signed up to a course on how to deal with their kids, they gave them stress
@@hlb9834children need boundaries. We don’t have to be attentive to the 24/7 (excluding the infant and toddler years). Parents these days submit and serve kids as if they are royalty. Never establishing, communicating that mom and dad are people to, the marriage is a priority. Not everything is about the kids. We were not the center of the world growing up. We were allowed to be bored, learn to entertain ourselves, go outside and play. This allowed our parents to have space and allow them to be themselves. Modern parents have the impression we lose ourselves to the children. This is how they burn out and then have these negative feelings. We need to find balance again. Take lessons from the boomer parents/gen x relationships mix with the best from current with some old school.
I work in maternity hospital in UK. I have a full time job asking women to please stop smoking during pregnancy. So many think they are stressed when they are objectively bored because they don't work or study, volunteer or bring any value to community.
This is why i never told my parents about my abortion when i was 22. I knew atleast one of them would convince me to have it. So i told the guy who knocked me up bc i knew he wasn't ready either. My sister was the only one who knew and went with me to clinic. I never wanted to go through this but still have no regrets. Still cant imagine having a 17 year old now.
As a mother of two very loved babies, I also never told my family about my abortion/miscarriages. I didn't want the extra grief added on to an emotional decision. Sometimes we have to do what's best for us.
As a former teacher, I KNOW that dealing with children is VERY difficult at times. But I wonder if any of these frustrated parents have invested any time in training their kids so that their behavior isn’t so intolerable or is it just being a parent in itself that they hate?🤔🤔
I whole heartily believe i have the best kids in the world. But I hate being a mom. It’s draining to know that you are responsible for this human life at all times for a very long time. That’s my personal experience.
When I was a kid parents weren’t expected to hover over their kids. We went outside and played with our friends. No play dates had to be scheduled and supervised. Our parents got a break from us on a regular basis
I'm sure there are people out there who had kids in the 90s, 80s, 70s and before that could say exactly what women who have young kids now are saying. This isn't about not letting your 8 year old run around in the neighborhood til it gets dark. It's about parenting. Putting your dreams and goals on hold or abandoning them altogether in favor of raising children. It's the cost, the physical toll it takes on your body, the fact that you never have any time for yourself. Or that your basic needs get put on hold or ignored altogether in favor of a child. Not everyone wants to live like that and that's perfectly ok.
this is exactly the issue, the lack of personal space; there is also the fact that most people live around areas where cars dominate so kids have no where to play, just endless rows of homes and city blokes
The is a major modern issue that is often completely overlooked, espically by older people. Not even mentioning the social pressure from media coverage that is everywhere you do not get breaks like parents used to. My mother would send my 7 year old brother and 5 year old brother out to play all day around the forest and neighbourhood. She didn't watch them she watched Dr. Phil and did chores. When I was 7 (I was born in 2000) we'd go to our campsite and I'd walk 15 minutes to the lakes and catch frogs all day by myself. What were parents doing? Not watching the siblings they were gone too. They weren't doing chores we were at camp, they were chilling socializing with adults. You got way less flack and there was way less pressure as a parent in those years, it wasn't even that long ago. Now a nine year old gets police called on them for walking their dog by themselves. CPS might be called if a nine year old went to the store by themselves. It's way stricter but then parents are criticized for being too hyperviglent yet society almost forces them to be or it is neglect and negligence. Parenting is so different from even just early 2000s I don't think it can be comparable. Maybe some very isolated small towns are still like that but mostly it's you have to watch your child 24/7 or you are failing. Those people saying your failing are people like my mother who let her 7 year old go play by a lake all day unsupervised with zero checks. I'm not even critizing that, I was a very mature child but she can't really preach what she didn't do. She's the same with sex ed, preaches schools should withhold info and stuff that it's the parents disscusion but then with all five of her kids she failed to teach them anything. A book was thrown at me when I was nine and I didn't read it because why the hell would i, that's not teaching your kid about sex ed.
I think some people are just going through the motions of life without thinking about what they are getting into Graduate school ✔️ Get a job ✔️ Get married ✔️ Have a family ✔️ I think some people rush into it or it’s just expected of them. I think some girls think babies are cute and want someone who loves them unconditionally. Then they realize they have to wake up in the middle of the night and take care of a screaming baby and it’s not as much fun as they thought. They see their friends out having fun without them and they regret their decision. And some could be postpartum depression. Whatever the reason they need therapy because no child should live in a home where their own parent despises them.
@@asr_____some irreversible decisions that affect a person's life is worth hating on if it was irresponsible. If I created a horse somehow with no knowledge or money or resources to take care of the horse would I somehow be exempt from people disagreeing with me?
It all comes from a deep childishness, lack of vision and selfishness. People who don't ponder over life and what they want from it seem to be like this. My dad always asked me what I wanted to do. And I was 19 when he sat me down and asked me what I wanted the purpose of my life to be. What did I want my life to look like.
My mom was super against me tying my tubes and having no children. Then I showed her some similar posts to these fron RP. She git horrified. Then I said "If I ever become a mother, that's the mother I will be. Do you want that for your grandchild? To be unloved and your daughter being miserable?" She said she would take the child's custody. Then I said "how about having no child to suffer at all? No matter what you do, that child would forever know it's mother didn't want them.". I said it that way just to shock her. Of course I would try my best and never tell the kid. But I woukd indeed be conpletelly miserable. Now she thinks is better removing the uterus instead of tying tubes, but that is not allowed in my country? 😅
Doh! Silly me. Yes…it can have a reduced functionality and cause complications but no, you’re right. I’m thinking of a full hysterectomy not a partial.
I had one child and my life went to hell. I got a permanent chronic illness. That ruined my college educated career. That made me go in disability. I got divorced. He never paid support. So I am a divorced mom of one who raised her on disability. She also has chronic illnesses now as an adult. You sign up to either get ill, pass away or get a kid who is not healthy when you have kids. You roll dice. My kid tells me she wishes I had never had her. We are both in pain all the time. People who stay healthy and get healthy kids are hella lucky. Remember, mental illnesses can show up in their late 20s. You are a parent forever.
You’re not alone. I’m now severely disabled & unable to work or attend college/votech. Lost all but 1 long distance friend because my kiddo was a threat to their kid(s). Don’t qualify for any assistance. Kiddo is SEVERELY disabled. They have zero friends, will never be able to drive, work, have a spouse, live independently, go to prom, none of it. They shouldn’t be left unsupervised, ever. They’ve become so massive, violent, & unpredictable that everyone has to walk on eggshells. Kiddo has tried to kill me & the animals several times. Once by locking the animals & I inside the house while trying to burn it down (with just me & the animals inside). I caught them as they were sneaking out the back door. They looked me dead in the eye. Laughed. Spit on my face. And said “You die tomorrow”. I probably should’ve called the police instead of the pediatrician. But at that time, kiddo was only 6 years old. Still no help. Still got blamed for it because I should’ve kept a better eye. They were napping (so I thought) & I was flaring & in the bathroom ummm let’s just say I was sitting on the toilet AND puking into the bathtub. I’ve begged & begged for help. Always got told I just need to parent better. I literally destroyed myself permanently doing everything I could for them & for what? Now neither one of us has much quality of life. Now we both have no future besides an assisted living facility. Separate ones for my safety & I don’t need a max security facility. I’m quite drama free unless provoked into self defense. I just. Parent. Better. Really? I did my best. Set myself on fire. Burned myself & my future to the ground for a human that would rather I cease to exist. For a human that will have to be institutionalized, permanently. There is no fixing things. There is no undo button. I did get a tubal ligation to ensure this never happens again. I wish I would’ve seen the multiple miscarriages as a huge, flashing, STOP signal to the oncoming train I walked into. But the grief & raging hormones blinded me. As far as do I regret THEM…that’s a sticky question, truth be told. I try my best to live my life without regrets. I try to count them as lessons learned instead. Because regret will eat at your very soul. And quite frankly. Regret doesn’t change anything. I do have a lot of…guilt? For giving society not one but two more disabled folks that can’t contribute. No shame towards myself or any other disabled person, in the slightest. But I CHOSE to bring a human in the world. And it bit me in the arse. If anything is a regret in regards to kiddo specifically. It would be that they have to suffer endlessly because of a decision I helped make. That I will be paying the price for, too, for the rest of my life. 💔
I'm disabled and so are both my kids.... (autism and delays) ... we struggle financially and we have comorbid medical issues... including me... I have cptsd, autism, anxiety, ocd, etc etc.... I have never 1x regretted having my kids... ya it gets hard but they are legit my whole life. I would never ask for anything different. Yes my life turned different than it should... but damn I'm glad it did
If you want to have kids be sure you really want it. It’s a real job. It’s not easy, it’s not short or simple. I feel bad for the children who were raised and being raised in these regretful people’s homes.
this is what happens when we push on women that they should have kids no matter what and that’s what they were born to do. Not everyone should be a parent!
Exactly. Our society wants to pressure women who don't want children to have children anyway, then society is shocked those same women are crying 😢 about their regret.
Imagine being stuck in this situation with kids that you resent? Awful!! I kiss the ground and thank god everyday that I don’t have children! I’m grateful for my life.
Having kids is like having a whole different life. You have to be ready for it and if you’re not and you’re about to have a child you have to immediately get ready for it cause it’s a whole different ball game. I’m happy a lot of people are being honest cause the truth needs to be told it’s not all rainbows and sunshine it gets real. I just wish a lot of this talk was out years ago before social media was in high full effect.
This isn’t parenthood, it’s motherhood gone wrong. These are burden mothers that are carrying the weight and without a support system. Mothers that are stricken with poverty, unaddressed mental health and developmental issues and also by partners that are shiftless and have abandoned their portion of parenting responsibility.
Sometimes you can have everything right and still not be cut out for parenthood, I guess your argument is that you can just get a nanny to replace you and I kinda agree
Leí ese subforo y fue un shock para mi, y aunque no hablo inglés me afectó mucho lo que leí ahí 😧. Hay situaciones extremas y muy disfuncionales en donde es comprensible el sentir de esos padres. Pero habían casos ahí donde los padres contaban con sistema de apoyo, excelentes condiciones económicas e incluso sus hijos no eran 'niños problemáticos' y aun asi expresaban un profundo rechazo no sólo a ser padres sino hacia sus hijos, expresiones como "no soporto tener a ese niño cerca, no soporto que me toque", "no soporto verlo, no soporto que me abrace, no soporto que me hable", mi corazón se rompió por esos niños y eso que yo nunca he sentido pasión por lo niños, intento ser empática y comprensiva con el sentir de esos padres pero me cuesta muchísimo. Algunos tienen motivos para odiar su paternidad bastante infantiles y pueriles, y se la viven despotricando lo infelices que son, aún y con excelentes condiciones de vida pero odiando con todas sus fuerzas ser padres y manteniendo un estado infantil de víctima constante. Algunos son ridículos sinceramente, otros si tienen motivos válidos para sentirse así. Siento más pena por los hijos de esos padres que por los padres mismos, no puedo evitarlo.
Ive got 4 kids. Im the type of parent who cant wait till summer vacation because i absolutely want them around all the time. They can drive me absolutely batshit crazy but i still just want them around all the time. This is super sad. Im a stay at home mom. Edit: I am super understanding about the regret. Some don't always know what they're getting into really because people DONT actually talk about the actual deep struggles that you can go through. I'm not ALWAYS in the good mindset and there have been days I just wanted to escape. I do have kids who are very well behaved and a very supportive husband. The regret is a very human emotion and I am sympathetic.
Of course it's mothers who most regret having kids. Mothers do 90-100% of child care. Fathers think they did all they had to by contributing the sperm.So you are basically a single married parent. Not unusual to have an extra full grown child to care for also.
None of the fathers I knew had to give up hobbies, jobs, time with friends or sleep to raise their child. Well. That's a lie - i know of one dad who gets up to feed his son in the night. It's harder on women for sure.
Amen to that! A Lot of males out there but no men. Womens burden was child birth, mens burden is work. What a bunch of lazy lions out there. God sees everything.
It is also often seen as a status symbol in certain cultures hence they force those poor children to become high achievers too without teaching them hygiene, manners or self-love…
This is why the internet is so important. Good or bad, it acts as a vent for ideas we aren't allowed to share easily. I often compare it to the ideas that are shared through public toilet graffiti.
My grandma had many kids and grandkids and honestly I don't feel like she cares all that much about us. She had the older children caring for the younger too and because she was so young she never got to do what she truly wanted which was to be a teacher, in fact she pushed a lot of her kids to become teachers so it's obvious she was trying to live her dreams through them.
THIS is why being childfree by choice should NOT be frowned upon. Better to regret not having than to regret having and have an entire other human's life, future and well being on your lap begrudgingly. I don't want that for any child. So I am doing the right thing and remaining childfree.
I am childfree by choice and I'm so much happier for it. I can't stand kids, I can't stand the screaming, I can't stand the messes, I can't stand the constant touching, the constant never ending questions! Nah, I'm good. People (mostly women) will judge me for this, to those people I say go ahead. Judge me. I don't care. I'm so much happier and stable not having kids and just because others wish that misery on me. People need to stop trying to dictate what will 'make me happy' based on my baby making equipment. People act like it's a damn sin to not want kids, it's my body at risk, it's my health that's most at risk, I won't sacrifice my hobbies or personal life for something I genuinely do not want or like. People need to learn when to leave well enough alone and to treat us like people and not parents or potential parents. If it works for you then I'm happy for you, why wouldn't I be? Why can't that same courtesy be extended to me?
Because misery needs company. They did not have the forethought to think like you did about what you knew you could or couldn't handle. So, instead of lauding you for having the intelligence and introspection to know yourself and the cost of living....they get jealous because when you lay it out like that, they wish they had thought about it like that before they had kids
@@ecclairmayo4153 Yep, that or they don't have a backbone or just think it's the thing you do. When I was a kid I was terrified of growing up because that meant I would have to get married to a man and have kids and I wasn't having it. Turns out I'm childfree and bisexual so that was fun. I can't even describe the intense relief I felt when I realized I didn't have to have kids.
I feel bad for all these kids because I grew up feeling like a burden to my mother. Your children feel your hatred without you actually saying it to them! But I am actually glad to see this out there because parenting is no joke. People need to think about this before procreating! Its almost like the college lie....just take out the $$ student loans and get the hand puppet degree - solid plan. I am not perfect but my kids are the best part of my life. They are definitely the hardest part of my life. Still, my kids make me a better person and for that, i am thankful
I have watched a person who is closely related make her children miserable because she resented them being born. Then when they became adults tried to turn it around so that she has someone to take care of her. But she is always afraid that they will treat her how she treated them.
I know I was loved as a child, really spoiled with love but also disciplined when I misbehaved. I was raised on a farm, so every pretty day I was running around outside and left my mother alone to do her cooking and reading. She had breaks. But she also played with me under the kitchen table; I loved to play Billy Goat Gruff with her. I would butt her because she was the troll. She enforced quiet times for reading and resting. If we got bored, she assigned us chores. I had to shovel ashes and coal during the winter. Kids need room to roam and give their parents some space too. Parents today think they have to entertain their kids all the time. That is exhausting and unreasonable. Enforce quiet time and give yourself a break.
My mother (78) is a regretful parent, even though she may not admit it now. She admitted she hated family and children multiple times for almost each episode of depression she had my entire childhood and adolescence. She didn’t care that her daughters heard her.
@@cyberspace7208buddy. No one trully good person. 42 here, my mom tell me she blames me bacause i was born made her cannot leave my father. For the 1st time? When i was 4 y.o. and she tought i wont remember that. Now, everytime she whines wanting grandchild from me, you bet i throw that back to her face. I love her, but i WONT HAVE CHILD BECAUSE SHE WANTED IT!
It's funny, despite the circumstances and regretting some of the things I did early on, I don't regret my kid. They've grown up to be a strong, independent person and I'm proud of them.
The therapist talking about normalizing talking about regretting having children makes me a bit uneasy. I was the product of a teen pregnancy and constantly heard that I wasn't wanted and that my mother gave up her dreams to have me. It was really rough. I still struggle with the idea that I'm not worthy of the sacrifice she made. While I do think that parents should be able to talk about their experience of regret, they need to be mindful of the harm it can do to the kids.
maybe they should be honest but not tell thier children about the regret until theyre older or if it fails give thier children to someone who will care for them its better that way so the kid isnt around that enviroment.
I agree it's the extra unpaid worl that has to get done NOW. I'm single with no kids spending time relaxing on UA-cam while I have a pile of laundry, tax documents, and meal prep I have been procrastinating about. I think if I had kids, there would be time to procrastinate and lay down like this
So many of the posters on regretfulparents REALLY wanted kids, tried for years, had miscarriages, and some had IFV treatments, and then as soon as they have a baby they immediately regret it. Also nobody seems to consider that their child might have extreme disabilities or behavioral problems. My heart breaks for parents of nonverbal autistic kids who are in a constant meltdown.
I do appreciate people who share their honest feelings like this. I know I will never have kids because I am already low energy and i struggle to take care of myself. I will never understand how people can say it’s “selfish” to be child free.
It's literally one of the least selfish things a person could do. And I say that as a parent. It's these people trying to push children onto individuals who don't want them that are the selfish ones. They're basically saying "have a child you don't want because it makes me feel better about myself."
I'm the same way. I'm introspective enough to know that I too am low energy, but I am also kind of lazy outside of work. When I come home, the last thing I want to do is more work. I'm single with no kids and I am relaxing in my snuggie looking at youtube when I have laundry I need to get to, tax documents and meal prep for the week. I procrastinate, but I know that when you have children, there is no room for that. Those things must be done NOW, not later. You owe it to your family to give them your best EVERYTIME
@@lost.laurel- exactly. People who talk like that are really saying more about themselves than it is about you. They need their lives validated and need to feel better about themselves. It's nice to see a comment coming from someone with kids. I know you are a GREAT mother🥰
Parenting is the hardest job in the world. We need to be free of society’s expectations, our parents expectations, cultural expectations to have children. If it’s not for you be free to not do it. To have children you don’t what hurts everyone involved.
People think it’s so easy and fun and rewarding to be a parent and have kids. It can be but it’s so frustrating, taxing and tiring to literally raise a whole other person who is just as emotionally immature, unknowledgeable and confused as you at times. I hate the whole “you’re selfish” “but you’re gonna regret not having kids” “but but but” arguments. I’m going to be selfish, I don’t care, I need to be so *I* can be happy. I can’t make a child happy and stable if I can’t do that for myself.
I hate that people feel this way. I love my child he's 9 months he's definitely been a huge change to me and my partners life. I feel lucky (knock on wood) that I don't feel this way and have support right now. My heart goes out to these people and I don't think they're bad for it but I do hope none of them let this affect their children. Children do not ask to be born.
I blame our society because we can't have it both ways. We can't be pressuring and demonizing people who don't want to have kids to have kids anyway, then when they are sh*t parents turn around and get angry at them for hurting their kids. When people say they don't want kids, they need to be supported in their decision just as much as people who choose to be parents.
I hope to meet a childfree partner because I've always pictured myself as part of a couple (married) but I've never ever even pictured being a parent or having a baby
I can confirm it’s a good place to be. Married 23 years and early on we thought kids perhaps, certainly were encouraged and pressured and questioned when will we. It became alarming how invested strangers were in my reproductive narrative! It’s not for us though. And I’m so glad I didn’t cave
You need a license to drive, but none to be a parent. There should be a course especially in high school on becoming a parent and especially motherhood. The positives and the negatives.
@@ecclairmayo4153no its not, though, depends on the pound. I've literally walked into a pound asking about a dog I saw on their online listing and literally walked out with the dog the same day.
@@Tova0131yeah here in Ireland you need to take a year course to be legally allowed buy farm animals like cattle and sheep to make sure you know how to look after them.... but anyone can just have sex and they get to own a human?
There should be some sort of mandatory parenting classes when you have kids too. Like treat it similar to court duty, where your job can't punish you and you still get paid during it.
Honestly, thank god for Reddit. Communities like r/regretfulparents, r/childfree, and r/raisedbynarcissists are so necessary and helpful when it comes to making people feel less alone. I’m so glad this is being normalized. It helps having an anonymous support system since not everyone can easily access therapy. Of course, I hope they get therapy if possible and please don’t tell your kids!
You do realize that alot of these regretful parents are the perpetrators of raised by narc parents. They are the narc parents. They hate their kids!! Fick sakes people use your head
I was in a family of 11 and my late dad lost his job and was in terrible conditions and we were extremely poor, before 2 weeks of passing mentioned to our faces that he wish he never had kids and regret being a parents, that words stuck with me feeling like being a huge burden to my parents. Which i dont want the same thing happened if i had kids so i dont wanna
Honestly my parents loved me unconditionally and I wanted to experience that joy. I feel bad for all the kids of these ppl. They will grow up wanting to be child free…
Leí gente en ése subforo expresando que ya deseaban con urgencia que sus hijos fuesen adultos y se fueran de casa lo más pronto posible, y esas personas decían que secretamente ellos deseaban que el hijo adulto se dedique a su propia vida y no los contactara nunca más 😨😥
I HOPE these parents never verbalise this stuff to their kids. There's no way on earth they arent traumatising their kids, because they can't be good parents with these thoughts. I'm so glad i never had kids but i am horrified by these posts. Every parent should read them though, because this could be anybody - if you don't want kids 100% then do no have them.
@shawnlove4502 how weak minded are you that you can't accept that people make their own decisions? Also, why the hell are you writing a snotty reply to me? Lol. Weird.
@@shawnlove4502no one is forcing folks to have kids. They may be forcing you to take responsibility for your choices. If you have sex, expect kids. If you don’t want kids don’t have sex or cut out your reproductive organs.
"I cant do this, im not cut out for this" People have been saying this since forever, but the people around them have always responded with "Youll do great. its gonna get easier" etc. Of course youve "never heard" people regret having children if you constantly ignore them or disregard their feelings as just temporary stress or some shit.
This subreddit never set right with me just hearing how these poeple basically hate someone they are suppose to care about. Just imagine how these kids will grow up knowing you never loved them in the first place. As other people said just don't have kids of your not ready to or have doubts. Also maybe society is also a cause to this....teach people what its like to raise children and what your in for.
Because they shouldn’t be their parents in the first place these people should not have to care for a child they don’t want and the child deserves a better parent to love them and choose them, they need to be placed in adoption and not kept custody of.
i feel kinda sorry for the paretns, but it's so easy to not have a child.. so i dont rlly feel bad for them. i feel bad for the child that is secretly resented by their mother and might not have any idea,
As a person that wants to be and remains childfree, I feel bad for those kids of those parents. Those children don't deserve that kind of resentment from their parents all because they decided to make them.
My mother had postpartum and i was psychically abused it has destroyed me I know she never loved me i find it impossible not to love her so now i tell her i hate her she doesn't deserve to know i love her and ill take it to the grave
the winter analogy is good!! i grew up in florida and now live in new york. I DREAD the winter time in the city , really takes a toll on me so how that reader explained it. scared me but made sense
I feel so sad hearing them read those stories. I support anyone’s decision to have or not have kids but damn those regretful parents are crying out for help in their daily lives and mental health. I myself saw how tough it is to have children specifically because “the village” it takes to raise them is nowhere around. Being a mom is not for the weak and I applaud any woman who decides she doesn’t want to have kids. I think having them and regretting them or treating them bad is such a disservice to yourself and those children that didn’t ask to be born in the first place
This makes me so sad. I was a teen mom, but I absolutely loved being a SAHM to my 3 kids. It would get lonely because of a lack of community, but I was a strict mom so my kids were always pretty well behaved and I still enjoy them everyday. They’re grown now.
The problem is: 1-people who didn't want to have kids but they think that that's what they were supposed to do; 2-mental health problems; 3-the misogynistic idea that a woman is just worth if she has kids.
Not even "worth" either -- after a woman becomes a "mother", that's all there is to her. While men's status got elevated once they become a "father", a "mother" gets ALL the bad end of the stick. Everything will be their fault and the frankly inhumane standard mothers are put on is simply brutal. ALL their pain are dismissed and even a TINY fault will get people MOB them. Sure they get an impression of a better treatment by the society, but behind their backs people talk vile stuff about mothers.
My sister called my niece her most regretful blessing 😢 I’m raising her with the help of our mom…she was here today and couldn’t stand her talking to her….she pretends to love my niece but I know she resents her.
I think my parents were ready to have kids I just think they chose to raise me in a bad environment( granted I do believe they had a lot of faith me and my sister would be strong enough to handle it) plus I think that's only a part of my issues.
I feel like all this is the result of a culture that does not support women. Men who expect his partner to do all the work and tired women. 😫 It's so sad.
No it’s a me culture. I don’t want to do anything that takes away from me. Women were less supported in my time we still had kids tho we were more giving
@katemiller7874 I think yes and no. But I also think this is the result of our mothers "giving more" and getting nothing in return, becoming bitter, and teaching daughters to not settle for less or not become mothers. But if you have a supportive partner, you will be more willing to give. It's all about give and take. One partner should not be the main giver, which will cause angry partners. It's not about being better than the younger generation. It's about feeling appreciated, and I think most children remember hearing our mother's and grandmother's complaints. Unless, of course you had a good family home balance.
My mom once asked a neighbor why americans allowed their kids have pets when the kids are still so young. And she was told it was to teach the kids how to love. She was confused for years until she really got it. Kids and pets are a huge responsibility, and it's better to find out early if you're able to give the amount of devotion to such a responsibility when you're young.
I raised my 6 siblings and didn’t want kids, then I got pregnant at 19 while in high school and as scared as I was she’s the best thing to have ever happened to me. She’s 10 now and and despite the pp depression in the beginning and the stress of her being premature, the older she gets the more we vibe and she helped me mature and grow positively and I’m breaking generational curses with her ❤
Its so sad the lie we were told and how manipulated women were in believing that we had to have kids and get married. I LOVE the fact that this generation of kids and young adults arent falling for the banana in the tail pipe that is kids and marriage.
More like groomed into it... I remember being so weirded out being gifted baby dolls as a BABY myself 😵💫 my own mother calling me "mom" it was inescapable and the pressure to be a future wife/babymaker makes me sick to my stomach. Just wanted to live like a normal kid.
@@piroshk1968I used to throw baby dolls onto the roof when I was little because I hated the dolls, I always found them to be creepy (and I much preferred dinosaurs)
I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a mom and I feel like I became the best version of myself when I became a mom. That being said, it was SO much harder than I expected. Parenthood is NOT for everyone.
Though hearing this make feel hurt for their children, a part me is glad this subreddit exist. Because these posts are anonymous, it shows a more honest view of how detrimental it is to have children when you never wanted any and spread awareness of how many kids today are having to deal with parents who hate them this much, so people can't pretend that this problem is rare or doesn't exist. Thank god it's anonymous though. I do feel sorry for their children though. This is why I'm so against people pressuring adults to have children. Not only are the parents unhappy, but the children are even more unhappy. Kids with parents who didn't want to be parents are typically neglected or abused, without the parent even realizing or wanting to admit it. Even if these parents don't tell their kids, "I never wanted you. I regret having you. I hate being your mom. If you weren't my child, I would hate you.", the lack of love a parent has for their child can be shown through their actions, they way they complain about being around their kids, aren't around, act like spending time with them is a chore, etc. Kids can sense things. I remember being a kid and hearing parents say they were "relieved" that their kids were in school so they didn't have to see them, and this was NORMALIZED. I'd just hear it all the time, on TV, online, or in person, and so many parents would agree, and it wasn't questioned. I heard it so much, that I assumed my own mom felt this way too. I remember being in middle school and asking her if she was happy any time we were out of the house or when summer vacation was over, and I was shocked when she said that she's actually more happy when she gets to spend more time with us. I was convinced that she was lying so I wouldn't feel bad, because most moms I knew would say, "I can't wait for summer to be over, so I don't have to be around my kids as much." and, "I can't spend more than a couple of hours around my kids. I'd go crazy!" I wonder if we had too many moms being pressured to have children, still hated it, and this was the result. I don't think these people were bad people or meant any harm, but it's very hard to be a good and attentive parent if your mental health is down the toilet and you resent the people you are supposed to raise.
Don’t have kids if you cannot raise them as a single parent without external support from parents, friends, and partner. GrandParents are not there for their grandchildren like they used to be. People are just more selfish nowadays so don’t rely on others. Plan on being a defacto single parent. If this is something you can swing then by all means have them.
Grandparents have to work nowadays and they are getting older/tired. I can see why they wouldn't do more. Its enough for them to focus on their own health to try and stay alive. I just don't see how that's selfish. I do think it's wrong for the kind that's constantly harping about wanting grandkids to not be more involved, though.
@@ecclairmayo4153Everyone is overworked and underpaid. That's basically what it comes down to, including the grandparents. There used to be a time when a family could be raised on a single income. That time has long passed.
I think it's good that this conversation is happening. I've lived my whole life with my mouth muzzled shut because of my upbringing, my programming, church, society, and when you're going through hard things and you CANT share?! It compounds everything 1000x over! It causes more anxiety, more depression, and you stuff your rage down, thinking it'll dissipate. It doesn't!!!! So then I think if people who were talked into, or guilted and shamed into, OR convinced by "societal norms/expectations" and NONE of these parents feel like they can say anything about how they truly feel?!?! That's HE11!!! I am so grateful for this video and every parent sharing! I'd love to see some guys sharing....but I wonder if it's as hard for them due to weaponized incompetence and patriarchy. 😢
I suspect that most men don't share because they can simply opt of being a parent. They go to work early, stay late, leave the house on the weekends, and feign sleep when they hear the kids crying. When their partners ask them to do anything for the kids, they do it badly so that they won't be asked again. For the woman, that's not an option. Most women, no matter how much they hate being a mother, are going to get up and see about their kids. The men know this so they can quiet quit being a parent, smugly knowing that their kids are taken care of.
It is hard for them because they learn from young age to not share their feelings and this has normalize a lack of self love and expression. It is very normal for straight men to not decorate, not care for personal and space hygiene, not care how they look unless it is to attract the opposite sex. All these behaviors in a woman it would instantly identify as depression and lack of confidence. But in a lot of male spaces, it is so widespread, that it becomes normalized, and there's a lack of acknowledgment of the emotional impact all these little actions are accumulating. That is why you see the rise of alpha male podcasts that lure people in by using helpful advices like "do workouts" , "have routines", "buy good clothes" and then make sure they stay as loyal lonely customers by advising them to abuse and hate women for their poor mental state. Somehow it is ot patriarchy's fault, not society's , nor their neglectful parents but the women that rejects to carry their emotional unresolved issues into a longterm relationship.
Life is funny; go to a job you dont like, go to a school you dont like, go home to a home you dont like, drive to work in a car you dont like, work with coworkers you dont like, deal with a boss you dont like, get a paycheck thats not enough, take care of a husband wife children you dont like. 'WHY WAS I BORN? AM I THE PROBLEM? WHY AM I HERE?' See a pattern here???
Not going to lie but that does feel kind of accurate to how I feel. As a 36 year old for me it's more like I am a teenager that gets to take advantage of all the adult advantages but without the stress and dissatvantages of being a teenager. Like for example if I want to come home after midnight on a weekday I am adult no one will stop me.
No, i have no kids, but i still have to take care of my whole family, being the emotional and economic support of them. I feel like i'm the only adult in my house because my parents are realy bad at makeing decissions. I've already experience what being mom is since i took care of my sibling since i was 10, and i don't want to pass throught that again. I'm not even in my 30's and i'm already tire. I realy want those vacations.
Getting to sleep in on the weekends or just lay around the house and take a nap when you need is a blessing and a luxury only afford to people without kids
When people have kids for society not themselves And these poor kids have to suffer like they asked to be born Just dont have kids and if u have one accidentally take it out if you hate it Better than bringing an innocent human into the world to feel like a burden and feel resented Ugh 😩
Tbh I think all(ok, maybe not all but alot) parents secretly feel this way, unfortunately. Im 34, no children, I know very well im not cut out for parenting, so I do not regret my choice for not having children
I'm sure there are people who genuinely love being parents. However, I'm certain that there are more who deeply regret it than anyone would like to think. I honestly believe it's a majority.
@AngryReptileKeeper yeah :( I know my mother loves me and my siblings but I'm pretty sure she feels she could done more with her life if she didn't have us so young, she was 17 when she had my brother and 19 when I was born and in her early 20s when my sisters were born. It wasn't easy being a young mother especially when my brother's father along with mine weren't in the picture. My mother did her best but I can't help but think she has deep regrets becoming a mother so young and has some resentment. I know being a parent is hard and a thankless job, but even at an early age I knew parenthood isn't for me, I'm Tokophobic and I don't have the patience
I have 3 kids and I genuinely love being a mom… I had parents who weren’t good but my mom tried her best. I grew up and knew I wanted to create the life I never had and I did it. I wanted the family unit and yes it’s hard. Nothing worth it comes easy. I do not regret it. So we exist. I agree many people should not be parents but I also understand the economy, world, family breakdowns in the systems contribute to this plus the high divorce rate. Jesus keeps us together. Also I was never raised a Christian. Found Jesus after I was married and had my kids. God bless everyone on this journey. Kids or no kids life is hard! Rooting for you all!
I’m a parent and love my child. But I guess I knew what I was signing up for as my friends and siblings already had kids so I saw the good,bad and ugly. I admit it’s hard but I don’t have regrets. My heart goes out to the unwanted children. May they find peace and never know or find out how their parents truly feel.
These parents saying they’re annoyed by their kid’s presence….that’s exactly how my mom was around me growing up. She was a teen mom, and throughout my childhood I just felt resented. If you’ve got ANY doubts, just don’t reproduce!
I felt the same with my mom. Like we were a burden.
Same, it was like my very existence was a burden.
Resenting your kids will only make them resent you later on . Don't have them if you're not ready or don't have them at all.
Same, I'm 28 now and she's 46 and we can finally get along, but she made my childhood very miserable lol it's one of the many reasons why I don't want children of my own.
Your parents never grew up in some circumstances … some people will not hear that. Just take a closer look at your friends right now that may have kids. What you see is exactly where your parents were in their day, just different time and era.
I've always found it hilarious that some people won't leap into owning pets but often won't hesitate to have a baby...
Lucky for the pets. They escaped bad pet parents.
Also we hear about animal rights more than children's rights. Parents see their kids as extensions of themselves, a part of themselves they can dominate and disrespect.
Your average person puts more though, planning and care into a Saturday night alone at home than they do into having children.
@@acegikm ...then they call child-free people "selfish", being totally oblivious to the irony...
😅 I never understood how these broke people thought marriage was more of a commitment than having kids. Also tons of bad parents.I know refuse to babysit.Other people's kids or hanging around kids and then ask surprise when they turn out as bad parents.
I think it's the breakdown of community contributing to this issue. Parents have no support. Extended families don't live nearby and help like they used to. Single parents have zero breaks. Things cost way more than they used to and wages haven't kept up. Mental health is in the toilet. You can't raise kids well if your mental health is in the toilet. I just hope they don't tell the children and find somewhere like this reddit post (but preferably therapy) to let out those feelings.
What I have come to realise is that individualism and 'the village' aren't compatible. It seems everyone, esp. modern parents (people), want it all, but should you dare make some suggestions, tell the kid off for doing something dangerous, etc., then you're considered a piece of work. I've seen very giving/charitable people have no issues raising their kids communally, but that's not most people. And while this is a small part of the debate, I fear it's often overlooked.
Naa…I’m sure even when people lived in homes 3 generations deep there were people who had kids and regret it.
The rise of the social media is also one. We are able to see women from all generations talk about how difficult being a mother is and how you don’t get help from fathers because “it’s a womens job” some people in the video touched on being a married single parent. It’s not new and women aren’t willing to deal with it anymore. There been too many stories of husbands having a flip switched when they become fathers and don’t think any of the child raising is any of their responsibility.
well said, the rise of social media and how easy it is to get contraception and confidence that we can ask men to wear condoms @@Zxgrhexbj
As a parent I feel this 💯 and don’t think their regrets should be on social media because they could regret saying anything later. I do not regret my kids but as you stated I hate the lack of support that there is. I love my kids and they make me laugh and I don’t think we should normalize hating kids, it’s ok to be child free but it’s not ok to hate kids we need to keep them safe from these wicked thoughts.
I wish more people would recognize that signing up for parenthood means they will no longer be the main character in their own life.
Cannot understand how people not know already the cliches of parenthood: not having a personal life, money consuming, sleepless nights... like how can this surprise you? It baffles me
@@andrealinalfonso
If everyone around you is having children and it seems to work for them, then you get the illusion that you can do it too
Exactly
@@realglutenfree all I heard since the beginning of my concious life was that parenthood is hard... maybe it is what we choose to hear. Or the things you think you need to do in order to be socially accepted. Was never my problem luckily
@@andrealinalfonsome too I've never been somebody who cares too much about strangers opinions. But you seem intelligent so I'm sure you know you only need to care enough about strangers opinions in order to survive. It doesn't always matter how you're perceived. After all you would be the person living with the consequences of your actions not them!
I feel so sorry for all of the children impacted by their regretful parents. Because they will know.
Amen.
I was thinking the same thing. How awful would it be for someone to read that their parents regretted having them?
It's really the only people I feel sorry for. Poor babies.
😢same . Those children deserve so much better and they deserve to be loved 💜
It's bad enough their parents hate them but to put it on blast online is fcking disgusting.
@@dafni10565 I'd die if I heard this from my parents
One of the biggest things I’ve noticed now that I am childfree is that parents will encourage others to have kids then turn around and talk about how hard parenthood (especially motherhood) is.
Misery loves company
cognitive dissonance
It happens all the time.
misery loves company.
and also, i feel like a lot of people just get resentful that childfree people were brave enough to make that choice and they weren't. so they want to force you into suffering with them
@@bottomofastairwellthat’s how most people are on many different topics, comparison is the heart of envy and resentment
I am childless. The amount of pressure that my friends, family, community, and complete strangers applied in favor of me having kids was OVERWHELMING. I would explain that I was concerned about my mental health without a kid let alone with one, and about my capacity to have a never ending well of empathy and patience in order to not traumatize my child. The response 99% of the time? All of that will work itself out once you have a kid. Nobody told me “hey, those are actually great reasons not to have a kid”. They told me those were NOT good enough reasons NOT to have a kid. So imagine that some of these parents felt like me, but took the leap hoping that they would miraculously turn into a great parent like they’ve seen people around them. Imagine their horror when everything that people said would fall into place, doesn’t.
I say this to say, if you are having doubts about having a kid, don’t have one under any pressure. Because for every one story that you hear about someone who had doubts then became super mom/dad, there’s several stories like these.
Thank you for sharing!
Sounds like you are childfree. Childless is usually referred to people who want kids but don’t have any for whatever reason, such as not being able to have them. Childfree is for people who choose not to have any.
PLEASE Stand your ground. DO NOT allow ppl to bully you into something that YOU, don't want. Those same ppl that are trying to guilt you into motherhood will be the same ppl, that WONT help, WONT pay for anything, WONT babysit, and will throw it up in YOUR face that YOU made the decision to have a child. DONT DO IT! Live YOUR life the way YOU want too!! Your reasons are very valid, and it's also valid to just not want kids. Let's normalize saying no to things is OKAY as well. Go live well sis 🙏🏾.
YOU DONT NEED A REASON fyi
"The amount of pressure that my friends, family, community, and complete strangers applied in favor of me having kids was OVERWHELMING."
I grew up in the 80's and 90's when choosing not to have kids was much less acceptable than today. The pressure I got from people made me genuinely angry. I'm 40 and fixed now, still no kids, and while I no longer have to deal with "you'll change your mind someday," I now have to deal with jabs about being a spinster, dying alone and unloved, and having something "wrong" with me. Oh, also about how no man will ever want me- even though I'm in a relationship with one (who also doesn't want kids). The overall social pressure isn't as extreme as it was when I was young, but it's definitely still there, and is likely worse in certain communities.
My mother hated me too. Reading her diary after she died confirmed that fact. These people need to give their kids to good parents. Spare the children the torture of your selfishness.
I’m sorry, that must have been really hard to read. I can’t even imagine what that was like. I hope you have found someone who truly loves you. ❤
Especially when there are families out there that desperately want kids and can't have them due to infertility.
@@pinupgoblinthere are people like that who desperately wanted a kid due to infertility, fought hard to get one and feel the same way.
It's lack of support, lack of community. "You need a village" they say. And it's true. Parents need breaks. Other family members should step in and help out. But in this individualistic society people are left to fend for themselves and that leads them to hating their lives.
No one is immune to these feelings, not even people who desperately wanted a kid and got them.
Hey, at least your mom only wrote it in a diary. My mom said it to me everyday
@@non-applicable.Ah I agreed up until the “should” part. If my sister has a child and she needs a break she can hired a babysitter or ask our parents. I don’t ever want children however I would adopt a child over ten. It if I didn’t choose to have said child and didn’t make said child than I have no obligation or responsibility to that child at all or will ever. I should never have to watch a kid that’s not mine.
"you dont want children, you want babies" perfect.
You dont want to be married, you want a wedding.
You dont want to be a doctor, you want 6 figure salary.
Most people want the honor and status but dont want the work that comes with it. You Wanna be superman but you dont Wanna have to save the world.
The doctor one hits hard, because just like being a parent you’re gambling peoples lives.
@@sapphire8644 Depends on the type of doctor. If it's a surgeon, for sure. If it's just a physician, probably not much gambling. At most, they'll just completely miss something that you clearly have, which is why you should always get a second opinion if you suspect something is up even if your doctor tells you that you're fine.
the first two statements were true for me dude it was never about kids it was about the idea which when i thought about it never went past the idealization of i want to just name it have a gender reveal and dress it in cute clothes same was true for getting married i just wanted a wedding the dress the ceremony the reception the honey moon vacation but the problem is at the end of this fantasy i would run away and move to a diffrent continent with a fake name living happily ever after by myself which i then came to the conclusion i didnt want kids or marriage. When i got older i understood the weight of the decison so no kids for me thanks
I'd add that most people don't want kids, they want the power
The WHOLE point of the status is the work behind it
it would NOT EXIST without it
You want THERAPY!
I've never understood how so many parents don't really think it through about having children. Then they complain about them like it's not their problem.
They put more planning into a short vacation
ikr.. like it's a full blown human.. didn't think it would be hard??
And even worse it is usually the poorest and most uneducated people that have the most kids.
I have a friend who has parents that seem like the type who only had kids because they thought that’s what they were supposed to do instead of actually wanting kids and she has some of the worst self esteem and social anxiety.
Kids are not accessories if you have any doubts don’t have them..
Mind your own business. Who are u to judge that they would better not exist at all? Wtf
You think you are better yet u will extinct. Natural seletion knows better than your cope
I’ve never wanted children. Women never talk about the physical changes to your body after giving birth. I like my body the way it is and as a person with a history of body dysmorphia, I can’t see myself being happy with the changes.
Omg this! That was also a contributing factor in my decision not to have kids!
@@amandasullivan6599 Everyone ages and menopausal women have to do regular strength training with weights and diet adjustments. Getting older is inevitable however, I don’t want to have stretch marks, a mummy tummy, a possible c-section scar or my hips widened by birthing a child.
@@amandasullivan6599because no one cares about that lol. The point is having kids will change your body much sooner than not having kids will. So you doing all this talk about menopause and calling women shallow for not wanting to have their bodies altered by pregnancy shows you have some issues you need to work through. You also need a lesson in reading comprehension.
Your line of thinking is what’s really shallow and leads to unhappiness lol.
@@amandasullivan6599 I think you assume I’m in my 20s and I’m definitely older than you think. No one was bashing older women‘s bodies and you can be beautiful and fit at any age.
@@sizzlekitten4441 I am so sorry if you think I made a negative assumption about you. Let’s have a honest conversation, most women and men prefer their younger bodies to their older bodies. The entire fitness and beauty industries are built on the fears of not looking your “best” also know as youthful. So people work out, limit their food intake, get plastic surgery etc. let’s not fool ourselves with the notion that these industries make millions every year if the idea all women of all ages are beautiful was widely accepted. I’m just saying that all of our best laid plans to prevent change go out the window when the hormones and metabolism drop. I am in no way trying to insult anyone. My point is we should tell women the truth about what happens to our bodies before, during, and after menopause. It’s not something you can exercise away, no magic diet, it’s something that is natural. Like wrinkles, graying hair, and thin skin. Veins pop out, age spots happen, skin sags and that’s okay. If the fear is pregnancy will ruin a women’s body, first of all ruin is negative way of viewing the body. Like I said have a baby, don’t have a baby, but EVERYONE must become comfortable with the body changing, that is going to happen either way. I hope you have great day and once again I am not trying to insult anyone. Menopause is a conversation all women should be having.
I just stopped being friends with a guy who blamed his child's mother for getting pregnant again when he was the one who got her pregnant both times! They are not a couple, so he said that if she didn't want him to get her pregnant again then SHE should have taken proper precautions which is true, but it takes two to tango. He will leave her to be a single mother again and he could care less since the children will live with her full-time. I couldn't keep being friends with someone so reckless or continue being friends with a man who has such little respect for women.
As child-free women, we MUST watch out for these types of men who will just get anyone pregnant, be indifferent about it, and move on.
If he wanted to be irresponsible and not have safe sex, why doesn’t he just get a vasectomy? He clearly doesn’t want anymore kids and doesn’t use condoms lmao.
@@strawberrytiramisuthe reason why guys in droves arent getting vasectomies is because pregnancy doesnt affect them so they just don't care. They only care about their degenerate lineage passing on 😂
We need this kind of shaming in society to make people realize their behavior and nonchalant attitude to the gift of bringing life into this world is not something small or light. Those children will grow up with the same empty hole I feel in my chest that I only found healing by finding Jesus in my life. And even then, I still have to ask forgiveness because I'm so angry. Why have me and then abandon me? Like be responsible with your reproductive organs because it's not a toy.
Many women think a child is a "couples decision". It is not.
@@passionproject568there's many people who call it a "happy accident." That fact disturbs me. Kind of angers me FOR those children who didnt ask to be here and live a hard life. That they only exist because their parents wanted to get off and don't care about the conditions the innocent children will be in.
My dad told us (NINE kids) that he wished we were never born and that we ruined his life.
You'd think an unemployed deadbeat could snap a raincoat on.
Your dad sounds like a complete degenerate. Nine kids ruined his life… not one, but NINE!!! Like, the first, second, third, fourth were so awful he chose to more than double that number and then complain, lol.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear that. He doesn't deserve to be a father.
Or get a vasectomy *shrugs*
It's an ego thing. He's "too good" to wrap it up. He regrets his kids, not constantly rawdogging it.
I'm sorry to hear you had a loser of a dad. No child needs to be told by their parents that sort of thing. He made the choice of not using birth control or at the very least, pulling out.
society loves to tell woman they gonna regret not having kids, but more then often people do regret having kids. It's not a choice you can revoke and free yourself from, It changes your life completly for at least the next 20 years. There is no shame in being reflected childfree by choice, but i do feel sorry for those who let themself get talked into kids and then regret it. They will suffer threw it and often the child too, a situation where nobody really get the long end of the stick. Don't get me wrong pls, having kids is not bad. But its better to not have them, and maybe regret that, then having them and regretting it.
Growing up I always thought parents secretly thought this way, although they’d never admit it, so that’s why they feel more comfortable admitting it on a Reddit post. That’s why I made myself a promise I’d never ever have a kid
Certainly some do I’m sure. But certainly not all.
@@samanthagowen7299we don’t need the “not all” statements
I've noticed that because I'm childfree, a great deal of parents seem to feel comfortable telling me how they really feel about having kids. I've heard so many regretful parent stories straight from the horse's mouth over the years.
That's the dumest reason i ve ever heard
A child is a duplicate copy of you and your spouse. If don’t like them, you are really not liking yourself and your partner.
I feel so bad for these poor children who didn’t ask to be born
Yet men love to claim that middle-aged childfree single women are miserable and on anti depressants. Middle-aged lady here and LOVE MY FREEDOM ❤
That's rich for them to say when the average person is on 4 different prescriptions.
it's a reflection of them and their unhappiness, all 10 of them
Cope
@asr_____ Cope.. lmao. You couldn't afford my condo. I'm in NYC. Enjoy suburbia old man.
We all know men needs anti depressants as much if not more but they avoid doctors and dealing with their problems.
My grandma had 5 kids and around 20 grandkids. One day she told me, she had wondered everyday what it would be like if she chose to get on that train and never met my grandfather or had any of us (in a loving kind of way). It broke my heart. She also used to say how much she just wanted to live/be alone instead. She was of sound mind/ body too, couldn't blame it on a health condition. She was also a terror to my mother's generation even though us grandkids loved her dearly. I'm childfree, made the choice at 7y/o. I will not repeat the cycle. Growing up in poverty with addicted parents was enough to never wish my burdens on future human beings. Don't be a person who always wonders what it's like to not have had your children and certainly don't tell them to their face.
❤️❤️❤️
It's better to regret not having a child than to regret having one....
Well Said
These mothers want their cake and eat it too. Most of them must have at least one person around them who warned them about the responsibility, and these regretful mothers may have judged them at the time. These people are horrible, they are the part of the problem, why others are not having kids.
100%👏🏽
My god that was depressing, I had to stop a couple of minutes in. I had the opposite experience, atrocious prenatal depression, wanted to stab myself in the stomach and was terrified my baby would be like his father (who I left at 16 weeks pregnant due to domestic violence). But my depression went away once my son was born, I put a lot of effort into bonding with him to give us both the best chance. It wasn’t Insta love, but now he is the best part of my life. He is almost 7 now and I’m so lucky to have him ❤
I'm really glad you're in a better place now and decided to give it a chance.
@@plutotoad203 thanks mate, me too :)
God bless you and your son 🙏🙏🙏
❤️❤️❤️
Most of the time women do majority of the childcare while still doing the mental load around the house. Don't get married and don't have kids if in doubt.
To be fair.... a lot of my parents generation became parents cos thats like what you do/did, not because you wanted to or should. People should really consider this choice a lot more carefully than they seem to...
And fwiw... I regret my parents having me. I'd be astounded if they didnt......🤷♀️
I think that's why there's a lot more child-free people now. People realize they don't have to have kids.
This. So often the answer to why people had kids is 'that's what you did/we didn't think about it so much'.
That's called being naive and a little brainwashed.
Today with the scope we all have being able to peer into millions of lives at every stage, there's no more papering over the cracks like in the past were the troubles and stresses of daily parenting were mostly behind closed doors. We can see it in plain daylight now. People can broadcast it 24/7 from every corner of the world. Parenting a hard, gruelling, untelenting chore. Does it have it's perks? Sure. But so do a lot of other things. And they don't require such sacrifices to the point it breaks people.
Most humans are either accidents or the result of blase parents who barely thought beyond the baby phase.
Not everyone is so lacking in foresight.
Yep. My nan admitted in later life she had kids because it was 'just what you did'. She didn't feel there were other options for women, she was expected to be out of the house with a husband and kids by her early 20s.
She had 7 kids. And was a selfish, nasty piece of work half the time. They knew she hadn't really wanted them. My mum felt that constantly growing up.
The problem is people have kids for their parents and other people and not because they want to: it is okay not to have kids.
This would 100% be the only reason I ever have a child, to make my parents happy. I’m not creating an entire human being just for that lol
this.
When I was unsure if I wanted kids my eldest sister told me she would love her kids to have cousins….that helped me make my decision of not wanting kids.
As someone who has children and absolutely ADORES being a mother, PLEASE STOP HAVING KIDS IF YOU DONT' WANT THEM! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
The kind of people who are patient and have big hearts who say they love kids make the best parents. I have patience and love to give too but I still don't want kids. So many people have kids on a whim without thinking about it and sometimes those people end up regretting it. Just because I am patient and kind I will not make a great parent, because at the end of the day I don't want it... If I had kids that would be like me shooting myself in the foot + the kid having to suffer my bad decision too. Just not worth it.
When me and and a guy I dated for 6 months he said he wants kids and I said I don't... I still feel like he will make a great dad in the future. And I think he will get there soon. I said to him "in 5 years you are having 2 kids and a wife I bet you!". He just moved in with his new girlfriend and has gotten a dog together. I'm a bloody fortune teller, I knew it!!!!!
Everyone needs access to safe abortions.
Because it would give them good reputation for the family and the partner’s family, or they are forced by the family
@@zebnemma. Most people who have kids don’t like them and they encourage others to have them because they want them to be as miserable as they are.
But I can tell that you really love kids. That’s why you discourage people who are not ready to have them to not have them.
The one caveat, that I have with this,is if someone thinks that they do want to have kids, but end up with Post Pardom Depression.
As someone who has regular depression, I knew kids was not for me because I at hard to even fathom having kids while being depressed.
So I have to ask you, what would you do if having kids suddenly made you depressed?
Isn’t it too late to change your mind by then?
@@hallooos7585That’s definitely true. My family disowned me, and I think it’s partly because my husband and I don’t have kids. But we are homeless now and if our family had disowned us anyway, which they probably would have, my kids would be in a horrible situation. And so would I. So I’m glad that I never took that chance that my family would take us in if we had kids. Because if we aren’t good enough, what makes us (with kids) any better. I’m glad that I stuck to my guns and didn’t have kids. How would I explain to them that their grandmother was allowing them to be homeless. I never in a million years thought that my own mom would do that to me.
Everyday I wish my parents had not met. Every day, I wish that my parents did not have unprotected sex. Almost every day of my upbringing, knowing my mother didn't really want me. People, please think before you have children. Otherwise, you cause more harm than good. Over 10 years in therapy, I realize that my parents didn't want to have children. At this point, I wish they had been smarter about their choices.
I’m so sorry. I understand what you mean. Absolutely awful. While I understand what you are saying and no, not everyone should have kids, you are here for a reason. As someone who has a similar experience I decided to make my life worth living and found happiness in Jesus. I wanted kids so I could have the family I never had. Not that kids are for everyone but Jesus is. ❤ I found a purpose outside my parents and people who’ve let me down. You will find yours, too. I’m rooting for you!
This needs more likes because this is the real problem. These resentful parents are just people who fucked around unprotected with people they're not even compatible with because "feelings" when they needed time to be single and get therapy. Then they have kids they're not ready for with somebody they resent and the kids get all the blame. I had to realize that about myself, get help and wait for the right person to come along, not blame my child for existing.
@@audrey6928 That's nice 👍
Sending you so much love, I really empathise.
Same
Dear God, half of these are people who were not cut out to have children. But half are parents who were never taught how to parent themselves. I feel horrible at how hard society has failed both groups of people. My heart goes out to them and their kids. And please, can we normalize it being okay to not have kids? Please?
While I didn't expect to have kids, I have 2. They are amazing humans but it's the lack of support/community. Terrifying world. Expenses. Constant mental load. Inability to even raise them anyway due to cost of living, having to work 4 seconds after you pop the baby out, causing strangers to raise them and your whole paycheck to be gone. Also causing the children trauma and attachment issues due to all of this. It's a HUGE choice to have kids. Especially in this world. Families don't help one another anymore. Grandparents can't retire because pensions are gone and social security is a joke therefore cannot help as they once did. This is a deeply rooted, multifaceted societal problem. So glad this communication is happening!
This.
My mom had her grandparents to take care of us while she went to work and provided. Never had to pay for daycare. Had a super strong support system
Now, after having MY baby, she has been a holy terror in my life.
She constantly was berating me about choices such as vaccines, circumcision, and my boundaries.
While in the hospital, she took my husband to a bar to try to get him to talk shit about me to him and told him that I was being dramatic (WHILE AND AFTER GIVING BIRTH), that she felt bad for my nurses, that I was just being negative and that I was UNGRATEFUL, for her buying me some pants after fat shaming me less than 24 hrs after giving birth.
My legs were SO swollen because I was by MYSELF(my husband had to go right back to work) going up to the NICU over and over. Could barely even eat or sleep because I was taking care of my baby and my mom wasn't there.
She CHOSE to go on a vacation and asked me to house sit for her and the dogs, who RAN OFF causing me to go into pre-term labor!!! I begged her not to go just in case because I wanted her there. She made it back to her street as we were getting admitted to the hospital.
Then, she completely disrespected me by kissing my baby multiple times causing all of us to get covid, rsv, and strep within 3 months of his life when I verbally asked her NOT to kiss my baby.
When I confronted her, everything blew up and she tried to tell me that she talked shit because 'you didn't care about anybody else while you were in the hospital!!!"
We're no contact now and I plan on NEVER speaking to her again after those comments and actions she chose.
She got to my family before hearing from me what happened, and idk what she told them, but my WHOLE entire side of my mom's family has me blocked.
After 8 years and 7 pregnancy losses, I am STILL grateful and LOVE my baby. He's the only thing that keeps me holding on now...
But now I'm almost completely without family or support system and my PPD is MUCH worse than it was before all that.
If you dont have kids, are on the fence, and have extremely toxic family members, I would say just don't. Unless you're willing to go through this alone and isolated.
Thank you for sharing. This financial uncertainty is what prevents my mind from allowing me to think about having kids. In my experience, literally I cam go from broke to having money to broke again and jobless 6 times in 10 years . I just want to be stable for at least 5 years straight. Having kids to me means it needs to be a 20 years.
No one should take care of your children but you. Do you even have a partner. It’s much easier with a partner
One of the women in the video made a really good point that many people just want babies, not actual whole human beings. This is so true. I’ve seen parents whose interest in their kids just drops off around the 2 year mark. At that point, parenting is no longer novel or fun for them, and from that point on, that child will be raised by the 3 T’s: TV, Tablets, and Teachers. 😐
I think your wrong most people I know want to get to the 3 year age and up because that's when being a parent is awesome and not grueling.
You're exactly right. I've seen it around me with so many people I know. Once the novelty wears off of having a cute baby, the attention dries up from other people, the child becomes much more active and they have to actually do some real parenting of a human child with a growing personality they have to nurture, they lose interest.
@@christinajose285No offence but the people you know are delusional or have zero experience raising kids. It gets HARDER as kids grow older! It becomes monotonous, they become much more demanding of parent's time and energy, they require much more mental stimulation, you need to be constantly aware of everything you're teaching then because it's going to shape who they are as adults. Then there are the mundane things like the school run every day, cooking healthy meals for them every day etc. The only parents who find it less gruelling after the age of 3 are the ones who aren't putting in the work and who stick them in front of a screen because they've lost interest in parenting. Bad parents always find it easy because they're not doing their job.
My mother was like that, would coo over babies but absolutely hated me and my sister when we became teenagers even though we were very well behaved and high achieving by all standards. I felt like she resented me bc I didn't turn out how she wanted me to be to show off to her friends and family despite my accomplishments in different areas that I never wanted any hypothetical child of mine to go through the same level of resentment for being themselves.
I’m 21 and don’t want kids. Nothing will ever change that, and it’s so unbelievably frustrating when people around me say something like, “you’re young! your mind will change” nope. Seeing these people regret having kids..I know I’d feel the same way.
There’s a difference between parenting and just having kids for the sake of it (ie: because society says you should) Parenting requires WORK that I’m not willing to do.
Just wait for the "but what if your HUSBAND wants kids? Don't you want to give him kids??" Argument. Exhausting. No man will change my decision. I control my uterus. Period.
@@Dani4Equality Husbands be asking for kids and doing jack sh_t for them. Women carry the full burden of having children I see it literally everywhere its so gross
Having kids these days is like a lose/lose situation ong
Isn’t it funny how these people never use that argument in the opposite direction? If you said “yes, I want kids” they wouldn’t have said “you’ll change your mind”. Even when children say they want kids it’s encouraged. People tell them to wait, but they don’t try to talk them out of their decision.
@@Dani4Equality Pretty sure that should be something you discuss with your partner long before you tie the knot. At least you should. You should obviously be with someone with similar ambitions and goals, which should include your same prospective on kids.
Lol I wanted children up until I was 13 and up until I changed my mind to not want kids, no one told me I'll change my mind. But now at age almost 25, I'm getting told that I'm still young and that I'll change my mind. Ah the double standards
I decided at age 4 that I didn't want children because I didn't know that I would be able to make them feel safe. Why did I feel this way? Because my parents made it apparent early own that they didn't want to be parents. They ignored us and used toys and material things to appear loving. My mother was impatient and would roll her eyes and heave deep sighs when I asked her for help - i.e. a snack or to teach me how to tie my shoe laces. I was 6 and still didn't know how to do it. Sometimes I was so hungry I'd eat butter out of the fridge, and at one point took to scrounging change off the street to buy myself snacks from the corner store. Meanwhile, mom had money for beer, cigarettes, and other things. I thought I had asthma but it mysteries disappeared when she gave up custody of me, looking back I realize that I was having ANXIETY ATTACKS. I was nauseous nearly every day and routinely vomited on arriving at school, where I was shunned (likely because I was unkempt as my own mother could barely stand to look at me, much less touch me). Every summer myself and my sister would het dropped at our grandparents house and not hear A WORD from our parents for 2 months. Half the time they couldn't be bothered to come pick us up so we'd get sent home on a GREYHOUND bus instead. Yes? 2 girls under 12 riding 5 hours on a bus. We could have easily been kidnapped and or worse, but apparently my parents didn’t see this as a problem. I was too young to realize how dangerous this was but looking back, this and other things may parents did (or didn't do) makes it clear that they really could not bothered. So yes people who do not want to parent or do not have the resources should NOT have children. It's a dreadful experience to grow up feeling resented and unwanted and it has taken me YEARS of therapy (I probably could've bought a house with all the $$$ I have spent on it) to eveb begin to feel remotely "ok" enough to live a normal life. Anyone who wants children PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT FIRST. PLEASE!
Wow thank you for sharing!
they were hoping you'd be kidnapped
❤❤❤❤❤❤
I relate to you so much. I have given up on the idea that I’ll ever be a normal happy person.
I remember once my mother took my brother on a little vacay. Didn’t say a word to me. I was alone for three days with no way to contact her. At one point I ate a raw potato. When she came home, I rushed to the door beaming, so glad she was back. She screamed at me that I didn’t even realize she was gone and that I don’t love her. stomped off to her room like a teenager.
I was seven.
Poor babies 😢💕❤️💕
i worked in a mental health counselling organisation in uk and loads of parents signed up to a course on how to deal with their kids, they gave them stress
Wow o_o. I often hear parents say their kids drive them to drink or make them hide somewhere for peace and quiet 😬
At least they are trying to get help. Better than the alternative.
@@hlb9834children need boundaries. We don’t have to be attentive to the 24/7 (excluding the infant and toddler years). Parents these days submit and serve kids as if they are royalty. Never establishing, communicating that mom and dad are people to, the marriage is a priority. Not everything is about the kids. We were not the center of the world growing up. We were allowed to be bored, learn to entertain ourselves, go outside and play. This allowed our parents to have space and allow them to be themselves. Modern parents have the impression we lose ourselves to the children. This is how they burn out and then have these negative feelings. We need to find balance again. Take lessons from the boomer parents/gen x relationships mix with the best from current with some old school.
I work in maternity hospital in UK. I have a full time job asking women to please stop smoking during pregnancy. So many think they are stressed when they are objectively bored because they don't work or study, volunteer or bring any value to community.
This is why i never told my parents about my abortion when i was 22. I knew atleast one of them would convince me to have it. So i told the guy who knocked me up bc i knew he wasn't ready either. My sister was the only one who knew and went with me to clinic. I never wanted to go through this but still have no regrets. Still cant imagine having a 17 year old now.
talk about irresponsible
@@Halo4beatsB02shut up
Thank you for sharing this with us. It was very brave. You made the best decision for YOUR life, and that is all that matters. I wish you well.
As a mother of two very loved babies, I also never told my family about my abortion/miscarriages. I didn't want the extra grief added on to an emotional decision. Sometimes we have to do what's best for us.
I’d never tell my parents either. That’d be something I’d take to the grave because they’d hound me.
As a former teacher, I KNOW that dealing with children is VERY difficult at times. But I wonder if any of these frustrated parents have invested any time in training their kids so that their behavior isn’t so intolerable or is it just being a parent in itself that they hate?🤔🤔
both, they wanna be the main character
Yes this part. I love my children because I taught them how to act. But I can’t stand little unruly children with zero home training.
I whole heartily believe i have the best kids in the world. But I hate being a mom. It’s draining to know that you are responsible for this human life at all times for a very long time. That’s my personal experience.
No children SUCK
Exactly! This scream selfish and not wanting to put any effort into training their children.
When I was a kid parents weren’t expected to hover over their kids. We went outside and played with our friends. No play dates had to be scheduled and supervised. Our parents got a break from us on a regular basis
I'm sure there are people out there who had kids in the 90s, 80s, 70s and before that could say exactly what women who have young kids now are saying. This isn't about not letting your 8 year old run around in the neighborhood til it gets dark. It's about parenting. Putting your dreams and goals on hold or abandoning them altogether in favor of raising children. It's the cost, the physical toll it takes on your body, the fact that you never have any time for yourself. Or that your basic needs get put on hold or ignored altogether in favor of a child.
Not everyone wants to live like that and that's perfectly ok.
this is exactly the issue, the lack of personal space; there is also the fact that most people live around areas where cars dominate so kids have no where to play, just endless rows of homes and city blokes
The is a major modern issue that is often completely overlooked, espically by older people. Not even mentioning the social pressure from media coverage that is everywhere you do not get breaks like parents used to. My mother would send my 7 year old brother and 5 year old brother out to play all day around the forest and neighbourhood. She didn't watch them she watched Dr. Phil and did chores. When I was 7 (I was born in 2000) we'd go to our campsite and I'd walk 15 minutes to the lakes and catch frogs all day by myself. What were parents doing? Not watching the siblings they were gone too. They weren't doing chores we were at camp, they were chilling socializing with adults. You got way less flack and there was way less pressure as a parent in those years, it wasn't even that long ago. Now a nine year old gets police called on them for walking their dog by themselves. CPS might be called if a nine year old went to the store by themselves. It's way stricter but then parents are criticized for being too hyperviglent yet society almost forces them to be or it is neglect and negligence. Parenting is so different from even just early 2000s I don't think it can be comparable. Maybe some very isolated small towns are still like that but mostly it's you have to watch your child 24/7 or you are failing. Those people saying your failing are people like my mother who let her 7 year old go play by a lake all day unsupervised with zero checks. I'm not even critizing that, I was a very mature child but she can't really preach what she didn't do. She's the same with sex ed, preaches schools should withhold info and stuff that it's the parents disscusion but then with all five of her kids she failed to teach them anything. A book was thrown at me when I was nine and I didn't read it because why the hell would i, that's not teaching your kid about sex ed.
I would absolutely much prefer to regret not having kids than to regret having them. At least then only one person is hurt and not two or more.
I think some people are just going through the motions of life without thinking about what they are getting into
Graduate school ✔️
Get a job ✔️
Get married ✔️
Have a family ✔️
I think some people rush into it or it’s just expected of them. I think some girls think babies are cute and want someone who loves them unconditionally. Then they realize they have to wake up in the middle of the night and take care of a screaming baby and it’s not as much fun as they thought. They see their friends out having fun without them and they regret their decision. And some could be postpartum depression. Whatever the reason they need therapy because no child should live in a home where their own parent despises them.
Most people skip all those prerequisites and just…. Have kids. It’s sad and pathetic
@@whoome1638no it's not. It is just life. Everybody should be able to. And those who dont want, fine, but dont hate on others.
@@asr_____ we agree to disagree.
@@asr_____some irreversible decisions that affect a person's life is worth hating on if it was irresponsible. If I created a horse somehow with no knowledge or money or resources to take care of the horse would I somehow be exempt from people disagreeing with me?
It all comes from a deep childishness, lack of vision and selfishness. People who don't ponder over life and what they want from it seem to be like this. My dad always asked me what I wanted to do. And I was 19 when he sat me down and asked me what I wanted the purpose of my life to be. What did I want my life to look like.
My mom was super against me tying my tubes and having no children. Then I showed her some similar posts to these fron RP. She git horrified. Then I said "If I ever become a mother, that's the mother I will be. Do you want that for your grandchild? To be unloved and your daughter being miserable?" She said she would take the child's custody. Then I said "how about having no child to suffer at all? No matter what you do, that child would forever know it's mother didn't want them.". I said it that way just to shock her. Of course I would try my best and never tell the kid. But I woukd indeed be conpletelly miserable. Now she thinks is better removing the uterus instead of tying tubes, but that is not allowed in my country? 😅
Removing the uterus will just cause premature menopause and carries a higher risk for osteoporosis and even dementia risks for women. Best not bother.
@@rsmith4407 Wrong! That is caused by removing ovaries, not the uterus.
Doh! Silly me. Yes…it can have a reduced functionality and cause complications but no, you’re right. I’m thinking of a full hysterectomy not a partial.
@@rsmith4407 That's ok. Full hysterectomy only happens when ovaries has no salvation. Partial is more comon to treat miomas, endometrosys, etc.
Tubes can regrow. I have gone to 3 babyshower of tubes surgery gone wrong 😂😂😂😂😂
I had one child and my life went to hell. I got a permanent chronic illness. That ruined my college educated career. That made me go in disability. I got divorced. He never paid support. So I am a divorced mom of one who raised her on disability. She also has chronic illnesses now as an adult. You sign up to either get ill, pass away or get a kid who is not healthy when you have kids. You roll dice. My kid tells me she wishes I had never had her. We are both in pain all the time. People who stay healthy and get healthy kids are hella lucky. Remember, mental illnesses can show up in their late 20s. You are a parent forever.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Leslie.
This. I've been saying this forever.
You’re not alone. I’m now severely disabled & unable to work or attend college/votech. Lost all but 1 long distance friend because my kiddo was a threat to their kid(s). Don’t qualify for any assistance. Kiddo is SEVERELY disabled. They have zero friends, will never be able to drive, work, have a spouse, live independently, go to prom, none of it. They shouldn’t be left unsupervised, ever. They’ve become so massive, violent, & unpredictable that everyone has to walk on eggshells. Kiddo has tried to kill me & the animals several times. Once by locking the animals & I inside the house while trying to burn it down (with just me & the animals inside). I caught them as they were sneaking out the back door. They looked me dead in the eye. Laughed. Spit on my face. And said “You die tomorrow”. I probably should’ve called the police instead of the pediatrician. But at that time, kiddo was only 6 years old. Still no help. Still got blamed for it because I should’ve kept a better eye. They were napping (so I thought) & I was flaring & in the bathroom ummm let’s just say I was sitting on the toilet AND puking into the bathtub. I’ve begged & begged for help. Always got told I just need to parent better. I literally destroyed myself permanently doing everything I could for them & for what? Now neither one of us has much quality of life. Now we both have no future besides an assisted living facility. Separate ones for my safety & I don’t need a max security facility. I’m quite drama free unless provoked into self defense. I just. Parent. Better. Really? I did my best. Set myself on fire. Burned myself & my future to the ground for a human that would rather I cease to exist. For a human that will have to be institutionalized, permanently. There is no fixing things. There is no undo button. I did get a tubal ligation to ensure this never happens again. I wish I would’ve seen the multiple miscarriages as a huge, flashing, STOP signal to the oncoming train I walked into. But the grief & raging hormones blinded me. As far as do I regret THEM…that’s a sticky question, truth be told. I try my best to live my life without regrets. I try to count them as lessons learned instead. Because regret will eat at your very soul. And quite frankly. Regret doesn’t change anything. I do have a lot of…guilt? For giving society not one but two more disabled folks that can’t contribute. No shame towards myself or any other disabled person, in the slightest. But I CHOSE to bring a human in the world. And it bit me in the arse. If anything is a regret in regards to kiddo specifically. It would be that they have to suffer endlessly because of a decision I helped make. That I will be paying the price for, too, for the rest of my life. 💔
I'm disabled and so are both my kids.... (autism and delays) ... we struggle financially and we have comorbid medical issues... including me... I have cptsd, autism, anxiety, ocd, etc etc....
I have never 1x regretted having my kids... ya it gets hard but they are legit my whole life. I would never ask for anything different. Yes my life turned different than it should... but damn I'm glad it did
❤️❤️❤️
If you want to have kids be sure you really want it. It’s a real job. It’s not easy, it’s not short or simple. I feel bad for the children who were raised and being raised in these regretful people’s homes.
this is what happens when we push on women that they should have kids no matter what and that’s what they were born to do. Not everyone should be a parent!
Exactly. Our society wants to pressure women who don't want children to have children anyway, then society is shocked those same women are crying 😢 about their regret.
Imagine being stuck in this situation with kids that you resent? Awful!! I kiss the ground and thank god everyday that I don’t have children! I’m grateful for my life.
No imagine being the child that is stuck with a parent that dislikes being a parent. Horrible.
I must say, it's especially hard when the ADULTS around you are also behaving like toddlers or are just absent but like to give "advice"
Having kids is like having a whole different life. You have to be ready for it and if you’re not and you’re about to have a child you have to immediately get ready for it cause it’s a whole different ball game. I’m happy a lot of people are being honest cause the truth needs to be told it’s not all rainbows and sunshine it gets real. I just wish a lot of this talk was out years ago before social media was in high full effect.
This isn’t parenthood, it’s motherhood gone wrong. These are burden mothers that are carrying the weight and without a support system. Mothers that are stricken with poverty, unaddressed mental health and developmental issues and also by partners that are shiftless and have abandoned their portion of parenting responsibility.
Sometimes you can have everything right and still not be cut out for parenthood, I guess your argument is that you can just get a nanny to replace you and I kinda agree
Leí ese subforo y fue un shock para mi, y aunque no hablo inglés me afectó mucho lo que leí ahí 😧. Hay situaciones extremas y muy disfuncionales en donde es comprensible el sentir de esos padres. Pero habían casos ahí donde los padres contaban con sistema de apoyo, excelentes condiciones económicas e incluso sus hijos no eran 'niños problemáticos' y aun asi expresaban un profundo rechazo no sólo a ser padres sino hacia sus hijos, expresiones como "no soporto tener a ese niño cerca, no soporto que me toque", "no soporto verlo, no soporto que me abrace, no soporto que me hable", mi corazón se rompió por esos niños y eso que yo nunca he sentido pasión por lo niños, intento ser empática y comprensiva con el sentir de esos padres pero me cuesta muchísimo. Algunos tienen motivos para odiar su paternidad bastante infantiles y pueriles, y se la viven despotricando lo infelices que son, aún y con excelentes condiciones de vida pero odiando con todas sus fuerzas ser padres y manteniendo un estado infantil de víctima constante. Algunos son ridículos sinceramente, otros si tienen motivos válidos para sentirse así. Siento más pena por los hijos de esos padres que por los padres mismos, no puedo evitarlo.
Ive got 4 kids. Im the type of parent who cant wait till summer vacation because i absolutely want them around all the time. They can drive me absolutely batshit crazy but i still just want them around all the time. This is super sad. Im a stay at home mom.
Edit: I am super understanding about the regret. Some don't always know what they're getting into really because people DONT actually talk about the actual deep struggles that you can go through. I'm not ALWAYS in the good mindset and there have been days I just wanted to escape. I do have kids who are very well behaved and a very supportive husband. The regret is a very human emotion and I am sympathetic.
Aww, that's so sweet! I wish you and your family a lot of happiness! 🥹🩷
Of course it's mothers who most regret having kids. Mothers do 90-100% of child care. Fathers think they did all they had to by contributing the sperm.So you are basically a single married parent. Not unusual to have an extra full grown child to care for also.
Also, pregnancy takes a strain on women, not men.
None of the fathers I knew had to give up hobbies, jobs, time with friends or sleep to raise their child. Well. That's a lie - i know of one dad who gets up to feed his son in the night. It's harder on women for sure.
@@teacherella1338Strain is a very gentle word for what many women experience. For some it’s very damaging.
Amen to that! A Lot of males out there but no men. Womens burden was child birth, mens burden is work. What a bunch of lazy lions out there. God sees everything.
Sad, but, for many of us, true.
Some men who say they want kids don’t actually want to be fathers. They want kids because a kid will anchor that woman to them for life
💯
Actually, I do want to be a father one day. And I hope to have them with the person I want to spend the rest of my life woth, only if she wants to
Don’t forget notorious deadbeats!!!!!
It is also often seen as a status symbol in certain cultures hence they force those poor children to become high achievers too without teaching them hygiene, manners or self-love…
nah they want kids to play with but don't do the bulk of the hard stuff
This is why the internet is so important. Good or bad, it acts as a vent for ideas we aren't allowed to share easily. I often compare it to the ideas that are shared through public toilet graffiti.
Good point. It can be a place of hate but can also do wonders.
My parents had 4 kids and I never felt love. We were basically raised like plants, water and fertilizer, place in the sun and left there.
My grandma had many kids and grandkids and honestly I don't feel like she cares all that much about us. She had the older children caring for the younger too and because she was so young she never got to do what she truly wanted which was to be a teacher, in fact she pushed a lot of her kids to become teachers so it's obvious she was trying to live her dreams through them.
THIS is why being childfree by choice should NOT be frowned upon. Better to regret not having than to regret having and have an entire other human's life, future and well being on your lap begrudgingly. I don't want that for any child. So I am doing the right thing and remaining childfree.
I am childfree by choice and I'm so much happier for it. I can't stand kids, I can't stand the screaming, I can't stand the messes, I can't stand the constant touching, the constant never ending questions! Nah, I'm good.
People (mostly women) will judge me for this, to those people I say go ahead. Judge me. I don't care. I'm so much happier and stable not having kids and just because others wish that misery on me. People need to stop trying to dictate what will 'make me happy' based on my baby making equipment. People act like it's a damn sin to not want kids, it's my body at risk, it's my health that's most at risk, I won't sacrifice my hobbies or personal life for something I genuinely do not want or like.
People need to learn when to leave well enough alone and to treat us like people and not parents or potential parents. If it works for you then I'm happy for you, why wouldn't I be? Why can't that same courtesy be extended to me?
Because misery needs company. They did not have the forethought to think like you did about what you knew you could or couldn't handle. So, instead of lauding you for having the intelligence and introspection to know yourself and the cost of living....they get jealous because when you lay it out like that, they wish they had thought about it like that before they had kids
@@ecclairmayo4153 Yep, that or they don't have a backbone or just think it's the thing you do. When I was a kid I was terrified of growing up because that meant I would have to get married to a man and have kids and I wasn't having it. Turns out I'm childfree and bisexual so that was fun. I can't even describe the intense relief I felt when I realized I didn't have to have kids.
I feel bad for all these kids because I grew up feeling like a burden to my mother.
Your children feel your hatred without you actually saying it to them!
But I am actually glad to see this out there because parenting is no joke. People need to think about this before procreating!
Its almost like the college lie....just take out the $$ student loans and get the hand puppet degree - solid plan.
I am not perfect but my kids are the best part of my life. They are definitely the hardest part of my life.
Still, my kids make me a better person and for that, i am thankful
I have watched a person who is closely related make her children miserable because she resented them being born. Then when they became adults tried to turn it around so that she has someone to take care of her. But she is always afraid that they will treat her how she treated them.
She made her child suffer because she's not a good person.
That’s my parents lol
I know I was loved as a child, really spoiled with love but also disciplined when I misbehaved. I was raised on a farm, so every pretty day I was running around outside and left my mother alone to do her cooking and reading. She had breaks. But she also played with me under the kitchen table; I loved to play Billy Goat Gruff with her. I would butt her because she was the troll. She enforced quiet times for reading and resting. If we got bored, she assigned us chores. I had to shovel ashes and coal during the winter. Kids need room to roam and give their parents some space too. Parents today think they have to entertain their kids all the time. That is exhausting and unreasonable. Enforce quiet time and give yourself a break.
My mother (78) is a regretful parent, even though she may not admit it now. She admitted she hated family and children multiple times for almost each episode of depression she had my entire childhood and adolescence. She didn’t care that her daughters heard her.
Hopefully now that her children are adults they can understand the weight she was carrying and what she gave up for them.
@@TheOriginalScorpioBellebut us, the kids, didn't ask to be born.
@@daisy_elle_ Yes. Thank you.
@@TheOriginalScorpioBelle It's not their fault. Anyone saying they regret their children to their face is truthfully not a good person.
@@cyberspace7208buddy. No one trully good person. 42 here, my mom tell me she blames me bacause i was born made her cannot leave my father. For the 1st time? When i was 4 y.o. and she tought i wont remember that. Now, everytime she whines wanting grandchild from me, you bet i throw that back to her face. I love her, but i WONT HAVE CHILD BECAUSE SHE WANTED IT!
It's funny, despite the circumstances and regretting some of the things I did early on, I don't regret my kid. They've grown up to be a strong, independent person and I'm proud of them.
The therapist talking about normalizing talking about regretting having children makes me a bit uneasy. I was the product of a teen pregnancy and constantly heard that I wasn't wanted and that my mother gave up her dreams to have me. It was really rough. I still struggle with the idea that I'm not worthy of the sacrifice she made. While I do think that parents should be able to talk about their experience of regret, they need to be mindful of the harm it can do to the kids.
❤️❤️❤️
maybe they should be honest but not tell thier children about the regret until theyre older or if it fails give thier children to someone who will care for them its better that way so the kid isnt around that enviroment.
I don’t think she meant normalize saying it to the children lol
I love my work but the last thing I want when I come home is more WORK.
I hope women can toughen up enough not to get dragged into this shit.
I agree it's the extra unpaid worl that has to get done NOW. I'm single with no kids spending time relaxing on UA-cam while I have a pile of laundry, tax documents, and meal prep I have been procrastinating about. I think if I had kids, there would be time to procrastinate and lay down like this
So many of the posters on regretfulparents REALLY wanted kids, tried for years, had miscarriages, and some had IFV treatments, and then as soon as they have a baby they immediately regret it.
Also nobody seems to consider that their child might have extreme disabilities or behavioral problems. My heart breaks for parents of nonverbal autistic kids who are in a constant meltdown.
I do appreciate people who share their honest feelings like this. I know I will never have kids because I am already low energy and i struggle to take care of myself. I will never understand how people can say it’s “selfish” to be child free.
It's literally one of the least selfish things a person could do. And I say that as a parent. It's these people trying to push children onto individuals who don't want them that are the selfish ones. They're basically saying "have a child you don't want because it makes me feel better about myself."
I'm the same way. I'm introspective enough to know that I too am low energy, but I am also kind of lazy outside of work. When I come home, the last thing I want to do is more work. I'm single with no kids and I am relaxing in my snuggie looking at youtube when I have laundry I need to get to, tax documents and meal prep for the week. I procrastinate, but I know that when you have children, there is no room for that. Those things must be done NOW, not later. You owe it to your family to give them your best EVERYTIME
@@lost.laurel- exactly. People who talk like that are really saying more about themselves than it is about you. They need their lives validated and need to feel better about themselves. It's nice to see a comment coming from someone with kids. I know you are a GREAT mother🥰
They're mad jealous because they had kids and feel trapped. Misery loves company.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world. We need to be free of society’s expectations, our parents expectations, cultural expectations to have children. If it’s not for you be free to not do it. To have children you don’t what hurts everyone involved.
People think it’s so easy and fun and rewarding to be a parent and have kids. It can be but it’s so frustrating, taxing and tiring to literally raise a whole other person who is just as emotionally immature, unknowledgeable and confused as you at times. I hate the whole “you’re selfish” “but you’re gonna regret not having kids” “but but but” arguments. I’m going to be selfish, I don’t care, I need to be so *I* can be happy. I can’t make a child happy and stable if I can’t do that for myself.
Don’t even get me started on how shitty foster care is and the whole abortion argument.
I hate that people feel this way. I love my child he's 9 months he's definitely been a huge change to me and my partners life. I feel lucky (knock on wood) that I don't feel this way and have support right now. My heart goes out to these people and I don't think they're bad for it but I do hope none of them let this affect their children. Children do not ask to be born.
I blame our society because we can't have it both ways. We can't be pressuring and demonizing people who don't want to have kids to have kids anyway, then when they are sh*t parents turn around and get angry at them for hurting their kids. When people say they don't want kids, they need to be supported in their decision just as much as people who choose to be parents.
I hope to meet a childfree partner because I've always pictured myself as part of a couple (married) but I've never ever even pictured being a parent or having a baby
I feel the exact same. I would love to be married someday and have a child free relationship
I can confirm it’s a good place to be. Married 23 years and early on we thought kids perhaps, certainly were encouraged and pressured and questioned when will we. It became alarming how invested strangers were in my reproductive narrative! It’s not for us though. And I’m so glad I didn’t cave
Same
You need a license to drive, but none to be a parent. There should be a course especially in high school on becoming a parent and especially motherhood. The positives and the negatives.
Literally harder to adopt a pet I think it’s insane
@@Tova0131- it's so true. They put so many barriers to entry to adopt a pet from the county pound.
@@ecclairmayo4153no its not, though, depends on the pound. I've literally walked into a pound asking about a dog I saw on their online listing and literally walked out with the dog the same day.
@@Tova0131yeah here in Ireland you need to take a year course to be legally allowed buy farm animals like cattle and sheep to make sure you know how to look after them.... but anyone can just have sex and they get to own a human?
There should be some sort of mandatory parenting classes when you have kids too.
Like treat it similar to court duty, where your job can't punish you and you still get paid during it.
Honestly, thank god for Reddit. Communities like r/regretfulparents, r/childfree, and r/raisedbynarcissists are so necessary and helpful when it comes to making people feel less alone. I’m so glad this is being normalized. It helps having an anonymous support system since not everyone can easily access therapy.
Of course, I hope they get therapy if possible and please don’t tell your kids!
You do realize that alot of these regretful parents are the perpetrators of raised by narc parents. They are the narc parents. They hate their kids!! Fick sakes people use your head
I was in a family of 11 and my late dad lost his job and was in terrible conditions and we were extremely poor, before 2 weeks of passing mentioned to our faces that he wish he never had kids and regret being a parents, that words stuck with me feeling like being a huge burden to my parents. Which i dont want the same thing happened if i had kids so i dont wanna
Honestly my parents loved me unconditionally and I wanted to experience that joy. I feel bad for all the kids of these ppl. They will grow up wanting to be child free…
Leí gente en ése subforo expresando que ya deseaban con urgencia que sus hijos fuesen adultos y se fueran de casa lo más pronto posible, y esas personas decían que secretamente ellos deseaban que el hijo adulto se dedique a su propia vida y no los contactara nunca más 😨😥
Me dolió leer eso, soy adulta independiente y mis padres aún desean saber de mí y estar en comunicación conmigo.
I HOPE these parents never verbalise this stuff to their kids. There's no way on earth they arent traumatising their kids, because they can't be good parents with these thoughts. I'm so glad i never had kids but i am horrified by these posts. Every parent should read them though, because this could be anybody - if you don't want kids 100% then do no have them.
Then society should stop forcing ppl to have kids.
Their kids will know either way.
@shawnlove4502 how weak minded are you that you can't accept that people make their own decisions?
Also, why the hell are you writing a snotty reply to me? Lol. Weird.
@@shawnlove4502no one is forcing folks to have kids. They may be forcing you to take responsibility for your choices. If you have sex, expect kids. If you don’t want kids don’t have sex or cut out your reproductive organs.
@Supersquishyawesomeness that's essentially what I said. They'll be traumatising their kids. They don't need to verbalise these thoughts though.
I treat kids the same way I treat sex.
Anything that isn’t a straightforward YES is to be considered a straightforward NO.
"I cant do this, im not cut out for this" People have been saying this since forever, but the people around them have always responded with "Youll do great. its gonna get easier" etc. Of course youve "never heard" people regret having children if you constantly ignore them or disregard their feelings as just temporary stress or some shit.
I don't feel bad for the parents....I feel bad for their kids.
Children are smart, they know even If their parents don't tell them.
Siento lo mismo 😔
This subreddit never set right with me just hearing how these poeple basically hate someone they are suppose to care about. Just imagine how these kids will grow up knowing you never loved them in the first place.
As other people said just don't have kids of your not ready to or have doubts.
Also maybe society is also a cause to this....teach people what its like to raise children and what your in for.
Because they shouldn’t be their parents in the first place these people should not have to care for a child they don’t want and the child deserves a better parent to love them and choose them, they need to be placed in adoption and not kept custody of.
Yeah, like, the kids didn’t ask to be born
i feel kinda sorry for the paretns, but it's so easy to not have a child.. so i dont rlly feel bad for them. i feel bad for the child that is secretly resented by their mother and might not have any idea,
As a person that wants to be and remains childfree, I feel bad for those kids of those parents. Those children don't deserve that kind of resentment from their parents all because they decided to make them.
Or as happens a LOT got drunk and didn't take precautions
My mother had postpartum and i was psychically abused it has destroyed me I know she never loved me i find it impossible not to love her so now i tell her i hate her she doesn't deserve to know i love her and ill take it to the grave
the winter analogy is good!! i grew up in florida and now live in new york. I DREAD the winter time in the city , really takes a toll on me so how that reader explained it. scared me but made sense
Same but with summer. I live in texas and dread summer so much.
I feel so sad hearing them read those stories. I support anyone’s decision to have or not have kids but damn those regretful parents are crying out for help in their daily lives and mental health. I myself saw how tough it is to have children specifically because “the village” it takes to raise them is nowhere around. Being a mom is not for the weak and I applaud any woman who decides she doesn’t want to have kids. I think having them and regretting them or treating them bad is such a disservice to yourself and those children that didn’t ask to be born in the first place
This makes me so sad. I was a teen mom, but I absolutely loved being a SAHM to my 3 kids. It would get lonely because of a lack of community, but I was a strict mom so my kids were always pretty well behaved and I still enjoy them everyday. They’re grown now.
The problem is:
1-people who didn't want to have kids but they think that that's what they were supposed to do;
2-mental health problems;
3-the misogynistic idea that a woman is just worth if she has kids.
Not even "worth" either -- after a woman becomes a "mother", that's all there is to her. While men's status got elevated once they become a "father", a "mother" gets ALL the bad end of the stick. Everything will be their fault and the frankly inhumane standard mothers are put on is simply brutal. ALL their pain are dismissed and even a TINY fault will get people MOB them. Sure they get an impression of a better treatment by the society, but behind their backs people talk vile stuff about mothers.
@@bloodmajesty414 Unfortunately you're right!😮
team childfree has never felt better
My sister called my niece her most regretful blessing 😢 I’m raising her with the help of our mom…she was here today and couldn’t stand her talking to her….she pretends to love my niece but I know she resents her.
So grateful my parents 100% were ready in every way to have me also when am ready to have kids am adopting and i will be ready in every way as well.
I think my parents were ready to have kids I just think they chose to raise me in a bad environment( granted I do believe they had a lot of faith me and my sister would be strong enough to handle it) plus I think that's only a part of my issues.
I feel like all this is the result of a culture that does not support women. Men who expect his partner to do all the work and tired women. 😫 It's so sad.
No it’s a me culture. I don’t want to do anything that takes away from me. Women were less supported in my time we still had kids tho we were more giving
@katemiller7874 I think yes and no. But I also think this is the result of our mothers "giving more" and getting nothing in return, becoming bitter, and teaching daughters to not settle for less or not become mothers. But if you have a supportive partner, you will be more willing to give. It's all about give and take. One partner should not be the main giver, which will cause angry partners. It's not about being better than the younger generation. It's about feeling appreciated, and I think most children remember hearing our mother's and grandmother's complaints. Unless, of course you had a good family home balance.
My mom once asked a neighbor why americans allowed their kids have pets when the kids are still so young. And she was told it was to teach the kids how to love. She was confused for years until she really got it. Kids and pets are a huge responsibility, and it's better to find out early if you're able to give the amount of devotion to such a responsibility when you're young.
Having kids nowadays sounds like death sentence 😂
I raised my 6 siblings and didn’t want kids, then I got pregnant at 19 while in high school and as scared as I was she’s the best thing to have ever happened to me. She’s 10 now and and despite the pp depression in the beginning and the stress of her being premature, the older she gets the more we vibe and she helped me mature and grow positively and I’m breaking generational curses with her ❤
OMG these poor babies not getting love breaks my heart 😢
Its so sad the lie we were told and how manipulated women were in believing that we had to have kids and get married. I LOVE the fact that this generation of kids and young adults arent falling for the banana in the tail pipe that is kids and marriage.
More like groomed into it... I remember being so weirded out being gifted baby dolls as a BABY myself 😵💫 my own mother calling me "mom" it was inescapable and the pressure to be a future wife/babymaker makes me sick to my stomach. Just wanted to live like a normal kid.
@@piroshk1968I used to throw baby dolls onto the roof when I was little because I hated the dolls, I always found them to be creepy (and I much preferred dinosaurs)
It’s a trap and a scam and women are waking up!!!!
Priros- there is nothing wrong with getting baby dolls and playing mom. Grooming you must be 12. Very normal part of childhood.
I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a mom and I feel like I became the best version of myself when I became a mom. That being said, it was SO much harder than I expected. Parenthood is NOT for everyone.
Though hearing this make feel hurt for their children, a part me is glad this subreddit exist. Because these posts are anonymous, it shows a more honest view of how detrimental it is to have children when you never wanted any and spread awareness of how many kids today are having to deal with parents who hate them this much, so people can't pretend that this problem is rare or doesn't exist. Thank god it's anonymous though.
I do feel sorry for their children though. This is why I'm so against people pressuring adults to have children. Not only are the parents unhappy, but the children are even more unhappy. Kids with parents who didn't want to be parents are typically neglected or abused, without the parent even realizing or wanting to admit it. Even if these parents don't tell their kids, "I never wanted you. I regret having you. I hate being your mom. If you weren't my child, I would hate you.", the lack of love a parent has for their child can be shown through their actions, they way they complain about being around their kids, aren't around, act like spending time with them is a chore, etc. Kids can sense things.
I remember being a kid and hearing parents say they were "relieved" that their kids were in school so they didn't have to see them, and this was NORMALIZED. I'd just hear it all the time, on TV, online, or in person, and so many parents would agree, and it wasn't questioned. I heard it so much, that I assumed my own mom felt this way too. I remember being in middle school and asking her if she was happy any time we were out of the house or when summer vacation was over, and I was shocked when she said that she's actually more happy when she gets to spend more time with us. I was convinced that she was lying so I wouldn't feel bad, because most moms I knew would say, "I can't wait for summer to be over, so I don't have to be around my kids as much." and, "I can't spend more than a couple of hours around my kids. I'd go crazy!" I wonder if we had too many moms being pressured to have children, still hated it, and this was the result. I don't think these people were bad people or meant any harm, but it's very hard to be a good and attentive parent if your mental health is down the toilet and you resent the people you are supposed to raise.
they don't hate their children. most posts go out of their way to state that. they hate parenting.
Don’t have kids if you cannot raise them as a single parent without external support from parents, friends, and partner. GrandParents are not there for their grandchildren like they used to be. People are just more selfish nowadays so don’t rely on others. Plan on being a defacto single parent. If this is something you can swing then by all means have them.
Don’t have kids isn’t an option in some states anymore
@@phiacraft338 Which states? The ones that are banning abortions and many reproductive healthcare options?
@@strawberrytiramisuyes in those states
Grandparents have to work nowadays and they are getting older/tired. I can see why they wouldn't do more. Its enough for them to focus on their own health to try and stay alive. I just don't see how that's selfish. I do think it's wrong for the kind that's constantly harping about wanting grandkids to not be more involved, though.
@@ecclairmayo4153Everyone is overworked and underpaid. That's basically what it comes down to, including the grandparents.
There used to be a time when a family could be raised on a single income. That time has long passed.
I think it's good that this conversation is happening. I've lived my whole life with my mouth muzzled shut because of my upbringing, my programming, church, society, and when you're going through hard things and you CANT share?! It compounds everything 1000x over! It causes more anxiety, more depression, and you stuff your rage down, thinking it'll dissipate. It doesn't!!!!
So then I think if people who were talked into, or guilted and shamed into, OR convinced by "societal norms/expectations" and NONE of these parents feel like they can say anything about how they truly feel?!?! That's HE11!!!
I am so grateful for this video and every parent sharing! I'd love to see some guys sharing....but I wonder if it's as hard for them due to weaponized incompetence and patriarchy. 😢
I suspect that most men don't share because they can simply opt of being a parent. They go to work early, stay late, leave the house on the weekends, and feign sleep when they hear the kids crying. When their partners ask them to do anything for the kids, they do it badly so that they won't be asked again. For the woman, that's not an option. Most women, no matter how much they hate being a mother, are going to get up and see about their kids. The men know this so they can quiet quit being a parent, smugly knowing that their kids are taken care of.
It is hard for them because they learn from young age to not share their feelings and this has normalize a lack of self love and expression.
It is very normal for straight men to not decorate, not care for personal and space hygiene, not care how they look unless it is to attract the opposite sex. All these behaviors in a woman it would instantly identify as depression and lack of confidence. But in a lot of male spaces, it is so widespread, that it becomes normalized, and there's a lack of acknowledgment of the emotional impact all these little actions are accumulating.
That is why you see the rise of alpha male podcasts that lure people in by using helpful advices like "do workouts" , "have routines", "buy good clothes" and then make sure they stay as loyal lonely customers by advising them to abuse and hate women for their poor mental state. Somehow it is ot patriarchy's fault, not society's , nor their neglectful parents but the women that rejects to carry their emotional unresolved issues into a longterm relationship.
I knew I never wanted kids when I was a kid, and I’m so glad I’ve stuck with that choice. I don’t have the patience to be a parent.
I love my freedom of having no kids
Life is funny; go to a job you dont like, go to a school you dont like, go home to a home you dont like, drive to work in a car you dont like, work with coworkers you dont like, deal with a boss you dont like, get a paycheck thats not enough, take care of a husband wife children you dont like. 'WHY WAS I BORN? AM I THE PROBLEM? WHY AM I HERE?' See a pattern here???
It’s usually what happens when you ignore your own wants and follow the imposed standards of society
amen
poor kids... if you are not ready and willing to dedicate the rest of your life to your children, DO NOT HAVE THEM
People (without kids) are on vacation and they don't even know it.
#blessed
Not going to lie but that does feel kind of accurate to how I feel. As a 36 year old for me it's more like I am a teenager that gets to take advantage of all the adult advantages but without the stress and dissatvantages of being a teenager. Like for example if I want to come home after midnight on a weekday I am adult no one will stop me.
I feel like a teenager with adult money lol
No, i have no kids, but i still have to take care of my whole family, being the emotional and economic support of them. I feel like i'm the only adult in my house because my parents are realy bad at makeing decissions. I've already experience what being mom is since i took care of my sibling since i was 10, and i don't want to pass throught that again. I'm not even in my 30's and i'm already tire.
I realy want those vacations.
Getting to sleep in on the weekends or just lay around the house and take a nap when you need is a blessing and a luxury only afford to people without kids
When people have kids for society not themselves
And these poor kids have to suffer like they asked to be born
Just dont have kids and if u have one accidentally take it out if you hate it
Better than bringing an innocent human into the world to feel like a burden and feel resented
Ugh 😩
They have them for all kinds of reasons too like to keep a man from leaving or just becauae them are bored
Tbh I think all(ok, maybe not all but alot) parents secretly feel this way, unfortunately. Im 34, no children, I know very well im not cut out for parenting, so I do not regret my choice for not having children
I'm sure there are people who genuinely love being parents. However, I'm certain that there are more who deeply regret it than anyone would like to think. I honestly believe it's a majority.
@AngryReptileKeeper yeah :( I know my mother loves me and my siblings but I'm pretty sure she feels she could done more with her life if she didn't have us so young, she was 17 when she had my brother and 19 when I was born and in her early 20s when my sisters were born. It wasn't easy being a young mother especially when my brother's father along with mine weren't in the picture. My mother did her best but I can't help but think she has deep regrets becoming a mother so young and has some resentment.
I know being a parent is hard and a thankless job, but even at an early age I knew parenthood isn't for me, I'm Tokophobic and I don't have the patience
I have 3 kids and I genuinely love being a mom… I had parents who weren’t good but my mom tried her best. I grew up and knew I wanted to create the life I never had and I did it. I wanted the family unit and yes it’s hard. Nothing worth it comes easy. I do not regret it. So we exist. I agree many people should not be parents but I also understand the economy, world, family breakdowns in the systems contribute to this plus the high divorce rate. Jesus keeps us together. Also I was never raised a Christian. Found Jesus after I was married and had my kids. God bless everyone on this journey. Kids or no kids life is hard! Rooting for you all!
I think all parents have to mourn their old lives, but no, we don't. I do regret their dad, not them😂
I’m a parent and love my child. But I guess I knew what I was signing up for as my friends and siblings already had kids so I saw the good,bad and ugly. I admit it’s hard but I don’t have regrets.
My heart goes out to the unwanted children. May they find peace and never know or find out how their parents truly feel.