Can a Narcissist Change or Heal? | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубліковано 16 кві 2018
- Can a Narcissist Change or Heal? Are you wondering if there is hope that a narcissistic can change? Many will say that that it's impossible for a narcissist to heal, but Dr. Hawkins sees narcissism on a spectrum, and sees much hope for people with narcissistic tendencies.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#narcissism #narcissist #narcissistic
I'm a narcissist and I want to mature. I want to trust, love and be loved. Become a mountain that doesn't abandon others.
Pray and remain close to God
Becoming the best version of ourselves and emotionally mature is a lifelong journey. Acknowledging our need for change is the first step, followed by seeking help and committing to the process. If you desire change, the tools are available to help you. If you're interested in speaking with someone about how we can help, we would love to connect with you. Contact our Client Care Team at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145.
May God almighty be your guide
Wow, good for you! God bless your healing journey
⚠️FYI - A Narcissist are usually chosen by God for a high calling, but destroyed by the Devil with traumas and rejection, childhood abuses to make them loose their true identity and never fulfill their Destiny! They're Broken ppl...sadly
(💯I overcame by the blood of the Lamd the word of my testimony💯 )🙌
Rescued by Jesus and changed into a new creation by the Holy Spirit!
Hallelujah
I'm a female and I'm pretty sure that I was a narcissist in my teens and twenties. It wasn't until I became friends with and dated someone who were a narcissists that were worse that me that I realized this about myself. As a child I was left with a malignant narcissistic aunt frequently, so I now see how her toxic ideologies shaped my thinking and had a significantly negative impact on the first part of my life. She convinced my parents that they weren't good enough to take care of me and she couldn't have child of her own, so she always came to pick me up throughout the week for years. I've since healed because I was sick of being disconnected from others due to my toxic behavior and was finally able to wake up and see how I was contributing to my own problems. I had to develop self love to become comfortable with everything not being about me.
Thanks for sharing your story. We are so glad to hear you have healed.
How did you heal plz help me 😓😣😰😭
@@rahulcffh Lots and lots of therapy with a GOOD therapist. One that helps you look at yourself from a different lense in a compassionate way. Also, working on myself every single day and being mindful of when I was being inconsiderate of others. Journaling helps so you can reflect on how you are healing. What's working for you and what's not working to help you heal? What caused you to feel the way you do and treat people how you treat them? Who set the toxic example for you growing up? How would you train your younger self to behave now that you know what you know? Retrain the child in you so that you yourself can be the benefactor of that child's growth. Lastly, know that you are loved and that you're not in competition with anyone. Know that there is no power in causing others pain. I had to learn that the hard way. I hope that helps. 🤗
@@teeada6858 you're saying lots and lots of therapy but i am not finicially independent yet and i can't expect that from my parents as we are middle class
@@rahulcffh Find youtube videos on these subjects. Find books and keep learning. Stay open as much as you can. ❤🩹
I love him so much... And I see potential to change.. I had to cut contact. But I always pray for him because I know he is in pain too that he can't open up about. I'm now dating someone else just to try and see if it's possible to love again. He was a boyfriend for a year but I had to let him go. I pray for his sake that he will change for himself otherwise he will never find that one love but he is not my responsibility anymore.. I still have faith the god will reach him
He never was your responsibility, and I know that's hard to accept when you care so much about someone, but every individual must take responsibility for their own healing. I hope your ex-boyfriend finds the help and support he needs and that you find love again. - Client Care Team
@@drdavidbhawkins thank you. Contact has been stopped now. He needs to help himself now.
@@drdavidbhawkins he thinks I'm making it all up to get him back. I don't want him. I do want to help him though
I know this is totally none of my business but how old are you? I watched this video a bit because of my sis, but my 1st 2 lovers in my late teens were young guys totally full of themselves; I was in love, got my feelings badly hurt, and then the world changed for me; I had work to do, a purpose in life and they just faded away. I did feel scared for a while - no question. But the thing is, when you realize what is going on, walk away. You won't die and they'll move on and you may well have bad memories forever but you get your life back sooner rather than later. I was besotted with guy A and B 40 yrs ago and they make me sick to my stomach now. Meanwhile I have friends who pre-date these twits and we support each other and rejoice in each others lives always, as I wish you well.
Same boat girl. Cut off. Let go and pray.
I really think its possible to change. Speaking from my experience I spent years of my life ruining relationships and blaming everyone else but myself. I never would never take responsibility for my own actions it was always someone else's fault. There comes a time when you just get tired and realize that there's a problem with yourself. Years of therapy and self awareness will help so much
What an inspiring story, thanks for sharing! Can't and won't are two different things and people often interchange these two concepts. If you're willing, you can!
I feel the same
@drdavidbhawkins i can but its too late . There is no one around
The one and only reason I say “No, this person can’t be helped!” is because one has to have the ability to ADMIT he/she needs help.
You're right, change cannot be forced on anyone. We have only been able to help people who have at least taken the first step of coming to us for help, no matter how reluctantly. - Client Care Team
There is nothing impossible for God
With the true living GOD everything is possible! I am another person! There is HOPE to be set free from this evil Narcissistic jail… I guarantee and testify ❤️
I did so much to help him change for 18years. He knew he had a huge problem but he refused to change. He enjoyed his cheating, his lies and his grandiosity. I fell ill due to the abuse he inflicted on me but he didn't care. I prayed and fasted but nothing worked. He didn't want therapy. Come on, they can change, but at their own will. Am not going to live all my life trying to heal someone else.
You can't change them, they can't even change themselves. Only God himself can do that. But that is a possibility for every person. You need to heal, you need to place the necessary boundaries. But don't stop praying.
It's a waste of your time and your energy They don't change it's on them theyll Continue to suffer greatly Thank God We walked away He may have killed me i May have took my own life Mine cheated on me all the time his r3ason was because the other girls were better than me he didnt understand what was wrong with that .He said why shouldn't he want better i cheated right back and said it was because I want better I was just trying to mimic his behavior and let him see how it feels Now he is the victim, he is so much a victim. He has no money, no car Almost homeless That's my fault though thats Because I left him Because i'm a whore he Sends ninety five messages a day About how bad I am How much he loved me Then I say back to him don't you want better you Always did before and thats not revenge. i treated him the way he treated me To teach him how it affected me he Still don't get it its Still my fault and he's the victim Literally nothing works with them. But now i've realized I was never none of those things he said I was i was never worthless i Was never not good enough that Was what he believed about himself. That he tried to project onto me I literally Thank his messages and his bullshit are sad and tragic and hilariuos. And I tell him thank you for showing me that I really am worth your time And if I wasn't worth shit then Why do you keep begging He goes completely Crazy when I call him out on this bullshit.
My shame is how long I stayed.
Sounds exactly like my story, and it's been 18 years, too. I wish he would even get out of denial and get help like some of the guys I see commenting in here. I've prayed and fasted soooo much, but the pornography and secrets, emotional affairs with his ex continue like every three years. I stopped trying to track to confront, a waste of time. I'm just numb from disappointment accepting the dreams will never be for his deliverance because he doesn't want it. I was ill for several years due to the trauma. Although I was sick and bedridden most days physically, I only realized that after learning three years ago, he's a covert narcissist. I don't know of any of the characteristics and traita that he doesbt display except two. Much praying and fasting, but he still has free will. I see it on his face he knows he needs help, but as a veteran, the va only addresses associated with being in Iraq. Buf he did tell him he needed more extensive therapy, but he refuses to go past military issues.
Be blessed
I'm a narcissist. I'm writing journals everyday and reflecting on my feelings and asking myself how I can be accountable. Change is possible. I have no evidence, but I believe that narcissism can be diminished to the point that someone doesn't qualify for a diagnosis. Maybe that's just a grandiose adaptations, but I believe It can be done. It requires lots of work and being obsessive is likely helpful
If you can be introspective and have a desire to change, change is absolutely possible. We wish you the best and if you need help on this journey, please reach out to info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to learn how we can help.
With your attitude and efforts I sincerely believe you WILL be better. I personally believe that there is a significant spiritual component as well. Ie surrendering the spiritual battle to The higher power.
I truly want to be changed, but it really seems like change is difficult and a lot of times these videos are less focused on narcissists who want to change...thank you so much for the glimpse of hope and also please help in learning and facilitating changes in a genuine way -- I don't want to hurt those around me or become even more of a monster
🙏 I pray for your healing transformation
Read my responses above..: you can be set free
Please say narcissist, not narcissistic man. Not all narcissists are male at all and it is unfair to portray this misconception.
Thank you.
You're absolutely right. We are trying to be more conscientious of using gender neutral language in our current materials (this is an older video). - Client Care Team
@@drdavidbhawkins Ditto on the comment... "Have I got a Lady for you!!!"
Is there help for narcissistic women??? (obviously, she has her abuse, neglect history)
This is someone, I think will want help... I am about to enter the No Contact phase with her for my healing. I don't deserve the subtle insulting comments, that I used to excuse.
(She seems to have a blind spot to makiing them...)
Anyway, help for Women? She is European...
no. English language mishmash. Clint.. you're the one with misconception. look deeper
human infected by narcissism is a narcissistic human...but just drop human, whichever gender, then all we have is hopeless narcissism.
why they call it spelling. narcissism is one giant spell to erase the humans out of the picture
I left this man twice. I am done. I need to work on myself.
Thank u Sir.don't give up on people u need to pray 4 them nothing is impossible.they also don't know watts happening to them pray for that man or woman.
Asslam o alikum. Thank you for your comment. Your right the best thing to do for a toxic person / abusive person / damaged person is to show them compassion and pray. Have a nice week to anyone reading this.
I was married to a Narciss female for 27 years and I totally believe now that she joined up with two other Narciss, who tell her about all the entitlement that she’s entitled to. There is absolutely no hope now.
I HOPE MY EX WILL CHANGE EVEN FOR THE OTHER WOMAN. I CARED FOR HIM MORE KNOWING HE HAS THIS DISORDER.
Ultimately, he is the one that will benefit the most if he is willing to really take a hard look and evaluate his life and relationships. - Client Care Team
Hopefully you find some one better
Really excellent Dr. Hawkins! I CAN understand why many see the narcissist as a lost cause & tragedy waiting to happen. As a highly empathic person it's hard for me to swallow that the narcissist is a throw away person. Maybe, even possibly, but not as a first strategy I'm thinking. Safety first, strategy second. The degree on the continuum can matter. While I admit I'm the hopeless optimist type I'm also worldly & realistic. Thank you for being a successful humanist! Happy Holidays!
Thanks for your encouragement and Happy Holidays to you as well!
Thank you. I wish my narcissistic boyfriend can change but it seems he’ll never change. Im so mentally and emotionally drained so I have to give up.
We understand the toll it has on your emotional and even physical state. If you'd like to get on a path to healing, you can check out our Thrive program at marriagerecoverycenter.com/thrive/ or reach out to us at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to talk to a Client Care Specialist. - Client Care Team
Same as mine exactly
@@drdavidbhawkins I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD from repeated childhood sexual trauma and military sexual trauma.my wife doesn't believe I can change but I know with God all things are possible. How can I get help?
@@wesleythomas4156 childhood trauma could be healed. Re NPD, I don’t believe for a second that ppl with an NPD could change.
leave
I am in NPD , If i change or not, But you are a Lovely man David Hawkins, Deep Respect
Hell to the no no. They’ll never change.
Amen..it's a crazy mess ..how did I not see or learn this 11 yrs ago
This is good to hear. Ty.
I have seen a narcissist change. It took a family member that he abused to die of covid for him to start reflecting on his behaviors. My grandmother lost 5 children, 5 who survived, and he (the narc) would make fun of her call her names. Then one of his step children dies of covid and he went into a depression.
It often takes hitting rock bottom to realize something needs to change. Or, as one of our therapists have often said, when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change.
Depression is not equal to change. I’m not being critical just an observation
What happens if the narcissist doesn't have a partner? I think that we all have to take responsibility for the situations we find ourselves in and admit our part in what happens to us. Taking accountability for our behaviour is the only way out of toxic situations. Blamng others is not the way to heal. Good advice.
Agree with you 100%
Just love you for your kindness & humility with this matter. Thank you for sharing this 🙏💗🌎
Thank you for your kind words. We hope you found this helpful. You can access more related content and helpful advice from our therapists by subscribing to our UA-cam channel, and signing up for our newsletters: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
For me it’s my mother- took me 32 years to figure this out.
Another great video!
How in the world could you teach a grown man empathy? I'm sorry but wtf?? How can you create feelings into a person? They either have it or they don't.
Feelings in and of themselves cannot be taught or learned, but the ability to understand and relate to feelings is a skill that can definitely be learned and we have taught it successfully to thousands of clients. - Client Care Team
Thank you for not just shit talking narcissistic people but also providong help . I HATE how everyting that a narcissist ist doing , always means that its evil and only evil .
Thank God I’m not in the relationship anymore
My anxiety decreased drastically when I ended my 4 year relationship with a covert narcissist. Therapy didn’t help him, NEVER AGAIN
I recently separated from my son's mother. She left me. And after much pain I've come to terms with the fact that she has strong narcissistic tendencies. We will never be a could again but this video gives me hope not all hope is lost for her seeing the light someday. For my son's sake.
My husband has changed. He dedicated himself to changing. He wants to be better. Ours was an ugly marriage! 37 years of a damaged relationship that lead to mental abuse and ultimately crossed the line into physical abuse. I am trying to heal and trust his change. I am trying to undo the “survival me” that I have become. It is hard. I am constantly fighting depression and that is sad, I was always so happy. Individual Therapy and Marriage Counseling is helping but it is a slow process. It is worth it and I pray God sees us through to the “us” I know we can be.
I narcissistically abused my parents and now ex girlfriend for years. It took my girlfriend leaving me to wake me up to what I was really doing. I feel horrible about what i’ve done and am making all the effort I can to do a full 360 with my life. It is extremely extremely difficult to deal with trying to change my entire personality and deal with heartbreak at the same time. I was a terrible partner and I ganuinely believed my girlfriend was causing all the problems in the relationship. I have since realized that 90% of the issues were purely my fault. I would do absolutely anything for another chance with her because I truly believe she is the love of my life. I was given the opportunity to tell her everything I did wrong and take accountability for my mistakes however, she said the ship has sailed. I’m just giving her space right now and praying that maybe if I truly deserve her the door will reopen.
Probably not mate. Have a similar thing like you. We need to focus on getting our shit together.
@@michatroschka I am exactly in the same boat as you guys, I am not expecting anything as its more than likely fully over with that particular person since the evilness and hurt was poignant and deep I would not risk going back together with myself.
Pray and keep moving forward.
I wish so terribly bad that my ex-narc of 13 yrs together could have realize, like you have. The strength & desire from the love we shared to want to wrk together & both of us go to the nessicary therapy, to not loose our love & be happy together. I had suggested that exact thing to him, via texting, slightly before he ended our relationship, & the response I got, was no response. I was ghosted. it was like I never had said it. so
now I fight depression daily &
watch videos like this one to hopefully find my way out of the unrelenting, sinking hole of pain in my chest where my heart once was.
Good on you! Well done for trying and all the best. You give me hope. I left my ex because he triangulated me. I cut contact to prevent his shaming and blaming and gaslighting. My self respect did not allow me to stay. I was very sad, because I truly cared, and still think of him and hope he finds help. Thank you for sharing.
I believe this. My boyfriend was very controlling and he would yell and put me down. Wanted me to ask him for permission I couldn’t do a lot of things. Every time my boyfriend broke up with me he realized that he was the one that was doing the wrong and I never cause our breakups. He is constantly doing healing since our last break up that was 4 months ago. Give them a chance and make sure they are doing the work.
So wonderful to hear he is doing the work to heal. Thanks for sharing
Sounds like an exhausting relationship. Hope you find the strength to leave
I think I'm a covert narcissist and I've been trying to find answers. Most of what I've read/watched advises the abused, but what about us? Is the answer to just stay away from us??
We have treatment programs for both the person with the narcissist tendencies as well as their partners to help them overcome these patterns and learn new ways of thinking and relating to their partners. Contact us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to learn more about how we can help. - Client Care Team
Yes
Anna Sun I was wondering the same thing, Anna. I think I fit a large number of the traits, maybe all at some point.
I know something is up because I’m getting nowhere in many facets of my life. Treatments for anxiety and depression (pharm and talk therapy) have had little to no benefit. I have other concerns that are more anxiety related, but the fact that I matched so many of the criteria for narcissist really shook me up. No one WANTS to admit being a narcissist, but what if you are and are self-aware?
99% of the info about narcissist personality disorder online is geared toward how OTHERS should respond. Third and secondhand accounts of NPD and treatment. I don’t WANT others to have to adjust to me if I have this disorder. I want to understand if I fit this diagnosis, how and why I got to this point, correct my harmful behaviors, and communicate to those that care about me how much I love them. I realize I’m likely simplifying something that may not be possible (regarding recovery), but is there really no redemption for someone with NPD?
There’s so much hate for the narcissist that you *don’t* see for the depressive, the anxious, the neurotic (which are the traits I was researching when I stumbled on info about NPD). This makes it FAR more unlikely that someone with NPD will admit to themselves or anyone else that they see themselves in the criteria. How can anyone expect improvement with such a stigma attached? People seem much more accepting and supportive of almost all the other personality disorders. I’m not looking for permission for inappropriate behavior, just the understanding that I haven’t intended to cause pain or frustration, and that I accept responsibility for my behaviors and want to correct them.
Anna Sun, have you found any useful info or found any help since you posted this comment? I’m interested in the experiences of others who are aware of their NPD and have faced it head-on.
Thanks!
If youre completely self aware and willing to change, GENUINELY like so you can be a better person, you're prolly not a narc. If youre still willing to put in effort to care how you might possibly be effecting and hurting people even if it takes strenuous intellectual empathy (vs natural empathy) you may be a narc but it shows youre still in there somewhere. NPD stems from heavy dissasocation (depends on where you are on spectrum) from the true self/vulnerable self so if yoi can heal trauma and lift the dissociation the disorder will gradually get better. Thats why sam vaknin (and others ) says one of the only ways to really heal it is be retraumatized, and learn how to safely move thru mental blocks/defenses and unsafe feelings, in a secure space with a safe therapist. But Covert narcissism is very very similar to BPD so it could be that. Bpd is basically npd except bpd can feel true remorse for their behavior and can feel empathy. But despite what anyone says people are healing and do heal from npd will just take trial and error just like with any other mental disorder. One piece leads to another the more you heal and process the more stuff comes up and it all starts making sense. like I saw someone else said unpeeling an onion
Isabel S Thanks, Isabel. Fantastic response 👍
I believe anyone can change their believes even a narcissistic, but at first step that person should must to realize that he/she needs to do the changes in believes and life patterns. he/ she should have the will power to change themselves. then only therapist, councelers or any meditation teacher can help them.. it needs lots of patience, will power, self efforts..
Agreed! Ultimately, long-term success and results require an internal motivation and desire for change. - Client Care Team
I agree
Thank you so much for this video! 🙏
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your comment
Unfortunately I’ve become somewhat self aware that I’m a narcissist. I’ve booked an appointment with a therapist in hopes I can change. I feel I have to change or I will self sabotage myself forever and never truly love. I see I’m in for a battle that is greatly against me which worries me.
Self-awareness is the first step and seeking help is the second, so you have already taken the hardest steps. You have a long road ahead, but it will be worth the effort.
@@drdavidbhawkins thank you for the encouragement. May sound funny but I just want to love fully.
This is very unfair to say. I'm a man and was destroyed by a Narcissistic WOMAN.....
Yup. Narcissistic mother and series of exs
Me too
Me three
Hope is dangerous when dealing with someone with this disorder. I’ve been dealing with a narc mom and a covert narc ex and that disorder is not worth anyone wasting their life or mental health waiting for them to change. Only take a chance on one if they are already in therapy when you meet them and they are willing to stay in therapy long term. It’s like dealing with a drug addict, you never know when, not if they will relapse
I desperately want to change. I never realized how much I was hurting my wife, and now I'm filled with shame and remorse. I desperately want to be good for her, if she even wants to stay with me.
So narky heals while the targets are left in chaos and are traumatized. Got it!
We focus equally on healing for the victim and have trauma specialists on staff who work with victims of emotional abuse. It is part of our comprehensive approach to healing for couples who want to repair and restore their relationship.
All that is needed to make change for him is extremely exhausting work I don't believe he would be willing to forego what would be required in therapy and I'm so run down from years of his actions unfortunately I could not walk this journey with him anymore it's now hopeless and a soon divorce after 18 HARD years as a middle aged women. I hate this it hurts...
@@LM-hu7pp25 yrs, just emerging from a wreck of a marriage. 59, and don't know where to start rebuilding while he has gone off with his former divorce client, footloose and fancy free, not a care in the world except promoting his fake shared fantasy
Thank you, Dr.
They can only change if they commit to letting God in their life. The right therapy can be a powerful tool to assist, but the core change must come from God. Without turning their life over to the higher power they continue sourcing their energy from others instead of God/Creator source. If this key element is not enforced we are only teaching a true narcissist tactics for how to better manipulate and deceive us. I absolutely love and respect your work Dr. Hawkins! Thank you for all you do! Many blessings! 🙏🏻💖✨
you are absolutely right in all what you said!
I discovered this week that I might be a covert narcissist. Was ready to end it and stop bring me and startedd researching myself. Was horrified yo see I checked many of the boxes and was equally horrifoed y o see just how bad the prognosis got recovery where. This was the 1st video on recovery that gave me any hope.
There is absolutely hope for anyone who WANTS to change. It's just a matter of how badly you want it and getting the right help and accountability. It doesn't happen overnight, but we see people change everyday here at the Marriage Recovery Center. If you'd like to speak with someone, please reach out to us at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145.
There's subtleties eg narcissistic behavior and adhd.. not black or white. What matters is making amends
By getting help I suppose
This is so true. I want to change but everyone online is saying it’s impossible. I’m actively seeking help and I’m going to beat this and hopefully be able to put my family back together.
Amen. My eyes are just now opening in the last week or less about my husband being one. We have only been married for less than four years. And most of the videos are of how to identify a narcissist and so forth. But this is the only one that has brought some hope to my life. I look back now and have all these huge red flags of his behavior. But I made a covenant with God and I don’t want to go through a divorce. I will be contacting someone in your ministry for guidance. Praise God Almighty for his power, his love, and hisforgiveness. Because of him we can bring change to our lives.
I did some therapy by myself..
I expose him everywhere
I went no sex
A lot of prayer
A lot of love and care
He now accept his faults
I think I am in my 2nd golden period
But I am observing and learning
I have the time I will use it to see what will come out.. I am glad he is not abusive so I can try anything on him 😁😁
When he gaslight I ignore
I am just being lovable for him
I make his gaslight look stupid without letting him know that I am aware and give him love instead.
An example if he speed up the car to make me scare I tell him the car is fast its good
When he asked if I hear knocking.. I tell him that would be someone cause I don't believe in ET or in ghost and laugh sweet at him and kiss him
This is inspiring... I wish i can do something for my mom. I tried to messege her since this year again.. But when she said I love you.. I was shocked that i was shaking.. I wish i had some people to talk about this with. Its my first time opening up about it😞
That must be exhausting and dealing with a 5 year old
What if I waited so long to try to set boundaries and I’m so broken that I don’t want him to respond anymore? I just want to be free
I'm no expert..like you I just wanted it over, once passed all the guilty or innocent bs. you will go thru a period of disliking yourself for ever being with that person..
My experience exactly. After a decade of abuse, something just died within me.
what a beautiful backdrop
I also think that narcissism can develop if we live in a environment or society where our capacity isn't enough. Like having adhd or dyslexia in school, or demanding parents.
Came here to see if my last bf who discarded me would ever have a chance to heal. It’s all I pray for him. I know we’d probably never be together again, but I pray that he changes so that he can shine his light back into the world.
Narcs need to be left alone & do there work to heal alone, no poor Codependent should waste any more time to heal someone else, a broken child in a grown up body, cause that is what they usually done since they where born, they need to focus on healing them self, loving them self & understanding that they deserve a life with a person who CAN love them back...no matter how you scare the Narc to change behavior, the Love is not there, they just dont have it. The only reason why they changing their behavior is to GET something out of it, that is not Love...so for everyone, who actually wants LOVE, a Narc is not a option...
Thank you for your comment. We agree everyone must take responsibility for their own healing, and learning to be vulnerable is part of that healing process. At the Marriage Recovery Center, we focus on depth character change, not behavior modification. - Client Care Team
One big problem for Codependent is that they "use" their caring for the Narc, to distract them self from feeling there own pain, so they want deal with that to heal, so they also need to be alone. And the Narc actually does not want it any other way, so there is no way they can heal, in a relationship, when the Narc is working to keep the Codependent in a "caring" state...no way...their was some other video you made about it being hope for a Narc to heal & I was thinking "oh, dear, this video can make so many broken people, to waste more years of there life to "healing" the Narc, instead of healing their Self"...healing them self to understand that they deserve a better life, with loving people...
We agree Tina. Everyone should focus on their own healing, especially the people who are being harmed. We focus equally on helping the victims and codependents heal by creating boundaries and a safe space for healing. - Client Care Team
There is a lot of love in narcissist. I was one myself. I went through 7 years of therapy and horrible fears when I was learning to trust people. Narcissism is painful for narcissist. Especialy when he/she is changing. Love comes. Everything is there. It is just so hard to break childish defences to reach it. It is a journey through hell and many don't manage it and stay rather in their safe little soulless world.
I am a female narcissist and I can't tell you how hard it has been to find help and support for those trying to change. Everyone is happy to talk about how awful we are and how much help is needed for the victims and that is true...but what about those who sincerely want to work on themselves but cannot find anyone to work with them. Yup..we need someone to literally take our hand and guide us because we do not have the tools. I try a spiritual approach but that is only a partial solution.. a good one..but partial. I was raised by one so I know how serious and hurtful this condition can be.
Psychedelics may be the only thing that could possibly help them in any way, the experience will force them to be confronted with their trauma & to hopefully begin to deal and heal from it.
We have helped many people confront their behaviors and take ownership of the harm they are causing using various therapeutic methods and as a result seen profound healing take place. -Client Care Team
mishcav You know that don't work either.. Trust me when I say this. Being on things like that only magnifies how we are feeling, so for someone like a narc who is always: dark, negative, lying, stealing, etc. ALLLLLLLL of that show. Just like you said. But goodness they don't process it well, at all.
It wasn't adequately explained that personality disorders are not automatically the result of trauma. Narcs get rewarded for their behaviour, don't see much suffering = certainly if that happens, change may follow.
@@paulquirie582 exactly. To be honest. Narcs have far more been abused than victims. They are victims too of abuse. First thing is stopping to blame them for the abuse they received and that destroyed them. Because if you're extremely sensitive and endure extreme trauma, you're likely to get crazy, eiter paranoid, schizophrenic, narcissist or psychopath...for instance. Just like de addicts, that were stigmatized, we need to life stigma behind NPD and understanding the deep suffering and mechanism behing it.
I think there's more to it.
I think it's also physiological damage.
We need to find a way.
Ps. Yes I think I am on the narc spectrum, but I have been abused nearly my whole life on an emotional level. I got to this points after more than a decade of eating disorders, self harm and at the end I ended up hospitalised after I severely self harmed and convulsed. The trauma was just too much. So I shut my emotions off. I couldn't anymore feel it. It was too much.
@@butterflies6538 typical narc victim mentality I'm afraid.
I just discovered that I was actually a BPD or perhaps vulnerable narcissist. Depression and insecurity really hits me hard and make my life really miserable. I'm not sure I'm behaving like this to make it up for my insecurity, satisfy my ego or to make people suffer. I really do have mercy and compassion towards people, I do cherish people accomplishment too. I do admit my mistake, and gladly apologized for my mistake,but my subsmissive patience girlfriend will indirectly boosting my ego, which make her emotion and feeling ignored. Her feeling matters to me. I'm glad that I discovered that I was getting prone to NSD before it was too late. So, I would try the best of me to make a change. Am i NSD or empath? Or just empath that undergo real hard depression and insecurity? I think, I need to accept myself and forgive myself and start embracing for who I am.
How are you now?
@@krantichinchaniwale I'm good. How bout you? My healing journey is doing good. I read a lot of articles, which help me improve my personality better. I recently knew that I was raised by my narcissist father. And I was actually a dark empath that will mirroring the toxicity of the narc as a coping mechanism. I feel liberated once I learn that you can't get approval from a narcissistic father despite anything you did.
@@abc-mt8us Hello how old are you? I am in the middle of a collapse and everything feels so heavy to be honest
@@anthonyplaza1131 hey.. I'm doing better now. It's not hurting much anymore being criticized by others. I've been embracing my insecurities better. I learnt, that I'm actually have golden child syndrome trauma, which now place me into scapegoat role by my narc father once I abandon his will and desire. I'm no longer the extension of him. I distant myself and start searching for my own identity. Wish you all the best.. 😊
@@anthonyplaza1131 I'm 32 years old btw
Dam man it’s scary how you get into relationship with oll beauty and dreams and then you realised you got addicted to energy vampire and when I was young in my early 20s I thought something is wrong with me iam empath I go way far to help people and he was opposite it was shocking to me go see someone so emotionally detached dam now I got it he is narcissistic thank God for saving me
We're glad you have recognized the problem and hope you have found healing and wholeness. - Client Care Team
A narcissist could heal if they saw an accurate mirror of themselves. The problem is getting them to sit still long enough to make that happen. Only a therapist who is simultaneously good at mirroring as well as giving controlled amounts of emotional supply could pull it off.
Interesting way to look it, thanks for sharing
I'm in love with a narcissist. First he lovebombed me by saying he wanted to stay with me for the rest of his life and make me his wife and that he wanted to start a family with me. He said he was aware that there was something amiss in his relationships with other people and that he was willing to work, with a professional, on the problems he has (has had his all life, in repetitive cycles, with all people he has a relationship with, wheather romantic or otherwise). But when push came to shove, he still believed that the problem was outside of himself. The whole world is mad and he is the sane one....There was just no winning with him. And now I'm heartbroken and a shell of my former self. I believed I could help but I was so wrong, so wrong....
We're sorry for your loss and hope you are finding the healing you need to rediscover the person you once were and can be again. For information on our therapeutic healing program (Redeemed) and online support community (Thrive), visit us www.marriagerecoverycenter.com
Go watch Sam Vaknin and go NO CONTACT
I am a walking miracle I have been healed 100% of narcissism. Only made possible through my savior my redeemer Jesus Christ.
Thanks for sharing your testimony and God Bless!
He is in his late teens and very vulnerable. He has the potential to heal, however, he's sinking and sinking fast. I am stepping away, hoping he will one day find his path. I thought I was the one who could help but I fooled myself, over and over n over n over n over again… he needs someone who has healthy empathetic ways. I'm honestly way too soft and delicate for the task, unfortunately. Hopefully, he will come to see the worthy soul he actually is. Hopefully, he wants the love for himself the way I've tried to give him that love and compassion he needs.
To anyone on here who feels they need the change, do it! Not just for others but mostly for who you actually are and ought to be
It's not only men! It can be mother,father,daughter, son,pastor,priest,CEO,Yogi,Therapist etc
Yes similar situation...
My sons father is a narcissist. We’ve been apart for 10 yrs. I’m not suggesting ANYONE wait or stay in a relationship whatsoever, but for 10 yrs I’ve gone and healed myself. In turn the last 18 months - he’s gotten sober, acknowledged his narcissistic abuse, and is now a rehabilitation specialist. I see a diff man. I’ve dated and moved on. He’s expressed an interest again...not sure how I wanna handle that. The pain is still something I make smart remarks about. I forgave but I have not forgotten. He had a near death experience and turned to God. Some days I think he’s full of 💩💩, but the complete ACTION has baffled me. I’m not sure if this is about his ego (I’ve said helllll noooo for years) or a true turn about...
We are glad to hear that you found healing. Here's a video that may help you to know if he's really changing: ua-cam.com/video/v-bKJWYRtFs/v-deo.html
He is full of crap
Heard of love bombing ?
Its only possible when u decide not to love him/her. U have to extract the emotions from the relationship/ dont react to his rage like u dont react to a child/ hold him accountable for his mistakes n keep a sharp eye/ when he sees that u stand ur ground he’ll look up to u and wonder how u became strong hes supposed to break u but instead u flipped the table/ ur empathy without backing off is stronger than his narcissism but be very careful in narcissistic rage episodes do not engage/ take the loss and show him that he won😂 he'll start being confused as to how come she made me win so easily i didnt enjoy winning this argument so he’ll start backing off and then hold him accountable for making the day miserable and keep blaming him that its his fault/ u hv to be narcissistic to heal him/ then he’ll say things like im a monster and im not a good person/ agree with him and show him who he really is/ walk away and make him apologize/ if he uses silent treatment just walk away from him or keep ignoring him he’ll come around/ he’ll apologize take the apology n tell him to never repeat this misery that he created again/ slowly the picture will he clear to him that hes the problem/ still be very careful he might revert but as soon as he starts to show some empathy not fake but genuine u can feel it/ there hope. But only a few can change when they realize theyve lost everything.
Interesting. ❤
I don't know for sure if my friend from Church is a narcissist or just very troubled. I pray for her every day. I always felt we have a spiritual connection where if I talk to her in my mind and encourage her maybe the message to put the past behind her and start anew will get through.
How can a human who has demons be freed without a strong Christian casting out the demon?
I'm a covert narc after emotional abuse and truama.. I wish I was normal. I want to change but im terrifies of my chore shame my alter holds..
check sam vaknin videos on cold therapy for treating the narcissist
Really good topic to cover!! I'm friends with someone in this same position of needing the spouse to do intensive transformative therapy.
I agree that it won't work for someone high up the spectrum, necessarily, such as someone with ASPD (they need HUGE pressure to go and stay in therapy long term) but it's nice to see some videos on how to help change happen because some spouses need to know how to bring about change instead of just hearing run the other direction.
What is ASPD?
@@BelwillCoily Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopath).
@@BelwillCoilyanti social personality disorder
The narcissist won’t change or seek help genuinely when in a relationship or trying to win someone back. They just say that to appease the other person to maintain or regain the relationship. Perhaps there is a small slice of them that can make some changes over years of intense therapy and guidance and coaching but that only works if they truly keep and desire help on their own. But narcissists don’t think anything is wrong with them to seek help 🤔
We agree. While external motivation can get someone into therapy, it takes internal motivation and a personal commitment and desire to change for real, meaningful and lasting change. Initially, most people think the problem lies in another person or their circumstances, but therapy / coaching can help people re-focus on the things that they have control over which is yourself. - Client Care Team
Very true.
So true n I could NOT disagree with DBT therapy for someone who has behavioral patterns of NPD.
Finally I hear something good, it is remarkable how North American medicine and doctors are FAR BETTER than any Latin doctors. They glance both at the whole and the detail, at the physical and spiritual & psychological contexts. Now, compare to Latin doctors - only medication, no deepness, rather plain observations. I've learnt that when I want to research on disorders and mental health, or in any serious topic, I need to search in US territory. Thank you for this talk, very good points and explanations. I am related to a man with this disorder, before I classified him wrongly (I thought he had multiple personalities' disorder), but then, recently, all fits in the narcissist disorder. And there is so many prejudice with this disorder, basically people break up with someone and tag them as "narcissist" based on egoistic behavior, when this is far from the truth. The narcissist suffered a childhood trauma, either a great shame to which he had no consolation from his parents or a lack of support from one or both. It's a mechanism they develop to hide their shame developing an alter ego - this personality disorder. Most people tag them as villains and egoistic creatures, OK maybe because relating to them we often think they are acting out of malice, as they are emotionally null and avoid facing this emptiness and any accountability for their actions, but truth is, they are most of times acting in an unconscious way. My boyfriend was always a very intelligent man, yet he did use his intelligence to act in ways that affected his own life in terms of consequences. He was very confuse to deal with, and, as mentioned, I even thought he had multiple personalities' syndrome. I've recently classified all his actions as derived from the N. personality disorder. Now all makes sense. I even remember he saying to me "I myself don't understand me, I don't know why I act like this or that sometimes". He also often comes out of nothing saying "OK, don't laugh at me, OK" from very simple, standard situations in which we are both laughing about anything not special at all. Only with a lot of patience I've managed to understand him and finally classify him (I don't like the term in here, I am only saying you have to understand in order to help, etc.). He has progressed a lot, only after a lot of bad circumstances happened in his life. I don't think is an "offender", he is just another individual harmed by some specific trauma at a very early age who ends up perpetrating a learnt pattern of self-defense. The narcissists cover a very low self-esteem with a built-up ego with which they consolidate their lack of self-esteem and their developed inability to look at themselves (hence the emptiness and the lack of empathy - they can't even love themselves really, how can they love and understand others? They don't face themselves). Now, in summary, I do like to hear professional people talking about it, as Dr. Hawkins above, because if you search in the Latin American spectrum, you will probably find only ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends talking about their ex-counterparts as narcissists due to egoistic behavior (99% of times nothing to do with the disorder itself), or even doctors talking about it in a very vain way. That's why I like the US medicine, they are always better, always deeper and at the same time always more holistic. They see the whole picture, here in the south and middle world medicine is still entirely objective and everyone is tagged with medications and considered a lost case.
This has been exponentially assistive, i look forward to additional contact in the future as I continue my own studies but i appreciate the avaliablity of sight you have provided. I seem to always date a narcissist in denial and I'm hopeful to not only break my own cycle but break through theirs as well
So glad you found our content helpful! You can find more related videos on the Marriage Recovery Center UA-cam channels, as well as our website marriagerecoverycenter.com
I DO NOT CARE HOW FAR UP THE SPECTRUM HE IS, this video confirmed what i need to do, that i was actually inspired to do only minutes before clicking on this video, FROM A DISTANCE. i have a plan.... if it works, praise God. if it doesn't, praise God.....
I ruined my grades from 93% to 45% and would still lie confused in all the time i had to work or study . Phew! Lockdown has essentially saved me from going further into it .
Very few narcs will accept they have a problem and get the decades of therapy that they need. It is scientifically proven their brains are wired differently than ours and they don’t understand why their bad behavior causes hurt to others. They are always the victim. Because they were as children. Empaths can feel their arrested emotional development is at a toddler level and have empathy but all that does is set you up for abuse. Leave. Run don’t walk away. Not everyone who is abused becomes the abuser. It’s a choice. Everyday for them. Just like you make choices everyday not to be jerk.
Their brains may very well be wired differently (from upbringing, trauma or other reasons) but it is also scientifically proven that we can re-wire our brains. It's called brain plasticity. That said, we are not claiming that everyone can change, they must WANT to change, even if it is for selfish motives.
I don’t love him but we have a child 😞😔
Take some accountability yourself. Wrap up
Ma father is nearly 80 ans a narcissist..I think he cannot be changed.. I thought that a kind of trauma would push them to change ,but he lost one of his sons when his son was only 27 and that didn't change him at all...no hope for most of the narcissist unfortunately...
Of course every situation is different. We can neither say that all narcissists are incapable of change, nor can we say that they are all capable of change. It depends on the individual, what interventions are applied, and of course whether they have any motivation to have a different life from what they currently have. Change cannot be forced on anyone, let alone someone who is content to be where they are. - Client Care Team
I don't want to give up but I don't want to be hurt anymore.. I love him so much.. were about to have a baby in 3 months..
The majority of women we work with feel very much the same way. If you want to learn more about how we can help, please reach out to our Client Care Team at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or book a call here: bit.ly/3I0dntB
My experience in counseling several Narcassists have been consistent in failing simply because they memorize what others want to hear and mimick what others do in hopes to hold onto their relationship because of fear of abandonment. They are incapable of feeling compassion and empathy due to their own inner child wounds. They are extremely insecure and most often self loathing therefore if they cannot love themselves they are incapable of loving another. They have lived this existence all their lives which anchord this way of being which is all they know so how can anyone expect them to give you compassion or empathy if they DO NOT HAVE IT IN THEM TO GIVE?
I have empathy. Real empathy. Sometimes I do things that Noone knows about because I want to try to take away a little pain from my world. Particularly for my dad. We lost my mom this year and as much as that hurt, it hurts more to hear my dad cry at night because he misses her. I'm a full-blown pathological lying narcissist (in recovery) and I haven't ever told anyone this but I do little things for my dad here and there and he doesn't know it's me, because I hurt so much listening to him cry. I want to go hug him but I'm afraid he will think it's weird. Cause I don't really do that, but get so sad listening to him at night. And sometimes when I go check on him, he's sleeping with a photo of my mom. Just writing about it makes my throat hurt. So, unless I'm a unicorn, we have feelings of empathy, we just don't lean into them most of the time because it's too risky.
@@whitewings2363 if you are a recovering Narc you would immediately start to speak and demonstrate the compassion you claim to have. Hearing you say you have empathy but unable to demonstrate it says everything about false recovery
@@teresafraser3049 not so, my father is a complicated man. He is easily embarrassed. And I don't want to make him feel shamed or strange. Like I said, he would probably think it was weird. He's never really hugged me so it's not something I know how to do with him. When my mom was with us, she was a big hugger and always welcomed affection. And I don't want to do it just because it's what I want. Affective empathy is when you feel sad when you see someone sad and suffering, or joyful when you see someone happy or celebrating. It's not a superpower. Cognitive empathy is when you think about others and consider what they may want or need, given their situations. I may not respond the way I would with my mother, but I'm not so sure my father would appreciate it. I did, however, let him know that I'm here to talk if he wants. Sometimes he does but othertimes just needs to vent because my mom was the victim of a crime. So his feelings are pretty raw and confusing to him. There's a lot of mixed emotions. I can't really say anything to make it better other than I'm here and I'm going to keep being here. That's about all anyone can do. Listen, your experience is what it is, and I'm not seeking to invalidate it, but I just thought I'd explain my own experience as well. It's OK if you see it differently, that's what sharing is all about. It's OK if you don't believe what I'm saying cause I am just a guy on the internet. I just wanted to give you some hope that people can recover. I don't know how far I will go, but I know I'm going to keep trying.
I would’ve loved to utilize your video as a hopeful resource for my ex partner.
But, since her narcissism will instinctively fault find any information provided (or for the purposes of blame shifting), in this instance the focus on narcissistic men (and no mention of narcissistic women), would likely prevent it from having a beneficial impact.
I’m wondering why the focus was solely on narcissistic men?
Apart from that, this has been one of the most measured, reasonable, and optimistic assessments I’ve come across regarding this bewildering topic.
Thank you.
Thanks for your feedback. It was certainly not intentional and in no way implies that we believe that all narcissists are male. Dr. Hawkins falls back on the male pronoun simply because that just so happens to be the vast majority of clients he works with. We are trying to be more aware of using non-gender biased language. We work with both men and women with narcissistic traits. If you would like to learn how we can help you and address your concerns, please reach out at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
There is so much hatred for people with NPD😥
Run and don't look back!
Thank you for giving me hope. Can you please tell me a key phrase or a way to talk to him ive been trying to maintain the calm when i confront him but im getting nowhere.
I would suggest visiting our website where we have lots of resources that address your question. Here's one example - marriagerecoverycenter.com/communication-101-part-1/
Another is Dr. Hawkins' talk on Moody Radio on October 18 - he will address Non-Violent Communication. Go to our Events Calendar on our website to find out how to tune-in - marriagerecoverycenter.com/events/
It is my understanding that these individuals have brains that are wired differently than normal people. My experience with the narcissistic people in my life is that they do t change. After giving chance after chance, they continue to abuse. IMO the best thing the partner of a narcissist is to move on and heal
Yes, their brains may be wired differently but science has shown that our brains can be rewired. It doesn't "just happen." As with any type of change, it takes a lot of coaching, committed practice and accountability.
God bless for this hard work. With healing we would have a better world. I hope they can reconnect with acceptance of life, simple pleasures, self acceptance, and contributing to others which leads to connection
I appreciate your approach to treating and helping heal narcissism. Few experts seem to believe that this condition can be healed. But I’m confused why you seem to associate it only to men when it is clearly a spiritual ailment afflicting both genders.
Thanks for your feedback. Yes it does affect both genders. Our use of the male pronoun is simply because that is the demographic we work with in our clinical practice, so we tend to fall back on the male pronoun, not implying that we believe it's always men.
I shutter to think how many lives will be lost due to false hope that they can change, and so the victim of their abuse and manipulations hangs in there even longer until their health; mentally, emotionally, physically, declines on every level to the point of no return, he takes everything from her until there’s nothing left or even “unalives” her. Education should be focused on what this abuse looks like, changing our family court system and helping survivors heal and rebuild their lives free from abuse, without being shamed.
My ex wife has accused me of being a narcissist and is refusing to let me spend any time with my daughter. She also said that if I get evaluated and the results show that I am narcissistic, as long as I seek treatment, she will let me see my daughter again. At this point, I am willing to do whatever it takes to find out if I am or not. But I don't know where to start. I have called a few different places and I'm not sure who is really qualified to diagnose such a thing. Please help me make the first steps.
Hi Michael, our therapists are experienced in working with people with narcissist tendencies. Please contact our Client Care Team and they can tell you how to get started with an evaluation with one of our therapists. You can reach us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com. You can also visit www.marriagerecoverycenter.com to learn more about what we do. - Client Care Team
Watch sam vaknin videos. He is the authority on narcissism. It comes from childhood abuse. It is just a form of psychological self defense
Behaviors can be modified to make narcissist easier to deal with. Heal? Only possible if the narc falls midway on the scale. If full blown narc, you can never heal the traumatized real self (child). Im a follower of Sam Vaknin.
My younger son (31 this month) is under the sway of his father, a covert victim-type narcissist. I divorced him 16 years ago. He has convinced him that he has to do and solve everything alone, which I now suspect helps him control him. My/our son had speech disfluency as a child, struggled in school, has very poor self esteem and depression for now, with chronic job changes and currently, he's fired from the last one for something he said. He's also artistic, athletic and a hard worker. As you say, he has had only a little counseling and help. Consequently he remains alone except for his partner who still endures his ups and downs. I'll be calling you. I hope you can work from a distance.
Yes, we do virtual counseling and we look forward to hearing from you.
@@drdavidbhawkins I have an appt. date set with you.
This year my resolution is to bring my husband to you!!! He needs a good adult male role-model. I think you are the perfect candidate!!!
We already established “Autism”, but he needs something very intensive and male role-model based.
Please reach out to our Client Care Team! We would love to help make your resolution a reality.
May 2022 be a game-changer for you. marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/
After watching your videos and learning about setting boundaries I decided to change the locks and go no contact as an intervention. I have had no boundaries for 20 years and he was used to me taking his abuse.
Not sure what to do Dr. as he is now acting religious and joined groups etc.
It has been 8 months since I went no contact.
Lara Ayoubi stay no contact...peace of mind
Hello Lara,
Please call our office at 206.219.0145 and one of our client care associates can connect you with the resources and/or help you are seeking. Have a great day!
Heather, Client Care Mgr
Stay no contact or continue to be soul raped . Their happiness is not your responsibility yours is ❤️
Plenty of narcs in the church.... STAY AWAY
Hi Lara. I wonder what happened with you and your not contact? I have a 5 months baby boy and I just left my boyfriend because he refused to go to therapist since he has sex addiction and his narcissism made me feel hopeless.
If narcissism is caused from childhood trauma, abuse or neglect, what causes codependent empathy?
Great question to which there is no simple answer. That would vary depending on many factors and a qualified therapist could answer that if they were given more insight about the context and personal history of the individual. We have a healing program for women that addresses that topic. If you'd like to learn more, please visit our website or reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com - Client Care Team
Being a codependent means that you came from the complete opposite. A more wholesome upbringing. You care. You are nurturing at heart. It speaks volumes about your soul. There is nothing wrong with caring and comforting.....but when abuse becomes a factor, you're getting used. Narcs are soul suckers.
The Married Couple not necessarily. Great question
@@drdavidbhawkins i had many childhood trauma and iam still 13 iam learning now
The Married Couple actually it’s just as toxic lol
Lol run don’t walk.
Does anyone have any advise on where to get help for them? The problem with my narcissistic dad is that he will never be honest, so if he gets counselling or therapy he will them his made up story about how my mum (who is also a victim of his abuse and not abusive at all) abused him. Then they will try and help him stand up for himself, telling him that he needs to look after himself and his needs as well. So it makes him worse. He won't ever talk about the real issues, and he is a really convincing liar, so even if he got "help" it wouldn't work. Also I moved to live with my mum full time and he hasn't texted me for a few months. I guess he is on the really bad end of the narcissism spectrum :(
We have extensive experience working with people with severe narcissist tendencies and our therapists are quite adept at seeing through their deception and defensiveness. Of course, we cannot help anyone unless they want help. Counseling is a 2-way street. If you'd like to learn more about how we can help, please reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com.
@@drdavidbhawkins Thanks. I'm looking into it
get out ..don't try to get answers pls save yourself now
No no just get away 🏃♂️🏃♀️🏃♂️🏃♀️
Looking for the video that discusses communication skills ( attach, attune, attend).
Unfortunately, our article and video archive is too large to recall which one references this, but we will look into it and let you know if we are able to find it. - Client Care Team
I am sorry, I feel like you are a bit hoping for a miracle. I know you are trying to be honest and you put your heart into it but, empathy cannot appear just after some therapy. If there is an extreme empathy efficiency that's exactly what is driving that behavior, it cannot appear just like that, maybe only if God will make a miracle on that person. Narcissist has no remorse and similar feelings he can only fake that he will do a therapy. He feels superior to everybody, also to any therapist so there is no chance that he will make himself vulnerable and will change something about himself. There is a way how to eventually treat narcissist but he would need to be alone on the island for many years without having any people around to manipulate so his brain could reboot in huge inner pain of handling his damaged coping mechanisms. But that would still probably not create his empathy. I don't know I am just saying my opinion. I am not an expert at all.
There is some truth to much of what you are saying. Although we use the term narcissist, what we are actually referring to is people with narcissist traits, not the malignant personality disorder. You can read more about this distinction here:
marriagerecoverycenter.com/narcissistic-traits-or-malignant-narcissism/?mc_cid=f743a24c93&mc_eid=36b052a353
- Client Care Team
You disabled comments in a video where you "teach" women to "speak to narcissists" from "the heart".
That is a good advice indeed!
After the third conversation they will leave for another supply (which is plentyfull) who will be a doormat and allow him to use her as a wc pan. 👏😂👍
Disabled comments make me nervous.
From my research narcissists have under developed cortex in the empathy area of the brain. No pills, no therapy, are going to get that cortex to grow.
Research also indicates it is hereditary. This matches my experiences and observations. I have seen people in the same family who had extremely minimal contact with each other and yet each displayed the Narc pattern.
There is also abundant research in the field of brain plasticity that we can rewire our brains, and that empathy is a skill that can be learned. Just because someone is not musical doesn't mean that they can't learn to play an instrument. It won't come as easily to them as those who are musically inclined, but with hard work, commitment and a great coach, it is possible!
@@drdavidbhawkins Learning music is a mechanical skill, though admittedly personal touches can be added in. It is not about human relationships.
There are psychologists who say that domestic abusers are narcissists or sociopaths or psychopaths. They are a good case study. They almost never change, except to get worse.
Studies have been done on wolf behavior with humans. No matter how loving and so on the humans are, the wolves just never have the empathy for them the way dogs do. They just don't have the wiring for that kind of empathy.
This is similar to Narcs IMO.
Also, it is not a matter of rewiring the brain. It would be a matter of adding cortex which is too thin. No medicine or psychologist or even surgery can do that.
No doubt some non Narcs or maybe borderline Narcs could learn some empathy. But from what I've seen and heard, the real Narcs don't want anything to do with anything that implies they might need help. Who says they want empathy?
I have seen well meaning Christians telling the spouses of domestic abusers to get therapy, pray, get counseling, etc. etc.
They should be told to look at the statistics and pray to get out fast and safely, I think.
In my case I am not married or neither am currently in a relationship with the guy who I think is a narcissist. We had a very quickly relationship and he was the one who broke up with me. We live in different countries and once in a while sends me messages that I never respond to. In the last one he said he's in a waitlist for treatment. What should I do in this case since we aren't together and live in different countries? And how can I keep the heat on?
Look for signs of change, not just talk of change. Read more here and also visit our website for more resources: marriagerecoverycenter.com/how-do-i-know-if-hes-really-changing/
My mother and sister were both narcs who abused my dad and me growing up but the Lord has delivered them from their selfish wicked ways and they are so empathetic now but they made many mistakes in the beginning of their growth and the primary issue is that as the abused we have just as much of a hard time forgiving for those mistakes as narcs have avoiding them. We must forgive 77x70 times and only after that is exhausted should we flee from a narc - but then we should flee them permanently as we should not continue to cast pearls that swine will merely destroy. As the abused we must TRUST GOD to change them and NOT try to play God by trying to force change in a narc.
Be blessed all!!!
Thanks for your comment! We believe God uses different means to carry out his will, and sometimes it involves people whom he calls to partner with Him to carry out his work. But it is always a partnership with the Holy Spirit, human efforts alone cannot transform hearts. God Bless!
@@drdavidbhawkins absolutely!!!
Ok so what if your Adult Child is showing Narcissistic tendencies blaming you for damage in childhood cruelty in dismissive acts verbal abuse and using your grandchildren as a type of control.
We have had to withdraw for the good of our own mental health and suggest the adult child gets help. Now there’s silence keeping us hanging as to when we next see our grandchildren 7&5 yrs old as a means of control.
We may loose our grandchildren but there’s only so much we can take.