My mom used to have a saying that went like this hate the sin not the sinner. It would do well with stopped calling them narcissist and say they have narcissistic tendencies.
I've watched a lot of videos on narcisissm and this video validated the inner conflict I was experiencing. Yes, I knew her behaviour was toxic and I tried to stay, maybe even tried to suggest some changes (which were never taken seriously enough), but this came at the expense of my own values and health, so, eventually, I walked away. It doesn't feel like a triumph, because the only way I can help her is by leaving - there goes our future together. It angers me that she can only learn (I hope) by losing people (or she might just jump to the next supply)..and I was angry at myself for enabling her...but I am learning to let go of this guilt. I am letting go of any responsibility to help fix her. We will be okay, without each other.
No one is ever beyond help but also not every type of personality that isn't yours needs help. Coexistence is always an option. I'm a "worrier" I worry about everything you could imagine. I don't enjoy the thought of being helped out of that I would appreciate someone who understands how I precieve things and interact accordingly. That should be reciprocated. Right?
Yep, and the answer is, “Uh-huh. Well, That’s okay, hun. I can handle that. No worries, because what other people think of me is none of my business anyway. I know who I am. Then smile, touch the arm affectionately and then quietly go about something else, without acting dismissive, be a responder not a reactor.
Supply is what they're after. From you and anyone else that will give it to them. They don't know what loyalty is. They would rather have all of their "supply" fighting over them.
Talking. To. A. Wall...walking. on. Eggshells.....living. with. Someone. Thats. Mad. All. The. Time......living. in. Fear....feeling. like. You. Fell. In. A. Big. Deep. Hole. In. The. Ground...sinking. in. Quicksand.......we. all. Have. The. Same. Old. Story.....the. hamster. In. A. Wheel. Gets. Nowhere...but. its. Good. Excercise. For. Them....
I am a covert narcissist with borderline personality disorder, so I'm NPD with BPD ... You are Right on Christina, I'm a 53 year old male and keep to myself, no more relationships for me, I am completely disjointed in life, The only people I socialize with are my counter friends, only people over the counter at stores at the bank, at work ect.. I've noticed even honestly observing my condition over the years, it seems impossible for me to change, so I made a decision 5 years ago to sever all ties with every one and keep to myself... So I guess I feel a little good keeping the pain from going out to others and keeping it to myself. The hardest thing for me to realize was that my feelings are not the same as everybody elses. thank you for helping people to stay clear from us narcissistic vampires, For we all think we mean well, but that's far from the truth. Well the suns comming up soon, gotta get back to my coffin.....JLK
I think you have already made a big leap in the right direction. You have acknowledged what you have done. That you want to change. Keep doing the work. And hang in there. 💗
Easy to say,harder to do. Ever see how desperate an addict gets when they can't get their fix? Over the top rage,whining, manipulation,etc. They can throw an absolute shit fit. Best to make sure that you're a safe distance when you hold them accountable for their behaviour.
Told my mom that my boo is a narcissist and she said well have u tried being sweet. Smh. Tried that mom thats even worse. What a strange personality disorder
And maybe it's your child...that learned to be like that from there main parent influence ..the saying the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..This brings up so much for me and historically spun me out Only in the last 2 months have I set boundaries and said "No " and been very clear and firm It does clearly feel the tougher you are with them and hold strong they respect you .
God Bless your kind Heart Christina💖 I've watched many videos on narcissists... you are the Only one Who talked about us wanting to help them I think That They are pure "evil" narcs and narcs Who do have some good in them It is our DUTY I think to help those Thank God I understood that I was an enabler and that I wasn't helping my narcissistic husband at all so I stopped this I've been silent with him for one week He goes out to God knows Who... But at least I am not part of this... I want to be the "change" in his life God willing I truly wish him the Best I Prayed for God to help him It's in HIS Hands now...
I've seen the hurt, deep shame and inner conflict surface in my narc ex girlfriend many times. She even sometimes apologised for being complicated and would acknowledge that she sometimes belittled me and twisted my words around, although without really taking responsibility. I could see in her eyes that there was a bit of self-awareness lurking. She's been going to therapy for a while and I think that I have seen small sparks of authenticity in her two or three times. I hope she finds herself, peace, and love but I won't be around.
Yes my husband! We have been together for 17 years and I haven dealing with this for so long. I'm drained emotionally and physically drained. I love him, but then I'm realizing now I need to start loving myself for our children. I feel like giving up but then I don't, cause I feel sorry for him. 😭 I'm so stuck!
I searched this because my husband and I are trying to find ways to help his narcissistic daughter (I raised for most of her life in our blended family). We are strong with not enabling her, while having tried to show her as much love as we knew how through the years but she continues to trample on everyone that has ever done anything for her. She sees things as if she is the black sheep, that no one cares for her and only judges her. She does not ever bear responsibility for her own actions. We are only still trying to help her because she has 2 fatherless children with another due in Feb., who she cannot take care of. And we, for the second time now, are caring for them in NC while she remains in Colo (refusing to move close to us). She has a volatile relationship with everyone and says it's everyone else. We are concerned for the children because the oldest does not eat with her (stomach aches all the time) and is very delayed with her cognitive skills. Anyway, there's so much more, but just hoping to find ways to help her get it, but I know you can't change anyone only yourself, so trying to find peace by realizing, it is what it is and at least we can help them for now.
I begged him to seek counseling but at the time I didn’t know I was dealing with a narcissist. He repeats the same circle of BS for years NOW I’m told after I left. He’s onto new supply and they both look miserable now. Good luck
Your videos are really helping me through an incredibly difficult time. My wife (currently separated) called me two days after my Grandfather's passing, and told me she's dating someone and asked if my kids can meet him the evening after his memorial. My nerves are shot, but I've been somewhat steady and focussed. Thank you again.
I lost a best friend to narcissism and it was so subtle too, but we had a lot in common that called for a lot of great times, and yet there were times they've emotionally abused me so i had to leave and it took me leaving and coming back over and over until it was the last straw. I honestly wish it wouldn't have ended that way.
I also found out I’m a grandiose Narcissist when I started researching my behaviors and how I’ve acted I couldn’t deny what was being said I had to admit it the rage the manipulation from the moment I met someone habitual lying 🤥 just ridiculous lies even when it’s not necessary for me to lie I knew I hated who I was and who I’ve become and the only thing I want is to not be this way anymore and the only way to do that is to destroy the false self I created long ago I hate who I am and I’ve caused chaos everywhere I’ve went enough is enough I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore it’s time it all is exposed and I face it and I’m ready and willing to take the backlash for what I’ve done it’s what I deserve or maybe I deserve worse either way if that’s what it takes then I’m willing to travel that path this persona has got to go it’s truly draining
Pray for Jesus to come into your heart and take away your stony heart and give you a heart of flesh. The Bible says if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. He loves you and He sees your pain. I pray healing and deliverance and the peace only God can give you, in Jesus’ name. We live in a fallen world and we have a sinful nature. Only by receiving Christ can He transform us and change us.
Sometimes I feel like my narc brother has borderline personality disorder because he has all the symptoms, and I often see that there's three sides to him; there's the nasty, manipulative side who wants nothing more than to drive you headfirst into a hole, the little kid who cries about nobody loving him, wants everyone to baby him and acts like he wants help and often blurts out "I really should see a psychiatrist." and the last which just wants to die, sees no future for himself because he had a stroke and is still paralyzed in his left arm and leg...and yes I do feel sorry for him, he's my only brother and the youngest of my siblings. When you mentioned how narcissism can develop in early childhood, it struck me that he always goes back to when he was eight years old and my sisters and I abandoned him (got married, moved away, had kids) but we really didn't in the true sense of the word, just in a narcissist's sense of it. I won't blame myself for how he turned out, unless I truly had a hand in it...but I always will love him, stupid or not, my heart doesn't just give up on those I love.
I really love this video. I distance myself without any form of contact except when he sees me. You really can't help feeling sorry for them but you got to be strong in your decisions. I am still struggling with if I should go back to him. He has made some changes but still has a lot to work on.
My daughter (borderline with extremely pronounced narcissistic traits) - I had a breakdown trying to help her. My parents had a breakdown trying to help her. I broke free - I called it apathy, but I now know it to have been empathy fatigue. I instead turned my attention to helping my parents break free. You can only help those who genuinely want help, and my parents and I are all healing our core wounds. My daughter continues on her path of destruction, but that is her choice.
@@lovewillwinnn My heart goes out to you, and I send you and your family much love and much light. We were trapped in a never ending cycle of fear, obligation and guilt. I lost track of all of the actual suicide attempts, as well as the threats of suicide she used as a way to control us and to get what she wanted. It was frustrating, too, because once I worked out what was happening, my parents continued to enable her. Not anymore, though, because we are all now very well-educated in these matters. It was also frustrating with her smear campaigns and her playing the victim. People, including the authorities, just did not understand what was happening. I will always be incredibly grateful to my parents for their love and support to me. And to my daughter, especially now that they realise that they are not helping her when they enable her.
It's your fault your daughter's a narcissist you probably did not make her wash the dishes or discipline her or make her wash her own clothes,, so now she's a spoiled brat!!!
@@recyclespinning9839 Projection, much? Thank you so much for your insightful comments regarding my relationship with my daughter that you know nothing about. I'm sure you will understand that I will simply disregard your vitriol as the garbage that it is. :) But I will send you much love and light in return. :) 💕 Have a really nice day. :)
@@awakeandalive3020 yup.. pretty sure of it. . Hoping you start to love your daughter, ,, because if you bashing her here>>> you probably did worse to her in real life.. How can you be abused by a daughter, you are the one in power.?? If she tried to take the power from you, then there is a reason??. How can your parents have a " break down " from trying to " help" her?? How can you have a " break down" ?? Just soo much is off about your post.. Not going to comment any more on this. just sending a prayer for her..
I hate that I have a baby with one of the worst narcs on earth.he checks all the boxes.Abused me more when the baby came as well as finding a new supply as soon as he was born.we left within a couple months.I want no contact so bad but unfortunately,even though he proves all the time how much he doesn't give a shit,he threatens me constantly that he will have him taken from me.he is such a liar,and good one that I feel I have to keep some level of contact.it keeps me stuck and unable to move on.i cant believe 5months afterleaving I still cant believe this has happened.i feel like the last 3yrs was a lie.well it was
@@soundsoftranquility226 mine made it clear abusing me and his new mistress were his priorities.A yr later no job no support.so baby or not,he has no rights as far as I'm concerned.if you're scared and have good reason to be if he is like my ex,no contact may be best.besides they may want people to think they do but they don't even love their own children
I stopped enabling him and started setting boundaries. Because he always says how hurt he is because of his past or how depressed he is etc how much trauma he has from childhood..that he needed me to do all the work myself around the house to get the house ready to sell. I started telling him it should be a mutual effort..and he's like see ya bye.."you don't see my pain, you act like everything is ok and don't know my emotions."
mine whined about all his depression, anxiety, and lack of energy for months. when i finally made him actually get a checkup, he was fine. and all those "symptoms" were probably all his usual sob story to con women into his nest- test out who is nice (or too nice, like me) that would fall for it. i didn't know these kind of people existed, so assumed he was nice and "self-aware' - because he was so different from my overt narc ex-husband. but these covert narcs are AWFUL, just as bad as overt narcs. maybe worse, because they get us to feel sorry for them and want to "fix" them!
I have no where else to talk about this. I raised my sister’s daughter after my sister was found unable due to serious drug addiction issues. I have raised my niece since she was 9. I turned her life around, and where she was failing in the 3rd grade, by the time she was in high school, she was on the honor roll and was eventually accepted at a excellent university with a full scholarship that I made sure she was eligible. I worked hard for her future and for her well being. The problem is, she has always treated me with contempt. Told her therapist when she was prepubescent that I was the one who ruined her life. I was the problem, not her mother. Her therapist told me it was because I was the “safest” person for her, especially since her mother’s life was so chaotic. Since I was stable, my niece could trust me to not abandon her. Some examples of poor treatment: for her prom, she started a fight by being passive aggressive until I got angry (reactive abuse). She was acting so shitty and mean that I got angry. She then used my getting angry as a means to exclude me from her prom night. She had her boyfriend’s mother come to my own home to celebrate with her, but kicked me out of the house because she didn’t want me to be there. She can be so cruel. Same with her high school graduation, and many vacations, and when she went off to college. These events, these milestones, she excludes me or treats me so bad that I simply exclude myself. Fast forward, she graduated college with honors and she came home to live here again in order to save up for grad school. Problem is, she wanted to work from home with her new job, but since I’m retired, she didn’t want me in the way. Instead of using her own room which has a desk, she got all resentful when she would set up office in the kitchen and I was bothering her by just being around. We finally had a stand off and I told her that she couldn’t use the kitchen anymore as her office. That she could use her own room, or go to the library or something. This is when the smear campaign started. She somehow managed to convince my other niece and nephew, my spouses sister’s kids, that I was abusive and unhinged. She did so by constant nasty remarks and put downs until I finally had to tell her to stop insulting me whenever we were in the same room. She didn’t stop, however, and I eventually got angry again. I have never abused her, in fact I’ve been the only person in her life that has been there to support her. There has never been any violence, but there has been yelling at each other. She’s no shrinking flower and does her fair share of raising her voice at me. Long story short, she’s been backbiting me for years. Other family and friends have revealed to me that she always complains and says terrible things about my character. She devalues me so that other will devalues me. It’s cruel and the things she tells them are things that I am most sensitive. She finds my faults to be her amusement when she describes me to other family and friends. When she got my other niece and nephew to “mob” me with false accusations that I am abusive, that was the last straw. I kicked her out. I will not be falsely accuse of abuse, and if it where true, why hadn’t she moved out on her own? So creepy, her behavior. On some level, I understand why she is like this. Her mother put her thru hell with her drug use, abandonment, and unrelenting narcissism. So I get it. I’m just done being the whipping boy. She hates me and tells lies about me. It’s so hurtful that I got depressed for a while. She showed signs that she was please with herself after hurting me. It’s sick. It’s been about 8 months since I kicked her out and I’m feeling a lot better, finally. You vids are soooo very helpful. I know now that I am no longer trauma bonded. I don’t want her in my life at all. I’m done. She has made it clear that she doesn’t care about me, so I’ve stopped caring about her. She’ll be fine. She’s very self assured, at least her false self is. She can manage on her own, she’s 27 now. Her accusations of abuse stem from me cutting off HBO and the other tv subscriptions. That’s when she first used the term abuse, after I cut her off when we were fighting about her working in the kitchen. It got so bad and she was insolent about everything, so I cut her off. I told her that it was a consequence, not abuse. But the mere fact that she would use that word with family? I had to separate myself from her forever. Her mother sent her own spouse to jail based upon false charges of domestic abuse after, from what my niece told me, was an incident where her mother scratched up her own neck and then called the police and blamed her spouse. They took him away in handcuffs. Evil examples, and I refuse to be caught up in that kind of of falseness. Am I the assh*le? Cause I am determined to never give her supply again. I’m out. I’ve abandoned her. Completely. I’m also in the process of moving to Europe for a few years, spend some of my retirement there, that’s how far I’m willing to get away. Got any advice? Any words of encouragement?
These videos found me right on time. Im on a journey to discover myself. I’ve learned/realized my childhood was NOT wonderful as I’ve always thought. It was ALL a lie. Turns out, my mother is an extreme-covert, passive-aggressive, narcissistic woman. Iv had health issues through out. Often ear aches@youth; Adonis out@4 years old; PCOS@16; diagnosed w/ MS@28… make BIG life changes… symptoms gone… similar symptoms returning (balance & vision issues).
Never have been able to get through to the narcissist. It is always and always will be all about them. Never the villain, always the hero or the victim. It is exhausting to deal with and cutting all contact is the best method imo to maintain sanity and not continue to be abused and gaslight.
Great video. You can’t ever ‘save’ them but you can show them there are consequences to their actions. You treat me badly, you’re out of my life permanently 🤷♀️ very unlikely to make them change though as they won’t self reflect and will just move on to the next supply.
I started watching This video out of curiosity of what you were going to say. You are spot on with everything and I think this is a great video. It helps me realize I do have some deeper strands of healing to do in myself. Thank you 🙏
Wow this is amazing. I’m so happy I found this video. I just ended a friendship with a guy after many years of being friends. I knew he was a narcissist but I had no idea that I was also enabling him. I actually cut ties with him before seeing this video but I was debating on if I should tell him about his behavior to help him or just let him go live his life. He has complained many times to me about his failed relationships and I don’t think he understands that he is a narcissist and it is costing him what he wants most in life. I want him to be happy and find a good healthy relationship but I honestly think telling him about his behavior would just make things worse. I feel that I was a really good friend to him but I was also giving him his supply of emotional highs and then telling him what he wants to hear.
Hi. My wife is such a brat. I'm not sure she's a narcissist but this is what she does: she's very controlling, doesn't listen to me 99% of the time (and when she does she's going to say something nasty with it, like complaining about me), berates those below her and calls them names, often brings up separation, loves to talk about herself (like, instead of saying "That's a nice place", she's going to say "I've been there" or "I like that place"), she lies, hers is hers and mine is hers, I suspect she has a false sympathy for others, likes to be the center of attention (even 'hijacks' conversations so she'll be in control of it), always bosses people around including me, never owes up to her bad bratty behavior or anything else she does like not paying debts or taking my money and not wanting to return it, wants to show off with her expensive stuff like bags, jewelry, acts nice in front of friends but acts like hell at home, even pretends to be nice sometimes, thinks she's so pretty (well, not really), etc. Is she a narcissist or something else?
Uh huh, you bet. You had me at ‘berates the little people’. Dead giveaway. They tell you who they are, but only once they have hooked you and you cant easily escape!
@@nikhil99a no, she projects, plays the victim, creates completely false narratives to escape accountability, etc. I found out in late 2021 that her third child isn't mine. Now we're in the courts where she lies and lies and bribes the system (she's a lawyer with connections). Unfortunately the judicial system in my country is a complete joke.
It's my youngest adult daughter and I don't know if it's my fault but I'd do anything to help her have a happier life. I don't enable her, I rarely see her but my mother definitely has enabled her most of her life
I have come to this realization on my own. My son, who is 19, feels completely entitled and there are other aspects of narcissism where he ticks the boxes (lack of accountability, lack of investment in himself, being consumed with immediate gratification rather than taking a longer- term outlook on things, getting angry is his wants are not immediately met). Having lived with me from 12 to 19, he has now "sort of" moved in with his mother. He sees her as a narcissist (nothing to do with any prompting from me), but she is also an enabler for him and has been for years. In fact, he has told me that he is very annoyed with her for not giving him discipline as a child and this contributed to his decision to come live with me when he was 12. Now sadly, he finds the abundance of money and lack of accountability / independence that she is willing to throw at him very enticing. In contrast, I believe that benefits (including pocket money) are only deserved if he is investing in his future. Failing that he must reasonably earn his own keep.
i used to be a pretty big narcissist because my dad is one and i got a lot of my traits from him. I feel like I was always oblivious to what I was doing but it took a rlly bad friendship breakup and a strong relationship with God to change that. (took me a few years to rlly change) i’m watching this video today tho bc i’m dating someone who i thought was rlly nice and sweet but when we were actually around people our own age and hanging out... HE SAID THE MOST OUTTA POCKET STUFF EVER😭 he was literally exactly how my dad is and how i was. it was embarrassing for me and my friends so i talk w him later ab it... he didn’t say much so idk if he’s jus burt hurt but when i asked him his thoughts on text later he said that no ones ever put it like that but he was taking it oddly well idk
I don’t want him as a boyfriend anymore, I’m not interested in him or attracted to him at all. But I feel deeply sad for him, I want to help him to become a normal person but it seems so hard to become true 😢
True that we shouldn't help narcissit! I was mentally abused by a narcissit man in my country. Result of that I'm paranoid now. They deserve a lesson from law/psychologist/karma. But if my mother/ classmate is a narcissit at least I should know how to handle her.
Yes, but only fleetingly. At times she would almost scold me for not calling her out more on her shit--normally after one of the devalue-discard cycles. "You let me walk all over you!" Using it as evidence for why I wasn't good enough for her. Yet when I did start pointing out stuff she was doing that was hurtful she'd flip out, say I was insane and asking too much, then silent treatment me. Absolutely mad. Sad part is, I do think she was semi-genuine for wanting to be challenged, if only unconsciously. Have used the last blowup as my opportunity to walk out for good.
I've been trying to help my daughters father. Hes been a drug addict for the last 20 years. We was both very young when our daughter was conceived. He started using drugs not long after. I know deep down hes good man. I do feel guilty that my daughter has grown up without a dad. Hes been in and out our daughters life for the last 20 years. He reached out to our daughter and I whilst in rehab. He desperately wants to build a relationship with our daughter. Now I know drug addition will turn the most empathetic of people into a narsasist. I know I've seen it happen. The reason why he has never been part of our lives is because we've never enabled him. I do want to help him. I think the main advantage I have over everyone else who has tried to help him is I'm not in love with him. I'm not really emotionally involved. Yes I have an emotional investment. Our daughter is well aware that this father daughter thing may never happen. I've only spoken to him face to face an handful of times since hes been clean. I am seeing some narsasistic signs. I'm not too sure what category he falls into, but it's clear everything isn't as clear cut as I originally thought. I think if he is to stay off drugs he has to address these things about him. Our daughter and I are no way victims of his. He has left a string of single mothers behind him in the last 20 years. Even though there relationships broken down, unlike with me and our daughter he always remained part of their lives. I have no doubt he loves all his children, I honestly don't think anyone has shown him himself before. He honestly thinks that all his ex's are crazy. Maybe they are now, but wasn't before. I know that just in these handful of conversations I've made him look closer at himself. I know I have a really long road infront of me, but surly its worth me keep trying? Both our daughter and I are more than willing to walk away if it gets too hard or if he refuses to comply. Just wondering if anyone has any tips?
the drug addiction thing is also similar to to the victim of the narc or the empath as it were. Like a drug/alcohol addiction. the massive early love bombing is like someone getting their first hit of the best stuff on the marke tto lure you in, then their silent treatment is like going on withdrawl. followed by another round of love bombing but slightly less of it. like a 2nd hit of the drug but not as high grade as the first. then silent treatment (withdrawl) on off on off, gets one addicted to the narc. and like a drug, you tend to see the red flags, much like one knows when they are on the drug there is something not quite right and know it isn't really good for them, but they are so addicted to it. also, all your family and friends see and try to push you away from drug/aclohol/narc becasue they see it even better than you do in the moment. and the more they try to push you away from it, the more they usually push you towards it. and like the drug/alcohol, the narc drug (edopimine of their charm) but the fact it actually drains you physcially, emotionally sometimes even financially. and eats away at you, you become ill sometimes. and then breaking away from the narc is a deprogramming cycle much like you need to do with quitting drugs/aclohol. but not only that. the narc sometimes coming back to you, you get tempted to go back to it, like getting off a drug and you have to deal wit saying no to temptation it is stil there because of the great feelings they once gave you and like the drug the feelings were all based on false things so in a way you ar ea drug addictio to them and they are a drug addiction to you both
Well due to very difficult circumstances while a mother to my girls they both were neglected/ abandoned!!! I am not in those difficult circumstances any more and crushed that it is too late ! My turn to suffer. It is so hard! 😢
She's one of my clients and I just wish to help her plus I'm the best friend with benefits and although I met her addicted,I wish she would definitely change and if we could become a couple it be great.
If they find out you're trying help, they'll play along then set you up for a big fall leaving you in disbelief. by not enabling them, you are helping yourself - that is, if you're stuck with a narc family member. Otherwise, I'd laugh in their face as i walk the hell out of there. You only live once, screw wasting time on a narcissist.
I'm not even with the guy and legit it feels like I'm in a relationship with him imagine hour half these women i feel honestly I never met a narcissist I never even knew what a narcissist was until up to a couple of months ago but these videos really do explained what I am going through so therefore I do know that is what he is I just relate with them so much I've been subscribing and watching hundreds of narcissist videos the last couple of months 🤣🤷♂️ I want to know everything I can about the nicest I live with and what narcissists are in general I think these people really need help they really know how to destroy a person's life
They need help but will never take it. They believe they are the victims so they don't take responsibility for their actions. They blame shift and distort. They have cognitive distortion. It's part of their ego protective mechanism. They are IMPOSSIBLE and relentlessly maddening!!! They can not be helped by any human being. Codependents keep the beast calm for certain periods of time but the beast lives 24/7. They don't behave like narcissists 24/7, but they are narcissists 24/7. This makes it confusing for us normal humans.
Wow - you have no idea how much your videos on covert narcissism are helping to heal me. Every single personality trait has been bang on with what I’ve suffered with my partner for the last 2 years. I have a very important question though because there’s one thing that I’m still very confused by. Since the day I met my partner he has been into extreme gift giving and HUGE lies about finances - leading me to believe he was well off when in fact he was in debt and forcing his mom to send him thousands of dollars (which I just recently found out) all because he wanted to spoil me. It’s so extreme that he will actually spend his entire pay cheque on buying me things - and not even buy anything for himself. He does this even with me returning certain gifts and repeatedly telling him that it’s absurd and needs to stop. He’ll also do the same with other people (constantly pay the bill for everyone at dinners, buy inappropriately expensive gifts for co workers etc). He also doesn’t really throw these things in my face verbally - however he does tell me that he only wants me working part time and that there’s no need for me to work regardless of the fact that we can barely survive on one income. Up until now all I’ve ever heard about narcs is that they are the complete opposite and aren’t generous at all - and this is the part that has me confused. Could this need to buy people things be a less common trait of a covert narcissist? Ps. Thank you so much for spreading awareness on this - you’re truly an angel!💕
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤🙏 The generosity does seem a bit out of character for a narcissist outside of the love bombing phase, which they can flip flop in and out of often. Could be his form of love bombing or it could be something else entirely. But if you identify with all the abusive stuff, try not to get hung up on this one thing. Even narcissists are people and can act in very different ways. But if it's abuse, focus on getting yourself to a better place. You deserve it 🙏❤
Common Ego Yeah I mean he does do this mainly after I threaten to leave him because of all the other behaviours (which is constant) so I’m sure it’s just manipulation. The fact that he forces his mom to send him stacks of money to be able to do it and threatens suicide when she doesn’t tells me it’s not exactly coming from the goodness of his heart.😕 Thank you again xx
Sarah yes! Look up Sam Vaknin. He is a narcissist and explains this wonderfully. He has many videos. So eye opening. Theres a few different kind of narcissists and behaviors that go along with their specific characteristics. Hope that helps.
R Cooper Thank you so much for your response! Just checked out his channel which is amazing, but unfortunately I’m having a hard time finding the one that talks specifically about this - would you happen to remember the name he titled it? Thanks again🙂 xx
@@buddehify I couldn't find the video from Sam Vaknin but I found a good video for you. Channel is "Surviving Narcissism- Seven types of narcissists." Its from June 5th 2019. Status/Vanity go hand in hand with a lot of narcissists. Just go through and watch as many as you want. Theres a wealth of great info on Sam Vaknin & Surviving Narcissism.
Ok, you're right. I'm still in the trauma bond. Our three sons are in the middle. I don't want to watch them be manipulated further. I know I am done with her, but I see how she twists them.
I took it away and my boyfriend of 10 years and father of my children (1 on the way also) left and found a new girlfriend/source. And is now dabbling in drugs with her. I hate I can’t help.
My boyfriend wants out, but he tries to remedy the only physiological aspects to fix the problem: fixing diet, alcohol consumption, attempting to be accountable, but he does not seem to attempt to address psycological issues. I am just Awakening to the dynamic of my long term relationship. And yes I feel like there have been many times that my narcissistic partner was trying to be better, but then there are those other times and I am kinda over it....I am currently in the place where I am just realizing that the character of my partner exhibits many narcissistic qualities, whereas before I only saw the qualities of my partner trying to better himself and that he admitted that he had an epiphany about his behavior.
I watched 5 Seconds of your video and fell in love with you. Not you you but you the person your heart inside. I'm a man and because of that obviously in our society I can't be the victim of narcissism can I? But I was married to a predatory covert narcissist for 12 years and now still have to exist as a co-parent with this person. However I can't stop my heart from reaching out wanting her to be whole. I have no desire to be with her whatsoever but I just truly want her to be healed as I would any other person. I guess because I'm a man in his situation though nobody would listen to me
I just got through to mine I think. I prepared her with a lineup of her past relationships of her , her mother, and her grandfather and showed her the regression of thrir lives showed numerous videos and then later outlined very specific events and then had them watch # from outside view
Together since 13, we are 37, married 11 years, 2 kids. Been a struggle for a number of years with her abusive behaviour. Put a lot down to mental health. I just found out she’s been having an affair for 5 years. I’m torn between helping her and leaving her.
Anyone with empathy find it very hard to help someone who has little or no empathy. By trying to help them you are making it worse. Best to emotionally withdraw and just write off the person. Sad but that’s the only way to deal with any narcissist.
My issue here is that there is a difference between the narcissists ego-inflated self-perception of their value/the goodness they can offer, and the reality of what they can offer, and I think it can be healing for them/to them, if you are coming from a place of genuine care (wanting to heal them can often come from a place of your own ego so have to check that) - and if the narcissist on some level (even if subconsciously, which is often the case) wants to heal. It comes from a place of wanting to be genuinely valued but a fear of their lack of value from lack of self-esteem/a healthy sense of self that has been nurtured by CARING others in their life.
My brother is the narcissist in my life and I was extremely Trauma bonded to him most of my life and enabled him and then I Was married to a narcissist and I divorced him and began to heal and then began Working with my brother and fell back into old patterns I have recently stopped working with him and have distanced myself from him for my own Mental health but I still care about him and want to see him happy and succeed in life. His wife divorced him a few years ago because of his narcissist I see him struggle with his daughter. How do I help him see that he has a problem he can't even admit that he has a problem and i know that has to be the first step, but if I brought up the word narcissist he would lose his shit.
My best friend is 95% wonderful and 5% malignant narcissist. She's a spiritual person and works on herself but I don't think she realizes she has NPD. She knows about karma but is still very hurtful at times. It's VERY confusing!!!
I am in a crazy place. I am just now realizing I have been married to a narcissist sex/porn addict for 30 years. We have 7 children, and I am stuck. He just “got saved” and I wanted it to go right so bad, but I think it was another trick. I have only been a “homemaker” and I don’t have any idea how to leave. Any ideas would be appreciated.
No contact to my mother. I have never been able to give her my caring or love.. She acts like i sm evil to her. I hate her today, but knows that the best is understand what has made her what she is, I feel petty and forgiveness, but there is boundries. So I have to leave all feelings and do not care.. to not ruin the rest of my life
I loved my father and wanted to help him. I never understood him. Of course not because he did hide excellently. I enabled him by believing his evilness, often. By fearing him. By believing his hypersmart trickery. Nowadays, I would keep stating that he is NOT inherently evil but mislead. I would forgive him his drama every time. If I can now manage to clarify the remainder fog and finally reach forgiveness and thereby lift his and his ancestors self imposed spell.
Anything you do or don’t do will lead to a discard and they will get it or not get it from someone else. How many times in their life have they gone through these cycles. I think you have to either try to manage them from a place of knowledge of narcissism as non-emotionally as possible, or call them out. You’re going to lose them anyway. Tell them they need to get help. No contact just makes them someone else’s problem. We can’t control others but we can influence them. If we stop influencing them through no contact are we not enabling them?
You can't help an Alcoholic they don't want to be helped, as they think your trying to fix them. That's the worst thing you can ever do. They put it down to you being codependent.
I dont know if im a narcissist 😢,somone told me i am. Because im trying to be like other people im always alone ,and its making me angry i dont know how to help myself
My mom used to have a saying that went like this hate the sin not the sinner. It would do well with stopped calling them narcissist and say they have narcissistic tendencies.
I've watched a lot of videos on narcisissm and this video validated the inner conflict I was experiencing. Yes, I knew her behaviour was toxic and I tried to stay, maybe even tried to suggest some changes (which were never taken seriously enough), but this came at the expense of my own values and health, so, eventually, I walked away. It doesn't feel like a triumph, because the only way I can help her is by leaving - there goes our future together. It angers me that she can only learn (I hope) by losing people (or she might just jump to the next supply)..and I was angry at myself for enabling her...but I am learning to let go of this guilt. I am letting go of any responsibility to help fix her. We will be okay, without each other.
I appreciate this lady because she sees and understanding that we all deserve the chance for redemption and love.
The narcissist told me flat out that “no one can fix me, I’m fucked up for life.” How do you help that? No, you can’t.
They can't change because they just jump to new supply and new supply that puts up with their crap smh
I think they are beyond help too. I tried for almost four years and nothing is truly their fault - they just keep blaming YOU. It’s pathetic-
No one is ever beyond help but also not every type of personality that isn't yours needs help. Coexistence is always an option. I'm a "worrier" I worry about everything you could imagine. I don't enjoy the thought of being helped out of that I would appreciate someone who understands how I precieve things and interact accordingly. That should be reciprocated. Right?
Yes!
And i bet you think you did everything to help lol stfu
Yep, and the answer is, “Uh-huh. Well, That’s okay, hun. I can handle that. No worries, because what other people think of me is none of my business anyway. I know who I am. Then smile, touch the arm affectionately and then quietly go about something else, without acting dismissive, be a responder not a reactor.
@@ToasterTopher lol I like your thinking but narcs are seriously deranged. Very very damaging people.
Pray you never have to know one.
Supply is what they're after. From you and anyone else that will give it to them. They don't know what loyalty is. They would rather have all of their "supply" fighting over them.
No, never able to get through. Talking to a wall. A solid brick wall. Frustrating 👎
Frustrating, indeed! I wish there was a word that was stronger than frustrating. Maddening, maybe? 🤷♀️🙏❤
This is exactly what I always say about my narc,a wall,a hrmful wall,I m so tired of living with such a person
Talking. To. A. Wall...walking. on. Eggshells.....living. with. Someone. Thats. Mad. All. The. Time......living. in. Fear....feeling. like. You. Fell. In. A. Big. Deep. Hole. In. The. Ground...sinking. in. Quicksand.......we. all. Have. The. Same. Old. Story.....the. hamster. In. A. Wheel. Gets. Nowhere...but. its. Good. Excercise. For. Them....
@@jackiesettle2189 this comment is an excellent reflection. Good job. I feel understood.
@@deepwaters7242 well. We. Have. The. Same. Old. Story. With. The. Same. Results.......change. of. A. Persons. Behaviour. When. Its. Bad...makes. people. Happy....if. they. Dont. Make. A. Change.... to. Me. They. Become. Like. A. Parrot...pete. and. Repeat.....here. we. Go. Again. ....one. more. Round. Getting. Nowhere... i. Chose. To. Get. Out. Of. That. Circle....so. i. Could. Get. Down. The. Road. Again.........i. got. Lost. In. That. Circle. Like the. Washing. Machine...getting. dizzy..........i. got. Out. Of. The. Washing. Machine....hope. my. Comment. Helps. Other. People....life. is. Too. Special. ...
I have heard this before. Thanks. I was enabling them but i blocked him a second time. Closed all doors on him. Every door. Amen.
I am a covert narcissist with borderline personality disorder, so I'm NPD with BPD ... You are Right on Christina, I'm a 53 year old male and keep to myself, no more relationships for me, I am completely disjointed in life, The only people I socialize with are my counter friends, only people over the counter at stores at the bank, at work ect.. I've noticed even honestly observing my condition over the years, it seems impossible for me to change, so I made a decision 5 years ago to sever all ties with every one and keep to myself... So I guess I feel a little good keeping the pain from going out to others and keeping it to myself. The hardest thing for me to realize was that my feelings are not the same as everybody elses. thank you for helping people to stay clear from us narcissistic vampires, For we all think we mean well, but that's far from the truth. Well the suns comming up soon, gotta get back to my coffin.....JLK
Wishing you the very best dear!
Jesus saves. Expect him as your Lord and savior and be born again. renew your mind with God's word. You'll be transformed.
I think you have already made a big leap in the right direction. You have acknowledged what you have done. That you want to change. Keep doing the work. And hang in there. 💗
Treatment is there for npd , it possible if will think & u can only do it
Most narcissists would never call themselves vampires...
STOP ENABLING THEM. Change YOUR behavior. You are their narcissistic supply. Stop giving them their drug.
Easy to say,harder to do. Ever see how desperate an addict gets when they can't get their fix? Over the top rage,whining, manipulation,etc. They can throw an absolute shit fit. Best to make sure that you're a safe distance when you hold them accountable for their behaviour.
Told my mom that my boo is a narcissist and she said well have u tried being sweet. Smh. Tried that mom thats even worse. What a strange personality disorder
What sad superficial lives these people live. I almost feel bad but then I remember how many times i was broken down
I'm living in a marriage with all the abuse for the last 22 years. Still praying n hoping that he'll change. Pl pray for me. From India
You need to make a video on how to survive and move out of depression while living with one!
And maybe it's your child...that learned to be like that from there main parent influence ..the saying the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..This brings up so much for me and historically spun me out Only in the last 2 months have I set boundaries and said "No " and been very clear and firm It does clearly feel the tougher you are with them and hold strong they respect you .
God Bless your kind Heart Christina💖
I've watched many videos on narcissists... you are the Only one Who talked about us wanting to help them
I think That They are pure "evil" narcs and narcs Who do have some good in them
It is our DUTY I think to help those
Thank God I understood that I was an enabler and that I wasn't helping my narcissistic husband at all so I stopped this
I've been silent with him for one
week
He goes out to God knows Who...
But at least I am not part of this...
I want to be the "change" in his life God willing
I truly wish him the Best
I Prayed for God to help him
It's in HIS Hands now...
Good info when it's a family member and you can't, or choose not to, get away. Like a grown child. Thank you
I needed to hear this. Thank you for the free therapy.
I've seen the hurt, deep shame and inner conflict surface in my narc ex girlfriend many times. She even sometimes apologised for being complicated and would acknowledge that she sometimes belittled me and twisted my words around, although without really taking responsibility. I could see in her eyes that there was a bit of self-awareness lurking. She's been going to therapy for a while and I think that I have seen small sparks of authenticity in her two or three times. I hope she finds herself, peace, and love but I won't be around.
Yes my husband! We have been together for 17 years and I haven dealing with this for so long. I'm drained emotionally and physically drained. I love him, but then I'm realizing now I need to start loving myself for our children. I feel like giving up but then I don't, cause I feel sorry for him. 😭 I'm so stuck!
I searched this because my husband and I are trying to find ways to help his narcissistic daughter (I raised for most of her life in our blended family). We are strong with not enabling her, while having tried to show her as much love as we knew how through the years but she continues to trample on everyone that has ever done anything for her. She sees things as if she is the black sheep, that no one cares for her and only judges her. She does not ever bear responsibility for her own actions. We are only still trying to help her because she has 2 fatherless children with another due in Feb., who she cannot take care of. And we, for the second time now, are caring for them in NC while she remains in Colo (refusing to move close to us). She has a volatile relationship with everyone and says it's everyone else. We are concerned for the children because the oldest does not eat with her (stomach aches all the time) and is very delayed with her cognitive skills. Anyway, there's so much more, but just hoping to find ways to help her get it, but I know you can't change anyone only yourself, so trying to find peace by realizing, it is what it is and at least we can help them for now.
I begged him to seek counseling but at the time I didn’t know I was dealing with a narcissist. He repeats the same circle of BS for years NOW I’m told after I left. He’s onto new supply and they both look miserable now. Good luck
Your videos are really helping me through an incredibly difficult time. My wife (currently separated) called me two days after my Grandfather's passing, and told me she's dating someone and asked if my kids can meet him the evening after his memorial. My nerves are shot, but I've been somewhat steady and focussed.
Thank you again.
How are things now?
I lost a best friend to narcissism and it was so subtle too, but we had a lot in common that called for a lot of great times, and yet there were times they've emotionally abused me so i had to leave and it took me leaving and coming back over and over until it was the last straw. I honestly wish it wouldn't have ended that way.
I also found out I’m a grandiose Narcissist when I started researching my behaviors and how I’ve acted I couldn’t deny what was being said I had to admit it the rage the manipulation from the moment I met someone habitual lying 🤥 just ridiculous lies even when it’s not necessary for me to lie I knew I hated who I was and who I’ve become and the only thing I want is to not be this way anymore and the only way to do that is to destroy the false self I created long ago I hate who I am and I’ve caused chaos everywhere I’ve went enough is enough I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore it’s time it all is exposed and I face it and I’m ready and willing to take the backlash for what I’ve done it’s what I deserve or maybe I deserve worse either way if that’s what it takes then I’m willing to travel that path this persona has got to go it’s truly draining
Pray for Jesus to come into your heart and take away your stony heart and give you a heart of flesh. The Bible says if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. He loves you and He sees your pain. I pray healing and deliverance and the peace only God can give you, in Jesus’ name. We live in a fallen world and we have a sinful nature. Only by receiving Christ can He transform us and change us.
No, just hard to accept! Such a roller coaster even when you know the facts.
Sometimes I feel like my narc brother has borderline personality disorder because he has all the symptoms, and I often see that there's three sides to him; there's the nasty, manipulative side who wants nothing more than to drive you headfirst into a hole, the little kid who cries about nobody loving him, wants everyone to baby him and acts like he wants help and often blurts out "I really should see a psychiatrist." and the last which just wants to die, sees no future for himself because he had a stroke and is still paralyzed in his left arm and leg...and yes I do feel sorry for him, he's my only brother and the youngest of my siblings. When you mentioned how narcissism can develop in early childhood, it struck me that he always goes back to when he was eight years old and my sisters and I abandoned him (got married, moved away, had kids) but we really didn't in the true sense of the word, just in a narcissist's sense of it. I won't blame myself for how he turned out, unless I truly had a hand in it...but I always will love him, stupid or not, my heart doesn't just give up on those I love.
I really love this video. I distance myself without any form of contact except when he sees me. You really can't help feeling sorry for them but you got to be strong in your decisions. I am still struggling with if I should go back to him. He has made some changes but still has a lot to work on.
My daughter (borderline with extremely pronounced narcissistic traits) - I had a breakdown trying to help her. My parents had a breakdown trying to help her. I broke free - I called it apathy, but I now know it to have been empathy fatigue. I instead turned my attention to helping my parents break free. You can only help those who genuinely want help, and my parents and I are all healing our core wounds. My daughter continues on her path of destruction, but that is her choice.
Vanessa Kershaw same experience here.
@@lovewillwinnn My heart goes out to you, and I send you and your family much love and much light.
We were trapped in a never ending cycle of fear, obligation and guilt. I lost track of all of the actual suicide attempts, as well as the threats of suicide she used as a way to control us and to get what she wanted. It was frustrating, too, because once I worked out what was happening, my parents continued to enable her. Not anymore, though, because we are all now very well-educated in these matters.
It was also frustrating with her smear campaigns and her playing the victim. People, including the authorities, just did not understand what was happening.
I will always be incredibly grateful to my parents for their love and support to me. And to my daughter, especially now that they realise that they are not helping her when they enable her.
It's your fault your daughter's a narcissist you probably did not make her wash the dishes or discipline her or make her wash her own clothes,, so now she's a spoiled brat!!!
@@recyclespinning9839 Projection, much?
Thank you so much for your insightful comments regarding my relationship with my daughter that you know nothing about. I'm sure you will understand that I will simply disregard your vitriol as the garbage that it is. :)
But I will send you much love and light in return. :) 💕 Have a really nice day. :)
@@awakeandalive3020 yup.. pretty sure of it. . Hoping you start to love your daughter, ,, because if you bashing her here>>> you probably did worse to her in real life..
How can you be abused by a daughter, you are the one in power.?? If she tried to take the power from you, then there is a reason??. How can your parents have a " break down " from trying to " help" her?? How can you have a " break down" ?? Just soo much is off about your post.. Not going to comment any more on this. just sending a prayer for her..
Yup cut them off financially. Quit doing things for them they can do for themselves.
I'm in Trouble. Trapped in this Situation. Try as I might, I am going to have to Buy my way out. Even then, it may not be enough.
I hate that I have a baby with one of the worst narcs on earth.he checks all the boxes.Abused me more when the baby came as well as finding a new supply as soon as he was born.we left within a couple months.I want no contact so bad but unfortunately,even though he proves all the time how much he doesn't give a shit,he threatens me constantly that he will have him taken from me.he is such a liar,and good one that I feel I have to keep some level of contact.it keeps me stuck and unable to move on.i cant believe 5months afterleaving I still cant believe this has happened.i feel like the last 3yrs was a lie.well it was
I’m going thru the same thing. I’m scared for my baby
@@soundsoftranquility226 mine made it clear abusing me and his new mistress were his priorities.A yr later no job no support.so baby or not,he has no rights as far as I'm concerned.if you're scared and have good reason to be if he is like my ex,no contact may be best.besides they may want people to think they do but they don't even love their own children
Yes for 26 years, Trauma Bonded and care more about his well being than mine, that is beginning to Heal
I stopped enabling him and started setting boundaries. Because he always says how hurt he is because of his past or how depressed he is etc how much trauma he has from childhood..that he needed me to do all the work myself around the house to get the house ready to sell. I started telling him it should be a mutual effort..and he's like see ya bye.."you don't see my pain, you act like everything is ok and don't know my emotions."
mine whined about all his depression, anxiety, and lack of energy for months. when i finally made him actually get a checkup, he was fine. and all those "symptoms" were probably all his usual sob story to con women into his nest- test out who is nice (or too nice, like me) that would fall for it. i didn't know these kind of people existed, so assumed he was nice and "self-aware' - because he was so different from my overt narc ex-husband. but these covert narcs are AWFUL, just as bad as overt narcs. maybe worse, because they get us to feel sorry for them and want to "fix" them!
I have no where else to talk about this. I raised my sister’s daughter after my sister was found unable due to serious drug addiction issues. I have raised my niece since she was 9. I turned her life around, and where she was failing in the 3rd grade, by the time she was in high school, she was on the honor roll and was eventually accepted at a excellent university with a full scholarship that I made sure she was eligible. I worked hard for her future and for her well being.
The problem is, she has always treated me with contempt. Told her therapist when she was prepubescent that I was the one who ruined her life. I was the problem, not her mother. Her therapist told me it was because I was the “safest” person for her, especially since her mother’s life was so chaotic. Since I was stable, my niece could trust me to not abandon her.
Some examples of poor treatment: for her prom, she started a fight by being passive aggressive until I got angry (reactive abuse). She was acting so shitty and mean that I got angry. She then used my getting angry as a means to exclude me from her prom night. She had her boyfriend’s mother come to my own home to celebrate with her, but kicked me out of the house because she didn’t want me to be there. She can be so cruel. Same with her high school graduation, and many vacations, and when she went off to college. These events, these milestones, she excludes me or treats me so bad that I simply exclude myself.
Fast forward, she graduated college with honors and she came home to live here again in order to save up for grad school. Problem is, she wanted to work from home with her new job, but since I’m retired, she didn’t want me in the way. Instead of using her own room which has a desk, she got all resentful when she would set up office in the kitchen and I was bothering her by just being around. We finally had a stand off and I told her that she couldn’t use the kitchen anymore as her office. That she could use her own room, or go to the library or something.
This is when the smear campaign started.
She somehow managed to convince my other niece and nephew, my spouses sister’s kids, that I was abusive and unhinged. She did so by constant nasty remarks and put downs until I finally had to tell her to stop insulting me whenever we were in the same room. She didn’t stop, however, and I eventually got angry again. I have never abused her, in fact I’ve been the only person in her life that has been there to support her. There has never been any violence, but there has been yelling at each other. She’s no shrinking flower and does her fair share of raising her voice at me.
Long story short, she’s been backbiting me for years. Other family and friends have revealed to me that she always complains and says terrible things about my character. She devalues me so that other will devalues me. It’s cruel and the things she tells them are things that I am most sensitive. She finds my faults to be her amusement when she describes me to other family and friends. When she got my other niece and nephew to “mob” me with false accusations that I am abusive, that was the last straw. I kicked her out. I will not be falsely accuse of abuse, and if it where true, why hadn’t she moved out on her own? So creepy, her behavior.
On some level, I understand why she is like this. Her mother put her thru hell with her drug use, abandonment, and unrelenting narcissism. So I get it. I’m just done being the whipping boy. She hates me and tells lies about me. It’s so hurtful that I got depressed for a while. She showed signs that she was please with herself after hurting me. It’s sick. It’s been about 8 months since I kicked her out and I’m feeling a lot better, finally. You vids are soooo very helpful. I know now that I am no longer trauma bonded. I don’t want her in my life at all. I’m done. She has made it clear that she doesn’t care about me, so I’ve stopped caring about her. She’ll be fine. She’s very self assured, at least her false self is. She can manage on her own, she’s 27 now.
Her accusations of abuse stem from me cutting off HBO and the other tv subscriptions. That’s when she first used the term abuse, after I cut her off when we were fighting about her working in the kitchen. It got so bad and she was insolent about everything, so I cut her off. I told her that it was a consequence, not abuse. But the mere fact that she would use that word with family? I had to separate myself from her forever. Her mother sent her own spouse to jail based upon false charges of domestic abuse after, from what my niece told me, was an incident where her mother scratched up her own neck and then called the police and blamed her spouse. They took him away in handcuffs. Evil examples, and I refuse to be caught up in that kind of of falseness.
Am I the assh*le? Cause I am determined to never give her supply again. I’m out. I’ve abandoned her. Completely. I’m also in the process of moving to Europe for a few years, spend some of my retirement there, that’s how far I’m willing to get away.
Got any advice? Any words of encouragement?
These videos found me right on time. Im on a journey to discover myself. I’ve learned/realized my childhood was NOT wonderful as I’ve always thought. It was ALL a lie. Turns out, my mother is an extreme-covert, passive-aggressive, narcissistic woman. Iv had health issues through out. Often ear aches@youth; Adonis out@4 years old; PCOS@16; diagnosed w/ MS@28… make BIG life changes… symptoms gone… similar symptoms returning (balance & vision issues).
Never have been able to get through to the narcissist. It is always and always will be all about them. Never the villain, always the hero or the victim. It is exhausting to deal with and cutting all contact is the best method imo to maintain sanity and not continue to be abused and gaslight.
Trying to help myself at the moment. Her business is her business
Lady they been getting it somewhere else and just been good at being super discreet.
Great video. You can’t ever ‘save’ them but you can show them there are consequences to their actions. You treat me badly, you’re out of my life permanently 🤷♀️ very unlikely to make them change though as they won’t self reflect and will just move on to the next supply.
I'm so thankful I came across your channel.
I started watching This video out of curiosity of what you were going to say. You are spot on with everything and I think this is a great video. It helps me realize I do have some deeper strands of healing to do in myself. Thank you 🙏
Wow this is amazing. I’m so happy I found this video. I just ended a friendship with a guy after many years of being friends. I knew he was a narcissist but I had no idea that I was also enabling him. I actually cut ties with him before seeing this video but I was debating on if I should tell him about his behavior to help him or just let him go live his life. He has complained many times to me about his failed relationships and I don’t think he understands that he is a narcissist and it is costing him what he wants most in life. I want him to be happy and find a good healthy relationship but I honestly think telling him about his behavior would just make things worse. I feel that I was a really good friend to him but I was also giving him his supply of emotional highs and then telling him what he wants to hear.
There is power in faith and prayer. It works too! Give it to God.
Amen to that!! The Holy Spirit can convict the hardest of hearts ❤️
Hi. My wife is such a brat. I'm not sure she's a narcissist but this is what she does: she's very controlling, doesn't listen to me 99% of the time (and when she does she's going to say something nasty with it, like complaining about me), berates those below her and calls them names, often brings up separation, loves to talk about herself (like, instead of saying "That's a nice place", she's going to say "I've been there" or "I like that place"), she lies, hers is hers and mine is hers, I suspect she has a false sympathy for others, likes to be the center of attention (even 'hijacks' conversations so she'll be in control of it), always bosses people around including me, never owes up to her bad bratty behavior or anything else she does like not paying debts or taking my money and not wanting to return it, wants to show off with her expensive stuff like bags, jewelry, acts nice in front of friends but acts like hell at home, even pretends to be nice sometimes, thinks she's so pretty (well, not really), etc. Is she a narcissist or something else?
Uh huh, you bet. You had me at ‘berates the little people’. Dead giveaway. They tell you who they are, but only once they have hooked you and you cant easily escape!
Looks like a narcissist...does she ever accept her mistake or blames others?
@@nikhil99a no, she projects, plays the victim, creates completely false narratives to escape accountability, etc. I found out in late 2021 that her third child isn't mine. Now we're in the courts where she lies and lies and bribes the system (she's a lawyer with connections). Unfortunately the judicial system in my country is a complete joke.
Very clearly stated and I appreciate your analysis of this personality disorder, I am taking your advice to heart!!!!
It's my youngest adult daughter and I don't know if it's my fault but I'd do anything to help her have a happier life. I don't enable her, I rarely see her but my mother definitely has enabled her most of her life
I have come to this realization on my own. My son, who is 19, feels completely entitled and there are other aspects of narcissism where he ticks the boxes (lack of accountability, lack of investment in himself, being consumed with immediate gratification rather than taking a longer- term outlook on things, getting angry is his wants are not immediately met). Having lived with me from 12 to 19, he has now "sort of" moved in with his mother. He sees her as a narcissist (nothing to do with any prompting from me), but she is also an enabler for him and has been for years. In fact, he has told me that he is very annoyed with her for not giving him discipline as a child and this contributed to his decision to come live with me when he was 12. Now sadly, he finds the abundance of money and lack of accountability / independence that she is willing to throw at him very enticing. In contrast, I believe that benefits (including pocket money) are only deserved if he is investing in his future. Failing that he must reasonably earn his own keep.
Anybody can change they just have to want too. Problem is a lot of narcissist don’t want too but there’s some that do not many but some!
i used to be a pretty big narcissist because my dad is one and i got a lot of my traits from him. I feel like I was always oblivious to what I was doing but it took a rlly bad friendship breakup and a strong relationship with God to change that. (took me a few years to rlly change) i’m watching this video today tho bc i’m dating someone who i thought was rlly nice and sweet but when we were actually around people our own age and hanging out... HE SAID THE MOST OUTTA POCKET STUFF EVER😭 he was literally exactly how my dad is and how i was. it was embarrassing for me and my friends so i talk w him later ab it... he didn’t say much so idk if he’s jus burt hurt but when i asked him his thoughts on text later he said that no ones ever put it like that but he was taking it oddly well idk
Oof, what rotten luck with your boyfriend! I hope you & your loved ones are doing well 💚
I don’t want him as a boyfriend anymore, I’m not interested in him or attracted to him at all. But I feel deeply sad for him, I want to help him to become a normal person but it seems so hard to become true 😢
Bery good advice......I thank you during Covid
This video was very informative. Thanks for sharing 👍
True that we shouldn't help narcissit! I was mentally abused by a narcissit man in my country. Result of that I'm paranoid now. They deserve a lesson from law/psychologist/karma. But if my mother/ classmate is a narcissit at least I should know how to handle her.
wow, this was really useful, even for other things in general. thank you so much ♥
Yes, but only fleetingly. At times she would almost scold me for not calling her out more on her shit--normally after one of the devalue-discard cycles. "You let me walk all over you!" Using it as evidence for why I wasn't good enough for her. Yet when I did start pointing out stuff she was doing that was hurtful she'd flip out, say I was insane and asking too much, then silent treatment me. Absolutely mad. Sad part is, I do think she was semi-genuine for wanting to be challenged, if only unconsciously. Have used the last blowup as my opportunity to walk out for good.
I've been trying to help my daughters father. Hes been a drug addict for the last 20 years. We was both very young when our daughter was conceived. He started using drugs not long after. I know deep down hes good man. I do feel guilty that my daughter has grown up without a dad. Hes been in and out our daughters life for the last 20 years. He reached out to our daughter and I whilst in rehab. He desperately wants to build a relationship with our daughter. Now I know drug addition will turn the most empathetic of people into a narsasist. I know I've seen it happen.
The reason why he has never been part of our lives is because we've never enabled him. I do want to help him. I think the main advantage I have over everyone else who has tried to help him is I'm not in love with him. I'm not really emotionally involved. Yes I have an emotional investment. Our daughter is well aware that this father daughter thing may never happen.
I've only spoken to him face to face an handful of times since hes been clean. I am seeing some narsasistic signs. I'm not too sure what category he falls into, but it's clear everything isn't as clear cut as I originally thought. I think if he is to stay off drugs he has to address these things about him. Our daughter and I are no way victims of his. He has left a string of single mothers behind him in the last 20 years. Even though there relationships broken down, unlike with me and our daughter he always remained part of their lives. I have no doubt he loves all his children, I honestly don't think anyone has shown him himself before. He honestly thinks that all his ex's are crazy. Maybe they are now, but wasn't before. I know that just in these handful of conversations I've made him look closer at himself. I know I have a really long road infront of me, but surly its worth me keep trying? Both our daughter and I are more than willing to walk away if it gets too hard or if he refuses to comply.
Just wondering if anyone has any tips?
Hi dear i would recommend you to a man who help me ... WhatsApp +2349071304429
the drug addiction thing is also similar to to the victim of the narc or the empath as it were.
Like a drug/alcohol addiction. the massive early love bombing is like someone getting their first hit of the best stuff on the marke tto lure you in, then their silent treatment is like going on withdrawl. followed by another round of love bombing but slightly less of it. like a 2nd hit of the drug but not as high grade as the first. then silent treatment (withdrawl) on off on off, gets one addicted to the narc. and like a drug, you tend to see the red flags, much like one knows when they are on the drug there is something not quite right and know it isn't really good for them, but they are so addicted to it. also, all your family and friends see and try to push you away from drug/aclohol/narc becasue they see it even better than you do in the moment. and the more they try to push you away from it, the more they usually push you towards it.
and like the drug/alcohol, the narc drug (edopimine of their charm) but the fact it actually drains you physcially, emotionally sometimes even financially. and eats away at you, you become ill sometimes. and then breaking away from the narc is a deprogramming cycle much like you need to do with quitting drugs/aclohol. but not only that. the narc sometimes coming back to you, you get tempted to go back to it, like getting off a drug and you have to deal wit saying no to temptation it is stil there because of the great feelings they once gave you and like the drug the feelings were all based on false things
so in a way you ar ea drug addictio to them and they are a drug addiction to you both
Well due to very difficult circumstances while a mother to my girls they both were neglected/ abandoned!!! I am not in those difficult circumstances any more and crushed that it is too late ! My turn to suffer. It is so hard! 😢
Thank you this is helpful me especially the info about trauma bond.Dealing with this person he wants me to act a certain way,I just ignore it.
She's one of my clients and I just wish to help her plus I'm the best friend with benefits and although I met her addicted,I wish she would definitely change and if we could become a couple it be great.
Yes I have felt like I could get through, but realized that would not be the case.
If they find out you're trying help, they'll play along then set you up for a big fall leaving you in disbelief. by not enabling them, you are helping yourself - that is, if you're stuck with a narc family member. Otherwise, I'd laugh in their face as i walk the hell out of there. You only live once, screw wasting time on a narcissist.
To not enable means the enabler needs to heal thyself as well
I'm not even with the guy and legit it feels like I'm in a relationship with him imagine hour half these women i feel honestly I never met a narcissist I never even knew what a narcissist was until up to a couple of months ago but these videos really do explained what I am going through so therefore I do know that is what he is I just relate with them so much I've been subscribing and watching hundreds of narcissist videos the last couple of months 🤣🤷♂️ I want to know everything I can about the nicest I live with and what narcissists are in general I think these people really need help they really know how to destroy a person's life
They need help but will never take it. They believe they are the victims so they don't take responsibility for their actions. They blame shift and distort. They have cognitive distortion. It's part of their ego protective mechanism. They are IMPOSSIBLE and relentlessly maddening!!! They can not be helped by any human being. Codependents keep the beast calm for certain periods of time but the beast lives 24/7. They don't behave like narcissists 24/7, but they are narcissists 24/7. This makes it confusing for us normal humans.
Wow - you have no idea how much your videos on covert narcissism are helping to heal me. Every single personality trait has been bang on with what I’ve suffered with my partner for the last 2 years.
I have a very important question though because there’s one thing that I’m still very confused by. Since the day I met my partner he has been into extreme gift giving and HUGE lies about finances - leading me to believe he was well off when in fact he was in debt and forcing his mom to send him thousands of dollars (which I just recently found out) all because he wanted to spoil me. It’s so extreme that he will actually spend his entire pay cheque on buying me things - and not even buy anything for himself. He does this even with me returning certain gifts and repeatedly telling him that it’s absurd and needs to stop. He’ll also do the same with other people (constantly pay the bill for everyone at dinners, buy inappropriately expensive gifts for co workers etc). He also doesn’t really throw these things in my face verbally - however he does tell me that he only wants me working part time and that there’s no need for me to work regardless of the fact that we can barely survive on one income.
Up until now all I’ve ever heard about narcs is that they are the complete opposite and aren’t generous at all - and this is the part that has me confused. Could this need to buy people things be a less common trait of a covert narcissist?
Ps. Thank you so much for spreading awareness on this - you’re truly an angel!💕
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤🙏 The generosity does seem a bit out of character for a narcissist outside of the love bombing phase, which they can flip flop in and out of often. Could be his form of love bombing or it could be something else entirely. But if you identify with all the abusive stuff, try not to get hung up on this one thing. Even narcissists are people and can act in very different ways. But if it's abuse, focus on getting yourself to a better place. You deserve it 🙏❤
Common Ego Yeah I mean he does do this mainly after I threaten to leave him because of all the other behaviours (which is constant) so I’m sure it’s just manipulation. The fact that he forces his mom to send him stacks of money to be able to do it and threatens suicide when she doesn’t tells me it’s not exactly coming from the goodness of his heart.😕
Thank you again xx
Sarah yes! Look up Sam Vaknin. He is a narcissist and explains this wonderfully. He has many videos. So eye opening. Theres a few different kind of narcissists and behaviors that go along with their specific characteristics. Hope that helps.
R Cooper Thank you so much for your response! Just checked out his channel which is amazing, but unfortunately I’m having a hard time finding the one that talks specifically about this - would you happen to remember the name he titled it? Thanks again🙂 xx
@@buddehify I couldn't find the video from Sam Vaknin but I found a good video for you. Channel is "Surviving Narcissism- Seven types of narcissists." Its from June 5th 2019. Status/Vanity go hand in hand with a lot of narcissists. Just go through and watch as many as you want. Theres a wealth of great info on Sam Vaknin & Surviving Narcissism.
Thanks a lot for all these helpful videos you do. Very healthy, calm and clear approach. All your statements are explained very well... amazing!
YOU ARE DANGEROUS!!!!
If at work they control themselves, that tells me that is their choice to be ugly with the family and friends who tolerate that crap out of fear.
Talking to her is clapping with one hand. I´ll stop enabling her and I need to heal also from narc father.
Yes I do
Thank you.
These people need help just like anyone. Casting them out isn't a valid solution.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves
You cannot help these people unless they wanna be helped. Which they don’t because they don’t see an issue with their behavior
Ok, you're right. I'm still in the trauma bond. Our three sons are in the middle. I don't want to watch them be manipulated further. I know I am done with her, but I see how she twists them.
I took it away and my boyfriend of 10 years and father of my children (1 on the way also) left and found a new girlfriend/source. And is now dabbling in drugs with her. I hate I can’t help.
I want to help my narcissistic sister get helped and she said that she don't need that
Once you know, you go
My boyfriend wants out, but he tries to remedy the only physiological aspects to fix the problem: fixing diet, alcohol consumption, attempting to be accountable, but he does not seem to attempt to address psycological issues. I am just Awakening to the dynamic of my long term relationship. And yes I feel like there have been many times that my narcissistic partner was trying to be better, but then there are those other times and I am kinda over it....I am currently in the place where I am just realizing that the character of my partner exhibits many narcissistic qualities, whereas before I only saw the qualities of my partner trying to better himself and that he admitted that he had an epiphany about his behavior.
This is definitely a new perspective.
I watched 5 Seconds of your video and fell in love with you. Not you you but you the person your heart inside. I'm a man and because of that obviously in our society I can't be the victim of narcissism can I? But I was married to a predatory covert narcissist for 12 years and now still have to exist as a co-parent with this person. However I can't stop my heart from reaching out wanting her to be whole. I have no desire to be with her whatsoever but I just truly want her to be healed as I would any other person. I guess because I'm a man in his situation though nobody would listen to me
I just got through to mine I think. I prepared her with a lineup of her past relationships of her , her mother, and her grandfather and showed her the regression of thrir lives showed numerous videos and then later outlined very specific events and then had them watch # from outside view
Thank you so much for making this video
You have to be willing to let go to help them
No contact
Together since 13, we are 37, married 11 years, 2 kids.
Been a struggle for a number of years with her abusive behaviour.
Put a lot down to mental health.
I just found out she’s been having an affair for 5 years.
I’m torn between helping her and leaving her.
Anyone with empathy find it very hard to help someone who has little or no empathy. By trying to help them you are making it worse. Best to emotionally withdraw and just write off the person. Sad but that’s the only way to deal with any narcissist.
My issue here is that there is a difference between the narcissists ego-inflated self-perception of their value/the goodness they can offer, and the reality of what they can offer, and I think it can be healing for them/to them, if you are coming from a place of genuine care (wanting to heal them can often come from a place of your own ego so have to check that) - and if the narcissist on some level (even if subconsciously, which is often the case) wants to heal.
It comes from a place of wanting to be genuinely valued but a fear of their lack of value from lack of self-esteem/a healthy sense of self that has been nurtured by CARING others in their life.
ohgreat! re-affirmation/some more perspective to make me sure it's not trauma bond
was quite sure but always good to hear a more objective approach!
So happy I found your channel
My brother is the narcissist in my life and I was extremely Trauma bonded to him most of my life and enabled him and then I Was married to a narcissist and I divorced him and began to heal and then began Working with my brother and fell back into old patterns I have recently stopped working with him and have distanced myself from him for my own Mental health but I still care about him and want to see him happy and succeed in life. His wife divorced him a few years ago because of his narcissist I see him struggle with his daughter. How do I help him see that he has a problem he can't even admit that he has a problem and i know that has to be the first step, but if I brought up the word narcissist he would lose his shit.
My best friend is 95% wonderful and 5% malignant narcissist. She's a spiritual person and works on herself but I don't think she realizes she has NPD. She knows about karma but is still very hurtful at times. It's VERY confusing!!!
Ty ty 💓
I really like your channel🙌🏻
I am in a crazy place. I am just now realizing I have been married to a narcissist sex/porn addict for 30 years. We have 7 children, and I am stuck. He just “got saved” and I wanted it to go right so bad, but I think it was another trick. I have only been a “homemaker” and I don’t have any idea how to leave. Any ideas would be appreciated.
Hi dear I saw your comment and I know of a spell caster who can help you the same way he helped me ... here is his WhatsApp number +2349071304429
No contact to my mother. I have never been able to give her my caring or love.. She acts like i sm evil to her. I hate her today, but knows that the best is understand what has made her what she is, I feel petty and forgiveness, but there is boundries. So I have to leave all feelings and do not care.. to not ruin the rest of my life
How is everything now? Are you still sticking to those boundaries?
My elderly parent is a narcissist. It is incredibly hard and exhausting.
thank you maam
I loved my father and wanted to help him. I never understood him. Of course not because he did hide excellently. I enabled him by believing his evilness, often. By fearing him. By believing his hypersmart trickery. Nowadays, I would keep stating that he is NOT inherently evil but mislead. I would forgive him his drama every time. If I can now manage to clarify the remainder fog and finally reach forgiveness and thereby lift his and his ancestors self imposed spell.
Anything you do or don’t do will lead to a discard and they will get it or not get it from someone else. How many times in their life have they gone through these cycles. I think you have to either try to manage them from a place of knowledge of narcissism as non-emotionally as possible, or call them out. You’re going to lose them anyway. Tell them they need to get help. No contact just makes them someone else’s problem. We can’t control others but we can influence them. If we stop influencing them through no contact are we not enabling them?
You can't help an Alcoholic they don't want to be helped, as they think your trying to fix them. That's the worst thing you can ever do. They put it down to you being codependent.
Its like u read my mind...
Thankyou🙏😪
I dont know if im a narcissist 😢,somone told me i am.
Because im trying to be like other people im always alone ,and its making me angry i dont know how to help myself