Single woman here who has followed Esther and her practices for some time now. Can never get enough of what she has to share. Unfortunately many people out there are not operating in a space that allows for successful relationships. These teachings should be mandatory before marriage and after divorce.
Esther is a genius! My husband & I play @ the park on the swings, slide & jungle gym! It is so fun to have him push me on the whirly, whirl! This 30 min fun activity causes the next 2-3 days to be joyful! Play is absolutely essential to our marriage! I am 54 & my husband is 62!
@@christinah.8504you need to play more instead of being an unpleasant person making gratuitously mean comments about people obviously far nicer than you 🤡
“humor and play is possibility. possibility invites change. change invites healing” what an incredible quote. i just recently found Esther and i love her perspective!
To whoever is reading this, you are loved. You are blessed. Your dreams are manifesting as we speak. Time is on your side. Everything will work out in your favor. May you find more love, peace and prosperity. Keep shining your light in this world. We need you and we love you. Bless you with all the best🙂 💖💖💖
I love the focus on humour! My friends and I call this “clowning”. Where we exaggerate an aspect of a situation with jokes or even an expression of emotive embodiment of the irrational fear. For the purpose of bringing it to light for observation of the group in a palpable, digestible way.
i loved the focus on "play" at the end of this conversation. When i was in university, i studied psychology and did some research and wrote papers on how fundamental play was in child emotional development for both boys and girls. Which also lead me to secondary research on how important fathers are in play and emotional development from childhood into adulthood
3:15 We are not the same person with different partners. Different things come out, depending on what is being sent over to us...we are constantly responding to each other. Different people bring out different aspects that are already within us. Thankyou Lewis & Esther for such an insightful & powerful interview! I feel more empowered to make positive changes within myself to heal a painful marriage. 🙏💖
Wow! Brilliantly authentic and insightful as always. The questions to ask ourselves. Who was I in this relationship? What role did I play? What did I see that I didn’t want to pay attention to? What things do I wish I had done differently? Where do I wish I said less and where more? What did I learn from this relationship ? Who do I want to be in the next relationship? 3:12 we are not the same person in every relationship which is a "figure 8" of dynamics 4:14 not blaming game but understanding the dynamics 5:34 What keeps us "connected-alive" with a sense of possibility? Calibrating expectations; Diversifying your social connections; taking risks, doing new things and play. 08:06 humour is essential
i love how esther talks about the importance of humor even “making fun of”. i’m a survivor with cptsd and my favorite relationships involve roasting ourselves and one another in friendly ways that don’t cause pain just lots of laughter. i realized through this conflicting values don’t always have to mean tension, stress, and arguments. not everyone feels safe playing with everyone though.
I’ve never heard anyone explain things so well like this before. It makes things so much easier to understand. It gives us a better insight into everything.
This video of Esther Perel is great and more than great... enlightened, for us who walk in the dark without knowing it. Merci beaucoup Esther Perel !!! 🏮
Wow! I have only watched a minute and a half and I am already blown away! I already need to rewind and then stop for personal reflection! If you are stumbling onto the work of Ester Perel for the first time, listen closely and find more videos! So much insight and wisdom and her ideas are applicable to both women and men. Thank you!
I truly wish I'd found her and these conversations at least 4 (if not more) years ago before the catastrophe I've experienced over the last 3 years-the loss of my beloved wife of 48 years due to the growing distance between us and ultimate "irreconcilable differences" that drove her to leave our marriage and not return. Everything I've heard so far is exactly what we needed to hear together.
without communication there is no negotiation, no transformation, no relationship. And we can't blame or win anything unless both sides are heared. We must listen and communicate, the end. Beautiful interview Mr. Howes. 🤭🌹
Duuude I just realized that I hadn't had time to listen to your podcasts lately, I actually remembered how I enjoy them. Not just the guests but the interaction, your listening skills and the fluidity of it all.
The depth of understanding and ability to see how it all works (or doesn't work) is astonishing. I can see how my failed relationships went wrong but also my successful relationship worked. Then realising I knew this all along. Brilliant video. Should be compulsive viewing at 20 yrs old!
My 3 rd marriage and we are still on fire for each other Of course I married the ultimate marriage therapist. It’s work but it’s work I love doing! There is nothing better than finding your true love 💗
This is an excellent clip. Understanding our role in our past relationship failures is key. It's much easier to blame and see the problems of our past partners then it is to accept that our role was just as significant and damaging. By taking time to heal our inner wounds it changes how we show up in relationships moving forward; which is definitely a blessing. What an unhealed heart looks for in a partner and brings to the relationship is much different than what a healed heart looks for and knows they now have to offer. 💛
After watching this video I kinda understood why my relation collapsed, total and absolute lack of sense of Humour. I`m sure many people think sense of humour on both sides is not that important. I can freaking garantee you it is utterly important. And especially if your partner has basically zero sense of homour , then, my friend, you are Done. And I agree with Esther, at that point, when there is zero humour, the relationship is OVER, dont even try to salvage it, cause you cant.
Thank you both for this … great questions, wonderful insight and her wisdom is so valuable, I could listen to her all day….Esther’s a jewel. Appreciate this interview very much
Ahhhh my bf always tease me, every single day, never gives me normal selfies, always weird pose selfies. I asked him, when you're gonna stop to tease me like this? And he said, I wish never. The moment I stop tease you means I stop caring about you. Since then, I tried to loosen up and be playful with my bf like in the beginning of our relationship ☺️😆
Yes!! Humor and play is soo so important for passion and fun in a realionship! I bring so much to the table and if a guy doesn’t see it then oh well! 😂🥂🙏. I’m a hoot and amaze myself some days! lol
I wish this Intelligent educational conversation had less of a commercial and simplistic headline, since it actually i think stops people from watching it for the correct reasons.
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for this interview 🙏 So many great questions and break throughs for me.Absolutely magic especially about intimacy and yes I agree.Thank you to both of you.I feel empowered 🧡
Lewis, you don't need to interject, it's ok to just listen sometimes. It was at times very distracting and frankly didn't apport anything to the conversation. But thank you for the content nontheless.
I think Esther is very wise. I have a question though. It happens sometimes that you are married and to a spouse that gets a mental illness or a dissorder and really doesn’t whant help. We are living in the assuption that everybody is just neurotic but never ill. But there are ill people, and I think that is something we must not be naive about. Many of us are trying to hard for too long.
I knew my marriage was definitely over when he refused to laugh at my jokes anymore. I’m really funny. He would rarely have sex with me for 10 of our 24 year marriage but I knew it was over when he refused to play with me or laugh.
The film Life is Beautiful is a powerful example of a father helping his son psychologically survive a concentration camp experience by creating/narrating an imaginary "game" to create joyful play in the midst of trauma and terror. Play is a survival skill!
I tell the men I dated, the common denominator in these relationships that have ended is me. I made significant contributions to the demise of the relationship.
8:04 sorry ladies, this one is for the guys - most women just aren’t funny, it’s not easy to find a woman you’re attracted to who has a great sense of humour, witty and can genuinely make you laugh… but they do exist, so don’t be average and pick someone who doesn’t have that quality, you’ll regret not waiting.
How do you handle when I'm the only one wanting to play ...he plays and flirts with others but says we live together so no need to play with me and my desire for it pushes him away
I'm not and expert and far from it. My heart tells me if being playful is a need for you than just be playful for your own health. Be playful with others and with him if it is received, but never dim yourself. Be joyful for you... I think he will eventually see the value in it
Being the Perfect Partner means being a Whole Person without having to have another person to complete you. You Should already be complete. And as far as supplying someone else's needs be careful, because if you are a Whole Person and they are a Whole Person then each can take care of there own needs and that way a Whole Partner can be a Luxury and not a Needy Necessity in a Relationship. Whole Complete Mature Adults know how to behave with one another. Get Yourself Fixed so that you don't bring unwanted garbage in and "Ruin" what may be a Future Whole Relationship and a Life Story and perhaps also some Love as well.
My ex said i have contributed to our downfall which i don't deny and have recognized several times during conversations, he says i made him feel unloved, I'm not affectionate person, my question is, is that enough reason for him to cheat and lie to me?and if that's the case why not leave?
It's hard to say. No that's not an excuse for him to lie and cheat. Each person has parts they are accountable for. It sounds like he wasn't ready to admit what issues needed to be looked at prior to lying and cheating. The question is really prior to the lying and cheating how did you feel about the relationship, how you were showing up and the connection you were sharing? It's not just about his complaints but what lies beneath. I know in my failed relationships I can honestly say the relationships really never should have began at all. I was not honest with myself and did not listen to what my inner self was telling me and that those persons were not a good match.
@@diane2413 absolutely how you close this beautiful statement, that's how I felt bout this relationship.... I appreciate you saying this 😊. I feel as women most times we tend to love more when we have been proven we shouldn't. It's been a rollercoaster ever since for me. I realized he's narcissistic but I'm the one called narcissist. It is breaking my mental so bad that I don't know what else to do. I appreciate you responding.
Cheating is a part of a personas character , and character has nothing to do with anyone else but the individual!!! You could have been a devil and it’s still no excuse to cheat !!!! You could be an angel and if he wanted to cheat he would !! That’s just who he is
Single woman here who has followed Esther and her practices for some time now. Can never get enough of what she has to share. Unfortunately many people out there are not operating in a space that allows for successful relationships. These teachings should be mandatory before marriage and after divorce.
🙌
Q
Enjoy listening to you Ester thank you
What is your definition of "space?"
Completely mandatory!!
We literally know nothing about how to be humans
She is one of the few people I hear who puts accountability on both parties.
🙌
Esther is a genius! My husband & I play @ the park on the swings, slide & jungle gym! It is so fun to have him push me on the whirly, whirl! This 30 min fun activity causes the next 2-3 days to be joyful! Play is absolutely essential to our marriage! I am 54 & my husband is 62!
This is so inspiring. 😊
humble brag much? Take it easy. Those things are what you should be doing.
that's really cute :)
Love that so much !
@@christinah.8504you need to play more instead of being an unpleasant person making gratuitously mean comments about people obviously far nicer than you 🤡
"Play is the opposite of fear"
What a genial woman. I'm so grateful💖🙏
Thank you so much for watching!
“humor and play is possibility. possibility invites change. change invites healing” what an incredible quote. i just recently found Esther and i love her perspective!
🧡
🎉🎉
To whoever is reading this, you are loved. You are blessed. Your dreams are manifesting as we speak. Time is on your side. Everything will work out in your favor. May you find more love, peace and prosperity. Keep shining your light in this world. We need you and we love you. Bless you with all the best🙂 💖💖💖
❤❤❤
Bellisimo!!!! Thank YOU so much for this blessing. Much needed!!!!
Mom?
Thank you 😢
Amen
I am really impressed by the way that she explains difficult things in easy way
Good to hear true wisdom not saturated with modern day toxicity. She really has a great view on human behavior and mannerisms.
Thank you for being here 🧡
I love the focus on humour! My friends and I call this “clowning”. Where we exaggerate an aspect of a situation with jokes or even an expression of emotive embodiment of the irrational fear. For the purpose of bringing it to light for observation of the group in a palpable, digestible way.
She is incredible. Accountability is a key step to true healing.
And most women do not know how to practise it accountability
Yes for trusting someone ! Agreed!
i loved the focus on "play" at the end of this conversation. When i was in university, i studied psychology and did some research and wrote papers on how fundamental play was in child emotional development for both boys and girls. Which also lead me to secondary research on how important fathers are in play and emotional development from childhood into adulthood
3:15 We are not the same person with different partners. Different things come out, depending on what is being sent over to us...we are constantly responding to each other. Different people bring out different aspects that are already within us.
Thankyou Lewis & Esther for such an insightful & powerful interview! I feel more empowered to make positive changes within myself to heal a painful marriage. 🙏💖
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
I was thinking exactly those things. 😊
Wow! Brilliantly authentic and insightful as always. The questions to ask ourselves.
Who was I in this relationship?
What role did I play?
What did I see that I didn’t want to pay attention to?
What things do I wish I had done differently?
Where do I wish I said less and where more?
What did I learn from this relationship ?
Who do I want to be in the next relationship?
3:12 we are not the same person in every relationship which is a "figure 8" of dynamics
4:14 not blaming game but understanding the dynamics
5:34 What keeps us "connected-alive" with a sense of possibility? Calibrating expectations; Diversifying your social connections; taking risks, doing new things and play.
08:06 humour is essential
Thank you for writing down and timing for each section. You are a great help
Thank you. This is so helpful
Thank you!
💞
Thank you for this. x
I neverrrrrr thought of it this way! The figure 8 analogy makes soooo much sense 👏🏼
She's deep and accurate. ❤
She is a smart person and one of the best I’ve heard on relationships. A true professional and specialist.
Absolutely...she is brilliant
I love it when figure 8 is beautifully explained, thank you.
i love how esther talks about the importance of humor even “making fun of”. i’m a survivor with cptsd and my favorite relationships involve roasting ourselves and one another in friendly ways that don’t cause pain just lots of laughter. i realized through this conflicting values don’t always have to mean tension, stress, and arguments. not everyone feels safe playing with everyone though.
Always learn so much from your interviews. Thank you both for all you do🙏
She’s the best! I learn so much from her wisdom and knowledge.
Best part of a good relationship is communication. Being responsible and being respectful
Fun and humour I'm learning is in that list too.
This type of conversations heal my soul ❤ ty ty ty
I’ve never heard anyone explain things so well like this before. It makes things so much easier to understand. It gives us a better insight into everything.
Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂
Your wonderful, Louis. Thank you!! And your guest just gives me hope for myself every single time I hear her speak. Keep up the great work!!
Esther is amazing. I'm learning so much from her.
This video of Esther Perel is great and more than great... enlightened, for us who walk in the dark without knowing it. Merci beaucoup Esther Perel !!! 🏮
Wow! I have only watched a minute and a half and I am already blown away! I already need to rewind and then stop for personal reflection! If you are stumbling onto the work of Ester Perel for the first time, listen closely and find more videos! So much insight and wisdom and her ideas are applicable to both women and men. Thank you!
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
I truly wish I'd found her and these conversations at least 4 (if not more) years ago before the catastrophe I've experienced over the last 3 years-the loss of my beloved wife of 48 years due to the growing distance between us and ultimate "irreconcilable differences" that drove her to leave our marriage and not return. Everything I've heard so far is exactly what we needed to hear together.
48 years WTF? why i’m the world wouldn’t you too just stick it out!?? However I understand it only if infidelity was at play
I’m sorry to hear this Douglas. I’m healing from a recent breakup but your wound puts mine to shame. I’m still glad you learned❤
Why blaming yourself, when it’s true
without communication there is no negotiation, no transformation, no relationship. And we can't blame or win anything unless both sides are heared. We must listen and communicate, the end. Beautiful interview Mr. Howes. 🤭🌹
Thank you so much! Your comment made my day 😊
shes amazing
Duuude I just realized that I hadn't had time to listen to your podcasts lately, I actually remembered how I enjoy them. Not just the guests but the interaction, your listening skills and the fluidity of it all.
Appreciate you! 🙏
Yes, the fluidity!!
If you don't arouse that primal passion in a woman then it doesn't matter how good a partner a man is.
and how do you do that?
@@timothyn4699play and flirting and make sure to play with words! It’s hot!
Love Ester's take on play. Now im being mindful of play and being more silly my aporoach to dating is less intense and im feeling much more relaxed.
The depth of understanding and ability to see how it all works (or doesn't work) is astonishing.
I can see how my failed relationships went wrong but also my successful relationship worked.
Then realising I knew this all along. Brilliant video. Should be compulsive viewing at 20 yrs old!
My 3 rd marriage and we are still on fire for each other
Of course I married the ultimate marriage therapist. It’s work but it’s work I love doing! There is nothing better than finding your true love 💗
🧡
Give us some tips….I’m considering a 3rd marriage but fear the odds are so terrible!
@@akcr5769 Same here. Too scared after 2 divorces!
@@shaaddhillon3819 3rd time is a charm! Is for me, 17 years and still as happy. Each year gets better! 🤍
@@akcr5769 do it! My third is 17 years and getting better!
This is an excellent clip. Understanding our role in our past relationship failures is key. It's much easier to blame and see the problems of our past partners then it is to accept that our role was just as significant and damaging. By taking time to heal our inner wounds it changes how we show up in relationships moving forward; which is definitely a blessing. What an unhealed heart looks for in a partner and brings to the relationship is much different than what a healed heart looks for and knows they now have to offer. 💛
Glad you enjoyed it!
Pearls of wisdom, Always! Thanks!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
After watching this video I kinda understood why my relation collapsed, total and absolute lack of sense of Humour. I`m sure many people think sense of humour on both sides is not that important. I can freaking garantee you it is utterly important. And especially if your partner has basically zero sense of homour , then, my friend, you are Done.
And I agree with Esther, at that point, when there is zero humour, the relationship is OVER, dont even try to salvage it, cause you cant.
Thank you both for this … great questions, wonderful insight and her wisdom is so valuable, I could listen to her all day….Esther’s a jewel. Appreciate this interview very much
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
4:00 This tapestry called Love is worth every stitch. Treasured ~
I like the figure 8 analogy. When I tried that in my marriage, I was accused of blaming. It was not a blame deal...but could never get past that hump.
Humar and playing is what got is through all the really hard conversations.
I love these greatness clips!
Appreciate you and your support! 🙏
So helpful!
I just love her!
Thank you for being here 🧡
I love this woman 😘✨
🧡
"Each one creates the other..."
fantastic! from start to finish. she is brilliant as always.
🧡
It takes one to know one Tonista
Ahhhh my bf always tease me, every single day, never gives me normal selfies, always weird pose selfies. I asked him, when you're gonna stop to tease me like this? And he said, I wish never. The moment I stop tease you means I stop caring about you. Since then, I tried to loosen up and be playful with my bf like in the beginning of our relationship ☺️😆
She's great.
🧡
Love this thank you
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
So much to learn from Esther. Thank you.
You're welcome,thank you for tuning in 🧡
Yes!! Humor and play is soo so important for passion and fun in a realionship! I bring so much to the table and if a guy doesn’t see it then oh well! 😂🥂🙏. I’m a hoot and amaze myself some days! lol
I wish this Intelligent educational conversation had less of a commercial and simplistic headline, since it actually i think stops people from watching it for the correct reasons.
It all boils down to people’s level of consciousness!
I was hoping to see both of you play this anticipated game.😮
This lessons are awesome
Thanks
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
We all need to fix something!!
Gracias ❤
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for this interview 🙏 So many great questions and break throughs for me.Absolutely magic especially about intimacy and yes I agree.Thank you to both of you.I feel empowered 🧡
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching!
I love the way she refers to it as ‘being in transition’
Totally agree 100%...
🙌
Hahahaha I love her vibe so much
Thank you 💝
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
Esther, you flower🤲🤗💞.
Say yes dear all the time and keep your eyes only on your pride and joy!!!!🇨🇦
And attention!!
Cannot say it enough!!!!
❤ excellent advice❤
Thank you for tuning in 🧡
Love this two🤗🙏🏻❤️
Are you single?.
Thank you for this, you are both brilliant! Is it possible to purchase the game in Mexico?
I love her insights
🧡
Wow.....Esther Perel is a good Mentor for relationship. Can I with Lewis Howes? I am a mature woman and good sense of humour....
Excellent! ❤👍❤👍
Thank you!
What book would you recommend I start with?
Lewis, you don't need to interject, it's ok to just listen sometimes. It was at times very distracting and frankly didn't apport anything to the conversation. But thank you for the content nontheless.
This one video is eeeeverythiiing. Eyes wise n wide opening
Appreciate you for watching. 🧡
I think Esther is very wise. I have a question though. It happens sometimes that you are married and to a spouse that gets a mental illness or a dissorder and really doesn’t whant help. We are living in the assuption that everybody is just neurotic but never ill. But there are ill people, and I think that is something we must not be naive about. Many of us are trying to hard for too long.
I knew my marriage was definitely over when he refused to laugh at my jokes anymore. I’m really funny. He would rarely have sex with me for 10 of our 24 year marriage but I knew it was over when he refused to play with me or laugh.
I really love this two. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
🧡
The film Life is Beautiful is a powerful example of a father helping his son psychologically survive a concentration camp experience by creating/narrating an imaginary "game" to create joyful play in the midst of trauma and terror. Play is a survival skill!
Which podcast episode is this extract from?
Grazie.
You're welcome!
There is no such thing as a perfect partner, perfect person. Please, do not set up this type of expectation. It is dangerous.
Agreed!
When we refer to something as perfect we are appreciating each aspect of the composition. Who we are together can be complementary
@@kimgordon3695, still never perfect.
@@monicastevens2669 it could be perfect to you only...
Yes I have to agree because I have experienced it
One can be all this and still experience strange things
How many of you are in a happy and successful relationship or marriage, and how long have you been together?
What about people with addiction? How does this change the dynamic?
How would you do this if your husband is going blind and is angry
What exactly are these risks that push you beyond your comfort threshold?
I tell the men I dated, the common denominator in these relationships that have ended is me. I made significant contributions to the demise of the relationship.
Why? You didn't liked them?
8:04 sorry ladies, this one is for the guys - most women just aren’t funny, it’s not easy to find a woman you’re attracted to who has a great sense of humour, witty and can genuinely make you laugh… but they do exist, so don’t be average and pick someone who doesn’t have that quality, you’ll regret not waiting.
I'm dating a woman with a sense of humor and intelligence. I reciprocate. What a positive experience.
I use to feel hurt by my wife now i dont feel anything. I must say, i prefer this feeling.
How do you handle when I'm the only one wanting to play ...he plays and flirts with others but says we live together so no need to play with me and my desire for it pushes him away
I'm not and expert and far from it. My heart tells me if being playful is a need for you than just be playful for your own health. Be playful with others and with him if it is received, but never dim yourself. Be joyful for you... I think he will eventually see the value in it
Express that it's important to you. Tell him you want to play together. I hope he responds well x
Being the Perfect Partner means being a Whole Person without having to have another person to complete you. You Should already be complete. And as far as supplying someone else's needs be careful, because if you are a Whole Person and they are a Whole Person then each can take care of there own needs and that way a Whole Partner can be a Luxury and not a Needy Necessity in a Relationship. Whole Complete Mature Adults know how to behave with one another. Get Yourself Fixed so that you don't bring unwanted garbage in and "Ruin" what may be a Future Whole Relationship and a Life Story and perhaps also some Love as well.
Thanks…a lot!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
My ex said i have contributed to our downfall which i don't deny and have recognized several times during conversations, he says i made him feel unloved, I'm not affectionate person, my question is, is that enough reason for him to cheat and lie to me?and if that's the case why not leave?
It's hard to say. No that's not an excuse for him to lie and cheat. Each person has parts they are accountable for. It sounds like he wasn't ready to admit what issues needed to be looked at prior to lying and cheating. The question is really prior to the lying and cheating how did you feel about the relationship, how you were showing up and the connection you were sharing? It's not just about his complaints but what lies beneath. I know in my failed relationships I can honestly say the relationships really never should have began at all. I was not honest with myself and did not listen to what my inner self was telling me and that those persons were not a good match.
@@diane2413 absolutely how you close this beautiful statement, that's how I felt bout this relationship.... I appreciate you saying this 😊.
I feel as women most times we tend to love more when we have been proven we shouldn't. It's been a rollercoaster ever since for me. I realized he's narcissistic but I'm the one called narcissist.
It is breaking my mental so bad that I don't know what else to do.
I appreciate you responding.
Cheating is a part of a personas character , and character has nothing to do with anyone else but the individual!!!
You could have been a devil and it’s still no excuse to cheat !!!! You could be an angel and if he wanted to cheat he would !! That’s just who he is
❤
🙏💗
PLEASE INTERVIEW JONATHAN ASLAY‼️🎤💜
Is that you and your husband, in the 50th anniversary video?
If you were in an abusive relationship…. Particularly a covertly abusive relationship?
This is a very important question.
Therapy first. So simple
People want to have have have have
How about doing something yourself
Humor and play...
I am a perfect partner. Now where to find mine?!?!
Two way street...