The anger at decades of anxiety diagnosis and treatment, with no one asking why I was anxious, was one of the first things I work through after my diagnosis. There is a lot of cognitive bias involved in how care professionals view women.
@@Autistic_AFI got labeled “ADD” at 22 in 2004. That hadn’t been a correct diagnosis since 1987. I don’t know about these “professionals”, they also said they couldn’t assess my 3 year old daughter because she “wouldn’t cooperate”. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
@@misspat7555 I got the ADHD label 20 something years ago too. Enter Autism last year - ADHD was a misdiagnosis (along with my Bi-Polar traits, but not enough for a diagnosis - it was probably burnout).
Right! Honestly, in my adolescence and early adulthood, talk therapy only ever addressed the surface and specific issues causing the anxiety. It took until my 30s for anyone to even try to dig deeper 🙄
I’m a Gen X’er who grew up on the 70’s. I knew from the age of 16 that I was autistic. I heard an interview on TV and it described me perfectly. When I brought it up to my family they told me that I was not a tragedy and that I didn’t need to worry because I was a girl and couldn’t have autism. I was formally diagnosed in February of 2020 as AuDHD.
Never even considered I could be autistic; had known of a couple nonverbal boys who could barely control their own bodies at school with that label, and that certainly wasn’t me! I did realize I had “ADD” (ADHD-PI) at 16, though; was formally diagnosed as I was flunking out of my master’s program at 22. Would not have told my parents sooner, because they would have used it as an excuse to further infantilize me; they wanted to make ALL my important decisions for me, well past when I became an adult! 😬
Back in the 80’s, I remember SO MANY young children, ESPECIALLY girls, being labeled “shy”. This was also considered less concerning in girls; while a “shy” boy might, for example, be forced into sports to “toughen up” basically as soon as he started school, a girl’s “shyness” might be accepted basically up to adulthood. I wonder how many of those girls (and boys) were actually autistic? 🤔
I was always labeled as shy and "too serious". "She never smiles" "I didn't know she could speak?" was common stuff I'd hear growing up, I stopped it by watching videos on how to appear more charismatic, body language to appear more confident, etc. You know, the typical stuff middle schoolers watch (sarcasm), I started copying all of it, and it wasn't until I turned 18 that I learned it was called masking all along. That saved me. It all eventually makes you feel like you're fake, you're not normal, hell, maybe you're even broken, and definitely you're a terrible person because you've never been genuine to anyone, not even your closest friends. And if you're like me, you start forgetting what you're even like, what counts as your personality and what was forced upon you. Thankfully more people talk about autism now so other girls don't have to go through the same journey. I wasn't born in the 80's or anything but I can only imagine how frightening it must be to mask your entire life and never discover your true self.
Yep I was shy. And sports certainly didn't toughen me up. Well having Klinefelter Syndrome certainly didn't help with that either. Always picked last, or on the bench. Shy and a 'nerd' and always bullied, quiet, played by myself. Held back in Kindergarten for not being able to socialise. If only he tried a bit harder... I was the shy boy, that was diagnosed at 46yo.
For me, masking when I was younger felt like I was "channeling the essence" of certain people, most often fictional characters. I also tended to be surprised when I looked in mirrors and realized how different my actual face was from my mental image of myself & my expressions.
Found out I’m autistic last year at age 55 and totally relate! I still have pictures of my perfectly ordered Nancy Drew books, National Geographic’s, collections of bells, spoons, bottle caps, teacups and coins from the late 70s:)
I'm 51 and going through an assessment right now. I was born female and labeled shy and misdiagnosed with many things. I was given medications I should never have been on. Three major barriers to getting a diagnosis are that I am transgender, I have experienced a lot of trauma from a young age, and I have a high IQ. I'm told it's hard to determine what social and emotional issues are from these two issues, or ASD and ADHD. And a high IQ often equals high masking. Masking for decades makes it hard to identify clear examples of things in an assessment interview. I'm currently watching videos and trying to make a list of what I can relate to to present on Monday. I saw a psychiatrist Friday for an hour who laughed when I said I was being assessed. He knows nothing about me except the mask that walked through his door. I identify with so much of the content and individuals with both ASD and ADHD. I have family members who are diagnosed, and my friends and past partners and present partner also fit the criteria. Diagnosis protocols will improve, just not soon enough for me and millions of others. I wish everyone could get proper assessments, respect, and support. Thanks for this video.
I think I’m somewhat intelligent but don’t know how to mask. I’m late diagnosed as well. I don’t like the stereotype that is women automatically k ow how to mask. I never did. People spot that I’m different and bully me no matter what. I wouldn’t make assumptions about masking. I think early diagnosed people are actually. Better at masking because they were tortured to act neurotypical (ABA). We luckily werent I think they just need to realize just as many women are autistic as men and it affects all races as well. Enough bias and we would be diagnosed earlier. Also, professionals don’t bother learning about us at all. It’s like we are to be ignored.
@@JDMimeTHEFIRST ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ There are both late diagnose women and late diagnosed men who mask and was missed. So I get your point. And not all late diagnosed and identified women mask. They may just be seen as shy and quiet, or weird, Different. Both autistic men and women wondered about a pamphlet to know the neurotypical ways but my mom was a pamphlet and I never listened to her. She say I am very stubborn and hard headed.
The only reason I was recently diagnosed at nearly 50, is because I randomly read the DSM V criteria last year and immediately knew I fit this criteria. I then independently researched for the next 6 months and then decided to seek a diagnosis from a specialist psych. If I didn’t stumble across the criteria, I would have lived my whole life thinking I was just different but didn’t really understand how or why. My high IQ has allowed me to mask better I guess.
I'm a woman in my early 40s and have spent the last year going through a process of self-identification. (Pro tip: most neurotypical people do not spend a year deeply researching if they might be autistic! 😅) I'm actually a very extroverted and outgoing person - not what you expect from typical autism presentations! But by this point in my life, I've been able to surround myself mostly with other neurodiverse people: I think pretty much everyone I know is ADHD, autistic, or both! It's a lot easier to be a social person when the people around you have similar brains to yours!
@@juliegolick I feel you. I mean, I don’t understand the outrage in our community or with NTs about self-diagnosis. I think we know we’re different and they won’t tell us or help us understand why but the alienation is there. We, as self-aware humans, try to figure it out and do the work to improve ourselves, or strengthen our strengths and reduce the impact of our limitations…but we’re the weirdos?! lol It’s incredibly invalidating, imo. 💜
I appear introverted but I'm extroverted and outgoing when with others like me. With NT people I try to be but I end up being rude, interrupting, speaking when I should and stopping when I should. My wife will kick me under the table to let me I'm talking to much when out with friends.
I was born in a female body. From age 3, I lined up my matchbox car collection, memorised number plates and spec about makes of cars, played outside making camps, bows and arrows, beating my peers in armwrestling and running, and often entertained myself reading the dictionary and the encyclopaedia. I was not interested in dolls until I was about 8 by which time it had become interesting because I had taught myself about reproduction, childbirth and looking after a baby. I was very outspoken, headstrong and not at all shy, and had no clue that anything I was doing was unusual because it all just went straight over my head. I was labelled a troublemaker (which I wasn't - I just got goaded into doing things I didn't realise were naughty and never knew to run away or lie). This was in the 70s and I was not diagnosed.
Nice to find someone else who read those for entertainment. In my case, though, there was often nothing else to hand ass Braille books are enormous and limited in supply.
Oh my goodness, so much of this is my story too. I didn't have enough toy cars to line up unfortunately, but categorised my Mum's button collection instead. But the bows and arrows - yes, arm wrestling - yes, not interested in dolls - yes! Growing up in the 70s - yes! I refused to give up a gorgeous wind-up cement-truck I was given as a present at my Dad's work Christmas party. They wanted to take it back and give me a "girls' present" instead .... they said there had been a mistake. But I won that battle. I got to take the truck home!!! Yay!
Your story is so relatable to me as a female as well. But instead of cars, it was dinosaurs and animalsn not the cutesy onesn but wild animals like tigers, wolves, lions, panthers (mostly predators) for me. Reading dictionaries and encyclopedias is fun. The fisrt one I finished was a pictionary and encyclopedia on native animals. I finished another one of the same type on plants later. I gave those away to my cousins but they aren't interested in thsoe so I kind wished I still keep them. I also learned quite a lot of not very common nor popular animal names in English, my second/ foreign language from this one in elementary school. I don't like dolls and people-shaped stuff toys untill around 8-9 grade as well, just because my next door cousin came to play dolls with me and I had no other friends except for her. I fought with the boys and despite not being athletic due to several physical issues, I never find it practical nor neccessary to behave like what's generally expected from girls. The girls in my 2nd grade tried to verbally bully once me but just left me doing my own things after I gave the instigator a strike on her head. I also loved drawing animal mash-ups and beasts like dragons, actually finished drawing 100 ones when provoked by a classmate, a boy that I got along with as I liked his dragons and beasts drawings, and interests. In my mid-twenties, I was given a Schizotypal PD diagnosis because my doctor said autism only showed up in children. Before anyine rage on him, I both him and I were in a developing country, so the ASD diagnosis isn't available for adults. The health-care system where I live is still catching up. I also have hyperlexia and spoke quite early. According to my mom, I learned to speak and walk at the same time so no one suspected I could have ASD but just a nerdy and tomboyish girl. I'm grateful that my mom loved me and never tried to force me into the feminine mold as she's also a strong-willed woman herself who refused the cultural norms of being a stayzatzhome mom that is technicallyfree labor for the paternal family with little calue other than being a slave and baby machine.
Thank you to everyone that left a like and response to my original post. I usually feel like the odd one out with my more boyish presentation as a child.
It was only about a year before my diagnosis that I learned that if you masked, you could still be autistic. I thought I was good at masking. I put a lot of effort into it from the age of about 16 to 35. I have since learned that I wasn’t that good at it. I couldn’t keep it up for very long. Masking only served to hide the real me from myself.
@ your brain is better off without masking because you have less stress from not masking. But your life can be more stressful if you deal with typicals! Nothing is perfect in this world.
Hey that was me! I was overlooked until last year at fifty-freaking-eight when burnout was crushing me. I appreciate your channel, Mike, and it's one of the inspirations behind starting my own. Thank you for sharing your smart and funny self.
I was diagnosed dyslexic in 1981. Dyslexia was thought to be a male disorder but I was diagnosed by a neurologist. The side note was that I also had social issues that were dealt with using ABA therapy, Gross Motor therapy and special education. Basically I was taught to mask, which absolutely didn't hide my weirdness. When my son was diagnosed with autism for acting just like me in 1998, I just assumed that it was that Dyslexia was somehow related but I suspected that I was autistic as well as my father. 2020 was an eye opener because it was the first time that I actually felt relief. I unmasked and quick, I can't go back because it was destroying me.
As a female presenting someone who, since the age of 4, has intensely studied and researched over 2 dozen different subjects in science, technology, and history, was always labeled as shy or weird, suffered horrible bullying in school (to the point of actual violence for which I was accused of instigating even though I was trying everything to avoid it and was never allowed to defend myself), masking to the point of outright mimicking speech patterns and accens without realizing it (and being accused of making fun of people because of it), being treated like something was wrong with me and given the flavor of the month diagnosis since I was 8 (including Bipolar and BPD), and the fact that I'm androgynous... yeah, me getting a proper ASD diagnosis is pretty much impossible...
Ironically, it was the anxiety medication I was given for an anxiety disorder* or rather my attempt to stop using it* That led to a shutdown* so severe I was hospitalised as Catatonic* medically. Not a figure of speech. Frozen, for 6 days. The Psychiatrist had me moved to an observation ward after I ' woke up ' and that was the beginning of a new life* Sooner would have been better but hey ! I had been on a two year waiting list to see a Psychiatrist at the time, which was after previously waiting for two years just to find out, The referral never even reached it's destination. Still, we're here now ! lol ( I might be an over-sharer, or just act like I know you* suddenly .bI'm hoping you understand. I certainly understand if comments are removed or not welcomed on occasion. I rarely use social media frankly but where else are people talking about this ? )
@harrietwindebank6051 Very kind. It's taken 18 month's to find some balance between putting the pieces of my past together to understand so I can move on and dwelling* That's been very difficult for sure. Thank you.
I have to admit I was preemptively kind of disappointed because I assumed it was yet another one of those videos that gender autism in a very binary way, and was pleasantly surprised that it is not. I am a trans guy, raised as a girl, but my traits are not even subtle and while I did mask quite a lot, I objectively sucked at it and fooled no one :D Yet my perceived gender ALONE apparently prevented everyone from considering there might be something going on instead of just me being lazy, incompetent and awkward. It's kind of difficult not to be angry. Because I am either expected of having the "female phenotype" because of my assigned gender or assumed to have been diagnosed early if I am a man right? I am considering an official diagnosis, which takes years and years for adults in my country even if one's gender is not a barrier.
It’s also possible you wouldn’t have been diagnosed regardless. Autism was considered much less common and rarely diagnosed in ANYONE until at least the mid-90’s or so.
It just happened to me (high masking female) very recently. After the assessment they used a couple of stereotypes like "You're not up until 3am thinking about trains, you just really like Disney because it's an escape", "You show progression so you can't have autism" and "You have a couple of friends, so you don't meet the criteria for interpersonal relationships". I'm absolutely gutted. Going to look for a second opinion, though.
I was obsessed with collecting horse facts as a kid. I was expert level, I could look at a horse and tell you its breed and even cross breed just by its shapes, colouring and proportions! I was so obsessed and I wanted one so bad that my parents sold our home in the city and bought a small hobby farm in the country. They bought me 2 horses and I unfortunately was pretty terrible with the executive functioning aspects of caring for them. I didn’t enjoy riding them because unfortunately horses need regular relationship establishment and I couldn’t even do that with others of my own species. So the horses went ignored whilst I stayed inside, researching them just like before we left the city. My poor parents.
I have an official diagnosis of ADHD but I suspect I am a bit "spicier" then that. I seem to have overcome some of my sensory sensitivities that were very much worse in me when I was a child, like I couldn't bear the feel of grass on my bare feet or stand the way soup dribbled down my chin, but to this day I still cut the tags off all of my clothes, for example. And I got over the eye contact thing, which used to cause me a near physical pain, but now I hold eye contact for too long and it is perceived as a threat, so your comment on another cultural view of eye contact makes perfect sense to me.
Wow I feel so called out 😂 (I'm also diagnosed) I used to have like.. 10 squishmallows. I was just monologuing to someone about Victorian fashion the other day, and I absolutely pay a lot of attention to relationships in stories. Even if it's catalogues of fanfiction instead of lists of relationships 😂 Thank you for this Mike, it's much needed Edit: something else I find interesting. I did ballet when I was a teenager (still live it and study it at home. It's just too expensive). And refuse to do any other form of dance that has less structure than classical ballet. And I absolutely hate the modern dance side of ballet. I tried a hip hop class and had SO MUCH anxiety with the need to be able to spontaneously... Do things
Oh hahahaha that’s really funny. The Victorian Fashion example was from from one of the research papers, but the others (Squishmallow and Fiction) are from my head lol. That’s amusing, Natasha!
Me who was BFF with the horse girl in primary school, didn't manage to make friends when she moved away and later was friends with people who are now either diagnosed or suspected autistic and/or adhd: huh... I also told I am shy, no matter if I am anxious or relaxed in social situations 😅
Thank you so much for this video, Mike! 50 yo undiagnosed, or ruther heavily misdiagnosed female here 😊 Thanks to you and other brave UA-camrs I can have peace of mind now! The signs were there all along but because I was bright and doing good at school and I was reasonable and didn't create problems, nobody could see them. Even if they did in communist Romania nobody heard of autism. Even now it is more like a myth. " Nonsense darling, you need to try harder!" I tried so hard it put me in a mental hospital twice. Funny thought, after I ditched the medication and I started learning about autism everything started to fall into place, no more depression and anxiety, no more guilt for how I am, and if I'm careful, no more burnout
As a 40yr old female with stereotypically male interests, I have been accepted into society as a 'tomboy'. My friends at work are mainly men in their 60's who like engines and motorbikes etc. I'm neither stereotypically male nor female in autism spectrum, and also adhd, so probably would be flagged up as that, if I was a man....
Circa 25 years ago I described in detail my symptoms of executive dysfunction to a THERAPIST and was called "inconsiderate."🤷♀ Glad my parents backed me up and told me he was being a jerk.
I was told to think of my anxieties as though it was like a type of allergy that one gets born with. Can't do much to change it, but you can focus on managing it. That insight was fine, whether I'm ASC or not, my anxieties are here to contend with. The HUGE difference in approaching management is which paradigm you find yourself in, -Generalized Anxiety Disorder; well let's just give you some medications to dampen that for you and teach you breathing techniques and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy so you can "WILL" it away... Borderline Personality Disorder, ok, well how are you gaining influence over the people around you by performing your anxieties in front of them? If you can't admit you're manipulating people with your behaviour, then you can't/don't want to change and you are 'refusing treatment', ie so a "MORAL" deficit.. Discovering the ASC in my family and in myself made me realize that neither 'will power' nor submitting to the medical establishment's view of a person presenting much like myself as 'morally degenerate' has made or will make any sustainable progress in my capability to regulate myself. It has, however, made me quite stubborn about having to go through coerced "CBT" sessions in order to access therapies that are actually useful, ( ie, physical &/or occupational /or niche, like hydro- therapies, etc). Bleah. Barf CBT, lol. Being AFAB, femme, a person of colour, and "gifted" as a child and born into GEN-X has been difficult, but that 'lightbulb moment' where I realized its different, but its just fine, and I'm not a malignant person, ...I've been given a chance to love myself, finally where as all the other diagnoses demanded I abandon or enforce dominance over my internal experiences. Even if I'm not ASC (though I'm pretty convinced already), I have been given these past few years of respite from constantly trying to tear down myself in order to make failed attempts at restructuring to seem "normal". I am done with it, lol!
And as someone who has both, Having BPD (borderline) while being adhd & autistic made life very traumatic & a lot of the time I feel very broken. The GAD & PTSD I fully believe came from being undiagnosed to misdiagnosed &still expected to perform being a woman & cog in the late stage capitalist machine
I was diagnosed with 41 and it was like the missing puzzle piece. I got my diagnose, read a bit into autism (especially in girls/women) and suddenly everything became clear. For example, as a kid I was in love with dinosaurs, read books, drew pictures and could tell you name and data of many of them (imagine how excited I was when Jurassic Parc came out). Nobody suspected nothing, I was just the girl who loved dinosaurs (later I would obsess over Indiana Jones, trying to smile like Harrison Ford in front of the mirror😂 ) Nowadays I can mask so good, nobody believes I am autisitic, because I look a people and talk to them. Well, yes, I had over 40 years of training and if we discuss something I tend to flap around and I dont look at people all the time, my gaze wanders. The systematizing was new and you know what, I love to invent Stories and worlds and characters but what I like very much is creating maps and character- sheets with all possible info on the characters. So I had another "autisitic enlightment" thanks to you ❤ PS: May I ask where you got the cat pillow (the black thingy in the backround) from? I could not not look at it 😂
Oh, I was given the opportunity to study abroad in Malaysia during college. It's a beautiful country, full of lovely people! Great video! As a late diagnosed autistic woman: YEP. You nailed it.
As AFAB (now identifying as nonbinary) I went completely unspotted for 20 years, although I remember asking my mom if I may be autistic as early teen and her very bad reaction. At 20 my therapist suggested it (already months into therapy) and I reacted, offended "but I can talk with people!" 😂 Then a year or two later a psychiatrist gave me ADHD diagnosis but noted that I give spectrum more than ADHD and I should maybe look into that. Four years later I still don’t really have funds for assessment, but I’m pretty confident in self diagnosis. I learned to talk very early and almost immediately talked in full sentences, I also learned to read around 3, such things weren’t viewed as pointing at neurodiverse development which was only associated with deficits in my family. My mom claims I never had autistic traits and yet she’ll recall as when I was being read bedtime stories I would be very angry each time she tried to skip any parts, as I Ioved reading and watching same things over and over and remembered exactly how they SHOULD go. I was outspoken and confident and didn’t care much about other kids so no one really noticed that other kids don’t like me and tend to exclude me, especially since I was good at communicating with adults. It got better and better as I learned to mask in social situations but I remember that in middle school I would proclaim to newly met people „I’m a weirdo! If you don’t like that, we won’t get along!” 😂 I always knew there’s something off with me compared to most other people. I also remember my behaviours related to sensory issues. I would have complete meltdowns after my parents raised their voices for prolonged periods. I would try to go outside or to less crowded areas during breaks in school. I would get off public transport anxious and angry. I would be exhausted after travels or social gatherings. I would refuse to wear any uncomfortable clothes or shoes (coincidentally often the "girly” ones). Only now I know I have never been making that stuff up…
I remember when I was younger and had just realised I was autistic (still years from a diagnosis) I had such an extreme identity crisis because I had been masking every second of my day (at home, at school, everywhere) since I was about 6. I had to learn who I was because frankly I couldn't distinguish between myself and the mask. I was also dealing with depresion back then so mixed together it was an awful mix. I remember crying in the middle of the night because I felt so bad about everything. I was struggeling, hard. Nowadays I'm better, I'm not depresed, I know who I am but still. I remember those nights and wonder how it would have been if I knew I was autistic earlier.
Thank you so much for this video. Also I received a diagnosis: BPD, severe anxiety and depression. Later + psychosis. I feel from the age of a small child the huge difference between others and me. The last two years I have done research online about autism and masking. I know 100 % sure that it is autism after the long research. Only I don't have an official diagnosis. I have always been the black sheep of my disfunctional family. At school I was told to be weird and rebellious. Also nowadays the neighbours bully me and shout things like: you are crazy! to me. I never ever have done anything at all to make the neighbours mad. They assume that as a fun sport to bully me as much as possible. Also they are stalking me for years and years. Do I need to tell more? I guess you get the picture. My way to deal with this is to stay at home as much as possible. I also go to the helpful meetings once or twice a week ( of course not possible during holidays or so). I write in a blanco book my experiences of bullying and stalking and of course I mention the names of the perpetrators when they are persons that I know the name. If something bad happens to me, at least the police can find the persons that have done these things for years. Some of those stalkers are violent. The police say they can't help me, first there must be an incident and after that the police says they can do something.
Autistic woman here. I am not and never was good at masking. It’s just sexism that has left us in the dust. I had all the classic “traits” when I was young and even now. Wasn’t diagnosed until 35. I would say professionals are just bad at diagnosing /catching it. They need to do better. Blaming us and saying we are better at masking is BS excuse for their sexism.
I also don’t mask. But there are a lot of autistic women who masked and autistic men mask too. That is the common shared experiences. A lot of autistic women share their own experiences of masking. They just don’t say it’s common. And that is why a lot get autistic people burn out and then figured out they are autistic. And it’s a fact that there are gender roles in society that only a few go against because they don’t know how to be except their authentic self. That is why there are less percentage of women who go into science or computer science. It seems there is a lot of women but it’s really not.
@@LeslieT. I'd see your point about computer science, but science i.e. chemistry and biology? Naw, predominantly females now. We're getting all kinds of pushing and shoving, trying to get females into fields to compensate for the generational sexism, but you don't have the same when it comes to garbage collection, and not to mention none of the generational sexism being addressed regarding male workers at nurseries.
I'm not sure it's so much that autistic women are good at masking (even autistic women that categorize themselves as high masking report plenty of bullying and social trouble, so it's not like they're masking well enough that NTs don't find reason to mistreat them). It's more that they're (on average) better at it and more willing to do it (or, at least, more afraid of not doing it) than autistic men. If you were diagnosed at age 35 (and are therefore ay least that old), then your chances of being diagnosed even as a low masking male were fairly low. I'm a fairly stereotypical "Aspergers" case and only got diagnosed last year in my late 30s.
It‘s 2024 and I‘m a 50 year old female who was told (this year after waiting more than 2 years for my assessment) by a psychologist specialised on adult autism diagnosis, who interviewed me for 1 hour: You can’t be autistic, your social skills are too good. Bye! She did not ask for my daily struggles that torture me for decades now and make life unbearable sometimes. No, she asked if I had friends, and yes, I do. So apparently autistic folk can‘t have friends … 🧐 Told her about my gifted AuDHD kid (all officially diagnosed), who is exactly like me, no interest at all. There is a loooooong way to go to get diagnosis of women right, I guess!
I was diagnosed this year (in my 30s) and I think the main reasons I wasn't caught as a child were ignorance ad lack of resources. My presentation is more in line with the typically 'male' variety. Also, instead of trying to fit in, I spent most of my childhood just trying not to be noticed at all... and it worked a little too well. I don't actually mask much outside of 'customer service mode' and until recently, I've hidden my special interests or even been dismissive about them out of embarrassment. My issues with classmates and teachers were labeled as defiance, and my poor grades led to a (mis)diagnosis of Nonverbal Learning Disorder - which was promptly ignored. Later as a young adult, I was pinned with Anxiety, Depression which was fair considering the circumstances at the time. Until last year, I didn't know what Autism really was and I don't think I had ever met someone who did.
Thanks for this video. You often put into words and make videos about things I ponder about on my own, which makes me feel seen. I feel less alone because of it, so thank you!!
I have a son that presents more like me, who had much difficulty getting diagnosed, and another son that was diagnosed quite easily when he was 3 years old. I love all the cat pictures you included! 😻
I've gone to three psychiatrists and have gotten nowhere with it. I don't want to be viewed as if I'm fishing for a specific diagnosis, but I can't help it if that's what I believe! I've done so much research, I've gotten together with other autistic people, have been peer diagnosed multiple times, get along with autistic people much better than with anyone else previously in my life and I have multiple ways I fit all the criteria. But you just aren't gonna see it in my face and the doctors aren't asking me any questions. Every time I go they just get a quick history and whatever troubles with friends and socializing I bring up they dismiss, they tell me I'm eccentric and rigid and want everything a specific way but somehow that doesn't raise a red flag in their heads. And they don't give me any other possible diagnosis or way to help myself with all the issues that I'm having. So why am I supposed to respect their professional opinions when they won't even give me the time of day and even just humor me and let me talk about my traits!? Sometimes I'm convinced all the see is "pretty, shy, girl" and just dismiss me in their head before I even say hello. My ex therapist once said I don't have to worry because we have very good professionals in our country and If there's anything there they will pick it up immediately, I don't have to try or do anything. But that man has been proven to be full of sht and that has not been my experience at all with any professional. Sometimes I hear other autistic people's stories, even late diagnosed ones... They say the doctor took one look at them and knew and validated them immediately and I just keep wondering what do they see in these people's faces that's not on mine. It's very demoralizing.
Thank you Soooo much, Mike! Your channel is so helpful. I like how you explain things with examples to really show your points. Which unfortunately we need. Everyone including my therapist says why do you think you are autistic? I don't think you are. 🤦🏻♀️ I'm not assessed yet, but I will when I find out how to get one. Thank you for making us seen and not feel crazy. Hug!!
Born in 90s, female, autism. Late diagnosed. I have not been hiding it, not studied social behaviours. I was always taught to just be who I am. I was, however, very inconfident, but this only happened when I went to school. Loud noises in the mess hall during lunch sent me home crying. I used to be, before that, very talkative. But certain "odd" behaviour was always noticed. Despite not masking, hiding, or studying social interactions, and despite me getting a diagnosis pretty late, people still wouldn't believe I have autism if I tell them. I think it's more down to misconception rather than masking, but that's based on personal experience. Obviously it can be different for everyone.
I agree. It’s more the lack of knowledge of neurodivergence. When someone is having a hard time in life, they may go straight to mental health reasons and never neurodivergent brain reasons. And a lot think they are masking well but they are not. And they just say the person is just shy and quiet or weird.
@LeslieT. I definitely have been called shy/quiet for a long time in my life. And also many people would comment when I was a kid how mature I sounded and that I knew a lot (about certain topics). I was interested in things like Greek and Norse mythology and would talk about that, so most of those comments I got were in elementary.
Happy midwinter to all. And up to a new year full of autistic women and girls with recognition. However "adapted" we are, we are autistic and great thinkers. Let's celebrate our awkwardness! For ourselves and our daughters.
Thanks for this, Mike. After years of being misdiagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, & Borderline Personality Disorder, & after trying 7 different antidepressants, I finally had a psychiatrist suggest I was autistic in my late 30s. I'm still seeking formal diagnosis now, at 43 (because it's bloody expensive), but I understand myself far better now than I ever did while misdiagnosed.
I am so grateful for these videos. I want to turn back time and hug the little girl that was hiding in the closet, because the world was too much. I want to tell her that she is okay the way she is and that it's not here fault . And I want to tell every doctor I've begged for help in my 37 years and been rejected that they are nothing more than superficial snobs who care more about their title than simply taking a patient seriously and asking questions. Thank you for seeing us, this means so much.
67 on the linked test…finally diagnosed by a neuropsych doctor at 53 years old. Thank you for covering this topic, Mike! Lifelong mental health misdiagnosis and harmful treatments based on these. While I was tremendously relived when brain mapping in the early 1990’s proved that my neurology was vastly different than the majority of the population; at the time there was no understanding regarding how that “different wiring” related to ASD
Can you say more about the brain mapping? Did you mean that researchers started doing fMRI studies I want to see people in general, or that you've had the opportunity to do specific types of tests (that I might look into for myself)? Brains are weird and wonderful .♥️ And if you'd like to share more, I'd love to learn. But no pressure. And of course keep anything you want private.
@@resourceress7 hello! Sorry I’m just seeing this…I’d be happy to share more, but need to get off my device now. If you’re interested in looking for it, I just wrote a longish reply about the brain mapping under the “How To tell if You are autistic! Do the RAADS-R 1st” video on this channel
@@SkeletalSculptor Awesome thanks. That vid is on my to-do list. Awhile back an autistic friend and I started doing the RAADS-R over the phone together as if it were Cosmo quiz, because that's about how well it's written, haha. We call it the autism cosmo quiz, anyway. :) So I might wait to watch that video until after she and I finish the quiz. Also, I am impressed that you can tell yourself to get off your device. I hope you are successful within a time frame you were happy with. And no worries about not replying right away. In my world, comment replies are all optional, and there's no expiration date. ♥️
@@Autistic_AF fair point! I never liked those sorts of headbands even when I was little. They press into my head too much. But yours did look awesome. It gave off a fantasy/manga character vibe. Nice 👌
I would love to explore more about how having an ADHD (Autistic and ADHD) brain affects diagnosis in girls. My feeling based on my experience is that the ADHD ramps he ability to camouflage up to the max, which does not help. Even now I joke that I'm letting the ADHD be in charge when I need to do social situations.
I did not line up or down anything like that. I was obsessed with dance, withdrawn, passive, stubborn, didn't understand teasing. I was infact considered mad and different.
One old statistic I've heard (I think from the 90's-early 2000's) was about the huge difference in the gender discrepancy between males vs. females with "severe" autism (2 to 1) and Asperger's syndrome (12 to 1). It's so obvious in hindsight that lower-needs girls were being missed.
I definitely did blame myself for being lazy and stupid. I even labeled myself consistently inconsistent after a lifetime of hearing - To soft, to hard, to cold to sensitive, to indifferent etc. Diagnosed in my 60’s due to misdiagnosis of treatment resistant depression that started during perimenopause. Reframing especially, am and still unaware of my masking and camouflage.
I honestly don't know how people didnt realize i was autistic until i was thirty. I collected model horses and drew each one Coggins sheets there were 70+ horses. I walk in circles when I'm anxious. I never wanted to be around people, my mum had to force me to have birthday parties 😅
Mike, thank you so much for this video and others of yours which dive more deeply and thus clarify and illuminate hidden stuff. This, in itself, is a huge reducer of anxiety! Yes, more, please. I also had fun at your Christmas 2024, Part Three Live stream yesterday; it was a great way to de-stress after the Family gathering. Long may you thrive and prosper!
I don't believe that I mask, but I did have to understand the reasoning behind politeness before I thought it was a good idea, and i do believe politeness is a learned skill.
So when do we realize that Autism is closer to our default state, but traumatized somehow? The sooner we do that, the sooner we can stop catering to "society" and capitalism.
It took a psychiatrist 50 minutes to tell me I am not an aspie. My daughter and grandson are. But, the more I learn, the more convinced I am. I'm not that smart though, I have special interests, but I am not a genius in my chosen areas!
Is it just me? I ended up having to just listen to this because when I tried to watch it all I could focus on was the candle flickering in the background.
😂😂😂 I suspected that I had adhd in middle school (12), and was made to feel stupid when I suggested it after hearing my female friend explain what she dealt with. It took until 32 for a doctor to suggest it, makes me pretty sure that I am correct about the autism too. I am the master chameleon 😅
Here's something funny. I did that GQ-ASC on myself I come with higher score for autism than I do with the AQ test. Only question that I couldn't answer was girls vs boys toy. I had not concept of girls vs boys toys when I was little. I played with what ever toys happened to available. So AQ test is just less accurate autism test?
I think religious scrupulosity can be one sign of autism in girls that just looks like the girl is a goody two shoes or so prim and proper that adults praise her when inside she is deathly afraid if doing something wrong and going to hell. This was me from about 10 yo well into adulthood. At the age Of 16 I was reading I'm OK You're Ok to try to figure out how to be Okay, because I wasn't.
I appreciate you bringing up gender-diversity. I'm AFAB, so socialized as a girl but am nonbinary. I only recently got identified back in November, but had been researching and trying to find someone to assess me for years (US here, NO ONE in my state seems to be assessing adults here, I had to find a practitioner via telehealth) For me as a kid, I often had meltdowns, but they were seen as temper tantrums. It was especially bad during 5-9 years old until I knew to internalize them. I was highly interested in reading by age 3 (still am, I mean... I do research for fun even still haha) but I'd read our encyclopedia collection for fun because I enjoy learning. I never really had a friend until 7th grade, and we're still friends now. She's one of the few I have, and we're both neurodivergent. Being a child of the 90s, and someone who was seen as a girl, I definitely was overlooked... even though I had to go to a special guidance class in 1st grade for kids that were having a difficult time emotionally to learn about feelings and how to express those feelings. (It was just me and two boys) My big interest has always been space science and I've been a trekkie since I was little. I played with Barbie's with my sister, but I usually was more playing beside her and would get mad when I was forced to play in a way I didn't like. (Barbie really was a good way for me to understand human interactions, it was me repeating things I saw and trying to figure out how to act like that.) In school when I would feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, I would pretend to be a different person that knew how to human and I'd kind of go on auto-pilot. I still get misunderstood a lot. I speak pretty bluntly, and when I'm not masking I sound monotonous. People tend to think I'm angry or being a know-it-all. It honestly causes friction in my romantic relationships at times, I don't understand why people are mad at me just for expressing thoughts or opinions. (I mean, I have a better idea now haha) I never felt like I fit in with other girls, I didn't seem to act like them or have a lot of the same interests. I'm nonbinary so I'm sure that's a part of why, but I also know it's partially because I felt like an alien LARP'ing as a human and felt self-conscious about it. I got bullied a lot for being "weird." Hell, as an adult in a professional setting, I still have co-workers that definitely think I'm weird.
I have an alternative explanation that plays a role but is rarely spoken of. That is, society does a great deal of the "masking" for me. I was raised in the 80s and 90s and thought to be a girl. I didn't speak until I was four years old, and had serious trouble with social ostracization when I got to school (played by myself, few friends, bullying). I didn't consciously mirror others behavior often, but I was aware of that look people got in their eye, 5 seconds after meeting me, when they decided to classify me as "weird/off". Variations on this lasted all my life until I sought out a diagnosis after my bio kid was diagnosed with ASD. I went to a center specializing in autism and got confirmation (at 35 yrs old). Then, when seeking mental health supports later, the psychologist essentially said I could not have autism because I am a "woman". (I'm a trans guy and he knew this at the time.) He wrote in my notes that while he hadn't gathered enough evidence at this time, he suggested an alternative diagnosis of BPD. This is all to say, that you don't have to be a great masker for the world to fill in the blanks based on things such as gendered expectations.
The therapist saw you as you are, a woman. But did not see you as an autistic person because you are a woman. Hmmm. Points for therapist and then Take a way all the points and more points so they will have negative number of points. There was a commenter who is an autistic woman who did not mask and thought it was wrong to say women are missed because they are good at masking. One of the reasons one may doubt being autistic is because they don’t mask by observing people and copying them to fit in. There are a lot of late diagnosed/identified autistic women and men because they did mask and a lot of misconceptions of autism. They say, “they cannot be autistic because…” so it’s mostly ignorance of autism and neurodivergence. People are usually labeled, shy, quiet, or weird.
It was only about a year before my diagnosis that I learned that if you masked, you could still be autistic. I thought I was good at masking. I put a lot of effort into it from the age of about 16 to 35. I have since learned that I wasn’t that good at it. I couldn’t keep it up for very long. Masking only served to hide the real me from myself.
The anger at decades of anxiety diagnosis and treatment, with no one asking why I was anxious, was one of the first things I work through after my diagnosis. There is a lot of cognitive bias involved in how care professionals view women.
There is so much bias, and a great many professionals are about 40 years out of date, if at all.
@@Autistic_AFI got labeled “ADD” at 22 in 2004. That hadn’t been a correct diagnosis since 1987. I don’t know about these “professionals”, they also said they couldn’t assess my 3 year old daughter because she “wouldn’t cooperate”. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
@@misspat7555 I got the ADHD label 20 something years ago too. Enter Autism last year - ADHD was a misdiagnosis (along with my Bi-Polar traits, but not enough for a diagnosis - it was probably burnout).
My first diagnose was a general anxiety disorder. So you are constantly worrying and afraid but... why? Nobody knows. Not that helpful.
Right! Honestly, in my adolescence and early adulthood, talk therapy only ever addressed the surface and specific issues causing the anxiety. It took until my 30s for anyone to even try to dig deeper 🙄
I’m a Gen X’er who grew up on the 70’s. I knew from the age of 16 that I was autistic. I heard an interview on TV and it described me perfectly. When I brought it up to my family they told me that I was not a tragedy and that I didn’t need to worry because I was a girl and couldn’t have autism. I was formally diagnosed in February of 2020 as AuDHD.
Never even considered I could be autistic; had known of a couple nonverbal boys who could barely control their own bodies at school with that label, and that certainly wasn’t me! I did realize I had “ADD” (ADHD-PI) at 16, though; was formally diagnosed as I was flunking out of my master’s program at 22. Would not have told my parents sooner, because they would have used it as an excuse to further infantilize me; they wanted to make ALL my important decisions for me, well past when I became an adult! 😬
Back in the 80’s, I remember SO MANY young children, ESPECIALLY girls, being labeled “shy”. This was also considered less concerning in girls; while a “shy” boy might, for example, be forced into sports to “toughen up” basically as soon as he started school, a girl’s “shyness” might be accepted basically up to adulthood. I wonder how many of those girls (and boys) were actually autistic? 🤔
I was always labeled as shy and "too serious". "She never smiles" "I didn't know she could speak?" was common stuff I'd hear growing up, I stopped it by watching videos on how to appear more charismatic, body language to appear more confident, etc. You know, the typical stuff middle schoolers watch (sarcasm), I started copying all of it, and it wasn't until I turned 18 that I learned it was called masking all along. That saved me. It all eventually makes you feel like you're fake, you're not normal, hell, maybe you're even broken, and definitely you're a terrible person because you've never been genuine to anyone, not even your closest friends. And if you're like me, you start forgetting what you're even like, what counts as your personality and what was forced upon you. Thankfully more people talk about autism now so other girls don't have to go through the same journey. I wasn't born in the 80's or anything but I can only imagine how frightening it must be to mask your entire life and never discover your true self.
I was one of those girls. 🤚🏼
I was one of those girls too ✋️🦕🎵
Yep I was shy. And sports certainly didn't toughen me up. Well having Klinefelter Syndrome certainly didn't help with that either. Always picked last, or on the bench. Shy and a 'nerd' and always bullied, quiet, played by myself. Held back in Kindergarten for not being able to socialise. If only he tried a bit harder... I was the shy boy, that was diagnosed at 46yo.
Me
For me, masking when I was younger felt like I was "channeling the essence" of certain people, most often fictional characters. I also tended to be surprised when I looked in mirrors and realized how different my actual face was from my mental image of myself & my expressions.
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Found out I’m autistic last year at age 55 and totally relate! I still have pictures of my perfectly ordered Nancy Drew books, National Geographic’s, collections of bells, spoons, bottle caps, teacups and coins from the late 70s:)
I'm 51 and going through an assessment right now.
I was born female and labeled shy and misdiagnosed with many things. I was given medications I should never have been on.
Three major barriers to getting a diagnosis are that I am transgender, I have experienced a lot of trauma from a young age, and I have a high IQ. I'm told it's hard to determine what social and emotional issues are from these two issues, or ASD and ADHD. And a high IQ often equals high masking.
Masking for decades makes it hard to identify clear examples of things in an assessment interview. I'm currently watching videos and trying to make a list of what I can relate to to present on Monday.
I saw a psychiatrist Friday for an hour who laughed when I said I was being assessed. He knows nothing about me except the mask that walked through his door.
I identify with so much of the content and individuals with both ASD and ADHD. I have family members who are diagnosed, and my friends and past partners and present partner also fit the criteria.
Diagnosis protocols will improve, just not soon enough for me and millions of others. I wish everyone could get proper assessments, respect, and support.
Thanks for this video.
I think I’m somewhat intelligent but don’t know how to mask. I’m late diagnosed as well. I don’t like the stereotype that is women automatically k ow how to mask. I never did. People spot that I’m different and bully me no matter what. I wouldn’t make assumptions about masking. I think early diagnosed people are actually. Better at masking because they were tortured to act neurotypical (ABA). We luckily werent
I think they just need to realize just as many women are autistic as men and it affects all races as well. Enough bias and we would be diagnosed earlier. Also, professionals don’t bother learning about us at all. It’s like we are to be ignored.
I hope the assessment goes well. Take care of yourself after. Do things that help you self regulate and relax. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@JDMimeTHEFIRST ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ There are both late diagnose women and late diagnosed men who mask and was missed. So I get your point. And not all late diagnosed and identified women mask. They may just be seen as shy and quiet, or weird, Different. Both autistic men and women wondered about a pamphlet to know the neurotypical ways but my mom was a pamphlet and I never listened to her. She say I am very stubborn and hard headed.
The only reason I was recently diagnosed at nearly 50, is because I randomly read the DSM V criteria last year and immediately knew I fit this criteria. I then independently researched for the next 6 months and then decided to seek a diagnosis from a specialist psych. If I didn’t stumble across the criteria, I would have lived my whole life thinking I was just different but didn’t really understand how or why. My high IQ has allowed me to mask better I guess.
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I'm a woman in my early 40s and have spent the last year going through a process of self-identification. (Pro tip: most neurotypical people do not spend a year deeply researching if they might be autistic! 😅) I'm actually a very extroverted and outgoing person - not what you expect from typical autism presentations! But by this point in my life, I've been able to surround myself mostly with other neurodiverse people: I think pretty much everyone I know is ADHD, autistic, or both! It's a lot easier to be a social person when the people around you have similar brains to yours!
@@juliegolick I feel you. I mean, I don’t understand the outrage in our community or with NTs about self-diagnosis. I think we know we’re different and they won’t tell us or help us understand why but the alienation is there. We, as self-aware humans, try to figure it out and do the work to improve ourselves, or strengthen our strengths and reduce the impact of our limitations…but we’re the weirdos?! lol It’s incredibly invalidating, imo. 💜
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I appear introverted but I'm extroverted and outgoing when with others like me. With NT people I try to be but I end up being rude, interrupting, speaking when I should and stopping when I should. My wife will kick me under the table to let me I'm talking to much when out with friends.
I was born in a female body. From age 3, I lined up my matchbox car collection, memorised number plates and spec about makes of cars, played outside making camps, bows and arrows, beating my peers in armwrestling and running, and often entertained myself reading the dictionary and the encyclopaedia. I was not interested in dolls until I was about 8 by which time it had become interesting because I had taught myself about reproduction, childbirth and looking after a baby. I was very outspoken, headstrong and not at all shy, and had no clue that anything I was doing was unusual because it all just went straight over my head. I was labelled a troublemaker (which I wasn't - I just got goaded into doing things I didn't realise were naughty and never knew to run away or lie). This was in the 70s and I was not diagnosed.
Nice to find someone else who read those for entertainment. In my case, though, there was often nothing else to hand ass Braille books are enormous and limited in supply.
Oh my goodness, so much of this is my story too. I didn't have enough toy cars to line up unfortunately, but categorised my Mum's button collection instead. But the bows and arrows - yes, arm wrestling - yes, not interested in dolls - yes! Growing up in the 70s - yes! I refused to give up a gorgeous wind-up cement-truck I was given as a present at my Dad's work Christmas party. They wanted to take it back and give me a "girls' present" instead .... they said there had been a mistake. But I won that battle. I got to take the truck home!!! Yay!
Oh and, yes, I read the dictionary and encyclopaedia for entertainment too!!!
Your story is so relatable to me as a female as well.
But instead of cars, it was dinosaurs and animalsn not the cutesy onesn but wild animals like tigers, wolves, lions, panthers (mostly predators) for me. Reading dictionaries and encyclopedias is fun. The fisrt one I finished was a pictionary and encyclopedia on native animals. I finished another one of the same type on plants later. I gave those away to my cousins but they aren't interested in thsoe so I kind wished I still keep them. I also learned quite a lot of not very common nor popular animal names in English, my second/ foreign language from this one in elementary school.
I don't like dolls and people-shaped stuff toys untill around 8-9 grade as well, just because my next door cousin came to play dolls with me and I had no other friends except for her.
I fought with the boys and despite not being athletic due to several physical issues, I never find it practical nor neccessary to behave like what's generally expected from girls. The girls in my 2nd grade tried to verbally bully once me but just left me doing my own things after I gave the instigator a strike on her head.
I also loved drawing animal mash-ups and beasts like dragons, actually finished drawing 100 ones when provoked by a classmate, a boy that I got along with as I liked his dragons and beasts drawings, and interests. In my mid-twenties, I was given a Schizotypal PD diagnosis because my doctor said autism only showed up in children. Before anyine rage on him, I both him and I were in a developing country, so the ASD diagnosis isn't available for adults. The health-care system where I live is still catching up.
I also have hyperlexia and spoke quite early. According to my mom, I learned to speak and walk at the same time so no one suspected I could have ASD but just a nerdy and tomboyish girl.
I'm grateful that my mom loved me and never tried to force me into the feminine mold as she's also a strong-willed woman herself who refused the cultural norms of being a stayzatzhome mom that is technicallyfree labor for the paternal family with little calue other than being a slave and baby machine.
Thank you to everyone that left a like and response to my original post. I usually feel like the odd one out with my more boyish presentation as a child.
It was only about a year before my diagnosis that I learned that if you masked, you could still be autistic.
I thought I was good at masking. I put a lot of effort into it from the age of about 16 to 35. I have since learned that I wasn’t that good at it. I couldn’t keep it up for very long.
Masking only served to hide the real me from myself.
My masking fails completely in crowded or loud noisy areas.
Yeah, I can’t really mask and never learned to rely on it. I’m not good at it at all! 😅
@ your brain is better off without masking because you have less stress from not masking. But your life can be more stressful if you deal with typicals! Nothing is perfect in this world.
Hey that was me! I was overlooked until last year at fifty-freaking-eight when burnout was crushing me. I appreciate your channel, Mike, and it's one of the inspirations behind starting my own. Thank you for sharing your smart and funny self.
honestly it if wasn't for videos like these I would've masked my entire life and still say "but I'm normal!!" then be depressed 😃☝️ hi mike:]
Normal is overrated anyway! :D
Yes, me too. Self diagnosed in my late 60s.
@@Autistic_AFyes, we have many important, useful skills that typicals have.
@@Autistic_AF Normal is boring. I am a proud nerd :)
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I was diagnosed dyslexic in 1981. Dyslexia was thought to be a male disorder but I was diagnosed by a neurologist. The side note was that I also had social issues that were dealt with using ABA therapy, Gross Motor therapy and special education. Basically I was taught to mask, which absolutely didn't hide my weirdness. When my son was diagnosed with autism for acting just like me in 1998, I just assumed that it was that Dyslexia was somehow related but I suspected that I was autistic as well as my father. 2020 was an eye opener because it was the first time that I actually felt relief. I unmasked and quick, I can't go back because it was destroying me.
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As a female presenting someone who, since the age of 4, has intensely studied and researched over 2 dozen different subjects in science, technology, and history, was always labeled as shy or weird, suffered horrible bullying in school (to the point of actual violence for which I was accused of instigating even though I was trying everything to avoid it and was never allowed to defend myself), masking to the point of outright mimicking speech patterns and accens without realizing it (and being accused of making fun of people because of it), being treated like something was wrong with me and given the flavor of the month diagnosis since I was 8 (including Bipolar and BPD), and the fact that I'm androgynous... yeah, me getting a proper ASD diagnosis is pretty much impossible...
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Ironically, it was the anxiety medication I was given for an anxiety disorder* or rather my attempt to stop using it*
That led to a shutdown* so severe I was hospitalised as Catatonic* medically. Not a figure of speech.
Frozen, for 6 days.
The Psychiatrist had me moved to an observation ward after I
' woke up ' and that was the beginning of a new life*
Sooner would have been better but hey !
I had been on a two year waiting list to see a Psychiatrist at the time, which was after previously waiting for two years just to find out,
The referral never even reached it's destination.
Still, we're here now ! lol
( I might be an over-sharer, or just act like I know you* suddenly .bI'm hoping you understand. I certainly understand if comments are removed or not welcomed on occasion. I rarely use social media frankly but where else are people talking about this ? )
That’s quite an experience. Sorry you had to go through that but glad it helped you understand who you are.
@harrietwindebank6051
Very kind.
It's taken 18 month's to find some balance between putting the pieces of my past together to understand so I can move on and dwelling*
That's been very difficult for sure.
Thank you.
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I have suspected I was autistic for years now and I scored 74 on the GQ-ASC. Thanks for sharing that pdf!
I have to admit I was preemptively kind of disappointed because I assumed it was yet another one of those videos that gender autism in a very binary way, and was pleasantly surprised that it is not. I am a trans guy, raised as a girl, but my traits are not even subtle and while I did mask quite a lot, I objectively sucked at it and fooled no one :D Yet my perceived gender ALONE apparently prevented everyone from considering there might be something going on instead of just me being lazy, incompetent and awkward. It's kind of difficult not to be angry. Because I am either expected of having the "female phenotype" because of my assigned gender or assumed to have been diagnosed early if I am a man right? I am considering an official diagnosis, which takes years and years for adults in my country even if one's gender is not a barrier.
It’s also possible you wouldn’t have been diagnosed regardless. Autism was considered much less common and rarely diagnosed in ANYONE until at least the mid-90’s or so.
@misspat7555 that's true. I was born in 1997, but the overall state of psychiatry here is... Well, we still don't use the dsm-5 for example.
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It just happened to me (high masking female) very recently. After the assessment they used a couple of stereotypes like "You're not up until 3am thinking about trains, you just really like Disney because it's an escape", "You show progression so you can't have autism" and "You have a couple of friends, so you don't meet the criteria for interpersonal relationships". I'm absolutely gutted. Going to look for a second opinion, though.
I was obsessed with collecting horse facts as a kid. I was expert level, I could look at a horse and tell you its breed and even cross breed just by its shapes, colouring and proportions! I was so obsessed and I wanted one so bad that my parents sold our home in the city and bought a small hobby farm in the country. They bought me 2 horses and I unfortunately was pretty terrible with the executive functioning aspects of caring for them. I didn’t enjoy riding them because unfortunately horses need regular relationship establishment and I couldn’t even do that with others of my own species. So the horses went ignored whilst I stayed inside, researching them just like before we left the city. My poor parents.
I have an official diagnosis of ADHD but I suspect I am a bit "spicier" then that. I seem to have overcome some of my sensory sensitivities that were very much worse in me when I was a child, like I couldn't bear the feel of grass on my bare feet or stand the way soup dribbled down my chin, but to this day I still cut the tags off all of my clothes, for example. And I got over the eye contact thing, which used to cause me a near physical pain, but now I hold eye contact for too long and it is perceived as a threat, so your comment on another cultural view of eye contact makes perfect sense to me.
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Wow I feel so called out 😂 (I'm also diagnosed) I used to have like.. 10 squishmallows. I was just monologuing to someone about Victorian fashion the other day, and I absolutely pay a lot of attention to relationships in stories. Even if it's catalogues of fanfiction instead of lists of relationships 😂
Thank you for this Mike, it's much needed
Edit: something else I find interesting. I did ballet when I was a teenager (still live it and study it at home. It's just too expensive). And refuse to do any other form of dance that has less structure than classical ballet. And I absolutely hate the modern dance side of ballet.
I tried a hip hop class and had SO MUCH anxiety with the need to be able to spontaneously... Do things
Oh hahahaha that’s really funny. The Victorian Fashion example was from from one of the research papers, but the others (Squishmallow and Fiction) are from my head lol. That’s amusing, Natasha!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ that is very interesting about you liking ballet and not the other kind of dances and the reason. Makes perfect sense. Thanks for sharing.
Me who was BFF with the horse girl in primary school, didn't manage to make friends when she moved away and later was friends with people who are now either diagnosed or suspected autistic and/or adhd: huh...
I also told I am shy, no matter if I am anxious or relaxed in social situations 😅
Thank you so much for this video, Mike! 50 yo undiagnosed, or ruther heavily misdiagnosed female here 😊 Thanks to you and other brave UA-camrs I can have peace of mind now! The signs were there all along but because I was bright and doing good at school and I was reasonable and didn't create problems, nobody could see them. Even if they did in communist Romania nobody heard of autism. Even now it is more like a myth. " Nonsense darling, you need to try harder!" I tried so hard it put me in a mental hospital twice. Funny thought, after I ditched the medication and I started learning about autism everything started to fall into place, no more depression and anxiety, no more guilt for how I am, and if I'm careful, no more burnout
As a 40yr old female with stereotypically male interests, I have been accepted into society as a 'tomboy'. My friends at work are mainly men in their 60's who like engines and motorbikes etc. I'm neither stereotypically male nor female in autism spectrum, and also adhd, so probably would be flagged up as that, if I was a man....
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Sometimes they sing pop-country with blonde bangs.
Circa 25 years ago I described in detail my symptoms of executive dysfunction to a THERAPIST and was called "inconsiderate."🤷♀ Glad my parents backed me up and told me he was being a jerk.
I am glad your parents told you he was a jerk too.
I was told to think of my anxieties as though it was like a type of allergy that one gets born with. Can't do much to change it, but you can focus on managing it. That insight was fine, whether I'm ASC or not, my anxieties are here to contend with. The HUGE difference in approaching management is which paradigm you find yourself in, -Generalized Anxiety Disorder; well let's just give you some medications to dampen that for you and teach you breathing techniques and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy so you can "WILL" it away... Borderline Personality Disorder, ok, well how are you gaining influence over the people around you by performing your anxieties in front of them? If you can't admit you're manipulating people with your behaviour, then you can't/don't want to change and you are 'refusing treatment', ie so a "MORAL" deficit..
Discovering the ASC in my family and in myself made me realize that neither 'will power' nor submitting to the medical establishment's view of a person presenting much like myself as 'morally degenerate' has made or will make any sustainable progress in my capability to regulate myself. It has, however, made me quite stubborn about having to go through coerced "CBT" sessions in order to access therapies that are actually useful, ( ie, physical &/or occupational /or niche, like hydro- therapies, etc). Bleah. Barf CBT, lol.
Being AFAB, femme, a person of colour, and "gifted" as a child and born into GEN-X has been difficult, but that 'lightbulb moment' where I realized its different, but its just fine, and I'm not a malignant person, ...I've been given a chance to love myself, finally where as all the other diagnoses demanded I abandon or enforce dominance over my internal experiences. Even if I'm not ASC (though I'm pretty convinced already), I have been given these past few years of respite from constantly trying to tear down myself in order to make failed attempts at restructuring to seem "normal". I am done with it, lol!
And as someone who has both,
Having BPD (borderline) while being adhd & autistic made life very traumatic & a lot of the time I feel very broken.
The GAD & PTSD I fully believe came from being undiagnosed to misdiagnosed &still expected to perform being a woman & cog in the late stage capitalist machine
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I was diagnosed with 41 and it was like the missing puzzle piece. I got my diagnose, read a bit into autism (especially in girls/women) and suddenly everything became clear. For example, as a kid I was in love with dinosaurs, read books, drew pictures and could tell you name and data of many of them (imagine how excited I was when Jurassic Parc came out). Nobody suspected nothing, I was just the girl who loved dinosaurs (later I would obsess over Indiana Jones, trying to smile like Harrison Ford in front of the mirror😂 )
Nowadays I can mask so good, nobody believes I am autisitic, because I look a people and talk to them. Well, yes, I had over 40 years of training and if we discuss something I tend to flap around and I dont look at people all the time, my gaze wanders.
The systematizing was new and you know what, I love to invent Stories and worlds and characters but what I like very much is creating maps and character- sheets with all possible info on the characters. So I had another "autisitic enlightment" thanks to you ❤
PS: May I ask where you got the cat pillow (the black thingy in the backround) from? I could not not look at it 😂
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Oh, I was given the opportunity to study abroad in Malaysia during college. It's a beautiful country, full of lovely people!
Great video! As a late diagnosed autistic woman: YEP. You nailed it.
Thank you, H :)
As AFAB (now identifying as nonbinary) I went completely unspotted for 20 years, although I remember asking my mom if I may be autistic as early teen and her very bad reaction. At 20 my therapist suggested it (already months into therapy) and I reacted, offended "but I can talk with people!" 😂 Then a year or two later a psychiatrist gave me ADHD diagnosis but noted that I give spectrum more than ADHD and I should maybe look into that. Four years later I still don’t really have funds for assessment, but I’m pretty confident in self diagnosis.
I learned to talk very early and almost immediately talked in full sentences, I also learned to read around 3, such things weren’t viewed as pointing at neurodiverse development which was only associated with deficits in my family. My mom claims I never had autistic traits and yet she’ll recall as when I was being read bedtime stories I would be very angry each time she tried to skip any parts, as I Ioved reading and watching same things over and over and remembered exactly how they SHOULD go. I was outspoken and confident and didn’t care much about other kids so no one really noticed that other kids don’t like me and tend to exclude me, especially since I was good at communicating with adults. It got better and better as I learned to mask in social situations but I remember that in middle school I would proclaim to newly met people „I’m a weirdo! If you don’t like that, we won’t get along!” 😂 I always knew there’s something off with me compared to most other people.
I also remember my behaviours related to sensory issues. I would have complete meltdowns after my parents raised their voices for prolonged periods. I would try to go outside or to less crowded areas during breaks in school. I would get off public transport anxious and angry. I would be exhausted after travels or social gatherings. I would refuse to wear any uncomfortable clothes or shoes (coincidentally often the "girly” ones). Only now I know I have never been making that stuff up…
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I remember when I was younger and had just realised I was autistic (still years from a diagnosis) I had such an extreme identity crisis because I had been masking every second of my day (at home, at school, everywhere) since I was about 6. I had to learn who I was because frankly I couldn't distinguish between myself and the mask. I was also dealing with depresion back then so mixed together it was an awful mix. I remember crying in the middle of the night because I felt so bad about everything. I was struggeling, hard. Nowadays I'm better, I'm not depresed, I know who I am but still. I remember those nights and wonder how it would have been if I knew I was autistic earlier.
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Thank you so much for this video. Also I received a diagnosis: BPD, severe anxiety and depression. Later + psychosis.
I feel from the age of a small child the huge difference between others and me.
The last two years I have done research online about autism and masking. I know 100 % sure that it is autism after the long research. Only I don't have an official diagnosis.
I have always been the black sheep of my disfunctional family. At school I was told to be weird and rebellious. Also nowadays the neighbours bully me and shout things like: you are crazy! to me. I never ever have done anything at all to make the neighbours mad.
They assume that as a fun sport to bully me as much as possible.
Also they are stalking me for years and years.
Do I need to tell more? I guess you get the picture.
My way to deal with this is to stay at home as much as possible. I also go to the helpful meetings once or twice a week ( of course not possible during holidays or so).
I write in a blanco book my experiences of bullying and stalking and of course I mention the names of the perpetrators when they are persons that I know the name.
If something bad happens to me, at least the police can find the persons that have done these things for years. Some of those stalkers are violent. The police say they can't help me, first there must be an incident and after that the police says they can do something.
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I am 42. Got diagnosed at 40. This video could have just as well been about my life, it was so accurate to my actual experience.
Autistic woman here. I am not and never was good at masking. It’s just sexism that has left us in the dust. I had all the classic “traits” when I was young and even now. Wasn’t diagnosed until 35. I would say professionals are just bad at diagnosing /catching it. They need to do better. Blaming us and saying we are better at masking is BS excuse for their sexism.
I also don’t mask. But there are a lot of autistic women who masked and autistic men mask too. That is the common shared experiences. A lot of autistic women share their own experiences of masking. They just don’t say it’s common. And that is why a lot get autistic people burn out and then figured out they are autistic. And it’s a fact that there are gender roles in society that only a few go against because they don’t know how to be except their authentic self. That is why there are less percentage of women who go into science or computer science. It seems there is a lot of women but it’s really not.
@@LeslieT. I'd see your point about computer science, but science i.e. chemistry and biology? Naw, predominantly females now. We're getting all kinds of pushing and shoving, trying to get females into fields to compensate for the generational sexism, but you don't have the same when it comes to garbage collection, and not to mention none of the generational sexism being addressed regarding male workers at nurseries.
I'm not sure it's so much that autistic women are good at masking (even autistic women that categorize themselves as high masking report plenty of bullying and social trouble, so it's not like they're masking well enough that NTs don't find reason to mistreat them). It's more that they're (on average) better at it and more willing to do it (or, at least, more afraid of not doing it) than autistic men.
If you were diagnosed at age 35 (and are therefore ay least that old), then your chances of being diagnosed even as a low masking male were fairly low. I'm a fairly stereotypical "Aspergers" case and only got diagnosed last year in my late 30s.
It‘s 2024 and I‘m a 50 year old female who was told (this year after waiting more than 2 years for my assessment) by a psychologist specialised on adult autism diagnosis, who interviewed me for 1 hour:
You can’t be autistic, your social skills are too good. Bye!
She did not ask for my daily struggles that torture me for decades now and make life unbearable sometimes. No, she asked if I had friends, and yes, I do. So apparently autistic folk can‘t have friends … 🧐
Told her about my gifted AuDHD kid (all officially diagnosed), who is exactly like me, no interest at all. There is a loooooong way to go to get diagnosis of women right, I guess!
Thank you for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I was diagnosed this year (in my 30s) and I think the main reasons I wasn't caught as a child were ignorance ad lack of resources. My presentation is more in line with the typically 'male' variety. Also, instead of trying to fit in, I spent most of my childhood just trying not to be noticed at all... and it worked a little too well. I don't actually mask much outside of 'customer service mode' and until recently, I've hidden my special interests or even been dismissive about them out of embarrassment.
My issues with classmates and teachers were labeled as defiance, and my poor grades led to a (mis)diagnosis of Nonverbal Learning Disorder - which was promptly ignored. Later as a young adult, I was pinned with Anxiety, Depression which was fair considering the circumstances at the time. Until last year, I didn't know what Autism really was and I don't think I had ever met someone who did.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ thanks for sharing.
Thanks for this video. You often put into words and make videos about things I ponder about on my own, which makes me feel seen. I feel less alone because of it, so thank you!!
Hi Erica, you’re so welcome! ☺️
Raised as a girl, thanks for noticing me senpai
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I have a son that presents more like me, who had much difficulty getting diagnosed, and another son that was diagnosed quite easily when he was 3 years old.
I love all the cat pictures you included! 😻
I've gone to three psychiatrists and have gotten nowhere with it. I don't want to be viewed as if I'm fishing for a specific diagnosis, but I can't help it if that's what I believe! I've done so much research, I've gotten together with other autistic people, have been peer diagnosed multiple times, get along with autistic people much better than with anyone else previously in my life and I have multiple ways I fit all the criteria. But you just aren't gonna see it in my face and the doctors aren't asking me any questions.
Every time I go they just get a quick history and whatever troubles with friends and socializing I bring up they dismiss, they tell me I'm eccentric and rigid and want everything a specific way but somehow that doesn't raise a red flag in their heads. And they don't give me any other possible diagnosis or way to help myself with all the issues that I'm having. So why am I supposed to respect their professional opinions when they won't even give me the time of day and even just humor me and let me talk about my traits!?
Sometimes I'm convinced all the see is "pretty, shy, girl" and just dismiss me in their head before I even say hello.
My ex therapist once said I don't have to worry because we have very good professionals in our country and If there's anything there they will pick it up immediately, I don't have to try or do anything. But that man has been proven to be full of sht and that has not been my experience at all with any professional.
Sometimes I hear other autistic people's stories, even late diagnosed ones... They say the doctor took one look at them and knew and validated them immediately and I just keep wondering what do they see in these people's faces that's not on mine. It's very demoralizing.
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Thank you Soooo much, Mike! Your channel is so helpful. I like how you explain things with examples to really show your points. Which unfortunately we need. Everyone including my therapist says why do you think you are autistic? I don't think you are. 🤦🏻♀️ I'm not assessed yet, but I will when I find out how to get one. Thank you for making us seen and not feel crazy. Hug!!
Born in 90s, female, autism. Late diagnosed.
I have not been hiding it, not studied social behaviours. I was always taught to just be who I am. I was, however, very inconfident, but this only happened when I went to school.
Loud noises in the mess hall during lunch sent me home crying.
I used to be, before that, very talkative.
But certain "odd" behaviour was always noticed.
Despite not masking, hiding, or studying social interactions, and despite me getting a diagnosis pretty late, people still wouldn't believe I have autism if I tell them.
I think it's more down to misconception rather than masking, but that's based on personal experience. Obviously it can be different for everyone.
I agree. It’s more the lack of knowledge of neurodivergence. When someone is having a hard time in life, they may go straight to mental health reasons and never neurodivergent brain reasons. And a lot think they are masking well but they are not. And they just say the person is just shy and quiet or weird.
@LeslieT. I definitely have been called shy/quiet for a long time in my life.
And also many people would comment when I was a kid how mature I sounded and that I knew a lot (about certain topics). I was interested in things like Greek and Norse mythology and would talk about that, so most of those comments I got were in elementary.
Happy midwinter to all. And up to a new year full of autistic women and girls with recognition. However "adapted" we are, we are autistic and great thinkers. Let's celebrate our awkwardness! For ourselves and our daughters.
💯
I am 48. Was in gifted classes as a child and diagnosed ADHD this past year at 47 years of age. I suspect I am audhd though. Got a 74 on the GQ ASC.
The short answer is that the entire system is broken.
Thanks for mentioning the changing social contexts part (eye contact in Malaysia). Advocates don't do that enough, I feel.
Thanks for this, Mike. After years of being misdiagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, & Borderline Personality Disorder, & after trying 7 different antidepressants, I finally had a psychiatrist suggest I was autistic in my late 30s. I'm still seeking formal diagnosis now, at 43 (because it's bloody expensive), but I understand myself far better now than I ever did while misdiagnosed.
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Still not formally diagnosed but self-identified at 69 and confirmed by my (also Aspie) psychotherapist
Thank you.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 53, and I’m awaiting an ASD diagnosis.
I am so grateful for these videos. I want to turn back time and hug the little girl that was hiding in the closet, because the world was too much. I want to tell her that she is okay the way she is and that it's not here fault . And I want to tell every doctor I've begged for help in my 37 years and been rejected that they are nothing more than superficial snobs who care more about their title than simply taking a patient seriously and asking questions. Thank you for seeing us, this means so much.
67 on the linked test…finally diagnosed by a neuropsych doctor at 53 years old. Thank you for covering this topic, Mike!
Lifelong mental health misdiagnosis and harmful treatments based on these. While I was tremendously relived when brain mapping in the early 1990’s proved that my neurology was vastly different than the majority of the population; at the time there was no understanding regarding how that “different wiring” related to ASD
Can you say more about the brain mapping?
Did you mean that researchers started doing fMRI studies I want to see people in general, or that you've had the opportunity to do specific types of tests (that I might look into for myself)?
Brains are weird and wonderful .♥️ And if you'd like to share more, I'd love to learn. But no pressure. And of course keep anything you want private.
@@resourceress7 hello! Sorry I’m just seeing this…I’d be happy to share more, but need to get off my device now. If you’re interested in looking for it, I just wrote a longish reply about the brain mapping under the “How To tell if You are autistic! Do the RAADS-R 1st” video on this channel
@@SkeletalSculptor Awesome thanks. That vid is on my to-do list. Awhile back an autistic friend and I started doing the RAADS-R over the phone together as if it were Cosmo quiz, because that's about how well it's written, haha. We call it the autism cosmo quiz, anyway. :) So I might wait to watch that video until after she and I finish the quiz.
Also, I am impressed that you can tell yourself to get off your device. I hope you are successful within a time frame you were happy with.
And no worries about not replying right away. In my world, comment replies are all optional, and there's no expiration date. ♥️
Rocking with the relief of knowing this Christmas. Thank you, Mike. 🐈⬛️
Only girls can wear cute cat ear headbands???? No, no, no. Anyone can wear them! 🐈⬛️ Especially when they are black, Sabre ears!!! 🖤
I thought about keeping them on for the whole video but it might have felt too distracting! Yes - sabre ears! Hehe 🐈⬛
@@Autistic_AF fair point! I never liked those sorts of headbands even when I was little. They press into my head too much. But yours did look awesome. It gave off a fantasy/manga character vibe. Nice 👌
They’ll make another appearance soon!
@Autistic_AF Yay!!!!
I would love to explore more about how having an ADHD (Autistic and ADHD) brain affects diagnosis in girls. My feeling based on my experience is that the ADHD ramps he ability to camouflage up to the max, which does not help. Even now I joke that I'm letting the ADHD be in charge when I need to do social situations.
I did not line up or down anything like that. I was obsessed with dance, withdrawn, passive, stubborn, didn't understand teasing. I was infact considered mad and different.
Loved the ears ..matched your hair so well I didn't notice them at first 😂
I was thinking the same thing. It's a nice look on you, Mike. Be a cat anytime you want :)
Yes, they suit you! I noticed them straight away and thought it was so cool that you were wearing them!
One old statistic I've heard (I think from the 90's-early 2000's) was about the huge difference in the gender discrepancy between males vs. females with "severe" autism (2 to 1) and Asperger's syndrome (12 to 1). It's so obvious in hindsight that lower-needs girls were being missed.
Thank you, Mike. I feel validated!
Yes please for a video about female autism and vulnerability. Its an important topic no one seems to talk about.
I definitely did blame myself for being lazy and stupid. I even labeled myself consistently inconsistent after a lifetime of hearing -
To soft, to hard, to cold to sensitive, to indifferent etc.
Diagnosed in my 60’s due to misdiagnosis of treatment resistant depression that started during perimenopause.
Reframing especially, am and still unaware of my masking and camouflage.
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Thank you for this great video! 💚🐾🌱
You are so welcome, Bianca! 🧡
@@Autistic_AF 💚
Thanks Mike for this so very informative and helpful episode again. Great that you speek up for the whole community.
I appreciate that, Juju, my pleasure!
Excellent video as always Mike, love the cat ears 😂. Hi from the kittens, and us. 😊
@@BlueRoseHelen252 🐱 🐱
Great video- I loved your examples of special interests/categorizing etc that might be more common in girls!
Thank you! 🫡
I honestly don't know how people didnt realize i was autistic until i was thirty. I collected model horses and drew each one Coggins sheets there were 70+ horses. I walk in circles when I'm anxious. I never wanted to be around people, my mum had to force me to have birthday parties 😅
Mike, thank you so much for this video and others of yours which dive more deeply and thus clarify and illuminate hidden stuff. This, in itself, is a huge reducer of anxiety! Yes, more, please. I also had fun at your Christmas 2024, Part Three Live stream yesterday; it was a great way to de-stress after the Family gathering. Long may you thrive and prosper!
Awwww, you’re the kindest 🧡
I don't believe that I mask, but I did have to understand the reasoning behind politeness before I thought it was a good idea, and i do believe politeness is a learned skill.
Thanks Mike, I love your use of TV vıdeos, so funny!! And thanks for the research extracts - very ınterestıng.
So when do we realize that Autism is closer to our default state, but traumatized somehow? The sooner we do that, the sooner we can stop catering to "society" and capitalism.
It took a psychiatrist 50 minutes to tell me I am not an aspie. My daughter and grandson are. But, the more I learn, the more convinced I am. I'm not that smart though, I have special interests, but I am not a genius in my chosen areas!
I took the test you linked to and scored a 73, so yes I am likely Austic. Will it make a difference if I get a diagnosis or not?
Thanks!
Aww thank you, Moskowitz! 🧡
Is it just me? I ended up having to just listen to this because when I tried to watch it all I could focus on was the candle flickering in the background.
😂😂😂 I suspected that I had adhd in middle school (12), and was made to feel stupid when I suggested it after hearing my female friend explain what she dealt with. It took until 32 for a doctor to suggest it, makes me pretty sure that I am correct about the autism too. I am the master chameleon 😅
Excellent a new autism test for me to try out and then probably still question...
😅😂
It’s a quick one, let us know your scores!
Great stuff, thanks 🖖
My pleasure! 🖖🏽
Here's something funny. I did that GQ-ASC on myself I come with higher score for autism than I do with the AQ test. Only question that I couldn't answer was girls vs boys toy. I had not concept of girls vs boys toys when I was little. I played with what ever toys happened to available. So AQ test is just less accurate autism test?
I think religious scrupulosity can be one sign of autism in girls that just looks like the girl is a goody two shoes or so prim and proper that adults praise her when inside she is deathly afraid if doing something wrong and going to hell. This was me from about 10 yo well into adulthood. At the age Of 16 I was reading I'm OK You're Ok to try to figure out how to be Okay, because I wasn't.
Keep detailed spreadsheets... of a game I am playing but I like to write in special notebooks (Any crafting game, for example). 😂😂😂
I just hope the new criteria will br more inclusive
@@toaojjc When will it drop???!
I appreciate you bringing up gender-diversity. I'm AFAB, so socialized as a girl but am nonbinary. I only recently got identified back in November, but had been researching and trying to find someone to assess me for years (US here, NO ONE in my state seems to be assessing adults here, I had to find a practitioner via telehealth) For me as a kid, I often had meltdowns, but they were seen as temper tantrums. It was especially bad during 5-9 years old until I knew to internalize them. I was highly interested in reading by age 3 (still am, I mean... I do research for fun even still haha) but I'd read our encyclopedia collection for fun because I enjoy learning. I never really had a friend until 7th grade, and we're still friends now. She's one of the few I have, and we're both neurodivergent. Being a child of the 90s, and someone who was seen as a girl, I definitely was overlooked... even though I had to go to a special guidance class in 1st grade for kids that were having a difficult time emotionally to learn about feelings and how to express those feelings. (It was just me and two boys) My big interest has always been space science and I've been a trekkie since I was little. I played with Barbie's with my sister, but I usually was more playing beside her and would get mad when I was forced to play in a way I didn't like. (Barbie really was a good way for me to understand human interactions, it was me repeating things I saw and trying to figure out how to act like that.) In school when I would feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, I would pretend to be a different person that knew how to human and I'd kind of go on auto-pilot. I still get misunderstood a lot. I speak pretty bluntly, and when I'm not masking I sound monotonous. People tend to think I'm angry or being a know-it-all. It honestly causes friction in my romantic relationships at times, I don't understand why people are mad at me just for expressing thoughts or opinions. (I mean, I have a better idea now haha) I never felt like I fit in with other girls, I didn't seem to act like them or have a lot of the same interests. I'm nonbinary so I'm sure that's a part of why, but I also know it's partially because I felt like an alien LARP'ing as a human and felt self-conscious about it. I got bullied a lot for being "weird." Hell, as an adult in a professional setting, I still have co-workers that definitely think I'm weird.
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Very good video 💯 💚🎄
great video!
Cat ears!!
Yay!!!!
i feel so early hehe
Hi Toffle, an early bird. . .
Hope you don’t have to eat the worm 🪱 😂
The early Moomin catches .......?
Every scientific paper author should have a normie read their work for unintended innuendos.
Meow-meow
Meow meow meow!
Purr .... stretch ...... 🐈⬛️
I don't have time to watch this yet but CAT EARS
Yay!
The cat ears 😊😊😻
Oh god, the Trump jumpscare! The rest was great though 🤪
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I have an alternative explanation that plays a role but is rarely spoken of. That is, society does a great deal of the "masking" for me.
I was raised in the 80s and 90s and thought to be a girl. I didn't speak until I was four years old, and had serious trouble with social ostracization when I got to school (played by myself, few friends, bullying). I didn't consciously mirror others behavior often, but I was aware of that look people got in their eye, 5 seconds after meeting me, when they decided to classify me as "weird/off". Variations on this lasted all my life until I sought out a diagnosis after my bio kid was diagnosed with ASD. I went to a center specializing in autism and got confirmation (at 35 yrs old).
Then, when seeking mental health supports later, the psychologist essentially said I could not have autism because I am a "woman". (I'm a trans guy and he knew this at the time.) He wrote in my notes that while he hadn't gathered enough evidence at this time, he suggested an alternative diagnosis of BPD.
This is all to say, that you don't have to be a great masker for the world to fill in the blanks based on things such as gendered expectations.
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The therapist saw you as you are, a woman. But did not see you as an autistic person because you are a woman. Hmmm. Points for therapist and then Take a way all the points and more points so they will have negative number of points. There was a commenter who is an autistic woman who did not mask and thought it was wrong to say women are missed because they are good at masking. One of the reasons one may doubt being autistic is because they don’t mask by observing people and copying them to fit in. There are a lot of late diagnosed/identified autistic women and men because they did mask and a lot of misconceptions of autism. They say, “they cannot be autistic because…” so it’s mostly ignorance of autism and neurodivergence. People are usually labeled, shy, quiet, or weird.
@autistic_af does replying to people’s comments with a lot of hearts help the algorithm?
6:30 as a trans autistic woman, nailed this
Thank you, Isam 🧡
It was only about a year before my diagnosis that I learned that if you masked, you could still be autistic.
I thought I was good at masking. I put a lot of effort into it from the age of about 16 to 35. I have since learned that I wasn’t that good at it. I couldn’t keep it up for very long.
Masking only served to hide the real me from myself.
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