I’m Averse To People! (A Stoic perspective)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- Aversion means a strong dislike and disinclination towards something or someone. Even though this might seem harmless; it can cause a lot of trouble.
Cuts, voice, footage, script by Einzelgänger. I used creative commons (links below) and some material from Pixabay (links available upon request).
PURCHASE MY BOOK (affiliate links):
Ebook: amzn.to/35e23a5
Paperback: amzn.to/2RJYfti
Merchandise: teespring.com/...
Merchandise design by Punksthetic Art:
/ jrstoneart
Support on Patreon: / einzelgangster
Music used:
Anno Domini Beats - Intentions
Wayne Jones - Resolutions
Creative Commons:
Tokyo 1: www.videvo.net...
Tokyo 2: www.videvo.net...
Seneca 1: commons.wikime...
Seneca 2: commons.wikime...
Seneca 3: commons.wikime...
Epictetus: commons.wikime...
Desire & aversion: commons.wikime...
Check out Einzelgänger's book 'Stoicism for Inner Peace' here: einzelganger.co/innerpeace
I like the idea of removing myself from people who I don’t enjoy being around. ...rather than arguing with them or hoping they will start behaving in a different way. Took 52 years for me to figure this out.
Took me a LONG time, too.
I take that you don't live in a big city anymore, correct?
But then, how many people do you remove till everyone is gone?
Christina Lemieux just the ‘takers’ ...everyone else stays.
@@dub16100 sometimes it seems like they all are trouble!
I do have an aversion to a lot of people. I'm still polite and kind and compassionate to them. However, I do stay away unless I need to be there.
How can you be compasioned about people you averse? Or are you putting in a disclaimer to excuse yourself?
@@sarjenka It's like heroin addicts. They're dirty and untrustworthy, but it's easy to feel sorry for them at the same time.
Like you, many people have difficulty grasping multi-faceted concepts and in their ignorance, often accuse people they don't know of some contrived fault through their own ignorance and mental shortcomings. For what reason?.. Who knows? I'll never understand where all this unnecessary spite comes from.
One reason i'm averse to people is that they live by a pathetic, weak-minded herd mentality and aggressively berate anyone without that weakness. They sicken me.
Same
@@MiG2880 are u not doing the same thing? There are some pretty massive judgments in ur statement towards someone u don't know. We tend to hate most in others that which we ourselves display as our own worse character faults. Ironic but true.
Nicely put LCD D. Peace be unto you.
For some reason I feel most at peace when I'm alone . People in general irritate me .
I think its got more to do with the dysfunction of modern life.
I believe we were made to live in society, but our flawed nature keeps screwing it up. Modern technologies have made it easier for us to break down social cohesion. I think we were better off without digital tech.
I don't mind people, but it's the dark skinned ones I can't stand. That's why I live far away from the city.
🌚
Tired of toxic demanding and hypocritical characters. Happier alone
I'm the same way. I love being alone.
I usually like to be alone in nature, however, I thoroughly enjoy the rare occasion I find a person that I can sit and have a genuine conversation with.
also, to sit and not have a conversation. just enjoy being in each others presence without the need to always fill the silence... :)
So right. So true.
My mate!
Im a loner too and usually don’t enjoy others company too much but within these 27 years, i only once met this special person I genuinely enjoyed talking to but sadly lost him forever.I say, if you find someone you enjoy talking to and have a special bond with, don’t let go too easily...
You’re right
I've always felt like a stranger in a strange land. Like I never really fit in. I thought for decades that there was something wrong with me but now I think that my negative take on people was justified.
I concur.
That resonate with me😐😐😐
I tried to talk with anyone, then to some degrees of intelligence at last I choose one or two but it turns out they are out there looking for themselves in others too. Just like me😐
When I was younger I always tried and wanted to be " one of the lads " , but I was never successful and never fitted in , a square peg in a round hole ,now nearly 50 I love being a outsider
It seems kinda strange to me tho, if I'm correct in my assumption that you've studied Buddhism as your profile picture implies. Then you maybe you could see in in a different way, namely that your negative presumptions about others come from a mind, that is conditioned to think that way. And even those negative thoughts can be observed. fundamentally everything (including people)simply is the way it is, it's our minds that make something good or bad, perhaps you've heard this way of thinking before. Of course you don't have associate with people if you don't want to, but there is no point in holding on to negative presumptions. Just an idea.
@@sunbear3324 yin/yang is a Chinese philosophical concept of duality. It is not specifically Buddhist, although it is implied in the Buddhist concept of the middle path.
I dont hate people, but I seem to feel better when they're not around. Bukowski.
Me, too!
I don't hate people, but I seem to feel better when those I hate aren't around. 😁
Does anyone else get the feeling that Bukowski may have been autistic or even Aspergian? He practically ate and drank the same thing every day... 🧩🐦💕
Haha, he's a better man than I. I fucking despise these creatures running around masquerading as human beings. They are worthless. I like people on an individual basis, bit as a whole, fuck em. We need about 2-3 billion people to just vanish. If that meant I had to be one of them just to do my part, if gladly do so.
Exactly. I’m the exact same way.
I honestly like working by myself. Always have.
Me too.
@Mice Elf go faster go alone, go further go together.
Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
The comments on this video make me feel normal and healthy for being an outsider, thanks, everyone!
Yeah he did say that! Stay strong bud
Right on my man.
@Bean Oak why can't Scott think and feel like he wants to. Why is that not okay with you.
I love that qoute.
@Bean Oak you read a message about how Scott thinks and feels. And you went off on a judgy tangent about it.. Good luck on your path of trying to be the thought police.
I'm not averse to people - there are just too few people I can connect with
Agreed. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. But maybe that's ok.
Thank you. That's the point.
For years I struggled with my desire to avoid crowds, and if I did find myself in a situation with a lot of people I could not wait until I could go back into my apartment, which is sort of like a little cave that I can retreat into. Now that we are in the midst of the coronavirus outbreak everyone else wants to stay away from others as much as they can - it's been easy for me since I am used to doing that.
This seems to be the 'introvert' way of life? I hate the way we are called anti social, it's more that other people are very draining for us. I like how your name is Mel Gibson haha.
I feel the same. The social isolation as a result of the pandemic lockdown has been pure bliss for me
I can relate to that. While the whole world is in panic I'm just chilled and carrying on completely as normal. Social distancing is my normal lifestyle!
@@soundseeker63 Yes i understand. For me with the extra corona bonus:
The, 'this planet is finaly mine' experience.✌😄
If you guys feel this way, you should probably move out of the cities and to less inhabited areas of your countries
Another struggle that's similar to aversion is alienation- feeling like a stranger even when you're surrounded by people, & having trouble relating to most or many people.
I've always felt that, in every stage of my life so far. Tho I have gained a few new friends recently with common interests (music/jam sessions) Keeping a degree of openness while sustaining learned boundaries is a constant balancing act...one that I'll never perfect. That and these little interactions here do help to curb my sense of alienation tho.
You mean being on this earth but not of it?
I used to know that feeling very well but now I am alone and at peace
I find that it's other people who seem to have an aversion issue with me when they observe how I am indifferent with their dramas and "notice me attitude". Peace of mind at the cost of charisma, perhaps?
Charisma is overrated.
Not really, you just show no interest in their daily doings. Even though it’s the right thing you could still probably win them over if you were charismatic.
@@Oblong-Orange Yet there is no need to win them over. Ironically enough, I noticed that with this attitude, people gravitate, respect, and ask more about my opinions compared to my "charming" small talk friends.
@aura Harrison that is.. a nice way of framing it. Thank you, kind soul.
Le Meowskie that's me and people really do think I'm a hollow shell for it. I once told a man who said I didn't care about anything that I actually care too much and that's why I'm the way I am.
I am indifferent to other people, because everyone annoys me in a certain way. So it´s healthy for me to be on my own.
How can you be indifferent AND get annoyed?
If everyone annoys you in a certain way then maybe you need some work to do on yourself. Dont change your persona, change your minds response to the annoyance from others.
@@FilthyFloor lol the more comments i see the more i think these folk are just unkowingly projecting their shadow and it shows they need inner work. Not saying their emotions are invalid.
@@gz6148 I agree - sometimes you might get lucky and restore faith in humanity with a comment or two, but many selfproclaimed "enlightened people" do exist, unfortunately. :/
- Not claiming I am enlightened in anyway - I just know, like you say, that I myself also need to face my shadow-self and do some inner work.
@@FilthyFloor theres loads of self proclaimed woke/enlightened people out here these days, its funny. They speak but dont show/act the way they project themselves to be. You can preach all day everyday but nobody has reached enlightenment.
"We don't see people with our eyes, but with our thoughts."
How can I see someone with my eyes if I don't use my brain???? 😂🤣😂🤣😅
Actually, that' s not quite true. We see people with our emotions. To think is far more difficult than one could imagine
with our beliefs....
Da fuq? That's not true at all
I observe first, judge later.
I've never liked being around other people for any longer than I absolutely had to,,, friends are ok for a little while,, then they always start getting on my nerves....
I feel just the same.
I have lived alone in the wilderness for 12 years and do enjoy when folks come visit though after a day sometimes less i'm ready for them to leave. They just bring too much toxic crap into my life even though they are friends.
I can only stand other people in short bursts
As an empath I feel so miserable when I’m around people but when I’m alone, I feel safe and happier.
I do remove myself from people who are cruel, manipulative, and controlling. Being assertive in this regard is important to my survival.
"I don't hate you. I just hate everyone!"
Me too! I don't play favorites! Hell, half the time I can't stand myself, the other half nobody else can! 🤦🤣😂
Equally or with Prejudice.
Hey. Love you guys. Hope everyone is doing okay in times like these. ❤️
My phrase is: “I don’t hate people. I just don’t trust anyone in every area of life”.
@@redpillsatori3020 Being so Fond of Do Unto Others as Law Applied to Reality...
I Tent to Verify before I Trust information..
in War There is No Truth...
it appears to me That Truth Apply's
Universally.
For Just us.
I left Facebook for many reasons, but aversion to people was one of them. Flash forward several years, and I've recently been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Interestingly, one of the first pieces of advice I got was to "get on Facebook" to rally my support network, lol. How to stay stoic in the face of long-term dying, since I don't feel or look particularly sick, seems to be more on my mind lately. Who I'll _remain_ averse to is something I thought about, and I decided to take an inventory of the most worthwhile people I know. (There are a few!) It's made all the aversion seem less heavy, so perhaps this is a good experience to share.
I possess empathic traits so I repel from people in general but enjoy observing them in public or any setting.
I can't stand being cooped up in office environments with people. Casual interactions with people while out running errands gives me all the socialization I need. I like my alone time and I don't have anyone clammoring for my attention. Win / win🌞
I'm an introvert , I'm also an empath . I'm not going to apologize or feel guilty about it . I live my own life , i mind my own business .
Aversion is the first feeling I get when I see a human being.. particularly a group of them..
Sometimes i think , i am the person, who is adverse and nobody wants to have near by.
Well, this topic hits home for me. Imagine it, I'm a misanthrope. Not proud of it, as it a very strong aversion to my fellow humans, and as a stoic I know I shouldn't reject them like this. However it doesn't matter how hard I try to cure this deep set antipathy for the people that surround me, humans will always give me something to fuel my hatred towards them.
Stoicism and Buddhism helped a lot with this, but it's a think, a perpetual struggle.
Tell me about it, for me its a constant cycle of reminding myself to not let the emotions get the best of me, but if i dont feel and let my emotions out itll be bottled up, wanting to come out because people just prove to you how ignorant and lifeless they are each day. Its a battle with our own selves, taught to be so nice and caring, to never see the bad in others, but how can we ignore pure ignorance when its in plain view? Are we supposed to keep turning the blind eye and tell ourselves its not worth it? Id be lying if i said i dont wish karma to strike these type of folk who are just parasitic in nature. Contribute literally nothing to REAL LIFE, only the matrix system. Thats not a life, fuck anyone who thinks being established in the material world equates to being successfull. Most folk nowadays are nobodies without their materialistic possesions or friends. Take those away, and i guarantee you'll see the value of a person. Most people dont even care about working on themselves yet expect everyone to accept them how they are... either you work on yourselves and bring out the real you, or keep complaining and whining about people who only see your outer shell because theres nothing on the inside to see.
Do you still feel this way, three years later? Idk if I ever won't feel exactly what you've described
I'm averse to all the qualities that my extended family pride themselves in having...
Arrogance. Stupidity. Judgemental. Shallow. Narrow - minded. Piety. Lucky I don't have to see them at all except at funerals. Whew!!
Wow you just made a case for them. Seems everything you accuse them of, you are as well. Takes one to know one.
@@eddieneal9920 Right back at you Eddie. Thanks for stopping by!
This channel is like a cold pillow on your face when you have a fever
Or having a cold shower during heat wave 😜
"we suffer more often in imagination than in reality"
Unfortunately that knowledge can help yourself to some extent but it doesn’t help you help other people, because they need to understand it themselves for them to be helped by it and even if they do it still is only part of the puzzle to not feel like crap.
For added information, my bff keeps on living in the past and she can’t let go of the crap that happened to her. Even though she barely has to deal with the people involved. I wish I could help her more. I keep trying and I try to give her space but it can get frustrating with feeling helpless to help.
It's true but the suffering is still real.
Yes so true
To believe that others can create happiness for us is an illusion. But being a compassionate human being is within reach of all of us. That should be our goal. We don't have to admire/love/respect all but we should try to understand that they are flawed just as we ourselves are. Then life becomes easier; we don't draw lines between 'them' and 'us' or 'them' and 'me'.
Sometimes aversion to certain people comes from an intuitive sense. We dont have to like or love everyone.
I used to hate myself at young age as was always outside looking in. I've never valued materialism...meaningless stuff...and attempting to fit into a society that promotes consume, consume, consume...I can honestly say I understand my intuition now for staying away. I love being alone, doing my gardening. I get lonely at times but compared to the alternative drama I can honestly say I'm addicted to this lifestyle now. I value my independence, my being different and now at 43, wouldn't have it any other way.
Salute Einzelgänger, top notch video brother
The greatest harms you will experience will be by people, so you do the math.
What if you go on an african safari and a hippo charges you, breaking every bone in your body?
Hans Hoerdemann I have to agree with you, and speaking from my own experiences you are right. I have no contact with any friends that were in my circle for decades. A close friend asked me some time ago what was "up" with me, did I need to get some "help". She was unaware that I knew she hid a very big secret about my Ex Husband and she knew he was having an affair, (as did all my friends). We had been friends for 20 years. All I know is I wouldn't have done that to her, so life is easier (for me) alone.
Idk, most if not all of my best experiences also happened with other people so I guess it’s a give and take
Cardiac Coder I'm pleased for you but when friends you have had for decades lie to your face it's impossible to forgive. To be honest I think there are people who enjoy watching the person crumble and that can't be right.
@@janemills1839 This is one of my biggest complaints about people; that they will smile and lie to my face and all the while talk about me behind my back. I consider this behavior to be villainous conspiracy, but it is socially acceptable, actually preferred by every social group I've ever joined.
I confronted someone about it once, and they told me that people talk about others because "they care about them," and this might be true sometimes, I could think of several examples easily where this person said unkind things about others to me that could not in any way be described as "caring."
As one of the most beautiful persons I ever knew from Jamaica told me; " 99 percent of all people are " Bumbaclot ". I laughed and have remembered it often 😂 !!!
😂
The best way to get along with people is to avoid them as much as possible.
Absolutely
I've always wanted to walk alone in the woods on a misty morning like that.
A beach for me 😊
Negative thoughts come to every person. The key is don't verbalise them. Be positive or be silent.
My desire is to be surrounded by people I like as they are fun to be with, nice people and generally not a threat to my health or happiness. I am averse to people that are a threat to my happiness and well-being. That is a lot different than stereotyping people. I experience each individual and then decide if I want them in my social sphere.
Im just averse to ignorance and stupidity.. which most people happen to have lol
@NPC #369369 yes brother, orange man bad
NPC #369369 where do you think technology comes from?
@NPC #369369 very cool way of not answering my question.
Not only technology comes from people, so do the supply chains that make it available to you. And the price systems that allow you to exchange your labor for money and then that money for technology.
Someone can have solitude or technology, just not both.
Combined with cruelty unfairness discrimination and injustice...
What makes you think you aren't ignorant and stupid as well? Someone will inevitably pass the same judgement on you.
Perfect timing! I'm going through the same thing right now. With someone I use to call my father. Thankfully, I moved through my resentment and am content, even happy with simply removing the relationship from my life. It's just like throwing away a bad apple off the tree.
“Men in Black” (1997)
Edwards (Jay): Why the big secret? People are smart. They can handle it.
Kay: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
Great quote
Wise words
I needed to hear this, i had already come to the conclusion that i needed to become more mindful of my own fears/feelings. i am much better at identifying the irrational feelings by staying mindful of the moment.
People are not all good. But the ones who truly are make life better. Glad to have good ones in my life.
Thank you so much for posting this video and for everybody's comments; this has made my day.
More often than not, when I am around people, I feel like I'm wandering around in a monstrous world where I am the monster (to paraphrase George Orwell's '1984'). I've been told I should try and get engaged in people's lives and ask them about themselves, but this has resulted in one-way conversations where people talk at length about their lives but aren't interested in me at all. I lead a different life to most people I meet, and I feel they don't know how to handle that.
However, I've met small knots of people who I can engage with through exploring my interests and I'm very grateful to know them. What people have posted here resonates with me. I realise that there is nothing 'wrong' with me; it's just difficult to find people you can engage with in a world where social 'norms' are forced upon you, sometimes subconsciously. It is okay to want to be alone, and it's better to be alone than to try and find a sense of belonging with a social majority who don't really care. Belong to yourself.
Thanks a lot for taking my recomendation, awesome video
when i observed a person that always sees the bad things in others, i just quietly avert them.
When I come to these sites I see so many loners like myself. When I see the real world I see over-enthusiastic herd followers. Am I missing something?? :O
There is no special Loner Island, the rest of us are out there milling around with the herd, doing our own thing, thinking our own thoughts and living in the world with the other humans.
@@BillRoyMcBill I read somewhere we are a bunch of critical thinkers.🤔
@@stevewillshere1161 Maybe not all thinkers, but critical for sure. 😉
It's because we think there is no one like us so when milling around with the herd we don't look or even feel we can connect with a like minded person. We are all out there missing each other daily and channels like this show us there are many like us...but who's taking a chance not me!!
Yes, you are. The reason why. More often than not, it's the f*ckin' corrupt World media brainwashing people into thinking a particular way, and valuing all the wrong things in life. Materialistic crud that means sh*t at the end of the day. Ever watched a film called They Live? It's a right gem made by John Carpenter 😊
It's perfectly normal to be averse to something or someone. The opposite is attraction. That's normal too. There is no easy answer.
That is so true...
And also, as excessive aversion can cause problems, so can excessive attraction to someone or sth
@@yokobyeol6255 Attraction is complicated, has parts that are unconscious, always involves risk.
"Resentment is like drinking poison, and waiting for the other person to die" useless
I really love being a DIM aka doing it myself person. My actions are the results of my thinking process. I was put on this planet to be responsible for me and all others if they want and accept me. In the meantime, I am waking up appreciating the breathing abilities and everything and everyone is lagniappe. Being alone allows me to hear voices inside my head and whatever emotions surface, I deal with them whether they are good or bad. No need in detaching from others as in my perception, there is no such thing. Detaching in the flesh and still having them in the mind is still attachment. The more resistance, the more the turmoil. I appreciate everybody I came across in my 64 years, eight months and five days. I have plenty of who knows what about myself that trips me out. I put up with my imagination enjoying the journey. Detaching from material things is what I discovered to work best. Why? Because I ain’t able to carry stuff, and hoarding things and looking at things as if the things gives me power is ludicrous. Singing is my healing method. Thanks for reading my comment.
*I am all about virtue, because that's how you save yourself from EGO.*
My condition is that I get my space to recuperate and recharge the energy.
One becomes irritated when we are up in each others faces all the time (maybe due to work).
clearly this must be True
i can see yo Smoke signals.
HA ha h h ahh ah a haaaaa
Have any AbAd vice we need to know do we.
Foollllllllllllllllll.
Ergot Ego sum Bra.
Ha h ha h ha haaaa
could it be do do lies... or voo dooo do do… reptile...
or judging as if we were King with some holy Decree.
i am of the Persuasion Men Have no such Virtue to be found
or Truth in just any of us equally if at All within us.
so i an as king yet not yo king and i am king.
why ask me anything you cannot find within yo self
must i ordo yo ass toooo.
as it appears you are out of ordo ass backwards.
move closer to others and see our fault inside us
disabuse yo self not me child it is
yo Time to Rock
Rock a by Baby.
Flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
I have an aversion to all people.
I HATE EVERYONE
The quality of background scenes and cuts are much better than in the old vids, the storytelling feels smoother this way.
Einzelgänger love your vids, especially regarding introverts. I wish I could meet someone like you
blast past
introverts unite! (Separately...in our own homes. Lol!) 😁✌️
I had nothing against people until I started mixing with them and then I steadily grew averse to them. My problem? Or theirs? ✋🏻
Neither
What if I dislike people in general
I was not familiar with Stoic philosophy before practicing ashtanga yoga. The whole thing. But it is excellent that these overlap so much by simple clarity and insightfulness applied to the human condition. The obstacles to a Yogi's practice are ignorance, being the field in which the rest are grown: egoism, desire for pleasure, aversion from the unpleasant, and anxiety stemming from the will to live. So removing ignorance about things as they are then begins with self-knowledge that is eventually unhindered by these neurotic emotional conditions.
In all these ways, the ancient practice of yoga is very much aligned with everything I hear in Stoic philosophy.
Mostly I am profoundly bored with most ppl. Trivial conversations make me sick. Also, tons of folks just seek a pair of ears to unload on.
Time to get the broom, and sweep your porch
We can only love ❤️ people when we walk in the spirit after being born again. God loves us even when we were fallen and enemies to the cross his love is so merciful his grace is amazing when we receive his love we can truly love others even our enemies-Amen ✝️🙏
That which we focus on expands. Life does not differentiate between Desire and Aversion. What you think (feel) you become (attract).
Sometimes those who don't socialize much aren't anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama & fake people.
-8man
You that overly cliche saying "I really needed to hear this right now?" Well it's true for me. Recently I've been trying to get back into the dating scene, and being someone that's averse to small talk it makes it rather difficult. Maybe the problem lies more with the fact that I most likely have little in common with some of these people, but answering pointless text messages about conversations that go absolutely nowhere is just so........UGH!!!!! This comment doesn't really have much to do with Stoicism per se, but I figured I'd share it regardless.
As u resume dating, remember that everyone's favorite topic is: Themselves. Try not to drone on too much about u. Good luck.
I don’t have any problem doing small talk because I enjoy analyzing people and trying to understand what they are expressing beyond their words, but when it comes to texting endless messages... Jesus, I cannot stand it. So, to the people that are close to me or the ones that are getting to know me, I let them clear that I would rather hang out or even lose contact with them than maintaining an artificial connection by sending pointless messages. My aversion to chats at this point is huge and it’s something I have embraced instead of thinking there is something wrong in me. Maybe at this point if we resolve to letting someone in our lives, they should be ok with the fact that we will not partake in fruitless shallow interactions.
@@bryanenzu8579 You have a point. Embracing the fact that I dislike text messaging doesn't mean there's something wrong with me, or that I'm trying to justify a bad action. Text messages are at least IMO supposed to be quick messages you send to someone that doesn't warrant a phone call, not something that's supposed to maintained all day.
"...but answering pointless text messages about conversations that go absolutely nowhere is just so......UGH!!!!
TLDR:
You're like my brother, but it's necessary to accept that shallowness as part of the nature of the game until you gradually get the other person to work with your likes/dislikes.
Long Version (with decent info worth your time):
That pain.....so familar.....reminds me of my brother. He has the same aversion as you.
When it gets down to face to face conversation he's fine, but when faced with a few pixels on a phone screen from a beautiful female stranger.....you could not find a quicker way to turn this guy's world upside down.
Do you have like-minded soldiers like yourself willing to help you parse through the initial shallow text exchanges? That's how my brother got through.
With this girl he's with now, over a patient period of about two months he got her to keep her texts to a very limited scale in that she only asks PERTINENT INFORMATION ONLY. No more memes, no more random statements or pics of stupid landmarks, None Of That.
Any conversational related material is kept to a weekly talk over video chat that they agree upon ahead of time (it's long distance, your mileage may vary as the saying goes...)
On maybe his 3rd video chat, he explained plainly to her that due to work (his 'reason') he can't be distracted by regular texts and would rather talk directly instead. Let me tell you, she got a bit saddened from hearing that, but what turned it around was that he told her that she's strong enough to not have to come to him every time she's dealing with something she finds stressful.....which was practically everyday.
Before he made that move, my brother made sure he presented with a lot of value beforehand in dates prior to that talk. That means making the decisions during the dates, not apologizing for his physical attraction to her, and eventually....setting boundaries while respecting hers.
With time, she came to respect him and look up to him after he told her that. According to my brother, they're still enjoying their time together to this day.
"...doesn't have anything to do with Stoicism per se..."
On the contrary, I think it very much does.
Bringing in some paraphrased Stoicism to this subject, isn't it reasonable to say that these shallow exchanges are part of the nature of dating?
(Marcus Aurelius-Meditations "determining the nature of something and doing what that nature requires)
And therefore, Out of your control? (Seneca)
And therefore, something you Shouldn't Get Upset About? (also Seneca)
Needless to say, my brother would be the first to tell you that's easier said than done. That's why he understood that in order to successfully Handle the texting he is so averse to, he must simply DO the texting that he is averse to.
Many Times. With Other Girls. Until he grew Numb to that painful sensation from dealing with what seemed like endless amounts of pointless texts.
(Ref: The philosophy of cold showers, Einzelganger)
I wish you well. It's quite the endeavor to change one's perception and attitude towards the more painful aspects of dating.
Now with all that said...IF after some time out there in the field or for some unforseen reason it turns out you honestly find the prospect of dating too much of a burden to bear and want to give up, Just Remember:
Good relations with other humans (especially the physical variety) are a preferred indifferent.
Nice To Have, But Not Necessary To Be Happy.
Safe Travels.
P.S. Pointless text conversations are STILL POINTLESS BS and no amount of fancy words and philosophizing can change that....UGH!!!
gosh....can't believe I wrote that much...hope it made sense...
@@-A-c what you have is a digital version of a woman's way of communicating with each other. Endless empty 'clucking' of women with other women, day in day out, year in year out. It's a womans survival strategy, because they are physically weak they need quick access to a stronger persons resources in an emergency. I'm a heterosexual woman who leans towards masculine activities and this form of female communication annoys the f*** out of me and I don't have the possibility of sexual gratification at the end of the interaction to null the pain! Ha!
Am I the only one who likes animals more than people ? A lot more.
Think that is a common traitfor anti social people... There are people with greater psychological defectives that can express empathy for an animal but not a human... Not all psychopaths run around being the neighborhood pet killer, some would rather feed parts of peoples children to their hounds
I am an Empath so I absorb everyone’s energy . Still years ago I had Narcissistic tendencies then I met my Twin who mirrored it back to me. Since he had the same tendencies.
That's way interesting. Cheers for sharing.
This constant striving to be better than you already are is the cause of all your suffering.
I'm NOT Anti Social , I'm Socially Selective. The group just HAPPENS to be very Small.
I do not do what I feel is right, I do what I know is right, for I am not a slave to my emotions, though a useful tool, my feelings are not my master. In so doing I must throw self-esteem in the trash for Pride is the most harmful of my feelings, both to myself and others.
Ps. In my experience, all bad emotions take route from the seed of pride in the soil of life and is watered by self-esteem, like a dandelion it has a pleasant appearance, but is no less a weed.
For me, when it comes to people, less is more.
Agreed
Even when someone bothers me without realizing I go mad and hate them forever, also acting stupid and playing mind games to harm me, even when I saved myself from them when I think about it, I go crazy I don't know why and hate everyone around me
Frank says "I have aversions to a certain person or group of people - I've been struggling with that for the past couple of weeks"
I say - Dude, you are lucky! In my case that "group of people" is virtually all human beings, and I've been struggling with that for the whole of my adult life! lol
What a powerful video! I love it how I've read and heard this answer in different forms before, one of them being spiritual. It makes me realize once more how all these wise words seen from and spoken from different angles (Taoism, religion, spirituality and so on) often boil down to the same answers.
And may I add: as a subscriber of your channel for at least a few years now (I don't see a 'Subscribed since' button so I'm not really sure) I see you've grown in your video editing skills. I don't really know how to say it, but I just consider the quality getting better than it already was. The overal tone also looks more positive and less judgmental towards people who think and live differently. I consider that a very good thing.
Im glad to see your channel is still going strong. :)
The more people I meet, the more I love rocks!
For me, working from home is a God send. I hate commuting and being crammed next to people. Then at work, having to make small talk with fake people I don't like. Now, it's just the occasional Chatty Cathy IMs that I can ignore, delay response and then delete. I just can't understand those who love to go into the office and "socialize".
I discovered stoicism over a half century ago while in high school. Practicing it helped me eliminate or at least tone down the rage that I had been brought up in. I realized that I was not inherently rageful so reacting with rage was not me, yet that was the only example I had while growing up. By limiting my automatic reactions I learned to replace what my family did with reactions more attuned to the real me. This became so much a part of me that I had forgotten this decision so long ago.
As for the point of this video, I can see this duality in my daily life. An aversion let's say to a person is only a part of how I will see that person after I get to know him. Initially, I realize that any aversion is based on an automatic reaction so I realize that this is not an informed part of me so I let it go until I have more information. Stoicism allows me this time.
I’d love to hear you do this sort of topic applied to family. You have to be around relatives at least occasionally. How do you deal with very different personalities when you are emotionally attached?
Humility compassion simplicity
I’m averse to all but a few people yet can’t help feeling something is wrong with me.
wow that stuff helped me so much thank u !
I really appreciate your searching and understanding 💚
I have no desire to be around people anymore. If find most of them fake, two faced and mindless. I just wish I could be more content being alone.
"I choose Love because Hate is too great burden to Bear"❤️
I love your video lone wolf🐺
Een fijne dag
Bare
Hate is too much of an effort for what it's worth and that is very little. I'm too cheap on my time and energy to spend them on negative feelings. I need much more than I have just to love as much as I want.
@@DaPoopIsInDaPudding well.. A bear is kinda heavy. 😂
It's a wonder any of us get along...Some guru compared us to ice cubes bumping together w/ all our sharp edges. I try to enjoy most people. Some folks r bitter & nasty. I will embrace a healthy aversion to them w/out guilt. As usual, TY, Mein Einzelganger!
We are not really separate from other animals, everything is one, when you realise this you instantly change how you perceive everything, and how you treat self/other 👏🏻
At least I know I'm not alone being alone...
How do you cultivate indifference when the person you're averse to is an elderly parent who now needs your help? It is very, very challenging.
The biggest problem with HAVING to be around people, even if, like me, you enjoy educating yourself, reading novels, or practicing mathematics (all hobbies of mine), is that your job may be in an environment where every damn day you encounter extreme stupidness in 'normal' people which resembles retardation, and slowly but surely begins to erode YOUR own I.Q. - seriously, I can't believe some people appear to try so hard to BE so stupid; extreme rudeness of others born from self hatred, or (usually) short-assed little bastards with a Napoleon complex; even as a Stoic, I can't help take delight in thinking that certain people treat me like trash just because their own life is really fucking miserable (may not be very stoic, but, I don'tcare). They deserve how miserable they are, purely because they are trying to make ME feel something of their own misery. I generally despise ALL people, except those who are couth, and try to educate themselves, and do not try to belittle or DOMINATE others. Everyone else is trash.
I legit can’t rest mentally unless I’m alone. If I go too many days without isolation I get really mentally exhausted and easily frustrated.
I know what you mean
Apathy is the way to go
In my past, i had many people around me & I had always problems... Now I surround my self, just with a few, chosen people & I feel so much better, & I don´t got any problems at all! CU & BYEBYE! :)
I'm averse to most of humanity. I don't suffer from it, i enjoy it.
I had a friend once, it's no big deal .
I have had no girlfriend, no friends, no aquaintences, not even coworkers on my shift, since 8 August 2000 at 18:34. I have disproven the theory that everyone needs to have others in their life. I am extremely independent, supernaturally self reliant, and do not need to be social at all. I can do things the majority of people can not even do with other people. Since I do not waste time being social, I use that time to learn how to do things that most believe can not be done without help or without hiring a, "professional," hired. Being social serves little useful purpose in the 21st century. It is a, waste of time and not needed.
"ich liebe die humanitat, es ist nur die menschen ich kann nicht ausstehen" 😁
I just came from supermarket and while walking there i keep telling myself , i can't wait to get home , cause everyone stare at me, and act like weirdos toward me, i hate this place and it's people.
I like people in general, and consider myself a friend to all, it doesn't mean I need to be around them 24/7. We all need space to live in harmony.
What if you're averse to someone without even knowing them properly and don't want to know them but still don't want to be aversive towards them because that takes away a lot of your energy and triggers overthinking?
Yes, like if you have to work with that person etc…
I'm an only child married to another and have 2 cousins also only children, and having grown up in a very supportive and nurturing environment, I'm comfortable and prefer solitude. I love being with me, myself and I 💜. BTW, we have 2 girls and they also enjoy solitude and are socially-selective.
Many people dont like be alone because they dont like the company, humans bother me , (most)
I feel that if I like you, consider yourself lucky. The more I learn, the more I regard troublesome people a minor irritation that is not worth my time. I don't hate, but I am indifferent to them, which makes them irrelivant.