Madame Web - The Worst Superhero Movies Ever Made
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
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Also, if Madame web started off as a lifeguard she would’ve been wearing red, wearing glasses, while sitting in a throne-like chair. It’s even better foreshadowing.
Throne-like chair mentioned!!!!
Throne-like chair FTW!
Wow... you're right, that would have been better.😮
BRIALLIANT
And she _still_ wouldn't have cared about the people she's supposed to life-guard.
Imagine making a movie so bad that you were taken out of the same cinematic universe as Morbius
I blame Avi Arad
@@Zombiesnyder13 we all do.
@@Zombiesnyder13I'm out of the loop. What does Avi Arad do that makes people dislike him so much?
@@kyledawson871 Makes terrible movies for the sake of toys, is the guy who forced venom into spiderman 3 then ruined the movie
@@cantthinkofaname5046 He did also encourage the writers of ATSV to make the Spot the villain, so I guess he deserves *some* credit
"With great responsibility, great power will come." The writers must have been incredibly proud of themselves for thinking of the laziest line ever.
I knew how bad this movie was gonna be when I saw it had the writers from Morbius
Wow! I never thought they could outdo the weird "responsibility" line as said by Martin Sheen, but they did it!
@@somerandolad Martin sheen responsibility line?
@@Jormyyy "You are a lot like your father. You really are, Peter, and that's a good thing. But your father, he lived by a philosophy, a principle, really. He believed that if you could do good things for other people, you had a moral obligation to do those things! That's what's at stake here. Not choice. Responsibility."
God, I forgot how obsessed TASM movies were with Peter Parker's parents.
I'm so sad that I'm the only one in my theater that burst out laughing during that (then again there were only three other people in my theater)
The bit that made me laugh out loud. She removes the number plates from the cab so that it can't be identified but completely ignores the fact that the lights on the roof have the exact same registration number displayed.
That's so dumb considering they BUILT that car💀💀💀 like bruh... Or they bought it/rented it but like... How tf do you miss that dawg
Her apathy toward getting arrested is as intense as her apathy for limes
I still can’t believe Sony made one of the worst superhero movies ever made and followed it up with an even worse movie
I'm excited for Kraven to lower the bar even more
They gotta get whoever writing for the animated division writing the live action 😅
Do you believe it now, Trinity?
Its insane
@@Satherian My only disappointment is El Muerto won't be there to lower the bar after Kraven.
Fun fact dakota johnson fired her agent after this movie
It's hilarious because it's true & who can really blame her.
Lmao😂
Her agent 100% sold on her on this being an MCU movie and probably thought that themselves.
At least she got ONE right!
@@WarriorBoy If a Hollywood agent can't tell apart Sony and Disney, they deserve to be prevented from working in the entertainment field ever again, stat.
The segment talking about Dakota Johnson lying for fun was hilarious 😭
I was dying. "Do you know the titles of the three Tom Holland movies?"
"Yes."
@@MoarCheeseBirbWatch the full clip, the titles she says are hysterical
@@luiginastro8831 You can just watch the credits of the video, he put it in the background, lol
I didn't know how something can be so tragic and hilarious at the same time. 😭
@@luiginastro8831 Harry Spiderman and the Goblet of Man. It's fantastic how she does not care even a little about this nerd stuff.
My gf is a paramedic and honestly, this is probably the most realistic aspect of the entire film. Paramedics do not give a shit ab their patients. They're broken. They have no empathy, they can't or else they'd go insane 😂
Why do you even date her?
@@thientuongnguyen2564 Because her mom died while researching spiders
@@thientuongnguyen2564I assume the having no empathy stuff can be disabled when not on the job, since it's a defensive measure there.
Then why tf be a paramedic then?
@@kevflore196 Money.
As a paramedic who works with other paramedics, I can safely say that a paramedic with a lack of empathy is actually one of the most accurate on-screen depictions we've ever gotten. And we don't get a lot of those.
I like the contrast of an uncaring paramedic. Could be a good a character.
Do paramedics also drive the ambulance? I thought it's not they job
@@velmi_malenkaja_zabka in my experience it was usually an EMT paired with a paramedic, if the case was complicated the paramedic would take charge and emt drive, if it was in the EMT’s scope then the paramedic would drive
Y'all paramedics aint shit f**k yall
Have you ever seen Bringing Out The Dead
"Poor, terminally offline, crystal loving yakubian"
I'm dying.
i had to pause and take a minute after that line lmao that shit had me WHEEZING
@@JackedandStacked lmaooo same i immediately went to the comments because i knew somebody else had to have noticed that
I was CRYING 😂
Really the funniest thing this man has ever said
i haven't watched the video but no way he said yakubian.
My wife is a paramedic. You start the job caring about... anything. For a few months. Then after a year you've seen so much shit you kinda just burn out your empathy and become Dakota Johnson. So honestly. This is pretty accurate.
Mr Dooves! Didn't expect to see you here. I really love your acapellas :)
I was a paramedic and I understand that but definitely not they way to go about it 😭
I've known a couple of paramedics & the way one of them would cope would be to just to shut down emotionally & come across very apathetic. The other one would make inappropriate jokes. So if I was involved in that kind of traumatic work, I'd probably have an attitude as well in the same way Dakota Johnson does being contractually stuck in this movie.
I was an EMT a long time ago. Eventually it's just a job. Anyone who deals with the public on a daily basis feels the same way.
@@pennywisethedancingclown2246 thanks Pennywise! And I love the way you scare and eat children!
I think the main problem with Madam Web was that literally no one cared about the film. It wasn’t made out of artistic passion and just a quick way to cash in on Marvel’s dying embers. The screenwriters didn’t care, the director didn’t care, the actors didn’t care, nobody cared. So why would an audience?
Yup, I agree. And this is why I can almost appreciate something like "The Room." It was terrible, but the man making it truly cared about making a film. He just made a really bad film. Or like when you watch a bad Michael Bay film. You know it's bad, but it's tons of fun and the people making the film know what you're paying for. But this is your typical January type movie where it has to be released for contractual reasons, but absolutely no one cared in front of or behind the camera.
@@drygnfyreFUCK YOU IT'S JANUARY!!!
I don't know man....Sydney Sweeney sounded pretty pumped for her role.....too bad she didn't get to play as a superhero for more than 2 minutes in this SUPERHERO movie, lol
@@lechocolat3783 yeah…there may be that ONE person in the cast or crew that’s actually interested in the project while the rest know what their making is utter garbage
@@dylanbuchanan6511why are you blaming marvel with this? It's literally have nothing to do with Marvel 💀
Dakota Johnson 🤝 Robert Pattinson: just lying in interviews for their own amusement
For a second I was like “What movie does Pattinson have to lie about? The Batman… Tenet… Harry Potter…?”
I had completely blocked Twilight out of my memory lol
@@Road_to_Dawn Wasn't there that one stalker Pattinson convinced to stop stalking him by going on a legit date with her and then boring her by rambling about all of his life problems?
@@Wired4Life2Yep and that info is gold.
@@Wired4Life2 My life is legitimately better for having this knowledge xD
It would be great if she joined him in Matt Reeves Batman movies as Andrea Beaumont/The Phantasm, not just because she’d be a great fit for the role but because seeing her and Rob make up fake stories in their interviews would be worth it.
my favourite part of this movie is when they want us to believe syndey sweeney is a nerdy, bullied, low self esteem introvert
But she be wearing glasses tho...
she is nerdy in real life though
how is that unbelievable?
@@mischr13 Because she looks like a friggin 🌽 ⭐️ lol
@@mischr13 look at her man
It’s insane that all of Evil Spider-Man’s lines are poorly dubbed.
and he sounds drunk
I still wanna know why he had no shoes or socks 90% of the time he was outside.
Wouldn't it be more strange if one or a couple of the lines was dubbed good?
@@ubermaster1 to be fair that's like the one thing about him that's comic-accurate lmao
@@kiwi_arms ...why doesn't comic version not wear them?
No one else brings up the dumb part of stealing baby parkers powers. A baby parker that doesn't get it for another almost 2 decades in literally every rendition.
Yeah, I understand the original premise of the film was a Terminator-style plot where Cassandra has to save Mary Parker from a time traveling villain who wants to kill her to prevent Spider-Man from being born. That actually makes sense in this context, and you can see where it was sloppily rewritten.
@@ZeldaQueen64 so don't it make sence to kill the freaking spider that gives peter powers instead of a unborn baby and his mother ?? Or am i missing something here
@@imakhlaqXDgood luck finding that spider.
@@ZeldaQueen64Weirdly enough, I’d actually really be into watching the movie if it followed the original premise because it kinda goes hard
@@halfmettlealchemist8076 Honestly, if the three teenage macguffins were consolidated into the single character of Mary Parker, I could almost see the story flowing better. It would mean less bloat (let's be real, would we have missed out on anything if it was only one teen Cassandra had an escort mission for?) Polish the script to lean in on Dakota Johnson's sarcasm and I could see the dynamic of a snarky adult with a hidden heart of gold who has to run around with a teen she grows to relate to. Not a very original premise, but at least it might have been an entertaining one.
In defense of Dakota Johnson the limes lie is because Architectural Digest likely put them there as decoration the way that they put flowers and other shit around a house they are touring because they want the house clean and uncluttered but then it also looks oddly empty so they fill the space with random shit. Being surprised by the ridiculous number of limes that they filled her kitchen with is probably the most relatable thing about her honestly
Right? Those "piles of limes" are a classic trope of real estate stagers, where they fill spaces with something that no house would actually have - case in point: bowls/bell jars/etc. filled with lemons or limes are oddly common in that world. And she noticed the absurd limes in her kitchen and called them out in a clearly tongue in cheek way, but somehow people are confused about this?
@@aaronpatterson4944 Yeah I had seen the clip before and thought everyone was on the same page that she was making fun of Architectural Digest to their face about their staging
i thought that her lying about was so relatable lol. Like, she just said stuff out of awkwardness for having to think quickly and presented with a stupid situation
imagine having to give an office tour or smth to an important client and your boss puts a bowl of lemons like that, i'd lie too to just gtfo out of the conversation lmao
@@aaronpatterson4944lol “no household”
Ever hear of fruit bowls? XD my cousins house and my own has a lot of them in it.
I’d never heard her name or seen her interviews before this and I kinda love her
The celestial balance of Sony pictures making Morbius & Madam Web, while also making the 2 Spider-Verse movies
We know they know how to make not-shit movies, but they truly are insisting on making shit movies. It's the only explanation, their damage to the marvel brand and AMC theatres is worth whatever they're doing? Are they massively shorted on AMC, is that it? Are they taking Morbius back to the theatres for the anniversary?!
Implying studios and creatives are the same. And they're not even really the same studio, they're just both owned and run by Sony.
@@retronymph @the mirror and the signal of sound reflection Stream Melanie martinezes weird body merge album stop blowing me kisses through my now skin stream paramore's the news for the projection of heart stream Melanie Martinez's weird body merge album get the fuck out of my body entertainment had no right to throw a frequency into my fucking heart get the fuck out of my body you guy's had no right to kill me in reality get the fuck out of me trying to merge into my bod stop touching my chin and get the fuck out of my body you had no right tot swap frequencies get the fuck out of my body you guys had no right tot kill me in reality get the fuck out of my body,,,.,,,/
@@retronymphYup, this is it. Sony isn't small company run by handful of people, the difference in quality between franchise is probably because they had different teams.
Also, could be because animation and games can actually use most Spider-men, while live action is heavily limited by their agreement with Disney.
They have a contract where they have to make movies about spiderman without spiderman ever 2 years or smth (i forgot the actual number) for the rights, so they're kind of forced to make these movies
My dad has a very low standard for good movies, he loved X-Men Origins Wolverine when it came out, and thought Morbius was decent. He turned this on with my mom and I was like “I heard that is the worst movie they’ve made recently.” and he’s all like “don’t listen to reviews before you watch something. Have your own opinion 😡.”. I came back a few hours later and he said WITHOUT paraphrasing “I’m sorry son. You were right.”
X-men origins isn’t as bad as people say
@@ninjanibba4259is it enjoyable to watch? Absolutely. Is it a good movie? Hell no.
"I'm sorry son. You were right." now that's how I know you're straight up bussin.
Lmao serves him right. Id rather watch Death note 2017 than Madame Web because at least that movie isnt so boring
I love the x men origins too(probably bcz of the Nostalgia) besides the movie wasn’t so bad except for the last deadpool part ofc
It would have done a lot better if they called him a sentinal or something instead of bringing deadpool in
It really sucks that Sydney Sweeney joined this movie and not like the MCU or something, cause she honestly seems like she cared about the character she was playing, this is probably what Ryan Reynolds felt like in the X-men origins movie.
The PSP was obviously a vision from the future, it’s why she was so confused - nobody could imagine the power such a machine held in 2003
I was in the amazon researching spiders right before you dropped this video
"Where's my spider?" *in adr*
I was on amazon, researching Spider-Man merchandise, right before my connection died.
And I was there in the amazon researching spiders right before you died (spoiler)
Aw damn, sorry to hear you died, RIP 😞
I'm in the Amazon researching spiders and bats and super women right now. Receptions good.. the Amazon's in Australia right? I'm actually allergic to the Amazon. And I lied. About everything. But I'm in Australia. I think. Australia is next to the UK right.
Now I just want Dakota to simply star in a movie about a pathological liar that just lies for the hell of it.
"First American" The Tommy Tallarico story
So...being an actor basically 😂
Acting opposite of Aubrey Plaza
Nicolas Cage would be a perfect co-star in a movie like that XD
The title would be TRUE LIES. And it'll be a remake.
"My mother actually died... In child birth." at a baby shower justifies this films existence 😭😭😭😭
That actulally Cracker me up a bit
"Araña Corazon is a girl who will one day have Spider powers and murder Ezekiel. Her dad got deported." BRO I'M FUCKING WEAK
Her name translates to Spider Heart 💀
wait her name is ARAÑA? how on the nose can you get sony
Honestly, I didn't catch the Ben Parker thing when I saw this movie. I just kept thinking 'that's Ben from Parks & Rec'
So Parks and Rec are now MCU?
I keep calling him "Ben Wyatt Parker" & I would've given the movie points if they had him eating a calzone
@@ashleybrooke2087 Would pay a lot to see Ron Swanson and Wolverine movie.
@@aleksaradojicic8114 Ron: you can act as tough as you want pal, but you'll never be an American.
@@aleksaradojicic8114
Aubrey Plaza has technically portrayed an X Men villain so who knows
Dude Dakota Johnson is hilarious. I had no idea. She really sold me on the Tom Holland movie, "Spiderman: Here He Comes."
Yeah what about the underrated Spider-man: Coming home tho?
If that’s not the next title for the new Spiderman movie, I will sue 😂
The wanted criminal catching a plane in 2003 NYC feels like something an AI writing a script wouldn't understand.
Oh shit just realized that 😂😂😂
The part where she realizes that she can change the future because of a pigeon, but didn't put up much of a fight when her friend died in the car accident 🤦🏾♂️
Huh?Whu?
Uh, that accident was before the pigeon thing isn't it? Man, I seriously forget how the plot progressing
It’s so funny that the movie is so bad that people even forgot what actually happened. Pigeon is after the car accident.
What made me mad was that, now that she learnt she can change the future with the pigeon, there's never any moment of her thinking "Oh god. I really COULD have saved my friend from dying but I didn't try hard enough. I'll have to carry the burden of his death now for the rest of my life".
Instead she's just like "Oh cool, things do change, haha"
@@kolboi7097 Game of thrones writer meme:Uh,well the writer sort of forgot her friend died.
There was a video on UA-cam by Kendra Gaylord titled *I watched 151 Celebrity house tours and they're filled with lies* that actually explained why Vogue were presenting celebrity houses: the celebrities don't actually live in the houses they're presenting. They actually own multiple estates, and are trying to increase the resell value by making it more appealing and seemingly that they've lived and cared for the mansion. The UA-camr went into depth, and a few months after each video posted on Vogue, the celebrity houses were put into auction.
So the reason why Dakota lied, as she confessed, is the professional decoraters on set made the house appealing and she was coming up with stories on the spot. Someone chose to present limes, and Dakota just thought of "oh I love limes so much" despite being allergic.
I hope that answers why she lied about something like that!
MTV Cribs was the same scam. None of the rappers lived in any of the houses being shown off.
That just makes the shit a million times funnier 💀💀💀💀
Bit confused by the wording. So do the celebrities own multiple houses or Vogue?
@@zaksharman Sorry, I wrote it in one go. To answer your question: yes, the celebrities own multiple properties. They simply use Vogue -- as a platform --to bring attention to the property, along with their famous status, to increase its value.
@@christopherfeatherley fair enough
I love how, when Cassie is presented with the drawing by that kid, instead making it an endearing moment with Ben accepting the drawing instead and hanging it up in the paramedic staff room/lounge, he just tells Cassie to wait until they're out of sight, then throw it in the trash. It could have been a great way to humanize the character of Ben more for the movie, and instead they chose to portray him as just marginally less asshole-ish than Cass.
I actually like it. Who wants a shitty drawing made by a child? If it's your crotch fruit you humour them, but not some random kid.
Yeah, I liked that part because it was actually funny.
And that is the same Uncle Ben who will take care of his nephew who will turns to be Spiderman in the future
But that would mean more writing from the writer, and thats a no-no for them
"When you accept the responsibility, great power will come" doesn't even carry the same sentiment as "with great power comes great responsibility". It implies that power is somehow magically granted to people if they make the choice to be responsible. The original quote is a moral statement about how people who ALREADY possess great power should choose to wield it - if you have the power to help people or make the world a better place, you should. Say what you will about Martin Sheen's clunky word-salad version of the quote in Amazing Spider-Man, but at least it technically succeeded at expressing the original message.
Bro im not giving my dad a ball shaver😭
Even Dads should experience the pure joy of a freshly shorn scrotum.
THANK you, seriously!
it's...for his head...?
Nobody in the world ever wants to give someone an instrument to make their cock and balls look pretty.
I love how this movie basically implies that Peter Parker isn't special or unique, and he's actually like the 5th or 6th Spider-Person in NYC. They just get Spider-People all the time in New York. It's a thing. Also, since we've never seen any version of those girls in any Spider-Man movie, I guess that means they all die before Peter starts doing stuff anyway, and we never ever hear about them, nobody ever brings them up even though they are also Spider-People and you'd think people would link them to Peter on aesthetic alone, so I guess they weren't that important after all.
Female spiderpeoples is like the WNBA. Everyone knows they exist but they just don't talk about them cause they're so lame.
They're just using spiderman to jus push this arse movie
"poor, terminally offline, crystal loving, yakubian"
if I was a medieval peasant, that collection of words would probably desintegrate me
She rly isnt quite there.
But how would you see this video
@@MrEnKayePublic wi-fi
I don’t think you know what literally means
@@alexgrissom3513 what is wrong with you?
" it's a good thing you didn't realize today was the day you were going to die" is something I would have had one of my homemade comic book characters say when I was like 6
I love it
"The film is bad, but it's only _funny_ bad, like, a third of the time"
I can only imagine how this will compare to your eventual review of Morbius because Morbius is such a uniquely bewildering catastrophe in its own right that it's genuinely hard to define
I genuinely enjoyed laughing at morbius for nearly the whole run time, which is much more than can be said for either this or venom 2.
@@GameCubits The sheer audacity of the presentation and sequences of events (if you can even call them that) meant laughter didn't even register as an option in my brain when I watched it, tbh
@@Loop_Kat have sex
@@GameCubits same, i almost watched morbius twice
@@GameCubits Venom 2 made me physically angry. Like, it wasn't just an emotion I felt, I was shaking with rage, it was such a terrible absurdity. No idea who the fuck decided a giant stoner clown would make for a convincing serial killer
Dakota Johnson being the main role in Madame Web AND Fifty Shades is unironically the funniest thing I have remembered regarding these movies
For 50S, I thought her performance was just bad directing, much like how Kristen Stewart is actually a really good actress who was unlucky enough to be cast in absolute trash. But nope, Dakota Johnson is simply a terrible actress.
@@WobblesandBean You mean she didn't genetically inherit the ungodly acting talent of her father?!
She's WHAT?
@@WobblesandBeanIs Kristen Stewart a good actress? I know she's a darling in some indie films, but I didn't hear that her performance is very different from what it was in Twilight
@@WobblesandBean i like how you're implying that this movie is good, and thus a sign that her bad acting is her being a bad actress like this movie isn't ass
The lime thing is because someone clearly dressed the house and she thought it was ridiculous to have so many limes. It probably wasn't even her house, it rarely is for a A lister house tour.
The balls on this movie to have an end credits with The Cranberries playing during it. Like putting a cherry on a pile of literal shit.
Cherry? More like a cranberry amirite
Get out, you’re banned haha (no but that was actually a hilarious alley-oop)
IKR, I love that song so this movie is automatically 10/10
They disrespect the cranberries?
When that happened I laughed so hard and was like,”you can’t just end w/ the cranberries” but I wasn’t complaining🤷🏽♀️
I made my roommate watch this with me last night… he said it was the most incoherent movie He had ever seen. Then I made him watch the 1984 Dune and he got so mad he turned off the TV
Do you, like, really hate your roommate or something?
Why don't you just tell him you want a new roommate! ^^
😂😂😂😂
HA! nice lol
Maybe your roommate just has ba taste in movies.
Considering Dakota started fucking smearing the film in interviews the second her check cleared, I'm not surprised. She described it as "like if you asked AI to write the script for a movie your boyfriend would watch once"
Honestly she’s so real for that
Well i can't fucking blame her
To be fair, Peters spider sense works the same where it only works when the plot demands it to
Marcus giving Dakota Johnson a quickie is not something I was expecting 💀
what a great sentence! surely it will never be taken out of context.
Phrasing
a 7/10 quickie
Sydney Sweeney fans are gonna riot that she doesn't get one.
A WHAT, SIR?
Morbius walked so Madame Web could look confused for the entire movie
We need a crossover, Madame Morbius
I feel really bad for Cassie's Mom who got shot while she was researching spiders in the Amazon right before she died...
Speaking of which, how and why were her journals recovered that conveniently laid out everything about the spider powers this man had? My understanding is that everyone was dead somewhere deep in the jungle and the only one saved was the baby Web by the spider tribe.
“Look how many spiders there are, you could’ve gotten another one”🤣🤣🤣
This spider is quest object spawned out of thin air and no other such exist
13:15
This same exact shit happened to Matt Smith. He didn't know Morbius wasn't in the MCU, asked Karen Gillan about it, and she said "Oh my god, you have to do it it's so much fun" and then Matt arrived on set and found out that he wasn't in a real Marvel movie.
At this point, the Sony Pictures Universe of Marvel Characters (SPUMC) is pretty much The Asylum of Marvel movies.
At least dude know how to have fun by dancing on a bad movie. Meanwhile, the villain of this movie is just there for being walking exposition.
You gotta respect the DCEU in that regard. It was so universally bad that no one ran the risk of accidentally getting cstfished into starring in it
Matt: "You knew, didn't you!?"
Karen: "Now, I'm not gonna say no..."
Dakota Johnson is like a female Robert Pattinson in that she starred in an awkward romance series adaptation that made lots of money and just didn't give a single fuck about it or celebrity in general
And hey, Fifty Shades was literally fanfiction for Twilight!
you saying this makes me want to see them co-star in a movie (series)
Pattinson at least has the talent and body of work to back that up, what has Dakota really been in to warrant this kind of attitude?
@alexeykaramanidi1662 At this point she needs her 'Lighthouse'
@@AleKar1991 I actually agree at least he actually played in a good superhero film unlike her where she just didn't like what she got herself into. it's like if you don't care for superheroes then why be in a film doesn't make sense to me.
I'm not gonna lie, Dakota doing that house tour was the funniest thing. I swear, it had to be intentional in how awkward it was. Like a joke that's just vague enough and us wondering what's real is the real punchline.
It was an obvious, straightforward joke about how the houses on the videos are highly staged by someone else, with prop fruit being a common feature. I don't understand how so many people are struggling to understand it
When they were choosing the three girls, I'm sure some exec was like "yea, we need a white one, black one, and latino one. Oh, and Sydney Sweeney's popular now so choose her for the white one."
Tbf the only person who's race doesn't match with the og character is the black girl. If they made Anya Corazon a gringa I'm sure there'd be a bit of confusion.
Sweeney straight up said she mainly did this movie to get some connections at Sony.
"They make it all about race!"
And then unprovoked yall complain about race
The pivot from real Jimmy Fallon to Smiling Friends Jimmy Fallon cracking up is an editing masterpiece
20:50 there’s no way someone at Sony watched this and thought “ yeah this scene makes sense lets keep it”😭
Northern lion appearing out of nowhere is literally the funniest thing I’ve ever seen seen
The esport legend Northern himself!
I actually said AYO out loud 😅
when
18:55
The eggman cometh
"Her dad got deported" is a insane backstory😭😭😭 and her being such a liar is honestly hilarious
Can't wait to hear Kraven say "Man, I'm really kraving some hunting"
Kraving these nuts!!!
Kraven: “It’s Hunting Time.”
@@jakespacepiratee3740 It's Krabin time.
you joke but i bet ya 100% he'd fucking say that knowing these series
Or someone else says he was kraving the hunter
23:46 I couln't stop loving at this part. "I am having a vision ... whooaaa"
“Terminally offline, crystal-loving yakubian” is INSANE
@@MostlyMildMidnights is yakubian reference to the prophet mentioned in islam? or is it somthing else im confused
@@callmejason3520 It's a way to call a white person "white" in a somewhat derogatory way. Like "cracker". (although Urban Dictionary describes it as being "the most disrespectful way to call a person 'White'", which is very funny to me)
@@callmejason3520 no it’s from a group of black supremacist in the United States called the Nation of Islam, who thinks a black scientist 6 thousand years ago created the white race, it’s not apart of actual Islam
It’s a reference to Nation of Islam, a black nationalist sect that has some VERY unorthodox views on Islam. In particular they believe that Yakub was an ancient African scientist who created white people in a lab to destroy black civilization.
@@callmejason3520 “yakubian” is a derogatory word to describe a white person
Dakota Johnson seems like a robot badly impersonating a human. A 1st draft terminator.
Yes😂
tbf the writing doesn't really do her any favours. Dakota Johnson is a decent actress not her fault the dialogue is dumb
Ultron had more personality.
@@Willowy13😂😂😂
“Poor, terminally offline, crystal-loving Yakubian” is SUCH a turn of phrase 😂😂
“Evil Spider-man’s Spider Sense doesn’t work when the plot needs it to”
I mean, isn’t that how it works for everyone?
Exactly. It's too OP to work all the time, or anyone with it would be invincible. It's absent all the time for Spider Man, in every incarnation, but especially the newspaper comic version. There's a wonderful moment where a random, unpowered henchman just smacks Spider Man in the back of the head with a pipe. No warning, no nothing, it's glorious.
LMAO @@FalconPaladin
It was only in Spiderman 3 where the writers forgot about that
@@FalconPaladin A blanket explanation I like to use is that Peter's spidersense is powerful in the sense that literally somebody tripping over their shoe lace can be seen as danger so maybe its overstimulating sometimes and its difficult for him to hone in
@@FalconPaladinWell it’s not that overpowered, just cus they know something is gonna hit them it doesn’t mean they’ll be able to doge it
i forget this man exists until he uploads, where i drop everything im doing to watch it, then forget about him for another 20 years waiting for him to upload
no fr
Bro posted 2 weeks ago.
@@robbiejelsomeno5679 it was a quickie though😞
I still rewatch some of his vids sometimes when I’m playing games or doing something
Quality over quantity
This was a top ten theater experience for me. Everyone seemed bewildered for the first chunk but by the time we got to "But I don't have a blood disorder" we were all cackling through the entire final act. We were cheering up and down the aisles and gave it a standing ovation. I wasn't exactly "sober" for that watch, but after the baby shower scene you can't convince me this wasn't a straight up comedy and that Dakota wasn't in on it. The dubbing especially feels like a Naked Gun joke!
I'm convinced everyone making these movies knows they're bad except the Sony higher-ups, but they know they're not gonna check the movie before it's out, which is how we keep getting this stuff
38:32 that is a shot from Spider-Man 2. Sony really re-used a shot from a 20 year old movie. This level of incompetence is astounding
HE HAS RETURNED
Fuck you mean he just posted two weeks ago
My brother in christ, he never went anywhere
Its been 2 weeks bruh
It’s been two weeks???
Maybe you should return more often lol
Morbius: "I'm the worst"
Madam web:"Are you sure about that"
Kraven: "hold my machete..."
@@somerandoladEl muerto: "Mary, cancel my meeting"
*Hulk Hogan rubs hands*
Very seriously, after watching Madame Web, I thought Morbius was a lot smarter and enjoyable
Morbius is the worst
They were delusional to the point of delaying the movie yet again to add a scene to tie up with the events of NHW
The people of Madame Web knew how bad the movie was to the point of removing the references to Spider-Man
As a paramedic, I actually thought her character was pretty well written as a portrayal of what many of us are like. A lot of people don’t realize that we medics are not superhero’s, we are regular average and mildly shitty people just like everyone else, but our line of work has unique hazards that bring those average flaws out in weird ways. When you work a job like that, you start to detach yourself from people’s emotions in order to function - I mean think about how we have to act all calm and rational while we witness children bleeding to death or people dying - and ironically you can become a pretty isolated, sarcastic, and uncaring person over time if you aren’t careful. Her flat, zombie affect is not all that far off from how medics act when we are burned out. The scene at the baby shower actually reminded me of times that I’ve accidentally trauma-dumped on “normal” people because I lost touch with how it comes across. To me death, pain, and disease is normal and I have to remind myself not to talk about that; but sometimes you’re afraid of talking about that with coworkers because you don’t want to appear weak or incompetent. Also the part where she tells Scrooge “you just can’t change things” legitimately made me cry a bit because I know exactly what she’s talking about. You get into medical work because you want to make a difference but you keep coming up against things you can’t change: drunk drivers, poverty, police brutality, or people that just don’t live and didn’t have a chance.. kids even. The shock and betrayal of realizing that all the hopeful messages you learned as a child are a lie hit me like a truck a couple years ago.
I’ll never forget when a coworker of mine once said to me, “I got into this because I wanted to help people and be a good person; but it’s like after 6 years, this job has sucked all the humanity out of me. Now I struggle to care when I see people suffer because I’m so desensitized.”
I don’t think this movie was amazing or anything, but I do see what the writers were going for and I appreciate the attempt to portray paramedics realistically, unlike most portrayals that make us act like mother Theresa all the time. I also don’t mean to say that EMS is a horrible job. I love my job. But it takes a unique toll on you (just like how all jobs have their own hazards) and I’m glad people are drawing attention to it in different ways.
Thank you for your work. I am painfully empathic to the point that i can't make my cat injection out of fear hurting her even through i got the details how to do it and understand that its my hesitation actually harming, so i can't even imagine how people deal with most gross or sad cases they must help with. Yeah maybe you can't change the world but on your backs and tolled sanity this world rests and it would be much worse otherwise if no one would do this job.
In turn i have to remind myself when communicating with medics that they do not kidding or being deliberately mean, they may sincerely, because of job's specific, do not understand what average person consider gross or emotionally hard (as with injection to kitty. And as you said).
The sudden drop of the dad having been deported in contrast to the other backstories nearly killed me
Yeah if we're following the Spidey motivations she should be beating the piss out of La Migra
The other day my friends and I were trying to figure out if Madame Web was worse than Morbius.
The conclusion was that Morbius at least gave us Matt Smith aka 11th Doctor and Daemon Targaryen dancing shirtless and having having the time of his life. In Madame Web we didn't even get Dakota Johnson and Sydney Sweeney in their superhero costumes.
I would have just settled for Dakota Johnson Shirtless as well.
Morbius at least gave us the 'HAVE SECS' scene
@@jakespacepiratee3740there's a separate movie franchise for that....
@@mrknowhere6457oh yeah lol I forgot XD
Never in my life did I ever think I'd hear Cosmonaut call someone a "terminally offline crystal loving yakubian"
11:52 using the smiling friends clip of fallon aggressively laughing was a stroke of genius Marcus, good job 👍
He really loves smiling friends, lol
This video really makes you FEEL like He was in the Amazon with your mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.
I watched this movie with my sister and every time it cut to the bad guy’s computer lady we’d chant “Gru’s wife Gru’s wife”
21:56 The "Whaaaa...Huuhh? DiD I hAvE a ViSioN?" killed me every time😂😂😂😂
"Did I have a fuc*ing vision"😂😂😂
At some point, I was expecting a That's So Raven edit. 😂
The doki doki music was a nice touch lol
“Poor, Terminally Offline Crystal loving Yakuubian”
God I love this man
The part of the video where it turns into a Dakota Johnson review fucking killed me. I hope that bit happens again.
solid 7/10
One thing I haven't seen anyone talk about is the fact that by stalling her friend by trying to prevent him from leaving, she perfectly timed him getting hit by the other vehicle. Had he just left, he would have missed it barely. So she basically got him killed herself.
The ADR in this movie was so painful, I would rewind scenes because I couldn’t believe how far off the audio was from what the actors/actresses actually said
Painful? You mean funny
@@garrettmetting6938 Fainful, if you won't
The theory I saw going around for all the rewrites is that they had to remove most mention of Spiderman or related things. It's why so many characters don't show their full name and why Peter Parker's name is never spoken.
As someone interested in lost media and cut content that’s fascinating! I’ve heard that theory before so it might be true.
“Did I have a vision?”
That voice was perfect. 😂😂😂
Didn't even mention that when she's trying to stop the other EMT from getting in a car wreck, she delays him a good bit from when he was going to leave, meaning that her delaying him directly caused him to get in the car wreck and die
I think what's really funny is that the initial vision she had was she got into the car crash in first person, but then she changed the future so she is no longer in it😂 similarly, the antagonist was initially having vision of being killed around ten years later, and thanks to his own effort, his death is pushed forward for ten years
The lime thing makes complete sense to me. A bunch of set dress people made up her house and kitchen in a weird way, including displaying a silly amount of limes so she sarcastically said "haha yeah I love displaying a ton of limes in my house"
Dakota Johnson in the interviews and home video looks like an alien "still getting used to this human thing".
"Yes, I, a human female, love this house. And these green edibles... limes. Limes are good and I like them. The limes."
Yeah that’s what makes her so funny.
@@jakespacepiratee3740 well, unique
This is cute in a way 😅
She must play alien who getting used to the human things, not girlbossy unimportant marvel superhero outside the mcu
@@AtticusKarpenter bro thinks trumps gonna win XD if he does, you can say goodbye to your h3ntai ;3
It's like that episode of Star Trek: TNG where data makes a daughter. My guess is Zuckerborg made a daughter, and named her Dakota.
16:36Bro is rating humans now ☠️
I approve of this
He gave Dakota Johnson a quickie
@@yeyoandrew1987Don’t… don’t say it like that
Marcus mocking her at 23:55 is just hilarious
"Poor, terminally offline, crystal-loving yakubian" is perhaps one of the best things you've ever said
What time did he say that??
@@emilio.c08 14:51
@@emilio.c08 14:52
Cosmonaut Variety Hour: Here He Comes
Cosmonaut Variety Hour: And he’s back
Cosmonaut Variety Hour: Marcus Cosmonaut And The Goblet Of Hours
I have to really give Sony props for this movie. They somehow topped Morbius in being one of the worst films they’ve ever made.
The magical healing spider is so rare because having venom that heals your victim and makes it stronger is not a very good hunting strategy
Dakota johnson is wrong its actually Spiderman and the Prisoner of Azkaban,Spiderman Shippuden and last but not least Spiderman and The Empire Strikes Back where Spiderman finally learned how to channel his web shooters into Plasma beams
I'm convinced that Ezekiel has the opposite of spider sense. In the ambulance scene for example, he turns around looks at it coming towards him and then he jumps right into it when it was going over his head, it was so stupid
Spider Retardation
@@AbjectPermanence what the fuck are you talking about?
It actually makes sense why Ezekiel Sims lost his powers: with great power comes great responsibility, and since he didn’t do that he lost them.
No it wasn't.
But that’s not the line in this movie
Wait a second. He stole a spider (an adult spider) from Dakota Spiderlady's mom 30 some years ago and he still has that spider in a vivarium in his home NOW? How long does this spider live for?
Moviebiologie XD
Clearly her mom found the wrong spider, something he probably discover shortly after shooting her and everyone else. He probably had to spend several more years in the rainforest before finding the actual spider.
It’s magic so
Spiders have plot armor too.
"Which makes her really confused
Huuuuuuh? 👁👄👁
Ooooooooooooh 😵💫😵💫"
I died EVERY, TIME 🤣🤣🤣
ONG😭
This film was initially doomed to fail at the box office. Even Morbius was better despite the fact that he was still that piece of... something bad. The characters are uninteresting, the dialogue is boring and clunky, the main villain is just terrible in every way. With the success of first Venom movie, Sony believed in themselves and really thought that people would go to the film because of Sydney Sweeney and Dakota Johnson, but something went wrong... Even references and name drops from the characters were not remembered. I still don't understand why this movie exists.
You know things are bad when Sony shove the Spider-Man movies back into theaters to make up for the money they've lost from Morbius, Venom 2 and this.
Morbius maybe a shitty movie but atleast it has matt smith performing his heart out and just having fun at the same time that's enough for me to watch it over this
@@Whiteythereapervenom 2 made money
@damiantirado9616 barely, it was almost a bomb and No Way Home releasing so closely to it nuked any and all chance of long term profit instead of tricking people into going to see both. Just look at how the trailer for Venom 3 has dropped and NO ONE is talking about it, and it's not being advertised because Sony legit do not want to spend the money to market it, same with Kraven
Sydney Sweeney isn't that much of a household name. All she has is BIG TITTIES. Not enough to make millions at the box office
She was clearly being tongue in cheek to the set designers regarding the limes
One issue that nobody seems to bring up with a lot of these bad superhero movies is the distinction between "this movie IS an origin story" and "this movie INCLUDES an origin story". Like going back to Superman in 1979, the beginning of the movie spent time showing his origin story, but then most of the movie was about actual Superman. I just watched Madame Web over the weekend and I checked the timing afterwards. It's roughly a 2 hour movie, she didn't start the whole having visions thing until a half hour into it, didn't meet the girls until 45 mins in, and doesn't start learning about her powers in Peru until like an hour and a half in. Really, the actual Madame Web story doesn't start until the last scene and then it's over. A similar thing happened in Green Lantern and Fant4stic. It's like if you made a biopic about a famous band, you'd expect most of the movie to be about the band, you wouldn't want to spend an hour and a half teasing the band members meeting and then end the movie on their first crappy bar gig. Also, in the scene where the speeding truck hits her friend's ambulance, when the camera pulls back at the end of the scene you see that the street the truck was speeding on was like half a block from just dumping into the river, so where was he going so fast?
Maybe the truck's brakes failed?
(2 hours of the movie have passed, the group is finally at a bar about to play their first gig) Bar manager: "Hey, what do you guys call yourselves anyway?" *camera pulls in* "Queen" (roll credits)
I just loved the part where she said “it’s webbing time”
36:08 I'm surprised you didn't mention the fact that the he was killed by a Pepsi sign 😂. Oh Sony and their product placements I swear
Can't believe they never once mentioned 9/11. In a movie set in an era when it radically altered the culture of the time period, no less! Smh my head 😔
This is Jon's fault somehow, I just know it