She said that? I’m assuming a woman wrote this steaming dog crap yes and idc. Although nowadays in America I’d believe some weird effeminate “man” write this too.
This would have been more interesting if Bella was actually a villain through this whole series, cuz the selfish shite she pulls throughout each movie is truly villainous.
Literally any of the Cullens romances would've made for a far more interesting main. Rosalie, a woman who took brutal revenge on her abusers and found a strong but gentle giant...Or Alice a psychic girl who was shunned by her own family and turned by a vampire who took pity on her, meeting a brainwashed soldier vampire in a toxic relationship. And the Vulturi...Lots of that Now THAT would be interesting enough that I'd not care about the sparkling
Yes, but if Meyer fleshed any of that out, it would be as lifeless and boring as Edward and Bella. But you have struck on a point almost every Twilight critic has made; there is potential in this series. Twilight is garbage but it's interesting and engaging garbage with levels. I think that a good team of writers could adapt the Twilight series into something decent.
My wife had one of the books. I opened it, read half a page, and put it back on the shelf. I'm sure there's an audience for it, and I'm 99% sure I'm not it.
So the reason why Edward wasn't able to follow his script perfectly in this movie is because he's legit uncomfortable talking to Bella because he's unable to read her mind Edward for the past 100 years has had infinite access to anyone's thoughts then randomly he's completely unable to read this one human and its severely throwing him off
Twilight was such a strange story. I cant believe some women thought the creepy shit Edward did was swoon worthy. And then there is the whole idea of their daughter and the wolf dude.
@@RoxieDarkangel Me and my friend were talking about that and we literally said that it felt that the author still wanted a sort of Bella x Jacob relationship, so this was the closest thing without polygomy. But it's creepy, really really creepy
Being an adult and reminded of it now it’s so much worse it just reminds me of Littlefinger wanting up Santa’s cooter because he never got with her mom.
The blue filter in this film makes everyone look like they're malnourished or something. Hard to imagine how any vampires could survive in there if all humans look like they're deprived of blood in their veins
"Your eyes are a different color." "Yeah, I know, it's the curvature of the earth and a weather balloon" Also Belle looks like she's self pleasuring every time she looks at him and that's pretty weird. Finally, can someone explain why he keeps going to highschool? That's weird.
In-universe, I believe he is supposed to look high school age, but would never grow old, so eventually they would have to move, so people don't grow suspicious. I would imagine you get a few more years by pretending to be as young as you could feasibly pass for, and the less often they have to move, the better. Just my thoughts lol
@@kryzethx I was thinking of that as well. I wondered though why they didn't just stop going eventually. Legally you have to go (or be home schooled, etc) but it's not like they'd have a new birth certificate for each new move...or do they? If they do, that raises about 100 other questions.
@@brokenentertainment327 each time they move on, they do get new id and everything each time, and are only known as the cullens when they return every few generations. They have a line of humans in a law firm to create it all, stretching to whenever they first needed it =p The humans have been kept quiet the whole time cuz Jasper has the ability to manipulate emotions and makes them ready to have a heart attack in his presence from the fear.
This should be good! On a related note, I have always wondered why Kristen Stewart looks perennially depressed and severely lacking a good amount of sleep. She must have just decided it was a good idea to continue her "Twilight" look after those movies (finally) ended.
"Nothing like a psycho staring into your soul to get the high school girl's panties dropping." We laugh at first, but through some unknown black magic this actually works on real people.
Literally the only thing I liked about twilight was the wolves. And even then we only liked how big and pretty they looked. You don’t see many movies or shows how wolves how they portrayed them here. I always write in my stories wolves based off them lol
Mmm, well... anthropomorphic wolves fit both a European and American werewolf depiction. Even native Americans had human traits in their skinwalker stories. A giant wolf is the lamest depiction I've ever seen.
I remember when I was a little kid and watched it with my sisters, thinking how this Is the coolest shit ever with all the vampires fighting and jumping like fucking ninjas. And how it was always so cloudy and shit, really cool vibe. Once I told some guy, several years older than me, that it was my favorite movie and he died laughing. Didn't even now yet what a shit of a movie, and whole franchise, it actually was
I also hated how the werewolves in this story were done dirty. Tbf most werewolf media don't get any justice as they're always overshadowed by vampires(except for teen wolf and underworld)
Stepanie Meyer: "I want my character to work as a self insert, so obviously that means they need to be devoid of personality or interests... because if I give them an opinion on anything the reader may not have those same interests. That'll make em relatable, right?" Bella: "I don't like music." WHO DOESN'T LIKE MUSIC?! How about you make your human characters actually act like human beings?
I worked in a restaurant where the boss wouldn't allow music to play on the speakers because he (and I'm quoting here) "doesn't care for and doesn't understand the point of music." In his mind music was just annoying white noise. He wouldn't even let music play while he's driving.
The only thing i remember about this movie since I first saw it in theaters is: its dark (visually), hella quiet, werewolves and vampires fighting over a lady, and shirtless Taylor Laugtner!
OMG I just realised Bella has the trash harem novel protagonist power of super pheromones. That's why everyone is instantly into her and those with heightened sense of smell like vampires and werewolves even more so. Considering I have compared trash Isekai and Twilight to each other before one just being aimed at boys and the other at girls just adds another layer.
I love that you're doing this. I got hooked because I grew up on Land Before Time and then you finished and I was worried that this was the end! BUT ALAS! Balto AND Twilight?! You sure know how to keep a girl on her toes
I once tried to watch Twilight and it was very boring for me but it was partially my fault bc I expected it to be more fantasy than the romantic movie. When I want to watch something with vampires or werewolfes I watch Van Helsing.
You know as a young teen I did kinda find the movie romantic, I would watch it every night. But as an adult now I realise it was just the soundtrack, I found the songs romantic
Man I remember being forced to watch this hot garbage when it came out in theaters. My mom and two sisters insisted we watch it, I said hell no so we went and saw it lol I remember being bored out of my mind and cringing nonstop at this. And I agree with you, Bella has no appeal and no ass so why is everyone gaga over her? Plus this movie awakened my crush on Anna Kendrick (Jessica) and I honestly wished the movie focused on her as the Mc Also this movie is actually what started my passion for writing. All I could think was "I could writer better crap than this" lol and I'm still writing to this day. I still got a long ways to go but it's still better than this crap
If you want to see a love story between a human and a vampire done right, i would recommend Vampire Hunter D Bloodlust. Its actually quite good, a bit tame compared to the book it was based on, but quite good none the less.
@@Alteori haven´t seen that so i can´t say. By the way don´t know if you review animes (or like them) but i would like to hear your thoughts on the two Vampire Hunter D movies. Sure the books they are based on as said a much darker in nature, however the animes (at least bloodlust)is more character focused than the books. There are also Manga´s made that are based on the books. They stick a bit closer to the book than the anime does, but the first one is a bit of a mix. Some of the things they have happen in them is closer to what happened in the anime than what happened in the book.
@@Alteori hey alteori could you please do povs of the dinosaurs and other creatures from jurassic world dominion, and please do more of dragons the nine realms season 2 and season 3, and please review The Sea Beast which is coming out on netflix in July 8 2022 look and breakdown the 2 trailers please
i remember my mother and sister was always talking about Twilight went on about team Edward or team Jacob... and i was like... 𝐍𝐎 keep that trash away from me... but no matter where i went i saw Twilight merch everywhere... and each time i talked to people in my class i got "ArE yOu A tEaM eDwArD oR tEaM jAcOb!?" . . . 𝐍𝐎 . . . Just . . . 𝐍𝐎 . . . Twilight also reminds me of that stupid anime "Vampire Knight" both a cringe story that seam that it will never end... i remember watching that anime with drunk friends by streaming it on group chat it was eventful... the only difference i remember is: in Vampire Knight the girl at the end of the anime PICKED is her BROTHER...💀 (worst off people say in the manga she had KIDS WITH BOTH BOYS...💀)
YAY, I knew you were going to poke fun at this film and it's sequels! Henry Cavill was considered for the role of Edward Cullen but lost to Robert Pattinson. Then a few years earlier it happened when Cavill was going to play Cedric Diggery but Pattinson took the role. Lol! Talk about a real life Batman Vs Superman.
6:53 yeah! not only storywise but in terms of Graphical design and visual communication belle contrast with everything and everyone else in the town. the easiest of design elements to spot in this case is the contrasting color pallet .. but i goes one step beyond. all the other characters in the town are drawn an design to look more cartoony... while bella is drawn to look slightly but definitely more realistic .. making her to stand out in the visual environment she has been place in.
I didn't see the movie (or any films from this) but I read the first book out of curiosity since a lot of people were talking about it and saying it was good. I didn't like Bella or Edward as characters, they just came off as creepy. The dialogue made no sense and the emotions and actions ranged from questionable to downright "Get out of there stupid!" The only things I liked were Charlie and the rest of the Cullen Clan. They seemed very helpful and supportive of one another, and the missed opportunities for stories was huge.
I read and re-read every single book when a new movie came out. Would spend whole days and most nights binge reading as much as I could. I've read each book at least 5 times or so. Even that one spin off book I'm aware of. Still have the set to this day.
As a writer myself, i have no idea how you could make a non-cringe movie if your given scenario is romance with supernatural elements. It only works for a young audience because it's so unrealistic. So you cannot write deep stuff about philosophy or politics, because then you would have no target audience at all. You are forced to focus on characters. I think, Twilight was doomed to be cringe from the beginning (in de beninging) because of the setting. In my works, i have much more realistic and rich settings. I can combine complex worldbuilding and (hopefully) interesting characters. Because there is balance between these two, i don't have to rely on colorful characters alone. My characters are allowed to be more realistic and therefore should be less cringe. The appeal comes from both the worldbuilding and the characters. If a reader doesn't like my worldbuilding, at least the characters and their arcs can be interesting and vice versa. Twilight fails because it's characters are bad and there is nothing else that could compensate for that issue. It's so empty. It's just a story about individuals, and these individuals are boring. Even in my drama novel about depression, child abuse, growing up, psychopathy, serial murder and foggy pine forests, i don't rely on characters alone, but i add complex worldbuilding just to make the village a believable place and to make the reader learn something related to the scenario. In Twilight, there's nothing comparable. English is not my main language, i hope it is clear what i'm trying so say.
Same here, I’m a writer but mainly study literature and when I watched these with a group of friends (they pulled me away from reading Dune) and I just sat there thinking “how the f could anyone like this?” I literally just pulled out my phone to watch video essays on HP Lovecraft and video games lol.
I remember my mom dragging me along to see these… they were absolute torture. I sometimes hoped that Buffy would show up and clean house, but I was always met with disappointment. If I ever make a rip off video of such a meeting, like a sequel to Vampires Suck, I would call it Breaking Wind. Edit: I said the guy from Blade at first, but I thought Buffy would be more widely known.
The most unbelievable part of the first movie was the scene where she drives to school and the kids are apparently laughing at her truck. As a person who grew up in a small (Washington State) town (population 2,000 people) you were automatically one of the cool kids if you had your own car even if it was a piece of junk. Also pick-up trucks were definitely the most popular car for us northern rednecks. Pretty funny that the vampires weren't the most ridiculous thing in this movie.
I think Bella is somewhat relatable. Using relatability to criticize a movie is not really good because not everyone has the same life experiences as you. Though that doesn’t save this movie from sucking.
@@Tores444 How so? I relate by being introverted like her character. Not the vampire/werewolf stuff. Either you misunderstood what I said or you’re the one who’s sick.
Hello Alteori. Never read the book series, only saw small bits of some the scenes. Don't care for it whatsoever. You should do more gameplays videos when you review a movie or a series, I enjoyed it. Anyway, another great video, Alteori, I like it, see you in the next one.
I do not understand with this movie why the actress is twitching her head constantly half the time she’s talking. It’s like she’s so damn static that she thinks twitching constantly gives her any level of character when she speaks. Nothing against the actress but it’s just super weird.
I remember back in.. middle school? I went to my girlfriends house to watch this and I just couldn’t get over how much this movie suuuuuucked and how awkward the main actress was lmao
PLEASE do a part 2! I genuinely laughed at this video multiple times. I could not stand this series when it came out as it seemed just so vapid, empty, and an obvious self-insert fanfic story. I have heard others say that “Bella Swan” is drawn form BELLA Lugosi, the actor, and SWAN Lake, the song played in the classic, black and white movie version of Dracula. How true that is……. I don not know, but it seems to line up… Anyways, please continue this series. Also, the current fox avatar is super cute.
Thanks so much! 😄 I finished off the entire series again. And even though I found so many issues with it and I was just poking fun at all the ridiculousness I had to slap myself because I found myself crying at some points, The very last part of the finale and whenever Charlie was worried about his daughter. I guess because I'm very close with my father I imagine him having to go through that as his only daughter.
@@Alteori I just rewatched the series. The last movie when they killed off the wolves made me cry. And I was like “THIS IS DOUBLE FAKE. IT IS A VISION. IN A MOVIE.” But I was still crying. Ugh.
I liked the movies. Would have been 100 times better if they followed the books. But what can u do. I bet if they did a Tv adaptation that followed the books exactly it would do extremely well.
Now that I've finished watching the video I can't wait. This is one of those movies I've never seen but hate the mere existence of. I like Vampires and hate how they've become some symbol of male hotness. Dracula was twisted and ugly as hell and most vampire mythologies are the same. I also hate love triangles. I get a lot of joy out of watching people rip these movies apart and I look forward to the next one.
@Joshua 1992 Dracula the character was based on a historical figure who was in fact pretty ugly. Dracula in the novel (and then basically never again) is really ugly and seduces no one through his lack of good looks.
32:55 Doesn't even have to be shock or adrenaline. I was at work and got sliced down my forearm, but didn't even realize I was bleeding until an hour later when I got blood on a bathroom wall as I was continuing to clean. I only noticed because I was cleaning the bathrooms at the time. I thought I just got banged up. I went to take a shower that night, only to find that my legs were black and blue. This isn't the first time, either. All through last school year, I'd be getting ready for bed only to find several new bruises that I didn't know happened until I changed my clothes. And some of those bruises were bigger than my hand. I still have no idea how they happened.
Already agree with the title Every time I think of this movie I think of that video of the guy saying wanna see my Twilight review, proceeds to rip book.
@@Hem0phobia ah hell bud, I don't give a damn about the acting for a movie catered towards teenagers, only the absurdity that not only are these 'werewolves' just wolves, but that vampires, which are the undead and represent the unnatural order of nature, could overcome the natural order, the primal mother nature that is at constant odds with the modern world. It's just absurd all the way around. But, I see your point and it's just as valid as my useless tirade about 'facts' about nonsensical creatures in the cryptid universe. Cheers!🍻
Don't forget that Twilight is the movie that mom's took their daughter's to see not for their daughter's enjoyment but for the mom's to check out the guys in the movie.
These movies were bad. Interesting concept, just take out the romance and sparkly part and the concept would be more interesting. I liked The Vampire Diaries for about 5 seasons, the last three were weird. The Originals were good. Legacies is just FREAKING WEIRD. Great video, Alteori.
out of topic but i'm new to editing software outside to just crop and all that basic stuff, but how do you edit the face like in your thumbnail and what editing software? once again really out of topic, but i really curious on how you do that if someone had the time to explain thank you in advance.
I watched these and say to myself, "I'm so proud of myself for not being interested about these movies when I was almost pre-teen". I always looked at this and be angry that they ruined vampires and werewolves for me. I wanted to see them scary, threatening, and maybe powerful. Not this.
Most important question. I get their eternally in their teens but, why would they want to spend ETERNITY in High School? The concept on itself is terrifying. But add yo that that they'd be studying the same stuff over and over and over again. Other thing would be if they were in college where they could study anything all the time.
Okay, I have a personal hatred for this movie thanks to the one time I watched it, my mother said "Why can't you be like Bella {Deadname}? She atleast offers to help with things." FYI, I never got the chance to 'offer' to do anything, thanks to her overworking me and my brother with chores and constantly trying to make us do her job for her. (I do not live with my mother anymore thankfully.)
I can say, as someone who moved from New York to a small town in Arkansas, all that attention is not flattering, because it happened to me for about the first 6 months to a year after I moved. It’s just from boredom, and you just happen to be a novelty at the time. But, for me, it died off. What’s unrealistic is that people still cared.
what i don't understand is why is she so deathly pale. i'm pale. like don't go out in the sun pale. and my skin is NOWHERE near that death colour. i've seen corpses with more colour in them. she's wearing ALL the layers so how can she be this pale? white people light up like christmas trees under the slightest blood rise. ok seriously what is wrong with these people? i know there are vampires around but they aren't snacking on them so why is everyone so pale? this is in America right? not Antarctica? no Bell was fine as all hell, Bella is just plain. the only reason people should be looking at her is to ask if she needs blood or a blanket. she looks like she's going to keel over any second what i love is how we finally have a M.C who's actually not attractive. not just someone who just doesn't know they're attractive but genuinely is just plain ordinary. i just hate that EVERYONE seems to be SUPER interested in her. i just realised WHY Twilight was so popular with teen girls. the M.C isn't attractive. her personality is garbage. she has no body worth mentioning. BUT everyone still loves her and wants her. to the point of fighting over her. what girl WOULDN'T want that? why does the VAMPIRE have healthier skin than the ordinary human girl? seriously she's SO deathly pale. it's actually sad because i've seen R.P in other movies and he actually does a good job. but these movies. dear god they were bad. he tries to gaslight her but then says "well no one will believe you" because THAT is what a normal person would say. THAT will make her believe him, 100% if you're going to put weird white makeup on you have to make sure you actually get everywhere. you'd think they'd do a better job but no. then again it's 2023 and we still get crap makeup in movies with bigger budgets so what do i know
hey now, I read the school newspaper from sophomore year onwards, but only because I ran a short comic strip called "The Bargain Bin" in it, and an advice column, had to keep up on the numbers.. plus, one time I got a time-table mixed up and the paper saved my bacon, don't tell Mrs. Krauter~ Twilight's a unique monster, but mostly because of the madness it created. Two repellently jilted performances, orbiting around the most why-bother story you've ever seen until the FAN-FICTION of this book became a book unto itself. Everything else going on for some reason is just a big messy reimagining of vampires.. I'd bet gold coins to gummi bears that Alteori would find Jared Nomak from _Blade 2_ more attractive and interesting. Ultimately, its good that careers weren't destroyed from this dead horse we've all taken a bat to, but geez.... FOUR more movies? I mean, _why._ I hope you're encouraged enough to at least make it through one more movie's worth, maybe more; I understand that watching and analyzing these is really goddamn draining, but we tune in for the fruits of your suffering, if your LBT series has been any indicator!
Me girl made me watch this in December, I added my own commentary. Why is there so much just sex starring like 10 mins of the movie is just people stairing at each other with nothing happening even dialogue. As someone who likes to write I’m just laughing and saying “pauses in dialogue and action is important sometimes but they’re doing it to often and for to long, it’s like the 3rd act means nothing when u have a 3rd act in every part of the story and mautiple ones at the end, until dawn did it good”
Hi, Alteori. I’m a big fan of both your channel and fantastical monsters. I’m currently writing a sci-fi fantasy novel featuring werewolves as protagonists and vampires as antagonists. I’m hoping to publish it some time this year (most likely on digital), and I hope you’re able to read it and enjoy it. P.S. It has a love story that is 100 times better than Twilight.
The rainiest place in the US is Whittier Alaska, at 5,024 mm (198 inches) a year. Also notable for having the majority of the population living in a single building.
God I am loving this. Finally someone has been thinking what I was. I was laughing so much watching this. These Movies are horrible. Edward became a stalker in this movie. What girl in her right mind what to date cringe or a creeper. I was only a fan of the Wolves and Jasper and Alice. The story is so bad. I know many people that read the books and said Bella is a Bitch. None of them liked the books or the movies. The whole glitter Vampire idea due to sun light ruined me. I said to myself these are the worse vampires ever thought of.
I never understood why the books and movies became so popular. The story and writing is horrible. As far as I'm concerned, their only value is if you're in the mood for some bad trash.
You would absolutely love this channel called Cinema Therapy. They do a series of videos breaking down how cringe and toxic this entire series is while making fun of them for how bad they are. It's some of the funniest stuff I've seen in a while. My word, Robert Pattinson did not deserve this franchise. Glad he's getting more of the credit he deserves now. He's been great in all of the recent movies of his I've seen. (If you haven't seen The Lighthouse, my word, watch that insanity right now).
I read these books in middle school starting when the first book came out. I absolutely loved them as a vampire obsessed child. Now I’m looking at the books that I haven’t read since then and wonder how bad they’ll read now haha.
I remember working night shifts at retail and always seeing Twilight merchandise everywhere and seeing people go crazy about it. I thought I’d give watching the movie a chance. Got home and was greatly disappointed!!! Utter garbage it was. A guy glistening isn’t a sign and skin of a killer!
to quote some author..."Twilight is nothing more than the story of a young woman's choice between necrophilia and beastiality"
She said that? I’m assuming a woman wrote this steaming dog crap yes and idc. Although nowadays in America I’d believe some weird effeminate “man” write this too.
LMAO - a perfect summary
One time I saw two dogs going at it in my back yard... still a better lover story then twilight.
So they make puppies?
This would have been more interesting if Bella was actually a villain through this whole series, cuz the selfish shite she pulls throughout each movie is truly villainous.
One of my history teachers warned us about a student film being low quality once, and I replied "Like Twilight?"
Literally any of the Cullens romances would've made for a far more interesting main. Rosalie, a woman who took brutal revenge on her abusers and found a strong but gentle giant...Or Alice a psychic girl who was shunned by her own family and turned by a vampire who took pity on her, meeting a brainwashed soldier vampire in a toxic relationship.
And the Vulturi...Lots of that
Now THAT would be interesting enough that I'd not care about the sparkling
I agree
Yes, but if Meyer fleshed any of that out, it would be as lifeless and boring as Edward and Bella. But you have struck on a point almost every Twilight critic has made; there is potential in this series. Twilight is garbage but it's interesting and engaging garbage with levels. I think that a good team of writers could adapt the Twilight series into something decent.
My wife had one of the books. I opened it, read half a page, and put it back on the shelf. I'm sure there's an audience for it, and I'm 99% sure I'm not it.
So the reason why Edward wasn't able to follow his script perfectly in this movie is because he's legit uncomfortable talking to Bella because he's unable to read her mind
Edward for the past 100 years has had infinite access to anyone's thoughts then randomly he's completely unable to read this one human and its severely throwing him off
@Joshua 1992 I'm not talking about his acting I'm literally talking about the character of Edward in the movie
But yea Batman was good go watch it
It's also worth mentioning that Robert couldn't do anything but bad acting on his character, the author told him it was this way or the high way
Twilight was such a strange story. I cant believe some women thought the creepy shit Edward did was swoon worthy. And then there is the whole idea of their daughter and the wolf dude.
What was wrong with Jacob imprinting on Reneesme?? It was like how a puppy imprints on a person.
@@ryujikazuda because imprinting is not platonic
@@RoxieDarkangel Me and my friend were talking about that and we literally said that it felt that the author still wanted a sort of Bella x Jacob relationship, so this was the closest thing without polygomy. But it's creepy, really really creepy
Being an adult and reminded of it now it’s so much worse it just reminds me of Littlefinger wanting up Santa’s cooter because he never got with her mom.
@@ryujikazuda Only that this is an adult romantically imprinting on a nrwborn.
The blue filter in this film makes everyone look like they're malnourished or something. Hard to imagine how any vampires could survive in there if all humans look like they're deprived of blood in their veins
"Your eyes are a different color." "Yeah, I know, it's the curvature of the earth and a weather balloon"
Also Belle looks like she's self pleasuring every time she looks at him and that's pretty weird.
Finally, can someone explain why he keeps going to highschool? That's weird.
Perhaps the author of the books is a closeted pedo?
In-universe, I believe he is supposed to look high school age, but would never grow old, so eventually they would have to move, so people don't grow suspicious.
I would imagine you get a few more years by pretending to be as young as you could feasibly pass for, and the less often they have to move, the better. Just my thoughts lol
@@kryzethx I was thinking of that as well. I wondered though why they didn't just stop going eventually. Legally you have to go (or be home schooled, etc) but it's not like they'd have a new birth certificate for each new move...or do they?
If they do, that raises about 100 other questions.
@@brokenentertainment327 each time they move on, they do get new id and everything each time, and are only known as the cullens when they return every few generations. They have a line of humans in a law firm to create it all, stretching to whenever they first needed it =p The humans have been kept quiet the whole time cuz Jasper has the ability to manipulate emotions and makes them ready to have a heart attack in his presence from the fear.
This should be good! On a related note, I have always wondered why Kristen Stewart looks perennially depressed and severely lacking a good amount of sleep. She must have just decided it was a good idea to continue her "Twilight" look after those movies (finally) ended.
I think it was to make her an awkward jane everyone. In the books she's very sassy.
“Twilight is Cringe”
“It appears the floor is made of floor”
I remember having to read this in middle school. Everyday I fantasized about deaths sweet embrace
You were _forced_ to read this?!
Oh you poor soul
Have you tried mercenary work
Some school added this to the curriculum????
Why?
"Nothing like a psycho staring into your soul to get the high school girl's panties dropping."
We laugh at first, but through some unknown black magic this actually works on real people.
Because women crave excitement and adventure in relationships. It’s also why they tend to cheat if they loose interest in their current partner
Can confirm that this does not work. That being said, I probably fall closer to the Danny DeVito side of the spectrum lmao.
I started writing a parody of Twilight in 2018, but after a while it began getting more serious, and now... I really think this can be a series. 👁👄👁
Do you have a link?
@@urchinblues7928 Not at the moment. Still as bullet points on a Google docs, albeit a detailed one. One day I'm thinking of publishing.
Literally the only thing I liked about twilight was the wolves. And even then we only liked how big and pretty they looked. You don’t see many movies or shows how wolves how they portrayed them here. I always write in my stories wolves based off them lol
Omg saaaaame!!!!! I didn't care for anthro wolves so that was my favorite part.
In the videogame Dark souls you fight Sif a giant swordman wolf.
Mmm, well... anthropomorphic wolves fit both a European and American werewolf depiction. Even native Americans had human traits in their skinwalker stories. A giant wolf is the lamest depiction I've ever seen.
same!
@Jazzy Blade 😂😂🤙✌✋ it would be a quick fight
Fun fact both characters are selfish. She wants imortality he wants to spend eternity chasing underage girls.
I remember when I was a little kid and watched it with my sisters, thinking how this Is the coolest shit ever with all the vampires fighting and jumping like fucking ninjas. And how it was always so cloudy and shit, really cool vibe. Once I told some guy, several years older than me, that it was my favorite movie and he died laughing. Didn't even now yet what a shit of a movie, and whole franchise, it actually was
I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, and the constant clouds and rain made me depressed af. I moved to Florida and am much happier now.
I also hated how the werewolves in this story were done dirty.
Tbf most werewolf media don't get any justice as they're always overshadowed by vampires(except for teen wolf and underworld)
I agree, i hated that so much& it felt stupid. Also Don’t forget van-helsing, their werewolves were pretty good too.
@@shaninejackman9395 The Van Helsing Werewolves were *chef's kiss*
Stepanie Meyer: "I want my character to work as a self insert, so obviously that means they need to be devoid of personality or interests... because if I give them an opinion on anything the reader may not have those same interests. That'll make em relatable, right?"
Bella: "I don't like music."
WHO DOESN'T LIKE MUSIC?! How about you make your human characters actually act like human beings?
I worked in a restaurant where the boss wouldn't allow music to play on the speakers because he (and I'm quoting here) "doesn't care for and doesn't understand the point of music." In his mind music was just annoying white noise. He wouldn't even let music play while he's driving.
@@skeetsvar162 Bizarre. Completely alien.
… I don’t like music
The only thing i remember about this movie since I first saw it in theaters is: its dark (visually), hella quiet, werewolves and vampires fighting over a lady, and shirtless Taylor Laugtner!
Remember she and Pattinson were dating IRL and she ended up breaking his heart when she cheated on him
Yeah I mentioned that in the video 😂 it's messed up bc the character does that in the movie too.
@@Alteori watch Buffy to decontaminate yourself
OMG I just realised Bella has the trash harem novel protagonist power of super pheromones. That's why everyone is instantly into her and those with heightened sense of smell like vampires and werewolves even more so. Considering I have compared trash Isekai and Twilight to each other before one just being aimed at boys and the other at girls just adds another layer.
I love that you're doing this. I got hooked because I grew up on Land Before Time and then you finished and I was worried that this was the end! BUT ALAS! Balto AND Twilight?! You sure know how to keep a girl on her toes
I once tried to watch Twilight and it was very boring for me but it was partially my fault bc I expected it to be more fantasy than the romantic movie. When I want to watch something with vampires or werewolfes I watch Van Helsing.
You know as a young teen I did kinda find the movie romantic, I would watch it every night. But as an adult now I realise it was just the soundtrack, I found the songs romantic
I love watching videos about people complaining about Twilight!
Everyone ads their spin into roasting it.
Please do the whole series!
Man I remember being forced to watch this hot garbage when it came out in theaters. My mom and two sisters insisted we watch it, I said hell no so we went and saw it lol I remember being bored out of my mind and cringing nonstop at this. And I agree with you, Bella has no appeal and no ass so why is everyone gaga over her?
Plus this movie awakened my crush on Anna Kendrick (Jessica) and I honestly wished the movie focused on her as the Mc
Also this movie is actually what started my passion for writing. All I could think was "I could writer better crap than this" lol and I'm still writing to this day. I still got a long ways to go but it's still better than this crap
If you want to see a love story between a human and a vampire done right, i would recommend Vampire Hunter D Bloodlust.
Its actually quite good, a bit tame compared to the book it was based on, but quite good none the less.
Dude even Vampire Diaries was better.
@@Alteori haven´t seen that so i can´t say.
By the way don´t know if you review animes (or like them) but i would like to hear your thoughts on the two Vampire Hunter D movies.
Sure the books they are based on as said a much darker in nature, however the animes (at least bloodlust)is more character focused than the books.
There are also Manga´s made that are based on the books.
They stick a bit closer to the book than the anime does, but the first one is a bit of a mix.
Some of the things they have happen in them is closer to what happened in the anime than what happened in the book.
@@Alteori hey alteori could you please do povs of the dinosaurs and other creatures from jurassic world dominion, and please do more of dragons the nine realms season 2 and season 3, and please review The Sea Beast which is coming out on netflix in July 8 2022 look and breakdown the 2 trailers please
i remember my mother and sister was always talking about Twilight went on about team Edward or team Jacob...
and i was like... 𝐍𝐎 keep that trash away from me... but no matter where i went i saw Twilight merch everywhere...
and each time i talked to people in my class i got "ArE yOu A tEaM eDwArD oR tEaM jAcOb!?" . . . 𝐍𝐎 . . . Just . . . 𝐍𝐎 . . .
Twilight also reminds me of that stupid anime "Vampire Knight" both a cringe story that seam that it will never end...
i remember watching that anime with drunk friends by streaming it on group chat it was eventful...
the only difference i remember is:
in Vampire Knight the girl at the end of the anime PICKED is her BROTHER...💀
(worst off people say in the manga she had KIDS WITH BOTH BOYS...💀)
YAY, I knew you were going to poke fun at this film and it's sequels!
Henry Cavill was considered for the role of Edward Cullen but lost to Robert Pattinson. Then a few years earlier it happened when Cavill was going to play Cedric Diggery but Pattinson took the role. Lol!
Talk about a real life Batman Vs Superman.
@Joshua 1992 Yes there will be a sequel to The Batman in 2024
Oh THANK GOD, Henry had his career saved by losing the role 😂
Henry looks way to old to play either character
@@shainewhite2781 not anymore lol
6:53 yeah! not only storywise but in terms of Graphical design and visual communication belle contrast with everything and everyone else in the town. the easiest of design elements to spot in this case is the contrasting color pallet .. but i goes one step beyond. all the other characters in the town are drawn an design to look more cartoony... while bella is drawn to look slightly but definitely more realistic .. making her to stand out in the visual environment she has been place in.
I didn't see the movie (or any films from this) but I read the first book out of curiosity since a lot of people were talking about it and saying it was good. I didn't like Bella or Edward as characters, they just came off as creepy. The dialogue made no sense and the emotions and actions ranged from questionable to downright "Get out of there stupid!" The only things I liked were Charlie and the rest of the Cullen Clan. They seemed very helpful and supportive of one another, and the missed opportunities for stories was huge.
I read and re-read every single book when a new movie came out. Would spend whole days and most nights binge reading as much as I could. I've read each book at least 5 times or so. Even that one spin off book I'm aware of. Still have the set to this day.
Any love story is a better love story than Twilight.
And Titanic
This is what killed vampires and werewolfs in media for years
I think you mean Kept
I always wondered what would happen if Christopher Nolan directed a Twilight movie. 🤣🤣🤣
Oh the carnage!!!
As a writer myself, i have no idea how you could make a non-cringe movie if your given scenario is romance with supernatural elements. It only works for a young audience because it's so unrealistic. So you cannot write deep stuff about philosophy or politics, because then you would have no target audience at all. You are forced to focus on characters. I think, Twilight was doomed to be cringe from the beginning (in de beninging) because of the setting. In my works, i have much more realistic and rich settings. I can combine complex worldbuilding and (hopefully) interesting characters. Because there is balance between these two, i don't have to rely on colorful characters alone. My characters are allowed to be more realistic and therefore should be less cringe. The appeal comes from both the worldbuilding and the characters. If a reader doesn't like my worldbuilding, at least the characters and their arcs can be interesting and vice versa. Twilight fails because it's characters are bad and there is nothing else that could compensate for that issue. It's so empty. It's just a story about individuals, and these individuals are boring. Even in my drama novel about depression, child abuse, growing up, psychopathy, serial murder and foggy pine forests, i don't rely on characters alone, but i add complex worldbuilding just to make the village a believable place and to make the reader learn something related to the scenario. In Twilight, there's nothing comparable. English is not my main language, i hope it is clear what i'm trying so say.
Same here, I’m a writer but mainly study literature and when I watched these with a group of friends (they pulled me away from reading Dune) and I just sat there thinking “how the f could anyone like this?” I literally just pulled out my phone to watch video essays on HP Lovecraft and video games lol.
Zombies does it good, the characters actually are fun and the world is nice
I Am Dragon did a pretty good job at avoiding cringe imo. (Though any cringe may have been lost in translation as I don't speak Russian.)
Robert after this movie was made:
*“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?”*
I remember my mom dragging me along to see these… they were absolute torture. I sometimes hoped that Buffy would show up and clean house, but I was always met with disappointment. If I ever make a rip off video of such a meeting, like a sequel to Vampires Suck, I would call it Breaking Wind.
Edit: I said the guy from Blade at first, but I thought Buffy would be more widely known.
The most unbelievable part of the first movie was the scene where she drives to school and the kids are apparently laughing at her truck. As a person who grew up in a small (Washington State) town (population 2,000 people) you were automatically one of the cool kids if you had your own car even if it was a piece of junk. Also pick-up trucks were definitely the most popular car for us northern rednecks. Pretty funny that the vampires weren't the most ridiculous thing in this movie.
Not really Cringe I would say just not everyones cup of Tea.
Respect and keep up the epic work.
I think Bella is somewhat relatable. Using relatability to criticize a movie is not really good because not everyone has the same life experiences as you.
Though that doesn’t save this movie from sucking.
If you can relate to Bella than you should go to a therapist
@@Tores444 How so? I relate by being introverted like her character. Not the vampire/werewolf stuff.
Either you misunderstood what I said or you’re the one who’s sick.
Hello Alteori.
Never read the book series, only saw small bits of some the scenes. Don't care for it whatsoever. You should do more gameplays videos when you review a movie or a series, I enjoyed it.
Anyway, another great video, Alteori, I like it, see you in the next one.
My favorite part of Twilight is when Alucard knocks on the door…
I do not understand with this movie why the actress is twitching her head constantly half the time she’s talking. It’s like she’s so damn static that she thinks twitching constantly gives her any level of character when she speaks. Nothing against the actress but it’s just super weird.
I remember back in.. middle school? I went to my girlfriends house to watch this and I just couldn’t get over how much this movie suuuuuucked and how awkward the main actress was lmao
PLEASE do a part 2! I genuinely laughed at this video multiple times. I could not stand this series when it came out as it seemed just so vapid, empty, and an obvious self-insert fanfic story. I have heard others say that “Bella Swan” is drawn form BELLA Lugosi, the actor, and SWAN Lake, the song played in the classic, black and white movie version of Dracula. How true that is……. I don not know, but it seems to line up…
Anyways, please continue this series. Also, the current fox avatar is super cute.
Thanks so much! 😄 I finished off the entire series again. And even though I found so many issues with it and I was just poking fun at all the ridiculousness I had to slap myself because I found myself crying at some points, The very last part of the finale and whenever Charlie was worried about his daughter. I guess because I'm very close with my father I imagine him having to go through that as his only daughter.
@@Alteori I just rewatched the series. The last movie when they killed off the wolves made me cry. And I was like “THIS IS DOUBLE FAKE. IT IS A VISION. IN A MOVIE.” But I was still crying. Ugh.
The whole movie series is shit & I’m glad someone with a platform is admitted it
stewart already looked undead even before she got turned
Fun fact: In the book Dracula, Vampires were an allegory for sexual assault. So Twilight took Vampires and glorified what they meant
I remember not liking twilight during its popularity and then being shocked when all of a sudden everyone hated it with a passion
The same cringe which inspired Fifty Shades of Grey... 😑
You want a good Vampire movie? Blade and Blade II. Weasley Snipes is a G!
Now if blade was in the twilight movies then I would watch it
I’m gonna need some Hellsing Ultimate to wash the memory of this “film’s” existence from my brain again. Awesome vampire anime, by the way.
One of my all time favorites
Alucard doesn't play around he just gets done with it🔫🔫
15:39
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THIS! THANK YOU! I hate it when people constantly use the idea of fantasy to justify bad writing
I liked the movies. Would have been 100 times better if they followed the books. But what can u do. I bet if they did a Tv adaptation that followed the books exactly it would do extremely well.
"Twilight" is a story about a girls desperate quest to decide between necrophilia and beastiality.
Now that I've finished watching the video I can't wait. This is one of those movies I've never seen but hate the mere existence of. I like Vampires and hate how they've become some symbol of male hotness. Dracula was twisted and ugly as hell and most vampire mythologies are the same.
I also hate love triangles.
I get a lot of joy out of watching people rip these movies apart and I look forward to the next one.
@Joshua 1992 Dracula the character was based on a historical figure who was in fact pretty ugly. Dracula in the novel (and then basically never again) is really ugly and seduces no one through his lack of good looks.
32:55 Doesn't even have to be shock or adrenaline. I was at work and got sliced down my forearm, but didn't even realize I was bleeding until an hour later when I got blood on a bathroom wall as I was continuing to clean. I only noticed because I was cleaning the bathrooms at the time. I thought I just got banged up. I went to take a shower that night, only to find that my legs were black and blue. This isn't the first time, either. All through last school year, I'd be getting ready for bed only to find several new bruises that I didn't know happened until I changed my clothes. And some of those bruises were bigger than my hand. I still have no idea how they happened.
Also:
Water is wet
Fire is hot
This is bait
🎩
🐍no step on Snek! 🇺🇸🇭🇰
Also the parody movie:"Vampires suck" I much better than this cringe factory
Already agree with the title
Every time I think of this movie I think of that video of the guy saying wanna see my Twilight review, proceeds to rip book.
B-b-but their skin sparkles in the sunlight 😩
This is the most honest review I have ever seen I haven’t seen the whole thing… all I had to do was read the title
Yeeeeaaahhh...
@@morbidone88 it wasn’t the best movie🫤
@@Hem0phobia still the absolute lamest, feminine werewolf story ever told. IMO, absurd and catered to young girls and women. I guess it is what it is
@@morbidone88 I am convinced that The makers of this movie counted On pulling the heartstrings of the viewers rather than good acting
@@Hem0phobia ah hell bud, I don't give a damn about the acting for a movie catered towards teenagers, only the absurdity that not only are these 'werewolves' just wolves, but that vampires, which are the undead and represent the unnatural order of nature, could overcome the natural order, the primal mother nature that is at constant odds with the modern world. It's just absurd all the way around. But, I see your point and it's just as valid as my useless tirade about 'facts' about nonsensical creatures in the cryptid universe. Cheers!🍻
Don't forget that Twilight is the movie that mom's took their daughter's to see not for their daughter's enjoyment but for the mom's to check out the guys in the movie.
I'm still waiting for part 2 Alteori!!
Good to see Alteori is also on Team Mustache Dad!
These movies were bad. Interesting concept, just take out the romance and sparkly part and the concept would be more interesting. I liked The Vampire Diaries for about 5 seasons, the last three were weird. The Originals were good. Legacies is just FREAKING WEIRD. Great video, Alteori.
out of topic but i'm new to editing software outside to just crop and all that basic stuff, but how do you edit the face like in your thumbnail and what editing software? once again really out of topic, but i really curious on how you do that if someone had the time to explain thank you in advance.
I'm so glad i watched Buffy the vampire slayer as a kid instead of this. I hated how vampires and werewolves were portrayed in this book/film series.
I watched these and say to myself, "I'm so proud of myself for not being interested about these movies when I was almost pre-teen".
I always looked at this and be angry that they ruined vampires and werewolves for me. I wanted to see them scary, threatening, and maybe powerful. Not this.
Most important question. I get their eternally in their teens but, why would they want to spend ETERNITY in High School?
The concept on itself is terrifying. But add yo that that they'd be studying the same stuff over and over and over again. Other thing would be if they were in college where they could study anything all the time.
5 secs in and i'm dead. dammit Alteori I need to breathe. LOL
Okay, I have a personal hatred for this movie thanks to the one time I watched it, my mother said "Why can't you be like Bella {Deadname}? She atleast offers to help with things." FYI, I never got the chance to 'offer' to do anything, thanks to her overworking me and my brother with chores and constantly trying to make us do her job for her. (I do not live with my mother anymore thankfully.)
You gotta do all the twilight movies now
Well done Alt.
Twilight is cringe.
"Hmm yes the floor is made out of floor"
Could you review strange magic? It was a fun musical music by Lucasfilm, overshadowed by Home...
I can say, as someone who moved from New York to a small town in Arkansas, all that attention is not flattering, because it happened to me for about the first 6 months to a year after I moved. It’s just from boredom, and you just happen to be a novelty at the time. But, for me, it died off. What’s unrealistic is that people still cared.
Twilight was horrible but Bad Lip Reading made so much funnier.
what i don't understand is why is she so deathly pale. i'm pale. like don't go out in the sun pale. and my skin is NOWHERE near that death colour. i've seen corpses with more colour in them. she's wearing ALL the layers so how can she be this pale? white people light up like christmas trees under the slightest blood rise.
ok seriously what is wrong with these people? i know there are vampires around but they aren't snacking on them so why is everyone so pale? this is in America right? not Antarctica?
no Bell was fine as all hell, Bella is just plain. the only reason people should be looking at her is to ask if she needs blood or a blanket. she looks like she's going to keel over any second
what i love is how we finally have a M.C who's actually not attractive. not just someone who just doesn't know they're attractive but genuinely is just plain ordinary. i just hate that EVERYONE seems to be SUPER interested in her.
i just realised WHY Twilight was so popular with teen girls. the M.C isn't attractive. her personality is garbage. she has no body worth mentioning. BUT everyone still loves her and wants her. to the point of fighting over her. what girl WOULDN'T want that?
why does the VAMPIRE have healthier skin than the ordinary human girl? seriously she's SO deathly pale.
it's actually sad because i've seen R.P in other movies and he actually does a good job. but these movies. dear god they were bad.
he tries to gaslight her but then says "well no one will believe you" because THAT is what a normal person would say. THAT will make her believe him,
100% if you're going to put weird white makeup on you have to make sure you actually get everywhere. you'd think they'd do a better job but no. then again it's 2023 and we still get crap makeup in movies with bigger budgets so what do i know
This is the most boring and straight up awful color palette I’ve ever seen in a movie.
Why can't we just get a super natural movie that doesn't resolve around romance
hey now, I read the school newspaper from sophomore year onwards, but only because I ran a short comic strip called "The Bargain Bin" in it, and an advice column, had to keep up on the numbers.. plus, one time I got a time-table mixed up and the paper saved my bacon, don't tell Mrs. Krauter~
Twilight's a unique monster, but mostly because of the madness it created. Two repellently jilted performances, orbiting around the most why-bother story you've ever seen until the FAN-FICTION of this book became a book unto itself. Everything else going on for some reason is just a big messy reimagining of vampires.. I'd bet gold coins to gummi bears that Alteori would find Jared Nomak from _Blade 2_ more attractive and interesting. Ultimately, its good that careers weren't destroyed from this dead horse we've all taken a bat to, but geez.... FOUR more movies? I mean, _why._ I hope you're encouraged enough to at least make it through one more movie's worth, maybe more; I understand that watching and analyzing these is really goddamn draining, but we tune in for the fruits of your suffering, if your LBT series has been any indicator!
Me girl made me watch this in December, I added my own commentary. Why is there so much just sex starring like 10 mins of the movie is just people stairing at each other with nothing happening even dialogue. As someone who likes to write I’m just laughing and saying “pauses in dialogue and action is important sometimes but they’re doing it to often and for to long, it’s like the 3rd act means nothing when u have a 3rd act in every part of the story and mautiple ones at the end, until dawn did it good”
Hi, Alteori. I’m a big fan of both your channel and fantastical monsters. I’m currently writing a sci-fi fantasy novel featuring werewolves as protagonists and vampires as antagonists. I’m hoping to publish it some time this year (most likely on digital), and I hope you’re able to read it and enjoy it.
P.S. It has a love story that is 100 times better than Twilight.
The rainiest place in the US is Whittier Alaska, at 5,024 mm (198 inches) a year. Also notable for having the majority of the population living in a single building.
The start of the video is already great, thank you, I laughed.
I was never really into watching the twilight saga but it does bring back some wicked nostalgia from when I was back in primary school.
God I am loving this. Finally someone has been thinking what I was. I was laughing so much watching this. These Movies are horrible. Edward became a stalker in this movie. What girl in her right mind what to date cringe or a creeper. I was only a fan of the Wolves and Jasper and Alice. The story is so bad. I know many people that read the books and said Bella is a Bitch. None of them liked the books or the movies. The whole glitter Vampire idea due to sun light ruined me. I said to myself these are the worse vampires ever thought of.
“Twilight is cringe”
Really? I never knew…
…not like everyone has known this for over a decade
I never understood why the books and movies became so popular. The story and writing is horrible. As far as I'm concerned, their only value is if you're in the mood for some bad trash.
My car is a manual also, and I've heard a 3 on the tree is a pain in the ass to drive, and I'd be lost also.
And grass grows and birds fly
i have always hated twilight and it's 10x cringy then I remember...
We finally realizing this?
You would absolutely love this channel called Cinema Therapy. They do a series of videos breaking down how cringe and toxic this entire series is while making fun of them for how bad they are. It's some of the funniest stuff I've seen in a while.
My word, Robert Pattinson did not deserve this franchise. Glad he's getting more of the credit he deserves now. He's been great in all of the recent movies of his I've seen. (If you haven't seen The Lighthouse, my word, watch that insanity right now).
I read these books in middle school starting when the first book came out. I absolutely loved them as a vampire obsessed child. Now I’m looking at the books that I haven’t read since then and wonder how bad they’ll read now haha.
I remember working night shifts at retail and always seeing Twilight merchandise everywhere and seeing people go crazy about it. I thought I’d give watching the movie a chance. Got home and was greatly disappointed!!! Utter garbage it was. A guy glistening isn’t a sign and skin of a killer!