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Ive always said that a good person doesnt need to remind people that theyre a good person. So when someone does something for you and you decline to do something for them later down the line, do not let them guilt trip you by reminding you what they did for you. Doing a good deed out of the kindness of your heart wouldnt be used as manipulation to get your way whenever you want.
From my experience, people get fatigued when you give them little reason to continue to be good to you. Good and bad is not as binary as black and white. I'm not suggesting your comment would state such a thing but, I've been through a lot of terrible things in my life and I said some terrible things in the past to a lot of people I care about. The first step to becoming one of those "Good" people is not necessarily doing things for others. It starts with recognizing your own shortcomings and trying to make up for them. Embrace family and friends, even if sometimes you'll want to kill them. Today was actually a very strange occurrence in my life. It made me look at how many people actually do care about me. If you're experience with someone is that they are a good person to you, what you've experienced is all that matters. Some people can be a wolf in sheep's clothing but I'm pretty sure in time, it's not hard to weed them out. Don't ever let people gaslight you, don't let them back you into a corner, and never let somebody influence your decisions in life. Take their advice but find a way to make it work for yourself. If somebody does something good for you and expects something in return it's not always because they're inherently a bad person, it's because that behavior was taught to them and it's something they have to unlearn. Sorry for the rambling. Hope it made some sense at least. Have a good night.
@@ΚώσταςΠαπαγιάννης-ν9τSome will do you a favor that is trivial to them and later request a favor that is much less trivial to you. I've had a friend like this who'd demand something outrageous, over doing something trivial for me prior. He would also conveniently forget about all the favours I had done for him.
@MorgueInTheVoid I think this is well said. While we should be willing to do nice things for other people, I think it's important to avoid people who are all about "give and take". These are the type of people who only do nice things because they want something in return and that's the kind of person we want to avoid.
I came here to see how much of my younger self I recognized, and found I not only did I recognize myself; but a lot of the people from my social circle at the time. For a good while, I lived in an echo chamber of "nice guys finish last".
I'm usually quite careful with how I talk to others because I've learned that it doesn't matter what I mean; it's how they feel about what I say to them. I genuinely want to get along with everyone I interact with
Knowing that this video is created for educational purpose, I keep reminding myself to take a step back for some signs. Being an avoidant/sometimes anxious attachment style person, the defensive mechanism sometimes get confused when watching these videos. Setting boundaries and learning to recognize my true needs is my practice everyday. Hope to build trust for I deserve to be loved with the understanding that not everyone has good intention to love others.
It's great to see you actively working on self-awareness and setting boundaries. Recognizing your attachment style and practicing self-love and self-care are important steps. Keep focusing on your personal growth! Have you found any strategies that particularly help you in this journey?
@@Psych2go when I set boundaries and held her accountable when she wasn’t being fair with me, she disappeared without paying what she owed me and unfriended me on all social media platforms.
This video made me realize that I’m the seemingly nice person and that I use people as a mean of validation that I am not crazy and that others understand how I feel. I genuinely enjoy being around people but I’ve learned that the expectations I have from any relationship or friendship is to be seen and understood. Now I’m a bit better with that and I am more ok with acting myself with others but still the expectations are there and so are the fears of being in the wrong
See searching for validation is not a bad thing... Don't underrate yourself.... Psychology is all about human mind, behavior, character & so on. So, don't think so... If you can love people care for them... It's enough... You are so nice👍😊 don't worry be happy 👍🙂
When you meet someone the first time and you can feel that something is not right or off, it’s not a they are annoying, creepy, or weird type of thing rather it’s like you just know without even having to expose yourself to them. It’s rare and I have no way to prove it but you’re instincts are not something to totally ignore.
Probably a well-tuned survival instinct. Similar to the ability to detect when someone is staring at you before you turn and catch 'em. And when you do, you can feel assured that those instincts are in good working order. ~TD, Boston
Having dealt with many situations involting these types of people, I kind of became a lone wolf. I find it extremely difficult to trust others. It took me over 10 years to finally find a circle in which I actually felt appreciated and not used for others' gain. Ive dealt with a managers who stabbed me in the back after being extremely nice, I dealt with friendships that were not genuine, thus creating me a lot of confusion. I have a very hard time meeting people, not to mention approaching women.
Another sign to keep an eye out for is how much they build themselves up to be such a great, kind, or forgivable person. Especially in a work setting. They may seem like they're just explaining what they've been through, but will use their "greatness" to put you down subtly but harshly without you realizing it until it may be too late.
I had a housemate who was just like what is discussed in this video. I met her when I went back to college to study for my Diploma. One test she used was to obtain agreements to small favours (from myself and others) "accidentally forgetting" pertinent details that put a different complexion upon her request. Usually one would only discover the omission after the fact and after you have actually delivered upon your end of the agreement. If the omission was discovered, she would get very garrulous, filling the air with awkward, vague, meandering apologies acting as if she was SO dreadfully embarrassed. The reality (i put together over time) was that she used these awkward apologies to gloss over any harm done, whilst wearing one out and blocking one from thinking the omission through so as to identify that but for the omission, you'd likely not have agreed to her request.
I found that the best way to live a peaceful life is to shield yourself from all forms of potential manipulation - from flattery to insults to everything in between.
I'd like to add compaining that "nice guys/girls finish last". This usually comes out when the expected favor isn't returned, and the person in question is showing their true colors.
Great video. The artwork, calm voice, and music give a positive mood for a potentially triggering subject. When someone talks about other people in the family to me and elevates themselves, that is generally a red flag for me. I am guarded with what I say to them after that.
timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 0:40 - excessive flattery 1:44 - frequent boundary testing 2:22 - over emphasis on control 3:04 - inconsistent vehavior 4:17 - outro Great video Psych2Go team!
I realized that with some of the warning signs that were presented in the video, i used to do some of those things back in the past, and I realized that it was completely bad for not only for myself, but for the people I’ve treated in the past. I’m just glad that I’m at least different than what I was now.
The last person I was in love with sadly, was a lot like this.... We stop talking to each other because of her own fault, but at the end, I hope it was for the best... I still miss her a lot sadly :(
I do excessive flattery but it's with good intentions :(( i just get really excited when someone dresses in styles i like, and i usually like to bring people up and try to make them feel more confident.. Is it bad? I get hated a lot by people who don't know me well and they say i'm being fake- I tried to be more quiet but once i'm with people i like i just get all happy and excited and i flatter them a lot. I just say everything positive that i'm thinking. I also feel bad saying no to people tho, i'm not sure if this means i'm a people pleaser or if i'm asking for validation? Maybe without realizing i'm toxic? That scares me a lot
I...hope I am being genuine. I excessively compliment as an act of fawning, something I'm working on with my therapist. As for the last one, I am now very much overthinking everything as while I'll express things bothering me about a particular person, I still can't help but show them kindness while also being honest with them about things that bothering me, as I believe in communication first and foremost. But, now I'm feeling like a jerk. Blegh. Still really love your channel, of course. Hope everybody is doing okay.
I used to hang out with a guy who did a lot of boundary testing and frequently reminded us of things he “did for us,” which were usually invitations that we accepted. He really flipped out on another friend when we were on the plane together for a trip. I was really uncomfortable then, and more so when he started “teasing” me about not letting me in the hotel room and suddenly being comfortable to say inappropriate words to us. I stood up for myself regardless, and it was ultimately a fun and memorable trip, but I stopped hanging out with him shortly after.
It sounds like you made a wise decision by distancing yourself from that person. It's essential to maintain healthy boundaries and surround yourself with individuals who respect and treat you well. Standing up for yourself was a brave and important step. Have you found more positive and supportive friends since then?
Huge red flag for a wolf in sheep's clothing: They have multiple friend groups that do not connect with one another. It is easier to manipulate and control a small crowd rather than a big group. As well, the wolf will make fun of friend groups with other friend groups. It makes the wolf feel superior that they can decide the flaws of others by using their other groups as echo chambers.
This is a good one! You've highlighted an important red flag to watch out for. People who maintain separate friend groups and use them to manipulate and control situations can be concerning. It's essential to be aware of such behavior and maintain healthy boundaries. Trust your instincts and ensure that your relationships are built on sincerity and trust. Have you encountered such a situation personally, or is there anything else you'd like to discuss regarding this?
Yes I find people who do this type of thing often repeat the cycle with every group eventually. The group being bad mouthed often is blind sided by this behavior even if they participated in it often when defending the wolf in sheep's skin. They create echo chambers of their criticism that they, in the end, can't control. Instead of coming clean, they often abandon or vilify the other groups and start the process again.
I wouldn't say having multiple friend groups is bad, it's how you act about them or treat the other people. Like if someone does everything in their power to keep them from meeting then that's an issue, a major issue, or puts one down in favor of the other for no reason. People will make more friends as life goes on, and they'll become included in many different circles and sometimes, these circles just never intercept each other
Wow, that must've been a tough decision. But sometimes, it's necessary to cut off people in order to save yourself. How has your mental health been since then?
I was raised in a hateful family, and I had to get away from them, I do a lot of these things without even realizing it but I don't have any ulterior motives, I just like being nice to people... It feels better than being mean.
Being genuine is hard but it’s the key to a happier life, trust me Plus, people tend to trust/like you more Because communication is essential in any sort of relationship!
This channel is awesome!! Especially this video..one thing i would like to add is...fake friends only talk to you if they need something. Otherwise with other people they may or may not have fun..but they just USE you. So remember: a friend in need isnt always a friend indeed. Beware and take care ❤
Sometimes explaining this not really solve the problem. Just excessive a whole new sensation. We know people trying to be nice because they want something, it's supply and demand. The important thing is as long as they don't make you feel bad/ emotionally unstable, it's okay to get along with them.
I wondered why nice people were so hated bc in this harsh world kindness, being supportive, trying not to be jugemental, elevate others is precious. Those people in the videos aren't fake nice. In my book they are just manipulative. To me being nice became being strong and somewhat selfless but I learned how to stay clear of people who might take advantage of it. Lastly I learned how to be kind to myself and protect my own boundaries. I'm still learning. So people confuse kindness and manipulation help. I'm grateful for the genuinely kind people. You're my inspiration
Timestamps 1). Excessive flattery 0:40 2). Conditional generosity 1:11 3). Frequent boundary testing 1:44 4). Over emphasis on control 2:22 5). Inconsistent behaviour 3:03 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
This cuts me deep. Im always gallant with my friends. I moved to a new place, and after a while of not having a social life, when I met new people and became their friend, I was so happy and I constantly treated them with kindness and gallantry, only to be put in a box, saying that Ive ulterior motives. :/😢
Another thing I noticed is "nice" people don't have much patience for accidents. The quickest way to tell if someone is genuinely nice (in my experience) is seeing how they act when you make a honest mistake alone with them
That's a great observation. How someone reacts to your mistakes can reveal a lot about their true character. Genuine kindness often includes patience, understanding, and the willingness to forgive honest slip-ups. It's a valuable way to gauge someone's authenticity and their approach to relationships. Have you had a memorable experience where someone's reaction to your mistake showed their true colors, for better or worse?
Nobody is just nice; we are all a mixed bag. I don't think it's Bad Intentions, it's generally caused by a lack of self-esteem, self-respect, lack of confidence, shyness, and lack of social skills. Above all, niceness it's just a strategy we all use to get people to like us and get what we want from them. I prefer niceness even if it's not genuine over “jerks”, cruel, or mean and difficult people. No one is purely altruistic, no act of sharing, helping, or sacrificing can be truly altruistic, as the actor receives an intrinsic reward in the form of personal gratification.
I disagree, being self-serving through lies at the expense of others is anti-social behavior. Many people don't pretend to get "people to like us and get us what we want from them" and are genuinely kind, compassionate, and empathetic. If you're pretending to get what you want out of others that's just manipulation. It may stem from "self-esteem, confidence, etc" but that just shows you need mental health and emotional healing. The other person involved in dynamics with such people is deceived and at a loss. They would have made different decisions if the other party was honest, that's why the manipulator lies.
Something I found interesting while watching this, although these are all very valid signs of somebody who can be toxic and negatively effect your life I think the context that they are most likely that way because of things they’ve experienced in their life and demons they’re going through adds a level of empathy that I personally feel like we could do with more of. I’m sure there are genuinely just awful people out there but more often than not people are suffering their own challenges and unfortunately affecting others negatively in the process. I think although this video doesn’t really villainize or put down people suffering from these challenges it doesn’t go out of its way to add context either. These people deserve empathy just as much as anyone even and I think channeled in the right way you can not only help those being affected by these behaviors but those carrying them out as well
There's a time for empathy but there's a time to hold people accountable for their actions especially if it's causing harm to others. Showing empathy to people in the wrong only enables their behaviour further. What you feel is a loving act, is a disservice for them to learn from the consequences of their actions.
Been seeing the decline in content quality for a couple months now hope everything is ok. This was basically like “nice people dont exist, have people guess your boundaries, be skeptical if anyone seems genuine” like dude ive been in therapy long enough now to know: this is a great way to keep way too much of the anxiety im trying to get rid of lol
I kinda feel I am like last one... Except on the spreading rumors thing, I Don't really want to do a lot of drama or make others think someone is bad as person.
Sounds like my first ever my childhood 'friend',except the flattery part is pretty much gone everyone loved her and she was deemed the most polite person in class when she actually talked crap about me behind my back and told other kids to stay away from me
There's another sign I've noticed: you have an unexpected crummy feeling after interacting with them, like you've done something wrong. Especially if that feeling happens regularly with just that one person. Like the feeling of "this person is so nice, I need to be better so they're not disappointed in me" but the evil version of that.
In my experience, the wolf in sheep’s clothing often seeks to isolate a person by seeming to be the “only one who truly understands and appreciates that person” and downgrades other people.
I can almost always spot a fake nice person now. But in the past I failed with people who would try to be childlike like I am, when that is not their own personality. So beware of people who seem to have your same unique traits when they are with you.
3:07 I once met someone who was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Behind my back, they would often pretend to be concerned about me because I was not “talking to them” after going through a hard time. But the truth is, this person never made themselves available to me when I was at my lowest.
What’s really sad about this is the fact my grandmother on my father’s side does all these things 😕 I had to cut her out of my life and had to call my local police on her multiple times
Conditional generosity with life experience is called "self-preservation". You must also set limits on your willingness to help, otherwise you will naturally surround yourself with freeloaders. This is the "Tic for tat" concept.
I feel like tjis is me, im always trying to be a good person and friend but somehow i always end up messing up i always end up not being able to express how i feel without being rude i am unable to give people space because im too clingy and im always too scared people are gonna leave me or get bored of me and its goofy idk how to get out of this situation or how i can improve morr as a person because im always saying im gonna work on it yet i do it agaun and again im always hurting the people i care about and i dont mean that i dont wanna be like this yet idk how to stop being like this uts not my intention im very aware im being bad but i dont know how to improve and just not do this anymore
My classroom is full of these kind of people. I had problems with them before but now I get well with them. Still, I'm very aware of the kind of people they are, so I always have a boundary with them yet I still act cordial and respectful.
its important to note that the vast majority of people are genuinely being nice. dont be paranoid that everyone who is being nice has secret bad intentions.
We’re taught to be helpful. Like treat people the way you would want to be treated. It only seems fair for the other to do the same or nothing is aligned . It’s like a one sided relationship
Best way to handle compliment or comment on what ‘a good guy’ you are is to say ‘thank you, I think it’s important to treat people well & do the right thing’. Acknowledge & qualify it
I will not stand for this Lucario slander. /hj Anyway, this is a very informative video that a lot of people should see. I've dealt with one or more people who fit everything mentioned in this video to a T (and even caught at least one of them talking behind my back). Identifying the red flags from these people can be difficult since they generally have you looking at them through rose-tinted glasses, which further helps them conceal their actual motives to control everyone around them. Now, I don't even speak to those people anymore.
One of these signs is very prominent to the person I've cut my connection with, that is, testing my boundary. I've been reestablishing my limits repeatedly and this person kept on overstepping them, when they got called out they act as if taking accountability, gaining people's sympathy. And since I'm a quiet person and spend my time conserving energy, not to mention I have RBF which makes people perceive me as cold, I get antagonized by this person. I had addressed it directly to the person that I'm cutting ties, exactly because I knew their manipulation tactics.
My dog got hit by a car the vet told that if his not healed in 3 month i would need to euthenize him, evry night i hear his scream and i fell his misery i can’t stand it, i have no body to talk to i don’t know what to do and i’m currently on a depression that started around 6 month ago
Thank you, I just realised that one of my "friends" are using me and have been for several years it was concerning he would get me to buy stuff make him more popular forcing others to like him and malting me get him into a relationship with someone that hated him
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If you’re someone who finds yourself containing a lot of the attributes described in this video, what tips do you have to train yourself to be a better, nicer person?
Understand that that you should only be nice if you genuinely want to be. Not to make people like you or to get something in return. Be direct with your intentions and honest with your opinions. And say why you believe what you believe.
The fact that you're self-aware about it is a huge step already :) After all, it's all about self-awareness. Take a step back and reflect on your actions and intentions. Try to understand where you might be falling short and make a conscious effort to be more empathetic, patient, and a better listener. We all make mistakes, but the key is to learn from them and keep growing. What's one small change you think you can start with?
They say I'm way too good for my own good. However that definitely isn't the case. We all have our own imperfections. We f*ck up, we say sorry, and the whole process starts again.
I wish I had these skills a few months ago. Been used and abused by "friends," work staff/bosses, and relatives. The moment I became worthless, I was cast into the garbage. My own dad thought I was a disgrace and insulted me behind my back. I found all of this out super recently and my confidence died. I can't recover. I don't deserve to. I just deserve pain. All I can do is be someone's puppet. The moment I show weakness, I'll prove my enemies right and disappoint the few people I have left. I am beyond worthless.
It's sad to see that there's now a need to spread awareness on the fact that not everyone is genuinely nice and can have bad intentions It really shows how far we've gone down in therme of society. Now people need to be careful with nice people.
I have a friend who was incredibly nice too me- But I later found I've been lied to this whole time..talked too behind my back, and started things that almost broke me and my best friend who I've had for four years.. apart.. They said they liked having attention and when they were trying to apologize, but only made it mostly about Them. They would blame me for, making everything about me, when most of the time I was the one who sat their listening.. they still have done more good than bad.. and I soon realized how she was treating me through these videos, I had always had the feeling when my four year friend and my new one had started talking bad things about me behind their backs.. I could feel it happening.. Once me and the four year friend told our sides to the story we found out that the new friend wasn't as good as they wanted to seem.. were cool now and they had made up for it but it still bothers me
My younger sister always does things for me just so she gets a favor from me in return. She always tries to guilt-trip me but I just decline doing the favor, I just brush it off with a simple “no thank you, I have things I need to get done.” When I stay calm like this it annoys her so much. Pro tip for others in this situation. God, it took me forever to type this.
i am naturally kind and pretty caring towards people who are in my life, including classmates, groupmates, etc yet most people find it suspicious, some even saying "you're too kind" with some slight disgust in their tone, using that judgement as a fair enough reason to not interact with me much this saddens me majorly, i really want to make friends in new environment, while others keep seeing someone fake in me, as if i oppose real threat to them and want to use them while i only want to be friends with them :"(
Dear genuine nice person, Yes this video felt like an attack to you because people will used this video to exploit you in a way that's pure evil. Stay away from them and people who don't trust actually nice people. Sincerely, An actually nice person
I tend to step on peoples toes because I can be socially blind when it comes to unspoken boundaries no one tells me about. So i get called "too much of a nice guy" So I use the word kind for myself if I need to describe what kinda person I am. Because being kind to people is a choice.
I've had to deal with quite a few people with #1 and #3 in my career - and it was quite difficult to prove such when leadership would defend them and accuse me of being "the only person" to take issue with the person in question
I'm wondering if my crush at work is trying to make me jealous with a much younger colleague. I feel she is expediting this too.. Oh I give up and presuming these are narcs 😕
the fact that this reads like a checklist of my ex's behaviours is a bit funny because she also refuses to answer when i ask her how i was supposedly manipulative towards her
I know someone exactly like that and others who meet most of those signs. Another trait is that such people can be draining. If you have an encounter you leave feeling a little hurt, or like they sucked you empty, or like something isn't quite right. Also the feeling that you have to constantly watch your back, they want to catch you off guard. Like narcissists, they make you hyper alert to their every move and they are very observant of yours in case there is something they can use to manipulate you. This manipulation is sometimes simply about power. They don't necessarily have other motive but that of feeling in control or making others feel bad. I don't really understand it. Another sign is that they hoard personal information to more easily be able to control you/manipulate you, and oftentimes say or ask you questions, whether apologetically or not, that are too personal, make you vulnerable, or make you wonder why they'd want to know that. They always want to know more, but not for sincere reasons. Another thing I've noticed is that such people have strong changes of facial expressions, the change between happy to angry face can be sudden, back and forth. Or their smile may not match the expression in their eyes. Another thing related to facial expression that I noticed is that you will feel something is out of sync because they don't react naturally to your emotional state but instead seem to want to keep in control. So that if you are happy and smiley they may meet you with a forced severe face for no apparent reason. If their stern expression impacts you and therefore next time you don't smile at them, they either smile more or are annoyed that you ignore them and show again stern expression. Another kind of "inconsistent behaviour", perhaps to maintain a kind of unpredictability that is useful. It is a mystery to me to what extent such people have bad intentions and how they came to be that way. They don't necessarily wish that you fall dead or break a leg (I sometimes wonder...) but they also don't like it if you're happy and independent and *free*. Oh yes, I also wonder if they do a lot of these things unconsciously-it's as if they had an automatic pilot- and whether they lie to themselves or to what extent they know they do these things.
In the past i also was a person like this being a "fake nice friend " but i started to research about toxic friendships i IMMEDIATELY stopped doing these things. But now i have became a true nice friend and EVERYONE when I mean EVERYONE literally EVERYONE IS A " FAKE NICE FRIEND" to me JUST for popularity .like why???
I learned these things through Aesop's Fables and other class children's stories as a kid. The crow and the fox story comes to mind, where in wanting to get the food the crow has, the fox flatters the daylights out of the crow until it speaks and drops the food.
Yes, he tried to controll us all, so I just left this group behind to see how he was acting. Now, when I'm confident and out of that space he is trying to enter to my new social space. Im mature I guess, so I will just be careful and conscious about his actions, i dont want to see everyone being hurted and manipulated without knowing why again. He was "using". Boundary testing, Excessive flattery, overemphasis on control, and a lot of inconsistent behavior.
This is completely my Grandmother and Mother. I grew up dealing with this all the time and didn't really even realize that I couldn't stand overly nice people (even just the perky ones) until I saw Professor Umbridge in Harry Potter. My hackles just stood up immediately when she came on screen and it's was like my body wanted to either run away as fast as possible or punch her in the face. She made me realize what my Grandmother and Mother are and I learned from that that it really is a thing being too nice. I try really hard not to follow in their footsteps and actually be genuine because I don't want to be destructive like they (all 3 of them) are.
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5:01
I feel like this is a psychological trap to make people feel bad for saying any timestamp that's not the end of the video 😂😂 it's genius tho lol😂
Till the end
I watched it all, to be nice. I'll leave it up to you to decide if my intentions were good or not 😉
5:01
Ive always said that a good person doesnt need to remind people that theyre a good person. So when someone does something for you and you decline to do something for them later down the line, do not let them guilt trip you by reminding you what they did for you. Doing a good deed out of the kindness of your heart wouldnt be used as manipulation to get your way whenever you want.
From my experience, people get fatigued when you give them little reason to continue to be good to you. Good and bad is not as binary as black and white. I'm not suggesting your comment would state such a thing but, I've been through a lot of terrible things in my life and I said some terrible things in the past to a lot of people I care about. The first step to becoming one of those "Good" people is not necessarily doing things for others. It starts with recognizing your own shortcomings and trying to make up for them. Embrace family and friends, even if sometimes you'll want to kill them. Today was actually a very strange occurrence in my life. It made me look at how many people actually do care about me. If you're experience with someone is that they are a good person to you, what you've experienced is all that matters. Some people can be a wolf in sheep's clothing but I'm pretty sure in time, it's not hard to weed them out. Don't ever let people gaslight you, don't let them back you into a corner, and never let somebody influence your decisions in life. Take their advice but find a way to make it work for yourself. If somebody does something good for you and expects something in return it's not always because they're inherently a bad person, it's because that behavior was taught to them and it's something they have to unlearn. Sorry for the rambling. Hope it made some sense at least. Have a good night.
Tell me you are ungrateful and you never did something good to someone else, without experiencing ungratefulness, without telling me.
@@ΚώσταςΠαπαγιάννης-ν9τworst possible take
@@ΚώσταςΠαπαγιάννης-ν9τSome will do you a favor that is trivial to them and later request a favor that is much less trivial to you. I've had a friend like this who'd demand something outrageous, over doing something trivial for me prior. He would also conveniently forget about all the favours I had done for him.
@MorgueInTheVoid I think this is well said. While we should be willing to do nice things for other people, I think it's important to avoid people who are all about "give and take". These are the type of people who only do nice things because they want something in return and that's the kind of person we want to avoid.
Time stamps:
0:40 excessive flattery
1:11 conditional generosity
1:45 frequent boundary testing
2:23 overemphasis on control
3:04 inconsistent behavior
Woot woot! Thanks for the time stamps! :D
I did those too because I just watched the video. :3 But I think mine are more detailed. @@Psych2go
This kind of people are most of the time narcissists
@@Psych2go
”frequent boundary testing“
Man I just want a hug 😭
”inconsistent behavior“
I just don't want to make enemies, what is wrong with it?
Thank you 😊
They only approach you when they need or want something from you.
This
Very true
Sadly yes
So very true 👍
@@Psych2gonow I could fake kindness now I know what the victims look out for now I could manipulate them more
Who else is here because they’re worried they act like this?
Yep, that’s me.
I came here to see how much of my younger self I recognized, and found I not only did I recognize myself; but a lot of the people from my social circle at the time. For a good while, I lived in an echo chamber of "nice guys finish last".
Same
Me lol
@@hatcatmoby8893 Wow, it’s awesome you’re aware of your mentality now. It’s not always easy by any means.
I'm usually quite careful with how I talk to others because I've learned that it doesn't matter what I mean; it's how they feel about what I say to them. I genuinely want to get along with everyone I interact with
Knowing that this video is created for educational purpose,
I keep reminding myself to take a step back for some signs.
Being an avoidant/sometimes anxious attachment style person,
the defensive mechanism sometimes get confused when watching these videos.
Setting boundaries and learning to recognize my true needs is my practice everyday.
Hope to build trust for I deserve to be loved with the understanding that not everyone has good intention to love others.
It's great to see you actively working on self-awareness and setting boundaries. Recognizing your attachment style and practicing self-love and self-care are important steps. Keep focusing on your personal growth! Have you found any strategies that particularly help you in this journey?
This is on point. I’ve experienced this type of person in a work environment. I couldn’t pinpoint what was up with her until hindsight.
How did you deal with them?
@@Psych2go when I set boundaries and held her accountable when she wasn’t being fair with me, she disappeared without paying what she owed me and unfriended me on all social media platforms.
This video made me realize that I’m the seemingly nice person and that I use people as a mean of validation that I am not crazy and that others understand how I feel. I genuinely enjoy being around people but I’ve learned that the expectations I have from any relationship or friendship is to be seen and understood. Now I’m a bit better with that and I am more ok with acting myself with others but still the expectations are there and so are the fears of being in the wrong
See searching for validation is not a bad thing... Don't underrate yourself.... Psychology is all about human mind, behavior, character & so on. So, don't think so... If you can love people care for them... It's enough... You are so nice👍😊 don't worry be happy 👍🙂
@alessiapisano6042 Well, we tend to be harsher on ourselves.. is there a reason why you believe this about yourself?
When you meet someone the first time and you can feel that something is not right or off, it’s not a they are annoying, creepy, or weird type of thing rather it’s like you just know without even having to expose yourself to them. It’s rare and I have no way to prove it but you’re instincts are not something to totally ignore.
Probably a well-tuned survival instinct. Similar to the ability to detect when someone is staring at you before you turn and catch 'em. And when you do, you can feel assured that those instincts are in good working order.
~TD, Boston
@@tdesq.2463 maybe idk honestly
1. Excessive flattery
2. Conditional generosity
3. Frequent boundary testing
4. Overemphasis on control
5. Inconsistent behavior
Thank you for the summary!
Having dealt with many situations involting these types of people, I kind of became a lone wolf. I find it extremely difficult to trust others. It took me over 10 years to finally find a circle in which I actually felt appreciated and not used for others' gain. Ive dealt with a managers who stabbed me in the back after being extremely nice, I dealt with friendships that were not genuine, thus creating me a lot of confusion. I have a very hard time meeting people, not to mention approaching women.
Another sign to keep an eye out for is how much they build themselves up to be such a great, kind, or forgivable person. Especially in a work setting. They may seem like they're just explaining what they've been through, but will use their "greatness" to put you down subtly but harshly without you realizing it until it may be too late.
I had a housemate who was just like what is discussed in this video. I met her when I went back to college to study for my Diploma.
One test she used was to obtain agreements to small favours (from myself and others) "accidentally forgetting" pertinent details that put a different complexion upon her request. Usually one would only discover the omission after the fact and after you have actually delivered upon your end of the agreement.
If the omission was discovered, she would get very garrulous, filling the air with awkward, vague, meandering apologies acting as if she was SO dreadfully embarrassed. The reality (i put together over time) was that she used these awkward apologies to gloss over any harm done, whilst wearing one out and blocking one from thinking the omission through so as to identify that but for the omission, you'd likely not have agreed to her request.
You would be much clearer if you gave example. A long comment using only technical/ abstract explanations is confusing without one.
I found that the best way to live a peaceful life is to shield yourself from all forms of potential manipulation - from flattery to insults to everything in between.
I'd like to add compaining that "nice guys/girls finish last". This usually comes out when the expected favor isn't returned, and the person in question is showing their true colors.
The warm welcome we've received is beyond our wildest dreams. You're the best!
1. Excessive Flattery - 0:41
2. Conditional Generosity - 1:12
3. Frequent Boundary Testing - 1:45
4. Overemphasis on Control - 2:24
5. Inconsistent Behavior - 3:05
Thanks for the time stamps!
@@Psych2go No problem!
Great video. The artwork, calm voice, and music give a positive mood for a potentially triggering subject.
When someone talks about other people in the family to me and elevates themselves, that is generally a red flag for me. I am guarded with what I say to them after that.
timestamps:
0:00 - Intro
0:40 - excessive flattery
1:44 - frequent boundary testing
2:22 - over emphasis on control
3:04 - inconsistent vehavior
4:17 - outro
Great video Psych2Go team!
Thank you for making it easy for everyone!
@@Psych2go you’re welcome!
I realized that with some of the warning signs that were presented in the video, i used to do some of those things back in the past, and I realized that it was completely bad for not only for myself, but for the people I’ve treated in the past. I’m just glad that I’m at least different than what I was now.
I watched this video to see if I had any red flags and I was pleasantly surprised I didn’t.
The last person I was in love with sadly, was a lot like this....
We stop talking to each other because of her own fault, but at the end, I hope it was for the best...
I still miss her a lot sadly :(
0:41 excessive flattery
1:11 conditional generosity
1:45 frequent boundary testing
2:23 over emphasis on control
3:05 inconsistent behavior
Thank you for the quick time stamps :D
@@Psych2go you’re welcome 😇🩷
Thanks for timestamps ⏲
@@yukio_saito you’re welcome 😇
I do excessive flattery but it's with good intentions :(( i just get really excited when someone dresses in styles i like, and i usually like to bring people up and try to make them feel more confident..
Is it bad?
I get hated a lot by people who don't know me well and they say i'm being fake-
I tried to be more quiet but once i'm with people i like i just get all happy and excited and i flatter them a lot. I just say everything positive that i'm thinking.
I also feel bad saying no to people tho, i'm not sure if this means i'm a people pleaser or if i'm asking for validation? Maybe without realizing i'm toxic? That scares me a lot
I...hope I am being genuine. I excessively compliment as an act of fawning, something I'm working on with my therapist. As for the last one, I am now very much overthinking everything as while I'll express things bothering me about a particular person, I still can't help but show them kindness while also being honest with them about things that bothering me, as I believe in communication first and foremost. But, now I'm feeling like a jerk. Blegh.
Still really love your channel, of course. Hope everybody is doing okay.
I do the same fawning and am now wondering if that comes off as disingenuous? 🤔
I used to hang out with a guy who did a lot of boundary testing and frequently reminded us of things he “did for us,” which were usually invitations that we accepted. He really flipped out on another friend when we were on the plane together for a trip. I was really uncomfortable then, and more so when he started “teasing” me about not letting me in the hotel room and suddenly being comfortable to say inappropriate words to us. I stood up for myself regardless, and it was ultimately a fun and memorable trip, but I stopped hanging out with him shortly after.
It sounds like you made a wise decision by distancing yourself from that person. It's essential to maintain healthy boundaries and surround yourself with individuals who respect and treat you well. Standing up for yourself was a brave and important step. Have you found more positive and supportive friends since then?
Huge red flag for a wolf in sheep's clothing: They have multiple friend groups that do not connect with one another. It is easier to manipulate and control a small crowd rather than a big group. As well, the wolf will make fun of friend groups with other friend groups. It makes the wolf feel superior that they can decide the flaws of others by using their other groups as echo chambers.
This is a good one! You've highlighted an important red flag to watch out for. People who maintain separate friend groups and use them to manipulate and control situations can be concerning. It's essential to be aware of such behavior and maintain healthy boundaries. Trust your instincts and ensure that your relationships are built on sincerity and trust. Have you encountered such a situation personally, or is there anything else you'd like to discuss regarding this?
Nice observation! I haven't thought about that one. I completely agree! May God bless everyones' future endeavors to maintain healthy relationships!
Yes I find people who do this type of thing often repeat the cycle with every group eventually. The group being bad mouthed often is blind sided by this behavior even if they participated in it often when defending the wolf in sheep's skin. They create echo chambers of their criticism that they, in the end, can't control. Instead of coming clean, they often abandon or vilify the other groups and start the process again.
I wouldn't say having multiple friend groups is bad, it's how you act about them or treat the other people. Like if someone does everything in their power to keep them from meeting then that's an issue, a major issue, or puts one down in favor of the other for no reason. People will make more friends as life goes on, and they'll become included in many different circles and sometimes, these circles just never intercept each other
TY for sharing this. I had an ex friend who fell into all the categories you mentioned here. Sadly, she was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
So, what ended up happening?
@@Psych2go I broke off my friendship with her & stay away from her now. I needed to do that for my own personal healing.
Wow, that must've been a tough decision. But sometimes, it's necessary to cut off people in order to save yourself. How has your mental health been since then?
@Psych2go My mental health has improved. It's like the old song 🎵 says, some are in your life for a reason, others only a season
I was raised in a hateful family, and I had to get away from them, I do a lot of these things without even realizing it but I don't have any ulterior motives, I just like being nice to people... It feels better than being mean.
Thank you for sharing! If you engage in these actions without any hidden agendas, what truly drives your actions?
Being genuine is hard but it’s the key to a happier life, trust me
Plus, people tend to trust/like you more
Because communication is essential in any sort of relationship!
This channel is awesome!! Especially this video..one thing i would like to add is...fake friends only talk to you if they need something. Otherwise with other people they may or may not have fun..but they just USE you.
So remember: a friend in need isnt always a friend indeed. Beware and take care ❤
i take the fact that this was the only notification i got as a sign
People will tell us who they are, we just have to listen carefully and believe them. ❤
Sometimes explaining this not really solve the problem. Just excessive a whole new sensation. We know people trying to be nice because they want something, it's supply and demand. The important thing is as long as they don't make you feel bad/ emotionally unstable, it's okay to get along with them.
I wondered why nice people were so hated bc in this harsh world kindness, being supportive, trying not to be jugemental, elevate others is precious. Those people in the videos aren't fake nice. In my book they are just manipulative. To me being nice became being strong and somewhat selfless but I learned how to stay clear of people who might take advantage of it. Lastly I learned how to be kind to myself and protect my own boundaries. I'm still learning. So people confuse kindness and manipulation help. I'm grateful for the genuinely kind people. You're my inspiration
Timestamps
1). Excessive flattery 0:40
2). Conditional generosity 1:11
3). Frequent boundary testing 1:44
4). Over emphasis on control 2:22
5). Inconsistent behaviour 3:03
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
This cuts me deep. Im always gallant with my friends. I moved to a new place, and after a while of not having a social life, when I met new people and became their friend, I was so happy and I constantly treated them with kindness and gallantry, only to be put in a box, saying that Ive ulterior motives. :/😢
Another thing I noticed is "nice" people don't have much patience for accidents. The quickest way to tell if someone is genuinely nice (in my experience) is seeing how they act when you make a honest mistake alone with them
yeah growing up i was always blown up on like a grenade when i spilled or dropped something. now i just avoid holding anything around those people
That's a great observation. How someone reacts to your mistakes can reveal a lot about their true character. Genuine kindness often includes patience, understanding, and the willingness to forgive honest slip-ups. It's a valuable way to gauge someone's authenticity and their approach to relationships. Have you had a memorable experience where someone's reaction to your mistake showed their true colors, for better or worse?
Nobody is just nice; we are all a mixed bag. I don't think it's Bad Intentions, it's generally caused by a lack of self-esteem, self-respect, lack of confidence, shyness, and lack of social skills. Above all, niceness it's just a strategy we all use to get people to like us and get what we want from them. I prefer niceness even if it's not genuine over “jerks”, cruel, or mean and difficult people.
No one is purely altruistic, no act of sharing, helping, or sacrificing can be truly altruistic, as the actor receives an intrinsic reward in the form of personal gratification.
Well said. I think our personality is a spectrum and, therefore, cannot be defined with black and white words.
Well said! The video, while well intentioned, left out too much the grey areas that you have pointed out. 👍👍👍
I disagree, being self-serving through lies at the expense of others is anti-social behavior. Many people don't pretend to get "people to like us and get us what we want from them" and are genuinely kind, compassionate, and empathetic.
If you're pretending to get what you want out of others that's just manipulation. It may stem from "self-esteem, confidence, etc" but that just shows you need mental health and emotional healing. The other person involved in dynamics with such people is deceived and at a loss. They would have made different decisions if the other party was honest, that's why the manipulator lies.
Thank you. Came to the comment section to say something similar, as it seems most here think things are completely black and white lol
@@judykhalamwa9418 Stop pretending like you treat everyone the same. That's why it's conditional.
Something I found interesting while watching this, although these are all very valid signs of somebody who can be toxic and negatively effect your life I think the context that they are most likely that way because of things they’ve experienced in their life and demons they’re going through adds a level of empathy that I personally feel like we could do with more of. I’m sure there are genuinely just awful people out there but more often than not people are suffering their own challenges and unfortunately affecting others negatively in the process. I think although this video doesn’t really villainize or put down people suffering from these challenges it doesn’t go out of its way to add context either. These people deserve empathy just as much as anyone even and I think channeled in the right way you can not only help those being affected by these behaviors but those carrying them out as well
There's a time for empathy but there's a time to hold people accountable for their actions especially if it's causing harm to others. Showing empathy to people in the wrong only enables their behaviour further. What you feel is a loving act, is a disservice for them to learn from the consequences of their actions.
Been seeing the decline in content quality for a couple months now hope everything is ok.
This was basically like “nice people dont exist, have people guess your boundaries, be skeptical if anyone seems genuine” like dude ive been in therapy long enough now to know: this is a great way to keep way too much of the anxiety im trying to get rid of lol
I kinda feel I am like last one... Except on the spreading rumors thing, I Don't really want to do a lot of drama or make others think someone is bad as person.
Wasn't expecting a male narrator tbh, but he still captures that calm vibe! Great video!
Thank you for acknowledging Brandon's hard work on this video! :)
Literally people on the internet these days.
Sounds like my first ever my childhood 'friend',except the flattery part is pretty much gone
everyone loved her and she was deemed the most polite person in class when she actually talked crap about me behind my back and told other kids to stay away from me
There's a big difference between nice and good, I'm glad you're making videos about this fact.
-Tucker
There's another sign I've noticed: you have an unexpected crummy feeling after interacting with them, like you've done something wrong. Especially if that feeling happens regularly with just that one person.
Like the feeling of "this person is so nice, I need to be better so they're not disappointed in me" but the evil version of that.
People are not hundred percent nice nor bad but recognizing these signs may help one decipher the former’s true intentions.
Tysm for informing us about this, its hard seeing people as who they truly are
We hope this video helped. Have you ever encountered people like this?
@@Psych2go sadly saw this video a bit late, now rumors are going around calling me a bad person, all because i trusted a “nice” person
In my experience, the wolf in sheep’s clothing often seeks to isolate a person by seeming to be the “only one who truly understands and appreciates that person” and downgrades other people.
I can almost always spot a fake nice person now. But in the past I failed with people who would try to be childlike like I am, when that is not their own personality. So beware of people who seem to have your same unique traits when they are with you.
3:07 I once met someone who was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Behind my back, they would often pretend to be concerned about me because I was not “talking to them” after going through a hard time. But the truth is, this person never made themselves available to me when I was at my lowest.
What’s really sad about this is the fact my grandmother on my father’s side does all these things 😕 I had to cut her out of my life and had to call my local police on her multiple times
Conditional generosity with life experience is called "self-preservation". You must also set limits on your willingness to help, otherwise you will naturally surround yourself with freeloaders. This is the "Tic for tat" concept.
I feel like tjis is me, im always trying to be a good person and friend but somehow i always end up messing up i always end up not being able to express how i feel without being rude i am unable to give people space because im too clingy and im always too scared people are gonna leave me or get bored of me and its goofy idk how to get out of this situation or how i can improve morr as a person because im always saying im gonna work on it yet i do it agaun and again im always hurting the people i care about and i dont mean that i dont wanna be like this yet idk how to stop being like this uts not my intention im very aware im being bad but i dont know how to improve and just not do this anymore
My classroom is full of these kind of people. I had problems with them before but now I get well with them. Still, I'm very aware of the kind of people they are, so I always have a boundary with them yet I still act cordial and respectful.
its important to note that the vast majority of people are genuinely being nice. dont be paranoid that everyone who is being nice has secret bad intentions.
OMG IS THIS A NEW SECOND FAV ARTSTYLE?!
Love the voice, btw!
Finding this channel has made me see and identify things in different light.
We hope this video helped! Do you know anyone who exhibits these signs?
@@Psych2go my university mates and toxic Roomate.
BRANDON VOICEOVER OMGGGG
His voice is so so calming 😌🥺
We’re taught to be helpful. Like treat people the way you would want to be treated. It only seems fair for the other to do the same or nothing is aligned . It’s like a one sided relationship
I think I've got a few coworkers like this... it's the extreme lying that makes me unable to trust them no matter what they say.
Thanks for this for this now I can be free from the strings "NO MORE STRINGS ON ME! NOW I WILL BE FREE!!"
Plz do 5 signs it's time to let someone go (online friend)
I think worst part of all of these...
is I bad at noticing these signs or even read someone mood
Best way to handle compliment or comment on what ‘a good guy’ you are is to say ‘thank you, I think it’s important to treat people well & do the right thing’. Acknowledge & qualify it
I will not stand for this Lucario slander. /hj
Anyway, this is a very informative video that a lot of people should see. I've dealt with one or more people who fit everything mentioned in this video to a T (and even caught at least one of them talking behind my back). Identifying the red flags from these people can be difficult since they generally have you looking at them through rose-tinted glasses, which further helps them conceal their actual motives to control everyone around them. Now, I don't even speak to those people anymore.
One of these signs is very prominent to the person I've cut my connection with, that is, testing my boundary.
I've been reestablishing my limits repeatedly and this person kept on overstepping them, when they got called out they act as if taking accountability, gaining people's sympathy.
And since I'm a quiet person and spend my time conserving energy, not to mention I have RBF which makes people perceive me as cold, I get antagonized by this person.
I had addressed it directly to the person that I'm cutting ties, exactly because I knew their manipulation tactics.
There are LOADS of people like this online, especially in streaming communities.
My dog got hit by a car the vet told that if his not healed in 3 month i would need to euthenize him, evry night i hear his scream and i fell his misery i can’t stand it, i have no body to talk to i don’t know what to do and i’m currently on a depression that started around 6 month ago
Thank you, I just realised that one of my "friends" are using me and have been for several years it was concerning he would get me to buy stuff make him more popular forcing others to like him and malting me get him into a relationship with someone that hated him
Thanks for the subtitles! I always put them on, but they dont fit the screen quite right, unlike these ones. ❤
Thank you for the feedback! Do you like them being permanently on the screen? Is the font style, size ok for you? This is the new style that I'm testing out. - Cindy
@Psych2go I quite like the subtitles used for this video! They make viewing with subtitles a lot easier.
If you’re someone who finds yourself containing a lot of the attributes described in this video, what tips do you have to train yourself to be a better, nicer person?
Don't hide your intentions, I guess
Understand that that you should only be nice if you genuinely want to be. Not to make people like you or to get something in return.
Be direct with your intentions and honest with your opinions. And say why you believe what you believe.
The more powerful option is to never divulge any of that. Sure be altruistic, but never show your hand. You can be benevolent and powerful.
The fact that you're self-aware about it is a huge step already :) After all, it's all about self-awareness. Take a step back and reflect on your actions and intentions. Try to understand where you might be falling short and make a conscious effort to be more empathetic, patient, and a better listener. We all make mistakes, but the key is to learn from them and keep growing. What's one small change you think you can start with?
This has been an eye opening thread for me! I'm glad everyone offered valuable input. Three's a lot to think about...
They say I'm way too good for my own good. However that definitely isn't the case. We all have our own imperfections. We f*ck up, we say sorry, and the whole process starts again.
I wish I had these skills a few months ago. Been used and abused by "friends," work staff/bosses, and relatives. The moment I became worthless, I was cast into the garbage. My own dad thought I was a disgrace and insulted me behind my back. I found all of this out super recently and my confidence died. I can't recover. I don't deserve to. I just deserve pain. All I can do is be someone's puppet. The moment I show weakness, I'll prove my enemies right and disappoint the few people I have left. I am beyond worthless.
Feel u, buddy. Kind of in the same situation :’)
U mentioned all goodness of a person what differs is the intentions only, the world needs such,but with good intentions.
It's sad to see that there's now a need to spread awareness on the fact that not everyone is genuinely nice and can have bad intentions
It really shows how far we've gone down in therme of society. Now people need to be careful with nice people.
Make a small "mistake" ..pay close attention to the reaction they have
I have a friend who was incredibly nice too me- But I later found I've been lied to this whole time..talked too behind my back, and started things that almost broke me and my best friend who I've had for four years.. apart.. They said they liked having attention and when they were trying to apologize, but only made it mostly about Them. They would blame me for, making everything about me, when most of the time I was the one who sat their listening.. they still have done more good than bad.. and I soon realized how she was treating me through these videos, I had always had the feeling when my four year friend and my new one had started talking bad things about me behind their backs.. I could feel it happening.. Once me and the four year friend told our sides to the story we found out that the new friend wasn't as good as they wanted to seem.. were cool now and they had made up for it but it still bothers me
what makes these signs so bad, sounds like a whole lot of nothing
My younger sister always does things for me just so she gets a favor from me in return. She always tries to guilt-trip me but I just decline doing the favor, I just brush it off with a simple “no thank you, I have things I need to get done.” When I stay calm like this it annoys her so much. Pro tip for others in this situation. God, it took me forever to type this.
Just because people mess up sometimes with what they do and say cause it's not normal doesn't always mean they have bad intentions btw.
Ok, takes notes on being Not a villian.
Ok I got it.
Soon We'll be Number One!
🎼
This is a good video reminder to never leave the house.
i am naturally kind and pretty caring towards people who are in my life, including classmates, groupmates, etc
yet most people find it suspicious, some even saying "you're too kind" with some slight disgust in their tone, using that judgement as a fair enough reason to not interact with me much
this saddens me majorly, i really want to make friends in new environment, while others keep seeing someone fake in me, as if i oppose real threat to them and want to use them while i only want to be friends with them :"(
I prolly don’t need to to be besties with her anymore😭😭 welp
Dear genuine nice person,
Yes this video felt like an attack to you because people will used this video to exploit you in a way that's pure evil.
Stay away from them and people who don't trust actually nice people.
Sincerely,
An actually nice person
Thank you for the encouragement!
I tend to step on peoples toes because I can be socially blind when it comes to unspoken boundaries no one tells me about. So i get called "too much of a nice guy"
So I use the word kind for myself if I need to describe what kinda person I am. Because being kind to people is a choice.
I've had to deal with quite a few people with #1 and #3 in my career - and it was quite difficult to prove such when leadership would defend them and accuse me of being "the only person" to take issue with the person in question
This sounds so familiar, I have too many stories of these passive aggressive people and many are relatives
I'm wondering if my crush at work is trying to make me jealous with a much younger colleague. I feel she is expediting this too.. Oh I give up and presuming these are narcs 😕
the fact that this reads like a checklist of my ex's behaviours is a bit funny because she also refuses to answer when i ask her how i was supposedly manipulative towards her
I just love your voice.❤
I needed this for my sanity. Thank you...
I know someone exactly like that and others who meet most of those signs. Another trait is that such people can be draining. If you have an encounter you leave feeling a little hurt, or like they sucked you empty, or like something isn't quite right. Also the feeling that you have to constantly watch your back, they want to catch you off guard. Like narcissists, they make you hyper alert to their every move and they are very observant of yours in case there is something they can use to manipulate you. This manipulation is sometimes simply about power. They don't necessarily have other motive but that of feeling in control or making others feel bad. I don't really understand it. Another sign is that they hoard personal information to more easily be able to control you/manipulate you, and oftentimes say or ask you questions, whether apologetically or not, that are too personal, make you vulnerable, or make you wonder why they'd want to know that. They always want to know more, but not for sincere reasons. Another thing I've noticed is that such people have strong changes of facial expressions, the change between happy to angry face can be sudden, back and forth. Or their smile may not match the expression in their eyes. Another thing related to facial expression that I noticed is that you will feel something is out of sync because they don't react naturally to your emotional state but instead seem to want to keep in control. So that if you are happy and smiley they may meet you with a forced severe face for no apparent reason. If their stern expression impacts you and therefore next time you don't smile at them, they either smile more or are annoyed that you ignore them and show again stern expression. Another kind of "inconsistent behaviour", perhaps to maintain a kind of unpredictability that is useful. It is a mystery to me to what extent such people have bad intentions and how they came to be that way. They don't necessarily wish that you fall dead or break a leg (I sometimes wonder...) but they also don't like it if you're happy and independent and *free*. Oh yes, I also wonder if they do a lot of these things unconsciously-it's as if they had an automatic pilot- and whether they lie to themselves or to what extent they know they do these things.
I really like your voice Brandon
In the past i also was a person like this being a "fake nice friend " but i started to research about toxic friendships i IMMEDIATELY stopped doing these things. But now i have became a true nice friend and EVERYONE when I mean EVERYONE literally EVERYONE IS A " FAKE NICE FRIEND" to me JUST for popularity .like why???
yeah i just see all of these signs in legit every single person ive encountered over the last 5 years
I learned these things through Aesop's Fables and other class children's stories as a kid. The crow and the fox story comes to mind, where in wanting to get the food the crow has, the fox flatters the daylights out of the crow until it speaks and drops the food.
Yes, he tried to controll us all, so I just left this group behind to see how he was acting. Now, when I'm confident and out of that space he is trying to enter to my new social space.
Im mature I guess, so I will just be careful and conscious about his actions, i dont want to see everyone being hurted and manipulated without knowing why again.
He was "using". Boundary testing, Excessive flattery, overemphasis on control, and a lot of inconsistent behavior.
This is completely my Grandmother and Mother. I grew up dealing with this all the time and didn't really even realize that I couldn't stand overly nice people (even just the perky ones) until I saw Professor Umbridge in Harry Potter. My hackles just stood up immediately when she came on screen and it's was like my body wanted to either run away as fast as possible or punch her in the face. She made me realize what my Grandmother and Mother are and I learned from that that it really is a thing being too nice. I try really hard not to follow in their footsteps and actually be genuine because I don't want to be destructive like they (all 3 of them) are.