Hello you beauties. Access all episodes 10 hours earlier than UA-cam by Subscribing on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - apple.co/2MNqIgw. Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 Intro 00:30 Is Maternal Instinct a Myth? 09:55 The Demonisation of Motherhood 17:05 Why Do We Have Testosterone? 24:47 Men’s Natural Instinct to Objectify 32:24 How Women Can Understand the Male Sex Drive 37:27 Orgasm Differences Between Genders 46:36 Is Sex a Spectrum? 56:28 Differences in Arousal Between Genders 1:07:59 Why Hand Grip Strength is Important 1:13:13 Where to Find Carole
That's study on female sexual arousal which they can measure actually showed that women are turned on by all forms of sex even animals copulating. It also showed that women had no idea what actually turned them on. Great guest too.
The left has laid claim to being the owners of scientific truth so long they are willing to poison science to maintain that authority. This is now evident in biology, medicine, virology/epidemiology. It's long been the case that sociology was cargo-cult science, delivering nonsensical blank slate theories.
We already have a model for this. Civil Rights for the religious. We all get that we can protect believers without being required to assent to beliefs or to give beliefs without evidence special access to policy. Wherever we draw that line for Baptists, we can also draw it for gender dysphorics. Sincerely held, important to one's identity, but false and without evidence. We can protect the civil rights of such believers and even not be assholes about their beliefs while also insisting on science when it absolutely matters.
@@fiveleavesleft6521 Interestingly I'd you check out different channels, men are pointing out that it's difficult in finding women who want to have relationships and marriage .
As I got older it became apparant to me the difference between a mothers instinct vs a Fathers, I'm very close with both my parents but whilst livning away it is my mum who rings me most often telling me how she misses me, my dad on the other hand we'll exchange a text making sure we are both alive haha. My parents are not together anymore. My relationship with my dad developed more into a good friendship as I became a man, but with my mum I'm still her "baby boy" always and forever, her words. Trying to discredit a mothers instinct is beyond me, carrying your child and then giving birth alone creates a different bond right from the get go.
Vaginal birth does as well. They don't tell you that babies born through C section have bonding issues with mother as a direct result of that. But that is the truth of it.
@Fenwick go look it up before you or someone you love does it. Be more informed, it is because of the oxytocin pathway and bacteria on the vaginal walls. Don't take my word when hundreds of experts have had plenty to say about it
@@loganblackwood2922 Interesting point about what might motivate a woman to believe that maternal instinct is a result of the patriarchy. Chris raised a similar point when wondering if the woman who wrote the article had children of her own.
@@elinope4745 Could you post any evidence to support this claim? Lots of mothers have C-sections without any bonding issues. It's a procedure that has saved the life of many, many mothers and children. Don't disparage it without backing it up with facts.
I remember someone trying to tell me that fathers can develop the same maternal connection with their child that a mother can. I beg to differ, not only makes no logic sense whatsoever, you couldn't possibly produce an example. It's not to say that fathers don't love their children, but there's a reason they can get up and leave easier than women, and it's not due social stigma, it's because it kills every inch of their body and mind forever.
@@onionfarmer3044 yeah, like Destiny, but with this for this theme he needs Rollo Tomassi if actually wants a proper breakdown.......I know he won't, but if he wanted to do the topic justice...
@@cantbendknee first - he gained some real world experience(he's far from unique in this, just that it is a foundation) secondly - he was a moderator on some of the early pick-up communities(sosuave being the only one comming to mind right now) third - he has written and published 5 books on the topic, at least one of which is regularly utilized(though dissappointingly often unaccredited) In agreggate he's got 'round 20-30 years of study into the field of intersexual dynamics, both in the field and academically. So he can certainly speak with authority on the subject, yes he is more than familiar with the work of dr. D. Buss, R. Henderson, etc. -he uses their work frequently, much of what he adds to the discourse is angles and observations that TENURED PROFFESSORS are now to afraid to admit openly. unfortunately we all know he's not gonna be invited to come on here...
the actors ability to be geek and chad hints at selection pressure for IQ. Maybe we always play IQ selecting mating games we just need to pick a better one
Ironic watching/reading this after the recent Harvard scandal. This comment about her and common sense, integrity, etc at an institution like that is more important than ever before.
Carole becoming emotional at the end over the type of world she wants her son to grow up in really just touched my heart. I loved watching her interview, she seems like such a fun person with a beautifully big heart
When she was describing being on testosterone, i just kept thinking “yeah, thats what it’s like.” The part about “a woman’s body was food and i’m starving” hit home.
I'm female, but hearing the male perspective is fascinating to me. I'm basing it simply on my personal experience not being impaired by hormonal birth control, the female sex drive isn't weak or infrequent either, but it's much more 'I need the affection and the attention of my partner, oh, the physical pleasure is nice as well.'
@@givmi_more_w9251I'm a guy and fascinated by the female perspective and that's super interesting and the Impression I've gotten although seems like some next level females can be pretty insatiable
She's an amazing woman. And I've noticed, not just on this pod, but the people who speak on these issues tend to get emotional whenever boys/men issues are brought up.
Blurring the screen at the end was the type of kindness most of humanity sadly has little use for. If I see a day when I don't have to live on wheat corn and rice, I will absolutely donate something to support your show. You probably won't see or read this, but I would never let that stop me from writing it.
I really enjoy how you take on "controvertial" topics of today and debunk the shallow, social media nonsense and form it into deeper knowledge of the topic. Really great work. As a medical student and someone who loves evolutionary biology this is really entertaining.
This is so fascinating! I've never been a feminist, but I've learned so much and really empathize with men so much more after listening. I'm only about halfway through, but wow, this is a good one! I feel like men and women in general misunderstand each other and talks like these are helpful in understanding the opposite sex.
I would argue that men understand women WAY more than women understand men. A lion knows more about gazelles than gazelles know about lions. All a gazelle knows about a lion is to run when in its presence. A lion however knows EVERYTHING about gazelles or they will go hungry. A lion knows where the gazelles like to eat, sleep, drink water. A lion knows a gazelle will run if spotted. Men are the ones who iniates relationship. They "hunt" women; men are mainly the ones to ask the other sex out and he's the one that proposes marriage. They must know how women move, what they like, what they do in order to get sexual access. Sex is abundant these days so I would argue that men are successful on the "hunt" and that men do indeed understand women. If sex was rare for everyone, I would argue that men aren't successful pursuers. A woman just has to look pretty and be available in order to get sexual access. Why would they try to understand men when they don't necessarily have to in order to get laid? So they sleep around thinking they're winning, however, they're not able to get longer-term commitment from a man. Women need understand men though imho in order to properly lock down a man for marriage. This is why men aren't proposing as much anymore; women don't understand what men want and actually vilify men for their wants and desires. So men hit it and run without any commitment.
@@kmc1872 Women are experts at disqualifying, sure. However, that doesn't mean they know more of what men want nor does that mean they adhere to what men want or give it to them. Just like how prey doesn't know what going through the mind of the hunter, women really don't understand men. Also when I was talking about the hunter and the prey, it was a comparison. I didn't say males were better hunters across all species. But yes, is way more difficult to pull off a solid attack than a solid defence. This is why there generally more prey than predators. Men are on the offense in the dating market, that was my point. You brought up orcas. Regardless of sex, orcas are the hunters, the apex predator. Do you think it's easier for orcas to catch their prey or do you think their prey has an easier time getting away? I would argue that the prey, shrimp and krill, have a very easy time. I doubt they even think about orcas or what they want. I bet when an orca passes through a school of prey, more prey get away than the orca eats by far. The orca has to go to where the prey is at, at the time that the prey is there. The orca has to know how the prey is gonna move. It has to spend the time eating. Or it will die. The prey just has to move once the orca gets there. Most of orcas prey probably never even see an orca. This is why Hitler's Blitzkrieg was stunning. This is why Alexander the Great's conquest was impressive. Gengis Khan will go down in history forever for a reason. I'd much rather try and hold a castle than take a castle. Most casteles have only been taken a handle of times and spend most of history in peace due to being safe. Defending is easier than attacking 99.99% of the time. It's only in RARE occasions like in the movie 300, when defending is almost impossible, that defending isn't easier. The battle of Troy is a rare occasion. There a many ways to skin a cat, but there aren't that many crafty ways to take a castle or land a woman forever. Like it's almost impossible to defend against a nuke. I bet basketball rules favors aggressors. So for rare cases like that, yes, I'd rather attack than defend. But men don't have that much more capabilities over women like orcas have over their prey either. The "dating rules" don't benefit men like basketball rules benefit the aggressor. It's more difficult to hit a homerun in baseball or get a score than it is to get an out. In hockey, its way easier for a team to block a shot rather than make a shot; same with soccer. This is why the scores are relatively low. Same with football. It's way easier for a woman to disqualify men than it is for men to try and get score with women. Let me ask you this. Why has over 80% of the female population just about always repopulated where as only 40% of men get to? It's because it's much easier for women to attract than it is for men to pursue. Not because women know what men want more than men know what women want. These are two separate things.
@@kmc1872 My entire original argument is that men understand women more than women understand men. You seem to have the argument that women understand men more than men understand women. Correct me if I'm wrong. We agreed to compare men to the predators/aggressors and women as the prey/defenders in this game. I would say that most defenders(in most games and in war historically)/prey/women have the advantage against the men/aggressors/predator. This shows. The defender/women/prey aren't tactful so to speak though. They have the advantage. This is why when the aggressor/man/predator must understand the situation and his opponent in order to succeed. It's a must actually. Women know that men like youth, beauty, and reproductive capabilities in their mate. Men know that women like older, richer, fitter men. But he also knows where to go to find women. Not any women, but the women he likes and doesn't like. He must know when to go there. He has to be able to get there. Once there, he must play his cards right. He has to know how to initiate the relationship. He has to know when to push and pull, tease but reassure. He must be nice, but not too nice. He has to he mean but not too mean. He has to be all these things and know how to do all these. Where as the woman just has to live her life and endless amounts of wonderful men walk into her life, down to fuck. She spends her time disqualifying them. She doesn't have to know men in order to succeed. Any guy she wants for the night. She gets it without fully understanding that man imho, relieving validation and assurance that she's doing the right thing. All of this game so far is to initially get sex. Just like how the objective of a predator is to kill its prey. Just like how an army laying siege to a castle is to achieve the goal of capturing the city. Just like how in any sport, someone wins and the game is over. Now what though when it comes to the dating scene? Marriage is what's next. This is when we lose these comparisons. This is where it shows how little women understand men. We see many women not able to lock men down. The ball is now im the men's court. Women might be the gatekeepers of sex. But, men are the gatekeepers of marriage, being the one who proposes. Marraige rates are down. Women are going years without her bf proposes to her. Divorce rates are up. It's more of an interest for the women to retain a marriage, yet she's the one that mostly leaves. Biologically speaking, women should be doing everything they can to get/maintain marriages. There are many reasons for this. In the year 2022, since women can't make this happen, I would argue that women don't understand men. Men are still out here hitting it, getting their sexual needs met. Hell, a man today that jerks off to porn is more satisfied than a woman without a husband or kids. Or a divorced woman with kids in her 40's. Women are loosing here. A man doesn't need a women. A women needs a man. She needs him to do the heavy lifting in this world that is mainly fit for people bigger than her. She needs him to protect her in this dangerous world. She needs him emotionally to be a balanced women. A man can live his life alone and get by. He can knock a woman up, getting kids and ditch his wife while continue to mate with younger women. He'll probably die young working some dangerous job anyway. Woman who gets knocked up without a man is screwed. Marraige mainly benifits women. How do women get marriage? By fully understanding what men want and need; just like how men get sex from women. Since this isn't happening and men are still sexually satisfied, I argue that women most women don't understand men. I'd even argue, that women 200 years ago understood men WAY more than they do today. They like, lost that knowledge or something imho.
@@kmc1872 ****Sidenotes***** There are more prey than predators for two reasons. Most predators are carnivores and most prey are herbivores. When you don't have to fight for your meal, you reproduce more. However, your more defensiveness and preyed upon. This is life 🙏 Men ponder what women want because they're the pursuers; its not because women are the mystical unicorns. I'd also argue that just about all women are the same. The aggressors always try to outsmart the defenders. They're always looking for a week point. It's not because they have zero knowledge about their opponents. I'm not denying that men say this. I think women naively blind themselves to what men want, in the name of feminism. What men want is traditional relationship. We don't like these egalitarian or equitable relationships. We want mothers as wives, not 304's that belong to the streets. We want virgins, not a mother of three kids. Most men say nothing, because they know the women they're with isn't marriage material. Why should he tell a thot what he actually wants? It's now his friends turn to hit it. I also think the only reason why women are allowed to live this lifestyle is because of modern medicine; birth control and abortions. Without abortions, the black population would be well over 25% of the population. Yet they're only at 13% rn. That's why men haven't reproduced as much. They have 0 reproductive rights. A woman can have sex and choose to reproduce or not. A man cannot do this. Like I said, women are the gatekeepers of sex due to our laws, otherwise the man is a rapist. This is also why men have less sex than women on average. And why most men don't get laid. It's a different game than marriage.
@@kmc1872You comparing women giving signals to men having to take leadership is laughable. Stop it. A fat ugly chick can walk into any bar and announce that she wants sex and some guy will have sex with her. You mentioned all the things women have to do in a marraige, yet women don't do those things, and they can't keep men. They can sleep with men without doing those things. But they're not gonna keep him for 60 years unless she does those things. And what do we see? Most women not doing those things. There is an entire feminist agenda against doing what men want, solely because men want it. This lady talked about it in this podcast. I think platonic relationships between men and women are damn near impossible to achieve. Mainly because if the man were asked, he'd have sex with just about any female that isn't family. The only reason why some men are "friends" with women is because he either thinks of her like family or because he thinks that by being her "friend" he'll get sex later. Men do not need women more for survival 🙄 This is probably the least factual thing you've said so far. You take a woman and throw her in a jungle alone, she'll likely die. If you take a man and throw him in a jungle alone, he has a way higher chance of survival. They did this in the show survivor. They used to have a men's group and a women's group. The men would have clean water, shelter, and food. The women had to quite or they would've died. Men find many bonds in life, mainly in brotherhood. Whether they're working in a field, in a mine, on the battlefield, or hunting, we've always had emotional bonds of brotherhood that women could only hope to achieve. Together, we have built cities. Together, we have destroyed cities. Together, we have thrusted our will on this world as men. Women will never understand this. Just like men will never understand how natural a women feels around children. Why are women choosing what they're choosing? Cuz western women are thots, they belong to the streets. They would rather sleep around than build a nuclear family. They would rather have careers than kids. This is why men don't want them. Its clear what they want; to be independent of men. Most women are literally incapable of keeping a family together. I take none of the dating app stats with a grain of salt. That shit is the truest set of data then we've ever been able to collect throughout all of history. Along with current advertising stats, other social media sites, any stat on the internet. The porn industry is huge and I don't take that with a grain of salt. Sex sells. Women are the same. They all want kids. Those who say they don't are lieing or are an anomoly; like lesbians and transgender. They all sit down while they pee. They all prefer being with one man over having many. They want a man who is stronger, taller, and makes more money. Ask any guy. He likes tall women, short women. Girls with titts and no ass. Girls with all ass and no titts. We may like blondes most but we also like brunettes and redheads. We like women with curly hair and straight hair. We like variety, making us not the same. Women lie because its politically correct to do so. They're hive minded with an egalitarian point of view. They lie because they've made decisions in the past that they know disqualify them from being suitable mothers and wives. They lie because they aren't held accountable for their actions. This is why women "choose" to initiate 80%-90% of divorces. This is why they "choose" to be independent. This is why 50% of women turning 40 in 2030 will "choose" to never have kids. When in reality, men aren't choosing to give these thots his last name. These men aren't choosing these women to be mothers of his kids. They're choosing to pump and dump instead. And the women being pumped and dumped, are validated and think they're doing the right thing because all they think men want is sex.
Chris, you are probably the best interviewer of any podcast. Not only do you ask salient and probing questions you also allow the guests to talk at length. Even Joe Rogen has trouble with interrupting! She was so enlightening! Keep it up!!
I appreciate her fears and tears, didn’t mean it to rhyme, but this is clearly meaningful to her and would be such a benefit to us as her readers. We want our sons and daughters to grow with good character, and we see men need understanding and encouragement now more than ever. May she, and many other experts, pioneer better futures for our men.
She helped me write a two-part series on Men's Mental Health last year. I sourced some of her research in it. She touched on some of the things I covered in my articles. Her intelligence and sincerity are remarkable.
Not only does it hurt when you are a few hours away from your baby but you can get terrible infections in your breasts! I’ve gotten them. It’s very vulnerable. There is NO WAY a human babies and children could survive without a huge dose of maternal instinct . Because it’s just so hard and relentless!
This woman is amazing. We can feel her maternal energy and it's soothing. Great interview and keep up the good work. Make sure to notify us if that book get published!
Wholesome. This lady is trying to do good. Love the ‘I think but I’m not sure’ answers. That end part had me, someone who doesn’t often cry, welling up.
The NY Times article was pure genius. I would like to thank the author for driving yet another mail in the coffin of both the Times and this truly comical belief that we are all just empty vessels waiting to be filled with clap trap like this.
@@jonashellsborn7648 that middle & upper class are more likely to marry (into the patriarchal marriage system) than lower/working class. So, the more intelligent &/or priveleged, the more likely to marry into this "awful" system. It makes no sense
Great interview but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE how kind Chris was to this woman and brought out something in her to fight for at the end of the interview. It was a great exchange…❤❤❤
As a Mother of two teenage boys, I would love to read this book! It's fantastic to see passion about this subject coming from someone who is a Mum and also has all of the knowledge and evidence to do so! Write the book!
Im so impressed by her ability to be intelligent and technical about her findings and doing it in quite an impressive manner then the next she can flip to being extremely human and vulnerable, emotional, crying a little and high in openess that shows how comfortable she is with herself then on a turn of a hat go into being technical and to the point again, very impressive. To the point and technical mixed with play.
I came to express the same feeling about Carole’s openness and humility, thanks for doing so in a much better way than I could have. Wonderful, insightful discussion, I loved it.
@@zaraahmedov3456 There is no way to attribute in such general terms this behaviour, with such certainty, to being "an educated an feminine woman." I have witnessed just as many educated and feminine women with poor emotional self-regulation, lacking in the ability of introspection, empathy and communicative agreeableness - as in women I've met who are not as educated and/or less feminine. There is always a dispersion of psychological traits and behaviours across a wide spectrum, regardless of education, sex, race, ethnicity etc. Dr. Hooven is one example of how an 'educated and feminine woman' can be. But there are studies that also point out the correlation between high intelligence and quite different, opposing traits to those she displays. Let's treat her, and applaud her, for the individual she is.
Mate, I love the depth to which you're getting into these topics. 18 years ago we were both living it up on the piss in Newcastle. it seems you got into this stuff via just an insatiable curiosity to "know shit better" and get the data on it. I got into this stuff via a couple of degrees in biology and a frustration that we were denying everything we knew about that subject in order to make certain topics easier to think about. Of course, that just makes shit worse. Keep up the great work, man. What you do is valuable and more people need to see it. Hopefully your BBC write-up pushes your way of thinking more into the mainstream consciousness.
Fantastic interview again, this needs to be heard and championed. Brilliant Guest who is genuinely absorbed in the subject. The emotion she showed is proof of her belief and very endearing. 👏
Y'all took the words right out of my soul! Fabulous insights and conversation! The good Dr. Absolutely must write that book. Someone with her experience and expertise needs to help level the playing field on this entire subject at this particular time. In spite of all our sophistication, we continue to be a very superstitious society. Thank you both very much for your passion and work and clarity.
Brilliant conversation between two highly intelligent non-politicized people. We all need much more content of this type. MSM ain’t gonna provide it. Great job on these podcasts.
40:25 I think a big reason for that is that men get angry instead of sad. It takes half a lifetime to learn about yourself as a man to get an understanding that you develop anger as a coping mechanism to deal with the inability of doing something about the situation. I think thats actually a good thing in a lot of cases since that anger functions as fuel to bring change if possible. I personally learned that trough loosing a loved one and therapy. In case of loosing someone no amount of anger or motivation can help you, there is nothing to change and in the end you are left with no other option than to move past the anger and confront the crushing sadness that lies underneath.
Wonderful and yes Carole please write the book. From one 56 year old Pediatric Nurse with 2 adult sons to another Brilliant Scientist. Thank you Chris for your interview and podcasts. I watch many. Cheerio lovely Humans
Wow what a great talk! Thanks for introducing me to her! I too want my son to be happy and proud to be a man when he grows up! It’s one of the big reasons we are going to homeschool, I don’t want any funny ideas implanted into my kid brain. I just want him to be happy. I can’t wait to read her books!! Thanks again!!
This was a great interview, she was such an excellent guest- insightful, endearing, and totally open to productive conversation instead of scoring points or something.
What a wonderful conversation. I searched for Dr. Hooven because I just listened to another of your pieces that referenced her and how she is being cancelled for her thoughts. I really dig that on topics that she has not mastered or thought about much, she ponders her answers and does not pretend that she is the oracle. This give me the confidence that I can believe the things that she says.
33.34 This part really spoke to me - her dream / description of male sex drive - she really hit the nail on the head for what it feels like. I'm a guy and I remember going through puberty and becoming insanely obsessed with girls - even girls I was not interested in in any other way, i.e. I didn't like them much, they were boring, we had nothing in common etc - and these obsessions would stop me from sleeping, enjoying any activity, getting on with my studies etc - absolutely hated puberty lol
Similar to Dr. Hooven's dream, I have periodic bouts of libido where you just have to rub one out otherwise the ability to concentrate and be productive are just not possible. From this I have always had an greater emphaty for men and tolerance than my other female friends to a point were some have thought of me as trans.
@@salmahernandez3142 Trans? Your female friends seem ignorant. Lots of girls and women experience a strong libido and physical need for sexual release. And yes, truly comprehending the obsession with sex that most boys and men experience should allow for at least a degree of understanding if not sympathy. Our culture teaches very poorly on these topics. I wish I had understood these drives better when I was in college fighting off the aggressive advances of male college students.
@@pamleonard7330 must clarify on my poor sentence. Hopefully there is not further misunderstanding. In prior response, the 'some' was in reference to general population of people I have interacted but do not consider as actual friends. Quite a bit of people are close minded or do not think more critically. Within this population there exist 'some' who have shortcut and labeled me as trans. By and by the most my actual friends have done is tease and wonder if my libido would be at a similar level comparatively or greater if I was a generic typical male. There has never been any type of labeling from my friends only acceptance.
I love what she said regarding the importance of understanding men’s natural biological drive. I’m a mother of two teen boys so I’d totally read her next book if it’s about male puberty & educating society on what happens to them hormonally. Society loves to focus on girls/women but we’re severely lacking in understanding boys/men & having empathy for the challenges they deal with.
Boom! Right outta the chute, this was one of the most informational podcasts. So clear, & eloquently communicated. Thank you, Dr. Carole for getting this info out there…and as always, Chris, great interview!
Post nut clarity is such a distinct stark contrast ubiquitously experienced by men. If women experienced it, they wouldn't even have to think about it whether they experience it or not. It's like coming out of a tunnel.
I’ve never experienced it I’m 32 never heard of another girl talking about it either. If anything we bond more thanks to the release of oxytocin. I’ve heard girls say they weren’t considering anything serious until then. It makes sense if there’s a chance of being pregnant just not logical always. Where men spread the seed then wonder if they even meant to plant it in those conditions 🙈
@@katiie7 its not only that. I never partook in one night stands, so I dont know how I would feel shortly after finishing with some random Woman, but for me post-nut clarity isnt about 'reconsidering' or thinking about other options. Its also, literally, a clarity of mind. The tons of built up energy and constant urge to have sex is suddenly gone, its like you feel asexual for 2 minutes, like you see the world without your horny glasses, unbiased and you for a moment realise how much of your daily thinking and behaving is affected by the idea of possible sex... And then you go back to normal
@@katiie7for men in committed loving relationships, the post nut clarity is mostly occupied by a feeling of bliss and intimacy. Just you realizing how much she means to you. For other instances of post nut clarity it's just intense meditation where you can see everything perfectly clear. Like "I don't actually love this person" or "im ashamed I've done this "
It is a shame that people don't believe us when we describe our struggle, and have to do massive research to have empathy into what men go through from the time our eyes open to when we go to sleep, as well as on occasion, while we sleep.
Oh my, didn't see such ending - it was really touching, would cry myself. Beside all emotions - Carol, you're set to start the book ;-) I'd love to read about this subject with that take!
Wow great podcast! Really enjoyed this. And I confirm what was discussed during the transman sections being one myself. Went from radical feminist to red pill after medical and social transition into manhood. Woke up from the fog of forced feminization so I relate to other men who have had their masculine identities and sexualities demonized. Thank you both for the discussion and Chris love the podcast it’s one of a few I tune into weekly. Take care.
I am a very feminine woman but I think I must have relatively high levels of testosterone for a female. I do understand what the male sex drive is like because I feel something similar, specially the days preceding ovulation. I get very drawn to visual cues of masculinity and the images get stuck in my brain and come back as flashbacks. On the other hand, being female, I still need a strong emotional connection with that male before I would feel comfortable acting out my sexual desire for him, no matter how strong it might be. Some days all I can do is think about sex with the man I am in love with and I can't focus on anything else. Very unproductive... I feel for the men who are shamed for the way they are biologically. I try to help the men in my life accept that this strong drive is normal and there is nothing shameful about it. What matters is that we integrate that in a healthy way and develop healthy sexual relationships with others as full human beings, not just sex objects. And I think this is where culture has a fundamental role, allowing men to evolve beyond just their basic instincts. Unfortunately, culture is going in the opposite direction, promoting everyone, men and women to just treat each other as sexual objects and I think this is a great tragedy of our times...
Sex drive in men has many components aside from testosterone. My free testosterone is higher than 98% of men. I am full of androgen but my sex drive is relatively low. Men need estrogen to promote aggressive behavior and induce sex drive. A man with very low estrogen will be quite passive and will likely not pursue women....even if they appear very masculine
@@pamleonard7330 They showed in one study that the enzyme aromatase that converts testosterone to estrogen promoted aggressive and territorial behavior in male mice. I used to suffer lower testosterone and i was far more irritable and aggressive at the time. I had a higher estrogen to testosterone ratio at the time. I find the abusive men are generally the most insecure with their masculinity. True masculinity does not have irritability or aggressive behavior attached to it. More like a calm sense of energy and confidence/assertiveness. Testosterone calmed me tf down. Just for reference, my levels increased from 221 to 950 in a span of 7 years. The reference range for males is 250 to 916 ng/dl.
We desperately need Carole to write the next book and help promote a societal shift. As a male psychologist, I’m so tired of the “toxic masculinity” BS and male bashing in general… Looking forward to her future contributions! Great discussion 😊
I would like to hear more about Carol’s take on Trans Women (or at least some clarification on her own studies). Carol’s focus here was primarily on Trans Men. I haven’t seen her other videos but with this one - Carole seemed a bit wishy washy on the subject of Gender Identity (when asked she pivoted right to gender orientation). I bring this up because as being a Trans Woman myself and having gone through many years of evaluation and testing with several medical professionals in the field…. What I learned does not necessarily correlate to her very brief assumptions I’ve heard from Carole here. As for the Testosterone sex/drive - yes - I can confirm this was something that I personally had to deal with when I was younger which made me feel incredibly disconnected with my own body. And since transitioning over a decade ago - I feel much happier with the HRT exposure I’ve experienced and how it has shaped who I am today 😊🌸
"Gravity well" is what I call the urge to look at the female form. Energy has to be spent to NOT look, and the more you gaze, the deeper down the well you go. It was great to see this reality getting addressed in the episode. In certain circumstances I become mentally strained to keep my head and eyes politely forward as the reward signals in the brain keep signaling to look. Going to the beach, urban center, or... god help me... a college campus, can be mentally exhausting if I am with my significant other. Sunglasses are a necessity as a kind of pressure valve.
She's great! I'd listen to that book. Chris, I so appreciate you being a gentleman, supportive, and encouraging there at the end. In my book that's very much part of being a good man.
This is the first time I have heard that about hand grip strength. I was labeled a 'tomboy' growing up in the 70's and 80's and beat everyone in the game 'mercy', which was a test of grip strength combined with pain tolerance and flexibility. I kicked all asses. I have had many sexual partners. I am female, and happily a sis woman. Have plenty of struggles with depression. I don't have loads of money, currently, though I am relatively successful 'for a female' in society's eyes. I just got excited. I love learning new things.
21:40 i think it was robert sapolsky who said that testosterone makes men do whatever thing that makes them have more status. Litterally he went on by "If you society values spirituality and calmness as a measure of status, then you'd probably have all high testosterone men meditating all day long instead of working like mad to own more money than the rest". Which is really cool and somewhat makes me think "wait, generally who among everyone in our society choses money as some of the best indicators of status? Who might value it in a way that results in high testosterone men putting themselves to work like mad?". Suddenly we (men) dont seem to have that much control over the "patriarchal" society we live in, but that's not interesting in any way because it makes women accountable for everybodys circumstances too (and i really mean that "too").
I think testosterone is only one of the ingredients that is involved with temperament. Some of the most bad ass men on the planet are the calmest dudes. But once they get in the ring, go to war, perform, lead, they have this monstrous aura. Men can recognize this with each other. It’s because they put so much hard work into their skill, they know what it takes. They see someone do that and respect it. I think flying off the handle is more genetic, also immaturity. Not to say people that fly off the handle are not needed. They’re the demolition guys in war, but that is not to say calm men can’t channel their dominance. It’s not the money that gives you the status. It’s the skill set you honed all your life to have the advantage of capital growth. It’s the Millionare mindset, not the million dollars. Impressive skills will be noticed by men and women. Testosterone may have a role, but there are so many other variables. The one percent are the ones that control the patriarchy.
@@kenyanicholas6809 not having much control over something does not mean having no control whatsoever. I thought quoting "i really mean that too" would clarify that we're all into this
@@marc5279 my guy, I read your statement as saying that women have power over men because men wanna fuck women and thus will just do whatever women demand in order to get pussy. If that is what you were going for then it’s absolutely laughable to think that male simping translates into any systemic power. First of all, you’re completely ignoring the fact that anything resembling free mate choice didn’t exist until 5 minutes ago in the west. Women had to care about her family’s opinion, economic stability, etc, rather than just following raw desires and personal preferences. Secondly, you’re taking a lot of agency away from men by acting as if wanting to fuck someone turns you into some helpless simp forced to serve their every whim lmao.
I might have written that NYT article when I was 20, or at least wanted to. 30 years on and a mother of 3... it’s still the type of article a 20 year-old know-nothing would write 🤣
Totally. It's amazing to me that we are even having to have this conversation or that any of it is not obvious to so many people. Our society has turned into something very strange and clueless.
Even at 20 you would have experienced your mother’s maternal instincts in your life. If she had an upbringing that didn’t have a very good mother role model, then she would have seen it in friends moms…..heck even many female teachers you can see a maternal instinct.
Yeah, and what's astonishing is how our society elevates the opinions of these 20 year old know-nothings. This ignorant nonsense that's inapplicable to 95% of the adult population is featured in the NYT and in prominent academic journals...
This lady being so scientific with all the studies and statistics about the male and female sex differences, then proceeds to quote an entire meme with the "it came to me in a dream." Granted yah, her description is pretty spot on. That is exactly how I interpret my own sex drive. It feels like I am hungry and just don't act on it. I keep that in reserve and sublimate it towards cultivating things that would attract a hot body owning woman. I've kept that drive on lock so hard, I can't even be turned on by anything non romantic lol. I pavloved myself into demisexuality because of how difficult to tame that testosterone driven sex drive is.
As someone who got prescribed testosterone supplementation a few months ago, due to an age-related decline, yes testosterone is a hell of a drug. I had felt like I was walking against a headwind for several years. I even tried antidepressants, which only made it worse. Testosterone injections solved all that. To the point where I wonder how women function at all with such low levels. Do not underestimate testosterone.
I think it is helpful to always look through another person's lens. I appreciate hearing about the power of testosterone to create objectification of bodies as a natural phenomenon. So how do we actually use this info to create better relationships?I find it a little frustrating that the convo is now mostly focused on having empathy for men. Yes that is important for women to understand. I would like to expand this convo to invite men to also imagine what it is to be in a womans body with estrogen and the lens of looking at the whole. Can we all strive to see the other side?
Men will have sympathy for women partly due to their innate drive to have sex with women. I'm glad this researcher is pointing out some of the differences in libido because I've heard many women imply that men should simply control their libidos and not act like we are filthy animals, but the not well understood truth is that the male libido is a potent feature that isn't easily ignored, but is ultimately very beneficial if directed properly. As for your question, the male sex drive urges men to figure out how to be rewarded with physical connection or sex, and men will use their problem solving abilities to deduce how that can be done. Without that need for sex, men would probably be more apathetic towards women, but I believe that apathy would also question the survival of the species, if there was no strong push to procreate. Similarly, I think women have triggers that can make them highly motivated to have children, but it is not as consistent as the effect produced by testosterone. As in the average man seems to be consistently horny, while I suspect women vary more with their libido due to the menstruation cycle and are baby hungry only periodically at certain points in their lives. Also, some surveys have found that women are more likely to have a triggered or responsive arousal and men more likely to have a spontaneous or automatic arousal. So one way to help satisfy a man's need for physical and sexual connection is to emotionally satisfy a woman. I don't think most men know how to do that innately(however men do have instincts to protect women), but through problem-solving and experience they can learn to do so more effectively, but that's only one particular tool to achieve their goal. Other strategies are too gain excess resources or beneficial skills that women will value. This knowledge may benefit relationships if applied in a healthy manner. So I think men have a strong incentive to understand women, but I would argue it may depend on how easy it is for them to get sex. The shorter the gap between a man having a physical desire and being able to fulfill his sexual desires, the less time he has to think about the woman's desires, and may fail to consider choosing to satisfy a woman's emotional or physical needs. This might even apply to men who consume porn regularly as well, since they are fulfilling their own sexual desires, they have less incentive to use their problem solving abilities in order to gain physical intimacy with a woman. Porn could be robbing men of that learning experience and motivation to provide women with something they value. Just to clarify, I don't think women are the only ones who have emotional drives. Women very frequently talk about emotional needs that I'm beginning to think must be an innate drive and that even men have it as well, but the priority is reversed in men and women compared to our sexual drives. Perhaps men seek to fulfill our sexual needs before our emotional needs and women have a greater drive for emotional fulfillment compared to sexual fulfillment, but satisfying both is still best.
@@juicebowl this is an interesting take. I would agree that women have more emotional needs and men more physical. I dont know if I've really seen men try to provide for those emotional needs or recognize them as as important to their personal physical needs. I have to really ponder that. I see so many male creators channels focused towards a women audience, tryin to decode how men think and act for women to be better in relationship to men. I have yet to see channels that are geared to men, to have them truly understand from a womans perspective. They might be there and I've just never come across them. But I dont really see the effort there from men. You make a valid point that that may be due to porn and the ability to satisfy his own needs.
@@juicebowl I find it interesting the word choice you used here "since they are fulfilling their own sexual desires, they have less incentive to use their problem solving abilities in order to gain physical intimacy with a woman." using their skills to Gain physical intimacy. Instead of to give or provide for their partner, but to solve solely for their own sexual gain. Just reminds me of all of the time a man has "tried" to provide foreplay and will massage for a few minutes and then say "are you ready yet?" massage a few more minutes and "are you ready yet?" That emotional fulfillment feels so fake when we know that a man is doing it just to fuck. Then we are just a means to an end.
Grip strength is highly correlated with a lifetime of performing tasks that require good grip strength. A person with good grip strength often also has callouses.
I have grip like a mastodon! It did not help me get girls. Not everyone is the same, I guess. However, I do have a pretty good emotional stability. Never knew that was related to testosterone. Makes sense. Interesting episode, thanks!
Around 51:00 . Back in the 1970'-80's, one of my relatives "Johnny" from a very young age he was obviously different than the rest of the boys in the family. We often had large gatherings with the extended family. He never wanted to come outside and play sports, and raise hell like the rest of us. He would rather help the older ladies in the kitchen cooking and he would wear an apron, usually one of the most frilly and floral ones his grandmother had. No one in the family cared, he was just Johnny, doing his thing. As an adult he wound up, to no ones surprise, gay....and living in San Francisco
I really enjoyed this interview. Dr. Hooven seems like a really wonderful woman. Its sad that she has to say on average so often nowadays because people always try to point out the exception, instead of allowing a discussion about the rule or the average to occur. You could tell that she just gets so tired of saying on average and of course, there are exceptions. I totally understand where she's coming from though because it gets so old to have a conversation with people where they constantly wanna throw out the exceptions and not let a discuss occur about the rule or the averages. I thought it was sweet that Chris was like, you don't have to do that anymore. Its okay, my viewers understand that there are exceptions in averages.
I have a friend who transitioned and it was interesting seeing their psychology change. This person was already a pretty masculine blue collar lesbian, but a couple months on testosterone and the personality changes were undeniable. They would tell me how they can empathize with men's all-encompassing sexuality and how hard it can be to control anger in situations where they would've previously just broke down and cried. I think a lot of trans people go through a strange cognitive dissonance where they ideologically subscribe to a "blank slate" conception of humanity only to get on hormones and realize that there are actually pretty obvious innate reasons for behavioral differences.
Hello you beauties. Access all episodes 10 hours earlier than UA-cam by Subscribing on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - apple.co/2MNqIgw.
Here’s the timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:30 Is Maternal Instinct a Myth?
09:55 The Demonisation of Motherhood
17:05 Why Do We Have Testosterone?
24:47 Men’s Natural Instinct to Objectify
32:24 How Women Can Understand the Male Sex Drive
37:27 Orgasm Differences Between Genders
46:36 Is Sex a Spectrum?
56:28 Differences in Arousal Between Genders
1:07:59 Why Hand Grip Strength is Important
1:13:13 Where to Find Carole
Thank you for assuming, that those who listen to you, and programs like yours, don't need to have every single thing written in huge letters.
, , ,
This one should put to bed any doubts you may have about whether you're making a positive difference in the world. I'm buying that book. Bravo sir.
That's study on female sexual arousal which they can measure actually showed that women are turned on by all forms of sex even animals copulating. It also showed that women had no idea what actually turned them on. Great guest too.
What a load of hypocritical bull shit.
She brought up a fantastic point: we can support the rights of others without having to deny biology. It doesn't have to be one or the other. 🙌
As long as you don't create victims, chosing your desired way of life, has to be ok.
The left has laid claim to being the owners of scientific truth so long they are willing to poison science to maintain that authority. This is now evident in biology, medicine, virology/epidemiology. It's long been the case that sociology was cargo-cult science, delivering nonsensical blank slate theories.
We already have a model for this. Civil Rights for the religious. We all get that we can protect believers without being required to assent to beliefs or to give beliefs without evidence special access to policy. Wherever we draw that line for Baptists, we can also draw it for gender dysphorics. Sincerely held, important to one's identity, but false and without evidence. We can protect the civil rights of such believers and even not be assholes about their beliefs while also insisting on science when it absolutely matters.
@@fiveleavesleft6521
Interestingly I'd you check out different channels, men are pointing out that it's difficult in finding women who want to have relationships and marriage .
@Jane B Robbins
You mean equal opportunity to education, self-sufficiency and autonomy? It's not an invention, it's necessary progress
As I got older it became apparant to me the difference between a mothers instinct vs a Fathers, I'm very close with both my parents but whilst livning away it is my mum who rings me most often telling me how she misses me, my dad on the other hand we'll exchange a text making sure we are both alive haha. My parents are not together anymore. My relationship with my dad developed more into a good friendship as I became a man, but with my mum I'm still her "baby boy" always and forever, her words. Trying to discredit a mothers instinct is beyond me, carrying your child and then giving birth alone creates a different bond right from the get go.
Vaginal birth does as well. They don't tell you that babies born through C section have bonding issues with mother as a direct result of that. But that is the truth of it.
@Fenwick go look it up before you or someone you love does it. Be more informed, it is because of the oxytocin pathway and bacteria on the vaginal walls. Don't take my word when hundreds of experts have had plenty to say about it
@@loganblackwood2922 Interesting point about what might motivate a woman to believe that maternal instinct is a result of the patriarchy. Chris raised a similar point when wondering if the woman who wrote the article had children of her own.
@@elinope4745 Could you post any evidence to support this claim? Lots of mothers have C-sections without any bonding issues. It's a procedure that has saved the life of many, many mothers and children. Don't disparage it without backing it up with facts.
I remember someone trying to tell me that fathers can develop the same maternal connection with their child that a mother can. I beg to differ, not only makes no logic sense whatsoever, you couldn't possibly produce an example. It's not to say that fathers don't love their children, but there's a reason they can get up and leave easier than women, and it's not due social stigma, it's because it kills every inch of their body and mind forever.
Loving the recent podcasts on gender dynamics. Chris is such a good interviewer.
They have had ups and downs though. Some guest have been great while others were grating to useless.
@@onionfarmer3044 yeah, like Destiny, but with this for this theme he needs Rollo Tomassi if actually wants a proper breakdown.......I know he won't, but if he wanted to do the topic justice...
@@cantbendknee first - he gained some real world experience(he's far from unique in this, just that it is a foundation)
secondly - he was a moderator on some of the early pick-up communities(sosuave being the only one comming to mind right now)
third - he has written and published 5 books on the topic, at least one of which is regularly utilized(though dissappointingly often unaccredited)
In agreggate he's got 'round 20-30 years of study into the field of intersexual dynamics, both in the field and academically. So he can certainly speak with authority on the subject, yes he is more than familiar with the work of dr. D. Buss, R. Henderson, etc. -he uses their work frequently, much of what he adds to the discourse is angles and observations that TENURED PROFFESSORS are now to afraid to admit openly.
unfortunately we all know he's not gonna be invited to come on here...
the actors ability to be geek and chad hints at selection pressure for IQ. Maybe we always play IQ selecting mating games we just need to pick a better one
Having destiney the stripper on was a major mistake imho
What a lovely woman. Glad we have someone like her at an institution like Harvard. They've been in need of some common sense for some time.
An educated women that actually cares for men. Beautiful 😍
Ironic watching/reading this after the recent Harvard scandal. This comment about her and common sense, integrity, etc at an institution like that is more important than ever before.
She doesn't work at Harvard anymore
Carole becoming emotional at the end over the type of world she wants her son to grow up in really just touched my heart. I loved watching her interview, she seems like such a fun person with a beautifully big heart
When she was describing being on testosterone, i just kept thinking “yeah, thats what it’s like.”
The part about “a woman’s body was food and i’m starving” hit home.
Indeed. I've long likened the male libido to an actual, undeniable, appetite much like hunger and just as imperative.
Humanity has been comparing lust to hunger and thirst since we first began to talk 😮😊
omg her dream was so accurate 😬
I'm female, but hearing the male perspective is fascinating to me. I'm basing it simply on my personal experience not being impaired by hormonal birth control, the female sex drive isn't weak or infrequent either, but it's much more 'I need the affection and the attention of my partner, oh, the physical pleasure is nice as well.'
@@givmi_more_w9251I'm a guy and fascinated by the female perspective and that's super interesting and the Impression I've gotten although seems like some next level females can be pretty insatiable
She's an amazing woman. And I've noticed, not just on this pod, but the people who speak on these issues tend to get emotional whenever boys/men issues are brought up.
As a woman nothing quite gets me like the idea of men being hurt, especially the ones I love and my future sons
Blurring the screen at the end was the type of kindness most of humanity sadly has little use for. If I see a day when I don't have to live on wheat corn and rice, I will absolutely donate something to support your show. You probably won't see or read this, but I would never let that stop me from writing it.
I really enjoy how you take on "controvertial" topics of today and debunk the shallow, social media nonsense and form it into deeper knowledge of the topic. Really great work. As a medical student and someone who loves evolutionary biology this is really entertaining.
This is so fascinating! I've never been a feminist, but I've learned so much and really empathize with men so much more after listening. I'm only about halfway through, but wow, this is a good one! I feel like men and women in general misunderstand each other and talks like these are helpful in understanding the opposite sex.
I would argue that men understand women WAY more than women understand men.
A lion knows more about gazelles than gazelles know about lions. All a gazelle knows about a lion is to run when in its presence. A lion however knows EVERYTHING about gazelles or they will go hungry. A lion knows where the gazelles like to eat, sleep, drink water. A lion knows a gazelle will run if spotted.
Men are the ones who iniates relationship. They "hunt" women; men are mainly the ones to ask the other sex out and he's the one that proposes marriage. They must know how women move, what they like, what they do in order to get sexual access. Sex is abundant these days so I would argue that men are successful on the "hunt" and that men do indeed understand women. If sex was rare for everyone, I would argue that men aren't successful pursuers.
A woman just has to look pretty and be available in order to get sexual access. Why would they try to understand men when they don't necessarily have to in order to get laid? So they sleep around thinking they're winning, however, they're not able to get longer-term commitment from a man. Women need understand men though imho in order to properly lock down a man for marriage. This is why men aren't proposing as much anymore; women don't understand what men want and actually vilify men for their wants and desires. So men hit it and run without any commitment.
@@kmc1872 Women are experts at disqualifying, sure. However, that doesn't mean they know more of what men want nor does that mean they adhere to what men want or give it to them. Just like how prey doesn't know what going through the mind of the hunter, women really don't understand men.
Also when I was talking about the hunter and the prey, it was a comparison. I didn't say males were better hunters across all species. But yes, is way more difficult to pull off a solid attack than a solid defence. This is why there generally more prey than predators. Men are on the offense in the dating market, that was my point.
You brought up orcas. Regardless of sex, orcas are the hunters, the apex predator. Do you think it's easier for orcas to catch their prey or do you think their prey has an easier time getting away? I would argue that the prey, shrimp and krill, have a very easy time. I doubt they even think about orcas or what they want. I bet when an orca passes through a school of prey, more prey get away than the orca eats by far.
The orca has to go to where the prey is at, at the time that the prey is there. The orca has to know how the prey is gonna move. It has to spend the time eating. Or it will die. The prey just has to move once the orca gets there. Most of orcas prey probably never even see an orca.
This is why Hitler's Blitzkrieg was stunning. This is why Alexander the Great's conquest was impressive. Gengis Khan will go down in history forever for a reason. I'd much rather try and hold a castle than take a castle. Most casteles have only been taken a handle of times and spend most of history in peace due to being safe. Defending is easier than attacking 99.99% of the time.
It's only in RARE occasions like in the movie 300, when defending is almost impossible, that defending isn't easier. The battle of Troy is a rare occasion. There a many ways to skin a cat, but there aren't that many crafty ways to take a castle or land a woman forever.
Like it's almost impossible to defend against a nuke. I bet basketball rules favors aggressors. So for rare cases like that, yes, I'd rather attack than defend. But men don't have that much more capabilities over women like orcas have over their prey either. The "dating rules" don't benefit men like basketball rules benefit the aggressor.
It's more difficult to hit a homerun in baseball or get a score than it is to get an out. In hockey, its way easier for a team to block a shot rather than make a shot; same with soccer. This is why the scores are relatively low. Same with football. It's way easier for a woman to disqualify men than it is for men to try and get score with women.
Let me ask you this. Why has over 80% of the female population just about always repopulated where as only 40% of men get to? It's because it's much easier for women to attract than it is for men to pursue. Not because women know what men want more than men know what women want. These are two separate things.
@@kmc1872 My entire original argument is that men understand women more than women understand men.
You seem to have the argument that women understand men more than men understand women. Correct me if I'm wrong.
We agreed to compare men to the predators/aggressors and women as the prey/defenders in this game. I would say that most defenders(in most games and in war historically)/prey/women have the advantage against the men/aggressors/predator. This shows.
The defender/women/prey aren't tactful so to speak though. They have the advantage. This is why when the aggressor/man/predator must understand the situation and his opponent in order to succeed. It's a must actually.
Women know that men like youth, beauty, and reproductive capabilities in their mate.
Men know that women like older, richer, fitter men. But he also knows where to go to find women. Not any women, but the women he likes and doesn't like. He must know when to go there. He has to be able to get there.
Once there, he must play his cards right. He has to know how to initiate the relationship. He has to know when to push and pull, tease but reassure. He must be nice, but not too nice. He has to he mean but not too mean. He has to be all these things and know how to do all these.
Where as the woman just has to live her life and endless amounts of wonderful men walk into her life, down to fuck. She spends her time disqualifying them. She doesn't have to know men in order to succeed. Any guy she wants for the night. She gets it without fully understanding that man imho, relieving validation and assurance that she's doing the right thing.
All of this game so far is to initially get sex. Just like how the objective of a predator is to kill its prey. Just like how an army laying siege to a castle is to achieve the goal of capturing the city. Just like how in any sport, someone wins and the game is over. Now what though when it comes to the dating scene?
Marriage is what's next. This is when we lose these comparisons. This is where it shows how little women understand men. We see many women not able to lock men down. The ball is now im the men's court. Women might be the gatekeepers of sex. But, men are the gatekeepers of marriage, being the one who proposes.
Marraige rates are down. Women are going years without her bf proposes to her. Divorce rates are up. It's more of an interest for the women to retain a marriage, yet she's the one that mostly leaves. Biologically speaking, women should be doing everything they can to get/maintain marriages. There are many reasons for this.
In the year 2022, since women can't make this happen, I would argue that women don't understand men. Men are still out here hitting it, getting their sexual needs met. Hell, a man today that jerks off to porn is more satisfied than a woman without a husband or kids. Or a divorced woman with kids in her 40's. Women are loosing here.
A man doesn't need a women. A women needs a man. She needs him to do the heavy lifting in this world that is mainly fit for people bigger than her. She needs him to protect her in this dangerous world. She needs him emotionally to be a balanced women.
A man can live his life alone and get by. He can knock a woman up, getting kids and ditch his wife while continue to mate with younger women. He'll probably die young working some dangerous job anyway. Woman who gets knocked up without a man is screwed.
Marraige mainly benifits women. How do women get marriage? By fully understanding what men want and need; just like how men get sex from women. Since this isn't happening and men are still sexually satisfied, I argue that women most women don't understand men. I'd even argue, that women 200 years ago understood men WAY more than they do today. They like, lost that knowledge or something imho.
@@kmc1872 ****Sidenotes*****
There are more prey than predators for two reasons. Most predators are carnivores and most prey are herbivores. When you don't have to fight for your meal, you reproduce more. However, your more defensiveness and preyed upon. This is life 🙏
Men ponder what women want because they're the pursuers; its not because women are the mystical unicorns. I'd also argue that just about all women are the same. The aggressors always try to outsmart the defenders. They're always looking for a week point. It's not because they have zero knowledge about their opponents. I'm not denying that men say this.
I think women naively blind themselves to what men want, in the name of feminism. What men want is traditional relationship. We don't like these egalitarian or equitable relationships. We want mothers as wives, not 304's that belong to the streets. We want virgins, not a mother of three kids. Most men say nothing, because they know the women they're with isn't marriage material. Why should he tell a thot what he actually wants? It's now his friends turn to hit it.
I also think the only reason why women are allowed to live this lifestyle is because of modern medicine; birth control and abortions. Without abortions, the black population would be well over 25% of the population. Yet they're only at 13% rn. That's why men haven't reproduced as much. They have 0 reproductive rights. A woman can have sex and choose to reproduce or not. A man cannot do this.
Like I said, women are the gatekeepers of sex due to our laws, otherwise the man is a rapist. This is also why men have less sex than women on average. And why most men don't get laid. It's a different game than marriage.
@@kmc1872You comparing women giving signals to men having to take leadership is laughable. Stop it. A fat ugly chick can walk into any bar and announce that she wants sex and some guy will have sex with her. You mentioned all the things women have to do in a marraige, yet women don't do those things, and they can't keep men. They can sleep with men without doing those things. But they're not gonna keep him for 60 years unless she does those things. And what do we see? Most women not doing those things. There is an entire feminist agenda against doing what men want, solely because men want it. This lady talked about it in this podcast.
I think platonic relationships between men and women are damn near impossible to achieve. Mainly because if the man were asked, he'd have sex with just about any female that isn't family. The only reason why some men are "friends" with women is because he either thinks of her like family or because he thinks that by being her "friend" he'll get sex later.
Men do not need women more for survival 🙄 This is probably the least factual thing you've said so far. You take a woman and throw her in a jungle alone, she'll likely die. If you take a man and throw him in a jungle alone, he has a way higher chance of survival. They did this in the show survivor. They used to have a men's group and a women's group. The men would have clean water, shelter, and food. The women had to quite or they would've died.
Men find many bonds in life, mainly in brotherhood. Whether they're working in a field, in a mine, on the battlefield, or hunting, we've always had emotional bonds of brotherhood that women could only hope to achieve.
Together, we have built cities. Together, we have destroyed cities. Together, we have thrusted our will on this world as men. Women will never understand this. Just like men will never understand how natural a women feels around children.
Why are women choosing what they're choosing? Cuz western women are thots, they belong to the streets. They would rather sleep around than build a nuclear family. They would rather have careers than kids. This is why men don't want them. Its clear what they want; to be independent of men. Most women are literally incapable of keeping a family together.
I take none of the dating app stats with a grain of salt. That shit is the truest set of data then we've ever been able to collect throughout all of history. Along with current advertising stats, other social media sites, any stat on the internet. The porn industry is huge and I don't take that with a grain of salt. Sex sells.
Women are the same. They all want kids. Those who say they don't are lieing or are an anomoly; like lesbians and transgender. They all sit down while they pee. They all prefer being with one man over having many. They want a man who is stronger, taller, and makes more money.
Ask any guy. He likes tall women, short women. Girls with titts and no ass. Girls with all ass and no titts. We may like blondes most but we also like brunettes and redheads. We like women with curly hair and straight hair. We like variety, making us not the same.
Women lie because its politically correct to do so. They're hive minded with an egalitarian point of view. They lie because they've made decisions in the past that they know disqualify them from being suitable mothers and wives. They lie because they aren't held accountable for their actions. This is why women "choose" to initiate 80%-90% of divorces. This is why they "choose" to be independent. This is why 50% of women turning 40 in 2030 will "choose" to never have kids.
When in reality, men aren't choosing to give these thots his last name. These men aren't choosing these women to be mothers of his kids. They're choosing to pump and dump instead. And the women being pumped and dumped, are validated and think they're doing the right thing because all they think men want is sex.
Chris, you are probably the best interviewer of any podcast. Not only do you ask salient and probing questions you also allow the guests to talk at length. Even Joe Rogen has trouble with interrupting!
She was so enlightening! Keep it up!!
Another phenomenal interview… you’re on a roll, mate! This was the first time I’ve heard of Carole. Thanks for bringing her on!
I appreciate her fears and tears, didn’t mean it to rhyme, but this is clearly meaningful to her and would be such a benefit to us as her readers. We want our sons and daughters to grow with good character, and we see men need understanding and encouragement now more than ever. May she, and many other experts, pioneer better futures for our men.
She helped me write a two-part series on Men's Mental Health last year. I sourced some of her research in it. She touched on some of the things I covered in my articles. Her intelligence and sincerity are remarkable.
Not only does it hurt when you are a few hours away from your baby but you can get terrible infections in your breasts! I’ve gotten them. It’s very vulnerable. There is NO WAY a human babies and children could survive without a huge dose of maternal instinct . Because it’s just so hard and relentless!
This woman is amazing. We can feel her maternal energy and it's soothing. Great interview and keep up the good work. Make sure to notify us if that book get published!
Wholesome. This lady is trying to do good. Love the ‘I think but I’m not sure’ answers. That end part had me, someone who doesn’t often cry, welling up.
The NY Times article was pure genius. I would like to thank the author for driving yet another mail in the coffin of both the Times and this truly comical belief that we are all just empty vessels waiting to be filled with clap trap like this.
If this is a huge conspiracy, why are you more likely to marry into this patriarchal system if you're middle or upper middle class??
Dude. Great framing of an otherwise POS way of looking at it.
The 2 empty vessels that still read NYT will gobble it up like gospel.
@@johnglennmercury7I quite don't understand your rhetoric. What does lower class marry into?
@@jonashellsborn7648 that middle & upper class are more likely to marry (into the patriarchal marriage system) than lower/working class. So, the more intelligent &/or priveleged, the more likely to marry into this "awful" system. It makes no sense
Great interview but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE how kind Chris was to this woman and brought out something in her to fight for at the end of the interview. It was a great exchange…❤❤❤
As a Mother of two teenage boys, I would love to read this book! It's fantastic to see passion about this subject coming from someone who is a Mum and also has all of the knowledge and evidence to do so! Write the book!
Im so impressed by her ability to be intelligent and technical about her findings and doing it in quite an impressive manner then the next she can flip to being extremely human and vulnerable, emotional, crying a little and high in openess that shows how comfortable she is with herself then on a turn of a hat go into being technical and to the point again, very impressive. To the point and technical mixed with play.
That is the case when you talk to an educated and feminine woman :)
I came to express the same feeling about Carole’s openness and humility, thanks for doing so in a much better way than I could have. Wonderful, insightful discussion, I loved it.
@@TheHaymeadow what a great podcast, cheers haymeadow have a great weekend
@@zaraahmedov3456 There is no way to attribute in such general terms this behaviour, with such certainty, to being "an educated an feminine woman."
I have witnessed just as many educated and feminine women with poor emotional self-regulation, lacking in the ability of introspection, empathy and communicative agreeableness - as in women I've met who are not as educated and/or less feminine.
There is always a dispersion of psychological traits and behaviours across a wide spectrum, regardless of education, sex, race, ethnicity etc.
Dr. Hooven is one example of how an 'educated and feminine woman' can be. But there are studies that also point out the correlation between high intelligence and quite different, opposing traits to those she displays.
Let's treat her, and applaud her, for the individual she is.
I'm halfway through and I think you two have a very productive and watchable onscreen relationship.
Sooooo happy to see you have Carol Hooven on!!!! I loved her on Rogan and I look forward to hearing more of her wisdom. 😊❤️
Watching that one next! I didn't know she was on the JRE as well. Thankq 🙏
Thanks for mentioning her appearance on Joe Rogan, too. Will watch that as well. 🙂
Mate, I love the depth to which you're getting into these topics. 18 years ago we were both living it up on the piss in Newcastle. it seems you got into this stuff via just an insatiable curiosity to "know shit better" and get the data on it. I got into this stuff via a couple of degrees in biology and a frustration that we were denying everything we knew about that subject in order to make certain topics easier to think about. Of course, that just makes shit worse.
Keep up the great work, man. What you do is valuable and more people need to see it. Hopefully your BBC write-up pushes your way of thinking more into the mainstream consciousness.
Fantastic interview again, this needs to be heard and championed. Brilliant Guest who is genuinely absorbed in the subject. The emotion she showed is proof of her belief and very endearing. 👏
One of my absolute favorite interviews, pure honesty and intelligence
Y'all took the words right out of my soul! Fabulous insights and conversation! The good Dr. Absolutely must write that book. Someone with her experience and expertise needs to help level the playing field on this entire subject at this particular time. In spite of all our sophistication, we continue to be a very superstitious society. Thank you both very much for your passion and work and clarity.
I really like this lady, she's more down to earth about this than most guest.
To Dr. Hooven:
Your tears do you credit, and are no shame. Thousands of men will see this and will feel seen and cared for. That is no small thing.
Thank you!
@@carolehooven4134 thank you for your work! This interview was the first time I heard of you and I am very happy to hear your point of view.
@@carolehooven4134 😯😯😯
Brilliant conversation between two highly intelligent non-politicized people. We all need much more content of this type. MSM ain’t gonna provide it. Great job on these podcasts.
40:25 I think a big reason for that is that men get angry instead of sad. It takes half a lifetime to learn about yourself as a man to get an understanding that you develop anger as a coping mechanism to deal with the inability of doing something about the situation. I think thats actually a good thing in a lot of cases since that anger functions as fuel to bring change if possible. I personally learned that trough loosing a loved one and therapy. In case of loosing someone no amount of anger or motivation can help you, there is nothing to change and in the end you are left with no other option than to move past the anger and confront the crushing sadness that lies underneath.
For me atleast I can manage anger much better than sadness. So it's easier to convert sadness to anger that can be let go.
Wonderful and yes Carole please write the book. From one 56 year old Pediatric Nurse with 2 adult sons to another Brilliant Scientist. Thank you Chris for your interview and podcasts. I watch many. Cheerio lovely Humans
Others have said it, but you seriously are killing it lately! Loving the podcasts. Thank you!
I can't wait to read Dr. Carole Hooven book. She was a brilliant guest!
1:19:42 Not me out here talking to the screen saying: "I'll support you". but honestly I will. This is a book I will absolutely buy.
Wow what a great talk! Thanks for introducing me to her! I too want my son to be happy and proud to be a man when he grows up! It’s one of the big reasons we are going to homeschool, I don’t want any funny ideas implanted into my kid brain. I just want him to be happy. I can’t wait to read her books!! Thanks again!!
Her appearance on the JRE was one of my favorites over the last two years, great lady
The last few moments was such a iconic EXAMPLE - of 'it all'... (ty, for the masculinity in the face of the 'feminine struggle' ) that was RICH.
This was a great interview, she was such an excellent guest- insightful, endearing, and totally open to productive conversation instead of scoring points or something.
What a wonderful conversation. I searched for Dr. Hooven because I just listened to another of your pieces that referenced her and how she is being cancelled for her thoughts. I really dig that on topics that she has not mastered or thought about much, she ponders her answers and does not pretend that she is the oracle. This give me the confidence that I can believe the things that she says.
What a genuine sweetheart. Carole Hooven, please write this book!
It's a small thing but i love how Carol allowed herself to pause and gather thoughts before answering.
33.34
This part really spoke to me - her dream / description of male sex drive - she really hit the nail on the head for what it feels like. I'm a guy and I remember going through puberty and becoming insanely obsessed with girls - even girls I was not interested in in any other way, i.e. I didn't like them much, they were boring, we had nothing in common etc - and these obsessions would stop me from sleeping, enjoying any activity, getting on with my studies etc - absolutely hated puberty lol
Similar to Dr. Hooven's dream, I have periodic bouts of libido where you just have to rub one out otherwise the ability to concentrate and be productive are just not possible. From this I have always had an greater emphaty for men and tolerance than my other female friends to a point were some have thought of me as trans.
@Jane B Robbins I am right there with you. I have found that the stigma is harmful to all the sexes. And the bs i have dealt with is comical.
@@salmahernandez3142 Trans? Your female friends seem ignorant. Lots of girls and women experience a strong libido and physical need for sexual release. And yes, truly comprehending the obsession with sex that most boys and men experience should allow for at least a degree of understanding if not sympathy. Our culture teaches very poorly on these topics. I wish I had understood these drives better when I was in college fighting off the aggressive advances of male college students.
@@pamleonard7330 must clarify on my poor sentence. Hopefully there is not further misunderstanding.
In prior response, the 'some' was in reference to general population of people I have interacted but do not consider as actual friends. Quite a bit of people are close minded or do not think more critically. Within this population there exist 'some' who have shortcut and labeled me as trans.
By and by the most my actual friends have done is tease and wonder if my libido would be at a similar level comparatively or greater if I was a generic typical male. There has never been any type of labeling from my friends only acceptance.
@@salmahernandez3142 Learn some self discipline. Come on, people.
Your podcast just keeps getting better Chris. Thank you for doing what you do 🙏
I loved this episode!! Thank you ❤❤❤ She is very funny and articulate.
I love what she said regarding the importance of understanding men’s natural biological drive. I’m a mother of two teen boys so I’d totally read her next book if it’s about male puberty & educating society on what happens to them hormonally. Society loves to focus on girls/women but we’re severely lacking in understanding boys/men & having empathy for the challenges they deal with.
Love Chris, love the personal tidbit at the end about the book. Carole was so informative. Really enjoyed this one. Keep up the good work.
Boom! Right outta the chute, this was one of the most informational podcasts. So clear, & eloquently communicated. Thank you, Dr. Carole for getting this info out there…and as always, Chris, great interview!
Brilliant! Carol's book needs to be written. Now.
Post nut clarity is such a distinct stark contrast ubiquitously experienced by men. If women experienced it, they wouldn't even have to think about it whether they experience it or not.
It's like coming out of a tunnel.
I’ve never experienced it I’m 32 never heard of another girl talking about it either. If anything we bond more thanks to the release of oxytocin. I’ve heard girls say they weren’t considering anything serious until then. It makes sense if there’s a chance of being pregnant just not logical always. Where men spread the seed then wonder if they even meant to plant it in those conditions 🙈
@@katiie7 its not only that. I never partook in one night stands, so I dont know how I would feel shortly after finishing with some random Woman, but for me post-nut clarity isnt about 'reconsidering' or thinking about other options. Its also, literally, a clarity of mind. The tons of built up energy and constant urge to have sex is suddenly gone, its like you feel asexual for 2 minutes, like you see the world without your horny glasses, unbiased and you for a moment realise how much of your daily thinking and behaving is affected by the idea of possible sex... And then you go back to normal
@@katiie7for men in committed loving relationships, the post nut clarity is mostly occupied by a feeling of bliss and intimacy. Just you realizing how much she means to you. For other instances of post nut clarity it's just intense meditation where you can see everything perfectly clear. Like "I don't actually love this person" or "im ashamed I've done this "
She is fantastic. Such an important voice to speak credibly on behalf of biological realism and general sanity
It is a shame that people don't believe us when we describe our struggle,
and have to do massive research to have empathy into what men go through
from the time our eyes open to when we go to sleep,
as well as on occasion, while we sleep.
This was very informative and refreshingly informal...and fun...a compliment by the way
"Is sex a spectrum ?" . "Don't give me that look!" That's my favorite moment of this podcast😆
And it confirmed the great conversational rapport we were watching :thumbs up:
He threw a grenade and she was not pleased 😂😂 she handled it well for sure
What an insightful podcast.. love how the conversation goes so smooth BUUUT grip strength ?! Time to build a fitness grip strength company fast
"There was 5 of them, so like a variety pack" Hahahahaaa you legend!
Oh my, didn't see such ending - it was really touching, would cry myself. Beside all emotions - Carol, you're set to start the book ;-) I'd love to read about this subject with that take!
Wow great podcast! Really enjoyed this. And I confirm what was discussed during the transman sections being one myself. Went from radical feminist to red pill after medical and social transition into manhood. Woke up from the fog of forced feminization so I relate to other men who have had their masculine identities and sexualities demonized. Thank you both for the discussion and Chris love the podcast it’s one of a few I tune into weekly. Take care.
Her ability to FEEL and be passionate about her work, particularly out of love for her son is moving and inspiring! Tears of feeling moved 💯💯🙏🙏
I love this podcast, you get the best guests that I've never heard of before. Keep it up, you're doing some great work.
I am a very feminine woman but I think I must have relatively high levels of testosterone for a female. I do understand what the male sex drive is like because I feel something similar, specially the days preceding ovulation. I get very drawn to visual cues of masculinity and the images get stuck in my brain and come back as flashbacks. On the other hand, being female, I still need a strong emotional connection with that male before I would feel comfortable acting out my sexual desire for him, no matter how strong it might be. Some days all I can do is think about sex with the man I am in love with and I can't focus on anything else. Very unproductive... I feel for the men who are shamed for the way they are biologically. I try to help the men in my life accept that this strong drive is normal and there is nothing shameful about it. What matters is that we integrate that in a healthy way and develop healthy sexual relationships with others as full human beings, not just sex objects. And I think this is where culture has a fundamental role, allowing men to evolve beyond just their basic instincts. Unfortunately, culture is going in the opposite direction, promoting everyone, men and women to just treat each other as sexual objects and I think this is a great tragedy of our times...
Sex drive in men has many components aside from testosterone.
My free testosterone is higher than 98% of men. I am full of androgen but my sex drive is relatively low. Men need estrogen to promote aggressive behavior and induce sex drive. A man with very low estrogen will be quite passive and will likely not pursue women....even if they appear very masculine
Great comment!
@@markhurley4657 Super interesting comment. Wondering if research has found this to be true.
@@pamleonard7330 They showed in one study that the enzyme aromatase that converts testosterone to estrogen promoted aggressive and territorial behavior in male mice.
I used to suffer lower testosterone and i was far more irritable and aggressive at the time. I had a higher estrogen to testosterone ratio at the time.
I find the abusive men are generally the most insecure with their masculinity. True masculinity does not have irritability or aggressive behavior attached to it. More like a calm sense of energy and confidence/assertiveness.
Testosterone calmed me tf down. Just for reference, my levels increased from 221 to 950 in a span of 7 years. The reference range for males is 250 to 916 ng/dl.
Wow. Well said. Glad you can relate
❓️ Has Suzanne Venker ever interviewed Dr. Carole Hooven?
🎙 Because I'd LOVE to hear THAT podcast episode!
We desperately need Carole to write the next book and help promote a societal shift. As a male psychologist, I’m so tired of the “toxic masculinity” BS and male bashing in general… Looking forward to her future contributions! Great discussion 😊
I would like to hear more about Carol’s take on Trans Women (or at least some clarification on her own studies). Carol’s focus here was primarily on Trans Men. I haven’t seen her other videos but with this one - Carole seemed a bit wishy washy on the subject of Gender Identity (when asked she pivoted right to gender orientation).
I bring this up because as being a Trans Woman myself and having gone through many years of evaluation and testing with several medical professionals in the field…. What I learned does not necessarily correlate to her very brief assumptions I’ve heard from Carole here.
As for the Testosterone sex/drive - yes - I can confirm this was something that I personally had to deal with when I was younger which made me feel incredibly disconnected with my own body. And since transitioning over a decade ago - I feel much happier with the HRT exposure I’ve experienced and how it has shaped who I am today 😊🌸
"Gravity well" is what I call the urge to look at the female form. Energy has to be spent to NOT look, and the more you gaze, the deeper down the well you go. It was great to see this reality getting addressed in the episode. In certain circumstances I become mentally strained to keep my head and eyes politely forward as the reward signals in the brain keep signaling to look. Going to the beach, urban center, or... god help me... a college campus, can be mentally exhausting if I am with my significant other. Sunglasses are a necessity as a kind of pressure valve.
Get a grip on yourself
One of the best of your podcasts that I've ever watched Chris. A lot was said that isn't usually voiced. Thank you!
Tht dream made me say out loud "oh whoa!" because it is SO accurate! It is wild that she dreamt that!
Loved Carole at the end saying she would do the book so her young son wont feel stigmatised. Brilliant mother and woman
Yes, however it is only when they have a son, that they MAY come to these insights. Sadly.
I'm a young son and I feel stigmatized
She's great! I'd listen to that book. Chris, I so appreciate you being a gentleman, supportive, and encouraging there at the end. In my book that's very much part of being a good man.
I love how your channel is uplifting and enlightening, not rage-baiting. You really CARE about the subjects you discuss. Well done, Mr. Williamson.
Spot on with one comment around 14:30 Chris:
How can one be so pro female, yet obviously so anti mother.
Infuriating…
This is the first time I have heard that about hand grip strength. I was labeled a 'tomboy' growing up in the 70's and 80's and beat everyone in the game 'mercy', which was a test of grip strength combined with pain tolerance and flexibility. I kicked all asses. I have had many sexual partners. I am female, and happily a sis woman. Have plenty of struggles with depression. I don't have loads of money, currently, though I am relatively successful 'for a female' in society's eyes. I just got excited. I love learning new things.
21:40 i think it was robert sapolsky who said that testosterone makes men do whatever thing that makes them have more status. Litterally he went on by "If you society values spirituality and calmness as a measure of status, then you'd probably have all high testosterone men meditating all day long instead of working like mad to own more money than the rest".
Which is really cool and somewhat makes me think "wait, generally who among everyone in our society choses money as some of the best indicators of status? Who might value it in a way that results in high testosterone men putting themselves to work like mad?". Suddenly we (men) dont seem to have that much control over the "patriarchal" society we live in, but that's not interesting in any way because it makes women accountable for everybodys circumstances too (and i really mean that "too").
Truth bomb! Well said.
I think testosterone is only one of the ingredients that is involved with temperament. Some of the most bad ass men on the planet are the calmest dudes. But once they get in the ring, go to war, perform, lead, they have this monstrous aura. Men can recognize this with each other. It’s because they put so much hard work into their skill, they know what it takes. They see someone do that and respect it. I think flying off the handle is more genetic, also immaturity. Not to say people that fly off the handle are not needed. They’re the demolition guys in war, but that is not to say calm men can’t channel their dominance.
It’s not the money that gives you the status. It’s the skill set you honed all your life to have the advantage of capital growth. It’s the Millionare mindset, not the million dollars. Impressive skills will be noticed by men and women. Testosterone may have a role, but there are so many other variables. The one percent are the ones that control the patriarchy.
🙄🙄🙄 men don’t have much control over the patriarchal (funny scare quotes) society we live in? Do men not have control over themselves?
@@kenyanicholas6809 not having much control over something does not mean having no control whatsoever. I thought quoting "i really mean that too" would clarify that we're all into this
@@marc5279 my guy, I read your statement as saying that women have power over men because men wanna fuck women and thus will just do whatever women demand in order to get pussy. If that is what you were going for then it’s absolutely laughable to think that male simping translates into any systemic power.
First of all, you’re completely ignoring the fact that anything resembling free mate choice didn’t exist until 5 minutes ago in the west. Women had to care about her family’s opinion, economic stability, etc, rather than just following raw desires and personal preferences. Secondly, you’re taking a lot of agency away from men by acting as if wanting to fuck someone turns you into some helpless simp forced to serve their every whim lmao.
Dont be afraid Carol. I have 2 sons. Your book is so needed.
What a beautifully authentic woman.
Wonderful. Two intelligent people having a conversation. But no virtue signalling!
I adore Carole. One of the funniest people I’ve ever met.
Love how Chris games during interviews while also delivering facts that are pertinent to social dynamics. Very 4D.
Yet another video where I LEARNED something. Thanks you both.
I might have written that NYT article when I was 20, or at least wanted to.
30 years on and a mother of 3...
it’s still the type of article a 20 year-old know-nothing would write 🤣
Totally. It's amazing to me that we are even having to have this conversation or that any of it is not obvious to so many people. Our society has turned into something very strange and clueless.
Even at 20 you would have experienced your mother’s maternal instincts in your life. If she had an upbringing that didn’t have a very good mother role model, then she would have seen it in friends moms…..heck even many female teachers you can see a maternal instinct.
Yeah, and what's astonishing is how our society elevates the opinions of these 20 year old know-nothings. This ignorant nonsense that's inapplicable to 95% of the adult population is featured in the NYT and in prominent academic journals...
This lady being so scientific with all the studies and statistics about the male and female sex differences, then proceeds to quote an entire meme with the "it came to me in a dream."
Granted yah, her description is pretty spot on. That is exactly how I interpret my own sex drive. It feels like I am hungry and just don't act on it. I keep that in reserve and sublimate it towards cultivating things that would attract a hot body owning woman. I've kept that drive on lock so hard, I can't even be turned on by anything non romantic lol. I pavloved myself into demisexuality because of how difficult to tame that testosterone driven sex drive is.
That pep talk Chris gave at the end was inspiring af. Also, as a mom of a little boy I would read the shit out of that book too! WRITE IT!
As someone who got prescribed testosterone supplementation a few months ago, due to an age-related decline, yes testosterone is a hell of a drug. I had felt like I was walking against a headwind for several years. I even tried antidepressants, which only made it worse. Testosterone injections solved all that. To the point where I wonder how women function at all with such low levels. Do not underestimate testosterone.
That ending was amazing. Great interview.
I think it is helpful to always look through another person's lens. I appreciate hearing about the power of testosterone to create objectification of bodies as a natural phenomenon.
So how do we actually use this info to create better relationships?I find it a little frustrating that the convo is now mostly focused on having empathy for men. Yes that is important for women to understand. I would like to expand this convo to invite men to also imagine what it is to be in a womans body with estrogen and the lens of looking at the whole. Can we all strive to see the other side?
But will they (men) bother if they on average have less empathy ?
Men will have sympathy for women partly due to their innate drive to have sex with women. I'm glad this researcher is pointing out some of the differences in libido because I've heard many women imply that men should simply control their libidos and not act like we are filthy animals, but the not well understood truth is that the male libido is a potent feature that isn't easily ignored, but is ultimately very beneficial if directed properly.
As for your question, the male sex drive urges men to figure out how to be rewarded with physical connection or sex, and men will use their problem solving abilities to deduce how that can be done. Without that need for sex, men would probably be more apathetic towards women, but I believe that apathy would also question the survival of the species, if there was no strong push to procreate. Similarly, I think women have triggers that can make them highly motivated to have children, but it is not as consistent as the effect produced by testosterone. As in the average man seems to be consistently horny, while I suspect women vary more with their libido due to the menstruation cycle and are baby hungry only periodically at certain points in their lives. Also, some surveys have found that women are more likely to have a triggered or responsive arousal and men more likely to have a spontaneous or automatic arousal.
So one way to help satisfy a man's need for physical and sexual connection is to emotionally satisfy a woman. I don't think most men know how to do that innately(however men do have instincts to protect women), but through problem-solving and experience they can learn to do so more effectively, but that's only one particular tool to achieve their goal. Other strategies are too gain excess resources or beneficial skills that women will value. This knowledge may benefit relationships if applied in a healthy manner.
So I think men have a strong incentive to understand women, but I would argue it may depend on how easy it is for them to get sex. The shorter the gap between a man having a physical desire and being able to fulfill his sexual desires, the less time he has to think about the woman's desires, and may fail to consider choosing to satisfy a woman's emotional or physical needs. This might even apply to men who consume porn regularly as well, since they are fulfilling their own sexual desires, they have less incentive to use their problem solving abilities in order to gain physical intimacy with a woman. Porn could be robbing men of that learning experience and motivation to provide women with something they value.
Just to clarify, I don't think women are the only ones who have emotional drives. Women very frequently talk about emotional needs that I'm beginning to think must be an innate drive and that even men have it as well, but the priority is reversed in men and women compared to our sexual drives. Perhaps men seek to fulfill our sexual needs before our emotional needs and women have a greater drive for emotional fulfillment compared to sexual fulfillment, but satisfying both is still best.
@@juicebowl this is an interesting take. I would agree that women have more emotional needs and men more physical. I dont know if I've really seen men try to provide for those emotional needs or recognize them as as important to their personal physical needs. I have to really ponder that.
I see so many male creators channels focused towards a women audience, tryin to decode how men think and act for women to be better in relationship to men. I have yet to see channels that are geared to men, to have them truly understand from a womans perspective. They might be there and I've just never come across them. But I dont really see the effort there from men. You make a valid point that that may be due to porn and the ability to satisfy his own needs.
@@juicebowl I find it interesting the word choice you used here "since they are fulfilling their own sexual desires, they have less incentive to use their problem solving abilities in order to gain physical intimacy with a woman."
using their skills to Gain physical intimacy. Instead of to give or provide for their partner, but to solve solely for their own sexual gain. Just reminds me of all of the time a man has "tried" to provide foreplay and will massage for a few minutes and then say "are you ready yet?" massage a few more minutes and "are you ready yet?" That emotional fulfillment feels so fake when we know that a man is doing it just to fuck. Then we are just a means to an end.
@@juicebowl Have you considered that you might be aromantic?
Grip strength is highly correlated with a lifetime of performing tasks that require good grip strength. A person with good grip strength often also has callouses.
I have grip like a mastodon! It did not help me get girls. Not everyone is the same, I guess. However, I do have a pretty good emotional stability. Never knew that was related to testosterone. Makes sense. Interesting episode, thanks!
Around 51:00 . Back in the 1970'-80's, one of my relatives "Johnny" from a very young age he was obviously different than the rest of the boys in the family. We often had large gatherings with the extended family. He never wanted to come outside and play sports, and raise hell like the rest of us. He would rather help the older ladies in the kitchen cooking and he would wear an apron, usually one of the most frilly and floral ones his grandmother had. No one in the family cared, he was just Johnny, doing his thing. As an adult he wound up, to no ones surprise, gay....and living in San Francisco
Completely brilliant in every way! Thank you!
Oh Chris you are an incredible coach! I'm looking forward to Carole's new book 🥰
Caroll you are very brave! Please write the book!
This woman is excellent. Very interesting take on things. Thanks.
Chris, mate, goddam these conversations are good - “Spice Girls variety pack” bloody gold.
Brilliant chat... Thanks so much, both of you!!!
I really enjoyed this interview. Dr. Hooven seems like a really wonderful woman. Its sad that she has to say on average so often nowadays because people always try to point out the exception, instead of allowing a discussion about the rule or the average to occur.
You could tell that she just gets so tired of saying on average and of course, there are exceptions. I totally understand where she's coming from though because it gets so old to have a conversation with people where they constantly wanna throw out the exceptions and not let a discuss occur about the rule or the averages.
I thought it was sweet that Chris was like, you don't have to do that anymore. Its okay, my viewers understand that there are exceptions in averages.
That was an amazing interview. To paraphrase Louis CK: when it come to sex drive, women are tourists, men are prisoners...
Dr. Hoovens book is really good, highly recommend it
I have a friend who transitioned and it was interesting seeing their psychology change. This person was already a pretty masculine blue collar lesbian, but a couple months on testosterone and the personality changes were undeniable. They would tell me how they can empathize with men's all-encompassing sexuality and how hard it can be to control anger in situations where they would've previously just broke down and cried. I think a lot of trans people go through a strange cognitive dissonance where they ideologically subscribe to a "blank slate" conception of humanity only to get on hormones and realize that there are actually pretty obvious innate reasons for behavioral differences.
Exceptional video, the presenter was so well researched.