Finding out just how much I am loved by my Father in Heaven, has brought tremendous healing of my wounds and helped me to forgive, understand and have compassion for my earthly father, even if he never validates me, I know I’m loved.
All of this! So happy for you. Yes, Abbas healing love was and continues to be the foundation and game changer or me. So grateful. Thanks for sharing your validating comment 🙏🏿
I can say that thanks to growing up with a father with depression-induced rage, I've been very fearful of male anger. That's something I'm working through.
When u say women feel resentful of being taken care of...i would like to see it through nervous system capacity or lack thereof for being taken care of. Our NS doesnt feel safe to receive due to unavailable fathers. So is it resentment or more that feeling of unsafety induced by never actually having experienced receiving care and therefore our NS stays hypervigilant...which translates into resentment. Fab piece though Mark!
I really like that you’re asking this. I’ve noticed more and more women of ALL races in the states having more and more fertility issue ( fibroids, cysts, endo, etc.) . I believe in my soul THIS is how the resentment presents itself. If you asked me before I become aware of that , it was resentment or just something women are going through (before it was said mostly black woman have these issues especially the fibroids but that has changed in this resent decade). I’m seeing that we (women) intellectualize everything more and not connect to our bodies. The more I connected to my body the more I realized there is a lot of resentment ESPECIALLY due to me HAVING to go it alone and do it alone. When I talk to other women they deny it sometimes but they have fibroids and I see that they also intellectualize things as well. I let them be and don’t force my opinion on them ;of course ;but I find it funny when they think I’m a psychic cuz I SEE the resentment and present it gently to them by pointing things out. They usually take pause or they jump out of their body and intellectualize it. Just my observation as a woman.
@@ReginaMcNeish yes..its like they want that thing..but their body cant drop the guard down to receive that thing (due to history of deeling unsafe)...hence this underlying emotion of resentment at yourself. Its like the emotional brain (a threat detector) doesnt feel safe to let go of the armour but intellectual brain dictates to drop the armour as this armour is in the way of what we want. But all is very unconscious and not explicitly available to the conscious mind.
@@ReginaMcNeish I noticed a pattern very recently that women with endometriosis I have come across are very calm/positive/smiley, never seen them express anger or detected resentment from them on an emotional level. I wasn't even thinking about these people but I was watching YT and something just clicked.
@@laurah2831 as a therapist i had a young client who presented with ocd and she was experiencing late stage of endo. Her parents groomed her into not expressing anger as due to their own trauma they were emotionally unavailable so she had to supress it which turned inward and expressed through the body and the monkey mind
I think it's because we are being trained to not trust and not expect anything from anyone. We are actually shamed for it nowadays. I'm a stay at home mom and based on the audience (socioeconomic and race) the response is understanding or disgust. It's very strange.
I have had both father and mother challenges to navigate. It took me 15 years to grieve my father from my heart and soul after he died. And to truly forgive him for not being the father I needed. He was a violent, angry and depressed man who would not let anyone love him. This also inspired me to heal major difficulties with my mother, which has been great. There is a lot of love and joy between us. My romantic relationships have been disastrous in the past, and due to this I have missed out on life experiences as a woman I desired, but I've changed quite substantially and hope I find the love opportunity to express the rejuvenated woman I have become. Thank you for this, Mark. I always enjoy your podcasts; this one is particularly poignant.🙂
Thank you. This is very similar to my own story. My father passed away 16 years ago. Although he was not violent, he was an alcoholic and absent a lot growing up, as my mom was the angry abusive one. I've had 4 major relationships. Two were marriages, 4 kids. Three of those were with alcoholics, one was violent and abusive, two were absent alot, so neglected in childhood and adulthood. I've done 8 months of therapy this year, but have seen several therapists over the years. I'm closer to myself than I have ever been. Self-love and worth is key to my healing. I forgave my parents years ago. Now I'm working on forgiving myself and feeling good in my skin.
Mark, this is such a synchronicity for me. I've been wanting to heal this within myself because my relationships have been a disaster. I want to heal my relationship with men. Thank you for the work you do!
I think a lot of our relationships for females fail because we give waaaay too much. We need to just over all be pulled back, receive and stop caring so much for men. We expect to get the same in return, but guys are never going to give that to us. Because they view that as controlling. It just all seems like a game and we lose every time because we put so much in and get basically nothing out. Instead we end up broken. So I’m just going to stop dating no matter whoever comes into my life. I’m kinda done with guys or wanting relationships
20 seconds in subscribed 🪷I was literally thinking of this issue, opened UA-cam & this video came straight up 🪷I am ready to hear what you guys have to say 🪷buckle up, let’s go 😅
Geesh, this hit home for me way too much. As a woman, I was "raised" by a very absent father, who always wanted sons and for whom I am never good enough. I have accepted that part in my relationship with him, but I keep on doing more and more and more in all my other relationships to try and be enough for others, especially for my own children. I am pushing myself to the brink of total burnout and I really struggle to surrender to a more feminine role. Can't wait for the next video and would love some more pointers area to how to heal both the mother and the father wound.
What you're talking about is called codependency -- the over-giving and over-functioning. I'll cover how to move through that and more! Sending you love!
I realized that my life has been completely following the examples of my father’s terrible dating choices after my parents divorced. I didn’t realize that his absent parenting style and non caring attitude towards my injuries and suffering were also a huge factor in me being hyper vigilant and over nurturing. Its sad. I really love my dad but he has completely messed me up and I have had an unhealthy and toxic love life full of abusive and selfish women. 😢
Oh man Mark you are spot on. 2 days ago I was in a session with my therapist and told her you know I always had this thought that it would never be enough in my relationships and now I finally found I’m at a place where I have nothing else to complain about or am wanting this or that from my partner. Which then led me to realize that I’m the problem, and even though I intellectually have known that for some time, I was able to embody it. And so yes I have much more further work to do but am excited for what is on the other side of this work. My nervous system really needs some deep work that I don’t know where to start so I’m looking forward to those videos!
The initiation through this is so important -- to see ourselves as participating in the pattern is imperative -- so well done on taking that level of responsibility. It's usually accompanied with some shame and grief... so be gentle with yourself :)
I never comment on stuff but I love love that you are touching on this topic. This past year I’ve really had to see where my childhood relationship has impacted my adult life. It’s so much more complex than “daddy issues”.
This is t he most important topic we can discuss at this time. Family units are at stake. Its time to address these issues for we working with this type of wound are in the majority. You are spot on in your assessment of this issue. I have been in one disasterous relationship after another. I have just enough life left to get it right one last time. Bless you.❤
Yes - you were speaking right to me! Resonating on so many levels. Having to step into super masculinity to be the provider but also resenting this role that I created for myself
Wow this was eye opening ..not having access to the range of emotions because one hasn’t fully processed or let them selves recognize feels where we felt let down by our parents out of love for them. This was such a deep and important message. Everything was so well delivered thank you for bringing healing to me. The message was even more healing because it came from a healed masculine. 🙏🏼
The father wound impacted me so much in my teenage years, early adulthood up until I worked through issues after my divorce. It's so important to learn about and work on.
Wow, this is fantastic. I am operating from the "high functioning" awareness of the wounds. I've definitely become aware of how my lack of trust in the masculine actually contributes to men "proving me right." Great pod, and I would definitely love to hear more on how to create a thriving dynamic between the masculine and feminine through the healing of the more subtle wounds. And actionable steps to be a better partner as a woman and how to bring out the best in my future male counterpart.
Great info! Would love to hear about learning ways to recognize the difference between your own distrust issues creating problems vs knowing what is a truly toxic relationship dynamic with a person who is gas lighting and triggering more confusion and distrust of your own judgement.
Thanks Mark. I have been trying to understand deeply what does it mean by daddy issue and how is it effecting me as a mother as a lover .. and how does it effect me as a person. You've just helped me understand more in ways it's understandable for me.
What a great video! Finally, the thoughts of what I’ve been thinking/feeling all my life have been put into words to where it makes sense now. Thank you!!!😭
Dear Mark. I've been following your for 4 years now and I want to say: THANK YOU for all and everything. Your words, your energy fully 100 % resonate with me and i feel you're my strong MF best kick-ass friend in the hardest times of my life. When Im finally required to choose myself. I've been watching your 20 mins video for 2 hrs now because I was stopping, taking notes. Writing down questions, exploring them. Seeing my answers, seeing the hidden truths, embracing the revelations, hitting the play button again and so on....can't wait to listen to your next video. PLEASE, not longer than 20 mins as I will take anyways 2 hours 🤣 So much love from Austria 🇦🇹
Yep - I loved my Father, but nothing ever seemed good enough, authoritarian, angry, etc... It was enough , he just didn't know how to express it correctly due to his upbringing and parental issues. My Mother on the other hand is a Bi-Polar narcissist who abandoned me multiple times and emotionally and physically abused me most of my life (brutal physical abuse - a proxy for her anger towards my Father). Am de peace with a lot of it - but the pattern do repeat themselves or crop up in many ways that are unexpected and unrealized until you can process them and understand what the triggers are or why.
I could not access my father wound until I came home to my Father in Heaven. Until that time it was a major block and so I simply just focused on the mother wound.
I would love more information about how to heal and how to make peace with the father wound without always feeling so deprived from not having the father I needed/always searching for him in relationships. I want to stop living so darn hyper independent and realize I can be me and I am enough. Ugh 😑
I was told growing up by my father that children should be sheldom seen and less heard. Just growing up in the shadows has had its impact on me over the years. For starters in relationships when im not seen, the child in me is angered..theres so much i cld say but i'll end here. Pray for my healinf journey
7:00 a word on the shadow and bringing the truth out of the shadows (subconscious) becoming aware of those parts that are uncomfortable to know the truth of what is happening within and alchemiiize
This helped me understand. Being embodied and integrated, and how it's so different to how I feel wounded/ not embodied/ nor integrated, and coming from a wounded place what's that like for me and also for others who recieve from me. This helped me understand there is an internal wound open, is it not common sense to tend to it like now? Super helpful thank you
Very insightful and helpful. My male genitor (he doesn't deserve the F word) left when I was young and my relationship with my stepfather has been mostly absent. I don't particularly think or care about either, so as I researched material to work through my BPD and attachment issues I was mostly focused on my mother. The patterns you described fit my feelings to a T and I had always chalked it up to a simple lack of self-worth, but now I realize this was in my blind spot all along - exactly why I clicked on the video. I took lots of notes, but the biggest takeaway I want to keep in mind is to stop the subtle attempts at control with the "doing" treadmill and become comfortable with just being, and trust that my partner will still be there.
There was something off and we created all these ways to help sooth my reactions to triggers and he did all the things and it was never enough for I would still get activated and he would feel like he was never doing it right or good enough. 😔 so much shame continued to surface when triggered because he is trust worthy and showing up so why am I continuously having such big emotional reactions to a text not being responded to? I would then try to do the work on my own and feel the resentment grossing and the false beliefs that I am unimportant because he didn't say "ok" to one text?? But then wondering why I can't be happy, I have a partner who is showing up and doing all the things, and what if he did say ok to the text? Would I still be unhappy and looking for something else to find reason why I am unimportant!? Which totally relates to both my relationships with my parents of not feeling seen or important.... so now we are not sure how to move forward because we want to evolve but I get triggered and close my heart and then he pulls away.... we are both aware...... anyways, maybe what the next steps are in something that particular? Thank you Mark.
Relating! Something that's helping me with this stuff is IFS (Internal Family Systems). The book 'You are the one' by Richard Schwartz is brilliant and gives practical steps.
My dad wanted to not be his father. His mother was slowly paralyzed from the neck down; his father left work at a mill to take care of her, which was unheard of at the time. But he was strict, religious. My dad believed my mother was a decent human being with her shit together. My mother is character disordered. She bulldozed my dad. He had no needs. And now, i cant leave toxic relationships. The other is a version of my mom. I believe i am being mature and honorable, in setting aside my needs for the wellbeing of the relationship.
A man who is "not quite ready." I believe that other people know what they want and who they are and that they are capable of representing their authentic self. And then, over time, the mask slips. I am crushed. I try to make it work. They pretend they will do the things. And then ignore me. I have to be willing to give up on anyone who is not already a fully functioning adult; anyone who simply refuses to be an equal partner.
I felt like my dad became scared of me when I became a teenager. I think he was trying to give me space. He didn't go to my graduation for my bachelor's degree, and it hurt; I found out after the fact that he thought I might be embarrassed by him. That isn't something I can even imagine, being embarrassed by him. Likely, my mom planted that seed.
Thanks for sharing Paige! That behaviour of your father's makes you responsible for his feelings. His lack of self-worth gets projected on to you, and you have to coddle his emotions because he presents as delicate. If you haven't read our book, Liberated Love, it might be really helpful! Also, I have lots of podcasts on the subject! Again, thanks for sharing!
I am writing a book about it how a girl and father’s relationship or the men in her life. There is allot more to it when you search and do research out of America.
Humans are to attached to each other and expect to much from one another. Being a perfect parent and raising perfect children is impossible in a world full of influence and demands to simply exist.
What about when I wasn't his kid and he called my mom out on it when I was 5 and my mom played dumb. At 15 my mom made me and my 4 siblings to live with him and at 16 he put me to work and buy my own stuff. I feel like I was just trafficked to work and pay family bills. Now I am 52 and he is died and now my moves out here and I want nothing to do with her. Who is my dad? I got issues with guys. I stopped dating and just try to work through all this.
The truth about our reality is we need God. He clearly said put no faith in man because they will all let you down. That includes yourself, parents, and family. That’s where we are messing up.
If your parents are trash putting them on a pedestal seems idiotic at the very least. If your parents are complete trash sure you can have empathy for them but I feel like it's in your best interest to separate yourself from them.
Haha. you can just take this info and apply it to any gender combination. I know I spoke in a heteronormative way, however your experience will be similar no matter who you are in relationship with.
Grew up in 70’s and 80’s. Raised by busy parents. Both physicians. We were disciplined, smacked when deserved, and shouted at…. But they loved us unconditionally, they would do anything for us to have a good life/ future. So I had a childhood. Yes, they did what they could given their work circumstances. Do I have daddy or mommy issues? No. I take accountability for my mistakes and own up, reflect and improve daily. I am not going to blame my current adult issues back on my parents. Please don’t encourage the victim hood mindset Mark!
It's important for people to understand the pathology of their behaviour so they have context to their challenges and dysfunctions. Our issues can be correlated to our childhood without being stuck in a victim mindset. I would say it's the challenge of holding the complexity that one can be a victim of something, and also grow, change and thrive due to the experience. And our parents may have done the best they could, they could be incredible people, and yet we may have had some essential needs go unmet, especially when our mother wasn't attuned and attentive to us. - Dad too, however mom is very important for early development.
Appreciate you sharing your experience and that you deal with your issues the way you do. Some people grew up being abused by their parents or didn’t have the unconditional love that you talk about. Understanding these things and working on them IS about reflection and accountability for ourselves. 👍🏿
@@markgroves The only useful purpose of the present birth is to turn within and realise the self. There is nothing else to do. Then you’ll realise that there is no such thing called unmet needs. Do I make sense?
@@aren2560 - you make total sense. And yet one navigates the 3-D and the experiences of it in order to get there. Or not. Or doesn’t have to do anything. And that realization sometimes comes from doing everything.
Degeneration of human brain. They should come up with some soc media regulation. "When you talk to primary school teachers, they confirm that children are being stupid. Research shows that degeneration of brain ability is directly proportional to the number of hours spent in the digital world, ” says neurologist Martin Jan Stránský.
Finding out just how much I am loved by my Father in Heaven, has brought tremendous healing of my wounds and helped me to forgive, understand and have compassion for my earthly father, even if he never validates me, I know I’m loved.
anen
amen i mean
All of this! So happy for you. Yes, Abbas healing love was and continues to be the foundation and game changer or me. So grateful. Thanks for sharing your validating comment 🙏🏿
I love that ...father in heaven vs. Earthly father ❤ my Dad had his flaws for sure , but I know he is working for me on the otherside .
Have you any tips for how to find out God's fatherly love?
I am happy that you did! 🙏
I can say that thanks to growing up with a father with depression-induced rage, I've been very fearful of male anger. That's something I'm working through.
Yeah. End up as a people pleaser and nice guy
This really feels like the most important conversations we can have in this time and space. It feels like the CORE of our evolution.
We find relationships that pattern either our mother or father. We marry our parents and this is very true.
Sometimes ppl have awful parents and find someone better.
When u say women feel resentful of being taken care of...i would like to see it through nervous system capacity or lack thereof for being taken care of. Our NS doesnt feel safe to receive due to unavailable fathers. So is it resentment or more that feeling of unsafety induced by never actually having experienced receiving care and therefore our NS stays hypervigilant...which translates into resentment.
Fab piece though Mark!
I really like that you’re asking this. I’ve noticed more and more women of ALL races in the states having more and more fertility issue ( fibroids, cysts, endo, etc.) . I believe in my soul THIS is how the resentment presents itself. If you asked me before I become aware of that , it was resentment or just something women are going through (before it was said mostly black woman have these issues especially the fibroids but that has changed in this resent decade). I’m seeing that we (women) intellectualize everything more and not connect to our bodies. The more I connected to my body the more I realized there is a lot of resentment ESPECIALLY due to me HAVING to go it alone and do it alone. When I talk to other women they deny it sometimes but they have fibroids and I see that they also intellectualize things as well. I let them be and don’t force my opinion on them ;of course ;but I find it funny when they think I’m a psychic cuz I SEE the resentment and present it gently to them by pointing things out. They usually take pause or they jump out of their body and intellectualize it. Just my observation as a woman.
@@ReginaMcNeish yes..its like they want that thing..but their body cant drop the guard down to receive that thing (due to history of deeling unsafe)...hence this underlying emotion of resentment at yourself. Its like the emotional brain (a threat detector) doesnt feel safe to let go of the armour but intellectual brain dictates to drop the armour as this armour is in the way of what we want. But all is very unconscious and not explicitly available to the conscious mind.
@@ReginaMcNeish I noticed a pattern very recently that women with endometriosis I have come across are very calm/positive/smiley, never seen them express anger or detected resentment from them on an emotional level. I wasn't even thinking about these people but I was watching YT and something just clicked.
@@laurah2831 as a therapist i had a young client who presented with ocd and she was experiencing late stage of endo. Her parents groomed her into not expressing anger as due to their own trauma they were emotionally unavailable so she had to supress it which turned inward and expressed through the body and the monkey mind
I think it's because we are being trained to not trust and not expect anything from anyone. We are actually shamed for it nowadays. I'm a stay at home mom and based on the audience (socioeconomic and race) the response is understanding or disgust. It's very strange.
I have had both father and mother challenges to navigate.
It took me 15 years to grieve my father from my heart and soul after he died. And to truly forgive him for not being the father I needed. He was a violent, angry and depressed man who would not let anyone love him. This also inspired me to heal major difficulties with my mother, which has been great. There is a lot of love and joy between us. My romantic relationships have been disastrous in the past, and due to this I have missed out on life experiences as a woman I desired, but I've changed quite substantially and hope I find the love opportunity to express the rejuvenated woman I have become. Thank you for this, Mark. I always enjoy your podcasts; this one is particularly poignant.🙂
Thank you for sharing your inspiring journey. Any tips would be helpful.
Thank you. This is very similar to my own story. My father passed away 16 years ago. Although he was not violent, he was an alcoholic and absent a lot growing up, as my mom was the angry abusive one. I've had 4 major relationships. Two were marriages, 4 kids. Three of those were with alcoholics, one was violent and abusive, two were absent alot, so neglected in childhood and adulthood. I've done 8 months of therapy this year, but have seen several therapists over the years. I'm closer to myself than I have ever been. Self-love and worth is key to my healing. I forgave my parents years ago. Now I'm working on forgiving myself and feeling good in my skin.
Mark, this is such a synchronicity for me. I've been wanting to heal this within myself because my relationships have been a disaster. I want to heal my relationship with men. Thank you for the work you do!
I think a lot of our relationships for females fail because we give waaaay too much. We need to just over all be pulled back, receive and stop caring so much for men. We expect to get the same in return, but guys are never going to give that to us. Because they view that as controlling. It just all seems like a game and we lose every time because we put so much in and get basically nothing out. Instead we end up broken. So I’m just going to stop dating no matter whoever comes into my life. I’m kinda done with guys or wanting relationships
20 seconds in subscribed 🪷I was literally thinking of this issue, opened UA-cam & this video came straight up 🪷I am ready to hear what you guys have to say 🪷buckle up, let’s go 😅
Geesh, this hit home for me way too much. As a woman, I was "raised" by a very absent father, who always wanted sons and for whom I am never good enough. I have accepted that part in my relationship with him, but I keep on doing more and more and more in all my other relationships to try and be enough for others, especially for my own children. I am pushing myself to the brink of total burnout and I really struggle to surrender to a more feminine role.
Can't wait for the next video and would love some more pointers area to how to heal both the mother and the father wound.
What you're talking about is called codependency -- the over-giving and over-functioning. I'll cover how to move through that and more! Sending you love!
I realized that my life has been completely following the examples of my father’s terrible dating choices after my parents divorced. I didn’t realize that his absent parenting style and non caring attitude towards my injuries and suffering were also a huge factor in me being hyper vigilant and over nurturing. Its sad. I really love my dad but he has completely messed me up and I have had an unhealthy and toxic love life full of abusive and selfish women. 😢
Ok so now that you know, what are you going to do about it?
Oh man Mark you are spot on. 2 days ago I was in a session with my therapist and told her you know I always had this thought that it would never be enough in my relationships and now I finally found I’m at a place where I have nothing else to complain about or am wanting this or that from my partner. Which then led me to realize that I’m the problem, and even though I intellectually have known that for some time, I was able to embody it. And so yes I have much more further work to do but am excited for what is on the other side of this work. My nervous system really needs some deep work that I don’t know where to start so I’m looking forward to those videos!
The initiation through this is so important -- to see ourselves as participating in the pattern is imperative -- so well done on taking that level of responsibility. It's usually accompanied with some shame and grief... so be gentle with yourself :)
Same
I never comment on stuff but I love love that you are touching on this topic. This past year I’ve really had to see where my childhood relationship has impacted my adult life. It’s so much more complex than “daddy issues”.
Right?! To give us more compassion in the exploration of this!
This is t he most important topic we can discuss at this time. Family units are at stake. Its time to address these issues for we working with this type of wound are in the majority. You are spot on in your assessment of this issue. I have been in one disasterous relationship after another. I have just enough life left to get it right one last time. Bless you.❤
Yes - you were speaking right to me! Resonating on so many levels. Having to step into super masculinity to be the provider but also resenting this role that I created for myself
Wow this was eye opening ..not having access to the range of emotions because one hasn’t fully processed or let them selves recognize feels where we felt let down by our parents out of love for them. This was such a deep and important message. Everything was so well delivered thank you for bringing healing to me. The message was even more healing because it came from a healed masculine. 🙏🏼
The father wound impacted me so much in my teenage years, early adulthood up until I worked through issues after my divorce. It's so important to learn about and work on.
Wow, this is fantastic. I am operating from the "high functioning" awareness of the wounds. I've definitely become aware of how my lack of trust in the masculine actually contributes to men "proving me right."
Great pod, and I would definitely love to hear more on how to create a thriving dynamic between the masculine and feminine through the healing of the more subtle wounds. And actionable steps to be a better partner as a woman and how to bring out the best in my future male counterpart.
Great info! Would love to hear about learning ways to recognize the difference between your own distrust issues creating problems vs knowing what is a truly toxic relationship dynamic with a person who is gas lighting and triggering more confusion and distrust of your own judgement.
🙏🙏 exactly
Spot on. Also, love the way you reiterated a couple times that this can also show up as subtle energies.
Very important concepts discussed. I’d be interested in hearing more about healing the nervous system.
Thanks Mark. I have been trying to understand deeply what does it mean by daddy issue and how is it effecting me as a mother as a lover .. and how does it effect me as a person. You've just helped me understand more in ways it's understandable for me.
So happy to hear this!
This popped up at the exact right time - thank you
You're so welcome!
Excited for this series and to share it with my community for healing as well! Thanks for your work Mark!
Thanks for sharing it!
13:10 i grew up without a father and this exactly what thought most of my life.
What a great video! Finally, the thoughts of what I’ve been thinking/feeling all my life have been put into words to where it makes sense now. Thank you!!!😭
Dear Mark. I've been following your for 4 years now and I want to say: THANK YOU for all and everything. Your words, your energy fully 100 % resonate with me and i feel you're my strong MF best kick-ass friend in the hardest times of my life. When Im finally required to choose myself. I've been watching your 20 mins video for 2 hrs now because I was stopping, taking notes. Writing down questions, exploring them. Seeing my answers, seeing the hidden truths, embracing the revelations, hitting the play button again and so on....can't wait to listen to your next video. PLEASE, not longer than 20 mins as I will take anyways 2 hours 🤣
So much love from Austria 🇦🇹
This was an absolutely amazing analysis with so much truth you really know your stuff! Subbed!
This stuff is way complicated and most people are not Open enough to share issues like this even with their significant others .
this is the work. thank you so much mark
Wow this really gives me something to think about. It’s resonating with me and problems I have in my marriage.
This was really good, very helpful. Thank you!
If you have not, recommend reading Man Enough: Fathers, Sons, and the Search for Masculinity
Thank you!
Would love more of this topic about father wound please
Yep - I loved my Father, but nothing ever seemed good enough, authoritarian, angry, etc... It was enough , he just didn't know how to express it correctly due to his upbringing and parental issues. My Mother on the other hand is a Bi-Polar narcissist who abandoned me multiple times and emotionally and physically abused me most of my life (brutal physical abuse - a proxy for her anger towards my Father). Am de peace with a lot of it - but the pattern do repeat themselves or crop up in many ways that are unexpected and unrealized until you can process them and understand what the triggers are or why.
I could not access my father wound until I came home to my Father in Heaven.
Until that time it was a major block and so I simply just focused on the mother wound.
I am so sorry to hear. I hope you heal soon
Nice quality video, and your voice is very soothing
I would love more information about how to heal and how to make peace with the father wound without always feeling so deprived from not having the father I needed/always searching for him in relationships. I want to stop living so darn hyper independent and realize I can be me and I am enough. Ugh 😑
I was told growing up by my father that children should be sheldom seen and less heard. Just growing up in the shadows has had its impact on me over the years. For starters in relationships when im not seen, the child in me is angered..theres so much i cld say but i'll end here. Pray for my healinf journey
Omg! Totally going through this, not enough, wanting more!!!! Omg bam!
I just bought King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover today
Finally someone made a video on this. Where’s my popcorn..
The content isn't unique, but certainly necessary and you articulate the multifaceted details very well. Thank you!
Nice. New sub, thank you!
Thanks for joining the fun!
7:00 a word on the shadow and bringing the truth out of the shadows (subconscious) becoming aware of those parts that are uncomfortable to know the truth of what is happening within and alchemiiize
I'd like to hear more about the 'nervous system' angle you mentioned at the end.
I don’t have one of those. I’m pretty sure it explains a lot.
This helped me understand. Being embodied and integrated, and how it's so different to how I feel wounded/ not embodied/ nor integrated, and coming from a wounded place what's that like for me and also for others who recieve from me.
This helped me understand there is an internal wound open, is it not common sense to tend to it like now?
Super helpful thank you
Happy to hear it was helpful! Sometimes tending to our wound requires exploring things we don't know how to navigate -- like grief!
Very insightful and helpful. My male genitor (he doesn't deserve the F word) left when I was young and my relationship with my stepfather has been mostly absent. I don't particularly think or care about either, so as I researched material to work through my BPD and attachment issues I was mostly focused on my mother. The patterns you described fit my feelings to a T and I had always chalked it up to a simple lack of self-worth, but now I realize this was in my blind spot all along - exactly why I clicked on the video. I took lots of notes, but the biggest takeaway I want to keep in mind is to stop the subtle attempts at control with the "doing" treadmill and become comfortable with just being, and trust that my partner will still be there.
I have a dad on Earth. My father is in Heaven.
There was something off and we created all these ways to help sooth my reactions to triggers and he did all the things and it was never enough for I would still get activated and he would feel like he was never doing it right or good enough. 😔 so much shame continued to surface when triggered because he is trust worthy and showing up so why am I continuously having such big emotional reactions to a text not being responded to? I would then try to do the work on my own and feel the resentment grossing and the false beliefs that I am unimportant because he didn't say "ok" to one text?? But then wondering why I can't be happy, I have a partner who is showing up and doing all the things, and what if he did say ok to the text? Would I still be unhappy and looking for something else to find reason why I am unimportant!? Which totally relates to both my relationships with my parents of not feeling seen or important.... so now we are not sure how to move forward because we want to evolve but I get triggered and close my heart and then he pulls away.... we are both aware...... anyways, maybe what the next steps are in something that particular? Thank you Mark.
Relating! Something that's helping me with this stuff is IFS (Internal Family Systems). The book 'You are the one' by Richard Schwartz is brilliant and gives practical steps.
Grew up with a single mother and have huge father and mother wounds. 🙃🙃🙃🙃
Clear as mud
HSP’s are extremely affected by the Father’s actions or non actions !
Good, so have to heal this or work on it ?
My dad wanted to not be his father. His mother was slowly paralyzed from the neck down; his father left work at a mill to take care of her, which was unheard of at the time. But he was strict, religious. My dad believed my mother was a decent human being with her shit together. My mother is character disordered. She bulldozed my dad. He had no needs.
And now, i cant leave toxic relationships. The other is a version of my mom. I believe i am being mature and honorable, in setting aside my needs for the wellbeing of the relationship.
A man who is "not quite ready." I believe that other people know what they want and who they are and that they are capable of representing their authentic self. And then, over time, the mask slips. I am crushed. I try to make it work. They pretend they will do the things. And then ignore me. I have to be willing to give up on anyone who is not already a fully functioning adult; anyone who simply refuses to be an equal partner.
I felt like my dad became scared of me when I became a teenager. I think he was trying to give me space. He didn't go to my graduation for my bachelor's degree, and it hurt; I found out after the fact that he thought I might be embarrassed by him. That isn't something I can even imagine, being embarrassed by him. Likely, my mom planted that seed.
Thanks for sharing Paige! That behaviour of your father's makes you responsible for his feelings. His lack of self-worth gets projected on to you, and you have to coddle his emotions because he presents as delicate. If you haven't read our book, Liberated Love, it might be really helpful! Also, I have lots of podcasts on the subject! Again, thanks for sharing!
That was a mean response
@@theprinceofrealestate maybe. Still useful.
Growing up without a father makes life harder, especially for a son like myself. My dad is definitely a conman. I hate him.
Dedicate your life to truth as an act of reclamation. :)
I am writing a book about it how a girl and father’s relationship or the men in her life. There is allot more to it when you search and do research out of America.
Yep.. 30s is the time to unravel all the ways we're f*cked up
how long did it take you to understand it ?
Dear Mark, can we talk about this for like hours.
🌟
Silent father. Yeah mind f**kery is true😮
Sounds like my Mom
Ooh i am alone bcos of him , i ll never feel safe in the world n around ppl .
Humans are to attached to each other and expect to much from one another. Being a perfect parent and raising perfect children is impossible in a world full of influence and demands to simply exist.
Babies don't expect too much from a mother... however we often expect too much when our needs didn't get met in a healthy way.
What about when I wasn't his kid and he called my mom out on it when I was 5 and my mom played dumb. At 15 my mom made me and my 4 siblings to live with him and at 16 he put me to work and buy my own stuff. I feel like I was just trafficked to work and pay family bills. Now I am 52 and he is died and now my moves out here and I want nothing to do with her. Who is my dad? I got issues with guys. I stopped dating and just try to work through all this.
The truth about our reality is we need God. He clearly said put no faith in man because they will all let you down. That includes yourself, parents, and family. That’s where we are messing up.
If your parents are trash putting them on a pedestal seems idiotic at the very least. If your parents are complete trash sure you can have empathy for them but I feel like it's in your best interest to separate yourself from them.
Father? What father? Screwed me over good.
That’s the “work” 🤔
I need this but for gay men lol. I guess I'm doing both the "never enough" for men, and the "I need a man who's who my father wasnt" for women lol
Haha. you can just take this info and apply it to any gender combination. I know I spoke in a heteronormative way, however your experience will be similar no matter who you are in relationship with.
What about a narcissist psychopath father who has lived his live through his son…
🥰🥰🥰
HA! Dad dipped when I was 2.
No wonder all these men want me and I think I might be 4-53XV4L
@@alwaysyouramanda4?
Grew up in 70’s and 80’s. Raised by busy parents. Both physicians. We were disciplined, smacked when deserved, and shouted at…. But they loved us unconditionally, they would do anything for us to have a good life/ future. So I had a childhood. Yes, they did what they could given their work circumstances. Do I have daddy or mommy issues? No. I take accountability for my mistakes and own up, reflect and improve daily. I am not going to blame my current adult issues back on my parents. Please don’t encourage the victim hood mindset Mark!
It's important for people to understand the pathology of their behaviour so they have context to their challenges and dysfunctions. Our issues can be correlated to our childhood without being stuck in a victim mindset. I would say it's the challenge of holding the complexity that one can be a victim of something, and also grow, change and thrive due to the experience. And our parents may have done the best they could, they could be incredible people, and yet we may have had some essential needs go unmet, especially when our mother wasn't attuned and attentive to us. - Dad too, however mom is very important for early development.
Appreciate you sharing your experience and that you deal with your issues the way you do. Some people grew up being abused by their parents or didn’t have the unconditional love that you talk about. Understanding these things and working on them IS about reflection and accountability for ourselves. 👍🏿
@@Kmanhada I agree. That’s entirely a different issue if they were truly abused by their parents.
@@markgroves The only useful purpose of the present birth is to turn within and realise the self. There is nothing else to do. Then you’ll realise that there is no such thing called unmet needs. Do I make sense?
@@aren2560 - you make total sense. And yet one navigates the 3-D and the experiences of it in order to get there. Or not. Or doesn’t have to do anything. And that realization sometimes comes from doing everything.
Degeneration of human brain. They should come up with some soc media regulation.
"When you talk to primary school teachers, they confirm that children are being stupid. Research shows that degeneration of brain ability is directly proportional to the number of hours spent in the digital world, ” says neurologist Martin Jan Stránský.