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I was the invisible child in my family. And now I'm the invisible adult. My family dynamic is so toxic and triggering, I just avoid everyone - family, friends, people in general.
Girl, you are not alone. I have gotten to the point where I know who I am defending and it's "me". I don't validate myself by their opinion anymore. This pandemic has sat my arse down and forced me to take a good look . I can be happy alone and that's a big step.
Me, too. I had to cut off a lot of family members as they would be dismissive and treat me poorly. They had gotten used to using me whenever they wanted help, but would never invite me to anything fun so i said enough and dropped them all. I feel so much more peace in my heart.
Boy is that true. They all used me, but when I needed help, there was crickets. Not my parents, they loved me, but my siblings. I just don't understand
I went from being the scapegoated child to being the invisible adult. It’s funny because as a child, my dream was to be invisible. I had a fear of being seen and heard. I’m STILL afraid of being seen and heard. I never considered the concept of becoming invisible to my own self, which is exactly what happened.
The problem with boundaries, is the problem with bullies. You can set the boundaries, they just don't respect them....so we become "invisible" to attempt to avoid the nasty and mean people. They still seek us out. Nothing a bully likes better than someone who just wants to live their life quietly. Invisibility is an attempt at self protection. Bullies will literally come through your door just to get to you.
That lesson took me till I was in my 30's to learn always trying to get along w/people and excusing there behavior. Now in my 40's I just start screaming at them and call them on there bs because they have no right coming to my door to steal my happiness when before I would have felt guilty for screaming now I know it's the only language they listen too. If they would have came at me in the right way to begin with they wouldn't be screamed at. Since I am a nice guy the screaming really throws them off cause they think I am going to be a push over...Take your power back
I found that instead of becoming invisible, if we build a solid self image and know our personal values then no one can bring us down till we are alive❤
I'm currently enmeshed. Rent is high (in all 50 states) Wage is low, and a migrant crisis took out my NYC Uber Eats opportunities that have kept me afloat. When I finish my technical education, I probably will go no contact. They'll smear me, they'll keep comparing me to my cousins who grew up in the same house for most of their childhood, while my parents divorced before i was 8 and i lived in 13 different places in my childhood, nothing I could ever do will satisfy these boomers.. sadly narcissistic personality disorder seems to thrive in boomers(not all but a majority), they RELISH in my suffering when I cant pay $2,275 for a 1 bedroom at $20 per hour. Duh. 2+2=4, but to these narcissistic people... 2+2=22 😭 and yet I now depend on them for help or I'll be homeless.. again..
Please consider relocating to a smaller area. It's less expensive, safer, & you can grow your own family while you deprogram from your family of origin. It takes years to peel back the layers of trauma to find out who you are. And he helping others is a great way to stay constructively busy & network. Best to you. 🙏🕊️
I have been psychologically erased by both parents and when I reached out to my brother and sister for help as I was going through the worst experience of my life with the gaslighting narcissism, they ignored me too. The erasure is complete. I am now completely no contact with all of them because if they want to psychologically erase me, I'll finish the job by removing myself physically too. The therapy I started revealed I have been gaslit all my life and I was never allowed to have my own thoughts and feelings.
Sooo my narc used to use my trauma against me to manipulate me and control me. *i* used to end up using these sentences because literally all we did was fight and it was SO frustrating. For example, whenever we used to argue, if it didn’t go his way, he’d threaten to leave me. Initially it worked and he’d start packing his bags, sending me into a tailspin (hello, abandonment issues). Eventually he did this so often that i would literally roll my eyes and be like “ok, here we go again”. Eventually he realized that this didn’t work. I definitely grey rocked him without even knowing what it was. I would accuse him so often of cheating, but he would conclude that it was me going “you’re imagining things”, “you have issues”, “you’re upset over nothing”. I was referred to a software expert who helped me clone his phone and laptop from which i got evidence of him cheating and I plan to seek for a divorce really soon. Are you doubting your partner or feels like he or she is cheating, send him a message:instagram.com/rickhack101
Wish me luck, am trying to reverse that phenomenon for my only child... (he hides, he is almost selective mutism, does not seem to trust anybody anymore)
I also was the invisible child and spent most of my adult life like that until I recently broke out of it at the age of 45 when I went no contact from my narcissistic family and former workplace. I have put in a lot of time healing myself, tending to self care for myself and validating my voice and childhood trauma
in the same shoe meloney.. ive been on it for 8 years now.. and like he said have to give time for the new self to be absorbed by the system... also try somatic therpay to speed up healing..
I started to become visible to myself when I recognised my inner child. She needs help and I started to parent her myself with patience, kindness and compassion. The grown up me provides for her.
I have been invisible in every group I have ever been in, just use me but I’m not liked . My childhood family, in my husbands family, with my husband himself and even with moms and kids groups. It seems to just be who I am. Invisible. I’m so use to it that it just is my reality and I don’t want to be seen or loved now. Someone acknowledging me even with a hello is so uncomfortable
Unfortunately I can really relate to what you are saying. I am sorry other people have created this feeling. Your last line really hit home...I immediately wonder WHY they are being "nice," and have gotten to the point where I am leery of letting anyone get too close because of their inevitable expectations. Just wanted you to know You are seen and understood. Grateful for channels like this where we all can reach out and feel less alone. 💗
I am not always invisible, despite my best efforts,, but I am terrified of those who treat me kindly and like my preferences matter.. It’s so unfamiliar from my childhood so considerate people freak me out, guess it’s a feeling of shame, I think:” If you knew me you wouldn’t be so nice to me.” Gosh that sounds so crazy, I am a good person, but those feelings are there. The more normal a person is the more scared I am of them. I meet a crazy self-obsessed manipulator-it feels like home😂.
@@jmvwegnerpriestOh my! Can I relate to what you're sharing. Thank you for saying, "I am not always invisible, despite my best efforts." I'm so relieved to hear those words. All the best to you and all the best to all of us who've survived this crazy experience.
I was so invisible that I thought no one could recognize my face as I grew up. Like my face was a blank with no features. Has anyone else experienced this? This went on into my adulthood.
I know they don’t see exactly who I am. Somebody told me I looked like some actress and I got excited so I looked her up. Completely different hair color, face shape, etc. Makes me wonder if I’m really interpreting myself correctly.
I’ve always thought “They won’t remember me” or “They won’t recognize me”. Never thought about why I thought people I had met or knew wouldn’t recognize me from a perspective of being abused by Narc parents. Makes sense now
Same here. When I moved to a new environment and people started to 'see me', trying to befriend me, I totally freaked out and shut them off, which wasn't my intention but my 'autopilot'😢.
So profound. So true. I wish I'd heard this 40 years ago. I was completely invisible to myself and others, and in so much emotional pain. I'd been ignored, neglected and abused throughout childhood and had just begun trying to raise my own 2 children with nothing inside me to give. It's all worked out well as I re-raised myself alongside them. They're 43 and 40 and at 65 I'm a new, fulfilled and loved person.
I am so happy for you. Your story reminds me of my mom. She too tried to raise us with limited capacity. I wish she too would have learned about narcissism and had the chance to re-parent herself and become visible to herself. We lost her 6 years ago at just 66 years old.
@@Bloominglotus19 I'm sorry that is your mom's story. And yours. It leaves an emptiness that's hard to fill. I wish you love and peace in great abundance from now on 💖
I have listened to dozens of videos, podcasts, books, etc., but I just spent an hour transcribing this video it seemed so spot on. My father was domineering, unstable, scary and --in the eyes of this child-- the source of my survival. Since he passed I feel lost. My new mantra is "What is required by me to feel visible to me?" --because so far I have ZERO idea.
Yes! I have found it so ironic that most channels when talking about the 4 types of narcissistic abuse they will list the lost child then talking about all the others, forgetting to talk about the lost child. You almost have to laugh- almost. As a lost child adult, I feel it is probably the lost child group that wants the info the most. Thank you, Sir, for remembering us
I chose to be invisible because my father was violent. Most every evening I would go to my room, play with my doll, and tremble when I heard my father in another room yelling and hitting. My sense of self is vastly improved since then, but I have worked on "self" for decades.
Assertiveness doesn’t work until you realize/know/BELIEVE “I am worthy and deserving of what I am asking.” It’s all about recovering from your caregivers treating you with low regard, treating you as though you are worthless. They were wrong, in a most destructive way. Hey Jerry thank you for filling your videos with so much information.
Recently my dad asked me to take a few days to help him move a car across two states. He offered food and gas. He recently gave my brother and his wife’s son a new car. I told him I would do it for 500 a day. If he can buy them cars he can compensate my time. He raged. And told me that since my mother passed away last year I already got stuff from him from her estate because he bought everything she had. They were divorced for 40 years.
Sounds similar to a experience with my dead father he kept me tied up helping him get ready for a 4000$ smoker he was having deliveried by the end I gave him a bill broke down for fairness and he raged then came and hastly handed me the money like here take it and better believe I did I should have asked for more now that I know whata piece of shit he actually was when he was alive I just couldn't see it then
My parents were lieing to us about my fathers homosexuality my entire childhood. I was the one who figured it out and screamed it through the entire house hold. I was the one who let the cat out of the bag. Boy was I the most hated one after that. Was always hated anyway but massively more after that.
I was the invisible child/adult. I too avoid, since my mother manipulates and triangulates siblings against each other. Always a competition and my mother, golden child and oldest sisters are either narcs or at the very least narc tendencies. I tried to get together with them on July 4th. I was talked over, and most would move to the other side of the room when I sat down. I thought I was just seeing things. So I got up and moved over by them. And in less than 5 mins they all left to go to different side of the room. For days after, I had nightmares that woke me up. Not sure I can handle it anymore
So sorry. My two older adult kids went off on a 4th of J trip and left out my youngest daughter, their half sister. (28) I had to talk her through the 4th and then she found a friend to hang out with. She's the truthful empath of the family.
Wow! That's harsh My history is so similar Maintain regular contact with only one of five siblings for past 7 years. You must be doing something RIGHT!
@@arashigumdrop exactly, I'm 1 of 10. Maintain contact with only a few. What do you mean by RIGHT? Because I feel like crap, distancing myself but at the same time, refuse to be treated like I have been by them anymore.
For anyone who be curious, doing it all at once resulted in me depression sleeping for a year and I chose to become homeless and live in my car for 6 months and couch hop. The intensity of emotions and maneuvering everybody else's is a challenge. Even figuring out what my boundaries even are, what my feelings even are. Im almost to the point of taking care of myself and being alone, but I relied so heavily on the opinion and emotions of my abusive parents I went through them to gain validation and closure that I can be an adult and stuff. Everybody "close" to me tells me it's mental illness, but I just learned to stop asking them what my own thoughts and actions are lol. Most the time they have worse mental health than I do and cannot help regardless. I've done all of this without getting prescribed onto any bipolar or mental health medication, I mainly have smoked herbal, like ground up herbs and marijuana to ground myself and relax. It's like my brain is splitting half the time, so the weed helps me cry and feel things. Even violent things. The therapist I did have was convinced by my toxic family I was going crazy but that is simply not the case. So even therapists can be an extremely abusive catalyst and environment if they're trying to instead medicate you for something that just needs a natural solution.
My therapist is usually professional, but I found out through the news papers he had an affair witb a client, while he was married. (Red flag. He is male, me female..(and I already have trust issues towards both men and women)😢
I countered invisibility as an adult by dressing well whenever i go out. I get lots of compliments which is wonderful. Nice change from invisible childhood.
This makes so much sense. Of course it's hard to set boundaries with others when you don't have a solid feeling of when you begin and end. It's like trying to put a fence around a cloud.
I just blocked my MIL because she kept texting me late at night when I asked her not to. Also she backs me in to a corner with some drama she dreams up- that really involves her son, my husb, but she pulls me in, every time. I can either defend myself or ignore her- two behaviors that I don't like being trapped into.
I think this is one of your best videos by far and yes it starts with childhood being invisible dodging bullets and we grow up with a lot of anxiety one thing I found out growing up you have to show up for yourself before you can show up for other people and you never have to get validation from no one this was pretty deep
Thank you Cynthia, I'm glad you liked the video. As adults we can now choose to be visible, also in an environment that wants us to be invisible. And we can choose to give our kids an environment that encourages them to be visible ❤️
It all begins with self love and seeing your value and worth. It's extremely difficult for the family of origin to see you changing because they know they are losing control. It's actually uncomfortable to watch, but it's necessary. These three stages of resistance are 💯 spot on. You will be tested repeatedly and learning to respond and not react when being baited lets you take your power back. Some family members won't be able to handle the change and walk away and that's ok. Others will begin to come out of the fog themselves and start finding their own value. My heart goes out to anyone experiencing this because it's very difficult. The good thing is it does get better. Keep putting in the inner work and you will become stronger than you know. It doesn't matter if they approve of the new you. All that matters is that you do! Keep going and growing and watch your life completely transform for the better. 💛Excellent video as always Jerry👍
learned this the hard way, until i could escape the toxic family and narc partner i put boundaries first then worked on self love health and peace , the more i respect myself boundaries get stronger
The information in this few mins is more than I got in over a year of therapy. You know what you're talking about, and you're brilliant. You look after us who do not have someone to look after us or have learned not to. Thank you, Jerry.
I agree, with Dr. RAMANI, Patrick Teahan, Mr. WISE really gets through to me, with all the examples. My heroes, together with a few friends (nurse and gynaecologist)
I noticed this is about a year old, however, the impact on being ignored and invisible can result in children seeking adverse attention by being rebellious, disruptive, lying, bullying, and engaging in delinquent activities. Negative attention is better than no attention in these children’s eyes. This carries into adulthood for most of these people if no psychiatric help is received. The root of this lies in the parents emotional immaturity, who may also be abusive, and/or have addictions. I know an adult male who is a prime example of this. Very unfortunate.
this was so uncomfortable, painful to hear, profound and resonating Jerry. will need another 5 repeat watches to cement the information and content internally. much appreciated and grateful for the work you do as always Jerry.
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Not existing as a target of care makes self care very hard!! I am invisible to myself, and I truly believe that I exist through the eyes of others. I know its a wrong belief, and I am working hard to get unstuck. Even worse, so many people are truly kind to me and even then I don’t feel like I matter or are loveable! This video is very helpful in becoming more self aware thank you teacher
It seems like a doable safe starting point : be visible to myself. How do I feel, what do I want need, do I hurt, what do I like, am I afraid/of, etc. 😅
I think a lot of us need a video on how we can value and love ourselves; what doing that work looks like, what we're supposed to base it on, and all that stuff.
I've watched this video at least 3x and each time I nodded in agreement. Tried assertiveness, being more visible etc, and following other people's advice, but my anxiety heightened. A couple of years ago during an interview with a celebrity, I heard a question that stuck with me: do you need a coach or do you need therapy? Now I do self-work based on my needs at the moment. As a result, I've started to work with a coach on honouring my commitments to myself. When I feel my resistance to the tasks coming up, I explore that resistance through journaling:Why do I resist this? What issue am I fighting against? I think we can't do action-based work (coaching) without reflective work(therapy). Thank you for the work you do. It is greatly appreciated.
I was not raised in this, but I married into it. I was young when I married into a toxic family and eventually I didn't even recognize myself in a mirror because I had fallen into the trap. My husband is the invisible one in his family, until someone needs something. I honestly hated myself at my lowest point and quit caring about anyone and anything because I cared too much about things I had no control over. I had a wake-up call (that still brings tears to my eyes today) and I have been on a path to healthy ever since. My husband has no idea what he even likes because his family did/does his thinking for him. It is quite sad, honestly. Thankfully he did stand up to his mom a time or two, but I don't think it sticks. It was always "my brother's house" or "my brother did this," etc. I was never included and they enjoyed making me invisible. Last Christmas I told my husband that will not attend his family gatherings unless extended family will be there that I enjoy seeing. It took me a long time to make peace with this, but I had to do it! Thank you for your work at exposing these family "secrets."
Videntem videre; my true identity is within the relationship with God. Silence in front of the blessed Sacrament , alone in an empty church, or alone with a coffee cup at home in silence and prayer, is opportunities for God to let me be my true self! I don’t know how to watch this video. One and a half minute in and I have to pause…..it hurts too much….. Thank God that I grew up in a social environment with good people in the exterior of the family of origin. Count my blessings, find some balance and start the day 🤔 I will watch later, promise ❣️
I remember being made invisible for a long time but as you know Jerry now that I'm going to New York, no one wants to treat me as invisible anymore. They're trying to make up for lost time . I remember what you said; (you have to embrace the bad, remember the bad don't look back, although they can do a nice thing). Keep up the great work with the videos 😇😇💝😏
I’m always afraid my real self will scare away others so I just make myself small. My real self isn’t that bad! I just don’t know a lot of people who have seen me. I’m trying to be more me lately (with help from you and others) and it’s nice.
I hate being the invisible one in my toxic patriarch family. It hurts. I'm not seen nor listened to. And when I am spoken to it often is a put down. I'm definitely the scape goat person which is why i rarely come around.
Me too! And I come to the conclusion that spending less and less time on UA-cam and stop commenting brings all the more healing, because you get better connection to yourself! And that's what I learned! Blessings and good bye to everybody!
This entire video was profound for me. Thank you so much. I took copious notes lol. I really, really appreciate and resonate with the issue about "boundaries." Ive almost come to despise the word, because i knew there is something deeper in me missing or absent from being able to even assert and follow through on my own boundaries for myself, yet most people just say, "Just work on your boundaries," AS IF it we're just that simple. It's not. There's deeper work that must be done before that happens. The way you explained that here makes a lot of sense to me! When you made the example of trying to fly the 747 before the single plane, that was powerful and emotional for me. That's exactly what it feels like. Realizing I'm still in training wheels regarding a lot of these things (as an adult) has been internally mortifying, which I know gets reflected in my emotional field, as you said. Thank you for your professional, forthright and helpful insights and experience. I will be listening to more of your videos!
Don't be. I felt that. And, yes, I think trying to set boundaries before you know who you are is like trying to put wallpaper on the walls of a house that's falling down.
..."it's lonely, it's sad". Long story, short...it's a slow, tortuous death, of soul. I'm "tolerable" I suppose, as long as I continue to provide for others, but remain invisible, with no needs, opinions, feelings, etc.. I am walking dead amongst the living.
Getting my own life together was impossible without a great man doctor dele, who brought back my twin flame after many months of misunderstanding, my partner was under a dark power spell, but I thank great doctor for bringing my lover back... Contact him for help now
Being invisible was incredibly painful. A major family drama opened my eyes and I am relieved to say that after therapy. research. Helpful videos like yours I am invisible no more. Thank you for your teachings.
It's funny that my siblings see what is wrong and where it starts, but mimic the same behaviors of my mom to some degree. I guess they are playing their roles too. I am turning my face into the wind and learning to be alone and what that means and feels like. I now have as little contact with all of them as possible. I watch and wait to hear from any of them because the phone works both ways, but there are crickets. I'm learning just to accept that but admit it's very hard. I'm very glad I found your channel because you're helping me understand these dynamics in a proper context.
Thank you thank you for helping me see my behaviors that do not serve me. I heard “first see yourself first work on me.” That was very important for me to hear. I have been so “other” focused that this is how I gage me. A life long work for sure in becoming me! So blessed to have a guide through this journey and challenging area I’m in right now. God Bless you! ♥️
Getting my own life together was impossible without a great man doctor dele, who brought back my twin flame after many months of misunderstanding, my partner was under a dark power spell, but I thank great doctor for bringing my lover back... Contact him for help now
🙏🏼 never thought I’d feel seen or have a way to articulate my childhood experiences. All is not lost when you realize you not alone but there are many others that know just how it felt. Thank you Jerry, and thank you to those who feel safe to share their experiences making my healing journey easier.
Even when I do become fully visible to myself, my family will never see me as I am. They will always see the pathetic, scared, hopelessly incompetent, perpetual child that they NEED to see when they look at me. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't still need to become fully visible to myself. I do. But I can't allow my family's reactions to me to be a measure of how successful I am in my efforts to heal and improve myself. And gaining my family's respect, or acceptance can't be the goal, or even part of my motivation for the work that I need to do. This video is helpful, but it kind of sounds like you're saying that if I become fully visible to myself, then my family will finally see me too. And I don't believe that that's true, because after all, like you've said before, what happens on their side of the tennis net is totally beyond my control. That's on them.
Man this resonates with me..I’ve felt invisible as a kid and now as an adult I feel invisible and insignificant to certain family members…my household wasn’t violent hut it was hard line parenting
Invisibility really resonates with me, I was the youngest of four by several years in a really dysfunctional household. I could tell from a young age my being conceived was why they were still together instead of separating. It felt really bad. I was left alone a lot and that became a safe space. I used to play when I was alone, but my female parent had zero concept of respect and privacy, I understand now she went through my stuff secretly, any playing I did that left traces, such as building or colouring, she would I guess try to be helpful by not talking about it with me but just buying random stuff I didn't know how to use. A lot of it went unused because it made me so self-conscious.I learned to become invisible not only in the present but the future as a coping skill. It feels gross to see how many of my interests and passions my female parent took on as her own. I liked reading The Black Stallion novels and she and dad switched their gambling habits to align. I liked the Anne Rice vampire novels, the early ones at least, she turned New Orleans into part of her personality. It just feels so gross and I know I need to work through it and feel every part of that set of emotions to heal.
Thank you for making this video! 🙏 This is spot on for me and now I feel that I can finally move forward and not feel stuck. This also explains why I cry my eyes out every time I see a video/movie where someone make someone else happy, bacuse the receiving person is seen/visible. And something deep down within me knows that I want to be visible too, so I express that in emotions whitout not knowing why until now. I just thought I was extremely sensible before.
One thing that very important for healing /doing anything is power of attention/mental strenght = self awareness.childhood trauma people usually have soft/weak mind /low self awareness making it difficult to heal.fixing is meditation = seeing your breath = AFFIRMATION BY DOING that mean "I seeing my breath =awareness". meditation is very important for self-awareness =strong mind = solid self =successing of doing.
Invisibility was a fast learnt technique to avoid being the person of choice for my father’s wrath! You never which day, what trigger or what time of day! Then try alternating invisibility with being the sacrificial lamb and protector!!! Can’t believe I survived the nightmare! God is REAL!!!!!
Omg when l saw this title, l thought that's me! I'm always telling my daughter that lm invisible to my family!! It's OK now, as l rather be the sound and healthy one, but for years it felt pretty darn hurtful. 😢 l pointed out to her, that lm never in family gathering photos, they make sure to get everyone but me, and lm the one that puts these gatherings together! I have worked on myself for years to get to a healthy state, wish l had known about you years ago, but happy you are here to help others who are still suffering. ❤
Jerry, you really do have a thorough knowledge of what it is like to be abused. Not many people understand what it's like to behave in a way that makes you invisible. With boyfriends or friends they mention sometimes I seem invisible to them and they forget I am there. I lived with my cousins for a few months and I was told it seemed I was invisible when I was there they urged me to not be so invisible. Another time I was house sitting for a women for two weeks. When she came home she asked me if I was really there, which I was everyday and even had a couple of friends over a few times, and she did believe me as she knew my friends and they thanked her for letting us use her canoes as she lived on a lake. Anyway, she went on to say also used the term that it seemed I was invisible. What both of them were saying, is that I never leave a trace that I was around. Every time I left a room I left it exactly as it was as I would keep a mental note of where everything was if I should move it. When I was living with my cousins I made a point as not to talk to much, stay out of the way and be quiet. Of course this was all subconscious behavior and completely normal to me. I learned the skills of invisibility growing up with two narcissitic sisters and father. With all that said, thank you so much for the video's!!
Wow!!! ...at 1:58 for me... It hits the nail on the head, I feel, so much; and explains an emotional state I've struggled with and still do to an extent. (Synchronicity in finding this video but also doubly so, as an uncannily accurate psychic stated that I would discover something that was established in my childhood that is responsible for issues today). But thanks for this, it's so relevant to me and to what I am up to healing right now. ...I am going to have to rewatch this and take notes. Even the part about definining Codependency as being about Keeping very quiet and "invisible" as a way of managing others' reactivity and emotions... is so valuable to identify. ...My more recent bad experiences with a narcissist, was all about my breaking out of this pattern of subservience (that they had been taking full advantage of) and developing my own ideas and acting on them ...for which I was relentlessly attacked and finally endured a smear campaign to remove me altogether, and the basis for this tirade of abuse was that I was "full of my self" or 'grandiose' ....This, by a thoroughly hypocritical show off, who habitually monopolysed attention. ...The worst part was that I was so damaged by shame and prior conditioning by similar types within my family of origin, that I was not aware I was acting out from a position of behaving in the said Codependent, submissive "invisible" way of being; nor that my sense of what was appropriate as far as 'taking over' in interactions with others, was out of step with what is actually more ok (my family STILL to this day, condone such behaviour in certain "dominant" others in my family; and a more healthy 'give and take' is simply not practiced or acknowledged as appropriate, either.... A further aspect of this is also then that one's models for expressing oneself and being an individual are not only missing and defective as they are but ALSO prone to total hypocrisy and self righteousness!!!! And one is surrounded by this growing up, and then tends to attract it out in the world also! Which only tends to reinforce the faulty sense of such as being the norm. (It is a fight to break out of this). I was so dependent upon an outer authority FINALLY accepting me and not rejecting or judging me; so longing for parents and a family that would FINALLY allow me to have a voice, and value me and MY good traits and abilities. Others in my family had worked along side my narcissistic parent, to further reinforce a sense that I was NOT entitled to express my own self freely (there was simply no opportunity to, with my sibling monopolizing all attention and my parents doing little and often nothing, to curb such behaviour, and others in my family playing along like it is normal), nor was I permitted to show pride in my performance (my father would quickly and nastily punish me for this) and otherwise just be so highly critical ...and of course, the chief collaborator to this narcissistic parent, the "Golden Child", was fully supported and encouraged by the narcissistic parent, to completely dominate conversations, events including OTHERS birthdays, even to make major decisions on behalf of other family members as a given (no votes are taken, its a simply dictatorship in my F.O.O) as well as to act so as to frequently show off, and act in an unending way with hubris and excessive pride. ....It's taken me so long to wake up from the SPELL cast over me by these two, and then by the others in my family who enabled them. ...I'm at a point where I seem to have miraculously stepped out of the black and white, SHAME based thinking that plays into the hands of these controller types. That is essentially the cloud that they cast over you to confuse you and disguise what they are actually doing themselves. (Gaslighting, I guess; and it is as to some extent they consciously deceive) I can now just GET (on an emotional and unthinking level) that this is NOT a black and white issue. That not only is SOME pride in myself totally fine and even GOOD, but that, furthermore, making a so called 'mistake' and even showing off is not necessarily wrong either. And ....last but not least: that the folk who are SO VERY EAGER to criticize me on this, are FULL OF *%#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...And are NOT interested in MORALITY, but rather are full of self-righteousness and hypocrisy. And their seeming total confidence in their perceptions, is actually due to their utter OBLIVIOUSNESS and LACK of EMPATHY and SELF AWARENESS; and NOT because they are sure of themselves. ....or their oh so strong feelings MUST be somehow based in truth: they are based in utter insecurity and cluelessness about actual reality beyond their own completely self absorbed little world. ....I wish I could have felt confidence in these perceptions that were, to a degree around earlier. But it has taken time and working out things, for me to get here. ....Guess it can be really hard to see the truth when you are so within something (like you have to free yourself of any narcissism you have to be able to really put these narcissistic types in their place). Thanks again, Mr Wise, for your nuggets of wisdom. I love the main message about needing to develop self love before trying to develop ability to set boundaries. ....This might be why I find boundaries natural now (maybe not all, but some ones I could not establish before). It's great to understand such things. ....I am so greatful for "Shepperds of God" like yourself... by which I am referring to those Bible passages about God sending out shepperds to help the lost flock. And I really think that God is the one who grants such a title and NOT man.... as, whilst it is certainly possible to be both, however most often i believe it is LIFE that teaches the true wisdom that is of help and service to people, and far less any therapies that a person can study. The latter is still of use and help, but the former is by far more important and of much greater value. ... So greatful to have the internet and access to expertise like yours and others similar to yourself that ACTUALLY really know your stuff! Thank you.
Lambchop, when I read your comment, I thought this is just what I could have written. Exactly what I experienced and how I'm feeling about it! Love and blessings to you!
Getting my own life together was impossible without a great man doctor dele, who brought back my twin flame after many months of misunderstanding, my partner was under a dark power spell, but I thank great doctor for bringing my lover back... Contact him for help now..
My father was an alcoholic. I became invisible to protect myself from his moods, the family drama and the toxicity. As an adult people often tell me how invisible I am. It hurts a lot. I have just realized that I became invisible to protect myself as a little girl. It helped me survive. Now I would like to be visible, but it’s scary. I will try to be visible to myself, but to be honest, I don’t know how to do that. I have gone to therapy and I feel my feelings, but there is still work to do and I feel confused. People must know that invisibility was a survival strategy and a way of protecting oneself.
Thank you so much for your videos. You really know what you are talking about. It is really hard work to escape this hell. Being punished, ashamed for being visible, for existing, for having needs, being humiliated for having success ,for trying to be my authentic self.
Attachment trauma is a big cause of children feeling invisible as kids and as adults. Alan Robarge on UA-cam speaks about attachment trauma. It was very eye-opening for me
After my kundalini awakening instigated by a psychologist. ( without my knowledge) I had very strange awakening symptoms like internal shaking( trapped stress energy) and many strange premonition dreams. Where I played all the roles of the people I encountered. I thought it was me in the dream and later learned I was actually in another person. This is the truth . We move from person to person ( defaulting in our own avatar body when awake) based on consciousness. There was nobody to talk to about this. That’s not psychosis. Although it shakes up this paradigm.
Thank you for this acknowledgement and validation, you just explained my whole psychology. Family problems damage the self so brutally, it cant be underestimated how dangerous carelessly making a family. my problems were a little of family of origin, daddy issues when my biological father left when i was 3 and probably fractured the whole family structure and support system. Even staying in contact wouyld have prevented that ultimate search for a replacement father, but there were health problems. thats where the feeling of worthlessness and the lack of protection started, the very beginings of my personality i had no father to protect me, i fought very hard so it didnt happen to my son, its so important to be there for a child.I have strong feelings when it comes to women respecting fathers and vice versa, its a selfish evil thing to cut kids from parents who would care for them. Jealous new partners and irresponsible men allow their existing nests and half grown chicks to be evacuated into cuckoo nests, then burn down the last nest with the female inside it. Unbelievable what trails of destruction great apes csuse, birds with tiny brains even know how to rear properly and protect their flock. interlopers are ejected. nature heals and inspires me deeply. The ultimate abandoning, brutalising father figure came later, on repeat over and over again, childhood wounds made me an open target and with no father or brothers, nobody to keep the bullying badly behaved men in check. its necessary for females to be protected, isolation is a warning sign for emotional abuse taking place. it wears people down and changes their behaviours. Its a red flag to see isolation with one man and a degenerating sense of self and oftentimes excessive drinking to cope. i feel for women with too many kids in positions of powerlessness and controlled without emotional support, its always a top down dynamic with men incapable of deep loyalty and love, predator, prey, cat,mouse. There are always clues willing to teach, reality exposes truths if theyre searched for. Some people arent brave enough to red pill like neo. Id rather know I was being controlled and sucked dry, illusions are not reality, liars are not sent to save.its funny how it creates cognitive dissonance, a sense of dread when someone says all the time they love you, l;ove you, love you but the instinct tells you its a lie. all the things that are being done have been done before, we cant learn with eyes wide shut to the signs. Love has to be about knowing a person from within and falling in love with that, it just doesnt happen through sex,procreating and following signs and ritual parties with certificates called marriage. it has to be a true connection from the heart or its a fake, fools gold looks really shiny, glitters like diamonds and fools everyone but your true self, the inner self always knows if the game is shallow and hollow within. I learned it has to be felt first and developed.. not follow instincts like animals and hope the rest falls into place later. I always secretly hope my son finds my learned through experience wisdom one day. I wouldnt want him to have to ever lie beside someone denying his true feelings, awful place to be. Self delusion for another one noone should saty in or better still be self aware from the begining to never settle for less than the real thing, if your brave enough. Responsibility is another prisoner part to play a shallow anxious existence pretending to be something you dont feel, Nobody should deny themself as it serves nobody. I pray for wisdom for anyone to escape these situations as they all come from the invisibility spoken of in the vvideo. The lack of being aware and caring for your own emotional well being to demand the best experiences for yourself. Nobody should ever abandon kids but you too are also a kid, just like we shouldnt abandon our children we should never ever abandon our own inner child or it will just sccream and leave us in a never ending cycle of sad or angry, depressed or anxious. . Maybe some people just give up on themselves and refuse to be honest with themselves or anyone else.I ll stay alone until I heal but I will not settle for anything other than a true love connection, a person i can relate to beyond and including physically. I see lots of staged plays but very few genuine life long loyal friendships in marriage with true love. A proper appreciation for each other and a harmony of similar personality types and interests, beliefs etc. Its lovely to see real marriage because two become like one being and adapt similar family facial expressions and like the same kind of things. I refuse to squeeze my foot into a size four shoe when im a size five. Relationships must fit very very comfortably over time.Thats the only kind I will ever invest in. i hope I change this mal adaptation, i must have had inner damage to do with neglect and abandonment in the family of origin and it manifested into a ten fold demon later, my own fault. If I was willing to accept boundary breaks and disrespect like i did in the begining it was never going to be learnt. i think i was expecting maturity and wisdom through time, strangely i intuitively eventually came to the place of knowing i had to find myself at all costs. the cost was high and im still trying to lose the invisibility cloak of doom. i often say i feel like a disembodied head. i lost all depth of spiritual being bec ause i was viciously wounded and really was never acknowledged in an emotional way by myself, thats the key, by my self. its like i forgot how to self comfort and cry, a very painful state arising from your definition here.unconditional love vibes sent to you in your beautiful rainbow shirt. I hope I can radiate love like this for myself and others, if i can get myself trained in self awareness of emotional states. I think we might manifest physical illness, notably addictions in a subconscious cry for help from our own inner neglected,abused and invisible self. awful to be a grown adult with an inner wounded child, the only people who ever got to see that child were immediate family. It cant be understated, be careful who you expose the inner little boy or girl to, in some cases you cant protect that inner child from harms akin to child abuse , mental child abuse. I will vet the hell out of any person i ever take into my inner life, if i ever can again. thanks again for opening up this thread. We need to know even after the worst injustices,cruelties, betrayals and projections of unworthiness put upon us, we are absolutely no less and deserving of love than anybody. Our true value can only be appreciated by looking beyond the physical body, the real pearl of great price is within the shell. Those who criticise the shell and cant see beyond it are definitely not opinions worth taking in. How can someone assess someone they do not know? Throw not your pearls to pigs, lest they trample them under their feet, then tun and smash you to pieces.
YOU are a GEM. How did you kno my family and thoughts?Its as if I m reading a book written by a genius plz write books or do a channel.I would l subscribe. Amazing
Sorry you went through all these things. It is terrible to be abused as a kid, and then have to deal with the aftermath as an adult. I am the same way, I literally vet the hell out of someone before I would ever be friends with them, even my very closest friends are capable of betrayal. so I hear you, I believe you, I validate you and your experience. Continue in your growth! You are doing great, and are an inspiration. As you said, I also chose the red pill. I would rather know the harsh truth than the comfortable lie.
Thank you for this video. It's been easy enough to notice that I must be doing something wrong, when the gears that drive my daily life aren't working properly because something's broken off or missing inside: not relating well to the spotlight of attention as "nothing good ever came from being noticed" (in my experience), feeling uncomfortable with being praised for being more conscientious in the job than others, being passed over for work that I can and am qualified to do in favor of someone more visible... I have patience, I have courage, and I think I'm going to do the work that you have recommended on myself to get a better sense of self and ability to create consistency and boundaries. I'll be back, looking through the videos on your channel, and feeling thankful that you're putting yourself out there to help others. Thank you!
Getting my own life together was impossible without a great man doctor dele, who brought back my twin flame after many months of misunderstanding, my partner was under a dark power spell, but I thank great doctor for bringing my lover back... Contact him for help now
I was in an onstage visibility type job most of my life. Now I like being invisible in my off time. As long as I can be the one in control of my stage time and offstage time, I do fine. I love myself and have no problem being in front of people. But if I am in any way confronted or threatened, i ghost those people. I am content to not participate in a hateful scenario. I have no trouble with assertivness, leadership etc. I have a right to be who i am, and i loved who i was. Trying to hope to get back to that someday. If there is no threat, i am an extrovert. having been stalked a long time, i am threatened and i want to be invisible.
I'm also happy having my twin flame back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr dele whom help me to get back my ex again. I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it work within 48hours contact or Whatsapp him 👇👇👇
I unconsciously did this through very difficult times in my life. I did not know what I was practicing seeing myself. I am unable to join 'super-families' because they need one to stop seeing themselves and see the super-family only.
Know thyself, examined life is worth living. Start with emotional, mental and psychological skills....THEN interpersonal, social and relational skills. Yes! This is just good spiritual work, too. Work on yourself, because we can't give what we don't have. Get to respect, listen and attune to oneself FIRST. Then listen, respect and attune to others. We can attune to ourselves. Other people won't do so necessarily. With others, there is a search for people who are willing, ready and able to connect with you. And connect with God over and above all, and then yourself.
You know Jerry, for a moment while you were talking, I felt strong. In that moment, a warmth spread across my body that I have never felt before..... a totally different physical feeling....... where all the pain in my body stopped. Just going to take some time and come back to this after a while, cause I wasn't prepared.
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
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I was the invisible child in my family. And now I'm the invisible adult. My family dynamic is so toxic and triggering, I just avoid everyone - family, friends, people in general.
Girl, you are not alone. I have gotten to the point where I know who I am defending and it's "me". I don't validate myself by their opinion anymore. This pandemic has sat my arse down and forced me to take a good look . I can be happy alone and that's a big step.
Me, too. I had to cut off a lot of family members as they would be dismissive and treat me poorly. They had gotten used to using me whenever they wanted help, but would never invite me to anything fun so i said enough and dropped them all. I feel so much more peace in my heart.
Yep, same here. Invisible works for me because, I just feel safer staying away from people.
So many expectations, disappointments, judgements and pity from people. I have to take care of me and all that isn't helpful.
Boy is that true. They all used me, but when I needed help, there was crickets. Not my parents, they loved me, but my siblings. I just don't understand
I went from being the scapegoated child to being the invisible adult.
It’s funny because as a child, my dream was to be invisible. I had a fear of being seen and heard. I’m STILL afraid of being seen and heard.
I never considered the concept of becoming invisible to my own self, which is exactly what happened.
I hear you ❤ xx Same here x
@@harpsailorharp6716ggme too
Exactly Jessica. Much love to you 💖💖💖 I'm in the same boat.
Very well said. Thank you. 🙏🕊️
The problem with boundaries, is the problem with bullies. You can set the boundaries, they just don't respect them....so we become "invisible" to attempt to avoid the nasty and mean people. They still seek us out. Nothing a bully likes better than someone who just wants to live their life quietly. Invisibility is an attempt at self protection. Bullies will literally come through your door just to get to you.
Yes, they want to steal your joy and happiness too
That lesson took me till I was in my 30's to learn always trying to get along w/people and excusing there behavior. Now in my 40's I just start screaming at them and call them on there bs because they have no right coming to my door to steal my happiness when before I would have felt guilty for screaming now I know it's the only language they listen too. If they would have came at me in the right way to begin with they wouldn't be screamed at. Since I am a nice guy the screaming really throws them off cause they think I am going to be a push over...Take your power back
I found that instead of becoming invisible, if we build a solid self image and know our personal values then no one can bring us down till we are alive❤
@@peter1835 Haha that sounds funny, but good for you.
@@peter1835
Brutality is ALL they understand. 💩
I'm currently enmeshed. Rent is high (in all 50 states) Wage is low, and a migrant crisis took out my NYC Uber Eats opportunities that have kept me afloat. When I finish my technical education, I probably will go no contact. They'll smear me, they'll keep comparing me to my cousins who grew up in the same house for most of their childhood, while my parents divorced before i was 8 and i lived in 13 different places in my childhood, nothing I could ever do will satisfy these boomers.. sadly narcissistic personality disorder seems to thrive in boomers(not all but a majority), they RELISH in my suffering when I cant pay $2,275 for a 1 bedroom at $20 per hour. Duh. 2+2=4, but to these narcissistic people... 2+2=22 😭 and yet I now depend on them for help or I'll be homeless.. again..
Please consider relocating to a smaller area. It's less expensive, safer, & you can grow your own family while you deprogram from your family of origin. It takes years to peel back the layers of trauma to find out who you are. And he helping others is a great way to stay constructively busy & network. Best to you. 🙏🕊️
I have been psychologically erased by both parents and when I reached out to my brother and sister for help as I was going through the worst experience of my life with the gaslighting narcissism, they ignored me too. The erasure is complete. I am now completely no contact with all of them because if they want to psychologically erase me, I'll finish the job by removing myself physically too. The therapy I started revealed I have been gaslit all my life and I was never allowed to have my own thoughts and feelings.
Sooo my narc used to use my trauma against me to manipulate me and control me. *i* used to end up using these sentences because literally all we did was fight and it was SO frustrating. For example, whenever we used to argue, if it didn’t go his way, he’d threaten to leave me. Initially it worked and he’d start packing his bags, sending me into a tailspin (hello, abandonment issues). Eventually he did this so often that i would literally roll my eyes and be like “ok, here we go again”. Eventually he realized that this didn’t work. I definitely grey rocked him without even knowing what it was. I would accuse him so often of cheating, but he would conclude that it was me going “you’re imagining things”, “you have issues”, “you’re upset over nothing”. I was referred to a software expert who helped me clone his phone and laptop from which i got evidence of him cheating and I plan to seek for a divorce really soon. Are you doubting your partner or feels like he or she is cheating, send him a message:instagram.com/rickhack101
You'll be ok soon
100 thumbs up
Same ..
Wish me luck, am trying to reverse that phenomenon for my only child... (he hides, he is almost selective mutism, does not seem to trust anybody anymore)
I also was the invisible child and spent most of my adult life like that until I recently broke out of it at the age of 45 when I went no contact from my narcissistic family and former workplace. I have put in a lot of time healing myself, tending to self care for myself and validating my voice and childhood trauma
in the same shoe meloney.. ive been on it for 8 years now.. and like he said have to give time for the new self to be absorbed by the system... also try somatic therpay to speed up healing..
Thank you. This is freeing. Yes.
Tell me how to do it.... 😢
I started to become visible to myself when I recognised my inner child. She needs help and I started to parent her myself with patience, kindness and compassion. The grown up me provides for her.
Me too.
I'm a good boy. 🤭
A tough but necessary process
Well done Liz 👍🌼!
Lovely! Thank you!
👍👍👍
I have been invisible in every group I have ever been in, just use me but I’m not liked . My childhood family, in my husbands family, with my husband himself and even with moms and kids groups. It seems to just be who I am. Invisible. I’m so use to it that it just is my reality and I don’t want to be seen or loved now.
Someone acknowledging me even with a hello is so uncomfortable
Unfortunately I can really relate to what you are saying. I am sorry other people have created this feeling. Your last line really hit home...I immediately wonder WHY they are being "nice," and have gotten to the point where I am leery of letting anyone get too close because of their inevitable expectations. Just wanted you to know You are seen and understood. Grateful for channels like this where we all can reach out and feel less alone. 💗
@@denisel780 ❤🩹
❤🩹
I am not always invisible, despite my best efforts,, but I am terrified of those who treat me kindly and like my preferences matter.. It’s so unfamiliar from my childhood so considerate people freak me out, guess it’s a feeling of shame, I think:” If you knew me you wouldn’t be so nice to me.” Gosh that sounds so crazy, I am a good person, but those feelings are there. The more normal a person is the more scared I am of them. I meet a crazy self-obsessed manipulator-it feels like home😂.
@@jmvwegnerpriestOh my! Can I relate to what you're sharing. Thank you for saying, "I am not always invisible, despite my best efforts." I'm so relieved to hear those words. All the best to you and all the best to all of us who've survived this crazy experience.
I was so invisible that I thought no one could recognize my face as I grew up. Like my face was a blank with no features. Has anyone else experienced this? This went on into my adulthood.
I know they don’t see exactly who I am. Somebody told me I looked like some actress and I got excited so I looked her up. Completely different hair color, face shape, etc. Makes me wonder if I’m really interpreting myself correctly.
I’ve always thought “They won’t remember me” or “They won’t recognize me”. Never thought about why I thought people I had met or knew wouldn’t recognize me from a perspective of being abused by Narc parents. Makes sense now
Same here. When I moved to a new environment and people started to 'see me', trying to befriend me, I totally freaked out and shut them off, which wasn't my intention but my 'autopilot'😢.
I can understand that. It can be confusing ❤
So profound. So true. I wish I'd heard this 40 years ago. I was completely invisible to myself and others, and in so much emotional pain. I'd been ignored, neglected and abused throughout childhood and had just begun trying to raise my own 2 children with nothing inside me to give. It's all worked out well as I re-raised myself alongside them. They're 43 and 40 and at 65 I'm a new, fulfilled and loved person.
I am so happy for you. Your story reminds me of my mom. She too tried to raise us with limited capacity. I wish she too would have learned about narcissism and had the chance to re-parent herself and become visible to herself. We lost her 6 years ago at just 66 years old.
@@Bloominglotus19 I'm sorry that is your mom's story. And yours. It leaves an emptiness that's hard to fill. I wish you love and peace in great abundance from now on 💖
@@yamlwoz 💕
Beautiful ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Trying to find my new self now. Any tips?
My sister suffered the most at having to be invisible to survuve our parents narcissism.
I love you sister.
This sister appreciates hearing such an acknowledgement, thank you. 🙏🕊️
There is very little information about this topic out there. You are an amazing teacher.
I'm aware of this, this is why I started my channel. I'm glad it was helpful, more to come!!
Yes, he truly is
I have listened to dozens of videos, podcasts, books, etc., but I just spent an hour transcribing this video it seemed so spot on. My father was domineering, unstable, scary and --in the eyes of this child-- the source of my survival. Since he passed I feel lost. My new mantra is "What is required by me to feel visible to me?" --because so far I have ZERO idea.
Yes! I have found it so ironic that most channels when talking about the 4 types of narcissistic abuse they will list the lost child then talking about all the others, forgetting to talk about the lost child. You almost have to laugh- almost.
As a lost child adult, I feel it is probably the lost child group that wants the info the most.
Thank you, Sir, for remembering us
I walk around here trying very hard to be quiet as a mouse.
He who smelt it delt it . Grow up.
In a safe place I am outspoken - when its not safe, I back up into a corner
I chose to be invisible because my father was violent. Most every evening I would go to my room, play with my doll, and tremble when I heard my father in another room yelling and hitting. My sense of self is vastly improved since then, but I have worked on "self" for decades.
Certainly invisibility is essential for survival in some families.
Then we work on becoming visible for our recovery. Thanks for watching
❤🩹
Assertiveness doesn’t work until you realize/know/BELIEVE
“I am worthy and deserving of what I am asking.”
It’s all about recovering from your caregivers treating you with low regard, treating you as though you are worthless.
They were wrong, in a most destructive way.
Hey Jerry thank you for filling your videos with so much information.
Recently my dad asked me to take a few days to help him move a car across two states. He offered food and gas. He recently gave my brother and his wife’s son a new car.
I told him I would do it for 500 a day. If he can buy them cars he can compensate my time.
He raged. And told me that since my mother passed away last year I already got stuff from him from her estate because he bought everything she had. They were divorced for 40 years.
Sounds similar to a experience with my dead father he kept me tied up helping him get ready for a 4000$ smoker he was having deliveried by the end I gave him a bill broke down for fairness and he raged then came and hastly handed me the money like here take it and better believe I did I should have asked for more now that I know whata piece of shit he actually was when he was alive I just couldn't see it then
You are right.stop being helper,fixer,doer.
My parents were lieing to us about my fathers homosexuality my entire childhood. I was the one who figured it out and screamed it through the entire house hold. I was the one who let the cat out of the bag. Boy was I the most hated one after that. Was always hated anyway but massively more after that.
tbf you shouldn't of done that
@@harpsailorharp6716gg why not? Mind you it was 1988 but why not?
They do hate the truth tellers, don’t they?
Do not bully LGBT.they are human like others.accept what they are and COMPASSION .it's none of our business about what they are.CHECK YOUR BELIEVES.
@@autumn_in_myheart its the gas lighting thats the big deal. Not that he is gay. Its the lie they kept from us for years and years.
I can be around children. They're honest and simply need empathy and loving guidance. I just can't handle most adults.
That's amazing I've always worked with kids I felt safe.They validate me.
I was the invisible child/adult. I too avoid, since my mother manipulates and triangulates siblings against each other. Always a competition and my mother, golden child and oldest sisters are either narcs or at the very least narc tendencies. I tried to get together with them on July 4th. I was talked over, and most would move to the other side of the room when I sat down. I thought I was just seeing things. So I got up and moved over by them. And in less than 5 mins they all left to go to different side of the room. For days after, I had nightmares that woke me up.
Not sure I can handle it anymore
God wants you to know He loves you:)
He will show up soon.
Look for a change tonight:)
Hallelujah!
And don't forget to tell Him thank you.
So sorry. My two older adult kids went off on a 4th of J trip and left out my youngest daughter, their half sister. (28) I had to talk her through the 4th and then she found a friend to hang out with. She's the truthful empath of the family.
Wow! That's harsh
My history is so similar
Maintain regular contact with only one of five siblings for past 7 years.
You must be doing something RIGHT!
@@arashigumdrop exactly, I'm 1 of 10. Maintain contact with only a few. What do you mean by RIGHT?
Because I feel like crap, distancing myself but at the same time, refuse to be treated like I have been by them anymore.
I cut all my family out of my life
They became very dangerous to my mental health, now I no longer self sabotaging my self.
For anyone who be curious, doing it all at once resulted in me depression sleeping for a year and I chose to become homeless and live in my car for 6 months and couch hop. The intensity of emotions and maneuvering everybody else's is a challenge. Even figuring out what my boundaries even are, what my feelings even are. Im almost to the point of taking care of myself and being alone, but I relied so heavily on the opinion and emotions of my abusive parents I went through them to gain validation and closure that I can be an adult and stuff. Everybody "close" to me tells me it's mental illness, but I just learned to stop asking them what my own thoughts and actions are lol. Most the time they have worse mental health than I do and cannot help regardless. I've done all of this without getting prescribed onto any bipolar or mental health medication, I mainly have smoked herbal, like ground up herbs and marijuana to ground myself and relax. It's like my brain is splitting half the time, so the weed helps me cry and feel things. Even violent things. The therapist I did have was convinced by my toxic family I was going crazy but that is simply not the case. So even therapists can be an extremely abusive catalyst and environment if they're trying to instead medicate you for something that just needs a natural solution.
My therapist is usually professional, but I found out through the news papers he had an affair witb a client, while he was married. (Red flag. He is male, me female..(and I already have trust issues towards both men and women)😢
Marijuana is not good.
I countered invisibility as an adult by dressing well whenever i go out. I get lots of compliments which is wonderful. Nice change from invisible childhood.
This makes so much sense. Of course it's hard to set boundaries with others when you don't have a solid feeling of when you begin and end. It's like trying to put a fence around a cloud.
That makes so much sense now Jerry - thank you xx
I just blocked my MIL because she kept texting me late at night when I asked her not to. Also she backs me in to a corner with some drama she dreams up- that really involves her son, my husb, but she pulls me in, every time. I can either defend myself or ignore her- two behaviors that I don't like being trapped into.
I think this is one of your best videos by far and yes it starts with childhood being invisible dodging bullets and we grow up with a lot of anxiety one thing I found out growing up you have to show up for yourself before you can show up for other people and you never have to get validation from no one this was pretty deep
Yes. So heartbreakingly sad and heavy...
Thank you Cynthia, I'm glad you liked the video. As adults we can now choose to be visible, also in an environment that wants us to be invisible. And we can choose to give our kids an environment that encourages them to be visible ❤️
It's tough when your mother can't remember your name... never said your name.
When my esteanged mother died my sister placed an obituary in the local paper saying she was the mother of just one daughter......herself.
It all begins with self love and seeing your value and worth. It's extremely difficult for the family of origin to see you changing because they know they are losing control. It's actually uncomfortable to watch, but it's necessary.
These three stages of resistance are 💯 spot on. You will be tested repeatedly and learning to respond and not react when being baited lets you take your power back. Some family members won't be able to handle the change and walk away and that's ok. Others will begin to come out of the fog themselves and start finding their own value.
My heart goes out to anyone experiencing this because it's very difficult. The good thing is it does get better. Keep putting in the inner work and you will become stronger than you know. It doesn't matter if they approve of the new you. All that matters is that you do! Keep going and growing and watch your life completely transform for the better. 💛Excellent video as always Jerry👍
@@Thequietestquiet2875 You’re welcome.💛🙏🕊️💪
Self-respect not self love…
Golden: Thank you for the encouraging comment.
Agree.🎉❤
learned this the hard way, until i could escape the toxic family and narc partner i put boundaries first then worked on self love health and peace , the more i respect myself boundaries get stronger
Keep it up. "The more I resect myself boundaries get stronger", love that!
The information in this few mins is more than I got in over a year of therapy. You know what you're talking about, and you're brilliant. You look after us who do not have someone to look after us or have learned not to. Thank you, Jerry.
I agree, with Dr. RAMANI, Patrick Teahan, Mr. WISE really gets through to me, with all the examples. My heroes, together with a few friends (nurse and gynaecologist)
I noticed this is about a year old, however, the impact on being ignored and invisible can result in children seeking adverse attention by being rebellious, disruptive, lying, bullying, and engaging in delinquent activities. Negative attention is better than no attention in these children’s eyes. This carries into adulthood for most of these people if no psychiatric help is received. The root of this lies in the parents emotional immaturity, who may also be abusive, and/or have addictions. I know an adult male who is a prime example of this. Very unfortunate.
Your spot on! 🔥👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
this was so uncomfortable, painful to hear, profound and resonating Jerry. will need another 5 repeat watches to cement the information and content internally. much appreciated and grateful for the work you do as always Jerry.
I'm also happy having my twin flame back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr dele whom help me to get back my ex again. I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it work within 48hours contact or Whatsapp him 👇👇👇
I was ready to receive the message, and still need at least 3 replays to cement it in my consciousness
Not existing as a target of care makes self care very hard!!
I am invisible to myself, and I truly believe that I exist through the eyes of others. I know its a wrong belief, and I am working hard to get unstuck.
Even worse, so many people are truly kind to me and even then I don’t feel like I matter or are loveable!
This video is very helpful in becoming more self aware thank you teacher
Well said 👍💛 best to you
I would go to lunch with my brothers and father and when I spoke, they would stop and look and they just go back to speaking without recognition.
This sets the stage for people to move forward.
Yes..! 👍🌼
It seems like a doable safe starting point : be visible to myself.
How do I feel, what do I want need, do I hurt, what do I like, am I afraid/of, etc. 😅
I think a lot of us need a video on how we can value and love ourselves; what doing that work looks like, what we're supposed to base it on, and all that stuff.
I've watched this video at least 3x and each time I nodded in agreement. Tried assertiveness, being more visible etc, and following other people's advice, but my anxiety heightened. A couple of years ago during an interview with a celebrity, I heard a question that stuck with me: do you need a coach or do you need therapy? Now I do self-work based on my needs at the moment. As a result, I've started to work with a coach on honouring my commitments to myself. When I feel my resistance to the tasks coming up, I explore that resistance through journaling:Why do I resist this? What issue am I fighting against? I think we can't do action-based work (coaching) without reflective work(therapy).
Thank you for the work you do. It is greatly appreciated.
I was not raised in this, but I married into it. I was young when I married into a toxic family and eventually I didn't even recognize myself in a mirror because I had fallen into the trap. My husband is the invisible one in his family, until someone needs something. I honestly hated myself at my lowest point and quit caring about anyone and anything because I cared too much about things I had no control over. I had a wake-up call (that still brings tears to my eyes today) and I have been on a path to healthy ever since. My husband has no idea what he even likes because his family did/does his thinking for him. It is quite sad, honestly. Thankfully he did stand up to his mom a time or two, but I don't think it sticks. It was always "my brother's house" or "my brother did this," etc. I was never included and they enjoyed making me invisible. Last Christmas I told my husband that will not attend his family gatherings unless extended family will be there that I enjoy seeing. It took me a long time to make peace with this, but I had to do it! Thank you for your work at exposing these family "secrets."
Videntem videre; my true identity is within the relationship with God. Silence in front of the blessed Sacrament , alone in an empty church, or alone with a coffee cup at home in silence and prayer, is opportunities for God to let me be my true self!
I don’t know how to watch this video. One and a half minute in and I have to pause…..it hurts too much…..
Thank God that I grew up in a social environment with good people in the exterior of the family of origin. Count my blessings, find some balance and start the day 🤔 I will watch later, promise ❣️
I remember being made invisible for a long time but as you know Jerry now that I'm going to New York, no one wants to treat me as invisible anymore. They're trying to make up for lost time . I remember what you said; (you have to embrace the bad, remember the bad don't look back, although they can do a nice thing). Keep up the great work with the videos 😇😇💝😏
I’m always afraid my real self will scare away others so I just make myself small. My real self isn’t that bad! I just don’t know a lot of people who have seen me. I’m trying to be more me lately (with help from you and others) and it’s nice.
We can now understand that narcstc parents are totally different from normal parents
Please define 'Normal.'
I hate being the invisible one in my toxic patriarch family. It hurts. I'm not seen nor listened to. And when I am spoken to it often is a put down. I'm definitely the scape goat person which is why i rarely come around.
Being myself poses a problem to certain family members to this day, as an 50 yr old I’m now coming into myself🙏🏾
My family now consists of my 17 month German Shepherd & out-of-state brother who's been with NPD woman long time
Me too! And I come to the conclusion that spending less and less time on UA-cam and stop commenting brings all the more healing, because you get better connection to yourself! And that's what I learned!
Blessings and good bye to everybody!
This entire video was profound for me. Thank you so much. I took copious notes lol.
I really, really appreciate and resonate with the issue about "boundaries." Ive almost come to despise the word, because i knew there is something deeper in me missing or absent from being able to even assert and follow through on my own boundaries for myself, yet most people just say, "Just work on your boundaries," AS IF it we're just that simple. It's not. There's deeper work that must be done before that happens. The way you explained that here makes a lot of sense to me!
When you made the example of trying to fly the 747 before the single plane, that was powerful and emotional for me. That's exactly what it feels like. Realizing I'm still in training wheels regarding a lot of these things (as an adult) has been internally mortifying, which I know gets reflected in my emotional field, as you said.
Thank you for your professional, forthright and helpful insights and experience. I will be listening to more of your videos!
Oh my gosh... I think you just explained why I've felt and been (un) seen as invisible my entire adult life in your first two sentences!
I'm glad it resonated with you ❤️
Don't be. I felt that. And, yes, I think trying to set boundaries before you know who you are is like trying to put wallpaper on the walls of a house that's falling down.
Always great wisdom in your videos, thankful for each one you do..❣️🙏
Same ☺️💓
..."it's lonely, it's sad". Long story, short...it's a slow, tortuous death, of soul.
I'm "tolerable" I suppose, as long as I continue to provide for others, but remain invisible, with no needs, opinions, feelings, etc..
I am walking dead amongst the living.
Getting my own life together was impossible without a great man doctor dele, who brought back my twin flame after many months of misunderstanding, my partner was under a dark power spell, but I thank great doctor for bringing my lover back... Contact him for help now
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Being invisible was incredibly painful. A major family drama opened my eyes and I am relieved to say that after therapy. research. Helpful videos like yours I am invisible no more. Thank you for your teachings.
It's funny that my siblings see what is wrong and where it starts, but mimic the same behaviors of my mom to some degree. I guess they are playing their roles too. I am turning my face into the wind and learning to be alone and what that means and feels like. I now have as little contact with all of them as possible. I watch and wait to hear from any of them because the phone works both ways, but there are crickets. I'm learning just to accept that but admit it's very hard. I'm very glad I found your channel because you're helping me understand these dynamics in a proper context.
This is so useful and supportive, thank you! I feel ready to heal this wound of invisibility and to be visible to myself first 🙏🥰
Just today, my cousin said I have a tendency to be invisible. She's not one of the narcissists.
Thank you Jerry. This really is meaningful to me and I so appreciate your teachings. 🙏🏼💕🥰
Ps love your shirt! ☺️
You're most welcome, Sheryl. I love this shirt too, thanks!
Thank you thank you for helping me see my behaviors that do not serve me. I heard “first see yourself first work on me.”
That was very important for me to hear. I have been so “other” focused that this is how I gage me. A life long work for sure in becoming me! So blessed to have a guide through this journey and challenging area I’m in right now. God Bless you! ♥️
Getting my own life together was impossible without a great man doctor dele, who brought back my twin flame after many months of misunderstanding, my partner was under a dark power spell, but I thank great doctor for bringing my lover back... Contact him for help now
🙏🏼 never thought I’d feel seen or have a way to articulate my childhood experiences. All is not lost when you realize you not alone but there are many others that know just how it felt. Thank you Jerry, and thank you to those who feel safe to share their experiences making my healing journey easier.
Even when I do become fully visible to myself, my family will never see me as I am. They will always see the pathetic, scared, hopelessly incompetent, perpetual child that they NEED to see when they look at me. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't still need to become fully visible to myself. I do. But I can't allow my family's reactions to me to be a measure of how successful I am in my efforts to heal and improve myself. And gaining my family's respect, or acceptance can't be the goal, or even part of my motivation for the work that I need to do.
This video is helpful, but it kind of sounds like you're saying that if I become fully visible to myself, then my family will finally see me too. And I don't believe that that's true, because after all, like you've said before, what happens on their side of the tennis net is totally beyond my control. That's on them.
You are the first person that makes sense. Thank you
Wow, thank you!
So glad to hear your content again! Always amazing! 😍
Man this resonates with me..I’ve felt invisible as a kid and now as an adult I feel invisible and insignificant to certain family members…my household wasn’t violent hut it was hard line parenting
so true. can't do it all at once. first, create a self. become visible to your self. praise yourself. gather compliments.
Invisibility really resonates with me, I was the youngest of four by several years in a really dysfunctional household. I could tell from a young age my being conceived was why they were still together instead of separating. It felt really bad. I was left alone a lot and that became a safe space. I used to play when I was alone, but my female parent had zero concept of respect and privacy, I understand now she went through my stuff secretly, any playing I did that left traces, such as building or colouring, she would I guess try to be helpful by not talking about it with me but just buying random stuff I didn't know how to use. A lot of it went unused because it made me so self-conscious.I learned to become invisible not only in the present but the future as a coping skill. It feels gross to see how many of my interests and passions my female parent took on as her own. I liked reading The Black Stallion novels and she and dad switched their gambling habits to align. I liked the Anne Rice vampire novels, the early ones at least, she turned New Orleans into part of her personality. It just feels so gross and I know I need to work through it and feel every part of that set of emotions to heal.
I love your shirt jerrryyy colorfulllll :)
Thank you for making this video! 🙏
This is spot on for me and now I feel that I can finally move forward and not feel stuck.
This also explains why I cry my eyes out every time I see a video/movie where someone make someone else happy, bacuse the receiving person is seen/visible. And something deep down within me knows that I want to be visible too, so I express that in emotions whitout not knowing why until now. I just thought I was extremely sensible before.
You are so welcome, as adults we can learn to be visible to ourselves, this is the work ❤️
Pay attention to who you DO show up for. Differentiation to choose your company.
I actually had to look up examples of self soothing.
This is the best of the best. So well articulated and helpful. As a trauma therapist I cannot thank you enough for the work that you do 💚💙💛
One thing that very important for healing /doing anything is power of attention/mental strenght = self awareness.childhood trauma people usually have soft/weak mind /low self awareness making it difficult to heal.fixing is meditation = seeing your breath = AFFIRMATION BY DOING that mean "I seeing my breath =awareness". meditation is very important for self-awareness =strong mind = solid self =successing of doing.
I'm taking little steps, Jerry. Little steps. And that's OK with me.
747 analogy is so true.. it's synonymous with the freeze response of the mind.
Invisibility was a fast learnt technique to avoid being the person of choice for my father’s wrath! You never which day, what trigger or what time of day! Then try alternating invisibility with being the sacrificial lamb and protector!!! Can’t believe I survived the nightmare! God is REAL!!!!!
Omg when l saw this title, l thought that's me! I'm always telling my daughter that lm invisible to my family!! It's OK now, as l rather be the sound and healthy one, but for years it felt pretty darn hurtful. 😢 l pointed out to her, that lm never in family gathering photos, they make sure to get everyone but me, and lm the one that puts these gatherings together! I have worked on myself for years to get to a healthy state, wish l had known about you years ago, but happy you are here to help others who are still suffering. ❤
Awesome - Ready to listen and absorb... Thank you, Jerry! :)
Enjoy!
Jerry, you really do have a thorough knowledge of what it is like to be abused. Not many people understand what it's like to behave in a way that makes you invisible. With boyfriends or friends they mention sometimes I seem invisible to them and they forget I am there. I lived with my cousins for a few months and I was told it seemed I was invisible when I was there they urged me to not be so invisible. Another time I was house sitting for a women for two weeks. When she came home she asked me if I was really there, which I was everyday and even had a couple of friends over a few times, and she did believe me as she knew my friends and they thanked her for letting us use her canoes as she lived on a lake. Anyway, she went on to say also used the term that it seemed I was invisible. What both of them were saying, is that I never leave a trace that I was around. Every time I left a room I left it exactly as it was as I would keep a mental note of where everything was if I should move it. When I was living with my cousins I made a point as not to talk to much, stay out of the way and be quiet. Of course this was all subconscious behavior and completely normal to me. I learned the skills of invisibility growing up with two narcissitic sisters and father.
With all that said, thank you so much for the video's!!
His shirt is pretty and vibrant in this one. ❤️ I like all the colors.
THIS… IS PURE GOLD!! Thank you so much ❤ I exist. I “matter”. I “see” who I am.
Wow!!! ...at 1:58 for me... It hits the nail on the head, I feel, so much; and explains an emotional state I've struggled with and still do to an extent. (Synchronicity in finding this video but also doubly so, as an uncannily accurate psychic stated that I would discover something that was established in my childhood that is responsible for issues today).
But thanks for this, it's so relevant to me and to what I am up to healing right now. ...I am going to have to rewatch this and take notes. Even the part about definining Codependency as being about Keeping very quiet and "invisible" as a way of managing others' reactivity and emotions... is so valuable to identify.
...My more recent bad experiences with a narcissist, was all about my breaking out of this pattern of subservience (that they had been taking full advantage of) and developing my own ideas and acting on them ...for which I was relentlessly attacked and finally endured a smear campaign to remove me altogether, and the basis for this tirade of abuse was that I was "full of my self" or 'grandiose' ....This, by a thoroughly hypocritical show off, who habitually monopolysed attention.
...The worst part was that I was so damaged by shame and prior conditioning by similar types within my family of origin, that I was not aware I was acting out from a position of behaving in the said Codependent, submissive "invisible" way of being; nor that my sense of what was appropriate as far as 'taking over' in interactions with others, was out of step with what is actually more ok (my family STILL to this day, condone such behaviour in certain "dominant" others in my family; and a more healthy 'give and take' is simply not practiced or acknowledged as appropriate, either....
A further aspect of this is also then that one's models for expressing oneself and being an individual are not only missing and defective as they are but ALSO prone to total hypocrisy and self righteousness!!!! And one is surrounded by this growing up, and then tends to attract it out in the world also! Which only tends to reinforce the faulty sense of such as being the norm. (It is a fight to break out of this). I was so dependent upon an outer authority FINALLY accepting me and not rejecting or judging me; so longing for parents and a family that would FINALLY allow me to have a voice, and value me and MY good traits and abilities. Others in my family had worked along side my narcissistic parent, to further reinforce a sense that I was NOT entitled to express my own self freely (there was simply no opportunity to, with my sibling monopolizing all attention and my parents doing little and often nothing, to curb such behaviour, and others in my family playing along like it is normal), nor was I permitted to show pride in my performance (my father would quickly and nastily punish me for this) and otherwise just be so highly critical ...and of course, the chief collaborator to this narcissistic parent, the "Golden Child", was fully supported and encouraged by the narcissistic parent, to completely dominate conversations, events including OTHERS birthdays, even to make major decisions on behalf of other family members as a given (no votes are taken, its a simply dictatorship in my F.O.O) as well as to act so as to frequently show off, and act in an unending way with hubris and excessive pride.
....It's taken me so long to wake up from the SPELL cast over me by these two, and then by the others in my family who enabled them. ...I'm at a point where I seem to have miraculously stepped out of the black and white, SHAME based thinking that plays into the hands of these controller types. That is essentially the cloud that they cast over you to confuse you and disguise what they are actually doing themselves. (Gaslighting, I guess; and it is as to some extent they consciously deceive) I can now just GET (on an emotional and unthinking level) that this is NOT a black and white issue. That not only is SOME pride in myself totally fine and even GOOD, but that, furthermore, making a so called 'mistake' and even showing off is not necessarily wrong either. And ....last but not least: that the folk who are SO VERY EAGER to criticize me on this, are FULL OF *%#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...And are NOT interested in MORALITY, but rather are full of self-righteousness and hypocrisy.
And their seeming total confidence in their perceptions, is actually due to their utter OBLIVIOUSNESS and LACK of EMPATHY and SELF AWARENESS; and NOT because they are sure of themselves. ....or their oh so strong feelings MUST be somehow based in truth: they are based in utter insecurity and cluelessness about actual reality beyond their own completely self absorbed little world. ....I wish I could have felt confidence in these perceptions that were, to a degree around earlier. But it has taken time and working out things, for me to get here. ....Guess it can be really hard to see the truth when you are so within something (like you have to free yourself of any narcissism you have to be able to really put these narcissistic types in their place). Thanks again, Mr Wise, for your nuggets of wisdom. I love the main message about needing to develop self love before trying to develop ability to set boundaries. ....This might be why I find boundaries natural now (maybe not all, but some ones I could not establish before). It's great to understand such things. ....I am so greatful for "Shepperds of God" like yourself... by which I am referring to those Bible passages about God sending out shepperds to help the lost flock. And I really think that God is the one who grants such a title and NOT man.... as, whilst it is certainly possible to be both, however most often i believe it is LIFE that teaches the true wisdom that is of help and service to people, and far less any therapies that a person can study. The latter is still of use and help, but the former is by far more important and of much greater value. ... So greatful to have the internet and access to expertise like yours and others similar to yourself that ACTUALLY really know your stuff! Thank you.
Lambchop, when I read your comment, I thought this is just what I could have written. Exactly what I experienced and how I'm feeling about it!
Love and blessings to you!
Simple advice. Difficult to implement.
I agree, this is life long work
This is the underpinning I've been looking for. Thank you so much!!
Glad it was helpful! More to come!
I can totally relate to start being visible to myself. I would say the opposite of that is dissociating.
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Getting my own life together was impossible without a great man doctor dele, who brought back my twin flame after many months of misunderstanding, my partner was under a dark power spell, but I thank great doctor for bringing my lover back... Contact him for help now..
My father was an alcoholic. I became invisible to protect myself from his moods, the family drama and the toxicity. As an adult people often tell me how invisible I am. It hurts a lot. I have just realized that I became invisible to protect myself as a little girl. It helped me survive. Now I would like to be visible, but it’s scary. I will try to be visible to myself, but to be honest, I don’t know how to do that. I have gone to therapy and I feel my feelings, but there is still work to do and I feel confused. People must know that invisibility was a survival strategy and a way of protecting oneself.
Incredible content. Thank you very much Jerry 🙏
I’m glad you liked it Dina, you are very welcome
Thank you so much for your videos. You really know what you are talking about. It is really hard work to escape this hell. Being punished, ashamed for being visible, for existing, for having needs, being humiliated for having success ,for trying to be my authentic self.
Attachment trauma is a big cause of children feeling invisible as kids and as adults. Alan Robarge on UA-cam speaks about attachment trauma. It was very eye-opening for me
After my kundalini awakening instigated by a psychologist. ( without my knowledge) I had very strange awakening symptoms like internal shaking( trapped stress energy) and many strange premonition dreams. Where I played all the roles of the people I encountered. I thought it was me in the dream and later learned I was actually in another person. This is the truth . We move from person to person ( defaulting in our own avatar body when awake) based on consciousness. There was nobody to talk to about this. That’s not psychosis. Although it shakes up this paradigm.
Thank you for this acknowledgement and validation, you just explained my whole psychology. Family problems damage the self so brutally, it cant be underestimated how dangerous carelessly making a family. my problems were a little of family of origin, daddy issues when my biological father left when i was 3 and probably fractured the whole family structure and support system. Even staying in contact wouyld have prevented that ultimate search for a replacement father, but there were health problems. thats where the feeling of worthlessness and the lack of protection started, the very beginings of my personality i had no father to protect me, i fought very hard so it didnt happen to my son, its so important to be there for a child.I have strong feelings when it comes to women respecting fathers and vice versa, its a selfish evil thing to cut kids from parents who would care for them. Jealous new partners and irresponsible men allow their existing nests and half grown chicks to be evacuated into cuckoo nests, then burn down the last nest with the female inside it. Unbelievable what trails of destruction great apes csuse, birds with tiny brains even know how to rear properly and protect their flock. interlopers are ejected. nature heals and inspires me deeply.
The ultimate abandoning, brutalising father figure came later, on repeat over and over again, childhood wounds made me an open target and with no father or brothers, nobody to keep the bullying badly behaved men in check. its necessary for females to be protected, isolation is a warning sign for emotional abuse taking place. it wears people down and changes their behaviours. Its a red flag to see isolation with one man and a degenerating sense of self and oftentimes excessive drinking to cope. i feel for women with too many kids in positions of powerlessness and controlled without emotional support, its always a top down dynamic with men incapable of deep loyalty and love, predator, prey, cat,mouse. There are always clues willing to teach, reality exposes truths if theyre searched for. Some people arent brave enough to red pill like neo. Id rather know I was being controlled and sucked dry, illusions are not reality, liars are not sent to save.its funny how it creates cognitive dissonance, a sense of dread when someone says all the time they love you, l;ove you, love you but the instinct tells you its a lie. all the things that are being done have been done before, we cant learn with eyes wide shut to the signs.
Love has to be about knowing a person from within and falling in love with that, it just doesnt happen through sex,procreating and following signs and ritual parties with certificates called marriage. it has to be a true connection from the heart or its a fake, fools gold looks really shiny, glitters like diamonds and fools everyone but your true self, the inner self always knows if the game is shallow and hollow within. I learned it has to be felt first and developed.. not follow instincts like animals and hope the rest falls into place later. I always secretly hope my son finds my learned through experience wisdom one day. I wouldnt want him to have to ever lie beside someone denying his true feelings, awful place to be. Self delusion for another one noone should saty in or better still be self aware from the begining to never settle for less than the real thing, if your brave enough. Responsibility is another prisoner part to play a shallow anxious existence pretending to be something you dont feel, Nobody should deny themself as it serves nobody. I pray for wisdom for anyone to escape these situations as they all come from the invisibility spoken of in the vvideo. The lack of being aware and caring for your own emotional well being to demand the best experiences for yourself. Nobody should ever abandon kids but you too are also a kid, just like we shouldnt abandon our children we should never ever abandon our own inner child or it will just sccream and leave us in a never ending cycle of sad or angry, depressed or anxious.
. Maybe some people just give up on themselves and refuse to be honest with themselves or anyone else.I ll stay alone until I heal but I will not settle for anything other than a true love connection, a person i can relate to beyond and including physically. I see lots of staged plays but very few genuine life long loyal friendships in marriage with true love. A proper appreciation for each other and a harmony of similar personality types and interests, beliefs etc. Its lovely to see real marriage because two become like one being and adapt similar family facial expressions and like the same kind of things. I refuse to squeeze my foot into a size four shoe when im a size five. Relationships must fit very very comfortably over time.Thats the only kind I will ever invest in.
i hope I change this mal adaptation, i must have had inner damage to do with neglect and abandonment in the family of origin and it manifested into a ten fold demon later, my own fault. If I was willing to accept boundary breaks and disrespect like i did in the begining it was never going to be learnt. i think i was expecting maturity and wisdom through time, strangely i intuitively eventually came to the place of knowing i had to find myself at all costs. the cost was high and im still trying to lose the invisibility cloak of doom. i often say i feel like a disembodied head. i lost all depth of spiritual being bec ause i was viciously wounded and really was never acknowledged in an emotional way by myself, thats the key, by my self. its like i forgot how to self comfort and cry, a very painful state arising from your definition here.unconditional love vibes sent to you in your beautiful rainbow shirt. I hope I can radiate love like this for myself and others, if i can get myself trained in self awareness of emotional states.
I think we might manifest physical illness, notably addictions in a subconscious cry for help from our own inner neglected,abused and invisible self. awful to be a grown adult with an inner wounded child, the only people who ever got to see that child were immediate family. It cant be understated, be careful who you expose the inner little boy or girl to, in some cases you cant protect that inner child from harms akin to child abuse , mental child abuse. I will vet the hell out of any person i ever take into my inner life, if i ever can again.
thanks again for opening up this thread. We need to know even after the worst injustices,cruelties, betrayals and projections of unworthiness put upon us, we are absolutely no less and deserving of love than anybody. Our true value can only be appreciated by looking beyond the physical body, the real pearl of great price is within the shell. Those who criticise the shell and cant see beyond it are definitely not opinions worth taking in. How can someone assess someone they do not know?
Throw not your pearls to pigs, lest they trample them under their feet, then tun and smash you to pieces.
YOU are a GEM. How did you kno my family and thoughts?Its as if I m reading a book written by a genius plz write books or do a channel.I would l subscribe. Amazing
Sorry you went through all these things. It is terrible to be abused as a kid, and then have to deal with the aftermath as an adult. I am the same way, I literally vet the hell out of someone before I would ever be friends with them, even my very closest friends are capable of betrayal. so I hear you, I believe you, I validate you and your experience. Continue in your growth! You are doing great, and are an inspiration. As you said, I also chose the red pill. I would rather know the harsh truth than the comfortable lie.
YESSSS ANOTHER JERRY VIDEO!
The graphics really clarify the concepts!
I like them too, thank you
Thank you for this video. It's been easy enough to notice that I must be doing something wrong, when the gears that drive my daily life aren't working properly because something's broken off or missing inside: not relating well to the spotlight of attention as "nothing good ever came from being noticed" (in my experience), feeling uncomfortable with being praised for being more conscientious in the job than others, being passed over for work that I can and am qualified to do in favor of someone more visible... I have patience, I have courage, and I think I'm going to do the work that you have recommended on myself to get a better sense of self and ability to create consistency and boundaries. I'll be back, looking through the videos on your channel, and feeling thankful that you're putting yourself out there to help others. Thank you!
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Your commentary is spot on! 🙏🏾❤️
Thank you 🙌
I love your shirt! And what a great choice to go with for a talk on (in-)visibility!
I was in an onstage visibility type job most of my life. Now I like being invisible in my off time. As long as I can be the one in control of my stage time and offstage time, I do fine. I love myself and have no problem being in front of people. But if I am in any way confronted or threatened, i ghost those people. I am content to not participate in a hateful scenario. I have no trouble with assertivness, leadership etc. I have a right to be who i am, and i loved who i was. Trying to hope to get back to that someday. If there is no threat, i am an extrovert. having been stalked a long time, i am threatened and i want to be invisible.
This is so huge for my day...thank you!!!
I'm glad it was helpful Tammy, thank you for watching
Triggering & true. It's exasperating to understand this psychologically, and to remain physiologically incapable of putting it into practice.
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I unconsciously did this through very difficult times in my life. I did not know what I was practicing seeing myself. I am unable to join 'super-families' because they need one to stop seeing themselves and see the super-family only.
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Know thyself, examined life is worth living.
Start with emotional, mental and psychological skills....THEN interpersonal, social and relational skills. Yes!
This is just good spiritual work, too. Work on yourself, because we can't give what we don't have. Get to respect, listen and attune to oneself FIRST. Then listen, respect and attune to others.
We can attune to ourselves. Other people won't do so necessarily. With others, there is a search for people who are willing, ready and able to connect with you.
And connect with God over and above all, and then yourself.
Key word: Bravado!
You know Jerry, for a moment while you were talking, I felt strong. In that moment, a warmth spread across my body that I have never felt before..... a totally different physical feeling....... where all the pain in my body stopped.
Just going to take some time and come back to this after a while, cause I wasn't prepared.
A sense of hope.
Tha nk you Mr. WISE.
THIS is very good teaching. This is needed
Everyday. Never was taught to think, about self
It is important information.
Thank you! And thanks for watching!