@@NightmareBlade10 Well yeah, they do it as a joke. Because the guy knows shit and is wrong all the time. Everyone knows that, except Gideon of course, the old codger.
Everyone talking about the girls, but no one talking about how Gideon sending you to meet a lightning dragon so she kills you fits his character perfectly.
@Captain_Morgan IDK about that. If the rot will turn people into Malenia, shouldn't the Kindred of Rot and Cleanrot Knights have more likeness towards Malenia? There is big emphasis in Millicent's quest on the fact they are sisters, meaning their affliction of the rot is self contained. My best guess is that the Aeonia Bloom is taking Malenia's genetics to produce the sisters. Malenia is thought to have only bloomed a few times, once during the fight with Radahn, during the fight with The Tarnished, and once more right outside her boss fight. That bloom is also the same location you find the Traveler's set (Millicent's outfit). So my headcannon is that the outer god that is inflicting Malenia with the rot is trying to use the Aeonia Bloom to spread into the lands between, and the sisters are basically pollen spreading a stronger version of the rot. That's why Millicent would rather take out the needle and die, than to turn into another Aeonia Bloom. That's also why Gowry (who is secretly a Kindred of Rot insect person) will help repair the needle for Millicent, but be upset when she takes it out, saying "You were so close. So very close. To becoming the fairest of all flowers. Would you disown us too? As your Mother did? We children of the scarlet rot?"
I like how Gideon considers Rya a poor option because she's a fucking snake, but has absolutely no complaints about Ranni being an incredibly withered doll...
@@Brandonious15987It is stated that she took the form of a human to commune with the knights as a priestess of the ancient dragon cult, so the dragussy is real.
EXACTLY, she and Nephelli are legitimately the 2 contenders for "best girl" of Elden Ring as the only 2 women that aren't manipulative bitches and happen to help the tarnished while remaining decent people throughout the entire game Edit: Poor milicent becomes a puddle lmao
Sellen is the best woman in the game and nobody can say otherwise. She is willing to teach sorceries even if you are dumb as a mule. Does not make a big deal that she is actually imprisoned by Carian black-ops, just asks if you could help her escape. Acknowledges that as a pupil you might have other interests than to research primeval current and respects your choices. Calls you her darling pupil. Has actual sense of humour, cracks jokes and has fun personality compared to Roderika, Melina and Nepheli. Will always offer you place in her academy even should you fail to become Elden Lord. Asks you to become her teacher, should you become Elden Lord. And in cut content she calls out Mohg/Varre for trying to manipulate you.
Roderika was, is, and likely will always be best girl. Look, Roderika is, like Rya, a soft soul, with a gentle voice, like Millicent, someone who initially was weak, but took into her hands a way to rise past her weakness after receiving help from the tarnished, like Nepheli, has never manipulated the tarnished nor has any plans to, and in fact even helps the tarnished, like Ranni, has some ties to nobility (she is first seen wearing the Crimson Hood, which is part of the noble set), and most importantly, is also a tarnished. And the huge bonus? just LOOK at her! Cute as a button and pretty to boot!
How does rya not manipulate you? She uses your good will to help what you think to be a helpless women to take you down the path of a murderous blasphemy cult.
3:24 "Seduce a dragon" Sadly the tarnished failed in his d20 DnD dice roll and the fact he ain't a bard just landed him a visit with the gods of Elden ring for a brief moment
Dm: your persuasion check fails, you enter combat with the dragon. Roll to hit... that hits... roll for damage... you take 276 points of lightning damage because lmao
Millicent seems like a great option. You save her from the brink of death, help her fight again, and she eventually finds herself in the end. She's one of the only characters who doesn't hide anything from you, or treats you as a means to an end. She comes off as genuine and wants to help you and much as youve helped her. Yes, the rot would be an issue, but as long as she would keep in the needle, I assume you're safe. And even if that's not the case, preserving boluses do the trick well enough.
Being related to Malenia though means that any sort of copulation you attempt better be followed up with several preserving boluses because you are likely to die either in the middle of the act or from a complication from having your spear rot and fall off entirely. Which is to say every time will require protection
theses kind of videos make me wish so hard for a " elden ring true rpg edition " mod that allow you to strike engaging conversations with the npc depending on your choices deepening your relationship with them and possibly altering their fate, new vegas style the fact said conversations could go from almost canon lore friendly to meme worthy depending on the tone of said mod is just icing of the cake for me
Pretty sure Roderika is one of the few soulsbornering characters that isnt some secret monster or evil doer. She is genuinely a helpful, naive, caring and also pretty. She is talented as spirit tuning. She shows concern for Hewg, which basically none of the Tarnished seem to give a fuck about him. She warns you of danger from the dung eater.
@@claynicholas4594 Unironically, just type "Human Lansseax" and open Google Images LOL Most are Reddit posts of people trying to recreate Lansseax's human face. Based on what I don't know, dunno if any items/spels/shit describe her face, but if that's even close to her human form, damn does she look good Yeah, not that reliable of a sauce, but a sauce nonetheless LOL
Get you out of his way so he can have MARIKA. Marika is basically our destined wife, and Gideon is sour about it so he spends the whole game trying to get us killed and out of the way, but we just keep casually killing gods and only further solidifying our claim to Marika’s bed.
You know what, Ofnir? Some people are into being pegged by a strong warrior woman, and we all know how things went last time you tried to stop the Tarnished.
"After Gideon gave his wisdom on Tarnished harem choices, the Tarnished then decided to became Elden Lord and go for the Frenzy Flame ending. Problem solved".
Millicent was always my favorite of the female NPC’s you meet. The journey you both go on is genuinely awesome and she also helps you with some bosses.
It's incredible to see what post-nut clarity does to a man. Also, the fact that he sees a dragon as a good option leads me to theorise that he is a scalie, wich is some DEEP LORE.
@@epicebones7329 Well yes, but not only aren't we able to see it but I also think she can only give us the true "electrifying experience" while being a dragon.
@@revolverjesus98After many hours reading Vyke's book on How to lay your Dragon. The brave Tarnished ventures forth. To confront the object of their... beastly desires as They try to seduce the Dragoness.
Bro’s legit a homie, he didnt really insult you, he just consulted you on your tastes in women, gave sine words of advice, then said bye, sigma right there.
UM, actually, in my honest opinion, I am inclined to strongly believe that Alexander is the better choice compared to all the other mentioned. Not only is he a great friend throughout the whole journey, but you actually partake in multiple pushing actions, one in which you even neatly lube him. On one occasion, he even powered himself up with other fighters parts, which let's you assume some strong women were part of the loot. Which further lets me believe, there's a chance of a top quality crack in the pot, if you know what I mean. He's also heat and cold resistant, therefore being a great choice all year around. He can also handle GIANT things, so high level tarnished have no problem fitting. Lastly, he can spar with you so you never get rusty, helping you stay in top shape for whatever dangers you may face. In conclusion, Alexander is the best and ONLY option, therefore everyone else is IRRELEVANT.
I can argue that Master Hewg could be an option too, he smiths all your weapons, allows you to duplicate ashes of war and you can sell him the random items you get. Still no match for Alexander though
This is legit. I love how he goes through the list, and at the end recommends the absolute worst decision you can make, just to test if you were stupid enough to take it.
considering Marika managed to clone, bang and impregnate herself, I am inclined to believe, that Ranni is perfectly capable of creating a new body for herself, once we make her the new god or whatever
3:00 "Now if you're into that, then so be it, but just know that everyone is judging you, inclusing Boc" That has to be the funniest thing I have ever heard. XD
step 1: tell Hyetta the 'grapes' are eyes the moment you meet her and your not feeding them to her step 2: tell her you know where the two fingers are you'd be happy to bring her to them step 3: she becomes a normal maiden and you can bed her
@@Sir_Fres The whole point of being a maiden is to guide you the Tarnished to become a "Lord" and usher a new age/order. By turning ruins to stength. Easy you're urges and finally graduating from the Waifu Academy and becoming you're eternal consort.
There are honestly enough girls to make a part two to this, and I hope you do. Roderika, Hyetta, Latenna, Tyche, Tanith (though I guess she is taken already), probably more I am forgetting...
He forgot about Millicent, I know, I friendzoned her too, but come on, this is just cruel. Then again she is dead... Ah, whatever, I'll always have the Albinauric Woman by my side.
bruh, she has cancerous leprosy. you stick your dick in that its falling off. she a living fragment of the god of STD's at that point you should keep her in the 'look dont touch' category
Holy shit, this really is a gem, and I do mean it! The almost pitch perfect Gideon impression, spot-on jokes and delivery make this video unexpectedly hilarious, keep it up man 👍
If this is pitch perfect I'm the king of Spain. Come on, they are not even particularly close. It suffices for the joke, but if it was a genuine attempt at imitation it's terrible.
you forgot Hyetta, the second most-wholesome girl in the land (if you forget about the weird diet she's on), And Milicent, which has the huge-bonus of looking like Malenia without being the Blade of Miquella
Buddy, i hate to break it to you but Hyetta is a corpse possessed by a lovecraftian entity. It'd be a much better option to simply save Irina before she dies.
He's standing at the place where he introduces himself when you first reach the roundtable. So just imagine he's saying all this before the Tarnished has even met half the people he's going on about.
Sellen is quite underrated, and that's maybe because many people don't know how she looks under that mask. Hell, why would they make her so pretty and then slap that yee-yee ass stone helmet on her face? Yes, she made meatballs out of wizards and has a friend in a dude who makes dolls and keeps them in his love basement, but that doesn't change my opinion even a bit.
As with everything, it's for lore reasons. There are different schools in the Acedmy focused on different fields of magic, with the crowns being given to scholars who made major contributions to their specific school. The crowns are modeled after the founder of that school, so having her wearing that crown shows she's a part of some school that doesn't seem to be part of the academy anymore, but also, but the fact that she's the only one to have a Witch's crown, plus it's description, show shes the one who founded the Witch's school of sorcery. She wears it because it's a sign of the pride she has in herself. "SHES the smart one here, NOT the academy, they are just fools for kicking her out like they did. But even if they kicked her out, she's going to proudly carry on her research no matter what!" and all that.
"Gideon you need think of context. I entered these lands between as: a vagabond, a wretch and a prisoner. If I am to become Elden Landlord I need legitimacy, and becoming engaged to the lunar princess gives me that in this feudal society."
I love how there's just a bit more emphasis and clarity when he's advising you to seduce a dragon, like he really wants you to listen in on his solution to your problems, this is important.
1: Melina can barely remember her own name, much less see old friends, also I doubt she has great pickings in the spirit realm she disappears into or Leyndell since everyone who lives there is either a disgusting old man or a psychopath 2: Ranni assassinated her brother as a necessary evil to sidestep her fate as another pawn to the golden order, and as cold as she is she still has an affectionate side and would never hurt you unless you tried to kill her or stood in her way 3: You earn Fia's love with the radiant baldachin's blessing, and her clam clamming is again necessary to a greater cause she's devoted in. I assure you she's not in it for the mermaid dick, and a woman who's capable of forming a mending rune practically by herself is anything but mediocre 4: As much as Rya does admittedly give little sister vibes, she definitely deserves someone who can stand by her and accept her for who she is. You also miss the fact that snakes can fold their fangs, and may even be able to retract them - and all that's assuming she doesn't just use her human form which is evidently also physical 5: Don't threaten me with a good time old man, also your "daughter" hates your guts for committing genocide, so good luck with her not taking my side in that matter 6: Sellen's not an option anyway since I can't fuck a crystal with an embryo inside of it and her graven mass on top of being plain unviable is just the leftover scraps of her soulless corpse, but she's definitely more than the domineering wench you make her out to be You completely skipped over Roderika in favor of pointing me towards Lansseax because you knew she's been a psychotic bitch since her break-up with Vyke, and you have no room to say fucking a snake is unviable when you're pointing me in the direction of a dragon
about ranni your forgetting that she let the 2 people who have been in her life since birth Igi and Blaidd die for her goal as well, so even as her "consort" if you can call it that she'll just kill you at some point for her goal that might not even be worth it (not letting outer gods interfere with everything even though she wouldn't even have been born without the greater will)
@@declicitous1763 Blaidd was bound to madness the moment the night of the black knives happen as that was a curse that Marika laid upon him, and Iji is a traitor to her cause
@@xryeau_1760 she could've at least found a way to try to stop him from going mad, but she didn't and how is iji a traitor, he locked blaidd away so he wouldn't kill ranni and the black knives (who she literally contracted to kill godwyn) killed him
@@declicitous1763 Did you forget the part where Iji brewed a tonic to prevent Ranni from realizibg her destiny as a queen? Also I'm not sure that Blaidd's madness was anything anyone could've done much about. He's a shadow - little more than a familiar designated to fulfill a task which was to keep Ranni tied to the golden order
Giga-Gideon out here looking out for us Tarnished, a real Chad.
Giga-Chadeon
I didn't listen to half of what that old man said
Did you hear the last thing he said? He purposely sent us to
Lansseax to get stir fried 👀
when i fought him i hugged him with frenzy hug He lost half of his maximum health 🥴
They don't call him the All-Knowing for no reason.
When he starts the conversation with "Tarnished, a word" you know he's about to drop some wisdom
They don'r call him all knowing for nothing.
Or ask you to wingman for him with some Albinauric woman in his area.
@@NightmareBlade10 Well yeah, they do it as a joke. Because the guy knows shit and is wrong all the time. Everyone knows that, except Gideon of course, the old codger.
Someone get a bucket, cuz this man is gonna spit some facts!
He's called "the all-knowing" for a reason.
"Don't bang Rya she's a snake"
a minute later
"You should smash a dragon"
Snake
@@SteveG-SM It's hard to argue with your assessment.
Dragons can assume human form.
@@bengunn9670 In that case...
@@mr.picklethanos7340 go on
Everyone talking about the girls, but no one talking about how Gideon sending you to meet a lightning dragon so she kills you fits his character perfectly.
I shall try again
Persist until my duty is done, if im not able to do such task
Im i really worthy of becoming an Elden Lord?
Then we can prove him wrong by rizzing up Lansseax. I mean, Godwyn did it, Vyke did it, why can't the next Elden Lord do it?
I mean yeah the dragons were said to take human forms
@@ak47epic94 Fr 😭🤧
“Just know everyone is judging you, including Boc.”
That hurt and was funny.
- Gideon, I'm dating Millicent.
- F**k, why didn't you tell me before? Great choice
Millicent simping gang
You'd ave to keep it wrapped up in that rotussy.
Best choice by far
Objectively right comment.
@Captain_Morgan IDK about that. If the rot will turn people into Malenia, shouldn't the Kindred of Rot and Cleanrot Knights have more likeness towards Malenia?
There is big emphasis in Millicent's quest on the fact they are sisters, meaning their affliction of the rot is self contained. My best guess is that the Aeonia Bloom is taking Malenia's genetics to produce the sisters. Malenia is thought to have only bloomed a few times, once during the fight with Radahn, during the fight with The Tarnished, and once more right outside her boss fight. That bloom is also the same location you find the Traveler's set (Millicent's outfit). So my headcannon is that the outer god that is inflicting Malenia with the rot is trying to use the Aeonia Bloom to spread into the lands between, and the sisters are basically pollen spreading a stronger version of the rot. That's why Millicent would rather take out the needle and die, than to turn into another Aeonia Bloom. That's also why Gowry (who is secretly a Kindred of Rot insect person) will help repair the needle for Millicent, but be upset when she takes it out, saying "You were so close. So very close. To becoming the fairest of all flowers. Would you disown us too? As your Mother did? We children of the scarlet rot?"
I like how Gideon considers Rya a poor option because she's a fucking snake, but has absolutely no complaints about Ranni being an incredibly withered doll...
Also suggest bedding a dragon covered in lightning.
It’s like banging an animal compared too a living sex doll
@@Brandonious15987It is stated that she took the form of a human to commune with the knights as a priestess of the ancient dragon cult, so the dragussy is real.
at least she is a living being, no as Ranni, (also, you are fucking a doll-like representation of her master, not her)
@@Brandonious15987 Dragon has a human form
I like how he couldn't come with anything that bad about Ranni, so he just says "get someone with even more arms"
One Bad thing
She murdered her brother
so that means that, in a sense, godrick is the best gi-
@@miimiibeschde4818in the lands between that just means you have one less primary competitor. I see it as a plus
Honestly ranni looks like she couldn't give more of a fuck about you and she's just using you to become a god
@@miimiibeschde4818another One, She literally has endless champions
I like how despite making him sound utterly ridiculous you still sticked to his speech pattern fairly well.
The impression sounds like a mix of Gideon and Yahtzee, which really fits when he brings up comatose clams during the monologue
It's made by AI dude.
@@ipamat9127 The AI didn't come up with his own dialog and OP was specifically complimenting how the dialog fit Gideon's way of talking.
It's either one of the better made AI I've heard or one of the better impressions I've heard and I can't tell which.
I will honestly never understand how so many people can just forget that Roderika is RIGHT THERE!
EXACTLY, she and Nephelli are legitimately the 2 contenders for "best girl" of Elden Ring as the only 2 women that aren't manipulative bitches and happen to help the tarnished while remaining decent people throughout the entire game
Edit: Poor milicent becomes a puddle lmao
@@cutcutado can kinda but rya in that bunch
But Eleonora still best girl
Sellen is the best woman in the game and nobody can say otherwise. She is willing to teach sorceries even if you are dumb as a mule.
Does not make a big deal that she is actually imprisoned by Carian black-ops, just asks if you could help her escape.
Acknowledges that as a pupil you might have other interests than to research primeval current and respects your choices.
Calls you her darling pupil.
Has actual sense of humour, cracks jokes and has fun personality compared to Roderika, Melina and Nepheli.
Will always offer you place in her academy even should you fail to become Elden Lord.
Asks you to become her teacher, should you become Elden Lord.
And in cut content she calls out Mohg/Varre for trying to manipulate you.
They also ignore Sellen, Lhutel, and the Mimic Tear, but to each their own. Unless you happen to be named "Mohg", then you really just need therapy.
Roderika was, is, and likely will always be best girl. Look, Roderika is, like Rya, a soft soul, with a gentle voice, like Millicent, someone who initially was weak, but took into her hands a way to rise past her weakness after receiving help from the tarnished, like Nepheli, has never manipulated the tarnished nor has any plans to, and in fact even helps the tarnished, like Ranni, has some ties to nobility (she is first seen wearing the Crimson Hood, which is part of the noble set), and most importantly, is also a tarnished. And the huge bonus? just LOOK at her! Cute as a button and pretty to boot!
based
King
How does rya not manipulate you? She uses your good will to help what you think to be a helpless women to take you down the path of a murderous blasphemy cult.
@@DeepfriedBeans4492 bud you may have replied to the wrong comment. I never even mentioned Fia
@@AceArata I meant rya, could’ve used context clues to figure out who I meant instead of acting condescending
3:24
"Seduce a dragon"
Sadly the tarnished failed in his d20 DnD dice roll and the fact he ain't a bard just landed him a visit with the gods of Elden ring for a brief moment
Dm: your persuasion check fails, you enter combat with the dragon. Roll to hit... that hits... roll for damage... you take 276 points of lightning damage because lmao
That line "if you're into that then so be it, but just know that everyone is judging you, including Boc." had me dying
Boc calls himself worthless and grovels at your feet while praising you endlessly, I doubt he's much better.
I didnt even know who tf senna is supposed to be
@@schishne7546 I'm confused about that too!
@@schishne7546 i think sellen
@@schishne7546 sellen but they forgo
"Fia only sees you as a friend."
Me who finally have a friend: "My goals are beyond your understanding, old man."
"The power of friendship is a very real thing, Gideon... And yet for all your knowledge, it still remains beyond your understanding."
3:33 Lanseax really just swiped left on the poor tarnished,
Fun fact: In the Japanese version of the spell description, Vyke's relation to Lanseax uses the Japanese word for romantic love.
Vyke Donkey'd his way in life by banging a fucking Dragon. Absolute Chad.
I still consider it non canon. I SAY. LANNY IS into women. Mawahahaha
Vyke was a based dragon-laying king. Shame he became the lord of all Redditors
@@Ravagerblade -ACK!
"Engages in necrophilia with a comatose clam " Killed me, exactly how Miyazaki intended
The fact it killed you, or the marine necrophilia?
Who is the comatose clam? I didn't get that reference
@@HM-li4et Godwyn
Nah that was the doing of GRR Martin I mean have you seen game of thrones
Millicent seems like a great option. You save her from the brink of death, help her fight again, and she eventually finds herself in the end. She's one of the only characters who doesn't hide anything from you, or treats you as a means to an end. She comes off as genuine and wants to help you and much as youve helped her. Yes, the rot would be an issue, but as long as she would keep in the needle, I assume you're safe. And even if that's not the case, preserving boluses do the trick well enough.
I can just imagine pounding my chest like Tarzan with flame cleanse me the whole time
Being related to Malenia though means that any sort of copulation you attempt better be followed up with several preserving boluses because you are likely to die either in the middle of the act or from a complication from having your spear rot and fall off entirely. Which is to say every time will require protection
Ye but that scarlet rot std
Always use preventative protection kids
And thus you became patient zero of cosmic aids.
Greetings, Tarnished.
0:20 Melina
0:54 Ranni
1:29 Fia
2:02 Rya
2:40 Nepheli
2:48 Senna
3:20 Lansseax
who is senna?
@@minar7555 Sellen
Roderika and Millicent left the chat
theses kind of videos make me wish so hard for a " elden ring true rpg edition " mod that allow you to strike engaging conversations with the npc depending on your choices deepening your relationship with them and possibly altering their fate, new vegas style
the fact said conversations could go from almost canon lore friendly to meme worthy depending on the tone of said mod is just icing of the cake for me
What we actually need is for Fromsoft to make this into a legitimate major update.
Tbh no, the thing that matters most in elden ring is its combat I hope they improvise on that more
@@okamikitsune1024 Ah Yes, Can't Wait To Become Best Friends With Giga Chad Gideon And Hear That Mf Say This Sh*t For Real
@@creeperYT9824 Nah
Pretty sure Roderika is one of the few soulsbornering characters that isnt some secret monster or evil doer. She is genuinely a helpful, naive, caring and also pretty.
She is talented as spirit tuning.
She shows concern for Hewg, which basically none of the Tarnished seem to give a fuck about him.
She warns you of danger from the dung eater.
There's only so much bri'ish dialogue I can listen to in one sitting bro.
She also thic
@@portalmanHUN All of the characters have British accents
@@portalmanHUN I believe she has more of a Scottish accent
@@portalmanHUN these games are full of it already 🤦
Gideon just wanted you to throw yourself at a deadly dragon out of sheer desperation so he could get you out of his way.
And away from nipheli
I mean, Lansseax had a human form, and if the images on the Internet are correct, she was hot af, just need to conquer her heart like Vyke did
@@marcelovieira519 Son, you can't just say that without leaving some sauce for us
@@claynicholas4594 Unironically, just type "Human Lansseax" and open Google Images LOL Most are Reddit posts of people trying to recreate Lansseax's human face. Based on what I don't know, dunno if any items/spels/shit describe her face, but if that's even close to her human form, damn does she look good
Yeah, not that reliable of a sauce, but a sauce nonetheless LOL
Get you out of his way so he can have MARIKA. Marika is basically our destined wife, and Gideon is sour about it so he spends the whole game trying to get us killed and out of the way, but we just keep casually killing gods and only further solidifying our claim to Marika’s bed.
The blue cunny got me acting "😭"
Personnaly its his post nut clarity who came after 🤣
You know what, Ofnir? Some people are into being pegged by a strong warrior woman, and we all know how things went last time you tried to stop the Tarnished.
She may be a strong warrior woman, but evidence suggests that she desires her own domination.
He speaks from experience
No
Hell yeah, warrior dommy mommy
There is also a pretty healthy Amazon position, which some strong women like very much.
I laughed harder than I should have when he talked about Nepheli
Pretty much what any father would say
@@pokimanefartcompilation I get that, but something about Gideon saying it caught me off guard
@@RandomName893 same
@@pokimanefartcompilation I guess this was pretty genocide
@@RandomName893 I think you made a typo
"After Gideon gave his wisdom on Tarnished harem choices, the Tarnished then decided to became Elden Lord and go for the Frenzy Flame ending. Problem solved".
He did tell us to do what Vyke did.
Hyetta moment
when in doubt, fuck the world instead
He became so maidenless, the world ended.
That, or he fought the first elden lord, quit, and downloaded a bunch of random ass mods
So this is the timeline where Gideon actually cares about Nephili
Millicent was always my favorite of the female NPC’s you meet. The journey you both go on is genuinely awesome and she also helps you with some bosses.
It's incredible to see what post-nut clarity does to a man. Also, the fact that he sees a dragon as a good option leads me to theorise that he is a scalie, wich is some DEEP LORE.
He discouraged us from banging Rya too, maybe he wants her to himself?
The Dragon has a human form
EDIT:LORE UNDEEPED.
@@epicebones7329 Well yes, but not only aren't we able to see it but I also think she can only give us the true "electrifying experience" while being a dragon.
@@dnaofthesoul9723 at that point it's your fantasy, not Gideon's. He mentioned Vyke who met Lannseax in her human form.
Nyet, he wasn't into Rya on the auspice that she was a snake, ergo he's not a scalie.
"Do what Vyke did and seduce a dragon."
Sir Ofnir, I see you too are a man of culture as well
Sir Gideon Ofnir, the Dragon-Layer
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
@@revolverjesus98After many hours reading Vyke's book on How to lay your Dragon. The brave Tarnished ventures forth. To confront the object of their... beastly desires as They try to seduce the Dragoness.
Bro’s legit a homie, he didnt really insult you, he just consulted you on your tastes in women, gave sine words of advice, then said bye, sigma right there.
Just the calm roundtable music playing throughout like this is part of the game
UM, actually, in my honest opinion, I am inclined to strongly believe that Alexander is the better choice compared to all the other mentioned.
Not only is he a great friend throughout the whole journey, but you actually partake in multiple pushing actions, one in which you even neatly lube him.
On one occasion, he even powered himself up with other fighters parts, which let's you assume some strong women were part of the loot. Which further lets me believe, there's a chance of a top quality crack in the pot, if you know what I mean.
He's also heat and cold resistant, therefore being a great choice all year around.
He can also handle GIANT things, so high level tarnished have no problem fitting.
Lastly, he can spar with you so you never get rusty, helping you stay in top shape for whatever dangers you may face.
In conclusion, Alexander is the best and ONLY option, therefore everyone else is IRRELEVANT.
I can argue that Master Hewg could be an option too, he smiths all your weapons, allows you to duplicate ashes of war and you can sell him the random items you get. Still no match for Alexander though
Plus you can stick your entire self into Alexander, there's no better options
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of Tarnished and Warrior Jar breeding...
sus
@@stanleyholmes1266 An insight this truly was. Be seeing some eldritch horrors real soon from this wretched confession.
This is legit. I love how he goes through the list, and at the end recommends the absolute worst decision you can make, just to test if you were stupid enough to take it.
Wait is this actually in the game? Haven't played it yet
@@dongurnio1039 I'm pretty sure it's not
Or brave enough to make it work.
@@alexcat6685 I don't think you fully comprehend what the references are.
@@dongurnio1039 Oh no it's not my man. This is most likely done with a AI vice
It all started with "Tarnished, a word"
The funniest thing to me is how the Roundtable hold's soothing music plays in the background the whole time.
considering Marika managed to clone, bang and impregnate herself, I am inclined to believe, that Ranni is perfectly capable of creating a new body for herself, once we make her the new god or whatever
Just give her Rennala's rune and take her to the egg. Bam new body.
Radagon may have been (and probably was) a different person from Marika before they became the same ("Thou'rt yet to become me").
@@planetcheese My theory is that Radagon got fused to her by the Greater Will to curb her rebellious streak.
Marika and Radagon are Twinsoul, the same as D and his Brother.
@@marinribaric9749makes sense to me rlly. The biggest golden order simp becomes attached to the golden order queen who is thinking of ending things.
Why Lhutel gets left out of every harem thing is beyond me. She's one of the few maidens that will actively help out on a fight-to-fight basis.
No head = no head
0/10
Lattenna too. Great damage support, is relatively nice, and is also the only spirit ash to willingly enter the Tarnished possession afaik
@@synphilia4776 It's because she is a cripple and a cripple cant peg you.
And Finlay... if you're rot immune, she's a catch.
@@mayurisama3003 just wear protection
3:00 "Now if you're into that, then so be it, but just know that everyone is judging you, inclusing Boc" That has to be the funniest thing I have ever heard. XD
The Tarnished getting called a cankerous whore by Gideon made me laugh so hard! I was not expecting that! XD
"Rya is a literal fucking snake."
XCOM fans: Jokes on you, I'm into that shit
I was wondering where ya'll were...
Lanseax gave the best hand that we died and turned to dust
Ncos having that “talk” with their junior marines
E4 mafia looking out for the privates fresh out of basic 🤣
Seeing vet humor here was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one lol
“Monopolizing the mammary market” killed me dude
Top-tier advice from Gideon! I can’t believe it, but in this video, you actually made him somewhat likable
Always was. I haven't finished the game because he should have an ending all his own.
@@the_brutal_king4314 that's why you don't hate him yet
@@the_brutal_king4314 Someone just needs to mod it in and generate the dialogue like was done for this video
Gideon is my favorite character but I can't pretend he has any redeeming qualities outside of being funny.
Nah Gideon is likable, he is only midly more evil than you but that's only if you don't go the chaos route or the dung eater route
I want more Gideon advice corner
This fits gideon's character to me in a way of like, he's just doing this to make himself feel better cause you easily clear him lmao
Based Gideon being All Knowing.
step 1: tell Hyetta the 'grapes' are eyes the moment you meet her and your not feeding them to her
step 2: tell her you know where the two fingers are you'd be happy to bring her to them
step 3: she becomes a normal maiden and you can bed her
Dude you know what maiden means right? Well hate to break it to you but maiden means female virgin…
If you bed her then she’s not a maiden anymore
@@Sir_Fres The whole point of being a maiden is to guide you the Tarnished to become a "Lord" and usher a new age/order. By turning ruins to stength. Easy you're urges and finally graduating from the Waifu Academy and becoming you're eternal consort.
She is a body being used, so maybe is better not doing that?
She is kind of dead and posessed by the frenzied flame already. It's easier to just give a ride for Irina to less dangerous place.
The two fingers huh...? Riiiight.
Chadeon Ofnir. Giving us the advice we didn’t want to hear, but the advice we needed to hear nonetheless.
Thank you for your wisdom, Sir Gideon.
bro. great video, so much wisdom.
He basically told the tarnish to stop simping lol
There are honestly enough girls to make a part two to this, and I hope you do. Roderika, Hyetta, Latenna, Tyche, Tanith (though I guess she is taken already), probably more I am forgetting...
Operation: Cuck Satan
Renalla too, since we don't actually kill her
And Millicent
@@randomlizard8102 Damn, Rotussy fans going hard. Going all the way to rot their dicks.
@@mercylavigne absolutely
Didn't think I'd get genuine good advice from this video.
I was wrong about you, Gideon. You really do care.
"Hey Gideon, so uh... about Lansseax. Yeah, she just fucking killed me on site. I don't think she's quite over Vyke yet."
"...everyone is judging you, including Boc."
I'm fucking dead.
I love this. I love every part of this
This is by far the best Elden Ring Lore Video i have seen in my life!
They tell will tell you that you have no maidens. But the wisest know that the true maidens were the friends we made along the way.
He forgot about Millicent, I know, I friendzoned her too, but come on, this is just cruel. Then again she is dead...
Ah, whatever, I'll always have the Albinauric Woman by my side.
bruh, she has cancerous leprosy. you stick your dick in that its falling off. she a living fragment of the god of STD's at that point you should keep her in the 'look dont touch' category
Beware the theory that says that all Albinauric Females turn male when they age
Latenna, you mean?
She is also dead
Same reason applies for Millicent as Malenia, they’re affected by rot and smell bad
2:40 to be honest one of my favorite parts
Tuff talk for someone in vigor checking range
Holy shit, this really is a gem, and I do mean it! The almost pitch perfect Gideon impression, spot-on jokes and delivery make this video unexpectedly hilarious, keep it up man 👍
Wouldn't say it's pitch perfect. Sounds like he comes from southern England, when Sir Gideon has a northern English accent
@@sgjr9505 Close enough.
I am pretty sure it's an AI generated voice
If this is pitch perfect I'm the king of Spain. Come on, they are not even particularly close.
It suffices for the joke, but if it was a genuine attempt at imitation it's terrible.
Completely agree mate
you forgot Hyetta, the second most-wholesome girl in the land (if you forget about the weird diet she's on),
And Milicent, which has the huge-bonus of looking like Malenia without being the Blade of Miquella
Don't know Hyetta, but Millicent is a terrible choice unless you want cock rot
Hyetta is insane
Malenia is ugly
@@Jason75913 no
Buddy, i hate to break it to you but Hyetta is a corpse possessed by a lovecraftian entity. It'd be a much better option to simply save Irina before she dies.
He's standing at the place where he introduces himself when you first reach the roundtable.
So just imagine he's saying all this before the Tarnished has even met half the people he's going on about.
Dude, youve created the two funniest même of the whole elden ring game, fucking legend !
My man Gideon out here getting us back to reality
so we can make sure our choice is actually fufilling.
The best part is... That this voice fits perfectly in a young Gideon, lol.
Hyetta best girl. gotta love the Finger Maiden of the Frenzied Flame
beautiful, no other words to describe this, just beautiful
I love how he said nothing about Roderika because she's perfect
Nah... I thought so too, but i changed my mind after seeing how much she charges for upgrading my spirits.
@@Avod_Grim Oi, food and bills aren't gonna pay for themselves! Cut her some slack LMAO
@@okamikitsune1024 Recently did another playthrough... Changed my mind. Roderika best girl
@@okamikitsune1024yeah I’m sure she and hewg are the one paying for the roundtable’s electricity
2:24
(Cracks all my bones in one motion)
You cannot fathom my abilities, Gideon. Your projections are meaningless.
Also we're going for Nepheli.
this is the greatest shitpost to come out of elden ring. that's final.
Damn! That's an amazing voice acting impression!
bruh this is comedy gold
Tarnished: Gideon, the thing with Lansseax didn't work out. Do you have any other suggestions?
Gideon: find the albinuaric woman.
She hides in a cave at the west of- *beatbox* im sure
"Tarnished, a word." *speaks uninterrupted for 3.5 minutes straight*
Sir Gideon Ofnir, the all rizzing
Sellen is quite underrated, and that's maybe because many people don't know how she looks under that mask. Hell, why would they make her so pretty and then slap that yee-yee ass stone helmet on her face? Yes, she made meatballs out of wizards and has a friend in a dude who makes dolls and keeps them in his love basement, but that doesn't change my opinion even a bit.
She outright states she doesn’t like seluvis and dreads hearing from him
@@burntgrahamcracker2866 That's why Seluvis is one of my main targets, and after the Dung Eater is taken care of, Seluvis is next
Mommy issues
As with everything, it's for lore reasons. There are different schools in the Acedmy focused on different fields of magic, with the crowns being given to scholars who made major contributions to their specific school. The crowns are modeled after the founder of that school, so having her wearing that crown shows she's a part of some school that doesn't seem to be part of the academy anymore, but also, but the fact that she's the only one to have a Witch's crown, plus it's description, show shes the one who founded the Witch's school of sorcery.
She wears it because it's a sign of the pride she has in herself. "SHES the smart one here, NOT the academy, they are just fools for kicking her out like they did. But even if they kicked her out, she's going to proudly carry on her research no matter what!" and all that.
@@riccardocirielli You're the one to talk about that
Another classic line of the best character in the game, Gidorbius Chadnir the All-Morbing
THE ALL MORBING XDXDXD
how the hell did i miss these conversations wtf
Ah yes, the snake, total heresy, but a dragon?
"*YOU SONOVA BITCH, I'M IN!*"
He truly is the All-Knowing
This is hilarious, love it.
Small bit of constructive criticism though, Gideon doesn’t use “thee” and “thou” in the same way some characters do.
The only option is the Dung Eater
Instructions unclear, I’m now burning the Erdtree
"Gideon you need think of context. I entered these lands between as: a vagabond, a wretch and a prisoner. If I am to become Elden Landlord I need legitimacy, and becoming engaged to the lunar princess gives me that in this feudal society."
You don't need that blue bitch to be a lord
"Dastard ahead therefore offer dung"
The society of the Lands Between has pretty much collapsed, feudalism is no more.
Love him or hate him he spitting straight facts
That is some Wisdom from an Giga-Chad
Now have one where he talks about your tastes in men.
“What about Melania?”
“Tarnished… do you know what a brocon is?”
I love how there's just a bit more emphasis and clarity when he's advising you to seduce a dragon, like he really wants you to listen in on his solution to your problems, this is important.
Damm he supposed to be "Gideon the all knowing" not "Gideon the all wiser"
He got me at "the mammary market" 😂 can't make that shit up
We need a part 2 about the rest of the Elden ring Waifus
1: Melina can barely remember her own name, much less see old friends, also I doubt she has great pickings in the spirit realm she disappears into or Leyndell since everyone who lives there is either a disgusting old man or a psychopath
2: Ranni assassinated her brother as a necessary evil to sidestep her fate as another pawn to the golden order, and as cold as she is she still has an affectionate side and would never hurt you unless you tried to kill her or stood in her way
3: You earn Fia's love with the radiant baldachin's blessing, and her clam clamming is again necessary to a greater cause she's devoted in. I assure you she's not in it for the mermaid dick, and a woman who's capable of forming a mending rune practically by herself is anything but mediocre
4: As much as Rya does admittedly give little sister vibes, she definitely deserves someone who can stand by her and accept her for who she is. You also miss the fact that snakes can fold their fangs, and may even be able to retract them - and all that's assuming she doesn't just use her human form which is evidently also physical
5: Don't threaten me with a good time old man, also your "daughter" hates your guts for committing genocide, so good luck with her not taking my side in that matter
6: Sellen's not an option anyway since I can't fuck a crystal with an embryo inside of it and her graven mass on top of being plain unviable is just the leftover scraps of her soulless corpse, but she's definitely more than the domineering wench you make her out to be
You completely skipped over Roderika in favor of pointing me towards Lansseax because you knew she's been a psychotic bitch since her break-up with Vyke, and you have no room to say fucking a snake is unviable when you're pointing me in the direction of a dragon
about ranni your forgetting that she let the 2 people who have been in her life since birth Igi and Blaidd die for her goal as well, so even as her "consort" if you can call it that she'll just kill you at some point for her goal that might not even be worth it (not letting outer gods interfere with everything even though she wouldn't even have been born without the greater will)
@@declicitous1763 Blaidd was bound to madness the moment the night of the black knives happen as that was a curse that Marika laid upon him, and Iji is a traitor to her cause
@@xryeau_1760 she could've at least found a way to try to stop him from going mad, but she didn't and how is iji a traitor, he locked blaidd away so he wouldn't kill ranni and the black knives (who she literally contracted to kill godwyn) killed him
@@declicitous1763 Did you forget the part where Iji brewed a tonic to prevent Ranni from realizibg her destiny as a queen? Also I'm not sure that Blaidd's madness was anything anyone could've done much about. He's a shadow - little more than a familiar designated to fulfill a task which was to keep Ranni tied to the golden order
@@xryeau_1760 wait i actually dont know about iji brewing a tonic are you sure your not thinking of seluvis?
“A tell-tale sign of flags redder than her hair.” 😂😂😂😂
"Break the cycle don't be a fucking simp."-Sir Gideon Chad Ofnir