WHY YOU CAN'T BE YOURSELF WITH A NARCISSIST
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- Опубліковано 11 бер 2023
- #narcissist #narcissism Expressing yourself or getting to know yourself is next to impossible when you live with a narcissist. Narcissists take all of your time, energy and attention, leaving you without the space you need to be yourself or even know yourself. Narcissists take over your identity and your ability to be who you really are.
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Hard to be myself when constantly walking on eggshells trying not to accidentally say something wrong
They love that you are “independent” then they hate you for it.
trying to make a narcissist happy is a fruitless endeavor. nothing works. it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. exhausting is putting it mildly.
when you finally see what you're up against, save yourself. leave and don't ever look back.
You will never feel safe or supported in an unhealthy dynamic
😶
narcissists are bullies.
plain and simple.
Even if you do everything you can to keep them happy, it still won’t work. They enjoy problems, they enjoy watching you suffer.
There is no time for YOU to be you unless they are busy
If you have a mind of your own it's a threat
If you have your own opinion it's a threat
If you are different in any way, shape or form ...it's a threat
You and your independent thought is a threat
Being YOU is a threat
I shud of hid all my dreams from her she just acts like that wasn't who I was before I was groomed to be a servant on her fake world.
I swear it sometimes feels like we're all talking about the same person...
Haha how true is that ???
Right! The devil.
You can't be yourself around them, but hold onto your own self worth!. Don't let them destroy your confidence. Keep your distance, and be with others who respect you, where you can be yourself! You are special. If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist or covert narcissistic family or group, that's what you have to do. Enjoy your own company, and limit your time with any covert narcissist in your life.
I went outside to talk to neighbor as i wanted peace , he came out to get attention
You really have nailed the definition of a person with narcissistic traits.
I don't think u need to be a professional to figure this out. I have studied narcissism for 2 years on my own. I can recognize them now.
They are so on a 5 minute loop about themselves that they just can't stop long enough to validate or listen to you. It's crucial to them not to miss a single moment of their own dialogue.
Thanx again to "Behind the mirror." Your videos speak volumes! Please keep on with your channel...together we can make good change happen!
The narc devotes their life to self boosterism, i.e., 24/7/365 they sure are hypersensitive to criticism even to imagined criticism and react with instant rage followed by months of passive aggressive acts and ghosting!
You are dealing with a concrete hard pathology that even mental health professionals tend to avoid treating 🤔
You dont want a relationship after after one
All your time is spent dealing with their latest crisis. And then on to talking them down from their newest meltdown.... It's exhausting!!! He regulated himself via my groundedness.
That is how the past 30 years and more have been with my sibling. And like you, I was grounded and had so much more emotional intelligence and maturity and this was used.
@@OneofMany-yt5sl Your energy and lifeforce could be better used elsewhere. Hope that can happen for you.👩🎨
Excellent topic and video! Not being "allowed" to be yourself is one of the most painful aspects of being involved in the life of a narcissist. The constant invalidation and arguing when you try to assert a normal response is exhausting and not worth the back and forth that you get into with them.
Yup, this describes my parents completely. I’m almost 50 and they are getting much, much worse.
I feel you. I have a narcissistic parent who just lost his wife (my mum) so he is spiralling after losing supply.
imagine a time warp a narc comes back from - you have a mind full of beauty that you wish to remember and they have nothing
OMG the music thing! I can't believe you mentioned it!😱 My sister always said if I like a song she hates it's just to spite her, and if I hate a song she likes it's also to spite her! All narcissists really do live by the same code book lol😂😂😂
My ex used to snoop through my CD collection when he came over. He must have noticed I had a few by The Beatles and I'd told him my late Dad was Liverpudlian. When he went on a trip to Liverpool he smirked at me about wanting to avoid any Beatles-themed things because he didn't think much to them. I felt it was a deliberate dig at me.
So true, So true, 40+ years in just coming to the realization of what I’ve been dealing with. So much time spent trying to fix everything; too many broken pieces to fit together perfectly. Especially, not knowing what the thing was in the first place!!!
They lie about what they lie about and accuse you of lying.
The accuse you of the most insulting things. You tell them your deepest darkest secrets and they throw it all in your face. And youre so right, just let them do what they want.
As its just sooooooo pointless and tiring to go against it. The contradictions are tiring as well. They're exhausting.
Time consuming and mentally draining.
I felt this exact way with my ex year's ago she made me feel I wasn't what she wanted. But at first she made me feel special and made me feel I had a talent when it came to dressing up and my fashion sense, but after the love bombing she began making jabs at me for looking nice going on dates with her, saying that she never met a man who's so obsessed with looks and that it's reserved for only women should care about things like that.... but year's later I'm now developing designs to soon set up a fashion brand, with a unique concept and play on t-shirts and denim jeans, and I'm getting alot of positive feed back and I have people telling me that they really feel I should take my concepts and try to capitalize on my creativity. But anytime I tried to express myself with my ex about a new designer or new product I thought was interesting she would roll her eye's at me.. I never felt like I was welcomed to mention anything I felt passionate about, I just was only allowed to be her cheerleader for her and her family and boost her up on her passion which was photography but I never once put her down about what she was passionate about 🤷♂️
Sounds very familiar. As well as not being able to reciprocate/support you, just use empty flattery in the lovebombing, I think they're insanely jealous and resentful of you. Glad you didn't let her destroy your passion and belief in your talent for fashion.
Insanely Jealous and resentful 😢. Exactly how she was. I was too successful , charming and kind to everyone and she hated it.
Proud of you bro
Although she helped you with dressing at first ,you took it to another level ,,,,she may be a narc,an you definitely need to be you ,,BUT most women are turned off by a guy who’s super soft lol another word’s feminine meet masculine,not feminine meet feminine,,,you are the man in the relationship,the protector the provider,an your playing in the closet ,,literally,,maybe u need a man ,not a girl ,seriously
Once he was listening to my conversation on the phone and I made a comment regarding a vibrator (girl talk). Nothing crass. He knows I have toys. He said what if the guys at the barbershop heard u say that? He said it mean and nasty. I said what if they heard u treat me like s@it...crickets. I said I'm just being myself. He said well u need to be urself by urself. I was thinking...just give it time sir😂
Spot on!!! Going thru it now, after spending 9 years together & trying to make sense of what all this crazy making is about. I'm glad we don't live together & I don't have to depend on him for anything (starting to make my decision easier to get OUT). They are so exhausting & I'm exhausted.
I know it is exhausting. Smh
Pull the plug. I just did after 8 yrs and was engaged. I don't have 8 more. Ur going to make urself sick.
Great awesome ACCURATE realistic video!!! I have been through ALL of this!!!!! UNFORTUNALLY it's all about them!! They need US caring empaths to regulate them and their fragile egos and INSECURITIES!!It's SO energy draining as you know!! I worked so hard for her for several years to PLEASE,comfort, care, be ultra affectionate for her needs as she sucked all my beautiful LOVING,CARING energy all out of me like an ENERGY vampire !!!As you KNOW too well this terrible cycle we go through with a NARC!!!!! As you have heard this many times the harder I worked to please her all for her the worse she got from year to year and it has EMOTIONALLY drained my every fiber of my warm heart on this relationship,if you even call it that.I STILL WON'T EVER LET THIS ROB MY BEAUTIFUL EMPATHETIC LOVING HEART AND SOUL. I WILL JUST AIM MY BEAUTIFUL,SINCERE, CARING LOVE IN ANOTHER DIRECTION!!!THX FOR YOUR WONDERFUL VIDEO!!!💖🙏💯💯
So true
Once again, you are so right!! No matter how many kind things and gifts and help I’ve given my “adult “ daughter, it’s not only unappreciated, but ATTACKS me verbally. Insanity.
They lie and say you have the same interests, then say “we have nothing in common” because they lie about what they like.
You can, do and will Lose Yourself in narcissistic entanglements
Oh how accurate and truthful is this video. If you can't be yourself, have your own thoughts, opinions and beliefs, what are you living for? Your living for the character that the narcissist has scripted in their head.
You basically give away your free will and right to be your authentic self when you are living with and having a relationship with a narcissist.
When someone steals your identity its a human violation to you. They steal who you are and murder the very foundation of your being. This should be criminal in the justice system but its not because it would be quite difficult to proof especially when dealing with covert narcissists.
#narcissists #narcissism #identity
I always asked for the rules , i like rules , he changes them over and over
You have SUCH A GIFT for articulating the reality of the narcissistic relationship. Thank you for sharing your gift with thoughtful video after thoughtful video. SO HELPFUL.
I was just in a "friendship" with a narcissist for the last three years, and then found out he was screwing the person/friend I was working for, as a "friend" I exposed both of them actually, and quit the job and him, but then he tried hovering me back in with a song, then another song that was supposed to trigger me, and then he totally lost it on me and claimed to say I was spreading rumors about them fucking which was true, and called me all kinds of names and told me to leave him alone just rude and ignorant to someone whom he didn't want to be any more than just a friend but yet lives to make me jealous with all the other women he wants, how about leave me alone!! And I did nothing wrong, I was good to him, but wasn't good enough for him
Yep, you nailed it. I only realized the full extent of what was going on 4 years ago and even prior to that I had been establishing boundaries of sorts and in small ways starting to peel myself off the velcro-like interface that this relationship entails. But, I would say that in doing the hard work of establishing those boundaries there really isn't any relationship left, other than that of roommates. As you said, I can't be myself around the narcissist and if I am I can't care what they think. Sad, really sad.
This is so true.i much rather be alone than to be sharing myself with a person who considers me less of a person.
U do such a good job of explaining all this craziness! Ur tagline is exactly what u deliver. Making sense of nonsense. Thank you!!!
Great video and food for thought here! Remember going to his house once and we came to an agreement about what we were going to watch on telly. Chose a stand up comedy show by a comedian we both thought is very funny. I sat there laughing at the comedian's jokes while he sat stoney faced on the sofa throughout. It was so uncomfortable. He was so joyless unless he was being given my full attention and adoration. As the devaluation increased, even that didn't seem enough, he was dismissive and bored.
OMG thank you so much for saving my life. I was in this situation with someone that was as you were saying. Thank you. I am now out of the bs. Thank you thank you thank you
I have to tell you I am binging on your videos. Your perspective is so spot on and you've helped me move on! Thank you!
I’m so glad to help! Thanks for watching!
@@LookingBehindtheMirror You are Awesome my dear! Awesome! 😘
I can’t believe how other people have figured all this out so much younger than me. I guess it took someone _more_ narcissistic that my mother for me to finally see what the problem was all these years.
Good, Lord. 🤦♂️
My most recent survival tactic was to leave the house before the monster woke up. I would breath a sigh of relief each time I was able to manage it.
In my 20's and was being screamed at "That is not how we chop an onion in this family!" I am not a fan of AC/DC, just not into heavy metal. Guess what I would get as gifts...yup, AC/DC
Sounds familiar...i was 34 and being yelled and scolded about how to cut apples and vegetables exactly the way they wanted them in what shape and size, and how high to fill the water in the pot. I couldn't even boil water correctly according to them, among every other thing.
Yes, boxed into a role. It was so exhausting being with someone like this. I was on guard for 5 years. Totally depleted after I left him.
Thank you so much for this. Myself is done
What makes a narc happy is when you are their marrionette connected by control twine to their fingers😉;
Another view regarding your chances of pleasing them is the same as hitting the moon by throwing darts at it!
I had offered to teach a narc women's young son high schhol mathematics she responded bye emitting a large groan as she doubled up as if I had punched her in her solar plexus 🤔
Clearly she saw my offer as trying to be one up on her.
In dealing with narcs we are dealing with a
thankless, store mannequin with a talking program 😢
Good thing I already know myself. 😌 it's gotten to the point where I feel like two different people. Myself and this other stranger he wants me to be.
Thinking back to that period of time can be described as the extinguishment of your glow. The fire of your wonder of life was intriguing yet annoying. They may be troubled knowing they are consistently different from everyone yet dismiss it as everyone else is a less than. A stopped train serves no purpose getting off the same place where you get on. I always said going somewhere you have to enjoy the ride as well as the destination. Not them. Rides are for narc play time. How dare we suggest otherwise. In the end exiting the relationship is like the train that went nowhere.
They really are horrible people 😂to be in proxi,ity to!!
I very much relate to all of your content. You present everything so clearly. For that I’m grateful.
He was actually jealous of my being diabetic and how much maintenance it required….
Oh man, this discription fits my siblings and my mother so well. Kinda sad, that it has to be like that.
I don’t normally write a comment but just want to let you know how grateful I am for your videos, which really give me a complete mindset reborn. Your voice is also very calm and relaxing to me. I have had a habit to listen to all of your videos the whole day while working and even when taking a bath 😂. Please keep up this work that heals and saves lives.
I am so, so loving how thorough you're understanding of this problem is! You could talk all day and I would stay tuned because you break everything down and you appear to be speaking extemporaneously without notes or anything. You remind me of Andrew from another narc channel. Both of you are amazingly thorough and fluid in your understanding and your ability to speak on narcissistic abuse. You're very appreciated!
Thank you! I do create an outline to refer to, but I am mostly speaking from my understanding.
What about the silent narcissist that thinks of you with contempt but doesn’t verbally express it unless it’s an eye roll. Then when they do start talking because you have blown your stack. You discover they hated you for years!
Ohh wow!! This was such a nice video! My recently ex cld not stand it if I was doing anything that I enjoyed! If I was giving hi
Attention, he still wld seem so miserable! I cld never do anything right! Leaving a door ope, folding a towel the wrong way! OMG! I am a totally different person since he discarded me! He hurt me but at the same time, he helped me! I and so much happier and healthier! Thank God for pulling me away from this man. 👏🙏❤️
It is so painfully true!
Love every one of your videos! It is remarkable how you hit the mark on every issue!
Yes the difference in musical taste is a big trigger for narcissist they think what they like is the epitome of civilization and everything else is s*** and they cannot possibly understand why you would like a different type of music than they like. Also a big trigger with me wearing heels to Holiday dinners or birthday parties dressing up and looking pretty was a big trigger to everyone. Also everyone in my narc in law family eats burgers and fried food and sodas and I preferred cleaner meals and water or glass of wine and that's a big trigger as well
picking a new couch with mine I never thought would be so difficult...I just remember saying no leather ...no feathers.cuz i know how bad those get...he called my from a furniture store and said I think I found the couch and i said well I'm not there just don't get feathers...guess what he got...feathers...and guess what couch looked horrible and just got more horrible as the feathers broke and smashed down....yep...I fought with him for so long to change it and when he finally started looking again, he monkeybranched cuz he knew I figured him out
Thank you so Very Much.. isn't it a TAD SICKENING? Hindsight is SUCH a Wonderful thing!
You are soo correct!
I’m on my 25th year of marriage with a narcissist. He stole the best years of my life, emotional/ mental and physical health which gets worse every year. Autoimmune disease, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, insomnia. The list goes on and on.
So sorry Angela. I was brought up by one, I also have Fibromyalgia, CFS, autoimmune and chronic bowel disease. Sending you best wishes. I hope you can get away. ❤
You articulate the dynamic so well-thank you🙏
Hi! I'm commenting on your most recent video in hopes you see this: I randomly ran across one of your videos from 7 months ago entitled: WHY ARE NARCISSISTS MISERABLE? Every point you made is a perfect description of me. Being annoyed that other people don't see things the way I do, expecting them to behave the way I think makes the most sense. The constant need for validation/ praise from others, the constant fear that I am not meeting people’s expectations. I’m very easily irritated by other people over things that don't bother others. I’ve even said as a “joke” before that I could fix everything if people just let me handle it. I am quite miserable and I make other people miserable.
Most of your vids seem to be about how to escape narcissists- which is good advice! But can you give me some recommendations for how to escape myself? - in a healthy way.
I would always recommend finding a licensed mental health professional with experience in helping people with narcissistic traits or possibly a disorder. I do believe there is hope for people that struggle with narcissism if they want help so I hope you’re able to find the right person.
@Christopher Sanders: It is a blessing that you realize that it is time for you to look in the mirror, do the inner work and stop blaming your misery on other people! God bless you and your path to becoming a healthy, whole person. 🙏🏽🤞🏽
Well said!
This is great! Definitely sharing!
Now I know the truth about the Narco Thanks I now find myself again and I regain my life Sincere thanks again
Really good.... Thank you!
thank you this is all so good
Great video. I like this video's slant on things!... I watch all videos, from all different people. They all give different aspects, and shine a light into a dark corner, so to speak. Thanks for your light
She is wrong, first they watch tomsee what hobbies you want , then take away
How many narcissist does it take to change a lightbulb?
One
He holds the bulb in its socket
And
Waits for the world to revolve around him
🤣🤣
Excellent!
Thanks for this video! Every point is absolutely spot on! 🎯 I might just share this video with people who are wandering, why am I leaving this person. Will save me lot of time explaining this to them.
My dad's sister had a huge fit at my dad's WAKE!!! Just before his FUNERAL!!! Crazy!!! She died during the pandemic.
So true
Dont text them back it drives them mad
Yes you nailed it Thanks for the diagnosis I regain myself now after many,many,years. Even for just one day more to be myself
She says the truth
Oh yeah, it helps. It makes me understand better my ex.
DEAD RIGHT, THEY'RE NOT INTERESTED IN YOU AT ALL, ITS AN EFFORT TO SHOW ANY INTEREST IN ANYTHING ABOUT YOU, LAST CONVO I GOT THIS FEELING. WE HARDLY TALK NOW, BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER AT ALL, I NEVER RING HER, WHATS THE POINT! I THINK THEY CHOOSE THEIR LOVED ONES TO BE NASTY AND CRUEL TO BECAUSE THEY CAN'T DO IT TO PEOPLE IN GENERAL, LIKE WIFE BEATERS!
YOU ARE AMAZING! My only suggestion is that you find a way to do your videos without the light ring reflecting in your glasses 😍
You cant get away
are you sure you are not being yourself with yourself - the beauty of introspection is yourself
I will tell you what is exhausting, being around someone who has no spirit, is an empty vessel, boring but worst of all empty with no good thing om the inside of them, one who has zero love, who cannot smile and feel good for you, its like you cannot wait to get away from threm so you, yhese people are soul destroyers, anyone who is pining over a npd has not experienced true, real love, this is the opposite to love , this is evil and I go that far because I know these people intimitely, they are my family. I recommend you get as far away as possible no matter what, your vety happiness ans soul and spirit demand it!
I am sorry the letters + numbers sit over where I am typing, intimately
Phewwww 🤣 but you're right tho...
💯♥️
This is a really thoughtful topic and something that I deal with with a loved one myself. I have a specific question on this topic. Can someone display narcissistic traits to some more than others? I have a family member who has always displayed everything you said in this video toward me but display them much less (if at all) toward other members of my family and her husband.
The different displays of behavior towards different people IS a narcissistic trait (although that’s an extreme simplification). Narcissism is a big picture pattern of behavior that is more than the sum of its parts.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror gotcha, thank you very much.
A relationship is unsalvagable 💥🎯 to restore your emotional health
Relationship is an oxymoron ~ its a relation-shit
I buy socks and razors and dont open them , so when he says i wont let u buy cat food , or litter , i can return them . Yes theybtake away shit . I know he dont want me to have . Always learn from whatbthey do
It's slavery
Text from work . Oh they dont work hard
👏💯 19:31
💥💣💥
I was Married to a Covert Narcissist and worked for a Malignant Grandios Narcissistic Construction Company and my family and my ex wife's family are also Covert Narcissists and I am a empath I didn't know anything about Narcissism and I went through wrongful termination and a Divorce at the same time my family was Supposed to help me but instead they helped the Grandiose Malignant Military Narcissist that's involved with all of these Narcissists and they targeted me and tryed to basically kill me because I was tortured and drugged with truth surm and Military arsenal very hard to believe but it's true and they sent me by ambulance to Hoag Hospital and my sister signed a death certificate Is obviously I didn't die right and then Hoag Hospital sends me by ambulance to a 525O hold facility and my sister was supposed to be helping me with my divorce instead my mom brother and sister and their boyfriends involved helped the Narcissists I going to make a long story short I also sent to one more Hospital by ambulance and then a 525O hold facility and then released and when I took a bus back to my Mother and Brother's house they said what are you doing here then they got a restraining order and made me homeless and the Stocked me because they are using unlawful communication and servants and I was sent by ambulance to another 525O hold facility and then released then I had no choice but to ask my wife I was still getting a Divorce from if I could move into one of their family owned property's that they were not renting out and she agreed my divorce took 6years and this is 12years later and I haven't had from my side of the family they went no contact and now my ex wife did agree with her attorney that I live here in 2017 when our divorce was finally over it started in 2012 and my retirement plan was the same amount as our current credit card debt l was rewarded my retirement plan and that's what I'm living of now this is still a on going problem with my personal belongings worth money my family has kept some of my personal belongings and my ex wife and daughter's have kept some of my belongings and pictures and antiques and money worth money and they will not talk to me about anything I have 13 Police living here in 10years and 1 Civil Matter on my ex wife's and I really don't have any one that will help me out a all they used my daughters boyfriend and I thought I would be able to start dating but that didn't work out they both stole from me and vandalized and my girlfriend cheated on me and stole from me and vandalized also and oldest daughter cause me problems also until she got pregnant by someone else I started seeing my daughter and granddaughter for about a year and I started seeing my youngest daughter and then all of a sudden no contact because of unresolved issues with personal belongings worth money I have been to Police department and they said it's a Civil Matter with my personal belongings I ride a bike cycle for transportation and walk and I am retired and independent and I am still on my ex wife's family owned property and I am still on my ex wife's family phone plan and I know other people are getting my text messages from my phone and I have talked to the FBI and the Police Department and they are not going to investigate anything and I just also wanted to add my sisters a flight attendant and her boyfriend is a fireman I do know that there are a lot of people involved in what has happened to me in the past 12years I have just gotten educated on Narcissism and Empaths this year so I have been through Narcissistic abuse and Multipulation mind Games and tactics used by the Military Grandios Malignant Narcissist and I have been dealing with these Narcissists they also will pay flying monkeys and Covert Narcissists money to steal and cause unnecessary problems I didn't realize that they were also capable of doing that and they have told on their self by using Unlawful Communication and Servants and its a Civil Rights case and a crime 631p 632p 633p is Unlawful Communication and Servants penal code 631p and 632p and 633p this is also a unforseen Covert United States of American Conspiracy cover up crime and all of these Narcissists are involved the company that I use to work for and both family's and friends and co-workers and everyone that knows who I am and right now I am basically Isolated from everyone and on my own thanks for understanding Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse Manipulation Mind Games and tactics and reading my short Story. GOD-BLESS.
No the purpose is why u shouldnt care what they think . Move on tell others is opinion .
You are the submissive
They are the dominant