Leaving a narcissist is leaving abuse. They take zero accountability for what they've done and created.Hope they've proud of themselves for ruining the relationship. You're going to be a better person and in a better place. You win. They lose, and you know this!
Never go back to the situationship because it was never a relationship! Toxicity is not love! Take your power back! A narc sees you as their property! The golden rule is, GO NO CONTACT AND STAY NO CONTACT! Put the junk in the trunk! The narc like to play checkers but we play chess and God plays chess mate because He is The Alpha And The Omega and have the Final say!!!!
Your description of the pain and shock is spot on. It almost killed me. My X had love bombed me for many decades and then the floor under my feet disappeared as I discovered that he had had a decade of affairs and he had stripped all of our resources. It was a nightmare where I could not breath and took myself to the hospital. I could not eat or sleep for 2 years. He showed me a psychopathic mind and wanted to destroy me. He smuggly said that he had just been playing a role. The pain was so bad, that the pain itself will prevent me from ever going back. He took everything but not my sanity. I am OK with the fact that those who have not gone through this, would never understand. Thank you for this video.
I went through everything that you did---she was cheating--stealing--gambling--all the lies--she would never Admit to Anything---we lost the house--cars--she sold everything of any value for her Gambling Habit--i couldn't take anymore-i slowly planned my escape--its been 6 years already--im still a bit Wary to try again--Im NEVER GOING BACK.
I completely understand your experience .This happened to me as well .Heartbreaking and very difficult to overcome ,but I now understand and confidently know its possible .
@@nickiehines5319 Yes! I am NOT THE PERSON anymore that shared his fantasy. I am free and I have eventually found that I quite like being totally free. Thank you for your kind words.
It's the same when people say: "oh why didn't you just get up and leave?"... "I would have left in an instant". I usually don't even bother trying to explain NPD to people, because they don't understand it unless they go through it. People even said: "no, I don't believe you. You must be a narcissist playing the victim. Men don't get abused, women are not narcissists". When exiting a relationship with a narcissistic dynamic, it takes time to wrap our heads around what really happened. Remember this: If you go back, the narcissist will likely "punish" you. The abuse will get WORSE! The ones who got away are viewed as traitors.
What woke me up to the world of narcissistic personality disorder is that a male friend I knew for a long time unalived himself and I did not understand HOW on earth he ended up in such despair. Once I focused on his ex wife a lot of things started to come together. The ex wife was extraordinarily cunning and abusive. DANGEROUS. Turns out- my friend ended up leaving her and she used their kids against him to cause emotional anguish. He took his own path out of this world under duress and suffering as a result. Cautionary tale: When you apply even the most subtle pressure to a pathological person they get really uncomfortable and will sometimes retaliate as a warning. Stay aware/ stay safe !
@Job.Well.Done_01 I'm sorry you lost your friend. I don't know what it like to lose a friend because of a narcissist. I only know, what it's like to lose one's self because of one. For years I prayed to God to just take me, i still do. The abuse from my narc wife drove me to the point that I finally did try. It didn't work and needless to say I am still here. My wife and I are now separated but not yet divorced. The abuse has increased now as she constantly drops by our house since I can't move out due to recent lower back surgery. I don't know what God's plan for me is as I still see no answers to my prayers. Maybe it's karma, maybe i was a terrible person in a previous life and I am paying for it in this life. I feel like an empty shell of a person, not like a man, lost, confused, sad, sometimes numb and even angry at times. Why was I so dumb to fall for her in the beginning. Why am I so stupid to think that if I only tried harder she would love me and be kind. That if I did everything perfect that it would all work out and we could just be happy. At this point I just muddle through each day hoping for numbness to take over as any other feeling just drains me even more. I don't know what your friend went through, what thoughts went through your friends' mind. It's a terrible thing to lose a friend for any reason, that much I do know. My only hope is that you have found a way to heal from your loss.
@@Job.Well.Done_01yes I am going through the same. All our children were coached to reject me. Not a day passed where thoughts of passive suicide never entered my mind. Narcissist will burn all your bridges to this world and lead you to the next. Nothing can help those who have been thoroughly destroyed by a malignant naricisist.
The hardest thing was leaving her. Every time I wanted to leave, she would make indirect threats; read between the lines threats and I would stay. The screaming, the anger, the horrible things said. When I think about going back, I think about trying to escape her again and it helps.
Reconciliation does not work. They project it so you are hovering them. It gives them power - supply. They turn your good intent to bring them up to mob you to put you down even further
I teetered on going back at first, because I was obsessed with the fantasy of the life and beautiful location I could've had. I was not missing the person but rather the package he presented. It seems to me that it was more material and ego driven. This was the very worst thing I ever went through. I feel completely lost and like I am slowly walking in thick mudd to find my way. It is truly the worst. Never go back and never ignor red flags.
Same here!! But I thank God I remained firm in my stand not to go back. The more you understand who they are, the package of who they represent loses its appeal.
They blame you for ruining the relationship. When, it was actually them. Then they leave you holding the bag of all the financial responsibilities too. While they just skip away.
It's been almost a year and a half since I left my wife, and I do about two hours a day of continuing ed to heal and keep my head and heart straight. The battle can be won...but it's never over.
To everyone who has had the courage and fortitude to escape, I salute you! You are beyond words, brave and good. I couldn't do it, wasted so many years until my partner died so I never got closure or earned the armour of courage.
You are brave and strong for being able to survive it I give you a badge of beautiful ❤️ bless you I hope you have some peace now I left after 7 years went back for week left for good
I hope anyone considering escaping the narcissists mental torture hears this vlog loud and clear and gives at least a relationship break if that provides a stepping stone till the brain fog clears up and then reask yourself the question of would I go back to a sadist. I would think just latching onto enough reality till full blown disgust can be attained can lead to the obvious life saving choice of permanent no contact. It just needs enough time to prove its the only choice. After your way into healthy mind again you will never believe you stayed as long as you did. It was a mirage, a fantasy, a fictional movie that you thought, hoped was real.
15 Years with My Ex Toxic Narc Girlfriend. Walked Away from her. I tried very hard to make it work the more I gave the less I was getting. 8 months No Contact. No use trying to get Closure from someone who I realize didn't really give a Shit about me, at all. Future Faked most of the 15 Years. My Silence and my Absence is my Closure. Its for me. As for KARMA she lives in KARMA everyday just being herself. I refuse to ever contact her. I believe GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT helped pull me out of that Shit Show. She never deserved a quarter of the things I did for her. She is not going to change who she is always the poor victim. My wish for her is I hope her New Supply is Narcissist just like her. Whether she cares or not at least I Walked Away from her first. Narcissist do not belong in any type of Relationship They belong in there own private HELL. They really Love it. NARCS SUCK.
This is the longest I’ve been no contact in 20 years and it’s just a few weeks. We are divorcing and he’s become more abusive than ever, threatening me because he no longer feels in total control. But now, after my health has deteriorated due to anxiety, he’s trying to Hoover me back in! He’s remorseful for listening to his lawyer and losing his family and is trying to get closer to me again. The hardest thing is not getting sucked back in because they say everything you need to hear and play with the hope you’ve been living on for years. I will not respond because I know it’s temporary. As soon as he gets what he wants he’s capable of becoming mean and abusive again, devaluing and discarding me. I won’t fall for it but this hoovering manipulation is exactly how and why it can take decades to truly get out. It’s hard to know what’s worse - the nastiness or the fake love bombing. He may even think he means it because these people are completely self unaware
Thank you for this. I particularly resonated with the bit you mentioned about going over and rehearsing conversations, or trying to think of things to say to them. I would do this obsessively whenever I was going to see her, or even when just texting. I'd ruminate for sometimes hours thinking about a relatively simple text message. I always thought "If I could just say the right thing, in the right way, finally she'll understand and it will all get sorted". That moment never came.
Its been 3 years since i left. I left behind my lovely home and 2 grown up children. Its so hard. Id do anything to get back my home and children. Deep down that life is now gone. I suppose its time to make my own life work. Its so tough....
I completely understand your perspective . I believe after suffering this shocking abuse ,we realize it is not our fault .We didn't cause it, we can't fix it. It is not our responsibility . One must do the hard work of understanding and overcoming Fear, Obligation and Guilt .It is possible to break free and regain One's life after loving and caring for someone that is not emotionally well . I have learned to keep love and compassion in my heart and love them from afar .
In my case, I was abandoned by judgemental “friends” and “family”. I found that people would criticize the relationship and say I should get out of it. In my case I had NO RESOURCES (in the middle of the pandemic). I would have been literally homeless (am STILL a hair away from being being so). These people KNEW my situation, yet offered criticism not HELP to leave. Homeless shelters are at capacity (COVID), people are living in tents in EVERY PARK in my city. Anyway, I am out (he discarded me, and left me destitute). I am desperately trying to climb up and out (ALONE). I eat every other day ( or third day, due to lack of money). I continue to keep hope alive and am hustling to find any job. I believe that The Almighty will come through. The abuser is now in my past. Healing is my future. 🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽
@@LookingBehindtheMirror how are you doing now? This post was so emotional 😭 I can so relate to this right now Just curious how life has been since Are you still homeless? God bless your soul
I'm going through it now. Since 2020 he became physically abusive. 28 years, half my life I gave him. He's been out of the home 8 months. It's so difficult to discuss. Your absolutely correct you think your not going to get through it. 😢
He also ruined my actual addiction treatment leaving me physically debilitated and I just want to stop crying. I just know what was done to me start to finish was not loving to do. To hook someone to control them and leave them with 2 battles at once and the shame before my family is immense. I dont want to be seen as that. I just want people to be aware dont trust your treatment to them they will undermine it and its BAD. You are worthy everyone.
I can relate to these circumstances, I have that wavering thoughts about the fun and good times I spent with the narc early on, but I try to remind myself of the insults and abuse. No contact and moving on is breaking free, and not to look back .
I’m devastated. After pouring of my time and energy, being an emotional soundingboard, a shoulder to cry on, a supportive sister and friend, my friend left for the 29th time to go back to her narcisstic abusive husband holding onto the hope that if they go to counseling together, he will finally admit he is narcisstic, manipulative and finally change. I pleaded with her not to go back but then she became angry and told me to stop trying to control her. I fear that she will not escape this time. It’s very very very hard to see her continue to go back to him. She had just started a job she loved, was making some wonderful steps towards healing and then after he talked to her for four hours on the phone last night and kept her up almost all night, she started saying that “this time things will work out.” It’s so hard to see her come so far only to run back to him. I wish she would cut off all contact with him. I hate how manipulative he is and how just one conversation with him completely changes her mindset. It’s like he brainwashes her. Please pray. This time, he told her he tried to kill himself a week ago and I read online that’s the final tactic a narcissist uses to get his bait back. Please pray that she will not stay and she will leave him again but this time for good. I don’t understand why she keeps going back. Please pray for me as this is really hard. I have to let go of her and I fear that if I do I will never see her again. I cried and cried when she left. I feel worn down because of how stressed I am. I know is not my responsibility to tell her what to do, rescue her etc but please tell me if it’s not my responsibility, then what can I do? I need to know how to break free from this codependency I have with her. I need to let her go. It’s so hard😭
Watch "Seize the Day". A 1986 movie with Robin Williams. I recommend it for anyone who has been through this. There are so many messages in that movie. It was shown on pbs for a while and is very insightful. One profound line in this movie is when his girlfriend says "Everything does not depend on just one thing". I believe this is how these relationships start. I can definitely relate to the main character. And yes, journaling is very useful even years later.
Also you are correct about the memory loss. 4 years into recovery l am remembering hideous things. Almost unbelievable however sadly those memories are very real. I had a mental breakdown at the end and was medicated for 2 years so everything was patchy? This video has been extremely helpful.
One thing I did learn through everything was. We get into a fog when in the relationship cause they keep us spinning all the time as if we have a chemical inbalance an then trys to tell ppl see she can't remember an smear there victims but once the narrasstic is gone for good it takes time. Depending on the suverity if abuse. The foh gets lifted completely an u see what it really was. Always kept busy couldn't think for self no rest. Not even to sleep.
Absolutely it was like You wrote - even for me! 12 years of abuse, chaos every day, cheating all the time, lies, gas lightning, blame shifting, no really good of sleep either etc of COURSE we didn't could think clear in the relationship - It was awful and hot-and-cold going on every minute of it I left him for 13 month ago and I'm FREE at last - and I WAN'T GO BACK THIS TIME. NEVER EVER
I got rid of the narcissist I was married to a malignant one he was very evil I had enough after two years of dealing with the demons that he allowed to control him something was very wrong with him and I told him in his face your toxic with bad energy and I think your crazy I filed for divorce and I’ll only contact him to sign the papers and after that no contact ever.
Thank you 🙏🏽 for creating this video and dropping these gems 💎. I had to recognize for self that there is no going back. The narc never 👎 cared about me or for me. It was all a lie and a joke. These narcs don’t care about you or anybody for that matter. You are being used for their fulfillment. Once they’re tired or bored 😑 dealing with you then the devalue and discard will be coming soon 🔜. I’m nearly three years narc free! I’m beyond thankful 🥲 and grateful I’m free and it’s over! Never 👎 again will I put up with that mess. I am now purposefully single, non monogamous and focused on self love, self care, healing ❤️🩹 and living my best life.
I finally accepted the fact that it's a waste of time to try to reconcile or come to any resolution Just find the peace within and gain the mindset who cares about what they say or want they are just having childish temper tantrums You have to leave them yo themselves as you would a child having a fit
I listen to a lot of narc videos!! But this one is by far the best one I’ve heard. Only people who have been through narcissistic abuse can really understand it. Your videos have helped me more than you know. Thank you so much for this channel ❤
“Conflusterated”. This is a term to describe one of the many multifaceted and disorienting Frankenstein’s monster of an emotional/psychological concoction a Narcissist can, and will, evoke in you. I find naming these Lovecraftian hodgepodges ...”appropriately” does help a lot to more fully acknowledge and process them more fully. Exceptionally complex states of conflicting emotions, coping mechanisms, and perceptual conflicts.
Always Spot on with these Videos. As long as your bringing them to the Narcissist Round. I will always be sitting in and listening to You. 15 Years LTR. I had to Walk Away from what became a Toxic Narcissist Relationship. That really Hurt. Now you have to grieve the person that you thought you knew or that you thought would be the partner to fit into your Dream World. Big Sorry on that notion. Sure you see Red Flags but your still thinking I got this. It will work out if I just keep doing more to prove myself to the one that is Future Faking Me, Bread Crumbing Me, The one that is taking me for Granted and Using. And then they get bored and your always trying to lift theses people out of there own Shit Hole. That we did not put them in, in the First place. 8 Months No Contact. Your left Ruminating. Like it never Ends. I Walked Away from her, But I can feel her Discard. I can see the Devil Smirk on her face. Like she had already been grooming her New Supply. Gee, I hope he is a Narcissist just like her. Can't talk to Family and or Friends about being a relationship with a Narcissit Partner. They don't get it sorry they just don't unless they had experienced that Nightmare. Still can't believe I walked away from. The Sun seems a lot Brighter. See you in 2022. Do not go back to a Narcissistic Person if you value your own life. Life can be GREAT With Out Them They never Loved you. Don't kid yourself.
I think the name of your channel is very clever it can be years before figureing out we have being talking to a character that is mirroring what it thinks what you want to see covert this should be tought in school
The next morning after Ieft I saw a purple sunrise. Yes. Its uncertain. But one thing that is for certain is that they never stop their crap. It only gets amped up. I never went back. If I had, I would have never had another chance to do it again. 22 years. Still tried to win via a monkey. 22 years.
My neighbors did this to me. Couldn’t for the life of me work out what was going on. They are currently fully engaged in the smear campaign.Because I have gone no contact. I just don’t acknowledge them. It’s difficult because I am in a terraced house. Your videos are amazing 😻. I’m really getting a lot of benefit from them. I’m sitting here with the realisation that I have been being abused by people I didn’t even know, like someone who is in an abusive romantic relationship. It’s been criminal, but how can you prove emotional abuse. Thank you 🙏🏻.
It was months with nothing, just a thought- "I had a marriage I had to end"- but nothing more than that. Life has moved on- life is very good. And then, triggered by nothing, the tears start.
Peter Acrat 2 weeks ago (edited) 👉2:00 - Dark Silence Vs Light Silence: 🚩Silence from the 'Darkness' is Intended to project 'pain and punishment' Outwardly toward another to fuel greater Division, Separation and Conflict. Destruction of others. ☮Silence from the 'Light' is Intended to restore 'Love and Peace' Inwardly to oneself to fuel greater Integrity, Unity and Harmony. Restoration of Self.
Everything you put out is so helpful. But I absolutely needed to hear the part about showing your children they have a choice to leave a miserable relationship. Thank you 💜
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wisdom. I have been trying to find a channel on this subject for a while and you are the only one that I feel is talking strait to me about my exact situation. I am going to hold on to every word you said . You have validated me finally! ♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏
Narcissists gives a shit daammmm about their victims,they have STRONG backup plan to move on without any gulit or remorse,they have brand new entire range of harem and develop a totally different personality(New character)...ONLY GOD KNOWS ABOUT THEM...HUMANS CANNOT DETECT THIER PERFECT MASK
Thank you so much for this video Wowwww you really truly understand!!! I’m unfortunately going back (AGAIN)Tuesday and I’m very worried Part of me doesn’t want to and part of me just wants this pain to go away I hate this This has been the most painful expierence of my entire life ‘‘This is not the first time I have went back either” I’m very very traumabonded I have been away from him for almost 5 months but I’m tired of living in hell and the pain and struggles I really am depressed and the death of the relationship is so heart breaking Sooo devastating I just want it back to how it was when I first met him
The narcissist enjoys punishing you for soo long in the devaluation stage that eventually with help of videos like this and books on their condition you just fall out of love with them and see everything they do for what it is which is a mis reaction. You no longer wish to live and entertain the narcissists imaginary reality.
It is just free music that’s included in the software I’m using to edit. It’s called “Solitude”. You may have heard it from someone else that might use it the same way I do. Haha.
Fighting any narcissist isn’t brave. It’s a waste of time. It’s dangerous and there is no reward or point in doing it. It isn’t cowardly to cut off relationships with people who are hurting you and ruining your life. Cutting off those relationships is the truly brave thing to do.
The bond with this npd sister 💕 was not strong, it was hard but my other npd sister is harder, i haven't ended with her but i only speak to her briefly, i didn't grow up with this other one, but she came into my life much more after a severw illness that nearly killed me, she was a huge help, whereas the other one didn't help at al , i feel guilty now, but i can't allow anyone to abuse me, i went no contact with my mother b4 it was fashionable!
She bragged about what she did to make it so i cant move on literally everything was a set! u are forced literally to take the blame they tell everyone its u and they play on every flaw u have or mistake what they do is intentional in everyway they play u like a piece of shit!!! And some how they get people to side with them i truly i believe because am not attarctive and she kinda is makes me not believed or loved and wanted and its always lies
No contact is the ONLY WAY OUT PERMANENTLY 🙏
Was like being in a horror movie, get out while you can! Or they'll take all your power/sanity and you'll be helpless. RUN!
Going back to a narcissist it’s like you in heaven then you decide to go to hell
Wowww such a powerful statement wowww
Yes it was so powerful I had to laugh😂
Your grieving the loss of what you hoped it could be vs grieving the Narcassist
The listening but not hearing, their lack of empathy means they need to win, they just don’t care. Walking away is very powerful.
If you got out of Ted Bundy's House alive, would you go back? I DON'T THINK SO!!!
WORDS!
Carol Boone married him and had his baby while he was on trial…
Now that’s funny!
@@zeppelinrules6965 Thanks!!!
Exactly 💯 Trying to reason with a Narcicist is the definition of insanity in itself. Standard.
"Healthy relationships can be fixed with teamwork. Abusive relationships must be fixed by the abuser."
Abusers rarely think they are wrong, I wouldn't.
Leaving a narcissist is leaving abuse. They take zero accountability for what they've done and created.Hope they've proud of themselves for ruining the relationship. You're going to be a better person and in a better place. You win. They lose, and you know this!
When raised by a Narc this teaches us that its ok that those who love me...hurt me
Never go back to the situationship because it was never a relationship! Toxicity is not love! Take your power back! A narc sees you as their property! The golden rule is, GO NO CONTACT AND STAY NO CONTACT! Put the junk in the trunk! The narc like to play checkers but we play chess and God plays chess mate because He is The Alpha And The Omega and have the Final say!!!!
Very Well Said. Lets start the New Year Free of the Narcissists and Forever. .
Amen!
Your description of the pain and shock is spot on. It almost killed me. My X had love bombed me for many decades and then the floor under my feet disappeared as I discovered that he had had a decade of affairs and he had stripped all of our resources. It was a nightmare where I could not breath and took myself to the hospital. I could not eat or sleep for 2 years. He showed me a psychopathic mind and wanted to destroy me. He smuggly said that he had just been playing a role. The pain was so bad, that the pain itself will prevent me from ever going back. He took everything but not my sanity. I am OK with the fact that those who have not gone through this, would never understand. Thank you for this video.
You’re welcome. I’m sorry you had to go through that. It sounds horrible. I’m glad you’ve gotten away.
I went through everything that you did---she was cheating--stealing--gambling--all the lies--she would never Admit to Anything---we lost the house--cars--she sold everything of any value for her Gambling Habit--i couldn't take anymore-i slowly planned my escape--its been 6 years already--im still a bit Wary to try again--Im NEVER GOING BACK.
I completely understand your experience .This happened to me as well .Heartbreaking and very difficult to overcome ,but I now understand and confidently know its possible .
maria rose
So very sorry for this horrible experience so betrayed /abandoned.
I get it went thru similar so mind boggling !!!♥️❤️🌹
you are free!!!!
@@nickiehines5319 Yes! I am NOT THE PERSON anymore that shared his fantasy. I am free and I have eventually found that I quite like being totally free. Thank you for your kind words.
Not ever tempted to go back to that hell hole, I’m in my healing now and it’s peaceful
It's the same when people say: "oh why didn't you just get up and leave?"... "I would have left in an instant". I usually don't even bother trying to explain NPD to people, because they don't understand it unless they go through it. People even said: "no, I don't believe you. You must be a narcissist playing the victim. Men don't get abused, women are not narcissists". When exiting a relationship with a narcissistic dynamic, it takes time to wrap our heads around what really happened. Remember this: If you go back, the narcissist will likely "punish" you. The abuse will get WORSE! The ones who got away are viewed as traitors.
What woke me up to the world of narcissistic personality disorder is that a male friend I knew for a long time
unalived himself and I did not understand HOW on earth he ended up in such despair. Once I focused on his ex wife a lot of things started to come together. The ex wife was extraordinarily cunning and abusive.
DANGEROUS.
Turns out- my friend ended up leaving her and she used their kids against him to cause emotional anguish. He took his own path out of this world under duress and suffering as a result.
Cautionary tale: When you apply even the most subtle pressure to a pathological person they get really uncomfortable and will sometimes retaliate as a warning.
Stay aware/ stay safe !
@Job.Well.Done_01 I'm sorry you lost your friend. I don't know what it like to lose a friend because of a narcissist.
I only know, what it's like to lose one's self because of one. For years I prayed to God to just take me, i still do. The abuse from my narc wife drove me to the point that I finally did try. It didn't work and needless to say I am still here. My wife and I are now separated but not yet divorced. The abuse has increased now as she constantly drops by our house since I can't move out due to recent lower back surgery. I don't know what God's plan for me is as I still see no answers to my prayers. Maybe it's karma, maybe i was a terrible person in a previous life and I am paying for it in this life. I feel like an empty shell of a person, not like a man, lost, confused, sad, sometimes numb and even angry at times. Why was I so dumb to fall for her in the beginning. Why am I so stupid to think that if I only tried harder she would love me and be kind. That if I did everything perfect that it would all work out and we could just be happy. At this point I just muddle through each day hoping for numbness to take over as any other feeling just drains me even more.
I don't know what your friend went through, what thoughts went through your friends' mind. It's a terrible thing to lose a friend for any reason, that much I do know. My only hope is that you have found a way to heal from your loss.
Even your own children will not believe NPD.
@@Job.Well.Done_01yes I am going through the same. All our children were coached to reject me. Not a day passed where thoughts of passive suicide never entered my mind. Narcissist will burn all your bridges to this world and lead you to the next. Nothing can help those who have been thoroughly destroyed by a malignant naricisist.
The hardest thing was leaving her. Every time I wanted to leave, she would make indirect threats; read between the lines threats and I would stay. The screaming, the anger, the horrible things said.
When I think about going back, I think about trying to escape her again and it helps.
And eliminate the thought of reconciliation too.
Definitely! Easier said than done, but very important.
Yes I just tried the reconciliation after leaving almost 2 years ago after 45 years married to a covert. I left again and I know I've dodged a bullet.
Reconciliation does not work. They project it so you are hovering them. It gives them power - supply. They turn your good intent to bring them up to mob you to put you down even further
🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️Save your life 🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️
I teetered on going back at first, because I was obsessed with the fantasy of the life and beautiful location I could've had. I was not missing the person but rather the package he presented. It seems to me that it was more material and ego driven. This was the very worst thing I ever went through. I feel completely lost and like I am slowly walking in thick mudd to find my way. It is truly the worst. Never go back and never ignor red flags.
Same here!! But I thank God I remained firm in my stand not to go back. The more you understand who they are, the package of who they represent loses its appeal.
“Walking in thick mud” is a great way to describe it. It’s hell. But I promise the mud gets thinner! Keep going!
💖🙏🏻💖
They blame you for ruining the relationship. When, it was actually them. Then they leave you holding the bag of all the financial responsibilities too. While they just skip away.
I just said to my friend "I can't make sense out of nonsense".
I wish my mom did leave my dad when I was younger to set an example! Instead of teaching me to tolerate being mistreated.
That is easier than done. Be merciful to your mom. You never know until you walk in someones shoes.
It's been almost a year and a half since I left my wife, and I do about two hours a day of continuing ed to heal and keep my head and heart straight. The battle can be won...but it's never over.
Doc. Sounds like your still Ruminating. Can we write a Prescription for You. Write out 2 1 for me as well.
But its never over. Torture.
Wow , exactly what I'm doing . Thank you for your perspective .
All of the above happened to me (minus the children)
😢😔🙏
She hit everything, every horrible symptom.
To everyone who has had the courage and fortitude to escape, I salute you! You are beyond words, brave and good. I couldn't do it, wasted so many years until my partner died so I never got closure or earned the armour of courage.
You are brave and strong for being able to survive it I give you a badge of beautiful ❤️ bless you I hope you have some peace now I left after 7 years went back for week left for good
I hope anyone considering escaping the narcissists mental torture hears this vlog loud and clear and gives at least a relationship break if that provides a stepping stone till the brain fog clears up and then reask yourself the question of would I go back to a sadist. I would think just latching onto enough reality till full blown disgust can be attained can lead to the obvious life saving choice of permanent no contact. It just needs enough time to prove its the only choice. After your way into healthy mind again you will never believe you stayed as long as you did. It was a mirage, a fantasy, a fictional movie that you thought, hoped was real.
15 Years with My Ex Toxic Narc Girlfriend. Walked Away from her. I tried very hard to make it work the more I gave the less I was getting. 8 months No Contact. No use trying to get Closure from someone who I realize didn't really give a Shit about me, at all. Future Faked most of the 15 Years. My Silence and my Absence is my Closure. Its for me.
As for KARMA she lives in KARMA everyday just being herself. I refuse to ever contact her. I believe GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT helped pull me out of that Shit Show. She never deserved a quarter of the things I did for her. She is not going to change who she is always the poor victim.
My wish for her is I hope her New Supply is Narcissist just like her. Whether she cares or not at least I Walked Away from her first. Narcissist do not belong in any type of Relationship They belong in there own private HELL. They really Love it. NARCS SUCK.
This is the longest I’ve been no contact in 20 years and it’s just a few weeks. We are divorcing and he’s become more abusive than ever, threatening me because he no longer feels in total control. But now, after my health has deteriorated due to anxiety, he’s trying to Hoover me back in! He’s remorseful for listening to his lawyer and losing his family and is trying to get closer to me again. The hardest thing is not getting sucked back in because they say everything you need to hear and play with the hope you’ve been living on for years. I will not respond because I know it’s temporary. As soon as he gets what he wants he’s capable of becoming mean and abusive again, devaluing and discarding me. I won’t fall for it but this hoovering manipulation is exactly how and why it can take decades to truly get out. It’s hard to know what’s worse - the nastiness or the fake love bombing. He may even think he means it because these people are completely self unaware
we can not grow up around them
Mine is a long story i document everthing for 14yrs Wen i show my buddies they said i should write a best sellar or even a movie
Lady I got a story to tell to one day
Thank you for this. I particularly resonated with the bit you mentioned about going over and rehearsing conversations, or trying to think of things to say to them. I would do this obsessively whenever I was going to see her, or even when just texting. I'd ruminate for sometimes hours thinking about a relatively simple text message. I always thought "If I could just say the right thing, in the right way, finally she'll understand and it will all get sorted". That moment never came.
Its been 3 years since i left. I left behind my lovely home and 2 grown up children. Its so hard.
Id do anything to get back my home and children. Deep down that life is now gone. I suppose its time to make my own life work. Its so tough....
I completely understand your perspective . I believe after suffering this shocking abuse ,we realize it is not our fault .We didn't cause it, we can't fix it. It is not our responsibility . One must do the hard work of understanding and overcoming Fear, Obligation and Guilt .It is possible to break free and regain One's life after loving and caring for someone that is not emotionally well . I have learned to keep love and compassion in my heart and love them from afar .
That is really tough. I can't imagine actually how much that must hurt. Best wishes to you and hope you are doing ok.
In my case, I was abandoned by judgemental “friends” and “family”. I found that people would criticize the relationship and say I should get out of it. In my case I had NO RESOURCES (in the middle of the pandemic). I would have been literally homeless (am STILL a hair away from being being so). These people KNEW my situation, yet offered criticism not HELP to leave. Homeless shelters are at capacity (COVID), people are living in tents in EVERY PARK in my city.
Anyway, I am out (he discarded me, and left me destitute). I am desperately trying to climb up and out (ALONE). I eat every other day ( or third day, due to lack of money). I continue to keep hope alive and am hustling to find any job.
I believe that The Almighty will come through. The abuser is now in my past. Healing is my future. 🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽
I am so sorry you are going through that. I’m glad you are free of the abuse and I hope things get easier for you soon!
@@LookingBehindtheMirror how are you doing now? This post was so emotional 😭 I can so relate to this right now
Just curious how life has been since
Are you still homeless? God bless your soul
You were blessed in him walking away ✨️
Call an Organisation called:
Orange Door... Google it ❤❤❤
I'm going through it now. Since 2020 he became physically abusive. 28 years, half my life I gave him. He's been out of the home 8 months. It's so difficult to discuss. Your absolutely correct you think your not going to get through it. 😢
I wish you all the best for your recovery and new life.
He also ruined my actual addiction treatment leaving me physically debilitated and I just want to stop crying. I just know what was done to me start to finish was not loving to do. To hook someone to control them and leave them with 2 battles at once and the shame before my family is immense. I dont want to be seen as that. I just want people to be aware dont trust your treatment to them they will undermine it and its BAD. You are worthy everyone.
I can relate to these circumstances, I have that wavering thoughts about the fun and good times I spent with the narc early on, but I try to remind myself of the insults and abuse. No contact and moving on is breaking free, and not to look back .
Omg! I'm there now. I am forgetting specific incidents. I'm glad I journaled. Because the abuser keeps sending me pictures of vacations we took. 😢
I didn't get back to her in the past when I didn't know about narcissism, now I will not waste a second of my live with this person.
I’m devastated. After pouring of my time and energy, being an emotional soundingboard, a shoulder to cry on, a supportive sister and friend, my friend left for the 29th time to go back to her narcisstic abusive husband holding onto the hope that if they go to counseling together, he will finally admit he is narcisstic, manipulative and finally change. I pleaded with her not to go back but then she became angry and told me to stop trying to control her. I fear that she will not escape this time. It’s very very very hard to see her continue to go back to him. She had just started a job she loved, was making some wonderful steps towards healing and then after he talked to her for four hours on the phone last night and kept her up almost all night, she started saying that “this time things will work out.” It’s so hard to see her come so far only to run back to him. I wish she would cut off all contact with him. I hate how manipulative he is and how just one conversation with him completely changes her mindset. It’s like he brainwashes her. Please pray. This time, he told her he tried to kill himself a week ago and I read online that’s the final tactic a narcissist uses to get his bait back. Please pray that she will not stay and she will leave him again but this time for good. I don’t understand why she keeps going back. Please pray for me as this is really hard. I have to let go of her and I fear that if I do I will never see her again. I cried and cried when she left. I feel worn down because of how stressed I am. I know is not my responsibility to tell her what to do, rescue her etc but please tell me if it’s not my responsibility, then what can I do? I need to know how to break free from this codependency I have with her. I need to let her go. It’s so hard😭
Watch "Seize the Day". A 1986 movie with Robin Williams. I recommend it for anyone who has been through this. There are so many messages in that movie. It was shown on pbs for a while and is very insightful. One profound line in this movie is when his girlfriend says "Everything does not depend on just one thing". I believe this is how these relationships start. I can definitely relate to the main character. And yes, journaling is very useful even years later.
Also you are correct about the memory loss. 4 years into recovery l am remembering hideous things. Almost unbelievable however sadly those memories are very real. I had a mental breakdown at the end and was medicated for 2 years so everything was patchy? This video has been extremely helpful.
I’m glad I could be helpful. Thanks for watching!
One thing I did learn through everything was. We get into a fog when in the relationship cause they keep us spinning all the time as if we have a chemical inbalance an then trys to tell ppl see she can't remember an smear there victims but once the narrasstic is gone for good it takes time. Depending on the suverity if abuse. The foh gets lifted completely an u see what it really was. Always kept busy couldn't think for self no rest. Not even to sleep.
Absolutely it was like You wrote - even for me! 12 years of abuse, chaos every day, cheating all the time, lies, gas lightning, blame shifting, no really good of sleep either etc of COURSE we didn't could think clear in the relationship - It was awful and hot-and-cold going on every minute of it
I left him for 13 month ago and I'm FREE at last - and I WAN'T GO BACK THIS TIME.
NEVER EVER
I got rid of the narcissist I was married to a malignant one he was very evil I had enough after two years of dealing with the demons that he allowed to control him something was very wrong with him and I told him in his face your toxic with bad energy and I think your crazy I filed for divorce and I’ll only contact him to sign the papers and after that no contact ever.
Good for you! I’m glad you’re free of that!
@@LookingBehindtheMirror thanks 😊🙏🏾
Spot on .. thank u for this .. may God help those being abused
It's hard when it's your 86 year old mother you have to stay away from. 😢
You put all this better than most professionals. Thank you and God bless you
Thank you 🙏🏽 for creating this video and dropping these gems 💎.
I had to recognize for self that there is no going back. The narc never 👎 cared about me or for me. It was all a lie and a joke. These narcs don’t care about you or anybody for that matter. You are being used for their fulfillment. Once they’re tired or bored 😑 dealing with you then the devalue and discard will be coming soon 🔜.
I’m nearly three years narc free! I’m beyond thankful 🥲 and grateful I’m free and it’s over! Never 👎 again will I put up with that mess. I am now purposefully single, non monogamous and focused on self love, self care, healing ❤️🩹 and living my best life.
🏃RUN FROM 😈
I finally accepted the fact that it's a waste of time to try to reconcile or come to any resolution
Just find the peace within and gain the mindset who cares about what they say or want they are just having childish temper tantrums
You have to leave them yo themselves as you would a child having a fit
I listen to a lot of narc videos!! But this one is by far the best one I’ve heard. Only people who have been through narcissistic abuse can really understand it. Your videos have helped me more than you know. Thank you so much for this channel ❤
I found another really good channel as well. It is called Narc Con. She is fantastic
“Conflusterated”. This is a term to describe one of the many multifaceted and disorienting Frankenstein’s monster of an emotional/psychological concoction a Narcissist can, and will, evoke in you.
I find naming these Lovecraftian hodgepodges ...”appropriately” does help a lot to more fully acknowledge and process them more fully.
Exceptionally complex states of conflicting emotions, coping mechanisms, and perceptual conflicts.
I'm disgustipated...
I felt devashamed by the discard!
@@JH-td4mn damn, that’s a good one
Always Spot on with these Videos. As long as your bringing them to the Narcissist Round. I will always be sitting in and listening to You.
15 Years LTR. I had to Walk Away from what became a Toxic Narcissist Relationship. That really Hurt. Now you have to grieve the person that you thought you knew or that you thought would be the partner to fit into your Dream World. Big Sorry on that notion. Sure you see Red Flags but your still thinking I got this.
It will work out if I just keep doing more to prove myself to the one that is Future Faking Me, Bread Crumbing Me, The one that is taking me for Granted and Using. And then they get bored and your always trying to lift theses people out of there own Shit Hole. That we did not put them in, in the First place. 8 Months No Contact. Your left Ruminating. Like it never Ends.
I Walked Away from her, But I can feel her Discard. I can see the Devil Smirk on her face. Like she had already been grooming her New Supply. Gee, I hope he is a Narcissist just like her.
Can't talk to Family and or Friends about being a relationship with a Narcissit Partner. They don't get it sorry they just don't unless they had experienced that Nightmare. Still can't believe I walked away from. The Sun seems a lot Brighter. See you in 2022. Do not go back to a Narcissistic Person if you value your own life. Life can be GREAT With Out Them They never Loved you. Don't kid yourself.
David you took the words right out of my heart. Did you attend a support group?
@@conniespivey1524 Connie. Did a lot of reading and watching these Great Videos. Stay Well Connie.
I think the name of your channel is very clever it can be years before figureing out we have being talking to a character that is mirroring what it thinks what you want to see covert this should be tought in school
The next morning after Ieft I saw a purple sunrise. Yes. Its uncertain. But one thing that is for certain is that they never stop their crap. It only gets amped up. I never went back. If I had, I would have never had another chance to do it again. 22 years. Still tried to win via a monkey. 22 years.
My neighbors did this to me. Couldn’t for the life of me work out what was going on. They are currently fully engaged in the smear campaign.Because I have gone no contact. I just don’t acknowledge them. It’s difficult because I am in a terraced house. Your videos are amazing 😻. I’m really getting a lot of benefit from them. I’m sitting here with the realisation that I have been being abused by people I didn’t even know, like someone who is in an abusive romantic relationship. It’s been criminal, but how can you prove emotional abuse. Thank you 🙏🏻.
It was months with nothing, just a thought- "I had a marriage I had to end"- but nothing more than that. Life has moved on- life is very good. And then, triggered by nothing, the tears start.
I cried the whole time because what you said is so confronting and exactly what you said. It hurts
Peter Acrat
2 weeks ago (edited)
👉2:00 - Dark Silence Vs Light Silence:
🚩Silence from the 'Darkness' is Intended to project 'pain and punishment' Outwardly toward another to fuel greater Division, Separation and Conflict. Destruction of others.
☮Silence from the 'Light' is Intended to restore 'Love and Peace' Inwardly to oneself to fuel greater Integrity, Unity and Harmony. Restoration of Self.
Excellent insight. Thankyou. You seriously understand how immense this is.
Everything you put out is so helpful. But I absolutely needed to hear the part about showing your children they have a choice to leave a miserable relationship. Thank you 💜
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wisdom. I have been trying to find a channel on this subject for a while and you are the only one that I feel is talking strait to me about my exact situation. I am going to hold on to every word you said . You have validated me finally! ♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏
Dr Ramani, Narcissism Masterclass. Kris Reece/ Biblical solutions to toxic people.
Another really good channel is Narc Con
NO! NO WAY! NEVER EVER!
These are some really good points and great observations that psychologists usually forget to mention, or even lack experience with. Great video.
great video..However, the background music is a little distracting.
Thank you!! Added to my morning affirmations playlist 🙏🏾💪🏾
Your explanation and presentation are so clear and on point for me, and also very kind and compassionate. Thank you for making this. It's a gift.
Thanks for the advice.
Narcissists gives a shit daammmm about their victims,they have STRONG backup plan to move on without any gulit or remorse,they have brand new entire range of harem and develop a totally different personality(New character)...ONLY GOD KNOWS ABOUT THEM...HUMANS CANNOT DETECT THIER PERFECT MASK
Thanks I came here to firm up my resolve to stay away and this video helped a lot
I really enjoyed listening to you🌈
Thank you!
You are doing excellent work💫
I really appreciate your videos !
Thank You for sharing this video with us all.
You’re welcome. Thanks for watching!
Thank you so much for this video
Wowwww you really truly understand!!! I’m unfortunately going back (AGAIN)Tuesday and I’m very worried
Part of me doesn’t want to and part of me just wants this pain to go away
I hate this
This has been the most painful expierence of my entire life
‘‘This is not the first time I have went back either” I’m very very traumabonded
I have been away from him for almost 5 months but I’m tired of living in hell and the pain and struggles
I really am depressed and the death of the relationship is so heart breaking
Sooo devastating
I just want it back to how it was when I first met him
Outstanding Information !Thank you so very much for your important work .Truly helpful Portsmouth, NH .USA.🙏💪
Back for the sixth time. The addiction to sex is worse than crack.
Beautiful video 🎯🙌
Thank you!
The narcissist enjoys punishing you for soo long in the devaluation stage that eventually with help of videos like this and books on their condition you just fall out of love with them and see everything they do for what it is which is a mis reaction. You no longer wish to live and entertain the narcissists imaginary reality.
My parents are narcissist it was painful leaving but it had to be done.
Thank You so much, you are a great help!!
What is the music in the back ? I know it from somewhere!!!
It is just free music that’s included in the software I’m using to edit. It’s called “Solitude”. You may have heard it from someone else that might use it the same way I do. Haha.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror thank you for exclaining 💝
🙏
I was never with the narcissist
What if it's your mother?
Is Running away is a coward act?
Or to fight braverly?
Fighting any narcissist isn’t brave. It’s a waste of time. It’s dangerous and there is no reward or point in doing it. It isn’t cowardly to cut off relationships with people who are hurting you and ruining your life. Cutting off those relationships is the truly brave thing to do.
Bravely***
@@LookingBehindtheMirror Thank you😊
💖🙏🏻💖
The bond with this npd sister 💕 was not strong, it was hard but my other npd sister is harder, i haven't ended with her but i only speak to her briefly, i didn't grow up with this other one, but she came into my life much more after a severw illness that nearly killed me, she was a huge help, whereas the other one didn't help at al
, i feel guilty now, but i can't allow anyone to abuse me, i went no contact with my mother b4 it was fashionable!
She bragged about what she did to make it so i cant move on literally everything was a set! u are forced literally to take the blame they tell everyone its u and they play on every flaw u have or mistake what they do is intentional in everyway they play u like a piece of shit!!! And some how they get people to side with them i truly i believe because am not attarctive and she kinda is makes me not believed or loved and wanted and its always lies
Ughhhhh
It s not problem 😂
I appreciate you and all your videos ❤🎉 thank you
Let them think whatever they want...
At the end of the day, slam the door and keep it shut. 😊