When Your Girlfriend LEAVES You **BRUTAL ADVICE**
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- Опубліковано 4 вер 2024
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Had it happen. From the very moment she ended things, I immediately took on all the healthy things I could to begin ERASING her from any recent memories in order to heal. A time came when she changed her mind only to realize that I enforce breakups...for life.
I appreciate the advice. This advice is difficult to bare because I'm stubborn as hell. I saw her with another man while working as a produce stock boy. I couldn't believe it. She said we took things too fast and I waited patiently for her to come back. That's what I get for being stupid.
Focus on your grind. Forget her
Stay on your purpose, focus on life.
Hope you're better almost a year later. Unfortunately sometimes you have to get smashed in the balls to learn, a lot of us have been there 👍
Advice from an old guy... Troy's right. No contact BUT be aware when you do that, a few months down the road SHE will contact YOU! She only wants to check you're missing her because you didn't chase her up. As soon as you eventually suggest hooking up she'll just humiliate you and say something like "oh no sorry, I was just ringing for a chat" or some shit. If she was the one who ended the relationship treat her like a bad ex business partner. Be civil, end the conversation asap and move on!!!
There's ego-investment in a relationship. Unless the ego has fully let go then you can't fully move on. Sex, booze, drugs, travel, etc. only mask the problem not resolve it. Keeping yourself busy is important as well. An idle mind can wreak havoc.
I think getting dumped really hurts you, and there is no getting away from it, you will stay hurt, until a new, serious relationship with someone else develops and you get back in the saddle again.
I don't think people realise how valuable this video is. I've just come across this and he isn't grandiose about ANYTHING. He literally just gives you your answer in the first 5 seconds and then repeats it throughout the video, explaining WHY that simple advice is effective. Trust the brit to be up and straight forward about shit lol 10/10
Thank you!
My last relationship nearly destroyed me. I loved this woman more than anything and I know for a fact that she loved me but we weren't good for each other. She was batshit crazy at times and I was dealing with substance abuse. It's been over three years and I still think about her daily. Since we split I've gotten sober and I've thrown myself into the gym. You're right about rebound hookups too. They only make you feel empty afterwards. Healing takes time.
100% agree. Sorry for your loss man
@@RealTroyFrancis I have to take responsibility for the part I played in it. As painful as it was it was still a learning experience and I've grown from it.
Always remember "she's not yours it's just your turn"
@@lifesjustanillusion246 facts. It's a simple saying but it's true.
Heartbreak can be very emotionally painful. It's not a good idea to chase short term dopamine (eg. drinking, drugs) to try to get over it. It's better to distract u by improving yourself or pursuing your hobbies. At the end of the day, attraction is a two way street. You might feel very emotionally attached to her, but she doesn't feel the same way, and u can't convince her logically to be attracted to u.
I hurt someone i love. In the end i hurt us both and i learned a lesson not to hurt anyone else like this again. I quit drinking and now im trying to be better for myself and my ex. I still love her with all my heart.
my exact situation right now if i didnt drink shed still be here. you live and learn
I'm now at two years since the end of a 16 year marriage (22 year relationship). She had an affair and left. I'm now in a good place, but as Troy says, 'getting over it' is a phrase that is a bit of a misnomer, you just get through it. Everything that's mentioned in this video is very insightful and very helpful advice, only spoken by someone who has experienced this loss. Troy shows a humanity and vulnerability that is demonised in the 'manosphere', where the simplistic advice is always to just 'get over it and lift heavy stuff'. To become 'the best version of yourself' requires dealing with pain and struggle, it's how we grow so we can improve. The healing of time and no contact is massively beneficial, patience and peace can do wonders for your mindset.
Thank you to Troy for this video, the content and the backdrop make an interesting watch. I admire your confidence, walking around busy London streets talking into a camera whilst everyone is wondering who you are and what you're doing! A great selection of recent videos too, all overlapping in their message. Great stuff.
thanks man, and glad you’re getting through the separation
Imagine being 27 and falling in love with your twice as old female boss, moving to her house, working with (and for) her, having plans for the future and then getting dumped the short and cold way. This is happening to me at the moment and good lord that's not easy. I thought I have been a very aware "red pilled" guy, but it's still happened. Be careful guys! And don't think you can have it all from just one woman. How stupid I was...
bad times man - hope you get through it ok
Get a grip my dude, she's an old wash woman at this point. Find someone your age or close to.
It's a pain that never goes Away
Hard to do Troy when you have to have comms because of kids. Been trying to get through things for five years after a 22 year marriage of deception and lies. I’ve stopped all comms including any small talk she tries to engage in (with the exclusion of having to show civility in front of kids) . For those of you , who haven’t had kids and are going through this, believe me take that as a blessing and do what Troy talks about.
yes, very fair point, I feel for you bro
Another awesome video, Troy - top man.
No contact and time are the only remedies, in my experience. Distance also helps massively; which ties into your video a few days ago - removing yourself from all the places that stir the memories really helps. I cut all ties 9 years ago - it was my decision to end it (for my own sanity) - and moved 200 miles away. Still think about her sometimes, but the flame burns nowhere near as bright as it used to.
Love how you tackle these issues with more sensitivity and sincerity than the ‘just be more alpha’ bros
Lifting heavier does make all of this go away
though
@@RealTroyFrancis I lift heavy and have the physique of your typical Chad gym bro alpha. I'm also a sensitive soul who tends to as you put it 'entangle' quite easily aswell. It usually means break ups can be quite hard and does takes time to get over.
Hence why I appreciate the video and the content.
Cheers sir.
Maybe "processing" means putting it in larger context. So it doesn't loom so large any more. Larger emotions. Larger place (traveling).
Having your own mission/vision helps a lot. It becomes a bump on your road to wherever you are going.
I got into a relationship too quickly after my divorce. She was great, and looking back on it I wish I was still with her because she was better for me in everyday than my ex-wife.
The problem was that it was too soon, I kept feeling trapped and like I needed to escape from her. Not because she did anything to warrant that. The "ghost" of my ex wife just kept ruining our interactions.
I wish I had met her a little bit later. Now I'm actually in a situation where I'm emotionally available.
yeah meeting someone at the wrong time sucks
This rings familiar to me. After me and my kids mum broke up after 8 years, I went crazy with the dating. Had one or two girls who had higher ambitions for our relationship than just hook ups and that wasn't were I was at. Later I really realized what great opertunities I missed because of this. One of them was obviously falling for me, 10 years younger, feminine and submissive, caring, great in bed and a banging body. After a while she stopped answering calls and got together with another guy. Haven't seen her since (5 years ago now.)
I am married. I had an affair. I, after 3 years am unable to forget her. I am unwilling. I do not want to. In my short, 90 days, time with her I found in myself happiness. A sense of myself that in over three decades of marriage I could not realize.
The affair happened at work. In a place we both still work. There are still the same held glances. Curt exchanges: '"hi", "good morning", "good night". Always initiated by me. It is awful. I have written pages on this in a journal. I understood journaling my thoughts would help in my self directed therapy. Not really. I have now myriad pages detailing my anguish over this. A catalogue of unanswerable questions and remarks on my behavior. I did this nearly daily. Now maybe three one page entries a week. Always coming back to "her". Forgetting that which is permanent feature of ones emotional landscape is a challenge certainly. But, one has to want to. She lives rent free in my head. I want back that happiness and anticipation I experienced when for a short time she was mine. I realize, agonizingly, it will Not be permitted for me.
Everything is about you isn’t it? You should also realize that what you put her and your family through is also your fault. You’re the sort of guy who makes all these messes that society later has to clean up.
I feel bad for your wife. Maybe you should really think things through.
@@MrChi31 In Islamic society we can tell whos married and who's not in western society they used to be able to tell who was married but now it's all mixed up and people r promiscuous and single mothers r created I'm not even a practising Muslim. But western society has no value when it comes to intimacy and relationships in general
“Singing the blues. Like we all are” lmao!
Thanks! I'm glad there is actual mature dating advice on UA-cam. Been getting sucked into channels on how to optimize your Tinder profile who also talked about "red pill" and "black pill" stuff. There's a lot of lost people on the internet sadly...
Bittersweet Symphony x Manosphere. All jokes aside, a class video. Time, distance metaphorically and literally are the only cures.
No contact & time. Yup! Going through it right now and those are the only things that are helping. It’s a slow process but I can feel myself returning.
On occasion the ball is simply in her court. If she never reaches out to you she will never hear from you again. If she does, she probably wants to see you. In general you pick up where you left off.
Prob can stay in contact with some ex’s. But the ones you really loved, broke your heart, and you’d want to stay in contact with, are the ones you can’t because you’ll never get over them
Some advice to add, join a gym, build muscle, lose weight, work on yourself. Do two or three things where you're improving yourself. Work hard, keep yourself busy at work, pick up extra shifts. Build muscle, make extra money and best thing is to keep yourself busy busy busy, too busy to think. Bless you 🙏 its a tough road but you're worth it
I had an epiphany back in 1996 while feeling down after breaking up with another live in girlfriend
I literally at that moment had deja vu about a 4 different break ups with 4 loves haha ah yeah .never forget that moment
I grew up at that moment
if you been with someone for so long, you will attach your ego around it. That's no way around it. Just like doing something you passionate about, you are bound to attach your identity
Move on and no contact if no kids! But if children are involved be cordial to each other and no bad mouthing the other parent especially in front of your children! At this point it's about your children.
Looking for something outside of ourselves is a coping mechanism and alludes to emotional and spiritual immaturity. Going within should always be the first priority. A meditation and or spiritual practice faciltites this. Love IS and can only change form. Seeing the gift that a relationship brought you and how you grew as a result goes a long way to "honouring" what that soul came to share with you. If you are able to do this there is no way you can having anything other than gratitude for that person (no matter what they "did" to you).
Hmmm. ‘Immaturity’ sounds a little judgemental
I like this reply a lot. I still think of my last girlfriend very, very fondly. She made me appreciate the value of a relationship beyond the physical aspect. Something new to me. I didn't want it to end but she had her own path and although it was difficult to not get in touch with her I figured that she could get back to me if she so wanted. I am very grateful to her and think pursuing would actually disrupt her view of me. I think for both of us it is best to leave it and appreciate something great.
Hi Troy, no contact for sure. For me travel not working well bc If im in very cool interesting place I automatically wants to be there with her. For me the medicine is running :)
TROY THIS IS SERIOUS CONTEXT.THANK YOU MATE FOR THE EXCELLENT ADVISE (NO CONTACT TIME HEALS) YOUR THE BEST MY BROTHER. HELLO FROM COLOMBIA.
Notting hill nice. Amazing video
The advantage of living in Northern Arizona is the acceptance of polygamy which makes a break up for the man much more bearable.
How to deal with it when you have kids with the ex?
with difficulty
Transactional comms. Treat is as a business relationship. If necessary formalise with legal agreements.
Hey Troy you make good points, thanks for the advice. Have you ever regretted breaking up with a girl?
Nearly every time
I watched the entire video thank you, truly an underrated channel
Desperately.
Great video!
... as a German Biologist and Pythagorean - this is about SYMMETRY. We easily create the Delusion of a symmetrical - covalent structure - we assume - what we feel resonantes with the other. Self created delusion. The kind of a bond shows in the early stages. How much Distance versus intimate closeness - how much TIME together is valuable...as we are drunk from the rush of exciting Hormones - lack any addiction - we are BLIND to recognize the early signals. And then - as any Addict - we crave the excitement. This can make it unbearable for the Other - and it must break up. Very difficult - demands painful experience. With enough Soul Scars - you can deal with the little rest of what Life has to offer...
But, I cant get over her. Sure she might be really expensive to keep, slightly abusive at times and neglects my love for her, but I really love her. I really really love my 13b rx8 and I cant let her go🥺🥺🥺🥺
Fuuck, your musings are sooo revenant!
HERO!
Long enough that you have no idea how long it's been
Still going on about that
Good Video
Troy: at the 0.10 mark, you said that it's a "'fraught' topic," right?
That’s right
It's interesting that everyone in these European cities is so drawn to the camera. In New York City, nobody would even pay it a glance. Also, doesn't anybody wear a hat or sunglasses? These people are murdering their skin and eyes.
My side piece left me that shit hurt but I was wit my wife. I knew her for a year than we spend a year n half together I did a lot of fuck up shit to her though I went to places wit my wife where she was at that almost went left another time I had to call her wit my wife on the phone so she can tell my wife we nothing but she had me on speaker n her family n friends heard it she was embarrassed cause nobody knew she was my side piece holidays she was alone cause I was wit my wife n kids. She finally told me too choose her or my wife I choose my family she block me I was in severe pain for 2 weeks than found someone else that she knew I told the new girl not mention anything to her because she will call n tell my wife I still miss her n I feel fucked up cause am just using the new one to try n get over her but it's not working
What if you have children
then it’s more difficult
💎
The way everyone turns to look is classic. I imagine him having the camera selfie stick mounted to his crotch.
Excuse me youtube algorithm why the hell are you recommending this to me? I'm a little insulted.
Francis, your clothes in the last few videos i ve watched are very nice, that girl living im my head rent free....i made a pro my gf and keep expectations of her being the real stuff, a horrible human
thank you!
become a millionaire!!
why no masks? feels wrong