I lost my husband 4 days ago, I don't even know who I am without him. He was my third husband but , 3rd time was a charm, he was my soul mate of 37yrs!! I can't even think straight.
I’m so sorry, friend. Take one day at a time, and journal. You won’t remember much of this time period, so you’ll want to come back and see how far you’ve come a few months down the road. Praying for you 🙏
It sounds like you might be stuck in one of the stages of grief...maybe you could talk to someone who could help you move forward? Hugs to you! #widfam
I was doing that! I recently began Zoom grief counseling and the counselor suggested “Second Firsts.” (A book) I began doing the breathing exercises and about the fifth day I felt my mind begin to clear. After one month my focus returned. I’m into the fourth month and am feeling amazing (unless I forget to get 8 hours of sleep each night.) I bought a yoga mat for stretching and breathing….nothing formal just remembering I need comfort time. Feeling better each day. God bless
The first year is filled with all stuff related to the death...legal, business, work, funeral, kids etc. By the second year, you are left with the huge empty space of missing them and the space and silence slam into you like a truck. I was surprised by how much my heart ached in the second year...
Same here. Glad a coworker told me in advance that the first missed birthdays, anniversary, & holidays would be difficult. Found that to be true! Felt so 😢. Seven years have passed & it gets a little easier. To be grateful for fond memories gives me such a peacefulness that I can smile now! Do I miss my hubby? You bet!
Into the 2nd year of my husband passing. 😥 making all decisions on my own now is tough, always second guessing and feeling overwhelmed. Grief is definitely a tough mountain to get through. Thank you for your videos.
I feel I made so many wrong decisions, so now I doubt myself making any decisions. Taking care of bills is more difficult than I ever expected. Thank you for your input.
You are spot on with all points. I hate that relationships with friends change so much, but they do. That’s been real hard for me. Thank you for starting this channel. It is such a great comfort to know I’m not alone in this journey.
By the grace of God I've found you 2 years after this posting, but I weep at your insights and wisdom. The Bible says there is an appointed time for everything. I guess this must be my appointed time. It's been13 years, and still ... I'm learning to cope. Thank you.
I do think God places people and opportunities in our paths. I’m so glad you came across this when you needed it. Thanks for sharing your feedback! #widfam
Thank you for bringing up "widow's fog"! Now I have a name to what I have been experiencing. I just passed the 4 year anniversary of my late husband's very sudden and traumatic death, and I felt like around the time of the anniversary I kept like losing my train of thought or something. Like I would be in the middle of talking and I'd forget what I was even saying. It is probably related to the trauma response of my body reacting to this time of year. Thanks again.
Happens to me also. I, too, wonder if dementia is setting in! Nice to hear this is not uncommon as we struggle with so many changes in our lives....just over a year since my husband passed on.
You are right, it never ends. But somehow, we can find a way to grieve AND love again! It might not be the choice for everyone, but I can tell you that it is possible if you desire that in your life. Prayers to you! #widfam
I lived with my daughter for a few months after my husband died and she dragged me to a street party in her neighbourhood. I enjoyed the afternoon with some young families and my grandkids....I cried with shame for hours afterward that I had laughed some. I could not imagine the concept of ever enjoying myself again!! It so took me by surprise...
“Relict-ing” ... not everyone. It is interesting what marriage do to some people. And not to others. I know men that are sleeping with other women openly, after 2 or 3 months of freedom, traveling and having fun.
I came across your channel quite by accident. And I cannot tell you how grateful I am. I lost my husband of 45 years in April of this year. You have helped me navigate this very difficult time in the perfect way and I appreciate it and YOU so much. I know this particular video where I am commenting is quite old, so I hope will see this comment.
@@OneHappyWidow you have no idea how much your videos are helping me just now. I feel there are no coincidences and that God sent you specifically just when I needed you the most. Many thanks.
I'm living in rural/small town Colorado and there are many widows. So, you might be surprised that you get more support and understanding in the countryside. It bothers me to think that this sadness could go on for years. It's been 4months and I'm weary of the emotional rollercoaster.
I think the roller coaster does level out over time. It's never flat, but the hills and valleys are not as high or low, and they are farther in between as time goes by! #widfam
I'm in my second year now...1 1/2 years. Yes! I thought year one was going to be the worst; but, as horrendous as it was year 2 is a different kind of horrible. The emotions and all you talked about are coming now. #8 though has also really resonated in me. There is anger. NOT at my husband though. The doctors & the system that allowed a license to kill. Taking my husband to the ER, being treated very direspectfully, AND being sent home saying "if it gets worse come back! When I called his doctor the next day, the nurse was rude and insulting. I brought him back to ER. After sitting on him for 12 hours; doing NOTHING treatment wise, they were going to admit him to medical. The charge nurse said NO! "He must go to ICU!" She couldn't understand WHY they didn't admit him immediately the first trip to ER! I get a call at 4:45 a.m the following morning that they were transferring him to a specialty hospital. My husband died the next day. The doctor at that hospital said they got him too late! So, YES! I'm angry. The healthcare system here in Minnesota is SO MESSED up! The doctors truly have a license to kill! Thank you for this video series. It's so helpful!
❤😂 my husband also getting mail. About a year after. My husband received a summons. For jury duty. I had to go to the count house. To get rid of that think. On the first anniversary of my husbands death hie employment call to say. Tells me that since he had not gone into work. For a year. They are now terminating is employment. 😂❤
You are dead on with your observations. I was married at 18 and widowed at 65. Every day it seemed liked the universe conspired to remind me of his death. All the paperwork, cancelling his dental appointments. Then there was shopping for the least expensive cremation. Then there was surviving every “first”, first birthday, first Christmas. After I reached the end of the first year I thought I would breathe a sigh of relief, that the grieving process would be easier. It hit me hard to realize that I would just have to relive these events every year. I had always foolishly thought that you grieved for a year and moved on. I now know the process never ends but it DOES get better. Somewhere between years 4 and 5 I realized I was living my new normal. I had purchased my first car alone. I had sold and purchased my first home alone. I had become a different person, a single person, no longer a part of “we”. I live my life, I make my own decisions, I date, and occasionally I melt down, but far less often then in those first years. I still miss my husband but I find I rather like my independence and the person I’ve become.
Leo, I love the way you present this. You are very direct and explain things so well. Thank you. I'm just past the 3 month mark that I lost my husband! It's so hard!
The memories that in the beginning brought tears and sadness are now the memories that bring smiles and happiness. I still have sad days but I also am learning to enjoy things again. I am happy to have found the One Happy Widow videos. You give us hope that the future can be something that we can look forward to.
My memories have also shifted from bringing tears to bringing smiles, like you. It is much easier to think about those times now than it was before! #widfam
I read somewhere that we dint stop grieving g. They live somewhere in our broken hearts. It's like a broken leg that never heels perfectly.- that still hurts when the weather gets cold. But you learn to dance with the limp.
Thank for being so open and honest, and sharing your experiences. I find your videos very helpful. It has been 19 months since losing my husband, and I've been surprised how much more sadness and grieving I've had this year. Knowing it is a normal part of the process helps to some degree. His 63rd birthday would have been next Tuesday April 27th, and I find my self so distracted and unproductive , but life doesn't pause 😪 Trying to give myself grace, and it is hopeful to see that others get through it. 🙂
I have found my second year now much worse than the first. I always believed the first year was the worst as you mark all the special dates, but I cry now more than ever
It has been 25 years And I can so resonate with all of the things you talked about here. My husband did not take care of himself which sent him to an early grave just like yours. And at times I still am working on releasing that resentment. I found that when I was a new widow to start a ministry was what I needed to do. I took new an older widow's out to dinner. The rule was we would talk about whatever they wanted to talk about. I never had a widow refuse me. Perhaps it's because I was paying. LOL. But seriously it helped me to heal helping other people and I learned a lot about widowhood and how other women processed this part of our lives. Please keep your videos coming!
#7 Awkward makes me miss him the most. I have to choose the best environment to enjoy the rest of my life. Music, parks, nature walks and traveling with my other widowed friends.
Thank you so much You are a wonderful and beautiful woman You have helped me more in 2 sessions then any psychologist I have been a widow for 4and a half years Thank you so much
Tomorrow is the anniversary of my husband’s death- 7 years. The times when I really feel it are weddings , special events, and occasions when you have to go by yourself. That’s been hard to get used to. I guess I took it for granted to have someone to be shoulder to shoulder with.
Those moments are surely triggering, especially because they are so special and don't happen very often. It is a stark reminder that you are without your plus one! #widfam
Kathy I think of you, be strong, you can make it. Life must go on, somehow, and our loved ones will always remain in our hearts, I’m crying as I’m writing this!
Yes, and the aftermath of events. I found that I really miss having someone, not only to attend events with, but to talk about them with at the end of the evening. When my husband and I would go to, say a church event, and then come home afterward and have a cup of cocoa and share with each other our observations or conversations we had with others or things we had learned. Now there is no one to share those experiences with at the end of the day. It has been nearly 4 years now, so I am more adjusted to it, but those first years were hard in that respect.
Yes, the second year of my husband's death was way more devastating. I'm into the third year but it is still hard. Finances are more settled now and I'm not that afraid as I was but still in depression. I am on antidepressant meds because Im just not doing well as I should or think I should. However, I believe this is normal. I do have more better days. My husband died of coronavirus in January 2021. We both had the virus at the same time but why am I still here? So guilt has engulfed me. I wasn't allowed to see my husband until the dr told me they could not do anything more. So I had only 2 days of visits for only one hour the first day and the next day I was allowed to be next to my husband until his last breath. Never never ever would I have thought this is the way my love of my life would die. I am so glad to see this as I was just looking through youtube and I want to thank you for sharing. Thank you for allowing my comment ( listening ) thank you so much.
Watched several of your videos. Very helpful. It’s been 9 years for me. Recently I’ve found a male friend that I😢 can travel with and it has made a big difference in my life. I resigned myself to live a mundane life until my death (I’m elderly). However, I’m enjoying life again. We are both widowed and often talk about our spouses in a good way. There is a saying, “Life is what you make it”. So my advice is get out and do things. Join the Y and participate in group exercise where you’ll meet people. Attend church, go to concerts. Be a volunteer at hospital or organization you support. Eventually you’ll find a life has a meaning and be blessed with another day. 😮
Hi Leo. I just found your channel (and subscribed). I lost my husband 20 years ago and so much of what you talk about and share--I am there and I have been there. We knew each other 3 years and were married for 3 months. I was a bride and a widow all within 3 months!! I remember someone telling me that Jerry was in "a better place." My response was "since when is Dead a better place?" Jerry was my soul mate and it brought me comfort to put these words on his (and my) headstone: "We are connected at the soul and the soul never dies." After 20 years, I am still grieving. Since day 1, I would tell people "it doesn't get better but it does get bearable." And I have found joy and happiness but not at the level I felt being with him. The one thing I kept reminding myself of was that I needed to be the woman/person he fell in love with. I feel a strength knowing that if I can survive losing my Jerry, I can survive anything!
Thank you for these videos. I too preplanned and prepaid my husbands funeral about 3 months before he died. I’m so glad I did that too. I’ve moved, and it’s helped my PTSD. I’ve got widows fog but it’s getting better. Hugs girl. Btw- love your fabric collection 💓
I’m glad I found your channel. I lost my husband in 2016. He struggled with alcohol and died of a heart attack. It was a monumental task to take care of the business he owned. So many people took advantage of me through that. I lost my oldest son in 2020. He was 35 years old. I still don’t know what happened. He died in his sleep. There was no autopsy. There was no toxicology. They just cremated him due to Covid. I was isolated because of Covid and wasn’t able to properly mourn his death. Thank you for sharing and being honest I appreciate your strength.
Right there w/ ya Leo & Widfam! I survived my 3rd Anniversary....decided to " NOT" make a big deal out of my former life; Just be Grateful & move forward & embrace love, new adventures on this journey, & start allowing myself to "have permission" to be happy. Nothing looks the same as my former life, but for now, its literally day to day, but I now have pulled myself out of the low parts of the "Widows Valley" & am determined that I possess some of the tools to make a NEW Life designed by me....to be whatever I truly want it to~ Would not be here w/ out the support of you all, my daughter, my friends, & my personal faith....but I can create something for me....even without knowing right now what that is~ Thanks for encouraging Videos like these to Unite us like family~
It really is so true. We all do read from the same book, maybe on different chapters, but it is the same book! I think the second yr is hard, because it's Real! We have a little bit of a clearer head in the second yr. It's The realization that they're really gone, our lives go on without them. New chapters of memories are made and they're not here celebrating with us, that book of our life was abruptly closed. It's been 4yrs since my husband at 59 died of colorectal cancer which spread to his liver and lung. My grandaughter was 6mo old when he died. My son was 33 and my daughter was 31, ready to get married 8mo.later. It's devastating for all! It affects everyone in the family, including my inlaws who lost a brother and son. So now, I've learned it's possible to feel both grief and happiness at once. It's not the same way as before, but I cope with grief and allow myself to feel. I really love your channel and thanks for having us share stories.
I was comforted when a friend said it was my Angel’versary: I now relate it to my husband becoming an angel:::positive but sad rather than the day he died sad negative. We prepare a favourite of his in his memory.
Thank you for your videos, they help so much. The grief police video wasn’t my favorite but I knew where you were coming from. I have 3 grown daughters and so many times we get together and talk about Bill and we laugh and laugh together. Eventually we tear up a bit, grab a tissue and hug each other. We love and miss Dad.
Thank you so much for making these videos! You make so much sense and I can relate to all of it! For the first 4 years I felt like my brain would only function at 85% no matter what I did. I think we remain in shock a lot longer than we realize even if we know that the inevitable is coming. Such a life changing experience that we never really get over.
Thanks for the support and this group. I'm also quite young for a widow at age 51. People are not sure how to react, because I seem tot be so strong. Glad that you are here for us younger widdowers. We have a life ahead, so grieving and doing things are going side by side. By the way, I'm dealing with brainfoq every day at work...difficult. Greetings from The Netherlands. Ingrid.
Ha Ingrid, “een leven voor ons” , zoals je zegt, dat is precies waarvan ik enorm in paniek raak. Ben ruim een half jaar onder weg, maar geen natuurtalent. Heb jij suggesties? Liefs, Anneke ❤️
My husband passed Jan 1st 2010. We were married 30 years. A whirlwind diagnosis of cancer took him in 4 months. It was the hardest thing that ever happened to me. We had time to put his life together, but even thought I knew what was happening, at the same time I was thinking it wasn’t happening. It’s been 11 years. And the first year was business, selling our house, moving south. We had 10 acres with gravel road access in northern BC. I could not live there myself. So I had to face that and move south to warmer climate and warmer winters. New community, make new friends and on and on. The second year to fourth year, was a blur now that I remember it. The physical pain of the first 2 years, morphed into a soft pain in my chest. On my third year, I became a Type 1 Diabetic, and insulin and all that stuff was traumatic. I would allow myself to remember in ‘short’ moments, never dwell on it because it really physically hurt. About the 4th or 5th year, it became a softer pain, and I allowed myself to really grieve, cried my eyes out all the time. Somewhere between the 5th and 6th year, I started to realize how much I had been able to cope and become so myself person. And I remember thinking all these new friends know me as me, not as part of a couple. And things became better for me. And yes, anger suppressed during the fight against the cancer, really came out, and I realized, man I was really angry about life in general. So I had to really work on that. I found a little dog rescued from SPCA and yes, my sister dropped off unannounced a kitten. The sharp realization that they really needed me for their survival and happiness was what I really needed. I got purpose. Now, I have had to settle for what life has given me. I try to be thankful, and search for purpose. I have a craft room. Making cards and stuff I have never done before. Really enjoy your channel. Keep going. Like I said, it’s been 11 years, sometimes it feels like yesterday, and then other times like a different life completely. There was me when I was married, and there is me as a widow. Two different lives. I still struggle with the grief, it is softer now, but always there. My challenge is to find peace and be able to give happiness. It would be much easier to wallow in sadness and pity, but I refuse to let it get me. Know what I mean?
I totally understand how giving help to others (people and animals) does help us feel like we have purpose. Thanks for watching the channel, and for sharing your experiences with us! #widfam
Thank you for this video. I have just entered my second year as a widow. I am still feeling my way around. I am having a hard time in as much as socializing again. It is difficult in this time of covid 19. I miss having someone to share my time with. It is very lonely. I have subscribed and look forward to future posts,
My spouse and I lived in Independent living in a CCRC retirement community for 13 and a half years before he died. I still live here and find it interesting that even though I'm almost 80 years old, some of the married women who live here are now uncomfortable eating at a table with me, now single (widowed) in the dining room. I now understand why most of the widows eat together. Fortunately, I have a male friend that I met at church and does not live here. We enjoy each other's company on occasion as friends only. He takes me to the bank, post office, pharmacy, grocery store and for country drives because I'm a low vision person and don't drive anymore. We both have serious health issues, marriage is not doable. My children reminded me that if I try to help him when he is physically in need of help, his son and daughter and their children will either be resentful or they will think and say "let her take care of dad." Best to stay a single widow.
My 1st year was merely functioning, raising 4 daughters and dealing with paperwork etc. Going thru motions that later become a blur. Then reality sets in after the 1sr year. Memories and sadness. In the years to follow it gets better tho. I'm 25 years a widow. He was only 38 and I never remarried . Having children helped keep me on track,strong and focused. In time we do heal but we always miss them but can talk about them with a smile instead of only tears. I was with my husband in IC for his last breath and held him at that moment and can still remember every minute of our last hour together. Times does heal and having support of family and friends truly helps.
I still remember the first time I found myself laughing with others until we all were in tears. It startled me to find I could still laugh so heartily (4 months after my husband's death). But it felt so normal and healthy! I know he would have laughed along with us.
Great video! I thought I had coined “widow brain”! Your points are so reassuring. I’m almost at the 9-month mark since my husband’s death, and I am oddly comforted that this grief is for my lifetime. I find his absence is surreal.
I am over 5 years out and I find it still surreal if I think about it too hard. It’s weird that he’s actually not here anymore…and never will be again. Doesn’t even seem possible sometimes.
So much truth in all of these things. Have you been spyin' on me???? By the way I LOVED the widow police episode. LOL!!! Thank you so much for what you are doing!!!!
So glad you appreciated our warped sense of humor, lol. We tried to keep it tasteful (as possible, considering the topic lol). Thanks for watching! #widfam
The ANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It took me almost 22 months to finally get rid of the anger. It was such a relief when I finally turned THAT corner. Now I can start looking at my late husband in a more compassionate manner. And you're so right about how it creeps back every now and then but it does fade away. Thanks for your inspiration. And good luck with the move. The rest of the house is no big deal but the craft room (s)???? Bless your heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't even want to comment about the other craft rooms that I didn't show on camera (ugh). It's going to take a separate moving truck just for my crafty supplies, I think lol. #widfam
I can relate to #5, widows brain fog. I lose words. Like the word barn. I can tell you what it is or describe it, but I can't think of the word itself. I was relieved to hear I was not the only one. I was beginning to feel like I had Alzheimer's.
Several...really all...the points resonated for me. It's only been 10 weeks and it's so raw. I got Christmas in the rearview mirror...or rather the day I called Saturday. I could not celebrate anything. I spent that day mulching the garden! Brain fog is a real thing for me too. Thank you for making these videos. I feel like someone understands me.
My wife of 41 years tends to stick her head in the sand, but I have PSC liver cirrhosis, being 64 with other major ailments, I don't think that when I go downhill that I will be given a new liver. Just taking it one day at a time. But I digress. I like the concept you mentioned in an earlier video of "drip grief". My mother was suffering from alzheimers for a few years. Every time I visited, I would go sit in the car and cry for a bit. But this drip grief made the end a lot less traumatic. Grief is weird. Thank you for these videos, you are helping the widows and others as well.
I could not wait to hit my one year mark. Everyone said the first year is the hardest. That day came and I spent it alone, my choice, most of the day at the cemetery, cleaning and changing the flowers. I woke up the next morning and I did not feel any different, in fact I kind of felt a little bit sadder. As I was processing why other women said the first year is the hardest. I'm one day into year two. And then it hit me. There's no magical switch to turn your feelings off. At midnight on day 365, on day 366 will bring nothing but happy feelings. Disappointed but not surprised. In one month, February 24, 2022 I will end my second year and on February 25th my third year begins. It is beginning with a new me. A new attitude. A new sense of purpose and a new zest for life. I may fail some days. But something the Happy Widow said inspired me with the train story. When the conductor said some people like to carry a lot of baggage and he would give some to someone else to carry. I am going to set my baggage down and I will not pick it up. So glad I found you.
I get Widows fog so much that I have to write everything down. I kept thinking it was something chore serious until you spoke about it today. It’s been 10 months since my husband passed & 8 months my only son also passed. I’m doing better by belonging to groups like yours. I will be joining the FB group as well. Thank you for your helpful videos🙂♥️♥️♥️
Oh I’m so sorry. Losing a child and a husband so close together is heartbreaking. My husbands father died a few months after my husband and it was losing another connection to him
Yes, grief lasts forever. And one day in early grief you laugh at someone’s joke, or have aome other moment of happiness, all of a sudden you feel very guilty about that. It’s been 20+ years and the other day after a video on another channel, I responded to it, and all of a sudden it all came back and I was weeping and weeping
@@OneHappyWidow Thank you for your kind response. This is definitely not a road one wishes to travel. Once...but twice. I have enjoyed your videos and your personal experiences that you share. And, it is so true how we return to the different stages of grief. Keep sharing.
I feel somewhat of an outsider in that I am not widowed yet, but feel like I've been grieving since my husband was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago. We were told it is not curable and now 4 years later I see him declining. I found your UA-cam channel accidentally while looking for something else and have now watched all the videos. What struck me in this video was your mention of "widow's brain fog". In the past few months, while I have been watching my husband decline, I can't seem to focus and have experienced the things you mentioned. It scares me and I'm hoping that it's a result of the stress, and anxiety in what I know I'll be facing shortly. I don't know if there are other subscribers that experienced the "fog" under these circumstances, but would be nice to know if they did. I love your down-to-earth personality, and thank you for taking time to make these videos.
Kathy, when your brain is working so hard on processing any type of grief, it forgets the little things, so I would say your dog is normal, as you are experiencing anticipatory grief. I have a whole video on that, if you haven’t seen it already. Prayers to you, as I have been through this type of grief myself! Thanks for sharing with us #widfam
Every step I mentioned is correct. My husband Steve has been gone since 1-12-15 he had a massive heart attack while working on the river. All the people that we thought were friends and said if I needed anything just disappeared. I still am going to follow the goal my husband and I was going to do when he retired. In 2023 im selling the 2 houses that is hard for me alone to take care of and moving out of state. We wanted to move south and that is what I still want to do. I still see him in my dreams and think about him all the time but I keep busy these 2 houses have to have a lot of work done. And I have been working on them for the last 6 years by my self o should be done when it is time to sell. I have also been selling furniture and anything else I don’t need are use anymore. Im glad I have things to do. I know he would be proud of what I had gotten done since he has been gone. I want to thank you for your videos I have only been watching for a month but they have made a difference God Bless
Hello It has been 2years 4 months since my wife passed away the things you talk about is most everything I have been feeling, for me she passed away really fast and it hit me really hard, like you said the second year was even harder and like you said your friends have no clue, thank you
My husband died 25 years ago at age 45 from pancreatic cancer. He died 3 months after being diagnosed. I can remember the call from the hospice nurse and feeling great relief that it was over. I've had no regrets over the years
I lost my husband in the summer of 2019...from a heart attack. His mothers side of the family had heart trouble..im coping..but its still hard..He took care of almost everything. Ty for your videos...
It is hard to transition to being the one who has to do everything yourself. I remember nearly panicking about it when it actually dawned on me that I was all my kids have left on this earth! #widfam
My husband died of heart attack Dec 2020. This is my second year and the pain is not going away. Friends and activities help a lot. Please, do not stay at home alone, get out!
Thanks, we will document our search/move as soon as it gets under way! This week we are cleaning the current house to get it ready to list. Next week, we start searching for our next home! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow the market is crazy depending on where you live. My house sold first day and the house I was going to buy didn't pass inspection. I am lucky I found another house before the closing on the house I sold. I do recommend finding the house you want to buy first unless you live in an area where the houses aren't selling. Either way it is stressful. Take one step at a time. 🌻🌻
Yes, it is INSANE here! We are preparing to list, but won't actually do it until we are under contract for the next one..if possible! It's scary to think that we might be homeless for a bit in the interim. We might just have to move in with my Main Man Stormy!!! lol
Hearing about widowa fog has encouraged me. My husband passed 5 months ago. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2017. Watching him daily be farther away from me was like grieving for 5 & half years. Our daughter & her husband had been transferred to south GA (both career USAF) in the fall of 2017 just before his diagnosis. They planned to retire there since CA is so expensive. We were able to buy the property next door a few months later. Being next to her & the grandkids has been wonderful but I don't have any real friends here, just acquaintances. I was caring for him full time so never went anywhere to meet other seniors. We had been married 49 years & best friends for 57 years I have done nothing since he passed but sit around and watch tv or sleep. I just don't feel anything. I was afraid dementia was going to take me too. Hearing about widowa fog has changed my mind. I'm so glad i found your channel tonight. Thank you!💖
Thanks for sharing, and I’m glad the video helped. Did your daughter get stationed at Robins AFB? That’s where I grew up and my family still lives all in that area! Feel free to join our FB group for more support as well: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
12 resonant with me . What now? What are my goals and wishes for the rest of my life? It is almost 4 years and I still sometimes feel I am in a fog but I am moving forward. I am trying to give myself grace and just feel. For the first time in my life I am completely alone. But on the good side I can do what I want or need to do! Thanx!
Very helpful. Question for you- please teach me- I have had people say don’t ask the grieving person how you can help them as you’d be assigning them a task of coming up with something & they are already overwhelmed. Frankly, I frequently don’t know what would be helpful to them and it’s very individual. What I’ve started saying to a person in grief is something to the effect of “I’m really sorry to hear about (name’s) passing. There’s so much you must be going through. I’d like to be able to help you in whatever way I can, now or in the future. But I don’t have any idea of what you do need or will need. Will you please call me, day or night, anytime something comes up? (Look them directly in the eye and wait for an answer, & then reinforce with something like) If you need to talk, or a ride somewhere or need a dinner brought over… anything, I want to know.” I would hope that by saying something like this-they would sense my sincerity and if 2 1/2 yrs down the road, they were having a rough time, they would feel more comfortable texting or calling & saying “I hope you were serious when you offered to help me in the future after my husband died, because there is an awful lot going on right now, and I could really stand to have somebody bring over dinner for the next couple of nights…”. I would so appreciate someone letting me know they need help, so I could help them and let them know they are so very loved. But this is a bit of an “assignment” so maybe you have a better idea?
People have a hard time asking for help…especially after so much time has passed. People can always use: money, food, company, or help with chores. Choose something in those categories and just bring it to them. That’s how I would handle it, anyway. Hope that helps!
Thanks for watching! I’m not sure how great the lessons are, I’m just trying to share some of my own experiences, in hopes that others can relate and not feel so alone in their grief! #widfam
Thank you for all the things you covered. One stand out for me was that children can express their grief as anger. My husbands children are angry at me. That point is another way of looking at that. Thank you.
Most of your points resonated with me too. I was surprised about the anger, because I sometimes feel fleeting anger and need to stop and pray. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. We had 53 years of a good marriage so the wasn't why I sometimes get angry, it just because he isn't here. I don't curse God or anything like that, in fact I praise the Lord my husband did not suffer long. He had health issues for many years but he didn't give up. He was working up into the last week before he died. I took him to the emergency room on Thursday and he passed away on Saturday. I did not have to worry about funeral expenses as we had bought a funeral plan many years ago. We are both veterans (he was retired from the military) so he is buried at the veterans cemetery and my spot has been reserved for me right next to him. The most money we spent on his funeral was $900.00 on flowers! I told my children not to ever spend money on flowers like that for me. You're right about the 2nd year being difficult. The first year I was busy with the legal stuff, and one of my children took me to France for a few days.. I felt guilty because I enjoyed the trip. I still can't listen to music, especially music we both liked. I am also moving across the continent to live near my daughters. So I will see what this year (2nd year this past January). With God's grace I know I will be ok. Yes, I don't think the grieving ever stops. Thanks for your insights.
I just lost my husband of 39 yrs on Jan. 2, 2023 & I'm still struggling with the loss. It's been overwhelming to navigate life without him. I feel like each day because harder & harder accepting that's he is gone. I'm glad I found your channel.
I know how it feels Becky my wife of 40 years just died on the 14th of Jan and the funeral is on the 21st Feb. I'm so glad I found this channel to this lady really has helped me big time thank you Leo.
Becky - I lost my husband of 30 yrs on Jan 5/23. I can relate to what you are going through. What I find helpful is the Grief Share Group I joined. It’s an online group and we meet every Thursday for 13 weeks. I also got the books Jesus Calling and Jesus Listens. These are devotional books - one devotion for each day of the year.
I have watched videos and listened to advice given to me, but I cant seem to go forward. Your advice was the best I have gotten. After 3 yrs.since my husband died, I feel worse than ever. You touched on things that really rang true, like lapse of memory, talking to a friend and I couldnt remember what I was getting at or like you said, forgetting a word mid sentence. I just want to thank you so much. I hope I can learn from all of this. There are so many other things going on in my mind also. I have 4 children, but I need more help from them, but only 1 son is a half hr. from me, and the others are far away. im in poor health, and have to sell my house, but I cant do it myself.
People are uncomfortable when you're older, too. I think sometimes it's because people are thinking, "oh god, that could be me" or "it will be me and I don't want to think about yet." Starting year 3 and the fog is hanging on, glad that's all it is. I thought I was feeling my age, which I don't as most of the time I don't know my actual age.
It’s definitely a symptom of grief, having that mental fog. I found that eating more healthy is a big help with that too. Your brain functions better with fat as it’s energy source, rather than all the glucose. Reduce sugar and carbs, and it should help.
Yes, we are so excited....just gotta find the perfect property that isn't too far from either of our jobs. Challenging, but we will document the process and keep everyone updated! I plan to keep the weekly videos going, but the studio might not be usable every week, so I might have to do phone camera footage for a few lol.
It’s been 2 months since my husband passed and I grieve every day. My son which has severe autism is grieving and I honestly did not think he would understand it. I know I was out and a few people asked me about my husband and I had to explain that he had passed. Still getting calls and mail and the brain fog yes! Oh my goodness I have problems remembering things. I haven’t had the anger yet but my son has. For me I still haven’t laughed yet. I just can’t find it anymore. It’s hard to be happy. I was told I’m not grieving correctly either or I’m grieving too much. I haven’t been wanting to cook either but I have to, to make sure my son eats. Now I have already made my mind up I’m not dating and I’m not remarrying. I knew my husband since I was 6 years old and I’m now 50 I can’t see myself with anyone else
Thanks for watching #widfam. And o also have an autistic son, although he is high functioning. I’m also teach special education, so I have been around several students on the spectrum. Just because your son is nonverbal doesn’t mean he isn’t aware of things and he is certainly feeling it, he just processes those emotions differently and expresses them in his own way. But of course you know him better than anyone in the planet, and I’m sure you do what is in his best interest. He is lucky to have you to care for him.
A counselor suggested we keep a journal. I wrote every night. The first full day I didn’t cry, I started to write that, and then I cried because I didn’t cry that day. As I look at the early entries, I realize how far I have come from the original pain. I realize that I am in a better place now than when my husband died.
Hi I'm a guy in my late seventies who is dating a widow so that's why I watched your video it's almost four years since Ann lost Terry! Ann and I used to work together and in fact I knew Terry and Ann knew my ex wife who divorced me over 18 years ago we meet up once a month go for a meal and put the world right!!? My first impression when I first saw you was how young you are ?? ok you say you have four children but I still feel you look so young being a gentleman I never ask a lady how old she is but adding numbers etc you can't be More than late thirties or early forties so to b a widow at such a young age I found your video so inspiring and helps me to take care of Ann and ask those hard questions I'm sure the work you do for thousands of other widows is much appreciated well done and keep up your endeavours Jim in Burbage England
Thanks so much for watching and for your feedback! I was a young widow, for sure, as I was only 43 when my husband died. But I’ll be 50 soon, and have a grandson…so I’m definitely feeling old now! Best of luck with your new friend, you deserve happiness #widfam
Thanks I get and relate it all only I am in the first year. I just went solo camping off my motorcycle this weekend and I cried for why I had the freedom to do this without a plan and yet it felt weird that I was doing it. I feel lost on what the heck I should be doing or where my life is going now
My husband has been gone only two months, znd I can certainly relate to widows brain. I took my car in to be serviced this week and had to look at my drivers license to tell them my new addess.
Thank you for sharing. I lost my husband one month ago and have never had brain fog - even bouts of amnesia - like it. Loved ones have had to talk me through recent events to help me retrieve the memories. All good people must band together to protect the newly bereaved because on the inside they’re reeling. 💙.
I had a lot of problems the first year. We were landlords and I was the nice person and he was the go get them one when they didn't pay. I had to learn to get the hard edge. I ended up getting a property management company. I didn't have it in me. The houses were in his name and I had to pay to transfer them. The mortgage companies won't transfer the mortgage into my name so I have to keep his estate open and it is now almost 5 years. I'm living off these homes so I don't have to work. I lost my friends that were my age. Another widow told me that she thinks it is because they don't want to go out to eat with me and see the empty chair and know that could be them someday. So it is better to just talk to me in an email. I learned people try even friends try to steal things from you. Meaning they want my husband's things and they will buy at a crazy low price and be mad at you if you don't agree to it. That happened to my friend who was a widow also. They think every widow is rich. They think we all had life insurance for a million. Not me my husband didn't believe in it. I was left with nothing. His kids are 25 now and they are my stepkids. They are trying to steal from me. They don't understand what it means in the will everything goes to my beloved wife. I am being pulled apart and they want this and they want that. They need material things to remember their Dad by. I don't know why they can't enjoy their memories. Now the one is telling me I gave him a horrible childhood. I don't let them steal my joy. I never let no one still my joy. I have learned that in life. My husbands death was God's timing, not mine and I can't change it.
My husband was the strict one with the kids, so I had to learn how to be strict with mine, and it was hard, so I get that! I'm sorry people are trying to take advantage of you. At least you recognize it so that you can try to protect yourself and your assets! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow One of his best friends was right by my side as a friend. He told me what his mom went through and it was amazing how I went through the the same. People did the same to his mom. I still hang out with his friend. But we are just friends.
I’m shocked by how calm I was the first 3wks after my husband died, and now in wk 4 I all of a sudden how short a fuse I have w our pets. I was really hoping the self control I had was able to hold a little better.
You are shifting out of the shock phase. Your body/mind was protecting you from the initial pain…and now it’s starting to kick in. Our thoughts are with you, as so many of us have been through that fresh grief! #widfam
I am having such a tough time. My husband passed in 2017 from cancer. I was diagnosed with colon cancer and three days after my surgery he passed three days later. I had to go through chemo so that messed me up. Two years later my mom passed unexpectedly then I really lost it. I lost my baby sister to a car wreck when she was 16 and my dad five years later. Two years after my mom my sister laid down for a nap and did not wake us . I wished I had watched these two parts a long time ago so i would know kinda what to expect. I have no passion for life and I have cried for the past three weeks and I don’t know why
Oh, dear you have suffered so much loss…and of course you are reeling from it! Feel free to join our FB group for more support: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
I lost my husband 4 days ago, I don't even know who I am without him. He was my third husband but , 3rd time was a charm, he was my soul mate of 37yrs!! I can't even think straight.
I’m so sorry, friend. Take one day at a time, and journal. You won’t remember much of this time period, so you’ll want to come back and see how far you’ve come a few months down the road. Praying for you 🙏
It’s been 15 months and I still miss him so!!!
I know I will get to see him again, but what I wouldn’t give to have one more touch.
It’s been 8 years for me and I still feel like I’m living the same day over and over .i feel like it was yesterday .
It sounds like you might be stuck in one of the stages of grief...maybe you could talk to someone who could help you move forward? Hugs to you! #widfam
Me too . COVID didn’t help! Prayers for you
💜💜💜
Its ok sweety im out 13 years.its normal to go through that. I get stuck too.
I was doing that! I recently began Zoom grief counseling and the counselor suggested “Second Firsts.” (A book) I began doing the breathing exercises and about the fifth day I felt my mind begin to clear. After one month my focus returned. I’m into the fourth month and am feeling amazing (unless I forget to get 8 hours of sleep each night.) I bought a yoga mat for stretching and breathing….nothing formal just remembering I need comfort time. Feeling better each day. God bless
The first year is filled with all stuff related to the death...legal, business, work, funeral, kids etc. By the second year, you are left with the huge empty space of missing them and the space and silence slam into you like a truck. I was surprised by how much my heart ached in the second year...
I think this is more common than we realize! #widfam
I was the same way.
Same here. Glad a coworker told me in advance that the first missed birthdays, anniversary, & holidays would be difficult. Found that to be true! Felt so 😢. Seven years have passed & it gets a little easier. To be grateful for fond memories gives me such a peacefulness that I can smile now! Do I miss my hubby? You bet!
It been 4 years this passed Judy. I still miss him so much.
I understand! We never get over it.
Into the 2nd year of my husband passing. 😥 making all decisions on my own now is tough, always second guessing and feeling overwhelmed. Grief is definitely a tough mountain to get through. Thank you for your videos.
Thanks for watching!
I feel I made so many wrong decisions, so now I doubt myself making any decisions. Taking care of bills is more difficult than I ever expected. Thank you for your input.
A new widow here. I am too scared to make decisions. I have the same thoughts too. I pray to him to guide me to make the right choices.
You are spot on with all points. I hate that relationships with friends change so much, but they do. That’s been real hard for me. Thank you for starting this channel. It is such a great comfort to know I’m not alone in this journey.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
By the grace of God I've found you 2 years after this posting, but I weep at your insights and wisdom. The Bible says there is an appointed time for everything. I guess this must be my appointed time. It's been13 years, and still ... I'm learning to cope. Thank you.
I do think God places people and opportunities in our paths. I’m so glad you came across this when you needed it. Thanks for sharing your feedback! #widfam
Sorry for your lost and I believe you he's proud of you up there
Thank you for bringing up "widow's fog"! Now I have a name to what I have been experiencing. I just passed the 4 year anniversary of my late husband's very sudden and traumatic death, and I felt like around the time of the anniversary I kept like losing my train of thought or something. Like I would be in the middle of talking and I'd forget what I was even saying. It is probably related to the trauma response of my body reacting to this time of year. Thanks again.
I feel the same😢
Thanks for watching! #widfam
I have the same problem. I want it to go away
Happens to me also. I, too, wonder if dementia is setting in! Nice to hear this is not uncommon as we struggle with so many changes in our lives....just over a year since my husband passed on.
Being a little over 3 yrs. now, im going through the same things. He died 5 min. from our house, and I never got a chance to say goodbye.
I live , laugh but no love yet! It’s hard to just move on! Grief has no ending😭
You are right, it never ends. But somehow, we can find a way to grieve AND love again! It might not be the choice for everyone, but I can tell you that it is possible if you desire that in your life. Prayers to you! #widfam
You don't move on, you just move forward! I have been a widow for 6 yrs. and yes, you can love again, it's different but still beautiful.
I lived with my daughter for a few months after my husband died and she dragged me to a street party in her neighbourhood. I enjoyed the afternoon with some young families and my grandkids....I cried with shame for hours afterward that I had laughed some. I could not imagine the concept of ever enjoying myself again!! It so took me by surprise...
That's normal at first. It does get easier the more you smile and laugh. Give yourself permission to feel happiness!!! #widfam
“Relict-ing” ... not everyone.
It is interesting what marriage do
to some people. And not to others.
I know men that are sleeping with other women openly, after 2 or 3 months of freedom, traveling and having fun.
I came across your channel quite by accident. And I cannot tell you how grateful I am. I lost my husband of 45 years in April of this year. You have helped me navigate this very difficult time in the perfect way and I appreciate it and YOU so much. I know this particular video where I am commenting is quite old, so I hope will see this comment.
Thanks for watching and sharing your support!
@@OneHappyWidow you have no idea how much your videos are helping me just now. I feel there are no coincidences and that God sent you specifically just when I needed you the most. Many thanks.
I'm living in rural/small town Colorado and there are many widows. So, you might be surprised that you get more support and understanding in the countryside. It bothers me to think that this sadness could go on for years. It's been 4months and I'm weary of the emotional rollercoaster.
I think the roller coaster does level out over time. It's never flat, but the hills and valleys are not as high or low, and they are farther in between as time goes by! #widfam
I'm in my second year now...1 1/2 years. Yes! I thought year one was going to be the worst; but, as horrendous as it was year 2 is a different kind of horrible. The emotions and all you talked about are coming now. #8 though has also really resonated in me. There is anger. NOT at my husband though. The doctors & the system that allowed a license to kill. Taking my husband to the ER, being treated very direspectfully, AND being sent home saying "if it gets worse come back! When I called his doctor the next day, the nurse was rude and insulting. I brought him back to ER. After sitting on him for 12 hours; doing NOTHING treatment wise, they were going to admit him to medical. The charge nurse said NO! "He must go to ICU!" She couldn't understand WHY they didn't admit him immediately the first trip to ER! I get a call at 4:45 a.m the following morning that they were transferring him to a specialty hospital. My husband died the next day. The doctor at that hospital said they got him too late! So, YES! I'm angry. The healthcare system here in Minnesota is SO MESSED up! The doctors truly have a license to kill! Thank you for this video series. It's so helpful!
I’m so sorry to hear how your husband was mistreated! Prayers your way #widfam
Sue the incompetent bastards. Use the money for things that would have made you happy together.
❤😂 my husband also getting mail. About a year after. My husband received a summons. For jury duty. I had to go to the count house. To get rid of that think.
On the first anniversary of my husbands death hie employment call to say. Tells me that since he had not gone into work. For a year. They are now terminating is employment. 😂❤
Widows brain is such a real thing.
Yes, it is! I did a whole video on that. #widfam
You are dead on with your observations. I was married at 18 and widowed at 65. Every day it seemed liked the universe conspired to remind me of his death. All the paperwork, cancelling his dental appointments. Then there was shopping for the least expensive cremation. Then there was surviving every “first”, first birthday, first Christmas. After I reached the end of the first year I thought I would breathe a sigh of relief, that the grieving process would be easier. It hit me hard to realize that I would just have to relive these events every year. I had always foolishly thought that you grieved for a year and moved on. I now know the process never ends but it DOES get better. Somewhere between years 4 and 5 I realized I was living my new normal. I had purchased my first car alone. I had sold and purchased my first home alone. I had become a different person, a single person, no longer a part of “we”. I live my life, I make my own decisions, I date, and occasionally I melt down, but far less often then in those first years. I still miss my husband but I find I rather like my independence and the person I’ve become.
Sounds like you are living your new normal, with realistic expectation of how things will always be. Good for you! #widfam
Leo, I love the way you present this. You are very direct and explain things so well. Thank you. I'm just past the 3 month mark that I lost my husband! It's so hard!
I’m so sorry! Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback. #widfam
The memories that in the beginning brought tears and sadness are now the memories that bring smiles and happiness. I still have sad days but I also am learning to enjoy things again.
I am happy to have found the One Happy Widow videos. You give us hope that the future can be something that we can look forward to.
My memories have also shifted from bringing tears to bringing smiles, like you. It is much easier to think about those times now than it was before! #widfam
I read somewhere that we dint stop grieving g. They live somewhere in our broken hearts. It's like a broken leg that never heels perfectly.- that still hurts when the weather gets cold. But you learn to dance with the limp.
Love that analogy, and it seems to fit perfectly!
Thank for being so open and honest, and sharing your experiences. I find your videos very helpful. It has been 19 months since losing my husband, and I've been surprised how much more sadness and grieving I've had this year. Knowing it is a normal part of the process helps to some degree. His 63rd birthday would have been next Tuesday April 27th, and I find my self so distracted and unproductive , but life doesn't pause 😪 Trying to give myself grace, and it is hopeful to see that others get through it. 🙂
You have a good outlook on things! Thanks for sharing. #widfam
I have found my second year now much worse than the first. I always believed the first year was the worst as you mark all the special dates, but I cry now more than ever
After reading all of this info from all of the women here I understand I'm not alone in this awful grief.
It has been 25 years And I can so resonate with all of the things you talked about here. My husband did not take care of himself which sent him to an early grave just like yours. And at times I still am working on releasing that resentment. I found that when I was a new widow to start a ministry was what I needed to do. I took new an older widow's out to dinner. The rule was we would talk about whatever they wanted to talk about. I never had a widow refuse me. Perhaps it's because I was paying. LOL. But seriously it helped me to heal helping other people and I learned a lot about widowhood and how other women processed this part of our lives. Please keep your videos coming!
What a great idea to take a widow out to eat…maybe I’ll try to start something like this locally! Thanks for the idea! #widfam
#7 Awkward makes me miss him the most. I have to choose the best environment to enjoy the rest of my life. Music, parks, nature walks and traveling with my other widowed friends.
It is hard to find our place in society when we are a young widow!
Thank you so much
You are a wonderful and beautiful woman
You have helped me more in 2 sessions then any psychologist
I have been a widow for 4and a half years
Thank you so much
Thank you for sharing! By knowing that I am able to help others, that is what helps me more than therapy for myself! #widfam
Tomorrow is the anniversary of my husband’s death- 7 years. The times when I really feel it are weddings , special events, and occasions when you have to go by yourself. That’s been hard to get used to. I guess I took it for granted to have someone to be shoulder to shoulder with.
Those moments are surely triggering, especially because they are so special and don't happen very often. It is a stark reminder that you are without your plus one! #widfam
Kathy I think of you, be strong, you can make it. Life must go on, somehow, and our loved ones will always remain in our hearts, I’m crying as I’m writing this!
Yes, and the aftermath of events. I found that I really miss having someone, not only to attend events with, but to talk about them with at the end of the evening. When my husband and I would go to, say a church event, and then come home afterward and have a cup of cocoa and share with each other our observations or conversations we had with others or things we had learned. Now there is no one to share those experiences with at the end of the day. It has been nearly 4 years now, so I am more adjusted to it, but those first years were hard in that respect.
Yes, the second year of my husband's death was way more devastating. I'm into the third year but it is still hard. Finances are more settled now and I'm not that afraid as I was but still in depression. I am on antidepressant meds because Im just not doing well as I should or think I should. However, I believe this is normal. I do have more better days. My husband died of coronavirus in January 2021. We both had the virus at the same time but why am I still here? So guilt has engulfed me. I wasn't allowed to see my husband until the dr told me they could not do anything more. So I had only 2 days of visits for only one hour the first day and the next day I was allowed to be next to my husband until his last breath. Never never ever would I have thought this is the way my love of my life would die.
I am so glad to see this as I was just looking through youtube and I want to thank you for sharing. Thank you for allowing my comment ( listening ) thank you so much.
Thank you for watching, and for sharing your feedback #widfam
Watched several of your videos. Very helpful. It’s been 9 years for me. Recently I’ve found a male friend that I😢 can travel with and it has made a big difference in my life. I resigned myself to live a mundane life until my death (I’m elderly). However, I’m enjoying life again. We are both widowed and often talk about our spouses in a good way. There is a saying, “Life is what you make it”. So my advice is get out and do things. Join the Y and participate in group exercise where you’ll meet people. Attend church, go to concerts. Be a volunteer at hospital or organization you support. Eventually you’ll find a life has a meaning and be blessed with another day. 😮
I love your renewed outlook on life! Thanks for sharing #widfam
Hi Leo. I just found your channel (and subscribed). I lost my husband 20 years ago and so much of what you talk about and share--I am there and I have been there. We knew each other 3 years and were married for 3 months. I was a bride and a widow all within 3 months!! I remember someone telling me that Jerry was in "a better place." My response was "since when is Dead a better place?" Jerry was my soul mate and it brought me comfort to put these words on his (and my) headstone: "We are connected at the soul and the soul never dies." After 20 years, I am still grieving. Since day 1, I would tell people "it doesn't get better but it does get bearable." And I have found joy and happiness but not at the level I felt being with him. The one thing I kept reminding myself of was that I needed to be the woman/person he fell in love with. I feel a strength knowing that if I can survive losing my Jerry, I can survive anything!
Sounds like you have so many words to live by! I like your outlook. #widfam
Thank you for these videos.
I too preplanned and prepaid my husbands funeral about 3 months before he died. I’m so glad I did that too.
I’ve moved, and it’s helped my PTSD.
I’ve got widows fog but it’s getting better.
Hugs girl.
Btw- love your fabric collection 💓
Thanks so much for your feedback, and for watching #widfam
I’m glad I found your channel. I lost my husband in 2016. He struggled with alcohol and died of a heart attack. It was a monumental task to take care of the business he owned. So many people took advantage of me through that. I lost my oldest son in 2020. He was 35 years old. I still don’t know what happened. He died in his sleep. There was no autopsy. There was no toxicology. They just cremated him due to Covid. I was isolated because of Covid and wasn’t able to properly mourn his death. Thank you for sharing and being honest I appreciate your strength.
I’m so sorry for your multiple losses #widfam
Right there w/ ya Leo & Widfam! I survived my 3rd Anniversary....decided to " NOT" make a big deal out of my former life; Just be Grateful & move forward & embrace love, new adventures on this journey, & start allowing myself to "have permission" to be happy. Nothing looks the same as my former life, but for now, its literally day to day, but I now have pulled myself out of the low parts of the "Widows Valley" & am determined that I possess some of the tools to make a NEW Life designed by me....to be whatever I truly want it to~ Would not be here w/ out the support of you all, my daughter, my friends, & my personal faith....but I can create something for me....even without knowing right now what that is~ Thanks for encouraging Videos like these to Unite us like family~
Awesome to read stories like this...thanks for sharing! #widfam
It really is so true. We all do read from the same book, maybe on different chapters, but it is the same book! I think the second yr is hard, because it's Real! We have a little bit of a clearer head in the second yr. It's The realization that they're really gone, our lives go on without them. New chapters of memories are made and they're not here celebrating with us, that book of our life was abruptly closed. It's been 4yrs since my husband at 59 died of colorectal cancer which spread to his liver and lung. My grandaughter was 6mo old when he died. My son was 33 and my daughter was 31, ready to get married 8mo.later. It's devastating for all! It affects everyone in the family, including my inlaws who lost a brother and son. So now, I've learned it's possible to feel both grief and happiness at once. It's not the same way as before, but I cope with grief and allow myself to feel. I really love your channel and thanks for having us share stories.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
I am so sorry. 4 years for me too - my husband was also 59 and had brain cancer. I miss him every minute💔
I was comforted when a friend said it was my Angel’versary: I now relate it to my husband becoming an angel:::positive but sad rather than the day he died sad negative. We prepare a favourite of his in his memory.
A healthy way of looking at it! #widfam
That’s very helpful. Thank you, Pam.
Thank you for your videos, they help so much. The grief police video wasn’t my favorite but I knew where you were coming from. I have 3 grown daughters and so many times we get together and talk about Bill and we laugh and laugh together. Eventually we tear up a bit, grab a tissue and hug each other. We love and miss Dad.
Sue,
Thanks for watching, and I respect your honesty! #widfam
Thank you so much for making these videos! You make so much sense and I can relate to all of it! For the first 4 years I felt like my brain would only function at 85% no matter what I did. I think we remain in shock a lot longer than we realize even if we know that the inevitable is coming. Such a life changing experience that we never really get over.
I still don't feel like I'm totally back to where I was, or if I ever will! At least I know the main reason why. #widfam
Thanks for the support and this group.
I'm also quite young for a widow at age 51. People are not sure how to react, because I seem tot be so strong. Glad that you are here for us younger widdowers. We have a life ahead, so grieving and doing things are going side by side. By the way, I'm dealing with brainfoq every day at work...difficult. Greetings from The Netherlands. Ingrid.
Hi,
I'm also 51 and a widow. I can relate to your experience as well. Thanks for sharing.
I was also 51 when I was suddenly widowed. It’s been 3 years now..Sending you both a huge hug. ❤️
52 years here and sending hugs to alll three of you. 💋 Hope you don’t mind that I talk to Ingrid in Dutch here for a little while.
Ha Ingrid, “een leven voor ons” , zoals je zegt, dat is precies waarvan ik enorm in paniek raak. Ben ruim een half jaar onder weg, maar geen natuurtalent. Heb jij suggesties? Liefs, Anneke ❤️
Thanks for watching! #widfam
My husband passed Jan 1st 2010. We were married 30 years. A whirlwind diagnosis of cancer took him in 4 months. It was the hardest thing that ever happened to me. We had time to put his life together, but even thought I knew what was happening, at the same time I was thinking it wasn’t happening. It’s been 11 years. And the first year was business, selling our house, moving south. We had 10 acres with gravel road access in northern BC. I could not live there myself. So I had to face that and move south to warmer climate and warmer winters. New community, make new friends and on and on. The second year to fourth year, was a blur now that I remember it. The physical pain of the first 2 years, morphed into a soft pain in my chest. On my third year, I became a Type 1 Diabetic, and insulin and all that stuff was traumatic. I would allow myself to remember in ‘short’ moments, never dwell on it because it really physically hurt. About the 4th or 5th year, it became a softer pain, and I allowed myself to really grieve, cried my eyes out all the time. Somewhere between the 5th and 6th year, I started to realize how much I had been able to cope and become so myself person. And I remember thinking all these new friends know me as me, not as part of a couple. And things became better for me. And yes, anger suppressed during the fight against the cancer, really came out, and I realized, man I was really angry about life in general. So I had to really work on that. I found a little dog rescued from SPCA and yes, my sister dropped off unannounced a kitten. The sharp realization that they really needed me for their survival and happiness was what I really needed. I got purpose. Now, I have had to settle for what life has given me. I try to be thankful, and search for purpose. I have a craft room. Making cards and stuff I have never done before. Really enjoy your channel. Keep going. Like I said, it’s been 11 years, sometimes it feels like yesterday, and then other times like a different life completely. There was me when I was married, and there is me as a widow. Two different lives. I still struggle with the grief, it is softer now, but always there. My challenge is to find peace and be able to give happiness. It would be much easier to wallow in sadness and pity, but I refuse to let it get me. Know what I mean?
I totally understand how giving help to others (people and animals) does help us feel like we have purpose. Thanks for watching the channel, and for sharing your experiences with us! #widfam
Thank you for this video. I have just entered my second year as a widow. I am still feeling my way around. I am having a hard time in as much as socializing again. It is difficult in this time of covid 19. I miss having someone to share my time with. It is very lonely. I have subscribed and look forward to future posts,
Covid has surely put an extra layer of difficulty to all of us who are navigating this grief journey! #widfam
I learn so much from watching your videos... so glad you released a new one. I look forward to each one
My spouse and I lived in Independent living in a CCRC retirement community for 13 and a half years before he died. I still live here and find it interesting that even though I'm almost 80 years old, some of the married women who live here are now uncomfortable eating at a table with me, now single (widowed) in the dining room. I now understand why most of the widows eat together.
Fortunately, I have a male friend that I met at church and does not live here. We enjoy each other's company on occasion as friends only. He takes me to the bank, post office, pharmacy, grocery store and for country drives because I'm a low vision person and don't drive anymore. We both have serious health issues, marriage is not doable. My children reminded me that if I try to help him when he is physically in need of help, his son and daughter and their children will either be resentful or they will think and say "let her take care of dad." Best to stay a single widow.
More to come! #widfam
I understand that marriage is not in the cards for you, but I am glad you have someone to take you places and keep you company! #widfam
My 1st year was merely functioning, raising 4 daughters and dealing with paperwork etc. Going thru motions that later become a blur. Then reality sets in after the 1sr year. Memories and sadness. In the years to follow it gets better tho. I'm 25 years a widow. He was only 38 and I never remarried . Having children helped keep me on track,strong and focused. In time we do heal but we always miss them but can talk about them with a smile instead of only tears. I was with my husband in IC for his last breath and held him at that moment and can still remember every minute of our last hour together. Times does heal and having support of family and friends truly helps.
Thanks for sharing! #widfam
I still remember the first time I found myself laughing with others until we all were in tears. It startled me to find I could still laugh so heartily (4 months after my husband's death). But it felt so normal and healthy! I know he would have laughed along with us.
What a wonderful milestone! #widfam
I can relate to everything you said. The second year was more emotional for me because I started to feel again. So true!!!!
Thanks for sharing! #widfam
Thank you for posting about widow stages helps me understand my mom better.
Thanks for watching
Great video! I thought I had coined “widow brain”! Your points are so reassuring. I’m almost at the 9-month mark since my husband’s death, and I am oddly comforted that this grief is for my lifetime. I find his absence is surreal.
I am over 5 years out and I find it still surreal if I think about it too hard. It’s weird that he’s actually not here anymore…and never will be again. Doesn’t even seem possible sometimes.
So much truth in all of these things. Have you been spyin' on me???? By the way I LOVED the widow police episode. LOL!!! Thank you so much for what you are doing!!!!
So glad you appreciated our warped sense of humor, lol. We tried to keep it tasteful (as possible, considering the topic lol). Thanks for watching! #widfam
This video is amazing! As if you speak of me and my experience. In deed grief is not so cutomized, as we think. Even in our grief we quite alike. ❤
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam
The ANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It took me almost 22 months to finally get rid of the anger. It was such a relief when I finally turned THAT corner. Now I can start looking at my late husband in a more compassionate manner. And you're so right about how it creeps back every now and then but it does fade away. Thanks for your inspiration. And good luck with the move. The rest of the house is no big deal but the craft room (s)???? Bless your heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't even want to comment about the other craft rooms that I didn't show on camera (ugh). It's going to take a separate moving truck just for my crafty supplies, I think lol. #widfam
I can relate to #5, widows brain fog. I lose words. Like the word barn. I can tell you what it is or describe it, but I can't think of the word itself. I was relieved to hear I was not the only one. I was beginning to feel like I had Alzheimer's.
That's my worst...I forget some stuff, but not being able to think of words is my worst foggy trait...so annoying!!! #widfam
I fit right in with Widow Brain & Fog.
#widfam
Thank you. These video are helping to distract from thinking so much about him and it’s ok for me to feel happy a moment and then cry.
Yes, this is a normal response! #widfam
Several...really all...the points resonated for me. It's only been 10 weeks and it's so raw. I got Christmas in the rearview mirror...or rather the day I called Saturday. I could not celebrate anything. I spent that day mulching the garden! Brain fog is a real thing for me too. Thank you for making these videos. I feel like someone understands me.
The holidays are always tough on us! #widfam
My husband died 8 plus years ago and he still gets mail. I chuckle (now) and say…dude…you have to send this air mail cuz he’s in heaven!
Right? I have moved twice and he still gets mail addressed right here! #widfam
My wife of 41 years tends to stick her head in the sand, but I have PSC liver cirrhosis, being 64 with other major ailments, I don't think that when I go downhill that I will be given a new liver. Just taking it one day at a time.
But I digress. I like the concept you mentioned in an earlier video of "drip grief". My mother was suffering from alzheimers for a few years. Every time I visited, I would go sit in the car and cry for a bit. But this drip grief made the end a lot less traumatic. Grief is weird. Thank you for these videos, you are helping the widows and others as well.
Thanks for watching. I’m glad the videos are helping!
I could not wait to hit my one year mark. Everyone said the first year is the hardest. That day came and I spent it alone, my choice, most of the day at the cemetery, cleaning and changing the flowers. I woke up the next morning and I did not feel any different, in fact I kind of felt a little bit sadder.
As I was processing why other women said the first year is the hardest. I'm one day into year two. And then it hit me. There's no magical switch to turn your feelings off. At midnight on day 365, on day 366 will bring nothing but happy feelings. Disappointed but not surprised.
In one month, February 24, 2022 I will end my second year and on February 25th my third year begins.
It is beginning with a new me. A new attitude. A new sense of purpose and a new zest for life. I may fail some days. But something the Happy Widow said inspired me with the train story. When the conductor said some people like to carry a lot of baggage and he would give some to someone else to carry. I am going to set my baggage down and I will not pick it up. So glad I found you.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us too! #widfam
I get Widows fog so much that I have to write everything down. I kept thinking it was something chore serious until you spoke about it today. It’s been 10 months since my husband passed & 8 months my only son also passed. I’m doing better by belonging to groups like yours. I will be joining the FB group as well. Thank you for your helpful videos🙂♥️♥️♥️
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Oh sorry darling....hugs from here..
Oh I’m so sorry. Losing a child and a husband so close together is heartbreaking. My husbands father died a few months after my husband and it was losing another connection to him
Perfect thank you ❤
Thanks for watching
Yes, grief lasts forever. And one day in early grief you laugh at someone’s joke, or have aome other moment of happiness, all of a sudden you feel very guilty about that. It’s been 20+ years and the other day after a video on another channel, I responded to it, and all of a sudden it all came back and I was weeping and weeping
It can still creep up on us even years later!
Brand new widow. 😢 came upon your channel.
I’m so sorry. Feel free to join our FB group also at www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
Well said. I am twice widowed and your steps are right on. First time 11years ago . Second time just hit 14 months.
So sorry that you are dealing with this a second time. I worry abut that myself down the road...but I try not to dwell on it too much! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow Thank you for your kind response. This is definitely not a road one wishes to travel. Once...but twice. I have enjoyed your videos and your personal experiences that you share. And, it is so true how we return to the different stages of grief. Keep sharing.
I feel somewhat of an outsider in that I am not widowed yet, but feel like I've been grieving since my husband was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago. We were told it is not curable and now 4 years later I see him declining. I found your UA-cam channel accidentally while looking for something else and have now watched all the videos. What struck me in this video was your mention of "widow's brain fog". In the past few months, while I have been watching my husband decline, I can't seem to focus and have experienced the things you mentioned. It scares me and I'm hoping that it's a result of the stress, and anxiety in what I know I'll be facing shortly. I don't know if there are other subscribers that experienced the "fog" under these circumstances, but would be nice to know if they did. I love your down-to-earth personality, and thank you for taking time to make these videos.
Kathy, when your brain is working so hard on processing any type of grief, it forgets the little things, so I would say your dog is normal, as you are experiencing anticipatory grief. I have a whole video on that, if you haven’t seen it already. Prayers to you, as I have been through this type of grief myself! Thanks for sharing with us #widfam
Every step I mentioned is correct.
My husband Steve has been gone since 1-12-15 he had a massive heart attack while working on the river.
All the people that we thought were friends and said if I needed anything just disappeared.
I still am going to follow the goal my husband and I was going to do when he retired. In 2023 im selling the 2 houses that is hard for me alone to take care of and moving out of state.
We wanted to move south and that is what I still want to do.
I still see him in my dreams and think about him all the time but I keep busy these 2 houses have to have a lot of work done.
And I have been working on them for the last 6 years by my self o should be done when it is time to sell. I have also been selling furniture and anything else I don’t need are use anymore. Im glad I have things to do. I know he would be proud of what I had gotten done since he has been gone.
I want to thank you for your videos I have only been watching for a month but they have made a difference
God Bless
THanks for watching, and for sharing your own experiences! #widfam
Hello It has been 2years 4 months since my wife passed away the things you talk about is most everything I have been feeling, for me she passed away really fast and it hit me really hard, like you said the second year was even harder and like you said your friends have no clue, thank you
Thanks for watching #widfam
My husband died 25 years ago at age 45 from pancreatic cancer. He died 3 months after being diagnosed. I can remember the call from the hospice nurse and feeling great relief that it was over. I've had no regrets over the years
That's good that you had no regrets. The relief is certainly a normal part of our grieving process! #widfam
I lost my husband in the summer of 2019...from a heart attack. His mothers side of the family had heart trouble..im coping..but its still hard..He took care of almost everything. Ty for your videos...
It is hard to transition to being the one who has to do everything yourself. I remember nearly panicking about it when it actually dawned on me that I was all my kids have left on this earth! #widfam
My husband died of heart attack Dec 2020. This is my second year and the pain is not going away. Friends and activities help a lot. Please, do not stay at home alone, get out!
You are a blessing .
Thank you, that is so sweet! #widfam
You are so right on with all these tips. I just joined your page. Thanks for what your doing.🤓
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Your videos are so helpful.
Thanks for watching #widfam
Thank you for this I needed to hear it all.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
So happy you are moving to a large piece of property. Enjoy your new home. 🌻🌻
Thanks, we will document our search/move as soon as it gets under way! This week we are cleaning the current house to get it ready to list. Next week, we start searching for our next home! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow the market is crazy depending on where you live. My house sold first day and the house I was going to buy didn't pass inspection. I am lucky I found another house before the closing on the house I sold. I do recommend finding the house you want to buy first unless you live in an area where the houses aren't selling. Either way it is stressful. Take one step at a time. 🌻🌻
Yes, it is INSANE here! We are preparing to list, but won't actually do it until we are under contract for the next one..if possible! It's scary to think that we might be homeless for a bit in the interim. We might just have to move in with my Main Man Stormy!!! lol
@@OneHappyWidow good strategy!!
@@OneHappyWidow yes!!! Wait no lol
Hearing about widowa fog has encouraged me. My husband passed 5 months ago. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2017. Watching him daily be farther away from me was like grieving for 5 & half years. Our daughter & her husband had been transferred to south GA (both career USAF) in the fall of 2017 just before his diagnosis. They planned to retire there since CA is so expensive. We were able to buy the property next door a few months later. Being next to her & the grandkids has been wonderful but I don't have any real friends here, just acquaintances. I was caring for him full time so never went anywhere to meet other seniors. We had been married 49 years & best friends for 57 years
I have done nothing since he passed but sit around and watch tv or sleep. I just don't feel anything. I was afraid dementia was going to take me too. Hearing about widowa fog has changed my mind. I'm so glad i found your channel tonight. Thank you!💖
Thanks for sharing, and I’m glad the video helped. Did your daughter get stationed at Robins AFB? That’s where I grew up and my family still lives all in that area!
Feel free to join our FB group for more support as well: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
12 resonant with me . What now? What are my goals and wishes for the rest of my life? It is almost 4 years and I still sometimes feel I am in a fog but I am moving forward. I am trying to give myself grace and just feel. For the first time in my life I am completely alone. But on the good side I can do what I want or need to do! Thanx!
Helen, check out my video about 5 Areas for Growth for Widows, it might gie you some general ideas, at least! #widfam
Very helpful. Question for you- please teach me- I have had people say don’t ask the grieving person how you can help them as you’d be assigning them a task of coming up with something & they are already overwhelmed.
Frankly, I frequently don’t know what would be helpful to them and it’s very individual. What I’ve started saying to a person in grief is something to the effect of “I’m really sorry to hear about (name’s) passing. There’s so much you must be going through. I’d like to be able to help you in whatever way I can, now or in the future. But I don’t have any idea of what you do need or will need. Will you please call me, day or night, anytime something comes up? (Look them directly in the eye and wait for an answer, & then reinforce with something like) If you need to talk, or a ride somewhere or need a dinner brought over… anything, I want to know.”
I would hope that by saying something like this-they would sense my sincerity and if 2 1/2 yrs down the road, they were having a rough time, they would feel more comfortable texting or calling & saying “I hope you were serious when you offered to help me in the future after my husband died, because there is an awful lot going on right now, and I could really stand to have somebody bring over dinner for the next couple of nights…”.
I would so appreciate someone letting me know they need help, so I could help them and let them know they are so very loved. But this is a bit of an “assignment” so maybe you have a better idea?
People have a hard time asking for help…especially after so much time has passed. People can always use: money, food, company, or help with chores. Choose something in those categories and just bring it to them. That’s how I would handle it, anyway. Hope that helps!
Thank you. You've put some things into words that I couldnt.
Thanks for watching #widfam
Thank you for sharing your life lessons with us.
Thanks for watching! I’m not sure how great the lessons are, I’m just trying to share some of my own experiences, in hopes that others can relate and not feel so alone in their grief! #widfam
Bless you 😘
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Thank you for all the things you covered. One stand out for me was that children can express their grief as anger. My husbands children are angry at me. That point is another way of looking at that. Thank you.
Yes, I have 4 kids and they are all grieving 4 different ways!
You have given the best advice. Thank you and I'm sure you are a great mother and teacher! God bless you, Leo
That’s very nice to say. #widfam
Most of your points resonated with me too. I was surprised about the anger, because I sometimes feel fleeting anger and need to stop and pray. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. We had 53 years of a good marriage so the wasn't why I sometimes get angry, it just because he isn't here. I don't curse God or anything like that, in fact I praise the Lord my husband did not suffer long. He had health issues for many years but he didn't give up. He was working up into the last week before he died. I took him to the emergency room on Thursday and he passed away on Saturday. I did not have to worry about funeral expenses as we had bought a funeral plan many years ago. We are both veterans (he was retired from the military) so he is buried at the veterans cemetery and my spot has been reserved for me right next to him. The most money we spent on his funeral was $900.00 on flowers! I told my children not to ever spend money on flowers like that for me. You're right about the 2nd year being difficult. The first year I was busy with the legal stuff, and one of my children took me to France for a few days.. I felt guilty because I enjoyed the trip. I still can't listen to music, especially music we both liked. I am also moving across the continent to live near my daughters. So I will see what this year (2nd year this past January). With God's grace I know I will be ok. Yes, I don't think the grieving ever stops. Thanks for your insights.
Thanks for sharing! Good planning by arranging funerals ahead of time. Makes it easier on those we leave behind. #widfam
That’s nice you found someone
Thanks for watching #widfam
Leo, love you and need your video’s so much 😢
Thanks, you are so sweet! #widfam
I just lost my husband of 39 yrs on Jan. 2, 2023 & I'm still struggling with the loss. It's been overwhelming to navigate life without him. I feel like each day because harder & harder accepting that's he is gone. I'm glad I found your channel.
I know how it feels Becky my wife of 40 years just died on the 14th of Jan and the funeral is on the 21st Feb. I'm so glad I found this channel to this lady really has helped me big time thank you Leo.
You are still in fresh grief, and will need time to process this loss. Give yourself grace, and tackle one day at a time #widfam
Becky - I lost my husband of 30 yrs on Jan 5/23. I can relate to what you are going through.
What I find helpful is the Grief Share Group I joined. It’s an online group and we meet every Thursday for 13 weeks. I also got the books Jesus Calling and Jesus Listens. These are devotional books - one devotion for each day of the year.
I have watched videos and listened to advice given to me, but I cant seem to go forward. Your advice was the best I have gotten. After 3 yrs.since my husband died, I feel worse than ever. You touched on things that really rang true, like lapse of memory, talking to a friend and I couldnt remember what I was getting at or like you said, forgetting a word mid sentence. I just want to thank you so much. I hope I can learn from all of this. There are so many other things going on in my mind also. I have 4 children, but I need more help from them, but only 1 son is a half hr. from me, and the others are far away. im in poor health, and have to sell my house, but I cant do it myself.
Catherine, have you joined our FB group? Www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow there is so much love and support there!
No, but I will.
I asked my kids if I should go and get tested for Alzheimer’s because of my forgetfulness. Thank you for addressing this
Of course if you are worried, it can't hurt to get tested, but knowing that Widow's Fog is a real thing can ease your stress as well.
Another great video, I enjoyed your video skit, ♥️
Glad you enjoyed it! #widfam
Thank you for your help
Thanks for watching! #widfam
You resonate so much with what is going on with me. Thanks for sharing your story
Thanks for watching #widfam
I have found that life is going by so fast since my husband has died. The years are clicking by so quickly now.
Yes, sometimes it does feel that way. I wonder- has he really been gone nearly 4 years??? Seems like yesterday I was burying him! #widfam
I know, I can't believe it's 9 years since my Partner Brian died. Where has it gone?
People are uncomfortable when you're older, too. I think sometimes it's because people are thinking, "oh god, that could be me" or "it will be me and I don't want to think about yet." Starting year 3 and the fog is hanging on, glad that's all it is. I thought I was feeling my age, which I don't as most of the time I don't know my actual age.
It’s definitely a symptom of grief, having that mental fog. I found that eating more healthy is a big help with that too. Your brain functions better with fat as it’s energy source, rather than all the glucose. Reduce sugar and carbs, and it should help.
I'm so happy for you that you're moving to a new home on a larger piece of land! Congratulations on your new home in the country!
Yes, we are so excited....just gotta find the perfect property that isn't too far from either of our jobs. Challenging, but we will document the process and keep everyone updated! I plan to keep the weekly videos going, but the studio might not be usable every week, so I might have to do phone camera footage for a few lol.
It’s been 2 months since my husband passed and I grieve every day. My son which has severe autism is grieving and I honestly did not think he would understand it.
I know I was out and a few people asked me about my husband and I had to explain that he had passed. Still getting calls and mail and the brain fog yes! Oh my goodness I have problems remembering things. I haven’t had the anger yet but my son has. For me I still haven’t laughed yet. I just can’t find it anymore. It’s hard to be happy. I was told I’m not grieving correctly either or I’m grieving too much. I haven’t been wanting to cook either but I have to, to make sure my son eats. Now I have already made my mind up I’m not dating and I’m not remarrying. I knew my husband since I was 6 years old and I’m now 50 I can’t see myself with anyone else
Thanks for watching #widfam. And o also have an autistic son, although he is high functioning. I’m also teach special education, so I have been around several students on the spectrum. Just because your son is nonverbal doesn’t mean he isn’t aware of things and he is certainly feeling it, he just processes those emotions differently and expresses them in his own way. But of course you know him better than anyone in the planet, and I’m sure you do what is in his best interest. He is lucky to have you to care for him.
So sorry for your lost I bet he's proud of you wherever he is up there
I really can relate to a lot of the things you are saying
T
Thanks for watching! #widfam
You have helped me enormously. Year one is May 4th. Thank you
Thanks for watching! #widfam
May 3 will be the end of my 1st yr. Hugs
A counselor suggested we keep a journal. I wrote every night. The first full day I didn’t cry, I started to write that, and then I cried because I didn’t cry that day. As I look at the early entries, I realize how far I have come from the original pain. I realize that I am in a better place now than when my husband died.
I think that’s a wonderful idea! I have some free journal templates you can use if you like: www.onehappywidow.com/journal
Hi I'm a guy in my late seventies who is dating a widow so that's why I watched your video it's almost four years since Ann lost Terry! Ann and I used to work together and in fact I knew Terry and Ann knew my ex wife who divorced me over 18 years ago we meet up once a month go for a meal and put the world right!!? My first impression when I first saw you was how young you are ?? ok you say you have four children but I still feel you look so young being a gentleman I never ask a lady how old she is but adding numbers etc you can't be
More than late thirties or early forties so to b a widow at such a young age I found your video so inspiring and helps me to take care of Ann and ask those hard questions I'm sure the work you do for thousands of other widows is much appreciated well done and keep up your endeavours Jim in Burbage England
Thanks so much for watching and for your feedback! I was a young widow, for sure, as I was only 43 when my husband died. But I’ll be 50 soon, and have a grandson…so I’m definitely feeling old now! Best of luck with your new friend, you deserve happiness #widfam
Thanks I get and relate it all only I am in the first year. I just went solo camping off my motorcycle this weekend and I cried for why I had the freedom to do this without a plan and yet it felt weird that I was doing it. I feel lost on what the heck I should be doing or where my life is going now
That's a huge transition for us! Finding your new purpose in life doesn't happen overnight. Thanks for sharing! #widfam
You are sooo right!
Thanks for watching! #widfam
My husband has been gone only two months, znd I can certainly relate to widows brain. I took my car in to be serviced this week and had to look at my drivers license to tell them my new addess.
That sounds about right for widow's brain for sure. #widfam
Thank you for sharing. I lost my husband one month ago and have never had brain fog - even bouts of amnesia - like it. Loved ones have had to talk me through recent events to help me retrieve the memories. All good people must band together to protect the newly bereaved because on the inside they’re reeling. 💙.
I had a lot of problems the first year. We were landlords and I was the nice person and he was the go get them one when they didn't pay. I had to learn to get the hard edge. I ended up getting a property management company. I didn't have it in me. The houses were in his name and I had to pay to transfer them. The mortgage companies won't transfer the mortgage into my name so I have to keep his estate open and it is now almost 5 years. I'm living off these homes so I don't have to work. I lost my friends that were my age. Another widow told me that she thinks it is because they don't want to go out to eat with me and see the empty chair and know that could be them someday. So it is better to just talk to me in an email. I learned people try even friends try to steal things from you. Meaning they want my husband's things and they will buy at a crazy low price and be mad at you if you don't agree to it. That happened to my friend who was a widow also. They think every widow is rich. They think we all had life insurance for a million. Not me my husband didn't believe in it. I was left with nothing. His kids are 25 now and they are my stepkids. They are trying to steal from me. They don't understand what it means in the will everything goes to my beloved wife. I am being pulled apart and they want this and they want that. They need material things to remember their Dad by. I don't know why they can't enjoy their memories. Now the one is telling me I gave him a horrible childhood. I don't let them steal my joy. I never let no one still my joy. I have learned that in life. My husbands death was God's timing, not mine and I can't change it.
My husband was the strict one with the kids, so I had to learn how to be strict with mine, and it was hard, so I get that! I'm sorry people are trying to take advantage of you. At least you recognize it so that you can try to protect yourself and your assets! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow One of his best friends was right by my side as a friend. He told me what his mom went through and it was amazing how I went through the the same. People did the same to his mom. I still hang out with his friend. But we are just friends.
I’m shocked by how calm I was the first 3wks after my husband died, and now in wk 4 I all of a sudden how short a fuse I have w our pets. I was really hoping the self control I had was able to hold a little better.
You are shifting out of the shock phase. Your body/mind was protecting you from the initial pain…and now it’s starting to kick in. Our thoughts are with you, as so many of us have been through that fresh grief! #widfam
So glad 4 ur CHANNEL, Bless u
Thanks for watching! #widfam
I am having such a tough time. My husband passed in 2017 from cancer. I was diagnosed with colon cancer and three days after my surgery he passed three days later. I had to go through chemo so that messed me up. Two years later my mom passed unexpectedly then I really lost it. I lost my baby sister to a car wreck when she was 16 and my dad five years later. Two years after my mom my sister laid down for a nap and did not wake us . I wished I had watched these two parts a long time ago so i would know kinda what to expect. I have no passion for life and I have cried for the past three weeks and I don’t know why
Oh, dear you have suffered so much loss…and of course you are reeling from it! Feel free to join our FB group for more support: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow