Why is it that the grandparents are so willing to blame others like their children or their children's ex or anything, But they're not willing to put in the effort of trying to take care of either their child their grandchild nieces and nephews and so on and so forth?
@@krisgordon4851its not a good idea. With the son they got access to op. But it limits to only op’s ex. Taking in the ex’s new wife’s daughter gives them MORE control and the WIFE legal rights to demand op’s attention and compliance. And hopefully not not some times its a set up. Either tge mom plans to lie on op later or even the daughter out of envy her step brother had a way “out” could lie on op to drag the brother into the cesspool with her.
Bc old ppl are old. They put in their time and money already. Sometimes they don't feel like they can provide the child the quality of life they should, whether it's bc they lack the finances or the physical energy or both. Ppl who blame old people for things are financially and medically illiterate.
Yeah, it doesn’t matter that it’s not her responsibility. She still holds a lot of blame here. Every adult in this girl’s life holds so much blame. Like multiple people tell you that they’re abusing this child and neglecting yours, and you’re just perfectly happy and content pretending the abuse isn’t happening? Yeah, she’s also at fault. Every adult who enables abuse knowingly, is at fault. Every adult in her life has failed her.
@@alorarhodes1568 you can’t be serious.. that 13 years old girl har parents, grandparents and a horde of other relatives. It’s some strangers child. If you call CPS you must have proof of bad environment, neglect, etc. Otherwise OP would get in trouble for false reporting/accusations. “Oh, it’s just my husband’s jealous ex”. OP’s son was annoyed and didn’t want to live with this girl. End of discussion, he tolerates her at father’s home but he doesn’t want to live with her. OP prioritises her son and herself, she needs to protect her family. NOT sacrifice her livelihood for stranger. Girl suddenly wants to live with OP and her family and her relatives trying very hard to gaslight OP to take this girl in. Very suspicious
@ That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about how all the adults completely ignore and cosign the abuse of this child. She had options. She could have done SOMETHING to stop the abuse. But she didn’t. Despite knowing, she does nothing. No one does. If you do nothing, you are the problem. All it takes for evil to prevail is for good to do nothing. And she did fuck all.
@ortrunraub365 the stuff you said about false reports to CPS is wrong. You absolutely will not get in trouble for one report. Even if it comes back as nothing is wrong. Otherwise, nobody would ever make a report in fear of getting in trouble.
Basic human decency is too much for you, I get it. I won't hesitate to repeat your words exactly like that, when you will be in difficult situations. It's really scary that 102 people agree with that BS too.
Seems heartless, i assume having another kid in the house wouldn't be a problem for her, she just sounds so heartless...but the audacity of the parents for telling the kid, putting her hopes up. Both of them are hrartless. But i wouldnt want someone to force their child on me because they couldnt keep their hands to their selves, or use protection.
@@sink7409 you gotta protect yourself and yours first. You don’t know if its as simple as the ex’s wife seeking a legal hold on op (i never got the appeal at demanding a co parents attention when you got nothing to do there) or they or even step kid could be seeking to get op in trouble to get sons custody ( remember more time means more other parent pays in child support, jealousy is a ugly thing and as it goes misery does live company.
Ikr! I wouldn’t of done that to any kid. I am about to gain 4 bonus (step) kids. One of them begged to live with us when we move this summer. This story is incredibly heartbreaking.
Personally I wouldn’t have been able to turn her away… I grew up being abused and neglected, and i wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Sad situation for everyone involved. Shame on the grandmother as well.
@@heatherburch6760once the son came home saying she was talking about it I would have definitely taken her. I wonder if they could or would foster her now.
I probably wouldn't turn her away if I could manage it but as someone who's so easily irritated I don't know if I'll be safe for my own theoretical children, "if I could manage it" means more than just finances and time
Life taught me the hard way.. you can be a “bigger/better/whatever” person, take care of others, sacrifice for others but in the end ungrateful people will stab you and hurt your loved ones. This girl is not OP’s responsibility.. she has parents, grandparents, relatives.. and they all decided to force or gaslight OP to take responsibility and raise strangers child.
Thank you for saying that. That girl has no relation to Op, so the slightest problem could put Op in problems where Op could lose their child. The girl has biological family who could take her, but they chose to ignore that possibility and gas light Op into taking the child. No seem to be taking that into consideration. It's a harsh world we live in, and Op's main responsibility is toward their child first and foremost.
why would anyone think an ex wife would want to take in her ex husbands STEP DAUGHTER? she isn't even his biological daughter and i wouldn't want that either. Who in their right mind would expect her to say yes? To be honest, i would probably have taken her in if i had the means, and then i would have been working very hard at getting her in with her grandparents. But it is sad for the little girl.
As much as I hate to admit... That kid is not her responsability, so even if OP might be the AH here, she has the right to decline because she would basically be raising a child that isn't hers. But honestly, the real AHs are the girl's parents
My mom fostered my nieces half sibling and it was difficult. I wont go into details but I understand why someone would say no for reasons other than blood relationship
even if op allowed, by law, she would have to adopt the kid to be responsible for her, and you don't adopt for pitty, raising a child is a HUGE responsibility! You don't make decisions like it just because other people want you to, she already has a son to raise!
@@alorarhodes1568she’s not OP’s responsibility but if they live in the US her mother could sign a piece of paper giving OP guardianship, it’s only a long process if you go through the state. Mof in the US if evangelicals are turned down for adoption they will have other members of their congregation adopt a child then once the kid is officially theirs they sign the kid over to the parents that didn’t qualify to adopt a child.
Op did right. If they were not prepared to deal with a teenage girl with Complex PTSD that comes from a bad home life. Then it would not have been a good situation for any of them
Not AH, Op's son didn't react well with the thought of step sis living with them which means they are not that close and it does seem strange for a girl to live with a stranger.
Not the AH but honestly it's VERY telling if she wants to live with a stranger. Now, she really doesn't have a choice in the matter unless the grandparents put in *any* effort.
@@hydrangeyes2170 you can't call ah cuz that's a whole new responsibilities food, clothes, books,pens, hygiene item, school fees , tution fees, mental and physical time everything, it's not about taking in it's about providing if he ain't in good financial position or mental position why should he .. foster care is the only option hope she finds peace atleast there
It is sad for the daughter 100% I hope someone who wants to love her will take her in and love her. Not fair to go from one house that doesn't want you into another home that doesn't want you.
The kid is not op’s responsibility. Unfortunately, when it comes to vulnerable children, it takes a person who doesn’t necessarily have that responsibility to take it upon themselves to make that child’s life better. It’s just an unfortunate situation caused by unprepared adults
It's just all round a shitty situation for everyone involved (except the ex and exes newer wife). People who don't like kids or can't raise kids properly just shouldn't have kids.
@@vegeta6555 but I mean if they’re just gonna abandon her, then I wanna know how all the members of the household would feel about a new addition. Because if everybody but OP is on board, then they need to have more in-depth conversations and come to a unified conclusion.
@@alorarhodes1568no they don’t, the adult in the house makes the decision. Even if the kid wanted his father’s wife’s daughter to live with them it’s not his choice in any way. OP would be legally responsible for a child she doesn’t even know.
@@alorarhodes1568 you know one thing op has 0 connection with that kid 🤷🏻♀️ the girl's parents are just pushing so there is no such thing as op abandoning the kid
I feel bad cause her own mom basically just neglected her then tossed her away. And she's also manipulated the girl into thinking her stepbrothers mother should raise her.
They should have gotten all the children taken away from her ex and his new wife. Being that they were mistreating the daughter of the new wife I was half said that they was had been mistreating the sons as well. And I would have stepped in because I seen it with my own eyes. Then I would have called CPS and then also got the school involved in it as well so they can co-sign what I said because they also seen it. They are not only what the daughter would have been taken away from that household so with their sons since those were the ones that they wanted in the household anyway.
Everybody's entitled to do what they wish, but personally, I would have taken her in. If I could prevent a girl not be in the foster system and protect her from getting abused, then I would've.
You don't discard a child just because of what their parents did or did not do. And while it is true op had no obligation it still would have been an act of kindness. Shame on all of these people for not caring about a vulnerable child.
I feel so bad for the poor girl and hope she found a good family but that's not Ops responsibility and if he doesn't want to he don't have to take her in.
Imagine your life being so terrible you were asking to move into a strangers home simply because you knew that stranger showed genuine love to someone else. My heart goes out to that girl. Even then, OP is NTA; this is all on the ex, and his new wife. I hope they took the two youngest kids as well; people like this shouldnt be parents.
It would have been nice if they did, but they're not obligated in any way, shape, or form. Plus, adopting or fostering a child is not for everyone. 🤷♀️ It's unfortunate, but it's the reality. The only a-holes in this story are those girl's family. None of them stepped up and yet blame OP for not taking the girl in. She is their family, so they should have taken her in.
Like, if it was his HALF siblings, maybe the mother would've considered it, but his step sister he has no blood relation to? OP is in no way responsible for her son's step sibling what so ever. She had family for that and THEY let her down.
She is their “step” granddaughter and should’ve taken her in. The parents sound lousy and that speaks volumes on why their son is equally lousy. Some people refuse to be anything like their parents while others just are. OP is NTA but the ex husband is.
Im a little conflicted on this one... While id have no responsibility for the stepsister I would feel badly for not stepping into help a child in need. Child support would be a MUST tho.
OP would have to vetted by DCFS before even applying to take the kid in. Since she is probably living in a two bedroom house/apartment she would have to move in to something larger so the girl can have her own room. Plus regular visits with a social worker, family therapy. Plus we don't know if OP can financially support her. It's way more complicated than what the ex husband and the ex MIL is suggesting
That’s like saying "this random kid on the street that I’ve never met before seems to be treated poorly and wants me to adopt it" Like- absolutely not your responsibility, even if it could potentially be a kind thing to do, it’s still a whole a$$ kid that you literally don’t know, you can’t just take her without any thinking involved, the hell??
Not her responsibility and you don’t owe her anything, but damn. That’s kinda fucked up to be aware of a child being mistreated and doing nothing about it. I’m not saying you had to take her in, I’m just saying that the bystander effect is fr crazy
OK, I kind of feel like I’m in crazy land thank you. Like she’s being abused and you just feel perfectly comfortable sitting back doing absolutely nothing? You’re like totally OK with that? It doesn’t keep you up at night? It’s kind of fucked. Like I do not understand how people can sit back and do nothing.
My exact thoughts. She might the ex’s child, but she is still a CHILD who needs a stable household. I understand OP not being comfortable to take care of another kid. I do not understand the absolute void of empathy. As an adult aware of abuse, she has responsibilities to protect a child from danger by informing authorities, school, or just do anything to help
I personally think every adult and bystander who knew what wss going on is shitty but OP isn't wrong for not taking the girl in. I personally would have called if I was in the situation to alert people. The only person I feel true sympathy for is that poor girl everyone in her life is trash. Like seriously people saw people knew and no one falled CPS. Noone gave an anonymous tip. That's horrible.
Everybody Talking bout they couldn't leave the girl but don't have no adopted kids. Unless you running an orphanage to take care of kids, you wouldn't take that girl either. Many of y'all can't even stand up for yourself but you think you going stand up to a monster who is abusing a child??? Jellyfish should be quiet.
Doesnt sound like anybody said a thing about 'shes going into foster care. Would you be interested in taking her so the siblings stay together' It was more like 'home life sucks and shed like to move with you so shes not stuck at home'
But where is her paternal family? They're not around for whatever reason. And the guy her mother hooked up with is not accepting of her. Her mother failed her
@@alorarhodes1568it can’t be kinship, she isn’t related to OP’s son. She’s his father’s wife’s kid. In order to foster even if they pulled some strings she’d eventually need to take classes and get licensed.
Not ops problem, but it's those moments when you show that you're a good person. Nothing wrong do only what you must, but don't pretend you're a good person.
Most people don't care to be good people. Self persevering is more important. Her son clearly doesn't like the girl. There would have been more issues if she had. Being the bigger person isn't good either. You're only inabling those who don't take responsibility for their actions. Lawsuit should have been filed against her parents.
I’m sorry, but as a society, as human race, we’re all responsible for this child. If you knew that a child lived in a bad environment and you could change that and did nothing, you’re despicable.
Why? It's not OP's resonsibilty. In the longer version, the ex and wife were the ones telling the girl she was going to live with OP. The stepsister never knew OP besides being her step brother's mom, so there was no connection. It's just another mind game (mental and emotional abuse) that narcissistic abusers do. I can see why she got taken out of that home. Why not blame the grandmother who didn't take her in, but instead chastise OP, who again, is not responsible for a kid that is not hers. We are not gonna reward irresponsibility by being a doormat. The real AH are the ex and wife. Grandma sucks, and we don't know if OP would even be in a position to take another kid in.
@@alexandermecklenburg3967 no worries. That's why I get frustrated with these shorts: they cut out some context so people engage in comments. Again, you're good. It'd be nice if they either link the full vid or the reddit story.
Part of me would want to take her in anyway cause her home life is shitty but it’s not ops responsibility he had one kid if the grandparents were so worried they should’ve taken care of the kid But yea id prolly bring the kid in cause what the fuck are those parents doing
Not your responsibility but this is a child and an actual human. Do the humane thing and find a way to get her out. Stop thinking foster care is always the worst
This is so sad, and wrong, this is not something that you can throw away, this is a child, you make that decision to have that child, you carry that child, you give birth to the child, then if you decide you don't want that child you put the baby up for adoption, it's not something that after 15 years you just throw away, this woman is a heartless person, I hope she ends up in a place that miss treats her when she gets old.
the language she’s using is interesting. she’s definitely trying to distance himself from the hurt caused “the girl” is it her responsibility? no is this unfair? yes should she still have offered her sons sibling a place to stay even temporarily? yeah and why weren’t we given more information on the sons thoughts? why did the parents cast her out ‘suddenly’? how did she not notice mistreatment before? if they are mistreating her why isn’t the op more worried about her son?
I understand them wanting you to, however it’s not your child and if you do not want to you do not have to it is not something that you are required to that child is not yours that child is your son step sibling. Yes, however, you are not required by any law or moral law to take that kitten, maybe they should’ve grown up and taking care of the kids or not have any more kids
That's not how it work. Op is not her step mom. Op is the girl's stepbrother's mother. There's no direct relationship and no interaction between them. The information OP gets is by other people and when she heard how she was talked to during a school conference. Their "relationship" is based on that OP son visit his father( her stepdad).
Maybe my wirld view is different coming from a background of being csre experienced but you take that kid in you do it on condition that parental rights are terminated from the parents and eother you or social work get them
I mean not op’s responsibility but thats kind of mean to just abandon a kid because she’s not YOUR kid. What happened to kindness? What happened to fostering and adopting kids to help them? Its kinda petty he didnt step in after he found out her parents abandoned her.
OP and her husband divorced when her son was 2 year old and is now 15. His father remarried a woman who already had a daughter, 13 year old (not related to OP's son or ex). The stepdaughter was mistreated at her home and treated harshly. The son is spending more time with OP and the ex and his wife wants OP to take care of the stepdaughter too. The stepdaughter wants to stay with OP (who is her stepfather's ex wife) and the OP refused cause it's not her child.
Nta BUT she felt comfortable and safe with you and your son. She was asking for help. Your son was the only family she felt she had. Would you take her now?
OP seemed to have never concerned herself with what her ex husband did. With that being said it is safe to say that OP has never met the child let alone have a conversation with her. Maybe she became attached to OP's son because he was kind to her. But we're not really sure how much of a relationship they had based on the custodial arrangements. He could have seen her once a week or maybe just twice for the month, totally four days each month. Could be more but I can't imagine OP's ex to be spending more time than that with his son, since the boy admitted that his father was rarely ever there when he visited
I wouldn’t take her in either. I feel bad for her shitty home life but she also had an entitlement streak in her expectation of moving in with OP. She didn’t actually contact OP and ask.
Well atleast you could help her with foster care - yta, you could have just helped her out when she was getting mistreated, as a human being not because you have certain responsibility criteria you built for yourself, then you as equal as the ex she married.
why exactly does the person here feel morally justified? Sure, you are not obliged to do it, but the stepsister lived with your son as siblings and you know that the situation is shitty for her, so what kind of asshole would rather let a foster family do it instead of helping
As a sorta outsider whose volunteered in situations where kids are fostered/out side of home and in my cousins dealing with co parenting. Presumably op did call it in and cps ignored it. (You’d be unfortunately surprised how often they fall to “logical” hand waving, ignore stuff) so thats why i won’t immediately condemn op. I’ve literally witnessed a acquaintance who worked in social work brag to friends about “solving” a problem case. Ie she stopped demanding parents provide counciling and suddenly their “scores” went up. It could be a matter of op js protecting herself or her son. Remember this is a UNAFFILIATED young GIRL going to a house where presumably the op isnt there 100% and a 15 year old boy again unrelated to her. Whats stopping the step mom or daughter from just saying he bad touched her later. If you’re not bio kids /but even some bio kids if the parents aren’t there you sit on women’s laps/. It sucks for the kids especially on Christmas when you see the bio kids getting to jump into whatever lap but you get moved off. We still had a child go to his dad and claim cousin hit/mistreated them. Luckily upon watching home surveillance and Christmas live sow child was constantly on female laps not mistreated. Apparently the mom told him to say it when he got angry about not getting toy he wanted and her letting him fall and bruise.
Why is it that the grandparents are so willing to blame others like their children or their children's ex or anything, But they're not willing to put in the effort of trying to take care of either their child their grandchild nieces and nephews and so on and so forth?
Nobody blames anyone, but what about that poor girl? I'm not sure I wouldn't have taken her in. How horrible to be rejected by everyone.
@@krisgordon4851I'm thinking the same thing. I really hope this story is bs.😢
Probably because their just as bad as their parents. How else did they loose custody?
@@krisgordon4851its not a good idea. With the son they got access to op. But it limits to only op’s ex. Taking in the ex’s new wife’s daughter gives them MORE control and the WIFE legal rights to demand op’s attention and compliance.
And hopefully not not some times its a set up. Either tge mom plans to lie on op later or even the daughter out of envy her step brother had a way “out” could lie on op to drag the brother into the cesspool with her.
Bc old ppl are old. They put in their time and money already. Sometimes they don't feel like they can provide the child the quality of life they should, whether it's bc they lack the finances or the physical energy or both. Ppl who blame old people for things are financially and medically illiterate.
I feel bad for the girl, but she isn't OPs responsibility. It isn't OPs fault the girl's family failed her.
Yeah, it doesn’t matter that it’s not her responsibility. She still holds a lot of blame here. Every adult in this girl’s life holds so much blame. Like multiple people tell you that they’re abusing this child and neglecting yours, and you’re just perfectly happy and content pretending the abuse isn’t happening? Yeah, she’s also at fault. Every adult who enables abuse knowingly, is at fault. Every adult in her life has failed her.
@@alorarhodes1568 you can’t be serious.. that 13 years old girl har parents, grandparents and a horde of other relatives.
It’s some strangers child. If you call CPS you must have proof of bad environment, neglect, etc. Otherwise OP would get in trouble for false reporting/accusations. “Oh, it’s just my husband’s jealous ex”.
OP’s son was annoyed and didn’t want to live with this girl. End of discussion, he tolerates her at father’s home but he doesn’t want to live with her.
OP prioritises her son and herself, she needs to protect her family. NOT sacrifice her livelihood for stranger.
Girl suddenly wants to live with OP and her family and her relatives trying very hard to gaslight OP to take this girl in.
Very suspicious
@ That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about how all the adults completely ignore and cosign the abuse of this child. She had options. She could have done SOMETHING to stop the abuse. But she didn’t. Despite knowing, she does nothing. No one does. If you do nothing, you are the problem. All it takes for evil to prevail is for good to do nothing. And she did fuck all.
@ortrunraub365 the stuff you said about false reports to CPS is wrong. You absolutely will not get in trouble for one report. Even if it comes back as nothing is wrong. Otherwise, nobody would ever make a report in fear of getting in trouble.
@ maybe she did, it’s just not in the short.
Not OP's responsibility
Basic human decency is too much for you, I get it.
I won't hesitate to repeat your words exactly like that, when you will be in difficult situations.
It's really scary that 102 people agree with that BS too.
No, but at the same time, call CPS.
Seems heartless, i assume having another kid in the house wouldn't be a problem for her, she just sounds so heartless...but the audacity of the parents for telling the kid, putting her hopes up. Both of them are hrartless. But i wouldnt want someone to force their child on me because they couldnt keep their hands to their selves, or use protection.
@@sink7409 you gotta protect yourself and yours first. You don’t know if its as simple as the ex’s wife seeking a legal hold on op (i never got the appeal at demanding a co parents attention when you got nothing to do there) or they or even step kid could be seeking to get op in trouble to get sons custody ( remember more time means more other parent pays in child support, jealousy is a ugly thing and as it goes misery does live company.
I feel so bad for the girl 😢😢😢 Rejected by everyone. Her mother is a monster
So is her grandmother.
Ikr! I wouldn’t of done that to any kid. I am about to gain 4 bonus (step) kids. One of them begged to live with us when we move this summer. This story is incredibly heartbreaking.
So is the father
So they kept the two they had together? They are so awful
@@Jewelz622so how many adopted kids do you have?
Personally I wouldn’t have been able to turn her away… I grew up being abused and neglected, and i wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Sad situation for everyone involved. Shame on the grandmother as well.
I feel that I wouldn't turn her away either I feel every child needs to feel wanted and need to be loved.
@@heatherburch6760once the son came home saying she was talking about it I would have definitely taken her. I wonder if they could or would foster her now.
I probably wouldn't turn her away if I could manage it but as someone who's so easily irritated I don't know if I'll be safe for my own theoretical children, "if I could manage it" means more than just finances and time
@@heatherburch6760there are many children just like her that need help, how many children have you taken in so far?
How many displaced children have you taken in so far?
Life taught me the hard way.. you can be a “bigger/better/whatever” person, take care of others, sacrifice for others but in the end ungrateful people will stab you and hurt your loved ones.
This girl is not OP’s responsibility.. she has parents, grandparents, relatives.. and they all decided to force or gaslight OP to take responsibility and raise strangers child.
Thank you for saying that. That girl has no relation to Op, so the slightest problem could put Op in problems where Op could lose their child. The girl has biological family who could take her, but they chose to ignore that possibility and gas light Op into taking the child. No seem to be taking that into consideration. It's a harsh world we live in, and Op's main responsibility is toward their child first and foremost.
Well why haven't the grandparents stepped in ..Or they part of the issue of ignoring this girl . Its not the ops responsibility to take her
why would anyone think an ex wife would want to take in her ex husbands STEP DAUGHTER? she isn't even his biological daughter and i wouldn't want that either. Who in their right mind would expect her to say yes? To be honest, i would probably have taken her in if i had the means, and then i would have been working very hard at getting her in with her grandparents. But it is sad for the little girl.
Not you immediately contradicting yourself 😂 some people would some people wouldn't.
As much as I hate to admit... That kid is not her responsability, so even if OP might be the AH here, she has the right to decline because she would basically be raising a child that isn't hers.
But honestly, the real AHs are the girl's parents
And grandparents
She’s not the ah period not no might
My mom fostered my nieces half sibling and it was difficult. I wont go into details but I understand why someone would say no for reasons other than blood relationship
even if op allowed, by law, she would have to adopt the kid to be responsible for her, and you don't adopt for pitty, raising a child is a HUGE responsibility! You don't make decisions like it just because other people want you to, she already has a son to raise!
There are tons of ways, other than adoption. Adoption is just the most common. However, those other ways are complicated.
@@alorarhodes1568she’s not OP’s responsibility but if they live in the US her mother could sign a piece of paper giving OP guardianship, it’s only a long process if you go through the state.
Mof in the US if evangelicals are turned down for adoption they will have other members of their congregation adopt a child then once the kid is officially theirs they sign the kid over to the parents that didn’t qualify to adopt a child.
Op did right. If they were not prepared to deal with a teenage girl with Complex PTSD that comes from a bad home life. Then it would not have been a good situation for any of them
Wow this is incredibly heartbreaking.
That’s so sad. Poor kid. No child should go through that
Not AH, Op's son didn't react well with the thought of step sis living with them which means they are not that close and it does seem strange for a girl to live with a stranger.
Not the AH but honestly it's VERY telling if she wants to live with a stranger. Now, she really doesn't have a choice in the matter unless the grandparents put in *any* effort.
@@hydrangeyes2170 you can't call ah cuz that's a whole new responsibilities food, clothes, books,pens, hygiene item, school fees , tution fees, mental and physical time everything, it's not about taking in it's about providing if he ain't in good financial position or mental position why should he .. foster care is the only option hope she finds peace atleast there
Kinda sad for the daughter
It is sad for the daughter 100% I hope someone who wants to love her will take her in and love her. Not fair to go from one house that doesn't want you into another home that doesn't want you.
Thank youlee for all the likes
The kid is not op’s responsibility. Unfortunately, when it comes to vulnerable children, it takes a person who doesn’t necessarily have that responsibility to take it upon themselves to make that child’s life better. It’s just an unfortunate situation caused by unprepared adults
So none of his family addresses the abuse of a child
I feel so bad for that poor girl no one deserves to be treated that way
The girl deserves better but why should Op step in for a kid that’s not their responsibility.
Nope they would've caused hell for all of them.
So they mistreated her and not the new kids. But wanted someone who IS NOT any kind of kin, to take the responsibility 😂
From experience in trying to help and taking on kids. . . No good deed goes unpunished
It's just all round a shitty situation for everyone involved (except the ex and exes newer wife). People who don't like kids or can't raise kids properly just shouldn't have kids.
I mean does the son want her to live with them?
Doesn't matter. The father is the one that will ultimately be responsible for her.
@@vegeta6555 but I mean if they’re just gonna abandon her, then I wanna know how all the members of the household would feel about a new addition. Because if everybody but OP is on board, then they need to have more in-depth conversations and come to a unified conclusion.
@@alorarhodes1568no they don’t, the adult in the house makes the decision. Even if the kid wanted his father’s wife’s daughter to live with them it’s not his choice in any way. OP would be legally responsible for a child she doesn’t even know.
The real question is where is the girl's paternal family in all this. Maybe CPS can locate them and have them take her in
@@alorarhodes1568 you know one thing op has 0 connection with that kid 🤷🏻♀️ the girl's parents are just pushing so there is no such thing as op abandoning the kid
OP is not responsible gor the neglect that girl suffered, the grandparents need to step in if they care so much
I feel bad cause her own mom basically just neglected her then tossed her away. And she's also manipulated the girl into thinking her stepbrothers mother should raise her.
They should have gotten all the children taken away from her ex and his new wife.
Being that they were mistreating the daughter of the new wife I was half said that they was had been mistreating the sons as well.
And I would have stepped in because I seen it with my own eyes. Then I would have called CPS and then also got the school involved in it as well so they can co-sign what I said because they also seen it.
They are not only what the daughter would have been taken away from that household so with their sons since those were the ones that they wanted in the household anyway.
That’s messed up what the hell is wrong with her own mother? Doesn’t she has a responsibility to her own child ?
The poor girl must have been desperate to want to live with strangers
VERY WISE DECISION
It doesn’t even sound like OP met the stepsister, so why would she be obligated to take her in?
Everybody's entitled to do what they wish, but personally, I would have taken her in. If I could prevent a girl not be in the foster system and protect her from getting abused, then I would've.
All my kids have sibling's that are not mine , but I treat them like they are. If I needed to, I would take them all in !
You don't discard a child just because of what their parents did or did not do. And while it is true op had no obligation it still would have been an act of kindness. Shame on all of these people for not caring about a vulnerable child.
I feel so bad for the poor girl and hope she found a good family but that's not Ops responsibility and if he doesn't want to he don't have to take her in.
Not your monkey, not your zoo! You didn't owe her anything. They abused her, they lost her to the state. NOT YOUR PROBLEM!
While not his responsibility, OP had the opportunity to do right by a child and refused. One of a long list of AH adults in this story.
Imagine your life being so terrible you were asking to move into a strangers home simply because you knew that stranger showed genuine love to someone else. My heart goes out to that girl. Even then, OP is NTA; this is all on the ex, and his new wife. I hope they took the two youngest kids as well; people like this shouldnt be parents.
It would have been nice if they did, but they're not obligated in any way, shape, or form. Plus, adopting or fostering a child is not for everyone. 🤷♀️ It's unfortunate, but it's the reality. The only a-holes in this story are those girl's family. None of them stepped up and yet blame OP for not taking the girl in. She is their family, so they should have taken her in.
Not your responsibility. Not your fight.
Call CPS on bio parent of that stepdaughter. If they can't care for one child, they shouldn't be caring for any.
Like, if it was his HALF siblings, maybe the mother would've considered it, but his step sister he has no blood relation to? OP is in no way responsible for her son's step sibling what so ever. She had family for that and THEY let her down.
She is their “step” granddaughter and should’ve taken her in. The parents sound lousy and that speaks volumes on why their son is equally lousy. Some people refuse to be anything like their parents while others just are. OP is NTA but the ex husband is.
Im a little conflicted on this one...
While id have no responsibility for the stepsister I would feel badly for not stepping into help a child in need. Child support would be a MUST tho.
OP would have to vetted by DCFS before even applying to take the kid in. Since she is probably living in a two bedroom house/apartment she would have to move in to something larger so the girl can have her own room. Plus regular visits with a social worker, family therapy. Plus we don't know if OP can financially support her. It's way more complicated than what the ex husband and the ex MIL is suggesting
i feel so bad for her but nta
She’s not your kid, you don’t have to take her in
why do you have kids if u wanna neglect them, like why did his ex have a daughter if she was gonna neglect her
The girl is the ex's step daughter. He just wanted the woman and not her kid. I don't know what kind of woman would accept a man like that i
What a callous person. The horrors that happen to children in foster care 😢
That’s like saying "this random kid on the street that I’ve never met before seems to be treated poorly and wants me to adopt it"
Like- absolutely not your responsibility, even if it could potentially be a kind thing to do, it’s still a whole a$$ kid that you literally don’t know, you can’t just take her without any thinking involved, the hell??
Not her responsibility and you don’t owe her anything, but damn. That’s kinda fucked up to be aware of a child being mistreated and doing nothing about it. I’m not saying you had to take her in, I’m just saying that the bystander effect is fr crazy
OK, I kind of feel like I’m in crazy land thank you. Like she’s being abused and you just feel perfectly comfortable sitting back doing absolutely nothing? You’re like totally OK with that? It doesn’t keep you up at night? It’s kind of fucked. Like I do not understand how people can sit back and do nothing.
My exact thoughts. She might the ex’s child, but she is still a CHILD who needs a stable household. I understand OP not being comfortable to take care of another kid. I do not understand the absolute void of empathy. As an adult aware of abuse, she has responsibilities to protect a child from danger by informing authorities, school, or just do anything to help
They lost their minds that is not her business
Not my kid!!!!!!!!!! 😅😅😅😅😅 nta
I, personally would have taken herbin and took them to court for Guardianship and child support
The grandparents should have take care of of the child instead of asking a stranger to take care of there child..
Not your child, not your genes, not your wishes, not your hapiness, not your sadness, not your daughter, not your responsability
I personally think every adult and bystander who knew what wss going on is shitty but OP isn't wrong for not taking the girl in. I personally would have called if I was in the situation to alert people. The only person I feel true sympathy for is that poor girl everyone in her life is trash. Like seriously people saw people knew and no one falled CPS. Noone gave an anonymous tip. That's horrible.
"oh sTePbRoTheR✨✨"
Everybody Talking bout they couldn't leave the girl but don't have no adopted kids. Unless you running an orphanage to take care of kids, you wouldn't take that girl either. Many of y'all can't even stand up for yourself but you think you going stand up to a monster who is abusing a child??? Jellyfish should be quiet.
Doesnt sound like anybody said a thing about 'shes going into foster care. Would you be interested in taking her so the siblings stay together' It was more like 'home life sucks and shed like to move with you so shes not stuck at home'
It isnt her responsibility, but it wouldve been nice to be a good person in that kid's life. Everyone is failing her.
She would not have been placed with him anyway as he has no familial ties with her. Non kinship placement must be with a registered foster parent.
Poor little girl :(
I could understand if the op had at least a little relationship with the girl. But in this case, it should have been the grandparents.
How is the op responsible
Imagine refusing to help a child you know is being abused bc you “don’t know them”…this is why humanity is crumbling
Not sure if CPS would have allowed the girl to live with her stepbrothers dad. No familial connection.
Yeah and neither does the Foster system
Its not his responsibility but really if we all think like that it'll be a much sadder world
Charity should be a choice. If one is not fit or not willing to take someone in, then it’ll only end badly for both parties.
But where is her paternal family? They're not around for whatever reason. And the guy her mother hooked up with is not accepting of her. Her mother failed her
Should’ve taken her then sued for child support
I dont think thats how it works, if you adopt her you become their legal guardian
@StarLight_4971 well there are ways she can have custody and get child support. You just have to see a lawyer first.
@@alorarhodes1568 wouldnt you need to adopt her or foster her since she was already taken from her family?
@ no there are other options. There’s guardianship, kinship, and about five or six other options.
@@alorarhodes1568it can’t be kinship, she isn’t related to OP’s son. She’s his father’s wife’s kid. In order to foster even if they pulled some strings she’d eventually need to take classes and get licensed.
Family failed her tbh ,its not your responsibility
Not your kid, no relation at all. Not your problem. NTA.
Not ops problem, but it's those moments when you show that you're a good person.
Nothing wrong do only what you must, but don't pretend you're a good person.
Most people don't care to be good people. Self persevering is more important. Her son clearly doesn't like the girl. There would have been more issues if she had. Being the bigger person isn't good either. You're only inabling those who don't take responsibility for their actions. Lawsuit should have been filed against her parents.
I feel bad for her son
I’m sorry, but as a society, as human race, we’re all responsible for this child. If you knew that a child lived in a bad environment and you could change that and did nothing, you’re despicable.
Why should you take responsibility of some you have no mental connection with? Hope that girl finds peace
Those who thought it was complicated😅
I must say this is the thirst redit story that I heard where I not approve with the teller
Why? It's not OP's resonsibilty. In the longer version, the ex and wife were the ones telling the girl she was going to live with OP. The stepsister never knew OP besides being her step brother's mom, so there was no connection. It's just another mind game (mental and emotional abuse) that narcissistic abusers do. I can see why she got taken out of that home. Why not blame the grandmother who didn't take her in, but instead chastise OP, who again, is not responsible for a kid that is not hers. We are not gonna reward irresponsibility by being a doormat. The real AH are the ex and wife. Grandma sucks, and we don't know if OP would even be in a position to take another kid in.
@LTHappilySad211 sorry I don't know this I have only seen this short
@@alexandermecklenburg3967 no worries. That's why I get frustrated with these shorts: they cut out some context so people engage in comments. Again, you're good. It'd be nice if they either link the full vid or the reddit story.
Part of me would want to take her in anyway cause her home life is shitty but it’s not ops responsibility he had one kid if the grandparents were so worried they should’ve taken care of the kid
But yea id prolly bring the kid in cause what the fuck are those parents doing
I hope she finds adults better than all of you
It’s not their responsibility but they’re still kinda horrible for that
Not your responsibility but this is a child and an actual human. Do the humane thing and find a way to get her out. Stop thinking foster care is always the worst
Not your responsibility.
This is so sad, and wrong, this is not something that you can throw away, this is a child, you make that decision to have that child, you carry that child, you give birth to the child, then if you decide you don't want that child you put the baby up for adoption, it's not something that after 15 years you just throw away, this woman is a heartless person, I hope she ends up in a place that miss treats her when she gets old.
The girl is 13. But yeah her mom is a piece of shit for throwing her away just so she can get some D.
the language she’s using is interesting. she’s definitely trying to distance himself from the hurt caused “the girl”
is it her responsibility? no
is this unfair? yes
should she still have offered her sons sibling a place to stay even temporarily? yeah
and why weren’t we given more information on the sons thoughts? why did the parents cast her out ‘suddenly’? how did she not notice mistreatment before? if they are mistreating her why isn’t the op more worried about her son?
I understand them wanting you to, however it’s not your child and if you do not want to you do not have to it is not something that you are required to that child is not yours that child is your son step sibling. Yes, however, you are not required by any law or moral law to take that kitten, maybe they should’ve grown up and taking care of the kids or not have any more kids
its not ur responsibility but you could have given it a chance, imaging how the girl feels being rejected by ur own stepmom
That's not how it work. Op is not her step mom. Op is the girl's stepbrother's mother.
There's no direct relationship and no interaction between them. The information OP gets is by other people and when she heard how she was talked to during a school conference. Their "relationship" is based on that OP son visit his father( her stepdad).
Maybe my wirld view is different coming from a background of being csre experienced but you take that kid in you do it on condition that parental rights are terminated from the parents and eother you or social work get them
I mean not op’s responsibility but thats kind of mean to just abandon a kid because she’s not YOUR kid. What happened to kindness? What happened to fostering and adopting kids to help them? Its kinda petty he didnt step in after he found out her parents abandoned her.
Well, you are not a hero in your sons eyes.
The son sounded annoyed. Either by her/ the adults constants begging to have OP change her mind, or by the imaged idea of them living together.
Sorry I just found this video a bit hard to follow could anybody explain it to me?
OP and her husband divorced when her son was 2 year old and is now 15. His father remarried a woman who already had a daughter, 13 year old (not related to OP's son or ex). The stepdaughter was mistreated at her home and treated harshly. The son is spending more time with OP and the ex and his wife wants OP to take care of the stepdaughter too. The stepdaughter wants to stay with OP (who is her stepfather's ex wife) and the OP refused cause it's not her child.
@ Thank you so much this made it actually clear to follow
@@cephadromeplays8750 no problem! I hope my explanation was good lol.
@@s8tan412 it was a lot nicer
@@cephadromeplays8750 lmao 😂
Wow, God knows but one day you will regret it
Nta BUT she felt comfortable and safe with you and your son. She was asking for help. Your son was the only family she felt she had. Would you take her now?
OP seemed to have never concerned herself with what her ex husband did. With that being said it is safe to say that OP has never met the child let alone have a conversation with her. Maybe she became attached to OP's son because he was kind to her. But we're not really sure how much of a relationship they had based on the custodial arrangements. He could have seen her once a week or maybe just twice for the month, totally four days each month. Could be more but I can't imagine OP's ex to be spending more time than that with his son, since the boy admitted that his father was rarely ever there when he visited
I wouldn’t take her in either. I feel bad for her shitty home life but she also had an entitlement streak in her expectation of moving in with OP. She didn’t actually contact OP and ask.
Well atleast you could help her with foster care - yta, you could have just helped her out when she was getting mistreated, as a human being not because you have certain responsibility criteria you built for yourself, then you as equal as the ex she married.
Literally how is that your problem.
❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
NTA.
WTAF?
Step or half siblings????
The daughter in question seems to be step sister.
Step, she is not the ex husband's daughter
why exactly does the person here feel morally justified? Sure, you are not obliged to do it, but the stepsister lived with your son as siblings and you know that the situation is shitty for her, so what kind of asshole would rather let a foster family do it instead of helping
As a sorta outsider whose volunteered in situations where kids are fostered/out side of home and in my cousins dealing with co parenting.
Presumably op did call it in and cps ignored it. (You’d be unfortunately surprised how often they fall to “logical” hand waving, ignore stuff) so thats why i won’t immediately condemn op. I’ve literally witnessed a acquaintance who worked in social work brag to friends about “solving” a problem case. Ie she stopped demanding parents provide counciling and suddenly their “scores” went up.
It could be a matter of op js protecting herself or her son. Remember this is a UNAFFILIATED young GIRL going to a house where presumably the op isnt there 100% and a 15 year old boy again unrelated to her. Whats stopping the step mom or daughter from just saying he bad touched her later.
If you’re not bio kids /but even some bio kids if the parents aren’t there you sit on women’s laps/. It sucks for the kids especially on Christmas when you see the bio kids getting to jump into whatever lap but you get moved off. We still had a child go to his dad and claim cousin hit/mistreated them. Luckily upon watching home surveillance and Christmas live sow child was constantly on female laps not mistreated. Apparently the mom told him to say it when he got angry about not getting toy he wanted and her letting him fall and bruise.