Winnicotts definition of love: "Love is about a surrender of the ego, a putting aside of one’s own needs and assumptions, for the sake of close, attentive listening to another person, whose mystery one respects, along with a commitment not to get offended, not to retaliate, when something so-called ‘bad’ emerges, as it often does, when one is close to someone, particularly a child or even an adult."
Raising children is normally looked down upon in our society as a job for people too slow to achieve. The biggest effect most of us have in this world is our children. For good or bad, the choices they make after you have instilled a moral compass will effect generations to come. Well after your death, things you did or did not do for your children will be felt. I would like to thank every person who cares for a child. You have changed the world. I pray we always strive to change it for the better.
everytime I feel down about criticism I often receive about how I raise my child as a single parent, I watch this video and feel a little bit better. It's tough.
+The School of Life My father admits that he used to smack my knees and thighs because I squirmed while I was on his lap as an infant. Both my parents spanked me as well. However, they were also very loving, affectionate and self-sacrificing. What kind of affect would this kind of environment have on me as an adult?
In the late 70's, Dr. Rachel Pinney, used Donald Winnicotts model of parenting translated into intensive child directed play therapy. It was an astonding success and many children healed themselves within this environment. The therapists were trained in creative listening and non judgemental listening. Dramatic play a function of the creative imagination and way to play out in 3D whatever issue was formost in the child's experience. There were always at least 2 adults present to fill the roles the child wanted to play out. Danger, damage and impropriety were responded to and defined by the therapist in order to create a safe environment for the child and others in the therapeutic space. Children quickly understood the potential for self direction and intuitively worked on the issues that they needed to see clearly. The process was Creative Listening.
This is an excellent overview and distillation of Winnicott's work, so clear, so concise. But given the critical importance of his concept of the "good enough" mother (or "good enough" parent) to his psychology, could you perhaps make another video focusing on this? It doesn't have to be a great video, a "good enough" one will suffice.
Parenting: the most important yet the most taken for granted job. Funny how it is the only job which everyone indulges in yet no one trains for. Do people realise the value in it?? You're raising a goddamn psyche! A completely vulnerable psyche!! And then you blame the psyche for being the way it is! 👏
In providing the gentle introduction snd getting me to reach out for literature I had no prior exposure to, this video as all the others are invaluable. Thank you! 💕
This has been very insight. It is so good to see someone who had that much foresight in the early development of psychology with children and parenting. Some of the these mentioned here I can definitely relate in my own life with my parents as I was growing up!
".......that small, mysterious, beautiful, fragile person whose unique otherness must be respected in full measure" Very beautiful lines really! Thank you. They reminded me of a book from my reading list, by the wonderful writer Andrew Solomon. I thought I should mention it here, for anybody interested. Because it is all about that " otherness" from which we all suffer in one way or another. It took him about 10 years to finish the book. They call it a " monumental work". Here is the information I copied: "Solomon’s startling proposition in Far from the Tree is that being exceptional is at the core of the human condition-that difference is what unites us. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, or multiple severe disabilities; with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. While each of these characteristics is potentially isolating, the experience of difference within families is universal, and Solomon documents triumphs of love over prejudice in every chapter."
Thank you. What a nice platform people and the internet can be sometimes. Free enlightenment in burst to plant seeds of curiosity and then like a cherry on top; people writing tips of other adjacent great things in the comments. Good times to all!
Having never heard or read of winicot myself, i can only agree with what he proposes. In my patients and my own life all the negative feelings and behaviors seem traceable to a disfunctional adaptation during childhood, often cause by bad parenting in combination with other factors. I suspect we would need very few psychotherapists if we could come up with a good method for parenting and have all parents learn it before they have children. Most parents are bad parents out of ignorance, not out of being assholes.
Sinclairelim if the parents don't grow up themselves first and emotionally, mentally and financially ready, they shouldn't have children. These Bastards fuck up children for life.
Waiting to have kids until at least your mid 30’s would help a LOT. More mature, more able to look at one’s life honestly, probably more financially stable….
I just recently found this channel and i want to say to the people who created it, THANK YOU from the bottom of my hearth. you are changing so many peoples life for the best.keep up the good work.
As a counselling student wrestling with Klien's Object Relations this has been really helpful and I especially love the humorous picture play which helps get the information into my brain in the nicest way. Thank you SOL!
First, i wanted to thank you. Your videas and articles have really helped me to develop in an emotional, in a philosophical and in an intellectual sense. I read and watch them almost every day. I also wanted to suggest, to make a video about Viktor Frankl, the founder of Logotherapy. Other than Freuds "will to lust" or Adlers "will to power", he emphazises on the "will to meaning" (taking Kierkegards philosophy as a reference point). Being the meaninglessness of the everyday life nowadays a widespred condition, I think it would be good to share his main ideas.
Viktor Frankl's 'Mans Search for Meaning' was described by Joseph Campbell as being both a beautiful and an imperative piece of work. I would love to see The School of Life discuss Frankl and his teachings, that was a splendid suggestion on your part x :)
The ever brilliant Alain de Botton. This video is very effective in communicating some of Winnicott's ideas but perhaps misses the very specific meaning of 'good enough', in relation to the developmental importance, at the right time, of manageable parental 'failures'. It could be confusing for students, as it doesn't distinguish between Winnicott's developmental stages i.e. the particular environmental needs of infants (at the stage of 'absolute dependency') as distinct from slightly older children (at the stage of 'relative dependency'). But perhaps this would need more than 7 minutes...
This lesson will be extremely useful to me. Now I know how I can start to think properly about how not to commit with my children (who are still on their way) some of the mistakes my family made during my raising. It is a really advanced starting point, not only to try to be a better parent, but also to understand some of the things that went wrong in our history. Thank you, and, please, keep uploading content about child and family matters.
@3:13 pertainst to how NPD, BPD and Codependence develops. The authentic self of the child is abandoned in favor of the false self that the parents demand the child to be. The child's true sense of self is thereby mutilated by the parents (or by the child who tries to secure parental nurturing and protection).
These are very interesting clips about diferent topics of knowledges and it is such as you have your very good library at your home. I love the ways they are made. But this time the sound was very low and I could not listen to some of them very well. Even tbey are good for those of as who likes this kind of shortly actualized information from social sciences. Thanks for thinking on people like whose enjoy them.
Are you planning or working on videos regarding Jacques Lacan and Julia Kristeva? I see you already mention some of Kristeva's ideas on defilement, but I would love to see full-videos dedicated to their ideas.
The volume on all of these is really low. When I plug in a speaker and turn it up to where I can comfortable hear the narrator, a horribly loud commercial comes on and blows my speaker out. Please increase the volume, and I bet you will get more views and likes on all of the videos on this channel.
+goldtgreentwirler have you tried to click the left button of your mouse on the speaker icon, then to right click on the icon in the second speakerthat will appear, so a window (box) open and you click on improvements and choose the option equalizarion..it for sure will increase the volume on your computer :)
+goldtgreentwirler As for the comercials try google chrome, once you have it and suscribed to it; choose going to the google store, then type the word addblocker in order to see the red icon of addblocker it is for free, so you install it very quickly in your google chrome motor engine (web searcher-not talking about explorer ok?, it does not have an antiblocker just chrome), this program will get rid of all adds for good.
I made the same statement about this issue in another video, but it is a problem that is common to almost every lesson, specially on mobile devices. I think it should be simple to fix it by using some kind of software to enhance the overall volume and frequency to make it more clear.
This is brilliant. I was disappointed and almost lost interest for the series due to the Freud episode. i must say I am really relieved. Although it is true that Winnicolt's work is a bit shaky as well (not as badly as Freud's of course). he definately deserved more publicity, The best part is that, in the video, Winnicott's stance wasn't held is the absolute truth as it were back in the dreadful Freud episode, a marvelous improvement. keep up the good work School of life!
I was thinking to myself that the narrator's voice sounds a bit like a more subdued Jimmy Carr, and just then Jimmy's photo comes up to illustrate "tax evasion". Gave me quite a good chuckle.
While some of ideas seem to be missing components and maybe the wording doesn't fully resonate with me,it sounds like Winnicot's heart was in the right place. Never really thought about psychotherapy as it applies to parenting despite having heard of older ideas like the Oedipus and Elektra complexes __________________________ I'm kinda wondering if we'll get to object relations theory at some point.
Many parental oppressions have their roots in social etiquette and expectations. For example not interrupting while someone is speaking or abruptly changing the subject during conversations or not blurting out one's thoughts when it's not your turn to speak. Toddlers, children, adolescents and adults are full of impulses that, if acted upon, are considered anti-social behaviour. And they are antisocial. Should parents suffer the indignity of their children's "bad" behaviour by just allowing them free reign and letting them figure it out themselves? Put it another way, is Winnitcott ultimately combatting deeply ingrained (and necessary) cultural norms? "Good" parents might not scold their children into conformity but someone else inevitably will (including other children).
Interesting! For further reading I recommend Maggie Nelson's engagement/critique of Winnicott in "The Argonaut". Something that was a little annoying about this video though is when they showed six adults of representatives of "success and respectability" they were all white men. Hm. Also the emphasis on the mother-where's the father in all of this? What about families with two fathers? I understand that is Winnecott's perspective and the times he was in but School of Life please address be as Winnicott suggested, "adaptive" for different humans and the modern world. :)
I do no think many of us were even meant to have children. Our society does a piss poor job when it comes to caring about humanity and allowing parents to raise kids properly.
wtf is wrong with these 2:54 unskippable ads? force people to watch an ad consisting entirely on "bird photography" doesnt make any change for gods sake. UA-cam, u better fix it!
The School of Life: Donald Winnicott has lots to teach us about how to look after children - but also about how not to aim for perfection. Being a 'good enough' parent is good enough...
Winnicotts definition of love: "Love is about a surrender of the ego, a putting aside of one’s own needs and assumptions, for the sake of close, attentive listening to another person, whose mystery one respects, along with a commitment not to get offended, not to retaliate, when something so-called ‘bad’ emerges, as it often does, when one is close to someone, particularly a child or even an adult."
Where did he write this?
source: rocky balboa
@@rekt-oe1eh hmm not quite.
Raising children is normally looked down upon in our society as a job for people too slow to achieve. The biggest effect most of us have in this world is our children. For good or bad, the choices they make after you have instilled a moral compass will effect generations to come. Well after your death, things you did or did not do for your children will be felt. I would like to thank every person who cares for a child. You have changed the world. I pray we always strive to change it for the better.
很不错的视频，很有洞察力的心理学家，引起了我的很多共鸣，我就有一个有心病的爹，从小就把他巨大的期望压到我身上，而且我都感觉他这个人有心理疾病对自己的家人都特别苛刻，但是我小时候特别懂事就拼了命地满足他对我的要求，我一直过得很压抑、很不开心，直到遇到我的女朋友我才慢慢走了出来。说真的，碰到差劲的父母，懂事的孩子真的没有糖吃，太懂事就会压抑自己的欲望和需求，对自己很不好。但是一味地寻找过去的原因是没有用的，要通过不断地行动去改变自己的生活，想得再多也是没有用的
everytime I feel down about criticism I often receive about how I raise my child as a single parent, I watch this video and feel a little bit better. It's tough.
+The School of Life My father admits that he used to smack my knees and thighs because I squirmed while I was on his lap as an infant. Both my parents spanked me as well. However, they were also very loving, affectionate and self-sacrificing. What kind of affect would this kind of environment have on me as an adult?
+Amelia Allen
Well, how did you turn out? :)
@@ivansalamon7028 the child is now 12 drug addict and homeless
In the late 70's, Dr. Rachel Pinney, used Donald Winnicotts model of parenting translated into intensive child directed play therapy. It was an astonding success and many children healed themselves within this environment. The therapists were trained in creative listening and non judgemental listening. Dramatic play a function of the creative imagination and way to play out in 3D whatever issue was formost in the child's experience. There were always at least 2 adults present to fill the roles the child wanted to play out. Danger, damage and impropriety were responded to and defined by the therapist in order to create a safe environment for the child and others in the therapeutic space. Children quickly understood the potential for self direction and intuitively worked on the issues that they needed to see clearly. The process was Creative Listening.
This is an excellent overview and distillation of Winnicott's work, so clear, so concise. But given the critical importance of his concept of the "good enough" mother (or "good enough" parent) to his psychology, could you perhaps make another video focusing on this? It doesn't have to be a great video, a "good enough" one will suffice.
Lol
This discussion is making my day!
Parenting: the most important yet the most taken for granted job. Funny how it is the only job which everyone indulges in yet no one trains for. Do people realise the value in it?? You're raising a goddamn psyche! A completely vulnerable psyche!! And then you blame the psyche for being the way it is! 👏
In providing the gentle introduction snd getting me to reach out for literature I had no prior exposure to, this video as all the others are invaluable. Thank you! 💕
This has been very insight. It is so good to see someone who had that much foresight in the early development of psychology with children and parenting. Some of the these mentioned here I can definitely relate in my own life with my parents as I was growing up!
".......that small, mysterious, beautiful, fragile person whose unique otherness must be respected in full measure"
Very beautiful lines really! Thank you. They reminded me of a book from my reading list, by the wonderful writer Andrew Solomon. I thought I should mention it here, for anybody interested. Because it is all about that " otherness" from which we all suffer in one way or another. It took him about 10 years to finish the book. They call it a " monumental work". Here is the information I copied:
"Solomon’s startling proposition in Far from the Tree is that being exceptional is at the core of the human condition-that difference is what unites us. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, or multiple severe disabilities; with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. While each of these characteristics is potentially isolating, the experience of difference within families is universal, and Solomon documents triumphs of love over prejudice in every chapter."
thank you !!!
Thank you. What a nice platform people and the internet can be sometimes. Free enlightenment in burst to plant seeds of curiosity and then like a cherry on top; people writing tips of other adjacent great things in the comments. Good times to all!
So glad I clicked on your comment!
@@thunbergmartin thank you for that. I’m feeling just the same.
Solomon is a wonderful writer & human being!!
Having never heard or read of winicot myself, i can only agree with what he proposes. In my patients and my own life all the negative feelings and behaviors seem traceable to a disfunctional adaptation during childhood, often cause by bad parenting in combination with other factors.
I suspect we would need very few psychotherapists if we could come up with a good method for parenting and have all parents learn it before they have children. Most parents are bad parents out of ignorance, not out of being assholes.
Sinclairelim if the parents don't grow up themselves first and emotionally, mentally and financially ready, they shouldn't have children. These Bastards fuck up children for life.
Waiting to have kids until at least your mid 30’s would help a LOT. More mature, more able to look at one’s life honestly, probably more financially stable….
Carl Rogers and Carl Jung please! The shadow and the core conditions of a psychotherapeutic relationship are really relevant!
RD Laing
Rollo May
Wow, finding your channel has made me so happy!!! One source for so much information!! Thank you so much!!
I just recently found this channel and i want to say to the people who created it, THANK YOU from the bottom of my hearth.
you are changing so many peoples life for the best.keep up the good work.
Beautifully told, I love the narrator's voice.
As a counselling student wrestling with Klien's Object Relations this has been really helpful and I especially love the humorous picture play which helps get the information into my brain in the nicest way. Thank you SOL!
He is amazing. His approach is so so helpful.
This is my new favourite. I was a little bit familiar with Winnicott's work, but this video is excellent and I am sharing it on social media at once!
yeah I agree they could benefit from being louder. Thank you.
First, i wanted to thank you. Your videas and articles have really helped me to develop in an emotional, in a philosophical and in an intellectual sense. I read and watch them almost every day.
I also wanted to suggest, to make a video about Viktor Frankl, the founder of Logotherapy. Other than Freuds "will to lust" or Adlers "will to power", he emphazises on the "will to meaning" (taking Kierkegards philosophy as a reference point). Being the meaninglessness of the everyday life nowadays a widespred condition, I think it would be good to share his main ideas.
Viktor Frankl's 'Mans Search for Meaning' was described by Joseph Campbell as being both a beautiful and an imperative piece of work. I would love to see The School of Life discuss Frankl and his teachings, that was a splendid suggestion on your part x :)
Do one for Heinz Kohut please! I love your series on psychotherapy.
Learned lots but those visuals are terrifying!!
It is a very useful initiative, even for those who work in this field. Fun and effective! Thank you!
Love that Jimmy Carr pops up when he's talking of the plagues of the world!
Tax evasion, haha. Although in reality I think it was tax avoidance, rather than evasion
I don't say evasion, I say avoision.
*.* I love "The School of Life" ! It is the best channel on youtube. thank you for the great videos :)
:)
Wonderful video, incredible man.
Winnicott is one of the greats along with Mahler and her cohorts
I understand many signs of my personality...Thanks Winnicot, Thanks De Botton.
Thank goodness by point 2, I wasn't quite as messed up as I thought I was. Book no. 7 ordered. ✌🏽❤️
''to process its melancholic feelings'' --->Leonard Cohen photo.Ha-ha ,good one.
Brilliant summary of this great thinker's work.
Absolutely! Parents need to watch this! I see this mistakes constantly!
excellent choices of pictures😄. Thanks
Very interesting analysis of Winnicot.. Thanks for bringing all these videos to light :)
Fantastic presentation !
well done guys
"Tax evasion"with a picture of Jimmy Car, the SHADE!
Another good entertaining educational motion picture that took me down the rabbit hole again. A+
Eye-opening. Thank you!
great job attaching great ideas to the ideals of the nation - the most colonizing nation ever
This is great stuff! I can't believe I've never heard of Winnicott before.
The ever brilliant Alain de Botton. This video is very effective in communicating some of Winnicott's ideas but perhaps misses the very specific meaning of 'good enough', in relation to the developmental importance, at the right time, of manageable parental 'failures'. It could be confusing for students, as it doesn't distinguish between Winnicott's developmental stages i.e. the particular environmental needs of infants (at the stage of 'absolute dependency') as distinct from slightly older children (at the stage of 'relative dependency'). But perhaps this would need more than 7 minutes...
Handiest videos for pre exams thank you
I liked it...it was good enough. Today I am inspired to paint good enough.
This lesson will be extremely useful to me. Now I know how I can start to think properly about how not to commit with my children (who are still on their way) some of the mistakes my family made during my raising. It is a really advanced starting point, not only to try to be a better parent, but also to understand some of the things that went wrong in our history.
Thank you, and, please, keep uploading content about child and family matters.
This was so inspiring!
This is best channel on UA-cam
@3:13 pertainst to how NPD, BPD and Codependence develops. The authentic self of the child is abandoned in favor of the false self that the parents demand the child to be. The child's true sense of self is thereby mutilated by the parents (or by the child who tries to secure parental nurturing and protection).
Best channel
These are very interesting clips about diferent topics of knowledges and it is such as you have your very good library at your home. I love the ways they are made. But this time the sound was very low and I could not listen to some of them very well. Even tbey are good for those of as who likes this kind of shortly actualized information from social sciences. Thanks for thinking on people like whose enjoy them.
Okay, I will come back here to watch this video when I become a mother. But not anytime soon I guess..
Thank you!
Are you planning or working on videos regarding Jacques Lacan and Julia Kristeva? I see you already mention some of Kristeva's ideas on defilement, but I would love to see full-videos dedicated to their ideas.
The volume on all of these is really low. When I plug in a speaker and turn it up to where I can comfortable hear the narrator, a horribly loud commercial comes on and blows my speaker out. Please increase the volume, and I bet you will get more views and likes on all of the videos on this channel.
+The School of Life Thank you for acknowledging and please take advantage of her advice :)
+goldtgreentwirler have you tried to click the left button of your mouse on the speaker icon, then to right click on the icon in the second speakerthat will appear, so a window (box) open and you click on improvements and choose the option equalizarion..it for sure will increase the volume on your computer :)
+goldtgreentwirler As for the comercials try google chrome, once you have it and suscribed to it; choose going to the google store, then type the word addblocker in order to see the red icon of addblocker it is for free, so you install it very quickly in your google chrome motor engine (web searcher-not talking about explorer ok?, it does not have an antiblocker just chrome), this program will get rid of all adds for good.
I made the same statement about this issue in another video, but it is a problem that is common to almost every lesson, specially on mobile devices. I think it should be simple to fix it by using some kind of software to enhance the overall volume and frequency to make it more clear.
This is brilliant.
I was disappointed and almost lost interest for the series due to the Freud episode. i must say I am really relieved.
Although it is true that Winnicolt's work is a bit shaky as well (not as badly as Freud's of course). he definately deserved more publicity,
The best part is that, in the video, Winnicott's stance wasn't held is the absolute truth as it were back in the dreadful Freud episode, a marvelous improvement. keep up the good work School of life!
Sir can you add more videos here especially contemporary psychotherapies.
A vicious cycle it is.
Alas!
Never been a fan of psychoanalysis, but after all these videos on these psychoanalysts there should probably be one on Sabina Spielrein and Carl Jung.
Fascinating.
Beautiful
Brilliant! Thank you. : )
I was thinking to myself that the narrator's voice sounds a bit like a more subdued Jimmy Carr, and just then Jimmy's photo comes up to illustrate "tax evasion". Gave me quite a good chuckle.
make a video about Lacan plx :D
Anyone watching in 2019?
2020
@@zoltancsepreghy1 I honestly don't think most of us are meant to have children, especially since we know what harm society will end up doing to them.
That was beautiful :)
Thank you! I really love your videos so helpfull, please keep it up!
Love Winnicott!
While some of ideas seem to be missing components and maybe the wording doesn't fully resonate with me,it sounds like Winnicot's heart was in the right place. Never really thought about psychotherapy as it applies to parenting despite having heard of older ideas like the Oedipus and Elektra complexes
__________________________
I'm kinda wondering if we'll get to object relations theory at some point.
Brilliant!
Super introduction to the thinking and work of Winnicott!
Inspiring graphics too.
Good Enough Video :)
I am a bad mother. I know it. But I just keep trying to be better.
Make one of Carl Rogers. :)
Brilliant as always. :)
Many parental oppressions have their roots in social etiquette and expectations. For example not interrupting while someone is speaking or abruptly changing the subject during conversations or not blurting out one's thoughts when it's not your turn to speak. Toddlers, children, adolescents and adults are full of impulses that, if acted upon, are considered anti-social behaviour. And they are antisocial. Should parents suffer the indignity of their children's "bad" behaviour by just allowing them free reign and letting them figure it out themselves? Put it another way, is Winnitcott ultimately combatting deeply ingrained (and necessary) cultural norms? "Good" parents might not scold their children into conformity but someone else inevitably will (including other children).
great insights!!
What about a Fromm's one or a Piaget's one. Anyway, this one was fantastic, as a psychology student i've never heard about a british approach.
Donald my man
i love your channel
The best thing parents can do for their children is please please not have them and let some other poor souls fight over what's left...
Do Frantz Fanon, please?
Mohammad Shair yes!
✅ good video
Ótimo vídeo! Gratidão!
Excelente
The man
Can you do Kid Rock plz?
Pleaaase do one about Francoise Dolto
Thanks for the videos, they're really great!, but , why just psychoanalisis?
Interesting! For further reading I recommend Maggie Nelson's engagement/critique of Winnicott in "The Argonaut". Something that was a little annoying about this video though is when they showed six adults of representatives of "success and respectability" they were all white men. Hm. Also the emphasis on the mother-where's the father in all of this? What about families with two fathers? I understand that is Winnecott's perspective and the times he was in but School of Life please address be as Winnicott suggested, "adaptive" for different humans and the modern world. :)
videolar çok faydalı. Jung, Beck, Adler de gelse harika olur
I do no think many of us were even meant to have children. Our society does a piss poor job when it comes to caring about humanity and allowing parents to raise kids properly.
Which thinker said the true self is the non-physical mother who we are still attached to with a non-physical umbilical cord?
wtf is wrong with these 2:54 unskippable ads? force people to watch an ad consisting entirely on "bird photography" doesnt make any change for gods sake. UA-cam, u better fix it!
Winnicott
Eugene Gendlin please...
Hey Alain, would you describe your parents as being chaotic when you were young?
Lol, I like that rule. I have 20 more years too complain then ;p
3:48 to three fifty, funny!
The School of Life: Donald Winnicott has lots to teach us about how to look after children - but also about how not to aim for perfection. Being a 'good enough' parent is good enough...
DAVINCI!!!
can someone please tell me what the painting is at 6:07 ?? thank you!
Nikolai Bogdanov-Belski Misery
What we see ghosts with•