It NEVER works. Reasoning doesn't connect with them. So actually, I don't feel a necessity to explain of defend my self to anyone any more, unless they happen to be really caring and I need to see my own faults! His looping thought patterns just confused me any way.
This is so helpful, because those attacking you get you in such turmoil and you can spin out, yet when I finally stopped trying to plead that people should side with my family, and not those who physically abused my children & myself, I finally realized how messed up it is that I ever had to plead my case in the first place. Whomever wants to try to defend violent criminals, is wrong. I won’t let them spin me out in the anguish of pleading those I hoped would side with me, to side with me. Instead, I just cut those type of people who would actually side with those who physically assaulted my children & myself out of my life, even if it was my own mother & my own siblings. I had to get out, to heal from growing up in a family that would side with those physically assaulting my sons & myself. Accepting such a reality, instead of trying to get them to see their wrong, let me stop pleading with those abusing my family to love us or like us enough to side with us over those harming us. It is so freeing to be past that stage of not understanding I could just walk away from abusive family versus trying to make them a part of my family’s healing. We heal without our abusers, not with them.
Its helping me thank you,it still sucks that my sister is mental, im mental a little but,this sucks yes it hurts the pain from your own blood to be so different yea i put up with cramp from her ,but i told her off it hurts me im sorry our blood is hurtful they say maybe we all are a little narcissist, im no good but im a true caring person for family i watch TV the ordeals of people the people that kill every body trying to understand anger jealous, depression,love natural human i always try to be,but it sucks when you see people really have blood that hurt people, my sister no murder im a drug addict, but its like no natural human being blood to retards,im a big retard but my sister is full blown narcissist, just like the regular narcissist not the evil wicked narcissist, i dont need my sister to hurt,its natural for family to want the best for there lifes, death sucks, pain sucks i was always trying healthy relationship with sister, every dum way narcissist can be is her, a nut we love or blood i still love her with family power,of the heart, Im supposed to tell her normal life,save her soul i can't save my own soul i believe in my heavenly father the holy spirit has well you know because your normal your natural human, im just a sinner, but i care for people, people suffer ,ok Lord i dont like feeling un easy,being a sinner is bad enough but to be feeling weird about having bad thoughts towards my sister like im not human well i guess you can't help you your family is its just i never mistreated her and when i did it was like destroying her soul the feeling of the pain of my heart drop so life is hurtful except it i guess thank ya doctor its bad this mental stuff, i love my sister im trying to have strength a lot of family's dont like hurting each other, forgive ness, i know the devil has took me right where he needs me off track my Lord i trust he want send me to hell i will send myself but i dont need the devil to do his job and destroy family i hate stuff but its hard to talk with my sister, the mental stuff makes her have no compassion no feeling of natural feel good compassion they are human they are human of course they have physical pain heart pain brain pain i guess im just going to tell her she knows i have always been authentic, sister to her but the way you put they can't change your right it got bizarre they get worse at age its sucks, i drown my self in bad thoughts the drugs the devil was no help my sick mind ,any how thank ya Doctor C yes sir im trying i wish things was not bad but it happen i cry yes sir im just going to keep my love deep for my sister that dont change, thank ya im a nut but you are very much helping people have peace we all love or family's its my heart to know im human and i can think about other people life there hate there love there suffering there joy there normal life like Doctor C a good man with good wife and doggie he has honor in his heart that helps people, he cares for people he is doing his best
That was affirmation upon affirmation. 💞 To have someone confirm you are making the right decisions, moving along your personal path, feeding your soul the healthy foods... It's like being allowed to breathe again. Thank you.
I was never a "Jesus freak"(that's what we used to call them...) But, after years of the narc abuse in all its forms and having my moral compass being continually assaulted, literally...& having my health deteriorate, I found the strength to get out through my faith... I'm going into my senior years with a renewed hope and a bouyant spirit for tomorrow. Having this channel on YT that is free to watch and on MY schedule has been a tool of immeasurable value! I want to thank EVERYONE who participates here... and ESPECIALLY Dr. Carter.💖
@@dandyfowler8826 Death is a gentleman, he makes good losers of us all. You'll get peace in the end, that firearm kind of the "Colt Peacemaker", a famous piece of Americana and popular with ranchers, Dr.C living in Texas of course as he does - but in a real expensive town. Not Watts in LA.
Amen, all counsel leads to the peace and whole spirit of Love Anointed which is what Christ's Love is. There is no hurt or abuse with the fullness of God's Love. Unkindness and fear are what cause death of God's Holy Spirit of Peace and causes death of God's Love- 'The body is dead without spirit just as faith without works is dead' James 2:26. And so God's #Loveisnotacortisol stress hormone caused by abuse and unkindness. Jesus Christ is returning quickly for Healing All Nations and Heaven on Earth as promised for The Promised Land to come... we just need to trust and learn to walk in spirit...Galatians 5:16 -23 🙏🙏🙏
Be aware of a narcissist that tries to apologize to you only to take them back/forgive them, but then turn around and blame you for it. It's never genuine with them! 💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
@@charlottemuller2233 excellent point. I was called last week a year after discard. He presented a loving speech and offered a summer trip. But I know to listen, and heard the "I've learned I have to accept you are hopeless and will never improve". So when he "permitted" me to speak i asked how could I go on a driving trip with him when he has twice stormed out of restaurants leaving me with the bill and no way home in the past? WOW his tone blew up and the rage spewed. So I quietly said, so you had no responsibility? NO. And this is an example here of you accepting that I'm hopeless and useless? Cuz you are very angry, again. He hung up. So got it, if I can be a cardboard 2 dimensional person that fits his fantasy, cool, but real me is still unacceptable and will be punished. Back to no contact. He can live in fantasy.
Absolutely. It's for the record, or to engineer a time extension to hoover and feed their supply. It's almost a survival technique for them.. otherwisie they'starve'. I wonder if it's also used with trauma bonding?
ive just experienced that , i had no contact for nearly a year then i ended up in hospital with a few months to live so i got in touch , thinking this nde would change things and we might be able to start conversing like adults , but no...it was 10 x worse , (getting cancer was all my fault , for eating macds ) they started looking for everything to critisise so much i had to get rid of them . i dont mean they are in the freezer , i had to write and tell them in no uncertain terms its over , im 57 not 15 . now i am almost free , thanks to grannon lifecoach and Dr C. xx
I had to go with separation last year! I took my ex narcissist husband's abuse for a decade, till I really got mentally sick,cried every day for 7 months straight, while dealing with the court. I didn't do it just for me ,but our kids well being! Because, I know all that horrible stuff they have been experiencing, they will have to do their healing in their later life,and I know that,because I was abused as a kid,and growing up! No more! Time to brake all these generational cords! Me and kids are in a much better place now 💛 Think everyone should work on themselves and go to a therapy, before get in a relationship, especially, when people decide to make a family 🧡
I love it! You’re right to do it for the well-being of your children. I stayed until my last child was 17 which was late. I’m praying the Lord will have mercy on them and help them to be healthy anyway. And, many of them are. Some are still struggling with what they encountered with their father whilst growing up. I also pray for my ex so that he will be healed from his own childhood traumas as well. God bless you!
@@cynthiaihej9913 , trust me,try not to consume your head about your ex at all! Focus on yourself, do stuff that you love and wanna do🥰Do you,and kids,love yourself 🧡 You are also somebody's daughter, you are a lady❤
@@theyrealltaken3 Too bad, feeling like a piece of southern ... trash says you've arrived at mental health issues. "Stonewall Jackson was trash himself, him and Lee, and all the rest of them Rebs ... you too". From Jack Palance in the movie "Shane".
Seeing behind the funeral curtain is right, remembering Death is uppermost among Doctors and giving up the wonderful is hard for some to accept. The more you learn, the more you'll see how unimportant we all are. But Dr. C did help people see behind the smoke and mirrors curtain that narcissists hide their daggers behind.
I agree with the first comments.your teachings. It makes me so much better each time I, seeing and hearing you. Question, how old is Gus?He is always sleeping on the couch or is very good dog. He is such a pretty dog. I am a animal person.
I agree with the first comments.your teachings. It makes me so much better each time I, seeing and hearing you. Question, how old is Gus?He is always sleeping on the couch or is very good dog. He is such a pretty dog. I am a animal person.
The best line that I will use… “Your evaluation of your self worth is not a committee decisions, so stop letting them have a vote. .. I am not collecting ballots here!” 25:34
One day I caught myself saying, “I hate myself.” A voice inside asked, “Why?” I started thinking of all of my reasons and realized that they were all physical (fat, ugly, etc). Then that little voice asked, “What about your personality?” I realized that I like my personality. I don’t hate myself. I just hate my looks. But my personality is what counts. That started my positive self-talk
I was able to stop thoughts like that by immediately after the thought apologizing to God for (my participation in) belittling one of his creations (me). After I'd done that long enough I realized I wasn't putting myself down anymore. I guess the devil wasn't getting enough payoff from my self hatred given that I always apologIized to God immediately afterwards. It feels so much better not doing that.
I feel you on that, after I had a sort of PTSD and was scared of others, I started inadvertently playing the same role as my persecutor in picking on others in order to protect myself. I had to address that immediately and with honesty. The solution is to become a better person, to not be fearful and project issues etc. It's also to ensure that you don't make yourself vulnerable in practically inviting people like this into your life because they can see you're damaged. It's our duty to become truely stronger people, rather than give the illusion of strength through fear.
Loving that ... your self worth isn't a committee decision... that's pure gold right there. What really irks me with mine is that when they're life is bad you suffer when your life is bad you safer but theirs is still sweet as a nut! Doesn't bother them at all! They're truly totally self absorbed ✌
I had to miss this live session due to my NPD mothers memorial service. She was 91. Of course my brothers and I had to make sure it was a lovely expensive affair as my mothers power reaches beyond the grave. This is the last time I will have to put on the “my mother is wonderful show” so I am trying to find relief in that. I still have anger toward her but am working hard to get rid of it. My two brothers get a lot of satisfaction from the pretense and never clued into my mom. It is lonely. Thanks Team Healthy, there are a lot of warm hearted kind people here.
Hi Pamela. It is indeed lonely when you are the one in the family who sees it clearly. But as you say, there is no more need for the pretense. Freedom!
When my dad died when I was 24 I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I would never earn his love. When I started learning about narcissism in my mid 50s I realized he was a narcissist. A year ago (age 59) I realized that I never had the chance to earn his love at any time in my life because he wasn’t capable of loving. It was a reflection of him, not me
@@eph2vv89only1way Exactly. I finally realize that my husband (of 58 years!) is king of the narcissists! I am 86 and too old to hope for any change from him. But you are young and wiser than I have been and I hope the information we glean from Dr C.helps you and all of us who follow his counsel to find the peace we deserve in our relationships. My mantra is “Seek the TRUTH and the truth will set you FREE.” I hope you will find this strengthening, too. Thankful that we are blessed with Dr Carter’s expertise! I’m pulling for you, Elizabeth 🇺🇸
@@e.conboy4286 I’m not young (but not old either). I was 24 when my dad died, but I am 60 now. I left my narc ex 5 years ago and our divorce has been final for 4. I am thankful to a friend who, knowing that I love knowledge and learning about science and psychology, began posting articles about narcissism and gaslighting on her Facebook. I read them just for knowledge sake. That was when I recognized my then husband in the articles. Then he was arrested for sexually abusing my daughter and exploiting her in a way that would have been trafficking if money was involved. I dumped his pathetic butt. After the divorce I asked my friend if she posted the articles specifically for me knowing that I would read them for interest and hoping that I would see the truth. She admitted that she did. She was wise in doing it this way because I probably wouldn’t have seen it if she had just told me that she suspected he was a narc. When I was growing up I didn’t know I was being abused (both physically and narcissistic) because it wasn’t as bad as the horror stories you see on the news. When I was married I didn’t realize I was being abused because it wasn’t as bad as it was growing up. But thankfully I am out and safe now
@@e.conboy4286 I should mention that it’s never too late to get to safety and happiness. Even someone who is 110 and with one day left to live has a right to be safe and happy for that one day
I read verses in the Bible...Jeremiah 1: 5 (talks about how God knew us before he formed us in the womb, reminded me that I am worth something no matter what anyone says), Hebrews 11:1 (having faith and conviction in God's plans for us), Deuteronomy 29:29 (reminds me that there is so much we will never know, and just because I don't know everything, it doesn't mean I'm stupid. I pray God will guide me the rest of the way), and my favorite on Psalms 23 while living the best I can as a human being day by day. It's as if the Bible served and still serves as an Instruction Manual for all of our questions and worries. No matter what happens, no one will make me believe I'm too stupid, with not enough education (no Master's Degree or Ph.D), unsightly and unattractive, etc. etc. etc. Yet, at the same time, God made other people too. Let them go, and let God deal with them. Just move forward, forgive myself for being so naive and in denial, and not listening to others who really did have my best interests at heart. This was what helped me get better. It still helps. This is what helps me handle the pain, and confusion, and days where I regress and feel anger again. I was 60 years old when I started to learn...so no, no, no... it is never too late to learn, to change, to keep trying. And YES...Team Healty is the best. It's where you will be treated with kindness, caring, and love.
@@lifewithapurpose237 Absolutely. And though there are many truly kind, caring and good people out there, God who created everything, and knows everything is definitely leading "Team Healthy" with Dr. Les Carter as His human Leader. I have faith in this, just as I do for a flight deck crew when I step on board an airplane. Thank you for your kindness and thoughtfulness! 🥰
@@colleenjl9474 MARANATHA, Sister beloved! 🙏👰💖 I think pastor #JD Farag YT channel might be of interest for you if you don't know him already! The rapture of the church saints is near anyway, Jesus is coming! 🙏💖
We were raised without developing velcro for kindness, comfort, support. Our velcro receives hostility, belittlement, cruelty, abandonment. Developing better velcro requires being around those who throw kind, supportive, encouraging velcro balls at us.😊
Thats how i was raised too…it tok me 50 years to understand what was wrong with my family…now i see the patterns and learned behaviour us children…i had to go no contact with my twin sister a year ago…ive had enough of negativity, critisism, bullyung, i mean shocking behaviour…i found happiness and freedom when i left her..sometimes i think about her, but im disconnected now…i have learned so much about myself, and i can see my narcissistic traits…but im selfaware now, and have tools and understanding thanks to Dr Carter…thank you so much 😃😃
I hate my mother. I know God tells us not to but I can't help it. My life has been hell for 45 years because she never should have had children and the crazy evil woman raised four of us with my youngest sibling dying from prescription drug overdose and i know it's because he was depressed even though he was doted on by my mother(I'm the only child she hates) and then she raised 3 of my nieces and nephews and they're all terribly narcissistic. I can't handle even being around them, they're so toxic. I started therapy, maybe I'll heal. God isn't supposed to give us more than we can handle but my scars speak differently.
Kathy, I’m so sorry for what you’ve experienced. I used to feel that hate too. But feeling hate did not bring me peace. I was, in fact miserable. I did not like feeling hate, contempt, or begrudged, on top of fear, guilt and shame. I desperately wanted peace and contentment. I really hope through your therapy and Team Healthy that you can eventually find peace. It’s a journey, that’s for sure, but it’s worth it because you are worth it!!! You are worthy of living a life you love! My life is far from perfect 😄 but I have found peace through understanding narcissism. And I feel empowered by my knowledge and I won’t let another person abuse me like my mother and my brother did. I’ve learned to love myself and acknowledge that I’m a pretty good person and it’s not my responsibility to prove myself to them. Take it or leave it baby! This is me! Hahaha My best wishes and hopes for you.
i can understand , ive just had to get rid of my mum and sis after 50 + years of put downs , i didnt understand all this then i read a book i would recommend to everyone , its explains all this toxic family stuff , its ' A new primal scream' By Dr arthur janov .
Read Psalm 139 that's who YOU are in the eyes of God, not of men. Men are sinners, that's why their hearts are evil and their ways crooked. You're a sinner before God too but He loves you so much that He would die for you and be punished instead. JESUS will heal your scars, you won't find them in heaven anymore, likewise those who hurt you. 🙏💖
Your explaination of your situation is almost identical to my situation to the last detail. My mother is 81.with COPD I took care of her 6 month ago with double pneumonia almost on the verge dieing however she bounced back very strong after I moved in and took meticulous care of her.. I love her and wish her the best of health !! I have learned The less of a flying monkey I am the less abusive she is. God Bless 💗
I am 71. Many of us grew up in narcissistic homes- whether the scapegoat or the invisible child- not worthy of value, love, respect, dignity, civility, inclusion. Treated as someone with leprosy, resulting in deep holes and wounds in our hearts and emotions. Then we married & divorced narcissists. Now we have adult children who are narcissists .... the cycle never ends ..... although now I am "free" of narcissists - I am all alone as a result, don't have friends, don't really know who I am.... I wonder what it's like to be loved, respected, appreciated, "included" - instead of being rejected, disparaged, living life on the periphery, the fringe, the outside looking in. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to be a Mrs Les Carter in the world - a person who is loved unconditionally loved, valued, appreciated, respected, included as a member of a "team Carter" marriage & family. ... I have no personal frame of reference - never have seen it up close and personal. ... Cannot even IMAGINE what that kind of friendship and relationship would be like... . I just want the pain and loneliness to end. Don't believe in suicide, but look forward to death which will finally end this excruciating sorrow and pain and loneliness. Every day and night is agony. Just "hearing or reading" that you are a person of worth and value is does not really help much when you are isolated and all alone in the world at the age of 71.
I feel like we’re in a secret club getting well and strong. Thank you to you and your listeners. I look forward to our time together a few times a day while I walk through my situation with a narcissist.
I now feel comfortable enough (after 22 years) to tell my ex husband narcissist “believe what you want I’ll believe what I know.” That shuts him up, and makes him back off.
This is helpful. Hearing other's comments brings a bit more light into my situation. I've healed to the point that sometimes I feel sorry for the 3 narcs in my life. They have no intention of improving themselves as most people do strive to improve. They are so blind about it all.
I like the Old comment because that terrified me as well!!! It’s one of the reasons I kept going back - to my husband - I’m going to b 58 and I’m leaving finally!!! I won’t have the comfort of my beautiful home - but I realized it is nothing more than a beautiful prison!! As he isolated me and I know no one in my town. I am very social and have many talents that he snuffed out with his raging and darkness - and I fell into his darkness with him - addictions - I also found my faith in God and I trust in God and my friends - who are all there for me - I see the light again - in myself and the world!! I have a battle ahead re the divorce - I have not served him yet - but soon - so take heart !!! If I can get out after 20 years of affairs stds - financial abuse - emotional abuse - and more! You can do it!!! I’m praying for all of you - God wants your light to shine!!! Yay Team Healthy!!! 🙏❤️
This is true, living with narcs has forced me to see the negative parts I played. I have grown for the better because of the abuse. The assistant Pastor I had used to say ,"It can make you better or bitter"
The Lord's love and care for us is the ONE constant in this life. Ps. 56:9 This I know, God is for me. Without Jesus I would not have survived the decades of covert abuse nor would I have had the strength to make a new life. See you in Glory!
The 50yr old narcissist I dealt with told a story numerous times about when he was a child he swore he would never cry again. From what I learned his father was a abusive malignant narcissist as well. The 50yr old narcissist 'caught' narcissism and is determined to be even better at it than the father. His 3 daughters are doing the same. Being in it you may decide that the old saying is true- if you can't beat them, you might as well join them. The brain- washing that's done can also cause you to believe that the narcissist way of behavior is the right way. You see their manipulation of others works. So you may try it- if you get results you do it again. With the narcissist's encouragement. There is so many ways that the narcissist infects people with narcissism. So yes I believe that you can catch narcissism. But does that make you a narcissist? NO. Not if you recognize and change those behaviors. The cure is caring about yourself and others. Not wanting to cause hurt as you have hurt.
Dr C I watch you every Week ; thank you/ I am and was told how messed up I am and on a consistent basis ….i am listening to you on uplifting myself … I am exhausted - I am learning slowly not to listen to their ‘gaslighting’ And it true the narcissist brings out my worst … and taking responsibility for my thoughts and actions and selfblame. I have to learn to be honest learn where it comes from and love myself.. it hard after years of being told how inept I am (I am not) although I do make mistakes … Wish the world was better but I had no help or instruction. I am now almost 60 taking action. Thank you 🙏 one thing I am being shown by the person is what I don’t want to be … accusatory never happy and Chronically critical of others … I want none of that
Great session. My self help is ..just as you say .. just say no to their negitive contact. My best friend many years ago said. When you feel beaten up. Remember to live one day at a time and let God do the worrying for you. Talk to God or your inter spirit for a while taking a walk. You'll escape from your narcissist, even for a short while.
Your best friend is right but you also need forgiveness of sins before God through Jesus Christ. That will fix the problem not only for a short while but FOREVER. 🙏
When my narc told me I do NOTHING (I work full-time and do all the house work) he us unemployed and does little. I held to his comment and literally did NOTHING...just went to work and ate b4 I came home. After that, anytime he mentioned being hungry or a dirty house, I'd just say..." well, perhaps you should find a woman who does things because I don't do anything...
I find it's a constant battle between the urge to lash out at the hypocritical narcissist (and getting into trouble) and being wise and strategic. I find the urge to lash out is there.
Thank you Dr. C. from Centreville, Virginia. Since discovering you my life has changed dramatically for the better! I loved today's Midweek topic. God bless you.
I keep losing jobs because of narcs. I'm pennyless an I'm sick of it. I put everything into work an I keep getting narced. I'm sick to death of it. From Ireland. Narc free work space be a dream
feel for you pope, not sure how to handle work place narc...t. some say document everything, save 📧 emails, text messages and any form of communication you have with them. try to always have a second person present as witness when communication with the narc...t.
Dear friend check out #Limerick City Church Keith Malcolmson about the Great Reset and other topics of TRUTH. The narc free era is yet to come when Jesus Christ returns. He will judge all of them. SOON. 🙏💖
Thank God for my cousin said yiu are married to a narcissistic person and she got me your videos to watch and learn and help me heal and teach me what to do and not to do.hardest part is I raised his children one and a half and three when we met. I always saw and said he was Dr. JEKYLL and Mr. HIDE hardest part I could not see until I caught him cheating on me with a gal he was with before me 30 years ago and found out..and everything Dr. Carter is saying I've been through the being ugly and letting him pull me down to his level I'm going to look behind the curtain and be the good person I have always tried to be in life..thank you Dr. Carter for your insight and helping me move on to better life and get back to being the caring woman I want to be again
I also took responsibility for the part I played in my relationship with a narcissistic individual. I realised I was projecting my own desires for a happy family onto him, seeing him as that ‘one and only’ true love. I had to take my rose coloured glasses off and face the harsh reality that was that he never really loved me. The reality was harsh, but I didn’t have to be harsh on myself, so I decided to exercise mindfulness, self-compassion and kindness toward myself instead. It does get better over time.😊
✨🕊💖🙏🏼✨ Thanks Dr. C. This has helped me so much. I have been healing from my own extended family siding with my husband’s family when they physically abused myself & my children. It’s been so hard, yet thank Heavens my husband, myself & our children are all together and healing from both our families ganging up on us, and all standing with violent men in both our families over us. It’s been so difficult, yet we are so grateful to now be raising our children far from violence & those who take the side of violence. Thanks for these pep talks, because they truly help me.
I love this… I feel like I am getting the permission to better myself, which is something I have never had in my life. Thank you Dr. C and thank you to those who shared their experience.
Yeah we would love to know more about our teacher of course!!!! How do you know so much about narcissism??? Usually it takes a very experienced survivor of it to truly understand it to such a level… or even half of what you teach!
I am stuck living with my narcissist husband because he refuses to move out! I am disabled (Polycystic Kidney/Liver Disease) and have no income. Five years ago, he finally "took his mask off" and showed the real him because he doesn't feel the need to impress me, since , according to him,I'm sick and unattractive and apparently, useless to him. He chases other women and told me he has the right because "just look at yourself" he says. He's just cruel and unfeeling. I feel I've wasted the past 5 years of my life praying and hoping things will get better. He has said he doesn't want me or a relationship. This channel has made me realize that things will never get better and I need to focus on finding "me" again and start healing from his abuse. I am 56 years old and thankful that my children are all grown. I am so glad that I found this channel and am now motivated to start living my life again! Thank you so much for your sage advice!
Rhonda, try to find your personal relationship with Jesus Christ who will take care of ALL of your problems in the past present and future, also healthwise. You don't need to leave nor bother about your marriage. HE will do it and take you into heaven eventually. Check out #JD Farag YT channel for more information. We will leave ALL the narcs behind and NEVER see them again! 🙏💖
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER Yes, I do have a relationship with Him. Without it, life would be unbearable at times. He has given me hope and I know I can trust Him and that He loves me unconditionally 💓 Thank you for your kind words.
I so appreciate this discussion about pain. It’s something I’ve struggled to understand and mistakenly told myself “you just need to get over it” or “ you just need to move on.” I’m grateful for the idea that pain is there for a reason and it can be instructive!🤯 So many great comments I can’t even count them. I need to listen again a few times to soak it all up! Thanks to all of Team Healthy for great questions and comments! Dr C, I think there are people who are “immune” (for lack of a better word) to narcissism. Do you know what I mean? My mother was a true blue, through and through narcissist, but my dad did not let her bother him. He was not her flying monkey. All her huffing and puffing and discontent did not seem to affect my dad. He was so content with himself and with life till the day he died. He genuinely loved my mom, which in many ways I don’t get, but he didn’t allow her to get under his skin, so to speak. He would let her rant and he’d just blow it off. Only once, in my whole childhood, did I EVER see him even raise his voice at her. She was yelling at him about who knows what, complaining, as usual, and he said in a very loud voice “I’M TRYING WOMAN!!!” My dad never yelled or used profanity. I think my husband is also immune to narcissism. He had to deal with my mother and my brother over the years and he just never allowed them to manipulate him or guilt him into anything. I was always struggling in my relationship with them and he’d say “why do you believe them?” Or “why do you let them do that to you?” But I had grown up under the umbrella of “you better, you have to, you should, you need to, why haven’t you?” I was so fearful and I would always think “how is my husband so fearless?” This was before I understood anything about narcissism. Do you think there are immune people? And if so, what can we learn from them? I would describe both my father and husband as confident, peaceful, independent, problem solving, no fuss, content with life individuals. When I struggled with my family I would often think “ok,how would Jim (husband) handle this?” But I often lacked the guts and the confidence to do it like him. Ugh! The fear of condemnation would often win out. 😜
As a Christian myself I would say people who don't define their personality and being by other people's opinions but by GOD who created them are pretty immune to narcissism. If you begin to read your Bible (starting with Psalms perhaps) you will get an idea of that. Hopefully, you will find your personal relationship with Jesus Christ too. Blessings your way! 🙏💖
Separating from my controlling ex, made me believe in myself... I've regained my assertiveness... I do still feel guilty sometimes, but I'm getting stronger...and with a new partner in my life who is completely understanding, I can look forward to a happier and new life. Thank you.
Hard to realize after 45+ years what was and is still going on ; gas, gas, gas lighting (slow for max effect)inflict an injury, a personal blow to even the most sensitive, the possession of your own thoughts. Narcissism must be a big part of the answer. Thank you!
Dealing with these types of ppl is so life altering, I stayed cuz I had a child to raise, but as we all no these narcissist go arnd and destroy other relationships, so when u don't have many ppl or family and they go arnd ruining those relationships its a really heart breaking thing,
My intuition led me to your videos, and I am SO grateful. I'm in the recovery phase after leaving a toxic situation, wherein I was dealing with covert narcissism, flying monkeys, the gamut. I am so proud of myself for taking the experience and becoming stronger and healthier for it; and your videos are making my recovery time SO much easier. THANK YOU. I'm honored to be a part of Team Healthy!
@@cynthiaihej9913 They've already texted me, gaslighting, blaming me for how I was treated, asking ME to explain myself. I just replied I was focused on moving forward, on getting healthier and happier, and that I wished the very same for THEM. I didn't acknowledge their blaming comments or their attempts to bait me into explaining myself and my choices. Essentially, I said, BYE FELICIA, in a kind and civil manner.
Great session Dr! You don’t know how timely this is for me. They did get me to react instead of respond. I became defensive and angry. I’m going to go back to being me. Let them scream away… I refuse to be like that anymore… and I’m reading through the comments and they are really good too. 👍
Thank you for helping me start the process of letting go of the hold this man that I loved and served to no end but this toxic hold has to release me asap! The hardest thing is the reality of not having the love I so desperately need right now or think that I need. But I know full well that it is me that I need to love again, I have to start all over with me again. I've completely lost myself, I don't like who I am when I'm with this person and my self-esteem is non-existent. I can't even express the anguish and the pain that comes out of my chest just at the very thought of him but coming across your videos the other day I've listened to you and I've listened to you all day today is helping me wake up and remember who I am and how strong I once was I can be again. And I can say that God has Mercy because I could never afford a therapist and in this relationship I have dumbed myself down so much that I had forgotten what a healthy relationship should be like and I thank God above and you for being here.
So glad I found this channel. I left a toxic situation over a year ago and my health and happiness has improved significantly. This channel is fantastic and a wealth of insight and wisdom.
My belief, my healing ❤️🩹. After I understood what was happening and why (people navigated towards me and wrapped me up with love, care, and consideration who I did not know or understand…I often thought “What do you want from me?” ) My LPCS taught me to “let strangers-who may be ANGELS-love you…she said pretend that you see ‘Mr. Ras’ in them.” (Mr. Ras is my Father, now resting in peace, RIP/RIH 💞). She turned my world around!!! What I KNOW to be true:: *Just because someone chooses to treat you horribly does not make you a horrible person. That is NOT your problem. Keep loving-give it to others who WANT it-and, plant 🌱 stakes where they grow. Eventually those narcissists will do or say something towards you that your SPIRIT will say, “Enough, this is it.” ⭐️💫✨
Thank you so much Dr C. I've been listening to your videos & learned so much about what I'm dealing with. I never knew there was such a thing as a "covert" narcissist. This brings things into perspective. But this particular video helps me on a path to healing myself. I needed this so much! Hopefully this is Stage 1 of me getting stronger & getting myself back (and being a better person) Thank you!
What helped me the most in healing was when I understood the meaning and differences between forgiving and forgetting. Forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free. Radical acceptance is about not holding on to your own anger towards what you can't control. And it mistakenly is interpreted that forgiveness involves others, but it's a self reflection. They don't really care if you forgive them or not. Forgetting is pretending it didn't happen and allowing it to continue. I have learned to forgive but NOT FORGET. Allowing me to better set standards of how I allow others to treat me.
I want to say how much I appreciate you, Dr. Carter, and so many lovely followers of this channel. You all have helped me so much in this journey! I have a question, which I'm not able to put together properly right now, but I hope to be back to post.
If I'm not mistaken and someone else didn't say the same think using the same words, it appears you read a comment I posted about how you see yourself not being a committee decision so stop giving narcissistic people a vote. If this is accurate then I am honoured, and it gives me joy to think an observation of mine from my experience might have value for someone else. Thank you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you. I enjoyed hearing the various perspectives you brought together here from different people. You posed an excellent question.
LMAO I got comment the other day that I'm listening to the wrong people on UA-cam boy that one was easy to roll off back my head. FREE TO BE ME (TEAM HEALTHY) ❤
Comment i always delete them, the best thing is go team healthy, yes Doctor Carter, feeling like i lost myself turning against my narcissist, it is like o no, thats all i felt out of place, than exploded, into madness, cause im not supposed to treat my own one family member, put that troubled person in there place, i know what i am , but trying to come to any sense about dum coldblooded, i felt out of place, i took the horror and like said bad
I literally hated myself because of feeling so beaten down by the narcs in my life. I married into a family full of narcs. I am very-low contact with them, and I do not miss the drama that they brought into my life. I have very little tolerance for these childish, selfish behaviors. My circle has gotten a lot smaller these past few years, but I am okay with that. I learned to love myself again and feel better than ever.
Your support, kindness, and warmth are so appreciated. It’s so important we surround ourselves with healthy, emotionally intelligent examples……such clarity in that. Only want to be around respectful kind peeps. 🙃
I’m about 10 days out yesterday I finally blocked on my social medias I’m taking control back of my life I went to ladies book club and prayer meeting something I wasn’t able to do living with him thankfully he only got 2 and a half years of my life
This particular podcast has helped me so because I have been a people pleaser and a marshmallow for my entire life and recently I would say over the last six months I have changed dramatically and become somewhat abrasive and I don't like it there's a part of me that's telling me that oh my gosh you have a backbone all of a sudden and you've never had one before, but the other most part of me says this is not who you are so my abrasiveness allows me to unload my upsets and my pain but at the same time I have to deal with the guilt after because I don't feel like that was okay. So I'm trying to find the equal balance which I've never known in my entire life I have no idea how to
My question for next week: The thing that keeps me from leaving the narcissist in my life is the what if's. What if I leave and it's worse for me and the kids? What if I'm wrong and he's not a narcissist? What if I'm the problem? What if I regret leaving, there's no going back? We have tried to make it work and the bad times aren't changing, but there are times that are good, what if I miss those times. What if I never have good times again? How do I work through this?
Amanda, if your husband doesn't threaten you so that you MUST leave for the Sake of your kids there's another way to treat the situation with children involved, you can separate WITHIN the marriage and find stability and love in your personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He's your creator and your Saviour who loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. You won't solve all the "what ifs" in your life anyway if you don't TRY. In Germany, we got a saying "No risk, no gain". That's IT.
I finally realized I live with a Narc who operates in different degrees. I keep thinking I am or will be able to do or say something that will finally work but I am realizing it never changes. Is there any hope of change or am I setting myself up for continued failure. I don’t have much option of separating. I have tried to “find myself” in other ways and with other people who help me heal.
Sorry to hear this Kathleen, i could i could make it work but a narc is good at letting you run without moving. Today i see that no hope about her, my ex. Good chance that everything you do will be a failure even if you do good things. That is what happen to me. Hope everything goes better for you but my take on this is if you can move on from a person like that. They won't change.
If you stay, u need to live in a parallel life with not expecting love and partnership from the narc if the narc permits. That's how many survive in long term narc relationships. Polite interactions, but living separate ways.
That is EXACTLY what I did and thought! To a T! I had no option of separating either and I tried to find myself and learn coping mechanisms so I could survive. I, like you, kept thinking I would be able to say or do something that would finally change him, things or whatever, but I realized at some point that it wouldn’t ever change. It’s still hard for me to write that or believe that. I want to believe the best (it’s my nature) and I’m too naive. Now I’m going through the discard phase. I’m with you
Do it! And do with being very careful! I did,it's not being sneaky or anything like that! For your own good, you have to believe in yourself, gather the strength ,and go for it! And don't look back, just walk/ proceed,you will get there! I did ,you can too 🙌🧡
Just go with the pain, it's not a quick fix. You have been traumatised and need time to heal. Be with people who allow you to be you. Eventually you will see the end of the tunnel. 🙂
Don’t explain don’t defend
It's a truly powerful tool. 👍
It NEVER works. Reasoning doesn't connect with them. So actually, I don't feel a necessity to explain of defend my self to anyone any more, unless they happen to be really caring and I need to see my own faults! His looping thought patterns just confused me any way.
And don't react, tk time breath and respond instead carefully
This is so helpful, because those attacking you get you in such turmoil and you can spin out, yet when I finally stopped trying to plead that people should side with my family, and not those who physically abused my children & myself, I finally realized how messed up it is that I ever had to plead my case in the first place. Whomever wants to try to defend violent criminals, is wrong. I won’t let them spin me out in the anguish of pleading those I hoped would side with me, to side with me. Instead, I just cut those type of people who would actually side with those who physically assaulted my children & myself out of my life, even if it was my own mother & my own siblings. I had to get out, to heal from growing up in a family that would side with those physically assaulting my sons & myself. Accepting such a reality, instead of trying to get them to see their wrong, let me stop pleading with those abusing my family to love us or like us enough to side with us over those harming us. It is so freeing to be past that stage of not understanding I could just walk away from abusive family versus trying to make them a part of my family’s healing. We heal without our abusers, not with them.
Dang…so real. If you do these
Things a lot you def were affected by these sick people
I separated from The Narc X on 9/25/2021. Divorced since 5/5/2022
A lot of what you have said in your videos helped me have the courage to do so.
I’m right there with you. 💐
Best wishes, Lori, as you go into your new phase!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you!
Its helping me thank you,it still sucks that my sister is mental, im mental a little but,this sucks yes it hurts the pain from your own blood to be so different yea i put up with cramp from her ,but i told her off it hurts me im sorry our blood is hurtful they say maybe we all are a little narcissist, im no good but im a true caring person for family i watch TV the ordeals of people the people that kill every body trying to understand anger jealous, depression,love natural human i always try to be,but it sucks when you see people really have blood that hurt people, my sister no murder im a drug addict, but its like no natural human being blood to retards,im a big retard but my sister is full blown narcissist, just like the regular narcissist not the evil wicked narcissist, i dont need my sister to hurt,its natural for family to want the best for there lifes, death sucks, pain sucks i was always trying healthy relationship with sister, every dum way narcissist can be is her, a nut we love or blood i still love her with family power,of the heart, Im supposed to tell her normal life,save her soul i can't save my own soul i believe in my heavenly father the holy spirit has well you know because your normal your natural human, im just a sinner, but i care for people, people suffer ,ok Lord i dont like feeling un easy,being a sinner is bad enough but to be feeling weird about having bad thoughts towards my sister like im not human well i guess you can't help you your family is its just i never mistreated her and when i did it was like destroying her soul the feeling of the pain of my heart drop so life is hurtful except it i guess thank ya doctor its bad this mental stuff, i love my sister im trying to have strength a lot of family's dont like hurting each other, forgive ness, i know the devil has took me right where he needs me off track my Lord i trust he want send me to hell i will send myself but i dont need the devil to do his job and destroy family i hate stuff but its hard to talk with my sister, the mental stuff makes her have no compassion no feeling of natural feel good compassion they are human they are human of course they have physical pain heart pain brain pain i guess im just going to tell her she knows i have always been authentic, sister to her but the way you put they can't change your right it got bizarre they get worse at age its sucks, i drown my self in bad thoughts the drugs the devil was no help my sick mind ,any how thank ya Doctor C yes sir im trying i wish things was not bad but it happen i cry yes sir im just going to keep my love deep for my sister that dont change, thank ya im a nut but you are very much helping people have peace we all love or family's its my heart to know im human and i can think about other people life there hate there love there suffering there joy there normal life like Doctor C a good man with good wife and doggie he has honor in his heart that helps people, he cares for people he is doing his best
That was affirmation upon affirmation. 💞 To have someone confirm you are making the right decisions, moving along your personal path, feeding your soul the healthy foods... It's like being allowed to breathe again.
Thank you.
You are so welcome. There were more comments to share, but we ran out of time. I love this community. #TeamHealthy
@@SurvivingNarcissism Me, TOO!!! 😊☕
Like being allowed to breathe again.
Spot on 👍🏽
@@SurvivingNarcissism
And we luvv yuu tu. 🤠.
I was never a "Jesus freak"(that's what we used to call them...) But, after years of the narc abuse in all its forms and having my moral compass being continually assaulted, literally...& having my health deteriorate, I found the strength to get out through my faith... I'm going into my senior years with a renewed hope and a bouyant spirit for tomorrow. Having this channel on YT that is free to watch and on MY schedule has been a tool of immeasurable value! I want to thank EVERYONE who participates here... and ESPECIALLY Dr. Carter.💖
I am so happy you found peace and strength.
Death is a friend, he gives us all peace in the end.
@@keplermission4947 ??? what you talkin' 'bout, Willis?... death ain't no "friend" to those who love life! Peace to you...go away now.
@@dandyfowler8826 Death is a gentleman, he makes good losers of us all. You'll get peace in the end, that firearm kind of the "Colt Peacemaker", a famous piece of Americana and popular with ranchers, Dr.C living in Texas of course as he does - but in a real expensive town. Not Watts in LA.
Amen, all counsel leads to the peace and whole spirit of Love Anointed which is what Christ's Love is. There is no hurt or abuse with the fullness of God's Love. Unkindness and fear are what cause death of God's Holy Spirit of Peace and causes death of God's Love- 'The body is dead without spirit just as faith without works is dead' James 2:26. And so God's #Loveisnotacortisol stress hormone caused by abuse and unkindness. Jesus Christ is returning quickly for Healing All Nations and Heaven on Earth as promised for The Promised Land to come... we just need to trust and learn to walk in spirit...Galatians 5:16 -23 🙏🙏🙏
Be aware of a narcissist that tries to apologize to you only to take them back/forgive them, but then turn around and blame you for it. It's never genuine with them! 💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
They chase fantasies!!
@@charlottemuller2233 excellent point. I was called last week a year after discard. He presented a loving speech and offered a summer trip. But I know to listen, and heard the "I've learned I have to accept you are hopeless and will never improve". So when he "permitted" me to speak i asked how could I go on a driving trip with him when he has twice stormed out of restaurants leaving me with the bill and no way home in the past? WOW his tone blew up and the rage spewed. So I quietly said, so you had no responsibility? NO. And this is an example here of you accepting that I'm hopeless and useless? Cuz you are very angry, again. He hung up. So got it, if I can be a cardboard 2 dimensional person that fits his fantasy, cool, but real me is still unacceptable and will be punished. Back to no contact. He can live in fantasy.
So true. Thank you for sharing that!
Absolutely. It's for the record, or to engineer a time extension to hoover and feed their supply. It's almost a survival technique for them.. otherwisie they'starve'. I wonder if it's also used with trauma bonding?
ive just experienced that , i had no contact for nearly a year then i ended up in hospital with a few months to live so i got in touch , thinking this nde would change things and we might be able to start conversing like adults , but no...it was 10 x worse , (getting cancer was all my fault , for eating macds ) they started looking for everything to critisise so much i had to get rid of them .
i dont mean they are in the freezer , i had to write and tell them in no uncertain terms its over , im 57 not 15 . now i am almost free , thanks to grannon lifecoach and Dr C. xx
Regarding pain:
Some people feel the rain, other people just get wet.
Feeling the pain is a gift.
Great way to frame it.
Bob Marley I have that on my wall 💯😇
I had to go with separation last year! I took my ex narcissist husband's abuse for a decade, till I really got mentally sick,cried every day for 7 months straight, while dealing with the court. I didn't do it just for me ,but our kids well being! Because, I know all that horrible stuff they have been experiencing, they will have to do their healing in their later life,and I know that,because I was abused as a kid,and growing up! No more! Time to brake all these generational cords! Me and kids are in a much better place now 💛
Think everyone should work on themselves and go to a therapy, before get in a relationship, especially, when people decide to make a family 🧡
I love it! You’re right to do it for the well-being of your children. I stayed until my last child was 17 which was late. I’m praying the Lord will have mercy on them and help them to be healthy anyway. And, many of them are. Some are still struggling with what they encountered with their father whilst growing up. I also pray for my ex so that he will be healed from his own childhood traumas as well. God bless you!
@@cynthiaihej9913 , trust me,try not to consume your head about your ex at all! Focus on yourself, do stuff that you love and wanna do🥰Do you,and kids,love yourself 🧡 You are also somebody's daughter, you are a lady❤
Well done 💛
Yes breaking the cycle of generations is so hard to do. I did it too. Well done
@@AnnieGrace777 ,💛
“ I’m not responsible for your feeling’s “ is what I discovered years ago dealing with narc husband
Same, except it's ex wife. Being treated like trash because of her insecurities, that I tried endlessly to comfort her from. Never felt so worthless.
@@theyrealltaken3 Too bad, feeling like a piece of southern ... trash says you've arrived at mental health issues. "Stonewall Jackson was trash himself, him and Lee, and all the rest of them Rebs ... you too". From Jack Palance in the movie "Shane".
Seeing behind the curtain and understanding does help me stay centered. Its wonderful and continues to get better the more I learn.
Seeing behind the funeral curtain is right, remembering Death is uppermost among Doctors and giving up the wonderful is hard for some to accept. The more you learn, the more you'll see how unimportant we all are. But Dr. C did help people see behind the smoke and mirrors curtain that narcissists hide their daggers behind.
I agree with the first comments.your teachings. It makes me so much better each time I, seeing and hearing you. Question, how old is Gus?He is always sleeping on the couch or is very good dog. He is such a pretty dog. I am a animal person.
I agree with the first comments.your teachings. It makes me so much better each time I, seeing and hearing you. Question, how old is Gus?He is always sleeping on the couch or is very good dog. He is such a pretty dog. I am a animal person.
Self awareness is power
The best line that I will use… “Your evaluation of your self worth is not a committee decisions, so stop letting them have a vote. .. I am not collecting ballots here!” 25:34
One day I caught myself saying, “I hate myself.” A voice inside asked, “Why?” I started thinking of all of my reasons and realized that they were all physical (fat, ugly, etc). Then that little voice asked, “What about your personality?” I realized that I like my personality. I don’t hate myself. I just hate my looks. But my personality is what counts. That started my positive self-talk
Integrity matters most!
I was able to stop thoughts like that by immediately after the thought apologizing to God for (my participation in) belittling one of his creations (me). After I'd done that long enough I realized I wasn't putting myself down anymore. I guess the devil wasn't getting enough payoff from my self hatred given that I always apologIized to God immediately afterwards. It feels so much better not doing that.
I love how you call us team healthy such a positive spin. You have helped me so much every time I listen to you it lifts me up.
So pleased!
My highest priority: To not become like them. I permit myself not to engage with them. And there are a lot of them!
I feel you on that, after I had a sort of PTSD and was scared of others, I started inadvertently playing the same role as my persecutor in picking on others in order to protect myself. I had to address that immediately and with honesty. The solution is to become a better person, to not be fearful and project issues etc. It's also to ensure that you don't make yourself vulnerable in practically inviting people like this into your life because they can see you're damaged. It's our duty to become truely stronger people, rather than give the illusion of strength through fear.
Loving that ... your self worth isn't a committee decision... that's pure gold right there. What really irks me with mine is that when they're life is bad you suffer when your life is bad you safer but theirs is still sweet as a nut! Doesn't bother them at all! They're truly totally self absorbed ✌
I had to miss this live session due to my NPD mothers memorial service. She was 91. Of course my brothers and I had to make sure it was a lovely expensive affair as my mothers power reaches beyond the grave. This is the last time I will have to put on the “my mother is wonderful show” so I am trying to find relief in that. I still have anger toward her but am working hard to get rid of it. My two brothers get a lot of satisfaction from the pretense and never clued into my mom. It is lonely. Thanks Team Healthy, there are a lot of warm hearted kind people here.
Hi Pamela. It is indeed lonely when you are the one in the family who sees it clearly. But as you say, there is no more need for the pretense. Freedom!
Great session today Dr. C! There's a lot of wisdom out in Team Healthy.
Dr. C you’re helping way more people than I bet you ever thought. People all over the world hear your messages.
When my dad died when I was 24 I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I would never earn his love. When I started learning about narcissism in my mid 50s I realized he was a narcissist. A year ago (age 59) I realized that I never had the chance to earn his love at any time in my life because he wasn’t capable of loving. It was a reflection of him, not me
Exactly.
@@SurvivingNarcissism the knowledge is very freeing
@@eph2vv89only1way Exactly. I finally realize that my husband (of 58 years!) is king of the narcissists! I am 86 and too old to hope for any change from him. But you are young and wiser than I have been and I hope the information we glean from Dr C.helps you and all of us who follow his counsel to find the peace we deserve in our relationships. My mantra is “Seek the TRUTH and the truth will set you FREE.” I hope you will find this strengthening, too. Thankful that we are blessed with Dr Carter’s expertise! I’m pulling for you, Elizabeth 🇺🇸
@@e.conboy4286 I’m not young (but not old either). I was 24 when my dad died, but I am 60 now. I left my narc ex 5 years ago and our divorce has been final for 4.
I am thankful to a friend who, knowing that I love knowledge and learning about science and psychology, began posting articles about narcissism and gaslighting on her Facebook. I read them just for knowledge sake. That was when I recognized my then husband in the articles. Then he was arrested for sexually abusing my daughter and exploiting her in a way that would have been trafficking if money was involved. I dumped his pathetic butt.
After the divorce I asked my friend if she posted the articles specifically for me knowing that I would read them for interest and hoping that I would see the truth. She admitted that she did. She was wise in doing it this way because I probably wouldn’t have seen it if she had just told me that she suspected he was a narc. When I was growing up I didn’t know I was being abused (both physically and narcissistic) because it wasn’t as bad as the horror stories you see on the news. When I was married I didn’t realize I was being abused because it wasn’t as bad as it was growing up.
But thankfully I am out and safe now
@@e.conboy4286 I should mention that it’s never too late to get to safety and happiness. Even someone who is 110 and with one day left to live has a right to be safe and happy for that one day
I read verses in the Bible...Jeremiah 1: 5 (talks about how God knew us before he formed us in the womb, reminded me that I am worth something no matter what anyone says), Hebrews 11:1 (having faith and conviction in God's plans for us), Deuteronomy 29:29 (reminds me that there is so much we will never know, and just because I don't know everything, it doesn't mean I'm stupid. I pray God will guide me the rest of the way), and my favorite on Psalms 23 while living the best I can as a human being day by day. It's as if the Bible served and still serves as an Instruction Manual for all of our questions and worries. No matter what happens, no one will make me believe I'm too stupid, with not enough education (no Master's Degree or Ph.D), unsightly and unattractive, etc. etc. etc. Yet, at the same time, God made other people too. Let them go, and let God deal with them. Just move forward, forgive myself for being so naive and in denial, and not listening to others who really did have my best interests at heart. This was what helped me get better. It still helps. This is what helps me handle the pain, and confusion, and days where I regress and feel anger again. I was 60 years old when I started to learn...so no, no, no... it is never too late to learn, to change, to keep trying. And YES...Team Healty is the best. It's where you will be treated with kindness, caring, and love.
colleen: you might enjoy the old song 🎵 "In Christ Alone" has a beautiful message
@@lifewithapurpose237 Absolutely. And though there are many truly kind, caring and good people out there, God who created everything, and knows everything is definitely leading "Team Healthy" with Dr. Les Carter as His human Leader. I have faith in this, just as I do for a flight deck crew when I step on board an airplane. Thank you for your kindness and thoughtfulness! 🥰
@@colleenjl9474 MARANATHA, Sister beloved! 🙏👰💖 I think pastor #JD Farag YT channel might be of interest for you if you don't know him already! The rapture of the church saints is near anyway, Jesus is coming! 🙏💖
We were raised without developing velcro for kindness, comfort, support. Our velcro receives hostility, belittlement, cruelty, abandonment. Developing better velcro requires being around those who throw kind, supportive, encouraging velcro balls at us.😊
Mary L, I love that analogy!❤❤
Thats how i was raised too…it tok me 50 years to understand what was wrong with my family…now i see the patterns and learned behaviour us children…i had to go no contact with my twin sister a year ago…ive had enough of negativity, critisism, bullyung, i mean shocking behaviour…i found happiness and freedom when i left her..sometimes i think about her, but im disconnected now…i have learned so much about myself, and i can see my narcissistic traits…but im selfaware now, and have tools and understanding thanks to Dr Carter…thank you so much 😃😃
I hate my mother. I know God tells us not to but I can't help it. My life has been hell for 45 years because she never should have had children and the crazy evil woman raised four of us with my youngest sibling dying from prescription drug overdose and i know it's because he was depressed even though he was doted on by my mother(I'm the only child she hates) and then she raised 3 of my nieces and nephews and they're all terribly narcissistic. I can't handle even being around them, they're so toxic. I started therapy, maybe I'll heal. God isn't supposed to give us more than we can handle but my scars speak differently.
Kathy, I’m so sorry for what you’ve experienced. I used to feel that hate too. But feeling hate did not bring me peace. I was, in fact miserable. I did not like feeling hate, contempt, or begrudged, on top of fear, guilt and shame. I desperately wanted peace and contentment. I really hope through your therapy and Team Healthy that you can eventually find peace. It’s a journey, that’s for sure, but it’s worth it because you are worth it!!! You are worthy of living a life you love! My life is far from perfect 😄 but I have found peace through understanding narcissism. And I feel empowered by my knowledge and I won’t let another person abuse me like my mother and my brother did. I’ve learned to love myself and acknowledge that I’m a pretty good person and it’s not my responsibility to prove myself to them. Take it or leave it baby! This is me! Hahaha
My best wishes and hopes for you.
i can understand , ive just had to get rid of my mum and sis after 50 + years of put downs , i didnt understand all this then i read a book i would recommend to everyone , its explains all this toxic family stuff , its ' A new primal scream' By Dr arthur janov .
Read Psalm 139 that's who YOU are in the eyes of God, not of men. Men are sinners, that's why their hearts are evil and their ways crooked. You're a sinner before God too but He loves you so much that He would die for you and be punished instead. JESUS will heal your scars, you won't find them in heaven anymore, likewise those who hurt you. 🙏💖
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER amen 🙏❤
Your explaination of your situation is almost identical to my situation to the last detail. My mother is 81.with COPD I took care of her 6 month ago with double pneumonia almost on the verge dieing however she bounced back very strong after I moved in and took meticulous care of her.. I love her and wish her the best of health !! I have learned The less of a flying monkey I am the less abusive she is. God Bless 💗
I am 71. Many of us grew up in narcissistic homes- whether the scapegoat or the invisible child- not worthy of value, love, respect, dignity, civility, inclusion. Treated as someone with leprosy, resulting in deep holes and wounds in our hearts and emotions. Then we married & divorced narcissists. Now we have adult children who are narcissists .... the cycle never ends ..... although now I am "free" of narcissists - I am all alone as a result, don't have friends, don't really know who I am.... I wonder what it's like to be loved, respected, appreciated, "included" - instead of being rejected, disparaged, living life on the periphery, the fringe, the outside looking in. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to be a Mrs Les Carter in the world - a person who is loved unconditionally loved, valued, appreciated, respected, included as a member of a "team Carter" marriage & family. ... I have no personal frame of reference - never have seen it up close and personal. ... Cannot even IMAGINE what that kind of friendship and relationship would be like... . I just want the pain and loneliness to end. Don't believe in suicide, but look forward to death which will finally end this excruciating sorrow and pain and loneliness. Every day and night is agony. Just "hearing or reading" that you are a person of worth and value is does not really help much when you are isolated and all alone in the world at the age of 71.
🙏❤
You gotta go through it to get it.One thing at a time, one day at a time.
I feel like we’re in a secret club getting well and strong. Thank you to you and your listeners. I look forward to our time together a few times a day while I walk through my situation with a narcissist.
Keep learning!! Glad to be on the path with you.
I now feel comfortable enough (after 22 years) to tell my ex husband narcissist “believe what you want I’ll believe what I know.” That shuts him up, and makes him back off.
This is helpful. Hearing other's comments brings a bit more light into my situation. I've healed to the point that sometimes I feel sorry for the 3 narcs in my life. They have no intention of improving themselves as most people do strive to improve. They are so blind about it all.
We cannot change them it's their personality. We stay through to ourselves. Peace
@@pope1089 but they expect us to bend and change constantly for them ,
I don’t feel sorry for them at all. Always remember that they never felt sorry for you.
I was told "You keep trying to make me a better person. I don't want TO BE a better person."💡🤔
I like the Old comment because that terrified me as well!!! It’s one of the reasons I kept going back - to my husband - I’m going to b 58 and I’m leaving finally!!! I won’t have the comfort of my beautiful home - but I realized it is nothing more than a beautiful prison!! As he isolated me and I know no one in my town. I am very social and have many talents that he snuffed out with his raging and darkness - and I fell into his darkness with him - addictions - I also found my faith in God and I trust in God and my friends - who are all there for me - I see the light again - in myself and the world!! I have a battle ahead re the divorce - I have not served him yet - but soon - so take heart !!! If I can get out after 20 years of affairs stds - financial abuse - emotional abuse - and more! You can do it!!! I’m praying for all of you - God wants your light to shine!!! Yay Team Healthy!!! 🙏❤️
This is true, living with narcs has forced me to see the negative parts I played. I have grown for the better because of the abuse. The assistant Pastor I had used to say ,"It can make you better or bitter"
Grateful to GOD for Dr. C & Team Healthy 💗🙏🕊🤗🫶🙌
Thank you Dr. Les Carter...For the inspiration to respect ourselves & accept ourselves as we are :)
I’ve found the best way to heal is to concentrate on something else you love ( my position in Christ)
I'm with you!
Amen! Jesus is so good.
The Lord's love and care for us is the ONE constant in this life. Ps. 56:9 This I know, God is for me.
Without Jesus I would not have survived the decades of covert abuse nor would I have had the strength to make a new life. See you in Glory!
@@gailrosenberg48 AMEN MARANATHA! 🙏👰💖 He's coming so very SOON now! Taking us out of here 💥🆙⬆️🙋 1 Thessalonians 4:17
The 50yr old narcissist I dealt with told a story numerous times about when he was a child he swore he would never cry again. From what I learned his father was a abusive malignant narcissist as well. The 50yr old narcissist 'caught' narcissism and is determined to be even better at it than the father. His 3 daughters are doing the same. Being in it you may decide that the old saying is true- if you can't beat them, you might as well join them. The brain- washing that's done can also cause you to believe that the narcissist way of behavior is the right way. You see their manipulation of others works. So you may try it- if you get results you do it again. With the narcissist's encouragement. There is so many ways that the narcissist infects people with narcissism. So yes I believe that you can catch narcissism. But does that make you a narcissist? NO. Not if you recognize and change those behaviors. The cure is caring about yourself and others. Not wanting to cause hurt as you have hurt.
After many decades I realize that I never knew anyone in my family, strangers that utilize the word "family" as a form of leverage.
Very helpful to hear the woman who said she realized her father wasn’t going to be part of her healing. This is something I’ve had to accept.
Dr C I watch you every
Week ; thank you/ I am and was told how messed up I am and on a consistent basis ….i am listening to you on uplifting myself … I am exhausted - I am learning slowly not to listen to their ‘gaslighting’
And it true the narcissist brings out my worst … and taking responsibility for my thoughts and actions and selfblame. I have to learn to be honest learn where it comes from and love myself.. it hard after years of being told how inept I am (I am not) although I do make mistakes …
Wish the world was better but I had no help or instruction. I am now almost 60 taking action. Thank you 🙏 one thing I am being shown by the person is what I don’t want to be … accusatory never happy and
Chronically critical of others … I want none of that
Great session.
My self help is ..just as you say .. just say no to their negitive contact.
My best friend many years ago said. When you feel beaten up. Remember to live one day at a time and let God do the worrying for you.
Talk to God or your inter spirit for a while taking a walk. You'll escape from your narcissist, even for a short while.
Your best friend is right but you also need forgiveness of sins before God through Jesus Christ. That will fix the problem not only for a short while but FOREVER. 🙏
When my narc told me I do NOTHING (I work full-time and do all the house work) he us unemployed and does little. I held to his comment and literally did NOTHING...just went to work and ate b4 I came home. After that, anytime he mentioned being hungry or a dirty house, I'd just say..." well, perhaps you should find a woman who does things because I don't do anything...
Go "No Contact"!
The best and only way!
Excellent insights.
Way to go, Team Healthy!
Thanks for sharing.
I find it's a constant battle between the urge to lash out at the hypocritical narcissist (and getting into trouble) and being wise and strategic.
I find the urge to lash out is there.
They want us to lash out, starve him.
@@ccdm515 I know. It's playing into their hands. Better to be strategic and not play the game at all. Nobody wins at this game.
Thank you Dr. C. from Centreville, Virginia. Since discovering you my life has changed dramatically for the better! I loved today's Midweek topic. God bless you.
You are so welcome, Joan!
I keep losing jobs because of narcs. I'm pennyless an I'm sick of it. I put everything into work an I keep getting narced. I'm sick to death of it. From Ireland. Narc free work space be a dream
feel for you pope, not sure how to handle work place narc...t. some say document everything, save 📧 emails, text messages and any form of communication you have with them. try to always have a second person present as witness when communication with the narc...t.
Dear friend check out #Limerick City Church Keith Malcolmson about the Great Reset and other topics of TRUTH. The narc free era is yet to come when Jesus Christ returns. He will judge all of them. SOON. 🙏💖
Thank God for my cousin said yiu are married to a narcissistic person and she got me your videos to watch and learn and help me heal and teach me what to do and not to do.hardest part is I raised his children one and a half and three when we met. I always saw and said he was Dr. JEKYLL and Mr. HIDE hardest part I could not see until I caught him cheating on me with a gal he was with before me 30 years ago and found out..and everything Dr. Carter is saying I've been through the being ugly and letting him pull me down to his level I'm going to look behind the curtain and be the good person I have always tried to be in life..thank you Dr. Carter for your insight and helping me move on to better life and get back to being the caring woman I want to be again
I also took responsibility for the part I played in my relationship with a narcissistic individual. I realised I was projecting my own desires for a happy family onto him, seeing him as that ‘one and only’ true love. I had to take my rose coloured glasses off and face the harsh reality that was that he never really loved me. The reality was harsh, but I didn’t have to be harsh on myself, so I decided to exercise mindfulness, self-compassion and kindness toward myself instead. It does get better over time.😊
I really respect the way you are figuring it out.
Thank you.. More on healing and the curse of rumination on the ruthless deceptions of the narcs.
✨🕊💖🙏🏼✨
Thanks Dr. C. This has helped me so much. I have been healing from my own extended family siding with my husband’s family when they physically abused myself & my children. It’s been so hard, yet thank Heavens my husband, myself & our children are all together and healing from both our families ganging up on us, and all standing with violent men in both our families over us. It’s been so difficult, yet we are so grateful to now be raising our children far from violence & those who take the side of violence. Thanks for these pep talks, because they truly help me.
I love this… I feel like I am getting the permission to better myself, which is something I have never had in my life. Thank you Dr. C and thank you to those who shared their experience.
Yes, some of us have, I'm struggling and not sure what to do to move forward. Yes, the pain says alot,
I started to trust my own inner guidance and treat myself the way I want to be treated.
Yes!
Yeah we would love to know more about our teacher of course!!!! How do you know so much about narcissism??? Usually it takes a very experienced survivor of it to truly understand it to such a level… or even half of what you teach!
I became a friend to myself......yes. thank you for that.
You are so welcome
New to this channel, EAP counselor recommended this. I'm so happy she did! Great work, Thank you!
You're quite welcome. BTW, the midweek programs are my favorite. It lets me know my viewers better.
I am stuck living with my narcissist husband because he refuses to move out! I am disabled (Polycystic Kidney/Liver Disease) and have no income. Five years ago, he finally "took his mask off" and showed the real him because he doesn't feel the need to impress me, since , according to him,I'm sick and unattractive and apparently, useless to him. He chases other women and told me he has the right because "just look at yourself" he says. He's just cruel and unfeeling. I feel I've wasted the past 5 years of my life praying and hoping things will get better. He has said he doesn't want me or a relationship.
This channel has made me realize that things will never get better and I need to focus on finding "me" again and start healing from his abuse. I am 56 years old and thankful that my children are all grown. I am so glad that I found this channel and am now motivated to start living my life again! Thank you so much for your sage advice!
Rhonda, try to find your personal relationship with Jesus Christ who will take care of ALL of your problems in the past present and future, also healthwise. You don't need to leave nor bother about your marriage. HE will do it and take you into heaven eventually. Check out #JD Farag YT channel for more information. We will leave ALL the narcs behind and NEVER see them again! 🙏💖
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER Yes, I do have a relationship with Him. Without it, life would be unbearable at times. He has given me hope and I know I can trust Him and that He loves me unconditionally 💓
Thank you for your kind words.
I so appreciate this discussion about pain. It’s something I’ve struggled to understand and mistakenly told myself “you just need to get over it” or “ you just need to move on.” I’m grateful for the idea that pain is there for a reason and it can be instructive!🤯 So many great comments I can’t even count them. I need to listen again a few times to soak it all up! Thanks to all of Team Healthy for great questions and comments!
Dr C, I think there are people who are “immune” (for lack of a better word) to narcissism. Do you know what I mean? My mother was a true blue, through and through narcissist, but my dad did not let her bother him. He was not her flying monkey. All her huffing and puffing and discontent did not seem to affect my dad. He was so content with himself and with life till the day he died. He genuinely loved my mom, which in many ways I don’t get, but he didn’t allow her to get under his skin, so to speak. He would let her rant and he’d just blow it off. Only once, in my whole childhood, did I EVER see him even raise his voice at her. She was yelling at him about who knows what, complaining, as usual, and he said in a very loud voice “I’M TRYING WOMAN!!!” My dad never yelled or used profanity. I think my husband is also immune to narcissism. He had to deal with my mother and my brother over the years and he just never allowed them to manipulate him or guilt him into anything. I was always struggling in my relationship with them and he’d say “why do you believe them?” Or “why do you let them do that to you?” But I had grown up under the umbrella of “you better, you have to, you should, you need to, why haven’t you?” I was so fearful and I would always think “how is my husband so fearless?” This was before I understood anything about narcissism.
Do you think there are immune people? And if so, what can we learn from them? I would describe both my father and husband as confident, peaceful, independent, problem solving, no fuss, content with life individuals. When I struggled with my family I would often think “ok,how would Jim (husband) handle this?” But I often lacked the guts and the confidence to do it like him. Ugh! The fear of condemnation would often win out. 😜
As a Christian myself I would say people who don't define their personality and being by other people's opinions but by GOD who created them are pretty immune to narcissism. If you begin to read your Bible (starting with Psalms perhaps) you will get an idea of that. Hopefully, you will find your personal relationship with Jesus Christ too. Blessings your way! 🙏💖
Hey this goes onto your BEST OF list. Thanxxxxx.
I compare quitting smoking to quitting the narcissist , never quit quitting 😅
I love u ❤Dr. C! I love u team Healthy❤so grateful for u all🕊🙏💗🙌😄
You are quite welcome.
I just love this channel. You are a gifted humanitarian. ❤️👍
Thank you so much
It is amazing that your wife sings opera, tell her thanks from me for taking care of the Doctor!
You got it!
Thank you so much sir, and thank you Team Healthy! I only stayed with these presentations because it is such a safe warm community.
Hello Team Healthy-Hello Dr C
Separating from my controlling ex, made me believe in myself... I've regained my assertiveness... I do still feel guilty sometimes, but I'm getting stronger...and with a new partner in my life who is completely understanding, I can look forward to a happier and new life. Thank you.
Hard to realize after 45+ years what was and is still going on ; gas, gas, gas lighting (slow for max effect)inflict an injury, a personal blow to even the most sensitive, the possession of your own thoughts. Narcissism must be a big part of the answer. Thank you!
Thank you dr 🙏🏻
Dealing with these types of ppl is so life altering, I stayed cuz I had a child to raise, but as we all no these narcissist go arnd and destroy other relationships, so when u don't have many ppl or family and they go arnd ruining those relationships its a really heart breaking thing,
My intuition led me to your videos, and I am SO grateful. I'm in the recovery phase after leaving a toxic situation, wherein I was dealing with covert narcissism, flying monkeys, the gamut. I am so proud of myself for taking the experience and becoming stronger and healthier for it; and your videos are making my recovery time SO much easier. THANK YOU. I'm honored to be a part of Team Healthy!
Hi I’m wondering how you’ve dealt with the flying monkeys. I know they’re coming my way
Very encouraging to read this, Ani. Keep leaning forward and thanks for including me on your journey!
@@cynthiaihej9913 They've already texted me, gaslighting, blaming me for how I was treated, asking ME to explain myself. I just replied I was focused on moving forward, on getting healthier and happier, and that I wished the very same for THEM. I didn't acknowledge their blaming comments or their attempts to bait me into explaining myself and my choices. Essentially, I said, BYE FELICIA, in a kind and civil manner.
Great session Dr! You don’t know how timely this is for me. They did get me to react instead of respond. I became defensive and angry. I’m going to go back to being me. Let them scream away… I refuse to be like that anymore… and I’m reading through the comments and they are really good too. 👍
So pleased!!
Thank you for helping me start the process of letting go of the hold this man that I loved and served to no end but this toxic hold has to release me asap! The hardest thing is the reality of not having the love I so desperately need right now or think that I need. But I know full well that it is me that I need to love again, I have to start all over with me again. I've completely lost myself, I don't like who I am when I'm with this person and my self-esteem is non-existent. I can't even express the anguish and the pain that comes out of my chest just at the very thought of him but coming across your videos the other day I've listened to you and I've listened to you all day today is helping me wake up and remember who I am and how strong I once was I can be again. And I can say that God has Mercy because I could never afford a therapist and in this relationship I have dumbed myself down so much that I had forgotten what a healthy relationship should be like and I thank God above and you for being here.
So glad I found this channel. I left a toxic situation over a year ago and my health and happiness has improved significantly. This channel is fantastic and a wealth of insight and wisdom.
Pleased, Helmut!
My belief, my healing ❤️🩹. After I understood what was happening and why (people navigated towards me and wrapped me up with love, care, and consideration who I did not know or understand…I often thought “What do you want from me?” ) My LPCS taught me to “let strangers-who may be ANGELS-love you…she said pretend that you see ‘Mr. Ras’ in them.” (Mr. Ras is my Father, now resting in peace, RIP/RIH 💞). She turned my world around!!! What I KNOW to be true:: *Just because someone chooses to treat you horribly does not make you a horrible person. That is NOT your problem. Keep loving-give it to others who WANT it-and, plant 🌱 stakes where they grow. Eventually those narcissists will do or say something towards you that your SPIRIT will say, “Enough, this is it.” ⭐️💫✨
“We’re not gonna park on it.”👍
We Are Not A DoorMat To Be Misused & Abused.
Be Safe, Take Care.
~ God❤Bless ~
You are Excellent. Thanks
We Love Ya & can almost feel the atmosphere of your arty home. Its lovely to hear about ur wife. I love Gus!🥰
Thank you so much Dr C. I've been listening to your videos & learned so much about what I'm dealing with. I never knew there was such a thing as a "covert" narcissist. This brings things into perspective.
But this particular video helps me on a path to healing myself. I needed this so much!
Hopefully this is Stage 1 of me getting stronger & getting myself back (and being a better person)
Thank you!
What helped me the most in healing was when I understood the meaning and differences between forgiving and forgetting. Forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free. Radical acceptance is about not holding on to your own anger towards what you can't control. And it mistakenly is interpreted that forgiveness involves others, but it's a self reflection. They don't really care if you forgive them or not. Forgetting is pretending it didn't happen and allowing it to continue. I have learned to forgive but NOT FORGET. Allowing me to better set standards of how I allow others to treat me.
Well said! An important distinction. Never forget, but untangle all the knots and go free.
Interesting podcast. Much "food for thought". Thank you.
Thank you so so much for all you do.
Great comments and advice from Team Healthy, thank you!
I want to say how much I appreciate you, Dr. Carter, and so many lovely followers of this channel. You all have helped me so much in this journey!
I have a question, which I'm not able to put together properly right now, but I hope to be back to post.
Such a good session. Thank you, Dr. Carter and all those who submitted comments that you addressed.
Kudos to Team Healthy!
If I'm not mistaken and someone else didn't say the same think using the same words, it appears you read a comment I posted about how you see yourself not being a committee decision so stop giving narcissistic people a vote. If this is accurate then I am honoured, and it gives me joy to think an observation of mine from my experience might have value for someone else. Thank you.
You got it. I like picking up good notions from my viewers. Thanks!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you. I enjoyed hearing the various perspectives you brought together here from different people. You posed an excellent question.
Thanks Dr. Les, Team Healthy ❤️
#TeamHealthy
LMAO I got comment the other day that I'm listening to the wrong people on UA-cam boy that one was easy to roll off back my head. FREE TO BE ME (TEAM HEALTHY) ❤
Thanks very much Les. I always feel more relaxed and happier with myself after your vlog.
So pleased!
Comment i always delete them, the best thing is go team healthy, yes Doctor Carter, feeling like i lost myself turning against my narcissist, it is like o no, thats all i felt out of place, than exploded, into madness, cause im not supposed to treat my own one family member, put that troubled person in there place, i know what i am , but trying to come to any sense about dum coldblooded, i felt out of place, i took the horror and like said bad
Finish strong ❤️🩹
I literally hated myself because of feeling so beaten down by the narcs in my life. I married into a family full of narcs. I am very-low contact with them, and I do not miss the drama that they brought into my life. I have very little tolerance for these childish, selfish behaviors. My circle has gotten a lot smaller these past few years, but I am okay with that. I learned to love myself again and feel better than ever.
Make sure you watch the video, Recovering Your Worth After Leaving A Narcissist. I'm pulling for you!
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you! I will check it out. Love your videos.
Your support, kindness, and warmth are so appreciated.
It’s so important we surround ourselves with healthy, emotionally intelligent examples……such clarity in that.
Only want to be around respectful kind peeps. 🙃
Pleased!
So greatful for these videos
I meant to say one needs to be patient re the different griefs needing waded through
…i found the stoic philosophy…it helped me a great deal …….
I’m about 10 days out yesterday I finally blocked on my social medias I’m taking control back of my life I went to ladies book club and prayer meeting something I wasn’t able to do living with him thankfully he only got 2 and a half years of my life
Got 40 years to repair, not everything is bad but yet reality tells me I am not who I should be. How do I find myself? Half human.
This particular podcast has helped me so because I have been a people pleaser and a marshmallow for my entire life and recently I would say over the last six months I have changed dramatically and become somewhat abrasive and I don't like it there's a part of me that's telling me that oh my gosh you have a backbone all of a sudden and you've never had one before, but the other most part of me says this is not who you are so my abrasiveness allows me to unload my upsets and my pain but at the same time I have to deal with the guilt after because I don't feel like that was okay. So I'm trying to find the equal balance which I've never known in my entire life I have no idea how to
Balance the need to unload and then need to be true to who you are.
Make sure you see the recent video, 4 Traps The Angry Narcissist Will Pull You Into. Best wishes to you.
Preparing for ready, set, connect
Hope it resonates!
My question for next week:
The thing that keeps me from leaving the narcissist in my life is the what if's. What if I leave and it's worse for me and the kids? What if I'm wrong and he's not a narcissist? What if I'm the problem? What if I regret leaving, there's no going back? We have tried to make it work and the bad times aren't changing, but there are times that are good, what if I miss those times. What if I never have good times again? How do I work through this?
Amanda, if your husband doesn't threaten you so that you MUST leave for the Sake of your kids there's another way to treat the situation with children involved, you can separate WITHIN the marriage and find stability and love in your personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He's your creator and your Saviour who loves you UNCONDITIONALLY.
You won't solve all the "what ifs" in your life anyway if you don't TRY. In Germany, we got a saying "No risk, no gain". That's IT.
I finally realized I live with a Narc who operates in different degrees. I keep thinking I am or will be able to do or say something that will finally work but I am realizing it never changes. Is there any hope of change or am I setting myself up for continued failure. I don’t have much option of separating. I have tried to “find myself” in other ways and with other people who help me heal.
Sorry to hear this Kathleen, i could i could make it work but a narc is good at letting you run without moving. Today i see that no hope about her, my ex. Good chance that everything you do will be a failure even if you do good things. That is what happen to me. Hope everything goes better for you but my take on this is if you can move on from a person like that. They won't change.
Try to separate your energy from the narc
If you stay, u need to live in a parallel life with not expecting love and partnership from the narc if the narc permits. That's how many survive in long term narc relationships. Polite interactions, but living separate ways.
That is EXACTLY what I did and thought! To a T! I had no option of separating either and I tried to find myself and learn coping mechanisms so I could survive. I, like you, kept thinking I would be able to say or do something that would finally change him, things or whatever, but I realized at some point that it wouldn’t ever change. It’s still hard for me to write that or believe that. I want to believe the best (it’s my nature) and I’m too naive. Now I’m going through the discard phase. I’m with you
Don't show any emotions if you can't leave. They only get worse with age.
I'm back in zombie mode. I can't leave. The only thing that motivates me is thinking of what I need to do to leave.
Wishing you strength❤️
Speaking strength in us both.
Hi Les B. What do you need?
Do it! And do with being very careful! I did,it's not being sneaky or anything like that! For your own good, you have to believe in yourself, gather the strength ,and go for it! And don't look back, just walk/ proceed,you will get there! I did ,you can too 🙌🧡
Always be careful,even when they hate you don’t want to leave!!a don’t look back and pray GODS protection!!!
Just go with the pain, it's not a quick fix. You have been traumatised and need time to heal. Be with people who allow you to be you. Eventually you will see the end of the tunnel. 🙂