"OCD"-- slam poetry and mental health awareness | Neil Hilborn | TEDxTeachersCollege
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
- This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Can a poem change the way we talk about mental health? Neil Hilborn shares his experience with OCD and what happened after his poem of the same name went viral.
Neil Hilborn's personal experience with OCD has fueled his creative talent and made him into a most unique mental health advocate. Hilborn's reading of his poem "OCD" at the 2013 Rustbelt poetry slam has received nearly eight million views on UA-cam. Neil has honed his craft as a poet with the 2011 & 2012 Macalester Poetry Slam teams as a poet and a coach respectively. Hilborn has published work in Borderline Magazine and Orange Quarterly; he also founded Thistle-- the Macalester College literary magazine.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
omfg he's so funny and this audience isn't doing anything- this is so upsetting. it's okay to laugh people come on
for reals! I thought the same thing. He's hilarious!
Paige Langley the mic drowns out there audience. they're clapping and stuff but you just can't hear it
Progressives laughing at a man who isn't talking about feminism?
Dream on.
my friend has OCD and she never tells anyone about it until they ask, she does this thing where if she makes a mistake while writing, she throws the paper out, and this girl, her so called "friend" started telling her that she should stop and that she is a bad human being for doing that because she is wasting paper, and she told got annoyed and said "I just want it to be perfect" and her teacher asked if she had OCD and she said yes and that was the first time she ever admitted to someone she wasn't too close to that she had it and I was proud of her
Neil Hilborn is my favorite slam poet. His words are beautiful.
Being a Spoken Word Artist myself I agree with you. His very gifted with his words. if you have time please watch and share my new spoken word video. the link on my channel.
man, the audience made it so awkward.
lawlietcatz they're told to be silent!
Worst audience ever. He cracked some good jokes
+Jerry7Msa ted audiences are usually a lot of snobs with nothing else to do but show up to be seen at ted talks.
Tal vez es porque ellos le pusieron la etiqueta de enfermo mental, y lo ven como un bicho raro, no como una persona con sentimientos; sino simplemente como un enfermo expresándose, no es que no les cause gracia sino está en un contexto de salud mental, esa barrera limita la empatía. Malditos paradigmas y prejuicios.
TEDx talk organisers have very specific instructions for the audience on how they're allowed to react.
"I'm here. I love you. I'm listening."
I still can't talk about it without people rolling their eyes and claiming I'm making it up.
I have OCD, who the hell wants to pretend they have it just to get some moron's attention? It's not fun to have, I hate it.
***** This is the problem with the improper and over use of the term 'OCD'. It has become a way of saying that you simply like things organised in a certain way or are meticulous about one thing or another, My advice would be to learn as much as you can about your condition and when people doubt you or don't take it seriously explain to them exactly why they are wrong. All the best.
Simon Hartley I don't bother mentioning at all, no time for that.
I love your picture
+Dale Bruce I don't bother mentioning my issues cause I growing up I learned that people don't want to hear it. People don't want me around depressing them with my day to day struggles. So I just put on a fake smile. Pretend to laugh and have a good time.. It gets tiresome to have to convince people that it is real. It gets tiresome to keep repeating myself telling the same thing over and over. Why should we have to be obligated to make anyone understand. Why can't they take the time to educate themselves!? If more people would care about more than just themselves then MAYBE we wouldn't have the problem of misunderstandings..Feelings of being unwanted and cared bout
+Simon Hartley most people know the difference between someone who legitimately has OCD, and someone who is using it as an expression. If someone doesn't, well they're not too bright.
'I leave the door unlocked, I leave the lights on' I will never get tired of listening to this again and again! :')
Bearded dude is funny, then sad :(
Lol I looked it up and it was the first one.
He seems like such a sweetheart.
if onlyy the audience was a little better
I love this. I don't like to talk about my OCD or anxiety disorder because I feel like it usually comes off sounding like a call for attention or sympathy. I have tried to speak about it on youtube but its very hard to explain when part of my obsessions is not saying what i fear because I'm afraid if i say it, then it will happen. Im so glad to hear that people in the comments were saying "oh i thought i had OCD but then i watched this and I know I don't." because that has been one of the worst things for me. Hearing people in my classes say "yeah, I think i have OCD because i have to organize my room or I get really annoyed." In middle school my OCD was terrible. I had an obsession with changing clothes every time I thought of my particular fears. I would lie on the ground screaming because I was so exhausted and angry. Trying to explain to so many people that that is not OCD but obsessive compulsive tendencies is kind of hard. It's important for people to know there is a difference. OCD affects your everyday life, obsessive compulsive tendencies do not.
Same
in my family mental illness is something to be ashamed of and swept under the rug,so I can't talk about mine or even take care of it until I move in with my friend a few states away where no one knows me. I am thankful to see this video and to Neil for being open about his OCD. Thank you.
I'm so sorry that you don't have supportive and understanding people in your local area, and I hope that you find help at some point one way or another.
I have the same issue. It's very hard to go through a mental illness by yourself. I hope you do better soon. :)
robyyynnnnn There are different resources available, most of them private, so your family will never know.
when I was young I felt the need to cough every 3 counts. or sniff every 5 seconds. or hold my breath if I miss the count. when my mother would notice she'd yell at me to stop. I just couldn't. If she only knew how I wish I could!!! But it felt like I would die if I didn't. It's hard if your own family does not understand you. I was swept under the rug alright.
"the Future" was the poem that helped me. I have always been such a brutally honest person too, a very expressive, passionate person, and I often find myself telling people anecdotes of nights out, or whatever....and the whole room kind of going uncomfortably silent and I just kind of realise "oh...I said something that's not deemed normal/something very sad/scary again, that i've done, havent I" even though i'm telling the anecdote freely, and laughing about it, nobody else can deal with the stories. But I find that amusing too!
I think he is so adorable
Ashley DiVenere right? id die for him to be my little ocd boy lol
IKR! like I want to marry him!
the things i would to watch neil preform and speak in an intimate place like that, the audience were so dry and it's so sad.
Charlotte Moran they weren't dry it's just his mic drowning out the sound of them
I have to say, I actually enjoyed this version of 'OCD' a lot more than the original. Great job BTW and thank you for sharing :)
His enunciation is much more clear in this version so I can understand it more, however the original version is more real.
i dissagree i feel like the original version is muvh better because he actually felt that way back then so he sounds more convincing. he even states that he got tired of ir because he wasnt delivering it with the same conviction he did before. this one is clearer but the first is more touching
I could not agree with you more
I don't have OCD or any mental health issues (that I'm aware of) but the last part of his speech is just so perfect that everyone should be able to do it.
Some people need to just listen, don't try and help, or lecture, just listen, so that we can share what's going on in our lonely and bottomless thoughts. It's probably the most frustrating thing to someone like myself, who doesn't share feelings or inner most thoughts ever. When I do, most people try to give me a reason as to why that's how I feel, or how to fix how I'm feeling and that's not what I'm looking for when I open up. The inability to listen is what makes me close myself off to people. The frustration caused by not being able to talk freely is detrimental to my mental health.
+Cai Is Me
Well said.
I agree
Beautiful honey. Your far from alone
why is the audience so dead wtf. That's so rude.
i though the same! it was really dead:(
I think it was just the mic was really good at drowning them out. In the beginning you can hear them and they were laughing and then the mic switches and all of the sudden his voice is crisper and the background noise is virtually nonexistent. If the beginning is any indication, they were still laughing, which is also represented in his own little laughs in response.
I've had friends in Audio Visual, they do in fact like to "up" the speaker's mic and "down" the audience and other background noise, for a clearer, crisper sound, more easily heard and understood. I personally have hearing difficulty and appreciate this practice, as many of the slam poems that have worse quality and the audience is as loud as the speaker, I can't hear or understand half of it.
You know what's funny? In the other video where everyone's reacting as he speaks there are many complaining it's rude because they interrupt his performance, guess people love complaining :)
***** What is or isn't rude is subjective lol, however I think everyone can agree that it's frustrating to not be able to hear a speaker well due to background or crowd noise.
i remember when his poem went viral, i thought it was really moving and powerful :)
Stranger I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound critical, and I am glad he is bringing more visibility to this illness to heap people who may have the condition but if he touts himself as the poster boy for this affliction and is going to "tour" around, representing awareness for this important cause, he really needs to take some speech lessons and/or possibly join toast masters and get some media training. Because at present he is abominable and painful to listen to when not reciting his poetry.
You make a good point. I hope he sees your comment, it's (proper) constructive criticism and good advice :)
Heidi Svenson Honestly i think he has a conversational tone, he doesn't get his message across quickly but he makes it fun to listen through the long talk. In my own opinion of course.
People need to be more aware and supportive of mental illness. It took me about 6 years to get help because I looked at mental illness as something to be ashamed of. It's definitely hard to talk about, I'm constantly scared that people will look down on me because I struggle with mental illness.
he's so great! the audience sucks
They don't mic the audiences for these things
my mom screamed at me that I'm not actually OCD because my room "isn't clean enough" and now I just don't talk to her about anything of value anymore. it kills me.
"I am crazy and my lungs don't work" is probably my favorite quote ever, because duh, i got depression ptsd and asthma
I have bipolar disorder. You are one of my favorite poets... and I love you. I fall in love with your poems over and over again as they play. You give me hope for life.
"this guys name is Dylan Garity" i started busting out laughing when he said that. i love his poems too
I used to OCD as well. It wasn't as bad as Neil, but I still had it. My brain pictured everything with a string on it. If I walk out a door way, I haven't go back in the same way. If a pencil falls through the back of a chair, the pencil must go back through the same hole. I had to make sure the string doesn't get tangled. Now, you may be asking asking, "what do you mean by you 'used to have it'?" Well, a few years ago, I told my friends about it. And being the great *sarcastic tone* friends they are, they would purposely mess with my at school. I'd turn around and see one of them putting a pencil around a desk leg a bunch of times. It killed me because I didn't know how many times to put it back around. I hated it, but at the same time, I thanked them. They did it so much, I started to care less and less about it. It got to the point where it didn't bother me anymore.
Nice to hear you don't suffer from ocd. I'm a Spoken Word Artist myself and I know the feeling. Its very uncomfortable
I have dealt with the exact same thing
that poem gets me every fucking time.
He is so cute and this was amazing
As a person with OCD, I used to get aggravated when the average Joe who doesn't have OCD said, "OMG, I'm sooooo OCD" (when they actually mean "I am really organized/pay attention to detail"). I thought, "No! That's not OCD. OCD implies serious suffering and often years and years of treatment if you are lucky enough to have access to healthcare! Stop co-opting a term you know nothing about!" However, now I smile a little whenever they say stuff like that. In a weird "bass ackward" way, when people say idiotic things like that, it actually *reduces* the public stigma of OCD by making the disease seem to the public like 1) something that everyone could have and 2) a condition of excessive virtue. Hehehehe. Thankfully I have become above the stigma (I don't give a rat's butt anymore), but for many who do care, I am glad that the stigma is going away little by little. Hugs to everyone with OCD!
I hated slam poetry because all I ever saw was the late night jazz club bull shit in movies. I stumbled across "Future" on facebook. I wrote for 45 minutes about what goes on in my head and it was the most free I've felt in years. Thank you God that this man exists and uses his gift, and his curse, for good
I moved from Minnesota to Texas and back again. This guy gives me 20+ reasons to like him. The Future is a really amazing poem by him as well.
I love this guy. Saw the video of OCD on Facebook and searched him here on UA-cam. I love him. I love that he talks about his 'issues'.
I am only 12. I knew I have OCD when i was 11, same as Neil. I am not afraid of me having OCD. It is not a shameful thing. I just tell my friends that I am enough close with and I don't think it is something shameful or embarrassing. This poem is touching. This video is beautiful. I had gone through so many things and we all have gone through so many things although I don't know you. I believe you have gone so many things. I want to say, whoever you are reading this comment right now, you are wonderful, no matter who you are. I believe everyone in this world are wonderful and thank you for being who you are.
I have bipolar and I'm blessed that my family listens and loves me and that I can talk to them about it
He is an inspiration. Thank you, Neil.
This man is a gift to all of humankind.
WHY ISNT ANYONE LAUGHING
Thank you, Neil. I'm such a fan of your work, and you always inspire me, especially as a sufferer of mental illness (including OCD). It's awesome to see people raising awareness. Hope to see you sometime in the twin cities (I'm a Minnesota girl)!
As someone with OCD that poem gets me every time. The only time my intrusive thoughts and compulsions stop was when I was in my husband’s presence. It’s the only time I feel safe. But after 20 years he doesn’t want to deal with my obsession anymore. What one loves about you in the beginning they start to hate about you in the end. Thus causing my OCD to manifest into relationship OCD.
Had the pleasure of meeting Neil about 6/7 years back when I was competing in Get lit classic slam poetry. Such and amazing person 🤍
I showed my counselor this and we showed all the people in group counseling this video! We all loved it! It was marvelous. Now, a lot of people have opened up in group about their mental illness's, including myself. It was very hard at first.. still is, but it's getting alittle bit better, one step at a time. Thank you so much Neil!
I used to have a bad case of OCD (thankfully it is now less invasive) so I can relate a lot to Neil's poem. The last part of leaving the door unlocked always gets me and I start crying because doors and locks were (are?) my worst obsession.
So thank you Neil if you happen to read this!
As someone with OCD, the I'm not dead...probably. Hits the hardest. Can never prove otherwise.
No comments in three years?! What the heck, and how can this only have 333,400 views in five years?! Neil's poem OCD has 14,741,452 views now, by the way! ^_^ You're the best, Neil, and that is my all-time FAVORITE poem of yours!!!
What an inspirational guy...I love that he came back and made this after his poem went viral... I think it's important that we understand mental illness and this video is such a positive example of how people can find recovery.....
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL I LOVE IT. OCD is super serious. Some kids in my class call me ocd because I keep my school equipment neat. I'm not OCD. I'm not and I've told them that. But no. They never listen and I feel like they are wronging everyone with OCD and it's horrible. UGH.
The end of this made me tear up rather dramatically.
Proof that poetry still matters.
Your comment about the OCD oppression is so real. People have oppresssed and normalized it so much that a friend said to me the other day when i mentioned that one of my many mental illnesses is OCD is " OCD isn't a mental illness, it's a preference" it blew my mind that the oppression and normalization has gone so far that people now think that OCD is a preference
having ocd sounds a little like having dyslexia, in that almost everyone around you claims to have it while having no real grasp of what is and can do to a persons life. its nice to see people discussing topics like this in a logical and realistic way.
EXACTLY. I have OCD, and it really bothers me when people are like, "Me too!" or "I'm so OCD about [habits that do not equal diagnosed Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder]." It's quite invalidating and often hurtful. I always try to say something when I hear people say things like that, even if they're people I don't know or overhear in public. I'm so glad Neil's poem went viral because it really does help raise awareness about the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding mental illness - and other disorders like dyslexia - in our society.
Obsidian Sink Yeahhhh. It definitely comes from a lack of education in the general public - ask the average person on the street what they know about OCD and you'll get more jokes than facts ("I have OCD, but I call it CDO!!!!") so things like Neil's poem "going viral" could do wonders to help people actually understand more about mental health issues. OCD isn't being a bit fussier about organisation, depression isn't being grumpy and ADHD isn't being a bit hyper. To be honest I can live with it - most people aren't understanding but I've helped the people who matter to me to understand better so that does me fine. Doesn't make it easier to find help for it in the UK though, when some GPs still see it as a harmless quirk rather than something which can control your life.
Dan Absolutely. It's so invalidating to have a condition like this mocked and treated as something to laugh at rather than something that can hurt relationships, employment, EVERYTHING about a sufferer's life. It's really sad that even GPs sometimes don't understand that OCD can actually be dangerous and harmful to your PHYSICAL health as well (frequent washing of hands/body damages skin and removes HELPFUL bacteria; compulsion to touch can lead to burns or injuries if those things are hot, sharp, or toxic; etc- I know YOU get it). Hopefully research and knowledge becomes more widespread in the UK, and everywhere, in the future.
My son has dyslexia. It's exhausting for him and myself.
I love this guy my favorite poem by him is "the future"
i agree with him completely. i didn't start to feel better until I admitted to my mom about my attempted suicide and the darkest things I felt inside. when i told her, she was so understanding, not angry at all, and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.
I'm a Spoken Word Artist and I can relate with Neil. I used to have it bad but through cognitive behavioural therapy it's helped me alot. The worse is when the ocd tries to kick in when your performing but I've learnt how to put it under control when I'm on stage. Anyone with severe ocd just know it can be controlled. Please PM me if you need to talk about this issue. thanks
At school all the time people make jokes about OCD and for a person like me who has massive OCD with high anxiety and depression and other things it makes me mad because they don't really know what it's like and how our lives are different and we think a different way and normal tasks are harder. It takes me at the least 5 minutes to read a page because I read every sentence over and over until I am satisfied I have to do things differently. My hands world bleed from my fear of germs I cried every night because I knew that some one in the world died or got sick. I cry and blame myself for other people's tragedies and people tell me to stop but they don't understand that I just CANT I CANT this is me
I feel you. I stopped reading books because it takes me too long to get pass one page because of my OCD.
i sure like the way Neil Hilborn is trying to help people.
I wanna know this girl who broke up with him and what he she feels and thinks of this amazing poem...I wonder if she's guilty
Really brave, Neil Hilborn! OCD is a weakness, but also it can give you the courage to speak up, understand yourself and turn it into a positive power :)
I want to meet this man so badly!! He's amazing and so talented
I share the same tick as him. When I walk down the stairs or up I have to hit the second step down until I feel like it's right.
Audience doesn't get it. Bunch of TED talks "omg wuts new in the yung cool scene" people rather than paying attention
I look up Neil so much
I can't get over how adorable he is!!!!!
You are super awesome!! Thank you so much for giving this Talk!!!!
i am an aspiring poet with borderline personality disorder. i live poets who talk about this.
Love you Neil from the past! (Wearing an awfully cute bow tie.)The audience you now have every Wednesday and Saturday is way more engaged! Maybe for the worst actually :D
OCD was really the first written words I have heard. It ruined poetry for me. Whenever I try to read or listen to another one and I end up always comparing it to this. OCD is just so good.
Wish my wife would watch this. I tried to talk to her about my depression and anxiety. I tried to tell her that I have OCD and she left me. Wish she could see what it's like. I wish I was normal. But I'm not good enough for her.
Sweetheart, you are better off without her. I dont mean to sound insensitive, but she didnt have empathy or have interest in knowing your struggles. That doesnt sound like love to me
Hitting the woah in the thumbnail
🤚
👊
Your such an awsome inspartion you nailed this!!! Don't give up its the best:)
seriously great talk. so telling.
I still get chills
He tends to loose his train of thought a looooot. i do that too. You feel bad if you for example (minute 8:15 ) talk about your friends and then you NEED to add you love them and how great they are, because you'd feel bad otherwise. If you have OCD, it's everywhere.
Not everyone's OCD is the same and are you really implying that his problems aren't as dramatic as everyone else's? Everyone deals with problems in different ways
he is my favourite human alive
My role model and favorite poet.
good job keep up the good work
Neil’s hilarious! I don’t understand there wasn’t more of a response from the audience.
Thank you Neil.
Does he have a book? Like a book of his poems and stuff?? I would looove to read it
One's coming out this year!
He does have a collection of spoken word poems for audio: www.amazon.com/dp/B00LV08X2K/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=3ETIZHTYV6GSM&coliid=I3AZB52DHKCDV3
kimmmels Is his book entitled, "Ummmmmm"?
Lauren Elizabeth Poetry yessss im so excited
kimmmels yes he's got a book and album
I started screaming when i saw his name
starts at 5:15
I had obsessions that I was lesbian and that I would kill someone as the word "kill" replayed through my head :(
Im a thankful because today I am ok
I would go to a psychiatrist if I were you. that could be a sign a acute psychics. and it could return
+Daniel Felix psychics?
+Daniel Felix well i also obsessed about being lesbian and obsessed that i was going insane... I do visit a therapist... Today Im ok though
+M Avila oh that's good. what did he say it was? if you don't mind me asking
Daniel Felix well actually I told her everything I experienced, but then we only talked about it a couple other times... she never said much about it idk... maybe it was cause I dont have that anymore
Who the hell cares about what my problem is? Who can do anything? It's pointless to burden others with my problems, they'll just tell you something cliché like "you're exaggerating" or "everything will be fine". Who can understand what obsessing is? "Did I lock the car properly? I gotta walk a block back to check all the doors". I can't even say "yes" with certainty, "maybe" is my most common answer. What's the point really in sharing these?
exactly
Because there *are* people who are willing to listen, who want to know the background of his poem and understand him and for mental awareness. there is a huge benefit in sharing it
People, wether they mean to or not, usually invalidate you when you share your problems. It aggravates the problem.
Aggravate the problem? Not if the person accepts the problem they have to the point where it isn't much of a problem anymore. Also, it's true some people will invalidate your experiences but that doesn't cancel out the people who are educated from them and share the message. People like me for example, i learned more and don't discredit what he said. Same for others who clicked the like button on the video.
I have OCD and I rewrite my words like 10 times over and retrace them so many times.
I've fallen in love with a man who has both bipolar and ADHD. I have depression and anxiety. On the days we are struggling I watch Neil's videos.
wait he said he was from texas, and if OCD was kinda true, does that mean what he said in "one color" a true story?
jraybozy all of his poems deal with things he experiences to my understanding. What him and Ollie say in One Colour is true for the both of them.
Have a nice day :-)
Love u. Thank you Neil
I'm bipolar. And I really wanna see someone talk about their experiences with bipolar disorder like I being bipolar is difficult and when I tell people the things I've done or how I feel I get laughed at and called insane when I'm not insane I'm bipolar.
5:03 when the poem starts
Shout out to my fellow one's in the two
Neil hilborn you are amazing!!!!!!!
Talking about ocd with that FUCKING RINGING noice in the background. Bugged the hell out of me.
two of my favourites were roommates . . . awesome!
it's not about the audience
I'm seeing a lot of comments about the audience but you can tell that they are reacting because the mic quality distorts when it picks up the background noise. E.g. around 6:05ish you can definitely hear the laughter, it's just really hard to pick up because he's the only one wearing a mic.
I love Neil so much :")
he is soo awsome
This video has help so much. Thank you. (:
WOW tough crowd
Dusky Leaf Magic theyre clapping and stuff, but the mic drowns it out. you just can't hear it
Dude he's adorable
Hey I have ADHD so I know how hard it is to deal with a mintilll disorder so I hope u do better with yours