2:18 I’m a teacher, while clocking out I saw one of my students sitting on a bench crying, and when I went over to check. She told me mom wasn’t in the carpool. Her mom only had custody at the time on weekends and she was positively certain that Mom had forgot it was a Friday. Through the hand gestures us teacher/secretaries do, they told me they had called and she was coming in 25 minutes. I let them know I’ll keep the student with me and we walked the school together. She helped me close the lights, we talked about the day, and she was super excited about getting to hold my staff keys. By the time we got downstairs, Mom was at the door and mother/daughter had a lovely reunion. If you can spare the time and your school is ok with you doing these little walks. It’s great for helping the child calm down and pass the time.
I am a yoga teacher at an inpatient rehabilitation facility for teens in recovery from mental health issues and I just spent a good portion of my afternoon watching all of your videos. Your kindness brought me to tears. The information you share is incredibly valuable for anyone working with young people, not just foster parents. I think a lot of good would come from people in these types of roles being more trauma informed. Even just generally dealing with children (or adults!) - from the tone of your voice, the energy you are putting out, how to communicate clearly, how to create a positive relationship with food or personal boundaries - the care you are putting forward is so evident. Thank you! 🎉
Okay this is something my foster parent did in their house, they had little decal stickers on the doors of what they are like “bathroom” example “lauras room” “play room” ect,
I like how your examples of first time foster parents aren't making fun of them or making them look mean. They do seem like things people genuinely trying to help would say.
One thing I love about your videos, Laura, is how applicable and helpful your ideas for empathy and really considering others’ feelings are for everyone!
My heart gets heavier with every comment I read here about the horrible experiences that people had in foster care. Please know that any residual trauma that you carry from mistreatment at the hands of foster parents is valid and 100% not your fault.
Honestly, I use some of what I learn from you with my own biological child. You’re a natural and we are blessed beyond measure to have you. Every child whose life you touch will remember you and carry what you gave them with them their whole lives.
"You don't have to ask me to use the bathroom..." ugh 💔💔💔 thank you so much for everything you do. You inspire me more than you could ever know. I never faced foster care, but I faced a whole lot of other things and when I see incredible foster parents like you, teaching and sharing, it just really makes me want to be a part of it too someday.
I can only imagine the extra meaning of “comfort” foods these children have and all the emotional eating ( - or non-eating) that they do, especially in these times of continual and entire life transition. When I look at my own adult life and how I use food to soothe me (even with a most basic cup of hot tea,) to celebrate with me (in wanting a full course meal or fun foods to watch a game or to relax and unwind) or having no appetite at all when feeling fatigued and overwhelmed, I imagine they are feeling so much more at their stage and that they have their own unfortunately unhealthy emotional food interactions. I hope I would be aware of this if I were ever in it. Blessings to you
I’m 59 but I’d love to be fostered by this beautiful women. She is so compassionate and understanding and in all seriousness I hope that she becomes a trainer for foster parents, she just gets it.
Most of our kids with food issues had them because they didn't have enough or didn't have food regularly. One had food issues because it was used as a way to quiet his tantrums. We received him when he was 18 months old, he is now 12 and still has food issues because food=safety, food=comfort and security even if he is not physically hungry at all. Anxiety/distress can feel very similar to hunger, that empty feeling in the pit of the stomach. We keep mints or gum around and both scented and unscented silicone chewies to help while we continue to help him learn other coping/self soothing methods. Thank you for continuing to do these videos.
I'm so glad you know him so well. I had a friend who was never hungry, and had gone through trauma, but not food insecurity. Their psychologist said if your brain thinks you're in danger, it can also think taking time to eat will be dangerous, so it shuts off the triggers that say "you're hungry." But on the other hand, when you finally do eat, your brain takes that as a sign that the danger might have passed, and that your body can calm down. So other people with trauma learn to eat when they're not hungry, because they associate food with their body finally calming down and letting them rest. I heard all this third hand, so take it with a grain of salt. Years ago I was writing a paper on cortisol ("stress hormones") and food, and I remember getting the impression that it was complicated and not yet fully understood as the studies seemed to be contradicting each other. But on a personal level, I definitely relate to food meaning my body can finally relax.
I’m one video into this compilation and I’m already tearing up. The thought that any child has to worry about where their next meal is coming from and ration food because they don’t know when they’re going to have more absolutely breaks my heart. I am so glad that these kids have you in their corner to advocate for them and provide a safe, nurturing environment amidst all of the turmoil happening in their lives
I can’t express how sorry I am that you had to go through that. You did not deserve that. You and every other child deserve(d) a happy carefree childhood. I hope you’re doing okay.
I watch you for inspiration to better my parenting skills with my own children. Love your parenting style. Great role model. Sending love to you from my fam to yours! Happy Holidays Laura ⛄🌲
Hello....I am a Family Support Specialist and a Certified Parent Educator for a Foster/Adopt agency.....you give GREAT /VERY actionable advice! WELL done!
I'm not a foster parent but it came across your videos and your tips honestly have helped with tantrums with my toddler. I was never in the foster care system but I had a lot of trauma as a child and your tips of also helped me realize some of the issues that I dealt with.
I have experienced trauma from people coming late for me, and i really don’t know why. i would always bawl and cry my eyes out every time my parents were late. my mind would always race, thinking of all the possible situations that my parents would be in, and most of those situations that i thought of were terrible scenarios. it really helped to be able to talk to my parent(s) when they were late because they would be able to tell me what was happening, and that it’s just simple traffic or something.
That is a great suggestion, i feel like a kid would be embarrassed or scared to say something, (if im honest as a kid who was in foster care i would be embarrassed or scared) i would like to see how that is handled
@@YN-vw1jz I agree. I used to wet the bed chronically until I was about 18 and it was pretty traumatising for me and I had a Really hard time not hiding it, so I was wondering how someone would use a trauma-informed approach for this
Your videos are some of the most reassuring pieces of media I've ever seen. For a period of a few months back during 2020-2021, my home was- a target? I'm not sure the correct word, but we had an ongoing investigation about my parent's care and the safety of our home for me and my little sisters. Hearing your content gives me peace about that situation and the hope for the system. Your knowledge is incredible on how to help coach people through struggles with trauma, and your videos are insanely comforting. Thank you for posting what you do.
I really wish you where my kids foster mom, cause my kids got a raw deal my aunt took my oldest daughter because that's her favorite child of mine and the other got split up between 4 different places none of them communicate with us they dont allow my kids to wear the clothes we put on them at visits they always take them off whe they get back and send them back the next week claiming they are "too small" for them even pacifiers and blankets they did that. Then my son always has bruises and nothing is done about it , he is always dirty and they asked us not so send anymore spongebob toys with him but that's all he likes and he always wants to take it with him
Heart breaking. They should embrace bio parents and anything they provide. Sometimes bio parents have very little money and it may seem little to foster parents when the purchase was a big deal for bio parents and the child..it has to be the worst thing to lose a child them have others continue to push you away.its just jealousy.i just got certified I pray the children I get and their Bio families when they go home that they can say I did right by everyone. So hard on children..
First off I really do love your videos you are so amazing and so patient and so kind. But I'm really curious about like the lack of information especially like on the placement call videos. Is it truly like a lack like they don't know the answers to the questions a lot of times or they just can't share the information it's just a little scary for me to think that they're trying to put these kids into homes and obviously many times to get them out of dangerous situations but that they're lacking some kind of basic information on them like the call were they wanted to place two children and showed up with three.
Yeah, a lot of the time they genuinely don't have much information or it's confused. Often these are emergency situations, so the decision was taken to remove and place the children immediately. They're not families that social workers have been supporting for a while, usually a referral has gone in and on first investigation either social workers or the police have removed the children for their own safety. It's happened very quickly and the situation is chaos. The priority is getting the children a bed somewhere.
Trying so many different things here to get a 6 yr old boy to eat....very selective and nothing is very easy....loves bacon but pushes it away saying "that's not how my Mom cooked it"....will eat peanut butter sandwiches but only if sliced a special way....I know he feels safe here and has opened up to changes and likes new routines. We struggle to keep his weight at good range.....
Maybe these videos should serve as a teaching tool for everyone. Being thoughtful and observant of other’s needs would help all of us - in both positions.
I’m a step mom I have no clue what I’m doing plus my kids have been in and out of the system their whole life. I love your videos cause they really REALLY help me. Thank you so much
2:18 I’m a teacher, while clocking out I saw one of my students sitting on a bench crying, and when I went over to check. She told me mom wasn’t in the carpool. Her mom only had custody at the time on weekends and she was positively certain that Mom had forgot it was a Friday. Through the hand gestures us teacher/secretaries do, they told me they had called and she was coming in 25 minutes. I let them know I’ll keep the student with me and we walked the school together. She helped me close the lights, we talked about the day, and she was super excited about getting to hold my staff keys. By the time we got downstairs, Mom was at the door and mother/daughter had a lovely reunion. If you can spare the time and your school is ok with you doing these little walks. It’s great for helping the child calm down and pass the time.
God bless you. Thank you for what you are doing.
I am a yoga teacher at an inpatient rehabilitation facility for teens in recovery from mental health issues and I just spent a good portion of my afternoon watching all of your videos. Your kindness brought me to tears. The information you share is incredibly valuable for anyone working with young people, not just foster parents. I think a lot of good would come from people in these types of roles being more trauma informed. Even just generally dealing with children (or adults!) - from the tone of your voice, the energy you are putting out, how to communicate clearly, how to create a positive relationship with food or personal boundaries - the care you are putting forward is so evident. Thank you! 🎉
Okay this is something my foster parent did in their house, they had little decal stickers on the doors of what they are like “bathroom” example “lauras room” “play room” ect,
That’s actually a cool idea
@@pucamisc YESSS
That sounds so helpful - and maybe you could add a pictures for kids who can't read.
@@grutarg2938 ye- she had that too :D its hard getting used to a house youve never been in
I like how your examples of first time foster parents aren't making fun of them or making them look mean. They do seem like things people genuinely trying to help would say.
Ikr? They seem so real and trying hard but with experience will be even better.
As someone who has also been removed from home: thank you for everything you do! ❤️ would've loves to have you as a foster parent.
One thing I love about your videos, Laura, is how applicable and helpful your ideas for empathy and really considering others’ feelings are for everyone!
My heart gets heavier with every comment I read here about the horrible experiences that people had in foster care. Please know that any residual trauma that you carry from mistreatment at the hands of foster parents is valid and 100% not your fault.
Honestly, I use some of what I learn from you with my own biological child. You’re a natural and we are blessed beyond measure to have you. Every child whose life you touch will remember you and carry what you gave them with them their whole lives.
"You don't have to ask me to use the bathroom..." ugh 💔💔💔 thank you so much for everything you do. You inspire me more than you could ever know. I never faced foster care, but I faced a whole lot of other things and when I see incredible foster parents like you, teaching and sharing, it just really makes me want to be a part of it too someday.
I can only imagine the extra meaning of “comfort” foods these children have and all the emotional eating ( - or non-eating) that they do, especially in these times of continual and entire life transition. When I look at my own adult life and how I use food to soothe me (even with a most basic cup of hot tea,) to celebrate with me (in wanting a full course meal or fun foods to watch a game or to relax and unwind) or having no appetite at all when feeling fatigued and overwhelmed, I imagine they are feeling so much more at their stage and that they have their own unfortunately unhealthy emotional food interactions. I hope I would be aware of this if I were ever in it. Blessings to you
I’m 59 but I’d love to be fostered by this beautiful women. She is so compassionate and understanding and in all seriousness I hope that she becomes a trainer for foster parents, she just gets it.
Most of our kids with food issues had them because they didn't have enough or didn't have food regularly. One had food issues because it was used as a way to quiet his tantrums. We received him when he was 18 months old, he is now 12 and still has food issues because food=safety, food=comfort and security even if he is not physically hungry at all. Anxiety/distress can feel very similar to hunger, that empty feeling in the pit of the stomach. We keep mints or gum around and both scented and unscented silicone chewies to help while we continue to help him learn other coping/self soothing methods. Thank you for continuing to do these videos.
I'm so glad you know him so well. I had a friend who was never hungry, and had gone through trauma, but not food insecurity. Their psychologist said if your brain thinks you're in danger, it can also think taking time to eat will be dangerous, so it shuts off the triggers that say "you're hungry."
But on the other hand, when you finally do eat, your brain takes that as a sign that the danger might have passed, and that your body can calm down. So other people with trauma learn to eat when they're not hungry, because they associate food with their body finally calming down and letting them rest.
I heard all this third hand, so take it with a grain of salt. Years ago I was writing a paper on cortisol ("stress hormones") and food, and I remember getting the impression that it was complicated and not yet fully understood as the studies seemed to be contradicting each other. But on a personal level, I definitely relate to food meaning my body can finally relax.
I’m one video into this compilation and I’m already tearing up. The thought that any child has to worry about where their next meal is coming from and ration food because they don’t know when they’re going to have more absolutely breaks my heart. I am so glad that these kids have you in their corner to advocate for them and provide a safe, nurturing environment amidst all of the turmoil happening in their lives
Bless your soul Laura, you truly are heaven sent. All the foster cares I saw as a kid were abusive and neglectful. You are amazing at all you do. ❤❤❤
I can’t express how sorry I am that you had to go through that. You did not deserve that. You and every other child deserve(d) a happy carefree childhood. I hope you’re doing okay.
I watch you for inspiration to better my parenting skills with my own children. Love your parenting style. Great role model. Sending love to you from my fam to yours! Happy Holidays Laura ⛄🌲
I applaud you for striving to be the best parent you can be for your kids. You’re doing great mama.
@@MeaganSal96 Such a sweet comment thank you!
This doesn't always go away. My husband is 36 and this still affects him.
I wish 38 years ago any of my foster parents would have been like you.
I love your content! I hope to be a foster parent one day, and I love seeing how you do it! 🎉❤
Hello....I am a Family Support Specialist and a Certified Parent Educator for a Foster/Adopt agency.....you give GREAT /VERY actionable advice! WELL done!
I'm not a foster parent but it came across your videos and your tips honestly have helped with tantrums with my toddler.
I was never in the foster care system but I had a lot of trauma as a child and your tips of also helped me realize some of the issues that I dealt with.
I have experienced trauma from people coming late for me, and i really don’t know why. i would always bawl and cry my eyes out every time my parents were late. my mind would always race, thinking of all the possible situations that my parents would be in, and most of those situations that i thought of were terrible scenarios. it really helped to be able to talk to my parent(s) when they were late because they would be able to tell me what was happening, and that it’s just simple traffic or something.
What would you do for children who wet the bed and may be scared about it?
Maybe a whole video could be made about this? I’d like to know too
This is a great topic suggestion for a video
That is a great suggestion, i feel like a kid would be embarrassed or scared to say something, (if im honest as a kid who was in foster care i would be embarrassed or scared) i would like to see how that is handled
@@YN-vw1jz I agree. I used to wet the bed chronically until I was about 18 and it was pretty traumatising for me and I had a Really hard time not hiding it, so I was wondering how someone would use a trauma-informed approach for this
@@sequoiatreez yeah, especially if it would be in the middle of the night, i would honestly be scared just to wake them up for something
Your videos are some of the most reassuring pieces of media I've ever seen. For a period of a few months back during 2020-2021, my home was- a target? I'm not sure the correct word, but we had an ongoing investigation about my parent's care and the safety of our home for me and my little sisters. Hearing your content gives me peace about that situation and the hope for the system. Your knowledge is incredible on how to help coach people through struggles with trauma, and your videos are insanely comforting. Thank you for posting what you do.
I really wish you where my kids foster mom, cause my kids got a raw deal my aunt took my oldest daughter because that's her favorite child of mine and the other got split up between 4 different places none of them communicate with us they dont allow my kids to wear the clothes we put on them at visits they always take them off whe they get back and send them back the next week claiming they are "too small" for them even pacifiers and blankets they did that. Then my son always has bruises and nothing is done about it , he is always dirty and they asked us not so send anymore spongebob toys with him but that's all he likes and he always wants to take it with him
That is very sad. I hope things get better for you and your kids soon!
Heart breaking. They should embrace bio parents and anything they provide. Sometimes bio parents have very little money and it may seem little to foster parents when the purchase was a big deal for bio parents and the child..it has to be the worst thing to lose a child them have others continue to push you away.its just jealousy.i just got certified I pray the children I get and their Bio families when they go home that they can say I did right by everyone. So hard on children..
I have to admit at first I thought this was an act. After watching more I don’t feel that way anymore. More kids need caring people like this.
Great account; important videos. Thanks for all you do.
You are such a good person. Thankyou for caring.
You are amazing, Laura! God bless you and your important work with children ! ❤️
Laura ... your videos are not only a source of helpful information, but also validation that it's ok ... it's all ok
my dream is to one day when im olded become a foster parent. thank u for showing what its like go be a great one.
First off I really do love your videos you are so amazing and so patient and so kind.
But I'm really curious about like the lack of information especially like on the placement call videos. Is it truly like a lack like they don't know the answers to the questions a lot of times or they just can't share the information it's just a little scary for me to think that they're trying to put these kids into homes and obviously many times to get them out of dangerous situations but that they're lacking some kind of basic information on them like the call were they wanted to place two children and showed up with three.
Yeah, a lot of the time they genuinely don't have much information or it's confused. Often these are emergency situations, so the decision was taken to remove and place the children immediately. They're not families that social workers have been supporting for a while, usually a referral has gone in and on first investigation either social workers or the police have removed the children for their own safety. It's happened very quickly and the situation is chaos. The priority is getting the children a bed somewhere.
Trying so many different things here to get a 6 yr old boy to eat....very selective and nothing is very easy....loves bacon but pushes it away saying "that's not how my Mom cooked it"....will eat peanut butter sandwiches but only if sliced a special way....I know he feels safe here and has opened up to changes and likes new routines. We struggle to keep his weight at good range.....
You are just wonderful ❤
What do you do if your husband is at work when a child arrives? How do you later introduce him?
Very informative. Thankyou
You're amazing ❤
This should be part of every training program in the US.
I love how understanding you are and how u meet them wherever they are at… so impressive!!!! Any child in ur home is lucky!!!
Thank you ❤
Maybe these videos should serve as a teaching tool for everyone. Being thoughtful and observant of other’s needs would help all of us - in both positions.
I love this channel so much! Thank you for what you and your husband do.
You are a bright, positive light for children who really need it!
I was taught to follow the child and let them lead. You have a great way of doing this!
Thank you for your videos!!! 🙌
Love your videos. So much good advice
Thank you for what you do !
These make me cry!!!
😪😪
I want you to know I'm late....the weird " I'm not mad...you are safe." Bahahaha
I’m a step mom I have no clue what I’m doing plus my kids have been in and out of the system their whole life. I love your videos cause they really REALLY help me. Thank you so much