How A Narcissist Sets YOU Up For A Discard and What They Think About It - Part 1
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
- What is going on in a Narcissist's head right before they discard their target, in particular their intimate partner? Understanding how a narcissist sets you up for the big discard can be very freeing in the healing process. Understanding that the discard is actually about the narcissist and their disorder and not actually about all the things they say are wrong with you helps greatly in rebalancing reality. Out of the chaos come clarity and healing.
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I left my wife after I left my daughter sent me a video on NPD. I spent the next 6 months learning all I could about it. It blew my mind. It was like a kick in the gut. After a long time of reflecting on our past history which was 38 years I finally had my answers I knew she had a problem but I could never figure it out. The depth of deception these people have is off the charts. She is very good at what she does. For anyone out there that is just finding out what your dealing with take one day at a time. You have to realize you aren’t what you’ve been told you are by the Narc. You are the complete opposite. It’s been 3 years for me and I’m still waiting on her to sign the divorce papers. She still wants to have that last bit of control. If you didn’t have a good quality in you the Narc wouldn’t have been with you. Look deep into your soul at the person you know you are and move forward. Tomorrow is another day look for the beauty in it. Your not alone in this
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."--Jesus Christ.
Hi Paula. My neighbor is a narcissist. Fortunately, she lives all the way on the 3rd floor on the other side. She is very pretty and looks constantly for the validation of others. She is lying about what she does bc she is a church going narcissist. She told me she cleans for a living. I do not believe her. She doesn't leave her apartment to work and always has money. My upstairs neighbor and I have major disabilities. I needed references from my neighbors for public housing. She wanted to lead me along on some sort of church going, hanging out with her at the gym, the swimming pool, so i could earn her writing the letter for me. She bought me a swimsuit so we could go to the gym. I was in horrible pain, and I was unsure I could swim. I went anyway. She kept waving at people at the gym. They would wave and walk the other way. She changes friends often. Something is very wrong. I do not have time for this nonsense. I am getting social setvices and looking for a job. Plus, they got rid of the chairs we lay on by the pool. She didn't even take my physical status into consideration when inviting me. I have injuries and chronic pain now. I can not lay on a towel on the concrete. She didn't take that into account. I feel she is doing something in the sex industry for a living from her apartment. I wouldn't care, except i feel she lied to me. She is always telling everybody that everything is OK. That we shouldn't talk about our problems. She has never been injured. My neighbors are older and have been. My upstairs neighbor and neighbor across the way wrote me beautiful reference letters for housing, and the office management supports me getting public housing paid for so that I can have a chance to recover mentally and physically. I have started just waving or saying hello, but I can never let her get close to me again. She has told me she can't write me a letter when i need it most, because she feels I'm not a good enough friend and if I would just go to church with her. It's over. I am careful not to let her back into my life. My ex was a vulnerable narcissist who turned into a very harmful and outgoing narcissist at the end. He's been gone a year on 7/29/23. I was hit by a truck because I left work late the day I was severely injured and put in the trauma ward during COVID. I'm lucky to be alive. He distracted me by texting me all day. I left an hour late. Do not let these people get close to you. Do not tell them you know they are a narcissist. They will say you are the narcissist. Just quietly leave, or completely friend zone them. Meaning: "Don't call me. I'll call you." And then don't. If you leave, block them from everything. Narcissists are everywhere now. It's like an epidemic, but you can spot them. Don't rush into anything. The best indicator is if they ask you to do something or go with then somewhere and you say NO. They do not like that, and they will try to make you pay somehow. They might also try to buy your attention or affection at first. Be careful accepting gifts. I like the swimsuit and hope to join a gym where I can swim. My doctor has ordered pool therapy. The swimsuit was only $20. I plan to give it back to her. The $20. Peace Paula, and everyone.
What a heart-breaking but warm comment, I myself had a short term thing with a narc that is now stalking me in my nearest public safe space. They are relentless, unempathetic, heavily trauma'd individuals that refuse to work on themselves. Onwards and upwards and I hope you are further along the line of healing now!
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Thankyou so much for this comment, u are absolutely right and the emotional devastation they cause is the most painful thing in the world to feel and stay alive, let alone process and survive ❤
I really hate what has happened to all of us, I’m sorry. ♥️
Don’t be sorry its inspiration and stories of positivity and life after death ( because you are a zombie when you are with them) but I understood why you put the comment ❤
The pain of discard is soul shattering.
Yes so painful and undeserved.
My narc discards me then uses the next month to sring me along use me for sex money dinners acting like we where working things out then moves away and gohts me after saying we would try a long distance for a few months looke me dead in the face
I believe there are 5 stages not 4 of a NPD Cycle. LOVE BOMB, DEVALUE, REPLACEMENT, DISCARD and HOOVER stages. They WILL NOT leave you until they have a replacement for you. They CANNOT be alone.
This is so true,they have to have a new supply/ supplies
I highly agree! They cannot live without energy and they need a permanent supply.
FTW
Wow!!! so true so so true mind blowing you said it in a nutshell
True, but they have other suppy the entire time. It's just at the end, one of the current supply gets elevated to primary supply.
Consider it a Blessing being discarded by the Narc! It's probably the best thing they ever have done for you. It's only hard at first but you will look back one day and realize they were nothing but an evil lie to knock you down.
Amen
It’s true what you say. It’s just the underhanded way in which they discard you that’s such a painful thing to go and it’s all on you!
Once you understand what this is all about , you don’t want them in your life anymore
Amen! ❤🙏
Not if u want to be loved back on a humane level anyway ❤️
The thing is we do! We want what they showed us! We crave that kindness and affection.
They copy us! It’s us we love. We get convinced it’s them we love because they mirror us. Hugs.
@@askew9976your nuts your playing with fire!
The final decision to stay away is like being born again...the world is still your oyster..
I was married for 21 years and got ghosted!!! These people are really horrible horrible people. The evil that I saw throughout the process of our divorce was absolutely insane.
Pure Evil. I hope Karma is a real thing.
They didn't deserve you learn from it and move on that person who is really for you is still out there I'm living proof of that
@@karenmarini2812 oh heck yeah
You are not alone. 22 years for me. It is truly a tragedy that people do these things to their spouse. Those on the receiving end must fight for ourselves now and move forward.
Mine was 18 yrs. Discarded for the new victim out of the blue... Such a disgusting mess these narcissist make in everyone's life...
OMG!!! this was a home run!!! My ex Narc just up and left me for another man when I needed her the most. It’s sad what they do to people who genuinely put there heart on the line, fall in love and want to build a family for these individuals to do just walk out like nothing happened.
I watch many UA-cam channels on narcissist abuse. You have a way of communicating that I've never seen in too many people in my life. The way you are articulate, the calmness, the sincerity and the authenticity is absolutely astonishing! You are the best! Bar none! Thank you soooooo much. God bless you.
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It is sometimes astonishing to me how much Narc con has deeply impacted my healing . I recently learned that the brain is cognitively effected and altered when you experience the Trauma of betrayal with the person you trusted more then anyone . It is life damaging. Thank you Paula for educating and helping others . 💕💕💕
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Nah….not life damaging. The paradox of the mind is it heals itself with itself. For instance regret is an illusion. To have regret is to look back with new thoughts and think you made the wrong choice in the past. Looking back with the old mind old thoughts you can understand why you made the decision. We do what we know until we know different.
@@WakingAngelsthis is very profound that’s is so true. When I read my journals it helped me to understand why I did what I did at that time.
Yes
My narc threatened to burn my journals because he knew that was the where THE TRUTH lived 😢
healthy anger and zero tolerance at there behaviour is the the only way to move on, you are free when you see they are sick.
Once a Fledgling Empath Can Learn and Accept the Narcissist Sets Up Their Intended Victims for....EVERYTHING. The rest is as easy to grasp and retain as falling down steps. Most Recovered Empaths were shocked and horrified when they 1st learned the abuse they experience today was conceived and engineered weeks and months even years before it was put into play with no knowledge to them. They don't stick their head up out of their holes without a game-plan.
Sounds like a snake in the grass to me, Lol!
@@elinorbarnes1380 😆😆😆
Yes I have seen these precise calculation in a woman I was around do the same stuff my dad did & does . The woman narc is 53 my dad is 82 .. these narcs even say the same lines .
@@moonglow1158 They're all programmed the same with the same..."Chip." But the new "Nefarious" movie shows whats really going on behind the scenes.
What is going on behind the scenes?
I'm 13 years past the breakup with a narcissist and have spent many of these years researching narcissism. Yet it still surprised me how you hit it on the head in this video when you said they leave you when you need them most. Mine left when my broken arm turned into a very painful nerve disease that left me unable to use my right hand. I lived alone and couldn't even tie my shoes. He left me with a simple "I dry up after a certain point in a relationship." And he walked out and never communicated with me again.
Sad it happened this way
About ur arm to
But wht a blessing he hasn't
Hovered or connected
Ex did omg 2yrs
Discard now but still hard🌷
Sorry for your experience too. Thank you for writing.@@JustMe-uw6yd
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I noticed that decades ago the people they claimed to love became like a burden to them if they got sick, I had to get understanding on it for sure, they don't have the emotional capacity it's a deficit in them.
Yes, that's right and I've also since learned that they do not like it when the attention is taken off them. He could see the attention I was getting from doctors and he didn't even like that.@@dianatenney7821
How did I not know about Narcissists?? 40 years and endless tears now I find out WHY! The suffering I put myself through 😢
Same. 43. Found out the hard way.
Absolutely true 💯
Definitely not normal! My husband of 12 years brutally discarded me for the secretary from his work, the day prior to Mothers Day (im a Bereaved Mother) hes shacked up with her, he ghosted me & changed his number. Looking back before i realized hes a covert Narcissist, he had been devaluing me months prior, giving me the silent treatment, he also started talking really disrespectful. Fast forward to this Monday, he all of a sudden could text me from his new number saying he wanted to get his clothes. He left in May with one overnight bag. He said he was leaving for " alone time " but of course i knew it was bullshit. I found in the phone records many calls and texts to his coworker 😈 These people are malicious, vile deceivers
@theraptureisnearbelieveinj448 I've had them boxed up since May,my attorney just told me what to do. Thanks♥️🙏
Good thing that Demon left!
Change Your Locks. And good that you got him out.
@@deb2319 I changed all locks right after he left, he showed up here last weekend with a 20ft Uhaul truck, he thought he was going to wipe out my entire pole barn of tools, lawn equipment and such without the divorce being settled. Needless to say,I had to call the cops
Cheating is all what narcs do. If this is the case with him, he cheated the whole situationship. Definitely not only her, but tons of others. Also the rest of the red flags, happens all the time, not only in the end. It's a disorder, since childhood
So never been different. Just wanted to share this information. Hope you are better now and moving on with your life.
And not all narcissists will discard you. I know one and I divorced him. I’m the one who left.
Me too. I did the discard.
But you wouldn't have left if they weren't treating you like cr*p. My husband wanted the house so he became abusive, breaking my things, threatening me, giving me the silent treatment, serving me with divorce papers that would have given me nothing but the clothing on my back and he served me those papers 3 weeks before Christmas. Those papers were not legal where I live so I found a lawyer to squash them. I had new papers drawn up with a fair split of assets and I left him....which is exactly what he wanted in the first place. They get the house, most of the stuff, and EVERYONE thinks the person who left is the guilty party ,right? They get all the sympathy and he turns all your couple friends against you. I guarantee you did not leave him during the love bombing stage. You left during devalue or discard.....exactly when they wanted you to leave.
@l.5832 actually I left mine after she gave me the silent treatment 4 days in a row. She tried to call me and msg me, but I discarded her. It was very hard for me to do because she was the most beautiful girl I have ever been with. But I'm glad I was able to do it. This summer I wanted to go and visit her or msg her but I held strong and I stayed NC. I just told myself to love me first and to have respect for myself since narcs do know how to do either one.
As far as your situation, I'm truly sorry to hear about what your x-husband has done to you. He is a coward for trying to kick you out of the house and leave you with nothing. That's what makes a narc a narc. No heart, no sympathy for anyone. I hope your situation gets better. Stay strong. Sending you a virtual hug. 🤗
@@joeoreo2498 If she gave you the silent treatment for 4 days she was well in to the devalue/discard stage. She was already 'over' the relationship but they like to lure you back to give you more of the same garbage.
@l.5832 yes but what's the difference? If she would have left me she would have all the power over me. I knew where things where going and decide to discard her first and go no contact. No explanation, no msg, no goodbye. Nothing. I wanted to do it that way for the past 2yrs. But it was hard. Finally I felt it had to be done. Had to put my feelings for her aside because I cannot waste my time with a narcissist that will never be loyal, faithful, loving, connected to me. No matter how beautiful someone is or how in love you are with someone, love yourself more. And honestly I am feeling good. Somedays I think about her alot. But thanks to her disrespectful ways I always have a bad memory of her to help me snap out of it. Just move on. Remind yourself that narcs cannot be fixed. They are broken human beings and we cannot think or see the world the way they do. It's always about them and nothing about us. Not good ppl, no morals, values, promiscuous narcs.
It hurts when one’s mother discards you, but what hurts even more is when she uses passive aggressive tactics and turn family members against you. My mother will not just leave me alone. She’s must get her digs in. 😢 She derives pleasure hurting me.
Look up definition of "sadist." I realised that's what I'd been dealing with all along.
APRIL SICK PEOPLE TELL HER OFF TELL THEM OFF AND GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE LOVE YOURSELF LOVE BEING ALONE PEOPLE NEED TO TEACH CHILDREN TO LOVE THEIR OWN COMPANY TRUST GOD LIVE FOR GOD HELP OTHERS HELP PEOPLE IN PRISON HOMELESS YOU KNOW NEIGHBORS WHATEVER OKAY GO TRAVEL IF POSSIBLE DO WHAT YOU CAN DO AND JUST SURVIVE AND FORGET THESE PEOPLE THEY'RE HORRIBLE TRASH
Keep a grand distance. You will thrive with the permanent distance
In Alanon I learned that like an alcoholic who goes “back out there to drink”, whatever the NPD does, it’s no longer my business. New supply, old supply, no supply, it’s no longer my business.
Married for 3 years and my husband just LEFT ON THANKSGIVING morning and as of still hasn't had ONE CONVERSATION about why he left, or where the marriage or possible divorce... literally has left me in pieces. I'm doing my best to figure it out. I served him divorce papers, and here we are it's the cruelest most contemptuous egregious thing anybody could ever do to someone else.
my heart goes to you- I am wearing your shoes right now, just have not served him divorce papers just yet...
@@aminatacieri5623Ditto!! 😢
The pain is real, im sorry to hear that. Im in trauma bonding too, just discarded 3 months ago.
@@MPR2007oh I’m sorry to hear that you are having trouble getting through this, I’m hoping that you are feeling better now as it’s a few months now
Please let us know how you and charlie willams and Amina hope you are going in the right direction ❤
This is exactly what happened me! We had a minor argument and i just told her to behave herself in a gentle tone. And the next day after work , i came home to an empty house! She packed up & leave while i’m at work. I was in HUGE SHOCK pleading & begging her for a chance. She refused all communication & discussion! Serve me the divorce papers within 4 months and end a 6 years marriage abruptly! I look back at our photo albums for the past years & before, we went out every weekend and really enjoyed ourselves. Just a week before she left, i bring her to a restaurant that she really like & she hold my hand saying “Thank you my love, i really love you” & one week later ended up divorcing…It doesn’t make sense at all!
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After 14 years I asked one negative question and she left me. Mind boggling.
They cannot love. Although my relationship was only one yr he left me for someone we work with…still to this day. Karma will come in ways you cannot see.
Exactly...mine was 6 yrs also . He got an emotion triggered & said he knew the only way was to feel thru his emotions, which he'd been doing for years... then 5 hours later when I made a joke on the phone he hung up on me on the grounds the I was being difficult!!! After 6 yrs of EXTREME difficulty from him... I sent a text calling out his hypocrisy & got ghosted for 3 months, with 1 bait 3 days b4 our 6 yr anniversary.... then unfriended on facebook...
I did this myself i left in a hurry and blocked this man as he was a threath to my health
Paula, you continue to be the most well spoken, insightful, knowledgeable and caring “guide” throughout all of this… For so many people! I am not sure how many years you have been doing these posts, and helping people, but the education you are offering leads to clarification and hope. That life-saving light in the tunnel you continue to put out there is greatly appreciated. Blessings to you and Remy!
Judi blessings and thanks to you also 🐕🙏
No matter what you do, it will never be enough for a narcissist. You can spend years taking care of one.......only to be told you are lazy and unstable. / holidays are hell.......and when you are grieving. They go out of their way to make sure you KNOW that whatever you do, it's not good enough.....you could have done better.
PS- your tribute to Sinead was so beautiful.......I think she would have loved that.❤
Thank you
Truth.. I had one who helped me during a surgery.. told me I am the love of their life.. I was doing great and healing.. planning for Easter - my birthday, etc.. and all of sudden.. he become critical of everything I was doing to heal myself, etc. It was bizarre and made no sense. They exit when you come back into happiness and your power. They love to destroy happiness..
Jeez, exactly what happened to me. Had surgery, he was helpful, always talking about our long term lives post chemo, two days later dumped me and i haven’t talked to him since. I feel pretty blessed because he was starting to gaslight me and there was no way he could have supported me during this time. His love bombing was PHD level! So warped.
So true....After the last discard off he went to new supply....It lasted two weeks...By then I had his gear packed and ready to go...Geez he cracked it but after 35 years of this....Enough was enough...Even our adult children knew he had gone to far...3 years narc free now and my health has improved and I sleep like a baby...
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I was discarded twice by the ex Narc, with silent treatment in between during the "relationship". Just ghosted with no explanation. I did confront him eventually but didn't realise he was a Narcissist. I didn't get the answers I was looking for but in his mind I was the villain and needed to be discarded. Sometime later he used all my traits and hobbies on a dating profile. Totally disordered and so difficult for us to try and make sense of a crazy person even with the knowledge gained. Great video, as always Paula. Looking forward to part 2..Thanks.x
Heh they will not give any answers
Ah forget em you'll find someone else that's meant right for you
Same happen with except a woman did all that and much worse things . In the end discard she called me a narc .. sent me a text saying I was the epiphome of narc .
I get it. The first time my husband left was 5 months into our marriage. I was bewildered and humiliated. Of course he wanted a wedding, so everyone important to me knew I had married, and could see he had left. He changed his phone number, blocked me on Facebook (he did this so much I just deactivated my page). After 2 months I BEGGED him to work on the marriage - I had no idea what I was up against. I've been devalued and discarded several times - he is rapid cycling lol, and then walked out at 9:00 am on Thanksgiving morning saying he needed to spend the day with his family... within 3 days he had an apartment, had a dating profile up, and truly didn't care how that impacted me. And, he didn't even go to his family that day - he sat in a vacate property that we had lived in before moving to our new home which he insisted we must have. I would be remiss if I said I can really wrap my mind around any of it. It breaks my heart. That said, even though I didn't realize he is a malignant covert narc, I told him that the next time he leaves me "Like he did the first time" to stay gone! There were many "mini discards" spanning a few days at a time, but the second major discard I was DONE. Like many of you, I expect the divorce to be hell 😞. Dreading it.
@@charliewilliams3826 So sorry to hear about your dreadful experience with the Covert Narcissist. It is so difficult to accept that the person you thought they were doesn't exist. It is truly heartbreaking after we have given them our love. I am a widow and can honestly say, my experience with the Narc and discard was so much harder to deal with than the death of my husband.
I wish you the best in your healing and everything goes well for you in the future. Take care x
At the worst time, as in 😢he death of a loved one. So astonishing, so true. My goodness, I never imagined an adult in appearance would be so cruel an inappropriate.
I was married almost 40 years, & my husband suddenly died 5 years ago of fatal cerebral brain hemorrhage. His parents & sister were narcissists. After funeral MIL & SIL acted like I never existed, free at almost 70!! I certainly can relate, couldn't even talk at a table. So abusive 😢
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Bob would throw his scraps of dinner on my plate and call me a pig in Hungarian he was horrible, I'm sorry you went through that. I hope you are well.
Evil bastards.
As soon as I started standing up for myself. Extremely good Paula❤
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Same here
It took me 30 years to understand that my first boyfriend was a Narcissist after getting discarded by another Narcissist in my 40's. The first one discarded me on my birthday no less, sneaking off from the celebration to sleep with one of my "friends". Then he paraded her around as his new prize, just to rub it in my face, and he tried to hoover me a couple of times before going off to university - I wouldn't sleep with him, so he backed off. I was in terrible pain when I should have been enjoying my life. My A-levels suffered and I came out of school with poor results and a chronic lack of self esteem. I drowned the pain with drink and drugs and didn't really come out the other side until I was in my early 20's. I'm so glad there's all this information out there now about NPD, because when you don't understand what's happened to you, it's even harder to recover. I was much more sure of myself and confident in my own integrity second time round, so realised it was his problem not mine.
I am a super empath. I attract narcissists. I believe the last one was mirroring me back to myself. Our relationship was almost perfect, except he was cheating on me with his ex. She would come back into his life when he had someone new. She would then pit herself against the new partner, get him to discard them, then dump him, leaving him devastated. I left the narc. He briefly went back to the ex. She dumped him. He went into terminal decline. I'm traumatised.
My ex discarded me in the Christmas season...twice. The first time, I didn't really understand what happened, only that the communication became less and less. The second time, it was with a message that I found to be mean. While I did not know that I was dealing with a narc at the time, I decided then and there that I was DONE. How dare you disrupt my holidays for a second time! Plus, I was not liking how I was being treated or spoken to; I deserved better. Still, it took me some time to unpack everything and understand what I was dealing with. Thank you for these videos that help us realize it really had nothing to do with us. They are twisted people with ill intent and we are better off without them.
I know this sounds petty but they probably didn't want to buy you a present. They do that.
they always discard u in vacation and other important day.
We always baked cookies every Christmas and I made beautiful trays for his friends. He would leave me at the house and proudly go deliver the trays. He won't have me this Christmas to make him look good.
One of the red flags was when our daughter was born. When my daughter was taken out of the birthing pool, they put her in my arms first because the midwives were finishing up with my wife.
When my daughter was given to the ex, she had a face like a wet weekend. I said to her “what’s wrong sweetheart?” She said “I can’t believe she hasn’t got ginger hair”. This sadness went on for another hour. It was weird.
Oh my God, I am so glad I found this episode. This is precisely what happened to me. My ex told me out of nowhere that he was moving out (we lived together for 1.5 years and dated for 3 years) on New Year's Day (!), 12 hours after toasting the New Year with champagne, kissing and telling I love you, even planning to take an oversea vacation this year. Plus, I was really sick on that day as I caught the flu. He moved out 10 days after that with very little regard for me, hurting me with harsh words like it was all my fault and I treated him like trash (??? he never told me that, and I don't even know how to treat anyone like trash). Shocked, puzzled, confused, and devasted, I spent weeks after that trying to figure out what led him to leave me (he gave me a half-dozen reasons, but many of them I could not really get), why he did not even hint it before, what did I do wrong, would he change mind and come back, etc. But now I understand - he was a narcissist! Now I come to think about it, he told me how he broke up with his ex-girlfriends (he is 60 years old and never married), and I see a similar pattern in his breakup history. It's always because he "suddenly" felt he was in the wrong relationship and left without much regard for his girlfriends. It was always their fault (they were not loving enough, not caring enough, working too much, talking too much, etc. etc.). Now I was dumped with the same accusation. Wow, now I see it - he was a narcissist. Thank you so much for this enlightening video. I had been torturing myself, trying to figure out what was wrong with me and how I could be a better person. But now I see I don't have to be so harsh on myself and think it was 100% my fault. You really saved my life and sanity! Thank you so much.
The hardest part of this is learning to trust people again because let's face it
Theres a significant number of these psychopaths narcs about. Which makes you very careful who you let in to your life
No one is perfect but these narcs are dangerous and beyond help or change
You learn to spot them a mile off they literally are evil and ruin people lives ..
Love yourself it's a lot more rewarding
"This blandness, boringness, predictability". Love it!
That last piece about their “predictability” and progression with “purpose” ❤…
Saw (and felt) this juggler coming. He struck at the perfect opportunity (overwhelming vulnerability losing someone to love), but the truth of what I know and FEEL to be real, gives the delicious solace I find myself in a glow. No matter what, I am strong and “keeping in the big picture”. Thanks if anything for helping me keep my calm by having an approach of depersonalisation = perspective. Of all the big things I am learning, he’s but a bLIMP. I’ll not make that mistake again.
“We walk on this earth but we’re not of it “. Jesus Christ. The 3 D material world is always changing. The Narcissist clings to it. Not being able to recognize that which is not changing the true self is no form. We are THAT. Consciousness Love Truth.
He left me when I lost 2 friends, my cousin and my job and I was utilising any energy I had left giving it to him and trying to make him happy. When he left I was suicidal and all he could say was, “I can’t be your sole source of happiness.” I was clearly devastated over losing people close to me and felt my life had been turned upside down and he made it all about him.
How true that it's so unbelievable to find out someone in your life is a narc… and for me, it's my mum! Yes, and I have to listen to many many videos on narcissism to convince myself!
I was discarded just after my birthday, while i was recovering from covid. It was the worst moment of my life😢. That is pure evil, for someone to treat another human being. Thank you paula for you videos, it has helped me emencely. God bless
I hope that you are doing much better, Margaret.
@@malibu90265 hi jw I am doing so much better now, I'm putting myself first, for the first time in 20 years. Thank you so much without feeling guilty. ☺
Feels like worst, actually best!
pray for u. my sympathy
Thank you for another great podcast Pola. It helps to realize that you are dealing with a person who has a personality disorder. I also think that covert narcisists are sociopaths - they know what they are doing, they are cold, cruel and calculated which is why I think they are the worst type.
OMW 17yrs ..it was Easter, I'd become ill 2yrs earlier & had to give up work & so our income had dropped dramatically, but I'd nursed him through cancer and he'd gone into remission.
Our critical illness insurance had paid off our mortgage so he could see that money becoming available... then my father had his 3rd stroke and wasn't going to recover.
I thought I'd been super unlucky but now you've described his intent. 😢
And yes, the day our house was sold he'd left days earlier, he came back to give me a departing hug.
OMG!!
My husband discarded me for the second time now: the first time for another woman and this for his best friend whom we all used to hang out with all the time!! I had no idea I had been triangulated ... I still feel like I am dying, almost 8 months later... the worst pain.
I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me. I was discarded for a co-worker with more money, better resources. He ditched me and our kids for his dream home in another country, which they bought together. And, he did it right after my cancer diagnosis and surgery, as if he waited until I was down so he could kick me to the curb, literally.
It is indeed the most excruciating pain, a devastating loss. 💔
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Paula I find you extremely knowledgeable and easy to listen to I'm at a stage where I'm able to have alot of laughter with your comments on such destruct able vermon I call them
This is so spot on! My narc ex did exactly what you described. She was cheating on me but waited until right before my birthday to discard me. Then she became official girlfriend of the new supply on my birthday. In a new relationship in less than a week! I didnt find out until later that she had been seeing the new guy behind my back all along.
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I'm so sorry. These people are shallow, selfish nightmares. Heal and move forward 💪
im sorry. im on the same boat. just discarded 3 months ago. now Mar 2024
Thank you For Sharing This I Was Set Up For A Discard
4 Months Ago I Was Hovered Devalued And Severely Discarded Like Trash.
I Have Been Severely Depressed Low Self Worth Low Self Esteem.I Don’t Even Feel Human.
Being Discharged Is Brutal I Should Of Known The last Time I Seen The Narcissist
He Did Something To Me Very Disrespectful.I’m Looking For Support I Need It
Me too triangulated then discarded in front of the new supply . I mean this narc did not want to save any part of us .. bc even if I said let's be friends how could we after the narc smeared me evidently before I had even got there . A set it was !
I tell ya what she put on that Netflix show Dead To Me and that was a ho t he was done . She got with me and at about 2 years one night she turned that Netflix Dead to Me on while we were in bed that night . I took that as my expiration date is then . There were all kinds of super grin discards and other types .. but she always was joking ... my investigation continued which I was discipline ,, which I knew would be hard later but I wanted to have no regret .. so O had to make sure before I stopped the o tomato part .. I am not getting much communication on a positive change bc also the narc has new supply so I expect some sort of compromise .... but for some reason I get nothing true . Bc last I heard the new supply is a nobody really .
@@moonglow1158Same thing here! Discarded me and humiliated me in front of his new supply, whom he shamelessly and callously moved into our home--and only months after my mastectomy. They are the most cruel and wicked people on the planet.
And keeps repeating the same song like a broken record, saying he's just trying to help an old friend, although he knows the cat is out of the bag. I even found a used condom in his bedroom.
I was left just before i had my son and i had been in hospital for a while i was devastated
Mine did a reverse discard . He covertly abused me so severely that I had to leave . He has not blocked me , he still lives in the same house . . . I have no intention of ever going back and I told him as much. It's been 9 months since I left and wouldn't go back for even a trillion dollars . Nobody has moved in with him . He gets home early from work and he drinks a lot more now . . . I know this because both my sons moved with me but the younger one visits his dad weekly . . .
I did not think it was possible for any human to have this thought pattern of fake love, wanting your house, discard, divorce and NPD. Until it happened to me. Then it all came together. Personality disorders in the cluster B arena should be taught to young people. Everyone should have a pre nup as an insurance policy.
He was just in meetings on Capitol Hill yesterday. Hours later he’s flipped into Mr Hyde. It’s scary to think that just hours ago, he was affecting political policy. How many are there on capitol Hill?
It’s truly life shattering and a wake up call. I started learning from the book “ sociopath next door” 11 years ago. I was disgusted and had to learn it. That’s when I started educating myself. You are stellar at teaching this. I still tune in to keep it fresh in my mind.
Aw thank you for your support 🌹
When my ex narc thought I might have a serious disease and I had to have a CT scan ( which turned out to be clear) he quickly suggested that I should make a will and leave everything to him because my kids don't deserve anything. He also thought we should get married. Id been with the narc for 20 tortuous years, and he ruined my family. But I think he eas detting himself up to take everything then ghost me. But something in me knew he was evil. He loved my misery and the fact I didnt feel well. But now I have started life up again and so thankful to God 🙏 because he answered my prayers. He set me free from my narc by giving me the opportunity and strength to do it! Never looking back! And no contact!
Paula, you are a beautiful soul, bringing peace to people in their distress; Matt 5:9, God bless you!
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Perfect scripture for Paula.
He proposed on day three. I accepted, naively thinking that it was love and that I was totally valued.
It was the 70 s and we were all hippies living in old country houses (cheap rent) and therefore, pretty isolated.
When we went from my place back to where he was living, there was a young woman and her four year old daughter sharing his old house. He said they were just friends but within hours, she was packing her stuff in her old car. All she said to him was "Thanks Greg". She left.
I must have been so ignorant.
My life had been very sheltered up till then, but I felt very uncomfortable and very sorry for that poor lady.
I asked him if they were a couple and he said they had only slept together a few times and there was no commitment.
I had never heard of npd, and that would remain so until after he discarded and replaced me, forty torturous years later.
On the occasions that I did mention her over the years, usually to make a point about his insensitivity, he would just clam up. Demonic creature.
All those years he was an accountant but he had no ability to manage our money or assets. When he left, we were renting and as far as he knew, I was left with nothing except my disability pension.
The new supply has property and I guess he feels he s won.
I, however, had saved $23,000 over the years. I never felt safe or secure with him in charge of my future.
After five years, I have inherited my Father's estate. It's not large, but it's enough to secure my own home. The narc lost three of our previous houses.
Yes Paula, you are right - the discard was just after Christmas, and we signed the divorce papers a month later, on our anniversary.
That creep!!
Thank god you have been looked after and looked after yourself 🌹🌹
This is sadly true, and of course, these types of behaviours are also evident with friends and or family, I’m evolving enough to understand that this is how many adults are in society, behaving like children, often due to their own insecurities. The mind games, to deliberately seek a positive, or negative reaction for their own benefit. the ghosting with no reason or explanation. Protecting their already fragile image, and damage your image. I don’t feel safe feeling vulnerable around anyone who Isn’t making an effort to be a mature person. It’s true, being vulnerable around people like this would be like bleeding next to a shark.
I can't believe how accurate you are with analysis
of a narc
It took me 1.5 years married to find out what was going on. My spirit drived me to the answers that I was looking for..I took a deep breath and left before loosing my mind or worse die from their poison. Of course I had to face big pain as kids are involved but after 2 years of hard work with myself I have been heald and the kids will grow in harmony and love because their father is a winer a legend. I have become stronger than ever. Nothing can stops me to be my best version of me. Everything will be OK I promise
It all seemed like a well corriographed stage play after the departure. A vampire & me with my blood almost gone 🧛🩸
Hi paula , I hardly ever comment on UA-cam , but I want to take this opportunity to say thank you for saving my sanity and possibly my life. There are far too many examples of how I fell into this soul sucking “ friendship “ to write. You have given me hope and enlightenment to stay positive, you understand far more than anyone else. Thank you
Bless you for your kindness and support..keep moving in your chosen direction it gets so much better 🌹🙋♀️
@@NarcCon thank you 🙏
It's like, did someone tell you about my experience with my ex narc. He tried to love bomb me the day before he was leaving. It feels like a puzzle that has been put together by you, and all I've been through has happened exactly the way you've brought to light about ex narc. He has moved to another state to start the cycle. He's blocked, and I'm making progress. I "appreciate" you so much for bringing awareness❤
I see the pattern now. You're right. I began to give blow back. Not everything about her smelled like Chanel.There was someone waiting in the wings. It's not normal to end a longstanding relationship and move in with another person 3 mos later. All planned and she wanted me brken beforehand. Black hearts.
Mine was six months started dating someone we work with and lives across the street 😳 RUTHLESS
9 months later. But the marriage was over, I was already calling his bluff, threats to leave for last decade. He created a fracas, threatened to leave, left, continued threatening and finally texted our 16 yr old that he was moving on with his soulmate ( his rich divorce client) from the turbulent life with her mother. Didn't try texting our 25 yr old because she had already sized him up. But he's not looking too good in pics now. Imagine at 64, trying to mirror another source of supply. With me he was already an old man, but it's showing now.
To set firm boundaries you must first learn to love yourself, become an empath. It starts with healing your inner child, having a strong self esteem. Then only will you not allow the abuse to continue. I was married to a borderline malignant narcissist for 25 yrs. He too would accuse me of infidelity, call me a whore, check my texts, emails etc. Borderlines tend to have obsessive thoughts that can be quite destructive when compounded with impulsivelity. I was sexually abused as a child, raised by covert narc mother ( maternal family are all narcs as I recognise them now ) and a father who just complied to keep the peace but failed to protect me. I grew up with low self esteem, unable to set boundaries, allowed myself to be sexually, financially abused for decades in the marriage. I was controlled until the abuse finally triggered a righteous rage in me and I refused to take it any longer. He left, but not before securing fresh supply to feed his emptiness. I'm healing now, helping my daughters heal, breaking generational traumas. Check out Marty Glenn's work on narcissistic spectrum, Kelly Armatage's healing modules, Crappy childhood fairy's journaling and meditation therapy. TRE and trauma informed yoga. There's lots of resources out there, just understanding the problem is half the battle won. I have finally understood what I went through as a child through my adulthood and why I've suffered so much abuse. As Marty so succinctly puts it, it's because we allowed it. Loving yourself is key to ending abuse.
I have to co-parent my youngest children with the covert narcissist I spent 12 years with. Before that, I was raised in a home with an extremely abusive narcissistic father who also had sociopathic traits. I realize that my first husband had extreme OCPD and it was compounded by the fact that he was an abuser who weaponized my trauma triggers against me to subject me to extremely cruel accusations of infidelity (I was never unfaithful.) If anyone knows about OCPD, the disorder is characterized by intrusive thoughts obsessions and compulsions. He obsessed about me cheating on him and felt entitled to give in to his compulsions to demand that I prove it while accusing me of being a liar and a whore. That trauma triggered my childhood abuse trauma from my father and and abusive 3rd grade teacher. It was comparable to an enemy gouging out a still healing wound so many times that the person is left lifeless and numb. That is how I was when I finally said "Enough" and left him. I could not feel anything. I only did left when I saw that I was not going to be able to be a functioning Mother to my 2 older kids if I stayed. I wish I could say I valued myself enough to leave him but no. If I had not had my kids, I might have committed suicide. The psychological abuse was that bad. I am not sure if he was a narcissist but he might as well have been. Then I went on to date a narcissist for a summer and felt I was truly in love for the first time. He discarded me over the course of a week and took off to another country. It turns out he was planning to do that while leading me to believe we possibly had a future together. Then I went from him into marriage with a covert narcissist. I was on the rebound I guess. I had no idea that the Covert kind existed though. I knew the red flags for the overt kind. My father was that kind to an extreme degree but nothing prepared me for the sneaky passive aggressive torture of the covert narcissist. I had a history of being raised in a cult and I met this new narcissist when I joined what turned out to be one more cult. I love my spirituality and hate religious dogma. That cult changed what was an extremely profound spiritual philosophy into one more cause for suffering in my life. I recognize now that there are definite similarities between the brainwashing of any cult and the brainwashing an abuse victim receives from a narcissist or any abuser. To say I have been through the psychological abuse ringer is an understatement. I feel like I could help others and I would like to reach out for help. I need support in my efforts to co-parent my two young daughters with this covert narcissist that I just got a divorce from in July. He also has obsessive compulsive personality disorder and adult ADHD. It is exhausting to be around him and I endured it for years. I am not sure how. Now our youngest daughter is showing some obsessive compulsive traits and I am seeking counseling for her that will be specific to her needs. Hard to find in a rural area but I am trying. I have very little money to offer anyone but I could use a buddy on this site. I wisht to continue to learn ways to set firm boundaries even as Im forced to co-parent with a covert narcissist. Thank You so much!
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Really feel the fire in your words. Truth.
That’s wild. Years ago I had a narc break up the day before my birthday. He had new supply lined up and they moved in together in another state a few months later. The next one disappeared when we came back from a vacation together two years ago. They are cruel and selfish.
The ex narc is addicted to the catfisher, who keeps taking him through the recycling phase. It's as if he's chasing a high he once encountered, but he's never able to meet in person with this being because of being a "catfisher and a narc." I made it out of the web he spun for me❤
He bamboozled me into agreeing to build a vacation home in a prestigious golf community in exchange he promised we would be traveling together. Something I had looked forward to for years. He discarded me when the house was under construction. I think the resort house was his new source of supply and it would be a bobble to use to attract a younger and more compliant partner and to get the admiration from his golf buddies. Astonishingly in the preliminary settlement he proposed, he wrote I could continue with the interior design of the home! Of course I said no. Why would I make his future love-nest a stunning home! Who on earth would think a discarded spouse of 30 years would want to do that!
For me it was Cancer going through Chemo and radiation then returning a vehicle I had lent him in bad condition which cost thousands to fix... it was at this point I came across an article on narcissism that I recognized who this person really was. It was a mind blow!
Going through the discard right now.Sooo unbelievable at the amount of evil someone can do to another fellow human being. These people are agents of the devil.Sooo painful.Im holding onto God.I know things will work out well eventually. Thanks for this video
Hang in there. same for me. God is leading me out of it. Praying for continued protection. God will NOT fail us. I will be praying for you as well❤
Are they / you building Trust? Ghosting breaks Trust 😎 clearly defined goalposts of Trust
The other supply will be Returned.... in time
In time
Ty very much for this ❤
Video is so true about them, it's like they want to do canning of humans to keep their shelf preserve supply going on to utilize at their convience.
When my ex's employees after one of his discards accused me of levelling up, his ego couldn't take it. He saw how other people viewed it in other words that I was better than he was......and everyone could see it. I had to chuckle. Nothing about it is normal.......
God is our Helper. I do thank you very much Paula.
My life is a disaster afterwards, but God said: "I'll never leave you, nor forsake you" (Iz. Bible). You are a wonderful teacher. I'm learning so much in your chanel nowadays. Even though I've already known a lot. You are the one who puts everything I know and have experienced since 2003 in order in my life at last. Thanks the Lord. Thank you my dear Paula, be blessed in the name of Jesus who defeated and disarmed satan through His precious, innocent blood for us to be free and brave and full of joy for every and ever.
Darling!✨️ Spirit thanks you so much for the wonderful help you give the collective! You are shining in your divine purpose, and you do good work!✨️🦄
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I was married for 20years to a narcissist. After 20 years I divorced him. I suspect he had at least 1 affair or sex contact. It has been 6 years and I have not dated. He however has gone through atleast 4 relationships. He tells our 25 yo son to ask me to meet him for coffee as he needs to get things off his chest.
Only by educating myself on narcissism did I realize what he was doing. I refused and he was very angry. Finally told my son to not be in the middle of this drama.
Thank you for sharing and enlightening on Narcon
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This is excellent. There are many people podcasting on this subject but only a few that a great. The great ones, and this is one of the greats, each bring an added benefit, perspective.
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I was married for 36 years. I was dropped like a hot potato. No empathy, no closure. I went no contact. I am filing for divorce. I will never take him back.
Same here, discarded once he knew I was on to him. A right con man.
@@selfloveforever790132 years married. He told me on a Sunday afternoon that he was filing for divorce the next day. He said cruel things and literally ran out the door and got I his car and drove away. He became furious with me when I hired my own attorney. He expected me to sign the divorce settlement that he came up with.
Oh, I haven’t seen you for a little bit! Grateful you popped into my feed again❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I’d bet a narcissistic friend I recently let go of, thinks she was simply used and discarded, but no.
I had been warned about her. But she seemed a nice person and we’d often hang out and eat out together. She also offered to help with clearing clutter, from the house I inherited. I never asked her. I knew it wasn’t her problem. But, she would offer.
Over the course of time, however, I began seeing these dark traits. The last straw was when she pretty much “let me know” that she intended to move into my house, without us having any discussion about it. So, I backed away from that friendship.
It has taken me several decades to see that my ex set up our breakup.He did something so hurtful and publicly humiliating, then asked me "Do you want me to leave"? so he could tell people I kicked him out.He told a man who I liked that he was leaving and would he please take care of me,.Then he told everyone I had "gone off with this man" so everyone thought the breakup was all my fault.,I didn't know people could arrange these things!
Ps, thank you for a fantastic channel. Your doing a wonderful kindness to many of us. I'm very grateful to you.
Thank you kindly
Sometimes they do want your life as Paula said. In my experience he wanted to muscle in on my family. I have 5 wonderful grown up kids and he wanted their admiration. So he tried to turn them against me by telling them I'm crazy and it was my fault the relationship ended... which is not true. I am not crazy and he very abruptly and cruelly discarded me. However he attempted to win my children's favour and get them on his side by telling them the exact opposite of what actually happened. This tactic did now work for him, I'm happy to say.
Wow, I was discarded on my birthday, like a few others. She planned a big event said be ready at 5 pm, then she never showed up. I was so distraught that night. Anyway, this video helped me understand. Great video, thanks.
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I finely left and never returned I did not even know he was a nark impossible. to talk to him alway’s being right no say sorry ever Thank you you explain everything so well he ticket all the boxes 💐💐💐
They are soul destroying Had it all my life Husband Daughter Plus 2 Grandchildren Wasted life Made me very ill 😢
My first time listening to you. 100 percent as to what happened to me. A year on and I'm still struggling. Really great video. Thankyou.
You are so welcome and thanks for joining 🌹
This hit home....you spoke on every facade that's pulled dealing with these individuals...the facts are the facts and once you face them you will never see them the same...my mind is still blown at the tactics used mentally but it only made me avoid the 4th hoover attempt...I appreciate the in depth knowledge given...
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I was discarded after six years for some new girl whom he called just good friend. I could sense everything was wrong. When I asked for accountability for this disloyal behaviour , I was blamed that it's because of you I started talking to this girl ..And all of a sudden I was discarded after putting all the blame on me that I could have argued less with him , could have been less demanding in this relationship, if I really wanted to save this really wanted to save this relationship... He made me feel insecure by flirting with other girls and also giving more attention to some new girl or his ex. When I told this is affecting me ... He called me possesive and old school.... I was at lowest in my life when he discared me ... He knew that I need someone who can support me emotionally as I had lost my father 2 years back....But still he did that...And in front of me started giving attention to his new supply like I never existed before... Recognizing their dual personality is very difficult...The monster which you saw in the end is thier real personality, dont get fooled by their charm and caring personality..
Excellent as usual.
My male friend,'s xwife narc, after 34 years discarded him wit a dear John letter, week after their weekend away for the anniversary, and had good sex the night before giving him the letter, exactly as you have mentioned here as a common disgusting way they are so cruel and manipulative.
Keeping the poor partner confused and vulnerable to keep manipulating and using them.
Oh, and she was texting the new supply same night she delivered the dear John letter .
Nice one 😮
You are such a blessing!
God bless you so much.
Hugs from me and these help very much.
Another great podcast Paula
Everytime I watch these I get the "light bulb" moment.
This like most of your other podcast you do is exactly like how it was with me, down to a holiday away just before discard etc
Looking forward to part two,
This has helped me so much ,
You have given me my closure ,
Only thing that hasn't happened to me is the hoover,(thank god)🤞,which I'm ready for.
I've been out of the situation over a year nw,
I don't nw her motivation with me,
I for a long time , blamed myself, even though she'd told me "I'd done nothing wrong"
Thank you for doing these,
👍.
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Covert Narcissists run when you stop giving whatever is you give. It is always what they can get from you.
Great one; LOVED it. Step by step crazy.
I am using this series to learn to truly understand the discard process narcissists use because I do believe my various family members have used this technique on me in the past. I am not a narcissist, so I could not figure out their drama and why they were asserting themselves so rudely. Nor could I figure out what they were doing or why, though I have continued to try to understand. One elder sibling wanted me to become some sort of person servant attending to all their personal business plus find him complicated real estate that included remodeling help. So because I refused to burden my family with his pompous demand, he proceeded to threaten guilt and shame me. It all seemed so over the top, and was so disconnected to anything normal or every day. He insinuated I was obligated to take the personal servant role or he would talk bad about me to my personal family to guilt and shame them. (Recently I figured out they talked about me behind my back my whole life sadly). It seemed random for them anytime they were giving out cruelty and intimidation with oversized threatening tones. This video is helping very much to see they were operating out of their own personal, very large dysfunctional playbook. Quite frankly I think the demand I accept his ridiculous job offer was so I would say no and be held responsible for him never talking to me again, like a sick yet brilliant discard. Then the discard would be all my fault and his arrogant generous offer of slavery was my own loss!?!? However, it is frightening and eery to experience their delusional forwardness, lack of respect for others personal spaces and dignity, let alone the basic lack of manners. Thank God that although it can feel very threatening, their facts and assumptions are too big and bizarre for regular people to agree with them at all in the long term.
When they do the discard, it just feels too evil. So no matter their style of manipulation, the truth is, you'll just want them gone, and you do not want them ever threatening you or what you hold dear again. My theory is my family members empty cores and centers got filled with demons who talk shamefully through them, and also these family members are thus always craving food drugs alcohol because thats what demons crave. These are the spirits of the giants (giant children of the Fallen Watcher Angels) whose bodies perished in the flood. Half human half fallen angel they do not belong in heaven and so the haunt humans on earth till the time of the judgment comes.(new testament disciples and church understood these documented concepts) I pray that the remaining family members get sobriety programs so they might have God help them. I am reading the book "Reversing Hermon, Enoch, the Watchers & The forgotten Mission of Jesus". The book tells of the nasty children of the fallen angels who can haunt us and cause all sorts of trouble and illnesses to humans. We need to be filled with the Lord Jesus to quickly send those demons packing. They hate us because they hate Jesus who loves us and is in us. We are helping to heal so we can help heal others. Much love, thank you.
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Divorcing a narcissist should be based on the deception, it's not the same individual...some phantom after saying I Do..
I love you for talking about this knowing and acknowledging that this (as well as the gangstalking) is very much a REAL thing that occurs in this world and the subjects are not insane while at the same time having a degree! You are an angel!
Hi Narc Con the malignant narcissist I was with I dumped him twice and the third time was the final discard from me he allowed his mask to slip too many times and his emotional ,financial and verbal abuse no .I couldn’t take dealing with the demon I beat him to the punch gone no contact.
Narcissism
This daily dancing gouges
deep scars in my heart and soul,
each time the dance restarts,
and round and round we go,
begging, pleading, apologizing,
showering me with love,
praise, promises, anything
that will keep the dance alive.
I think of the leopard stalking
the shadows, waiting, patiently
for its prey.
Hiding spots that can't be changed.
When the claws come out,
slashing, opening old wounds,
I am unwilling to continue.
I crawl away, mentally exhausted,
bleeding profusely from my soul.