Psychiatric Follow-up Session with Dr. Karen Jacob - BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2021
- Follow-up session 1.5 years later between a patient with Borderline Personality Disorder and expert clinician Karen Jacob. This is not an acted scene. The first session can be found here: • Psychiatric Interview:...
In this follow-up session, Dr. Jacob focuses on the way that Charlotte apologizes for her presence only to feel rageful and resentful when she is not seen or appreciated by others, ultimately leaving her feeling unstable in her relationships and, at times, fearful of her emotions.
Please be advised: subjects discussed include self-harm, substance use, anger, relationship turmoil and other difficult subject matter.
Dr. Jacob's initial commentary on this session can be found here: • Dr. Jacob | Initial Co...
Playlist of all Charlotte vids:
• Charlotte | pwBPD
This video is part of a series of sessions with therapists who work with Borderline Personality Disorder. Playlist of all videos to date is here: • Playlist
Dr. Jacob is at the forefront of treatment for people with BPD, including those who experience co-occurring psychiatric conditions such as substance use, eating disorders, depression, or anxiety. Her short bio:
"Karen L. Jacob, PhD, is the program director of the Gunderson Residence. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from Clark University and completed her post-doctoral training at Cambridge Health Alliance at Harvard Medical School. Her clinical training has been primarily in cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) for patients struggling with mood, anxiety, and personality disorders, as well as in mindfulness, mentalization, dialectical behavior, and biofeedback therapies.
Dr. Jacob has an extensive research training background, having studied topics including diabetes, adoption, attachment, panic disorder, and psychotherapy outcomes. She has authored numerous papers and presentations and was honored with the Hiatt Scholarship. Her current research interests include understanding the effectiveness of empirically-supported treatments in clinical contexts and in elucidating mechanisms of change in treatment. Dr. Jacob has a particular interest in understanding the relative impact of different components of treatment on outcome, as measured by both symptom and functional improvement."
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For more information about BORDERLINE, the feature-length documentary we made about BPD, please visit: borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on mental health is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / borderlinernotes
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Disclaimer: Please be advised this video may contain sensitive information. All content found within this publication (VIDEO) is provided for informational purposes only. All cases may differ, and the information provided is a general guide. The content is not intended to be used as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have specific questions about a medical condition, you should consult your doctor or other qualified medical professional for assistance or questions you have regarding a medical condition. Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes does not recommend any specific course of medical remedy, physicians, products,opinion, or other information.
Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes expressly disclaim responsibility and shall have no liability for any damages, loss, injury, or liability whatsoever suffering as a result of reliance on the information in this publication. If you or someone you know is considering self-harm or suicide, it’s okay to ask for help. 24 hour support is provided by www.hopeline-nc.org (877.235.4525), suicidepreventionlifeline.org (800.273.8255), kidshelpphone.ca (800.668.6868).
I was so happy to see Charlotte again and my heart goes out to her. She’s so strong for putting this out for us all to experience, and learn from. I think it’s great to see her progress!
Nothing extraordinary here. I have BPD. Putting this out? We love the attention 😂
I agree. My only criticism is that the doctor looks like a dinosaur with a mechanical jaw.
Is that what you call that.
@@suisidewinder That was necessary. 🙄 But definitely insightful into your personality.
@@suisidewinder you’re tripping they’re both beautiful
“he cheated on me, which is fine, I don’t have an issue with that, it’s fine”
No, it isn’t fine. But there’s a component in being a self-aware person with BPD that borders gaslighting, we start to feel that EVERY reaction is wrong no matter how justified so we just swallow everything in an attempt to resolve those issues by ourselves since we’re the disordered ones. How many times have I played those games and found myself neck deep into a pool of trash just for the sake of trying for once to be a “good person”, as if I’m always that demon who overreacts about anything and everything. This pent up anger will eventually come out in a wave of destruction and that’s where we f*** u* for real. We should never say “it’s fine” when it really isn’t because by doing so we’re invalidating ourselves, but we must make a commitment to communicate issues before it’s too late.
Thank you for this. -P
You worded this so well. This is me and my inability to set healthy boundaries to a T, even with myself.
Great comment! I think the pain of emotions easily becomes our story’s enemy and villain, that they are in the way of us reaching our goal of being “fine” or “better” or “okay”. We aim so much towards those goals that negative emotions are being interpreted as symptoms of disorder and invalidate those feelings in pursuit of happiness.
When I hear Charlotte speak about anger, what I hear is that she doesn’t want to feel it. And that progress for her would be to feel it less or experience it like others. She doesn’t see any way she could experience anger at the moment. I think there is a disconnection in how we talk about experiencing feelings. That getting better doesn’t mean painful feelings go away, that we can’t get better by avoiding those feelings, and someone please give her a way to experience anger at a safe place, help her get an outlet where she can go through that pain without hurting herself, her relationships or furniture. Because when she feels like she can’t experience that feeling because Hulk will destroy everything, she needs support and feel safe to open that box.
I think, and I might be wrong, that the were some miscommunication about all this.
@@sophial7507 I agree.
I felt like she was asking for strategies on safe ways to feel/express her anger or rage.
Unfortunately the subject was changed instead of answering her, two times.
I’m not sure if this is due to an unfamiliarity with any tools that she could try out, honest mistake, or if it’s a liability issue? (Or I’m 100% off base 😬)
I would love to hear some proven, safe ways to feel your anger. It’s hard to allow something you know is destructive, free reign. I don’t understand telling her she should not avoid anger if you aren’t willing to offer ideas on ways to express it without it negatively affecting her life/relationships. As an empathetic person she is trying to protect herself & others by keeping a lid on it.
Granted, This is all speculation & I can only speak to how I would have felt in her shoes.
I personally keep a tight lid on my anger, it’s what I was taught to do. Control your anger, right? If there is a safe, healthier, or better alternative to test out I’m all ears!
Unfortunately, the drinking will get the better of charlotte or has already. She has to stop and maybe replace it with something more positive. I think she has to make herself more aware of her predicament and live a life governed by guidelines.
For all the people reading this who's "BPD" was created from trauma and loss...and who are actually walking this whole life alone without literally any connection or support (like other people have with family and more)...I just want to say... I understand.
I'd rather pass away
@@ballgown4life I understand
Thank you.
@@ballgown4life what do you mean
My therapist uses dbt and inner child work to support & heal my attachment wound/trauma and it’s really helping. I’m learning what is a healthy connection and how to make them. If I can feel better so can others. ❤
To Charlotte ♥️
“I SAT WITH MY ANGER LONG ENOUGH, UNTIL SHE TOLD ME HER REAL NAME WAS GRIEF”
-CS Lewis
I fucking love charlottes honesty!! So much of this stuff is relatable for BPDs like us. I’ve watched the first videos multiple times. Hang in there Charlotte!!
‘ I want a boyfriend but I’m better without one’ I feel that Charlotte. It’s the enmeshment .. as I co dep I struggle with that too. I love your honesty and send love and hugs to you x
She should be so proud of herself, she struggles and fights to improve harder than most. I pray she finds inner peace, she deserves it.
Her drinking like the incredible hulk, will punch reality out of the window.
An awkward situation to convey to therapists (for me, anyway) is that I can be in anguish for the entire week and there is a sense of urgency/emergency to get *something* out of a one hour session. Simultaneously, my instinct is to never describe my depression as feeling like a perpetually acute emergency because I’m afraid it sounds melodramatic. From the therapists’ point of view, I understand that a “cure” for depression is unlikely to come from a one hour session, but I wonder sometimes if they understand the dynamic their clients experience. For me, the discomfort and damage depression has caused is similar to a broken foot which I’m forced to hobble around on all week long, my one hour session is like receiving insufficient pain killers for an hour, and I am then just… released still on the broken foot. Week after week. I understand that therapy can be a slow process but there needs to be a bridge to span the gap of “urgent anguish” and “there’s no fast way”. That’s why I related so hard to the “therapy 101” comment. That one hour is so precious to me that I don’t have tons of patience when I feel like we’re covering ground that I’m already extensively familiar with. It’s not intended to be rude; it’s just that my situation feels a little more pressing to allow for anything that feels confidently like a futile approach. It’s just the urgency brought on by the discomfort and I wonder if therapists get that.
Very well put, I am a therapist and I am a patient of a therapist, so definitely keep in mind what it feels like on both sides… Wish more therapists did though. I don't think this doctor did at all
Very well put. I was misdiagnosed with type II bipolar one time for showing signs of nonstop talking and animation during 1 hour sessions with my psyche. I felt so off with this particular diagnosis (in contrast to how in tune I feel with other previous psychiatric disorders), and instinctively knew the doc was misconstruing my need to get everything off my chest in these one-hour spurts with signs of hypomania. I never spoke up and took the diagnosis anyway.
We went through a five month trial of lamictal that did absolutely nothing, which I knew would happen, and was able to safely remove that label and treatment from my chart for good. Anywho, just saying, I think I know exactly how you feel...😅
God this is so relatable..
It was working great at first, mostly because I had another human being to talk too who didnt openly make me uncomfortable or judged.
But now following your metaphor, I feel as if my foot is just not healing anymore and I know it should. I dont want to feel as if I'm crippled(though nothing against anyone of course!❤).
Meeting once a week definitely feels like a bulldozer effect that no longer is as effective because an hour isnt enough time to dig deep enough to get to what's deep under.. just level the top..
I almost have lost all motivation to even go, just talking about my week isnt as effective any longer, because I can handle the daily stressors of life easily, but the feelings of triggered splitting disassociating and emptiness are how I have learned to cope with extreme rage and neglect. It doesnt work lol!
Having only an hour to blurt out everything just feels like it devalues myself, I'm paying for another thing that makes me feel unimportant. And I dont make enough money for more therapy because I can hardly keep a job. I have never wrote this down, but thanks for reading.
@@bodhi_bear2878 🧡
Absolutely.
Young lady, I am 59 years old,, live in Australia and I say this with the intent and accuracy to which I state. I 100% can relate to EVERYTHING you say to the extent I cringe, then cry and myself become over whelmed. The lady who interviews you is just so bloody good in so many ways but particularly bringing you back to the topic at hand. May I bless you for doing these interviews and wish you as much success as possible with your journey to living a happy life. xxx
Spot on!!!
As someone just like her, I feel like when my therapists were like "listen bitch cut the shit"- that's when I paid attention. I was so seasoned with all the typical therapy stuff that when I was really confronted that's when I was like WHOA. Okay now you've got my attention. I almost hated her, but she was the best.
❤this!
Very common in people with cluster-b’s. Often what is learned in therapy just become tools in service of the disordered behaviour. It takes very well honed confrontation skills & not many therapists have them.
Bpd is very agonizing. People can’t imagine the extent of the pain that we go through on a daily basis.
Well, for those in relationships with someone with BPD we can. Not only can we imagine, we start experiencing the agony ourselves.
@@marlonmoore5000 u don’t bestie ❤️ being in a relationship with a person with bpd doesnt take away your ability to make yourself feel better or make you feel like there’s no love in the world left for u.
@@marlonmoore5000 I'm sorry but you do not. If you don't suffer from BPD you can't even comprehend that agony...
@@pegacorn13 if you are the victim of being enmeshed with someone with it you cannot know the agony. It goes both ways.
@@marlonmoore5000 I don't deny that agony: it's just not the same. Being enmeshed and in a toxic relationship is not the same as the unrelenting pain of just living and being in your own skin. That's not making excuses for people with BPD who hurt other people, it's just the reality of the experience.
Not even two minutes into the video and you can see how much societal pressure effects people with bpd. There has been such an increase to be perfect and never mess up, I myself know exactly how she got to the point of being that judgmental on herself because I too am going through it. We all need to be a little more kind to each other
I totally understand why she avoids getting angry at all costs. The hulk analogy is great. I think there is a big difference between a "normal" person getting angry and the anger/rage of a person with a PD. I don't have a diagnosis but I am pretty sure by now that I have a PD. I recently experienced some additional heavy trauma which made everything MUCH worse. I now am also extremely careful that I don't angry. I know the difference between anger BEFORE the additional heavy trauma and afterwards. It is hard to describe but it is like when "normal" people get angry there is still a stable core of the personality left so the anger expressed is not that scary to the people around. But when you are heavily traumatized/have cPTSD/PD and really get angry it is like your whole personality/self collapses and all that is left is anger which I think can be very scary and destructive to the people around you. It is feels like dying when you loose it and when all that energy is channeled into rage that can be very scary I think.
Thank you; I love this description of your anger and what it feels like when it takes you over. Seems like you have a lot of awareness and strength to be able to directly link it to the recent trauma in your life. Thanks for being here. -P
@@BorderlinerNotes How do I check whether i got BPD? Is there any recommendations which is not overly expensive
I think the clinician is good. She does not let things pass by and she knows what she's doing. She deserves credit.
She’s a lovely person she shouldn’t criticise herself so much! People with BPD are some of the nicest people I’ve met.
I feel like she’s saying she’s tired of experiencing destructive anger and wants help looking into the why’s and solutions to that, and the therapist is focused on it being ok to be angry, period. This in itself would’ve made me angry lol.
Same
It’s ok to feel angry and accept it and ask the other person to leave or I can leave to avoid a crazy situation?
Crying it out also helps .
It frustrated me to see the part when the therapist couldn't grasp why she ran when angry. They already established last session her avoidance of the emotion because the extremes of it when it comes out. How hard is it to understand she was wanting to find ways to safely or more constructively express it. Running was obviously a great way to physically release it without detriment to things around her. I would say herself as well and there is many benefits from exercise, but going to hard out of raw emotion can be a problem to herself. Its still progress and a better way than just losing your shit and breaking stuff, losing jobs, ruining relationships or intentionally hurting or sabotaging yourself. Her lack of putting that together i think really hurt this session in ways that may make her question her means of dealing with the emotion when at least she's finally taking steps to address it, or at least blow off enough steam to where it doesn't have to turn in the incredible hulk kind of thing. Now she'll probably inadvertently feel sorry when she wants to run to blow off steam. Let the woman have a way to decompress a bit so she can learn to sit with the anger more.
@@jeremyphillips6229 best way to express it is to let go of the need to control the other person from triggering it , because she can’t control the other person anyway. Leave the triggering situation to ---think about it --- (to find out what real trauma in the past is triggering her) for a day, a week, a month and then address it in a calm way , later later on; not
I love Charlotte, she is so intelligent and kind and full of love. I want to give her a hug and tell her how proud I am of her. She is a beautiful and resilient person and I hope she is taking care.
It's so interesting that she perceives herself in such a way, because I actually felt like she seemed like a very kind person who has made a ton of progress in her life.
I so wanted to be loved and then one day I asked myself WHY. Found out in my case I felt unsafe in this world, and sort of tried to find allies. All that was shaping me into a very unhappy fellow, for no one would quite understand or care for my quest for human loyalty. See, I wasn’t loved as a child. My mother wasn’t a strong person. She struggled with depression and had many suicidal episodes in front of us. She caused me and my brothers a lot of emotionnal damage. I think one can never totally get over certain traumas. I’ve come to accept it as a quite inevitable fact of life, and understand that I was not to blame for all the bad things that happened. I learned to move on. Time is a great healer. But I know how hard it can be to grow up with no love. One can never forget. Treat yourself as best you can, always. We’re only human.
I feel for her so much. In general most of us who don't have a personality disorder seek therapy only to discover that we struggle with a lack of self-love. Which is something we share with persons with BPD. Also, some of the behaviors, like being overly apologetic and finding fault in what we say or do even when there is none, just because we believe the other person may perceive something we say or do as inappropriate...
For borderline persons, they were indeed abandoned (emotionally, not necessarily physically) or under threat of abandonment every time when they defied their primary caregivers. This taught them that expressing any level of defiance (expressing not even angry, but just upset or concerned feelings) is going to cause abandonment. :-/
Its not really lack of self love, its more that you attack your libidinal wishes because they were dangerous. Its this aggression that is turned inwards.
So its not that you need to love yourself more, but to attack yourself less and to recognize that you are doing it and why you are doing it. And then recognize that you also attack everything (in other people) that reminds you of these libidinal wishes you had that were dangerous. You might for example have high "moral" standards for other people. Be overly submissive to authorities and demand that from others also.
In borderlines, this is called "oral envy". And its much more destructive, as when they are frustrated they destroy/spoil/devalue everything they care about to avoid the envy (someone has something you want/need). They cant recognize that its the same person who they are attacking, that they need. They operate on a much more primitive position, called paranoid schizoid position.
So its more about aggression, than love. As love is neediness, and frustrated needy feelings bring up aggression that is then directed at yourself, because it would be too dangerous to direct it against the object. This is then internalized, and functions as a warning system that attacks these dangerous libidinal wishes. This is basically what Freud called the "super ego".
Thank you for explaining the emotional abandonment fear this way. I feel this. ❤️
"There was an Oprah cookbook" *subtle smirk* I want you to know, that I completely understand this. No one else may, but I do.
I was raised by a BPD mother. I can relate to not being allowed to 'feel'. I know I used to skip right past anger and straight to rage, just like Mom did. Charlotte's pretty awesome for putting this out there. She's definitely going to help some folks. I truly wish her well.
I can't tell you how many times I've rewatched those initial videos with Charlie. I'm a grad student interested in working with people who suffer with BPD and your channel has been really helpful for me. SO excited to watch this update. Thank you, thank you!!
And thank you for entering a field that needs great people who really care about helping others! Hope you find this video helpful :) -P
Private message me, my ex.wife was borderline. I could tell you about my experience and ongoing experiences
@@jessoftherocks stop giving unsolicited nonfactual misinformative opinions
If you're not familiar with Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk, you should check him out. He's a renown expert and researcher on childhood trauma. BPD is one type of disorder that is rooted in childhood trauma. His wisdom and understanding of trauma is enlightening.
“Well because I want to improve”, my heart sank. That kind of honesty and willingness is going to reap good fruit.
I was very judgmental towards those w/ BPD up until recently.
I tried to familiarize myself with it as I have family members w/ dx’s, but even reliable sources online tend to have a tone of hostility. Their beliefs started to become my own.
The emotional whiplash I grew up seeing was horrible, but these videos have helped show me what beautiful souls these people have. Behaviors can be worked on & we need more clinicians who understand the exact needs and how to get on their level.
I wish I could take away the pain & help them see what we all see. I hope anyone struggling with BPD is able to see how loved the above woman is and all she’s doing is existing as herself. Thank you for the videos!
she is so endearing.
Thanks for this note and your good wishes. -P
when you do not look for peace, then it will find you
Charlotte is such an amazing person. She’s helping so many people by letting us see this.
I feel her exhaustion of feeling too much, the pain, the devaluation. The i do better when i dont have a boyfriend. I just wanna hug her and check up on her. She seems so sweet
You can see the emotion in charlotte. i always wondered what "doing the work" looks like. This is it....you can see she is taking agency for her flaws, acknowledging them and really putting everything forward....PUSHING!!! to get better......... not only for herself but everyone whos close to her. This is amazing and im rooting for her!!! i wish her the best.
She feels as she has not improved, but I see strength in her when she was able to point out certain things that she could not see in former sessions, like her consumption of alcohol ended up being too elevated. In a former session, she considered that she was doing better in LA than in NY, but then she described how drunk she got in social situations and at that time she did not see that as a problem and the psychiatrist cleared saw that as a problem. Now she was able to see by herself that alcohol is not good for her. Also, she was able to express her worry about being too angry and with a kind of angriness that can be out of control. She now knows what can be destructive to her very clearly. It IS progress, for sure! This thing about apologizing for (all the time), that is so present in her way of being herself truly shows how tough she is with herself and how her self-esteem is broken because I guess she is so judgmental with herself that she is afraid people will see in her someone they will not like and she needs to be liked. In fact, she is super likeable and caring and loving. She should give herself more credit. However, I imagine that in her relationship with her mother the insecure attachment was so enormous as she described her mother as being vicious, that her mother's words to her became her inner voice, that is not a cheerleader, but a merciless judge. I imagine, as a child, she did everything she could to be likeable to her mother and couldn't because her mother was a person impossible to please. Still, she carried with her the responsibility to keep pleasing people to try to be "acceptably lovable". The only thing that she seems to associate to get better with is by being a better person. She is a great person already. She just needs to get help with impulsive behaviours and emotional regulation and love herself better and understand that everybody is imperfect and still can be likeable. I wish her the very best! I like how honest and generous she is by sharing her emotions in open. She is helping so many other people living the same issues and feeling alone, isolated. She is very inspirational! It was so great to learn from her and Dr Jacob while sharing a human experience. Thank you for both! You both are genuinely caring people and that is rare!
Thanks for this thoughtful, wonderful comment. Happy to hear you feel C has improved!
We have a debrief video with Dr. Jacob coming up in which she agrees with some of your views about progress. Stay tuned, and thanks for being here and sharing your thoughts. -P
@@BorderlinerNotesYou are very welcome. Thank you for your comment, as well! I have been watching her therapy sessions here and she brings such a wealth of insights. As her challenges originated from childhood trauma, I wonder how exhausted she must feel about not feeling her best for such a long period of time. It is so positive that she is open to get help and also shows a willingness to overcome the obstacles which come her way. Accepting that something needs to be healed and that professional help will be necessary is a big step in this quest for clarity. There is so much stigma around mental illness and her generosity in sharing some of her sessions with the public surely helps a lot to bring awareness that, in fact, all of us carry conflicts here and there and it should not be shameful. It is human, above anything else. Guilty and shame should be disassociated from mental health issues. I admire the bravery in her humbleness. Also, I do so much admire the respect, professionalism, and humanity from Dr. Jacob and Dr. Choi-Kain. Thank you all for this remarkable opportunity for mutual learning!
I thank you so much for your comment as this 100% resonates with me. I feel you've just helped me find the answer I've been looking for!
@@lisalane3291 Thank you so very much! I am so happy you felt that way. All the best to you!
You just described my life……
The part at the end about feeling apologetic for existing...that's really a core issue for me..my whole life I've lived with a rock-solid gut feeling (intuition, instinct?) that my presence is at best tolerated and at worst despised with malicious intent, so I tend to vacillate between self-conscious insecurity and outright paranoia that prevents me from leaving the house for up to a few days on end..my default state is also fight/flight..I'm in constant hyper-vigilance mode..it's all I've known my entire life, I wasn't diagnosed until age 50..the worst part is that I'm by nature a very social person, if you want to speak in terms of introvert vs extrovert, I'm an extrovert..yet, my inability to feel that anyone can stand me compels me to isolate and be alone, which is terrible..loneliness is killing me yet I trust no one, not even my wife..I feel like my life is trying to figure out how to function in spite of an out of control inner warning system
Thank you for this description. It helps me to understand?
At least you made it into a marriage. I understand how you feel. I feel the same way..tolerable at best but repulsive mostly. Strangers adore me. I had an ex who called me "effin piece of sh*t" so often that I think he must have thought that was my real name. If I met a new person n told him they liked me, he'd say "Ya, until they get to know you." But, he did have a lot of good qualities. He's dead now. Peace be upon him. I'd rather be alone anyway.
May I just add that Charlotte's smile is just everything. Beautiful soul. ❤
Recently inspired to become a psychiatrist that specializes in BPD (BPD guy myself). I say this because I feel it’s important with this disorder for someone to FEEL what I’m saying and that comes from dealing with it day in and out no BRAKES. How amazing it would feel to open up to your provider who has the medical knowledge yes but also FEELS you. For the longest time I’ve thought this was a curse but I’m starting to turn that around into a blessing ❤️ I’m going to dedicate my LIFE to serving this community. I love you all. We got this :)
It’s the same way AA (alcoholics anonymous) works. You form connections with others that suffer along with what you have and that brings UNITY. Unity is love and that’s what the human experience is about
Oh finally... I agree with you entirely. Like BPD Anonymous... Sounds really therapeutical
for years I never knew why I felt the same way as her for almost my whole like and didn't know what BPD really was until a few years ago when I learned about it in school and did my own research and reached out to my doctor and then got diagnosed with BPD after not knowing why I felt this way. I just watched the first video last night and I cried because of how much I can relate to it. Thank you for this and having someone really dig deep on BPD.
I have the Hulk too...I avoid conflict like nothing else! People often think I am afraid of the conflict but in fact, I am afraid of the rage that will take over me if i don't escape. I think running is a very healthy way to get that rage out. I'm not sure anyone can understand it unless they experience it. I feel ya, Charlotte. I see a lot of myself in you. Peace, love and light
I was running then blew out my knees😢 ! Miss it so much, now just lift when I can, with 2 jobs it’s hard 😂
was so happy to see Rachel again! She's fascinating, complex, and real. Rooting for youuuu! xo
rachel?
@@kellz6266😅😅😅😂
Running is a great way to deal with stress and anger, even depression. Keep running!
I agree. …. Just speculating here … maybe She’s releasing the inner energy through running.
When someone rages they’re releasing the energy by destroying things. She’s releasing it by pounding her foot in pavement, and all that inner buildup is released by tiring her self out through the physical exertion.
Running is a great activity to dispense energy, absolutely! The Body Keeps The Score is a top resource that talks about "bottom-up" strategies like this for trauma. I think what the doctor is hitting at is avoidance behaviors. -- If every time you feel a certain emotion you default to a distraction, you never learn to tolerate feeling that emotion. Whether that distraction is telling a joke, drinking because of social discomfort, or running because of "I want to break stuff" anger.
I have the same fear of my anger as Charlotte (because of a similar parental bg), and I've had to learn to face it before it becomes destructive. Anger is a regular emotion, okay to feel, and important at alerting us that something is wrong. It's a fire alarm! 🚨 (--Boundaries being violated, needs not met, expectations dashed). We can't know what to address if we never allow ourselves to even face feeling.
Tl;dr: Losing the fear of even feeling anger makes it far more manageable. Avoidance behaviors sadly don't do that.
Not if it's an avoidance strategy, that is never good.
If you haven't yet, please consider TED talk and be in company that makes you feel safe. So special to be here with you
Not a single downvote. This is precious and so helpful. She is so brave to do this. It’s no small feat.
There are now 8. People are awful💔
Watching this made me think of searching for this quote:
"There is no necessary clash, no dichotomy between man’s reason and his emotions-provided he observes their proper relationship. A rational man knows-or makes it a point to discover-the source of his emotions, the basic premises from which they come; if his premises are wrong, he corrects them. He never acts on emotions for which he cannot account, the meaning of which he does not understand. In appraising a situation, he knows why he reacts as he does and whether he is right. He has no inner conflicts, his mind and his emotions are integrated, his consciousness is in perfect harmony. His emotions are not his enemies, they are his means of enjoying life. But they are not his guide; the guide is his mind. This relationship cannot be reversed, however. If a man takes his emotions as the cause and his mind as their passive effect, if he is guided by his emotions and uses his mind only to rationalize or justify them somehow-then he is acting immorally, he is condemning himself to misery, failure, defeat, and he will achieve nothing but destruction-his own and that of others." (Ayn Rand)
Search for the root. The misaligned emotions. The evasion and avoidance. The thinking loops and bad decisions.
It's something I'm trying to do, in a battle against self-hatred.
I think Karen is doing a great job here.
BPD is so stigmatisizing. Finding the right treatment is nearly impossible unless you have approximately $500 a week to shell out out of pocket for a DBT program. My insurance & most insurance companies won't cover DBT. It's unconscionable.
I just want to say, I love you and your vulnerability which helps so many of us, to see ourselves through you. You are doing an amazing job trying to figure out everything. I hope you are doing well and I'd feel honoured to be your friend online if you wished to reached out. I have a few videos where I really talk about myself as a person and I've noticed I'm near a different person in each video I make. I make video journals which is just as good as a therapist to me. Then I can watch a few months or a year later and realise how far I've come, or not.... at that exact moment in time. I keep those on private but it's so interesting, to be able to watch my own behaviour and speech patterns later on. It helps me SEE the way I talk, my body language etc. And try change little things and I have have super sensitive bpd. I love what you're doing in these sessions. You're a much more amazing person than you realise!
I would love to see a follow up with Charlotte and Dr. Choi-Kain.
I have DID. Those of us with personality "disorders" can very easily detect when someone is not being genuine. I caught it and so did you, Charlotte. I understand why you felt like you were not being heard.
Can you explain what you caught?
@@wk8000 yep and the patch up response
Charlotte is so beautiful , especially when she smiles 🤍
Urgh, Charlotte is so brave. There is a lot of media currently demonising people with BPD, so this content is so important right now. I have so much empathy for her struggle, and so much respect for her strength. Thank you Charlotte for allowing people without BPD an insight into what life is like for those with BPD.
i agree and thank you for saying this!
About anger: if you were punished for your own anger, you naturally want to avoid it. But when it explodes, you punish yourself because you think you are a bad person. Therefore, you give up on controlling your anger because you think in getting angry you already failed.You could practice expressing Anger in an assertive way and talk yourself through the experience and deal with the self-condemnation. You can find that you are not a bad person for being angry, and you can be angry without being a bad person. Great session, thanks for sharing.
OK. Can one be angry in the way you suggest in front of a spouse or a love interest? You are suggesting to express anger. If a therapist recommended this to a client - to express anger in front of a spouse, what do you think the result would be?
What a privilege be with this therapist. WOW!
I know my anger is not containable. It’s so hard. I’ve been a BPD for half my life. Bless you Charlotte
The love of my life struggled with BPD. It’s so hard as a partner because you become their target, and you have a hard time reconciling the behavior you see from this person you deeply love and respect. The whole cycle of everything is great to violence and destruction, sabotage, then guilt and sadness. I love you, I hate you, thank you for not leaving me. This is so helpful for the partners and family too. I forgive her, and I know I played a role in the overall dysfunction. Things like this really reinforce knowing she took the right steps in DBT and tried, and it’s just such a powerful and stigmatized illness. This helps to feel more compassionate and empathetic and let go of the hurt. It has to be so hard for this woman to put this out there. But her acceptance and understanding is so strong. Thank you.
Charlotte you are a bad ass! I love your tenacity. You keep learning and trying all that you can to find a way to live a better life. I can see your pain. I hope you find a way to a place where the pain is less and your self esteem is more.
This woman is awesome. You can tell she has been through many therapists and doesn't have time for the bullshit. I totally understand what she is saying about her anger. My anger has destroyed relationships, opportunities, jobs, my body. As I have gotten older I try to identify where the anger is originating from. If I don't get out of my head when I'm in that place it snowballs and can/has destroyed everything in my life. Its almost as if my brain is wired to react with rage to any negative thing that happens. These videos are incredibly helpful.
Charlotte inspired me to look for therapy again. Because once I saw her video with Dr. Jacob (the previous one) I saw so much of myself reflected in her and realized that just like she could gain something from Dr. Jacob or Dr. Choi even when she thought she didnt, so could I. Thank you very much for this channel and for putting this information out there. I know it's not quite like a support group but it feels like one. It feels like I'm less alien for having this and just another person really trying to do what they can with what they have.
My beautiful, sensitive, smart and creative BPD wife divorced me after 30 years. The self-condemnation that Charlotte exhibits and the conclusion she reaches with bomb-shell words regarding herself and self-blame is so perfectly accurate. When Karen states that pointing out an observation is perceived by Charlotte as an accusation resonates with the experience of myself and my teenage kids. Eventually it became so touchy that we couldn't say anything without it hurting mom, which then destroys communication and totally confused us as what could and couldn't be talked about. And the kicker in all of that is she constantly initiated the open communication only to force us into a shut-down mode, leaving us to blame ourselves for participating in this trap. Charlotte's comments on her anger is also on target. My family had no idea the volcanic anger underneath mom/wife because she was so concerned about what others might think about her until she finally began to turn to alcohol and the 30 day fasts she would engage in--she was punishing herself, and in her pursuit of her "real me" punishing all of us with her surprising anger and horrible insults to our kids and to me.
Well this took a quick left ….
Jonathan, I'm very, very, very sorry that you and your kids had to go through this. I'm not going to vilify your ex-wife because I know she is in pain and even if only for that reason she deserves compassion. That being said, I hope that your kids are ok and I genuinely hope that you all have found healthy support systems to rely on and fortify your family. You deserve the best and so do your children.
@@charlemixon Thanks so much Charlotte for your kind and encouraging words.
When Charlotte said "yes I go for a run, isn't that normal? Isn't that what normal people do?" I wanted to give her a hug. It's clear how she doesn't feel normal and having heard that going for a run helps clear your head etc when you're feeling big pent up emotions and need to get out of the house is a normal healthy thing to do... hey, I get that! I felt a bit annoyed when the therapist suggested she sit inside the house instead with her rage. So she can do what? Smash up her belongings? Break the wall? Open a bottle of wine? Isn't going for a run (provided it is not with the intention of hurting herself like how she mentioned running until feet bleed etc) so much better? Geez.
A jog, hike, run, brisk walk, healthy forms of exercise = a good way to release bottled up stress, anger or thoughts that cause uneasy feelings.
Fresh air & exercise = a healthy/good way to release it.
So she can learn to feel. Not act, not distract, feel. Her realisation that this was avoidance and not actually a healthy outlet which stabilised her reactivity was a critical breakthrough. Running (etc) as a healthy outlet are done irrespective of what emotion we are feeling.
No. Her going for a run is avoiding. She isn't running under the premise of running for health. She's using it to avoid facing her emotions which makes them worse.
I can relate to what Charlotte said about feeling relieved when her boyfriend said he didn’t care anymore. I think that’s a defense mechanism to push loved ones away and when they do walk away it’s like “SEE, I was right! They always leave”.
So I tested people a lot to see if they would leave or how long it would take them to leave. Make sense?
I absolutely relate to your comment, I've done the same thing😩
No, it doesn't make sense.
Charlotte is so great. I feel so grateful that she does this so others with the diagnosis can relate, myself included.
She seems like a really kind young lady.
There are so many things created by trauma experiences, no one needs to be ashamed of his pathology, or traits. I am happy for the woman in the video because she shows the world… treatment is possible, trauma can heal… and look here smile when she recognizes that she did a small step forward. Priceless… I also work with humans… this moments are super important because you deepen the relationship….love it…good job of both…❤
I’m so happy to see Charlotte and the doc again!! I’ve watched the prior interviews many times - I can relate to Charlotte in many ways, and I admire her courage and honesty. It seems like communication between her and the doc is still a bit uncertain, but the positive regard they have for each other is still very apparent.
I’ve shared these interview videos with numerous friends and family, and I wish Charlotte could know that we are all rooting for her SO MUCH!! She is an inspiration, and so worth happiness and being at peace with anger ❤️
This is such a helpful channel, I’m so grateful for it.
Thank you so much for these videos. I feel so much less alone after watching these videos.
I am so glad to see Charlotte and Dr. Jacob again. I am so glad to see that Charlotte has improved. Charlotte is so likeable and relatable to me. Thank you for your generosity with this material. Sharing this is really priceless for those of us who want to understand bpd. I am so grateful to all of you who made this happen.
i have never related to someone so much in my life it’s like she is another version of me it’s so comforting hearing it come from someone else i see how self destructive i am and self absorbed it’s was really hard to realize all of this but i’m glad this video was posted thank you both so much for sharing!!
This is so wonderful to see. Charlotte is so insightful and brave and real. Wishing so much good for her.
So happy to see her again
You’re so beautiful, Charlotte! Thanks for your honesty, it’s been so inspiring for me to watch your journey.
This is the most helpful video I have seen, so grateful to Charlotte for all of the work she has done on herself and generosity to share it:)
Would love to see more videos like this in general, not just BPD but with all types of issues and diagnoses. It's so refreshing to see real people with real problems.
I completely agree 💯
I can totally relate with Charlotte, this session is amazing. It's like hearing my own feelings and thoughts, though I'm a guy it parallels my bpd. Thank you for sharing this has been comforting to watch.
the relationship attachment part is really relatable
Dr.Karen
Thank you for your compassion and insight
Hoping this Lady will have a better and more fulfilling life
Thank you Charlotte!! 💛 You are helping to heal so many people by sharing your experience 🙏
Dr Karen you’re awesome! Praying Charlotte finds the healing she deserves.
Thank you Charlotte. The emotions are so intense!
Charlotte you're amazing. Thank you for these sessions
Charlotte is so brave for being this vulnerable, sharing her experience and recovery journey with the world AND facing all of these realities that Dr. Jacob is exposing her to. You, Charlotte, are doing so much to reduce the stigma of BPD and mental illness and promoting treatment! The recovery journey is not linear and I see so much growth from the last video. I've had such a similar experience with anger, feeling like I am the hulk, and then the INTENSE fear and avoidance surrounding that anger. Keep on going, it gets easier!
She's making progress! I'm so proud of you C! So brave! Stay strong my friend! ♥️💪
Omg when Charlotte smiled that genuine smile. Made me so happy.
It is wonderful to see Dr. Jacobs and Charlotte again. I didn’t think I would ever have the opportunity to see them together again. They have quite the dynamic.
Charlotte, I hope u get to the place u want to b.
Dr. Jacobs, u r fantastic.
Charlotte is a beautiful, brave, insightful person. So kind of her to share her story for people who want to learn more about BPD. I think about her often and really wish her health and happiness.
I applaud both Charlotte and Dr. Karen Jacob for this 👏 it may seem as a simple UA-cam video, but you both are truly helping and inspiring others. 🙏 love this community
I love listening to the honesty and familiarity of unpleasant fighting the world. Tiring and surprising how much I recognise so much of me every time that I listen to these interviews.
I know one relative that was probably BP but never admitted they needed to address it. We only saw one side of them and another person who somewhat feed off the behaviour. Keep at it Charlotte. Very brave of you to decide to take this journey. And thanks for sharing this.
What impeccable timing. I started treatment for BPD exactly 1 week ago and feel very out of sorts with an actual diagnosis. It feels good to have some confirmation I suppose.
I watched a few videos that she is in and she sounds so much like me in ways and I just want to hug her. She is so aware, brave, and reflective. I used the same word of arrogance when in therapy and my therapist pointed out that I was being assertive instead or arrogance, but I still feel guilt no matter what. She seems so timid, blunt, yet raw and at times I could see her reflection on her good choices. Just so nice to feel not so alone.
This is so helpful.. you're not alone. You are okay.
I like how she was excited for the level 2, and choosing her food thing .
I remember how when I got hospitalized this year ,it was on a sunday and when I met my psychiatrist on Monday...she was like do you like this place ? Because there is another hospital that's "better" and all I said was they had wi-fi and she looked at me for a second and then joined me in my excitement 😄😄😄
I'm so glad to see them both again
Compelled to say how incredibly helpful listening to Charlotte and Dr. Jacob has been. Charlotte, you are a brilliant, charismatic, empathetic person. I sincerely hope that things are improving for you. I cannot overstate the admiration I have for you. I am also glad you found Dr. Jacob. Dr. Jacob, if only all therapists showed your level of compassion and willingness to truly listen. You are both wonderful people. What an amazing resource you have created.
She is amazing. She is very willing to do better and that's amazing.
I loved both the original & this second video. I'm starting therapy for the first time soon & I've been so unsure until watching these. Both of you have helped so much in humanizing BPD, mental illness, & therapy. Thank you 🤍
❤ this comment makes me really happy. I hope things are going well for you
Thank you for your courage !! ❤
I thought that Charlotte was staying with the discomfort of the gray areas in this session. Because she is so bright and charming it takes great skill to hone in on her avoiding and self blame. What a great contribution/gifting to those with BPD and to those who want to provide treatment. Thank you !
Charlotte, your such a beautiful soul. Keep up the effort. Growth comes in drops.
She is really humanizing it. 🙌🏼 for being insightful. I can resonate with so many things she said like testing the boyfriend and taking up litte space. We apologize to exist in people’s minds and space. We deserve everything we have in our lives, the success, the relationships, the happiness, our health and our own selves. Anger is a secondary emotion, would it help if we sit with anger reminding ourselves that it is a secondary emotion and wondering what was the primary emotion that led to anger? Maybe it was sadness for a lost value. It has helped me to convey the sadness or fear to the individual whose actions created a loss of trust instead of the anger. It’s hard as I have always easily resorted to anger because sadness and fear were too painful to feel. Great job Dr.Jacob and Charlotte!!💜💜
I appreciate this and can relate in many ways. Thank you for this
Happy to see Charlotte again
I don’t usually comment on videos, but I am so glad I came across this channel. I am rooting for Charlotte all the way, and I thank her for her bravery. I can’t imagine this is easy for her. Thank you also for the wonderful psychology content on this channel. I’ve learned so much from “binge-watching” these videos. Very grateful this came on my YT feed ♥️
I was recently diagnosed with BPD. Thank you for sharing this. You’re so incredibly brave. It’s very helpful. I see a lot of myself in you.
Thank you for writing this, I hope things are going well for you ❤
Respect her for being brutally open and honest and wanting and seeking help and sticking with this, and come throw the other side, and being able to look and analyis herself etc
total respect
Despite what she has been through lately, she looks alot healthier than in her previous videos. She has a glow about her that means she is doing better I hope.