Amazing acting how when he’s bringing it back to like bitter sweet “she’s been dead two years and that’s the s@!* I remember” Matt Damon is prepared to continue laughing as Will would, but when what was said actually hits the laugh stops and his smile drops.
I think you guys nailed part of the problem of being intelligent as well as mentally ill/traumatized. I have had so many therapists make comments that I'm so well put together, that I can phrase my thoughts around my mental health so well, that I'm so self aware and they're surprised that I still have these problems. There is absolutely a disconnect between logic and emotion in cases like that. It's like you said, you can be rationally aware of something but not emotionally process it at all. I wish more people acknowledged that
Exactly the same as my history of therapy. I looked for qualified therapists experienced in trauma, but all my therapists wanted was to talk about my trauma AGAIN retraumatizing me. I've picked up different things like the Rewind Technique (movie theater) that no therapist ever discussed or had an equivalent for. PTSD is bad hypnosis, a subconscious groove etched in emotions/mainly fear, at least in my experience, and intellectualizing/languaging the problem just didn't fix that animal fear and anger.
@@saorise28 I think only the worst therapists would do that, and most would really like that you are trying to take affirmative steps. You are like the student whose teacher shows up because you are now ready to learn. I would go back to a therapist if I can find one who goes beyond talk therapy, therapy can be wonderful.
Sooooo true! I feel more self aware of my own emotions than before but realize that just because I'm aware doesn't always necessarily mean I know what's best to do next or how to respond with things. Admittedly, I overthink a TON. I like their advice that having guidance can help.
Wow guys. That moment where Alan gets emotional thinking about Robin Williams and Jonathan recognizes it and asks Alan why he misses Robin is just a beautiful moment of genuine male vulnerability and emotional awareness. That really made me happy. Love you both!
Exactly! I love the “practicing what you preach” about this. The guys covered the toxic masculinity and completely smash through the barriers when each other needs it. And I like how that’s how they bring in that Jonathon isn’t Alan’s therapist for this reason: they can just be friends and cohorts in the show. It’s wonderful to see! Thank you!! And who didn’t grow up in the 90s and after not lose it when Robin passed? It still hits home.
Dude came here to say it but you said it so well yes exactly! The tone shift Jonathan is like “oh my friend needs therapist Jonathan a little bit “ and just pivots beautifully.
"How could a couple of kids in their twenties write this? The therapy is just so good"--I think a lot of us end up writing the therapy sessions and the therapists that we would have loved to have IRL in fiction or fanfiction. I've been dealing with mental illness issues for a long time and meet some professionals who made me feel even worse about my condition along the way, so I just wrote a lengthy fanfic with a very empathetic therapist and lots of people told me that they felt like they were receiving free therapy by reading it.
When a licensed experienced therapist says that he is striving to be like the therapist character in a movie whose screenplay was written by 19 year olds, you know it's great.
@@assholable The story of the making of this movie is almost as good as the movie itself. I have listened to Kevin Smith go on about it as in was involved with the studio head whom we will not name.
“When someone’s sad and depressed I don’t be sad and depressed I bring my energy down though.” Alan- *starts getting sad and depressed about Robin Williams* Jonathan- *mellows out and asks him why he misses him so much*
You can literally see it in his eyes when he immediately sees what’s going on and goes full empathetic. That’s not just being a therapist that’s being a good friend right there
i found myself scoffing at this because it's so difficult for me to take criticism but i'm just now thinking... i don't think i've ever been truly respected in my life. i don't think i've ever even truly been *heard* in my life.
@@dietotaku I'm glad you have realized this. Hopefully this will be the first step to being able to surround yourself with people who make you feel heard and respected. I have seldom been fortunate enough to experience that, either. Yeah, when he was differentiating between therapists who lead with calling their clients out on their bullshit and therapists who wait until they have developed enough rapport with their clients for their relationship to withstand that . . . I couldn't stop thinking about two therapists that I had briefly. Both years ago. Both were students, bless their hearts--maybe early to mid twenties--and you would think that nobody had ever clued them in on the idea that constructive criticism might be better received once you had earned that person's trust. From the beginning, every session with both of them felt more like being in a philosophy class. Every single thing I said was questioned. Like I can see integrating a *little* bit of "philosophy class" into therapy sessions. If I understand correctly, in ancient pre-Christian times, philosophers were the closest thing they had to therapists. They would help people work through their issues by questioning their assumptions and encouraging them to think critically. Then Christian pastoral counseling was developed (and I assume some form of counseling within other religions? but I'm not very informed on that) and then Freud came along. But yeah, inter-personal relating 101--you really should earn someone's trust before you spend an hour critiquing them. I think that one of these guys not only didn't seem to know that trust was something that the therapist needed to earn, but he seemed to have the idea that trust was something that I was obligated to *give* him as his client! He pressured me to divulge a very personal secret, quite early in our therapeutic relationship!
Sometimes we are just too afraid of not really being respected that it's really hard for us to feel respected even when the person trying to help us is doing everything right.
@@messinalyle4030 I have had therapist/ councilors who do this weird power trip and feel entitled to my trust and respect. Particularly when I was a teenager and a really young adult. I think alot of this stems from the therapist/councilor feeling superior to the patient in some way. I really don't think it ever occured to them that they should be trying to make other patients and myself feel respected and heard. I see this alot when mental health professionals are working with teenagers and it's so toxic and unhelpful.
Precisely. I recently had a counsellor who did not understand or respect my autism at all and instead treated me like I was some troublesome delinquent who always argues eith my teachers and is the fault of everything. She told my parents I shouldn't get love and comfort when I have a meltdown and called it a tantrum. Needless to say I don't see that ableist hag anymore. Admittedly, she did help in a few ways, but I refuse to have a counsellor that doesn't respect me and treats me like a villain.
"I was abused because I was bad." And in many cases, the abuser encourages that belief. Think about the phrases you've heard before from abusers: "Look what you made me do!" "I wouldn't have to hit you if you wouldn't push my buttons." "I can't help myself. You're irresistible." Abusers blame their victims for their own behavior, maybe especially when their victims are underage and unable to see that adults are responsible for their actions.
Yep and calling them difficult. My dad’s parents still talk about my dad acting out in his teen/early twenties like he was so “ornery” and a “troublemaker”. When the truth was that he was taking any excuse not to be home and he had a lot of anger/resentment that they gave him. I have to physically restrain myself when I hear these phrases. I wish I’d never known them, but my mom forces us to have contact because she believes family is “more” important
My mother used to call me stupid and useless when I would get bad grades in school. Deep down (or as it was said in the video - “on an emotional level”) I still believe I am worthless to this day (I am 22) and I believe it affects my life considerably. I hope to one day be able to afford therapy so I can get through this with professional help. I still love my mom though. She raised 7 sons, I can not even imagine what it was like for her to do that. We are all only human, it is just so sad that we can and do hurt one another so much.
Many cases?! TRY ALL CASES. They train you to abuse yourself even when they’re dead…..or out of their lives, it’s called malignant shame…..I lived with it for 45yrs….I’m 52 and have been healing FINALLY from horrifically abusive parents and yea plenty physical but that’s not the abuse which destroys your soul. Long term Verbal/emotional abuse just rips your soul into pieces….it massively affected all of my life….I married a man like my mom almost paid with my literal life and only now 12yrs AFTER he went to prison for trying to kill me …..am I FINALLY healing that…and still working on my childhood. I share this not to trauma dump….but maybe someone similar to me will read and realize….there’s HOPE 🤷🏼♀️ I did think there was until only 8yrs ago. Found th right therapist…..I’ve had many never worked. I got one just like in this movie. She CONNECTED with me personally not super fast like in movie….but that’s a movie. But very realistic….a good therapist is gonna have to be able to take metaphorical hits in the beginning etc… Anyways….I e rambled enough ❤️
That sentence "he's smart enough to know what it is, he's not emotionally aware enough to akwnoledge it" made me crazy and will stay inside of my head for years. Thank you guys.
As a child abuse survivor the “it’s not your fault scene” ruined me in the theater. I was so in the moment watching it for the first time that exactly when Matt Daimon said “don’t f*uck with me” I whispered it with him. I as an audience member felt trapped and backed into a corner during that scene. How amazing that it was so raw and real to do that to me. Kudos to all of them.
I cry Everytime I see that scene. I can feel it, sometimes during therapy I would have appreciated a hug, just to cry like he does and feel the comfort, it's a shame therapists don't do that 😞
I‘ll never forget desperately trying to muffle the noise of me helplessly bawling in the theatre, same reason. I’m a survivor of childhood and young adult abuse (physical/mental, R, DV & SA), and I swear I felt Damon’s “Don’t f*ck with me” all the way to the depths of my soul. Thank goodness my best friend from early childhood onwards, who knew what I’d been through growing up was with me, and she just basically held me & shielded me from view until I regained my composure. Frankly? I’ve always felt this movie and those roles were both those two talented men’s best work, ever.
@@linamen2544 Unfortunately, many therapist shy away from that due to allegations and blurred boundaries. Touch is very healing but in a therapeutic environment, we have to be careful because it can be misconstrued and be harmful.
The "wife farting" bit was all improvised by Williams, which to be honest he improvised like a good 75-80% of his lines through his entire career and was legendary for that. Damon's not laughing because it's in the script. He wasn't prepared for it at all and broke character because that wasn't supposed to happen at all and he was genuinely laughing his ass off. But it was so organic and natural they had no choice but to keep it.
Yeah and he improvised that because he noticed how nervous Matt was so he got him laughing to loosen him up a bit. I don't blame him, imagine you're just starting in the movie biz and you have an entertainment legend in front of you, I would be nervous too
This makes me feel better. It describes me well, but I always felt like I was broken for not following my own advice, which is one more shame (I'd say THE shame) to add to the pile.
Reminds me a lot about doctors (or lawyers) being the worst patients (clients). If they do it for themselves. There's a lack of perspective to be effective at your job.
@@Therealalbot I didn't know it! What's well known to you, is new to someone else! @heathbunny3313, thank-you for sharing :) Are there any other scenes in here that are improv? I've never watched this before!
@@xavierpaige5937 In the final scene of the movie Will leaves a note for Sean(Robin). The note ends with, “If the Professor calls about that job, just tell him, sorry, I have to go see about a girl,” which is a line Sean says to Will earlier in the film. Robin wasn’t scripted any lines but while filming he muttered, “Son of a bitch.. he stole my line.” Everyone agreed that it was solid gold and the perfect ending, so it made the final cut.
The its not your fault scene. I found it so uncomfortable the first time I saw it. I looked away and made myself to believe its ridiculous. But watching it again after I found out I have to heal, it punched me in the gut and I was sobbing and shaking during the scene. I cried several times that day.
I still can’t break down. Abuse is so awful as adults we are blessed if we even recognize it as abuse in the first place. Just don’t remember it, and can’t heal
"It's not your fault." People used to tell me that all the time. My father sexually abusing me for years wasn't my fault, but I wasn't ready to hear it. For the rest of my life I'll remember sitting in that small room with my therapist after my worst break down yet. He was in jail, he couldn't hurt anyone any more. She looked at me and said, "It's not your fault." I never had nor will I probably ever cry that hard like that again. "It's not your fault." You are not broken, the person who hurt you is. It is not your fault.
@@theredalpha7290 Everyday is an uphill battle, the good days are starting to outpace the bad though. I have my support system, and surround myself with people who love me.
I kick myself at that scene… because I (relatively speaking, of course) came to terms with my past, yet logically I know I must admit to some culpability of the situations I put myself into. In fact, I even have to even be thankful for the times got out jam with just a split lip, busted nose, or the odd tooth loosened. Honestly.. I might have become a strictly worse person if it were for a few of the timely bootings in my development cycle (a few of the others probably didn’t help, but some did). Yet I try to explain that to people & they say, “You’re just making excuses for other people”. Nah; I was a bad kid that was shaped by real monsters to be an okay-ish human being as an adult.
The pleasing look in Robin's eyes, too, add something. He's not try to be a therapist, he just wants him to know so fucking bad. And Matt Damon sobbing in return. Those insane wails. So fucking... The one guys said raw, and yeah.
Apparently the therapy scenes when filmed moved between the script and the improv skills of Damon and Williams, showing how they were both masters of their craft (doesn’t hurt that Damon was involved in writing the script, probably gave both actors a feeling of safety to take things farther).
@@steveleeart It’s actually one of the things about Williams; you didn’t hire him with the expectation that he wasn’t going to riff. It’s not that he made it an official rider in his work contract, the man was an mad, ad-libbing genius. You wouldn’t hire Gordon Ramsay to make you a Hungry Man meal; you wouldn’t hire Neil deGrass Tyson to teach kindergarteners STEM; you just didn’t expect Williams to not work the material he was given & make it his his own. No matter who’s the person let the genius do their thing, and be honoured for the time you’ll always be able to say you worked together. I would have been grateful just to have looked him in the eye & shook the man’s hand, thank him making my childhood what it was.
Damon’s choice to cry like a little boy was really what made this scene profound. He broke down to Little Will and got to be vulnerable and accept Sean’s help. Absolutely brilliant and moving.
"You can know so much about healing, and not heal." * me, who spent several years studying psychotherapy for myself before realizing it did nothing for my own mental health * :/
No, it fact it makes it worse, because as you look in the class around you, you realize there’s people in the room your in who don’t have the best of intentions for being there. Some people shouldn’t have some information.
I always thought that therapy are for weaklings and idiots this guy and this video was the perfect sign that i was always right omg so good to have your beliefs proven right just in front of you
@@rafaellima381 There’s a popular saying, “You always hate what you recognize & dislike about yourself”; far be it to me to try stopping you from going with that instinct, especially in this case, but.. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not your fault
I had a therapist for nearly 27 years, I stopped when I moved From California to Kansas. I went a session to find her totally distraught. She found her husband dead in the back yard from a Pulmonary Ebolism. In her nightmares he had been sufferring, crying for help as he died alone while she was running errands. I was a Trauma, Burn, ICU nurse and also had a shower of pulmonary embolisms. I could tell her from first person he wasnt aware of anything but little shortness of breath before went unconcious. Told her Ive had patients collapse IN the ICU and we couldnt save them. That session that day was for her, I could tell her things she couldnt have gotten any other way. Then she could start the greiving process
I think you already know this, but you helped her so much that day. To tell her that she didn’t do anything wrong, that she couldn’t have done anything differently, that nothing could’ve changed what happened. And most importantly, that he didn’t suffer. At first glance, it might sound cruel. You’re essentially telling her there was never any hope for his survival. But after the initial pain, she will realize that it wasn’t some kind of karma, it wasn’t caused or deserved by either of them. It just… happened. A thing happened, and it killed her husband, and nobody could’ve prepared for it or seen it coming. She’ll finally be able to stop torturing herself with “what if?” and instead, start healing, by asking herself “what now?” Thank you for being a good person like that. You make the world a better place to live.
Robin Williams literally saved my life. I was going to commit suicide the day he died and decided to scroll thru Facebook one last time when the news of his death broke. Not only did the news of his suicide shock me out of committing mine, but everyone was posting all of these encouraging things that I really needed to hear. He always has been my favorite actor and he always will be.
Yeah, I feel ya man. I wasn’t planning anything yet, but that’s about when I started thinking about it. That’s when I started getting sick, never did get any better, about the only progress that was made is they figured out how to slow things down despite not learning why I’m falling apart to begin with. To be honest, I’m still there; Robin keeps me hanging on. Even if it could be called an act of mercy, loss of life still hurts others who care; I hear ya.
I was lucky enough to meet Robin in New York about 15 years ago, just walking along the street. He was so gracious in stopping to chat and take photos. I still can’t believe it really happened, especially now he is gone.
His suicide was one of very few that I feel like I can understand, and kind of accept. Lewy Body Dementia was destroying what made Robin, Robin. His amazing brain was failing and there was no stopping it. So he left as Robin and on his own terms.
“There’s a disconnect between what we know rationally and what we feel.” This hit me on multiple levels. It’s way more real for me because I have autism. It’s one of those things that’s rough because it’s not just trauma that I can understand rationally, but not emotionally. It’s every day for normal emotions. I’d love to see some cinema therapy episodes featuring autism.
@@CinemaTherapyShow yeah it’s a problem when most blockbuster movies rarely show people on the spectrum. There’s a list of movies that feature autism, but most of them are movies that go under the radar. Even then, a lot of them show the low-functioning end of the spectrum. If we’re going with popular movies, then Rain Man would be best.
@@beyondviolet Yeah, Temple Grandin is great! Based on a true story, her autism isn't portrayed as a strange superpower (the way most movies portray people on the spectrum) but as something that allows her to see the world in a way that is unique and needed in the world. However, it is very honest in talking about the struggle that people with autism face. As a non-autistic person, my first watch of this movie helped me better understand the struggles autistic people experience with issues like sensory overload. It also does a good job depicting the struggle that those who love an autistic person (Temple's mom) face as they try to help them without invading their personal space or comfort zone. I think it is a good movie option, but I am just speaking from personal experience.
@@CinemaTherapyShow Fantastic beasts and where to find them could be an interesting choice as well for this! Newt's character arc is fascinating and it portrays someone who's socially challenged without succumbing to stereotypes (in my opinion at least). Btw, can also highly recommend the youtuber 'Pop Culture Detective' and his take on Newt.
When my parents divorced they took me to therapy and I remember the therapist told me “do you know it’s not your fault they divorced?” I remember in my child mind thinking “well I know that” But it wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I played that moment over in my head again and I finally understood what she was trying to say. And I finally understood that for all these years I did function as if it was my fault and like I/our family wasn’t enough for him to stay. So that moment of Robin Williams saying over and over again that it’s not his fault… just so important to understand it
I love how accepting Robin Williams' character is of crying. Some therapists I've encountered haven't. My mother's therapist asked her "why are you crying?" when she would talk about her abuse. I had a therapist ask me "Are you crying for self pity or really crying because you're sad?" when I would cry about my abusive father. We need more acceptance for crying, for everyone.
What a horrible therapist. I don’t think anything needs to be said about your crying. Just to let it out and let it all come out without interruption till the person is done. Horrible to think a therapist would invalidate a person like that horrible shit
Those experience sounds horrible but also gives the feeling like maybe they wanted you guys to think past your tears. It’s not that crying is unacceptable, it’s that it’s also not the end of the conversation. People can get stuck at the crying part and not progress in processing their feelings. I’ve gone through so many therapist since my adolescence, unfortunately they’re not one size fits all like other doctors. Once my friend was describing how her therapist was really professional and almost cold, not complaining just noting it. I said that would be so uncomfortable for me, mine was really personable, kept very clear and professional boundaries, but was otherwise friendly in our sessions. My friend thought that would make her feel uncomfortable. There’s a lot of social and cultural nuance that sometimes gets overlooked when finding a therapist. I learned this the tedious way going through all those therapists.
@@dinkerz thinking past your tears I feel only occurs once the charge of the emotion has settled which only occurs after holding space + facilitating expression. There is no thinking after tears unless the tears are out plus the emotion is gone plus explored. I really believe a good therapist does not really need to tell much, they need to listen, the client can figure it out for themselves once they are treated right as they learn to advocate for themselves and hear their desires and deep responses to certain circumstances that no one else will be able to give advice to. A good therapist holds space thats it. Hold space, hold clear boundaries, keep it safe, teach self advocation by asking questions thts it there is no teaching or advice giving I feel maybe a little in the beginning if the client is unaware of certain terms or situations like what constitutes abuse or what fawning is or fight or flight but yeah thats my opinion on things I hope we all get therapists someday for free because we need a safe space to sit with ourselves free for exploration of our desiresd our true nature our passion our plreasure our psin our suffering our everything that crops up at any point always valid always legitimate always helpful to guide us where we need to be for our true desires plus needs to met .....
@@nickandrews2255 I think a lot of what you are saying is true but not an absolute. I’ve been gone through so many therapists and counselors since I was 15. Some held for the crying to stop and some asked about the crying. It depends on a lot of things. Like if you’re telling a story, the appropriate thing to do might be to give space for crying, but if you’re explaining something, asking about the crying makes sense. And the client won’t figure it out on their own early on or sometimes ever. I still needed my last therapist to explain stuff to me despite all my many previous years of treatments. And if clients do figure it out on their own it’s with a lot of questions from the therapist to facilitate self reflection otherwise why are they there. Again, therapy isn’t one size fits all. Because maybe you need a lot of guidance and maybe you do just need a safe space to vent or maybe you need something in between; and these needs can change in the course of treatment. I agree a good therapist in general would mostly listen, but a good therapist for you would figure out when and how to chime in. If they don’t learn how to read their client correctly then you might get the miscommunication like in OPs case. Because even with the benefit of the doubt that they were trying to incite self reflection, it only served to offend the client and that’s going to hinder not help despite the intention.
My father died by suicide when I was 13 and VERY shortly after, my mother move us 200 miles away from ALL of our friends and family. And other then the occasional birthday card, none of them attempted to maintain a relationship with me. I grew up think I was unworthy of love and had little to no value. Then when I was 48 a man committed suicide in our town on the EXACT same date as my dad and by the EXACT same method… and all the coping methods I’d developed over 30 years came CRASHING down! My salvation came in the form of 3 woman. The one I called when I finally decided I needed help spent a Saturday NIGHT finding a therapist that would see me. The second was the therapist that borrowed an office so that she could see me on a Sunday. Then when insurance tried to dictate her treatment of me, she made the choice to see and treat me for free for almost a year. And finally my wife who came to every session and put aside all of her own problems to see me through. These women saw value in me, and not one single day goes by that do not appreciate that gift. Not one.
That's an amazing story. These women saw your value and proved it through tremendous effort and support. My wish for you is that you truly feel your own value now or soon. Best wishes, sincerely.
@@pamelahofman1785 Thank you for your thoughts, I truly appreciate them! I have been thinking about your comment all day trying to decide if I find value in myself… and it’s not that I don’t, it’s that I don’t think like that. I’m one of the old breed of men that truly believes that as a man my primary function is to protect and provide. If I’m not meeting those two ends, then no, I have no value. Over the past few months I’ve been enduring a shoulder injury that is at time rather painful. Despite the discomfort however, my wife still EXPECTS me to act like a man; load the luggage into the car, fix the door, change the tire, etc. It isn’t that she’s demanding, I KNOW that if I said I couldn’t, or that it hurt too much she’d absolutely do whatever needed to be done to get the task taken care of for me. But she knows me well enough to know that I NEED that expectation from her to give me value, so she never preempts me by saying “don’t do that, you will hurt yourself.” My value is reflected in being that man she wants/needs/expects me to be, when she appreciates the work I do. I am happiest with myself when she tells me “You worked really hard today, let me rub your shoulder.”
As a child abuse survivor I feel like even when you know it's not your fault, it's still so painful because you feel so helpless. Revisiting the emotional state experienced during that trama is very hard.
Its a weird thing, but sometimes thinking of it as my fault gives me a (false)sense of control. If it was my fault I could've done the right thing and it wouldn't have happened. Truly knowing I had absolutely no control over the situation is sometimes scarier. Logically? I was 3, I weighed maybe 35 pounds total. Nothing I did was going to change what was happening.
@@C-SD I totally get what you're saying about taking control. Those parts of my life (at 5years old) I remember so clearly and I tell myself it happened because I wanted attention, but really I was just playing a game that was suggested to me by someone that clearly knew what they were doing to me at that time. At 13years old I thought I made it up (again to get attention) cause no one talked about it ever again since it came out. And now at 21 I don't have a clue of how to deal with people, especially men, and think my only purpose is to keep their attention on me by doing whatever they want or keep it down low to get minimal attention. What I actually wanted to say though is, I will cry uncontrollably at the "it's not your fault"-scene whenever I watch the movie
CSA survivor here. I went to CBTherapy and it really helped me get through a lot of stuff. I also had EMDR therapy which was good. I'm too far gone and that is not me making a negative self fulfilling prophecy - I will always have PTSD from childhood trauma and some things that seem totally unrelated will trigger. The trick is not being stuck there. I have the tools to cope and take mental health days to check in with myself, reflect, how am I feeling and it's ok to cry FGS man or woman, child or adult. I Just did it with Alan there when he said how much he missed Robin Williams. I felt that, because I feel the same way. I'm hurt because someone who gave me so much joy in my life growing up and watching the screen, died by suicide - it just really hit me. We lost a legend. I manage to revisit to reach into the depths of my soul, to comfort my inner child as she is in pain all the time and it does take many visits and re-visits. What keeps me on my toes with it is fighting to get it (CSA) or any child abus3 (is that word zukked?) stopped. That I could be another child's hero to prevent it from happening in the first place and secondly, if it does happen, the proper steps are taken to ensure a) it does not happen again, b) that you get justice for such a horrific crime perpetrated onto you and c) that you get therapy early enough so you can heal the developing brain rather than the developed brain. In my case, CSA was covered up. It was silenced - so not allowed to talk about, not allowed to take it to the authorities - nothing and I was also told by that cult I was raised in to stop going to my therapist because she would turn me away from God (what they really meant was they would lose a recruit). That is one of the things I and many others have been fighting to get changed. To ensure that any abus3 is reported to the authorities. Also we don't want pity because pity brings shame to it and it makes us feel less than. What we need is congruence, understanding and love without conditions attached. To all fellow survivors. We're strong, we're brave and one thing that helps me get through on a daily basis is this "They failed to break me" .
It's so hard to overcome helplessness. To really empower yourself with self esteem and physical strength. I really look foreward to future me defending herself in any situation by all means necessary. I made a long way and I hope to keep progressing. I hope you too and everyone else.
The international grief over the loss of Robin is so real. I don't blame him one bit, or think this would've changed anything, but sometimes I wish he knew, REALLY knew, how much he meant to an entire generation. I never felt this way about someone I never even met before. But I still see the effects of his death on the people around me, and I feel it.
Robin unfortunately had Lewy Body Dementia that was diagnosed after his death, his brain was rotting and his wife said in his last few months he was losing track of his orientation to his surroundings and himself, becoming paranoid and irritable and that they had to sleep in seperate rooms and have someone monitor him. I can’t even imagine how horrible that would have been for Robin and his family to go through. The doctors who diagnosed his LBD said it was one of the worst cases they’d encountered of the disease and they said within 5 or so years he would have ended up in a nursing home with a severe loss of function and independence before his eventual death. As tragic and awful as his death was, there’s some relief that he could still have the ability to realise what was happening and chose to end his life on his own terms while he was still functioning and not end up as a completely different person. I’m sad as well what happened in the last few years of his life and also sad for some of my friends who also had Grandparents or family members suffering from Alzheimer’s or other dementia-related diseases (one of my friends had her Grandpa die from LBD).
I saw Robin doing stand up in Chicago in 2000 something. The show was great, rather blue, and when then house lights came up, he saw a family with two kids, pre-teen, sitting in the front row seats. He was so upset, chastising them, saying “this isn’t Mork and Mindy”. He struggled to go on with the rest of the show, so cognizant of these stupid parents and the young kids. He kept joking about DCFS showing up. It made me love him and respect him all the more.
The "it's not your fault' scene is just perfect. Will going through the stages of nonchalant dismissal, to giving Sean that expression of "dude, it's me ... I'm past this", to slowly simmering, and then throwing up all his defences and pleading with Sean not to use his past against him, and not abuse his trust. Then that final moment of trusting Sean, lowering his guard and just crumbling into his arms. I don't think I've ever made it through that scene without tears in my eyes. Absolutely brilliant.
Just the opening of this video when he said it and Matt Damon shrugs it off with an "I know!"... instant tears. I've had the same conversation in years past with my therapist regarding my own abuse (from multiple adults in my family), molestation, and trauma. I even had that same conversation with my inner child last week.
It makes me cry everytime because I was mentally/emotionally abused my whole childhood by the one person who should have loved me most, the one who gave me life, brought me into this world. There are days when I very much wish she had just gotten an abortion so I wouldn't have to exist in this world I never asked to be in. This is my biggest reason I fully support abortion, because I should have been aborted. She shouldn't not have had children.
I cry every time. Every. Time. And you know what? I can barely cry about my own life. I go thru all kinds of pain & cannot shed a tear. But this scene...I guess all the unshed tears come out then.
I think one of the best parts of this is at 7:41 when Jonathan realizes Alan is feeling something deeply personal about Robin Williams' passing, and so Jonathan asks Alan "Why do you miss him so bad?", making space for Alan to have feelings and express them, and just to listen to his friend who is experiencing painful feelings of grief and loss.
You could see Jonathan turn on his therapist speak when this happened. He closed his eyes and asked the question because at that moment Alan was trying to deflect by drinking some water. Making room to feel the grief and move past it is great therapy.
Fellow therapist here - snorted at the anecdote about the client who didn't talk all session, then started in the last 10min. Yes!! It's so wonderful when they spend most of the session doing / discussing ANYTHING else, then drop a bombshell in the last few mins... sometimes as they stand up on their way to the door!
You kinda get it though. They don't want to face laying something bare before you and having it examined. If they say it on the way out, it gives them a chance to come to terms with you knowing and come to the next session with it established already.
@@Firsona This is how I came out to my parents. I was heading out the door to go to the mall with my friends, said "BTW IM TRANS" and then left for SIX HOURS
It's the combo of Robin's genuine warmth and kindness that leaps off the screen, the raw humanity, the pure human emotion... it just gets you in the right way - it's so deep and cuts to the bone.
Yeah lol, I knew a girl that was balling her heart out and I just jumped to saying it's not your fault a bunch of times. I prayed she hadn't watched the film.
My art teacher Good Will Hunted me and I reacted just like he did. I didn’t realize till a year later she Will Hunted me lmao. It helped me recognize that I needed help tho.
May be a bit goofy, but could I suggest doing an episode on Pixar's Finding Nemo? Specifically focusing on Marlin's overprotective parenting and Nemo's resulting insecurity and frustration
It's on our list for future episodes! Not sure how soon we'll get to it, but there's definitely a lot to talk about there. (And you know we love PIXAR)
I felt it when he was talking about how one client didn't talk for 40 minutes. My first therapist was not very good. If I took a few seconds to think of an answer to a question she had asked, she'd keep talking to fill the space, just repeating things she'd already said, now in different ways. I ended up telling more to a different psychiatrist in 3 hours than I did in months with that first therapist. She also said things like "just think of it (kids bullying me because I was smart) as a twisted compliment," and when I told her I struggle with anxiety and procrastination of assignments she said "since you always get them turned in on time I don't see the problem." I felt minimized and that whole thing was a waste of my mom's money.
I lost my brother two years ago. Robin talking about how "the term visiting hours means nothing to you" hit me hard. I'd like to add on that to truly love someone is a subtle thing. You'll never know the depths of how you feel for someone until they're gone. Love isn't quantifiable, and you will never truly know how deeply someone has affected you. And his talk about imperfections! Oh I love that! My brother was autistic and he had his own little language. He would rip quotes from movies and tv that he liked and fit them into conversations. Even now I still use some of them. Those little things will forever be with me.
Your first statement is so true. I lost my sister when I was 11. I didnt see her often because she lived on the other side of the country (USA), and I didnt see her at all the last few years before her passing, but hell she was my sister. Im 21 now and not a day goes by where I don't think about her. I don't cry anymore, but I do miss her. I know I always will.
“But so often emotionally it feels like ‘I was abused because I was bad, I was mistreated because I was bad.” This hit me like a damn train, but I needed to hear it and accept that it actually wasn’t my fault. Thanks Movie Dads 💜👾
I have come to realise that it wasn't because I was bad.... I was actually a very very good child. It was because my parents were not good people. But when you are little and your physical and mental survival depends on these people who gave birth to you, it's just too horrifying to even dream that mom and dad are the bad ones.
Man both times you showed the “Its not your fault” scene just instant tears. Even though I’ve heard those words and have said those words so many times it still breaks me down. And honestly I believe Matt Damon felt it too. That scene was so organic and powerful. Theres no way both him and Robin weren’t feeling it.
For a lot of high performing kids, i.e., mom and dad's little thoroughbred supplying the Feel Goods to the parents, it's not about being bad, it's about feeling like useless failures if you are not GOOD ENOUGH. Therapy and my own work really helped me language trauma, but has done very little to address that bad hypnosis/ptsd that trauma drops you into, like an emotional groove in a record you can never skip out of.
I feel this an awful lot... No matter how good I am at something, I still feel like I'm not enough. I feel like I need to earn my place in this world and I am failing that. I even KNOW all of this, but as they said in the video, knowing and feeling are not the same thing... I've had therapy for a while and I've learned a lot about how to deal with my pitfalls... I still have NO IDEA why I even started to think and act like this. I know of no trauma in my past, I've had a bit of trouble in school with schoolmates but I always got by well enough and I always had very good grades. Even after school I never just dropped everything, I studied for a while, I took job training, I worked and now I am 25 and none the wiser, still feeling as lost as I did as a 14 year old... I just want to understand... Sorry for the long text. I felt like sharing, as you did and I want to thank you for writing down a bit of your story. I hope you can learn to heal and live a good life.
@@Srynan you don't have to "earn" the right to therapy by consciously remembering bad situations and traumatic events. Therapy is great if you find the right one. My first therapist was wonderful when I needed to language my trauma in an intellectual framework. I'm still looking for a therapist who can help me with that second stubborn monkey mind piece that totally operates subconsciously out of fear. Good luck to you.
@@Srynan I know where my feeling of not good enough came from... it is a result of a complicated interplay between culture, physical disability and my parents reaction to the 2. For the longest time, I'd avoid the words trauma and abuse when describing my childhood... even now, those words somehow feel wrong... but my old therapist (I moved away)
As a fellow childhood abuse survivor, I feel like that "it's not your fault" moment is something every single one of us need, and only some have received.
“Touch is a trigger” Touch is a big trigger for me, if I’m holding on to a thread, trying to maintain what kinda of resemblance of control I have on my vulnerability and you look me in the eye or hug me I’m done. It’s like instant hyperventilating and tears
For me it's not even touch. If someone even acknowledges that I'm upset instead of ignoring it, I can't control my body and I just breakdown immediately 🙃
Wow, I thought I was the only one. I fight hard to maintain my composure and the instant someone acknowledges that something's wrong and sounds concerned or empathetic or they hug me I lose it and then I get angry really quickly about it lol
@@breezy3392 Im just always hyper aware of my emotional status. I’m trying to acknowledge and own what I’m feeling more around those I trust. I never use to acknowledge what I was feeling and it would blow up on me. The more i acknowledge my feelings when they’re happening the less it blows up in my face. I use to think I was just emotional,unreasonable or needy and by acknowledging it I thought that made me less of a person. I know better know, but it’s taken years.
“There’s a disconnect between what we know rationally and what we feel”. This is the truest statement I’ve ever heard. I’m crying because I struggle with this daily with irrational thoughts (anxiety and panic disorder and recent BP2 diagnosis). I’ve been watching you from the beginning and you both have encouraged me to pursue therapy and I’m currently working through my trauma. Thank you for doing what you do. I love you both as much as I love Robin Williams ❤️
So true! For me, with an anxiety disorder that went of the rails(got worse to the point I almost couldn't work because of OCD) therapy saved me, got my life back because they taught me skills to deal with it. Wishing you the best and I hope therapy can do the same for you ❤️
i knew this was true, but i never had an explanation for why it was so bad for me until i was diagnosed with ocd. diagnosis and treatment changed my life
What I find interesting, is how Sean's nicknames for Will change as Sean perceives that Will needs them to change. First he's "Chief"/"Champ" in the session when he's all cocky and talking about Sean's painting. Then he's "Sport" when Will starts to open up and "play along" with the therapy. Then Will is "Bo-Peep" when he goes back to brushing Sean off, telling him he wants to be a shepherd. Then he calls him "Son" during the "it's not your fault" moment... because Sean maybe felt the need to step in as a not-so-negative father figure at that moment. Each time it seems like Sean is using a different name and addressing a different concern/state of being.
Johnathan's long blink when he asks Alan, "Why do you miss him so bad?" was lowkey his brain turning on therapist mode for a second there. I love the taking the time to reflect on and validate the feelings. You guys are my favorite UA-cam channel. Not just because of everything I've learned, but because you guys are learning too. It doesn't feel like I'm just watching a video. It feels like a journey.
Some people don't need therapy for just a year or so though. Some need long-term therapy to work out problems that will always keep coming up, and cause a myriad of other issues. PTSD, clinical depression, anxiety disorders, ADHD and most personality disorders need therapy for at least 5 years, usually more, and sometimes for all their life.
@@Lucy666Fernandez I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, but I recently read a book by a German Psychiatrist (Manfred Lütz) who flat out says that if therapy is good, it should be short, and if it isn't short, it isn't working (or it's the therapist milking their patient). Just a thought.
@@Alison-dt5wo I mean, some people need someone to talk to who can give a (relatively) unbiased opinion on what's going on in your life. Especially with chronic conditions that can't be cured and even when treated will periodically relapse into some harmful episode (depressive, psychotic, dissociative, etc.) during which they might need counseling. And it helps when your counselor already knows your history and what helps you best.
@@Lucy666Fernandez Yeah, I get that. I hope most people have someone in their network they can talk to, but I know a lot of people don't. Anyways, the author generalises a lot (which he admits himself) to make the book more accessible. His point, however, is that there's a "trend" in people seeking mental health support although they're not ill (e.g. feeling sad if your friend died is healthy, you're not depressed) and thus taking away therapy spaces from people who have "real" illnesses. Again, I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, just thought it was an interesting (unexpected) viewpoint.
you can see the therapist mindset almost kicking in when alan gets teary talking about robin's passing, and johnathan asks him the "why does this make you feel that way?" question and i love it, that moment, and their relationship
Being able to separate emotional certainty and intellectual knowledge was one of the best revelations of my healing process. Not only did it allow me to grieve for the childhood I was never able to have, it comes in handy for conflict resolution. I’m a passionate person, so when I get heated, I can take a step back and compartmentalize what I’m feeling and how it might conflict with reality. It’s stabilizing.
Right? It's like you suddenly realize the other side of the coin of intellectualization (not feeling your feels) is this awesome ability to stop you spiraling and, if in a fight, become patient and calm while someone is loosing their shit, as if you had studied for years conflict resolution and de-escalation tactics.
@@jliller “Necessity is the mother of all invention.”. Don’t tell me you haven’t heard this or discovered it to be strictly accurate. Are the logical leaps from that self-explanatory; or are you really asking for his personal experience with coming to terms with getting dealt a bad hand & making-do with it? Because everyone’s got stories. Even the folk who’s forks started out being made of pure platinum. I bet you did to, even if it were something as “simple” as having to share a bathroom with a sibling growing up. Even if that was the biggest hardship in anyone’s life, that’s their hardship. The actual what-&-why of it rarely matters, for the most part. Me? There’s a reason I call myself “madman”; not a happy tale, but I leaned from the experiences. Could say more, I guess… But how is that going to help? Is this some sort of competition that no one really wants to win anyway?? Or are you legitimately looking for someone to help teach you how to utilize the past into something useful? Truth is like this; stuff happens, you deal or you learn to cope; worse case scenario, it’s simply limping by with bad coping skills. Or, like Robin showed us, you don’t. When told to choose between bad options, “None of the Above” is always a choice still. There’s usually better options, sometimes there’s not; no matter which way you go, make the best choice for you either way.
@@locomadman The definition of hardship is "severe suffering or privation." If your worst hardship was not actually a hardship yet it still gets you down you don't need to grieve, you need a proverbial slap in the face. You put in a lot of effort to answer my questions, but you didn't really answer my question. Let me rephrase/expand it. There are a lot of ways you can lose your childhood. A variety of turmoil and instability - including but not limited to broken homes, parents with substance abuse issues, and crushing poverty. Abuse. Disabilities and chronic health issues. Developmental issues. I'm not asking to compare scars. Grieving can be a useful process because at the end you're emotionally prepared to move on. Your dog died, but you can get another dog. Your spouse left you or died, but you can start dating again. Your parent died, but you have other family and loved ones in your life. But that doesn't seem relevant for a lost childhood. You can never get those years back. You might find parental figures, a family, stability, trust. But you can never replace what you lost. The experiences, the development, the childhood friends and memories can't be replaced. There is no do-over. And you will probably have to live the rest of your life with some idea of what you missed because you will meet lots of people who had all those normal things you didn't.
“Then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds.” Those words made me tear up. There are only very few people who know, respect and love the fully authentic me. It’s beautiful ❤
CINEMA THERAPY! I have something awesome to tell you! I shared your Incredibles video with my college psychology teacher, and she says that she’s going to share it with her students as a study tool!
Robin Williams is an international treasure and losing him was like losing a chunk of the purity and innocence of the world Knew that this ep would make me cry and 8 mins in and the water works were starting
The statement "you can know all there is to know about healing, and not heal" hit home for me. I've been in therapy for 20 years, I'm very analytical about my trauma, and yet it's still there. Some things just don't come easy, and all the books in the world can't speed those processes up.
It's interesting how you see Damon almost going through the stages of grief in that "It's not your fault" scene. Bit of denial towards himself at the beginning of that scene, then followed by anger, and finally acceptance.
The "it's not your fault" part wrecks me every time I see that scene because of the verbal abuse I dealt at home when I was a child until college and it stuck in my mind throughout college. Luckily, I graduated instead of failing out of college. I feared failure because of my dad's failed reverse psychology method of causing me to fear failure and accept that I'm not good enough.
I literally fast forwarded to the “it’s not your fault” part to see if they react the way I do every time I watch that part. My father too was verbally and emotionally abusive but luckily he was no where near as bad as his multiple step dads were to him. He was a saint to not allow himself to delve out his past horrors onto me and my brother the way it was done to him. He ended up killing himself when I was 11. It took a long time for me to accept that none of that was my fault…
"You can know an awful lot about healing, and not heal." I've found that knowing an awful lot, or even just more than the average person, can make it HARDER to heal because you know the tricks the therapist is using.
aw that’s just Resistance talking. If you feel safe and can relax into the invitation and/or even share that you’re *not* relaxing into it, a lot of amazing moments can happen. Is it a trick if it’s effective?? Resistance has a few tricks itself and telling us the invitation from therapist won’t work b/c we know what’s up is one of them. Brains can be silly things… mine can be anyway. Thinks it’s helping me when instead it’s locking me in a box.
"You gotta call people out on their bullshit, and the thing is, you gotta earn that." This. So, so much this. Thank you for making this point. We live in a world where people who are critical out of insecurity, boredom, and correcting you for their own convenience is absolutely rampant. This makes the default reaction to speculations on our character/behaviors reasonably perceived as not being constructive, but often times projecting, lashing out at you, or mean spirited. But when you know someone is compassionate, that they're there for *you*, it hits way different. I think another facet of this is a willingness to be vulnerable. Robin's character here is very vulnerable. He's open, he acknowledges that he doesn't have all the answers, that he has to learn. And it's this that sets him up for a connection rather than a dictation.
I had a "silent session" with a past therapist, once. My dad had recently died, and the whole situation was why I started therapy again. I had had bad experiences with therapists when I was a child, so it took me a while to open up a bit. And that day, I just couldn't speak at all.
I imagine it could still be a good session, just from how I know my mind works, I need a safe environment to process things on my own, too. So sitting there in silence with a therapist whom I trust might be exactly right. I hope you are doing well!
I have also had a silent session. I don't know if it was because she was younger than me or if I had just been to so many therapists that I didn't want to start all over again. She waited me out the entire hour and then made sure that I made an appointment two days from then. She saved my life. Unfortunately she moved away after a couple of years. Her supervisor took over and couldn't even call me by the right name.
I've had a couple of silent sessions over the years, with the same therapist, sometimes I cried on and off, sometimes I couldn't focus on forming articulate sentences to accurately convey my thoughts and feelings, sometimes I just had nothing to say and calmly sat there the whole session. I found out, after the most recent one, that it was an odd thing to do, and I worried that I'd freaked her out😅 I asked her if I had worried her and explained myself, she just said that as long as I got something from the time then she did her job☺️
@@howlingwolf3636 my heart is so full for people like us who suffer so much in silence, her are brave enough to talk about it here. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Every experience, in my opinion, is a story. YOU get to decide if you wish to tell it. And my heart thanks you so very much for sharing that with us.
The only way to describe that moment when Damon finally breaks down and hugs him, there is nothing else to describe it except calling it "achingly beautiful" because that's exactly what it is. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It's probably one of the most beautiful moments in film, maybe ever. THAT'S how much I love it 🥰
When he says over and over "its not your fault" because Will isn't internalizing it hits really hard. I've heard that phrase a lot regarding exactly that issue and I've never really come to grips with the fact it wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything to deserve it.
The way I have needed a therapist like him my whole life!! 😭 it is so heartbreaking to see how open, honest, vulnerable Sean is allowing himself to be with Will. Especially when he cries in his arms, Sean treats it like a break through and something that is good, healthy, brave! Many therapists do NOT treat crying like that, they absolutely should!
I’ve never seen this movie before, but when they got to the “it’s not your fault” part, and Matt Damon’s character started crying, I actually teared up. It just sounded like a real genuine cry.
Robin Williams got an Oscar for his role in this film. I know, Oscars don't mean much overall, but in this case I think we can all agree his performance was incredible and it was well-earned for a change.
Just started, but I already know I'm gonna bawl my eyes out on this one. Haven't seen this movie in years, yet I want to cry just seeing Robin Williams. 😭
re: Sean grabbing Will's throat... Watching this again made me wonder if Sean demonstrating his capacity and willingness to get violent to defend his wife might have gained a bit of Will's respect? As Sean says later, Will values the loyalty of his friends because they wouldn't hesitate to get into a fight to support him. Sean unknowingly demonstrated that same trait. It's still definitely wrong and Sean immediately regrets it (because it could end any potential trustful relationship and opens him up to an assault charge), but it might have clued Will in that he and Sean aren't so different.
Personally I don’t appreciate someone assuming I’d help them in fight, particularly if THEY were being the stupid one. Now if they were just jumped, obviously I would and should help, but basically don’t expect me to help you if you walked into it.
I thought it was effective because it was two tough guys from Southie communicating in a common and familiar "language." Will was a physical fighter (that's why he was on probation) and Sean probably was, too, out of necessity. This was how they both grew up. Sean knowing Will can push his buttons and Will knowing Sean isn't going to stand for that kind of bullshit helped, in a perverse way, to build trust-a worthy opponent commands respect. Finally, the fact that Sean stayed in "the fight" to continue the therapy further proved to Will that this was someone to be reckoned with, unlike the other therapists who quit when the going got tough.
19:32 -- you can tell that Robin Williams improvised the anecdote about his wife because the camera starts shaking, he made the camera operator laugh so much he couldn't maintain a steady shot, but they kept it in the film anyway because it was such a perfectly executed moment of realisation for Will that the director thought he couldn't get as authentic a reaction if he made them do it again
Jonathan really is the internet's therapist. He's said stuff across a lot of these episodes that have stuck with me so hard and helped me change not only my mindset but how I think and feel about myself. You guys are amazing.
I cried watching this and re-realising that Robin Williams isn't around anymore. Man. Weird that we all miss someone who we don't know personally but had such a big impact on our childhood...
I don't miss anyone else in hollywood as much as I miss Robin Williams. I haven't cried more for anyone I've never personally known than that man. Like the director, he was my childhood, my young adulthood, and many things.
"He was such a foundational part of my sense of humor" is absolutely true for me and my brothers too. I have laughed my way through a lot of life because of him. Batty from Fern Gully is highly underrated.
I think everyone misses Robin. There isn't a person on this Earth that truly hated the man. He was universally loved by all, which is a great example that sometimes just love from others alone isn't the key to true happiness. It's just one step of a process that takes many. Rest In Peace Robin. 🕊
Fun Fact: when Robin makes the farting joke. Pans to Matt and if you really focus on the camera, you can see it shake ever so slightly. That's because the cameraman also was dying of laughter.
" You can know all about healing and never heal" Boy, that called me out. I wish I could afford the healing, but I'm too poor to have insurance and there is not many places in my area that work with someone who a poor college student and mother. I do try to reflect and be a better person regardless of the resources I have. This episode hit home, thats for sure.
Unfortunately, in our current system, professional therapy costs money, and many (most?) people who could really benefit are the exact people who can't afford the help. But if you can find helpful, reliable people that you can share with, that's certainly better than nothing. And doing your own internal work is the most important work you can do anyway. Just make sure that you're getting good professional info (not random Google searches) and that you have somebody you can talk with. Being too internal with working on yourself can lead to it's own kind of messed up. (Alan speaking from experience here.)
@@CinemaTherapyShow Yes I agree. I don't really have people in my life I can rely on to talk about my abuse ( mostly because it's so bad most people really don't know how to process it) but my outlet is writing and being a story teller. That's where cinema has really improved my life. I'm currently a media production major and I'm directing my first short film next week. Being able to connect with people through film, through creating worlds and characters that can be so cathartic. Love your channel so much! Thank you for the reply!
Just attempt or go-to an emergency room and claim you attempted suicide and they will recommend free health insurance for mental problems. Which if diagnosed will also result in a disability claim. Then every 6 months or more say you're still depressed. Ez life.
@pretty hexxed Many therapists devote a certain number of hours to pro bono work, and/or offer a sliding scale for this very reason. You may have to wait a while for a spot to open up, but ask around. Check to see if your school has mental health services in the meantime - they aren't good at getting into the deep stuff, but it's someone to talk to in the meantime. I hope you find the help you need...please don't give up. Therapy has been absolutely indispensable for me, and I think literally everyone can benefit from it, not just survivors of significant trauma like you and I.
I think there are some therapeutic workbooks on the market. Maybe you can give those a shot. I do not know if they work yet, but I would like to try them for myself.
I think you guys just inspired me to finally speak to a professional about my own mental health. That line about how you can have the knowledge and still do no healing really hit home for me. So thank you so much for finally making me realise that, whilst I'm doing okay, I could be doing better.
Wishing you the best. I can tell you from personal experience that it’s difficult. I’m exhausted from most sessions. But I do see the progress. A couple things I personally have to remember: 1) I don’t need perfection to make progress 2) Slow progress is infinitely better than no progress. Hope you find someone you can connect with and trust.
Update guys: I found a therapist to work with, it took me a LOT of sessions to feel comfortable enough to fully open up without 'deflecting with humour' and finally get serious, we're going through my repressed memories from childhood which is actually quite enlightening. I only really remember snippets from my childhood, small flashes of memory. We're currently going through some of the abuses I suffered as a child, it's painful, it's terrifying but we gotta push through the pain, take each hit as it comes and maybe stop making light of my own situation. On a more positive note, it really is helping a LOT, I thought I was okay before but maybe I just got used to being so bad for so long. More importantly, just do the work and, Watch movies!
I wish you luck sir. Immerse yourself in it and be ok to say if you don't feel the person your working with is right. I feel that, that is something I run into a lot where people force themselves to stay working with a therapist despite not feeling its the right fit. Its Ok to feel that, point that out, and if needed find a different therapist. :)
“You can know an awful lot about healing and not heal” That line hit so damn hard for me, it’s something I never had realized. You can think of your life through logistics but knowing about something isn’t the same as applying and experiencing it. It’s something i’m barely learning, and something that makes a change in me. Amazing video
I still remember the first few sessions with my therapist were mostly spent in silence. A greeting, maybe one or two words of attempted casual conversation on her part and I'd shut her down completely. I'd had several bad experiences with therapists up that point and those were compounded on top of some pretty severe trust issues. However she knew this and she spent that first span in near silence, and then she spent the next talking about things completely unrelated to the reason I was there, and finally I walked in one day and just started talking. I don't remember what about specifically now but I remember just unloading everything in this deluge that wouldn't stop coming out. I remember bawling my eyes out by the end and this caring woman skipping her lunch break to extend the time I had with her. I still use the techniques and lessons I learned from her, and any time I backslide into unhealthy habits I remember those sessions with a woman who took the time to earn my trust and how much they meant. Sometimes the silence, that willingness of someone to wait until you're ready to speak, that can be worth more than gold.
I've been needing to find one... 6 years ago, I had a mental breakdown. Got severe panic disorder and depression, and I found one good therapist who sadly stopped taking our insurance. Found another one, and he looked at me on our 4th session and said, "I can't help you. You have these walls, and you won't let me in, so these sessions are going to waste." Never went back. I'm doing much better now, but there's still some things that I need to work through. Yet, that's my hangup- I'm scared the same thing will happen again.
@@smileplease_91 I know it might seem like just a platitude but trust me when I say, don't give up there's some out there ready to listen to you. I went through six therapists in total before finding mine, and she was well worth the wait.
jeez this was good to hear. ive only been to a few sessions across 2 therapists but im afraid a lot of it will be spent either in silence or with small talk or me getting the therapist started on a conversation on a topic that i didnt really want to focus on. especially with the possibility of it carrying over even after the first session… oh boy multiple sessions “wasted”? scary stuff for me. my guilt issues with spending money on therapy rly puts me off getting back into therapy again. but hopefully itll go well and ill bring myself to start
27:55- His crying sounds so realistic for what pain feel like. I've seen alot of movies with great actors doing incredibly emotional stuff, but not one of them mirrored my crying like that. Even the little breaking sound in it is so realistic.
Robin Williams was the first celebrity death I ever cried for, I had never cried for a man I didn’t know. But he had such a monumental part in my love of art, comedy, and acting; it truly felt like losing a part of my life. I aspire to have that same level of emotional and physical freedom in my own acting! Hopefully one day I’m able to work with you cinema therapy! I love everything you guys do and as a fellow actor and cinephile who loves diving into the psychology of filmmaking I dream of that day. Much love from me and wishing you so much continued success!
Robin Williams is the only one I've cried for. But I'm calling it now oh, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Tom Hanks, and The Rock are all going to hit me hard
I'd like to say, this movie is a great contest of intelligence vs wisdom. Matt clearly the intellect believing he understood his life from a glance at a photo and William's the wisdom coming back at him with "do you think I understand your depth from reading Oliver twist, does that encapsulate you will?" Beautiful
Knowing that Matt Damon was part of writing this script explains a lot about why he's sooo incredibly good at subtle acting. I really enjoy a lot of Matt Damon films (I especially enjoyed him in the Bourne trilogy and the Martian) just because he's so good at conveying a character's emotions and mental state without even saying any lines. That's a talent that I don't think a lot of actors have, and it's such an under appreciated one at that.
When y'all started talking about Robin and missing him, I started crying too. I wasn't expecting to react like that. I miss him so much. I found this channel recently and I adore it! I have an AA in Psychology and was a semester shy from completing my bachelors degree. My goal was to be a therapist. Multiple chronic illnesses got in my way. Yall's channel is an excellent resource for everyone. It's very cathartic. I find myself taking something I need from each video. And I love the healthy masculinity from you both. Thank you for what you do.
That scene when Robin Williams keep telling him "Its not your fault" awoke something inside me and I cried through the rest of this video and then some more after. I'm not sure what happened I feel like i needed to hear that, even if it was only from a movie
The part where he repeated "it's not your fault" reminded me of a few years back when I was talking with a counselor, and they made me look directly at them to tell me that I am worthy of being loved. The words sound cliche on their own, but having them spoken directly to you: it shook me to my core.
Mine, using my need for humor as a coping mechanism, turned my repeated negative self talk back to me in joke form. It was "People deserve better than me." He asked me to imagine I'm a doctor at an ER and someone comes in with serious injuries that need treatment and I turn them away because "They deserve better." He turned my negative self talk back around on me to show how absurd it really was. It doesn't stop me from thinking that way, but it helps me process it better then next time I go down that road.
When the character of Will Hunting breaks down and cried, for some reason, it felt like it actually broke something in Matt Damon and he let it out totally into the scene.
I feel it was very real. He's a great actor, but he was definitely actually working through some shit there. I feel like we all got to see it, and that's a very intimate thing. It's beautiful. It's raw. It's honest. ❤️
The edits are amazing! Lolol I did therapy with trafficked children for years, I can identify with the TOUGH kids. When they’re over 10 they come at you with street attitude and anger. It was their environment and hurt they were STUCK in and trust no one at first. But the ones who make it, and those we give it our all to, are worth it. Cause like Will, it wasn’t their fault and they don’t have to carry all that, especially alone. I like to share just enough to connect as well, and learned in school to share nothing, which I get for protection, and can sniff those people out, but that connection is so much better cause I show survival and thriving. I can’t thank you enough for these videos, they’re so well done and genuine! Love ya guys
I legitimately grieved like my own father had died when Robin died. I still to this day grieve his passing. He was my "Movie Dad". Thank you for showing your vulnerability and grief - It made me feel normal in my grief over Robin. Thank you .
Yes I thought I was going crazy! I never thought I was that emotionally attached to robin Williams but when I heard of his death i went through all the stages of grief which I couldn't understand.I had to talk about it and found many people had felt this way to.it made me feel as you say, more normal to grieve someone I didint really know in person. Certainly something I won't forget.
out of all the Celebrities the have passed in my life time, Robin Williams is legitimately the only one that hit me, and he's the only one that i know of that hit my friends the same way as well. whether we can put words to it or not, we all just kinda know that we actually lost someone special with Robin's passing.
I miss Robin Williams immensely too. I cry every time at the "It's not your fault" scene, even before he died. He feels like a familiar uncle figure to me.
When Robin Williams passed it was one of the only times, I was truly sad about the death of a celebrity. Like when you hear of an old friend dying. Especially after finding out how much he must have been hurting. He seemed like such a kind man. One of a kind. Truly missed.
I felt that when you guys got emotional about Robin. When he passed, it felt like losing a uncle. And knowing that he was hurting inside yet spent his life making the rest of us smile, it's heartbreaking.
7:33 I love that he realized his friend was experiencing complex emotion, and instead of moving past it, he decided to delve into it further with him. Like, I don't want to say it's BECAUSE he's a therapist, but it felt like such a "I'm a therapist, and this is what I do" moment😂
As someone who’s lost two very close and important people to me to cancer the “She’s been dead two years and that’s the shit I remember.” Scene hits me so hard. I can’t remember all of their words of wisdom or sweet moments (they were my dad and grandpa not a spouse), but I can remember the way my dad stuck his tongue out when he was helping us with math homework. I remember all the funny jokes he played on me just to make me smile. I can remember my grandpa and I eating all the cherry tomatoes off Grandma’s plant early in the morning before she woke up when I stayed the night and her reaction when she caught us and realized “the birds” She thought were eating them was actually us 😂 I can remember how my dad said “I’m proud of you” not in words but in his smile and taking off work for all our school events and award shows even when my sister and I really weren’t excited about those things he wanted to make sure he got to see them all and not see it through my mom’s videotapes of it. It’s not the big moments you’ll remember, it’s the little things they did frequently that showed they loved you and you loved them never go away. Those are the memories that matter. The littlest things make the biggest impact in our lives
Ah man, you made me think about my grandpa who's gone now after a long time dealing with altzheimers. All I can remember were his stories that were waaay too long and lost the point every single time. Eating peaches and then having a spitting contests with the pits. Playing boardgames and him introducing me to classical music, making peanut butter and having a snail race. And those things didn't change with the altzheimers. The stories got even more vague but the rest stayed the same, all of that he remembered even though he didn't remember me.
I have a friend who passed recently, and one peculiar thing that really sticks with me is how they used to get muffin crumbs stuck in their hair when they ate breakfast. I remember trying hard to ignore it when they were alive, but now I miss how charming it was.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry. Oh my god.” This movie ALWAYS gets me with that line from Will. I’ve been there. I won’t get into the specifics, but childhood abuse is not foreign to me. I’ve said those same words both to other people and to myself in varying forms of distress. Trauma is a complicated thing, and as much as you try to grow out of patterns of self-punishment, it’s extremely hard to do.
I cried when I saw the " it's not your fault" scene because it hit way to close to home(emotionally abused/neglected as a child). I sometimes still struggle with the feeling of not being loved, while my head know that my father loves me. Still love this movie!
25:22 I spent many therapy sessions in silence. My therapist was able to take it. And it felt like a respite from the world. I am not sure if I didn’t want to talk, didn’t know what to say, couldn’t talk, or “all of the above“, but every second I spent in silence felt like I was being a mischievous little bastard, but also getting out of my comfort zone, and challenging my therapist. His ability to “take it“ allowed me to explore that part of myself. I remember it fondly.
The scene where Robin is talking about his wife farting in her sleep is completely ad libbed. That's Matt Damon actually losing his shit.
what??? XD XD
Even the cameraman was laughing so much. You can see the camera shaking lol.
beat me to it. lol
Yeah, that little squeaky wheeze Matt does toward the end is not your typical Hollywood laughter. He's trying so hard to breathe and hold it together.
Amazing acting how when he’s bringing it back to like bitter sweet “she’s been dead two years and that’s the s@!* I remember” Matt Damon is prepared to continue laughing as Will would, but when what was said actually hits the laugh stops and his smile drops.
I think you guys nailed part of the problem of being intelligent as well as mentally ill/traumatized. I have had so many therapists make comments that I'm so well put together, that I can phrase my thoughts around my mental health so well, that I'm so self aware and they're surprised that I still have these problems. There is absolutely a disconnect between logic and emotion in cases like that. It's like you said, you can be rationally aware of something but not emotionally process it at all. I wish more people acknowledged that
Exactly the same as my history of therapy. I looked for qualified therapists experienced in trauma, but all my therapists wanted was to talk about my trauma AGAIN retraumatizing me. I've picked up different things like the Rewind Technique (movie theater) that no therapist ever discussed or had an equivalent for. PTSD is bad hypnosis, a subconscious groove etched in emotions/mainly fear, at least in my experience, and intellectualizing/languaging the problem just didn't fix that animal fear and anger.
I always feel like if I come across like I know what is happening they won’t take me seriously and they’ll just say I’m diagnosing with Google.
@@saorise28 I think only the worst therapists would do that, and most would really like that you are trying to take affirmative steps. You are like the student whose teacher shows up because you are now ready to learn. I would go back to a therapist if I can find one who goes beyond talk therapy, therapy can be wonderful.
Sooooo true! I feel more self aware of my own emotions than before but realize that just because I'm aware doesn't always necessarily mean I know what's best to do next or how to respond with things. Admittedly, I overthink a TON. I like their advice that having guidance can help.
@@DogOnAKeyboard I do too, since I am little, always thinking abour my emotions and lack of them sometimes or why I do things.
Wow guys. That moment where Alan gets emotional thinking about Robin Williams and Jonathan recognizes it and asks Alan why he misses Robin is just a beautiful moment of genuine male vulnerability and emotional awareness. That really made me happy. Love you both!
"OK we're gonna see an on screen mini therapy session" --me during that moment
Exactly! I love the “practicing what you preach” about this. The guys covered the toxic masculinity and completely smash through the barriers when each other needs it. And I like how that’s how they bring in that Jonathon isn’t Alan’s therapist for this reason: they can just be friends and cohorts in the show. It’s wonderful to see! Thank you!!
And who didn’t grow up in the 90s and after not lose it when Robin passed? It still hits home.
@@tryphazzard2771 I’m here for ~this~…!
…because of him. Rest easy, Funny Man, Rest In Peace.
I totally agree. Y'all are an example of wholesome masculinity that all guys should aspire to be
Dude came here to say it but you said it so well yes exactly! The tone shift Jonathan is like “oh my friend needs therapist Jonathan a little bit “ and just pivots beautifully.
"How could a couple of kids in their twenties write this? The therapy is just so good"--I think a lot of us end up writing the therapy sessions and the therapists that we would have loved to have IRL in fiction or fanfiction. I've been dealing with mental illness issues for a long time and meet some professionals who made me feel even worse about my condition along the way, so I just wrote a lengthy fanfic with a very empathetic therapist and lots of people told me that they felt like they were receiving free therapy by reading it.
Wehre can i find it? Sorry for my Bad Englisch
this
@@deabo1935 It's a whole series on ao3 called "Another little piece of my mind". Therapy begins in part 3.
@@nickycurtis9060 Danke
Hiii, i would so love to read it, where can i find it ??
When a licensed experienced therapist says that he is striving to be like the therapist character in a movie whose screenplay was written by 19 year olds, you know it's great.
This movie seems absolutely amazing I don’t understand how I never heard of it
Wait....19 years old?!?!
@@firewarrior5828 yup Damon (with some help from Affleck) essentially wrote the script when he was that young
Or he's not a great therapist.
@@assholable The story of the making of this movie is almost as good as the movie itself. I have listened to Kevin Smith go on about it as in was involved with the studio head whom we will not name.
“When someone’s sad and depressed I don’t be sad and depressed I bring my energy down though.”
Alan- *starts getting sad and depressed about Robin Williams*
Jonathan- *mellows out and asks him why he misses him so much*
You can literally see it in his eyes when he immediately sees what’s going on and goes full empathetic. That’s not just being a therapist that’s being a good friend right there
I thought that was a bit at first then when I saw tears--real shit. The tone shifted so fast lol
So precious
That was just a normal therapy session between them and we were lucky to see it caught on film. 😂
I wonder if therapists have to actively think about that kind of thing or if it just becomes subconscious.
"People will take direct correction and feedback if they feel respected."
Wise words. If more people could learn this simple lesson.
i found myself scoffing at this because it's so difficult for me to take criticism but i'm just now thinking... i don't think i've ever been truly respected in my life. i don't think i've ever even truly been *heard* in my life.
@@dietotaku I'm glad you have realized this. Hopefully this will be the first step to being able to surround yourself with people who make you feel heard and respected. I have seldom been fortunate enough to experience that, either.
Yeah, when he was differentiating between therapists who lead with calling their clients out on their bullshit and therapists who wait until they have developed enough rapport with their clients for their relationship to withstand that . . . I couldn't stop thinking about two therapists that I had briefly. Both years ago.
Both were students, bless their hearts--maybe early to mid twenties--and you would think that nobody had ever clued them in on the idea that constructive criticism might be better received once you had earned that person's trust. From the beginning, every session with both of them felt more like being in a philosophy class. Every single thing I said was questioned.
Like I can see integrating a *little* bit of "philosophy class" into therapy sessions. If I understand correctly, in ancient pre-Christian times, philosophers were the closest thing they had to therapists. They would help people work through their issues by questioning their assumptions and encouraging them to think critically. Then Christian pastoral counseling was developed (and I assume some form of counseling within other religions? but I'm not very informed on that) and then Freud came along.
But yeah, inter-personal relating 101--you really should earn someone's trust before you spend an hour critiquing them.
I think that one of these guys not only didn't seem to know that trust was something that the therapist needed to earn, but he seemed to have the idea that trust was something that I was obligated to *give* him as his client! He pressured me to divulge a very personal secret, quite early in our therapeutic relationship!
Sometimes we are just too afraid of not really being respected that it's really hard for us to feel respected even when the person trying to help us is doing everything right.
@@messinalyle4030 I have had therapist/ councilors who do this weird power trip and feel entitled to my trust and respect. Particularly when I was a teenager and a really young adult. I think alot of this stems from the therapist/councilor feeling superior to the patient in some way. I really don't think it ever occured to them that they should be trying to make other patients and myself feel respected and heard. I see this alot when mental health professionals are working with teenagers and it's so toxic and unhelpful.
Precisely. I recently had a counsellor who did not understand or respect my autism at all and instead treated me like I was some troublesome delinquent who always argues eith my teachers and is the fault of everything. She told my parents I shouldn't get love and comfort when I have a meltdown and called it a tantrum. Needless to say I don't see that ableist hag anymore. Admittedly, she did help in a few ways, but I refuse to have a counsellor that doesn't respect me and treats me like a villain.
"I was abused because I was bad."
And in many cases, the abuser encourages that belief. Think about the phrases you've heard before from abusers: "Look what you made me do!" "I wouldn't have to hit you if you wouldn't push my buttons." "I can't help myself. You're irresistible." Abusers blame their victims for their own behavior, maybe especially when their victims are underage and unable to see that adults are responsible for their actions.
Abused so bad wouldn’t even know I was abused.
Yep and calling them difficult. My dad’s parents still talk about my dad acting out in his teen/early twenties like he was so “ornery” and a “troublemaker”. When the truth was that he was taking any excuse not to be home and he had a lot of anger/resentment that they gave him. I have to physically restrain myself when I hear these phrases. I wish I’d never known them, but my mom forces us to have contact because she believes family is “more” important
My mother used to call me stupid and useless when I would get bad grades in school. Deep down (or as it was said in the video - “on an emotional level”) I still believe I am worthless to this day (I am 22) and I believe it affects my life considerably. I hope to one day be able to afford therapy so I can get through this with professional help. I still love my mom though. She raised 7 sons, I can not even imagine what it was like for her to do that. We are all only human, it is just so sad that we can and do hurt one another so much.
A cop once blamed me for abuse I had suffered at the hands of someone else. I don't hate cops, but I can't really afford to trust them.
Many cases?! TRY ALL CASES. They train you to abuse yourself even when they’re dead…..or out of their lives, it’s called malignant shame…..I lived with it for 45yrs….I’m 52 and have been healing FINALLY from horrifically abusive parents and yea plenty physical but that’s not the abuse which destroys your soul. Long term Verbal/emotional abuse just rips your soul into pieces….it massively affected all of my life….I married a man like my mom almost paid with my literal life and only now 12yrs AFTER he went to prison for trying to kill me …..am I FINALLY healing that…and still working on my childhood.
I share this not to trauma dump….but maybe someone similar to me will read and realize….there’s HOPE 🤷🏼♀️ I did think there was until only 8yrs ago. Found th right therapist…..I’ve had many never worked. I got one just like in this movie. She CONNECTED with me personally not super fast like in movie….but that’s a movie. But very realistic….a good therapist is gonna have to be able to take metaphorical hits in the beginning etc…
Anyways….I e rambled enough ❤️
That sentence "he's smart enough to know what it is, he's not emotionally aware enough to akwnoledge it" made me crazy and will stay inside of my head for years. Thank you guys.
Maybe you should consider talking with someone about that. You don't have to have problems, but neither will it hurt.
Yes! That one hit me hard, I am still thinking about that sentence...
That got me harder than anything I've read up on. Some words I think I needed to hear over the year.
That can apply to every teenager actually
The infinite natural born therapist skill infjs have 🥰
As a child abuse survivor the “it’s not your fault scene” ruined me in the theater. I was so in the moment watching it for the first time that exactly when Matt Daimon said “don’t f*uck with me” I whispered it with him. I as an audience member felt trapped and backed into a corner during that scene. How amazing that it was so raw and real to do that to me. Kudos to all of them.
I cry Everytime I see that scene. I can feel it, sometimes during therapy I would have appreciated a hug, just to cry like he does and feel the comfort, it's a shame therapists don't do that 😞
Its the katharsis. Its why ancient Greeks invented theatre.
I‘ll never forget desperately trying to muffle the noise of me helplessly bawling in the theatre, same reason. I’m a survivor of childhood and young adult abuse (physical/mental, R, DV & SA), and I swear I felt Damon’s “Don’t f*ck with me” all the way to the depths of my soul. Thank goodness my best friend from early childhood onwards, who knew what I’d been through growing up was with me, and she just basically held me & shielded me from view until I regained my composure.
Frankly? I’ve always felt this movie and those roles were both those two talented men’s best work, ever.
@@linamen2544 Unfortunately, many therapist shy away from that due to allegations and blurred boundaries. Touch is very healing but in a therapeutic environment, we have to be careful because it can be misconstrued and be harmful.
Same
The "wife farting" bit was all improvised by Williams, which to be honest he improvised like a good 75-80% of his lines through his entire career and was legendary for that. Damon's not laughing because it's in the script. He wasn't prepared for it at all and broke character because that wasn't supposed to happen at all and he was genuinely laughing his ass off. But it was so organic and natural they had no choice but to keep it.
You can also see that the camera is moving a bit because the cameraman also did not expect it and had to laugh, too!
Matt Damon’s laugh in that scene is contagious
Then Matt Damon turned around and improvised the story of his brothers in the barn loft in Saving Private Ryan.
Yeah and he improvised that because he noticed how nervous Matt was so he got him laughing to loosen him up a bit. I don't blame him, imagine you're just starting in the movie biz and you have an entertainment legend in front of you, I would be nervous too
Best improvised line was one of the most iconic "Son of a bitch, he stole my line"
Robins Williams repeating "it's not your fault" was so damn healing for me. Holy fuck dude 😭
That and the Uncle Phil scene in Fresh Prince…and Fiona yelling at Monica “you were my mother, too” in Shameless season one.
"why do you miss him so much?"
guy was just being a therapist there
Yeh, you see him see him and then presents a question that forces him to reflect on his feelings. Brilliant.
Also just being a friend
Also being a responsive co-host.
@@estherpettigrew3042 nana guys, that's the therapist look lol
I miss Robin William because every time I watched him on screen, he brought so much warm.
"You can know an awful lot about healing, and not heal" Geeze, that got me crying. Thank you for sharing this episode, boys.
Such a powerful statement, so true
Yeah….
Same was not expecting that to hit me the way it did…
This makes me feel better. It describes me well, but I always felt like I was broken for not following my own advice, which is one more shame (I'd say THE shame) to add to the pile.
Reminds me a lot about doctors (or lawyers) being the worst patients (clients). If they do it for themselves. There's a lack of perspective to be effective at your job.
The “fart when she was nervous” scene was a Williams improvisation which is why Matt is laughing so hard.
And why there is camera shake because the cameraman is laughing hard too
Yes cuz nobody can act like they are laughing.
It's actually a well known known fact about that scene.
@@Therealalbot I didn't know it! What's well known to you, is new to someone else! @heathbunny3313, thank-you for sharing :) Are there any other scenes in here that are improv? I've never watched this before!
@@xavierpaige5937 In the final scene of the movie Will leaves a note for Sean(Robin). The note ends with, “If the Professor calls about that job, just tell him, sorry, I have to go see about a girl,” which is a line Sean says to Will earlier in the film. Robin wasn’t scripted any lines but while filming he muttered, “Son of a bitch.. he stole my line.” Everyone agreed that it was solid gold and the perfect ending, so it made the final cut.
The its not your fault scene.
I found it so uncomfortable the first time I saw it. I looked away and made myself to believe its ridiculous. But watching it again after I found out I have to heal, it punched me in the gut and I was sobbing and shaking during the scene. I cried several times that day.
I still can’t break down. Abuse is so awful as adults we are blessed if we even recognize it as abuse in the first place. Just don’t remember it, and can’t heal
❤
Robin Williams is the only actor I've cried over when I heard he passed away. R.I.P Robin.
Me too. Especially when I remember What Dreams may Come, and how for a long time even the doctors didn't know what truly happened to him. It's so sad.
Same
Same. I’m still not fully over it and feel unnecessarily sad when I see his movies
national treasure.
For me, him and Anton Yelchin
"It's not your fault."
People used to tell me that all the time. My father sexually abusing me for years wasn't my fault, but I wasn't ready to hear it. For the rest of my life I'll remember sitting in that small room with my therapist after my worst break down yet. He was in jail, he couldn't hurt anyone any more. She looked at me and said, "It's not your fault."
I never had nor will I probably ever cry that hard like that again.
"It's not your fault."
You are not broken, the person who hurt you is. It is not your fault.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
I hope you are doing somewhat better mentally now?
@@theredalpha7290 Everyday is an uphill battle, the good days are starting to outpace the bad though. I have my support system, and surround myself with people who love me.
you are incredibly strong for sharing your story, wishing you nothing but the best
😢
It’s the hardest thing to hear.
I have a story similar to yours and now I’m working on healing with therapy
I hope you are too
I broke down at the “it’s not your fault” part. Really makes me appreciate my therapist, she’s been great for me.
I kick myself at that scene… because I (relatively speaking, of course) came to terms with my past, yet logically I know I must admit to some culpability of the situations I put myself into. In fact, I even have to even be thankful for the times got out jam with just a split lip, busted nose, or the odd tooth loosened. Honestly.. I might have become a strictly worse person if it were for a few of the timely bootings in my development cycle (a few of the others probably didn’t help, but some did).
Yet I try to explain that to people & they say, “You’re just making excuses for other people”.
Nah; I was a bad kid that was shaped by real monsters to be an okay-ish human being as an adult.
The pleasing look in Robin's eyes, too, add something. He's not try to be a therapist, he just wants him to know so fucking bad. And Matt Damon sobbing in return. Those insane wails. So fucking... The one guys said raw, and yeah.
Apparently the therapy scenes when filmed moved between the script and the improv skills of Damon and Williams, showing how they were both masters of their craft (doesn’t hurt that Damon was involved in writing the script, probably gave both actors a feeling of safety to take things farther).
@@steveleeart It’s actually one of the things about Williams; you didn’t hire him with the expectation that he wasn’t going to riff.
It’s not that he made it an official rider in his work contract, the man was an mad, ad-libbing genius.
You wouldn’t hire Gordon Ramsay to make you a Hungry Man meal; you wouldn’t hire Neil deGrass Tyson to teach kindergarteners STEM; you just didn’t expect Williams to not work the material he was given & make it his his own.
No matter who’s the person let the genius do their thing, and be honoured for the time you’ll always be able to say you worked together.
I would have been grateful just to have looked him in the eye & shook the man’s hand, thank him making my childhood what it was.
Damon’s choice to cry like a little boy was really what made this scene profound. He broke down to Little Will and got to be vulnerable and accept Sean’s help. Absolutely brilliant and moving.
"You can know so much about healing, and not heal."
* me, who spent several years studying psychotherapy for myself before realizing it did nothing for my own mental health * :/
No, it fact it makes it worse, because as you look in the class around you, you realize there’s people in the room your in who don’t have the best of intentions for being there. Some people shouldn’t have some information.
@@locomadman 10000% agree. I saw this a lot in some of my classes and it used to infuriate me so much
@@katherinekwon4074 can you clarify?
I always thought that therapy are for weaklings and idiots
this guy and this video was the perfect sign that i was always right
omg so good to have your beliefs proven right just in front of you
@@rafaellima381 There’s a popular saying, “You always hate what you recognize & dislike about yourself”; far be it to me to try stopping you from going with that instinct, especially in this case, but.. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not your fault
Wow.
Alan: I miss him.
Jonathan: *therapist mode activated*
That was pure emotional intelligence in a bottle, loved it too
"I'm pumped. Let's let the healing begin."
Me every time Cinema Therapy uploads.
hahah
I think that should be part of their opening every time lol
Same.
💯
I had a therapist for nearly 27 years, I stopped when I moved From California to Kansas.
I went a session to find her totally distraught. She found her husband dead in the back yard from a Pulmonary Ebolism. In her nightmares he had been sufferring, crying for help as he died alone while she was running errands.
I was a Trauma, Burn, ICU nurse and also had a shower of pulmonary embolisms. I could tell her from first person he wasnt aware of anything but little shortness of breath before went unconcious. Told her Ive had patients collapse IN the ICU and we couldnt save them. That session that day was for her, I could tell her things she couldnt have gotten any other way. Then she could start the greiving process
Sorry what?! You ended up giving therapy to your therapist ?
@@catherinethorstenberg8957therapists are ppl too as shown in the movie when Robin Williams’ character is sensitive to topics about his dead wife
@@catherinethorstenberg8957 people.....need people.
I think you already know this, but you helped her so much that day. To tell her that she didn’t do anything wrong, that she couldn’t have done anything differently, that nothing could’ve changed what happened. And most importantly, that he didn’t suffer.
At first glance, it might sound cruel. You’re essentially telling her there was never any hope for his survival. But after the initial pain, she will realize that it wasn’t some kind of karma, it wasn’t caused or deserved by either of them. It just… happened. A thing happened, and it killed her husband, and nobody could’ve prepared for it or seen it coming. She’ll finally be able to stop torturing herself with “what if?” and instead, start healing, by asking herself “what now?”
Thank you for being a good person like that. You make the world a better place to live.
Thank you for being there for her❤
Robin Williams literally saved my life. I was going to commit suicide the day he died and decided to scroll thru Facebook one last time when the news of his death broke. Not only did the news of his suicide shock me out of committing mine, but everyone was posting all of these encouraging things that I really needed to hear. He always has been my favorite actor and he always will be.
I hope you are doing well 😌☺️
I hope you are doing better, and please know you are NEVER alone.
I hope you’re okay, the world would not be better without you and you are not alone 💛
Yeah, I feel ya man. I wasn’t planning anything yet, but that’s about when I started thinking about it. That’s when I started getting sick, never did get any better, about the only progress that was made is they figured out how to slow things down despite not learning why I’m falling apart to begin with.
To be honest, I’m still there; Robin keeps me hanging on. Even if it could be called an act of mercy, loss of life still hurts others who care; I hear ya.
I don’t know you but I’m glad you stayed and you are important to the world and your loved ones and friends ❤️
Until the day Robin Williams died I never knew I could hurt so much for someone I'd never actually met.
I love your username.
it's not your fault
Robin Williams will never die, not truly.
I was lucky enough to meet Robin in New York about 15 years ago, just walking along the street. He was so gracious in stopping to chat and take photos. I still can’t believe it really happened, especially now he is gone.
His suicide was one of very few that I feel like I can understand, and kind of accept. Lewy Body Dementia was destroying what made Robin, Robin. His amazing brain was failing and there was no stopping it. So he left as Robin and on his own terms.
“There’s a disconnect between what we know rationally and what we feel.” This hit me on multiple levels. It’s way more real for me because I have autism. It’s one of those things that’s rough because it’s not just trauma that I can understand rationally, but not emotionally. It’s every day for normal emotions. I’d love to see some cinema therapy episodes featuring autism.
We're looking for movies that we can talk about (other than Rain Man, which is... Problematic.)
@@CinemaTherapyShow yeah it’s a problem when most blockbuster movies rarely show people on the spectrum. There’s a list of movies that feature autism, but most of them are movies that go under the radar. Even then, a lot of them show the low-functioning end of the spectrum. If we’re going with popular movies, then Rain Man would be best.
@@CinemaTherapyShow Temple Grandin is one I remember seeing in high school, it's a biopic based on a female scientist that is on the spectrum
@@beyondviolet Yeah, Temple Grandin is great! Based on a true story, her autism isn't portrayed as a strange superpower (the way most movies portray people on the spectrum) but as something that allows her to see the world in a way that is unique and needed in the world. However, it is very honest in talking about the struggle that people with autism face. As a non-autistic person, my first watch of this movie helped me better understand the struggles autistic people experience with issues like sensory overload. It also does a good job depicting the struggle that those who love an autistic person (Temple's mom) face as they try to help them without invading their personal space or comfort zone. I think it is a good movie option, but I am just speaking from personal experience.
@@CinemaTherapyShow Fantastic beasts and where to find them could be an interesting choice as well for this! Newt's character arc is fascinating and it portrays someone who's socially challenged without succumbing to stereotypes (in my opinion at least). Btw, can also highly recommend the youtuber 'Pop Culture Detective' and his take on Newt.
When my parents divorced they took me to therapy and I remember the therapist told me “do you know it’s not your fault they divorced?” I remember in my child mind thinking “well I know that” But it wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I played that moment over in my head again and I finally understood what she was trying to say. And I finally understood that for all these years I did function as if it was my fault and like I/our family wasn’t enough for him to stay. So that moment of Robin Williams saying over and over again that it’s not his fault… just so important to understand it
I love how accepting Robin Williams' character is of crying. Some therapists I've encountered haven't. My mother's therapist asked her "why are you crying?" when she would talk about her abuse. I had a therapist ask me "Are you crying for self pity or really crying because you're sad?" when I would cry about my abusive father. We need more acceptance for crying, for everyone.
What a lousy thing to say, therapist!
What a horrible therapist. I don’t think anything needs to be said about your crying. Just to let it out and let it all come out without interruption till the person is done. Horrible to think a therapist would invalidate a person like that horrible shit
Those experience sounds horrible but also gives the feeling like maybe they wanted you guys to think past your tears. It’s not that crying is unacceptable, it’s that it’s also not the end of the conversation. People can get stuck at the crying part and not progress in processing their feelings.
I’ve gone through so many therapist since my adolescence, unfortunately they’re not one size fits all like other doctors. Once my friend was describing how her therapist was really professional and almost cold, not complaining just noting it. I said that would be so uncomfortable for me, mine was really personable, kept very clear and professional boundaries, but was otherwise friendly in our sessions. My friend thought that would make her feel uncomfortable.
There’s a lot of social and cultural nuance that sometimes gets overlooked when finding a therapist. I learned this the tedious way going through all those therapists.
@@dinkerz thinking past your tears I feel only occurs once the charge of the emotion has settled which only occurs after holding space + facilitating expression. There is no thinking after tears unless the tears are out plus the emotion is gone plus explored. I really believe a good therapist does not really need to tell much, they need to listen, the client can figure it out for themselves once they are treated right as they learn to advocate for themselves and hear their desires and deep responses to certain circumstances that no one else will be able to give advice to. A good therapist holds space thats it. Hold space, hold clear boundaries, keep it safe, teach self advocation by asking questions thts it there is no teaching or advice giving I feel maybe a little in the beginning if the client is unaware of certain terms or situations like what constitutes abuse or what fawning is or fight or flight but yeah thats my opinion on things I hope we all get therapists someday for free because we need a safe space to sit with ourselves free for exploration of our desiresd our true nature our passion our plreasure our psin our suffering our everything that crops up at any point always valid always legitimate always helpful to guide us where we need to be for our true desires plus needs to met .....
@@nickandrews2255 I think a lot of what you are saying is true but not an absolute. I’ve been gone through so many therapists and counselors since I was 15. Some held for the crying to stop and some asked about the crying. It depends on a lot of things. Like if you’re telling a story, the appropriate thing to do might be to give space for crying, but if you’re explaining something, asking about the crying makes sense.
And the client won’t figure it out on their own early on or sometimes ever. I still needed my last therapist to explain stuff to me despite all my many previous years of treatments. And if clients do figure it out on their own it’s with a lot of questions from the therapist to facilitate self reflection otherwise why are they there. Again, therapy isn’t one size fits all. Because maybe you need a lot of guidance and maybe you do just need a safe space to vent or maybe you need something in between; and these needs can change in the course of treatment. I agree a good therapist in general would mostly listen, but a good therapist for you would figure out when and how to chime in. If they don’t learn how to read their client correctly then you might get the miscommunication like in OPs case. Because even with the benefit of the doubt that they were trying to incite self reflection, it only served to offend the client and that’s going to hinder not help despite the intention.
My father died by suicide when I was 13 and VERY shortly after, my mother move us 200 miles away from ALL of our friends and family. And other then the occasional birthday card, none of them attempted to maintain a relationship with me. I grew up think I was unworthy of love and had little to no value.
Then when I was 48 a man committed suicide in our town on the EXACT same date as my dad and by the EXACT same method… and all the coping methods I’d developed over 30 years came CRASHING down!
My salvation came in the form of 3 woman. The one I called when I finally decided I needed help spent a Saturday NIGHT finding a therapist that would see me. The second was the therapist that borrowed an office so that she could see me on a Sunday. Then when insurance tried to dictate her treatment of me, she made the choice to see and treat me for free for almost a year. And finally my wife who came to every session and put aside all of her own problems to see me through. These women saw value in me, and not one single day goes by that do not appreciate that gift. Not one.
That's really sweet. Good on you, my guy ^^
That's an amazing story. These women saw your value and proved it through tremendous effort and support. My wish for you is that you truly feel your own value now or soon. Best wishes, sincerely.
@@pamelahofman1785 Thank you for your thoughts, I truly appreciate them!
I have been thinking about your comment all day trying to decide if I find value in myself… and it’s not that I don’t, it’s that I don’t think like that.
I’m one of the old breed of men that truly believes that as a man my primary function is to protect and provide. If I’m not meeting those two ends, then no, I have no value.
Over the past few months I’ve been enduring a shoulder injury that is at time rather painful. Despite the discomfort however, my wife still EXPECTS me to act like a man; load the luggage into the car, fix the door, change the tire, etc. It isn’t that she’s demanding, I KNOW that if I said I couldn’t, or that it hurt too much she’d absolutely do whatever needed to be done to get the task taken care of for me. But she knows me well enough to know that I NEED that expectation from her to give me value, so she never preempts me by saying “don’t do that, you will hurt yourself.”
My value is reflected in being that man she wants/needs/expects me to be, when she appreciates the work I do. I am happiest with myself when she tells me “You worked really hard today, let me rub your shoulder.”
I’m a little high man but man was this sweet as f*ck. God bless
How wonderful to read this David. Some love coming to you from this random stranger. Thank you!
As a child abuse survivor I feel like even when you know it's not your fault, it's still so painful because you feel so helpless. Revisiting the emotional state experienced during that trama is very hard.
Its a weird thing, but sometimes thinking of it as my fault gives me a (false)sense of control. If it was my fault I could've done the right thing and it wouldn't have happened. Truly knowing I had absolutely no control over the situation is sometimes scarier. Logically? I was 3, I weighed maybe 35 pounds total. Nothing I did was going to change what was happening.
@@C-SD I'm sorry
@@C-SD I totally get what you're saying about taking control. Those parts of my life (at 5years old) I remember so clearly and I tell myself it happened because I wanted attention, but really I was just playing a game that was suggested to me by someone that clearly knew what they were doing to me at that time.
At 13years old I thought I made it up (again to get attention) cause no one talked about it ever again since it came out.
And now at 21 I don't have a clue of how to deal with people, especially men, and think my only purpose is to keep their attention on me by doing whatever they want or keep it down low to get minimal attention.
What I actually wanted to say though is, I will cry uncontrollably at the "it's not your fault"-scene whenever I watch the movie
CSA survivor here. I went to CBTherapy and it really helped me get through a lot of stuff. I also had EMDR therapy which was good. I'm too far gone and that is not me making a negative self fulfilling prophecy - I will always have PTSD from childhood trauma and some things that seem totally unrelated will trigger. The trick is not being stuck there. I have the tools to cope and take mental health days to check in with myself, reflect, how am I feeling and it's ok to cry FGS man or woman, child or adult. I Just did it with Alan there when he said how much he missed Robin Williams. I felt that, because I feel the same way. I'm hurt because someone who gave me so much joy in my life growing up and watching the screen, died by suicide - it just really hit me. We lost a legend.
I manage to revisit to reach into the depths of my soul, to comfort my inner child as she is in pain all the time and it does take many visits and re-visits. What keeps me on my toes with it is fighting to get it (CSA) or any child abus3 (is that word zukked?) stopped. That I could be another child's hero to prevent it from happening in the first place and secondly, if it does happen, the proper steps are taken to ensure
a) it does not happen again,
b) that you get justice for such a horrific crime perpetrated onto you and
c) that you get therapy early enough so you can heal the developing brain rather than the developed brain.
In my case, CSA was covered up. It was silenced - so not allowed to talk about, not allowed to take it to the authorities - nothing and I was also told by that cult I was raised in to stop going to my therapist because she would turn me away from God (what they really meant was they would lose a recruit). That is one of the things I and many others have been fighting to get changed. To ensure that any abus3 is reported to the authorities.
Also we don't want pity because pity brings shame to it and it makes us feel less than. What we need is congruence, understanding and love without conditions attached.
To all fellow survivors. We're strong, we're brave and one thing that helps me get through on a daily basis is this "They failed to break me" .
It's so hard to overcome helplessness. To really empower yourself with self esteem and physical strength. I really look foreward to future me defending herself in any situation by all means necessary. I made a long way and I hope to keep progressing. I hope you too and everyone else.
The international grief over the loss of Robin is so real. I don't blame him one bit, or think this would've changed anything, but sometimes I wish he knew, REALLY knew, how much he meant to an entire generation. I never felt this way about someone I never even met before. But I still see the effects of his death on the people around me, and I feel it.
Robin unfortunately had Lewy Body Dementia that was diagnosed after his death, his brain was rotting and his wife said in his last few months he was losing track of his orientation to his surroundings and himself, becoming paranoid and irritable and that they had to sleep in seperate rooms and have someone monitor him. I can’t even imagine how horrible that would have been for Robin and his family to go through. The doctors who diagnosed his LBD said it was one of the worst cases they’d encountered of the disease and they said within 5 or so years he would have ended up in a nursing home with a severe loss of function and independence before his eventual death.
As tragic and awful as his death was, there’s some relief that he could still have the ability to realise what was happening and chose to end his life on his own terms while he was still functioning and not end up as a completely different person.
I’m sad as well what happened in the last few years of his life and also sad for some of my friends who also had Grandparents or family members suffering from Alzheimer’s or other dementia-related diseases (one of my friends had her Grandpa die from LBD).
I saw Robin doing stand up in Chicago in 2000 something. The show was great, rather blue, and when then house lights came up, he saw a family with two kids, pre-teen, sitting in the front row seats. He was so upset, chastising them, saying “this isn’t Mork and Mindy”. He struggled to go on with the rest of the show, so cognizant of these stupid parents and the young kids. He kept joking about DCFS showing up. It made me love him and respect him all the more.
He would stop to talk to fans while jogging outside his home in LA . Truly truly nice guy. He loved ppl and thus he understood human experiences.
Same.
The "it's not your fault' scene is just perfect. Will going through the stages of nonchalant dismissal, to giving Sean that expression of "dude, it's me ... I'm past this", to slowly simmering, and then throwing up all his defences and pleading with Sean not to use his past against him, and not abuse his trust. Then that final moment of trusting Sean, lowering his guard and just crumbling into his arms.
I don't think I've ever made it through that scene without tears in my eyes. Absolutely brilliant.
Just the opening of this video when he said it and Matt Damon shrugs it off with an "I know!"... instant tears. I've had the same conversation in years past with my therapist regarding my own abuse (from multiple adults in my family), molestation, and trauma.
I even had that same conversation with my inner child last week.
It makes me cry everytime because I was mentally/emotionally abused my whole childhood by the one person who should have loved me most, the one who gave me life, brought me into this world. There are days when I very much wish she had just gotten an abortion so I wouldn't have to exist in this world I never asked to be in.
This is my biggest reason I fully support abortion, because I should have been aborted. She shouldn't not have had children.
@@wendy645 I wish you happy healing.
I cry every time. Every. Time. And you know what? I can barely cry about my own life. I go thru all kinds of pain & cannot shed a tear. But this scene...I guess all the unshed tears come out then.
Sobbing right now
I think one of the best parts of this is at 7:41 when Jonathan realizes Alan is feeling something deeply personal about Robin Williams' passing, and so Jonathan asks Alan "Why do you miss him so bad?", making space for Alan to have feelings and express them, and just to listen to his friend who is experiencing painful feelings of grief and loss.
he picked that sweater cause it's the same color as his beard🤣
You could see Jonathan turn on his therapist speak when this happened. He closed his eyes and asked the question because at that moment Alan was trying to deflect by drinking some water. Making room to feel the grief and move past it is great therapy.
Little split-second therapy session right there.
😂
He cares so much he just couldn’t turn it off there. These two are great
I cried. I miss him too.
Fellow therapist here - snorted at the anecdote about the client who didn't talk all session, then started in the last 10min. Yes!! It's so wonderful when they spend most of the session doing / discussing ANYTHING else, then drop a bombshell in the last few mins... sometimes as they stand up on their way to the door!
I did that a lot in therapy 😂 it’s so much easier to talk about anything else
Oh that was me. It's scary to speak some things to life.
You kinda get it though. They don't want to face laying something bare before you and having it examined. If they say it on the way out, it gives them a chance to come to terms with you knowing and come to the next session with it established already.
I am totally guilty of doing that. it just takes me about an hour to warm up. if we had two consecutive hours, that's a different story
@@Firsona This is how I came out to my parents. I was heading out the door to go to the mall with my friends, said "BTW IM TRANS" and then left for SIX HOURS
It's the combo of Robin's genuine warmth and kindness that leaps off the screen, the raw humanity, the pure human emotion... it just gets you in the right way - it's so deep and cuts to the bone.
"It's not your fault" is one of the most healing phrases someone can ever hear. I just cried my heart out when Robin Williams said that
I still cry when I see that scene. I can feel Will's shame and pain 😞
Me too....
Yeah lol, I knew a girl that was balling her heart out and I just jumped to saying it's not your fault a bunch of times. I prayed she hadn't watched the film.
@@rolandmata6395 and I pray that worked😂
My art teacher Good Will Hunted me and I reacted just like he did. I didn’t realize till a year later she Will Hunted me lmao. It helped me recognize that I needed help tho.
May be a bit goofy, but could I suggest doing an episode on Pixar's Finding Nemo? Specifically focusing on Marlin's overprotective parenting and Nemo's resulting insecurity and frustration
I don't think it's goofy! There's some really poignant stuff there. 🙂
It's on our list for future episodes! Not sure how soon we'll get to it, but there's definitely a lot to talk about there. (And you know we love PIXAR)
@@CinemaTherapyShow Is “Malcom & Marie” on that list too? 🥺🤔🧐
It has real themes and topics about parenting and I would totally watch that.
This would be great.
I felt it when he was talking about how one client didn't talk for 40 minutes. My first therapist was not very good. If I took a few seconds to think of an answer to a question she had asked, she'd keep talking to fill the space, just repeating things she'd already said, now in different ways. I ended up telling more to a different psychiatrist in 3 hours than I did in months with that first therapist. She also said things like "just think of it (kids bullying me because I was smart) as a twisted compliment," and when I told her I struggle with anxiety and procrastination of assignments she said "since you always get them turned in on time I don't see the problem." I felt minimized and that whole thing was a waste of my mom's money.
I had that same experience but as an adult. Felt like she was asking the wrong questions too. Felt like talking to a brick wall
Gosh that was relatable. How are you doing now?
@@kuroinokitsune I'm seeing another therapist that is a much better fit for me
@wolfchild yes, I did switch to someone else
@@SapphireSeahorse494 that's awesome:)
I lost my brother two years ago. Robin talking about how "the term visiting hours means nothing to you" hit me hard. I'd like to add on that to truly love someone is a subtle thing. You'll never know the depths of how you feel for someone until they're gone. Love isn't quantifiable, and you will never truly know how deeply someone has affected you.
And his talk about imperfections! Oh I love that! My brother was autistic and he had his own little language. He would rip quotes from movies and tv that he liked and fit them into conversations. Even now I still use some of them. Those little things will forever be with me.
Your first statement is so true. I lost my sister when I was 11. I didnt see her often because she lived on the other side of the country (USA), and I didnt see her at all the last few years before her passing, but hell she was my sister. Im 21 now and not a day goes by where I don't think about her. I don't cry anymore, but I do miss her. I know I always will.
“But so often emotionally it feels like ‘I was abused because I was bad, I was mistreated because I was bad.”
This hit me like a damn train, but I needed to hear it and accept that it actually wasn’t my fault. Thanks Movie Dads 💜👾
Hope you are ok :)
As someone who was abused and mistreated for so long growing up, same.
Sometimes you just feel it's because you were born. It goes so deep...
I have come to realise that it wasn't because I was bad.... I was actually a very very good child. It was because my parents were not good people. But when you are little and your physical and mental survival depends on these people who gave birth to you, it's just too horrifying to even dream that mom and dad are the bad ones.
Man both times you showed the “Its not your fault” scene just instant tears. Even though I’ve heard those words and have said those words so many times it still breaks me down. And honestly I believe Matt Damon felt it too. That scene was so organic and powerful. Theres no way both him and Robin weren’t feeling it.
I cry just from thinking about thinking about it.
I had to turn my pillow over and I ended up crying on both sides.
I saw that seen and since I haven't seen good will hunting.. I was crying gasping for air like 2 mins straight
For a lot of high performing kids, i.e., mom and dad's little thoroughbred supplying the Feel Goods to the parents, it's not about being bad, it's about feeling like useless failures if you are not GOOD ENOUGH. Therapy and my own work really helped me language trauma, but has done very little to address that bad hypnosis/ptsd that trauma drops you into, like an emotional groove in a record you can never skip out of.
your comment made me cry but in a good way. I haven't really watched the video yet...
I feel this an awful lot... No matter how good I am at something, I still feel like I'm not enough. I feel like I need to earn my place in this world and I am failing that. I even KNOW all of this, but as they said in the video, knowing and feeling are not the same thing... I've had therapy for a while and I've learned a lot about how to deal with my pitfalls... I still have NO IDEA why I even started to think and act like this.
I know of no trauma in my past, I've had a bit of trouble in school with schoolmates but I always got by well enough and I always had very good grades.
Even after school I never just dropped everything, I studied for a while, I took job training, I worked and now I am 25 and none the wiser, still feeling as lost as I did as a 14 year old...
I just want to understand...
Sorry for the long text. I felt like sharing, as you did and I want to thank you for writing down a bit of your story.
I hope you can learn to heal and live a good life.
@@Srynan you don't have to "earn" the right to therapy by consciously remembering bad situations and traumatic events. Therapy is great if you find the right one. My first therapist was wonderful when I needed to language my trauma in an intellectual framework. I'm still looking for a therapist who can help me with that second stubborn monkey mind piece that totally operates subconsciously out of fear. Good luck to you.
@@Srynan ah, lol, went back and read your comment again, and you've had therapy, sorry for my "holding forth" on going to therapy.
@@Srynan I know where my feeling of not good enough came from... it is a result of a complicated interplay between culture, physical disability and my parents reaction to the 2. For the longest time, I'd avoid the words trauma and abuse when describing my childhood... even now, those words somehow feel wrong... but my old therapist (I moved away)
As a fellow childhood abuse survivor, I feel like that "it's not your fault" moment is something every single one of us need, and only some have received.
“Touch is a trigger”
Touch is a big trigger for me, if I’m holding on to a thread, trying to maintain what kinda of resemblance of control I have on my vulnerability and you look me in the eye or hug me I’m done. It’s like instant hyperventilating and tears
and now, via Zoom... nada.
For me it's not even touch. If someone even acknowledges that I'm upset instead of ignoring it, I can't control my body and I just breakdown immediately 🙃
What helps in a situation like that?
Wow, I thought I was the only one. I fight hard to maintain my composure and the instant someone acknowledges that something's wrong and sounds concerned or empathetic or they hug me I lose it and then I get angry really quickly about it lol
@@breezy3392 Im just always hyper aware of my emotional status. I’m trying to acknowledge and own what I’m feeling more around those I trust. I never use to acknowledge what I was feeling and it would blow up on me. The more i acknowledge my feelings when they’re happening the less it blows up in my face. I use to think I was just emotional,unreasonable or needy and by acknowledging it I thought that made me less of a person. I know better know, but it’s taken years.
“There’s a disconnect between what we know rationally and what we feel”. This is the truest statement I’ve ever heard. I’m crying because I struggle with this daily with irrational thoughts (anxiety and panic disorder and recent BP2 diagnosis). I’ve been watching you from the beginning and you both have encouraged me to pursue therapy and I’m currently working through my trauma. Thank you for doing what you do. I love you both as much as I love Robin Williams ❤️
I started crying because this is me everyday because of anxiety and it's really freaking hard sometimes. 💔
So true! For me, with an anxiety disorder that went of the rails(got worse to the point I almost couldn't work because of OCD) therapy saved me, got my life back because they taught me skills to deal with it. Wishing you the best and I hope therapy can do the same for you ❤️
i knew this was true, but i never had an explanation for why it was so bad for me until i was diagnosed with ocd. diagnosis and treatment changed my life
@@mayochupenjoyer so happy for you!
💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
What I find interesting, is how Sean's nicknames for Will change as Sean perceives that Will needs them to change. First he's "Chief"/"Champ" in the session when he's all cocky and talking about Sean's painting. Then he's "Sport" when Will starts to open up and "play along" with the therapy. Then Will is "Bo-Peep" when he goes back to brushing Sean off, telling him he wants to be a shepherd. Then he calls him "Son" during the "it's not your fault" moment... because Sean maybe felt the need to step in as a not-so-negative father figure at that moment. Each time it seems like Sean is using a different name and addressing a different concern/state of being.
can I send you ding dongs?
I never noticed this and it's stunning. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you.
Great catch! I never would've caught on
I just thought the bo-peep line was William’s improv to the character’s sheep wish
@@tacticallemon7518 could've been that too... Robin Williams' improv was kind of genius in that way.
Johnathan's long blink when he asks Alan, "Why do you miss him so bad?" was lowkey his brain turning on therapist mode for a second there. I love the taking the time to reflect on and validate the feelings. You guys are my favorite UA-cam channel. Not just because of everything I've learned, but because you guys are learning too. It doesn't feel like I'm just watching a video. It feels like a journey.
Exactly!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
"And that's why you're not my therapist."
Ohhhh, so that's why Alan still needs therapy after all this time.
Oof ikr lmao
Some people don't need therapy for just a year or so though. Some need long-term therapy to work out problems that will always keep coming up, and cause a myriad of other issues. PTSD, clinical depression, anxiety disorders, ADHD and most personality disorders need therapy for at least 5 years, usually more, and sometimes for all their life.
@@Lucy666Fernandez I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, but I recently read a book by a German Psychiatrist (Manfred Lütz) who flat out says that if therapy is good, it should be short, and if it isn't short, it isn't working (or it's the therapist milking their patient). Just a thought.
@@Alison-dt5wo I mean, some people need someone to talk to who can give a (relatively) unbiased opinion on what's going on in your life. Especially with chronic conditions that can't be cured and even when treated will periodically relapse into some harmful episode (depressive, psychotic, dissociative, etc.) during which they might need counseling. And it helps when your counselor already knows your history and what helps you best.
@@Lucy666Fernandez Yeah, I get that. I hope most people have someone in their network they can talk to, but I know a lot of people don't. Anyways, the author generalises a lot (which he admits himself) to make the book more accessible. His point, however, is that there's a "trend" in people seeking mental health support although they're not ill (e.g. feeling sad if your friend died is healthy, you're not depressed) and thus taking away therapy spaces from people who have "real" illnesses. Again, I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, just thought it was an interesting (unexpected) viewpoint.
you can see the therapist mindset almost kicking in when alan gets teary talking about robin's passing, and johnathan asks him the "why does this make you feel that way?" question and i love it, that moment, and their relationship
I thought that moment was really cool too, glad someone else caught that. You can tell from that Jono is legit
I just love it when a comment like this expresses EXACTLY what you felt/feel/thought
Being able to separate emotional certainty and intellectual knowledge was one of the best revelations of my healing process. Not only did it allow me to grieve for the childhood I was never able to have, it comes in handy for conflict resolution. I’m a passionate person, so when I get heated, I can take a step back and compartmentalize what I’m feeling and how it might conflict with reality. It’s stabilizing.
Right? It's like you suddenly realize the other side of the coin of intellectualization (not feeling your feels) is this awesome ability to stop you spiraling and, if in a fight, become patient and calm while someone is loosing their shit, as if you had studied for years conflict resolution and de-escalation tactics.
"Not only did it allow me to grieve for the childhood I was never able to have"
Why was this helpful?
@@jliller “Necessity is the mother of all invention.”.
Don’t tell me you haven’t heard this or discovered it to be strictly accurate.
Are the logical leaps from that self-explanatory; or are you really asking for his personal experience with coming to terms with getting dealt a bad hand & making-do with it?
Because everyone’s got stories. Even the folk who’s forks started out being made of pure platinum. I bet you did to, even if it were something as “simple” as having to share a bathroom with a sibling growing up. Even if that was the biggest hardship in anyone’s life, that’s their hardship. The actual what-&-why of it rarely matters, for the most part.
Me? There’s a reason I call myself “madman”; not a happy tale, but I leaned from the experiences. Could say more, I guess… But how is that going to help? Is this some sort of competition that no one really wants to win anyway??
Or are you legitimately looking for someone to help teach you how to utilize the past into something useful?
Truth is like this; stuff happens, you deal or you learn to cope; worse case scenario, it’s simply limping by with bad coping skills.
Or, like Robin showed us, you don’t. When told to choose between bad options, “None of the Above” is always a choice still. There’s usually better options, sometimes there’s not; no matter which way you go, make the best choice for you either way.
This is me too!!!!
@@locomadman The definition of hardship is "severe suffering or privation." If your worst hardship was not actually a hardship yet it still gets you down you don't need to grieve, you need a proverbial slap in the face.
You put in a lot of effort to answer my questions, but you didn't really answer my question. Let me rephrase/expand it.
There are a lot of ways you can lose your childhood. A variety of turmoil and instability - including but not limited to broken homes, parents with substance abuse issues, and crushing poverty. Abuse. Disabilities and chronic health issues. Developmental issues.
I'm not asking to compare scars.
Grieving can be a useful process because at the end you're emotionally prepared to move on. Your dog died, but you can get another dog. Your spouse left you or died, but you can start dating again. Your parent died, but you have other family and loved ones in your life.
But that doesn't seem relevant for a lost childhood. You can never get those years back. You might find parental figures, a family, stability, trust. But you can never replace what you lost. The experiences, the development, the childhood friends and memories can't be replaced. There is no do-over. And you will probably have to live the rest of your life with some idea of what you missed because you will meet lots of people who had all those normal things you didn't.
“Then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds.” Those words made me tear up. There are only very few people who know, respect and love the fully authentic me. It’s beautiful ❤
CINEMA THERAPY! I have something awesome to tell you! I shared your Incredibles video with my college psychology teacher, and she says that she’s going to share it with her students as a study tool!
That's awesome! Thanks so much for sharing!
Robin Williams is an international treasure and losing him was like losing a chunk of the purity and innocence of the world
Knew that this ep would make me cry and 8 mins in and the water works were starting
The statement "you can know all there is to know about healing, and not heal" hit home for me. I've been in therapy for 20 years, I'm very analytical about my trauma, and yet it's still there. Some things just don't come easy, and all the books in the world can't speed those processes up.
It's interesting how you see Damon almost going through the stages of grief in that "It's not your fault" scene. Bit of denial towards himself at the beginning of that scene, then followed by anger, and finally acceptance.
Don't forget the bargaining phase.
The "it's not your fault" part wrecks me every time I see that scene because of the verbal abuse I dealt at home when I was a child until college and it stuck in my mind throughout college. Luckily, I graduated instead of failing out of college. I feared failure because of my dad's failed reverse psychology method of causing me to fear failure and accept that I'm not good enough.
❤️
I totally relate. That scene is so powerful and healing. Someone has heard him, me. Validated at last!
I literally fast forwarded to the “it’s not your fault” part to see if they react the way I do every time I watch that part. My father too was verbally and emotionally abusive but luckily he was no where near as bad as his multiple step dads were to him. He was a saint to not allow himself to delve out his past horrors onto me and my brother the way it was done to him. He ended up killing himself when I was 11. It took a long time for me to accept that none of that was my fault…
I feel you, wolfie.
I can relate. Now as an adult I am moving forward. I still can be trigger but I am more prepared.
"You can know an awful lot about healing, and not heal." I've found that knowing an awful lot, or even just more than the average person, can make it HARDER to heal because you know the tricks the therapist is using.
And you tend to be more introspective. Making it even harder to know when you are lying to yourself.
aw that’s just Resistance talking. If you feel safe and can relax into the invitation and/or even share that you’re *not* relaxing into it, a lot of amazing moments can happen. Is it a trick if it’s effective?? Resistance has a few tricks itself and telling us the invitation from therapist won’t work b/c we know what’s up is one of them. Brains can be silly things… mine can be anyway. Thinks it’s helping me when instead it’s locking me in a box.
"You gotta call people out on their bullshit, and the thing is, you gotta earn that."
This. So, so much this. Thank you for making this point.
We live in a world where people who are critical out of insecurity, boredom, and correcting you for their own convenience is absolutely rampant. This makes the default reaction to speculations on our character/behaviors reasonably perceived as not being constructive, but often times projecting, lashing out at you, or mean spirited.
But when you know someone is compassionate, that they're there for *you*, it hits way different. I think another facet of this is a willingness to be vulnerable. Robin's character here is very vulnerable. He's open, he acknowledges that he doesn't have all the answers, that he has to learn. And it's this that sets him up for a connection rather than a dictation.
Hearing someone say “it’s not your fault” to someone with trauma is a form of healing I didng know until this movie
I had a "silent session" with a past therapist, once. My dad had recently died, and the whole situation was why I started therapy again. I had had bad experiences with therapists when I was a child, so it took me a while to open up a bit. And that day, I just couldn't speak at all.
I imagine it could still be a good session, just from how I know my mind works, I need a safe environment to process things on my own, too. So sitting there in silence with a therapist whom I trust might be exactly right. I hope you are doing well!
I have also had a silent session. I don't know if it was because she was younger than me or if I had just been to so many therapists that I didn't want to start all over again.
She waited me out the entire hour and then made sure that I made an appointment two days from then.
She saved my life. Unfortunately she moved away after a couple of years. Her supervisor took over and couldn't even call me by the right name.
I've had a couple of silent sessions over the years, with the same therapist, sometimes I cried on and off, sometimes I couldn't focus on forming articulate sentences to accurately convey my thoughts and feelings, sometimes I just had nothing to say and calmly sat there the whole session. I found out, after the most recent one, that it was an odd thing to do, and I worried that I'd freaked her out😅
I asked her if I had worried her and explained myself, she just said that as long as I got something from the time then she did her job☺️
@@howlingwolf3636 my heart is so full for people like us who suffer so much in silence, her are brave enough to talk about it here.
Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Every experience, in my opinion, is a story. YOU get to decide if you wish to tell it.
And my heart thanks you so very much for sharing that with us.
i know that if i want to cry i just have to play the "it's not your fault" scene. It gets me every time, no matter when
The only way to describe that moment when Damon finally breaks down and hugs him, there is nothing else to describe it except calling it "achingly beautiful" because that's exactly what it is. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It's probably one of the most beautiful moments in film, maybe ever. THAT'S how much I love it 🥰
When he says over and over "its not your fault" because Will isn't internalizing it hits really hard. I've heard that phrase a lot regarding exactly that issue and I've never really come to grips with the fact it wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything to deserve it.
The way I have needed a therapist like him my whole life!! 😭 it is so heartbreaking to see how open, honest, vulnerable Sean is allowing himself to be with Will. Especially when he cries in his arms, Sean treats it like a break through and something that is good, healthy, brave! Many therapists do NOT treat crying like that, they absolutely should!
I’ve never seen this movie before, but when they got to the “it’s not your fault” part, and Matt Damon’s character started crying, I actually teared up. It just sounded like a real genuine cry.
It is astounding.
Same
Robin Williams got an Oscar for his role in this film. I know, Oscars don't mean much overall, but in this case I think we can all agree his performance was incredible and it was well-earned for a change.
Same, which means I now have to go find something to watch this movie on
If you look, no tears comes out
Just started, but I already know I'm gonna bawl my eyes out on this one. Haven't seen this movie in years, yet I want to cry just seeing Robin Williams. 😭
Same! I just saw his picture on the video clip and I almost lost it!
@@Sully0182 add Freddie Mecury and Bob Ross and its the same for me
Me too!!!!
re: Sean grabbing Will's throat... Watching this again made me wonder if Sean demonstrating his capacity and willingness to get violent to defend his wife might have gained a bit of Will's respect? As Sean says later, Will values the loyalty of his friends because they wouldn't hesitate to get into a fight to support him. Sean unknowingly demonstrated that same trait.
It's still definitely wrong and Sean immediately regrets it (because it could end any potential trustful relationship and opens him up to an assault charge), but it might have clued Will in that he and Sean aren't so different.
Going off of that, Will might have been testing him without thinking to. He prodded expecting nothing, but finally got what he wanted
Personally I don’t appreciate someone assuming I’d help them in fight, particularly if THEY were being the stupid one.
Now if they were just jumped, obviously I would and should help, but basically don’t expect me to help you if you walked into it.
I thought it was effective because it was two tough guys from Southie communicating in a common and familiar "language." Will was a physical fighter (that's why he was on probation) and Sean probably was, too, out of necessity. This was how they both grew up. Sean knowing Will can push his buttons and Will knowing Sean isn't going to stand for that kind of bullshit helped, in a perverse way, to build trust-a worthy opponent commands respect. Finally, the fact that Sean stayed in "the fight" to continue the therapy further proved to Will that this was someone to be reckoned with, unlike the other therapists who quit when the going got tough.
19:32 -- you can tell that Robin Williams improvised the anecdote about his wife because the camera starts shaking, he made the camera operator laugh so much he couldn't maintain a steady shot, but they kept it in the film anyway because it was such a perfectly executed moment of realisation for Will that the director thought he couldn't get as authentic a reaction if he made them do it again
yeah, the camera”man” on this extremely professional set, shook the camera?!
Jonathan really is the internet's therapist. He's said stuff across a lot of these episodes that have stuck with me so hard and helped me change not only my mindset but how I think and feel about myself. You guys are amazing.
They functionally brought me to the best place I could possibly be at and even taught me how to maintain it. These videos are invaluable
I cried watching this and re-realising that Robin Williams isn't around anymore. Man. Weird that we all miss someone who we don't know personally but had such a big impact on our childhood...
Exactly!
I don't miss anyone else in hollywood as much as I miss Robin Williams. I haven't cried more for anyone I've never personally known than that man. Like the director, he was my childhood, my young adulthood, and many things.
"He was such a foundational part of my sense of humor" is absolutely true for me and my brothers too. I have laughed my way through a lot of life because of him. Batty from Fern Gully is highly underrated.
"Human tales? Humans don't have tails. They have big, big bottoms that they wear with bad shorts."-Batty Koda
@@rachaelknudsen8801 "I have but one claw but beware!"
Was there any other reason to watch the movie?? Okay, maybe Slater gets a pass here; but still..
"Oop! Gravity works."
I love Fern Gully! Not only Robin Williams, but Tim curry as Hexus was awesome and scary.
I think everyone misses Robin. There isn't a person on this Earth that truly hated the man. He was universally loved by all, which is a great example that sometimes just love from others alone isn't the key to true happiness. It's just one step of a process that takes many.
Rest In Peace Robin. 🕊
Fun Fact: when Robin makes the farting joke. Pans to Matt and if you really focus on the camera, you can see it shake ever so slightly. That's because the cameraman also was dying of laughter.
It's not so slight, it's a tremor!
" You can know all about healing and never heal" Boy, that called me out. I wish I could afford the healing, but I'm too poor to have insurance and there is not many places in my area that work with someone who a poor college student and mother. I do try to reflect and be a better person regardless of the resources I have. This episode hit home, thats for sure.
Unfortunately, in our current system, professional therapy costs money, and many (most?) people who could really benefit are the exact people who can't afford the help. But if you can find helpful, reliable people that you can share with, that's certainly better than nothing. And doing your own internal work is the most important work you can do anyway. Just make sure that you're getting good professional info (not random Google searches) and that you have somebody you can talk with. Being too internal with working on yourself can lead to it's own kind of messed up. (Alan speaking from experience here.)
@@CinemaTherapyShow Yes I agree. I don't really have people in my life I can rely on to talk about my abuse ( mostly because it's so bad most people really don't know how to process it) but my outlet is writing and being a story teller. That's where cinema has really improved my life. I'm currently a media production major and I'm directing my first short film next week.
Being able to connect with people through film, through creating worlds and characters that can be so cathartic. Love your channel so much! Thank you for the reply!
Just attempt or go-to an emergency room and claim you attempted suicide and they will recommend free health insurance for mental problems. Which if diagnosed will also result in a disability claim. Then every 6 months or more say you're still depressed. Ez life.
@pretty hexxed Many therapists devote a certain number of hours to pro bono work, and/or offer a sliding scale for this very reason. You may have to wait a while for a spot to open up, but ask around. Check to see if your school has mental health services in the meantime - they aren't good at getting into the deep stuff, but it's someone to talk to in the meantime. I hope you find the help you need...please don't give up. Therapy has been absolutely indispensable for me, and I think literally everyone can benefit from it, not just survivors of significant trauma like you and I.
I think there are some therapeutic workbooks on the market. Maybe you can give those a shot. I do not know if they work yet, but I would like to try them for myself.
I think you guys just inspired me to finally speak to a professional about my own mental health. That line about how you can have the knowledge and still do no healing really hit home for me.
So thank you so much for finally making me realise that, whilst I'm doing okay, I could be doing better.
We all could Andrew. We all could. Let’s do the work!
Wishing you the best. I can tell you from personal experience that it’s difficult. I’m exhausted from most sessions. But I do see the progress. A couple things I personally have to remember:
1) I don’t need perfection to make progress
2) Slow progress is infinitely better than no progress.
Hope you find someone you can connect with and trust.
I hope you find someone to work with soon. ❤ Takes time, but it can get better.
Update guys: I found a therapist to work with, it took me a LOT of sessions to feel comfortable enough to fully open up without 'deflecting with humour' and finally get serious, we're going through my repressed memories from childhood which is actually quite enlightening. I only really remember snippets from my childhood, small flashes of memory. We're currently going through some of the abuses I suffered as a child, it's painful, it's terrifying but we gotta push through the pain, take each hit as it comes and maybe stop making light of my own situation.
On a more positive note, it really is helping a LOT, I thought I was okay before but maybe I just got used to being so bad for so long.
More importantly, just do the work and,
Watch movies!
I wish you luck sir. Immerse yourself in it and be ok to say if you don't feel the person your working with is right. I feel that, that is something I run into a lot where people force themselves to stay working with a therapist despite not feeling its the right fit. Its Ok to feel that, point that out, and if needed find a different therapist. :)
“You can know an awful lot about healing and not heal” That line hit so damn hard for me, it’s something I never had realized. You can think of your life through logistics but knowing about something isn’t the same as applying and experiencing it. It’s something i’m barely learning, and something that makes a change in me. Amazing video
I still remember the first few sessions with my therapist were mostly spent in silence. A greeting, maybe one or two words of attempted casual conversation on her part and I'd shut her down completely. I'd had several bad experiences with therapists up that point and those were compounded on top of some pretty severe trust issues. However she knew this and she spent that first span in near silence, and then she spent the next talking about things completely unrelated to the reason I was there, and finally I walked in one day and just started talking. I don't remember what about specifically now but I remember just unloading everything in this deluge that wouldn't stop coming out. I remember bawling my eyes out by the end and this caring woman skipping her lunch break to extend the time I had with her.
I still use the techniques and lessons I learned from her, and any time I backslide into unhealthy habits I remember those sessions with a woman who took the time to earn my trust and how much they meant. Sometimes the silence, that willingness of someone to wait until you're ready to speak, that can be worth more than gold.
I've been needing to find one... 6 years ago, I had a mental breakdown. Got severe panic disorder and depression, and I found one good therapist who sadly stopped taking our insurance. Found another one, and he looked at me on our 4th session and said, "I can't help you. You have these walls, and you won't let me in, so these sessions are going to waste." Never went back.
I'm doing much better now, but there's still some things that I need to work through. Yet, that's my hangup- I'm scared the same thing will happen again.
@@smileplease_91 I know it might seem like just a platitude but trust me when I say, don't give up there's some out there ready to listen to you. I went through six therapists in total before finding mine, and she was well worth the wait.
That’s really amazing, thanks for sharing mate
Great insight from your experience. Thanks for sharing that
jeez this was good to hear. ive only been to a few sessions across 2 therapists but im afraid a lot of it will be spent either in silence or with small talk or me getting the therapist started on a conversation on a topic that i didnt really want to focus on. especially with the possibility of it carrying over even after the first session… oh boy multiple sessions “wasted”? scary stuff for me. my guilt issues with spending money on therapy rly puts me off getting back into therapy again. but hopefully itll go well and ill bring myself to start
He did actually improvise the fart Scene. Matt’s genuine laughter cuz he was so caught off guard is what makes this one of my favourite movie scenes
There’s something about how the cameraman was laughing too and that’s why the camera gets shaky
27:55- His crying sounds so realistic for what pain feel like.
I've seen alot of movies with great actors doing incredibly emotional stuff, but not one of them mirrored my crying like that. Even the little breaking sound in it is so realistic.
“You can actually know an awful lot about healing and not heal” that quote is soo accurate
Robin Williams was the first celebrity death I ever cried for, I had never cried for a man I didn’t know. But he had such a monumental part in my love of art, comedy, and acting; it truly felt like losing a part of my life. I aspire to have that same level of emotional and physical freedom in my own acting! Hopefully one day I’m able to work with you cinema therapy! I love everything you guys do and as a fellow actor and cinephile who loves diving into the psychology of filmmaking I dream of that day. Much love from me and wishing you so much continued success!
For me it was
Kurt Cobain
Robin Williams
David Bowie
I’m pretty sure in that order
Amy Winehouse made me sad too
Robin Williams is the only one I've cried for. But I'm calling it now oh, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Tom Hanks, and The Rock are all going to hit me hard
Your a classy woman.
Same. It was like experiencing the unexpected death of a favorite uncle, who I never met.
I'd like to say, this movie is a great contest of intelligence vs wisdom. Matt clearly the intellect believing he understood his life from a glance at a photo and William's the wisdom coming back at him with
"do you think I understand your depth from reading Oliver twist, does that encapsulate you will?"
Beautiful
Absolutely. Wisdom matters a lot more than intelligence. If you’re a genius, what’s the point if you don’t know how to use your gift?
Education versus experience.
So true! Intelligence vs wisdom is a tough distinction to draw and this is a perfect example
Knowing that Matt Damon was part of writing this script explains a lot about why he's sooo incredibly good at subtle acting. I really enjoy a lot of Matt Damon films (I especially enjoyed him in the Bourne trilogy and the Martian) just because he's so good at conveying a character's emotions and mental state without even saying any lines. That's a talent that I don't think a lot of actors have, and it's such an under appreciated one at that.
When y'all started talking about Robin and missing him, I started crying too. I wasn't expecting to react like that. I miss him so much. I found this channel recently and I adore it! I have an AA in Psychology and was a semester shy from completing my bachelors degree. My goal was to be a therapist. Multiple chronic illnesses got in my way. Yall's channel is an excellent resource for everyone. It's very cathartic. I find myself taking something I need from each video. And I love the healthy masculinity from you both. Thank you for what you do.
That scene when Robin Williams keep telling him "Its not your fault" awoke something inside me and I cried through the rest of this video and then some more after. I'm not sure what happened I feel like i needed to hear that, even if it was only from a movie
The part where he repeated "it's not your fault" reminded me of a few years back when I was talking with a counselor, and they made me look directly at them to tell me that I am worthy of being loved. The words sound cliche on their own, but having them spoken directly to you: it shook me to my core.
Mine, using my need for humor as a coping mechanism, turned my repeated negative self talk back to me in joke form. It was "People deserve better than me." He asked me to imagine I'm a doctor at an ER and someone comes in with serious injuries that need treatment and I turn them away because "They deserve better." He turned my negative self talk back around on me to show how absurd it really was. It doesn't stop me from thinking that way, but it helps me process it better then next time I go down that road.
I know that feeling. I had that in therapy a few weeks ago. I just couldn't believe the words.
When the character of Will Hunting breaks down and cried, for some reason, it felt like it actually broke something in Matt Damon and he let it out totally into the scene.
I feel it was very real. He's a great actor, but he was definitely actually working through some shit there. I feel like we all got to see it, and that's a very intimate thing. It's beautiful. It's raw. It's honest. ❤️
The edits are amazing! Lolol I did therapy with trafficked children for years, I can identify with the TOUGH kids. When they’re over 10 they come at you with street attitude and anger. It was their environment and hurt they were STUCK in and trust no one at first. But the ones who make it, and those we give it our all to, are worth it. Cause like Will, it wasn’t their fault and they don’t have to carry all that, especially alone. I like to share just enough to connect as well, and learned in school to share nothing, which I get for protection, and can sniff those people out, but that connection is so much better cause I show survival and thriving. I can’t thank you enough for these videos, they’re so well done and genuine! Love ya guys
I legitimately grieved like my own father had died when Robin died. I still to this day grieve his passing. He was my "Movie Dad".
Thank you for showing your vulnerability and grief - It made me feel normal in my grief over Robin. Thank you .
Yes I thought I was going crazy! I never thought I was that emotionally attached to robin Williams but when I heard of his death i went through all the stages of grief which I couldn't understand.I had to talk about it and found many people had felt this way to.it made me feel as you say, more normal to grieve someone I didint really know in person. Certainly something I won't forget.
I feel the exact same way. 🥲 🫂
out of all the Celebrities the have passed in my life time, Robin Williams is legitimately the only one that hit me, and he's the only one that i know of that hit my friends the same way as well.
whether we can put words to it or not, we all just kinda know that we actually lost someone special with Robin's passing.
@@Kitsune10060 I concur
Not even 8 minutes in, the second they stop to talk about Robin for a sec and I'm just sobbing now 😭
I miss Robin Williams immensely too. I cry every time at the "It's not your fault" scene, even before he died. He feels like a familiar uncle figure to me.
"I just miss him" are the exact words I've said so many times when I think about Robin Williams.
When Robin Williams passed it was one of the only times, I was truly sad about the death of a celebrity. Like when you hear of an old friend dying. Especially after finding out how much he must have been hurting. He seemed like such a kind man. One of a kind. Truly missed.
I still hurt. He was monumental to me, and so many others.
As a person that doesn't like to be touched, I appreciate when someone asks me to be touched.
I felt that when you guys got emotional about Robin. When he passed, it felt like losing a uncle. And knowing that he was hurting inside yet spent his life making the rest of us smile, it's heartbreaking.
7:33 I love that he realized his friend was experiencing complex emotion, and instead of moving past it, he decided to delve into it further with him. Like, I don't want to say it's BECAUSE he's a therapist, but it felt like such a "I'm a therapist, and this is what I do" moment😂
As someone who’s lost two very close and important people to me to cancer the “She’s been dead two years and that’s the shit I remember.” Scene hits me so hard. I can’t remember all of their words of wisdom or sweet moments (they were my dad and grandpa not a spouse), but I can remember the way my dad stuck his tongue out when he was helping us with math homework. I remember all the funny jokes he played on me just to make me smile. I can remember my grandpa and I eating all the cherry tomatoes off Grandma’s plant early in the morning before she woke up when I stayed the night and her reaction when she caught us and realized “the birds” She thought were eating them was actually us 😂 I can remember how my dad said “I’m proud of you” not in words but in his smile and taking off work for all our school events and award shows even when my sister and I really weren’t excited about those things he wanted to make sure he got to see them all and not see it through my mom’s videotapes of it. It’s not the big moments you’ll remember, it’s the little things they did frequently that showed they loved you and you loved them never go away. Those are the memories that matter. The littlest things make the biggest impact in our lives
Ah man, you made me think about my grandpa who's gone now after a long time dealing with altzheimers. All I can remember were his stories that were waaay too long and lost the point every single time. Eating peaches and then having a spitting contests with the pits. Playing boardgames and him introducing me to classical music, making peanut butter and having a snail race. And those things didn't change with the altzheimers. The stories got even more vague but the rest stayed the same, all of that he remembered even though he didn't remember me.
I have a friend who passed recently, and one peculiar thing that really sticks with me is how they used to get muffin crumbs stuck in their hair when they ate breakfast. I remember trying hard to ignore it when they were alive, but now I miss how charming it was.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry. Oh my god.” This movie ALWAYS gets me with that line from Will. I’ve been there. I won’t get into the specifics, but childhood abuse is not foreign to me. I’ve said those same words both to other people and to myself in varying forms of distress. Trauma is a complicated thing, and as much as you try to grow out of patterns of self-punishment, it’s extremely hard to do.
I cried when I saw the " it's not your fault" scene because it hit way to close to home(emotionally abused/neglected as a child). I sometimes still struggle with the feeling of not being loved, while my head know that my father loves me. Still love this movie!
25:22 I spent many therapy sessions in silence. My therapist was able to take it. And it felt like a respite from the world. I am not sure if I didn’t want to talk, didn’t know what to say, couldn’t talk, or “all of the above“, but every second I spent in silence felt like I was being a mischievous little bastard, but also getting out of my comfort zone, and challenging my therapist. His ability to “take it“ allowed me to explore that part of myself. I remember it fondly.