'Wife Deleted Text from Ex Telling Me She's Pregnant..' -- Reddit Story
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- Опубліковано 2 тра 2022
- Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Alejandra. Do you think the wife read the text message?
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The one I’m most sad about was the girl missed out 5 years of having a father. They all mentioned how this impacted the ex, who had to raise the kid by herself; and the OP who missed out on his daughter’s birth/childhood. What about the child? She was robbed a father for the first 5 year of her life.
I hope it’s true that OP’s wife didn’t read the text because if she did and deleted it, it’d be despicable.
Exactly. A child is going to suffer because her mother and “step mother” are both incredibly immature. I don’t doubt that there were serious relationship problems between OP and Ex, but if she actually have a crap she would’ve told him over the phone or told his mum straight away or gone to his fecking house.
I don’t think the Ex actually wants him involved, I think she just told him so he would have a legal obligation to provide child support AKA extra cash for Ex.
She’s not even giving OP a chance to be in the girls life, she’s just taking money and moving on. I just hope it doesn’t fuck with the kids head to much.
No way she didn’t read the text. She felt insecure and thought he would go back to his ex for sure. Still feel a little bad that her people are iceing her out.. hope they can get past this at least for the sake of their child even if they end the relationship and become coparents.
What she did is not right..but if im her..i would ask for divorce..everyone is against her and its not good for her this moment shes pregnant..i would msg everyone to say sorry..but imagine everyone is against u..
@@soomvolme4021 yeah I feel badly she’s dealing with this while pregnant but she does need to face the ex and apologize. I feel so badly for this little girl but if I were the ex I wouldn’t be able to trust the wife with my child. She is responsible for the absence of the father for the first five years of her life and I’d be scared she’d pull some Cinderella BS with my kid.
The one detail of this story I cannot get over is OP’s sister posting all of this on social media. Idk how she thought that would be at all productive…it just adds more drama that OP has to deal with.
Sister did such a dick move with that. Being angry at the wife is an understandable, human emotion… still not the sister’s business doing anything about it, let alone spill it out over social media. Sister has lots of damage control and seeking forgiveness to do.
This is one of those situations in which everyone is in the wrong and it’s snowballing
Yeah seriously, sometimes it’s best to not involve family because some people are very overprotective and defensive about the ones they love.. if the father is mad imagine not knowing you had a niece, I’d be furious. And some people do not think before they act and that was not her place to know or necessity. His wife is still pregnant with their child and it is not great to involve a bunch of people into your personal drama.
I would agree. I hate that the sister did that when it was no one else’s business but OP’s, the wife and the ex.
I would asume she thought the wife just got away with treating her brother like shit scathe free, and would want everyone she knows to not trust the B, because she obviously have no qualms about sheating a child from having a daughter and still lying about what she did, and has kept a secret for all theese years. As a sister, i would never forgive the wife. She robbed me of my maybee first niece, she robbed grandparents of a grandchild etc. What she did was absolutely horrendous.
@@Nevolet Yeah but what she did ultimately didn't help her brother at all. It just added more stress to his plate and made his life exponentially harder during an already difficult time. Toxic behavior tbh.
There is also a chance that the initial text OP’s ex sent didn’t initially state that she was pregnant. What if it was something along of lines of “Can we meet up?” “We need to talk” etc, that could have been vague and the now wife deleted and blocked her under the impression the ex wanted to meet up and rekindle the relationship. Still doesnt make her action right, but I do wonder if thats what occurred
Literally
This is what I'm thinking. People don't usually start with, "I'm pregnant, it's yours, I'm popping this kid out in 2 weeks." I think it's far more likely that it was a "Hey" or "We really need to talk" text.
@@GallifreyanOrphan Yea seriously! I’m surprised this wasn’t taken into consideration during the discussion
@@Mandy-mn8fl I’ve noticed with certain stories and topics they’re pretty headstrong on their perspective, thoughts, and overall beliefs.
I love watching these guys talk about different topics, but would wish that they could bring in another point of view whenever a situation/Reddit etc. like this one. It feels like they’re leaving out bits and pieces of different perspectives.
If this was the case though then why would the wife say she didn’t read it when there’s already an explanation??
That poor kid thinking their dad just didn't want them.
I’m more curious about the ex now stating that she’s filing for back child support. If he isn’t on the birth certificate or acknowledged paternity, I’m not sure if she could sue for that. Also, why did she not file when the baby was born? There’s some stuff missing here.
it was mentioned in the beginning that they took a paternity test. it was super quick, but that’s where she got him.
@@aspensage6644 I listened back and caught this now. I think the only thing I’m questioning is why she waited so long to bring it up to his family or file for child support.
@@Whatgoinonupinhere You sometimes have to wait till the amount owed to you is high enough to justify going to court. Depends on the situation and sometimes the court and whether or not they'll actually take your case.
@@Whatgoinonupinhere If I reached out to an ex to let them know I was pregnant, especially one who treated me badly, and I didn't get a response, I would have been extremely hurt and angry. Chances her own hurt, anger, and pride on behalf of her child kept her from trying to contact him again.
@@Ilikefrogs.. I guess. It’s all around a bad situation. It’s something I think about a lot that there are so many me out there that never even know they have a child or get the opportunity to be in their lives. I think for OP I just feel sorry for him but I also feel bad for the ex and his child. I do feel a little sorry for the wife but also I can’t see a way that she didn’t read the text before sending it.
How come OP’s ex didn’t call his mom from the beginning once she realized she was blocked? It seems weird that she reached out once to her child’s father and gave up only to come back 5 years later to reach out to his mom and then sue him for back child support. She could’ve served him at any point once the baby was born. Also it sucks that OPs family is attacking his wife for something she did 5 years ago when there is still a chance that she may not have known his ex was pregnant. It wasn’t the sisters place to blast that on social media considering that she is pregnant and all that stress is no good.
the boyfriend was notoriously bad to the ex, he pushed her away and was a bad partner, so why would you reach out to your dead beat baby daddy’s mother? she only reached out bc she REALLY needed help. but why would anybody wanna talk to their abuser’s mom
@@echo997 I didn’t get from the story that he was abusive to her it even seems like OP would’ve wanted to be involved had he known. It just seems like their relationship wasn’t great. I just think if it were me I wouldn’t just stop at the first roadblock considering this is a whole human being. But even then she could’ve served OP after the baby was born without contacting him via court order. It just seems messed up to wait 5 years and sue after the fact when you could’ve served this guy at any point.
@@Makeupbyren93 what? It’s messed up for a man to pay for his child?
@@SH-py7qj I never said that he shouldn’t pay. He absolutely should pay to support the kid now that he now knows exists. What I’m saying is she could’ve served this guy way before 5 years passed and gotten support for the child from the beginning at least that way OP would’ve known That he even had a child.
@@Makeupbyren93 it was in his later comments under the thread where he admitted to being a bad partner and mean overall to the ex
This whole story is crazy I believe both women were insecure but I also believe that maybe the ex was keeping tabs on him, found out wife was pregnant and decided this was the time to let him know. I mean all this time she had his parents number if she was trying hard to get a hold of him wouldn't that be the best way. I am not sure what power OP has over these women But his behavior definitely played a big part in how these women turned his life upside down.
Ooohhh this is such an interesting take.. because really... Why now? hmmmm
Why should women be responsible for chasing after men?
@@SH-py7qj listen I'm not trying to put the blame on these women but their r women who would chance everything to be with a guy. I think both parties in a relationship new or old Strive to be their best self but also needs to be honest with who they r are and how they want to be loved and respected.
Also everyone should be responsible for the action when they go after Any kind of relationship whether its work friendship or love. By the way that question is so crazy there are some crazy people out there and petty a** people out there you never know what's anyone gonna do when you reject them.
why would a woman want to contact her dead beat baby daddy’s mom? she only reached out to the mom out of desperation
Those who are looking for the 3rd up date/ final update
It's quite a long story so the more condensed version is that I've met my daughter, my ex and I handled the custody and support agreement ourselves (still signed off by the court), we're both committed to making this co-parenting thing work and it's been going well so far. My wife and I are back at home and both excited about her nearing due date. We've decided to move on.
The longer version: The last update ended with my ex threatening to fight me in court. Well, the lawyer I'd arranged suggested we give mediation a try and set that up with her lawyers and this mediator. Overall the mediation went quite shit and seemed to be more detrimental to us ever cooperating. We only had two actual sessions and both were just filled with unnecessary fighting and no resolution. Funny enough it was the chaos at the mediation that kind of proved to both of us we weren't interested in fighting each other indefinitely and she reached out late in the evening after the 2nd mediation asking to meet up the next day. In that meeting, we talked things out and listened to one another. Sorted through some baggage from our relationship as well as spoke about what exactly had been going on the past 5 years. Hours long conversation but it was totally worth it. We agreed that we'd make it work and put our daughter in the forefront.
A meeting was arranged for me to drive over and see my daughter face to face and I did. At the time I wasn't introduced properly to her as her father and she obviously was cagey around this random dude around but it was still great seeing her that first time. She was/is seeing someone to help with my transition into her life and i've since been properly introduce to her and she's started calling me papa so things are going stunningly smooth and she's coping really well with it all. Plus my ex has floated around the idea that if she could find a job/better job where I am she'd consider moving so distance isn't too big of a problem though that's still a big if. For now, I'll just keep driving up to her until we're aquainted enough to allow her to make the trip to me.
The last update on my wife left things at my sister posting about everything and my family fighting with my wife. My sister has removed the post and apologized to my wife although not sincere but still an apology. Still ongoing but attempts of reconciling my family and wife are going more or less well. My wife momentarily moved to stay with her parent to get away from everything for about a month but has since moved back to the house with me as we're soon expecting the birth of our child in the up and coming weeks. All extremely excited over that and we've worked through our issues. I'm sure most of you will be disappointed by this but I do 100% believe my wife and trust that she isn't some conniving person. She's still the woman I love and we're all to blame for the circumstance that led to this whole situation. All we can do is focus on the future.
Big thanks to everyone who's offered their support and wishes as well as advice. I truly do appreciate all of it. And that's it. Signed off- a happy dad of (almost) 2
Pertinent Comments
Did you bother to press you wife on if she read the text or not? That was one of the most pressing questions posed in the last post.
I didn't want to push it too much but I did sit her down and ask her again and she assured me that that she never read it. Only saw that it was from my ex and deleted it based on that.
Thank you for the update
No way she didn’t read it in my opinion. I’ve been the insecure new girlfriend with an ex trying to get in touch and if she’s insecure and sneaky enough to delete it you know she’s sneaky enough to have read it first.
my exact thoughts too
She read it. But I doubt that it said, ‘Hey, I’m pregnant!’. It was probably more along the lines of, ‘Hey, can we talk?’. She should never have deleted it. Obviously. But I doubt she would have done that if she knew how important it was. Just speculation…the wife may have been in a relationship with someone who had an intrusive ex who perhaps cheated on her with the ex. It would explain why she acted so decisively.
Completely true, that doesn't make it okay though.
@@Ilikefrogs.. Did I say that it did? I did not. In fact, I said quite plainly that she should never have deleted it.
BUT THEN WHY LIE??? If she saw it and said, "yeah I saw her trying to meet up with you so I blocked her"
@@mkat8505 maybe the op asked her if she read the ex telling him she was pregnant via text and the wife said she never read that kind of message. I wouldn't put it passed the op to omit stuff like that.
@@anisa3277 I don't think that's the case, since the OP is still very much in love (though devastated) with his current wife. It just makes more sense that she either actually didn't read it, or read it and saw it mentioned a pregnancy. I think OP would be able to deal with this better if he knew his wife just thought the Ex was trying to get back with him and definitely didn't know about the pregnancy.
if she really wanted him to know about that baby she would've went to his doorstep. she went a WHOLE pregnancy and didn't try to tell him til the last two weeks. then she went 5 years after that living in the same city and NEVER said anything??? he didn't know not bc one text got deleted but bc she didn't want him to. that's something you say in person not over text.
Fair, I would've made sure my ex knew he was going to be a dad. Especially if there was no response. I think that was bad on the ex girlfriends part. Negligence maybe.
@@sushannah4632 same! i woulda been at his job, his house, his mama house, his granny's grave, contact through social media EVERYWHERE bc somebody is gonna know about this baby 😭
I agree- she sent a single text 2 weeks before giving birth. There’s a lot more to this story and it’s equally shady to keep this from the father until birth.
THANK YOU - The ex literally could have just told the court "hey the my new baby's dad isn't picking up the phone and I need financial help raising our offspring." The man would have been served with a summons and paternity test order and the rest would be history. The ex didn't want him to know, clearly.
Literally this! One text can’t be counted as a real attempt to let anyone know something as important as being pregnant with someone’s child.
I can understand the entire family being angry. They've all been robbed of 5 years of a grandchild, niece etc. I'm pretty sure the ex is bluffing about the no contact etc. If she was desperate enough to reach out to his mother for money, she obviously desires some involvement and support for her and her daughter.
Any chance the ex could’ve sent something first like “we need to talk?” before “I’m pregnant it’s yours” and the wife blocked it before a pregnancy text?!
You don't actually have to open a text to delete it and block a person. It all depends on the type of phone you have
The fact that the mom tried one text and gave up makes me think she didn't really want the dad in the kid's life.
Maybe she tried more texts/calling, but she got blocked. You also could already be hurt by the breakup and then also by just being ignored after such a text. Then being pregnant and just trying to make the best of it without risking more pain is not that weird I think....
Tbh
OP said later in the thread the relationship ended off on bad terms and he wasn't that good of a partner to his ex. Honestly she should have reached out sooner but, with the ending off on bad terms and the essential ghosting I can understand why she decided to just do it alone.
I am going to agree with you, even if he had actually blocked her, she could of taken him to court!
I don’t think we’re hearing the whole story. The message probably didn’t say anything about her being pregnant it was probably something vague. Exes can be manipulative as well and wait till you’re in a relationship to reach out. Not picking sides here. She shouldn’t have been in his phone but honestly stuff happens and if she’s been there for him during other serious times I’m sure she would’ve done the same here. Problem is this situation was not anybody else business, the ex should’ve tried other avenues to reach out because clearly she could’ve. The husband may have a history of infidelity too maybe the wife was protecting their relationship by removing temptation. Who knows.
How is it the exes fault for texting him not knowing his girlfriend checks his phone? Wtf? What was she supposed to do? Show up at his house? That's weird af. I'd text too. Yeah, it's not anyone else's business which is why she texted HIM. Not her fault his gf looked at his phone for some reason.
regardless if she sent a message...if she has no record of it, she technically didn't inform the dad of his child. She should have served him papers or wrote a signature required letter informing him. A text message is not the way I would be telling a baby daddy he has a kid regardless of the type of relationship. Why did she wait 5 years to then complain to his mom? 5 years is the age kids lose WIC, she's prob enrolling in programs and they ask for dad's information to go after for child support. (just from my experience). IMO it should be legally required to inform any party of their involvement. Failure to do so (or at least attempting with receipts), should disqualify any past-child support payments from being due and should start as immediately as they are informed.
That's a good point!
Completely agree
Sorry but no it shouldn’t be legally required. There are situations where it’s absolutely not safe to inform the father that he has a kid. And OP admitted he was a horrible partner to his ex and she hasn’t seen him in years so she’s probably thinking of her child’s safety
@@lunatunes737 horrible does not equal abusive. Bad boyfriend does not equal abusive boyfriend. He could have cheated, or overall just been horrible to her by forgetting her birthday, staying out all night, even being extremely insecure can bring out horrible sides to people. But bad doesn’t mean abusive. She reached out to him first when he had another girlfriend because of her pregnancy, that doesn’t really line up with trying to be safe from him. Everything else is pretty much right, not every situation is safe. But coming to a conclusion that she needs to be safe from him is jumping high. Sometimes bad boyfriends are just bad boyfriends
@@katykat978 I wasn’t just talking about that though. I’m just saying there’s situations where informing the father of the child’s existence is not a safe decision therefore it shouldn’t be legally required
Okay, all the obvious aside… I’m really confused about the ex’s train of thought here for present day.
Out of the blue, after 5 years she reaches out to a hated ex’s mother for cash, finds out that he never actually knew about the baby and he is IMMEDIATELY willing to meet, wants to know his daughter and provide.
And then she’s like, “no get out of my life and I’m suing you”…. Ummm why would you even reconnect with that family in any way? If you wanted child support, why not go for that years ago? It’s so random
she probably lost WIC and needed him to start paying child support and went after his mom to get him to pay.
So,
I’m not 100% sure the wife knew the ex was pregnant. I DO believe that she read the text and deleted and blocked it. But if I was in that position and telling my ex I was pregnant, it would not be me straight out saying I’m pregnant over a text message. I probably would have asked to meet or talk over the phone. It upsets me that the ex just left it at that and never reached out until 5 years later for financial reasons to the child’s grandmother. I’m not understanding why the ex never tried contacting the grandmother or aunt prior to the child being 5. I agree with some that she seems to not have wanted him involved, and continues to not want him involved, but wants the child support and back support. (Rightfully so) but you’re willing to deprive your child of having a father that seems to want to be in her life. Okay then. OP’s excuse is because he was not so great during the relationship. Unless you were abusive, that does not give a reason for her trying to go for full custody with no visitation. 🙄 She’s being bitter and her child will find that out if she tries going that route.
For the wife. I understand wanting to take time away. I respect that. But I honestly find going to therapy would probably be more beneficial for them then immediately needing to take a break from his pregnant wife. And I find the OP a bit of an AH for allowing his family to go on social media and what not about the situation and putting the wife on blast. You can be upset, but you don’t need to blast the mess on social media. You’re not showing yourself in a good light in my opinion. The wife may have honestly just been young and dumb and not understanding the implications of the situation. Again, as we don’t know if the alleged text or texts said if the ex was pregnant. We grow. I find therapy for him, and then couple’s therapy would go a long way. Either way, you need to get things worked out for the coming baby. Either be together, or at least separate and work through things civilly. You don’t want hurt feelings about the wife impacting the parenting relationship or the relationship with the baby.
If I was OP, I would contact a lawyer and explain the situation. Have the wife verify that she did in fact delete and block the contact from the ex. Try to work out a child support and back support agreement and fight for visitation. Maybe just try little day visits with the daughter and ex at first and if things run smoothly, daddy daughter day visits, and then so on. But I also think that he needs to go to therapy and sort through his feelings and what sort of relationship he wants with the ex.
I agree with one commentator that the wife should apologize to the ex IF she is genuinely remorseful.
I said this on the full episode but I find that the ex being like "I'm going to take you to court over the backpay child support and no visitations." is kinda fucked up. It's not his fault. He had no idea the kid existed and now clearly wants to be apart of his daughter's life. I can understand maybe she doesn't want her daughter around the wife because duh. But why not let your daughter, who is five, to have a relationship with her father? This is a good time to introduce her to him.
Edit: I mean obviously he should pay some child support now to help but the no visitations stuff is taking it too far.
Honestly it could just be the mom seeing if he's a deadbeat or not. Most deadbeats run and hide as soon as "court" and "child support" are mentioned. It's been 5 years, she doesn't know this man anymore and he could just be making a show since another kid is about to be born to save face and will abandon them again as soon as baby #2 is born. If most of us doubt the wife didn't read the text then mom probably doubts dude didn't know. Or she could be working to sue him. We don't know. Hopefully we find out.
Probably because if he’s with a woman that vindictive and their previous relationship was bad she’s worried about the safety of her child. Sometimes it’s not about what’s fair it’s about what’s right. A 5 year old meeting a strange man who is her father is really traumatic. Sucks for him but her daughter comes first and the ex did her part.
it’s not his fault but it’s still what he SHOULD do. he created a child. now he needs to pay to clothe and feed it!!!!!!
@@echo997 Obviously yes, I think he should pay and feed and cloth the child. That's not what I'm upset about with the ex. I'm upset that she's telling him that he can't ever see their daughter. I did list how I can understand why she's like this but she shouldn't take it out on him for his wife's actions. Especially when it's clear he wants to be apart of his daughter's life.
@@SH-py7qj I can understand that but again, it's clear he wants to be apart of her life. And I did say that I can understand if it's because of his wife. But they can't even work out visitations to like ice cream and shopping and stuff? It's a little weird that the ex is taking it out on him and keeping a man who wants to be a father away from her daughter.
I doubt that the text said: IM PREGNAT! In the first 2 lines of the text. Honestly I think it’s posible that she saw the message that said she had to talk to him or something and she was like: NOPE!!!
Some people are like that. I feel bad for everyone involved.
I think the family doing that to her is awful and the fact that he’s leaving his wife to deal with all that hate. Awful.
That doesn’t matter. She was wrong from the jump.
@@Dynamosouthernbelle7 she was wrong either way but it’s definitely worse if the text said she was pregnant
@@Dynamosouthernbelle7 I mean yes it’s wrong for her to delete a text of a phone that’s not her own. IF she didn’t read I’m guessing her thought process was: oh this chick…I don’t want to have to deal with that…delete/block.
If she did in fact read it and the deleted it then she’s a horrible person.
Either way the poor little girl is the victim here. Her mother didn’t try harder and now that the father knows is preventing her from having one. Plus there’s another baby on the way and he doesn’t get to enjoy that either because of all the drama.
It’s a mess lol
100% with you. He's a shitty husband.
@@Dynamosouthernbelle7 it does matter, they're married now with vows and everything. He has a duty to her, their marriage, and their child that's on the way. The wife didn't participate in making the baby. The ex didn't try to get ahold of him in any other way.
It’s ironic how the wife condemned another mother to being alone and unsupported through her pregnancy for her own comfort and now her karma has come back around in the exact same way. She’s pregnant and alone and upset, and not to mention probably realizing exactly how messed up what she did to that other woman was.
i didn’t even think of this but damn so true.
Ironic that he probably was so excited that they were having their first child /grandma excited for the first grandchild from her child and they're not
Yes, if I were her situation I would fess up entirely. It’s unbelievable that she didn’t read all the texts and try to make amends with his ex so that there could be a healthy coparenting relationship and a healthy sibling relationship. It’ll take time but it’s worth it for the kids. Obviously also apologize to the husband and continue with the pastor’s support.
Karma is karma!!
I feel bad for everyone involved, the wife without any support and all this backlash could end up losing the baby because of the stress, or she could end up doing something to herself, I understand this situation sucks no matter how you look at it.
There is ZERO chance she didn’t read the text. The fact that she 1) deleted it and blocked her and 2) is now lying about it makes me wonder if she really has changed from the person 5 years ago.
I feel so bad for the father. Just heartbreaking.
if she was sneaky enough to delete the text, she was sneaky enough to read it.
I'm wondering if the text stated out right that she was pregnant, not asking if they could talk or meet up?
Also , no one is talking about the fact that the ex contacted him TWO WEEKS before she gave birth. So obviously, she must have found out he had a gf and decided to tell him trying to get him back at the last minute. She had an entire pregnancy to tell this man but waited until then? Suspicious. And now she comes back to tell him about the child when his new wife is pregnant? And she had access to his family, therefore him, this entire time?? Nah
i didn't even think about the timings, but you're right. The ex's timings are all wrong
But you also have to understand that he was a bad perosn to her and also she was young too
That's what I was thinking 🤔 the ex girlfriend brought this on herself.
@@jodeemorgan2572 bad boyfriend, could of been out every night and not so honest with her. either way i don't think the wife saw a message like "i'm pregnant" because given what he's said about his wife and how highly he still speaks of her i think she's pretty trustworthy. If ex wanted him to know about the baby she had a lot of options to tell him and all she tried was texting? and then she waits 5 years to actually reach out? yeah i don't know we don't have all the details in the story but wife shouldn't be treated this way.
exactly, still messed up what the wife did but she feels remorseful for what she did. and idk why ppl aren’t questioning the ex like this. it’s weird.
I feel bad for the wife, she probably only saw the exes name and was like nope and blocked her and now she’s receiving so much hate for a simple mistake that anyone could have made. Especially being pregnant they are now adding a lot of stress towards her im honestly worried for her health all this stress could cause her to miscarry.
That’s not a simple mistake. She took away his choice to become a father, he took away a little girls father, he took a woman’s coparent and support. That was a nasty, deliberate and horrible thing to do. Not to mention the ex asked for money, meaning she’s not doing so great. She deserves the backlash. The separation is good in that it takes her away from some of the stress for the sake of the baby. But she deserves very little sympathy for altering the lives of 3 people.
@@ViciousNer no the little girl’s mother did that.
we'll never know, I would not be able to trust her now though. 5 years is a really long time to miss out on.
@@ViciousNer if the ex wanted op to know about his daughter she would of found a way to tell him. very high chance the text didn't read "I'm pregnant its urs your move" its most likely it was something like "hey we need to talk text me" and she deleted and blocked. for example, if someone wasn't answering your text from that you could easily assume their number has changed or you were already blocked.
@@avacrews6604 this.
What I don’t understand is why the ex reached out to his mother for money for the child if she didn’t want him to be involved in the child’s life? Like “I’m getting a lawyer and filing for full custody” but he wouldn’t have even known if you hadn’t reached out to his mother for financial support? And if that’s the case then why not just write him off? She doesn’t want him to be involved with her child yet is demanding child support? She can’t fault him for not knowing due to his wife’s decision. She either wants the support from him for their daughter and let him be involved or she cuts ties and keeps the daughter from him. He did good by finding a lawyer for himself though.
The court won’t give her full custody with no visitation. They will ask why she didn’t try harder. This guy’s in such a shit storm that it sounds like he created tbh!
Courts like ensuring kids have access to Mum and Dad, that’s a fact and any family court attorney, lawyer, will tell you the same. BUT they may give them 50/50, which I wouldn’t say is ideal either.
hey i‘m not sure what you mean by the shit storm that he created? yeah i mean they assuming had unprotected sex but he didn’t choose to not have contact with his daughter for five years.
How did he create it???? He didn’t delete the messages. What did he do wrong
This is in no way his fault, and you claiming it is makes it appear as though you did not watch the entire video. Please rewatch it, more carefully this time. He did not know about this child, as his wife deleted all textual evidence from the ex. It can not be his fault if he was not aware of the existence.
@@Hallkaitlynm yes and no. The ex could be trying to keep her kid safe from him for some reason since he did say that he wasn't the best in the relationship, which led to the ex thinking he didn't want the child in his life or/and is the reason why she took so long to tell him when she was pregnant to only decide to sue him 5 years later. Also the wife might have been a scapegoat. The op's pov lacks details and is contradictory at parts. For example if his mom hated the ex why would the ex have her contact info or etc. Also why would the family automatically attack the wife instead of asking for her side, acting like adults, being angry at op or being angry at the ex who didn't try hard enough to get in contact before hand and is suing someone from their family.
The court will not give him 50 custody visitation rights at the most not after being absent father for 5 years we do not know how many times she tried to contact him cuz she was blocked he would have to pay back child support first the court will look at the mother and see that she raised her daughter 5 years by herself the courts and good lawyer could argue that he actually deleted the message to avoid the responsibility of fatherhood
Or just a different thought would be maybe the ex sent a hey we have something we need to talk about text first before she went to send a hey im pregnant text, so maybe the wife read like a message without information about the pregnancy and was like oh no im not letting his ex talk to him and by the time she sent a pregnancy text she had already been blocked so the wife truly didn't have the information and didn't honestly know about the baby
But at the end of the day I understand it's a shitty situation and the pregnant woman should have informed his mom maybe sooner to get some help with baby.
Don't come for me I'm just trying to throw out an idea that wasn't put up with the video !!!
This was my first thought I feel like you don’t shoot a text that says "I’m pregnant with youre kid". I’d bet it’s more like "hey I have something I really need to talk to you about". Either scenario she shouldn’t have done it but one is significantly worse lol
Considering the wife's friends have dropped her, I think the wife must have a history of doing sneaky things to manipulate situations...this event was the the tipping point.
You never know about friends though. Not everyone has friends that should fall under the word friend. For example the fact that the wife felt the need to hide and lock herself up at home after the social media exposure by her sister-in-law speaks volumes to some extent.
Another thing that might have happened and I've saw happen with some people that i knew, was that her friends are phony and busy making themselves look morally good. When something like what happened to expose the wife as wrong, the friends distanced themselves. it's not always about the wife being manipulative or etc... that is shown through her friends. People can make bad friends who look for a chance to drop you. Especially since this situation looks like her friends didn't just distance themselves from her but somewhat turned on her. She's pregnant at the time, so even if she did something like that in the past the reactions she got from people, especially the ops family is messed up. who airs family dramas like this when a pregnant womans involved. i question the op tbh, he did say he had a bad relationship with his ex on his part. So after what he's allowing to happen to his wife i wouldn't be surprised if the mans not good news for either women. But idk, i just felt erked when they were reading out what the op was saying. It was like he was justifying himself but at the same time dragging himself down. For example the whole saying that your wife has done alot for you and has been there for you, but the povs been written excluding a lot of worry about the wife too. or maybe thats just me and my lack of experience with povs
@@anisa3277 I think you're kind of overlooking the core here. She betrayed his trust. There would never be a good time to reveal that. My gut says she lied and that the friends just are done for that. My gut tends to be right so... I'll stick to that.
@@AppleStrawberryLove You can stick to that, but at the end of the day i have to acknowledge that we don't know these people and I can't put idealised morals or situations into my head that involves them. After all gut or not, we're guessing. But the guy admitted to not being great when he talked about his relationship with his ex and said that his wife helped him through many difficult events during his life. Also the fact that the pastor of the wife's was the one reaching out spoke to me. So i guessed that the wife is more likely a better person than this situation is letting us see her to be and something is wrong with op is more likely true. So when it comes to friends that end up becoming like this from the get go of finding out... its kinda off putting when thinking about what the word friend actually means. You'd at least expect them to reach out to the wife and say something or ask about the situation. But they just went against her.
@@anisa3277 I think you're being naive and missing major red flags. These aren't "idealized morals." These are basic things we learn as children. Don't violate someone's privacy and autonomy and don't lie. We teach children from birth practically to knock on doors before entering (aka, respect others' privacy). We teach children to not touch others without permission or control their friends (respect others' autonomy). We teach children to not lie and cover up when they messed up. She should have known better. And I think you're underplaying how drastic a violation of trust this is. To be frank, she's lying STILL. She read it, we all know that she likely saw the notification which was how she became aware of the text without him also knowing about it, unlocked the phone and then had to go into the conversation to delete the message and block. The easiest way to delete a message is to find a conversation which then has YET ANOTHER PREVIEW OF THE TEXT before opening it. And honestly, easiest way to block someone is through the text chain usually. So more than likely, it was block then delete the chain. To block, you usually have to open the chain, tap the sender, then sometimes go into yet another menu to find the block button. So then she's opening this text chain which will display the most recent message in full. There is no way she didn't read it at that point. It's one thing that she read it. It's another that she deleted it without his input or knowledge. It's still another that she blocked the ex without his input. No matter how bad the relationship with the ex was, it was never her right to read his private communication, determine that it was not to be viewed by him (restricting his knowledge of information concerning him), and block the other party (restricting his access to others). The fact that she then hid it by not bringing it up for five years speaks to her not viewing this as abnormal or a violation of her partner's trust in any way. Again, it's not like she came clean on her own. She was confronted with the knowledge of it and then admitted to it. Also in egregious trust violations, the amount of good someone has done you is not a factor. That doesn't matter if you can't trust them. And she just proved that she cannot be trusted not only with his personal communications, but also with critical information and to be honest if she messes up. Plus, I don't find it odd that even if this was the only instance of her acting like this that the friends all distanced themselves. It was just shown that they could not trust her to not only not violate privacy, but also to be honest with them. That's two major issues for any relationship to conquer, platonic or romantic. It threw her entire character into question. How well do they know her if they didn't know she was capable of doing this? How much can they trust her to not do similar things to them? Will she try to control who is allowed in their social circle? And frankly, if someone did this to me, I would be doing the same no matter how long the friendship was. Because that person just showed me that I could not trust them to not violate my privacy, to allow me to make my own decisions on what is best for me, to allow me to make decisions on whom I allow into my life, and to be honest with me. Any one of those would be a deal breaker for many people, but all four? Yeah, I'm not shocked that she's being ostracized. And frankly: she kinda deserves it. She controlled his behavior by preventing his access to his daughter by keeping him in the dark that she even existed. And others without their blinders on likely realize she's lying about "not reading the text" as well. So not only has she been dishonest in the past, they know she is still being dishonest. She's showing that she still can't be trusted. If others don't want to associate with her because of those actions, she has no one to blame but her. Also also, the behaviors she's shown here can be read as early warning signs of abuse.
@@AppleStrawberryLove naive? so you did put in malicious intent into your opinions to raise your own self esteem... kinda petty... given that I'm the one trying to go for unbias and objective, yet I'm naive for looking at things from more then one angle. Also ppl do look at eachothers phones as a sign of trust, you know... there are alot of reasons. The op gave a sus pov, so he's wrong tooo ... tbh between us, you are clearly the one giving naive viewpoints
My thing though is, she is pregnant, she reaches out once? Screw that, I would be at his steps with court papers for him to sign stating he doesn’t want to be in my babies life. Why just message once.
I think that she did read the text . I understand the rest of the family ostracizing her but I think if even her friends have distanced themselves , that she probably told them the truth . Friends would understand a “harmless” mistake that happened to have disastrous consequences . They must know the truth and are disgusted .
That’s hard to share the text but that dad deserved to meet his child.
No one deserves access to children. Childrens safety and security trumps the parent’s feelings.
Obviously his ex didn't think so or it would have happened.
I kind of feel like she didn’t read the text (or not the entire text at least) it probably started off with something like “we need to talk” and she didn’t give it a second thought besides telling someone they’re going to be a father over a text message seems like an odd thing to do so she probably soundly have even thought of that as a possibility when deleting the text
No what she didn't read it... NO WAY... my phone always shows texts ... and so do most phones... if not all of them... she deleted it because she felt threatened, I'm sure! If she's already telling him about what she did, then she should tell him everything... and yes, they need couples therapy...
And she is selfish af... I grew up without my dad and it is horrible... she deleted the message and by that she caused a woman to raise a child alone (which is unbelievable hard, my mom was a single mom too... you can't believe how hard that is and how much you have to struggle as a single mom)
But also the child... they never had the opportunity to bond with their father... I'm 20 today I struggle with my father not being there for my almost daily... She possibly ruined the future relationship between a father and their child and affected their entire future...
How can you do that to a child just because of a relationship... even if you ended up marrying them, she choosed her own "I don't want to break up with him" over the basic needs of a child 😳
Your right all phone shows text but not all the way. She could have read the part that showed and it could have said something like "Hey we really need to talk". Also, what did he tell her about his ex? When I was dating my husband for a year or two his horrible ex messaged him while he was asleep for work. Every time her name came up he would get really upset because she was really abusive to him. So I deleted the message and made sure the new account she made just to message him was blocked. Which was a good thing because she then found me and messaged me with some bs trying to cause drama and lie about my husband saying he was still seeing her physically and all that bs when in reality she did not know that he had moved 4 states away right before we got together.
I’m so jealous of how comfy you guys always look.
I wrote a really long comment in which I said I don’t think the ex is is in the wrong at all and I was thinking about it. When you’re blocked I think If you send a message or call you get a message that says ‘this number doesn’t allow your number to contact them or something like that.’ So it’s possible that the ex called or texted after the initial text and found out she was blocked. At that point it’s reasonable to assume he knew about the situation.
It depends. I know that I’ve blocked people and they have had no idea that their texts weren’t going through because it appears to go through on their end.
@@Tanya-sj3vy that’s good information. But still with no response I’d still assume he got the message and was choosing to stay away. We don’t actually know that she only sent one message we just know the wife deleted the first message. Do you know what would happen if you try and call a number you’re blocked on?
@@SCordova19 I just tried it. I blocked my wife and had her try calling me. It went right to voicemail and the voicemail didn’t come through on my phone.
@@Tanya-sj3vy so potentially the ex also left a voicemail that never went through. Thanks for for the info!
He didn't run into any of her friends over the 5 yrs? Their mutual friends? Her family members? Odd. Sad for the baby, but I think the ex is just as manipulative and calculating as the wife.
i don't think the wife is manipulative and calculating i mean given how op talks about her she seems like the type of person that would of told him the ex was pregnant (if she knew) that being said she shouldn't of deleted anything on his phone without permission..
You know, there is other ways to tell a person they have a child other than a text message and waiting almost 9 months to do so. She could have gone to the courts much earlier and Sopena him. He could have gotten this all figured out much sooner, had the mom also done more than just try and text him. This isn't just the fault of his current wife, or him, the mother of his child also has a reasonability to let all parties know of their reasonability's. The mother/ex is not innocent in this either. I almost get a Jerry Springer vibe, she was with another dude, tried to tell him she was his, found out, she wasn't then decided, "well let's go knock on the other guys door again". She had 5 years (including her pregnancy) in more ways then one to let him know. Yeah, the Ex most likely read, but maybe the message didn't say she was prego and was hey we need to talk or something. Honestly I would be more pissed at my Ex for taking so long to do more to reach me, then I would with my wife for having an insecurity of sorts 5 years ago.
yep, it's definitely all sus. Just imagining the op saying the wife should get therapy from deleting his ex that was trying to get back into his life is sketchy. It wasn't a good thing to do, but we all know what would have been going through her head and we know multiple excuses. But the consequences the 5 year old had to deal with is still pretty hard to get over. Now the couples broke from looking for a lawyer, but they ended up having the wife's pastor reaching out. I mean what's the therapy for. Hey, Im like a week and 5 months pregnant, but i feel guilty from this thing i did or did not realise i did do to my husband, so i need some help from all the hate that made me isolate my pregnant self alone in my house. Ops not giving us all the information on what's happened, so it's annoying. It feels like the while pov is him saying he's a redeemed soul.
@@anisa3277 also the way he talks about his wife it seems like if the wife thought the text message was more than just the ex wanting to talk to and seem him she would of told him.
How would you even block someone without opening the message?
this is a wild one and i definitely feel so bad for the OP. i really don’t think she didn’t read it. we have all been there. but i do feel bad for the wife bc people do change over a short span of 5 years. i hope they seek the counseling they need to make it work and the ex can learn to forgive the OP
same with me. i feel bad for both.
I do to, and I still feel like it’s ironic the ex came in when the wife was pregnant
It’s really not that rash for a girl to block her man’s ex after seeing a text. :/ especially if it’s THAT soon they got together and that he and his ex hooked up
There are so many ways the BM could have contacted him about paternity, so while the wife should not have blocked and deleted the messages, the BM should have served him. She had an obligation to tell him and just from the video it sounds like BM stopped about the text.
Send a fucking letter. Wifey can't legally get rid of that evidence.
I’m thinking that she didn’t really want him in the picture in the first place so she gave up after 1 attempt based on from what she said at the first meet up
I'm mixed on the not going through someone's phone thing. There have been a lot of people that find out their SO isn't particularly honest or forthcoming, by stumbling across something in their phone/computer/they left facebook up, whatever. Just earlier today I read a video where a guy found out his wife was cheating on him after he caught her in multiple lies, and only then did he track her/hire a PI. And even then, after he had photographic proof, she still tried to lie!
My husband and I both have all of each other's passwords, I've accidentally seen some of his messages, and when I apologize, he laughs and says he doesn't care, there's nothing there I can't see. I think if you have nothing to hide (not including, of course, work-related privacy content), it's not a huge deal.
I think the problem with this is that not everyone is very public with their content. I grew up with helicopter parents who never let me have a smidge of privacy in any place anywhere regardless of if there was even POTENTIAL for me to do wrong, so now I am very anxious about people reading my messages. It has nothing to do with 'not having anything to hide' literally I will read out texts to my boyfriend all the time if it's something stupid or tell him about friends/send screenshots, but it's about consent for me. If I say it's ok to go through my phone, it's ok, but I don't think going through people's personal information is okay unless there is very glaring issues in terms of thinking the partner is cheating. And even THEN, hot take, if you think you have to dig through someone's phone to prove they're cheating, the trust in that relationship is already dead in the water and you probably should just break up and cut your losses.
I've opened husband's phone before. He's overslept and ran out the door as soon as he woke up. He was given a generous warning but next time pay might be deducted. Since then if he goes to bed much earlier than usual I double check his alarms. In my defense I did find his alarms off on two occasions.
@@dekuwashi So did I. I also write, and they would read my book out loud and mock me, not even joking.
That's part of why my husband and my level of openness and actual trust (not the bs my parents spouted) is so refreshing and freeing to me.
@@KE-hr4sb I can respect that! I just would feel a crippling amount of anxiety no matter how much I trust my boyfriend. I have the same mentality with my sisters who I grew up with and they actually treated me properly. People are just different ig haha
@@dekuwashi I can definitely understand that! There is plenty my parents did to screw me up that I still feel anxiety over, lol. I hope it gets better for you, anxiety sucks!
I couldn’t stayed married to anyone who tries to play God with my life for selfish antics and schoolyard insecurities.
True but we don't know what the text said because for all we know the text could have said hey can we meet up. ' because blurting out your pregnant over text isn't the best way to do it. So for all we know the wife could have thought that the ex wanted to get back together with her boyfriend. I am not says what she did was right but it is a chance.
idk the way he talks about his wife is like she would of told him if she saw the text was anything on that scale + with that logic you wouldn't be able to talk to the ex mother of your child because she tried to text you 2 weeks before giving birth (meaning she had 9 months to get in touch) and she also didn't try anything else in 5 years. if she wanted to get him involved she would of.
Im probably the only one. But I think the ex suing is in the wrong also. Telling someone via text? And then 5 years later wanting all the childsupport? Did she not know where he lived? Im sorry but thats wrong also
Moral of the story don't rely on TEXTS for important critical information!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Depending on the state. She can't get full custody AND still expect child support. Child support is for parents that are still expected to be in the child's life. I should know. My oldest dad wants my boyfriend to have full custody so he doesn't have to pay child support. So she can't have it both ways, idk what she thought this was lol
well that’s not true full custody doesn’t stop child support (their is no way to not pay child support unless the child is adopted) however if someone pays child support they have a case for partial custody or at least visitation
@@mindyshowing1414 In some states is does, I should know I have family that are lawyers for child support cases specifically. That's why I said SOME STATES cause I know not all states have those same laws
Hi, love your videos and they actually made me start using my Reddit again! A question, where is your couch from? I love it
If he pays child support in most cases the ex cannot deny him visitation.
This episode is about "CONSEQUENCES"!
To not have read it is so so so dumb. What if she was telling him about an STI? But she read it.
Most announcements to baby daddy’s aren’t just outright saying you’re pregnant you generally start with a ‘hey we need to talk’
No one is holding the guy responsible. He could have been a complete a hole with his ex. Now he is the poor victim? I don’t trust the OP.
Question. How can you hold someone responsible if they didn’t know
And if he was? That doesn't realtl change that he had a CHILD he didn't know about because his wife was insecure and selfish. I think they even sais in the video that the guy admitted he wasnt the best BF to the ex, but that doesn't mean he shouldnt have known about his kid
@@mysticdigital5936 i think they're moreso talking about the fact that the op is kinda making the same mistake with his now pregnant wife. Yes the wife did do something bad, no we can't exactly say how bad that thing is, because we don't know if the wife read a message explicitly stating that the ex had a baby. But the op is the one that isn't protecting his now wife from people like his family. if the op really cares about his child with the ex i find it hard to believe that he's not focusing on anyone in his pov, just feels like he's justifying himself and trying to look like someone who fixed himself. I want to believe that he's publishing this to get help on what he should be doing now for the court case for the child, rekindling with his child, or to help his now self confined wife or etc...
The guys narrating his story like he's a victim, when in fact he should be more concerned with the 5 year old child and what's happening with them or his 21 week pregnant wife.
This is a very sad story to hear one thing I realized if I ever have something very important to say to someone like this it needs to be a face to face or phone call, text messages are not the way to go people can’t be trusted these days obviously 🙄
She definitely saw that message and deleted it bc she didn’t want the ex in his life at all. What a selfish piece of shit. It’s possible to coparent with someone and not be in love with them.
ok if we are assuming she saw the text are we also assuming the text said that his ex was pregnant? we don't know what op said about his ex and so the wife thought it was best. that being said ex sent that message 2 weeks before giving birth and she also if ex wanted to tell him that bad she would of. ex is manipulative and is only getting in contact for his money.
Kinda impossible to delete a new message and block someone without reading the text
The ex can't have it both ways. The ex could have found other ways to tell him if he did answer to text.
Everyone saying she should have tried harder, she was blocked. She must have thought that was a sign from him to go away.
This one hit close to home because my dad died when I was 4 yrs old, and he never got to meet me. I always wondered if he felt bad he wasn’t involved. Guess we’ll never know.
She 1000% read that text. There's absolutely no way she didn't. That poor man
I don’t get why people are hating on the ex. Imagine: you break up, you move on. You realize you’re pregnant. You tell him. He blocks you. If it was me I’d move on and try and figure it out myself. But once realizing that he’s decided he’s gonna have another child after watching my child be fatherless for 5 years, I’d reach out to the mother too. let her know that she has a grandchild from me as well. How is that sneaky or insecure? If anything it’s being fueled by the rejection your child has faced. It’s probably anger more than anything
No one’s hating on the ex
@@ohsnapitzari2318 most comments are. They’re assuming she was drama, even though the poster said he was a bad bf with a history of ignoring her. It’s weird. She’s also a victim of the wife.
it's because of the timings and how people are saying she would have realised she'd been blocked or asked for child support earlier only to try and sue him when his wife is pregnant. I think the ops whole pov is at fault. Alot has clearly been left out. Guy was like his mother hated his ex, but ex somehow reached out. Idk why she would have the contact of someone who hates her after 5 years. The op is sketchy, he's practically asking to be seen as a guy who's redeemed himself, but left his now pregnant alone to deal with his families hate alone whilst looking for a lawyer
I honestly can’t even think of a way in which you delete a message without seeing some part of it
What's hard is that they're separated over this, the wife is currently pregnant and is getting a lot of stress from everyone around her. Little support system when it was going to be moments of happiness (hopefully) of having a new child. Who will come to a baby shower? Who will support her in pregnancy besides her mother? For this to come out while she's pregnant is ironic to say the least. She maybe feels extra guilty considering this fact.
If I were him, I would tell everyone to stop giving her outright grief about this for the health of the pregnancy and that it's an issue between them that involves few others. It was wrong, he should be mad, she should feel guilty, but they're in the process of dealing with it. People are allowed to have opinions but it sounds like it complicates everything in the process. He could stand up for her in this way even when she's in the wrong.
Even when he's talking about his priorities and what he's thinking about, she's dead last with his daughter being first (understandably), ex second, then family, and wife last.
He has a chance not to let down another kid and he is going to do it again...
She got herself into this mess, it is not his job to defend her or stand up for her selfish actions.
@@mysticdigital5936 it is his job. Imagine thinking the woman carrying your second child should be under so much stress that she loses the only other chance to have one of your children in your life.
This all just boils down to boundaries. She shouldn’t have been deleting anything on his phone, especially without his say so. Stay out of your partners’ phone.
No one can resist reading a text from the ex
The girlfriend knew he had a child. He didn’t. How can you keep a secret like that for five years?
Oh she absolutely read that text.
I have always been in the "if you feel like you need to go through the phone, break up with them" camp, until He had a surprise text late at night I never ever would have thought was another woman. It was where I thought my phone was (ours look similar) and I thought it was mine. He and I are engaged still and it sparked some pretty strong therapy to figure out where the desire to even consider talking to another one was coming from. I still feel a little weird, but there has been so much growth that came from me accidentally going through his texts and I just hope I'm not wrong this time 🤷🏼♀️
Girl leave! He’ll do it again I can guarantee it. Therapy or not.
@@chanellover2143 lol we just broke off the engagement 4 days ago. 3 months before the wedding. Men ain't shit
What if the first message was just a general “what’s up” the GF read it and blocked it, and the Ex sent the pregnant text soon after…
I will always give someone the benefit of the doubt , I don’t think she read it and if she did read it I don’t think it said I’m pregnant . But at this point he loves his wife and she is pregnant so I think therapy and try to be involved in child’s life and have a family Is the way to go .
He'll get visitation. Even if he did know and refused to be involved, the ex would still likely get at the very least the minimum visitation for that state (in CA it's every Wednesday and every other weekend) unless the ex is able to prove he's unfit in someway to be a parent and is a danger to the child's wellbeing. He may not get overnights for awhile until the child knows him, but he may also get overnights right away.
He also likely won't have to pay back child support because she didn't ever try to get child support from him, or even prove paternity.
He needs to shut his family up, forgive his pregnant wife, and negotiate with his baby mama. What she did was wrong, yes, but I would take her at her word on how it happened. At the end of the day, she’s his pregnant wife who needs him and the woman he loves the most of all. Baby mama truly is coming out just for money and removal of rights- I bet that’s all she wanted to begin with. As for his family… they should not be so comfortable attacking his pregnant wife. For me, that would earn them a ban from baby visitation if they didn’t cut it out/mind their own business when told to. SIL is an ass for posting about it. This is a private matter between the couple and ex- nothing for commentary or speculation.
I'm not sure this will end well for OP if his ex doesn't want to coparent with him. It's easy to sway kids to one side or another, even if he's not a bad person and wants to be a dad. Sounds like a life of a troubled child and resentment, on top of the whole wife situation and her baby.
even if he knew and was a dead beat for 5 years the court isn't gonna say he cant have visation if he wants to start being present thats just not how it works unless abusive was involved.
The thing is if the wife read the text, her note about being immature now doesn't track-- because that means for the last five years she's had the opportunity to be a mature person who was willing to own up to what she'd done. The fact that she didn't tells me she hasn't really grown in character.
She didn’t read the message really think about, if she truly read it she wouldn’t have went on to marry him knowing he had a kid with someone else. She saw the name it was probably paragraphs she didn’t care to read through deleted them and blocked her. If I was dating someone I would’ve took it as oh you’re trying to get back with him no his mine. I don’t think she did it maliciously to keep his kid away. Because obviously child support would’ve went through my mind if I read the messages and knew it was his child.
He will probably get supervised visits to begin with.
That all sounds WAY too fishy.. his mom thought he had a kid he knew about and DIDN’T TELL HER!!!
There are times where it’s understandable. There’s times I’ve used my man’s phone and messages pop up that you can read without even tapping on it or if you have good reasons to expect something.
Tbh he should divorce his wife and sue her
i’m confused on why OP needs a lawyer? the baby mama wants child support and full custody, why does he want to fight that??? does he want full custody? or he doesn’t want to pay child support? everybody is feeling bad for this dude but the fact that he wants to get a lawyer and fight her in court bc she needs money for the kid and doesn’t want a random man popping up in her kids life??????
Well if it isn't his fault he didn't know, he probably doesn't want to pay five years worth of child support. Plus, I understood it as if he wanted to be involved and get visitation hours. Truth be told, if she wanted to she could've contacted his mother sooner and get that money. I believe she felt very, very hurt, however this wasn't just about these two, but also about the baby... If anyone should be paying for those missed 5 years, it's his wife.
The ex wanted to keep the child after their relationship was over. Now whether she wants to raise the child on her own or wants to raise it together irrespective of her choice she has to inform the father. Bc if she plans to take the full custody ever and she had not informed the father of the child's birth, it can very possibly be used against her in court. The father could claim he was never informed in any way so she should not get full custody and he should be able to excercise his parental rights.
So there is a chance that instead of saying things like 'hey, lets meet up' or 'hey, we need to talk' or 'i'm pregnant its your's' or something like that she could have typed a single long message that informs him of the situation and her stance on it. Now this message could have started casual or something which could be the part the wife read and it prompted the current wife in believing that the ex is trying to get back or may be simply intruding in her current husband's life. Or she could have simply ignored altogether like she said bc it was a long message then deleted it and blocked her to stop her from annoying her then bf.
The ex could have tried contacting the op to find his stance after recieving that message but finding that she could not reach him after he read the message in her pov could be an indicator that he wanted nothing to do with her and her child. In case that she was only planning of letting him know out of formality this is sufficient. I'm not surprised she didn't seek him until she had to bc she could not make ends meet. Even then she contacted him through his mother and even after her and the op met she wants full custody which proves she really doesn't want anything to do with him.
Basically its a messed up situation where all three could be right in their own stances although the current wife could not be excused for deleting the message and blocking the ex w/o her current husband's knowledge.
The only time I'm tempted to go through my husband's phone is when I know he's bought me something (cos he's talking about it) but I don't know what. Surprised from a romantic partner are triggering. So he usually doesn't do that, or gives me a general idea of what it is. (DV survivor.)
The good news is if the mom puts him on child support he is entitled to visitations with that child. She can’t put him on child support and keep the child from him. Paying child support gives you parental rights unless you’re a danger to the child.
If the baby's mom didn't want him involved and wants no contact then why did she reach out to his mother and open that up? Sounds like there's more drama than we know.
As far as going through your partners phone, I personally had a hard time trusting anybody after being cheated on several times (by several different people). After I met my husband and was with him a couple months, I felt so much better after seeing what he had on his phone. He was respectful in every way to me and our relationship, and I wouldn’t have known for sure if I hadn’t done that. He was also cheated on in the past and understood. He didn’t even bat an eye that I did it, which made me trust him even more. I haven’t done it in years because I know I can trust him 100%. Idk if I could’ve let my self fall for him or anybody without that confirmation.
With that being said, she 100% saw the text and is a bad person.
She read it, she knew her husband had a kid out there. I don't feel sorry for the wife, what she did was horrible. She took away ops choice to decide if he wanted to be in that child's life or not
The wife owned up to deleting the text. It was 5 years ago she could have just kept her mouth shut about it. Yet she owned up to it.
she is lying 1000% she knew exactly what she did
She read it. That's why she blocked it.
So the wife definitely read the text. She blocked her she knows what was in that message. Now as to why she would go so far as to block her when my husband and i were dating his ex started texting him knowing we were together and happy saying all this crap how she loved him and hes her best friend and whatever. My husband showed me what she was saying and i responsed to her with him sitting right next to me telling her to shove off and than proceeded to block her. The blocking was completely my decision and i did it without saying anything to my husband that i was going to i blocked her because i wanted her to leave my husband than boyfriend alone. Now he did ask why i blocked her since i didnt say to him before doing it i was going to so i get why she blocked her but she definitely shouldnt have especially with it saying she was pregnant!
Which episode is this from?
Okay so here's the thing. I was at a point in my life where I honestly might have done the same thing in that situation simply out of jealousy. I'm typically of the mind where if I don't want to know the answer, I'm not asking the question; therefore I likely would have deleted without reading. I'm at a vastly different point in my life and have done a lot of healing, so I wouldn't even look at the message let alone his phone. So, it is plausible. Because you would have read it, doesn't mean everyone would.
I think OP's ex only came back because she wanted money. She could have sued him for child support anytime after the child was born and since she had the mothers number says she really wasn't interested I'm finding him.
Family Court is going to do what is in the best interest of the child. If OP lives nearby, is going to pay backlogged child support money, and is willing to time share with the birth mother, more likely than not the Family Court is going to grant him visitation- even if it is monitored. It's in a child's best interest to have 2 advocates and 2 figures in their life, especially when the father has no criminal record and had no idea his ex had a baby to begin with. It explains why he wasn't there. They may not allow visitation of OP's first kid around the new wife, though, since she's shown negative bias against the child. New wife for sure read the text, and she is completely in the wrong. OP's ex should've went to court sooner, rather than later, and I don't understand why she wouldn't. It's difficult for her to get backlogged child support if she never made an effort to have him pay in the first place. It's a legal mess, this case. OP's ex should've done something sooner and went to the mom sooner. Why did it take 5 years to ask for money?
My relationship has a open phone policy and we go through each others phones sometimes, and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. I disagree with Morgan 100% you and your partner shouldn’t have to hinge there hiding
I get what your saying but i disagree relationships are about trust if you cant trust your partner and have to personally look through their phone then it proves u dont trust them but thats just my take.
Just because something works for you, doesn’t mean it works for everyone. It’s perfectly fine to casually be on your partner’s phone, but to go to the lengths that OP’s wife did is inexcusable. Each person needs their own privacy, and to decide to go through their phone without saying something just proves that there is unfortunately a lack of full trust.
Yeah there are definitely instances where going through someone's phone is justified but it's also definitely an exception, not the rule. It should only be considered if you've exhausted your other options.
Most judges will not do child support without the parent paying it having some visitation. Especially because he didnt know and he wants to be involved and is willing to pay child support.