This story is so important to share. Not for the Mormon ties but because it highlights the fact that many mothers who give up a child for adoption- its the most challenging decision of their entire lives. One they never stop thinking about. I like Mormon stories and I'm a never-Mo. It's because you tell HUMAN stories here & do such an incredible job of allowing folks the time/space to tell their story. ❤ Thank you for being a space for that for people.
Just me, bawling my eyes out, while Andrew read the letters to and from his birth and adoptive mothers... What a beautiful story of courageous and loving people.
Andrew, your emotions are perfect; you’re a beautiful example of how men can be honest and unthreatened by how overwhelming human emotions can be. Keep being you ❤
Oh gosh!! I am crying so deeply. Not only did i divorce my first husband only when my Son was 18 months old and feeling like i just wasn’t financially secure and bringing him with me out into the world just the two of us and placing him with his father for years, but my Son at 15 and his 14 yr old girlfriend had a child out of wedlock and placed Emmalee for adoption. I held my little baby granddaughter for one minute and placed her back in the arms of her biological mother who then placed her daughter in the arms of the beautiful parents who adopted her. I knew only the first names of the parents. She’s now 26 years old and i am grandma who now has a beautiful relationship with her. She’s a singer like me. She’s a hairdresser like me and we have so many things in common. My heart ❤️ is feeling so much emotion. This podcast is so beautiful. Thank you for being so opened to share this personal story.
I was raised Mormon in Salt Lake City area. My parents were super fanatical Mormons. I was raped when I was 15. My dad tried to make me marry the guy who raped me and the Mormon church had a huge influence on this whole situation. I was forced to give my child up for adoption . It Has taken many years to heal from this betrayal from my family and my religion. I’m no longer Mormon anyway I did end up meeting the Son that I gave up for adoption. Being forced to give my child up for adoption was the most as soul shattering event of my life. Of course, I am no longer Mormon… I had to get out in the world and find healing and a different place and space. I’m glad you’re looking more deeply into adoption and the Mormon church.
Im sorry to hear about what you went through. I too was raped and convinced by a bishop that I had just sinned, pressured to give my baby for adoption. I worked 60 hours a week and didn't qualify for benefits so because my family wouldn't help me I had no choice. I see her sometimes but it hurts I couldn't raise her myself. I'm glad I picked a good family for her but now she is stuck in a religion I know longer believe in and that hurts to know the indoctrination she is being taught
@@whittlesmcskittles5791 my son did find me the day before his 25th birthday. And I did get to meet him. He was also raised by a Mormon family… But the family that raised him was not as fanatical is my family so he is more of a sort of jack Mormon. I don’t know if they’re called that now thank God he’s not as wrapped up in the religion as my family was.
I’m so sorry you had to endure all of that horrific trauma. U didn’t deserve that!. Sending love and hugs to u now and as u hopefully move thru your healing journey.
I’m not Mormon and never have been but my bio dad is. Blessed to be adopted by a non-Mormon dad but also blessed to find my bio dad as a teen❤. Im not crying during this entire video you are.
As an adoptive mom of a 14 yr old boy. Words and feelings can’t describe how I feel about his bio mom. She has had a tough life. Drugs alcohol and homelessness. However her sacrifice to choose a better life for him. She also chose us. She may not be the greatest human, regardless she is my hero. She had a strength within to choose us as parents and give her child to us to raise. There were visitations. And watching her hold him and the way she looked at him with such a soft loving look. The sacrifice she made is not lost on me. She is always in my thoughts and prayers. I wish she could’ve kept her life straight and continue visits. It’s been 10 years now since she last didn’t show for a visit. But how can I blame her. That she gave up an amazing human, and didn’t want to be reminded of it. ❤
Amazing! I listened on a road trip today and was surprised I actually cried a couple times. I'm adopted as well and have so many things in common with Andrew. Thank you! ❤
Open Stories Foundation monthly donor here, glued to Utube with every episode, and a NEVER MORMON…this by far is/was the most important story to tell. Andrew, thank you for sharing your heart.
Such a beautiful story of life. I cried through half of this podcast! Thank you for sharing ur story with the world! And thanks John and Margie for using Mormon Stories to share this amazing story and all the lives that it touch!
Beautiful. In tears here as ironically I continue to go through my beautiful late mums treasures. And my late Dad's too. I was indeed blessed. I was best friends with an adopted girl and her mum eventually became one of my best friends ever even after the youthful friendship finished. She became like another mother to me and cared for me and my family so much. I again was priviledged to have two wonderful women in my life whom I miss dearly. And unlike mormons I do believe we will all meet up on the great wherever one day those conversations ain't finished! What a lovely episode and a lovely person and margis empathy was so nice also. Cc
I am so glad that I watched this. I am the parent of adopted twin boys. We adopted them through foster care, but have so much love for their biological mother. We try to keep in touch and hopefully someday the situation will be right for her to meet my boys. Andrew, thank you for your courage, your bravery, and your humbling vulnerability. I don’t know you personally, but your story gives me a hope.
This episode was very impactful for me. I had to watch it over 3 days. I feel privileged to have been able to learn about this wonderful human & his life thus far. Thank you for sharing with me.
Andrew, thank you for sharing your story! I also was adopted and there are so many parts of your story that I 100% can relate to. It’s fun to hear another adoptee’s story who had the same or very similar experiences. I think the only real difference between our stories is the timeline in which we experienced our faith crisis as I was still quite young when I stopped believing in the church. But again, thank you for sharing and I wish you and your family all the best!! ❤
I feel such pride in your success to be yourself and learned to bypass the power to bring fear and shame into his feeling about himself and life itself. Love☕️ on me.
That letter is not "wrapped up in Mormon theology." It's the pure expression of a soul who has captured the true essence of what a mother is: unselfish unconditional love unto death. It's lovely. We can all learn from this. ❤
Thank you for this wonderful interview. My first name is Andrew and I was named after my grandpa who died on his job repairing power lines. I’m so proud of that name. My grandfather was an electrical engineer but lived in the desert and wanted to go to Harvard to obtain a degree but died in the accident. When I heard that about my grandfather I told my parents I would go to Harvard when I was five years old. When I graduated from college I dld do my graduate studies at Harvard and wrote a letter to my deceased grandpa and placed it on the head stone of his grave.
My first name is Andrew but I grew up in a tough city and Andrew was a fighting name because it was such an unusual name in my hometown. I learned to fight as I grew up.
What an incredibly moving story! I’m so happy for Andrew. Love to you and your family. Thanks MSP for making this possible. Thanks Andrew for being the generous and loving person that you are. I’m sure you will be a wonderful dad. And thinking your siblings are happy now that they’re able to hug you and have you in their lives.
I'm not Mormon or adopted and I teared up all throughout this interview. 😭So moving. All of the adults in this story seem to be emotionally mature and thoughtful - it was amazing to hear. Both mothers held so much love for you.
This interview hit me really hard for a lot of reasons. I identify a lot with Andrew's birth mother, and the circumstances she was in. And I identify with Andrew so much as well. Huge hugs to Andrew and his loved ones ❤
!!! IMPORTANT !!! PLEASE John!!! (And any other ppl who need to hear this.) As an adoptive mother of a now 17 yr old son, who we adopted at birth, I ask that we all use the more acceptable (and correct) language. The birth mother did NOT “give up” her baby. She **made an adoption plan**. You give away old clothes. Not much thought in it-I no longer need this shirt, I’ll give it to the thrift store. A birth mother puts a lot of thought, and tears, into this decision to MAKE A PLAN, or place her baby. My husband and I recently had a heartfelt conversation with our son. He asked if his birth mother made an adoption plan because she didn’t want him. Due to it being an open adoption, we could honestly, emphatically, say, “No!” She wanted you A LOT and it was a really tough decision. And... she knew that she could not take care of you.
We adopted our son through foster care, and unfortunately, his mother did not have a choice. Sometimes it is a plan, and sometimes it isn't. I do agree that it is so important how you speak about it.
I have finally been able to finish Andrew’s Mormon story today. I appreciate Andrew’s vulnerability and happy he had a good adoption. Both of his mothers sound amazing. ❤ Having also been adopted into a Mormon family but with lots of dysfunction I admit I was a bit envious and not sure I would listen to it all. I’m glad I did. He is bright and thoughtful. The world needs more young men like him.
Unfortunately, I was adopted by members of this cult. I was placed with them after they had already been denied an adoption, as they already had 3 bio sons. They absolutely should never had been allowed to adopt. My childhood was filled with neglect, beatings and a complete erasure of my identity. The woman, I can't bring myself to call her a mother or parent, met my bio mother and weaponized that against me my entire life. I have faced so many struggles as a result of their behaviours, even to this day. I have completely cut everyone of them off, even though they still attempt to contact me. They even tried to interfere with the process of me removing my mormon membership. Adoption itself is difficult enough without adding another layer of mindfu#$ery that is the mormon church. As a result of being placed in the care of those selfish, brainwashed individuals, I now struggle on a daily basis with diagnosed C-PTSD. I was robbed of my identity, security in this world and ability to trust. I want a redo
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm an adoptive mom. We love our son to pieces and can't imagine a family not treasuring the blessing of a child. We also so appreciate our son's birth mom. Sending love and healing thoughts.
Thank you for your kindness and for providing love and support to the adoption triad. I have heard of successful adoptions, which sounds like what you and your child have experienced.
I feel for you! I’m an overseas adoption story. Adopted into Mormonism. My father was a raging alcoholic. Lots of trauma and I saw so much hypocrisy growing up in the church. The feeling of shame for being biracial. This teaching from the church that I was a fence sitter in the preexistence, that somehow I chose these parents- all left me feeling conflicted and confused. The primary song - I am a child of god, the lines of “has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear” did nothing but hurt me. I left the church in my thirties and had my name removed in my 50s. Mormon stories has helped me so much in recognizing how deep and damaging to my identity the indoctrination was. The good news is- in 2018 because of DNA science I have found both my American fathers side and my Korean mothers side. (I’m a child of the Korean War). She was able to immigrate to this country in 1965. Only 7 short years after my adoption in the states. Both my bio parents died before I was able to meet them but my half siblings embrace me. I feel very lucky. Hang in there. I’m rooting for you to find peace and a feeling of belonging which I am fully aware, in a bad adoption is so difficult to find.❤
Thank you for sharing your story, even though it made my heart sad. I'm sending you huge hugs, if that's alright. One thing which recently came to me is that folks like us are much stronger than we realise. We are definitely survivors and that strength takes us a long way, even if we don't actually see it. I sincerely hope that you are living a good life now.
@@ManonMcGinty Your huge hug is welcome and I’m hugging right back! My early years in the church were so conflicted. I was also molested by my adoptive mother’s father. Thought it was my fault. Carried church guilt for many years. I often wondered why my parents adopted me. My poor adoptive mom was so beaten down by church patriarchy in the home by my adoptive father. I swore to myself I would never have a marriage like theirs. Time and eternity my As*! Leaving the church and getting therapy then finding Al-anon has been life saving. Yes! We are strong! We are not victims we are survivors. I am living such a better life now. I was so grateful you posted cause even tho I felt very happy for this young man having such wonderful adoptive and bio parents it brought home even more the incredible difference’s in my experience. It was a bit triggering for sure. Hoping your journey (and mine!) thru the rest of this life is full of peace, self understanding and loving kindness no matter what future trials we might face!
Andrew Fish, thank you so much for sharing your wonderful life and continuing journey with us. As the mother of a son through adoption, this really touched my heart. You so well described all the feelings and ins and outs of the loving bonds that cement the adopted parents, the adoptive children and the birth parents together, and this really touched my heart.
I was adopted from a Mormon family and adopted by a Mormon family. Birth family, totally dysfunctional. Adopted family… faithful to their deaths. I grew up saying, I’m special, I’m adopted. We are now post Mormons. Never been happier. (I really should be on your show!🤦♀️)
This touched my heart and soul, I can't stop crying. Sixteen years ago my daughter made the decision to place her son for adoption, she was only 16, the most painful event in her life and mine. He's loved by so many, we've been blessed with an open adoption. He lives a privileged life, one we would not have been able to provide for him. He is so loved.
Thanks for sharing your story. As an adoptive mom, it definitely touches my heart that my joy of adopting came from a place of pain for the birth mom. Thanks also for using the term, "place her son." It's a mission in my life to change the language. Birth moms, really birth parents, do NOT "give away" their babies, as you know from first hand experience.
@ Thank you. I don't like the term "gave her baby up" it hurts to hear that. You are blessed to have your child come into your family through the sacrifice of the birth parents. Though hard, my daughter made the best decision for her son.
Andrew, thank you for sharing your story. It’s so moving. It’s so clear that you are a deeply kind person you are. The relationship and mutual respect between your moms is a superb example of love. I’m sorry for the friction with your father. As a parent who doesn’t always agree with my eldest, I do understand his fear. But hearing you experience reminds me of how careful I have to be.
2:12:13 The talk he is referencing by President Nelson was given in general conference April 2019, “Come Follow Me”. This is the very talk that broke my shelf. The only thing I was really holding onto any longer in the church was the love of God. Not only did he put the fear of god into the minds and hearts of Parents but he also mocked “love”. He very clearly illustrates that Mormon God is legalistic more than he is loving.
Yep, that was the one! Part of what was so abhorrent to me about it, was where he talked about his daughter who was on her deathbed due to a terminal illness, and he remarked about how wonderful it was to be able to have this tender moment with her, knowing she'd been a faithful member who was dying a faithful member. And I just remember thinking, I shudder to imagine what a non-faithful child would have felt from him that moment; one step from the great unknown, and feeling a parent's disappointment and sorrow rather than loving comfort.
I lnow for me. Laughter is a way to deal with trauma. When something is so ridiculous, yet so hurtful, its a beautiful thing to just laugh. I don't know why it is, and again this is for me. If it isn't for you, that's absolutely valid. Just kept that in mind through this interview. He is an amazing person. Sending him and yall so much Love 💕 Edit: when you read the letters you had me in absolutely tears. Margi was 100% right. You are beautiful and perfect.
It's interesting that the phrase 'to start a family' in English usually refers to having children. To me, a couple is already a family whether with or without kids.
9:03 the Methodist preacher acknowledging the Mormon belief beyond death parting in their non Mormon wedding is huge, embracing daughters new belief and son in law's even though not his as officient
This is very similar to my story, except mine was 20 years earlier. I was never able to meet my biological mother, but have been able to know my older half sister. I had a wonderful childhood (which I am so thankful). I was given a great gift! I always felt that my bio mom was courageous to give me the best life. Thank you for this beautiful story, it hits very close to home and your emotions are very familiar.
2:44:23 Andrew, you and I have lived such oddly similar lives. The only difference besides gender is that my bio mom (although being adopted through LDSSS) was no LDS or Exmo but a deeply Southern Baptist woman. The kind that’s praising Jesus 100 times a day and says “bless their heart” til you want to strangle her. It should go without saying, I had to pull back away because all the god talk was too triggering for me at the time. I’m happy to hear that you are able to have a relationship with both your birth and earth mother. They sound like such beautiful loving souls. ❤
Two of my sisters had children "out of wedlock," as they used to say. They were forced to have them adopted out. Both sisters went through enormous pain afterwards.
This needs to be a short and also tiktok. As we leave, we need to be aware this is going to happen. When your parents go to tithing settlement they will find out you, as an adult, left the church
Bud 😱😱😱 at 1:15:35 I relate so much!! But it wasn't even my parents that were shaming me, it was an EFY experience where I was publicly shamed about the music I listened to. And it seriously profoundly impacted me and threw me deep into shame and even worse into indoctrination. I decided to be the perfect daughter of God and that's what I did-- of course losing myself in the process. And sure, there were ways I didn't lose myself at that point, but it was very damaging. And what was worse is that I was a really devout Mormon! Like so into it! Obsessed with it! My music had no bearing on that. It was literally just my taste. I was a cool kid. I thought it was awesome that I could be individual in this way well not breaking any commandments and knowing that I was good with God (once I stopped masturbating anyway LMAO). Then to have that taken away from me was so messed up. I have reclaimed my love of metal and punk as an adult, and what I love is that there are people of all ages at the show. It's not just some thing you have to love when you're young! And because I missed so many years, I get to discover a lot of incredible music. Loving your episode thank you so much! ~Laurel
Ha - I actually smashed brand new NOFX and Guttermouth albums while I was at EFY as a 17 year old because I felt so ashamed/inspired. I still go to punk shows from time to time :)
Wow amazing, moving story. I feel like it needs a better title, as I almost skipped this one, but it really was one so incredible how he captured so many peoples' perspectives in telling the story of his adoption...should write a memoir! Also, I would love to hear the story corps episode if you have a link.
Ooohhh man, I’m so triggered and I’m not even 1/3 through. Ugh… I have some thoughts to share about this topic. Both my parents worked at LDSSS and I remember as a teen talking to my mom about all the single Mormon young moms being so destroyed over giving up their babies “ for the better” and it always made me feel sick. These babies are going to wealthy Mormons that are paying big bucks to adopt (and you know if they pay tithing they are going to need those blessing to come through. ) I have always felt it was a way to suppress the “bad single mother” and make sure she goes through hell (take her child away instead of giving support) cause she was disobedient to the church. The church is making money off of all of it and it seeeeeemmmmsss like a lot of what the church does falls under the definitions of :HUMAN TRAFFICKING. human traffick•ing noun the unlawful act of transporting or coercing people in order to benefit from their work or service, typically in the form of forced labor or sexual exploitation. "she is a victim of human trafficking" An example of coercion would be a bully threatening to physically harm someone if they don't give them their lunch money, essentially forcing them to do something against their will through intimidation and the threat of violence; this demonstrates the use of power imbalance to manipulate someone's actions. Other examples of coercion could include: • A boss threatening to fire an employee if they don't work overtime without additional pay. ( @ • A police officer using harsh interrogation tactics to force a suspect into giving a confession. @ • A partner isolating their significant other from friends and family to control their behavior. • A professor threatening to lower a student's grade if they don't participate in a research study. Key points about coercion: • It involves using threats, intimidation, or force to manipulate someone into doing something they don't want to do. • It often relies on a power imbalance between the coercer and the victim. 2 • Coercion can be subtle or overt, depending on the situation. Anyways…. Has anyone thought to sue the church for human trafficking?
This is a bit off topic, but I can’t think of anywhere it would be entirely on-topic. The Mormon church part of some major plot lines in one of my favorite book series. I’d really love to hear from active or former Mormons on the depiction in the books & TV series based on the books. It’s a sci-fi series set about 300 years in the future. The Mormons are trying to build a massive spaceship (The Nauvoo) to head off on a 100+ year journey to colonize a planet in another solar system. Anyway, I’d love comments from any Expanse fans with more familiarity with Mormonism. And for anyone who likes sci-fi, both the books and the TV show are great. And the book series is finished! You won’t be left hanging waiting for an end.
Exmormon here: I began watching that series, but I never finished it. I remember watching it and seeing the Mormons and almost died laughing. I thought, yep, this sounds about right. They would probably be the only private organization to undertake, and be able to pay for such an endeavor. Also, their undying belief that they are the chosen generation who will probably live to see the second coming of Christ... just like they have been saying for the past almost 200 years, and in many of their patriarchal blessings (that's a whole separate conversation).
I do think mormonism in media is a fascinating topic. If John Delin could get someone who does cultural studies/media studies to talk about how mormonism plays a part in that, i think that would be a valid couple of podcast episodes. I, eg, recently saw a video on mormon motivated racism in Twilight, and really, it's important to talk about such things. @@Annie5825
Thank you for sharing this content, I only wished that my fear of God didn't cause me to wrestle a father who actually loves us. It's like listening to the story of Moses ! 🕊✨️
John -- only take this advice if it increases money going to the open stories foundation/you! If you want people to subscribe to UA-cam premium I think the biggest sell is that you can listen with the screen off, similar to how you would on Spotify. I have loved it because I can listen to live premiers while still doing errands around the house or what not. Without premium (which I acknowledges expensive… But literally worth it simply for Mormon stories 😂 oh gawd look at me), deal with constant pausing when I accidentally turned the screen off or it turns itself off when it turns out. Anyway, it's a good sell! But shhhh don't say it if you get more money by people listening for free and having ads 😂 I don't know how these things work!
This story is so important to share. Not for the Mormon ties but because it highlights the fact that many mothers who give up a child for adoption- its the most challenging decision of their entire lives. One they never stop thinking about.
I like Mormon stories and I'm a never-Mo. It's because you tell HUMAN stories here & do such an incredible job of allowing folks the time/space to tell their story. ❤ Thank you for being a space for that for people.
I'm also a nevermo, and I also appreciate the incredible human storytelling here.
Just me, bawling my eyes out, while Andrew read the letters to and from his birth and adoptive mothers...
What a beautiful story of courageous and loving people.
Andrew, your emotions are perfect; you’re a beautiful example of how men can be honest and unthreatened by how overwhelming human emotions can be. Keep being you ❤
What a beautiful being he is, and how wonderfully respectful he is of his mom and dad. Beautiful story.
Moms and Dads
Margie, I love your hair! Not only that, I am always happy when you are on set to co-host. You have such grace!
Oh gosh!! I am crying so deeply. Not only did i divorce my first husband only when my Son was 18 months old and feeling like i just wasn’t financially secure and bringing him with me out into the world just the two of us and placing him with his father for years, but my Son at 15 and his 14 yr old girlfriend had a child out of wedlock and placed Emmalee for adoption. I held my little baby granddaughter for one minute and placed her back in the arms of her biological mother who then placed her daughter in the arms of the beautiful parents who adopted her.
I knew only the first names of the parents.
She’s now 26 years old and i am grandma who now has a beautiful relationship with her.
She’s a singer like me.
She’s a hairdresser like me and we have so many things in common.
My heart ❤️ is feeling so much emotion. This podcast is so beautiful.
Thank you for being so opened to share this personal story.
I was raised Mormon in Salt Lake City area. My parents were super fanatical Mormons. I was raped when I was 15. My dad tried to make me marry the guy who raped me and the Mormon church had a huge influence on this whole situation. I was forced to give my child up for adoption . It Has taken many years to heal from this betrayal from my family and my religion. I’m no longer Mormon anyway I did end up meeting the Son that I gave up for adoption.
Being forced to give my child up for adoption was the most as soul shattering event of my life.
Of course, I am no longer Mormon… I had to get out in the world and find healing and a different place and space.
I’m glad you’re looking more deeply into adoption and the Mormon church.
oh dear Lorena, what pain what pain... thank you for sharing. Big hug for you
Im sorry to hear about what you went through. I too was raped and convinced by a bishop that I had just sinned, pressured to give my baby for adoption. I worked 60 hours a week and didn't qualify for benefits so because my family wouldn't help me I had no choice. I see her sometimes but it hurts I couldn't raise her myself. I'm glad I picked a good family for her but now she is stuck in a religion I know longer believe in and that hurts to know the indoctrination she is being taught
@@whittlesmcskittles5791 my son did find me the day before his 25th birthday. And I did get to meet him. He was also raised by a Mormon family… But the family that raised him was not as fanatical is my family so he is more of a sort of jack Mormon. I don’t know if they’re called that now thank God he’s not as wrapped up in the religion as my family was.
I’m sorry🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I’m so sorry you had to endure all of that horrific trauma. U didn’t deserve that!. Sending love and hugs to u now and as u hopefully move thru your healing journey.
I’m not Mormon and never have been but my bio dad is. Blessed to be adopted by a non-Mormon dad but also blessed to find my bio dad as a teen❤. Im not crying during this entire video you are.
I fostered 3 children that were rather invisable to there kids were invisable to their biological parents. It was a blessing. All still call me Mom.
😮🎉😮😮😮😮😮😮😂😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮❤😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮🎉😂😮😮😮😮😮😮🎉😮😮😮❤❤😮😂😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮❤😢🎉😮😢😮😮😮😮😮😢😮😮😢😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮❤😮😢😢😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😢😮😮😮😮🎉🎉😮😮😮😮❤😮😢😢😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😢😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😅😮😮😮😮😮😮😢😮😮😮
😂🎉❤❤🎉🎉
What a beautiful gift from your birth mom, such a touching letter. 😢
As an adoptive mom of a 14 yr old boy. Words and feelings can’t describe how I feel about his bio mom. She has had a tough life. Drugs alcohol and homelessness. However her sacrifice to choose a better life for him. She also chose us. She may not be the greatest human, regardless she is my hero. She had a strength within to choose us as parents and give her child to us to raise. There were visitations. And watching her hold him and the way she looked at him with such a soft loving look. The sacrifice she made is not lost on me. She is always in my thoughts and prayers. I wish she could’ve kept her life straight and continue visits. It’s been 10 years now since she last didn’t show for a visit. But how can I blame her. That she gave up an amazing human, and didn’t want to be reminded of it. ❤
As a fellow LDSSS adoptee, I related so much to your story. A lot of similarities. It’s been cathartic.
Didn’t expect to 😭😭😭all day today! This is so beautiful. Thank you Andrew for sharing with such vulnerability and raw emotion. ❤
Amazing! I listened on a road trip today and was surprised I actually cried a couple times. I'm adopted as well and have so many things in common with Andrew. Thank you! ❤
One of the most touching beautiful adoption stories I've ever heard
Andrew, this took courage and was so wonderful to hear. A beautiful adoption story.
I would be so proud if I had adopted a son like him. Thanks for covering this topic.
Open Stories Foundation monthly donor here, glued to Utube with every episode, and a NEVER MORMON…this by far is/was the most important story to tell. Andrew, thank you for sharing your heart.
Such a beautiful story of life. I cried through half of this podcast! Thank you for sharing ur story with the world! And thanks John and Margie for using Mormon Stories to share this amazing story and all the lives that it touch!
Thank you for sharing! As an adoptee, so much of this story hit home.
Glad it was helpful!
I'm a past Mormon. My heart goes out to you. What a dramatic gift your Mother gave someone else. May you be blessed forever!
This was a deeply touching story, filled with beautiful, compassionate, empathetic souls.
What a beautiful story. Thank you Andrew, for sharing and being vulnerable. I was crying at work several times listening to this story.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Beautiful. In tears here as ironically I continue to go through my beautiful late mums treasures. And my late Dad's too. I was indeed blessed. I was best friends with an adopted girl and her mum eventually became one of my best friends ever even after the youthful friendship finished. She became like another mother to me and cared for me and my family so much. I again was priviledged to have two wonderful women in my life whom I miss dearly. And unlike mormons I do believe we will all meet up on the great wherever one day those conversations ain't finished! What a lovely episode and a lovely person and margis empathy was so nice also. Cc
this interview is phenomenal. What a beautiful story!
I am so glad that I watched this. I am the parent of adopted twin boys. We adopted them through foster care, but have so much love for their biological mother. We try to keep in touch and hopefully someday the situation will be right for her to meet my boys. Andrew, thank you for your courage, your bravery, and your humbling vulnerability. I don’t know you personally, but your story gives me a hope.
This episode was very impactful for me. I had to watch it over 3 days. I feel privileged to have been able to learn about this wonderful human & his life thus far. Thank you for sharing with me.
Beautiful story. Andrew is wonderfully articulate and captivating.
I was adopted twice, long story, but i certainly felt for Andrew and both of his moms. Beautiful ending!
Andrew, thank you for sharing your story! I also was adopted and there are so many parts of your story that I 100% can relate to. It’s fun to hear another adoptee’s story who had the same or very similar experiences. I think the only real difference between our stories is the timeline in which we experienced our faith crisis as I was still quite young when I stopped believing in the church. But again, thank you for sharing and I wish you and your family all the best!! ❤
I feel such pride in your success to be yourself and learned to bypass the power to bring fear and shame into his feeling about himself and life itself. Love☕️ on me.
@2:36 it’s so cool how your mother crafted her letter to you by thinking of what information future you would want, and now you do the same for her. 😊
That letter is not "wrapped up in Mormon theology." It's the pure expression of a soul who has captured the true essence of what a mother is: unselfish unconditional love unto death. It's lovely. We can all learn from this. ❤
I think it can be both
Thank you for this wonderful interview. My first name is Andrew and I was named after my grandpa who died on his job repairing power lines. I’m so proud of that name. My grandfather was an electrical engineer but lived in the desert and wanted to go to Harvard to obtain a degree but died in the accident. When I heard that about my grandfather I told my parents I would go to Harvard when I was five years old. When I graduated from college I dld do my graduate studies at Harvard and wrote a letter to my deceased grandpa and placed it on the head stone of his grave.
My first name is Andrew but I grew up in a tough city and Andrew was a fighting name because it was such an unusual name in my hometown. I learned to fight as I grew up.
What an incredibly moving story! I’m so happy for Andrew. Love to you and your family. Thanks MSP for making this possible. Thanks Andrew for being the generous and loving person that you are. I’m sure you will be a wonderful dad. And thinking your siblings are happy now that they’re able to hug you and have you in their lives.
I really enjoyed and appreciated this interview. Honest and vulnerable.
This was a very moving story. The show of emotion only adds to the telling, so please don't feel that your emotions need to be contained.
I'm not Mormon or adopted and I teared up all throughout this interview. 😭So moving. All of the adults in this story seem to be emotionally mature and thoughtful - it was amazing to hear. Both mothers held so much love for you.
Powerful story! Thank you so much!
This interview hit me really hard for a lot of reasons. I identify a lot with Andrew's birth mother, and the circumstances she was in. And I identify with Andrew so much as well. Huge hugs to Andrew and his loved ones ❤
Thank you Andrew, this means a lot. Your story is so similar to my familie's with the adoption.
As an adoptee, touched my ❤. Appreciate Margie and her insights.
!!! IMPORTANT !!!
PLEASE John!!! (And any other ppl who need to hear this.) As an adoptive mother of a now 17 yr old son, who we adopted at birth, I ask that we all use the more acceptable (and correct) language. The birth mother did NOT “give up” her baby. She **made an adoption plan**. You give away old clothes. Not much thought in it-I no longer need this shirt, I’ll give it to the thrift store. A birth mother puts a lot of thought, and tears, into this decision to MAKE A PLAN, or place her baby.
My husband and I recently had a heartfelt conversation with our son. He asked if his birth mother made an adoption plan because she didn’t want him. Due to it being an open adoption, we could honestly, emphatically, say, “No!” She wanted you A LOT and it was a really tough decision. And... she knew that she could not take care of you.
We adopted our son through foster care, and unfortunately, his mother did not have a choice. Sometimes it is a plan, and sometimes it isn't. I do agree that it is so important how you speak about it.
I have finally been able to finish Andrew’s Mormon story today.
I appreciate Andrew’s vulnerability and happy he had a good adoption. Both of his mothers sound amazing. ❤
Having also been adopted into a Mormon family but with lots of dysfunction I admit I was a bit envious and not sure I would listen to it all.
I’m glad I did.
He is bright and thoughtful. The world needs more young men like him.
Comment #2 from me: This is one of the most impactful stories I've heard here.
Unfortunately, I was adopted by members of this cult. I was placed with them after they had already been denied an adoption, as they already had 3 bio sons. They absolutely should never had been allowed to adopt. My childhood was filled with neglect, beatings and a complete erasure of my identity. The woman, I can't bring myself to call her a mother or parent, met my bio mother and weaponized that against me my entire life. I have faced so many struggles as a result of their behaviours, even to this day. I have completely cut everyone of them off, even though they still attempt to contact me. They even tried to interfere with the process of me removing my mormon membership. Adoption itself is difficult enough without adding another layer of mindfu#$ery that is the mormon church.
As a result of being placed in the care of those selfish, brainwashed individuals, I now struggle on a daily basis with diagnosed C-PTSD. I was robbed of my identity, security in this world and ability to trust. I want a redo
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm an adoptive mom. We love our son to pieces and can't imagine a family not treasuring the blessing of a child. We also so appreciate our son's birth mom. Sending love and healing thoughts.
Thank you for your kindness and for providing love and support to the adoption triad. I have heard of successful adoptions, which sounds like what you and your child have experienced.
I feel for you!
I’m an overseas adoption story. Adopted into Mormonism. My father was a raging alcoholic. Lots of trauma and I saw so much hypocrisy growing up in the church. The feeling of shame for being biracial. This teaching from the church that I was a fence sitter in the preexistence, that somehow I chose these parents- all left me feeling conflicted and confused. The primary song - I am a child of god, the lines of “has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear” did nothing but hurt me.
I left the church in my thirties and had my name removed in my 50s. Mormon stories has helped me so much in recognizing how deep and damaging to my identity the indoctrination was.
The good news is- in 2018 because of DNA science I have found both my American fathers side and my Korean mothers side. (I’m a child of the Korean War). She was able to immigrate to this country in 1965. Only 7 short years after my adoption in the states.
Both my bio parents died before I was able to meet them but my half siblings embrace me.
I feel very lucky.
Hang in there.
I’m rooting for you to find peace and a feeling of belonging which I am fully aware, in a bad adoption is so difficult to find.❤
Thank you for sharing your story, even though it made my heart sad. I'm sending you huge hugs, if that's alright. One thing which recently came to me is that folks like us are much stronger than we realise. We are definitely survivors and that strength takes us a long way, even if we don't actually see it. I sincerely hope that you are living a good life now.
@@ManonMcGinty
Your huge hug is welcome and I’m hugging right back!
My early years in the church were so conflicted. I was also molested by my adoptive mother’s father.
Thought it was my fault. Carried church guilt for many years.
I often wondered why my parents adopted me. My poor adoptive mom was so beaten down by church patriarchy in the home by my adoptive father. I swore to myself I would never have a marriage like theirs. Time and eternity my As*!
Leaving the church and
getting therapy then finding Al-anon has been life saving. Yes! We are strong! We are not victims we are survivors. I am living such a better life now.
I was so grateful you posted cause even tho I felt very happy for this young man having such wonderful adoptive and bio parents it brought home even more the incredible difference’s in my experience. It was a bit triggering for sure.
Hoping your journey (and mine!) thru the rest of this life is full of peace, self understanding and loving kindness no matter what future trials we might face!
Such a beautiful story. As soon as you said you had her eyes it definitely made me cry.
Andrew Fish, thank you so much for sharing your wonderful life and continuing journey with us. As the mother of a son through adoption, this really touched my heart. You so well described all the feelings and ins and outs of the loving bonds that cement the adopted parents, the adoptive children and the birth parents together, and this really touched my heart.
I was adopted from a Mormon family and adopted by a Mormon family. Birth family, totally dysfunctional. Adopted family… faithful to their deaths. I grew up saying, I’m special, I’m adopted. We are now post Mormons. Never been happier. (I really should be on your show!🤦♀️)
I love this interview! I'm your age and I have a story of adoption but I'm the bio-mom.
This is the most touching MS episodes I have been privileged to hear. Thank you for sharing your story, Andrew…your humility is exemplary 💛
Truly appreciate his vulnerability - great interview, thank you.
This touched my heart and soul, I can't stop crying. Sixteen years ago my daughter made the decision to place her son for adoption, she was only 16, the most painful event in her life and mine. He's loved by so many, we've been blessed with an open adoption. He lives a privileged life, one we would not have been able to provide for him. He is so loved.
Thanks for sharing your story. As an adoptive mom, it definitely touches my heart that my joy of adopting came from a place of pain for the birth mom. Thanks also for using the term, "place her son." It's a mission in my life to change the language. Birth moms, really birth parents, do NOT "give away" their babies, as you know from first hand experience.
@ Thank you. I don't like the term "gave her baby up" it hurts to hear that.
You are blessed to have your child come into your family through the sacrifice of the birth parents. Though hard, my daughter made the best decision for her son.
Money is not the answer to everything
Beautiful story!! Thank you so much for sharing!
Hearing stories like this reminds me of how small my world can be sometimes, and how many people I have left to meet in my life.
Andrew, thank you for sharing your story. It’s so moving. It’s so clear that you are a deeply kind person you are. The relationship and mutual respect between your moms is a superb example of love.
I’m sorry for the friction with your father. As a parent who doesn’t always agree with my eldest, I do understand his fear. But hearing you experience reminds me of how careful I have to be.
2:12:13 The talk he is referencing by President Nelson was given in general conference April 2019, “Come Follow Me”. This is the very talk that broke my shelf. The only thing I was really holding onto any longer in the church was the love of God. Not only did he put the fear of god into the minds and hearts of Parents but he also mocked “love”. He very clearly illustrates that Mormon God is legalistic more than he is loving.
Yep, that was the one! Part of what was so abhorrent to me about it, was where he talked about his daughter who was on her deathbed due to a terminal illness, and he remarked about how wonderful it was to be able to have this tender moment with her, knowing she'd been a faithful member who was dying a faithful member. And I just remember thinking, I shudder to imagine what a non-faithful child would have felt from him that moment; one step from the great unknown, and feeling a parent's disappointment and sorrow rather than loving comfort.
Gosh, wasn't expecting that! Such a beautiful human, with a beautiful story.
2:44:13 man….. you know how to make a grown man cry… thank you for sharing
Lovely man...really felt for him.but he is a thoughtful intelligent guy who speaks truth..❤❤❤
❤Margi is a blessing to all Thank you Margi
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. Please don’t ever feel bad for getting emotional. Stay Well ❤
Your emotions are beautiful ❤
I lnow for me. Laughter is a way to deal with trauma. When something is so ridiculous, yet so hurtful, its a beautiful thing to just laugh. I don't know why it is, and again this is for me. If it isn't for you, that's absolutely valid. Just kept that in mind through this interview. He is an amazing person. Sending him and yall so much Love 💕
Edit: when you read the letters you had me in absolutely tears. Margi was 100% right. You are beautiful and perfect.
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story.
Thanks for watching!
It's interesting that the phrase 'to start a family' in English usually refers to having children. To me, a couple is already a family whether with or without kids.
Best episode ever
Beautiful story ❤
I’m not Mormon and don’t know any. My heart breaks for you always thinking you caused shame. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.
9:03 the Methodist preacher acknowledging the Mormon belief beyond death parting in their non Mormon wedding is huge, embracing daughters new belief and son in law's even though not his as officient
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. It will help many.
This is very similar to my story, except mine was 20 years earlier. I was never able to meet my biological mother, but have been able to know my older half sister. I had a wonderful childhood (which I am so thankful). I was given a great gift! I always felt that my bio mom was courageous to give me the best life. Thank you for this beautiful story, it hits very close to home and your emotions are very familiar.
Thanks for sharing!
That is a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
2:44:23 Andrew, you and I have lived such oddly similar lives. The only difference besides gender is that my bio mom (although being adopted through LDSSS) was no LDS or Exmo but a deeply Southern Baptist woman. The kind that’s praising Jesus 100 times a day and says “bless their heart” til you want to strangle her. It should go without saying, I had to pull back away because all the god talk was too triggering for me at the time.
I’m happy to hear that you are able to have a relationship with both your birth and earth mother. They sound like such beautiful loving souls. ❤
A beautiful story. 🙏🏼 so glad to hear it. 🙏🏼
Two of my sisters had children "out of wedlock," as they used to say. They were forced to have them adopted out.
Both sisters went through enormous pain afterwards.
We have learned that both children are well and happy in their new life.
Margi, You are such a rockstar.
I know, right. She just always knows when to allow the silence and then just say the most emotionally comforting things. I love Margi.
I thought I went thru a lot! You are pretty level headed and would be a joy to anyone who mentored You! I hope the best for you love!
Love you Fish.
Bless his heart
I relate to so much! What an honest amazing young man
Thanks!
This needs to be a short and also tiktok. As we leave, we need to be aware this is going to happen. When your parents go to tithing settlement they will find out you, as an adult, left the church
Yup just cried for basically 3hrs straight ❤
Really enjoyed this!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Your birth mom is a hero!
The question mark is the best part 😁
OK but now I am crying because it's actually does feel like a miracle 😭😭😭
Bud 😱😱😱 at 1:15:35 I relate so much!! But it wasn't even my parents that were shaming me, it was an EFY experience where I was publicly shamed about the music I listened to. And it seriously profoundly impacted me and threw me deep into shame and even worse into indoctrination. I decided to be the perfect daughter of God and that's what I did-- of course losing myself in the process. And sure, there were ways I didn't lose myself at that point, but it was very damaging. And what was worse is that I was a really devout Mormon! Like so into it! Obsessed with it! My music had no bearing on that. It was literally just my taste. I was a cool kid. I thought it was awesome that I could be individual in this way well not breaking any commandments and knowing that I was good with God (once I stopped masturbating anyway LMAO). Then to have that taken away from me was so messed up. I have reclaimed my love of metal and punk as an adult, and what I love is that there are people of all ages at the show. It's not just some thing you have to love when you're young! And because I missed so many years, I get to discover a lot of incredible music. Loving your episode thank you so much! ~Laurel
Ha - I actually smashed brand new NOFX and Guttermouth albums while I was at EFY as a 17 year old because I felt so ashamed/inspired. I still go to punk shows from time to time :)
@ I wonder if we were at the same EFY or if they just always do this to the youth 💀
Wow amazing, moving story. I feel like it needs a better title, as I almost skipped this one, but it really was one so incredible how he captured so many peoples' perspectives in telling the story of his adoption...should write a memoir! Also, I would love to hear the story corps episode if you have a link.
Thanks, John! I kept wondering what Saturday warriors is
Thanks!
Such a beautiful story but please give this poor man a tissue.
Is that story core interview available?
As soon as he said low income housing on a hill I was like I lived there!!! Weird the stuff that stands out to you.
Ooohhh man, I’m so triggered and I’m not even 1/3 through. Ugh… I have some thoughts to share about this topic. Both my parents worked at LDSSS and I remember as a teen talking to my mom about all the single Mormon young moms being so destroyed over giving up their babies “ for the better” and it always made me feel sick. These babies are going to wealthy Mormons that are paying big bucks to adopt (and you know if they pay tithing they are going to need those blessing to come through. ) I have always felt it was a way to suppress the “bad single mother” and make sure she goes through hell (take her child away instead of giving support) cause she was disobedient to the church. The church is making money off of all of it and it seeeeeemmmmsss like a lot of what the church does falls under the definitions of
:HUMAN TRAFFICKING.
human traffick•ing
noun
the unlawful act of transporting or coercing people in order to benefit from their work or service, typically in the form of forced labor or sexual exploitation.
"she is a victim of human trafficking"
An example of coercion would be a bully threatening to physically harm someone if they don't give them their lunch money, essentially forcing them to do something against their will through intimidation and the threat of violence; this demonstrates the use of power imbalance to manipulate someone's actions.
Other examples of coercion could include:
• A boss threatening to fire an employee if they don't work overtime without additional pay. (
@
• A police officer using harsh interrogation tactics to force a suspect into giving a confession.
@
• A partner isolating their significant other from friends and family to control their behavior.
• A professor threatening to lower a student's grade if they don't participate in a research study.
Key points about coercion:
• It involves using threats, intimidation, or force to manipulate someone into doing something they don't want to do.
• It often relies on a power imbalance between the coercer and the victim. 2
• Coercion can be subtle or overt, depending on the situation.
Anyways…. Has anyone thought to sue the church for human trafficking?
What an amazing story
This is a bit off topic, but I can’t think of anywhere it would be entirely on-topic.
The Mormon church part of some major plot lines in one of my favorite book series. I’d really love to hear from active or former Mormons on the depiction in the books & TV series based on the books. It’s a sci-fi series set about 300 years in the future. The Mormons are trying to build a massive spaceship (The Nauvoo) to head off on a 100+ year journey to colonize a planet in another solar system.
Anyway, I’d love comments from any Expanse fans with more familiarity with Mormonism. And for anyone who likes sci-fi, both the books and the TV show are great. And the book series is finished! You won’t be left hanging waiting for an end.
Is the author Mormon?
Exmormon here: I began watching that series, but I never finished it. I remember watching it and seeing the Mormons and almost died laughing. I thought, yep, this sounds about right. They would probably be the only private organization to undertake, and be able to pay for such an endeavor. Also, their undying belief that they are the chosen generation who will probably live to see the second coming of Christ... just like they have been saying for the past almost 200 years, and in many of their patriarchal blessings (that's a whole separate conversation).
Wow now seeing how intensely emotional this episode is I feel wildly insensitive posting this here.
I do think mormonism in media is a fascinating topic. If John Delin could get someone who does cultural studies/media studies to talk about how mormonism plays a part in that, i think that would be a valid couple of podcast episodes. I, eg, recently saw a video on mormon motivated racism in Twilight, and really, it's important to talk about such things. @@Annie5825
Great last Name 😊
Thank you for sharing this content, I only wished that my fear of God didn't cause me to wrestle a father who actually loves us.
It's like listening to the story of Moses ! 🕊✨️
John -- only take this advice if it increases money going to the open stories foundation/you! If you want people to subscribe to UA-cam premium I think the biggest sell is that you can listen with the screen off, similar to how you would on Spotify. I have loved it because I can listen to live premiers while still doing errands around the house or what not. Without premium (which I acknowledges expensive… But literally worth it simply for Mormon stories 😂 oh gawd look at me), deal with constant pausing when I accidentally turned the screen off or it turns itself off when it turns out. Anyway, it's a good sell! But shhhh don't say it if you get more money by people listening for free and having ads 😂 I don't know how these things work!
Thank you!!!
100%
The church injured families. He has nothing to be ashamed of.