We've grown too used to men giving off mixed signals. When he wants you, you will have no doubt he does. We need to mirror the effort/investment, and never allow the same man to reject us twice.
If the person shuts down on you, you must let them go. It may not be easy to do and if you care for them you will be tempted to go back to them. You may have to keep reminding yourself why it wouldn't work out. Process your grief about the loss. Get stronger by doing what you love and by being around others who care about you.
Excellent advice. You’re amazing, Susan. More often than not your gut feeling is correct. You move on but your heart was still wanting something… you overthink things. You go back to make sure you’re not squandering a good thing and realize the other person just got a double dose of your attention and upped the ante on rejecting you - likely because they got off on it - let’s call it what it is. It may seem humiliating but it’s worth putting the effort if only for the purpose of never regretting not doing so… but mostly because the experience bought time to assess who this person really is. I have had this scenario happen and hope the best - which is that he learns a karmic lesson.
7:27 this is so wise and so simple.. I blame myself everytime a relationship doesn´t work, as if the other one is not choosing... "is not personal", loved that, Susan
They won’t giving it to you the closure. You have to do it urself. They simply won’t give closure because they don’t want to feel “guilty” of end it. They like us the do the dirty job. I agree with Susan don’t second guessing ourselves once we have make that decision ! Move on… easy to say than done. I’m struggling for this closure now 💔💔💔💔
This topic sounds like a close relative to ghosting in my opinion LOL. If I understand correctly, the person here actually ended things and is then wondering why the other person has shut down? Anyway you hit the nail on the head when you said you have to find/make your own closure. It is the only way to get through the "unresolved" phase as you also mentioned (which I think is the worst phase/place to be in of all).
thanks for this... yes, Anna was being ghosted. Went the other way around- Anna knew the other person had shut down. And with no contact eventually decided to do closure herself. Then, after a bit of time, felt remorse and doubted herself. thanks for your share, Nakd Crypto
These talks are valuable to me. I went thru a very difficult breakup with an emotionally unavailable person and it took months to figure things out. Your videos give me understanding and clarity to what I've went through over the years. Thanks Susan! ❤️
Thank you ALL for your great support! It does make difference to know I’m not alone in this and hear from those of you who are are (or were) facing similar issues😊 I guess it’s a bit of an age issue too.. being in early 40ies and just having met that ‘wonderful’ guy, being instantly swept of my feet (mutually) - which obviously triggered all my dreams and hopes for romantic relationship - and then given all this unexpected cold ‘silent treatment’ (do we just not expect kind of.. a dialogue even when we part ways?) had put me in vulnerable position of “second guessing”… maybe if I had been younger I’d’ve not looked back twice? As older we are as more we feel we have to lose. Anyway, it’s just another learning experience and THANK YOU SUSAN for your wise guidance❤️ Anna xx
I actually don’t have any pride. When I come back around I send a message; so I refresh my memory. At that point I just don’t really care anymore but fighting with myself over false hope that I know it is false. Sometimes one needs to hear no several ways, in order for reality to kick in
This is the exact spot I am in and it is hard. The guy 'thought' I had deserted him (before possible meeting). I say possible because he had left me utterly confused, as to his interest and intentions. He even was confusing about communication, and this bothered me, so I took a step/action causing him to think I deserted him, upon which he reciprocated, thinking the worst of me. He then 'shut down'. I found a way to leave word that we 'talk' about it, but nothing. Some people can just seemingly 'shut off' or flip the switch. But can they really? I'm working on my own closure since I think he would like to stay in victim mode etc. rather than talk about his own role in our mutual upset. (There is psychology to it all). I won't look at his SM etc., and this helps, oddly I am being bombarded with his SM, so strange this happens when I pull back.
Hi Jane. Sounds like he has a fragile ego and decided to react with the 'FU kick.' This classic move guarantees a quick escape for a floundering ego. He didn't want to seem vulnerable. Good of you to try to talk it through, even though he's not the right match for you. At least you wanted to clear the air so there are no weird vibes. Sounds like a lot of work for the person who partners with this guy.
That sounds like a lot of gaslighting towards you for keeping your boundaries. I recommend you shut off all his SM. Delete, block, mute whatever. I would not be surprised if this would actually make him appear at your doorstep to talk things through with you. I would move on though. Dude sounds too wrapped up in his ego and too much of a hassle tbh. Dodge the bullet while you can.
@@TinfoilHatGirl Thanks for the input for I have suffered in silence to the point of NB territory for all the confusion he imposed on me. His SM comes at me through cmptr feeds so I don't think I can block them. Yet my cmptr even tricked me into looking at his Instagram, by avoiding saying it was him! Unlikely he will get 'directly' back to me, instead it is as though he stills expects me to be one of his fans, not getting it's too late, I have seen behind his mask. If he does not not step up and make right with me, I'd be like those (fans) who say he's too wrapped up in ego, to others he's Joe Cool, to me he is now Joe Cad and without courage.
I am on the flip side of most of these comments. I am the one shutting down. The advice in many of these comments is to leave the partner as if the partner that has shut down is immediately the bad one. I am shutting down because I have tried to communicate and he is having no part of it. He’s a Dismissive avoidant. So not all partners that have shut down are bad. I have been hurt so many times that it has changed my energy for the relationship. I’m not quite ready to leave, but I’m definitely not putting in my 100% like I did before all of the heartbreak. Sometimes a shut down is the right move.
My boyfriend is an avoidant and he does the same thing. He runs away and gets non responsive. He lacks communication skills and emotional intelligence. He hasn’t reached out it’s been 30 days. I broke up with him and regret it. I questioned myself and made excuses for his behavior.
Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ alone! “Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (KJV) People will let you down , but He won’t! Develop friendships with the right people!
When someone loses interest in you just walk away and don't devalue yourself by pursuing them.
Best move, yes.
Well stated !
Dennis 👏👏👏
Say it again for everyone in the back
❤
You can't buy love. And if they want to leave, open the door and help their ass out of it! Value yourself!!! Susan you're a rock star....😘
We've grown too used to men giving off mixed signals. When he wants you, you will have no doubt he does. We need to mirror the effort/investment, and never allow the same man to reject us twice.
Difference between giving mixed signals and being interpreted as signals at all
If the person shuts down on you, you must let them go. It may not be easy to do and if you care for them you will be tempted to go back to them. You may have to keep reminding yourself why it wouldn't work out. Process your grief about the loss. Get stronger by doing what you love and by being around others who care about you.
Excellent advice. You’re amazing, Susan. More often than not your gut feeling is correct. You move on but your heart was still wanting something… you overthink things. You go back to make sure you’re not squandering a good thing and realize the other person just got a double dose of your attention and upped the ante on rejecting you - likely because they got off on it - let’s call it what it is. It may seem humiliating but it’s worth putting the effort if only for the purpose of never regretting not doing so… but mostly because the experience bought time to assess who this person really is. I have had this scenario happen and hope the best - which is that he learns a karmic lesson.
Thank you, this is happening to me now. I am very happy what you said, don’t second guess!
I don't wanna do anything about it. Let them keep shut down
7:27 this is so wise and so simple.. I blame myself everytime a relationship doesn´t work, as if the other one is not choosing... "is not personal", loved that, Susan
They won’t giving it to you the closure. You have to do it urself. They simply won’t give closure because they don’t want to feel “guilty” of end it. They like us the do the dirty job. I agree with Susan don’t second guessing ourselves once we have make that decision ! Move on… easy to say than done. I’m struggling for this closure now 💔💔💔💔
The ego is hard to handle.
Susan I trust you 💯.
This topic sounds like a close relative to ghosting in my opinion LOL. If I understand correctly, the person here actually ended things and is then wondering why the other person has shut down? Anyway you hit the nail on the head when you said you have to find/make your own closure. It is the only way to get through the "unresolved" phase as you also mentioned (which I think is the worst phase/place to be in of all).
thanks for this... yes, Anna was being ghosted. Went the other way around- Anna knew the other person had shut down. And with no contact eventually decided to do closure herself. Then, after a bit of time, felt remorse and doubted herself. thanks for your share, Nakd Crypto
These talks are valuable to me. I went thru a very difficult breakup with an emotionally unavailable person and it took months to figure things out. Your videos give me understanding and clarity to what I've went through over the years. Thanks Susan! ❤️
Thank you ALL for your great support! It does make difference to know I’m not alone in this and hear from those of you who are are (or were) facing similar issues😊
I guess it’s a bit of an age issue too.. being in early 40ies and just having met that ‘wonderful’ guy, being instantly swept of my feet (mutually) - which obviously triggered all my dreams and hopes for romantic relationship - and then given all this unexpected cold ‘silent treatment’ (do we just not expect kind of.. a dialogue even when we part ways?) had put me in vulnerable position of “second guessing”… maybe if I had been younger I’d’ve not looked back twice? As older we are as more we feel we have to lose.
Anyway, it’s just another learning experience and THANK YOU SUSAN for your wise guidance❤️ Anna xx
You’re the best Susan! Every video makes me understand the situations I have been in and what I can do in the future.
Pitch pines you are correct.Move Forward Good Luck !
Damn I’ve been going through the same thing and my name is also Anna. It’s like I manifested a personalised video from Suzan! 🥰🥰🥰
interesting...
Lady you did the right thing . Do not look back :)
Absolutely profound! Thank you miss Winter.
thanks Jay
I actually don’t have any pride. When I come back around I send a message; so I refresh my memory. At that point I just don’t really care anymore but fighting with myself over false hope that I know it is false. Sometimes one needs to hear no several ways, in order for reality to kick in
Hi Susan you are absolutely AMAZING thank you for all you do for all of us AMAZING 🥰💜💜🤗🤗🤗🥰💜💜💜
thanks for the love, janie
Thank you. Iam learning so much from you and everyone. Great thing your doing here Ms. Winters.
Thank you, I'm in this exact situation and didn't know whether to reach out or not, ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Thank you so much Susan. Sometimes all it's needed is to hear something like this.
This is the exact spot I am in and it is hard. The guy 'thought' I had deserted him (before possible meeting). I say possible because he had left me utterly confused, as to his interest and intentions. He even was confusing about communication, and this bothered me, so I took a step/action causing him to think I deserted him, upon which he reciprocated, thinking the worst of me. He then 'shut down'. I found a way to leave word that we 'talk' about it, but nothing. Some people can just seemingly 'shut off' or flip the switch. But can they really? I'm working on my own closure since I think he would like to stay in victim mode etc. rather than talk about his own role in our mutual upset. (There is psychology to it all). I won't look at his SM etc., and this helps, oddly I am being bombarded with his SM, so strange this happens when I pull back.
Hi Jane. Sounds like he has a fragile ego and decided to react with the 'FU kick.' This classic move guarantees a quick escape for a floundering ego. He didn't want to seem vulnerable. Good of you to try to talk it through, even though he's not the right match for you. At least you wanted to clear the air so there are no weird vibes. Sounds like a lot of work for the person who partners with this guy.
That sounds like a lot of gaslighting towards you for keeping your boundaries. I recommend you shut off all his SM. Delete, block, mute whatever. I would not be surprised if this would actually make him appear at your doorstep to talk things through with you. I would move on though. Dude sounds too wrapped up in his ego and too much of a hassle tbh. Dodge the bullet while you can.
@@TinfoilHatGirl Thanks for the input for I have suffered in silence to the point of NB territory for all the confusion he imposed on me. His SM comes at me through cmptr feeds so I don't think I can block them. Yet my cmptr even tricked me into looking at his Instagram, by avoiding saying it was him! Unlikely he will get 'directly' back to me, instead it is as though he stills expects me to be one of his fans, not getting it's too late, I have seen behind his mask. If he does not not step up and make right with me, I'd be like those (fans) who say he's too wrapped up in ego, to others he's Joe Cool, to me he is now Joe Cad and without courage.
Hello Miss Susan just checking in to send you much love and support your way when I can 💓
I thank God sooo much that I FINALLY stopped doing this BS and went in with my life!!! Thank God!!
This is timely.
LOVE IT when that happens
I am on the flip side of most of these comments. I am the one shutting down. The advice in many of these comments is to leave the partner as if the partner that has shut down is immediately the bad one. I am shutting down because I have tried to communicate and he is having no part of it. He’s a Dismissive avoidant. So not all partners that have shut down are bad. I have been hurt so many times that it has changed my energy for the relationship. I’m not quite ready to leave, but I’m definitely not putting in my 100% like I did before all of the heartbreak. Sometimes a shut down is the right move.
SUSAN thanks for everything you have done for everyone of us ... love you 😘 too much ...May you live long happily and ofcourse healthy life
Brilliant Susan!👏
One of your best. 🏆
Susan, thank you so much for this video 💜
Hi Susan you are very awesome at this ..I appreciate knowing you and following your advice..I wish i had discovered you earlier.
Thank you Susan 😌 your videos are always very inspiring
My boyfriend is an avoidant and he does the same thing. He runs away and gets non responsive. He lacks communication skills and emotional intelligence. He hasn’t reached out it’s been 30 days. I broke up with him and regret it. I questioned myself and made excuses for his behavior.
That was so me.….in the past!! Ha ha
Hi Susan, I’m curious if you do couples sessions? I noticed on your website I didn’t see a link for couples. Thank you!
Thank you
Switch them back on again? Just kidding I’ll watch this
HI ALEX!!!!
Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ alone! “Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (KJV) People will let you down , but He won’t! Develop friendships with the right people!
❤️❤️
💗💙❤
Well said with complete accuracy!
Thanks Jim
Hi Susan darling. Your really lovely charlueb