Doug Stanhope - Cops [rus sub]

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  • Опубліковано 28 січ 2013
  • Something to take the edge off
    Субтитры взяты с рутрекера.
  • Комедії

КОМЕНТАРІ • 244

  • @diapysik
    @diapysik 5 років тому +160

    One of the most savage Doug Stanhope bits I've seen

  • @BlahDBlahDBlah
    @BlahDBlahDBlah 4 роки тому +75

    "Uh, we're going to kill each other by the hundreds and thousands... Not us, of course, poor people's kids".
    Ain't that the truth.

  • @basstedson
    @basstedson 5 років тому +222

    How do you quadruple a cops intelligence? Give him a dog.

    • @SGFTI
      @SGFTI 4 роки тому +10

      I like the variation "What do you call a smart cop? K9 unit."

    • @duggancruz
      @duggancruz 4 роки тому +3

      LOL, don't disagree at all 😀!

  • @EccentricWorld
    @EccentricWorld 3 роки тому +5

    This guy is starting to earn legendary status as years go by and his words become more true..

  • @rickbob682
    @rickbob682 5 років тому +70

    "Enforcing bad law well isn't a virtue..."

    • @TobeornottooB
      @TobeornottooB 4 роки тому

      I am not aware of any good "law," are you?

    • @justinallen2408
      @justinallen2408 3 роки тому +2

      @@TobeornottooB just anti murder, abuse, kidnapping, theft laws

  • @efrainrodarte6395
    @efrainrodarte6395 4 роки тому +29

    This shit is so layered.
    Doug is brilliant

  • @Scyber_Official
    @Scyber_Official 5 років тому +35

    Doug's standard requests for each show he performs:
    Unlimited alcohol and a microphone.

  • @MrGamerman001
    @MrGamerman001 5 років тому +420

    If there's ever a live action Rick and Morty, I want Stanhope to play Rick.

    • @stevenmaclean7908
      @stevenmaclean7908 5 років тому +3

      it would have to be doc brown

    • @upstatemilitia1
      @upstatemilitia1 5 років тому

      Goddammit thatll work haha

    • @mitchelltodd6363
      @mitchelltodd6363 5 років тому +8

      That's the least Jerry thing I've heard all year

    • @mariguana7918
      @mariguana7918 5 років тому

      Holy shit that makes so much sense

    • @SnackPatrol
      @SnackPatrol 5 років тому +3

      @@stevenmaclean7908 Uh....what? That's who Rick is based on.

  • @SkepticCat-pz1zz
    @SkepticCat-pz1zz 4 роки тому +72

    Some psychopaths join the military to kill people legally in combat, then come home and become cops. They’re still psychopaths with the same ambition.

    • @rokuthedog
      @rokuthedog 4 роки тому +5

      Not just cops. Doctors and nurses too. Beware of anyone that chooses a position of authority for a profession.

    • @rokuthedog
      @rokuthedog 4 роки тому +1

      @Stanley Rhodes the 3rd leading cause of death in the usa is medical malpractice

    • @dalvinortiz6619
      @dalvinortiz6619 4 роки тому

      @@rokuthedog A position of authority that can legally inflict pain upon others.

    • @tomatoesofdoom
      @tomatoesofdoom 4 роки тому

      @@rokuthedog One of the scariest concepts I've ever seen regularly is the Doctor or medical care giver that issues the "shut up" medication or practice upon an "uncooperative" patient.
      I feel like I've seen that far too many times. Imagine thinking yourself in a position where you - As a Doctor - say, lock a patient in a strange position as if to say "fuck you" for annoying you. Or giving someone a sedative because they're being verbally combative. I've seriously seen that too many times in my life.

    • @jjryan1352
      @jjryan1352 4 роки тому

      Francis from Stripes: All I know is that I finally get to shoot somebody.

  • @rudytorres9910
    @rudytorres9910 4 роки тому +6

    This guy is an honest prospective comedian. Tells it like it is.

  • @perseusrex614
    @perseusrex614 4 роки тому +13

    The most underrated and underwatched comic of a whole generation!

    • @hahnsmantra7276
      @hahnsmantra7276 4 роки тому +1

      They can't put him on TV.....
      He says what we crave to hear

  • @wilbl7778
    @wilbl7778 4 роки тому +4

    Love you Doug!!!! You NAILED the cop mentality!!!!!!!!!!

  • @johnvess1287
    @johnvess1287 5 років тому +21

    I found my new spirit animal.

  • @johnrambo6302
    @johnrambo6302 5 років тому +88

    I can't stand cops....they like to push you for no reason...

    • @madbear3512
      @madbear3512 5 років тому +1

      No your just a asshole

    • @swagcandy2576
      @swagcandy2576 5 років тому +3

      Sometimes you just want a place to eat, and they won't have it

    • @madbear3512
      @madbear3512 5 років тому

      @@swagcandy2576
      Or won't let you ear there

    • @Goffix2009
      @Goffix2009 5 років тому +1

      Until you need one. Right?

    • @corynewton3865
      @corynewton3865 4 роки тому +5

      Love this comment for the simple reason that most of the other's commenting are too stupid to realize you are quoting from a movie. LOOK AT HIS NAME, MORONS!

  • @jcmoney11111
    @jcmoney11111 5 років тому +42

    Stanhope 2020

    • @jailbird1378
      @jailbird1378 5 років тому +4

      I have a Bill Burr, Doug Stanhope 2020 bumper sticker.

    • @rg86er
      @rg86er 4 роки тому

      @@jailbird1378 can I get one plz?

    • @jailbird1378
      @jailbird1378 4 роки тому +1

      @@rg86er liberty maniacs. com

  • @37Dionysos
    @37Dionysos 5 років тому +87

    If you decide to be a cop and "risk your life every day," you shouldn't ask for special treatment or rewards---it was your choice, and if you don't like it, do something else.

    • @hoogzy78
      @hoogzy78 5 років тому +3

      37Dionysos I totally agree. If I'm not happy with my job I quit and go get another.

    • @37Dionysos
      @37Dionysos 5 років тому +1

      @@usernameonutube You mean, being born a cop? Being made a cop by your mother? Having to live where the only job is policeman?

    • @randalclarke5487
      @randalclarke5487 5 років тому +5

      Totally... I don't back the blue. Fucking militant police state

    • @1-gz7xy
      @1-gz7xy 5 років тому +2

      @@randalclarke5487 hell yea im with you my brother

    • @interimmayorofcoolsville3661
      @interimmayorofcoolsville3661 4 роки тому

      @J NAMBLA: North American Man Boy Love Association. You agreed to being a chapter leader of this pedophilia based organization in your local area. This has now officially been documented.

  • @patbrennan6572
    @patbrennan6572 4 роки тому +9

    The milatery is a place you turn to when you can't get a real job, and you want a career that allows you to justifably kill without a court appearence.

  • @eliminatorjr588
    @eliminatorjr588 7 років тому +89

    Thanks for this. Just a small correction, this is not from "Something to take the edge off" (2000). It is from "Deadbeat Hero" (2004)

    • @TheBronxBunnyMan
      @TheBronxBunnyMan 5 років тому +5

      You can obviously tell that by the War in Iraq and 9/11 references.

    • @TheUArabej
      @TheUArabej  5 років тому +2

      @@TheBronxBunnyMan my bad

    • @interimmayorofcoolsville3661
      @interimmayorofcoolsville3661 4 роки тому +3

      @@TheUArabej Dont sweat it man you hearted the comment and acknowledged your mistake. All is forgiven in the eyes of the tube:)

    • @arealhuman826
      @arealhuman826 4 роки тому

      @@interimmayorofcoolsville3661 I mean he didn't fix it

    • @interimmayorofcoolsville3661
      @interimmayorofcoolsville3661 4 роки тому +1

      @@arealhuman826 no he didnt. He acknowledged it in this comment, but he technically didnt fix it. Do you feel better having acknowledged this? If so that's good for you:)

  • @fullmetalastro
    @fullmetalastro 9 років тому +40

    so good

  • @scottevers8425
    @scottevers8425 5 років тому +39

    What do Cops and Firefighters have in common??..They both wanted to grow up to be Firefighters..

    • @jeffsmith894
      @jeffsmith894 5 років тому +2

      Gay

    • @2116sassafrass
      @2116sassafrass 4 роки тому +1

      Love it

    • @NoneNone-wz5ul
      @NoneNone-wz5ul 4 роки тому

      low iq joke..

    • @patrickmccutcheon8860
      @patrickmccutcheon8860 4 роки тому +1

      Firefighters are dicks, too. I live in an area with only volunteer fire departments and these dudes walk around acting like New York City Firefighters, all because they wear a helmet and read some book about house fires.

  • @charlesmonroe5274
    @charlesmonroe5274 5 років тому +2

    Almost choked to death on a giant piece of gum when he said "dog shit wrist rocket"

  • @sopadurso
    @sopadurso 5 років тому +58

    Ye the war was not volunteer for the other people.

    • @Ojos.juntos
      @Ojos.juntos 5 років тому +8

      Yeah. I love Doug, but that was kinda shitty considering how the US still invades overseas

  • @dr.divarum2294
    @dr.divarum2294 6 років тому +43

    Three people are wearing wires.

  • @poetryaddict1
    @poetryaddict1 5 років тому +3

    God damn this was good. Pure gold!

  • @tplummer217
    @tplummer217 4 роки тому +2

    Stanhope is chaos and i love it!

  • @goolsby07
    @goolsby07 4 роки тому +3

    Stanhope for President 2020

  • @Johnny_Dregs
    @Johnny_Dregs 4 роки тому +2

    Dam. That was savage and brilliant.

  • @snoookie456
    @snoookie456 10 місяців тому +1

    That cop in training shit was genius, he walked right into an ambush

  • @ama230
    @ama230 4 роки тому +2

    The service is truly a self correcting service.
    Thank you Doug Stanhope for allowing me to be offended, educated and keep my observations flexible : )
    Me being offended should not take away others rights.
    I may not agree with someone or something but I will never take away their rights to display or communicate.

  • @walsjell
    @walsjell 4 роки тому +2

    my god , i never saw this guy before! he is great!

  • @meganmitchell2747
    @meganmitchell2747 6 років тому +10

    Lmffao!!!! Everything i have ever thought

  • @EthanATL
    @EthanATL 4 роки тому +1

    Stanhope is half-drunk every time I watch his stand-up...and I love it. 🤣🤣

    • @tux1968
      @tux1968 4 роки тому +1

      The guy has built up a stupid tolerance to alcohol. He can't physically drink enough of it to get more than half-drunk.

  • @Kyp031
    @Kyp031 5 років тому +22

    True about the military troops. Haha

    • @Goffix2009
      @Goffix2009 5 років тому +2

      Mostly true! LOL! From an Army Medic ('69-'70).

  • @syedrizwan273
    @syedrizwan273 5 років тому +6

    5:45 Truth spoken!

  • @ozarkervalhalla636
    @ozarkervalhalla636 4 роки тому +1

    " PIGS IN BLACKET FOUNDATION. " Whooaah.

  • @chriswalker7895
    @chriswalker7895 4 роки тому +3

    This is the bravest and most brutal takedown of anyone I've ever seen by a comic. Doug is a true legend.

  • @snowfall1771
    @snowfall1771 4 роки тому +2

    This guy is great

  • @sbracco77
    @sbracco77 5 років тому +10

    Brilliant the way he shits on the bushwaugh establishment tools in the audience.

    • @anonymous0s0egion
      @anonymous0s0egion 5 років тому +8

      wtf is bushwaugh? did you mean Bourgeoisie?

    • @baileyfurio2327
      @baileyfurio2327 5 років тому

      You know what he meant

    • @anonymous0s0egion
      @anonymous0s0egion 5 років тому +3

      @@baileyfurio2327 Only because I know context and have a fairly good grasp of the english language...

    • @anonymous0s0egion
      @anonymous0s0egion 5 років тому +1

      @Justin McCoy Oh stop hating. honestly you guys couldn't troll your way out of a wet paper bag. lurk moar newbs

    • @K0sm1cKid
      @K0sm1cKid 4 роки тому

      Ya'll mf think you'd be the ones kilking the Kulaks until you forget that there's billions of people in the world that don't even have internet. Just wait all our heads will be on the block, you aren't special. 😂

  • @knicksfule
    @knicksfule 4 роки тому +1

    Fearless

  • @MikeUIibarri
    @MikeUIibarri 5 років тому +7

    Savage.

  • @alexanderford3819
    @alexanderford3819 4 роки тому +2

    just brilliant.... awesome .... as he says .. . its difficult to sell it to mainstream Americans while its an obvious common sense for the rest .

  • @FABIOLINDOCC
    @FABIOLINDOCC 4 роки тому +3

    All true. Takes balls to say it though

  • @reneenojaim975
    @reneenojaim975 3 роки тому +1

    "I just wanted to see where you megalomaniacs were in case I wanted to score DRUGS after the show!"

  • @doefam8320
    @doefam8320 4 роки тому +5

    Pigs in a blanket lol

  • @parhhesia
    @parhhesia 5 років тому +1

    'Rotted octopus' god I'm dying here.

  • @badpanda1578
    @badpanda1578 4 роки тому +1

    😆 awesome

  • @grrr.9998
    @grrr.9998 5 років тому +4

    Come back to the Northeast of England again Doug. I missed you pal.

  • @Snardvark25
    @Snardvark25 6 років тому +13

    I'd prefer it vaulted out of a trebuchet..

  • @reneenojaim975
    @reneenojaim975 3 роки тому

    "People wrestle ALLIGATORS too...but never without an AUDIENCE!"

  • @Fizzyphukoff
    @Fizzyphukoff 4 роки тому +1

    The year 2020 brought me here.

  • @aleksandrjakusenok1205
    @aleksandrjakusenok1205 4 роки тому

    Заебись.

  • @CARTOONIVERSE1
    @CARTOONIVERSE1 4 роки тому +1

    *HA HA HA!* "Dogshit in a wrist-rocket."

  • @Handlesaredumb69
    @Handlesaredumb69 5 років тому +2

    Shout out Killeen. We used to say I support them when they went off to the war by taking care of their girlfriend

  • @mikeburke8920
    @mikeburke8920 5 років тому +11

    George Carlin, Doug Stanhope, Dave Chappelle in that order.

  • @Zen_Modeling
    @Zen_Modeling 4 роки тому

    I gave Doug my Texas Shield at a Live show he did here 2 years ago😎

  • @kidicaruz
    @kidicaruz 5 років тому

    Holy fuck....he is an absolute savage. I love it :)

  • @theshittybeatles5768
    @theshittybeatles5768 3 роки тому +1

    I thought Doug had let me down big-time, then brings it back nasty style.

  • @kanescrimes4848
    @kanescrimes4848 4 роки тому

    I love clops .

  • @rascalferret
    @rascalferret 4 роки тому

    Octopus catapult...
    Dog shit in a wrist rocket...
    top of the food chain, master of the projectile.

  • @zachinthehat1707
    @zachinthehat1707 4 роки тому

    7:02 he’s like “u wot?”

  • @loaloko9068
    @loaloko9068 5 років тому +1

    truth!!!!!!

  • @mylestheweedpilesmoker2022
    @mylestheweedpilesmoker2022 5 років тому +1

    Chill😭😭😭

  • @seanstrickland4970
    @seanstrickland4970 4 роки тому +1

    Lol!!!!! Gold....

  • @gianthairypickle9583
    @gianthairypickle9583 5 років тому +2

    1:27 someone raises pig after he says pig

  • @Cr00xY
    @Cr00xY 6 років тому +27

    wrong again :D

  • @rippedtorn2310
    @rippedtorn2310 4 роки тому

    Thank Fuck for a minute there ....i .. phew . ACAB .

  • @hrnekbezucha
    @hrnekbezucha 5 років тому +6

    Gotta love the troops, right?

    • @HK-db4uv
      @HK-db4uv 5 років тому +1

      WRONG AGAIN! 😂😂😂

  • @harryjames3905
    @harryjames3905 5 років тому +3

    I bet the cop wishes he kept his mouth shut now... haha

    • @patrickmccutcheon8860
      @patrickmccutcheon8860 5 років тому +2

      Should've exercised his Miranda Rights and waited until his lawyer came.

  • @petesmith9475
    @petesmith9475 4 роки тому

    Does it make me bad person that I agree about everything with Stanhope (and laughing my ass off)? Wish when I get to argument about something I could deliver like him.

  • @markandrade7547
    @markandrade7547 5 років тому +16

    The reason "soldiers" can not just quit the military at any time they want is because the definition of the word "soldier" means SOLD TO DIE. Back in the day they used to be called WARRIORS because those people were specifically trained from a young age to go WAR. Knowing the definition, who and where the word derived and what language it derived from tells the whole story. SOLDIERS are SOLD TO DIE that's why there's a minimum of three veterans a day commit suicide and the government doesn't care because that person was SOLD TO DIE no matter how they die. Side note definition of the word government means CONTROL THE MIND. That word derived from two Latin words "govern" comes from the word governor which means to control, like the governor on your car "controls" how fast that car can go. And"ment" comes from the word "mental"meaning the mind. The definition tells you why people act a certain way. Soldiers are sold to die so they're considered dead in the eyes of the government once they sign that enlistment "CONTRACT". That's why going AWOL is illegal because it's a breach of contract with the government that that person signed signing their life away. Who's way of life did they sell themselves to defend.... they sold themselves to the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT to protect their way of life NOT MY way of life and probably not your way of life either.

    • @katsumiskytower8714
      @katsumiskytower8714 5 років тому +1

      my loyalty lies with no flag, seems your the same

    • @tonybones9638
      @tonybones9638 5 років тому

      This

    • @captainvoluntaryistthestat3207
      @captainvoluntaryistthestat3207 5 років тому

      u watch mark passio by any chance?

    • @vanivari359
      @vanivari359 5 років тому +1

      Your interpretation is a bit loose and does not reflect the etymology exactly - "soldier" comes from french and latin. It goes back to "solidus" which was a type of coin (related to "solid", like: coins are solid). In medieval Latin, a "soldarius" was a fighter of the type "one having pay" (in form of coins). So while the chance to die is part of the job description, soldier means "paid fighter". At the time when the word was created, many fighters did not receive payment.
      In Germany, a soldier is a "soldat" and a soldiers pay is called "sold" - comes from italian "soldo" which comes from latin "soldus" which was a contracted version of "solidus".

    • @ericanderson3985
      @ericanderson3985 5 років тому +1

      No shit head, it's because they signed a contract and they're obligated to honor that. And that little nugget that you tried to pass off as wisdom smells like shit because you pull it out of your ass.

  • @requestcontainsinvalidargu185
    @requestcontainsinvalidargu185 4 роки тому

    More things should be Rus Sub'd

  • @thagodwecreate5179
    @thagodwecreate5179 5 років тому

    Nothin but RESPECT. Fuck tha law

  • @ArtjomLyra
    @ArtjomLyra 4 роки тому

    Now they are faithing for Antartica, hihu....

  • @bballforlife1231
    @bballforlife1231 4 роки тому

    Everything he said was really funny and accurate but I can't understand the "rules on war" but you do need rules in war to prevent events like Hiroshima from happening again. A war should result in the defeat of one group/regime but it shouldn't wipe out a nation maybe im looking at this to literal but that IS the reason why we have rules on war that any country should be held accountable to

  • @douglas787
    @douglas787 6 років тому +16

    Love to the pig hater

    • @ShaunHensley
      @ShaunHensley 5 років тому

      douglas787 Pigs are intelligent animals.

  • @flatplant
    @flatplant 5 років тому +2

    Is it really voluntary when people are convinced to join with lies?

    • @epictetus9221
      @epictetus9221 5 років тому

      yeah, it is. but they got fucked with

    • @epictetus9221
      @epictetus9221 5 років тому +1

      @Kodi Schitter No - the most adaptable will.

    • @Goffix2009
      @Goffix2009 5 років тому

      Yes! And it SUCKS!!!

  • @madbear3512
    @madbear3512 5 років тому +1

    5:52 you mean a marine

  • @liberamente1683
    @liberamente1683 5 років тому +3

    1312

  • @josephseppi7901
    @josephseppi7901 4 роки тому

    Truth..lol .im just getting to old to say this real shit no more I guess

  • @docsalas1203
    @docsalas1203 4 роки тому

    This is what Joe rogan wants to be! His military joke is very similar to joes!

  • @jalohepo-oja7399
    @jalohepo-oja7399 4 роки тому

    Does stanhoup have a bit about mafia?just wonderin haha

  • @cornpop1230
    @cornpop1230 4 роки тому +3

    I love how plastered he is

  • @leapyear9460
    @leapyear9460 5 років тому +2

    love me some Stanhope but if you have ever been rescued by a police/fireman, your perspective changes a little. I did not care what their motive was when pulled out alive.

  • @C0mm0nS3ns3
    @C0mm0nS3ns3 5 років тому

    Can join the military just dont get go in to Marines or Army ground war sucks compared to pushing a button

  • @blackbird5634
    @blackbird5634 4 роки тому

    It's been said that terrorism is the last true art form. I don't agree, but Doug's got a point about it's uses and abuses.
    Out manned, out gunned what options do smaller countries have against an empire?
    You like Star Wars and root for the 'rebels' but those 'rebels' sure as hell aren't the good old USA.
    The US is now the empire folks and if you don't like being called 'storm troopers' then you might want to read a book before signing that 4 year contract that gets shifted into 6 years and then eight before you can leave your 'tour of duty.'
    They'll re-up you while you're out on patrol and then what? That's right another 18 months in 'the sand box.'
    Some guys have gotten 12 trips to Afghanistan out of their 4 year National Guard enlistment.
    And BOTH Democrats and Republicans are talking about bringing back the Draft. National Service for citizens over 18.
    NOT just registering for 'selective service' but THE DRAFT.

  • @JustinRichards
    @JustinRichards 5 років тому

    Doug is fantastic. Raw, unabashed humour.

  • @jacobgoebel610
    @jacobgoebel610 5 років тому

    Since when did risking your life involve risking a chance on a low level celebrity?
    That’s your bait.

  • @stevenmaclean7908
    @stevenmaclean7908 5 років тому

    poor cop got shit on. haha

  • @coolhand67
    @coolhand67 3 роки тому

    Did he go too far 😂

  • @jacobgoebel610
    @jacobgoebel610 5 років тому

    Libertarian advocating crime. See how he likes that after his money maker is smashed for life and you do 2 years.

  • @snobdylan
    @snobdylan 4 роки тому

    acab

  • @aarionlynch
    @aarionlynch 4 роки тому

    I never found this dude funny

    • @petesmith9475
      @petesmith9475 4 роки тому

      he preaching the truth most people are afraid to talk and funny as f. heis not for dummies like you

    • @aarionlynch
      @aarionlynch 4 роки тому

      @@petesmith9475 I get his humor just not for me. Not everyone likes all comedy styles. So don't be offended.

    • @aarionlynch
      @aarionlynch 4 роки тому +1

      @@petesmith9475 He's great and very intelligent. I love this kind of comedy but i just dont laugh i just listen and go yeah thats a great point. Hicks was similar in subject material but has me howling at the same time. Same with Carlin who to me was the best of all time. Make sense? Is art not subjective Pete?

    • @supersaiyanzero386
      @supersaiyanzero386 4 роки тому

      Who cares? Go find someone you find funny and applaud them then. Probably b8 comment tho

  • @QazwerDave
    @QazwerDave 5 років тому +3

    Funny, but weak political points !!

    • @HBC423
      @HBC423 5 років тому +3

      How?

    • @steveh7418
      @steveh7418 5 років тому +3

      Fake news

    • @dba3067
      @dba3067 5 років тому

      Lol like you have better

  • @averagejobogio
    @averagejobogio 4 роки тому +1

    I like how he got hesitant

  • @alexanderford3819
    @alexanderford3819 4 роки тому

    just brilliant.... awesome .... as he says .. . its difficult to sell it to mainstream Americans while its an obvious common sense for the rest .