Do you think the podcast "It's A Safe Space...Because I Said So" Is a good idea? I am always shouting about how the internet isn't a safe space (it really isn't) but what if it was (it won't be). Lol, but what I'm trying to say is, it could be a cute way to explore some topics. What do you think?
Close to 40, but without husband or kids, I lack that feeling of "home". it makes me feel young as hell. Buy whatever fashion I want, video games when I want, travel, etc. MBA, well paid. I dont feel immature, but sometimes I dont feel anchored, if that makes sense. I am GROWN though.
@melrwill Same here, although I am married. My spouse and I just do whatever we please, whenever we please. Other people my age have so many serious life things to worry about - kids being a major one - while I'm over here still feeling like I'm in my 20s, young and carefree. Yes, life be lifing sometimes, but I still don't feel like an official adult, sometimes.
Some of this is because of the way other people treat you. I guarantee you. I say that from experience. I don't let other people "little girl me." As a result.
@videofan1010 I've never been one to let folks do that to me. I am very much assertive and opinionated. I'm responsible, owned my own business for 7 years now, and I've always had a "maternal role" when it came to my siblings and their kids. Even as grown adults, my sisters will consult with me first before our parents. My nieces and nephews call and come to me before their own parents. I think maybe it's because I didn't grow up in an environment that made me grow up to fast or burden me with responsibilities that i am so light and carefree. My spouse didn't have that life either.
40 is solidly auntie age, without question. You are part of a new breed of aunties who are more seasoned, mature and without kids. There are more of us out there than in years past and we need to be seen. Thank you for lending your voice to the conversation and being a representation for our demographic and life experiences.
@@LadyK007 I agree with you Sis. I’m 41, and my 20 something family members have definitely made me realize I am fully in my Auntie era 😂 which is fine with me!
As a 50+ woman who was a wife, is a mom and an auntie; I'm definitely still a girlie in the company of my female peer group. We're all different things at different times and in different situations. Embrace all of it!
I had the breakdown at 30. But from then on, I could give a rats behind if a stranger called me auntie. Or if my actual aunts and uncles asked me why I don't have kids. I travel the world, two cats and free as a horse running wild across the valley. When you deal with the likes of the BM, his antics and how I find he treats his women... I find myself lucky to have escaped the baby momma, welfare trap. Now at 46, I take every chance I get to look up at the sky, visit all the museums in every city I visit, ride along the highways blasting music from the 80s and 90s. My advice to ladies approaching 40 and older, life is fleeting just yesterday I was entering college. Today, I am planning for retirement in a few years. Life is short. Just live it...with or without someone.
I had a similar realization at 30 and adopted a similar attitude however, the difference is that at 30, I had more time to accomplish the things that in my mind made me “an auntie”. So for example, if you’re not a homeowner by thirty? Who cares! Not married? Who is? Not a parent? You have time! Not at the top of your career? Give it a moment! But by 40? Let’s just say they call it a mid life crisis for a reason lol. I’ll probably have a similar reckoning come 50. Every ten years, a new moment to check in with myself. Also, society treats you way different at 40 than 30. And your peer groups thin out so much more. I found it easier to stand in my individuality when I was younger because I actually wasn’t that far out of the status quo…it’s different now.
@@hellostephco84 I hear you and maybe you should cultivate your friendship group, because this can happen even if you’re married with kids. The girlies that cut off their friendships when they get into relationships suffer the same.
Im 41, havent been married, no kids, I feel like I could as well be 28, but im older, my age doesnt reflect my life, maybe i've grown mentally, yes. I consider myself "older kid". Older age is the price for wisdom. I used to be very naive, but got so many life lessons and found people who cleared for me how things work. I prefer myself now than earlier.
I try to avoid conversations around relationships, ive never been in one and i don't want to explain myself to people. I have been doing this since my mid 20s. Sometimes i lie.
I appreciate your content. I’m 39 not married and child free. Struggled with dating and It’s relatable, I feel super young a lot of the time and then sometimes I’m like damn I’m 39.
@erica9314 turning 35 in 2 months and sometimes I sit and think "it was JUST my 16th birthday party....". And it's like I can't figure out where almost 20 years went between then and now either. Esp when it feels like you have "nothing to show for it". Time and aging is so weird.
Great discussion! I recently turned 43, I feel like I was a late bloomer in a lot of areas of life. I sort of have my career going in the right direction, make decent money, I got married at 36 had a baby at 37, and just had another surprise baby at 42. I have a lot but still feel behind, I think being a late bloomer will have a permanent impact on how I view myself.
If you're willing, would you share more about feeling behind? Do you mean like even though you have the "things" peers are "supposed" to have in your age range, getting it so recently makes it feel too new? I'm very curious about this!
23:35. This is for your comment about the 40+ year-old women who still say “when I get married and have kids “. There’s nothing wrong with being over 40 and still speaking optimistically about marriage and motherhood. I’m 43 and lots of my friends are becoming new moms. There a whole community online of women over 40 getting happily ever after. This isn’t 1950.
You’re 100% a "girlie," and your demographic is absolutely the girlies. You’re still figuring things out, just like they are, but you bring more experience and wisdom-something they’re still working toward. So yes, without a doubt, your audience is the girlies. We love learning from your experiences!
I agree! I understand Steph, but I think you can be whatever you want. Labels are a construct and can't really define us as multidimensional women. A 42-year-old woman is NOT delusional for talking about her future as a wife and a mother on TikTok. (I am living proof as an engaged 47-year-old with a 5-year-old daughter.) Timelines don't define us either.
I really didn't understand the Aunti conversation when it was going on. Now that I have listened to your take on this topic, I totally get it. By allowing people to label you in a way that indicates you are "past your prime" isn't a good feeling at all.
It's funny that you released this video today, because I have been feeling this way lately. For the last couple of weeks I have been watching First Dates UK, and there are so many 27-30 year olds looking to settle down, they have done all the partying and now they want a family. And in my head I thought "wow... that's my age group, and I feel nowhere near that yet". I didn't party, I didn't do much dating, finished university 4 years ago, and now it's time to settle? Gosh, where has time gone!
Obviously move on your own timeline and don't rush yourself to fit into a box, but many people meet their future spouses while still in undergrad/other degree programs and grow together with them. Marriages have the best odds of success when people marry within certain windows, it does vary based on gender and education level, but the "ideal window" centers on marrying between ages 28-32 for the lowest odds of divorce. I met my future husband at 24 and married at 26 and since we sort of grew into adulthood together it gave us a really tight bond. I do believe in love at every age, however I also recognize that falling in love and beginning a life together look very different at 25, 35, 45, 55, and so on. The sooner you meet your person the more deeply you can bond and the more shared memories you can have over a lifetime. Good luck out there ☘️
I agree with a lot that you said in this video. Im 38 and still can't believe it and so I have been told, I don't look or act like it. I'm single, Childfree and focus on my job and doing hobbies that interest me. I don't regret anything in my life, just sometimes stunned that I got up here so fast. I'm not sure I have an adverse reaction to being called auntie, because I had some really good ones growing up but I can understand why some people wouldn't want that assigned to them. I do however have a visceral reaction to being called Ma'am🤣🤣THAT one makes me feel old, along with some not so pleasant experiences after that word was used.
Just jumping in about your *Ma'am* experience. Made me think of the first time a younger person called me 'Miss - and my name'. I was insulted, I tell ya! 😂🤣 Yes, it's a shock.
This is just my opinion. I watch her content from time to time but I haven’t subscribed. I feel like a lot of her content is kinda “Woe is me” I watched her last video on Wicked and got some insight on her. She’s had a very “othered” experience growing up and it seems she’s internalized it and has carried it into adulthood. I don’t want more type of content like this being suggested to me by subscribing to her. The algorithm sends enough trash to black women to harm their psyche’s. I’d love to hear more from her on what is going right instead of what’s always wrong. But hey, the algorithm loves rage baiting and negativity. Maybe she’s just playing the game and what do I know 🤷♀️
@@CambieSweetsthat’s fair to have an opinion, that is surprising to me because I’ve never gotten that from her content. More-so life through her lense which may be different from the norm.
I really really like Stephanie but I also kind of get that too. I noticed that a lot of people that consume tik tok think pieces over there tend to do this. They’re deeply reflective. Steph is also a creative so that’s a part of it I’m sure. That being said, I remain subscribed and I do really enjoy her content. Hi Steph if you read this.
@ I hear you. We all have lenses through which we see the world but sometimes our lenses are rose colored, distorted, or dirty. Sometimes we need a new prescription/paradigm shift. We use fresh sets of eyes to catch things we may have missed. I first came across Steph because of her viral “pretty privilege” video. It’s one thing to share experiences but sometimes we have patterns and beliefs about ourselves that create the very reality we don’t want to experience. Also, I want to be clear that I’m not denying her experiences. I promise 🫶🏾
@@FeelingFitFabFunYes! For sure. I really like her as well and I understand where she’s coming from on many of her experiences. I also see why a lot of content creators take breaks (i .e. BreenyLee). A detox and reset is needed to keep us calibrated to the real world, real connections, and real experiences that fill our cups. Social media is an echo chamber that is designed to do what the think pieces on TikTok does. It’s a reason the term doomscrolling exists. We must be mindful ❤
Thank you for sharing your story! As someone who is 40 unmarried & has no kids, I can relate. I think we have to shift and expand our definitions of maturity, it’s not just meeting certain milestones that society imposes upon us. Immature people get married and have kids all the time, and sadly it’s their spouses and kids who reap the consequences. It takes wisdom and foresight to reject a person or situation that feels good for the moment but will likely be dysfunctional or disastrous in the future.
The comment about 4C natural hair being an upper body workout! 💯 I to experiment with my hair and used to do extensions and make by own wigs but as I am approaching 40s and my chronic shoulder pain I am going to have to invest in hair salon visits for my non-twists dos. 😭
I’m 27, I got married last year and I feel a little out of place with people around me. I’m the first in my friend group to settle down and I feel like I can’t share some things or we just aren’t on the same page about some things for example dealing with in-laws . I also struggle to fit in with the married crowd around me because they’re mostly in their 40s (mainly family, aunts and so on)and they still see me as a baby who can’t be included in their conversations . It’s a weird space to be in but I’m navigating as best as I can
I was you for a while. At 27 I was already married with three kids, a homeowner, already had been in the military for 6 years, and well into my second career. I felt more experienced and mature than most people my age, but too young to relate to the married crowd. Now I’m 33 and most of my friends are in their late thirties to mid forties, and I don’t feel out of place with them.
"Because I never got to do these things, how do I grow up?" That question hit me like a ton of bricks. Not to get all Wicked Press atour, but I really want to hold space with that question for a bit, because that's a very intriguing concept. Same boat: mid-late 30s, never married, no kids....but I have a career, graduate degree, take care of an elderly parent, and have traveled extensively. So I have some life experiences, but not the ones people weigh more heavily as Adult Qualifiers. On the other side of that coin, for girls who had to grow up too fast, who never got to feel young and youthful or truly like a girlie, how do they get to experience that once they've chronologically passed the range of girlhood? How do we as a society determine who "gets" to be a certain age? Which experiences mean "adulthood" and why have we chosen those? I feel like this comment has descended into rambling and thinking out loud, lol. Another compelling video, Steph! I think a podcast would be an amazing idea, but admittedly I am biased because I love all of your commentary. Is there a link to find your patreon?
You truly said exactly what I’ve been thinking! I turned 35 in September, and find myself in this middle place of never knowing where I fit, as far as age. I feel behind at times, but the self awareness journey is never easy. Love your channel! 🤎and Happy Thanksgiving!
I've been an aunt since I was 6 so the term doesn't faze me but I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone outside my family calling me that, so I kind of get it. Aging for me has been okay. Thoughts of mortality have been running ramped in my head though. The world has always been obsessed with women and aging. It was annoying then and still is now 😆. Comparison is a thief of joy is such a true statement and the Internet has amplified this. The Internet will make you think you aren't doing enough or you're doing too much. I'm just trying to be happy with what I have and where I currently am in life. Also, that I'm comfortable with where I am spiritually before I meet my maker. It's been a struggle lol but I'm making the effort and praying daily on it.
I always love to hear you speak. The way you articulate yourself and the things you have to say always resonate with me. It’s 4am where I am, so I can’t watch this yet but I’m dropping a like and I will fully watch through tomorrow while I get ready for thanksgiving dinner. Happy thanksgiving to you Stephanie!
I have a perspective that I've seen many women doing better later in life. Just getting their foot in the door career wise or trying something new. I see many people just finding their loves or just starting families in their 40's/50's. I see people staying active longer and later in life than it previously was. That's just a perspective I've seen, but I respect yours as well.
44, married for 14 years with 2 bio kids and a granddaughter via my husbands son. I still don’t feel my age. I’m trying to accept aging, but it’s challenging. I still feel like the same woman I did at 35.
About to watch the video - but congrats on the Sponsorship with Surfshark! 🥳🥳 I usually skip this part of videos but wanted to show support!! Congrats again!!
This is such a refreshing take! No one is talking about this and you’re so well spoken with amazing insight. It’s supper comforting. This feels like such an untapped niche you should go for it!
At 41 I feel like I am at an age where young people think I’m old and old people think I’m young. Sometimes I feel old and sometimes I feel young. It is all very confusing.
I wonder where do i fit into on the spectrum. I’m 42, i have a 20 year old daughter, who is an amazing young lady! I had her when i was 22. I was also married at 22 and im long divorced. I’ve dated over the years, but always long to have another child and remarry, but to date, that hasn’t happened and it’s such a strong desire. i believe the reason i haven’t, is because my ex hubby and i coparented so well over the years. So i’ve always had the fear of having to do it alone, and i do dread that! Like i travelled, completed school and had such a good life even as a divorcee, because my ex hubby is a great dad and i had that support all through. I also believe that because of that, becoming a single mom, and not having that support is so frightening! Yet my desire is still so strong, and i’ve toyed with the idea. sigh. I feel like i’m such a unique group, like i’ve had the experience of marrying and having a child, but i long so much to be a mom and wife again. So even at 42, like Steph said, i find myself still dreaming and holding out hope that i may meet that man and have my child, idk if that’ll ever happen. However, i would truly love to be a mom again, partnered and have a baby, but i don’t fit into the 40 and over team, never married/had a child. I find myself in a corner alone, because everyone says to me, well at least you have a child and was partnered. It’s definitely a zone where i feel i don’t fit into a lot of niche groups. Thanks for articulating so well step! You are a gifted narrator ❤
My bestie is struggling with this now divorce with 2 kids, while our other friend just had a baby and is getting married. I hope your family and friends give you love and support.
Steph I would LOVE to hear you talk about the Hulu series “How to die alone” … I feel like that would be an amazing think piece on how you relate to the main character and how tie it back to the experience you talked about in this video
Gurllllllll, I was nodding in agreement with like 95% of what you said. I turned 40 in April and I too feel like I don’t belong in this age group. My sister that is 4 years younger than me has accomplished so much more than I have so I can definitely relate. I’m also the oldest in my favorite friend group and also same thing, I’m behind. I was married before but no kids came from that union. I recently became an aunty and he is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and I feel so unequipped to be that aunty. Financially still getting my situation in order and romantically well, lol tbd.
I love to audio journal, so I really appreciated you spinning it into a question for us at the end, a great prompt! I feel older than my age, 27 in a lot of ways and younger all at the same time. Older due to caring for an ill parent and other life experiences. And younger because of a lack of those traditional adult checkboxes. That seems common though, the older I get the more I realize very few of us have it figured it out 😂
I enjoy your content because I am roughly the same age, single and childfree. Most of my close friends are very similar. I don’t really relate to people with children so it’s nice to see content that speaks to where I am. I also think it’s important to show how there are many valuable and valid paths in life…including yours! Thanks for sharing🎉
I really enjoy your channel! You're so relatable, and I love that you're not boxed into just one lane. WOW, I really resonated SO much about feeling like a little kid because I haven't experienced much to "mature". I feel like even though I'm growing, at the same time I'm not because I haven't had those lifetime milestones. Oh Steph you sent my mind down the rabbit hole! 😩😄
I’m so glad this is being talked about and that you’re creating a space for these kinds of conversations. Although I’m only 30, from both sides of the spectrum 30 is either “oh girl, you’re still young, you got time” or “alright now, you getting up there in age. Where those kids and that man at?! You know ya clock ticking” I too, noticed once I turned 30 I started being afraid of using terms like “auntie” which i often use to describe my lack of knowledge on new terms, slang, trends, dances, etc “titi can’t keep up y’all, help me out.” It’s sad, because although I still look, feel, and AM relatively young- society has made 30 to be old, and I don’t wanna “claim” that but I also don’t know if I can be a “girly” cuz I can’t relate to a lot of things going on or as you said I’ve “been there, done that.” Hanging with people under 25 make me feel OLD AS HELL but hanging with people over 45 makes me feel too young (ofc this is a majority not person-to-person). I feel like your 30s and 40s are an odd place to be; it’s like being teenage adults, lol! Young enough to date the son who’s too immature, old enough to date the father who looks to you as a youngin 😂! We seriously need to unpack these issues or at least have conversations about it! Thanks for all you do in these UA-cam streets Steph, bringing these topics to light is amazing! Thank you! ❤ I wish there was a place I can ramble about this topic because I have SO MUCH MORE TO SAY but I feel like my comment is pretty long already 😂❤ 25:00 is such an amazing question to ask ourselves.
Girl you are so wise and spot on with so much of this. Keep being yourself and posting your life journey (exactly like this). So many women (people) will end up just like you but they don't know it yet. And they will need to see this and will get great value from your perspective. YOUR BLOW UP WILL HAPPEN, KEEP GOING!!!
In all my 20s so far I felt too young for folks my exact age and too old for anyone younger based off where they're at in life or how they carry themselves. People reach and experience different things in their lives so things like society's standards and labels can help you reflect but don't have to define you - so I like how you came to calling yourself grown! A lot of young ppl (ie. as young as 19) call themselves grown with or without having an apartment but that's the thing, we all end up with our own meanings till we reach our time. 🙂
I mean it’s auntie age… when is auntie ok… 50… 60?! That’s granny age… social media got ppl holdin on to bs… and being defensive about terms of endearment… smh blk American shii.
I'm a mom and auntie, so I'm probably not a part of this convo but I dont think random ppl should be able to call you whatever they want just bc of your age. Just call me by my name if you don't know me lol.
@@jessicab331 seems you missed or misinterpreted (willful ignorance) the content of the video. You're so eager to shame her for not wanting to be called an "auntie" but you seemed to miss the part where she rejects the title of "girly". Also, Jackie Aina is Nigerian, so your attempt again to shame her/ us via a "Diaspora war" is foiled as well. Imagine having a spirit of contempt and descent so early on this day of Thanksgiving 🧐.
I was an aunty by age 11, and I am 32 now. I don't like being called Aunty by anyone, yet alone my neices and nephews - however, I will give them a pass 😂
First of all, you're giving gorgeous today! 54, divorced for 15+ years, 2 grands...and i still refer to myself as a girlie! Its a mindset and i refuse to let anybody dictate how i see myself!🐞☕️😋
I love this video, crazy how it’s described how I’ve been feeling for years. I don’t feel like an adult or my age and at all, I laugh on the inside when people at work comment about how mature I am cause I’ll quickly tell them how much of a scam I am. Your videos are so necessary Steph!
Am 45 with 2 kids , husband all the things.. honestly don’t feel like am 45 but I did things on my own terms.. went to school forever (MD)for the last 17 😭.. but I never had a time line but one thing I knew was to find my husband before completion of my degree because as a black woman I knew one I was done my dating pool would shrink and it will be difficult to find one.. hubby and I been married 17 going in 18 years.
35 year old Single Man - no kids - great job. My male peers who are 35 and married with kids feel and look so much older than I do. Having a family puts a weight of responsibility on you, as well as takes away time and money from your own self care
They are probably a lot happier than you though. Your male friends will have a nice dinner waiting for them when they get home, and someone to care of them when they are sick, and children that will grow up and do them proud. Money isn’t everything and you’ll soon realise that if you keep up with that attitude.
I loved this video! I also love when you let your guard down to be fully transparent and extremely relatable!! Could you please speak on the topic of “people pleasing” next?
At 33 with a career, husband, house and dog, I feel like I was able to slide under many closing doors that others in my friend group weren't. Like dating and finding someone with similar goals without commitment issues seems so hard when I hear horror stories about it from my single friends. Getting a good job, buying a house, I wish all the things I accomplished were not so freaking hard so everyone who wants to could do it. But I'm struggling with fertility now, it's not something you can do everything right and work hard and you'll have a baby. Oftentimes, it's random genetic bad luck. So, to answer your question, I feel "ahead" of others in many aspects but this fertility journey has really stumped me.
Thank you so much for your videos! Your takes are always so interesting and the little life nuggets you drop are things I've needed to hear someone say and in a way I can relate to. Keep doing your thing!
as a 26 year old i definitely look forward to being auntified because I see aunties as wise and respected pillars of the community particularly in Nigerian culture. my mom embraces soon becoming a grandma. however i definitely understand consent matters
Love your content Stephco! I look forward to hearing your views. BTW my aunt moved states, learned to drive, and got married 3rd time all in her mid 60s.
I really liked this podcast and the conclusions you’ve come to. I just turned 25 and ever since COVID, I tend to feel 2 years younger than my age. At the same time, so much needed development happened during that period, but I feel like time is just passing too fast
I love your transparency in reflecting. I can relate to much of what you have shared. Please continue to put your content out. Coming from a 45 childless pcos grown person.❤
im so interested in this conversation at 22. idk how i resonate or relate to you & the way you express yourself just yet, but im drawn. and i hope to gracefully get to this age. you’re beautiful too 🥹. idk, 😊u feel safe lol
Great topic! Girl you have no idea how we love listening to you, you allow ppl to be normal! And I feel you about the hair it can defo turn into an upper arm workout 😂
I love your perspective at the 18:00 mark and as someone with 4c hair I totally agree. That said, why do you think the content creator brixana got a lot of backlash for her comments about the differences between her hair and her moms hair
Her mom is bi racial, so it makes sense especially if the mother felt superior for being mixed. Colorism is just gendered racism targeting fully black girlies and women.
I love the podcast idea. I just hope it really it a safe space and people don't drag you. I have definitely benefited from knowing that I'm not alone in this position I'm in.
I don't know how to grow-up either. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who feels "left back", so to speak. At the end of the day I don't want to be in either of those spaces. A lot of them don't either. Deep down they aspire to our lifestyle, both the aunties and the girlies. They live with their own regrets. Our lives are more portable, nimble, and nomadic. Their are bolted down, locked-up, stagnant. Depends a lot on external circumstances which is more ideal. I don't know that there's a way to know for sure. I know they ponder their lives/decisions just as much as we do
Wow, this was very deep. I’m divorced after a marriage that lasted more than a decade. I’m a mother of one. I’m 35. I view marriage, children, dating, etc. very differently because of the experiences I’ve already had in life.
For your question at the end I’m 29. I’ll be 30 in a month. I…Feel the age I am. I’ve technically accomplished what I wanted… I’m a new mother to a miraculous daughter. She’s my everything in these dark times.
I'll be 40 in a few months and I completely understand what you mean about not aging mentally. Recently my friend referred to our group as "Aunties" when talking to some younger ladies and it completely threw me off. I still feel like I'm in my early 30s and my goals still align with the ones that I had during that time.
hi!! this is just about the title of your podcast, i haven’t watched yet but i’m excited 😊 I love the safe space part because it really will be your space! People are always going to have their opinions but there are so many people who really really support you! Those of us that watch every video that comes out because it’s always great content (me lol), or comments every time, we would definitely be watching and supporting your podcast!! you have a ton of real supporters and people who resonate with you so please don’t forget about us when referring to the internet 😆 we here girl! i think all of this love will flow to your podcast and it really will be your safe place!😊 also, someone said “Safe Space with StephCo” instead and that was a really great idea! okay, i’m off to watch the video!! 🤍
47, childfree, black and unmarried - I think it’s been very helpful for me to have a small tribe of black friends who haven’t had kids. Some are married, but our paths are still similar. It’s also helpful for me to follow similar women and some men on social media. Once folks have kids and you start comparing yourself, you’ll feel “behind,” but it’s based on a standard that’s not your own. It’s not a fair comparison, and it’s a lot to put ourselves through. I have friends who’ve had kids who feel “behind” because they didn’t have the various individual experiences that I’ve had as a single childfree woman. I dunno. Since there is no real correct path, the beauty is that we can pave our own way and define ourselves for ourselves, as Audre Lorde reminds us, and as you did at the end of your video. 💗
New podcast idea- I luvvvv! Good talk. On your ideas of your mindset not changing because you haven’t experienced certain things… I don’t agree. I think you’re overthinking this. I’m 47 and haven’t met these 2 milestones (marriage and children). I think mindset depends on your maturity. On one hand I do still see life thru a younger and optimistic view. Like I’m actually grateful for my freedom and lifestyle as a single woman who can travel and come home and have chips and wine for dinner! The little joys don’t escape me. On the other hand I’m a realist! I’m fully aware of the times in, my biology, my lack of control over meeting Mr right, the way society sees me! I focus on me, and take in ideas that nourish my mindset! (Stoicism really resonates). Anyway, hope this makes sense and hope this pod you a good community!
It’s your Grown Woman Stage Can you do a video on when you were a people pleaser, how you recognized it, and how you are now reformed ? PAALEEEESE 🙏🏾😊😊
I’m 37 and have kids, but I absolutely feel you. I was going to say is this a millennial thing lol? I am definitely grown, but I don’t feel drawn to the “girlie” titles and I don’t feel like an “auntie” (despite having nephews) lol. Outside of that, I often feel like I don’t fit in. And I think. Lot of that is connected to me becoming a mom soon after I turned 22. So I wasn’t a teen mom, but still young. And then when I’m around moms that have kids the age of my oldest I just feel different. Like, I haven’t accomplished things that I thought I would by this age. Everything I thought I’d do go out on the back burner due to motherhood and other mental health struggles. And now it’s too late for some of those things to happen, at least how I thought they would. So I just try to accept and adjust.
Wowza! This spoke to me! I feel so young and immature compared to my peers and feel so out of place. I am asking the same question, “how do I grow up”? “What am I”? Phew!!! Thanks for speaking about this!
I think this is such a millennial issue. The adults who never quite grew up. 😂😂😂. Delayed traditional life choices like marriage having kids & owning homes due to alot of factors. At 23 my parents had 2 kids & were busy buying their second home. At 23 I started a new educational path. Kids, marriage houses 23!...just thinking about it gives me a panic attack.
I’m 38. Never been engaged/married. No children. Haven’t had a boyfriend in 7 years lol. HOWEVER, I’m a RN, I’m a homeowner, I’m well traveled. I think the thing is just finding where you fit in. I’m struggling with finding my place in life. But I’m also a grown woman. Maybe the thing is that we embrace this “in-between” space… Maybe we just don’t call it an “in-between” space and just embrace where we are. That way we don’t treat where we are as if we aren’t accomplished or fulfilled because we haven’t done some of the things that other people our age have done. Maybe we just satisfy ourselves and find joy in that we’re being the best adult we can be. That’s what we are- grown responsible women. Period.
I’m so glad I’m here before this video even reaches 1 day.. I relate to your content so much and I love supporting your channel 💜 thank you for sharing this.. I’m 33, no kids, never married, single.. it’s like I have to remind myself that I’m still young and I have a lot of life to live until I become a formal “auntie”…. And I think people treat us matronly and it’s rooted sometimes in anti-Blackness… you’re either a vixen/jezabel or an aunt jemima/mammy… and I’m neither? So it’s hard to navigate societal gaze on us as Black women
Go to surfshark.com/stephco for 4 extra months of Surfshark at an unbeatable price!
Please be thankful for what you have and accomplished.❤
"I'm not a girl,not yet a woman". Brittney Spears song :)
Hi 👋🏾 Steph, May you cover the *Later Daters* I loved when you covered the Stella’s got her groove man host dating show 🥰
@@db4449 Yes!
Do you think the podcast "It's A Safe Space...Because I Said So" Is a good idea? I am always shouting about how the internet isn't a safe space (it really isn't) but what if it was (it won't be). Lol, but what I'm trying to say is, it could be a cute way to explore some topics. What do you think?
@@hellostephco84 YEEES! That’d be so cool! 💖✨
What about "its a safe space with Stephco". Lose the 'because I said so'
I love it! Can’t wait for more discussions
I love this idea, Steph! ❤
Love this idea!
Close to 40, but without husband or kids, I lack that feeling of "home". it makes me feel young as hell. Buy whatever fashion I want, video games when I want, travel, etc. MBA, well paid. I dont feel immature, but sometimes I dont feel anchored, if that makes sense. I am GROWN though.
@melrwill Same here, although I am married. My spouse and I just do whatever we please, whenever we please. Other people my age have so many serious life things to worry about - kids being a major one - while I'm over here still feeling like I'm in my 20s, young and carefree. Yes, life be lifing sometimes, but I still don't feel like an official adult, sometimes.
All of this!
Some of this is because of the way other people treat you. I guarantee you. I say that from experience. I don't let other people "little girl me." As a result.
@videofan1010 I've never been one to let folks do that to me. I am very much assertive and opinionated. I'm responsible, owned my own business for 7 years now, and I've always had a "maternal role" when it came to my siblings and their kids. Even as grown adults, my sisters will consult with me first before our parents. My nieces and nephews call and come to me before their own parents. I think maybe it's because I didn't grow up in an environment that made me grow up to fast or burden me with responsibilities that i am so light and carefree. My spouse didn't have that life either.
@@videofan1010 yes!!!!!!! they will try it!!
40 is solidly auntie age, without question. You are part of a new breed of aunties who are more seasoned, mature and without kids. There are more of us out there than in years past and we need to be seen. Thank you for lending your voice to the conversation and being a representation for our demographic and life experiences.
@@LadyK007 I agree with you Sis. I’m 41, and my 20 something family members have definitely made me realize I am fully in my Auntie era 😂 which is fine with me!
As a 50+ woman who was a wife, is a mom and an auntie; I'm definitely still a girlie in the company of my female peer group. We're all different things at different times and in different situations. Embrace all of it!
Look at our girl Stephco getting sponsered by Surfshark! I hope many more brands roll through your door- I'm rooting for you 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I had the breakdown at 30. But from then on, I could give a rats behind if a stranger called me auntie. Or if my actual aunts and uncles asked me why I don't have kids. I travel the world, two cats and free as a horse running wild across the valley. When you deal with the likes of the BM, his antics and how I find he treats his women... I find myself lucky to have escaped the baby momma, welfare trap. Now at 46, I take every chance I get to look up at the sky, visit all the museums in every city I visit, ride along the highways blasting music from the 80s and 90s. My advice to ladies approaching 40 and older, life is fleeting just yesterday I was entering college. Today, I am planning for retirement in a few years. Life is short. Just live it...with or without someone.
That was beautifully written
I had a similar realization at 30 and adopted a similar attitude however, the difference is that at 30, I had more time to accomplish the things that in my mind made me “an auntie”. So for example, if you’re not a homeowner by thirty? Who cares! Not married? Who is? Not a parent? You have time! Not at the top of your career? Give it a moment! But by 40? Let’s just say they call it a mid life crisis for a reason lol. I’ll probably have a similar reckoning come 50. Every ten years, a new moment to check in with myself. Also, society treats you way different at 40 than 30. And your peer groups thin out so much more. I found it easier to stand in my individuality when I was younger because I actually wasn’t that far out of the status quo…it’s different now.
@@hellostephco84 I hear you and maybe you should cultivate your friendship group, because this can happen even if you’re married with kids.
The girlies that cut off their friendships when they get into relationships suffer the same.
@@Ricoque-u2m it's not so much dependent on my friendships at all, though you do have a good point...it's more about my relationship with myself.
Im 41, havent been married, no kids, I feel like I could as well be 28, but im older, my age doesnt reflect my life, maybe i've grown mentally, yes. I consider myself "older kid".
Older age is the price for wisdom. I used to be very naive, but got so many life lessons and found people who cleared for me how things work. I prefer myself now than earlier.
Thankful for wisdom and the fact there are other women like me who haven’t wrecked their lives with bad marriages and kids.
@joandrammeh8911 high five🖐🏻, well , I have other female friends like myself. People who want only real connection.
Older kid! Exactly ❤
I try to avoid conversations around relationships, ive never been in one and i don't want to explain myself to people. I have been doing this since my mid 20s. Sometimes i lie.
I appreciate your content. I’m 39 not married and child free. Struggled with dating and It’s relatable, I feel super young a lot of the time and then sometimes I’m like damn I’m 39.
Right???? Like where did the time go lol
@erica9314 turning 35 in 2 months and sometimes I sit and think "it was JUST my 16th birthday party....". And it's like I can't figure out where almost 20 years went between then and now either. Esp when it feels like you have "nothing to show for it". Time and aging is so weird.
Great discussion! I recently turned 43, I feel like I was a late bloomer in a lot of areas of life. I sort of have my career going in the right direction, make decent money, I got married at 36 had a baby at 37, and just had another surprise baby at 42. I have a lot but still feel behind, I think being a late bloomer will have a permanent impact on how I view myself.
If you're willing, would you share more about feeling behind? Do you mean like even though you have the "things" peers are "supposed" to have in your age range, getting it so recently makes it feel too new? I'm very curious about this!
You have my dreamlife tho ….notmal career At an Older marriage and kids ….❤
23:35. This is for your comment about the 40+ year-old women who still say “when I get married and have kids “. There’s nothing wrong with being over 40 and still speaking optimistically about marriage and motherhood. I’m 43 and lots of my friends are becoming new moms. There a whole community online of women over 40 getting happily ever after. This isn’t 1950.
You’re 100% a "girlie," and your demographic is absolutely the girlies. You’re still figuring things out, just like they are, but you bring more experience and wisdom-something they’re still working toward. So yes, without a doubt, your audience is the girlies. We love learning from your experiences!
I agree! I understand Steph, but I think you can be whatever you want. Labels are a construct and can't really define us as multidimensional women. A 42-year-old woman is NOT delusional for talking about her future as a wife and a mother on TikTok. (I am living proof as an engaged 47-year-old with a 5-year-old daughter.) Timelines don't define us either.
You ate with the video title - this comment is coming from an in-betweener born in 1995. I really feel you.
Oh, shes prolific, loving all the extra content. I can't wait to watch this later. Cheers Steph❤
‘Oh,She’s Prolific’ sounds like a great podcast name but I know it may have negative connotations
@@faebalina7786what negative connotations does that term hold if you don't mind me asking?
@@nancykerrigan it is a neutral word so depends on the context so for podcasts depends on what the main subject matters would be
Loved this! It reminds me of that Britney Spears song “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman” 😂😂 I’ll be tuned into your podcast
Why did I think of that song as well! Started singing it and everything! 😂
That was my exact thought 😂😂😂
same, keeps playing in my head now
I'm glad I found this comment before I made the same one.
I really didn't understand the Aunti conversation when it was going on. Now that I have listened to your take on this topic, I totally get it. By allowing people to label you in a way that indicates you are "past your prime" isn't a good feeling at all.
I feel this and I’m only 29. And I have to remind myself of that daily.
I will literally watch anything you post I get so excited when you upload!!
It's funny that you released this video today, because I have been feeling this way lately. For the last couple of weeks I have been watching First Dates UK, and there are so many 27-30 year olds looking to settle down, they have done all the partying and now they want a family. And in my head I thought "wow... that's my age group, and I feel nowhere near that yet". I didn't party, I didn't do much dating, finished university 4 years ago, and now it's time to settle? Gosh, where has time gone!
Obviously move on your own timeline and don't rush yourself to fit into a box, but many people meet their future spouses while still in undergrad/other degree programs and grow together with them. Marriages have the best odds of success when people marry within certain windows, it does vary based on gender and education level, but the "ideal window" centers on marrying between ages 28-32 for the lowest odds of divorce. I met my future husband at 24 and married at 26 and since we sort of grew into adulthood together it gave us a really tight bond. I do believe in love at every age, however I also recognize that falling in love and beginning a life together look very different at 25, 35, 45, 55, and so on. The sooner you meet your person the more deeply you can bond and the more shared memories you can have over a lifetime. Good luck out there ☘️
i'v heard 80 year olds say the same thing about the funerals of their age mates. They mostly cant believe where the time has gone. Worth reflecting on
I agree with a lot that you said in this video. Im 38 and still can't believe it and so I have been told, I don't look or act like it. I'm single, Childfree and focus on my job and doing hobbies that interest me. I don't regret anything in my life, just sometimes stunned that I got up here so fast. I'm not sure I have an adverse reaction to being called auntie, because I had some really good ones growing up but I can understand why some people wouldn't want that assigned to them. I do however have a visceral reaction to being called Ma'am🤣🤣THAT one makes me feel old, along with some not so pleasant experiences after that word was used.
HEAVY on the “stunned that I got up here so fast”. Where did the time go?!😮
Just jumping in about your *Ma'am* experience. Made me think of the first time a younger person called me 'Miss - and my name'. I was insulted, I tell ya! 😂🤣
Yes, it's a shock.
I met a younger dude who kept calling me "Ms. Ma'am" I wanted to throw him down a hill lol.
I do not understand how you don’t have more subscribers 😭
This is just my opinion. I watch her content from time to time but I haven’t subscribed. I feel like a lot of her content is kinda “Woe is me” I watched her last video on Wicked and got some insight on her. She’s had a very “othered” experience growing up and it seems she’s internalized it and has carried it into adulthood. I don’t want more type of content like this being suggested to me by subscribing to her. The algorithm sends enough trash to black women to harm their psyche’s. I’d love to hear more from her on what is going right instead of what’s always wrong. But hey, the algorithm loves rage baiting and negativity. Maybe she’s just playing the game and what do I know 🤷♀️
@@CambieSweetsthat’s fair to have an opinion, that is surprising to me because I’ve never gotten that from her content. More-so life through her lense which may be different from the norm.
I really really like Stephanie but I also kind of get that too. I noticed that a lot of people that consume tik tok think pieces over there tend to do this. They’re deeply reflective. Steph is also a creative so that’s a part of it I’m sure. That being said, I remain subscribed and I do really enjoy her content. Hi Steph if you read this.
@ I hear you. We all have lenses through which we see the world but sometimes our lenses are rose colored, distorted, or dirty. Sometimes we need a new prescription/paradigm shift. We use fresh sets of eyes to catch things we may have missed. I first came across Steph because of her viral “pretty privilege” video. It’s one thing to share experiences but sometimes we have patterns and beliefs about ourselves that create the very reality we don’t want to experience. Also, I want to be clear that I’m not denying her experiences. I promise 🫶🏾
@@FeelingFitFabFunYes! For sure. I really like her as well and I understand where she’s coming from on many of her experiences. I also see why a lot of content creators take breaks (i .e. BreenyLee). A detox and reset is needed to keep us calibrated to the real world, real connections, and real experiences that fill our cups. Social media is an echo chamber that is designed to do what the think pieces on TikTok does. It’s a reason the term doomscrolling exists. We must be mindful ❤
Thank you for sharing your story! As someone who is 40 unmarried & has no kids, I can relate. I think we have to shift and expand our definitions of maturity, it’s not just meeting certain milestones that society imposes upon us. Immature people get married and have kids all the time, and sadly it’s their spouses and kids who reap the consequences. It takes wisdom and foresight to reject a person or situation that feels good for the moment but will likely be dysfunctional or disastrous in the future.
The comment about 4C natural hair being an upper body workout! 💯
I to experiment with my hair and used to do extensions and make by own wigs but as I am approaching 40s and my chronic shoulder pain I am going to have to invest in hair salon visits for my non-twists dos. 😭
You're level of intelligence is "muah" unmatched. You say out loud what others are thinking and put into context perfectly. Thank you 🙂
"What am I? I'm grown." I LOVE this attitude, so much! Thank you, and happy thanksgiving. 🙂
My God! Another one?! Thank you! 🙌🙌🙌
I’m 27, I got married last year and I feel a little out of place with people around me. I’m the first in my friend group to settle down and I feel like I can’t share some things or we just aren’t on the same page about some things for example dealing with in-laws . I also struggle to fit in with the married crowd around me because they’re mostly in their 40s (mainly family, aunts and so on)and they still see me as a baby who can’t be included in their conversations . It’s a weird space to be in but I’m navigating as best as I can
I was you for a while. At 27 I was already married with three kids, a homeowner, already had been in the military for 6 years, and well into my second career. I felt more experienced and mature than most people my age, but too young to relate to the married crowd. Now I’m 33 and most of my friends are in their late thirties to mid forties, and I don’t feel out of place with them.
loveee to see you getting sponsors 🙌🏾🤍
ME TOO 🎉
I was so happy 🥹
"Because I never got to do these things, how do I grow up?" That question hit me like a ton of bricks. Not to get all Wicked Press atour, but I really want to hold space with that question for a bit, because that's a very intriguing concept.
Same boat: mid-late 30s, never married, no kids....but I have a career, graduate degree, take care of an elderly parent, and have traveled extensively. So I have some life experiences, but not the ones people weigh more heavily as Adult Qualifiers.
On the other side of that coin, for girls who had to grow up too fast, who never got to feel young and youthful or truly like a girlie, how do they get to experience that once they've chronologically passed the range of girlhood? How do we as a society determine who "gets" to be a certain age? Which experiences mean "adulthood" and why have we chosen those?
I feel like this comment has descended into rambling and thinking out loud, lol. Another compelling video, Steph! I think a podcast would be an amazing idea, but admittedly I am biased because I love all of your commentary. Is there a link to find your patreon?
This is a brilliant question!
You truly said exactly what I’ve been thinking! I turned 35 in September, and find myself in this middle place of never knowing where I fit, as far as age. I feel behind at times, but the self awareness journey is never easy. Love your channel! 🤎and Happy Thanksgiving!
I've been an aunt since I was 6 so the term doesn't faze me but I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone outside my family calling me that, so I kind of get it. Aging for me has been okay. Thoughts of mortality have been running ramped in my head though.
The world has always been obsessed with women and aging. It was annoying then and still is now 😆.
Comparison is a thief of joy is such a true statement and the Internet has amplified this. The Internet will make you think you aren't doing enough or you're doing too much. I'm just trying to be happy with what I have and where I currently am in life. Also, that I'm comfortable with where I am spiritually before I meet my maker. It's been a struggle lol but I'm making the effort and praying daily on it.
I always love to hear you speak. The way you articulate yourself and the things you have to say always resonate with me. It’s 4am where I am, so I can’t watch this yet but I’m dropping a like and I will fully watch through tomorrow while I get ready for thanksgiving dinner. Happy thanksgiving to you Stephanie!
Thank you for giving us content, back to back to back. I am lovin it! 😊😊😊😊
I have a perspective that I've seen many women doing better later in life. Just getting their foot in the door career wise or trying something new. I see many people just finding their loves or just starting families in their 40's/50's. I see people staying active longer and later in life than it previously was. That's just a perspective I've seen, but I respect yours as well.
And you have a very diverse demographic. I can feel where you're coming from though. I'm 36 and am not where I thought I'd be in life at this time.
I don't classify the term "girlie" with age. I've always looked at it as a femininity thing lol
44, married for 14 years with 2 bio kids and a granddaughter via my husbands son. I still don’t feel my age. I’m trying to accept aging, but it’s challenging. I still feel like the same woman I did at 35.
About to watch the video - but congrats on the Sponsorship with Surfshark! 🥳🥳 I usually skip this part of videos but wanted to show support!! Congrats again!!
This is such a refreshing take! No one is talking about this and you’re so well spoken with amazing insight. It’s supper comforting. This feels like such an untapped niche you should go for it!
At 41 I feel like I am at an age where young people think I’m old and old people think I’m young. Sometimes I feel old and sometimes I feel young. It is all very confusing.
I wonder where do i fit into on the spectrum. I’m 42, i have a 20 year old daughter, who is an amazing young lady! I had her when i was 22. I was also married at 22 and im long divorced. I’ve dated over the years, but always long to have another child and remarry, but to date, that hasn’t happened and it’s such a strong desire. i believe the reason i haven’t, is because my ex hubby and i coparented so well over the years. So i’ve always had the fear of having to do it alone, and i do dread that! Like i travelled, completed school and had such a good life even as a divorcee, because my ex hubby is a great dad and i had that support all through. I also believe that because of that, becoming a single mom, and not having that support is so frightening!
Yet my desire is still so strong, and i’ve toyed with the idea. sigh. I feel like i’m such a unique group, like i’ve had the experience of marrying and having a child, but i long so much to be a mom and wife again.
So even at 42, like Steph said, i find myself still dreaming and holding out hope that i may meet that man and have my child, idk if that’ll ever happen. However, i would truly love to be a mom again, partnered and have a baby, but i don’t fit into the 40 and over team, never married/had a child.
I find myself in a corner alone, because everyone says to me, well at least you have a child and was partnered. It’s definitely a zone where i feel i don’t fit into a lot of niche groups.
Thanks for articulating so well step! You are a gifted narrator ❤
My bestie is struggling with this now divorce with 2 kids, while our other friend just had a baby and is getting married.
I hope your family and friends give you love and support.
Im learning that we dont need to box ourselves in. Everything is not linear
Steph I would LOVE to hear you talk about the Hulu series “How to die alone” … I feel like that would be an amazing think piece on how you relate to the main character and how tie it back to the experience you talked about in this video
Team gingerbae lol I really enjoyed that show
Yes! I felt like i was real relatable
Gurllllllll, I was nodding in agreement with like 95% of what you said. I turned 40 in April and I too feel like I don’t belong in this age group. My sister that is 4 years younger than me has accomplished so much more than I have so I can definitely relate. I’m also the oldest in my favorite friend group and also same thing, I’m behind. I was married before but no kids came from that union. I recently became an aunty and he is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and I feel so unequipped to be that aunty. Financially still getting my situation in order and romantically well, lol tbd.
The algorithm is loving you atm Steph. Hope it keeps going and going!!
I love to audio journal, so I really appreciated you spinning it into a question for us at the end, a great prompt!
I feel older than my age, 27 in a lot of ways and younger all at the same time.
Older due to caring for an ill parent and other life experiences. And younger because of a lack of those traditional adult checkboxes.
That seems common though, the older I get the more I realize very few of us have it figured it out 😂
I enjoy your content because I am roughly the same age, single and childfree. Most of my close friends are very similar.
I don’t really relate to people with children so it’s nice to see content that speaks to where I am.
I also think it’s important to show how there are many valuable and valid paths in life…including yours!
Thanks for sharing🎉
As a 28 year old I really admire and look up to you. This was one of my fav videos from you
I really enjoy your channel! You're so relatable, and I love that you're not boxed into just one lane. WOW, I really resonated SO much about feeling like a little kid because I haven't experienced much to "mature". I feel like even though I'm growing, at the same time I'm not because I haven't had those lifetime milestones. Oh Steph you sent my mind down the rabbit hole! 😩😄
What you said between minutes 25 and 26 is exactly how I feel at 30 years old now
I’m so glad this is being talked about and that you’re creating a space for these kinds of conversations. Although I’m only 30, from both sides of the spectrum 30 is either “oh girl, you’re still young, you got time” or “alright now, you getting up there in age. Where those kids and that man at?! You know ya clock ticking” I too, noticed once I turned 30 I started being afraid of using terms like “auntie” which i often use to describe my lack of knowledge on new terms, slang, trends, dances, etc “titi can’t keep up y’all, help me out.” It’s sad, because although I still look, feel, and AM relatively young- society has made 30 to be old, and I don’t wanna “claim” that but I also don’t know if I can be a “girly” cuz I can’t relate to a lot of things going on or as you said I’ve “been there, done that.” Hanging with people under 25 make me feel OLD AS HELL but hanging with people over 45 makes me feel too young (ofc this is a majority not person-to-person). I feel like your 30s and 40s are an odd place to be; it’s like being teenage adults, lol! Young enough to date the son who’s too immature, old enough to date the father who looks to you as a youngin 😂! We seriously need to unpack these issues or at least have conversations about it! Thanks for all you do in these UA-cam streets Steph, bringing these topics to light is amazing! Thank you! ❤
I wish there was a place I can ramble about this topic because I have SO MUCH MORE TO SAY but I feel like my comment is pretty long already 😂❤
25:00 is such an amazing question to ask ourselves.
I own being almost 35! I love it I love looking at the shock on ppls faces when you own it no one bats an eye it’s actually a FLEX
Girl you are so wise and spot on with so much of this. Keep being yourself and posting your life journey (exactly like this). So many women (people) will end up just like you but they don't know it yet. And they will need to see this and will get great value from your perspective. YOUR BLOW UP WILL HAPPEN, KEEP GOING!!!
In all my 20s so far I felt too young for folks my exact age and too old for anyone younger based off where they're at in life or how they carry themselves. People reach and experience different things in their lives so things like society's standards and labels can help you reflect but don't have to define you - so I like how you came to calling yourself grown! A lot of young ppl (ie. as young as 19) call themselves grown with or without having an apartment but that's the thing, we all end up with our own meanings till we reach our time. 🙂
I'm close to 40 with 13 actual nieces and nephews. I'm still undecided as to whether I want strangers casually calling me "auntie" 😂
I’m 30 and have a niece and nephew. Neither call me Auntie, so I’m not going to sit here and let strangers call me it! 😂
I mean it’s auntie age… when is auntie ok… 50… 60?! That’s granny age… social media got ppl holdin on to bs… and being defensive about terms of endearment… smh blk American shii.
I'm a mom and auntie, so I'm probably not a part of this convo but I dont think random ppl should be able to call you whatever they want just bc of your age. Just call me by my name if you don't know me lol.
@@jessicab331 seems you missed or misinterpreted (willful ignorance) the content of the video. You're so eager to shame her for not wanting to be called an "auntie" but you seemed to miss the part where she rejects the title of "girly". Also, Jackie Aina is Nigerian, so your attempt again to shame her/ us via a "Diaspora war" is foiled as well. Imagine having a spirit of contempt and descent so early on this day of Thanksgiving 🧐.
I was an aunty by age 11, and I am 32 now. I don't like being called Aunty by anyone, yet alone my neices and nephews - however, I will give them a pass 😂
In da clerb we all fammm 💞
😂❤
🫶🏿
First of all, you're giving gorgeous today! 54, divorced for 15+ years, 2 grands...and i still refer to myself as a girlie! Its a mindset and i refuse to let anybody dictate how i see myself!🐞☕️😋
I love this video, crazy how it’s described how I’ve been feeling for years. I don’t feel like an adult or my age and at all, I laugh on the inside when people at work comment about how mature I am cause I’ll quickly tell them how much of a scam I am. Your videos are so necessary Steph!
Am 45 with 2 kids , husband all the things.. honestly don’t feel like am 45 but I did things on my own terms.. went to school forever (MD)for the last 17 😭.. but I never had a time line but one thing I knew was to find my husband before completion of my degree because as a black woman I knew one I was done my dating pool would shrink and it will be difficult to find one.. hubby and I been married 17 going in 18 years.
35 year old Single Man - no kids - great job.
My male peers who are 35 and married with kids feel and look so much older than I do.
Having a family puts a weight of responsibility on you, as well as takes away time and money from your own self care
But it's also so rewarding to have kids and a good wife...
@@Victory2me It's extremely rewarding to create a family that you love and that loves you back.
They are probably a lot happier than you though. Your male friends will have a nice dinner waiting for them when they get home, and someone to care of them when they are sick, and children that will grow up and do them proud. Money isn’t everything and you’ll soon realise that if you keep up with that attitude.
Yea, all the men in my family are divorced and broke. I’m good
I’m an auntie and proud of it!!!!😂
I loved this video! I also love when you let your guard down to be fully transparent and extremely relatable!! Could you please speak on the topic of “people pleasing” next?
At 33 with a career, husband, house and dog, I feel like I was able to slide under many closing doors that others in my friend group weren't. Like dating and finding someone with similar goals without commitment issues seems so hard when I hear horror stories about it from my single friends. Getting a good job, buying a house, I wish all the things I accomplished were not so freaking hard so everyone who wants to could do it. But I'm struggling with fertility now, it's not something you can do everything right and work hard and you'll have a baby. Oftentimes, it's random genetic bad luck. So, to answer your question, I feel "ahead" of others in many aspects but this fertility journey has really stumped me.
I loved this video!! It resonated with me so much. Thank you for this!!! Your content is so honest & fresh.
Thank you so much for your videos! Your takes are always so interesting and the little life nuggets you drop are things I've needed to hear someone say and in a way I can relate to. Keep doing your thing!
We appreciate your honesty and transparency!🤌 Good content, God bless you!❤🙏❤
as a 26 year old i definitely look forward to being auntified because I see aunties as wise and respected pillars of the community particularly in Nigerian culture. my mom embraces soon becoming a grandma. however i definitely understand consent matters
Love your content Stephco! I look forward to hearing your views. BTW my aunt moved states, learned to drive, and got married 3rd time all in her mid 60s.
I really liked this podcast and the conclusions you’ve come to. I just turned 25 and ever since COVID, I tend to feel 2 years younger than my age. At the same time, so much needed development happened during that period, but I feel like time is just passing too fast
I love your transparency in reflecting. I can relate to much of what you have shared. Please continue to put your content out. Coming from a 45 childless pcos grown person.❤
im so interested in this conversation at 22. idk how i resonate or relate to you & the way you express yourself just yet, but im drawn. and i hope to gracefully get to this age. you’re beautiful too 🥹. idk, 😊u feel safe lol
Great topic! Girl you have no idea how we love listening to you, you allow ppl to be normal!
And I feel you about the hair it can defo turn into an upper arm workout 😂
I love your perspective at the 18:00 mark and as someone with 4c hair I totally agree. That said, why do you think the content creator brixana got a lot of backlash for her comments about the differences between her hair and her moms hair
Her mom is bi racial, so it makes sense especially if the mother felt superior for being mixed.
Colorism is just gendered racism targeting fully black girlies and women.
Veeeeerrry relatable content. I mean.. so relatable and I'm older than 40❤️
I love the podcast idea. I just hope it really it a safe space and people don't drag you. I have definitely benefited from knowing that I'm not alone in this position I'm in.
I love the Podcast idea Steph, I hope you livestream sometimes too, I love to watch you 💯
I don't know how to grow-up either. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who feels "left back", so to speak. At the end of the day I don't want to be in either of those spaces. A lot of them don't either. Deep down they aspire to our lifestyle, both the aunties and the girlies. They live with their own regrets. Our lives are more portable, nimble, and nomadic. Their are bolted down, locked-up, stagnant. Depends a lot on external circumstances which is more ideal. I don't know that there's a way to know for sure. I know they ponder their lives/decisions just as much as we do
Wow, this was very deep. I’m divorced after a marriage that lasted more than a decade. I’m a mother of one. I’m 35. I view marriage, children, dating, etc. very differently because of the experiences I’ve already had in life.
You are on an incredible roll! Love watching you as always, always enjoy hearing your opinions. 🫶🏿
Thank you for blessing us with your content so relatable😊❤
I'm 30 will be checking off 31 in jan and i couldn't understand support feel scene by this video. I love and support you and you're insight.
So happy to see updates from you ❤
I loved the video, also would love to see you talk about the ultimatum I know your takes will be amazing
For your question at the end I’m 29. I’ll be 30 in a month. I…Feel the age I am. I’ve technically accomplished what I wanted… I’m a new mother to a miraculous daughter. She’s my everything in these dark times.
I'll be 40 in a few months and I completely understand what you mean about not aging mentally. Recently my friend referred to our group as "Aunties" when talking to some younger ladies and it completely threw me off. I still feel like I'm in my early 30s and my goals still align with the ones that I had during that time.
hi!! this is just about the title of your podcast, i haven’t watched yet but i’m excited 😊 I love the safe space part because it really will be your space! People are always going to have their opinions but there are so many people who really really support you! Those of us that watch every video that comes out because it’s always great content (me lol), or comments every time, we would definitely be watching and supporting your podcast!! you have a ton of real supporters and people who resonate with you so please don’t forget about us when referring to the internet 😆 we here girl! i think all of this love will flow to your podcast and it really will be your safe place!😊 also, someone said “Safe Space with StephCo” instead and that was a really great idea! okay, i’m off to watch the video!! 🤍
The way I sung the title 😂
Great content as always Steph!!
You look great Steph ❤️
40! Damn girl, you look beautiful. Drop the moisturizer routine. ❤
47, childfree, black and unmarried - I think it’s been very helpful for me to have a small tribe of black friends who haven’t had kids. Some are married, but our paths are still similar. It’s also helpful for me to follow similar women and some men on social media.
Once folks have kids and you start comparing yourself, you’ll feel “behind,” but it’s based on a standard that’s not your own. It’s not a fair comparison, and it’s a lot to put ourselves through. I have friends who’ve had kids who feel “behind” because they didn’t have the various individual experiences that I’ve had as a single childfree woman. I dunno. Since there is no real correct path, the beauty is that we can pave our own way and define ourselves for ourselves, as Audre Lorde reminds us, and as you did at the end of your video. 💗
New podcast idea- I luvvvv! Good talk. On your ideas of your mindset not changing because you haven’t experienced certain things… I don’t agree. I think you’re overthinking this. I’m 47 and haven’t met these 2 milestones (marriage and children). I think mindset depends on your maturity. On one hand I do still see life thru a younger and optimistic view. Like I’m actually grateful for my freedom and lifestyle as a single woman who can travel and come home and have chips and wine for dinner! The little joys don’t escape me. On the other hand I’m a realist! I’m fully aware of the times in, my biology, my lack of control over meeting Mr right, the way society sees me! I focus on me, and take in ideas that nourish my mindset! (Stoicism really resonates). Anyway, hope this makes sense and hope this pod you a good community!
Loving the Britney Spears reference 😂❤
It’s your Grown Woman Stage
Can you do a video on when you were a people pleaser, how you recognized it, and how you are now reformed ? PAALEEEESE 🙏🏾😊😊
I’m 37 and have kids, but I absolutely feel you. I was going to say is this a millennial thing lol? I am definitely grown, but I don’t feel drawn to the “girlie” titles and I don’t feel like an “auntie” (despite having nephews) lol.
Outside of that, I often feel like I don’t fit in. And I think. Lot of that is connected to me becoming a mom soon after I turned 22. So I wasn’t a teen mom, but still young. And then when I’m around moms that have kids the age of my oldest I just feel different. Like, I haven’t accomplished things that I thought I would by this age. Everything I thought I’d do go out on the back burner due to motherhood and other mental health struggles. And now it’s too late for some of those things to happen, at least how I thought they would. So I just try to accept and adjust.
Congrats on the sponsor!!
Wowza! This spoke to me! I feel so young and immature compared to my peers and feel so out of place. I am asking the same question, “how do I grow up”? “What am I”? Phew!!! Thanks for speaking about this!
I think this is such a millennial issue. The adults who never quite grew up. 😂😂😂.
Delayed traditional life choices like marriage having kids & owning homes due to alot of factors.
At 23 my parents had 2 kids & were busy buying their second home. At 23 I started a new educational path. Kids, marriage houses 23!...just thinking about it gives me a panic attack.
💯🎯
Happy Thanksgiving 🍁
I’m 38. Never been engaged/married. No children. Haven’t had a boyfriend in 7 years lol.
HOWEVER, I’m a RN, I’m a homeowner, I’m well traveled.
I think the thing is just finding where you fit in. I’m struggling with finding my place in life. But I’m also a grown woman.
Maybe the thing is that we embrace this “in-between” space…
Maybe we just don’t call it an “in-between” space and just embrace where we are. That way we don’t treat where we are as if we aren’t accomplished or fulfilled because we haven’t done some of the things that other people our age have done.
Maybe we just satisfy ourselves and find joy in that we’re being the best adult we can be.
That’s what we are- grown responsible women. Period.
I’m so glad I’m here before this video even reaches 1 day.. I relate to your content so much and I love supporting your channel 💜 thank you for sharing this.. I’m 33, no kids, never married, single.. it’s like I have to remind myself that I’m still young and I have a lot of life to live until I become a formal “auntie”…. And I think people treat us matronly and it’s rooted sometimes in anti-Blackness… you’re either a vixen/jezabel or an aunt jemima/mammy… and I’m neither? So it’s hard to navigate societal gaze on us as Black women
I would listen to your podcast, no problem!
Your career is very impressive Steph!!