Are you really in love or just addicted to it?
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- Опубліковано 7 гру 2023
- Are you lost in love, or addicted to it? Discover the thin line between deep affection and unhealthy dependency in our latest video. This is a must-watch for anyone who suspects their passion might be crossing into perilous territory.
In this video, you'll explore:
- Understanding Love Addiction: Unpacking the intense, often overwhelming obsession with the idea of love, romance, and relationships.
- Love Dependency Explained: How emotional dependency in relationships can lead to a loss of personal identity and self-worth.
- The Cycle of Emotional Dependency: Identifying the patterns and behaviors that signal a shift from healthy affection to dependency.
- Breaking the Chains: Strategies for recognizing and addressing love addiction and dependency, fostering healthier relationship dynamics.
We encourage you to join the conversation and share your own experiences in the comments. Have you ever found yourself in the throes of love addiction or dependency? How did you navigate these challenging emotional landscapes?
Definition was clear about trust = self esteem.🎉
With compassion and respect for those who are triggered by the word "love addict" I must say that I don't have any problem with it. I speak to my clients directly with deep compassion for what their experiencing. I will tell people directly, that it seems they have an unhealthy attachment to trying to feel loved. And, I would say that the experiences my clients have with trying to force others to love them, we're trying to be perfect so that they will be loved, looks very much like what people experience when they are addicted to any other thing. Now, if I started having lots of clients who were triggered by that term, I would use some other term for two reasons...... The first reason is very practical, I can't go around triggering clients........ The second reason is that if something hurt someone, and they tell me they don't like it, I'll ask them what else they would like me to do because I don't want to hurt them. But, the point is that true compassion, I think comes not from the words we use and not come trying to not offend people, but by telling them the truth so that they can have an opportunity to liberate themselves.
Reflecting on my first statement, maybe I can alter it a bit. When I saw this little talk by Terry, it rings to me as absolutely wonderful and liberating and what I've come to believe. So, I was a little surprised to see the reactions to the word "love addict". I didn't have any reaction and only felt a sense of liberation from hearing this analysis which matches so closely my own experience and the experiences of many of my clients. So that's it, and I can see that the The term, is a bit triggering for some people and I imagine in a perfect world, it would need some clarification, compassion and work to get on the same page. One thing I am really sure about after seeing much of Terry's work, is that his intention is to heal, help, and speak and a way that is liberating.
I agree!
Thank you Terry!
Thank you so much Terry, very useful and interesting! It is a perfect description for those of us who are love addicted, so painful and so real!!!❤
Amazing. Thank you; so profound and practical
Thank you.
I felt it and thought I needed him until I found me in this moment 😢❤
Sending you love.
ID I’m 1 down and have attracted 1 up retaliation by not putting boundaries up first
Thank you
Amazing. THank you.
Thanks for this and showing a core struggle that I may have missed to fully appreciate in myself. I wonder though if "love addiction" is a good term - especially for those coming from the one-down position - shame is right there again. Second it sounds to me a bit like oxygen addiction, being addicted to this seems much more on traget than most other addictions. This seems to be headed the right direction just struggeling to "breath" right. All the other addictions have the object of their craving even wrong.
Very useful Terry, the pain of abandonment is very real. However calling an adult who was an abandoned child a "love addict" is a bit like victim blaming. The child's development is forever shaped by the abandonment and those are the adults that you label as problematic. It would be much more compassionate to find another language to describe the fawning and angry pursuit you describe. I like that you identify how traumatic early abandonment is and loved your guidance on how to work on one's self worth, however let's dispense of terms like "love addict" for the benefit of everyone, especially victims of abandonment.
It's only blaming if you hold stigma against those who are caught in addiction. The way Terry explains the term deeply is firm and truthful in a way that acknowledges the victimhood of childhood trauma, but is speaking to the adult who is capable of taking responsibility of their recovery and health.
Thank you. I find your videos very helpful. I have a question, is it possible to move on the relational grid during a relationship? I think one is not always in one grid, but might be able to use different tactics or defences to try to get what they want (disfunctionally). Love to hear your thought on that!
Really useful analysis - thanks.
Is there an equivalent analysis type resource or video for Walled-off Avoidants? That would be a really useful complimentary resource.
We do have the Relationship Grid. quiz.terryreal.com/quiz/ That will give you some more resources based on which of the 4 quadrants you default to on a bad day. We can all go to all 4 of the quadrants, but we tend to have one that is more dominant. I'm also working on a whole course that will go into all 4 quadrants in much more depth, stay tuned!
❤ 🙏
Terry, thank uou so much. You comforted me. Ive been a love addict for 20 years. Finally see it. Really want to stop. Where can I find the Relational grid assessment? Thank you!!
Love addiction: Turn to you to get abundance *
Helpful analogies … “dialysis machine” 😮
Thank you! I always find it easier to remember things I can visualize
Thanks Terry! I have a question: what’s the difference between a one-up love addict and a narcissist?
Thanks Bonnie, this is Wil, I help Terry on his Social Media. We don't much use the term Narcissist in RLT. We keep that as a clinical term that would only be arrived at by a clinician. However, we would say that is someone who is extremely Grandiose. They have had their Empathy blunted so they just aren't aware of others needs or their negative impact. And in RLT we have a great track record of helping those people come down from their grandiosity and re-connect.
@@realterryreal thanks Wil. That helps
Is this clip from a new course?
No, it's an extra video we made just for UA-cam!
You mainly work with couples? not singles seeking a partner?
Might need a better microphone. Def gonna increase your viewership
For someone who spouts a lot of anti misogyny, I'm shocked you'd use a label like "love addiction" or "love dependance" that was literally rooted in lies and misogyny 🤮🤬 Love addiction isn't real, you can't get addicted to love. There's zero evidence to back it up. Sure, they share similar chemicals as addiction but they don't share the exact same chemicals as addiction (unless you want to call bonding with a baby, exercising, etc an addiction as well ).
Whats next, are you going to spout more misogynist crap like "trauma bonding" as well? You going to start calling women codependent? C'mon. I've been sharing 2 of your books with thousands of victims because I said you were safe, and then I see this crap. 🤦♀️ I guess you aren't as educated or safe as I thought, what a bummer.
Very interesting contributions you have. Can I ask, what other terms do you use? I agree with your point of "You can't get addicted to love". However, there is an unhealthy, boundaryless way of going after and getting the need for love met. That is what this video is speaking to.
Hey Terry just following on from @makemyburdenlight 's comments I have tended to see either end as avoidant in different ways and would propose terms such as relationship avoidant and relationship obsessed as the two ends that reflect more the attachement at each end that I have tended to use with clients. The avoidant end tends to have fears of connection and revealing oneself to other and the relationship obsessed will do anything to not lose the relationship (even when it is not loving). Hope this is helpful ☺
Oh wow! I read this comment and felt super attacked. Love addiction IS REAL. I am living proof. Thousands of others are. I struggle with it every single day and I looked up this video for a reason. Just because you’ve never been through it doesn’t give you the right to undermine other people’s experiences. You don’t need to “scientific” evidence to back everything up. Look around you. Talk to people. Listen to their stories. That’s all you need to do to understand that love addiction is real.