Відео

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Wow, so good. Love Terry!

Apparently Picasso was quite the narcissist so the Mom was probably right when she told him that he could do better… just not in the way she meant

Thank you. Never heard about bottom line is helpful for healthy relationships. Makes sense.

about your exemple of demanding someone to the other but what if the other is always demanding of you doing this stopping this...? What about if the other is always needing something different from you will you always say "yes i will work on it?" because sometimes we cannot give all things that someone wants

I watched these video three times! This is precious knowledge! Thank you Terry and all of those who helped to make sense of these so important issues! I would like to add that to form this kind of relationship of trust and loving confrontation we need to work our own narcissistic traits and our anger, rejection and disrespect for the narcissistic behaviour. Especially if we had parents that traumatised us with this kind of behavour. In somatic psychotherapy (biosynthesis) there are exercises that help the couple realise the narcissistic dynamic very easily.

Excellent excellent…..I’ve been here and am working very hard toward authenticity in all my relationships…..Thank you Terry✨🎯……your definition of codependency is stellar…..I’ve done this for decades in several relationships…..healing now

Much appreciated. Thank you.

I started the process of getting to know myself

Hi Terry--I love your work. It would be great if you could give some acknowledgement to the foundational work of The Jean Baker Miller Institute (JBM Towards a New Psychology of Women) and particularly to the seminal work of Dr Judith Jordan, who brilliantly framed and defined what"relational" means, and how a relationship with authenticity (and Zest!) is essential between therapist and patient.

Seriously telling women to date for potential? That is literally creating codependency. Other than that, good talk.

Co regulation. A nervous system wonder that is the ultimate bonus of a healthy relationship. No, like all things, is possible in a good partnership.

How will we maintain our sanity if Trump becomes a dictator next January??

I would love to have a look at the research showing that 50% are not based on shame and just an overevaluation of self. I'm not yet fully aware of overevaluation that isn't rooted in compensatory mechanisms. And haven't met a grandiose narcissist whose ego isn't fragile. If the notion of "I'm better than you" truly secure than it is not easily threatened by opposition or contrary evidence. Our overestimations of ourselves are corrected through lived experience, which is then integrated into our self assessment. Meaning it would naturally correct overestimations. However, when rooted in shame, the lived experience proving otherwise is a threat to be denied and may lead to narcissistic injury. So this piece I'd love to learn and understand more about.

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what an excellent video!!!! bravo.

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There is a compulsive component to narcissism. Also an escape into dystopian fantasy. They're reality adjacent yet not quite in reality.

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Belinda is 💯 spot on. I had the same issue with my partner recently, he took me for the first time to a dance event he always goes to on his own. I wasn't too impressed because he hardly sat with me, and people in the room would have not guessed we are a couple. He said - I took you with me, it's never enough. I told him - yes, you drove me there and back. But were you with me? No. He couldn't have been more emotionally disconnected from me. To make it worse, he deposited too much attention on another woman who was pursuing him on the dancefloor. I felt utterly lonely and unspecial.

I CD e been researching how to fix my marriage for 23 years. Your work is the best yet! Thank you!!!!❤

Love this man.

Thank you Terry, so helpful.

Love your explanation of intimacy and relate that to your Grid of self-esteem and boundaries. This highlights that there is more to intimacy than sex but rather a sense of connection and aliveness. Thank you, Terry.

absolutely brilliant and so helpful. Thank you!

Intimacy seems unavailable when you're in a "no-sex" marriage. Too painful for wife and all attempts for medical help have failed. I have a big libido unlike her. Each day brings further distance between us. How can this survive?

This is awesome! It really applies to me. I'll trade in all the things he's saying I should. Let's see how it goes! 🤞

how to be insensetive yo my partner's cutting remarks

When I noticed I could stay peaceful in situations that used to make me tense and anxious. ❤️‍🩹

I need time away after my wife and I became verbally and emotionally abusive towards each other and things are just chaotic. Kids (my step kids) have seen it and are scared. We’ve tried counseling, my wife has been away for a month, and still even just small text conversations blow up. I need a break to go be with family (out of state) and get therapy for myself, but my wife said if I go back the marriage is over.

I started asking instead of assuming.

I loved this sharing of authencity hope and wisdom. I ❤ this and Pia Mellody is my mentor and you guys are as well

Thank you, Terry. Every human being ought to hear this. ✨

Thank you for the good advice :)

Some days coming home, I would sit in the car for as long as I could. Never knew what I was gonna get when I walked through the door.

I lived this with Terry as our marriage counsellor. I would have always answered this question in the affirmative. My partner left. Both the therapy, and ultimately the marriage. Her answer was the opposite. Now I am remarried and happier than I ever dreamed. The differences are about a natural compatibility across so many dimensions that previously did not exist and a relationship based in mutual respect and support instead of competition and conflict. In retrospect I was giving up more than I knew. But I have also lost many things I deeply valued. Ultimately this was the right outcome for both of us. This advice is spot on. It takes two to sustain a marriage but only one to end it. I’m glad she ended it. Now.

Yes I completly agree with this approach. It really helps calm me & I've come to see it also helps to speak to myself in that way

When… I no longer reacted as easily from a wounded part. 🙏

You either listen to what you are told or fail the test 🤷

This is wonderful

Another immensely helpful, articulate, deep and powerful one, thank you !!

This is the shit people need to hear. Terry you are a legend and a saint! I wish you were my therapist!

The basis from which all good things flow. Thanks!

The relational ecology is as complex and messy as any 2 people can be.

You should preface every video with "if you are in a healthy relationship"; what you teach would not work in a toxic or abusive one.

No easy unconditional love pass for him, like my son. He reacted and left.

It occurs to me that this approach is certainly useful as a soothing lubricant for relationships. However I am not sure that we have been conditioned to see relationships as the vehicle for healing and growing as human beings from our childhood wounds that unconsciously control us .Therefore the repair process could include information that has previously been covert. This makes an apology more of a genuine window into repair action rather than just trying to soothe your partner. Information such as being late gives me a feeling of being more important or interpreting other people's lateness as I don't matter. This is beyond providing information as an excuse - rather that this is disclosing the more vulnerable aspects of your dependency strategies in service of greater depth and intimacy with someone you love and don't want to hurt. It also provides more opportunity for the reactive spiral to be stymied if I know you tend to be late when something happens that triggers insecurities about yourself, when inevitably you are late. I am less likely to take it personally and more able to assist you to track back to what happened to trigger that adaptive strategy. Over time these spiralling adaptive behaviours extinguish themselves because we no longer need them as we become more authentic and less controlling of each other. Thank you for your work - I particularly value the revolutionary nature of addressing the partner with the most power first...it was a courageous departure from conventional practice. You inspire me.

Thank-you so much. I needed these exact words of wisdom today. So on point. It's just hard sometimes to understand the difference between what is a real issue that needs addressing, and when are you projecting inner dissatisfaction outwards onto your partner and creating problems where there are none (if he would only.... then I'd be satisfied). Thank-you for your wisdom, I recommend you to everyone I know and I have put many of your teachings into practise in my own life and relationship and they really do work. Hard to remember in the moment but a great experience when you do and an argument diffuses or greater connection is created <3

Lowell Creek

Terry, your videos have been kind of a lifeline for me. My question is, for a couple that has agreed that they are not a couple anymore (18yrs married, two kids), would your online course help part peacefully, with respect to each other? You say here that one should stop short of telling their narcissistic partner to get the hell out. we're beyond that point. i have been asking for a separation for about a year, but he wants us to continue cohabitating "for the sake of the kids" and for keeping the logistics easy. but the cohabitating isn't working out (too much tension, although we have been protecting the kids from seeing conflict between us). i would like us to separate as soon as possible but i also want us to do it with minimal conflict. what would you recommend?